Title: Memories Fade

Sequel to Rocking the World!

Author: Morgana
Author’s Email: morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon

Pairings: Alexander/Hephaestion/Bagoas

Rating: NC-17
Summary: Speaking of their first time brings back painful memories for Bagoas. When Hephaestion asks him to share those memories with him, Bagoas tell him his life's story.

Disclaimer: Oliver Stone's movie inspired my stories. No copyright infringement is intended. This is for fun, not for making money!

Warning: AU of course. This story also contains some violence and a rape scene.

Beta read by DA, thanks a lot, sweetie!

All remaining mistakes are mine.

 

Memories Fade

 

There's only need
I love your need
So much I'm losing me
I cannot see the reason for the Pain
With hungry joy
I'll be your toy
Just hoping you will play
Without the hope my body starts to fail

Memories fade but the scars still linger
Goodbye my friend
Will I ever love again
Memories fade but the scars still linger

I cannot grow
I cannot move
I cannot feel my age
The vice like grip of tension holds me fast
Engulfed by you
What can I do
When History's my cage
Look forward to a future in the past

 

(Fragment from Memories Fade by Tears for Fears)

 

 

 

Part 1

 

# The day had been an extremely bad day. His mother had taken out her anger on him instead of Philip, and his father had done exactly the same thing to him. Alexander was fed up with their behavior, as well as deeply hurt by their demeanor toward him and each other. And so he turned to the only person he trusted and that was his Hephaestion. No matter how cruel life treated him, Hephaestion was there for him, listened to him, and counseled him. Hephaestion was the only one he could call upon for support. He didn't quite know why he trusted the other boy, but he had realized a long time ago that a deep connection ran between them.

 

"Tell me, Alexander. What happened today?" Hephaestion sat down next to Alexander on the bench and gave him a pondering look. They always met there – in the woods – after their lessons and he had grown fond of these meetings.

 

Alexander and Hephaestion were fifteen and sixteen now and already considered young adults. Yet, they continued to meet with each other and confide in each other, while custom demanded they sought out an older mentor instead. But Hephaestion had never felt drawn toward any one else. Alexander was his life – the other boy was his everything. And it was no secret that Alexander felt the same way where Hephaestion was concerned.

 

"I hate my parents." Alexander peeked at his other half. They were seldom seen apart and Hephaestion had been called his shadow on more than one occasion. Wherever he was, there was Hephaestion.

 

"Don't let them get to you in that way." Hephaestion wrapped an arm around his friend. He didn't remember when he had first realized that he felt more than just friendship for Alexander, but the feeling had been growing stronger every day. He would do everything within his power to make Alexander happy.

 

"Hephaestion?" Alexander looked at the boy – no, young man – seated next to him and was overcome by feelings he couldn't label. "My mother hates me because I love and side with my father and Philip hates me because he can't be certain that I am really his son. What should I do?" He had never spoken about the troubles in his family so openly before – not even to Hephaestion – but had only hinted.

 

Hephaestion realized the trust he was given and placed his hands on either side of Alexander's head. "Be at peace with yourself, Alexander. You know who you are."

 

Hephaestion's words made Alexander smile and woke a hunger inside him. For some time now, he had felt more than just friendship toward Hephaestion. The other boy was his other half – Hephaestion was the only one he could trust – he was his support. "I love you," he declared rather unexpectedly, surprising both Hephaestion and himself. "I love you, Hephaestion."

 

Hephaestion blinked at hearing those words. He had always wanted to hear them, but had never thought he would. "I love you too, Alexander."

 

Alexander nodded. Hephaestion's love always surrounded him – was always very palpable. "Promise me something, Hephaestion."

"What?" Hephaestion stared at Alexander, who was in the process of getting to his feet. Alexander pulled himself upright as well and, as always, Hephaestion followed where Alexander led him. Suddenly, Alexander's hands found their way beneath his tunic and they settled on the curve of his buttocks.

 

"Promise me that you will love me forever." Alexander leaned in closer and claimed Hephaestion's lips with all his might. He was finally ready to stake his claim. He had already waited too long in order to do so. He had seen others look appreciatively at Hephaestion, even his father and Cleitus had been among the ones to simply devour Hephaestion's form with their eyes. "Promise me that you will never take another lover. That you will love me for the rest of your life."

 

Hephaestion felt light-headed. He was drunk on Alexander's words – words he had wanted to hear for the last year. "I am yours, how can you doubt that I belong to you. Don't you know that my soul is yours? That we are one?" He gasped as he felt Alexander's hands squeeze his buttocks. Was it finally going to happen? The thing he had dreamt of for so long? "I am yours, Alexander. Come and claim me."

 

Alexander didn't need more encouragement than that. He had dreamt of claiming Hephaestion for months. He brought his arms up behind Hephaestion's back and pulled him close. One hand traveled downward and resolutely removed the loincloth Hephaestion was wearing.

 

His erection bobbed free and Hephaestion released a surprised sigh once Alexander's fingers were wrapping themselves around his cock. "Now? Like this?"

 

Alexander nodded his head once and then claimed Hephaestion's lips in a brutal kiss. "Yes now, and like this." He did away with his own loincloth and pressed Hephaestion's back against the trunk of an oak tree. "Why did we deny each other for so long?" His cock was already trying to push past Hephaestion's guardian ring and Alexander panted excitedly.

 

Hephaestion bit his bottom lip until it bled. Alexander was pushing inside and it burned. Without any means of lubrication it was bound to hurt, but he was so high on adrenaline that he didn't really register the pain. The only fact that *did* register with him was that Alexander had sheathed himself and was now buried to the hilt.

 

Alexander guided Hephaestion's arms around his shoulders and encouraged his lover to wrap his legs around his waist. As a result, Hephaestion was now suspended in the air and he clung to Alexander for support. Unable to think rationally, Alexander thrust upward. Hephaestion had always had this effect on him – with Hephaestion, Alexander was able to let go. "You are mine, Hephaestion, until the day we die." He thrust again and Hephaestion thrashed in his arms like mad. Encouraged by his lover's passionate reaction, Alexander set a punishing rhythm.

 

They reached completion much too soon. Alexander released his seed inside his lover's passage and pulled Hephaestion close to him. It was almost like he could see the connection running between them: a golden glow that included them both. "I love you, Hephaestion."

 

Hephaestion however was lost in the throes of his own orgasm and failed to assure Alexander of his love in turn.

 

The two young men clung to each other and it took all of Alexander's strength to support his lover. Slowly, he went down onto his knees and then lowered a debauched looking Hephaestion onto the grass. "You are my life, Hephaestion. Without you, I would wither away -- I would die."

 

Hephaestion was quite suddenly jolted from the post-orgasm bliss he had been in. "Never say such a thing! You are much stronger than that! Than me! You are the most amazing person I ever met and you are strong! Much stronger than you think!"

 

Alexander rested his head against Hephaestion's chest and closed his eyes. "No, I am not. I am weak without you."

 

Hephaestion felt at a loss; how was he supposed to reassure Alexander that wasn't the case? "Alexander…?" He winced as he tried to push himself upright.

 

Alexander's features immediately darkened. "Did I hurt you?" Making love to Hephaestion was something he hadn't planned and yet, the fact that they would become intimate had been inevitable.

 

"I will be sore for the next few days," Hephaestion replied, still wincing. He briefly closed his eyes and managed to lock out the discomfort. "But it was worth it."

 

"Our first time." Alexander felt flooded with concern for his beloved Hephaestion. He had promised himself to cherish and protect him – to always love and satisfy him. "You do know that I am your slave?"

 

Hephaestion smiled and ran his fingers through the blond mane. "You want to be my slave? My personal love slave?" He couldn't help teasing Alexander just a little.

 

"For all eternity." Alexander lowered his head so he could lick one of Hephaestion's nipples. "I wouldn't want it any other way. We are meant to be together."

 

Hephaestion nodded once. "I share that belief."

 

Cuddling up together they enjoyed the aftereffects of their lovemaking and whispered sweet, soft words into each other's ears. Nothing could ever tear them apart—nothing but death that was!

 

~~~

 

Sharing a bed that night was familiar and yet, at the same time so very different. They had slept in the same bed whenever they could: starting at childhood, but there had never before been this sexual component to it.

 

Alexander had curled himself around Hephaestion and nuzzled his lover's neck. Deeply inhaling the masculine and slightly salty scent, his fingers caressed Hephaestion's side. "Are you still smiling?" Hephaestion hadn't stopped smiling since their lovemaking, but as Alexander lay spooned behind his lover, he couldn't see Hephaestion's face.

 

"Yes, I am." Hephaestion chuckled and pressed back against Alexander. He was still high on endorphins and couldn't stop feeling the way he had felt when Alexander had finally claimed him.

 

Alexander's mood sobered. "Did I hurt you? If so, I want to apologize. I didn't even stop to prepare you."

 

Hephaestion closed his eyes and released a deep sigh. Alexander's arms held him in a protective embrace and he couldn't remember ever having felt so right before. "I am sore… I will probably still be sore in the morning."

 

"We are supposed to train tomorrow." Running and horseback riding were on their schedule tomorrow. "I should have…"

 

Hephaestion couldn't bear hearing the guilt in Alexander's voice and turned in the embrace until he was face to face with Alexander. His lover's brown eyes had darkened, which was a sure sign that Alexander was worried. "Don't you dare feel guilty for making love to me! I will bear the discomfort, Alexander."

 

"I promise I will make it up to you tomorrow evening, my beloved Hephaestion." Alexander pressed a chaste kiss onto his lover's lips. "And now you should sleep. You had a very tiring day."

 

Hephaestion arched an eyebrow. "And you didn't?"

"It was different for me. I wasn't on the receiving end."

 

"Alexander?"

 

"Yes?" A frown appeared on Alexander's brow as he saw the sudden uncertainty in Hephaestion's blue eyes.

 

"Did you mean it? After we made love… When you said that you love me?"

 

Alexander was stunned that Hephaestion could ask such a question after having made love less than an hour ago. "Do you doubt my love for you?"

 

"I…" Hephaestion bit his bottom lip and tried to find a way to phrase his question in a diplomatic way. "Do you want us to be – us – or…?"

 

Confused, Alexander shook his head. He slid his fingers through his lover's auburn mane and searched the soul-deep eyes. Hephaestion had never been able to hide any feelings from him and now he read hope and fear in them. "What are you trying to tell me?"

 

"Will there be others? Do you want to take others – except for me? Or…?"

 

Alexander finally caught on. "Hephaestion, *you* have my love and no one else ever will. Even if I were to bed someone, for whatever reason, I will never love them as much as I love you. I will never deny our love, not even in public. I want the world to know that I love you."

 

A peaceful feeling came over Hephaestion and he smiled at Alexander. His lover's fingers massaged his scalp and played with locks of his hair. "I always knew that you were the only one for me, Alexander. I knew it the first time I saw you."

 

"May Zeus be my witness that I take you as my mate and that I will always love and honor you. I will never betray your love or the loyalty you have shown me." Alexander traced Hephaestion's eyebrow with his fingertip and lost himself staring into those wide, joy-filled eyes. "I am yours, Hephaestion – always."#

 

~~~

 

"Is that also how you remember it, Hephaestion?" Alexander was trying out a new writing style and had exchanged writing in the first person for writing in the third. It felt less intense that way and he hoped it would stop his writing from turning into plain porn like his prior snippets had.

 

"Remember what?" Hephaestion walked over to the couch and looked at the screen from over Alexander's shoulder. The blond man had raised his feet and they rested on the coffee table. The laptop – Hephaestion's – was balanced on his knees.

 

"Our first time," Alexander explained in a cheeky voice. "I still feel sorry for taking you that way. You were a virgin and I should have prepared you. It's a miracle that our first time together didn't leave you traumatized. In retrospect, I would have understood if you had refused being on the bottom again after the brutal way I claimed you."

 

"I was so high on endorphins that I barely noticed any pain. I was in some discomfort later on, yes, but I never was in any real pain." Hephaestion made his way around the couch and sat down next to Alexander. He continued to read Alexander's snippet and occasionally peeked at his lover. "Can I tell you a secret?"

 

Alexander looked up from the screen and gazed into Hephaestion's eyes. "A secret? Did you manage to keep something from me?"

 

Hephaestion nodded. "Promise me that you won't use it in one of your snippets."

 

"I promise." By now, Alexander had detected the serious tone in Hephaestion's voice. It was obvious that his lover wanted to confide something to him that at one time had greatly bothered him.

 

"I was scared," Hephaestion murmured while giving Alexander an apologetic look. "I was scared that it would only be a one-time affair and that you would tire of me."

 

"So that's why you asked me if I wanted to take other lovers." Hephaestion's questions back then now made sense to Alexander. "Hephaestion, I love you, you do know that by now, don't you?"

 

"I do." Hephaestion leaned in closer and rested his head against Alexander's shoulder. "I was so young back then – we both were – but things were different for you. You were destined to be a King one day and… I was uncertain of my future place in your life. It appeared to me that you would want to wed and sire children. There would have been no place for me in your life if you had."

