Title: By the Grace of the Valar
Author: Morgana
Author's Email:
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon
Pairings; Elrond/Celebrían, Erestor/Glorfindel, Lómion/Ereinion, Melpomaen/Legolas, Elladan/Lindir, Elrohir/Ecthelion and Celach/Landiant (two OMC’s)
Overall rating: NC-17
Summary: Imladris mourns Elrohir’s death, whilst Elrohir has never been happier
before. Elladan is determined to follow Elrohir into death and Erestor is
forced to reveal himself. He now faces the same decision as he did in Gondolin.
Disclaimer: Not mine, Tolkien’s.
Warning: AU of course! Character death – Elrohir!
Author’s Note: Completely AU. Plus, I am taking huge liberties with Erestor, Námo and his wife, Vairë. This story has the timeline from Hell, so you are warned!
Additional note; Ereinion and Maeglin/Lómion were never an intended pairing, but I developed a soft spot for them!
Beta reading, translations and research by Patricia Pleasant, thanks! I couldn’t have written this story without your help!
All remaining mistakes are mine.
By the Grace of the Valar
Part 14
Glorfindel’s facial expression was grim, whilst holding Elladan tightly against him. He had placed the half-Elf in front of him and Asfaloth took great care in trotting lightly. Elrohir’s body had been wrapped in several traveling cloaks and the guards had built a litter, which now carried the corpse. After Elrohir had died, Elladan had fallen into a state of shock and had been unresponsive since then – drifting in and out of consciousness. The measure in which Elrohir’s death affected Elladan worried Glorfindel immensely. He had always known that the twins shared a connection, but it appeared none of them had realized just how strong that link was.
He kept one arm tightly curled around Elladan’s limp form and made certain his charge wouldn’t accidentally take a fall. Glorfindel’s heart was heavy with worry, as he couldn’t help wondering if Elrond and Celebrían had sensed their son’s death. Oh, this would be hard on the parents, who now had to bury their youngest son. Would the family ever recover from this blow? They had always been so close!
Bowing his head in defeat, Glorfindel wished he had reached the patrol earlier. The twins had already left when scouts reported the sighting of a large group of Orcs. The patrol had already been out of reach at that point and all Glorfindel could do was gather his men and hurry after them.
He felt guilty for letting them down. Guilt, blame and self-accusation slipped in, making Glorfindel’s heart heavy with self-hatred. He should have paid more attention to the border scouts. He should not have allowed the twins to leave! But a part of him rebuked himself, telling him that he wasn’t to blame and that drowning in self-pity and loathing wouldn’t help Elladan, who needed him.
“I will take you home. I will take you to Lindir.” Glorfindel was grateful that his old friend had accepted the half-Elf as his lover – for Elladan would need all the support he could get as his parents would be drowning in their own grief. Lindir would be Elladan’s reason to fight and stay with them. Without the minstrel’s love Elladan would decide to fade. /He can still give up, even in spite of Lindir’s love. By the Grace of the Valar, we cannot allow that. We lost Elrohir – we cannot lose Elladan as well./
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Elrohir curiously scanned his new home. Ecthelion’s rooms were sparsely furnished; they held a bed, a desk and a couple chairs. But scented candles illuminated the rooms and spread a fragrance that smelled of roses, giving the suite a warm impression. “Death is nothing like I thought it would be,” he said, his voice sounding loud and surprisingly hollow.
Ecthelion was at a loss. Elrohir didn’t look particularly distressed – he looked surprisingly accepting instead. “I do not understand your reaction,” he admitted in the end.
Elrohir sat down on the bed and patted the space next to him. “Come over here.”
Ecthelion went hesitantly and seated himself at some distance from Elrohir.
Elrohir chuckled, realizing Ecthelion felt shy. “I was not happy in life, Ecthelion. Maybe death is an improvement?” It definitely looked like an improvement, now that he had found Ecthelion. “Did you know that your flute and your book of poetry found a way into my rooms?”
Ecthelion nodded, slowly. “Námo put them there. The poems… They were never meant to be read by anyone but me.”
“Why?”
“I felt depressed at the time – lonely.”
“I also felt like that for a large part of my life.” Elrohir’s gaze searched Ecthelion’s. “Do you believe in fate, Ecthelion? Do you believe in destiny?”
Speechless, Ecthelion was only capable of staring into Elrohir’s warm eyes.
“I do. When I was little, I felt alone because Elladan preferred Lindir’s company over mine. And when I grew older, I missed having a love of my own. A part of me always knew that Elladan and Lindir were destined for each other and I could not help but wonder if there was someone set aside for me to love as well.”
Ecthelion nervously moistened his bottom lip, as Elrohir’s words drew him in – drew him close – and he shifted nearer. “My life’s story is similar to yours. I watched people around me fall in love, but I never found love myself.”
Elrohir raised his right hand and pressed it against Ecthelion’s face, which felt pleasantly warm. “I knew it when I died.”
Ecthelion’s eyes widened. “What?”
“I knew that we belonged together the moment I died. My life passed by me and I realized why I had been born; it was so I could die. I was made to be with you.”
Ecthelion couldn’t believe what he was hearing and stared into Elrohir’s eyes.
“We were born too many millennia apart, Ecthelion. You should have been born in Imladris, or I in Gondolin, but we weren’t. Yet, we found a way to be together.” Elrohir didn’t know where all this knowledge had come from. He just knew it had come into his mind the moment he had died. “You caught me when I died and that was supposed to happen. I was not supposed to live a long life because my destiny lies with you.” For the first time, since he had come into existence, Elrohir felt at peace and loved. “Maybe that is why my death does not upset me. Maybe that is why I do not long to return to life. I want to be here – with you, now that I have found you.”
Elrohir’s monologue had taken Ecthelion aback and all he could do was nod. He felt the same way. The moment their souls had touched, he had known it as well. He had also felt it. They *did* belong together. Life had been a farce for both of them, as their destiny was death – and in death, they had found love.
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Elrond had curled himself around his wife. She had repeated Elrohir’s name for quite some time, but had then grown quiet, worrying Elrond even more. His heart also cried out for the loss of his son, and he wanted to join his beloved wife in mourning, but he couldn’t. Right now, his wife needed him to be the strong one, and he had to show the same strength upon Elladan’s return.
Celebrían’s eyes were wet with tears and she shivered in her husband’s arms, as she slowly left the entranced state she had been in. “I felt him die…” She sobbed, and pressed back against him, needing to feel him close. “We lost our son.”
Elrond’s eyes swam with tears and they slowly dripped down his face. “Our youngest son… Oh, why?” And how would Elladan deal with losing his twin? /Losing Elros almost destroyed me./
“You will have to be there for him… You must be the strong one,” whispered Celebrían, feeling a loss she would never be able to express in words. She had lost a child – her precious son. No one – not even Elrond – would understand the way she suffered – for she had carried him in her womb and had given birth to him.
Elrond swallowed hard. “This will be difficult for Elladan to accept. He lost his twin.” Elrohir’s death was bringing back memories of losing Elros. “His whole life has changed. Elladan has always identified himself as Elrohir’s twin – he is no longer that person.” It had taken him decades to adapt to the new situation Elros’ death had left him in. Elrond had never let it show, and had buried his longing for his twin deeply, but he still missed the other half of his soul. At least Elladan would be reunited with Elrohir in the Halls of Waiting one day, but Elros had chosen a mortal life and his former twin was forever lost to Elrond.
Elrond sent for Lindir, knowing how important it was that the minstrel was present upon Elladan’s return.
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Lindir ran into Erestor on his way to Elrond’s chambers. The summons had taken him by surprise, and once he had learned the reason he was summoned, his heart had skipped several beats. His first, treacherous thought had been – it could have been Elladan instead. He had instantly felt guilty for thinking that, but it was the truth. Deep down in his heart, he was immensely grateful that his beloved had been spared.
