Title: Broken Circle

Author: Morgana
Author’s Email: morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon

Pairings; Alexander/Hephaestion and Alexander/Hephaestion/Bagoas

Overall rating: NC-17
Summary: A police officer, university professor, and an orphan find they have more in common than they ever thought possible.

Disclaimer: These characters aren’t mine. I have taken the characters mainly from the movie ‘Alexander’. The three characters described in this story look like Oliver Stone’s character so imagine Farrell, Leto, and Bosch whenever I speak of Alexander, Hephaestion, and Bagoas.

Warning: This is probably the AU from Hell, but my Hephaestion muse nagged me about it all night long.

Additional note: This is a strange story, set in our time, but don’t worry, we will also see the characters we love so much.

Beta read by DA, thanks!

All remaining mistakes are mine.

Broken Circle

Part 1

“I think you will like this next object,” the real estate agent stated, driving the car up the hill. “It has a marvelous view, is close enough to the next town to stay in contact with the outside world, and still far away enough to have the privacy you want.”

Alexander and Hephaestion exchanged a look. This was the third house they were looking at and so far they hadn’t found what they were looking for. Looking for a property out here had been Hephaestion’s idea and Alexander had eagerly agreed, especially after learning that money wasn’t a problem. He had never given it much thought, but it appeared that Hephaestion’s family was wealthy and his father didn’t seem to mind that his son had inherited his obsession with Greece. Hephaestion had talked to his father over the phone and the older man had even encouraged Hephaestion to take more time off and to settle down in Greece.

And so they were looking for a nice two-bedroom house in the vicinity of ancient Troy. The real estate agent, realizing they were eager to buy, was showing them one house after the other.

Alexander gave Hephaestion a wink. They had already agreed that they would only buy a house if both of them approved.

The real estate agent parked the car and opened the door. “It is a real good deal, this house. It has everything you are looking for: two bedrooms, a renovated bathroom, fully equipped kitchen, and it comes with a nice piece of land where you can keep your horse.”

Alexander had already bought Boukephalos and, once they had acquired the house, they would move the stallion there. The real estate agent handed him a brochure with all the details of the house and, looking at the price, he nodded his head once, indicating to Hephaestion that the price was agreeable.

“Look up,” Hephaestion suggested, gently poking his elbow in Alexander’s side. Maybe the real estate agent had made the right choice after all. It was a lovely house with a stunning view over the bay. Flowers bloomed and he even caught sight of some fruit trees in front of the house. Painted white, the house looked idyllic, situated upon a cliff. He even spotted stairs, cut out into the rock, which would give them easy access to the pristine beach beneath it.

“There is only one problem,” the real estate agent said and a frown formed on his face. “It comes with a dog. The old owner died and we tried to chase off the dog, but he refuses to leave. I am certain we could find a way to get rid of him if he proves too much of a pest.”

An elderly dog pushed himself to his feet and gave the three men a wary look. His fur was brown, his eyes black, and his feet moved slowly. He had been in the middle of a dream when the car had pulled up.

Alexander and Hephaestion halted in their tracks, exchanging another meaningful look. That dog looked awfully familiar. “Do you know his name?” Alexander asked as he lowered himself onto his heels and made soothing sounds in order to convince the dog to come toward him.

“I believe it is Peritas, but I could be wrong.”

“I should have known.” Alexander petted the dog’s head. The animal seemed to study him and Alexander smiled, greeting another old friend.

“Would you like to see the interior?” the real estate agent asked, relieved that the dog didn’t seem to pose a problem to his potential buyers.

“I will accompany you,” Hephaestion replied, sensing that Alexander preferred to remain outside with the dog.

Alexander gave Hephaestion a grateful look and then sat down on the grass, petting and playing with the dog. He waited until Hephaestion and the agent had gone inside and then commented, “So you made it back as well. I am glad to have found you. Does that mean we are supposed to live here? I would like that, you know. Hephaestion, Boukephalos, you, and I living here.” If Hephaestion liked the interior they would probably buy the house and settle down here. Alexander rubbed Peritas behind the ears and wondered about the unexpected twist his life had taken. He had come here in order to see Troy and he had found himself instead.

Now that his memories had returned to him, his personality had changed with it. The man sitting on the grass, playing with Peritas possessed more character traits that belonged to Alexander the Great than Alex the police officer. He would need time to adjust to his new life, but he was convinced the change was for the better, especially since Hephaestion was back at his side.

These last few days had been odd at best. Each morning, he had expected to find himself in a camp, ready to battle his enemies. Instead he had found Hephaestion at his side, snoring softly. They had often been apart in their first lives, their duties demanding certain sacrifices and for Alexander to have Hephaestion close at all times was an unknown luxury. He didn’t know how well he would deal with his new, calm, and peaceful life, but he would do his best not to disappoint Hephaestion.

Hephaestion… Hephaestion had taken the lead in finding a new home for them. Hephaestion was also taking the lead in other aspects of their lives, including in between the sheets and Alexander found he loved trusting himself to his beloved Hephaestion. In their first life, Hephaestion had served him the best way the other man could, always pushing back his own needs so he could give everything he was to Alexander. But in this life, that had changed. Hephaestion was finally his equal in every aspect of the word. He had wasted so much time in his first life!

“I like this house… this place.” Hephaestion had joined Alexander and, looking into the startled eyes, he realized that his lover hadn’t heard him approach. Lowering himself to his heels, he rubbed Peritas’ head and maintained eye contact with Alexander. “Do you like it here?”

Alexander smiled. “I do… and don’t you think that finding Peritas is a sign that we should settle down here?”

“He really is Peritas, isn’t he?” Hephaestion had always been fond of that dog, maybe even more so than Alexander and he smiled, seeing Peritas rolling onto his back to be petted on his stomach. “You are probably right.” Hephaestion stroked the dog’s abdomen and looked up, taking in his surroundings. “It is perfect here.”

“We will buy it then,” Alexander declared, nodding his head once. “How is the interior?”

“I don’t think we will have to change much. It is completely furnished and all we need to do is to fly over our personal belongings.” Hephaestion watched Alexander closely and couldn’t remember ever having seen his lover so at peace, so calm, so happy. Alexander had always been driven, passionate, and extremely restless. That restlessness had helped him conquer so much of the world. “Do you think you can be happy here?”

Alexander gave Hephaestion a brilliant smile and reached for his beloved’s hand. Curling his fingers around Hephaestion’s, he whispered, “Don’t you know that I am already the happiest man alive because I have you back in my life?”

Fierce emotions made Hephaestion feel all choked up and he squeezed Alexander’s fingers in response as words deserted him. Never before had Alexander looked at him with so much love in his eyes.

“It is decided then. We will buy this place and move in.” Alexander leaned in closer and kissed Hephaestion’s lips. “Now tell the man he can stop hovering about.” The real estate agent had been watching them closely, trying to figure out if he could close the deal or not.

“I will take care of the formalities,” Hephaestion replied, still reeling a bit from seeing such love in Alexander’s eyes. Alexander returned to playing with Peritas and Hephaestion rose from the ground to talk to the agent. It appeared they had now also found Peritas and their new home.

~~~

They sealed the deal at the agent’s office and after signing the contract, Alexander and Hephaestion used the opportunity to do some shopping. As they had only packed for a short vacation, they needed more clothes and toiletries. Alexander also loaded their car with dog food and other treats for Peritas and Boukephalos.

“I think we have everything we need.” Hephaestion was about to step into the car when he saw Alexander’s probing expression. “What?”

“We need to make two more stops.” Alexander locked the car and took hold of Hephaestion’s hand. He was grateful that this was a large and modern city where he would find whatever he needed.

Hephaestion followed Alexander’s lead, puzzled as to what Alexander was up to. Their first stop was a pharmacy and Hephaestion shook his head, seeing Alexander buy lubricant. The girl behind the counter gave them an amused look and then chuckled, handing Alexander the bag and his change.

“That was somewhat embarrassing,” Hephaestion remarked, realizing he had grown flustered under the girl’s looks.

“She was only jealous,” Alexander retorted, teasingly squeezing Hephaestion’s buttock.

“Behave yourself!” Hephaestion gave Alexander an admonishing look. “We aren’t in private.” He wasn’t certain how people would react to seeing them in such an intimate way. Yes, it was the twenty-first century, but people were still biased and you never knew if some men would become violent when they flaunted their love that openly.

Alexander leaned in closer, dismissing his lover’s worries. He would happily kill or main anyone who dared insult his love for Hephaestion. That feral side, which had made him a great warrior in the first place, was still there and simmered deep inside him. “I want everyone to know that I love you and that you are mine.”

Hephaestion’s blush deepened. “Alexander…” He was growing apprehensive, wondering what second stop Alexander was planning to make. “Where are we going next?”

“The bookstore.”

Alexander’s reply calmed Hephaestion down. What trouble could Alexander get himself in to in a bookstore? None, he hoped.

~~~

“Are you going to buy all those books?” Hephaestion blinked, seeing Alexander precariously balance at least ten books in his arms. He tilted his head to read their titles and realized that all books were about Alexander the Great. “Why are you buying those?”

Alexander dropped the books onto the counter and gave the salesgirl a stunning smile, making her smile in turn and Hephaestion jealous, which was what he had hoped to achieve. Leaning in closer to his lover, he whispered, “I need to know what they wrote about me!” He was curious and wanted to find out how historians thought about him and his deeds.

Hephaestion shook his head, knowing darn well that Alexander would probably either throw a temper tantrum or pout if the scholars had drawn the wrong conclusions.

“Aren’t you curious to find out what they say about you?” Alexander paid for the books and gave the girl another smile, which earned him an additional jealous glare from Hephaestion.

Hephaestion shrugged his shoulders. “I did some research on Alexander the Great during my studies and the scholars didn’t…” He paused to carefully consider his words, “think that highly of me. But you will find out yourself.”

Alexander took hold of the heavy bag and his smile faded somewhat, hearing Hephaestion’s lackluster reply. “They don’t? How can that be?”

They exited the bookstore and made their way back to the car.

“I would really rather not discuss this.” Hephaestion walked beside Alexander, his gaze fixed on the pavement.

“Talk to me, Hephaestion.” Alexander would stop his lover and make him spill whatever bothered him. He didn’t care that they were in the middle of a crowd.

“I think they are under the impression that I only became a general in your army because I shared your bed. They don’t think too highly of me.” Hephaestion shrugged a second time. “Does it matter what they think? We know the truth.”

“It matters to me… and to you.” Alexander felt uncomfortable, understanding why scholars might have reached that conclusion. “But the truth is that your love and dedication made me conquer the world. You grounded me, Hephaestion. You kept me sane. And I never favored you over other soldiers. You commanded part of my army because you were the right person for that job. You had excellent strategic insights which helped me win several battles. If it hadn’t been for you my army would have starved during those harsh winters. You made certain we had enough provisions to last us through our march. Hephaestion, you rebuilt cities where I only excelled at devastating them.”

They had come to a stop and were attracting attention, but Alexander ignored the curious looks they were getting. It didn’t help that he had resorted to an ancient form of Greek, which he used to speak in those old days. “Don’t you know that?”

A soft smile curled Hephaestion’s lips. “Maybe I just need to hear it occasionally.”

Alexander chuckled and continued his walk. Hephaestion followed suit and they quickly reached the car. Alexander placed his shopping bags on the back seat and then slipped behind the steering wheel while Hephaestion occupied the passenger’s seat. “Are you ready to go home, Hephaestion?” He loved the way that sounded: home.

