Title: A
Beginning
Author: Morgana
Author’s Email:
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon
Pairing; Hephaestion/Bagoas
Overall rating: NC-17
Summary: Hephaestion confronts his feelings for
Bagoas.
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. I am
burrowing them from the movie “Alexander.”
Author’s note; This
section is from Bagoas' POV.
Beta read by
Warnings: AU
All remaining mistakes are mine.
A Beginning
Tonight, he will make her his. That thought
feels me with despair and jealousy. I cannot believe that I am losing him to
her. I feel numb and seeing them celebrate their marriage only causes me to
feel abandoned. Alexander won’t come to me tonight. His bed will remain empty
and what will I do during the hours in which he lays with her? Where do I go?
What do I do? How do I deal with the fact that I lost him? Sharing him with
Hephaestion never hurt that much!
“Bagoas?” whispers Hephaestion.
Hephaestion is standing behind me and I turn around,
controlled and calm in my movements, but on the inside I feel lost. What does
he want? Has he come to gloat? To make fun of me? But
no, Hephaestion isn’t like that. He never intentionally hurt me in all those
long years. I look him in the eyes and
fight to maintain my calm appearance. Hephaestion is a handsome man, even
though his face and body are marred with scars, which he carried away from the
battles he fought in. His eyes, blue silver, always burn me and I have to fight
not to lower my eyes. I do not want to appear weak in front of him.
“Come with me.”
Hephaestion raises his right hand and offers
it to me. I look at it like it is a snake, ready to coil around me and slowly
suffocate me. “Why should I?” Why does he have to seek me out now? Doesn’t he
know I am hurting? But looking into the pools of blue I realize he is hurting
too. I do not know why I accept his invitation, but I place my hand in his.
“What do you want from me?”
Hephaestion remains silent and guides me into
Alexander’s tent. It is safe for us to be here, as Alexander will spend the
night in the bride’s tent. Being in such familiar surroundings encourages me
and I defiantly glare into Hephaestion’s lucid eyes. “Why did you take me
here?”
“Do you hate me?”
Hephaestion’s directness takes my breath away.
I recall a conversation we had many years ago in which he asked me almost the
same question. I told him that I didn’t and furthermore, I shared my painful
history with him. Besides Alexander, Hephaestion is the only person who knows
my life story and the effect these painful events have had on me. “I do not
hate you. You should know that.”
“Maybe not right now,” says Hephaestion,
standing in front of me. “But you cannot deny there was a time that you wanted
me dead. How did you plan on ending my life?”
I manage to hide my surprise. Why is he
bringing this up right now when I already feel emotional? I consider lying, but
his questions concern the past and in the end, I opt for the truth. “I wanted
to poison you.”
“I thought so… Why didn’t you?” A weak smile
crosses Hephaestion’s handsome features.
I feel light-headed all of sudden, realizing
his right hand rests against the small of my back while his other is cupping
the back of my head. He is close – too close. I want to move away from him, but
he has a tight hold on me. “I don’t really know.”
“Now try the truth.”
He is moving closer still and his face is only
inches away from mine. His body, muscular and well-trained, presses against
mine and my eyes grow big, feeling his arousal pressing against me. I don’t
understand any of this.
“Answer my question, Bagoas,” says Hephaestion
and his breath caresses my lips. That is how close he
is!
“Maybe I realized that we are in similar positions,”
I offer eventually. I find it hard to think logically now that he is rubbing
his length against me. “Release me, Hephaestion, or I will find a way to end
your life after all.”
“Alexander would not like that.”
“He is not here… he is…” My king is in the
neighboring tent staking his claim and bedding his new wife.
Hephaestion’s expression is remarkably soft
and to my eternal shame I find that I am reacting to his closeness. A light
sweat covers my body and my heart beat has sped up. I cannot desire him! I will
not desire him! Hephaestion pulls me even closer and his lips touch mine in a
teasing gesture. One hand slips lower, cupping my buttocks and I finally
realize his intent. “Are you going to force me?” Is he finally going to extract
revenge on me for entering Alexander’s life and taking his longtime lover away
from him?
“Force you?” Hephaestion looks genuinely shocked.
“What else am I to think?” I consider
struggling free, but dismiss the thought; Hephaestion is much stronger than I am
and my struggles would be futile.
“Bagoas, do you know Alexander’s deepest
desire? The one thing he wants the most? The one thing I couldn’t give him in
the past?”