 

Alexander closed the laptop and placed it on the couch next to him. Then he turned toward Hephaestion and wrapped his lover in his arms. "If only we had talked more... Communicated better. But I was too impatient for that and not mature enough to listen to your advice."

 

"But that has changed now." Hephaestion rubbed his cheek against Alexander's shoulder. An unsettling feeling was trying to take possession of him and Hephaestion felt the need to chase it away. "I must admit that I have way more pleasurable memories of our second time together, Alexander."

 

Alexander laughed warmly. "I remember our second time, Hephaestion. Mind if I make it into a snippet?"

 

"I don't, but you know my condition."

 

"I'll let you read it, my dear Hephaestion."

 

Hephaestion raised his head and gazed into Alexander's eyes, which carried an open and warm expression. "I can't wait to read then."

 

~~~

 

#Alexander was determined to be more considerate of his lover's need in the future. The day after they had made love the first time, their instructors put them through a grueling training schedule. Alexander had winced in sympathy each time he saw the discomfort in Hephaestion's eyes when they were told to gallop. That evening, he pampered Hephaestion in an effort to make up for his oversights.

 

"What are you doing, Alexander?" Hephaestion had promptly curled up on the bed once they had returned to the room they shared. He felt exhausted and it wasn't only due to the training. He still felt sore and his lower body throbbed occasionally, sending a stabbing pain through him. "Can't you come back in here so we can go to sleep?" Alexander had disappeared into the bathroom and Hephaestion was too tired to see what his lover was up to. He did hear water splashing, so he assumed that Alexander was cleaning himself up. If only he had the strength to do the same. He was covered in dust and dirt. "Alexander?"

 

Alexander finally stepped out of the bathroom and approached the bed. Hephaestion's eyes widened as he saw that his lover was still naked. "You are still covered in grime. I assumed you had cleaned up."

 

"Not yet." Alexander sat down on the side of the bed and brushed dust-covered strands of hair away from Hephaestion's face. His lover had managed to remove the armor they had trained in, but that was about it. Hephaestion still wore his tunic, loincloth, and boots. "I prepared a bath."

 

"I am too tired, Alexander, and I…" Hephaestion groaned as he shifted on the bed. His insides felt on fire.

 

"Let me do the work." Alexander first removed Hephaestion's boots and then reached for the tunic. "Can you sit up for me?"

 

"Must I?" Sitting up would put pressure on his bottom.#

 

~~~

 

"You're getting better at putting yourself in my position," Hephaestion commented as he watched Alexander type away. "Did you feel guilty for taking me like that? Or are these creative touches you're only adding now?"

 

"I felt guilty all right," Alexander explained. His fingers had stopped typing and now waited for Hephaestion's sign that he could continue his snippet. "And I did want to pamper you. I know I should have taken better care of you during our first time."

 

"Hearing that means a lot to me." Hephaestion snuggled up to Alexander and smiled privately. "Now continue typing."

 

~~~

 

#"Can't we do this another time?" Hephaestion surrendered to Alexander's ministrations and let his lover remove his tunic. He was sitting up and doing so had intensified the ache in his lower body. "I just want to lie down and go to sleep."

 

"Not yet." Alexander made quick work of Hephaestion's loincloth and then pulled him to his feet. Hephaestion winced and his lover's features contorted, making Alexander feeling even guiltier. "I promise I will never treat you like that again."

 

"Alexander…" Hephaestion murmured Alexander's name, but then forgot what he had wanted to say. He was almost asleep on his feet.

 

Alexander wrapped an arm around his lover's waist and walked Hephaestion into the bathroom, wondering what his beloved's reaction would be like upon seeing the trouble he had gone through to make tonight special.

 

"When did you do this?" Hephaestion instantly felt awake. The soft glow of candles spread a warm light through the bathroom. They had strategically been placed around the giant wooden bath tub, which stood in the center of the room. Rose petals floated on the surface of the water.

 

"I stole away from training for one hour earlier today and gathered the roses. Picking the petals off the stems took the longest. Do you like it?"#

 

~~~

 

"That you did that meant a lot to me," Hephaestion stated as he placed his fingers atop Alexander's to stop him from typing. He wanted Alexander's attention to be fully focused on him when he spoke next. "It was the first time that I realized there was a romantic side to you."

 

"I cut my fingers removing the petals… Those thorns were sharp." Alexander gave Hephaestion an adoring look. "Seeing the expression in your eyes was worth it." It had also been the first time that he had seen their blue color change from blue to violet.

 

~~~

 

#"I do, Alexander, I like it a lot." He just wished he didn't feel tired to the bone.

 

Alexander helped Hephaestion settle down in the bath tub and then joined his lover in the water, sitting behind him. The rose petals brushed against their bodies and the tension finally fled his lover's strong shoulders. "Just try to enjoy this." He reached for the soap and began to clean his lover up. Alexander also washed the long hair, rinsed it, and finger-combed the strands until the worst tangles were gone. "Are you still awake?"

 

"Barely." Hephaestion's reply was nothing but a sleep-heavy whisper. The bath had done him good. The ache deep inside him had lessened, but exhaustion was making him sway.

 

Alexander quickly steadied his lover and pondered his next dilemma. It was obvious that Hephaestion lacked the strength to return to their bed on his own and that forced him into action. Hephaestion was bulkier and heavier than he was and lifting him took most of Alexander's strength.

 

"What are you…doing?" Hephaestion tried to raise his tired head, but failed to do so.

 

Alexander placed Hephaestion on a stool and, while keeping him upright with one hand, he reached for the towels with his other. He rubbed Hephaestion's skin dry, tried to get most of the water out of the auburn mane, and then pushed his arms beneath Hephaestion's back and knees. "I will take good care of you, my Hephaestion." He had never taken care of Hephaestion in this way before and was surprised at how much he liked doing this for his lover. Looking after Hephaestion made him feel needed and he loved feeling needed.

 

In the end, they managed to reach the bed and Alexander lowered his charge onto the straw-filled mattress. "I will join you in a moment." He was still dripping wet and quickly picked up a towel to dry his skin. A minute later, he slid into place behind Hephaestion and pulled him close.

 

"Do you still hurt?" Alexander waited and waited, but didn't receive an answer. Then it dawned on him that his lover had succumbed to exhaustion and had fallen asleep. "I love you," he whispered and pressed a kiss against Hephaestion's temple. "I love you more than life itself."#

 

~~~

 

"I like the way that sounds." Hephaestion had changed position and had stretched out on the couch. His head rested in Alexander's lap, which made typing a bit awkward, but Alexander was managing surprisingly well. "I had forgotten about that bath."

 

"You were exhausted," Alexander retorted in a forgiving voice. "You fell asleep while I made my way back into our bedroom."

 

"But I do remember what happened the next morning."

 

~~~

 

#The next morning Alexander woke to gentle kissing. His eyes fluttered open and he stared at Hephaestion, who had wrapped his arms and legs around him sometime during the night. The azure eyes were free of any pain and shone rapturously at him. There was a wicked gleam to those pools of blue and Alexander's body instantly reacted to it. He was growing hard and, judging by the way Hephaestion was rubbing himself against him, his lover was in need of release as well.

 

But Alexander felt reluctant to act upon their need. He wanted nothing more than to make love to Hephaestion again, and relive the sweet sensation, but he remained cautious, recalling the discomfort Hephaestion had been in that first time. "Maybe we shouldn't do this yet." Hephaestion gave him a smile that told him otherwise and the pressure in his groin tightened. He was as taut as a bowstring and ready to aim for his target.

 

"Maybe we should..." Hephaestion shifted against Alexander, reached for something beneath his pillow, and presented the glass vial to his lover. "Use this."

 

Alexander swallowed hard, suddenly growing nervous. When he had taken Hephaestion that first time, it had happened in the spur of the moment. They had been working their way toward that moment and when it had happened, it had been an intense and overpowering experience. This time, he wanted it to be different. "Are you certain? There are other ways we can pleasure ourselves."

 

"I am certain, Alexander." Hephaestion put the emphasis on the name and gave his lover a challenging look. "Make it good."

 

Alexander grew even more nervous once he realized just how much Hephaestion trusted him to take care of him. "Why don't you move onto your other side for me?"

 

Hephaestion gave him a quick kiss on the lips before turning away from Alexander. His lover now lay spooned behind him and Alexander's cock already pressed against the entrance to his body.#

 

~~~

 

"You're really fond of using that word, aren't you?" Hephaestion winked at Alexander.

 

Alexander had the grace to blush. "I do. What else do you want me to use? Member? Organ?"

 

Hephaestion chuckled and the smile reached his eyes, warmed them, and made them sparkle. "Go ahead then and use the word 'cock' as many times as you like." Since his head still rested on Alexander's lap however, he instantly noticed the effect of him saying that word had on his lover. "Do you like to hear me say that? Cock?"

 

"Stop it, or else I won't be able to finish." Hephaestion could be wicked at times.

 

Hephaestion decided to go easy on Alexander and stayed quiet – for now.

 

~~~

 

#This time, Alexander took his time preparing his lover. He poured the oil over his fingers and worked his way past the guardian muscle. He proceeded carefully, reminding himself that he didn't want to leave Hephaestion sore again. Hephaestion moaned and pressed back and Alexander added more oil so he could insert another digit. "Tell me if I go too fast or if it hurts."

 

"Would you stop if it did?" Hephaestion looked at his lover from over his shoulder. These were the moments where he felt connected to Alexander the most.

 

"It might kill me, but I would." Alexander resolutely nodded his head. Moving his fingers inside Hephaestion's passage, he took his time stretching the channel. "The expression in your eyes is amazing. Do you know that your eyes can change color? They go from blue to violet."

 

Hephaestion began to chuckle, but quickly stopped as it caused his inner muscles to involuntarily clench around Alexander's fingers. "Then why don't you do your best to make them change color again?"

 

Alexander growled softly, nipped playfully at Hephaestion's throat, and removed his fingers from the now loosened passage. Coating his cock with oil, he positioned himself behind Hephaestion. "I want to be like this for the rest of our lives."

 

"I will always be with you, Alexander, always." Hephaestion steadied his breathing once Alexander began sheathing himself. The bulk inside him continued to grow and he threw back his head the moment Alexander had buried himself completely. "That feels…"

 

"How does it feel?" Alexander kept still – he didn’t move at all. He wanted to savor this moment – this connection – and reckoned it was the same for Hephaestion. "Tell me."

 

"It feels good – intense. You are a part of me now." Hephaestion kept his head tilted so he could look at his lover. "I like that." Alexander's first thrust made him yelp and Hephaestion curled his fingers around his erection. He stroked firmly, wanting for them to reach completion together.

 

"I won't last long. Oh, the things you do to me." Alexander felt afloat on emotions. The clenching sensation around his cock took him by surprise and the next thing he heard was Hephaestion howling his name. Apparently his lover hadn't lasted long either. Alexander came hard and bit Hephaestion's shoulder during the moment of his climax. He was biting above the collar, wanting everyone to see that he had finally claimed Hephaestion.

 

Alexander wrapped his arms around Hephaestion's trembling frame and held him close. They rode the waves of orgasm together, but eventually the sensations faded and left them wanting more. Alexander groaned in disappointment as his softened flesh left Hephaestion's body. "I want to be inside you longer."

 

"There will be other times when we will make love." Hephaestion slowly turned in the embrace until he was on his back. Staring at the ceiling, he tried to bring his erratic breathing back under control again. "Alexander?" He turned his head and looked into the brown eyes.

 

"What is it?" Entranced, Alexander stared at his lover's now violet eyes. They were an amazing sight to behold.

 

"Promise me that you will never stop loving me." Alexander had made him promise the same thing.

 

"Oh, my Hephaestion! How can you even think that I would stop loving you? Don't you know how important you are to me?" Alexander wanted to shake Hephaestion until his lover believed him.

 

Unwilling to get into an argument now, Hephaestion cuddled up to Alexander and rested his head on his lover's chest. /Just never stop loving me./#

 

~~~

 

Hephaestion had to know. "Did I really make such an insecure impression on you?" He pushed himself into a sitting position, took hold of his laptop, and placed it on the coffee table. Next, he straddled his lover's hips and placed his hands on either side of Alexander's face. "Did I?"

 

Alexander shrugged. "Maybe a little, but the ladies like it when I add a bit more drama to the snippets."

 

"You're writing for your audience then?" Hephaestion cringed at the thought that Alexander had – in his own way – published his work.

 

"You have no idea how popular we have become since the discovery of our tomb – and our love." Alexander brought his hands up behind Hephaestion's back and held his lover close. "They are begging me to write more. And they want me to include Bagoas."

 

"Sounds like you established quite a fan base." Hephaestion didn't know if he should feel proud of Alexander or horrified.

 

"Just be glad that I didn't offer my work to the publisher you sold your book on Aristotle to. My work might have shocked him." Alexander fingered a lock of Hephaestion's auburn hair.

 

"He would never have accepted your work for publication."

 

"Maybe I should send it to the film industry instead. They could make our adventures into a series."