Hephaestion, still smiling, nodded his head once. He had come home in more ways than one.

~~~

Alexander soundlessly sneaked up on his beloved Hephaestion, who was deeply asleep. Hephaestion had settled down in the shade of one the fruit trees and it had been his intention to enjoy the view and get a bit of rest, but he had fallen asleep instead. Realizing his chance, Alexander crawled closer and knelt at Hephaestion’s side. His lover only wore a white shirt, already unbuttoned down to the navel and Alexander wickedly licked his lips. He knew just how he wanted Hephaestion to wake up. For one brief moment, regrets and sorrow came over him. He could have had this perfect peace and love in his first life, but had been too focused on running away from his mother when he should have been running toward Hephaestion instead.

He leaned in closer and pressed a light kiss against Hephaestion’s shoulder. His lover moaned, but didn’t awake yet. Hephaestion smiled in his sleep and Alexander’s tongue popped out, the tip trailing down the muscular chest. Hephaestion had kept himself in a fine shape and the memory of his lover actually using that strength during their love making instantly aroused Alexander.

Hephaestion sharply drawing in breath alerted Alexander that his lover was stirring from his sleep, but he didn’t stop his seduction yet. He unbuttoned the rest of the shirt, pushed the fabric apart and reveled in staring at his lover’s naked body. Hephaestion was also growing erect and, unable to fight temptation any longer, Alexander bent to perform this duty for his lover. He flicked his tongue over the purple head, sucked gently, and then moved down the column of flesh, taking in Hephaestion’s length.

Hephaestion’s eyelids fluttered before his eyes opened fully. Disbelief sparkled in those eyes, finding Alexander pleasuring him in *that* way. Alexander hadn’t done so much in their first lives, preferring to bury himself in Hephaestion’s body instead. But the sensation was divine and Hephaestion surrendered to the teasing licks.

Alexander curled his fingers around the base of his lover’s shaft and stroked in time with his licks. Hephaestion’s fingers found their way into his hair and gently urged him on, massaging his scalp. Alexander forced himself to breathe shallowly and relaxed his throat muscles, allowing Hephaestion to thrust upward.

“What… why…?” Delirious, Hephaestion tried to talk to Alexander, but his lover reacted by intensifying the suction and speeding up the pace. Soon he was thrusting wildly into that warm, welcoming mouth and he barely stopped himself from pushing Alexander’s head down onto his member.

Alexander managed to tilt his head and looked Hephaestion in the eye. His lover’s expression was dreamy and his eyes had become hooded. Concentration shone from Hephaestion’s face and Alexander smiled, realizing his lover was about to come.

Hephaestion yelped, never expecting Alexander to roughly squeeze the base of his erection. It stopped him from coming, and, panting hard, he stared wildly at his naked lover. Alexander must have planned this from the start, seeing his lover already hard and ready to make love with him.

“Not yet.” Alexander reached for the lubricant he had brought with him and smiled, wickedly. “Strawberry flavored. We didn’t we have this during our first lives?” Hephaestion continued to stare at him with his big, blue eyes and Alexander sped up, lubricating his lover’s hard flesh. Leaning in closer, he sensually whispered into his lover’s ear, “I want you to come inside of me.”

Hephaestion groaned pitifully and watched how Alexander lowered himself onto his length. The fact that Alexander seemed to enjoy being on the receiving end more and more still surprised him. It had always been the other way around in the past. A tight heat suddenly engulfed his member and the sensation made him whimper. Alexander always felt so warm, so tight around him!

Alexander knew he had surprised his lover and savored seeing the enraptured expression in the sapphire eyes clouded with lust and love. He took his time lowering himself onto Hephaestion’s shaft and wrapped his arms around his lover’s shoulders in order to support himself. Once he was firmly seated on Hephaestion’s lap, he stilled his movements and kissed his beloved.

Hephaestion reminded himself that he needed to draw in breath and did so quite shakily. Alexander had conquered him by storm and he didn’t know what to expect next, but then all movement stopped and Alexander rested his upper body against him. The golden head settled against his shoulder and Hephaestion wrapped his arms around his lover, steadying him. “Why are you doing this?” Their lovemaking had never been like this!

Alexander cocked his head so he could make eye contact with his lover. “I love the way you feel inside of me. It makes me feel whole, connected… complete. Do you understand that?”

“I feel like that when you are inside of me.” Hephaestion stroked Alexander’s back, which was tense now that his lover was impaled on his erection. “I love being inside of you.” It made him feel special, cherished and loved. “You have changed, do you know that?”

Alexander chuckled. “We never talked this much during our love making, did we?” But he had started this and he wanted to finish while still feeling Hephaestion lodged deep inside of him. “I was a fool back then. But, Hephaestion, you were always so damn eager to please. When we were children, you would always follow me around, giving me *that* look which said that you would do anything for me.”

“I would still do anything for you.” Hephaestion moaned in surprise now that Alexander started to move. His lover was rocking against him, causing the most exquisite sensations in his groin. “I won’t last long.”

“You don’t need to.” Alexander, once more enjoying being in control of their lovemaking, cunningly maneuvered Hephaestion toward orgasm. His lover tensed against him just before reaching his climax and Alexander squeezed the base of his own erection, keeping himself from coming along with his lover, as he had other ideas for himself.

Hephaestion’s head lolled against Alexander’s shoulder and he cried out as he found release. Alexander pressed down, keeping his lover firmly lodged and Hephaestion whimpered softly, almost fainting due to the divine sensation, but then something registered: “You didn’t come with me.”

“Very true…” Alexander panted softly and remained seated on Hephaestion’s lap, but didn’t move about any more, allowing his lover to savor his ecstasy.

“Why is that?” Hephaestion rested the back of his head against the trunk of the tree and ran his fingers down Alexander’s spine. “You are still hard.”

“I have plans for you.” Alexander grinned conspiringly and slowly raised himself, causing Hephaestion’s softening member to slip from his passage. “I want you, Hephaestion. I want to possess you.”

“You already do,” Hephaestion whispered, feeling quite breathless as he saw Alexander reach for the lubricant again. Oh, he could guess what was going to happen next.

Alexander rubbed the lubricant onto his throbbing erection and gave Hephaestion a wicked smile. “On your hands and knees, my Hephaestion.”

Hephaestion quivered, hearing that command uttered with such gentle force. “I can never deny you.” And yes, he wanted this as well. He rolled onto his stomach, pushed himself onto all fours and presented himself to his lover. One look over his shoulder told him that Alexander had taken himself into hand and was inching closer.

Alexander licked his bottom lip and parted the firm buttocks. Seeing the need in Hephaestion’s eyes and succumbing to his own lust, he pressed close. The head of his erection slipped past the outer ring and he buried himself with one firm stroke, almost knocking the breath out of his lover with that unexpected thrust.

Hephaestion threw back his head and his fingers clawed at the earth beneath him. Belatedly he realized that they were out in the open, exposed, and people might be watching them. That thought only aroused him further and, much to his surprise, he was growing hard again.

Alexander grabbed hold of Hephaestion’s hips and remained motionless, thoroughly enjoying seeing his lover at his mercy. “You are mine, Hephaestion, forever.”

“Yes, yours…” Hephaestion’s voice sounded raspy and raw and he prepared himself for that first thrust that would rock his world and make his head spin, like it always did. Alexander moved, almost pulled out, and then sheathed himself again, rubbing his prostate in the process. “I love it when… when you…” Another thrust took his breath away and this time, Hephaestion waited for the right moment to press back and receive Alexander even deeper inside him.

Alexander set a slow rhythm. Instead of taking Hephaestion hard and fast as he would have in the distant past, he now took his time and angled his every thrust at his lover’s prostate. The slow, deep rhythm he was setting drove him mad with desire and Hephaestion’s needy, eager moans only urged him on. Alexander threw back his head, growled, and drove himself once more into Hephaestion’s warm body. He lasted long, much longer than he normally would now that he was pacing himself, but in the end, Hephaestion’s pitiful moans drove him over the edge.

“Oh… yes!” Alexander whipped his hips forward, grew motionless and filled his lover with his essence. His eyes widened, feeling Hephaestion’s passage contract around him and he realized his lover had climaxed again. He quickly rested his upper body against Hephaestion’s back, reached below his lover’s abdomen and wrapped his fingers around the slick organ. “You came for me.”

Hephaestion felt too drained to reply and collapsed onto his stomach.

Hephaestion’s action surprised Alexander, who had no option but to follow his lover down. “Am I too heavy?”

“No…” Hephaestion closed his eyes and surrendered to bliss. He turned his head and looked at Alexander from over his shoulder. “I love it when you crave me – when you take me in that way.” But what had surprised him the most was that Alexander had taken himself first, bringing him to orgasm that way. A lot had changed between them and he welcomed the changes. It was like Alexander was bent on pleasuring him in a way his lover had never done before.

“Do you want to go for a swim?” Alexander, feeling energetic after making love to the other half of his soul, slowly pulled out and pushed himself to his feet. Looking at Hephaestion, still lying on the grass and looking utterly ravished with his seed still attached to his skin made Alexander’s heart beat even faster with love for the other man. “Here, let me help you.”

Hephaestion reluctantly turned around and sat upright. If it had been up to him, he would have curled up in Alexander’s arms and have gone back to sleep. But he didn’t want to disappoint his lover and allowed Alexander to pull him to his feet.

Alexander folded an arm around Hephaestion’s waist and together they descended the stairs, making their way onto the beach. Alexander ran into the waves and pulled Hephaestion along and it wasn’t long before they were splashing each other with water and trying to dunk each other. It had been a long time since they had been able to act so carefree. In the end, Alexander moved into Hephaestion’s arms and settled for standing close to his lover while the waves gently lapped at their bodies. Words could never express how much he loved Hephaestion so he kissed the other man instead.

Part 2

Alexander and Hephaestion settled into a comfortable routine during the next few weeks. Their personal belongings had finally arrived, giving their new home a special touch.

Alexander mostly enjoyed spending time with Boukephalos, taking the stallion for rides. Peritas often accompanied them and the elderly dog seemed to flourish under the tender, loving care Alexander and Hephaestion bestowed upon him.

In the morning, Alexander and Hephaestion would go for a run to keep themselves in shape, but Alexander could never run for long, as the old injury in his side continued to hamper him. During the day, Alexander would settle down beneath one of the fruit trees, reading one of the books he had bought. Their evenings were always spent together and Alexander found he liked preparing their dinner and trying out new recipes.

Hephaestion’s laptop had arrived, enabling him to be in constant contact with his father, who was taking care of his son’s business since Hephaestion had resigned from his teaching job. Hephaestion, however, didn’t intend to be idle and resolved to write a book about Aristotle. The fact that his memories had returned gave him the chance to portray the Greek philosopher in a new way. He also hoped that the book would sell well for that would be another means of income for them.

Although everything seemed well with Alexander acting carefree, Hephaestion still worried. In the past, Alexander had always been an active man, bent on making new discoveries or conquering more countries. Hephaestion couldn’t help but worry that Alexander would grow tired of him and that the resulting restlessness would cause them to drift apart. In the past, he would never have considered confronting Alexander with such a fear, but their dynamics had changed and one night, he took the notion to confide his fears to Alexander.

Hephaestion located Alexander in the meadow where he was putting himself through some basic defense moves. Alexander had been delighted when two swords had arrived, having been a part of Hephaestion’s personal belongings, and he had quickly claimed one of them. On cool evenings they sparred and Alexander was delighted that he often won the match.

Hephaestion settled down on the grass, sitting cross-legged, and Boukephalos approached, burying his warm nose in Hephaestion’s hair. The stallion’s antics made him smile. He patted his knee, signaling to Peritas that he wanted to dog to curl up beside him. The dog complied and rested his head atop Hephaestion’s knee and closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation of his new owner rubbing him behind the ears.

Alexander’s eyes took in his lover’s form and, seeing the tension in the broad shoulders, he realized that something troubled Hephaestion. He put his sword down and approached. “Is something wrong?” He sat down opposite Hephaestion, then leaned in closer and placed his hands on Hephaestion’s knees. Peritas opened an eye, moved his head down Hephaestion’s thigh to make way for Alexander’s hand, and closed his eyes again, settling into a peaceful slumber.

“I am worried.” Hephaestion nibbled on his bottom lip, gathering the courage to raise his eyes and study Alexander’s. He was still growing accustomed to the new power balance between them. In some ways, Alexander would always remain his superior, the King who had conquered the world and commanded an enormous army. Remembering Alexander’s glory, he felt small and humble. It didn’t matter how often Alexander told him that he was the reason why his lover had been successful; a part of him would always have trouble accepting he meant so much to the former King.

“About what?” Alexander inched closer still and was now in a position to fold his arms around Hephaestion’s waist. “Look at me and tell me.” Seeing Hephaestion so hesitant and shy worried him. During his first life, he had never given his lover’s doubts much thought as there had never been time or opportunity to explore Hephaestion’s uncertainties.

Hephaestion moistened his lips and met Alexander’s gaze. “Are you happy here?”

Alexander blinked; he'd never expected that particular question. “Why do you doubt I am happy?”

“You…” Hephaestion shrugged, cringing now that he was going to voice his fears. “I am afraid you will grow bored here and tired of my presence. You have never known such peace. You once lived for the moment, for battle and glory. And now I am forcing you to sit here and watch the sun set with me.”

Alexander’s heart contracted painfully, seeing the hurt expression in Hephaestion’s eyes. In response, he pulled his beloved close and hugged him tight, though he never broke eye contact while doing so. “Listen to me, Hephaestion, and listen carefully. I am happy. I am happy because I have your love. I am happy because you are at my side. I am happy because we make love each night and waking up in your arms makes me happy as well.” He hoped he was getting his message across.

“But…” Hephaestion moistened his lips again, a sure sign that his nervousness was increasing. “Aren’t you growing bored? Restless?”

Alexander drew in a deep breath and didn’t try to deny the truth. “It happens sometimes, yes, but that doesn’t mean I want this to change. I take Boukephalos for a ride when I grow restless and when I return here, I realize just how damn lucky I am to hold you in my arms again. Do you really think I would give that up? For what?”

Tears gathered in Hephaestion’s eyes. “You would sacrifice that much for me?”

“You really don’t understand a word I am saying, do you?” Alexander shook his head, becoming frustrated. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you – right here. I want to grow old with you and sit in front of our home, watching the sun set when we are old and bent with age. I want all that. I have seen my share of blood and war. Now I want to know peace and love.”

Hephaestion’s heart leapt in his chest and he finally allowed himself to believe that Alexander was really happy here. “Don’t you miss your life?”

“What life?” Alexander cocked his head and gave Hephaestion his most blinding smile. “You are my life and you are right here. What else could I want?” Alexander tightened his hold on Hephaestion the moment his lover collapsed against him and he rubbed the muscular back. “Stop doubting yourself, Hephaestion. Stop doubting our love.”

“That is easier said than done. I remember how driven, how passionate you were, wanting to conquer the world.”

“That was another life time, Hephaestion. That was another Alexander.” Alexander held Hephaestion close and he felt his lover calm down. “I love you, Hephaestion, and I want to grow old with you. No glory for me in this life time. I found something better: I found love.”

~~~

That evening, Hephaestion stole into the bathroom after Alexander and watched his lover for several moments, savoring the sight of him. Their conversation earlier that day had taken away some of his doubts and he felt somewhat more secure expressing himself. But there was still one aspect of their changed relationship he found hard to accept – that fact that Alexander seemed to crave being taken by him. When they had first made love, Alexander had beseeched him to act on the desire to take him should Hephaestion want to. But could he really do that?

“Are you going to stand there and watch me or will you join me?” Alexander cast a teasing look over his shoulder. He had sensed the change that had come over his lover after their talk and wondered what had driven Hephaestion to join him in the bathroom.

Hephaestion swallowed hard, trying to do away with his nervousness as he stepped into the shower cabin to join Alexander. His lover’s naked body called to him, but his expression grew saddened as he saw the scar Alexander’s side bore. “Is the injury still troubling you?”

“Only when we run.” Alexander turned around to face Hephaestion. One look below the waistline told him that his lover was hard. “See anything you like?” He enjoyed teasing Hephaestion in this way. His lover grew flustered and shuffled his feet.

“What if I do?” Hephaestion’s pupils dilated and his breathing sped up.

Alexander easily read his lover’s need and moved closer. “What do you need from me, Hephaestion?”

“I…” Hephaestion’s blush deepened. “I want you.” Hearing Alexander sharply draw in his breath, he broke eye contact and stared at the floor, watching the water disappear down the drain. “You said that you wanted me to act on my feelings, but…” Maybe Alexander had changed his mind?

“I do… I want that.” Alexander purred into Hephaestion’s ear. He found his lover’s bashfulness endearing, but wished he knew of a way to make Hephaestion feel more at ease. /He needs time. Our roles have drastically changed./

“You do?” Hephaestion raised his eyes and searched Alexander’s. “If you do then…” He extended his hand and uncurled his fingers, showing Alexander he had brought along lubricant. “I would never impose…” He didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence as Alexander pulled him close and covered his lips with his.

Alexander sighed blissfully as Hephaestion’s large hands traveled down to settle on his buttocks. Hephaestion was already aroused and desired him. All he needed to do was to encourage his lover to continue this seduction, even if it was a somewhat clumsy seduction. He was certain Hephaestion would learn quickly how to master him and, by Zeus, he wanted his lover to master him!

“Take me, Hephaestion.” He rubbed his groin against Hephaestion’s, giving his erection the stimulation it craved. “I am yours.” Speaking those words and finally realizing they were true, turned him on even more. Letting go of control, of old responsibilities, ancient fears, and ingrained upbringing greatly appealed to him. He wanted Hephaestion to take charge for then he could forget who he was, who he had been in the past.

Being in this situation with Alexander was a test for Hephaestion. Could he really take charge? He felt nervous and moved closer, pressing Alexander against the tiled wall.

Alexander’s eyes narrowed, taking in Hephaestion’s muscular form appreciatively. He ran his hands down the impressive chest and wrapped his fingers around his lover’s hard flesh. Leaning in closer, his voice took on a raw and needy tone when he rasped into Hephaestion’s ear, “Make me yours, Hephaestion. Claim your possession.” His words had the desired effect and caused Hephaestion to sway. “Any way you want.” Alexander was able to pinpoint the exact moment Hephaestion threw caution to the wind and he quivered with lust, reading the need in the stormy, blue eyes.

Hephaestion shoved his hands beneath Alexander’s buttocks and lifted him.

Alexander yelped, a little surprised now that he had lost his footing. Hephaestion easily held him in place and Alexander quickly wrapped his legs around his lover’s waist while folding his arms around Hephaestion’s neck in order to support himself. His erection twitched with excitement and Alexander moaned against Hephaestion’s chest. His lover only needed one hand to steady him and it rested beneath his buttocks, supporting him. Alexander threw back his head, still clinging to Hephaestion as he felt an oiled finger probe the entrance to his body. “By Zeus, yes!”

Alexander’s gaze returned to Hephaestion's face and remained trained on him, causing Hephaestion to finally throw caution to the wind as he entered Alexander with one smooth thrust.

Alexander’s eyes widened with pleasure. Hephaestion’s oiled flesh thrust upward, rubbing his prostate, and making him very much aware of the fact that he clung to his lover for support. Hephaestion easily held him up and Alexander buried his face in the auburn hair, accepting and enjoying the next thrust that nudged his prostate. “Yes, I want this, Hephaestion… Oh yes!” It wasn’t like him to talk much during sex, especially not now that he was in such a vulnerable position, but he wanted to make certain that Hephaestion knew he enjoyed this – that he wanted this.