“Lindir, wait!” Erestor walked up to Lindir. Seeing the distressed expression in the minstrel’s eyes, he realized that Lindir knew what had occurred. Arwen was growing restless in his arms, and he soothed her. The result was that she cuddled back up to him. He wished he could discuss this now, but Arwen’s presence prevented that, as he didn’t want to upset her. It would be best if she was with her parents when she was told what had happened. “I am also on my way to speak with them. I will join you.”
Lindir cast a quick look at Arwen, understanding that he couldn’t mention Elrohir’s death directly. “Do you know what has happened?”
Erestor nodded. “I felt his passing.”
Lindir fell into step with Erestor and grew even guiltier for being relieved that it was Elrohir and not Elladan who had died. But it was also a very understandable reaction. “What do we do?” He knocked on the door to the couple’s rooms, not wanting to enter unannounced.
“We must be there for them in every possible way.” Relieved, Erestor found that Arwen had fallen asleep in his arms and was no longer able to hear them. “Elladan will need you. You must keep him grounded.”
“But we haven’t bound yet!” Lindir’s fear doubled; what if Elladan was determined to follow his twin into death?
Erestor cocked his head – Lindir had made a valid point. If Elladan was determined to fade, Lindir wouldn’t be able to stop him. A very soft ‘enter’ sounded from within the room and Lindir pushed down the door handle. Erestor followed Lindir inside and was stricken, seeing Celebrían’s defeated expression. In an effort to give her hope and strength, he placed Arwen in her arms.
Celebrían accepted her daughter into her arms and hugged her close. She continued to shed tears and Arwen reacted in her sleep, extending her arms and wrapping them around her mother’s neck.
Elrond regretted having to let go of his wife, but whilst she had the opportunity to grieve, he hadn’t. After giving his wife a mournful look, he raised his hand and gestured for his two friends to head to the corner with him. Now that they were out of hearing range, he said, “Glorfindel is already on his way back.” Normally, he would not resort to using Vilya to supply him with information, but he had to know when to expect them so he could make arrangements. “I will look after my son personally.” He would carry Elrohir to the Healing House, wash, and dress him in his finest clothes and the funeral would be held in two days. “Lindir, I would ask of you to take care of Elladan.” He thanked the Valar that Lindir had accepted Elladan’s love. “You will have to pull him through the grieving process.”
Lindir swallowed, nervously, and then nodded once. “I will find a way to keep him here.”
Elrond nodded, hoping their love was strong enough to overcome this. “Erestor, would you stay with Celebrían and Arwen? I do not want them to be alone.”
Erestor wished Elrond had made a different request, as he wanted to be there when Glorfindel returned. He had once vowed to protect Elrohir and he had failed miserably. But he would carry out his Lord’s orders, knowing Elrond’s words showed how much the half-Elf trusted him. “I will take care of them.”
Elrond’s shoulders slumped and his head drooped forward. For one moment, he allowed them to see how hurt he really was. How tired and vulnerable. But then he straightened out his shoulders and drew in a deep breath. “Lindir, you are with me.” Elrond walked to the doorway and was followed closely by Lindir. Hopefully the two Elves would find strength in each other’s presence in the upcoming, grueling confrontation with death.
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Erestor seated himself on the edge of the bed, and when Celebrían moved toward him, he pulled her close. She rested her head on his lap and Erestor wrapped an arm around her. He was painfully aware of the fact that she wanted her husband close instead, but it was Elrond’s duty to attend to Elrohir’s corpse.
Looking at her daughter, Celebrían realized that she couldn’t give up. Her first thought after sensing Elrohir’s death had been that life had become meaningless. Now that her son was dead, she felt dead inside as well. But the tiny body in her arms told her that she was still needed. Her daughter needed her. “I never thought I would lose a son,” she whispered in a broken voice. “And most certainly not one at such a young age. He barely lived, Erestor. Why are the Valar this cruel?”
Erestor felt privately torn; her words reminded him of his vow and his father’s words that he would have to make a choice. Erestor now realized what that choice would be about. “The Valar do not decide who is to die and to live. This is part of Eru’s song and we cannot change his will. All we can do is accept and find a way to carry on.”
“You can easily say that,” said Celebrían – anger and hurt sounded in her voice. “You never lost a child. You do not know what it feels like.”
“You are right,” said Erestor, softly. /I never lost a child, but I lost Glorfindel once and I remember the pain I was in back then./ He gently stroked her long, silver hair, and mumbled, “I apologize for my words. I do not know the pain a mother feels when losing her child.”
Celebrían closed her eyes. “I am sorry too, Erestor. I did not mean to lash out. It is just… My heart hurts. It has broken and I do not know if it will ever heal again. But I cannot give in – Arwen needs me… Elladan and Elrond need me.”
Erestor bit his bottom lip, now that his choice was growing
clearer. In Gondolin, he had chosen Glorfindel over the fate of the inhabitants
of the
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Glorfindel lowered his eyes in shame and guilt, upon entering the courtyard. Elrond and Lindir were already waiting for them and Glorfindel missed his beloved’s presence in this dark hour.
Lindir moved forward and caught Elladan when Glorfindel lowered the half-Elf from his horse. Lindir fought back tears, seeing the dead expression in Elladan’s normally so lively eyes. “Oh, no… what happened?”
“He collapsed the moment Elrohir died… He has not returned to awareness since.” Glorfindel dismounted and shuffled closer to Elrond, until he stood in front of his friend and Lord. He wanted to apologize – wanted to accept the guilt and blame that were his part, but the words remained stuck in his throat as they seemed to belittle Elrond’s grief. “I came too late,” was all he could manage.
Elrond felt devastated, seeing Elladan lost in grief and Elrohir wrapped in traveling cloaks. He walked over to the litter and pushed the fabric away from Elrohir’s face. Some cruel coincidence had let Elrohir die with a smile on his face and the sight undid Elrond, who released his tears and dropped onto his knees. Wrapping his arms around his son, he pulled Elrohir close to his chest.
Feeling rather lost, Glorfindel watched the scene unfold. Elrond was sobbing and rocking Elrohir in his arms, whilst Lindir supported Elladan, who swayed on his feet. The half-Elf’s eyes cracked with awareness for one moment and seemed to focus on Lindir.
Lindir sensed the change in Elladan and hugged him close, searching the big eyes. “I am here for you. I love you, Elladan.”
Elladan nodded once and then his eyes closed. He collapsed against Lindir, who promptly lifted him in his arms and carried him toward the Healing House.
Glorfindel now sat on his heels beside Elrond, wondering what to do. Would his friend welcome his touch and soothing words or would the half-Elf reject them? “He died defending Elladan. Elrohir took the blow meant for his brother. It was his decision to sacrifice his life to save his brother’s.”
Elrond heard the words through a haze of sobs and pain. /Elladan will blame himself for Elrohir’s death. This increases the risk of losing him as well./ Elrond realized he had to compose himself. He couldn’t let go like this – not yet. First, he had to attend to his son. “Help me, Glorfindel. I cannot carry him… I want to, but I cannot do it.” He shook over his entire body and his arms seemed to lack the strength to carry his son.
Glorfindel’s heart burst with sympathy and he helped Elrond lift Elrohir. He stayed close and supported his friend, whilst they made their way into the Healing House.
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Lindir placed Elladan on a bed and watched the healers fuss over his lover. It wasn’t long before they had stripped him and then wrapped him up in warm blankets. They fed him tea that would strengthen him, and then left them alone. Lindir stretched beside Elladan and buried the half-Elf in a tight hug. His hands rubbed large, soothing circles onto his beloved’s back and he placed butterfly kisses on Elladan’s face. Sadly enough, the young half-Elf didn’t react to any of his caresses and Lindir’s heart grew even heavier. What if he couldn’t reach Elladan?