 

"The gay adventures of Alexander the Great, co-starring Hephaestion." Hephaestion shuddered. "No, thank you."

 

"What if they got Jared and Colin to play our parts?" Alexander felt wicked and loved seeing Hephaestion blush.

 

"Promise me that you won't tell Bagoas any of this…"

 

"And why's that, Hephaestion?"

 

"He might insist you pair him with Jared."

 

TBC

 

Part 2

 

Bagoas blinked and pressed his face against the window. Overnight, their little patch of paradise had become a snowy landscape in virginal white. He had seen snow before, but that had been during his childhood in the cities. In the orphanage, and later in the brothels, he had never been allowed to play much – let alone play in the snow. So it wasn't surprising that his inner child demanded he make up for the loss now.

 

Looking at his lovers from over his shoulder, he decided not to wake them yet. The three of them had made love last night and they deserved to sleep in. A smile surfaced on his face now that he was thinking back to the tender way Hephaestion had claimed him. Alexander had watched them make love and, once Hephaestion had found release, Alexander had moved in between Bagoas' knees to continue the sensual seduction. Bagoas had come after only a few thrusts and so had Alexander. The three of them had cuddled up together. The order in which they slept in had shifted of late.

 

In the beginning it had been Bagoas wedged in the middle, with Hephaestion spooned behind him and Alexander sleeping in front of him. Knowing they were on either side had made him feel safe and loved. But, of late, it was Hephaestion who slept in the middle with Alexander behind him and Bagoas in front of him, facing him. The break down Hephaestion had suffered that day in the tomb had made both Alexander and Bagoas much more aware of the fact that Hephaestion was only human and that he needed to lean on them at times. That realization showed best in the way they slept, holding each other.

 

Bagoas left them to their sleep and slipped into his room. He seldom used it and it had become somewhat of a guest and storage room. Bagoas rummaged through the closet until he found the clothes he had been looking for. The parka made of thick insulating material still lay untouched in its box and Bagoas ran his fingers over it. Slipping into his jeans, T-shirt, sweater, and two pairs of warm socks took him a few minutes, but he managed. Uncovering the sturdy mountain boots he had bought on their last trip to Athens, he struggled into them. The last thing he put on was the parka and he zipped it tightly. Now he felt ready to go outside.

 

As he made his way to the front door, he passed by a mirror and Bagoas had to chuckle at his reflection. He looked like some alien life form, but he wasn't going to take any chances. He had already caught two colds this winter.

 

Peritas, who had been asleep on the couch, lifted his head to see where Bagoas was going.

 

"Be quiet now. I'll be right back!" Bagoas closed the door behind him and stepped into the snow. The glaring white almost hurt his eyes and he had to shield them for the first few minutes. Then his eyes became more used to the brightness and Bagoas took another step away from the cottage. Bending down, he pushed his hands into the snow and let the white substance run through his fingers. Damn, that was cold!

 

He had put some gloves into his pocket before leaving his room, but he didn't want to put them on straight away. The snow might be cold, but at least he felt its chill in this way. He made the snow into a ball and threw it at the skies. Feeling silly, he broke out into a run. The piled snow however tripped him and he tumbled face-first onto the white blanket. Instead of cursing his awkward movements, he burst out in giggles. Rolling onto his back, he moved his arms and legs, creating a snow angel. He had always wanted to do that!

 

His fingers were growing numb due to the cold and Bagoas slipped the gloves on. Sitting upright, he tried to decide what to do next. /A snow man. I always wanted to build one!/

 

Now that he had made up his mind, Bagoas started to build his very first snow man.

 

~~~

 

"Alexander, come over here. You've got to see this!" Hephaestion chuckled. He had woken a few minutes ago and had casually looked out the window on his way over to the bathroom. That was when he had halted in his tracks to behold the scene below.

 

Hephaestion pulled the blanket which he was using instead of his morning robe tighter around his frame. It was a cold day and some of the chill had found its way past the window and into their bedroom.

 

"What is it?" What had caught Hephaestion's attention? Alexander made his way over to his lover, not bothering to cover himself up. The cold didn't affect him as much as it did Bagoas and Hephaestion. Bagoas was the most susceptible to the cold though. Alexander looked in the direction Hephaestion was pointing in and burst out laughing. "That's one very erect snow man!"

 

"I do hope he isn't visible from the road. People might wonder what perverts live here." Hephaestion goodheartedly teased Alexander back. It was only Bagoas who could come up with making a snow man with a hard on. "He looks like he's enjoying himself."

 

Alexander took another step and now stood behind Hephaestion. He wrapped his arms around his lover and rested his chin on Hephaestion's shoulder. "I doubt he had much of a childhood."

 

"And now he's making up for it." Hephaestion leaned back into Alexander's embrace and felt happy right there, right then. "Sometimes I can’t believe that this is real."

 

"It's real, Hephaestion. We're real. Our home's real." Alexander pressed a kiss onto the soft skin of Hephaestion's throat and closed his eyes while deeply inhaling the familiar scent. "And it's Christmas in a month's time."

 

"Christmas?" Hephaestion arched an eyebrow. "Why are you bringing up Christmas?" They had lived here for three years and had never bothered to celebrate the holiday or decorate the house.

 

"Because I've been watching Bagoas. I have the feeling he might enjoy celebrating it this year." Alexander cocked his head and had to admit, "And maybe I'm also ready to party."

 

Hephaestion smiled. When he had still lived with his father they had always decorated the house and made a big show out of celebrating Christmas. "We can do that."

 

Alexander nuzzled Hephaestion's neck and couldn't get enough of inhaling his lover's scent. It felt comforting to have Hephaestion this close. "We should probably get dressed and join him in the snow." It had been years since he'd had a chance to throw some snow balls. "And later on, I'll spoil the two of you with some hot chocolate and whipped cream." It was his favorite drink for the winter time.

 

~~~

 

A snow ball hit the back of Bagoas' head and, startled, Bagoas spun around to see where the missile had originated from.

 

Mayhem approached in the form of a grinning Alexander, who hadn't bothered to pile the clothes on as much as Bagoas had. Dressed in his favorite pair of faded jeans, boots, and a thick, woolen sweater, he was already busy forming another snow ball. "The battle is on!" Alexander felt he had given his lover enough of a warning and launched the snow ball.

 

This time, Bagoas ducked and the missile failed to hit its target. "Alexander!"

 

"Hey, are you going to hump him? He might be a bit cold, though!" Alexander laughed loudly and pointed at the snow man's impressive erection. "You have a dirty mind, my love!"

 

Bagoas grinned, but at the same time he grew flustered. "It seemed like a good idea at the time." Growing aware of the fact that Alexander was still approaching, Bagoas began to feel wary – the look on Alexander's face meant trouble. He was about to sprint away – well, at least to make the effort – when Alexander unexpectedly lunged for him. Bagoas managed to step aside, which caused Alexander to lose his footing and to fall forward. What Bagoas hadn't expected was for Alexander to grab his ankle. As a result, Bagoas also tumbled down. "What are you doing?"

 

But all Alexander did was to grin predatorily at him and Bagoas realized he had to get away from his lover. He didn't know Alexander's plans for him and he wasn't eager to find out. He tried to crawl away from Alexander on all fours, but the blond man didn't let go. Alexander was physically the stronger one of the two of them and ended up restraining a struggling Bagoas.

 

Horrified, Bagoas was forced to watch how Alexander picked up a handful of snow and then… then the bastard shoved the icy substance down his jeans! "Stop it!" Bagoas yelped now that the snow was sliding down his buttocks, thighs, *and* his groin area. "That's cold!"

 

"I figured you needed some cooling down, especially after gifting your snow man with such a remarkable erection!" Alexander loved seeing and feeling Bagoas wriggle beneath him and the movement aroused him. "Don't stop squirming," he breathed, licking his way down Bagoas' throat. The raven hair was wet with snow and ice crystals were beginning to form in the strands. Bagoas looked delicious.

 

Bagoas was momentarily at a loss, seeing Alexander look at him in such a strange way. But then he became aware of the erection pressing against his abdomen and a coy smile appeared on his face. "Can it be that you're jealous?"

 

"Jealous?"

 

"Because my snow man is bigger than you?"

 

Alexander chuckled; he could always count on Bagoas cornering him with words. "Maybe." He was about to lean in closer to kiss Bagoas when a snow ball hit him in the face. "What?" There was only person who could have aimed it at him!

 

"I thought you wanted to do battle, my King?" Hephaestion had used his time well and had constructed a formidable supply of snow balls, which lay at his feet. "Can you defeat me, Alexander?"

 

Alexander had never been able to ignore a challenge and he nodded his head. "I'll kick your ass, Hephaestion, even though it's a very nicely shaped ass…" He had wanted to add more, but suddenly Bagoas became alive beneath him and managed to throw him off balance. Bagoas freed himself of Alexander's hold and quickly ran over to join up with Hephaestion in their battle.

 

"That's not fair!" Alexander pushed himself to his feet, but was promptly hit in the stomach by one of Hephaestion's snow balls. "You're teaming up against me!"

 

"Oh, come on, Alexander! It's only me and Bagoas! Surely you can take the both of us on? Weren't you King of Asia once?" Hephaestion aimed another snow ball at Alexander's face and was disappointed when it didn't reach its target. Alexander had found shelter behind a fallen tree trunk.

 

"You *do* realize that he'll make us pay for this later?" Bagoas threw another snow ball, but also failed to hit Alexander.

 

Hephaestion grinned. "Oh, I'm already looking forward to that." Alexander's ideas about 'making his lovers pay' for whatever they had done, usually entailed hours of lovemaking!

 

~~~

 

"You didn't play fair!" Alexander was sulking. He had taken up position in front of the fire place and was trying to warm his chilly body. Toward the end of their 'battle' Bagoas and Hephaestion had tackled him and pushed large amounts of snow down his pants.

 

Hephaestion took pity on his lover and turned Alexander around until they were face to face. His fingers made quick work of the buttons and the zipper and he helped Alexander out of the icy wet clothes. "I'll make things up to you." He raised his arms and by doing that, enfolded Alexander within the folds of the soft blanket he had wrapped around him. "Sit down."

 

Alexander sat down on the rug and Hephaestion seated himself behind him with a leg on either side of his lover. Hephaestion wrapped his arms around Alexander's shoulders and used his own body heat to warm his miserable lover. "Are you feeling any better yet?"

 

"I'm still cold." Alexander didn't plan on giving his moping up just yet.

 

"Here." Bagoas, dressed in Jared's morning robe, placed a tray on the floor and then sat down next to Alexander. "Hot chocolate with whipped cream, just the way you like it, Alexander."

 

Hephaestion had to let go of Alexander in order to wrap his fingers around his mug. Taking the first sip, something burned his throat. "Bagoas, what's in there?" What had Bagoas added to the hot chocolate? Had he spiked it with alcohol?

Alexander took another sip, eager to discover the secret ingredient. "That's rum!"

 

Bagoas gave them a wicked smile. "Something to really warm you up."

 

The three of them sipped their spiked hot chocolate and watched the flames devour the wood in the fire place. Hephaestion finished his drink first and felt all warm and cozy due to the rum. He placed the mug onto the floor and reached for his lovers. His arms were long enough to fold around the both of them and he pulled them close against his chest. Maybe this was a good moment to bring up Alexander's plans for Christmas. "Bagoas?"

 

"Yes?" Bagoas was sipping the last of his hot chocolate and rested the back of his head against Hephaestion's shoulder.

 

"How do you feel about celebrating Christmas this year? We could decorate the house and shop for presents." Hephaestion caught Alexander's probing gaze and shrugged. "We have a little under a month left. If we want to get started, we need to do so now."

 

"That would be nice," Bagoas replied in a sleepy voice. "I never celebrated it before. They didn't make a big deal out of it at the orphanage and later on…" He let his voice trail off; he didn't need to remind them what his life had been like – they knew.

 

Alexander gave Hephaestion a contented smile. He was already looking forward to hanging mistletoe all over the place.

 

~~~

 

"Why don't you let me do that?" Alexander leaned against the doorway and watched Bagoas try to rub lotion onto his back.

 

"If you want to…" Bagoas handed Alexander the lotion. Although he had regained some flexibility there were still some spots on his back which he couldn't reach. He sighed the moment Alexander's hands touched his back and started spreading the lotion over his skin.

 

Alexander enjoyed touching Bagoas, even if it was in a non-sexual way. During his first life, he would never have done so – with Bagoas, everything had led to sex. "I've been meaning to ask you something." Alexander had rubbed the lotion into Bagoas' skin and now began to massage the shoulders. "Is there anyone you'd like to invite for Christmas?" He knew that Bagoas had no family left, but maybe there was someone Bagoas would like to have over for the holidays.

 

Bagoas blinked; he hadn't been expecting that question and Alexander's massage had lured him into a state of relaxation. "Jared, maybe?"

 

/I should have known./ Alexander reckoned the lotion had had enough time to disappear into the skin and he pulled Bagoas close to his chest. Enfolding Bagoas in a hug, he asked, "No one else?"