Hephaestion’s voice trembles and I wonder what
is upsetting him. I have seen him in emotional turmoil before, but he always
maintained his distance. But now he is touching me and his touches are growing
increasingly intimate. I despise him; has Alexander really told him his
greatest desire but kept it from me? Doesn’t Alexander trust me to keep his
secrets? I suck in my breath, feeling Hephaestion’s hand sneak into my robes.
His fingers, long and powerful, caress my thigh and I stare at him in shock.
“Alexander’s greatest wish is for the two of
us to get along. He wants the two of us in bed with him. He wants the three of
us to become lovers.”
Hephaestion’s words don’t really register with
me. What does register, however, is the fact that he continues to caress me. I
have been trained to please males. I know how the male body works, but now I find
that Hephaestion is an expert as well. He knows where to stroke me, where to
let his fingers linger and at exactly the right moment a finger slides down my
cleft. “Release me!”
“No, you will stay here and listen to me.”
Hephaestion frowns. “You did hear what I just said, didn’t you?”
“You said that he wants us to be lovers… I
don’t believe you…” I struggle in his arms, but Hephaestion’s reaction to that
is to lay me down on Alexander’s bed. He is gentle and his eyes shine with an
emotion that I cannot identify. It isn’t quite lust – it is something more.
“What do you want from me?”
“I want you to accept me as your lover,”
whispers Hephaestion, climbing onto the bed.
My breathing speeds up, feeling him force my
knees apart. “No, I am not letting you do this to me.”
“A pity, for I want to make love to you…” And
then he plays his trump. “Alexander wants us to make love.”
”I do not believe you,” I stutter, fighting his hands when they try to part my
robes.
“You had better believe me for I am telling you
the truth. Is the thought of becoming my lover really so appalling, Bagoas?
Would it help if I told you that I have desired you for a long time?”
“You have?” I cannot believe he said that!
Stunned, I forget to struggle and Hephaestion pushes my robes apart, revealing
my naked body to him. “You… desire… me?” I cannot believe that. This is just a
trick to get even with me for all the nights that Alexander came to me instead
of him!
“It is more than that,” whispers Hephaestion,
leaning in closer. “I could love you, Bagoas.”
Suddenly his lips drag down my chest and his
tongue swirls around my nipple. I try hard to remain in control of my emotions,
but I feel adrift on a sea of sensations. Hephaestion was Alexander’s lover
long before I ever met the King – Alexander even hinted that Hephaestion prefers
being in charge in the bedroom. Maybe that is the reason Alexander and I work
out so well. With me, Alexander is always on top. It is the only way for us to
make love.
“Why are you doing this?” I stop struggling,
realizing Hephaestion is determined to do this his way. Lips descend onto mine
and an eager tongue slips past my lips and teeth. Hephaestion’s tongue snakes
inside and wraps itself around mine in a passionate dance. Does Alexander
really want this? Or is Hephaestion playing games with me?
Hephaestion releases my lips and then
whispers, “Trust me, Alexander wants this to happen. Imagine what it will be
like in the future. We no longer have to avoid running into each other. We
would be lovers – the three of us. Can you think of anything more perfect?”
“Are you speaking the truth?” Why had
Alexander never told me? Maybe he thinks I would never agree to it. And maybe
he was right, but not anymore. I have nothing to lose.
“I speak the truth,” whispers Hephaestion.
He soothes me with more kisses. I must admit
that I have always been curious to find out what kind of lover Hephaestion
really is. I heard rumors and Alexander hinted at things in the past, but I
don’t know much for certain. “I have nothing to lose. He is with her right now…
and the truth is that I don’t want to be alone tonight. I don’t want to think
about what he is doing to her.”
“I understand,” confirms Hephaestion, running
his fingers down my flanks. “I understand you so well, for I feel the same way.
That is why Alexander suggested I seek you out tonight. He worries about you.”
Hephaestion pulls away and begins to remove
his tunic. I have seen him naked before and sigh, seeing the muscular chest and
already rock-hard nipples. Hephaestion is beautiful in his own way. “I…” The
words won’t come to me and I realize I have to trust him.
Hephaestion smiles at me and then
leaves the bed to remove his loincloth. His eyes scan the surroundings of the
bed and I know what he is looking for. I am about to tell him where to find the
vial with oil when he uncovers the item himself. How foolish of me to think
that he doesn’t know where Alexander keeps it! He is no stranger to these
rooms.