Hephaestion pressed Alexander firmly against him, more moving his lover on his erection than thrusting upward. Seeing Alexander surrender to him in such an unconditional way only made him want to please his lover more and he managed to thrust again while moving Alexander on his shaft.

Alexander cried out in ecstasy and quivered. He didn’t want to come yet, but the position, Hephaestion’s forceful thrust, and seeing his lover bent on possessing him catapulted him toward orgasm. He clung to Hephaestion, rested his head on his lover’s shoulder and rode out the waves of bliss while Hephaestion continued to thrust and move Alexander upon him.

Hephaestion quickly succumbed to the massaging effect Alexander’s contractions had on him and vehemently pulled his lover close, forcing himself even deeper. His breathing quickened and he panted while he kept Alexander in place. His lover didn’t seem to weigh a thing due to the adrenaline and ecstasy flowing through him.

Unable to move off of Hephaestion’s length yet, Alexander bit into his lover’s shoulder and his fingernails clawed the broad back. Hephaestion would carry away scratches from this encounter, but something told Alexander that his lover wouldn’t mind. “Hephaestion, I…” Making love in this way had drained him and he looked toward Hephaestion to put him back onto his feet. He hoped he could stand unaided for being claimed in such a way had made him go weak inside.

With the utmost care, Hephaestion lifted Alexander away from his softening member and put him back onto his feet again. “Alexander, I…” He felt he should apologize for losing control and taking advantage of Alexander in such a way, but one look at the sparkling, golden eyes shut him up. He had seen Alexander’s eyes alight with passion before and back then they had also burned golden. “Did I please you?” Somehow, that thought stunned him.

“Oh, yes, you definitely did.” Alexander kept his arms wrapped around Hephaestion for support. “You can claim me in the shower whenever you want.” Droplets of cooling water still cascaded upon their heated bodies and seemed to vaporize upon contact. “I definitely approved of that,” Alexander added, troubled to see the still apprehensive expression in the azure eyes. /Time, he needs time. He has already taken a major step./ He leaned in closer, rested his upper body against Hephaestion’s, and purred in satisfaction. Being claimed in that way had made him feel light-headed and tiny waves of pleasure still emanated from his groin as his member convulsed with the last droplets of seed.

Hephaestion felt somewhat reassured by Alexander’s passionate declaration and held him close. In the end, a cocky smile appeared on his face. Alexander had never lied to him before and his lover wouldn’t start now. Alexander had truly enjoyed being made love to in that way and Hephaestion was already looking forward to the next time he could claim his lover and former King.

~~~

“I picked up the local newspaper today,” Alexander announced as he sat himself next to Hephaestion on the grass. Peritas was resting, while Hephaestion was typing away on his laptop. “Would you like to go here with me?” Alexander pointed at the entertainment section. “It looks like some sort of circus.”

“Sure, we can go.” Hephaestion’s gaze left the screen and took in his lover’s flushed expression. “What have you been up to?”

“I went running and my side gave me some trouble.” Alexander petted Peritas’ head and rested his upper body against Hephaestion. “I wish I had been wise enough to do this the first time around. Why did I chase glory and fame instead?”

Hephaestion thought it best not to answer that question. Alexander had made peace with his past, but still remained full of regrets. He had assured Alexander that there was nothing to regret, but his lover’s opinion differed from his, and he did as he had done countless times before: he didn’t comment and allowed Alexander to sort out his thoughts alone.

~~~

“That was a good show.” Alexander opened the door to a tavern which they had encountered on their way back from the circus and stepped inside. It was cozy. Instead of grueling electric lights, the tavern owner had opted for old-fashioned oil lamps and candles and their warm glow illuminated the large room. They chose to sit down in the back, where they had a lovely view of the bay. The waiter arrived and they placed their order, asking for red wine, olives, and feta. “Life is good, isn’t it?” Alexander twined his fingers with Hephaestion’s and rested his head against his lover’s shoulder.

Hephaestion nodded, not bothering to answer aloud and relished sitting here in such peace and quiet with Alexander at his side.

The waiter brought the wine and food, placed it on the side table, and left them to their musings.

“We will come back here when we are old and gaze out over that bay. We will order wine and get drunk, honoring the old days,” Alexander commented with a fond tone in his voice.

“I like that.” Hephaestion pressed a chaste kiss onto the golden locks that teased his face. The peaceful ambiance, however, was unexpectedly shattered by the innkeeper’s harsh voice.

“I don’t serve your kind. Get out or I will set the dog after you!”

“I have money! I can pay for the food!”

The argument drew Alexander and Hephaestion’s attention and their gazes sought out the innkeeper, wondering why the man was chasing off paying clientele. Alexander sucked in his breath seeing the customer. It was a young man, almost still a boy, who was pleading with the innkeeper to serve him the food. Raven hair reached the narrow waist and dark, almost black eyes, which seemed haunted, were firmly fixed on the money on the counter.

“I can pay!”

“By the sweet breath of Aphrodite,” Hephaestion whispered in recognition. “Is that…? That can not be!” He had reached the same conclusion Alexander had and he wasn’t sure to feel pleased or annoyed at seeing the younger man standing there.

“It is him, Hephaestion. Look at the eyes. Look at the way he carries himself. Wounded in his pride, but unbroken. It is Bagoas, Hephaestion.” Alexander lifted his head from Hephaestion’s shoulder and looked his lover in the eye. “What do you want to do?” He would let his lover decide whether to address Bagoas or not.

“Be on your way, boy. This is a respectable tavern. I don’t want your kind here.” The innkeeper glared at the youth with obvious disdain and then turned his back on his rejected customer, pretending to be busy with the glasses.

“But I am hungry and I have money!”

Alexander cringed, hearing desperation slip into that soft, sweet voice that had so often soothed him. His instincts told him to interfere and take Bagoas’ side in this argument, but he wouldn’t act on those feelings – not when Hephaestion hadn’t given him an answer yet. He would understand if Hephaestion told him to ignore this tragic character from their past, but his heart still urged him to reach out to Bagoas. “Do you think he also remembers?”

Hephaestion shook his head. “I don’t think so.” The dark eyes weren’t haunted by ancient memories. “We shouldn’t approach him. Who knows if he wants to know who he once was? Maybe it is best for him not to remember that he was a eunuch and suffered much in the past.”

Alexander’s heart beat with pity and compassion, wanting to embrace Bagoas and to hold him close. He had loved Bagoas in his very own way. That love didn’t compare to the connection he felt with Hephaestion, but it was love nonetheless. “If that is what you want.”

“I told to you to leave, whore!”

That last word echoed through the tavern, making Alexander and Hephaestion’s eyes narrow.

The boy seemed to shrink into himself and backed away from the counter, moving toward the doorway. The shoulders slumped and he bowed his head in defeat.

“Hephaestion, did you hear what that man called him?” Alexander’s rage was building.

“I heard.” Hephaestion’s thoughts raced. His most important reason for not approaching the boy had been concern. He was worried that remembering his past would only hurt Bagoas, but now it seemed the boy had already been hurt. His heart, his goodness, and loyalty to Alexander told him that he couldn’t let Bagoas leave like that. Not like a beaten dog that was ready to curl up and lick his wounds. “Why don’t you follow him outside, Alexander? I will arrange for some food and join you in a few minutes. It might be best if you approached him alone. Bagoas always had a soft spot for you.”

Alexander’s heart jumped with joy and he gave Hephaestion a grateful look. “Thank you for being you, Hephaestion.” His lover had never been able to turn his back on someone in need, even when that someone was a former rival for his love. Alexander rose from his chair, pressed a kiss onto Hephaestion’s brow and stole after Bagoas when the boy left the tavern.

~~~

“Stop!”

The command made him halt in his tracks and he spun around, fully expecting the innkeeper to chase after him in order to throw more insults at him, but he was stunned to find a blond man running toward him. His eyes narrowed, trying to discern the man’s features, but it was dark out here. “What do you want from me?” His fingers curled around the pocket knife which he always carried with him, ready to defend himself.

“Just wait a little longer. My friend is ordering food and will bring it out here.” Alexander noticed the suspicious expression in the black eyes and came to a standstill at some distance, not wanting the younger man to feel cornered. “It wasn’t right, the way that innkeeper treated you. If you are hungry, you should be able to eat.”

The young man shrugged his shoulders once, but his fingers remained curled around his knife. “He made his opinion of me very clear. I had better leave before he releases the dog or calls the police.”

Alexander drank in the familiar form. He had loved Bagoas once and seeing him in this form made his heart ache with a familiar pain. “My name is Alexander,” he said, extending his right hand and offering it in friendship. “What is yours?”

“You can call me whatever you like.” The wary young man stared at the hand like it was a snake ready to strike at him. “What do you want from me? He lied, you know. I am not a whore!”

But Alexander read the pitiful truth in the haunted eyes. Something had happened to this version of Bagoas and he was afraid to think the youth’s current fate resembled the fate he had suffered in the past. “I know you are not.”

A dangerous glint appeared in the black eyes, almost making Alexander back away from the younger man. He wanted to hear Bagoas’ story, wanted to awaken those memories in the hope that the younger man would find comfort in the fact that all three of them had returned. “But why does the innkeeper think you are?” He retracted his hand now that Bagoas refused to shake it.

The lips became a narrow line and the expression in the dark eyes hardened. “What do you want from me? If you are looking for a quick fuck, look elsewhere.” He uncovered part of the knife and the blade glittered in the moonlight. “You won’t take me without a fight.”

Alexander’s stomach turned, realizing what might have happened to Bagoas in this life. /Zeus, couldn’t you spare him this ordeal?/

At exactly that moment, Hephaestion exited the tavern, carrying a tray filled with food, as well as carafes of water and wine. The blade shimmered in the moonbeams and he grew cautious, joining Alexander and not approaching the younger man. “I brought food.” He placed the tray on the ground and then stepped away from it. “You look hungry.” That was quite the understatement; the younger man’s cheek bones were sharply defined, the wrists painfully thin, and the skin possessed an unhealthy pallor. “You should eat.”

“I don’t need your charity!” He was growing furious with the two men, though he couldn’t exactly say why. “I am not a whore! I am no prostitute! You can not buy me!”

Alexander swallowed painfully, desperately hoping he had reached the wrong conclusion. “They forced you instead, didn’t they?” Bagoas, the eunuch, had also been forced into slavery.

An angry growl escaped the young man’s throat and, in his rage, he lunged for the blond man, trying to stab him.

“No you don’t!” Hephaestion’s reflexes were the fastest and before Alexander could react, he had grabbed hold of the boy’s wrist. His fingers curled around the thin wrist, feeling nothing but bone and skin. Unfortunately, this first contact also sparked the first, painful, memory.

Bagoas screamed, suddenly feeling a terrible pain in his lower body. They had tied him to some sort of chair, a horrendous contraption that was smeared with old blood and dried tears shed by boys who had lost their manhood there as well. The two men, while chatting idly, wielded their knives as they had done a hundred times before, cutting him and making him bleed. A scream full of terror and pain left his lips and he instinctively clutched at the man close to him.

“I have him,” Hephaestion stated firmly. “Alexander, the knife…”

Alexander quickly removed the knife from the boy’s hold and then watched as the younger man pressed close against Hephaestion, sobbing and shaking like a leaf. “It has started.”

Hephaestion merely nodded his head. The younger man trembled against him and whimpered in a painful way, making it very clear just what memory he was reliving. “Let it go, my friend. Let the pain go.”

But the youth was in an excruciating amount of pain and not really listening. The only thing he wanted was for that terrible pain to stop. With superhuman strength, he managed to break free from the auburn-haired man and ran away from the two strangers, seeking cover in the forest he knew so well. He could hide here and the two men would never find him!

Alexander stared at the fleeing boy in shock and reacted too late. By the time he was ready to run after Bagoas, the younger man had disappeared from view. “Now what?” He turned and looked pleadingly at Hephaestion.

Hephaestion drew in a deep breath. “If he doesn’t want to be found, we will fail in our search.” Looking at the tray with food, he considered their situation. “He ran because he is terrified. By chasing after him, we will only make it worse.”

“What do you suggest we do?” Alexander felt at a loss. He desperately wanted to search for Bagoas, take him in, and care for him. Looking at Hephaestion, he saw the same need and emotions there.

Hephaestion picked up the tray and started for the forest. Alexander followed suit, wondering about his lover’s plans. Hephaestion entered the forest, placed the tray back onto the earth, and removed a pen, paper, and money from his pocket. He began to scribble something down and Alexander looked at the piece of paper from over his lover’s shoulder. “What are you doing?”

“Leaving directions in case he decides to look for us. It is best if he seeks us out.” Hephaestion finished writing down the directions, drew a little map, and placed money beneath the plate with the food. “We will drop by again shortly if he doesn’t seek us out.” He rose from the ground and placed his hands on Alexander’s shoulders. “I want him safe as well, Alexander.”

“I never doubted that.” Alexander took hold of one of Hephaestion’s hands and kissed its back. “It is just… I don’t want to leave him behind. Not here in the forest.”

“We don’t have a choice.” Hephaestion steered Alexander back to their car. “If it is our destiny to have Bagoas at our side again, he will come to us.”

Alexander opened the passenger’s door and cast one last look towards the direction the younger man had disappeared in. “It happened again, Hephaestion. He was abused again. That is why he doesn’t trust us. That is why the innkeeper called him a whore.”

Hephaestion’s eyes darkened. “Have faith in him, Alexander. Bagoas loved you dearly in the past. I trust that this love will surface again and guide him to us.” His touch had sparked Bagoas’ memories and they could only hope that the need to find answers would make Bagoas seek them out.

Part 3

Alexander’s restlessness and worries also affected Hephaestion. Three days ago they had encountered Bagoas and, so far, the younger man hadn’t sought them out. Hephaestion had hoped that Bagoas would decide to trust them and seek shelter with them. He had practically counted on that, thinking Bagoas would remember his old feelings for Alexander. But maybe too few memories had surfaced yet, making Bagoas reluctant to act on the directions Hephaestion had left behind.

It was late at night and they had cuddled up to each other in bed. Both men felt anxious and worried about Bagoas. Hephaestion had wrapped his arms tightly around Alexander, holding him close and sensing his lover’s fretfulness. “There is nothing we can do, Alexander.”

Alexander bit his bottom lip and rubbed his face against Hephaestion’s shoulder. He knew Hephaestion was right, but he still worried about Bagoas. “We should have been more careful, Hephaestion. We let him get away.”

“If he doesn’t want to be found, we won’t find him.” Hephaestion stroked Alexander’s fair hair. “I worry about him too, Alexander.”

Alexander lifted his head and stared into his lover’s cloudy eyes. “He never really liked you.”

Hephaestion chuckled. “Bagoas was possessive of you. I am certain he would have preferred for me to disappear from your life.”

“Did you hate him for that?” They had never really discussed this and Alexander was curious.

“Hate him? Never.” Hephaestion shook his head. “I pitied him at first for what had been done to him. Later on, I realized he truly loved you and I was grateful that he was there for you when I could not.”

“What were you feelings for Bagoas?” Alexander searched Hephaestion’s eyes, knowing his lover would never hide his true feelings from him.

Hephaestion smiled at Alexander. “Bagoas was handsome, Alexander; handsome, intelligent, and talented. I enjoyed seeing him dance.”

“Hephaestion…” Alexander mumbled, wondering if Hephaestion was holding back on purpose.

“I would have liked to have been friends with him. The fate that befell him was cruel and I would have liked to make life more enjoyable for him. But he had decided I posed a threat to him and hated me instead.”

“Were you? A threat to him?”

Hephaestion’s eyes sparkled with amusement. “He was a threat to me, Alexander.”

“In what way?”

“Do you know he tried to buy poison once? It was shortly after he saw us together for the first time. I guess he became jealous. He was always very possessive of you.” Hephaestion ran his fingertips along Alexander’s jaw line.

“And you never acted on that? You never told me?” This was the first time he heard that Bagoas might have tried poisoning Hephaestion!

“He reconsidered. I assume he realized that you loved me and that he didn’t want to hurt you.” Hephaestion briefly closed his eyes, allowing his thoughts to drift back to the past. “Bagoas only had one flaw as far as I am concerned and that was his jealousy. He should have accepted our love…”

Alexander sensed that Hephaestion had wanted to add something, but for some reason his lover had reconsidered. “And then what?”

Hephaestion’s features momentarily contorted and he opened his eyes to meet Alexander’s inquiring gaze. “I might have been able to love him as you did.”

Alexander moistened his lips. “You think I loved him?”

“Didn’t you?” Hephaestion frowned. He still felt a bit ill at ease to be discussing this with his lover.

Alexander took his time to search his feelings. “I guess you are right… I loved him, after a fashion, but not like I love you.”

Hephaestion smiled. “I thought as much.”

Alexander’s eyes narrowed, fully realizing what Hephaestion had just said. “You would have done that? You would have offered him your love?”

“The same way you offered him your love,” Hephaestion clarified. “Nothing compares to what I feel for you, Alexander, but Bagoas touched my heart in some way. I cared about him too.”

“And he never realized that.” Alexander, who had lifted his head, now rested it back onto Hephaestion’s chest. “Such a pity.” But something else continued to gnaw at him. “Why didn’t you tell me Bagoas had planned to poison you?”

“He reconsidered.” Hephaestion paused, pressing a kiss onto Alexander’s hair. “And I understood why he felt that way. Everything he was, everything he knew, had been taken away from him: his family, his manhood, and his freedom. All he had left was you. I didn’t blame him for loving you.”

Alexander finally understood. Hephaestion’s heart would have been big enough to also extend his love to Bagoas and he loved Hephaestion even more for having such a loving and gentle nature. Now that he knew where Hephaestion stood, Alexander felt more at ease addressing his lover next. “I want to go back, Hephaestion. I want to go back to that tavern and get him. I don’t want him to be out there alone.”

Hephaestion soothingly rubbed Alexander’s back. “He might have left long ago, Alexander. I doubt we will find him there. Knowing Bagoas, he has long moved on.”

“Why did history repeat itself? You know what he said. You saw the expression in his eyes. He has been hurt -- again.” The words Bagoas had uttered wouldn’t leave Alexander alone. “I want to protect him. I need to know him safe.”

“I feel the same way, Alexander. I really do. But there is not much we can do. We can only hope that more memories will return to Bagoas and that they will urge him to seek us out. My touch sparked his first trip into the past and he must be wondering what is happening to him. I left money and instructions so, if he wants to, he can find us.”

Alexander lifted his eyes. “Do you really believe he will come to us?”

“He came to you that first time, didn’t he? Out of his own free will.”

“Not exactly,” Alexander whispered. “I don’t believe he had much of a choice.”

“You will have to put your faith in him, my Alexander. If this is meant to be, he will find us.” Hephaestion tightened his hold on his lover and held Alexander close during the night.