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Elrond began carrying out the saddest and most painful duty he had ever carried out. He dismissed the healers and only allowed Glorfindel to stay. He had placed Elrohir on a bed and whilst fat tears dripped from his face, he began attending to his son. Glorfindel wasn’t certain what Elrond wanted him to do and awaited instructions.
Elrond remembered Glorfindel’s presence, as he was about to remove the blood-dried shirt. “Help me undress him.”
Glorfindel’s hands trembled, as he reached for Elrohir. He wasn’t certain he could do this.
“Let me.” Celebrían, deathly pale, entered the room and gave Glorfindel a stern look. “Join Erestor and Arwen, Glorfindel. Stay with them. Elrond and I will perform this last duty for our son.” Speaking those words took all of her courage, but she believed that this was the only right way. Her gaze met her husband’s, and she flinched, finding his face wet with tears. “I am here… I am at your side.” She had left Arwen in Erestor’s care and had pushed herself to her feet to join her husband in carrying out this final task for Elrohir.
Elrond nodded once. “Go, Glorfindel.” Looking into her eyes told him how much strength was involved for his wife to do this. She was stronger than he had thought.
Glorfindel bowed, feeling utterly useless now that he couldn’t lessen their pain and practically fled the room, needing Erestor close. Erestor would know what to do and guide him through this.
Elrond took his wife’s hand in between his and rubbed the icy fingers. After pressing a kiss onto the back of her hand, he released her from his hold. Working in silence, they attended to their son for the very last time.
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“Would you like to kiss me?” Elrohir was growing impatient. As time didn’t pass in a normal fashion, here in the Halls, it felt like Ecthelion had been staring at him for days now. He found Ecthelion’s shyness adoring, but his impatience to be kissed urged him to take the initiative. Who would have thought that the fabled Ecthelion was too shy to instigate their first kiss? Elrohir shifted closer and rested a hand on Ecthelion’s thigh. This felt right – this touch felt right. “I want you to kiss me, Ecthelion,” he added. “If we had been born in the same era we would have become lovers. But we were not and I refuse to allow death to keep us apart.” Their lives had been hollow and empty without each other. “I actually feel grateful that I died so young, because it brought us together. Do not feel guilty for the tender age I died at.”
Ecthelion took heart, hearing those words. “I understand what you are saying, Elrohir. We had to live in order to die. That was our sole reason for walking Arda.”
“I regret you had to wait so long for me to die,” whispered Elrohir.
Those words took Ecthelion aback. “Elrohir…”
“I mean it… if only I had been born at Gondolin!” Elrohir grabbed Ecthelion’s hands and brought them to his lips. He pressed sweet kisses onto their backs and then met Ecthelion’s gaze once more. “My words contradict themselves, but Ecthelion, our life starts now. In death, we will live out our love.”
Ecthelion surprised himself by shedding tears – tears, which Elrohir caught with his fingertips. Seeing Elrohir lick the salty liquid off of his fingertips, made Ecthelion feel weak. Oh, he was in love – utterly and undeniably in love. Everything Erestor and Námo had predicted had come true. He had found his love in death! “Aye, I desire to kiss you,” he admitted in a timid voice.
That was all Elrohir needed to hear. Elrohir leaned in closer and touched his lips to Ecthelion, finally tasting love after a lifetime of waiting!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lindir was growing increasingly worried. He had kissed Elladan, whispered endearments into his ear, hugged him close, caressed his hair and none of those caresses had brought forth a response. Elladan remained catatonic and beyond his reach.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Glorfindel marched into the nursery, knowing he would find Erestor there, looking after Arwen. One look into the cradle told him that the she-Elf was soundly asleep and his gaze shifted from Arwen to Erestor. His beloved stood in front of the window and was staring outside. The first snow was falling and slowly covered Imladris with a virgin blanket. It almost felt like mockery, for the Valar to let it snow during a moment when the heavens should open and reveal thunder, lightning and storm. For that type of weather would reflect their feelings. “Erestor…?” He approached his lover, puzzled to why Erestor wasn’t turning around and offering him his embrace.
Erestor released a deep sigh before turning to face Glorfindel. The moment of truth had come.
Erestor’s expression worried Glorfindel, who couldn’t identity the look in the dark eyes. “Erestor? What is amiss?”
“What is amiss?” repeated Erestor. “Elrohir is dead.”
Glorfindel closed his eyes. “I blame myself for his death. I am Captain here. I should have…”
“Stop it! You are not to blame! Don’t you dare assume that guilt!”
Erestor’s angry voice made Glorfindel open his eyes. The chocolate brown eyes were afire and seemed to shoot daggers at him. “But, if you do not blame me, why are you cross with me?”
“You have a tendency to assume responsibility when you had nothing to do with it. Glorfindel, this is not your fault!” Erestor forced himself to speak softer when Arwen stirred unhappily in her sleep. “Step into the corridor with me.” They could speak undisturbed there.
Glorfindel followed Erestor into the corridor and possessively claimed his beloved’s hand, as he needed the contact to ground him.
“You did not fail Elrohir…’ Erestor lowered his eyes and stared at their entwined fingers. “But his death will tear this family apart.”
“Did you have a vision?” Glorfindel rubbed Erestor’s fingers, pulling his beloved closer.
Erestor had not planned on confiding in Glorfindel just yet, but found he couldn’t lie. “I did… Although Lindir will try to keep Elladan from fading, his love will fail him. Elladan is determined to follow his brother. Elrohir died so Elladan could live. But Elrohir never realized the guilt would slowly kill his twin.” Erestor closed his eyes and allowed Glorfindel to pull him close. He was running out of time. If he wanted to bring Elrohir back, he couldn’t wait much longer. “Elrond and Celebrían will lose their reason to live. With both of their sons dead, not even Arwen can give them enough joy. They will slowly fade – it will take millennia, but they *will* fade.”
“And we cannot stop any of this from happening?” Glorfindel nuzzled Erestor’s neck, inhaling his lover’s scent.
Erestor shivered, realizing only too well that these were his last peaceful moments with Glorfindel. “Actually, I can stop this from happening.”
Glorfindel’s eyes widened at hearing Erestor’s determined tone. “You can?”
Erestor didn’t want to do this, but it was time. “I cannot make the same mistake twice, meleth1. The first time that I had to make a decision such as this, I chose you – our love – and you hated me for it. You turned away from me and left me alone.”
Something flared in Glorfindel’s memory, but the images wouldn’t come to him yet. “What are you talking about?”
“You told me that I should have fought to keep Gondolin intact and her inhabitants alive. You hated me for choosing our love over them.” Erestor’s voice became dark and sad, seeing memories surfacing in Glorfindel’s eyes. “After your death, I used my powers and broke the rules my father set for my existence as one of the Firstborn. In the Halls of Waiting you found out my real identity and declared you hated me.”
Glorfindel shook his head, trying to make sense of all the images that assaulted him. What was Erestor talking about? But then one scene after another was uncovered and showed him what had happened after his death – how he had shunned Erestor, Námo’s son. Glorfindel’s eyes narrowed, suspiciously, realizing who was standing in front of him. “You… Did you lock away my memories?”
“My father did.” Erestor freed his hand of Glorfindel’s hold and took a step away from Glorfindel. “Back then, you said that I had made the wrong decision. That I should have never chosen our love above Gondolin and now I have reached a similar situation.”
Glorfindel’s head spun. What was happening?
“When Elrohir was born I vowed to keep him safe. If anyone failed him, it is I. But it is not too late yet to undo my mistake.” Erestor walked away from Glorfindel, unwilling to see the rebirth of hate in his lover’s eyes. “I can summon my powers and make my father return Elrohir to the living.”