“Can I ask you a question?” I tremble over my
entire body when he stretches atop of me, blanketing me with his body. His
auburn hair frames his handsome face and I cannot remember ever seeing his eyes
burn like that before. I understand why Alexander loves him.
“What do you wish to know?”
Hephaestion places the vial next to my head
and then raises himself. He licks his way down my chest and I react
automatically, raising my hips in invitation. “When you are with Al’skander how do you make love to
him?” Hephaestion’s smile is remarkably warm and he tenderly caresses my face.
The way he is touching me… It is almost like he is worshipping me, making each
touch special.
“He prefers to be taken, if that is what you
are asking,” replies Hephaestion.
I arch my back, feeling his tongue swirl down
my chest. It travels lower and lower until the tip of his tongue teases my
member. And suddenly, I am nervous. He knows that I cannot grow erect, doesn’t
he?
“Hephaestion?”
He looks up at me, but his hands continue to caress me, moving over my body and
mapping each sensitive spot. He already has me moaning and squirming beneath
him and I do not know why he has this effect on me.
“What is it, Bagoas?”
Hephaestion’s gaze meets mine and I am
surprised to see a very familiar emotion in the sapphire eyes. It is love. Why
did I never see it before? And why am I seeing it now? “You *do* know that I
cannot… I cannot perform in that way?”
Hephaestion nods his head once. “I know, but I
hope that doesn’t mean that I am not allowed to touch you *there*.” His fingers
move against my lax member and his lips attach themselves to my throat,
suckling the skin beneath his teeth. I have been with many males in my life
time. I respected Darius, I love Alexander and I despise all the customers I
was forced to pleasure. I even killed a man for trying to touch me. But never
did I feel like this. “You may touch me… but it serves no purpose.”
“Oh, I disagree,” whispers Hephaestion in a
wicked tone. “It does.”
I do not understand what pleasure he derives
out of licking my member when I cannot grow erect. I do not understand why he
kisses the pouch that once held my testis or why he lavishes my groin with
kisses and licks. His fingers toy with my nipples and suddenly he is moving. He
straddles my hips and reaches for me.
Hephaestion pushes his hands beneath my neck
and buries his fingers in my hair. His kisses are sweet and last long. I must
admit that he is an attentive lover. He has me panting and for the first time
since he started this I reach out to touch him. I place my hands against his
chest and feel his chest heave, he is breathing hard. “There is only one way
for me to reach completion.”
Hephaestion understands and picks up the vial
filled with oil. Now that I am going to do this, I had better relax and allow
him inside of me. It is not like I have not done this before. I lost count of
the number of males my body received in those long years.
He is a considerate lover and I appreciate the
fact that he is going slow with me. Although the sensation of an oiled finger
sliding in to me is familiar I still grow tense. This isn’t Alexander and I
have been with Alexander for a long time. Hephaestion’s body feels unfamiliar
beneath my fingertips, caressing his shoulders. He is surprisingly muscular. I
would never have guessed how much strength he possesses by looking at his face.
His face is even a bit feminine when he wears his hair loose like he does now.
I smile, seeing the kohl beneath his eyes; he learned to apply it in
“Bagoas, I want you to enjoy this… I
have never been with you in this way before. I want you to tell me if I do
anything that causes you discomfort.”
I smile at him. “You remind me of Al’skander.” In the beginning Alexander was always very
concerned about hurting me and even now he still goes slowly with me each time
we make love. Maybe the two men are more alike than I thought. Yes, I could
come to care for Hephaestion.
“Good,” whispers Hephaestion before he returns
to bestowing butterfly kisses on my chest and shoulders. The light, almost
tickling kisses cause me to smile and I am relaxed when a second digit slips
inside of me. Being flat on my back never was my favorite position, but if
Hephaestion desires to take me in this way, I will allow that.
“Will you touch me?” Alexander would
understand what I am trying to say and I am curious if Hephaestion will too. He
does. A moment later, a fingertip brushes against that pleasurable spot inside
my passage and I close my eyes in bliss. The kisses start again, and this time
it is my abdomen which he lavishes with kisses. His hair brushes against my
skin, intensifying the sensation. He keeps brushing my prostate and I am close
to finding release – the only release I am capable of that is.
“I want to come inside of you,” whispers
Hephaestion, voicing his request and I open my eyes, knowing he wants to look
at me. “I would never force you, Bagoas. If you don’t wish to take this step, I
will accept that. I won’t leave you wanting though. I will give you what you
need.”