~~~

Sounds coming from outside woke Hephaestion just before the sun started to rise. He listened closely, hearing something shuffle around the premises. Carefully, he moved away from Alexander, who remained soundly asleep, and left the bed in order to investigate. Peritas, who was asleep at the foot of the bed, opened one eye to see why Hephaestion was leaving the bed.

“Go back to sleep, my old friend.” Hephaestion petted the head and cast a quick look at Alexander, who hadn’t woken yet. He moved over to the doorway and soundlessly closed the door behind him. Last night, they had made love in the living room and he slipped into his jeans which he had left there. Not bothering with the shirt, he stole toward the window to cast a look outside, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. The sound remained though, like someone was dragging something over the ground, alarming him further.

Hephaestion honed in on the sound and slipped out of the back door, intending to surprise the burglar. Squeezing his eyes half shut in concentration, he made out a dark form moving along the wall. Moving closer still, he wished he had brought along a weapon: a knife, or even a sword.

The dark form suddenly seemed to crumble and collapsed against the wall. The intruder slowly slid down the wall and ended up huddled in a heap. Hephaestion’s eyes widened as he realized the identity of their visitor. The long, raven hair had finally revealed the face and Hephaestion quickly approached, knowing Bagoas presented no danger to him. He could easily overpower the younger man if necessary, but he doubted Bagoas would attack him.

“Bagoas?” Hephaestion didn’t know how much the younger man remembered and slowly approached, giving Bagoas a chance to notice him and see him advance on him.

A startled yelp left bruised and bloodied lips and he lifted his eyes, daring to believe that the two men were as kind as he had hoped they were. “Please…” He weakly raised his right hand, palm upward, to show he didn’t carry a weapon. “Please help me.”

Hephaestion knelt at Bagoas’ side and studied the younger man’s face, which was black and blue. Large bruises covered the handsome face and the split lip was still bleeding. “You are hurt.” Old warrior instincts surfaced and he placed his hands on the younger man’s shoulders, allowing them to slide down the chest in a search for additional injuries – and encountered them.

The injured man moaned in pain now that Hephaestion was touching his bruised ribs. “I only need to warm up. I will be gone again in the morning.” He didn’t know what had made him follow the directions Hephaestion had left. He only knew he had been desperate to find a warm hiding place. “Please don’t turn me away.” The azure eyes that looked at him made him shiver. Although he didn’t quite fear the other man, he felt uneasy asking him for help. Why couldn’t the blond man, Alexander, have found him? Unexpectedly, Hephaestion leaned in closer and Bagoas yelped once more as he felt hands slip beneath his back and knees.

“Don’t worry. I am only taking you inside.” The younger man looked like he would faint any moment now. “What happened to you?”

Losing contact with the ground startled him, and he closed his eyes in order to fight the vertigo that was making his head spin. “They found me,” he managed from between clenched teeth.

Realizing questioning had to wait Hephaestion carried the younger man into the living room. His charge hardly weighed anything and Hephaestion was startled to see the protruding bones, showing him just how malnourished the younger man was. “Why don’t you start by telling me your name? That way I know what to call you.” He gave his charge his most charming look.

“They called me Bardia in the orphanage. Don’t know if it is my real name.” He released a shaky breath when Hephaestion lowered him onto the couch. “I will stain it.” He was bleeding and didn’t want to cause trouble.

“We will have it cleaned. Don’t worry about it.” He should wake Alexander, but Hephaestion wanted a moment alone with his former rival. Studying the dark eyes, he realized that Bagoas hadn’t regained all of his memories yet. Maybe that one glimpse into his painful past had been enough to shock Bagoas and to keep all other memories at a distance. “You are safe here.”

“Thank you.” He moaned now that the comfort of the couch rose to meet him and his head lolled against the pillow. “I wasn’t sure you would let me in.” He hadn’t been certain of anything.

“I am going to wake Alexander. He needs to know you are here and he can help me examine your injuries. How severe are they? Shouldn’t we take you to a hospital?”

“No! No hospital! That isn’t necessary!” He had to remain hidden! If they found him again they would kill him!

“Hephaestion? What’s that noise about?” Alexander rubbed his eyes, trying to clear the sleep from them and then, seeing their guest, stared at Bagoas in bewilderment. He had given up hope that the younger man would seek them out. “It is you!”

He flinched, hearing Alexander’s outcry as he saw the dazed expression in the brown eyes. “I hoped you wouldn’t mind…”

Hephaestion cut his patient short. “We can talk later. We should check on you first.” And they should get some food into the younger man! “Alexander, would you make tea and some sandwiches? Our guest needs to eat.”

Alexander nodded his head once and disappeared into the kitchen, needing a moment to compose himself.

Hephaestion chided himself for sending Alexander into the kitchen. They should have switched roles – Bagoas would be more at ease with Alexander tending to him. “I need to remove your clothes.” Frightened eyes met his, making him feel even more sympathy for the injured man. “You probably don’t believe me, but you can trust us.”

He nodded once, giving Hephaestion permission to remove his clothes. After all, men had seen him naked before.

“I will be gentle.” Hephaestion pried the clothes from the skin and cringed, seeing the large bruises on his charge’s body. “Why don’t you tell us what happened?” Hopefully telling them would distract Bagoas.

“I don’t know where to start,” he replied in a shaky voice. He was too tired, too nervous, and too drained to sort out his thoughts and feelings. All he wanted was to sleep.

And thankfully, Hephaestion realized that. Hephaestion fumbled awkwardly with the threadbare jeans and then removed them, leaving Bagoas clad in only his briefs. One particular question occupied his mind, but he was afraid to actually ask Bagoas *that* question. “Did you carry away more injuries besides bruises and bruised ribs?” He hoped he had phrased that diplomatically enough, unwilling to ask Bagoas if he had been raped as well as beaten.

“My head hurts.” He closed his dark eyes and surrendered to Hephaestion’s probing touches. He had lived a hard and cruel life and had become a good judge of character. His instincts now told him that these two men presented no threat to him; they meant well.

Hephaestion brushed the long hair aside and his fingers probed his charge’s scalp, encountering a large bump located at the back of Bagoas’ head. “When did this happen?”

“Yesterday.” He was succumbing to the slow, tender movement of Hephaestion’s fingers moving over his head. “Can I go to sleep?”

Hephaestion swallowed hard; Bagoas’ little, pleading tone tore at his heart. “In a moment.”

“How badly injured is he?” Alexander had returned with a tray, laden with a cup filled with hot tea and sandwiches. He placed it on the side table and pulled it closer toward the couch so Bagoas could easily reach it.

“He carried away some spectacular bruises and an egg-sized bump on his head.” Hephaestion thought quickly. If this had happened yesterday, he could rule out that Bagoas was suffering from a concussion. “He probably only needs some rest to recover.” And a safe place to stay, but he didn’t add that.

“Here, try to sip.” Alexander had taken hold of the tea cup and placed the rim against Bagoas’ lips, cringing when he saw they were covered with dried blood.

He raised shaky hands and curled his fingers around Alexander’s, slowly sipping the tea. The liquid warmed him from the inside and made him groan. He now truly felt the aches running through his body.

“Eat a bite and then we will let you sleep.” Hephaestion pushed a sandwich into Bagoas’ hand and watched his charge nibble on the food. /His jaw must hurt./

The dark eyes were closing. He wanted to stay awake but lacked the energy to do so. “Can I sleep now?”

“Yes, you can go to sleep. Hephaestion and I will look after you, Bagoas.” Alexander hadn’t intended to address their charge like that – the name just slipped. Dark eyes opened, locked with his, and fear appeared in them.

“What did you call me?”

“Bagoas…” Alexander gave the younger man an apologetic look. “It’s too soon, isn’t it? You aren’t ready yet to remember…”

“Remember?” His eyes were closing again. “I don’t want to remember… Don’t want to dream.”

“I don’t think you have much of a choice, Bagoas.” Alexander waited until the eyes had closed and then sat down on the couch, appalled to see the intensity of bruising on Bagoas’ body. Once he was certain that Bagoas was asleep, he leaned in closer and buried the sleeping man in a hug. “I am so glad that you decided to trust us.”

“Be careful, Alexander. He *is* hurt.” Hephaestion picked up the dirty clothes. Dried blood clung to them and washing them wouldn’t do much good, so he disposed of them instead. They would get their charge new clothes.

“What do you think happened to him?” Alexander brushed the long hair away from Bagoas’ face.

“It looks like someone beat him up – badly.” Hephaestion returned with a bowl filled with tepid water and a wash cloth. “We will clean him up and put him in the guestroom to sleep. That way he has some privacy when he wakes up. I remember the turmoil I was in when our memories began to surface and he might like to have a place where he can retreat and sort out his thoughts.” He handed Alexander the wash cloth, placed the bowl onto the floor, and sat down cross-legged next to it.

“Do you have any idea how many times he did this for me?” Alexander immersed the wash cloth in the water and put some of the antibacterial soap, which Hephaestion had placed on the floor, onto it. “He would look after me each time I got drunk or was injured. He was always there for me…” Alexander sucked in his breath, hoping Hephaestion wouldn’t take that the wrong way.

“Don’t worry. I appreciated him being there for you.” Hephaestion gave Alexander a smile filled with understanding. “I wish I could have been there for you instead, but duty kept us apart. I am glad he was there to look after you.”

Cleaning Bagoas up was a strange experience for Alexander. Their roles were reversed and, this time, it was his task to look after Bagoas. “I don’t think I will get used to calling him Bardia…” A weak smile crossed his features. “Do you know what that name means?”

“The prince,” Hephaestion whispered, watching Alexander finish washing Bagoas. “He possesses the soul of a prince, no matter what happened to him in the past.” Hephaestion pushed himself to his feet and fetched a long-sleeved shirt from his wardrobe. “It is too big for him, but still…” He was under the impression that Bagoas would appreciate not waking up naked.

Alexander and Hephaestion helped Bagoas into the shirt and then Alexander lifted the younger man in his arms. He carried their charge into the spare bedroom, and, after Hephaestion had turned down the covers, he lowered Bagoas onto the mattress. “Someone should sit with him tonight. I am afraid he will panic when he wakes up in strange surroundings.”

Hephaestion nodded his head once. “Why don’t you sit with him first? I will relieve you in two hours.” He wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep though. He wanted to search the premises instead, making certain no one had followed Bagoas.

Alexander nodded, fully focused on Bagoas instead of Hephaestion. He was determined to be there for Bagoas the way the eunuch had been there for him in the distant past.

~~~

Sleep was restless. The name which Alexander had called him continued to haunt him. Voices erupted around him, screaming his name… Bagoas… Bagoas… Bagoas… In the middle of this chaos, he found brown eyes highlighted with gold. Fair hair framed a determined face and hands reached for him, pulling him close… pulling him into safety and giving him a sense of security.

“Just let the memories wash over you, Bagoas. It is for the best.” Alexander sat on the bed next to his charge. He had rested his back against the head board, stretched his legs out, and pulled the younger man close. Bagoas’ face rested against his chest and he calmingly stroked the long, raven hair. “I am here for you. I won’t desert you.”

Dark eyes opened and he nearly panicked, finding himself in alien surroundings. His body ached tremendously, his head hurt, and his hands shook, though he dimly realized they were clasped in between more sturdy ones. His first reaction was to jump to his feet and flee the room, but he was too drained to move much. “Where am I?”

Alexander moistened his lips, trying to fight his nervousness. “You should be asking ‘Who am I?’.” Large, shocked eyes looked at him and Alexander regretted being so direct. “You are safe, Bagoas. You found your way to us.”

“Us?” And why was this man calling him Bagoas? /And why does that name sound familiar?/ Oh, those voices had called him that, shouting his name!

“Hephaestion and I. You do remember me, don’t you? I am Alexander.”

Alexander… Hephaestion… Those names meant something to him! Another memory assailed him and he clung to Alexander for support.

~~~

“What did you do? You are a slave, Bagoas! Nothing but a slave and when I send you to a customer to please him, you *will* please him! He had every right to punish you for refusing him!”