Glorfindel couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Everything was going too fast! So this was why Erestor had told him he was afraid he would hate him! Would leave him! He had to stop this from happening! Erestor was already making decisions, whilst *they* should be thinking them over together, instead. “Don’t do this.”
“I must.” Erestor spun around and found the courage to look Glorfindel in the eye. “Don’t you understand? I would rather lose you and return Elrohir to Arda than give you a reason to start hating me again. I won’t repeat my last mistake. I will do as you want me to. I will let you go and be unselfish – just as you want me to.”
“Nay…” Glorfindel’s heart momentarily stopped beating. “I remember our conversation in the Halls, but…” He no longer hated Erestor!
Erestor interrupted him. “My mind is set. Glorfindel, I love you and I do not know how to exist without having you at my side and your love to sustain me, but I will find a way. I will find comfort and strength knowing that my sacrifice returned Elrohir to his family!”
“What is happening here?” Elrond, tired and burdened by grief, stood in the doorway. He had escorted his wife back to their rooms and had wanted to check on their daughter before hurrying over to Elladan’s side when he had overheard his friends’ conversation.
Erestor straightened his shoulders. “I will return your son to you.”
Elrond blinked. “I always knew you were hiding something from me, Erestor. There were too many unanswered questions, but I let it rest, wanting Glorfindel to be happy.”
“The time has come for you to learn the truth,” decided Erestor and he reached out to his parents.
Námo answered that call and brought them to the Halls of Waiting.
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Nothing had ever tasted so sweet to Elrohir before. Not the juiciest berries, not the marmalade the cooks made, the sweet cakes or his father’s best wine. Nothing ever tasted as sweet as Ecthelion’s lips. He deepened the kiss, carefully pushing Ecthelion’s lips and teeth apart.
Ecthelion allowed it, as he had dreamt of a moment like this for his entire existence. It surprised him how real, warm and strong Elrohir felt in his arms. Was a soul supposed to feel like this? Or was Námo granting them this special favor and allowing them to *feel*? Did it matter?
Elrohir didn’t even bother to ask himself such questions; the kiss enraptured him and showed him that death was much sweeter than life had ever been. /And the best thing is, we have forever to love each other. Death cannot pull us apart – it brought us together!
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Glorfindel blinked and shuddered. “I have been here before.”
“You are in the Halls of Waiting, my old friend,” said Námo, who watched the group of Elves trying to grow accustomed to their new surroundings. He had been waiting for Erestor’s call and had been prepared to bring them here.
Elrond swallowed, hard. His mouth had gone dry, realizing who was standing opposite him. “My Lord Námo?”
“Elrond! Help me!” Lindir suddenly found himself in strange surroundings, with a still limp Elladan pressed against him. He caught the half-Elf and supported the dead weight, but felt weak himself.
Elrond covered the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Elladan,
helping Lindir to support his son.
Glorfindel blinked again now that all memories had returned to him. “You are his son,” he said, addressing Erestor.
Erestor nodded once. “Námo is my father and Vairë my mother. Aye, I belong to the Valar.”
Lindir’s eyes widened. “That is how you saved me!”
Glorfindel’s eyes kept Erestor’s gaze prisoner. “Explain!”
“After I broke my promise to my father, I sensed Lindir’s distress. I fought my father’s pull, which was drawing me back here, and made one more trip to Gondolin. Using my powers I destroyed the Orcs and took Lindir to Círdan. The journey only took seconds.”
Even in spite of their strange situation, Elrond nodded. “Now Lindir’s tale makes sense. You never traveled for weeks and the light they saw was you.”
“I had stripped off my corporal form, aye. I had taken on my form as a Vala.”
“And now you brought us here… Why?” asked Glorfindel. His heart was at war with itself. He loved Erestor – loved him more than life itself – but it also remembered Erestor’s betrayal.
Erestor wanted to sigh, but realized he was no longer able to. He had lost the body of the Firstborn and it had become nothing but a reflection – a manipulation. He belonged to the Valar again. “I am here because I made my decision.”
Námo nodded once and walked over to his son. “You knew this day would come.”
Erestor nodded his head once. “I offer you my return to these halls in return for Elrohir’s life. He is still too young. His death would cause Elladan’s as well, and in the end, his parents, too, would succumb to grief. I cannot allow that. Not when it is within my power to stop it from happening.”
Elladan’s eyes slowly regained awareness – it was Erestor’s words, which had penetrated his mind and his eyes focused on the Vala. /Vala… and I always thought he was an Elf…/
Finally understanding what was happening Glorfindel called out, “Nay!”
Erestor shook his head and an immensely sad look appeared in his dark eyes. “I do not want to cause more hatred inside of you. I love you too much to do that. I love Elrohir, Elladan and Elrond too much to stand by and let this happen when I can stop this.”
Námo rested a hand on his son’s shoulder, knowing how hard this was on his son. “You made your decision when you called out to me. It is too late to change your mind now.”
“I know that.” Erestor closed his eyes. “I love you, Glorfindel, but I need to prove to you that I am not as selfish as you think that I am. I can sacrifice a part of me.”
Glorfindel felt absolutely terrified. “Erestor, do not do this! Aye, I know I told you I hated you, but… I was hurt!” He couldn’t lose Erestor. The mere thought of losing his beloved caused terror inside him.
“It is not your choice to make,” said Námo in a compassionate voice.
“Where… is… El… rohir? Where… is… my twin?” Elladan’s mouth felt awfully dry and the act of speaking actually hurt, but he persevered. “Where… is he?” He needed Elrohir – needed to see and hold him.
“Erestor!” Glorfindel stalked toward his beloved and stared deeply into the stunned eyes.
“Be at peace, Glorfindel. I made my decision because I know you would want me to make it this way.”
Glorfindel felt like screaming! He had changed since he had told his lover he hated him! “You do not have the right to make this decision without consulting me!”
“The decision has been made,” said Námo in a firm voice. “And it cannot be undone.”
Elrond stared at Námo and Erestor in shock. For so long one of the Valar had acted as his Chief Advisor and he had never suspected anything! And what was Erestor saying? “You will give up your love for Glorfindel so my son might be returned to me?”
It was Námo who answered the half-Elf. “Many millennia ago, my son fell in love with Glorfindel of Gondolin and we made a pact. I would allow him to dwell on Arda as long as he did not use his powers as a Vala. He agreed and Glorfindel and Ecthelion found him in Gondolin. Love blossomed between Glorfindel and my son and for a time they were happy. But visions plagued my son and like Idril, he knew Gondolin would fall. Together, they made certain a tunnel was built. That tunnel took the refugees into safety. Glorfindel died defending the refugees and in his grief, Erestor called upon his powers and broke the terms of our agreement. Erestor returned here and Glorfindel was told about my son’s real identity.”
Glorfindel bowed his head. “I reacted violently. I felt hurt and betrayed. My love turned to hate.”
Elrond blinked and saw similar surprise in Lindir’s eyes. Elladan was quickly regaining his strength and leaning less heavily upon them.
“I allowed Glorfindel to be reborn, whilst my son stayed here, with me. In time, Glorfindel calmed and his mind became more balanced. For his sake, I locked away certain memories. So, when I returned Erestor to Arda, Glorfindel eventually remembered his love, and not the betrayal he had felt.”
“You manipulated me,” said Glorfindel, pointing a finger
accusingly at Námo.
Námo shrugged once. “I wanted my son to have another chance at love.” Námo met Glorfindel’s gaze, and added, “For some time Erestor and you were happy, but Elrohir’s death changed that.”
“I vowed to always protect him and keep him safe.” Erestor wanted to wrap his arms around Glorfindel and hold him close, but he didn’t – this wasn’t the moment for it. “In Gondolin I made the wrong decision – in your eyes, Glorfindel. And I want you to be proud of me, instead of hate me. That is why I made the decision I made. Elrohir will live again and his return to Arda will save lives. Glorfindel, I love you, but I must do this. I know you want me to do this.” In a tiny voice he added, “I do not want to give you another reason to hate me.”