 

"I don't think so." For one moment he thought about inviting Shannon and Francisco, but they didn't know who he was – really was – and having them there might cause embarrassing situations. "But I don't think Jared will accept. He has his own family to visit for Christmas." Jared would probably prefer spending Christmas with them.

 

"Why don't you ask him and let him decide?" Alexander raised his eyes and looked at their joined reflection in the mirror. Bagoas looked healthy, happy, and sexy. This young man was a far cry from the abused boy they had found over three years ago. Bagoas had healed. "Maybe he wants to join us for Christmas?"

 

"I'll ask him." He would send Jared an email, but he doubted very much the actor would join them. "And how about you, Alexander? Is there someone you want to invite over?"

 

Alexander shook his head. He had already given the matter some thought and had decided against inviting his mother. He doubted she would be accepting of his relationships with Bagoas and Hephaestion and he didn't want her presence to affect the festivities. "No one."

 

"Did you already ask Hephaestion?" Bagoas pulled away and Alexander released him from his embrace. He slipped into Jared's morning robe – which he was still very fond of, even if it had long lost Jared's scent – and tied the belt around his middle.

 

"I did. He mentioned that he might ask his father to join us. Their relationship was always a good one and he's confident that his father will accept the three of us living here like this." He was curious about Hephaestion's father. Hephaestion seldom mentioned him, but when he did, it was always with love.

 

Bagoas clasped Alexander's hand in his and led his lover out of the bathroom and into the living room, where they found Hephaestion settled down on the couch, reading his email messages. "Anything interesting?"

 

"One more story part by Ladyjackyl called 'Reconnecting'. I like it." Hephaestion gave Bagoas a wicked smile. "It still features your favorite pairing of Colin and Jared."

 

Bagoas seated himself next to Hephaestion and peeked at the screen, trying to read along.

 

"Doesn't that bother you?" Alexander pulled a kitchen chair close and straddled it. "To read about a real person having sex with another actor?"

 

"It's called Real Person Slash, Alexander, and it doesn't have to be your cup of tea." Hephaestion chuckled; he was about to reach the end of the story. In spite of Alexander's enthusiasm where writing Fictional Person Slash was concerned, his lover still had his peculiarities.

 

"I read it," Alexander replied in a mocking voice. "I just don't write it." He cocked his head and then added, "Do you think Jared knows about the world of slash?"

 

"You're wondering if he ever read this…" Bagoas considered Alexander's question. "I doubt it very much."

 

"I hope he never will," Alexander murmured, giving his lovers an apologetic look.

 

"He might get some pointers on how to improve his sex life!" Hephaestion joked.

 

"Now stop it right there!" Alexander was enjoying their banter and played along. "You know nothing of Jared's love life!"

 

"I could have known…" Bagoas surprised them by giving them a perfectly composed smile. "But he played hard to get."

 

~~~

 

"What's wrong?" Hephaestion stirred from his sleep because someone was moving about in bed. That someone appeared to be Alexander, who looked at him with big eyes and a droopy nose. "Oh no…" They had already nursed Bagoas through two colds and Alexander had bragged that he never caught colds. "Looks like it's your turn now."

 

"I don't feel that great." Alexander pushed himself up onto his elbows and then released a series of volatile sneezes which shook the bed.

 

Bagoas startled awake and the first thing he saw was Alexander's eyes, hot with fever. "I thought you never got colds?"

 

"This is your fault! Yours and Hephaestion's!" Snot dripped from the tip of Alexander's nose and he gratefully accepted the tissues Hephaestion had fetched him. "The two of you teamed up against me in the snow and…" He started to cough and the raw sound made Bagoas and Hephaestion wince – a sight which filled Alexander with some satisfaction. "I don't want to be like this!" He was shivering, because he felt cold, but at the same time, his body felt hot with fever. "Oh, my poor stomach…"

 

Hephaestion reacted the fastest and dragged Alexander from their bed into the bathroom. "Bagoas, fetch me a morning robe or a blanket to cover him up with up!" He got Alexander just in time to the toilet and held back the blond hair when Alexander emptied his stomach. After a few minutes the vomiting changed into dry heaves, which tore at Hephaestion's heart.

 

Bagoas joined them and draped Alexander's morning robe over his lover's shoulders. Next, he wet a wash cloth and pressed it against Alexander's sweaty brow. "Just ride it out."

 

"I don't want to be sick!" Alexander hated the way he sounded – like a spoiled brat – but he really hated being ill. /Did I have to brag to Bagoas that I never got colds? Oh why…?/

 

"Bagoas, get some mouth wash." Hephaestion brushed back Alexander's damp hair and established eye contact with his lover. "Done?"

 

"Yes, I'm empty… There's nothing left to throw up." By the gods, he felt miserable! His bones, his joints, and his eyes hurt and he didn't want to move at all, but Hephaestion was already hauling him back to his feet.

 

"Rinse your mouth, Alexander." Bagoas made certain Alexander cleaned his mouth and spat the mouth wash back out. "I'll get you some tea." Luckily they still had some supplies left from when he had suffered from his colds.

 

"See if we have some aspirin and vitamin C left," Hephaestion suggested, knowing from personal experience that Alexander was the worst possible patient when he was like this.

 

Bagoas nodded his head to show he had heard and left the bathroom. That left Hephaestion with the task of hauling Alexander back to bed again. In the end, he simply lifted Alexander in his arms and carried him over to their bed.

 

"That's the first time that you had to carry me because I am ill." Alexander flinched; his stomach began to revolt again, but luckily there was nothing left to throw up. His nose itched, his mouth had gone dry, and his eyes were tearing up.

 

"I don't mind, Alexander." Hephaestion propped some pillows up against the headboard and helped his lover recline against them. "Better?"

 

"A bit." Alexander hated feeling like this – useless and powerless. When Bagoas had come down with this cold, it had taken him about a week to recover from it. Alexander hoped he would recover faster than that!

 

Bagoas returned carrying a tray. He placed it on the nightstand and slid into bed. Sitting cross-legged next to Alexander, he then placed the tray in front of him. "You should know the drill by now." Alexander had made him do this when he had been down with his colds. "Cough syrup first. You'll be grateful that I'm doing this later." He handed Alexander the tiny plastic cup that held the vile medicine.

 

Alexander didn't want to lose face in front of his lovers and drowned the appalling syrup in one go. He had enjoyed doing this to Bagoas and now his lover was getting back at him for making him drink the concoction.

 

"And next is the aspirin. It'll lower the fever." Bagoas placed the aspirin in the palm of Alexander's hand, waited for him to put them into his mouth, and then made him drink a glass of water.

 

"You're enjoying this way too much!" Alexander had seen the pleased gleam in Bagoas' eyes.

 

Hephaestion was also doing his best not to laugh at the faces Alexander was pulling whenever he had to take some medication. Alexander looked like a little lost puppy, but sounded like he was bullying his soldiers. The contrast amused him.

 

"And now you'll drink the tea. I added some honey to it." Bagoas placed the tray aside and waited for Alexander to curl his fingers around the mug. "Don't sip just yet – it's still hot."

 

"I need more tissues…" Alexander needed to blow his nose.

 

Hephaestion collected the box with tissues and brought it to bed with him. "You're going to pass the germs on to us. I just know you will."

 

Alexander blew at the surface of his tea and glared at Hephaestion. His lover was enjoying his misery way too much. "Well, you can always stay in the spare room!"

 

"Who would look after you if we left?" Bagoas steadied Alexander's trembling hands and helped him sip the tea. "We're staying. Misery loves company."

 

"I don't want you to catch this." Alexander had given the matter some thought and decided he didn't need to extract revenge on his lovers after all. He should let them pamper him instead.

 

"Now, sip." Hephaestion tucked the comforter around their forms and waited for Alexander to finish his tea before pushing an arm beneath his lover's neck. Pulling Alexander closer, he made certain that his lover rested comfortably against him.

 

On Alexander's other side, Bagoas stretched out and kept a close eye on Alexander. The eyes worried him – they were too feverish.

 

~~~

 

"I need to go…" Alexander swayed dangerously as he made his way over the bathroom. A battery of coughs, sneezes, and disturbing rumbling from his intestines made his lover hurry to his side. It was Hephaestion's turn to watch Alexander. 

 

Alexander was still battling his cold after five days, but Hephaestion was under the impression that he was slowly getting better. He thanked the gods that neither he nor Bagoas had caught the bug. Had all three of them gone down, it might not have been pretty. "I've got you."

 

"I don't want to do this anymore." The cold was keeping him from eating solid foods and he had been living on crackers, tea, and broth for the last few days.

 

"You're getting better – you just feel too miserable to notice." Hephaestion helped Alexander into the bathroom and behaved himself while his lover relieved himself. Under different circumstances he would have made fun of his lover, but not now that Alexander was feeling so wretched.

 

"Then why do I feel this bad?" Hephaestion had helped him make his way back over to the couch and Alexander curled up on it, hiding beneath his comforter which reeked of sweat and fever. They had tried taking it away from him so they could put it in the washer, but he had viciously clung to his comforter.

 

"Drink a bit more tea." Hephaestion placed the cup at Alexander's lips and waited for him to swallow some of it. The added honey would tend to Alexander's chaffed throat. "Why don't you try to sleep?" Hephaestion tucked Alexander's precious comforter around his lover's form and then pressed a kiss onto the clammy brow.

 

"You shouldn't do that… I don't want you to catch it."

 

"I would have caught it if were I susceptible to it long ago, Alexander." Hephaestion seated himself on the other end of the couch and raised Alexander's feet so they were resting on his knees. "Warm? Comfortable?" He slipped his hands beneath the comforter and rubbed the soles through the fabric of the socks.

 

"Yes, I guess so…" Alexander's eyes began to close. He felt exhausted. "Where's… Bagoas?" He hadn't seen him for some time.

 

"He went to check on Boukephalos." They had erected a shelter for the stallion during summer when the sun had mercilessly burned down on the earth. That shelter would also keep the worst cold from the horse. Hephaestion's gaze traveled from Alexander's face to Peritas. The dog had stretched out on the rug in front of the fire place.

 

"I forgot… all… about…him." Alexander was losing his battle and was quickly dozing off now that the coughing and sneezing had momentarily stopped.

 

"You don't have to think of everything, you know. That's why you have us." Hephaestion stopped rubbing Alexander's feet, raised his hands above the comforter, and tucked the warm material around Alexander's feet, so they would stay warm. He knew how much Alexander hated being in this way – but he also believed it was a good thing that Alexander had caught this cold for it might make Alexander realize just how tight the three of them had really become.

 

The front door suddenly opened and Bagoas, covered with fine snow, stepped inside. He quickly closed the door behind him to prevent any warmth from fleeing the cottage. After shedding his parka and stepping out of his boots, Bagoas made his way into the living room. "Is he still grumpy?" Alexander's mood had been foul – which wasn't surprising, but it was getting harder to deal with.

 

"I believe he's improving. This is the first time that he isn't coughing in his sleep." Hephaestion watched Bagoas sit Indian-style in front of the fire-place and Peritas lifted his head to rest it upon Bagoas' knee. In response, Bagoas petted Peritas and rubbed the dog behind his ears. "Is Boukephalos all right?"

 

Bagoas nodded his head once, but didn't bother to look up. He continued to rub Peritas' ears and said, "I made certain he has enough food and water for the next few days. The shelter is keeping out the cold."

 

"Alexander will be pleased to hear that when he wakes up again."

 

Bagoas had warmed up and now exchanged the rug for the comfortable chair opposite the couch. Pulling his legs close to his chest, he wrapped his arms around them and rested his chin on his knees. "This must be hard on him."

 

"You have no idea. He would never let me fuss over him, even when he was wounded."

 

"He'd let me – sometimes." Bagoas ducked his head, seeing the surprise in Hephaestion's eyes. "I think it was different for him when it was me taking care of him. I was only Bagoas the eunuch… not really a man… he didn't have to fight so hard to uphold his pride and dignity around me."

 

"Do you really believe that?" Hephaestion couldn't believe Bagoas had said that. Not once had Alexander indicated that he thought less of Bagoas because he was a eunuch, but then again, they hadn't discussed Bagoas that much in their first life.

 

Bagoas shrugged and made sure that Alexander was still asleep before he continued. "I know what I was back then, Hephaestion. I was a slave – someone to warm his bed and pleasure him if he desired so."

 

"Bagoas!"

 

"Hephaestion, I know it's not like that any more, but back then, it was. I was fortunate that he was kind and felt some affection for me." Bagoas closed his eyes and his thoughts traveled back in time. "I still remember the day Nabarzanes told me about his plan to gift me to Alexander as a peace offering."

 

Hephaestion listened up. "I wasn't present when Nabarzanes presented you to Alexander." He had been away on an assignment and Bagoas had already been living in Alexander's rooms upon his return. "Bagoas, what was it like? Being handed over to Alexander in that way? Were you scared?"

 

Bagoas opened his eyes and blinked. Hephaestion's questions had taken him by surprise. "Why are you asking?"