He stared at the elderly man in pained shock. He trembled over his entire body and his back carried welts which had been delivered by a whip wielded by his owner. He fought back his tears, refusing to cry in front of his owner. That ‘customer’ had hurt him, had shattered his world and had taken his innocence, and now he was being punished for trying to protect himself. But his owner was right of course. He was a slave and had to follow his owner’s orders. It didn’t matter to his owner if he was hurt in the process. “I am sorry, master,” he whispered in a tiny voice, cringing under the aggressive gaze his owner gave him.

“I assume you learned your lesson, Bagoas. Don’t ever defy a customer again. If one of them tells you to bend over, you do it. If they want you on your back, you will obey. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, master, you do.” Bagoas’ lowered eyes were fastened on the tiled floor.

“And now you will go back to your last customer and apologize for biting him. You will accept any punishment he wishes to impose on you.”

Keeping his head lowered to show his respect, Bagoas surrendered to his cruel fate. He was just a helpless boy in a world of harsh men.

~~~

“What did you remember?” Alexander had felt Bagoas tense against him and was tempted to tighten his hold on the younger man, but didn’t do so as he didn’t want to put additional pressure on the bruises. “You can tell me.” Hopefully Bagoas would decide to trust him, like the younger man had done in the past.

“I was sold… And my owner… He told me to do whatever his customers wanted me to do.” He lifted hurting eyes and pleadingly looked at Alexander, feeling like a child again. “That man hurt me.”

Alexander’s throat tightened with emotions. “None of those men had the right to hurt you. I am so sorry I wasn’t there to stop them from abusing you.”

“He said it was my duty to pleasure them… That I was only a slave and he cared not for my well-being… I was there to serve them.” He shivered and pressed closer against Alexander, not questioning his instincts that urged him to put his trust in the other man. Resting against him, soaking up his body heat, and even trusting him came natural to him. “I don’t want to have these dreams… Can’t you make them go away?”

Alexander was struck by the child-like tone in Bagoas’ voice. “I wish I could, but I can’t. They are a part of you.”

“I don’t want to hurt.” He closed his eyes and fought back his tears. Being in that room again and being reprimanded had felt so real!

“I promise that you won’t hurt for long, Bagoas. Once your memories are complete you can begin to heal. Hephaestion and I will support you every step of the way.”

“Why do you continue to call me that? I am not called Bagoas.”

“But you are… You will realize shortly that it is your real name.” Alexander’s eyes swam with tears, feeling for the younger man who had suffered such a cruel fate in both his lives.

“I want these dreams to stop!” The dreams were back, showing him exactly what that customer had demanded and he cried against Alexander’s chest, once more experiencing that horrible pain in his lower body. It felt terribly familiar; he had suffered that pain in his current life as well. “Please make it stop.”

Alexander’s tears now dripped from his chin and onto the raven hair. In the past, he had ruled Asia and even back then he hadn’t been able to chain the ghosts that haunted Bagoas. In this life, he was only a man, so how was he to accomplish the impossible now? “I am here for you, Bagoas. I won’t let you drift away from me. Hold on to me. Take your strength from me. Accept my guidance.” Bagoas shivered violently, reliving horrible memories and Alexander cried with him – cried for innocence lost and a fate so terrible that its scars would always haunt Bagoas.

~~~

“How does he fare?” Hephaestion had used his time well. He had walked the perimeter and convinced himself that no strangers lurked near. Bagoas hadn’t been followed and their charge was safe for now. He sat down on the chair next to the bed and rested the palm of his hand on Bagoas’ hair. Alexander immediately moved his hand toward him and Hephaestion placed his hand atop of his lover’s.

“The memories hurt him and I understand why that is happening. We didn’t suffer much in the past, Hephaestion, but Bagoas was taken away from his family who had been murdered, was castrated, and sold off into slavery. We mostly have fond memories of the past and of each other, but it’s different for him.”

Hephaestion drew in a deep breath. “I didn’t consider that. Thankfully he has your support.”

Alexander smiled at his lover. “I was hoping that he would have your support too.”

“If he wants it… he has it.”

Part 4

Bagoas screamed in anguish as he saw his mother jump from the wall and hit the ground near him. Her head made contact first and the bones shattered under the impact, coloring the earth red with her blood. To his right, they dragged his father out into the open, his father’s nose and ears cut from the face, leaving nothing more than blood and holes in their place. A swift cut from Orxines’ sword separated his father’s head from the rest of his body and their tormentor raised his arms in victory, showing the head to his men.

Bagoas tried to run, but there was no escape. His sisters also fell victim to Orxines’ men and he was forced to bear witness to their rape. His hands were bound; there was nothing he could do. Seeing his family devastated in such a brutal way made him scream and his anguish enabled him to break away from the horrid dream.

“Hush, Bagoas… All is well. You had a nightmare, nothing more.” Alexander told his charge a white lie, hoping to lessen the younger man’s pain. He had remained at Bagoas’ side, watching over his former friend and lover. “You aren’t alone, Bagoas. I am here for you.” Dark eyes opened, revealing horror and pain before locking with his. Instinctively, Alexander stroked the long raven hair and gave Bagoas an encouraging look. “You are not alone.”

“My name is Bagoas? I am Bagoas?” He struggled to accept this truth. His family had also called him Bagoas in his dream.

“Your real name is Bagoas, my friend.” Alexander rubbed the younger man’s brow, trying to calm down him further. “And you are very dear to me.”

“Who are you?” The dark eyes narrowed. “Do I know you?”

“I hope you do,” mumbled Alexander in a loving voice. “I am Alexander.”

Bagoas’ eyes widened, as hearing that name evoked another memory.

~~~

“Did you come to me out of your own free will?”

The question startled Bagoas, who panicked as he realized that his surroundings had changed again. He was in a room he had never seen before, but the man standing in front of him was no stranger. This was the same man, although his clothing and hair style varied, who was also holding him in bed. He recalled the man’s name – Alexander.

“Bagoas, did you come to me out of your own free will? No one forced you to offer me your services?”

Alexander’s voice made Bagoas’ shiver and he heard himself answer, although he had no idea what he was going to say. “Yes, my King. I choose to serve you. No one forces me to serve you.” Serve him? Why was he saying such a thing?

“I accept,” Alexander replied, giving Nabarzanes a probing look. He knew Bagoas was the other man’s peace offering, a bribe so to speak, to ensure he left Nabarzanes alone.

Bagoas watched, feeling detached, as Nabarzanes left the room, leaving him alone with Alexander, the new Great King.

~~~

Alexander’s worries increased as he felt Bagoas shake himself to pieces in his arms. “What did you remember?” He thought it important to encourage Bagoas to share his memories, considering their painful nature. He had never fully considered just how painful they would be to the younger man.

“You are the King,” Bagoas mumbled, quickly lowering his eyes. Old teachings, ingrained in him by Oromedon, the eunuch who had taught him everything he’d needed to know in order to serve Darius, surfaced. Bagoas released a keening wail as his mind was flooded with more memories, although less painful in nature.

~~~

Oromedon showed him how to properly wait on Darius: how to wash the Great King, to lower his eyes when Darius left the bath, and how to please his ruler. Bagoas had always been a good student and had made these lessons a part of him. His knowledge and demeanor had served him well in the past, as he had first served Darius, and later Alexander. But at the base of his ‘education’ were pain, loneliness, and fear. He would never forget how he had come into slavery – as a boy who had been destined to serve the Great King in a different way. His father had wanted him to sire sons and to have his own family, but Orxines’ scheming had thrown Bagoas into disgrace. He had become a slave and a eunuch instead.

~~~

“Please talk to me, Bagoas. I can only help you when I know what you are struggling with.” Alexander tightened his hold and Bagoas pressed against him in return. “Tell me, Bagoas.”

“I remembered my father’s death… They eliminated my entire family. Only I survived.”

Alexander gently rocked Bagoas in his arms. “Go on.”

“Orxines sold me and I was castrated… I threw myself at Orxines’ feet, pleading with him to reconsider… He didn’t listen.” Bagoas continued to shake like a leaf now, as the past remained very close. “They cut me and… I bled… The pain was terrible. I have never felt anything like it again.” He curled his fingers around Alexander’s arm and surrendered to the despair that coursed through him. “I agreed to serve you… Nabarzanes had asked me to do so and I didn’t refuse him… I had no place to go…”

Alexander closed his eyes, willing his anger to go away. He couldn’t let rage cloud his thoughts now that he needed to support Bagoas in his hour of need. “I liked you from the start, Bagoas, and it wasn’t just because you were beautiful. You possessed elegance, intelligence, and you always took such good care of me. Did I ever thank you for that?”

“A King does not thank a slave for performing his duties.”

Alexander cringed, hearing the resigned tone in Bagoas’ voice. “Try to rest, Bagoas. Reliving your memories must exhaust you. I promise you won’t wake up alone.”

Bagoas’ eyes closed. Alexander was right; he felt exhausted and he stopped fighting his fatigue. He didn’t want to experience more of those dreams, those memories, but he didn’t have a choice – they were determined to surface and become a part of him.

~~~

“Has he been asleep the entire time? Or did he wake up?” Hephaestion sat down on the side of the bed and felt grateful when Bagoas didn’t stir due to his arrival.

“He relived some of his memories and they weren’t pretty. His family was murdered in front of him and he remembered the ordeal.” Alexander drew in a deep breath. “I am glad you are here, though. I need to stretch my legs, shower, eat, and visit the bathroom. Will you take my place and stay with him?”

Hephaestion nodded his head once. He waited for Alexander to loosen Bagoas’ hold on him and to get to his feet before he slipped into the bed and moved the younger man into his arms. Bagoas’ arms instantly wrapped around him in turn and Hephaestion pulled him close. “It looks like he doesn’t care who is holding him, just as long as someone is holding him.” Hephaestion smiled, ruefully, and locked gazes with Alexander. “Take your time. I will watch over him.”

Alexander also heard the words Hephaestion didn’t speak. Hephaestion wanted a chance to build a relationship with Bagoas and being there for their charge when Bagoas woke from a nightmare would be a good way to gain the younger man’s fragile trust. “I will remain close, Hephaestion, but I won’t interfere without your permission. I understand what you are trying to do and I hope you will succeed.” He leaned in closer and pressed a kiss onto Hephaestion’s brow. He hoped his beloved would succeed in gaining Bagoas’ trust – maybe then the younger man would be able to do away with that suffocating jealousy that had consumed him in the past.

~~~

The aching that coursed through his abused body made Bagoas groan pitifully as he slowly awoke. The bruised ribs made it hard for him to breathe and his breathing hitched before he found himself safely embraced within strong arms. His dark eyes opened and looked at the face of the man who was holding him – and that man wasn’t Alexander. He knew that face, though, and fear washed over him. “Hephaestion.”

Hephaestion gave Bagoas a reassuring smile. “Do you remember me from our first life or because I introduced myself to you in the forest?”

Emotions blocked Bagoas’ throat, making him swallow convulsively. “No, I remember you.” And what was worse, he remembered the insane jealousy he had felt toward Hephaestion. /I am not ready yet to confront this./ But looking into Hephaestion’s eyes, he realized that the other man was going to address this issue right now.

“That is what I thought.” Hephaestion felt at a loss and was uncertain on what to say next. In Bagoas’ eyes he read fear and doubt, and he decided to try to soothe the younger man. “I am grateful that you took care of Alexander when I could not.”

Those words evoked another wave of memories and Bagoas’ fingers clawed at Hephaestion’s shoulders, trying to find a beacon which would guide him on this stormy sea of memories.

~~~

The sun burned his skin and blinded him, making it impossible for Bagoas to continue. He collapsed onto the sand and fell prey to the unyielding sun that tormented him. He had never thought that he would die while crossing this desert. He had tried staying close to Alexander, but the King was walking up front, guiding his men and he had long lost sight of Alexander.

/So this is how it ends./ But he didn’t want it to end. He didn’t want to die in this desert, far away from Alexander. This was not the way he was supposed to die!

“Drink!”

The commanding voice reached Bagoas and he tried to open his eyes to see what ghost had come to haunt him. But then he tasted water on his lips and he opened them, eager to swallow the sweet liquid that now flowed down his throat. Fervently, he tried to drink more, but the water was then taken away and he moaned in protest.

“You need to sip slowly. You haven’t drunk for quite some time.”

Bagoas managed to half-open his eyes and his heart missed a beat as he saw Hephaestion hover above him. The sun was already descending, but her deadly power still remained.

“Bagoas? Listen to me! Stay awake!”

More droplets of water found their way past his lips and he swallowed, greedily. Bagoas wanted to raise his hands so he could take hold of the water skin, but Hephaestion swept them away.

“I know you are thirsty, but I cannot allow you to drink too much.”

In the back of his head, Bagoas knew Hephaestion was right and was doing the sensible thing by letting him only sip, but he craved more water – much more! But then shame suddenly set in. “This is your water?” Was he drinking Hephaestion’s daily ration?

“Don’t worry. I have brought ample water with me.” Hephaestion carefully pulled Bagoas into a sitting position and encouraged the younger man to lean against him. “I will take you back to the camp.” Alexander had finally reached the shore, leaving the desert behind him and the caravan was safe now. The men were resting and Alexander had fallen into a deep, dreamless sleep.

“You came for me… Why?” Bagoas raised a shaky hand and tried to touch Hephaestion’s face, but he lacked the strength to do so and the hand fell back onto the still hot sand.

Hephaestion shook his head, indicating he didn’t want to talk right now.

Bagoas sucked in his breath as he felt Hephaestion’s hands slip below his shoulders and slowly lift him. Hephaestion put him back onto his feet, let him lean against him and then picked him up again so he could put the younger man onto his horse. “Reaching the camp will take us one hour at the least.” Hephaestion didn’t mount; his horse had carried him all day and had grown exhausted. He wanted to burden the animal as little as possible. Walking beside his horse, he maintained a tight hold on the reins and guided the horse back to the camp.

“Why, Hephaestion?” Bagoas still felt drained. His body ached, his throat resembled sand paper in spite of the water he had drunk, and he kept his head bowed, trying to avoid looking at the blinding sun.

Hephaestion briefly raised his eyes to lock gazes with Bagoas. “Alexander needs you. I cannot always be there for him. I need you to take care of him in my stead.”

Bagoas’ heart contracted painfully. “I love him, Hephaestion.”

“So do I.”

~~~

In the present, Bagoas blinked as the memories grew less intense. Looking into Hephaestion’s azure eyes, he wondered about the other man. “You saved my life. I was about to die and you came back for me.”

Hephaestion nodded his head once. He hadn’t counted on that memory surfacing just yet, but he might use the moment to his advantage. “I did. I couldn’t let you die.”

“Why not?” Maintaining eye contact with Hephaestion was hard on Bagoas, but he managed not to avert his eyes. “Why did you come for me?”

“I needed you to look after Alexander. He needed someone to take care of him.” That was one of the first lessons Hephaestion had learned.

Bagoas blinked again, finally realizing that wasn’t the entire truth. “Why else did you come back for me?”

Hephaestion’s expression softened. “Because I care about you.”