Stunned, Glorfindel stared at Erestor. “What have you done?” He finally realized what Erestor’s choice entailed; he would lose Erestor, who would dwell here and his beloved would be out of his reach! Erestor had condemned them to a life without each other – without love!
Námo turned and told one of the souls to collect Elrohir. /Elrohir won’t be pleased and neither will Ecthelion… and so fate takes its course./
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Elrohir pulled Ecthelion along, after being summoned to appear in front of Námo. Now that he had found his love, he refused to let him out of his sight. Stepping into the hall, he suspecting nothing wrong, but when he saw the assembled Elves there, he realized something terrible was amiss and he pulled Ecthelion close for support.
“Elrohir…” Elladan’s eyes lit up with life and energy. Pushing himself away from Lindir, he headed for his twin. “Elrohir!”
Elrohir’s eyes widened in alarm, feeling Elladan’s arms wrap around him. His brother’s possessive embrace meant he was pulled away from Ecthelion and panic flared in his eyes.
Elrond couldn’t believe his eyes, seeing his sons hug. After shaking himself from his stupor, he ran toward Elladan and Elrohir and wrapped his arms around them both.
Tears leaked from Glorfindel’s eyes, seeing the family reunited. But then his gaze shifted and came to rest on the soul who had entered with Elrohir. “Ecthelion?” Oh, he had missed his friend! Overcome with emotions, he covered the distance between them and rested his hands on Ecthelion’s shoulder. “My good, good friend. I have missed you so!” Overwhelmed, Glorfindel pulled Ecthelion close and held him tight.
Lindir, who stood alone now that Elladan had hurried over to his twin, looked at Erestor. The Vala’s eyes were swimming with pain and emotions. “I wanted to thank you for saving my life.” Maybe these words would heal Erestor’s heart a little – a heart that had been broken twice now. “May I ask… Is Ereinion here as well? Is it possible to see him?” Was there a chance that he could say his goodbyes to his former lover?
It was Námo who answered and not Erestor. “Ereinion no longer dwells in these Halls. He dwells in Lórien’s gardens with his beloved instead.”
Lindir’s heart cringed momentarily. For one terrible moment he felt betrayed, but then he told himself not to feel that way. He should be happy that his former lover had found new love -- like he had. “He is well, then?”
“He is happy,” said Námo, smiling at Lindir. “He will never forget you, Lindir, but he is happy with his new love.”
Lindir nodded once – in his heart, he felt at peace where Ereinion was concerned. A yelp forced him to focus on the present and he watched, in amazement, how Elrohir pulled away from his twin.
“What are you doing here, Elladan? Don’t tell me you died!” Elrohir glared at his twin. “I took that blow so you would live!”
“I cannot live without you! You are my twin!” Elladan clung to Elrohir, whose reaction baffled him. “I thought you would be pleased to see me!”
Elrohir simply stared at Elladan. “I died, leave me be.”
“How can you say that? Do you have any idea of the pain your death has caused?” asked Elrond in surprise, hugging his youngest son close.
“Why are you here?” repeated Elrohir, who didn’t like this development one bit. Instinctively, he reached for Ecthelion.
But Ecthelion was buried in Glorfindel’s tight embrace. “Aye, it is good to see you again, meldir2,” said Ecthelion. “But you should not be here, Glorfindel.”
Glorfindel pulled away so he could look into Ecthelion’s eyes. “I have missed you.”
“Why are you here?” asked Elrohir a third time and his voice began to show some of that Peredhil temper now that he wasn’t receiving an answer.
“I took them here,” said Erestor, cringing now that Elrohir’s glare shifted from Elladan to him. “It is within my power to change your fate and my father will allow you to return to Arda.”
“And in return you will stay here?” said Glorfindel, who fumed with anger. “Don’t you love me, Erestor? Does our love mean nothing to you? How can you give up on it so easily?” He felt betrayed once again, and this time, it hurt even more.
What also hurt was the blow Ecthelion landed on his face. “What? You actually hit me?” Glorfindel needed a moment to process that. “Why?”
“I thought you had matured, but I was wrong. You really do not understand how much Erestor loves you – that he is doing this for you!” Ecthelion shook his head at his friend’s stupidity. “He can never do right by you, can he? He is doing this because he wants to please you!”
“Enough!” roared Námo. “Elrohir, you will return to Arda – to your family. You no longer have to dwell here.” He saw the instant rage in Elrohir’s eyes, but ignored it. The young one was capable of fighting his own battles and so was Ecthelion. “Be gone now!!” He wanted to comfort his son! And so did Vairë, who materialized behind her family.
“Nay! I will not go back! I will stay here! I want to stay with Ecthelion! I love him…” But Elrohir’s words faded as the visitors were transported out of the halls. A moment later, only Vairë, Námo and Erestor remained. Erestor eased into their embrace and cried, releasing his emotional pain about losing Glorfindel. He had willingly made this sacrifice, but that didn’t lessen his pain. It still hurt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ecthelion couldn’t accept this. Couldn’t accept that love had entered his existence and had then been ripped away from him. He only had one way out left – and so Ecthelion did the one thing no soul had ever dared doing before; he sneaked past the large doors and left the Halls of Waiting in search of Elrohir. He didn’t know how to accomplish the impossible, but he was determined to try. If he was to be a ghost in the world of the Firstborn then that was what he would be – just as long as he was close to Elrohir.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
/Ecthelion just passed beyond the gates of the Halls,/ thought Vairë, sharing her thoughts with her husband. Erestor had finally calmed down and now rested whilst his parents watched over him.
/I sensed his departure,/ replied Námo.
/And you won’t go after him?/ This fact surprised his wife.
/I won’t. It is Eru’s will that Ecthelion takes this step./
/Sometimes I wonder what lies in our future,/ wondered Vairë. /I know there is a reason why you let Erestor make this sacrifice, but I do not know why you would let Ecthelion’s soul leave./
/Glorfindel has much to learn and Ecthelion is the perfect person to show him what he has been missing. Furthermore, I approve of Elrohir and Ecthelion loving each other and their love will be rewarded in the end./
/I will put my trust in you,/ thought Vairë. /Like I always do./
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Elrohir felt shocked, realizing he was alive again. His lungs drew in his breath and his heart pumped blood through his veins once more. The wound that had caused his death was gone and his body was whole again. Unexpectedly, he was pounced upon and he tumbled toward the grass, catching the form that pressed close to him.
“You are alive again!” Elladan felt energetic and his apathy had left now that he had his twin back! He rolled atop of Elrohir and pressed him down, kissing his twin’s brow and chuckling wildly. “I have you back.”
Elrond, equally delighted at having his son back, smiled, and then looked about to study their surroundings. For some reason the Valar hadn’t returned them to Imladris. He recognized their surroundings and a look from Lindir confirmed his conclusion. They were at the Gray Havens, where Círdan dwelt. Elrond wondered why the Valar had taken them here instead of home. A look to his right showed him an extremely pale Glorfindel, who was shivering over his entire body. The normally sparkly, azure eyes appeared dim and shadowed – haunted even.
“I lost him,” whispered Glorfindel. “And I do not know what I did wrong.”
Elrond reached out to his old friend and placed a hand on Glorfindel’s shoulder. “We will talk later.” First, he needed to come up with some sort of plan. They would stay at the Havens for a day, maybe two, but then they would head home. Celebrían was probably panicking, now that her husband and sons had disappeared.
“Why did you do that? How could you make that decision for me?” Enraged, Elrohir kicked off Elladan and jumped to his feet. The hurt look Elladan gave him finally registered, but didn’t lessen his rage. “Why did you come for me?”