 

"Earlier this week, Alexander and I had talked about our first time together and I was wondering what it was like for you – your first time with Alexander."

 

Bagoas' eyes narrowed. "You really want to know about that?"

 

"Only if you're comfortable sharing those memories with me. I am curious…" Hephaestion wondered about the odd look on Bagoas' face. "If you don't want to tell me, I'll accept that."

 

"No, it's not that. I just thought you wouldn't want to know." Bagoas drew in a deep breath. "Some of it might not be what you expected it to be."

 

"Tell me. Make me understand."

 

"All right, just remember you wanted to be told." Bagoas closed his eyes again and let the memories flood into his thoughts.

 

TBC

 

 

Part 3

 

#I agreed to this because I did not really have a choice. I have no place left to go and I cannot stay with Nabarzanes, one of Darius' murderers. I just cannot. Serving the new King is only the next logical step. I am not forced into going along, I go willingly, but still because I have no choice. What else am I supposed to do?

 

~~~

I carefully keep my eyes lowered now that I am entering Darius' old study. This is the room where he signed his treaties and prepared to go to war against Alexander. I should know. Darius' study and his bedroom were my home most of the time.

 

"Great King, thank you for allowing me to plead my case in person." Nabarzanes kneels before Alexander and kisses his feet, as is our custom. In a few moments, I will do the same to pay the new King my respects. In the meantime, I listen and try to learn what I can about this new King.

 

"Please forgive me for the part I played during King Darius' last days. I was wrong to act in that way and I repent my deeds. I count on you to be merciful and to understand."

 

Nabarzanes is still on his knees and has not raised his eyes to the new King yet. He seems to be submissive and to be putting his fate in Alexander's hands, but I know the snake for what he is, and if Alexander is the man they say he is, so will he.

 

"Rise, Nabarzanes. I do not require my subjects to crawl in the dust for me."

 

Bold words and I am tempted to peek at our new King, but that would not do. I need to remember and practice all I have been taught if I want to be accepted and find a new home with this man.

 

"Great King, I do not come empty-handed. I brought you a gift."

 

Nabarzanes' claw-like fingers reach for my arm and he drags me into Alexander's view. I fume; I would have stepped up to the new King out of my own accord, but nothing of my anger shows in my expression, which is perfectly schooled and directed at the King's feet.

 

"I do not require gifts. You asked for forgiveness and you shall receive it."

 

Ah, yes, I have heard that Alexander can be extremely generous at times, but I have also heard how he deals with his enemies – without mercy and to the death.

 

"Great King, this is Bagoas, the eunuch. He was Darius' favorite and he is my gift to you. He will warm your bed in cold nights."

 

I hate being traded off like this – like I am some sort of object which can be bought and sold. Oh, who am I trying to fool? I *am* a slave, nothing more.

 

"Bagoas, you say?"

 

Alexander sounds thoughtful and I wonder if this is the moment I have been waiting for. Should I look at him or wait a little longer? Or fling myself at his feet and kiss them to show my respect? What kind of impression do I make on him? I took great care dressing myself and applying my make-up. The clothes I am wearing belong to Nabarzanes. I lost my personal belongings after Darius was slain. The midnight-blue tunic looks good on me, I know that. I brushed my hair for over an hour until it shone and began to curl. I applied the kohl beneath my eyes heavily and even put on a touch of rouge. Not too much – never too much, for the men I lay with do not want me to look like a woman.

 

All of a sudden I hear a soft rustling as Alexander raises an arm and reaches for me. A finger settles beneath my chin and he raises my face, making me look at him. I suck in my breath as I see those passionate eyes. They are brown, and long, blond hair frames a surprisingly handsome face. He is still young and unexpectedly handsome. In that instant I realize that I can come to care for him and that is a dangerous realization. A whore should never fall in love with his Master.

 

"Can you speak, boy?"

 

Boy, he called me boy! Does he not see that I am not a boy any more? I am already sixteen!

 

"Did I insult you, Bagoas?"

 

My anger must have shown in my eyes for him to say that and I instantly lower my eyes again. "No, my King, you could never insult me."

 

"You are fragile thing, Bagoas. What am I supposed to do with you?"

 

With a flick of his wrist, Alexander sends Nabarzanes out of the room and I am now alone with him – with the new Great King. Did he really call me fragile? "I am not fragile, my King. I am stronger than I look." I make sure to keep my voice soft and docile; I cannot afford to offend him. "I will serve you well, Great King."

 

"Bagoas, you are young, handsome, and you strike me as intelligent, so hear me when I say that I do not keep slaves."

 

I like him. I like this man – his resolve and the passion which with he utters those words. Only then his words register with me. "No slaves?" What strange kind of concept is that?

 

"I do not believe in forcing people to stay with me. Bagoas, you are free. Go wherever the wind carries you. I release you."

 

Just like that he returns my freedom to me. And what do I do? I stare at him dazedly. For so many years I yearned to have my freedom back and now that I have it, I realize that I have no place to go except for the harem – or Alexander's rooms, but it seems that he does not want my services. "Where should I go?"

 

Alexander frowns and seems surprised to hear my question. "My King, I no longer have a home, or a family." Why am I trying to explain my situation to him? He is the King! He cannot be interested in such a trivial thing as my life.

 

"I am sorry. I did not know that."

 

Alexander rubs his thumb against my cheek and I react like I was taught to – I blush and bat my eyelashes in the hope that it will have the intended effect on him. "You do not need to know, my King."

 

"You are a temptation, Bagoas."

 

I smile timidly as I do not want to appear too eager. "Thank you, Great King."

 

"Bagoas, look at me."

 

I do as I am told – of course I do. Refusing him would never occur to me. "Yes, my King?"

 

"If you have no place to go you are free to return to the harem. I ordered that nothing was to be changed and your room should be waiting for you. You can stay there as long as you want, but I hope you will find your own way when the time is right."

 

Alexander's words baffle me. I had been convinced that I had worked my magic on him and yet, he is sending me away. How can that be? "I am here to serve you, Great King. If I were to live in your rooms I could wait on you and fulfill your every desire."

 

"You were trained to say this, Bagoas. You are only doing what they taught you."

 

I lower my eyes again and say, "Great King Al'skander, I am here out of free will. No one is forcing me…"

 

"I have grown tired of this conversation, Bagoas. Take my offer or leave it."

 

Within the blink of an eye, Alexander storms out of the study, leaving me here alone. I feel shocked – I never expected him to banish me to the harem. I do not want to go back there – where manipulation and scheming are the sole things that will keep you alive. I made many enemies there while Darius still lived. The fact that I became his favorite made the other eunuchs jealous. I won't receive a warm welcome there.

 

~~~

 

"So you came crawling back, Bagoas?"

 

I recognize the voice and straighten my shoulders. I replaced this eunuch, who used to be Darius' favorite for years. During the time that I served Darius, this eunuch became in charge of the harem and now that I am nothing but another eunuch he holds power over me. Raji stands before me and I lower my eyes accordingly. "I came back to serve our new King."

 

"Our new King? That barbarian? You are more stupid than I thought, Bagoas."

 

The tone of his voice alarms me and I throw caution to the wind and raise my eyes. That is when I realize that we are not alone. Other eunuchs have joined the household, new additions to the harem which I have never met before. Their eyes are hard and unmerciful. These boys present a danger because they will do whatever Raji will tell them. "I won't cause you any trouble, Raji. I won't stay for long."

 

"Oh, you are right about that, Bagoas."

 

Raji speaks my name in a venomous tone and I try to move toward the exit so I can flee if needed, but one of the boys blocks my path and I am trapped. "I present no danger to you, Raji, or the position you hold. Our new King does not favor me."

 

"I could care less if he did, Bagoas. We have a score to settle. I was Darius' favorite until you came along and you banished me to an existence in the harems. I used to live in Darius' rooms and the other eunuchs used to look at me with respect. That changed. Do you have any idea how long it took me to retain my position here? And you are to blame for that!"

 

"And now you plan on having your revenge." I realize that there is no reason to be secretive about this.

 

"Oh, yes, I will finally have my revenge. I will make certain that you will never become our King's favorite again, Bagoas."

 

His words alarm me and I wish I had come here armed, but foolishly enough, I had thought that they would never dare raise their hands against me. "Raji, do not do this. I can serve you much better if you do not do this."

 

"No, the time for words is gone. Grab him!"

 

Dozens of hands try to grab hold of me, and for a moment I manage to elude them, but then they grab strands of my hair and their combined power smites me to the floor. I fall down face first and my head hits the stone floor hard. My head reels and my world spins.

 

"Do it!"

 

Raji must have planned this from the moment he heard of my return for the boys know what he wants them to do. They rip the clothes from my back and bear my naked body to Raji. I am shivering, finally realizing what his plans are. "Do not do this…" I have been raped more times than I can count, but to be raped by ones of my kind fills me with horror. These boys, these eunuchs, have been raped in turn so they know what effects their deeds will have. How can they do unto me what was done to them?

 

A sudden stabbing pain makes me scream out in anguish. Something hard is being pushed inside my body – without preparation, without oil. What are they doing? What are they using? I gasp for breath and twist my body in an attempt to get away from them, but to no avail. They push the object deeper inside. It must be one of the wooden toys, shaped like a penis they use to stretch themselves with – and it hurts. It hurts so much that I know they are tearing me.

 

"You will never be anyone's favorite again once we are done with you!" Raji declares maliciously.

 

I barely hear his voice. The hard thing is tearing me up, making me bleed, and I cry out in pain. Some of the boys have fallen onto their knees beside me and are now keeping me in place. Their fingers are vice-like and I abandon all hope that I might escape my fate.

 

The doors suddenly open and I hear footsteps closing in on me. Someone has arrived – someone who is not supposed to be here. Will he help me?

 

"What is happening here? By Zeus, stop them!"

 

Have I turned delusional or do I actually recognize that voice? Alexander's voice? I stare at the floor, unable to face anyone in my current situation and wait on what will happen next – it is all I can do.

 

"Remove that! Gently!"

 

The boys finally let go of me and the solid object is removed from my body. I whimper, unable to keep back the pain I am in. I do not want to faint, but I feel strange, like I am about to pass out.

 

"I did not know – did not think…"

 

That is Alexander's voice again, echoing at the edges of my mind. My eyes close and my body trembles. I can stay conscious no longer and give in to the sweet darkness that now spreads its wings.#

 

~~~

 

Bagoas hadn't noticed that he had started to cry during his story telling. He hadn't been aware of that until a pair of strong arms settled around his frame and pulled him close. Blinking through his tears, Bagoas looked up and found that Hephaestion had deserted his spot on the couch and was now sliding into place behind him.

 

"I never knew about that. Alexander never told me." Hephaestion exchanged a worried look with Alexander, who had woken up during Bagoas' tale.

 

"I wanted to respect Bagoas' privacy," Alexander explained while studying Bagoas, who was shaking like a leaf. "I told my companions who had happened upon the scene with me to keep silent as well."

 

Bagoas used the corner of his shirt to wipe away his tears. "It isn't like it didn't happen before. I had been raped before, but…"

 

Hephaestion rocked Bagoas gently after wrapping his arms and legs around the trembling form. "They really hated you."

 

"Raji did." Bagoas rested his head against Hephaestion's shoulder and let the rocking soothe him. "They used the largest toy they had on me. They tore me up badly."

 

"What happened next, Bagoas? Will you tell me? Or do you want to stop?" Hephaestion had never thought his question about Bagoas' first time with Alexander would open up such grave wounds.

 

"I'll tell you…" He had to do this now or he never would.

 

~~~

 

#I do not want to open my eyes, but I have been awake for a few minutes now and realize I can not postpone the inevitable. I do not know where I am, or what happened to me after they raped me, and I need to find out. I need to take care of myself, because no one else will.

 

I open my eyes and blink repeatedly. Am I still dreaming? I must, for I cannot be back in Darius' bedroom. But I know this room, its ceiling. I have lived here for years.

 

"Ah, you are finally awake. I was worried we might lose you."

 

There was that voice again – Alexander's. In the state I am currently in, I do not run much risk of offending the Great King and I shyly seek out his gaze. His hair is tousled and his eyes have black circles beneath them. They were not there the last time I saw him.

 

Alexander seats himself carefully on the side of the royal bed and gives me a long look. A million questions whirl about in my mind, but I know I am not at liberty to ask them. I am nothing but a slave. But I notice how tired he looks, like he has not slept for nights and I wonder why. What has kept him up?

 

"You are probably wondering what has happened since you were attacked."

 

Yes, I am wondering about that – but I am also wondering why he is stroking my hair. His touch is gentle and caring – it is a touch that seldom has been bestowed on me. I take care not to move about too much, knowing movement will only worsen the throbbing ache in my lower body.

 

"I had you brought to these rooms and my physicians have been taking care of you. When you began to wake up, they notified me."

 

I moisten my lips and try to speak. I am appalled to hear how fragile and weak my voice sounds. "Why… did you… bring me here… my King?"

 

"I could not leave you in the harem, now could I? I never realized you had many so many enemies there."