“But…” His past was very close right now, closer than he wanted it to be, and Bagoas remembered his shortcomings, the mistakes he had made, and his unbecoming jealousy.

~~~

Alexander’s room had become a shrine in memory of Hephaestion. Even in death, Hephaestion was all-present and dominated Alexander’s life. Bagoas stared at the multitude of statues that surrounded him. /Why can’t you leave him alone?/

“Bagoas?” Alexander, studying the last arrangements for Hephaestion’s funeral games, raised a hand and called Bagoas over to join him.

Like a loyal dog, Bagoas sat down on the floor and eased his upper body against Alexander’s legs, resting his head on his King’s knee. Alexander took to petting his hair and Bagoas closed his eyes in this moment of bliss.

“I miss Hephaestion.”

Those three words cut through his heart like a sharp, double-edged sword and Bagoas’ eyes opened with a start. Why couldn’t Alexander forget Hephaestion?

“You never understood Hephaestion, did you?”

Alexander’s fingers slipped beneath his chin and Bagoas lifted his head from Alexander’s knee to look into the hooded brown eyes.

“No one understands the love I bear Hephaestion. He is the other half of my soul, Bagoas, and I need him close.”

Bagoas grew scared as he heard Alexander talk about Hephaestion in the present tense, but he didn’t have the heart to remind his King that Hephaestion had died. He sucked in his breath when Alexander suddenly slid onto his knees next to him. Alexander’s hands settled on his shoulders and the speckled brown-golden eyes bore into his with a frightening intensity.

“Hephaestion’s soul is connected to mine, Bagoas. I know you love me, but I love Hephaestion with my entire heart and I yearn to be reunited with him – even in death. I don’t want to leave you behind, though,” Alexander said, running his fingers through Bagoas’ raven hair, “But I cannot be without him. I am dying, Bagoas.”

“You cannot die, Al’skander. You must remain alive. You must stay with me.” Bagoas wrapped his arms around his King, trembling fiercely. Death stared back at him from Alexander’s eyes and he knew it was only a matter of time before Alexander would join the dead. “I hate him! I hate him for destroying you!” He had never wanted to speak the words, but his emotions had overwhelmed him. “Why can’t he leave you alone?” Bagoas shivered. He should never have spoken those words! Why had he said them in the first place? He cringed, bowed his head, and cowered in front of Alexander, ready to undergo his King’s wrath, which he deserved. He should never have said that!

“Bagoas, look at me.”

Alexander’s warm and concerned tone actually startled Bagoas, who quickly met Alexander’s gaze. The warmth, the love, and respect he saw there confused him.

“As long as I can remember Hephaestion has grounded me. We became inseparable during our childhood and he is everything to me. I had a troubled childhood, Bagoas. My mother and my father fought almost constantly and I was always caught in the middle. I would have lost my mind if it hadn’t been for Hephaestion. Hephaestion is a caring soul, Bagoas. He has the warmest and greatest heart I have ever known. He always places me up front and pushes back his own needs. I know that I haven’t been the best lover he could have wished for. I gave in to temptation in the past, and you, Bagoas, are one of those temptations.”

“But…”

“Listen,” Alexander ordered in a forceful voice. “Hephaestion accepted your place in my life. He never begrudged me your comforting presence. He even likes you.”

Bagoas shivered. Why did Alexander always slip back into using the present tense when talking about Hephaestion? The other man was dead!

“Do you hear me, Bagoas? Do you really hear what I am saying?” Alexander placed his hands on either side of Bagoas’ head and searched the dark eyes. “Hephaestion knows that I hold you dear and he accepts that. He never tried to convince me to send you away. He welcomed your presence in my life instead. You know I am lonely without Hephaestion and you make my loneliness easier to bear.”

Bagoas swallowed, hard, finally hearing what Alexander was saying – really hearing those words! Shame and guilt clawed at his heart. “He did?”

“It would have been easy for him to demand you gone from my life, but he never asked me to send you away. He even encouraged me to love you back, knowing he couldn’t be there for me the way he wanted to and so he wanted you to love me instead… He gave me permission to love you back. Had he demanded you gone, I would have sent you away. *That* is how much I love him.”

Bagoas’ eyes filled with tears. He had always known the bitter truth, but had never admitted it to himself. The bitter truth was that Alexander loved him because Hephaestion had encouraged him. Alexander would have deserted him had Hephaestion demanded that. The fact that Hephaestion had approved of their relationship stunned him.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t love you, Bagoas. I do, in my very own way. But my love for Hephaestion is unique.” Alexander regretted putting such sadness in Bagoas’ dark eyes. “You probably wonder why I am telling you this.”

Bagoas nodded once. He had wondered about that.

“I feel my end approaching, Bagoas.” Alexander quickly placed a finger across Bagoas’ lips, seeing the younger man was about to protest. “I promised Hephaestion to follow him to the House of Death and I will. Life has lost all meaning now that he is gone. I know you are taking care of me the best way you can and I love you for it, Bagoas, but you are not Hephaestion.”

Tears gathered in Bagoas’ eyes and they dripped from his chin as he stared blindly at Alexander. Emotionally he was in turmoil and he felt crushed, realizing his love would never replace Hephaestion’s. But then again, Alexander had just said that the King loved him – in his very own way.

“I will follow Hephaestion shortly, Bagoas. I don’t want to live anymore. I have seen too much, done too much, and I want peace. I want to walk side by side Hephaestion again and to hold his hand. I want to kiss his hair and press him close. My only regret is leaving you behind. I worry about you, Bagoas. What will happen to you after I am gone?”

“Please, Al’skander, don’t talk like that! You can’t die! You can’t! I won’t let you!” Life without Alexander would be a life lived in darkness. Alexander was his sun, the love of his life, and his heart wouldn’t survive losing his King!

Alexander gave Bagoas a rueful smile. “One half of my soul is already dead, Bagoas. Do you really want me to continue this half-life?” Alexander cocked his head and his fingertips followed the trail of tears on Bagoas’ face. “I hear his voice inside my head, Bagoas. I see him standing in that corner of the room – right now, Bagoas – and he is beckoning me to join him. His image is everywhere and I need to join with him. But I can see that you don’t understand. My sweet, loving, seductive, handsome, and utterly devoted Bagoas… I love you… I really do… But Hephaestion…I can’t live without him. Please forgive me for abandoning you. I just wish you would understand how dear I hold you – how much you mean to me… But my soul is already searching for a way to find the House of Death.”

Realizing he had nothing left to lose, Bagoas decided to be brutally honest. “I wish you had never met Hephaestion! Why can’t you love me like you loved him?”

Alexander drew in a deep breath. “I sensed your jealousy toward Hephaestion. You always were possessive of me. Hephaestion never wanted to possess me like that. He allowed me to be myself. But that was easy for him, as he knew we belonged together. Bagoas, you never had a reason to be jealous of him. He looked upon you with affection and concern. Why can’t you accept that he loved you in his very own way?”

Stunned, Bagoas stared at Alexander. “Loved me?”

“Hephaestion likes you, Bagoas. Only one wish remained unfulfilled in my life – I always wanted the two of you to be friends, close friends.”

Bagoas felt utterly confused. He was slowly beginning to realize – and finally admit to himself – that Alexander loved Hephaestion best. Hating Hephaestion had been easy, as he had been convinced that the other man hated him in turn, but Alexander’s words showed a different side to Hephaestion’s personality.

“I love you as well, Bagoas.” Alexander cupped Bagoas’ face in the palm of his hand and looked deeply into the dark eyes. “But Hephaestion and I… We are one soul.”

And suddenly Bagoas cried out. He cried out in emotional pain, no longer able to deny the truth: Alexander loved Hephaestion best and Hephaestion had never hated him in turn. His jealousy had served no purpose at all. He had been jealous of their love – their perfect love – and had never admitted to himself that he should be very happy to be a part of their love – their life. Hephaestion could have easily dismissed him, could have sent him away and have taken Alexander away from him completely, but Hephaestion had done none of those things. He had welcomed him into Alexander’s life instead. Bagoas wept, flinging himself into Alexander’s arms as he rode out the emotional storm. He had been wrong for years.

~~~

Bagoas’ throat felt terribly dry and he stared at Hephaestion in bewilderment. Shame and guilt wrapped around him like a heavy cloak and he flinched, appalled at his past behavior.

Hephaestion had witnessed Bagoas’ visions and soothingly rubbed his charge’s neck. “I didn’t know Alexander said those things to you. His words must have hurt you.”

Bagoas blinked, surprised to hear worry in Hephaestion’s warm voice. “I always wanted more. I wanted Alexander to myself. I didn’t want to share him with you.”

Hephaestion remained quiet, sensing that Bagoas hadn’t finished yet.

“Instead of focusing on my self-pity and my loathing for you, I should have realized how lucky I was to be a part of your life. The two of you took me in and allowed me to stay close. What Alexander said is true. You never tried to force me out of Alexander’s life. You accepted this. But I didn’t. I always wanted more. I wanted you dead.”

Hephaestion drew in a deep, calming breath. “I know you did.”

“And you didn’t expose me?”

“Bagoas, I understand you better than you think. I understand your pain, your need, and your jealousy. I only want…”

“What?” Bagoas angrily wiped away his tears.

“I want things to be different in this life time. I want things to be better – especially for you.” Hephaestion’s fingers caressed Bagoas’ face, but the younger man didn’t seem to register the touch judging by the distant expression in the dark eyes.

“How can you still care for me? How can you worry about me now that you know how much I despised you? I just admitted to wanting to murder you!” He wanted Hephaestion to grow angry with him, to lecture and punish him! Bagoas didn’t know how to handle this mellow and forgiving Hephaestion!

Hephaestion studied Bagoas’ eyes for a long time. He couldn’t force Bagoas to accept the ultimate truth – he needed to give the younger man time. “I simply do, Bagoas. I still care for you.” Bagoas looked at him like he had grown a second head and Hephaestion pulled Bagoas’ shivering body closer to his. “You feel confused right now and that is understandable. Give yourself time to accept what is happening.”

Only now did Bagoas grow aware of the fact that Hephaestion was holding him close – so very close – and that the older man was rubbing his back. Love, affection, and tenderness showed in the way Hephaestion held him and Bagoas closed his eyes, unable to deal with Hephaestion’s forgiveness and acceptance. He didn’t deserve it. He deserved Hephaestion’s wrath instead!

“Don’t punish yourself for the way you survived in the past,” Hephaestion offered, still rubbing Bagoas’ back in large, soothing circles. I don’t know if you will accept guidance from me, Bagoas, but try to let go of the pain, the jealousy, and the anger. Make your peace with those feelings – with your past.”

Bagoas closed his swimming eyes and rested his head against Hephaestion’s shoulder. He didn’t want to turn to the other man for comfort, but Hephaestion was the only one who was close – who could hold and comfort him – and so he reached out, burying his jealousy and feelings of hatred and accepting what Hephaestion was offering. He finally made peace with his feelings, letting go of his insane jealousy.

~~~

Alexander soundlessly entered the bedroom and sat down on the chair next to the bed. “Why has he been crying?” He spoke softly so he wouldn’t wake Bagoas.

“He relived a conversation you had shortly before you died.” Hephaestion’s gaze traveled from Bagoas to Alexander. “You told him you would die shortly and regretted leaving him behind.”

“I remember that conversation.” Alexander’s features briefly contorted with remembered pain. “I tried to explain to him why I couldn’t stay.”

“Alexander, what happened? You were healthy when I died.”

Alexander moistened his lips. “I drank poison.”

Hephaestion’s eyes widened in shock. “You did what?”

“The truth is that my army didn’t want to engage in another war. They had become battle-weary. I know that even if I marched I would lose the war. They had lost the will to fight and so did I. So, I turned to poison and I drank it, mixed with wine.”

Hephaestion struggled to draw in his next breath. “I can’t believe you said that.” He could believe even less that Alexander had actually done such a thing!

“It was a matter of time before my men would turn to poisoning me. I only made things easier for them.” Alexander stared at his hands, which lay idly in his lap. “I didn’t want to go on without you, Hephaestion. I wanted to keep my promise. I needed to be with you – even in death.” Alexander raised his eyes and met Hephaestion’s gaze. “I only regretted leaving Bagoas behind. I wasn’t certain he would survive without me.”

“We don’t know what happened to Bagoas after you died, do we?” Hephaestion frowned. None of the books he had read had mentioned what had happened to Bagoas after Alexander’s death.

“I didn’t find any information on that either.” By now, he had read most of the books he had bought.

“We will ask him once he has grown strong again.” Hephaestion carefully considered their next step. “Alexander, we need to focus on the present for a while. We need to know who beat him up and why.”

Alexander nodded his head once. “You are right of course.” He wished he still had his gun with him, but he had turned it in the day he had been discharged from the police. They still had the swords though. “What do you suggest?”

“It is almost dinner time,” Hephaestion mused aloud. “Would you prepare dinner and build a fire in the fire place? I will wake him and take him into the living room. We will eat and then we will talk. We need to know what to expect.”

Alexander nodded once more. “I will fix dinner. Do you want me to stay while you wake him?”

“No, give me this moment with him. We talked before he fell asleep and I believe he realized how futile and unjustified his hatred for me was. I would like to use the moment to reach out to him.”

Alexander rose from the chair and walked toward the doorway. Looking from over his shoulder at the two men in the bed he smiled, hoping Bagoas would accept what Hephaestion was offering for it would enrich their lives.

~~~

“Bagoas? Wake up for me? Alexander prepared dinner…” Hephaestion whispered the words into Bagoas’ ear, cautiously waking him, as he didn’t want to startle the young man. The dark eyes opened and slowly focused on him. Hephaestion recognized the fuzzy expression in the dark-brown eyes and remained silent, giving Bagoas a bit to react to his presence.

“Why are you still here?” Bagoas had expected Hephaestion to turn away from him after the conversation they’d had.

“I am here because I want to show you that I care about you.” Hephaestion brushed a lock of raven hair behind Bagoas’ ear. “I never thought badly of you, Bagoas. You might not like me, but I don’t feel the same way about you. I like you, Bagoas.”

Bagoas blinked in surprise. He wanted to believe that, but couldn’t. Not after what he had recently admitted to the older man.

Hephaestion acknowledged Bagoas’ reluctance and nervousness and respected the younger man’s feelings. “Alexander fixed dinner and you should eat something.” He would also use the opportunity to question Bagoas about his attackers. Hephaestion wished he could do something to ease Bagoas’ unease and to reassure the younger man further, but he had the feeling that his questions were going to open a can of worms, so he decided to postpone his questioning until after dinner. “Are you ready to get up?”

“I don’t want to get to my feet,” Bagoas announced in a small voice. He wanted to pull the blanket up over his head and hide. He felt very ashamed of the hatred he had felt toward Hephaestion in the past.

“You will have to.” Alexander stood in the doorway and had overheard their conversation. “I made soup and I want you to eat, Bagoas.”

“Al’skander.” For one moment, Bagoas slipped back into the past, but he shook his head, trying to clear it of the memories and then he focused on Alexander again. He still loved him – still wanted him – but this time he realized the truth. Alexander wasn’t meant for him. Looking at Alexander closely, he saw fire in the golden eyes. It was the fire of love, and that love was for Hephaestion, not for him. This time, he wouldn’t make the mistake he had made two millennia ago. This time, he wouldn’t try to possess Alexander. He would do the opposite: he would smother his attraction toward Alexander and keep his distance. He refused to come between them again.

“What is going on in that head of yours?” Alexander had reached the bed and pushed down the blanket.

Bagoas sucked in his breath in surprise, but then he felt relieved, realizing he wasn’t naked beneath the blanket. He wore an oversized shirt, which probably belonged to Hephaestion.

“Bagoas?” Alexander grew worried, seeing the blank stare in the dark eyes. “Look at me.”

Bagoas obeyed out of habit and looked Alexander in the eye. He quickly lowered his gaze, unable to bear Alexander’s scrutiny.