Elladan swallowed, convulsively, and he pushed himself to his feet. Feeling
shaky and insecure, he sought out his twin’s eyes. “You died… You died because
of me. I did not want you to die and… I wanted to fade… to follow you into
death… but they wouldn’t let me.”
Elrohir’s furious gaze now settled on his father. “Why, Adar? Why couldn’t you just let me go?”
Elrohir’s reaction baffled all present. They had expected gratitude and happiness, not this rage. Elrond was the first to find the courage to face Elrohir’s wrath. “You do not know how your death affected us. Elladan was beginning to fade and not even Lindir could reach him. Your mother… She witnessed your death and she broke down… our family was ripped apart and…”
“Who is responsible for this madness?” asked Elrohir in a demanding voice. None of them possessed the power to reach out to the Valar! Then, it returned to him – Erestor!
“It was Erestor,” said Glorfindel a broken voice. “He vowed to protect you when you were born and he wanted to keep his promise.”
Elrohir’s rage dimmed gradually. What helped was the realization how much his death had affected his family. Once he had calmed down, he met his twin’s gaze. Elladan looked vulnerable and his twin had made his way over to Lindir. The minstrel’s hand rested against the small of Elladan’s back, rubbing soothingly. He saw how pale Elladan was and still smelled the fading sensation on his twin. Elladan had been ready to follow him into death. “Don’t you ever do such a stupid thing again, tôr 3!” He pulled Elladan into his arms and his twin sagged against him, sobbing softly. “I am sorry I was cross with you, but…” But they didn’t know what he had just lost – the greatest love of all.
“I am sorry, Elrohir,” sobbed Elladan, slowly taking heart
again now that his twin was hugging him. “But you died because of me and I
could not live with that thought. I wanted to join you in death.”
Elrohir raised his twin’s face and looked Elladan deeply in the eyes. “Promise me that you will never do such a stupid thing again. I want you to live. I want you to be happy with Lindir. Never try following me into death again. Do you swear?”
Elladan’s bottom lip trembled. “I do not know if I can do that.”
“Lindir?” Elrohir gestured for the minstrel to take step closer and then gathered Lindir’s hand and Elladan’s in his. He joined them and looked at them. “Elladan, I want you to be happy and to love Lindir. Promise me that you will never follow me into death again.”
Elladan shivered, but promised. “I won’t follow you into death again.”
“Good!” Elrohir was pleased. “I hope the two of you will be happy.”
“Elrohir?” Elrond approached and waited for Elrohir to turn about so they were face to face. “I cannot believe you are alive again.” In his life, people died and remained dead. They simply didn’t join the living again.
Elrohir read some of his father’s pain and disbelief in the gray eyes and he carefully took the elder half-Elf into his arms. “When the time comes, you must find the courage to let me go.” Námo had said that his death would have caused that of his twin’s and his parents – and that was simply unacceptable. He had to strengthen them, so they would be able to let him go when he took his life to return to Ecthelion. “You are strong, Ada4, so very strong. You can never give in to your pain.”
Elrond rested his head against his son’s shoulder. “I do not have to be strong any more, now that I have you back.”
Elrohir flinched. He couldn’t stay with them. He couldn’t stay alive – for he missed Ecthelion. His need to be reunited with his new love consumed him!
Glorfindel looked on with bleary eyes. Was it just his imagination or did Elrohir look upset by the fact that he was alive again? And did it matter? Glorfindel wrapped his arms around his waist, hugging himself close. He had lost Erestor, and would never hold his beloved in his arms again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Círdan was surprised to see his guests, but welcomed them goodheartedly and made quarters available to them. His guests seemed shocked for some reason and weren’t talkative. Elladan clung to Elrohir and refused to be separated when they were assigned different rooms. In the end, it was Lindir, who succeeded in freeing Elrohir of Elladan. The white-haired Elf took Elladan into their rooms and then closed the door behind him.
“You should not be alone right now,” said Elrond, after Elrohir had expressed his wish to have private rooms.
Elrohir sensed his father’s true concern and felt touched,
but… “I need some moments alone,
Reluctantly, Elrond allowed it, and he watched as his son disappeared into his room. That left him with a severely depressed Glorfindel. “Come with me, meldir.” Glorfindel went willingly and after Elrond had closed the door behind them, he guided his charge toward the bed. “Sit down.” Glorfindel obeyed and Elrond sat on his heels in front of his friend. The empty expression in the pale-blue eyes worried him. “Glorfindel, can you hear me?”
Glorfindel nodded weakly. “What did I do, Elrond?” Ever since his memories had returned, his thoughts had raced. “I told him I hated him…”
“Why don’t you tell me *exactly* what happened in the past?” Elrond shifted until he sat on the bed beside Glorfindel.
“It is a long story.”
“We have time.” They wouldn’t leave until tomorrow afternoon and he was too restless to sleep at any rate. Maybe after listening to Glorfindel’s tale he could offer his friend some advice. Erestor’s actions had indebted him and if he could help Glorfindel and Erestor, he would.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Erestor walked the Halls as of old. Everything seemed the same, but he quickly realized it wasn’t. Ereinion now dwelt in Lórien’s gardens with Lómion and the Gondolin Elves had changed. Turgon was no longer filled with arrogant pride, but with thought and concern. Eöl had been imprisoned in one of the lower-situated halls and would never be released. The thing that struck him as the oddest was the fact that Ecthelion was gone.
“You made the right decision,” said Vairë, seeing her son enter her rooms, where she sat weaving. “You really had no choice.”
Erestor seated himself and watched how another tapestry grew beneath her agile fingers. “I know I made the right decision. Elrohir needed to return to his family, but… I do not mind being back here. It is just…”
“You miss Glorfindel,” finished his mother. “Erestor, have you lost all hope that you will be reunited with Glorfindel? Do you accept your existence here?”
“I will not flee, if that is what you are asking. That is what Ecthelion did, didn’t he?”
“Ecthelion’s fate is not clear to me, but your father knows his future and he decided to allow Ecthelion to flee. I would never question your father’s motives. He means well, though he can be manipulative at times.”
Erestor’s heart fluttered in his chest, seeing Glorfindel’s face come alive beneath his mother’s hands. Apparently Glorfindel was talking to Elrond, who was trying to comfort him. “I should not feel this angry. I had many happy years with Glorfindel. I never expected him to take me back in Imladris, but due to his memory loss, he did. Those memories will have to suffice and sustain me for the rest of my existence.”
Vairë disliked seeing his defeated expression. “Erestor, may I offer you some advice?”
“Always, Naneth5.”
“Do not give up hope yet. Your father allowed Elrohir’s return to Arda for a reason – and that reason has everything to do with Glorfindel. He disliked Glorfindel’s reaction to hearing about your real identity and I know your father well enough to realize he is up to something.”
Hope flared inside Erestor. “Do you mean that?”
“I do. When I asked your father about it, he said that it was time for Glorfindel to learn a valuable lesson.” She let go of the tapestry and rested her hand on Erestor’s arm instead. “Your father has placed Glorfindel in this situation for a reason. He needs to understand what has happened – what he has lost. And Elrohir and Ecthelion will play a part in this.”
His mother’s words gave Erestor hope, and when he looked at the now finished tapestry, he hoped the day would come that he would hold Glorfindel in his arms again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“That is a very complex story,” mumbled Elrond, after Glorfindel had told him everything about Erestor and the past they shared.
Glorfindel felt tired and drained now that he had bared his soul and his eyes emptied, as his awareness faded.
Elrond was about to question Glorfindel further, but then saw the exhaustion in the blue eyes. He eased Glorfindel down onto his back and covered his friend with a blanket. Whilst he sat guard at his friend’s side, he wondered what kind of hidden agenda Námo had.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Lindir? I owe you an apology.” Elladan had pulled Lindir down with him and had then curled around the white-haired minstrel. “I never wanted to lock you out. That must have hurt.”