 

"I was… the King's favorite… Raji was… jealous… We eunuchs… live a different life…" Speaking the words drains me and I am shocked when the King himself reaches for the glass of water and places it against my lips so I can drink. Darius would have never done so. He would have told one of his slaves to do so.

 

"I am sorry they hurt you, Bagoas. That was my fault."

 

Are my eyes deceiving me or does he really look guilty?

 

"You will stay here – in these rooms. We will work something out – some sort of arrangement before Hephaestion joins me."

 

"Hephaestion?" I had never heard that name before. The moment I speak it, a smile warms Alexander's face and I begin to understand why he rejected my services.

 

"Yes, Hephaestion – my lover… My mate." Alexander still strokes the raven hair and I can tell that its soft texture amazes him. "You will be my personal servant."

 

"But, Great King, I am…" What? Injured? Useless? Weak?

 

"I won't tell Hephaestion why you will live in my rooms with me. He does not need to know what happened in the harem four days ago."

 

"Four? Four days?" My eyes widen and I stare at him.

 

"Yes, four days ago. You were unconscious for the first two days and then you slipped into a deep sleep. My physicians tried to take care of your internal bleeding and they told me it has stopped. You should stay in bed for a few more days though."

 

I feel shocked. I have been in his bed – the royal bed – for four days and nights. "Where did you sleep… my King?"

 

"On the couch – it is more comfortable than a field bed."

 

"On the couch? You… slept… on the couch?"

 

"Calm down, Bagoas… Calm down."

 

I had started pushing myself upright, but Alexander places his hands against my shoulders and pushes me down again – gently but resolutely.

 

"It was my fault that they hurt you. Letting you sleep in the bed while you are healing is the least I can do."

 

Alexander sounds determined and I lack the strength to show him the error of his ways. To let a slave, let alone a eunuch, occupy the royal bed is unheard of. "This is wrong."

 

"What I did was wrong."

 

Alexander suddenly reaches for my right hand and curls his fingers around mine. It is a strangely intimate and comforting gesture and my mouth grows dry because of it.

 

"I am so sorry they hurt you. They had no right to do that to you. When I saw that they were using that 'thing' to rape you… Something snapped inside of me."

 

Alexander's speech surprises me and I have no ready reply, so I listen instead.

 

"I do not really know what to say, or to do."

 

I smile at him. He has stolen my heart during these last few minutes. Alexander has a warm heart and is a caring soul – he is all I could have wished for in a King and Master. "You are doing well, Al'skander." He smiles at me then and I wonder why.

 

"Al'skander," Alexander repeats, smiling.

 

I realize I did not pronounce it right, but I am too tired to worry about that. My eyes close and I doze off again. This time, I feel safe.#

 

~~~

 

Alexander, although still feeling weak, pushed the comforter aside and sat upright. Gathering his strength, he got to his feet and made his way over to the chair where Bagoas was being rocked by Hephaestion. Sitting down on the arm rest, he raised his right hand and cupped Bagoas' face. "I wouldn't have sent you back, if I had known Raji wanted to hurt you. I would have found a solution."

 

"It was a small price to pay to be accepted by you – to be included in your love." Bagoas smiled ruefully at Alexander and rubbed his cheek against the palm of his lover's hand. "You saved me in more ways than one, Al'skander," he said, mispronouncing the name on purpose. "Your love saved me."

 

~~~

 

#"What are you doing out of bed, Bagoas? Did my physician give you permission to get up just yet? I do not think so."

 

I move slowly, keeping in mind that I am still healing. The attack happened a week ago and, although I have healed inside, some bruising remains, making it painful for me to bend, bow, or stretch. However, I am trying to perform my old duties again.

 

I prepared Alexander's bath, had the bed linens changed, and the rooms cleaned. Alexander might be King of Asia, but he needs someone who makes certain he looks after himself. I am eager to become that person. Once he needs me, he won't send me away again.

 

"Bagoas? I asked you a question."

 

I must have been lost in thought for he suddenly appears behind me and wraps an arm around my waist.

 

"Bagoas, did my physician give you permission to leave the bed?"

 

He is insistent, this King. "No, Great King, but…"

 

"And stop calling me that."

 

Alexander told me that he does not want to be addressed in that manner. He told me to address as him by his given name, but I am hesitant to do so. After all, he is my King – and suddenly I realize something that horrifies me. Not once have I thrown myself to the ground to kiss his feet. Not once!

 

"Oh no, I do not know what you are doing, but you are not moving about like that yet."

 

Alexander stops me from kneeling in front of him and guides me back to the bed instead. "But I should show you my respect. It is my duty…"

 

"If that is so important to you, you can do so once you have healed, but not yet. Now I want you to lie down, Bagoas."

 

"But there are so many things to do! I should help undress you, assist you with your bath and…" Suddenly his finger rests atop my lips and the touch stops me from speaking. I barely contain the urge to lick the digit and suck into my mouth. He is the first man I ever wanted to lay with out of my own free will. But Alexander has not shown any sexual interest in me yet. Maybe it is because he already has a lover?

 

"I am perfectly capable of taking my own bath, Bagoas. I am no child."

 

"But, you are the King!" Whenever I bathed Darius I had to follow all the rituals involved. And now Alexander is telling me that he does not need my assistance?

 

"If you want to please me, then remove your clothes and slip between the covers. You feel cold."

 

I have felt cold since the attack. No matter how fierce the fire in the fire place burns, I remain cold. That attack changed everything – something inside me snapped and I feel broken in more ways than I can ever explain. /That is why he does not want me to touch him – my touch would defile him./ How stupid have I been? He watched them rape me – how can Alexander possibly desire my touch? Has it come to this then? That I lost the one worth I still had in the eyes of my Master? Am I not even good enough to be a whore anymore?

 

"I do not know what is going on in that pretty head of yours, but I do not think I like it. Your main focus should be on healing."

 

Oh, how I love him for being so worried about me. "I am not fragile, Al'skander. I still have my skills." Alexander's eyes narrow and I know I have said the wrong thing. "I am here to please you – that is my destiny in life."

 

"We will see about that."

 

Alexander, who has been hovering over me, now pushes himself upright and walks over to the bathtub. I have no choice but to watch him strip and I know darn well that it is my duty to do that for him. I even try to get up, but one admonishing glare from Alexander makes me reconsider and I curl up instead. I keep watching him though, for it is the first time that I actually see him naked. He is muscular and already has a fair collection of scars that mar his body. My gaze drops below the waistline and I am impressed. I have seen my fair share of cocks and this one is very nicely proportioned, even in a lax condition. Alexander definitely is not lacking in that department and can surely satisfy his lover.

 

Alexander quickly lowers himself into the tub and cleans himself up. I should be doing that. I should be cleaning his back and washing his hair. I feel like a complete failure, but I do not dare defy my new King – he ordered me to stay in bed.

 

He dries his skin, wrings the water from his hair, and then walks over to the bed. I defied him because I have not yet taken off my robe yet and I wonder if he will remember that he ordered me to do so. But it does not seem to bother him that I did not follow his order and instead of lecturing me, he lies down next to me, still naked, and smelling of soap. I want to touch him and to show him just how much I can pleasure him. I begin to reach for him…

 

"Do not do that."

 

Alexander catches my hand in his and curls his fingers around it. He feels soft, warm, and a tad damp. He smells wonderfully clean. In a way, this feels odd. We are holding hands and looking into each other's eyes and nothing sexual is happening. That confuses me. None of my former Masters acted in such an unpredictable way. "I want to serve you, Great King."

 

"Then start by stop calling me that. I told you how I want you to call me."

 

I suspect that he likes the way I pronounce his name – or mispronounce it, that is more like it. "I want to serve you, Al'skander."

 

Alexander gives me a thoughtful look that lasts several minutes and I can see that he is trying to reach some sort of decision. I hold my breath and wonder what will happen next.

 

"Come over here."

 

Alexander opens his arms and I move into them. I am still wearing my robe while Alexander is naked and that is a strange sensation. Normally I am the naked one.

 

"I want to tell you something, so listen to me."

 

I nod my head – of course I will listen. I will do anything he wants me to. That is my duty – that is why I am there.

 

"I am going to tell you something very important. In a few days, Hephaestion will arrive. He is my lover, Bagoas, the other half of my soul. You will like him – he is easy enough to like."

 

*That* is what he wanted to tell me? I blink my eyes. "Am I to obey him as well?"

 

"Yes, that would be best."

 

Alexander runs his fingers down my raven hair and I purr at the sensation it awakens in me. It tells me something I should worry about, namely that I have fallen in love with Alexander – with my King. I never thought that could happen. "Would you like for me to pleasure you now?" He has been hard since he pulled me close.

 

Another long, probing glance follows and I hurry to explain my words. "I want to serve you in that way, Al'skander."

 

Alexander raises a hand and caresses my face. The touch is simple and pure and there is nothing sexual or demanding about it. It makes my eyes water and I start to sob. I finally lose my composure after clinging to it since the attack. "I need to know I still have some use, my King… If I am not good enough to warm your bed and keep you satisfied, then what will become of me?" I hate the way I sound, but that is the way I feel and I just cannot pretend right now – I cannot.

 

The look Alexander gives me is hard to decipher.

 

"Is that so important to you? That I will keep you in my bed?"

 

I nod my head. "Where else am I wanted?"

 

Alexander releases a deep sigh and I wonder what that means. Suddenly, I am pulled even closer and Alexander wraps his arms around me. I tentatively rest my head against his chest, still uncertain of what the future will hold for me. "Please do not send me away. I will work hard to please you. I will do whatever you say…"

 

"Hush now… Be quiet… You need to rest and so do I. We are going to sleep now and gather new strength for the next day."

 

Soft lips brush my brow and I feel happy. For the first time in almost six years, I am at peace.#