“I will carry him.” Alexander slipped his arms beneath Bagoas’ back and knees and gently lifted the young man from the bed. “I hope you are hungry.” Seeing the hand-sized bruises on Bagoas’ body enraged, and, at the same time, saddened him. Hephaestion was correct; they needed to find out who had done this to Bagoas.

Bagoas had no choice but to allow Alexander to carry him to the couch in the living room. In front of him on the coffee table stood three bowls filled with steaming hot soup. Next to the bowls were large chunks of bread and glasses of wine. Bagoas clung to Alexander and refused to let go of the other man’s shirt when Alexander lowered him onto the couch.

Alexander’s eyes filled with affection and worry. “I am not leaving you.” He sat down beside Bagoas and reached for the bowl. “Here, take this.”

Bagoas didn’t want to let go of the fabric of Alexander’s shirt, but it had been ages since he had eaten anything substantial and he spooned some of the soup into his mouth. Next, he tore off some bread and dipped it in the soup. Warmth filled him from the inside and he devoured the food within minutes.

“Hephaestion, would you get some more?” Alexander had managed to pry Bagoas’ fingers loose and now handed the empty cup to his lover.

Hephaestion disappeared into the kitchen and returned with more soup and bread. He sat down on Bagoas’ other side, and together, Alexander and he watched Bagoas wolf down the rest of the soup as well. They reached for their food and continued to watch Bagoas.

The moment Bagoas had finished his second bowl of soup he placed the bowl onto the table. He bowed his head and stared at the floor.

“Did you have enough?” Hephaestion placed his bowl aside and cocked his head. When Bagoas didn’t react, he tipped the dark head upward, placing a finger beneath the younger man’s chin. Tears stared back at him from the brown depths. “What is amiss?”

“I don’t know if I can handle this…” Bagoas wrapped his arms around his waist, yelping softly when he unintentionally put pressure on his ribs. “The memories hurt and… I need to deal with the present as well.”

Hephaestion and Alexander exchanged a look. “We will talk about your present problems in a moment,” Alexander said, taking hold of Bagoas’ shoulders and gently pulling the younger man’s head onto his lap. Bagoas stretched out on the couch and then moved to pull his knees toward his chest, but Hephaestion reacted faster and pulled his feet onto his knees. The other man’s large hands rubbed his cold, bare feet and Bagoas quivered with delight. It didn’t take Hephaestion long to start massaging the cold appendages and the relaxing sensation made Bagoas sigh.

“Bagoas? We have some questions. Will you answer them?” Alexander had waited to ask that question until he felt Bagoas relax against him.

“What questions?” Bagoas felt strangely at peace, curled up to the two men on the couch. He opened his eyes and looked up at Alexander’s face. Alexander’s hand rubbed his back and the other moved through his hair. He pressed even closer to Alexander’s body, folding one arm around the other man. He buried his nose in Alexander’s shirt, deeply inhaling the familiar scent.

Hephaestion continued to massage Bagoas’ feet, which were finally warming beneath his touch. Now that Bagoas lay sprawled across their laps, Hephaestion and Alexander looked longingly at the younger man’s form. Hephaestion nodded his head once, telling Alexander to voice their questions.

“Who did this to you, Bagoas? Who beat you up and why? How did you get into trouble? We must know in order to protect you.”

Bagoas had been half asleep, lured into relaxation by their comforting touches before Alexander’s questions took him off-guard. Feeling quite entranced, his subconscious made the decision to trust them and to tell them his life’s history.

Part 5

“Drink something first.” Alexander worried about the raw tone Bagoas’ voice possessed. He hoped they weren’t pushing Bagoas too hard. He would have preferred to give the younger man some time to recover before he had to tell his tale, but if someone was hunting Bagoas, Hephaestion and he had to know so they could take precautionary measures.

After sitting up, Bagoas curled his fingers around the glass filled with wine and sipped. He coughed the moment the liquid hit the back of his throat, but then swallowed. “I don’t like wine.” He had never indulged much, having seen what happened to men who drank too much.

Hephaestion got up from the couch and Alexander and Bagoas could hear him rummage around in the kitchen. A few minutes later, Hephaestion joined them again, this time carrying a mug with hot chocolate. “Maybe this is more to your liking?”

Bagoas felt embarrassed, seeing that his fingers trembled when he wanted to wrap them around the mug. Hephaestion resorted to keeping his fingers around the mug as well and helped him sip. Bagoas hated feeling this weak, this helpless!

“Why don’t you start at the beginning?” Alexander waited for Bagoas to sip more hot chocolate and then signaled to Hephaestion to put the mug onto the coffee table. He pulled Bagoas against him and the younger man rested his upper body against him. Hephaestion gently lifted Bagoas’ feet from the floor and pulled them back onto his lap.

Curled up between them, Bagoas felt safe enough to tell his tale and his hands reached for Alexander’s, allowing the blond man to rub his fingers. Where should he start? How long did they expect him to go back in time? “I never knew my parents. They died in a car accident fifteen years ago. Apparently I also had two sisters, but they died in that crash as well. At the age of two, I became an orphan and they put me in an orphanage in Athens.”

Alexander wrapped an arm around Bagoas and rested his chin on the raven head. Hephaestion resumed massaging Bagoas’ cold feet and they waited patiently for their charge to continue, thinking it important Bagoas should tell them at his own pace.

“Everything went well during those first few years in that orphanage. The workers there were nice to me and treated me well. Then the orphanage was re-organized and most of the workers were replaced. That was when it started.” Bagoas trembled and pressed close against Alexander, finding comfort in the other man’s presence. He had missed Alexander so much!

“The board appointed a new director and this man brought his own staff to the orphanage. I was eight when this happened and…” Bagoas swallowed hard. He didn’t want to go through this again!

“What happened?” Alexander asked softly.

“The director had ties to the underworld and had only applied to lead the home so he had easy access to the children. Some of the children began to disappear. The director told us that they had run away, but we knew the truth.” Bagoas clutched Alexander’s hand and closed his eyes in shame. “Some of the new workers were at the home for a different reason other than to take care of us. It was their job to select those children who would fetch the most money on the prostitution market. They took those children to the sleazier parts of Athens and forced them into prostitution. A lot of my friends disappeared that way and eventually, it was my turn.”

Alexander’s eyes burned with an unholy fire. How he wanted to make those men pay for hurting the children and Bagoas in particular!

“They fed me drugs during dinner and took me away from the orphanage at some point in the night. I lived through it all in a haze. The drugs were powerful and rendered me helpless.” Bagoas squeezed his eyes tightly shut. “That night they sold my virginity to a man who preferred young boys and…”

“He raped you.” Alexander’s voice was liquid steel. He tried hard to suppress the urge to seek out the men who had hurt Bagoas. He wanted to make them suffer in turn.

“Several times.” Bagoas felt ashamed and dirty and wanted to flee Alexander’s embrace, but he hadn’t felt this safe in years and couldn’t bring himself to move. Instead, he continued his tale. “The next day the drugs had worn off and I fully realized what had happened to me. I was alone, hurt, and desperate. I should have fought them, but being raped had messed me up. I didn’t think of opposing them and the next night, there was another customer. It continued like that for years.”

Hephaestion forced himself to continue the massage, rubbing the cold feet which refused to warm beneath his touch. “How did you get away?”

Bagoas’ eyes opened upon hearing Hephaestion’s voice. He had forgotten the other man was present as well, as he had been focused on Alexander. Old feelings of hatred and envy tried to surface, but he refused to listen to their malicious advice and looked at Hephaestion with an open expression in his eyes. This man didn’t deserve his hatred. “One night they were driving me to my next customer and they became careless. They exited the car to get some coffee and didn’t lock the car door. I ran. I ran as hard as I could and fled into the forest you found me near.”

Alexander kissed the crown of Bagoas’ head and rubbed his cheek against the raven hair. “Did you stay long in that forest? Or did this happen just before we met?”

“I had been living in that forest for a few days.” Bagoas forced the ugly memories from his mind and concentrated on feeling Alexander close. “I didn’t trust you when you offered me food. You could have been sent to catch me and take me back to the brothel.”

Hephaestion’s expression had become thoughtful. He was still missing some pieces of the puzzle. “Who beat you up, Bagoas?”

Bagoas’ dark eyes opened and met Hephaestion’s. For the first time, his expression was completely free of envy or hatred. He now realized Hephaestion’s true nature and was unable to maintain his negative feelings for the older man. “That time I grew careless. I had already eaten the food you had left behind and a few days later, I needed more. I went inside the tavern again, resolved to make the innkeeper serve me, when I noticed the three men sitting in the back. They recognized me at once and chased me. They managed to catch me and were about to drag me into the car and back to the brothel, but this time I fought them. They grew angry and beat me up.”

“And they left you behind there?” But no, that made no sense. Hephaestion gave Bagoas a curious look.

“The innkeeper came to my rescue.” Bagoas’ eyes closed again, reliving the moment. “He might not want to serve people like me, but seeing me beat up in the parking lot was something he didn’t agree with. He sent his two guard dogs on the pimps and told them that he had rung the police. That gave me a chance to get away from them. I ran into the forest and continued to run. I carried the instructions you had left in my pocket and, as I had no other choice, I followed them. That is how I found you.”

Telling his story had exhausted Bagoas and he was beginning to doze off again, but not before voicing his greatest fear. “Can I stay here? I know I am putting you in danger, but I have no other place to go.” His drowsy eyes opened upon feeling Alexander’s fingers caress his face. “I am trouble.”

“Of course you will stay with us, Bagoas,” Alexander answered in a firm voice. “We will take care of the threat, should these men find you. I vow to keep you safe. They will never lay another finger on you again.”

Bagoas’ eyes filled with tears as he heard the resolve in Alexander’s voice. “I had hoped as much.” But it wasn’t just Alexander’s permission he needed in order to be able to stay – he needed Hephaestion’s as well. Lifting his head from Alexander’s shoulder, he timidly sought out Hephaestion’s eyes. “If you want me to leave I will. I will understand.” He had no place to go except the brothel and he refused to ever submit to his tormentors again. He would rather jump from a cliff and drown in the sea than to go back and to surrender to his cruel destiny.

Hephaestion cringed, seeing the fear of rejection in Bagoas’ eyes. “Do you really think that I will turn you away?”

“I would understand if you did – considering the way I acted toward you in the past. It would be just punishment for my thinking of poisoning you and begrudging you Alexander’s love.”

Alexander’s expression softened. He knew Hephaestion well and realized his beloved would never act in such an unbecoming way.

“I am not like that,” Hephaestion replied, rubbing Bagoas’ feet. “I don’t hold a grudge. You are welcome here, Bagoas, and, like Alexander, I will try my best to keep you safe. Should these men find you, Alexander and I will do our best to keep them away from you.”

“But they are armed. They are dangerous…” Bagoas felt exhausted after sharing his history with them and sleep tugged at the corners of his mind. “I don’t want you to get hurt… either one of you.” This time he stood no chance fighting his fatigue and succumbed to it.

Alexander exchanged a look with his beloved. “They will try to find him and reclaim him.” As long as Bagoas was able to make money for them the pimps wouldn’t let him go. “We should prepare for such an event.” His gaze traveled from Hephaestion’s face to the swords lying on the dinner table. “We need to arm ourselves properly. We won’t be able to impress them by threatening them with a sword.”

Hephaestion agreed. “We will look into the matter tomorrow. Why don’t you tuck him into bed while I make certain no one found him yet?”

“Relieve me in a few hours and then I will stand guard. What do you think are the odds that they will find him?”

“Those are slim, but we can’t rule out that they will pay us a visit just to make certain that Bagoas isn’t here,” Hephaestion replied.

Alexander’s eyes burned with bloodlust. A part of him hoped those pimps would find them so he could pay them back for the hurt they inflicted on Bagoas. He might not be King, he might not be a legendary warrior, but he could still kill if necessary.

~~~

Holding Bagoas in his arms again felt good. Alexander had carried the younger man back to his bed, had lain him down, and stretched out next to him. Bagoas had moved closer and now lay snuggled close to him. Alexander’s mind remained troubled and he worried about the man resting next to him. Those criminals wouldn’t give up and there was a chance they would find him. If that happened, what was he supposed to do then?

The former police officer in him urged him to seek out the Greek police and report the crime. That way Bagoas would get some sort of protection, but Alexander didn’t like this option. The police would also take Bagoas into custody because he had been a prostitute – even though against his will – and Alexander didn’t want Bagoas to disappear in a holding cell. No, going to the police was not an option in this case.

He was still a warrior, he mused. He had been sparring with Hephaestion and his form had approved. As long as he didn’t need to fight for hours, he could take out anyone with a sword.

“I just know what you are thinking,” Hephaestion commented as he entered the bedroom. He sat down on the side of the bed and locked gazes with Alexander. “You want them dead.”

Alexander carefully shrugged his shoulders. “I wouldn’t mind ending their lives.” Although he now lived in the twenty-first century, the old and brutal warrior that had fought his battles was still a very powerful part of him. He had killed his first man as a teenager and many others had followed. If those criminals decided to track down Bagoas, he would look upon them as the enemy and take them out accordingly.

“There might be another way,” Hephaestion supplied, running his fingers through Alexander’s blond hair. “We could offer them money instead. We could ‘buy’ Bagoas so to speak. They would still make their profit and we could go our separate ways without bloodshed.”

“Don’t you want to make them bleed for what they did to Bagoas?” Alexander frowned.

“Of course I do.” Hephaestion’s gaze traveled from Alexander’s face to the sleeping form curled up next to him. “But if we kill them, more of them might follow and we would be in over our heads.”

“I don’t like the idea of ‘buying’ him.” But at the same time he had to admit that Hephaestion had found the least violent way out. “They might not accept our offer.” And then he would gladly kill them.

“We should try – for Bagoas’ sake. I don’t want him to live a life in which he constantly has to look over his shoulder.” Hephaestion gestured for Alexander to stretch out on his side.

Alexander complied and moved downward, lying down opposite Bagoas so he could still observe the younger man’s face. Hephaestion moved into position, spooning behind him. His lover’s long, powerful arms wrapped around both of them and Alexander smiled, pulling Bagoas closer. Listening to Hephaestion’s breathing, he felt at peace. “I feel sorry for Bagoas.”

“So do I, but he found us,” Hephaestion replied, nuzzling Alexander’s hair. “Bagoas’ recovery will take time, but he has us now.”

“Us…” Alexander whispered the word, repeating it. It confirmed Hephaestion’s earlier admission that he would also be there for the troubled young man. Alexander smiled and whispered, “Will you stay awake? I don’t want to be surprised.”

“Go to sleep, Alexander. I shall remain awake. I will wake you, should I become sleepy, and then you can hold watch.”

Alexander mumbled, softly, “Fine with me.” Together, they would make certain that no one got to Bagoas ever again.

~~~

It still took Bagoas time to get used to the fact that he was no longer alone. Being reunited with Alexander had a calming influence on him and, now that most of his memories had taken their original place in his mind, he began to think about his future.

Five days had passed by since Hephaestion had found him and most of the bruises were fading. His ribs still troubled him, limiting the time he could be on his feet and either Alexander or Hephaestion remained close. Their concern for him was palpable and Bagoas often blushed when Hephaestion reached out to help him.

