Title: Forever

Author: Morgana
Author’s Email: morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon

Pairing: Glorfindel/Erestor

Rating: NC-17
Summary: Erestor’s tendency to write romantic stories gets him into trouble.

Disclaimer: Not mine. These characters belong to Professor Tolkien. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm not making any money out of these stories!

Warning: AU

Additional note: dedicated to Erestorchen. This was written as a part of a Valentine challenge. I know I am early, but I have the feeling I won’t make it on time otherwise!

Beta read by Patricia and DA, thanks sweeties!

All remaining mistakes are mine.

Forever

It is snowing – again. It is not the first time this winter, but these snowflakes accompany the Yule celebrations going on in the courtyard and Hall of Fire. Most of the Elves are there, dancing and making merry, but I am not. I seldom join Elrond and his household these days. I find my solace in my rooms, far away from everyone.

I do not exactly remember when I started to avoid Elrond and his children during the festive days. I just did. It is easier to lock myself up in here than to go down there and pretend to be happy. Not many Elves would believe me at any rate if I were to go downstairs in order to dance and join them in their singing. Nay, not Erestor...not Elrond’s grim and aloof Chief Advisor. So why bother?

After closing the curtains I move away from the window and toward my desk. It is full of papers: letters, reports, and the short stories which I tend to write when I feel lonely. Sitting down, I uncover the last tale I wrote. The plot line is always the same: it is always about a sad and lonely Advisor who falls in love with a brave warrior called Glorfindel. In these stories, Glorfindel doesn’t want anything to do with me at first, but then as time goes on, I grow on him and he ends up courting me. It is silly, really. Silly, foolish daydreams caught on paper. It is folly for me to write them down and I should rid myself of them. There is always the risk of someone discovering them, either the servants, maids, or maybe one of the twins who always snoop about places where they have no business.

But I do not want to burn my stories because they have become a part of me. When I am lonely, I sit down and re-read them and, after I have finished, I feel happy for just a little while, because in my stories, there is always a happy ending. Advisor and Captain always end up in bed together, making love tenderly and romantically.

But things like that only happen in my stories and daydreams.

Although it is still early I decide to go to bed to have some sleep. I disrobe and drape my clothes over a chair. Lying down on the mattress I tuck myself in and curl up in a tight ball. From where I lie I can still hear them singing their songs, banging their musical instruments, and even the fast footfalls which tell me they are dancing.

But I am not a part of all that and I never will be.

~~~

Glorfindel – the secret subject of my dreams – is already inside my study when I enter there the following day. I didn’t count on him already being present and grow annoyed that he arrived first.

“Can I somehow be of assistance?” I ask with a deadly undertone to my voice. That should inform him that I do not want him there.

Glorfindel looks up and I feel mesmerized looking in those eyes, which remind me of sapphires and stars. There is so much life, wisdom, and mischief in them that looking into them makes me feel like I am an Elfling standing in front of the legendary Glorfindel of Gondolin. The Valar had allowed him to be reborn and had sent him to Imladris to serve Elrond and, although he is younger than me in years, the fact that he already had lived in Gondolin makes him so much older than me.

“Erestor!” he says and his voice tinkles like a hundred bells when he addresses me. I fell in love with him the first time I saw him, but always kept my distance. An Elf like Glorfindel would not care about the likes of me and I never revealed my feelings to him. The Elf that stands in front of me is a vast legend and not an Elf someone approaches and requests to court. So I guard my thoughts, feelings, and heart carefully, though I fear the damage was done long ago. I love him…

“I am surprised to find you here this early in the morning, Glorfindel. I was under the impression that you were going to dance and make merry into the morning. After all, last night was this year’s longest night.” I had heard them celebrate throughout the night, didn’t I?

Glorfindel cocks his head and a puzzled expression surfaces in his eyes. I do not know what vexes him, but I have the feeling it has something to do with me.

“I missed you, Erestor. Why do you never celebrate with us?”

Glorfindel crosses his arms in front of his chest, smiles, and sits down on my desk. I hold my breath, realizing I have been careless. One of my stories is lying on top of the pile of papers and Glorfindel only needs to look down and scan the content to find out the truth. But fortunately enough, he does not seem interested in any of my paperwork and I relax slightly.

“I am not like that, Glorfindel. I prefer the peace and quiet of my rooms.” Oh yes, it is a lie and I wonder if he knows it. I would love to join them at night and dance around the fire with them, but I do not know how to act among them. I am afraid I would stand out and that they would ignore me. So I hide in my room instead. “Is there anything you want? Otherwise, would you be so kind as to leave so I can start working.”

My heart falters momentarily when Glorfindel reaches for the paper on top of the pile. It is my story – the story in which Glorfindel receives an injury and I have to nurse him back to health. Oh, I curse myself for being so careless! I should never have started to write those stories in my study. What if Glorfindel discovers how I pass my time? But nay, he puts the sheet down again, jumps from the desk, and advances on me. I thank the Valar that my secret is still safe. I have to be more careful though, in the future.

“I will leave you alone then,” Glorfindel answers broodingly. He then gives me a long and pondering look that makes me fear that he discovered my secret at any rate, but then he turns around and leaves my study.

I sway and quickly sit down on a chair. Too close. That was much too close. Glorfindel almost discovered my secret! I snatch the story from the desk and hide it within a pocket. I can never be that careless again!

~~~

My work for the day is done and I return to my rooms. I had to join Elrond and his children for dinner tonight and I endured the meal, never feeling a part of it. Elrond, the twins, and Arwen – they are still a tight family, even though they sorely miss Celebrían. Seeing them together, holding hands and remembering the past, made me realize that I belong with no one and never will.