Lindir nodded, but was much too happy to have Elladan in his arms again to remain feeling hurt. “I should have realized that your connection to Elrohir was strong.”
Elladan shrugged and then pressed a kiss onto Lindir’s white hair. “I did not know how strong until it was severed.” Being brutally honest, he said, “I always thought that it would be harder to live on without you than without Elrohir. I might have been wrong. There is this connection that binds Elrohir and me…” He cocked his head, caught Lindir’s gaze and said, “Maybe that will change once we bind.”
“Maybe it will.” Lindir raised a hand and caressed Elladan’s face. “You scared me, Elladan. I could not reach you – no matter how hard I tried.”
“I learned my lesson,” whispered Elladan. “I will never lock you out again.”
Their lips met in a sweet kiss and they momentarily forgot all their problems.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
/Oh, Ecthelion, they have no idea what they did./ Feeling miserable, Elrohir curled up in a fetal position, hugging his legs and closing his eyes. /Only a few hours ago I was happy! I had never been that happy before. I had finally found what was missing from my life and now they took it away from me – from us. Why? Why did they do that?/ Wasn’t it ironic that in those few hours in which he had been dead, that he had been happier than in his entire life? He was tempted to take his life this very moment, so he could return to Ecthelion, but taking his own life seemed wrong – terribly wrong.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Elrohir’s thoughts guided him and pulled Ecthelion closer. He didn’t know how he had managed to flee the Halls or how he had crossed the Sea, but he had and he had somehow found the Gray Havens. He stood in front of Círdan’s house, which housed the party of Elves to which Elrohir belonged.
He entered Elrohir’s room and found his love on the bed, crying soundlessly. He wished he were alive again, for then he could reach out – or that Elrohir was dead, for then they could touch and communicate. But with one of them dead and the other alive their case seemed hopeless.
Seeing trails of tears on Elrohir’s cheeks, Ecthelion inched closer and sat down on the bed. “I miss you, which seems absurd as we were only together for such a short time.”
“I miss you too. I miss you so much that I am dreaming about you.” Elrohir’s eyes focused on Ecthelion and widened, finding the specter at his side. “This isn’t possible.”
“You see me?” Ecthelion couldn’t believe this was happening. “You can really see me, but how is that possible…?” He hadn’t expected for that to happen! “I am dead and you are not!”
“Maybe it is because I was dead once?” Elrohir pushed himself into an upright position and drank in his lover’s sight – even though Ecthelion’s appearance was a bit on the transparent side.
Ecthelion frowned; did that mean Glorfindel would be able to see him as well? He hoped not. Raising his hand he wanted to touch Elrohir’s face, but his fingers passed through the half-Elf, not finding any solid form. “I am a ghost,” he said; he had been afraid this would happen. “I cannot touch you.”
“But I can see you and we can speak!” It was enough for the moment – until…
“You are contemplating taking your life,” said Ecthelion, uncertain how to feel about that.
“I want to be with you and we cannot be together if we are apart like this. Ending my life seems like the most logical thing to do, but…”
“You were given life and taking it seems like blasphemy. I understand. I would be hesitant to take my life as well.” If only he could touch Elrohir! Then his existence would be bearable! “You are so close and yet completely out of reach!”
In turn, Elrohir tried touching Ecthelion, but failed just as miserably. “This is so unfair!”
“It is,” said Ecthelion, nodding once. “But you are right – we can communicate and see each other. That must be enough, for now.”
“Ecthelion, why are you here? Well, I think I know why you are here, but how is it possible for you to be here?”
“I fled… I left the Halls of Waiting.”
“Without Námo’s permission?” Elrohir’s heart missed a beat, seeing Ecthelion nod. “You should not have done that.” He didn’t know what happened to souls that fled the Halls of Waiting, but common sense told him that Námo would not allow it for long. The Vala would come for him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Elrond was asleep and Glorfindel didn’t want to wake the half-Elf, who had suffered so much during these last two days. His friend needed his sleep and so Glorfindel soundlessly left the room they shared and stepped outside. The room came with a balcony, which was connected with Elrohir’s room. Stepping onto the balcony, Glorfindel wondered about Elrohir. The younger half-Elf sat on the balcony and although he was alone, Elrohir was talking and gesturing wildly. But no, Elrohir wasn’t alone. A dark-haired Elf sat at his side. Was it Elladan? He wouldn’t know until he saw the Elf’s face.
Glorfindel approached Elrohir, who didn’t seem to notice his presence. “Elrohir?”
Elrohir’s eyes widened, looking up at Glorfindel who towered over him. “Glorfindel? What are you doing here?”
“I woke and could not sleep any more. Won’t you introduce me?” he said, pointing at the stranger, whose features were still hidden behind the long, dark hair.
“You see him?” Elrohir’s fear had just come true.
“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?”
“We knew this could happen,” said Ecthelion, sweeping back his hair with the back of his hand.
Glorfindel stumbled backward. “You? But… you are dead!” He couldn’t be looking at Ecthelion! Frantic, he reached out with his right hand and he jumped back in fright, finding his hand passed through Ecthelion’s form.
“I am a ghost,” said Ecthelion, smiling sorrowfully. “I am without form, but Elrohir and you can see me.”
“I think it is because we were dead once,” supplied Elrohir. He wanted nothing more than to lean against Ecthelion and relish the feel of the warrior’s arms around him, but it wasn’t meant to be.
His knees gave out beneath him and Glorfindel was forced to sit down beside Elrohir. Staring at Ecthelion, he was trying to work out what had happened. “You left the Halls without being reborn… You fled! Why?”
“Because I love Elrohir,” replied Ecthelion, whose eyes adoringly focused on the half-Elf. “I was never happy in life, you know that, Glorfindel. I always longed for more, for something special. For the same thing that you had with Erestor. I never got it. I died instead.”
“You love Elrohir?” Glorfindel was doing his best to process this news. “But…”
“Erestor once foretold that I would find a love called Elrohir and that he would be a half-Elf. He was right. I have watched Elrohir since he was born and when he died, I tried to prevent it, but Eru’s will must be done, so he died. I caught his soul when he died and the moment our souls touched, we knew we were meant for each other.”
“And that is why you left the Halls? You went against the rules!”
“Does it matter, Glorfindel? I love Elrohir and I lost him to life again. If I can only be a ghost to him, I will make my peace with that.” Ecthelion watched Glorfindel closely. “Erestor loves you, meldir.”
Glorfindel hadn’t anticipated the change of subject. “I do not know what to think anymore.”
“Glorfindel, I know you best. Maybe I know you even better than Erestor does. I understand that you felt hurt because he didn’t tell you from the start who he was, but he couldn’t. It was part of the agreement, which father and son had reached. He loved you, why wasn’t that enough?”
Before his rebirth, when he had talked to Erestor, Glorfindel had known why it wasn’t enough. He had scolded Erestor and shunned him. But the reason why now eluded him. “I do not know why it wasn’t enough.”
“Erestor hoped that the two of you would be together in the Halls. He loved you so much to make whatever necessary sacrifice. First, he left behind his life as a Vala and became one of us – one of the Firstborn. Then, after your death, he gave in to his sorrow and returned to the Halls, which was no sacrifice at all, as you already dwelt there. Would it have been so hard to accept him? His love?”
Glorfindel lowered his eyes and wrung his hands. “I do not have an answer for you.”
Ecthelion and Elrohir exchanged a look, and realizing what his lover wanted him to do Elrohir reached out to Glorfindel and squeezed his shoulder.
“Námo allowed you to be reborn because he wanted to free his son of your tormenting presence. Later, he allowed Erestor a second chance at love, and because your memories were locked away your love blossomed again,” said Ecthelion.