Alexander watched them with amusement. Hephaestion was doing his best to make Bagoas feel at ease, but it was clear that the younger man felt insecure because of all the attention he was getting from Hephaestion. But Alexander was confident that Bagoas and Hephaestion would find a way to build their friendship, since Bagoas hadn’t rejected Hephaestion’s attempts to befriend him. Alexander remained at a distance most of the time, allowing Bagoas and Hephaestion to find common ground. Only at night did he indulge himself and snuggled up as close as possible to Bagoas. Hephaestion would spoon behind him, holding them in his strong arms.

But Alexander also remained alert. The fact that the criminals hadn’t come looking for Bagoas didn’t mean that they were out of danger. The chance remained that the pimps would drive out there to check if Bagoas had found refuge there. So while Bagoas and Hephaestion headed for the beach for a short walk, Alexander opted to search their surroundings, making certain that no one lurked about.

~~~

Bagoas peeked at Hephaestion’s face, wishing he knew what to say to the other man. Hephaestion had suggested going for a short walk so Bagoas would be out in the open instead of cooped up in his bedroom and he had agreed, eagerly embracing the chance to get some fresh air. He had to admit that the spot which Alexander and Hephaestion had chosen to live was charming. However, while walking over the beach, Bagoas grew distressed, realizing he would never really be a part of their lives. They tolerated his presence and, the moment he had sufficiently recovered to take care of himself, he would leave and return their privacy to them.

“Would you mind sitting down for a moment?” Hephaestion curled his fingers around Bagoas’ and fully expected to see the baffled expression in those dark eyes upon contact. “Sit with me.” Hephaestion sat down on the sand and gently pulled Bagoas down with him.

Bagoas didn’t really have a choice and followed Hephaestion’s example. He seated himself at some distance from the older man, but he couldn’t move very far away from Hephaestion, as the other man maintained his hold on his hand. “I wanted to thank you,” Bagoas said, timidly. “Thank you for allowing me to stay.”

Hephaestion noticed the downcast eyes and the sullen demeanor. “What is wrong?” He moved closer to the raven-haired man and settled down behind him. Ignoring the sharp gasp Bagoas released, he wrapped his arms and legs around the younger man. “Rest against me. I know your ribs are still hurting.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind?” Sitting upright still caused him pain.

Hephaestion answered that question by gently pulling Bagoas close to him. The younger man finally relented and Hephaestion maintained his loose embrace on the other man. “I don’t mind, Bagoas.”

Bagoas couldn’t help growing nervous, being in such an intimate position with Hephaestion. Ever since he had let go of his jealousy and hatred, he had come to appreciate Hephaestion’s gentle and nurturing nature. Hephaestion was always willing to help him and Bagoas realized only too well what the older man was trying to do – Hephaestion was trying to gain his trust and his friendship. That Hephaestion would go to such great lengths to befriend him puzzled Bagoas. “Why are you doing this?”

Hephaestion rested his head on Bagoas’ shoulder and looked out over the sea. “I told you before, Bagoas. I am doing this because I like you.”

“But… Why do you like me?” Bagoas managed to tilt his head so he could look at Hephaestion. “You shouldn’t, you know.”

“Why is that?” Hephaestion cocked his head and his blue eyes searched Bagoas’ dark ones. “Because you love Alexander? So do I. Because you have Alexander’s best interest in mind? So have I.”

Bagoas shook his head. “I won’t make the same mistake twice.” He still hesitated to address Hephaestion by using his name. In his first life, he had always addressed him formally. “I was such a fool, thinking that I could make Alexander love me best, such a fool. But I know better now. I won’t compete with you. I won’t try to win Alexander’s love again. He has you and that is all he wants.”

“Oh, Bagoas, you really don’t understand Alexander, do you? He loves you and he wants you to love him back, but…” Hephaestion paused on purpose, trying to make Bagoas curious. The tactic worked.

“But what?” Bagoas frowned.

“But he wants you to love me as well.” Hephaestion saw surprise and disbelief in Bagoas’ eyes and rushed to explain his words. “You were so busy hating me that you never realized that I like you in the same way Alexander does.”

Bagoas’ lips opened as if to speak, but no words were forthcoming. All he could do was to stare at Hephaestion in shock.

“You heard correctly,” Hephaestion said, smiling at the stunned man. “It could have been the three of us back then. I would have liked that. But you were too busy being jealous of me.”

Bagoas couldn’t believe Hephaestion had actually said that. “You wanted that? You wanted it to be the three of us?”

“This probably comes as a shock, Bagoas, but I really like you. There were nights which you spent with Alexander when I wanted to join the two of you. I wanted to make love to you with Alexander. I wanted to hold you through the night, but the message your eyes sent my way was clear. You would rather have poisoned me than to allow me to touch you.”

Bagoas felt truly shocked. “I don’t understand any of this.” Seeing Hephaestion’s hooded eyes, he chided himself for saying that. “I lied. I do understand, but I…” He had a hard time believing Hephaestion. “You liked me in that way?”

“I still do, Bagoas.” Hephaestion pressed a chaste kiss onto Bagoas’ neck and then pulled back, not wanting to pressure the younger man in any way. “Why don’t you think this over? You don’t have to answer right now.”

“I am flattered,” Bagoas replied in an emotionless voice. He tried to hold on to his composure – he couldn’t crumble right now. He couldn’t give in to his needs and desires. He had made a mistake in his first life and he was still paying for his insane jealousy. Bagoas refused to make the same mistake twice. “But I won’t interfere. I don’t want to come between the two of you. Alexander is yours – he always was.”

Hephaestion shook his head in a disapproving way. “Alexander isn’t mine, Bagoas. He doesn’t belong to me.”

Ashamed, Bagoas bowed his head. “You are right. You are not like that. *I* am the one who thinks in such terms. Can we please go back now? I am tired.” Hephaestion’s closeness felt unsettling now that he realized what the other man was really offering. And why did it unsettle him? Because he wanted what Hephaestion was offering – he wanted to be a part of them, but he couldn’t. He had vowed to never come between them again.

Hephaestion sighed, released Bagoas from his hold, and got to his feet, pulling the younger man along. They returned to the house in silence, each man busy sorting out his thoughts.

~~~

“Is Bagoas still asleep?” Alexander gave Hephaestion a questioning look. Why wasn’t Hephaestion with Bagoas?

“Yes, he is. He asked for some time alone, Alexander. He is going through a lot of emotions right now.” Hephaestion needed his lover close and covered the distance between them. “I need you, my Alexander.”

Alexander knew that tone, had seen that certain expression before, and knew what Hephaestion needed. His lover needed to feel him and to ground him in turn. “Let me.” Alexander quickly disposed of Hephaestion’s shirt and jeans and looked admiringly at his lover’s trained body. “What troubles you?” he asked as he removed his own clothes. Naked, he moved closer to Hephaestion and buried his lover in a tight embrace.

“Bagoas does.” Hephaestion eagerly surrendered to Alexander’s passionate kisses.

“He will eventually accept this,” Alexander replied with certainty. He pushed Hephaestion toward the wall and then turned his lover in his embrace. Standing behind Hephaestion, he pressed his groin against his lover’s buttocks and ran his hands down his beloved’s abdomen in search of hard flesh. His fingers encountered his lover’s erection and he stroked until Hephaestion started to moan and push back against him. Hephaestion’s eagerness didn’t surprise him. His lover had always sought comfort in this way and today wasn’t any different. “I know what you need.”

“Take me!” Hephaestion cast a quick look at Alexander from over his shoulder, placed his hands against the wall and parted his legs. “Please…” He needed to feel Alexander claim him. He needed to know he belonged to Alexander.

Alexander pressed a kiss against the column of Hephaestion’s neck and reached for the lubricant. Hephaestion was already pressing back, moaning, so Alexander wasted no time. He quickly coated his erection with the lubricant, placed his hands around Hephaestion’s waist, and shuffled closer.

“Do it!” Hephaestion hissed out the comment, impatient and full of need. The head of Alexander’s shaft already pressed against the opening to his body and Hephaestion bit his bottom lip the moment his lover pressed inside. “Oh…” He bowed his head and surrendered to the welcome intrusion. “Make love to me, my Alexander.”

Alexander folded his arms around Hephaestion’s waist and pulled him close. At the same time, he sheathed himself to the hilt. Holding Hephaestion close, he forced his lover to lean back against him. Hephaestion’s back now rested against Alexander’s chest and they moved together in a sensual rhythm. Alexander took care not to bury himself too deeply and moved gently inside his lover. “I love you, Hephaestion.”

Hephaestion threw back his head and his auburn locks danced against Alexander’s face. “I love you so much,” Alexander whispered, rotating his hips and massaging his lover’s prostate. “I always will.”

Hephaestion curled his fingers around Alexander’s forearms and abandoned himself to his lover’s sweet, sensual lovemaking. When he had asked Alexander to take him, he had wanted his lover to take him hard, but this sweet, slow loving was much better.

~~~

Bagoas looked at them with growing self-pity. He had never seen them make love before. The look in Alexander’s eyes and the gentle way he was moving inside Hephaestion told Bagoas how much Alexander loved Hephaestion. He saw love, ecstasy, longing, and devotion in those brown eyes and he closed his own eyes in pain, knowing those feelings were directed at Hephaestion and not at him. /Alexander doesn’t love me the way he loves Hephaestion. I was such a fool to think I could make Alexander love me best./

He looked at them a little longer, seeing the connection that bound them. It resembled a golden cord that ran between them. They moved like one, breathed like one, and he bet their hearts were beating the exact same rhythm as well. Averting his gaze, he stared at the floor instead. Alexander had claimed him several times during his first life – Alexander had made love to him, but he recognized the difference now that he saw them move together. /I will never have what they have./

Melancholy overwhelmed him and Bagoas made his way back to his bed where he sat down. He didn’t feel jealous of the love Alexander felt for Hephaestion as he realized that he had never had Alexander’s love in the first place – and he never would. Alexander’s heart belonged to Hephaestion and to no one else.

~~~

Alexander supported his drained lover, keeping his arms tightly wrapped around Hephaestion’s waist. They had climaxed together, savoring the confirmation of their love, and he was still hard, still inside Hephaestion’s body. Hephaestion had bowed his head in fatigue and Alexander whispered into his lover’s ear, “Can you really imagine making Bagoas a part of our lovemaking?” Hephaestion’s head snapped up, and the grin which his lover gave him answered Alexander’s question. “You can.”

“Can you?” Hephaestion wickedly returned the question.

“Yes.” Alexander trembled now that his softening member left his lover’s warm body. “But you will have to take the first step.”

Hephaestion, feeling drained, nodded his head once. “Trust me, Alexander. I will find a way.”

~~~

“Bagoas? Are you hungry?” Hephaestion stepped into Bagoas’ room and grew worried, seeing the withdrawn, sullen expression in the dark eyes. Hephaestion pulled up a chair and sat down near the head end of the bed. “Are you in pain?”

Bagoas forced back his tears and kept his gaze lowered, unwilling to meet Hephaestion’s eyes. “No pain.”

“Bagoas?” Hephaestion frowned and scooted closer, exchanging his chair for the side of the bed. He placed a finger beneath Bagoas’ chin and tilted the still bruised face toward him. Frustrated, he saw that Bagoas had closed his eyes. “Why won’t you look at me?”

“I can’t.” Bagoas knew that the moment he opened his eyes they would release tears and he didn’t want to weep in front of Hephaestion.

Hephaestion followed his instincts and folded an arm around Bagoas’ shoulders. The younger man instantly tried to move away from him. “Why? Why are you shunning my touch, Bagoas? What did I do wrong?” A thought came to him then. “Did you watch?”

Bagoas didn’t pretend not to understand and nodded his head once. “I didn’t watch on purpose.”

“What did you see?” Hephaestion caressed Bagoas’ face and the dark eyes finally opened, showing surprise at being touched in such a tender way. “Please be honest with me.”

“I saw the truth.” Bagoas didn’t want to look into the stunning, azure eyes, but as Hephaestion kept his head tilted, he didn’t have much of a choice. “Alexander and you… The two of you belong together. There is no place in your lives for me.”

“Bagoas…” Hephaestion whispered the younger man’s name in a gentle voice and he leaned in closer, pressing a loving kiss onto Bagoas’ lips.

Bagoas’ eyes widened, revealing shock. “You kissed me! Why?” Hephaestion’s taste still lingered on his lips. It was a new taste, as he had never kissed the older man before.

“Bagoas, Alexander and I love you. I understand that you need time to accept that, but Bagoas, it is the truth.” Hephaestion rubbed his thumb across Bagoas’ lips. “Concentrate on growing strong again, Bagoas, and give us a chance… The three of us.”

“I don’t know if I can…” At a loss, Bagoas stared at Hephaestion’s lips, which circled near his brow. Those sweet, soft lips deposited a kiss onto his forehead, making him sigh in surprise. “I can’t believe you really want this… want me.” Pleadingly, Bagoas looked at Hephaestion. “How can you want me? I wanted to kill you and…”

“Stop living in the past, Bagoas.” Hephaestion brushed a strand of stray, raven hair behind Bagoas’ ear.

But Bagoas shook his head. “Hephaestion, even if I did that… I would still be a whore.” It was the first time he’d ever addressed the older man so informally and he trembled. He had always called him Lord, Master, or General, but never just Hephaestion. “They raped me… How can you still want to touch me?”

Hephaestion determinedly shook his head to take the punch out of Bagoas’ statement. “They forced you, Bagoas. You are not to blame. Why can’t you see how much we care about you? How much we love you? Why are you so determined to cling to your self-loathing? You are such an amazing person, Bagoas. Let us love you.” His fingers curled around Bagoas’, trying to convince the younger man by touch.

Bagoas wanted to believe that he saw love and acceptance in Hephaestion’s eyes, but his fear remained. After hating Hephaestion for a life time, he didn’t think he was worthy of having the other man’s love.

“Bagoas? Please.” Alexander had overheard their conversation and joined them. He sat on his heels next to the bed and placed his hand atop of Hephaestion’s.

“I shouldn’t.” Bagoas shook his head, but his resolve was crumbling. “I don’t deserve this. I am not worthy of…”

“Oh, but you are! And you deserve so much more!” Alexander felt at a loss – what was he supposed to say to convince Bagoas?

Bagoas blinked and searched Hephaestion’s eyes. “Before I can answer your question I want to ask for your forgiveness. I was wrong to hate you, to begrudge you Alexander’s love. I was so selfish! So…”

“Stop it.” Hephaestion gently squeezed Bagoas’ fingers. “I don’t blame you.” He paused, seeing the need in the dark eyes. “If this is so important to you, I will say it: I forgive you, Bagoas, though, as far as I am concerned, there is nothing to forgive.” Seeing Bagoas was about to protest again, Hephaestion did the only thing he could do and leaned in closer to claim Bagoas’ lips again, effectively silencing him.

Alexander smiled happily, seeing the way Bagoas surrendered to the kiss and tried to move closer to Hephaestion. A moan escaped Bagoas’ lips and the dark eyes filled with desire during the kiss. Suddenly those dark eyes looked at him with fright and he cocked his head, smiling brilliantly. He hoped that smile reassured Bagoas that he wanted this to happen. “Will you now give us your answer, Bagoas?”

Bagoas could only stare at them. He had lost and he knew it. He had never stood a chance fighting them – fighting their combined passion and love. “Do with me as you please. If you want to love me, love me, though you should know that I don’t deserve…” Hephaestion’s arm snaked up behind his back, pulled him close and then those luscious lips possessed his once more. He felt helplessly adrift on Hephaestion’s sea of passion and, looking into the azure eyes, he realized his haven – his home – was maybe within reach after all.

The end