 

~~~

 

"I never knew that asking that one question would open a can of worms," Hephaestion said apologetically. "Maybe I shouldn't have asked."

 

Bagoas shrugged. "Maybe this will help you understand better why I was so jealous of you and why I, at one point, thought of poisoning you."

 

"I am glad you didn't follow through," Hephaestion replied as he ran his fingers through Bagoas' hair. He had wrapped himself all round the younger man and was holding him tight. "Are you ready to tell us the rest as well?" He knew he was about to enter the picture in Bagoas' tale and he wanted to hear it all from Bagoas' point of view.

 

Bagoas sighed. He didn't really want to do this, but he had no choice. "I will."

 

TBC

Part 4

 

#Alexander mystifies me. Even though his physicians pronounced me healed and ready to return to my duties, Alexander makes certain my duties are only minimal. I am not allowed to carry heavy things and am supposed to rest at least one hour during the day. He does not have the time to check on me though and I can pretty much do as I please. But sometimes, even though I do not think I deserve it, I stretch out on his bed and nap.

 

At night, he pulls me close and holds me. Last night, he even kissed my brow, but that is as intimate as we get. We sleep naked in the same bed and yet he has forbidden me to touch him in an intimate way. Neither does he try to touch me. I must admit I am at a loss.

 

Time and time again he assures me that it has nothing to do with the attack that happened two weeks ago. Alexander also refuses to tell me if he punished Raji and the boys who took part in that assault. All he said was that I should not worry about Raji ever again and that I would never return to the harem. I am to stay with him.

 

He allows me to help him undress and bath him, especially when it has been a long hard day and he has grown tired. He always thanks me for my assistance, although he does not have to do that.

 

"Bagoas, what are you thinking of?"

 

He is also always trying to get inside my head – my thoughts. I have never known anyone like him before and I do not know how to respond to him. I turn around, bow to show my respect, and then walk toward him. "You of course."

 

Alexander smiles at me and I drink in the sight. He is smiling at *me*. "Let me help you." I know that he has had a long day because he was worried about having to meet with all those Persian noble men. He is eager to learn our customs, even our language, but learning everything takes time and he is a very impatient man. "How did the meeting go?" I ask the question without expecting him to answer me. I am merely here to distract him. To my utter surprise he begins to give me an update on their talks.

 

I listen and file everything away for later, should he ever want to discuss this again and I assist him during his bath. Later, I dry his skin and can not help but notice he is erect. Should I offer my services again? Or not? I do not want to offend my new King.

 

"Bagoas? I received some bad news today. Hephaestion won't be joining us for another week."

 

I can tell how much this news distresses him because his eyes have lost some of their radiance. "I am sorry to hear that, Al'skander." I do not know how long the two of them have been apart, but I reckon it must be months. And that is a long time for a vital man like him to be without a lover.

 

"I wanted to hold him tonight, Bagoas. I wanted to make love to him."

 

He sounds distant and I look at him in surprise when he takes himself into hand.

 

"It has been so long, Bagoas, and I need him so much."

 

This might be the chance I have been waiting for. "Let me do that for you, Al'skander, and, if it pleases you, imagine I am him." I go down on my knees and nuzzle his groin with my mouth. I lightly run my fingers over his buttocks, arousing him further.

 

"I should not do this… Hephaestion…"

 

I do not give him a chance to reconsider and open my lips to receive him inside my mouth. His cock is long and broad and I close my lips around the damp flesh. I start a light sucking motion, as I do not want him to come yet. Once he knows my worth between the sheets he will keep me close to him.

 

"Oh, that feels so good…"

 

His fingers slide into my hair and he massages my scalp in a gentle way – which is a first. Most of my Masters simply pulled at the strands when they wanted me to suck them harder. But Alexander's touch remains gentle and I relax my throat muscles so I can take him even deeper. He begins to thrust then with considerable force and I have to limit myself to drawing in shallow breaths. I cannot breathe properly now that he is burying himself so deeply. I work my magic on him and his hold on my hair finally tightens. My scalp begins to hurt, but I try to ignore it. I know it is the first sign of his impending release.

 

"So talented…"

 

I take that as a compliment and suck hard on the head. It is enough to make him come and he shoots his load down my throat. I swallow obediently until he is spent and then lick him clean, removing every evidence of his release from his body. I pull back, give him a coy look and wait for instructions. I expect for him to throw me onto the bed and to take me and I want that! I want that so much! I want to belong to him in that way. The only thing that is holding me back from begging him to take me is the remembrance of the pain that I suffered at the hands of Raji. I have healed internally, but am I ready to have sex again?

 

"You do not have to stay kneeling."

 

Alexander pulls me to my feet and runs his fingers through my hair.

 

"You are a eunuch, Bagoas, so does that mean you can not have an erection?"

 

I nod. "That is correct. I was castrated at a very young age and I can not perform in that way." Not that someone of his social standing would want me erect. Someone like Alexander – the Great King – would never allow anyone to take him.

 

A hungry expression appears in his eyes and it is a look I have seen before in the eyes of other men. He wants me. For one moment I feel triumphant – Alexander wants me after all.

 

As I am still wearing my robe, I untie the sash and let the fabric slide down my shoulders. It pools around my feet and I step out of it. I move toward the bed and then turn away from him. I do not know what his favorite position is, but I know which one Darius preferred. I get onto all fours and present myself to him.

 

"Bagoas…"

 

I hear the desire in his voice, but there is something else as well. "What are you waiting for, Al'skander? I belong to you."

 

"You cannot want me to take you like that."

 

I frown – like what? Suddenly he is kneeling behind me. He is erect again – I can feel him pressing against my buttocks, but then I am lifted and deposited onto my back. I look into his eyes and see that his pupils are dilated. The lust that courses through him consumes him and I know our coupling will be fast and intense.

 

"Where is the oil?"

 

His question touches me. Not many of my Masters bothered with my health. "Under the pillow, Al'skander." I have been taken without any preparation, without any oil, and have learned to deal with the pain. This King, however, does not want to see me in pain.

 

Alexander is still kneeling between my legs and he pulls a pillow closer. I lift my hips and he pushes it beneath me. I approve, for it will enhance his pleasure and make our mating less painful for me. He uncaps the phial and the oil now drizzles onto his fingers. Is he going to prepare me? A warm sensation settles in my stomach. Most of the time, I am told to prepare myself. And yes, one oiled finger massages my guardian muscle and then suddenly slides inside – just like that, with no pressure behind it at all.

 

As a slave I am not supposed to enjoy this, but Alexander knows what he is doing and brushes my prostate repeatedly. I had no idea I was dealing with someone *that* experienced in bed. Hephaestion and Alexander must have been devoted lovers for some time. That thought causes a chill in my heart. /But Alexander is mine now!/

 

Another slick finger presses inside me and I cannot stop myself from enjoying this, from moaning and pushing back. Normally I would merely be pretending to like this and this is a novel experience for me. The warmth that rises from the pit of my stomach worries me in a way. I never experienced it before and I feel like I am about to burst with pleasure. "Al'skander…"

 

"Are you ready? I do not wish to hurt you, Bagoas."

 

His concern for me makes my eyes water. But I do not want to cry right now. I cannot cry right now – not when he is about to claim me. "I am ready, Al'skander." I watch with greedy eyes how he coats his cock with the oil. I feel helpless and surrender to the sensation of being invaded. This is the first time that I actually want someone inside of me!

 

Alexander then does something that no one ever did before. He makes our coupling even more intimate by lowering himself onto me. He places his arms on either side of my head and stares into my eyes. Feeling lost, I wrap my legs around his waist and his fingers suddenly twine with mine. Unnoticed, he fully sheathes himself and I am surprised at how good he feels inside me. Tiny explosions are going off in my lower body and I try to rotate my hips so Alexander's cock will brush that special nub inside me again.

 

"Let me do this…"

 

Those four words are enough to make me stop my attempts to stimulate him. "Please…" I whimper.

 

"Are you this good of an actor, Bagoas, or are you really enjoying this?"

 

"I am not acting, Al'skander… You… I do not know what… how, but… I never felt…" His first thrust comes rather unexpectedly and I yelp as the tip of his cock nudges my prostate. My world shakes on its foundations and I continue to whimper. Another thrust follows, and yet another, and suddenly I feel like I am exploding into a million pieces. Something explodes in my lower body and it sends shards of pleasure throughout my body.

 

"So quickly?"

 

Alexander seems either puzzled or amazed, I cannot tell. I feel I am like drowning in this intense rapture that is making me tremble beneath Alexander. "I never…"

 

Alexander seems to understand. He is not moving any more and I see how his face relaxes. A beautiful expression appears in his brown eyes and I suddenly grow aware of a warm sensation in my lower body. Alexander came – he came inside me. *Me!*

 

"You are quite something, Bagoas. You might get your wish after all. Maybe I will keep you in my bed."

 

Alexander's tone is warm and caring and I feel a lot better about myself now that I have proven my worth to him. The fact that Alexander provided me with my first orgasm is something I welcome, but I also know better than to expect for it to happen again. It was probably just coincidence.

 

"Did I please you in turn, Bagoas?"

 

He worries about that? What kind of man is he? "Yes, you did…"

 

"You said something just now that has me wondering. You said that you had never felt… what?"

 

Alexander is softening inside me and slowly pulls out. That gesture shows once more with how much respect he is treating me. I could get used to having sex with him – oh yes, definitely. "I never felt like this before." I feel utterly relaxed and am even growing sleepy.

 

Alexander laughs warmly and caresses my face. "I hope you will like it again the next time we make love."

 

The way he phrases that stuns me. "Make love?"

 

"Yes, what would you call it then?"

 

My instincts kick in and I know better than to correct him. No one makes love to a eunuch – a whore. But I keep silent in the afterglow and simply accept what he has given me.#

 

~~~

 

"I finally understand." Hephaestion had grown sad during Bagoas' tale because he finally realized just how lost and low Bagoas' opinion of himself had been. "Alexander showed you that there was love in your life."

 

Alexander tried hard not to look relieved, but he did feel calm now. For one moment, he had thought that Hephaestion might call him on bedding Bagoas after only two weeks. Hephaestion had every right to be angry with him – now and then – but his lover's empathy once more prevailed. But Alexander still felt the need to say something. "I felt alone, Hephaestion, and I have never been able to do well with being lonely. I expected you to return to me that night and when I heard that you wouldn't arrive for another week… I felt desperate and Bagoas… Bagoas was offering. He'd told me just how much a boost his self esteem would get if I bedded him and all those things led to us making love."

 

Hephaestion sensed Bagoas' anxiety. "Making love – only you would phrase it like that and confuse the hell out of Bagoas. I know you, Alexander. Some feelings had to be involved – otherwise you would never have bedded Bagoas. Did you perhaps like him from the start? The first moment you met?"

 

"Look at him," Alexander answered as he continued rubbing his thumb along Bagoas' jaw line. "Have you ever seen anyone as delicate as Bagoas?"

 

Hephaestion smiled. "I know what you're trying to tell me, Alexander." In his own limited way, Alexander was trying to tell him that he had felt drawn to Bagoas' sorrow from the start. Even though Bagoas hadn't been aware of the sadness and need that he radiated beneath the layer of sensuality, Alexander had, and he had been drawn to it like a moth to a flame.

 

Bagoas blushed now that all of the attention was focused solely on him. "Alexander made me *feel* for the very first time. I never knew I was actually capable of climaxing. Until that day, I had only feigned my orgasm."

 

"I am glad that Alexander was able to give you that." Hephaestion, who had his arms wrapped around Bagoas' shoulders, soothingly rubbed his lover's upper arms. "I'm sure there is more to tell, my love."

 

"Yes, Hephaestion, there is.

 

~~~

 

#"Bagoas, I want you to show me the rest of the palace – all of the hidden and important places."

 

Alexander's request does not come unexpectedly and I nod my head. "But, of course."

 

"Are you strong enough for that? Have you healed sufficiently?"

 

I had learned to read between the lines years ago. I might only be sixteen years of age, but I feel like an old man on the inside. In his very own way, Alexander is asking me if he hurt me last night. "I am fine, Al'skander." My words seem to reassure him for his face lights up with a smile.

 

We are still in bed and I cannot stop looking at him. Last night, he made me feel good about myself and that never happened before. "I will show you the hidden passageways."

 

"There are some?" Energized, Alexander gets to his feet and reaches for his robes.

 

I try to match his speed, but he is already halfway dressed when I reach to assist him.

 

"Bagoas, get dressed. You are going to show me now!"

 

Get dressed, he says. In what? I have been using one of his morning robes since my arrival here, but I doubt he expects me to parade around in his clothes. But Alexander does not seem to understand that there is a problem and, in the end, I am left with no other choice but to slip into his brown morning robe. At first, it smelled of Alexander, but it has taken on my scent in the meantime.

 

Looking in the mirror, I realize I should wash up, do my hair, and apply my make-up, but Alexander never gives me the chance to do all that. His fingers wrap around mine and he resolutely pulls me into the corridor. I am surprised to find only two guards there. When Darius lived here, the corridor was crowded with guards.

 

"Show me!"

 

Alexander looks at me expectantly. I take in my bearings, recognize one of the tapestries, and reach behind it. Pushing it aside, I reveal the secret doorway to him. "This one leads to the harem."

 

"Show me!" Alexander repeats his order and eagerly nods his head.

 

He reminds me of a small child, all excited because he has received a new toy to play with. I push the secret door ajar and then enter the room behind it. I walk up front, as is our custom. That way, should someone dare to attack the King, it will be the guide who will catch the dagger or sword and die in his King's stead.

 

Alexander notices the small windows, which have been crafted into the wall and curiously looks out of them. I know what he is seeing right now. The harem is located to his right and the baths to his left.

 

"I need to tell my men about these passageways. If someone were to kill me, the assassins might use them to get close to me."

 

I nod. "That is very true, Al'skander." It is very quiet in here – the sounds from the harem and the baths do not reach us, and breaking that silence is my stomach growling suddenly. I am seldom hungry and even when I am, I do not indulge much. My Masters always wanted me slender and without any fat on my bones.

 

"Bagoas, can we also go to the kitchens in this way?"

 

"You do not have to go there on my account, Al'skander." I am amazed at how easily his name flows from my lips. I never dared to address Darius by his name.

 

"No, I am hungry too."

 

The kitchens are located at the other end of the palace and we have to walk for at least twenty minutes to get there. In the meantime, I continue to show him where the hidden doorways are located and where they lead to. Looking out of a window, I halt in my tracks. Normally I would not come here, let alone with the King. Below me are the men who work on the sewer system. These are the pariahs, the ones no one will touch – no will talk to. As they are in constant contact with excrement, they are the lowest on the social ladder.

 

Alexander must have caught me looking below because he comes to a halt behind me and reaches for me. He places a hand on my shoulder and follows the direction of my stare.

 

"Anyone down there you recognize?"

 

Alexander's question strikes me as odd, but I indulge him and study the faces of the unfortunate men. Suddenly I see a face I know and I gasp. "That is Raji!" And those are the boys who aided the head-eunuch in his attack on me. I look into Alexander's eyes. I know my eyes must be filled with questions.

 

"I had to punish them and I did not want them to take the easy way out – death. This way they will remember their wrongdoings and pay for it."

 

I *did* wonder what had happened to Raji. Even if I disagreed with Alexander concerning his 'punishment', I would never tell him so. The fact that Alexander cared enough to punish them for raping me already means a lot to me.

 

"Let us move on. I am hungry."

 

That Alexander can still think of food now that we are standing so close to the sewers is beyond me. But I obey and lead him to the kitchens.

 

~~~

 

Alexander's sudden appearance shocks the cooks. Like me, they are not used to a King who does things his own way, such as simply walking in and sitting at the kitchen table while asking them for breakfast. It is a surreal situation for everyone involved – except for Alexander of course. He is perfectly at ease here.

 

"Is that all you are going to eat?"

 

The look he gives me says that he is displeased about the little food I have eaten, but I do not dare to eat more. Eunuchs are prone to growing fat and becoming fat is my greatest fear for then my new King will no longer desire me. And I need to be desired and wanted. "I have had enough, Al'skander." Although I have become used to calling him that, the cooks give me a startled look at hearing me call our King that.

 

"Bagoas, you need your clothes back. Are they still at the harem?"

