Don't Know Why II

Sequel to Don't Know Why by poyznelf@enter.net

Jim frowned as his hearing picked up on the soft singing coming from upstairs. Why was Blair singing Happy Birthday when the birthday boy wasn't around? He had eaten dinner with Eve, a lovely lady from Records, but the evening had been a disaster and he had headed home early.

He came to a halt on the staircase, staring at the next step, but unable to climb the rest of the stairs. Eve had been great company, but his thoughts had been with Blair all evening. Ever since Alex had torn them apart, something had been missing from their relationship. The friendly banter was gone and instead they had both retreated behind their walls. He was tired of wearing a mask, pretending he was all right when in reality he missed Blair's closeness. Blair was only present physically. He often wondered where Blair's mind went in the middle of a conversation when the blue eyes suddenly turned draped. He had been postponing finding out what was really going on, but maybe he was running out of time and he had to face Blair now.

He finally took those last steps that took him to the front door. Digging in his pocket, he found his key and stared at it. Blair was obviously unaware of his return, as the singing continued and he wasn't sure he wanted to enter right now. You're a coward, Ellison. Get in there and face him! You've been running for weeks now, ever since he left the hospital and followed you to Sierra Verde. Ignoring the problems won't make them go away. Stop repressing things and get in there. Talk to him. Blair deserves that!

Jim drew in a deep breath, slowly breathed out and let himself in. The singing continued and Blair was tapping his foot according to the rhythm of the song. This birthday song obviously wasn't meant for him, so why was Blair singing it in the first place?

Blair was sitting in the living room, wearing a ridiculous looking birthday hat, which seemed vaguely familiar. Jim dismissed the thought and concentrated on the scene in front of him. The loft's lights were all out, and the only light available came from the candles stuck on the small birthday cake on the coffee table. He couldn't help but count... five, there were five candles.

Blair blew out the candles and smiled saddened. "Happy birthday, Blair. You're thirty years old now and you're still alone..." He took off the birthday hat and indulged himself in a piece of the birthday cake.

Jim paled. His birthday? Turning thirty? Don't tell me it's his birthday? Fuck... Suddenly, he realized that Blair had never told him when he had been born. The younger man had always been evasive, changing their topic, blowing him off. What are the chances that our birthdays are on the same day?

Jim quickly backed away from the scene, hiding in the kitchen. He pressed himself against the wall, hoping Blair hadn't seen him yet. How long have I known him? Five years.  Why? Why didn't I find out? We've been celebrating my birthday each year. He even gave me leather gloves before I let to meet Eve. Ellison, this time you screwed up big time!

"And now..."

Blair's trembling voice reached him and he couldn't help but eavesdrop. Guiltily, he wondered if there was anything he could do to make this up to Blair.

"I wish... I wish..." Blair hesitated and looked about, making sure no one could hear him. He knew Jim wasn't home, but lately, he felt slightly paranoid. Might have something to do with the fact that too many psychos came after him. "I wish... Oh man, what am I doing? This is pathetic! Jim doesn't love me and it doesn't matter how many times I wish he'd love me, because he doesn't and..." Blair had to stop, running out of breath.

"I'd better clean this up before Jim gets back and starts bitching about the mess..." Blair took one last bite out of his birthday cake. After licking his fingers clean, he got to his feet, picked up the plate and carried it to the kitchen. He couldn't eat the whole cake on his own, so he would throw away the rest and put the garbage outside. Jim finding the remnants of the cake was a risk he couldn't take.

Feeling melancholy, he headed for the kitchen when a strange noise caught his attention. It was coming from the kitchen area. Don't let it be another weirdo who wants to be me! Blair considered his next move and decided to put the plate on the floor for now. If someone was waiting for him in the kitchen he might need to fight off the attacker. "Hey, is someone there? Come on out, whoever you are!"

Jim knew he was busted. Damn, what do I do now? "It's okay, Chief, it's me." After taking a deep breath, he stepped away from the wall and revealed himself. Blair swallowed hard and he didn't need Sentinel vision to see the fine tremors that rocked his partner's body.

"Shit..." Blair moved quickly and used his left food to push the birthday cake behind the couch. "You're home early, man. Didn't expect you home until after midnight, considering you took out Eve." Had Jim seen the birthday cake?

After gathering his courage, Jim took a step closer to Blair. "Why didn't you tell me? Five years...You lived here for five years and you never told me your birthday is on the same day as mine? Why?" Suddenly, he began to grow angry. "Damn it, Blair, don't you think I'd want to buy you a birthday present as well? All these years... and you never said a word? Why?" Jim managed to get his feelings back under control. There was a reason why he repressed things; he wasn't good at this emotional stuff.

Blair backed away from Jim. "Jim, man, I never..." Searching for the right words, he bumped into the couch. His foot hit the plate again and the cake was send over the floor. "I'll clean it up, I promise."