“He would wake in the middle of the night and beseech me not to leave him. Not to hate him. I never understood why he felt like that. I was convinced that I could never hate him! And yet, in the past, I did.” Glorfindel gave Elrohir a weak smile, thankful for the comforting contact.
“And then I died,” said Elrohir.
“Aye, you died and the memories returned.” Glorfindel had never felt more miserable before. “I understood why he was afraid that I would return to hating him – leaving him. But when he mentioned his choice, I felt lost. Why did he make that decision? I thought he loved me? If he did, how could he choose you and not me?”
“You really do not understand, do you?” Ecthelion forced himself to remain patient with his old friend. “You were angry with him for choosing you over the inhabitants of Gondolin. And so, when faced with a similar choice, he did what he thought you would want him to do. You had told him that you thought him utterly selfish, so now he had to perform the most selfless deed ever – he returned to his parents and sacrificed his love for you.”
Glorfindel slowly began to understand. “I am no longer the person I was when I told him I hated him. Erestor and I were happy in Imladris. Our time together has healed much of my wounds and took away my sense of betrayal. I learned much.”
“You no longer think of him as selfish then?” Ecthelion grew hopeful that Glorfindel had learned his lesson.
“I do not.” Glorfindel finally admitted the truth. “In Gondolin, his hands were tied, I understand that now.”
Elrohir gave Glorfindel a sad smile. “The irony of the matter is that I do not want to live again. I was happy in the Halls of Waiting – with Ecthelion. It was Námo who delivered the flute and the poetry book to my rooms, and who braided the ribbons into my hair. Ecthelion and I were meant to be with each other.”
“Erestor made his sacrifice in vain,” mumbled Glorfindel, crestfallen.
“Not in vain. His deed opened your eyes.” Elrohir wished he could take Ecthelion into his arms. “I miss feeling you close.”
“So do I.”
Glorfindel heard the longing and misery in their voices and wondered about them. “You cannot be together?”
“Elrohir is alive and I am dead. I am nothing but a ghost to him.” Ecthelion’s voice dripped with tears.
“And you left the Halls in order to be with him?” Glorfindel shivered, wondering what punishment awaited Ecthelion once Námo realized what had happened.
“I love him so much that I risked it all. I will do whatever is necessary to be with Elrohir.”
“Oh, meleth6!” Elrohir’s eyes spoke volumes of love. “I will end my life shortly so we can be together again!” He couldn’t bear being separated from Ecthelion!
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Glorfindel walked along the harbor, watching ships set sail and others return to the safety of the Gray Havens. His conversation with Elrohir and Ecthelion had given him much food for thought. How was it possible that Ecthelion defied the Valar in order to be with Elrohir, whilst he accepted whatever fate he was given? Was he a coward? Why did he accept being separated from Erestor?
/I love you, Erestor. For the very first time I understand you – understand your complex being. I see the sacrifices you made in order for us to be together. You are a Vala and yet you chose me as your lover. I never realized how blessed I am – how very fortunate to have your love. In the Halls of Waiting, I threw your love away. I threw it at your feet and left it there to rot. I overreacted and clung to my rage instead of seeing what was really happening./
In the distance, Arien began her daily journey and a spectacular sunrise momentarily distracted him. But then depression struck again – he wanted Erestor to be here with him to share this beatific moment with him. But he was alone.
Looking over his shoulder, he located Elrohir and Ecthelion, still seated on the balcony. They seemed lonely, trying to touch each other, whilst knowing their hands would pass through the other’s form. And yet, Ecthelion had risked it all in order to be with Elrohir.
Had risked it all.
Ecthelion had risked it all.
Ecthelion had fled the Halls of Waiting – had proven his love to Elrohir.
What had he, Glorfindel, ever done to prove his love to Erestor?
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Círdan walked beside Elrond, escorting the half-Elf to the breakfast table. “Give them some time. They have been through much.” He had been stunned to hear where his guests had come from. “Elladan and Elrohir need time to accept that things have changed.”
Elrond nodded, reluctantly. “I worry about Elrohir the most,” he said, seating himself at the breakfast table. “I expected him to be happy that he was alive again. But instead, he lashed out in anger, demanding why we had come for him.”
Círdan’s gaze happened upon Elrohir, walking the balcony and seemingly engaged in conversation, but no one was close.
Seeing his friend’s intense look, Elrond followed the direction of the Shipwright’s stare and his heart missed a beat, seeing Elrohir raise his arms, as if embracing someone. “Was bringing him back the right thing to do?”
“From what you told me I gather that it wasn’t your choice if Elrohir was to be returned or not.” Círdan sipped his morning tea, watching Elrohir intently.
“It wasn’t my decision.” Elrond stared at the hot liquid in his cup, but couldn’t bring himself to drink it.
Círdan remained quiet – lost for answers himself and studied Elrohir instead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Lindir? Elrohir worries me.” Elladan stood near the window and watched his brother talk to the air.
Lindir embraced his beloved from behind. Last night, they had talked and held each other close, but nothing more intimate had taken place. Elladan was still too emotional for that. “Maybe you should talk to him?”
“I will do just that!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“You cannot return to the Halls! I won’t let you!” Elrohir’s hands became fists and he glared at Ecthelion.
“Elrohir, I cannot stay here… I want to, but…”
“Stay! Let Námo come for you! It might be years before he finds out that you are gone!”
“If I could touch you, I would wrap you in my arms and kiss you.” But he couldn’t.
The words brought tears to Elrohir’s eyes. “This is not fair!”
“Nay, it isn’t,” said Glorfindel, surprising the both of them.
“Glorfindel…” Ecthelion glared at his old friend for sneaking up on them like that.
“Ecthelion… I have been doing some thinking and I wonder…” Glorfindel swallowed hard. Doing this took all of his courage. “Would you risk it all one more time?”
“What are you talking about?” asked Ecthelion, worried.
“As I said, I have been thinking… I have lost Erestor, and like you, I want to risk it all.”
“What are your plans?” Ecthelion had seen his friend plot before.
Glorfindel straightened his shoulders and stared into Ecthelion’s eyes. “I plan on returning to the Halls of Waiting and confronting Námo. I will tell him how much I love Erestor and that I cannot live without him. I will dwell in the Halls of Waiting until I have convinced Erestor of my love and if he will have me, forevermore.”
“But there is a problem, Glorfindel. You are alive,” pointed out Elrohir.
“Not if you agree to my plan,” said Glorfindel, holding Ecthelion’s gaze prisoner.
“What plan?” Ecthelion was beginning to feel suspicious.
“You and I,” said Glorfindel, addressing Ecthelion, “will return to the Halls where I will offer Námo my life in exchange for yours. If he accepts, you will be reborn and free to be with Elrohir. Elrohir won’t have to die again.”
“And what makes you think Námo that will agree to your plan?” asked Ecthelion, skeptically, though Glorfindel’s plan was giving him new hope.
“I am counting on Erestor to influence his father. He loves me and we can be together if I am dead.” Glorfindel nodded once. “This will work.”
Ecthelion and Elrohir exchanged a look. “Can it work?” asked Elrohir, growing hopeful.
“It might,” admitted Ecthelion. Erestor was on their side. “But how do we return to the Halls?” He didn’t even know how he had left them!
The moment Ecthelion uttered those words their forms vanished, leaving Elrohir behind, alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Námo’s smile was radiant, seeing Glorfindel return to his Halls. Maybe, Glorfindel had matured and was finally ready to make his choice.
1 meldir (sing.) –-“male” friend (Sindarin, noun) mell + dir
2 tôr (sing.) –- brother (Sindarin, noun)
3 meleth –- love (Sindarin, noun)
4
5 Naneth –- mother (Sindarin, noun)
From the Council of Elrond Quenyan and Sindarin dictionary