 

"Some are, yes."

 

"Then send someone to fetch your personal belongings, but you are not going back there in person."

 

"I am to live with you then, Al'skander?" He does not seem bothered that the cooks can overhear our conversation.

 

"Yes, you will."

 

But a frown has appeared on his brow and I wonder why. Suddenly, Alexander gets to his feet, grabs my hand, and pulls me toward the exit. "Take me back to my rooms," he orders and I obey.

 

~~~

 

Alexander explores the royal chambers at leisure and realizes they are larger than he thought. The bedroom and study are only two of the five rooms that are at his disposal and that is not counting the room the guards can use to rest in between shifts.

 

"This will do."

 

Alexander drags me into a spare bedroom. Darius' mother, the Queen, would at times spend the night here after talking through the night with her son. The next day, she would return to her rooms in the harem. "This will do for what, Al'skander?"

 

"The bed looks comfortable, the room is spacious, and has a lovely view of the gardens. Yes, it will do."

 

Alexander is not helping. "My King, it will do for what?"

 

"Tell them to move your personal belongings in here. This is your room from now on."

 

"My room? Why do I need a room, Al'skander?" When I served Darius I slept on a pallet on the floor. Now, with Alexander, I have been sleeping in the bed.

 

"Because Hephaestion will arrive within the next few days and I will need some privacy once he is here. Bagoas, I know that you have no place to go and I do not want you roaming the palace and getting yourself into trouble."

 

Ah, he has been thinking that far ahead? Smart man – smart King. "Then you do not expect me to wait on you during that time?"

 

"No, you can wait on me, but not when I want to be alone with Hephaestion."

 

"I will be discreet, my King." Although I have not met Hephaestion yet, I already hate the man with a passion. His presence here will keep me away from Alexander – from his bed and his love.

 

~~~

 

Hephaestion arrives two days later. I am in Alexander's rooms when the news of his arrival reaches the King. The changes in Alexander's expression are instant. I thought his eyes shone like the sun before, but now I realize I had not seen anything yet. They burst with light and energy and make him glow from the inside. He must really love this Hephaestion for him to react in such a way.

 

"Bagoas, he is here! Hephaestion has arrived!"

 

He nervously moves about, tries to catch glimpses of Hephaestion by looking out the window and, when that does not work, he runs toward the doorway to eagerly await Hephaestion's arrival. Anger uncurls in my stomach as I watch him act like that. It does not become the Great King.

 

"Alexander!"

 

A soft, melodic voice drifts into the royal chambers and a moment later, a very solid body crashes into Alexander's. I gasp for breath – such a greeting poses an insult! He is supposed to throw himself at Alexander's feet instead!

 

But Alexander catches Hephaestion, lifts him, and pulls him in for a kiss. That is when I get my first good look at Hephaestion's eyes. They are blue – so very blue. I have never seen such eyes before and I wonder if he bewitched Alexander with his eyes.

 

"You are finally here! Oh, how I missed you! I was ready to ride out there and collect you myself!" Alexander runs his fingers over Hephaestion's face and traces the bottom lip with his thumb. "You can not leave me alone that long, Hephaestion!"

 

"I am here now, am I not, Alexander?" Like Alexander, Hephaestion seems to need to touch his lover all over and his hands move constantly. "I missed you too, Alexander."

 

"I missed you more!"

 

The youthful, playful expression on Alexander's face is something I have not seen before. He looks younger, like some weight has been lifted from his shoulders, and he rests his upper body against Hephaestion's muscular chest. I can see the love between them and my hatred towards Hephaestion doubles. He is going to take Alexander away from me!

 

They kiss then. It is a long kiss, full of passion and moans, and I begin to feel uncomfortable, seeing Alexander tug at Hephaestion's tunic. I should probably leave.

 

"Alexander!" Hephaestion suddenly pulls free and looks at me. "Who is that?"

 

Hephaestion's smile fades slightly, but it is still radiant enough to burn me and I lower my eyes. I cannot allow him to see the hatred in my eyes.

 

"That is Bagoas. I mentioned him in my last letter."

 

Letter? They have been writing letters? I never noticed that!

 

"Yes, I remember his name." Hephaestion releases Alexander from his embrace and advances on me. "Greetings, Bagoas, I am Hephaestion."

 

His kindness burns me even more and I want to run out of the room and never face him again. He is a kind soul; his eyes tell me that and he is completely unaware of my jealousy and hatred for him. "Milord, welcome back to Susa," I reply in my most diplomatic voice. "I shall leave you now and give you some privacy." I begin to turn around, but one of his large hands settles on my shoulder and keeps me in place. In the end, I have no other choice but to turn around and face him again. "Milord?"

 

"My name is Hephaestion, Bagoas. Now that Alexander calls you friend, so do I."

 

Hephaestion's words make me remember something one of the palace slaves told me. At the time I thought the slave was lying, or exaggerating, but later on, others confirmed his words. When Alexander had visited the harem that first time and talked to Darius' mother, the new King had said 'He is Alexander too,' and he had been referring to Hephaestion. These two are closer than blood. Alexander really believes that Hephaestion is a part of him and that makes Hephaestion a dangerous man – at least for me. "Thank you for your kind offer, milord," I reply eventually. I quickly bow and hurry out of the room. On my way out, I hear the rest of their conversation.

 

"Did I scare him, Alexander? That was not my intention."

 

"It was not your fault. Let us stop discussing Bagoas. I need you, Hephaestion. I need to feel you beneath me…"

 

The next thing that leaves the royal chambers are moans and I fling myself at my bed and cover my ears so I do not have to listen to them any more.#

 

~~~

 

"Bagoas? I liked you from the start. If you had let me, I would have befriended you," Hephaestion murmured in a soft voice. He had stopped rocking Bagoas, but was still stroking the raven hair.

 

"I know that now, but I would never have believed you back then. You were my rival."

 

"But I am not anymore." Hephaestion exchanged a look with Alexander. Had Bagoas heard the conversation Alexander and he'd had that night?

 

~~~

 

#Making love with Alexander after having been apart for three months feels like heaven. I stretch my body, roll onto my side, and watch Alexander sleep. He ravaged me all right. He took me three times tonight and I hope I won't feel sore in the morning. At least he remembered to prepare me and use the oil. He was trembling above me, clutching at me with desperation. Maybe I stayed away too long, but the mission called for it. Alexander had asked me to rebuild some of the cities he had destroyed and to make certain that someone qualified ruled in his stead. I needed three months to accomplish that.

 

At times I wonder about the two of us. Alexander is the perfect warrior. He has great strategic insights, can motivate his soldiers, and knows when to strike so he will win the battle. I can stand my ground on the battlefield, and I carry the title of General, but I know better than to lead part of the army. I am not a warrior. I am a diplomat. I know how to stop arguments and how to compromise – something Alexander refuses to do. In some ways, Alexander would be lost without me. He would march into battle and not take into account that he needs water and food to sustain his men. That is why he needs me. I keep his caravan close to the water and take care of his supplies. We compliment each other. It has always been this way.

 

But now something has changed.

 

"Hephaestion? I *know* that look and it spells no good."

 

Alexander has woken up and is now looking at me. His hands – always gentle with me – caress my skin and he leans in closer to press a kiss onto my lips. I have seen him kill in battle – kill and maim – and yet, when Alexander reaches out in bed, he always reaches out in love. "I want to talk to you about Bagoas." I learned a long time ago to read his mood and I believe he is willing to discuss this now – it might help that we just made love rather passionately! "You mentioned that Nabarzanes gifted him to you. I must admit I am surprised that you accepted." Alexander pushes himself up on one elbow and his fingers idly play with strands of my hair.

 

"I accepted the gesture, sent Nabarzanes away, and told Bagoas that he was free to go as well. He then told me that he has no place to go and I felt responsible for him. I allowed him to stay and he has become…"

 

"What? What has he become?" I had long noticed Bagoas' scent in our bed.

 

"I thought I could keep him on as a servant. It is nice when I get back from all those meetings and someone is here – waiting for me. But then…"

 

Alexander lowers his gaze and I just know he is afraid to speak his next words. "You took him into your bed."

 

"It happened the evening when I heard that you were delayed and that you would not arrive for another week. I had been stressing all day because of the meetings that did not go well, and the only thought that kept me going was the knowledge that I would have you in my bed that evening."

 

"And then my message reached you." I let him tell his story in his own time.

 

"Yes, and Bagoas was there – he was offering. He… He takes pride in the fact that he is skilled in bed and for me to reject him was a blow to him."

 

"You rejected him?" I arch an eyebrow.

 

"I did not claim him the first night, Hephaestion! Bedding him crossed my mind, but I did not want to be unfaithful to you."

 

And finally everything makes sense to me. "You wanted to ask my permission first."

 

"He is no threat to you, Hephaestion. I love only you. You are my other half, the guardian of my soul. And Bagoas…"

 

"Bagoas keeps your bed warm when I am not around." Now, how do I feel about that?

 

"I did not want to cheat on you, Hephaestion. But I was so alone and I needed… I needed to lean on someone for a while. You know me! You know what I get like when I am without you! You have seen the results of our separation whenever you return to me." Alexander looks and sounds guilty. "Can you forgive me? It only happened once."

 

I draw in a deep breath. Alexander is asking me to make a number of important decisions in mere seconds. I slide my fingers into his short hair and play with a curl. "I know that Bagoas presents no threat to me," I start, deciding to speak my thoughts aloud. "I know that we belong together and that nothing can keep us apart." Alexander's expression lightens somewhat and he looks hopeful. "Do you have any feelings for this boy?" Alexander gives me an uncomfortable look.

 

"I like him, but I do not love him, if that is what you are asking about. I love only you."

 

"Some feeling must be involved for you to bed him. I know you, Alexander."

 

"You will always come first, do you not know that? Hephaestion, you are in my blood. You are in my dreams at night and, when I breathe, I always breathe in remnants of your scent."

 

I study Alexander for some time and then make my decision. "You need someone to look after you when I am not around. That much is true. And I cannot stay with you all the time. I have my own duties. It would be best if you had Bagoas to fall back on." This time, I hear Alexander release a sigh, which shows his immense relief. "Did you expect me to make a scene?"

 

"I do not know what I expected. I would be furious if I found out you had bedded another man."

 

I laugh softly. "You would kill him."

 

"Yes, I would." Alexander's tone is dead serious.

 

"I forgive you, Alexander. And I give you permission to find comfort in his arms when I am not close. You need that. You need someone to ground you."

 

"I knew you would understand… That is why I trust you with my sanity."

 

Another kiss graces my lips and Alexander cuddles up to me. He might be the King of Asia, but I am the ruler of his heart.

 

~~~

 

Later that night, once Alexander has returned to his slumber, I leave our bed and make my way into Bagoas' room. The boy is asleep on the bed, curled up in a fetal position. The bed looks much too big for him alone and I sit down on the side. Allowing my fingers to run down a strand of raven hair, I study him in detail. The lines around his eyes reveal suffering and the way his hands keep clenching into fists tells me that his sleep is uneasy. I do not know the boy's life story, but something tells me that he has suffered much.

 

I am not jealous of him. I know that he will take my place in Alexander's bed the moment I leave on a mission and I am at peace with that. Bagoas will never take my place in Alexander's heart, but he can perform some of the duties I have toward Alexander. He can look after Alexander, make sure Alexander is well, and provide him with a warm presence in bed.

 

Leaning in, I press a butterfly-light kiss onto his brow. "Take good care of Alexander for me. He will need you once I am gone."

 

Bagoas does not hear me. He remains deeply asleep and looks perpetually young, so very young – much too young for the life he has led and the pain he has suffered. "And maybe, Alexander will supply you with the things you need in turn."

 

I rise from his bed, let my fingers glide along Bagoas' brow, and then take a step away from him. Yes, I accept this arrangement because it is in Alexander's best interest.#

 

~~~

 

Hephaestion stopped talking and blinked his eyes once to chase away the lingering memories. A hand patted his face and, as soon as his gaze was once more focused, he found that Bagoas was caressing his cheek.

 

"I was so wrong to hate you," Bagoas whispered repentantly.

 

"Bagoas, that happened in the past. We live in the present now." Alexander pushed himself to his feet, took hold of Bagoas' hands, and pulled his younger lover onto his feet as well. "Don't the memories fade with time? Have you tried to let them go?"

 

Alexander's words drew Bagoas in and he pressed his body against his lover's. Alexander still reeked of fever and sweat, but Bagoas didn't care, for he loved him.

 

"No, I haven't tried that yet. The memories are such a huge part of me." Bagoas rested his head against Alexander's shoulder and let his presence comfort him. /He has been my savior in so many ways – just like Hephaestion./

 

Hephaestion rose from the chair, wrapped his arms around Bagoas and Alexander, and completed the embrace. "Let them fade, Bagoas. Holding onto them will only bring you pain."

 

"I'll try," Bagoas promised. "I'll try to let them fade."

 

Their love would give Bagoas all the strength he needed to let them fade.

 

The end

(or TBC in time <eg>)