“I never realized you were this unselfish.”
But then again, I never gave much thought to what kind of lover Hephaestion
would be when making love to me. “You may take me, Hephaestion.” I didn’t
realize I wanted him until I voiced it. I have given him permission to do as he
pleases and I wonder if his demeanor will change. Will he remain a caring
lover? Or will he take what he wants?
“Thank you…”
Hephaestion’s lips claim mine once more and
this time I am an eager participant. But then he removes his fingers from my
body and I feel empty, bereft of the stimulation. “May I?” I ask, offering to
rub the oil onto his member. Sitting upright, it is the first time I get a good
look at his manhood. He is well-endowed and sports a larger erection than
Alexander. Seeing him nod, I pour a large amount of oil onto the palms of my
hands and I reach for him.
“For what it is worth,” whispers Hephaestion,
wrapping his arms around my shoulders and kissing my neck, “I would hunt down
the ones who hurt you and took this away from you.”
I feel stunned, hearing his admission and
search his eyes for lies. I don’t find any – he is speaking the truth. “Al’skander offered to kill them once.” Hephaestion and
Alexander *are* much alike and maybe loving Hephaestion isn’t as difficult as I
thought. “The past cannot be changed and I have learned to be happy with the
love that I have found.”
“Still,” mumbles Hephaestion, moaning now that
I am rubbing the oil onto his erection. “I would have wanted you to find
release, to see our seed mixing.”
I look him in the eyes and am stunned by the
affection in them. I smile and rest my forehead against his, stroking his
erection to make certain he remains hard. “Thank you for saying that.” Not even
Alexander had voiced it like that. Now that Hephaestion is ready to take me, I
lower myself onto my back and place my feet against his chest, fully expecting
him to claim me.
“Not like that,” says Hephaestion and I am surprised to hear the dismay in his voice. What is wrong?
I am manhandled until I am atop of him. Hephaestion stretches on his back and
smiles at me and I finally understand. He wants me to have some measure of
control. Touched by his obvious concern, I raise myself and position myself
above his shaft. Hephaestion’s hands cup my buttocks and my smile grows warmer,
realizing his intent. He supports me while I lower myself onto his hard flesh,
impaling myself. He is bigger than Alexander and it takes me a while to grow
accustomed to feeling his length inside me. Almost a minute passes by before I
can take him completely inside of me, and during that time, Hephaestion tempers
me whenever he thinks I am going too fast.
“You are tight,” mumbles Hephaestion,
obviously surprised.
I merely smile at him. I was taught not to
speak in the bedroom and I learned my lessons well. Even now, here,
while making love to Hephaestion those lessons direct my actions. His hands
move from my buttocks to my waist and he assists me in raising myself.
Hephaestion will have to learn that I set my own pace if we are truly to become
lovers. Taking control, I twine my fingers with his and use them as leverage
while riding him. At first, my pace is slow, but then I speed up and rotate my
hips to get the angle of his thrusts right.
He moans beneath me and thrusts upwards,
driving himself deep inside of me. He is different from Alexander in many ways
but in one aspect they are the same – they both make certain I enjoy this act
as much as possible. Yes, I already care about him and yes, I could learn to
love him.
He makes an excellent stallion and I ride him
for long minutes until I finally feel a welcome sensation in my lower body. The
tip of Hephaestion’s length continues to massage my prostate and I throw back
my head, reaching orgasm. I see the surprise in Hephaestion’s eyes when the
contractions around his cock start and I realize that he didn’t really know
what to expect during our lovemaking. Mews of delight flee his lips and a
radiant smile appears on his face, as he finds release as well. I continue to
rock atop of him, trying to draw out his orgasm – to make it last longer.
But in the end, I blanket his body with mine
and I cling to him. His arms immediately wrap around me and he holds me close,
humming softly. I rest my head against his shoulder and close my eyes. “Do you
think Al’skander will be pleased to learn we made
love?”
“It is more than he hoped for,” says
Hephaestion, stroking my hair. “Bagoas, you said ‘made love’… Do you mean it?”
Do I really hear hope in his voice? Tilting my
head I look into his eyes – the love in them is still there. “Yes, I did.”
Hephaestion’s lips brush against my brow and I smile against his chest. “Maybe Al'skander’s dream will come true then?” Imagining the three of us in bed together,
making love to each other is still something overwhelming. I will need time to
get used to the idea, but I *can* actually imagine it happening, which is probably
a good sign.
It is a beginning.