Jim, calm again, took gently hold of Blair's right arm and forced his partner to sit down on the couch. After sitting down beside Blair, Jim tried again. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's not that important," Blair stuttered. "February twenty-third is your birthday, man. I made up mine."

"Say that again?" Jim shook his head. Trust Sandburg to complicate matters.

"Naomi never told me when I was born so I just picked a date. It was just coincidence. Don't worry about it, man. I enjoyed celebrating your birthdays and... sometimes I pretended we were celebrating mine as well. It's cool, Jim. I don't mind."

"But I mind, Sandburg."

Blair cringed. Jim calling him Sandburg usually meant he was in big trouble. "Come on, Jim, don't make a big deal out of this."

"But it is a big deal, Chief." The anger faded and he felt guilty instead. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's your birthday, Jim. You're way more entitled to it than I am."

Jim looked down at the birthday cake. "And that's why you're singing Happy Birthday, wearing that idiotic hat and blowing out candles? Because it isn't a big deal? Come on, Sandburg... I don't believe it."

"What do you want?" Blair suddenly leapt to his feet and yelled at the older man. "What do you want me to say? That I'm disappoint because you never tried to find out? That I'm okay with you going out on your birthday instead of..." Oops... please tell me I didn't say that aloud!  

Jim caught his partner by the arm when Blair tried to head for his room. "Oh, no, you're not leaving." Jim studied the younger man closely. Blair's eyes were blazing with fire, the long hair danced on his shoulder and... and I'm smelling pheromones? Why am I smelling pheromones? Oh, no, don't tell me he's in love with me! "Blair, what's going on?"

Blair freed himself of Jim's hold and walked over to the window. Resigned, he sighed deeply. "How much did you hear?"

"Most of it... I also overheard your wish, Blair." Careful... you've got to be careful now. He walked up behind Blair and inhaled his partner's scent. Yes, Blair was definitely emitting pheromones. "Say it again..."

Blair tried to swallow past the lump that had formed in his throat. He couldn't believe he had been that careless! Jim had been in the loft, had overheard everything!

"Please, Blair. Say it." Gently, Jim wrapped his arms around his partner's waist. "Say it."

"I want you to love me," Blair said in a tone filled with self-loathing. "Isn't that pathetic?"

"For how long have you been in love with me?" Jim pulled Blair close to his chest, wrapping the younger man in a tight hug.

Blair froze in the embrace. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm holding you because I want to hold you," Jim explained patiently. "Now answer my question; how long?"

"Years... it started after Lash... You came for me... I couldn't believe you came for me..." Blair rubbed his eyes, fighting the tears that were threatening to flow down his face. "I know you don't love me back and that's okay. I settled for being friends a long time ago... I never wanted you to find out, or to make you uncomfortable. I didn't dare tell you I was bi for fear you'd kick me out and the loft is the only home I've ever known..." Emotionally exhausted, Blair shook his head. "I'll pack my stuff and..."

"Yeah, pack your stuff..."

Jim's words cut like a knife. Blair tried to free himself again, but Jim wouldn't let him go.

"Pack your stuff and move it upstairs," Jim finished, feeling guilty for teasing his partner, but he figured a little payback was in order. After all, Blair had kept secrets from him for years.

"What?" Blair managed to turn in the embrace and finally faced Jim. Meeting the Sentinel's gaze, he blinked his eyes, finding affection and acceptance in those baby blues. "What did you say?"

"Blair, I've been in love with you for years, but I never thought... I never knew you were bi! I never made a move because you only seemed to like the ladies!" Jim shook his head. "I can't believe you hid this from me!"

Blair smiled nervously. "Jim, you're not pulling my leg, are you? Because if you are, I'll never forgive you."

"I'm being serious, Chief..." Jim opted for action and gently claimed Blair's lips. Maybe a kiss would convince Blair that he was being sincere. He moaned softly as Blair's lips parted and he pushed past the teeth, exploring the sweetness and chasing Blair's tongue. Blair moved closer and the younger man's erection pressed against his thigh.

Jim regretted letting go of Blair's luscious and now bruised lips, but they needed air. "Guess your wish has come true, babe..." His right hand moved down to stroke Blair's erection through the fabric of his jeans. "Shall we move this upstairs? We can get your stuff later... make your old room into a study..."

Blair stared at him, dazedly. "What?" Jim teased and then traced Blair's bottom lip with his tongue. "Speechless? I never managed that before." Suddenly Blair's hand moved to his groin. "Yeah, I want this too, babe..." Jim whispered, as Blair's fingers encountered his erection.

"Can't be happening," Blair panted softly. "I can't be this lucky."

"Oh, trust me, you'll get lucky tonight... more than once if it's up to me..." Jim teased, wickedly. "Damn it, babe, can't believe you never told me... Happy birthday, Blair..."

Blair was about to reply, but Jim's lips claimed his again, shutting him up. Happy birthday, Jim... can't believe my wish came true! Blissfully, Blair surrendered to the kiss. For the first time in years, he looked forward to celebrating his birthday.

The end

March 2002