Therefore, it comes as no surprise that I feel depressed and lonely this evening. I stare out my window, like I have done a million times before, and watch Elves cross the courtyard beneath my balcony. Some are laughing, others are kissing, and some carry wine and miruvor to the Great Hall so they can make merry again.

I bow my head and pull my fur cloak tighter around my body. I chose my fate a long time ago and should not feel sorry for myself. Once, I was like them. A merry Elf, who loved to sing and dance, but I have changed. Losing my lover changed me. I never felt whole again after losing Ereinion. Not even Elrond’s well-meaning attempts at socializing me worked. I am afraid to let another Elf in – to become close to him again for I fear he will leave me, like Ereinion did.

Maybe in another moment I will sit down and write another melancholy story, but this time without a happy ending, one in which Glorfindel does not return my feelings. For I feel melancholy, lost, and chilled tonight and the chill is not due to the freezing cold that is settling over Imladris.

Suddenly everything changes. Two strong arms wrap themselves around my waist and I am pulled backward into a tight embrace and against a solid body. I try to spin around and fight off the intruder, but the other Elf possesses an amazing strength and manages to keep me confined in the embrace. “Let me go,” I hiss. “You dare to enter my rooms?”

“Hush, Erestor, it is only I, Glorfindel. I am your friend.”

Hearing Glorfindel’s voice from that close comes as a shock to me. I manage to look at him from over my shoulder and although I want to lash out at him, all I register is the naughty grin on his face and those amazing blue eyes that pierce my brown ones. “Glorfindel, let go of me.” But in reality I do not want him to let go. I want him to keep holding on forever!

“I have a problem with letting you go, Erestor. You say you want me to let go, but I doubt that is the truth.”

Glorfindel’s breath caresses the back of my neck and the tip of my ear. He is slightly taller than I am and obviously stronger as well. Maybe I could break free if I tried really hard, but something holds me back from doing that.

“You see, I found something really interesting when I visited with you earlier today. It was a pity that you walked in on me for I had discovered some fascinating literature.”

Oh, by Elbereth! He read my story after all! “Glorfindel, release me!” Feeling panicky, I struggle against him. Glorfindel however does not release me, but he does loosen his embrace slightly. “You were never meant to read that!”

“But I did and what I read piqued my curiosity. My dear Erestor, you write love stories involving the two of us? You surprise me! I never thought you could write anything like that!”

“Stop making fun of me and let me go!” I am growing furious and turn my head to glare at him, but when I look into his eyes again, I grow still. The expression that lay in those azure eyes is one I have never seen before. Is it pity?

“Erestor…?” Glorfindel pauses before asking the question I dreaded he would pose to me. “Erestor…is this some stupid attempt to embarrass me or do you really have feelings for me?”

I have had enough and finally break free. If it is pity in those eyes, I do not want to see it any more and march toward the opposite corner of the room. I reach for the carafe of wine and pour myself a glass. I down it in one go and then turn to face him. Glorfindel looks at me with a stunned expression and I realize that he has never seen me down wine that quickly before. It seems this will be a night of many surprises. Since I have no intention of answering his questions, I say instead, “You are trespassing, Glorfindel. These are my rooms and I want you out!”

But my words have the opposite effect on Glorfindel. Instead of leaving, he makes his way over to my desk and picks up one sheet of paper after another, scanning them with his eyes. I curse my stupidity for leaving my stories out there in the open for everyone to see. I could have convinced Glorfindel that I was pulling his leg with that one story he found in my study, but now that he has discovered these, I realize I am about to be exposed.

“Erestor? These are more of the same… They are about you and me courting and making love.”

The way Glorfindel looks at me with surprise makes me tremble and suddenly I explode. “What do you think, Glorfindel? That I have no feelings? That I am as cold as they say? This will come as a shock to you, but I have feelings!”

“And the feelings that you harbor for me deepened over the years? Is that it? That is what the Erestor in your story said.”

“A bane on you for ever finding that story!” I am becoming desperate. Why will Glorfindel not leave?

“How long, Erestor? For how long have you been in love with me and writing these stories?”

“That does not concern you!” I grab hold of the first thing I find and throw a glass at him. “Depart and leave me alone!” Glorfindel ducks and the glass shatters into several pieces when it hits the wall.

Glorfindel’s eyes sparkle and I realize I did the wrong thing. I have challenged him or at least he feels like I have challenged him. He drops the papers onto the desk and then stalks toward me. Frantically I look about, searching for a way out, but Glorfindel effectively blocks my only escape route.

“Why settle for ink and paper when you can have the real thing?”

Glorfindel is now so close that he can put his hands on either side of my head. He keeps me in place and I am tempted to use dirty tactics to escape from him, but then his words truly register with me. “What did you say?”

Instead of answering my question, Glorfindel presses his lips to mine. It is a possessive kiss, one that tells me who is going to be in charge. But a part of me still can not believe this is happening and the moment Glorfindel has to break off the kiss in order to breathe, I ask,” Glorfindel, what are you doing?”

“Kissing you, you fool. I thought that was rather obvious.”

“Aye, but why?” If it is pity, I will not allow it.

Glorfindel’s expression softens and his fingertips caress my face. Then I recognize the emotion in those eyes. It is not pity...it is affection.

“Because I am in love with you!” Glorfindel shakes his head, slides his hands lower, and grabs hold of my waist. Pulling me close, he smiles at me. “You stupid Elf. You should have told me you have feelings for me instead of spending all those hours alone in your study, writing those stories!”

“I did not know,” I say, trying to defend myself. “I did not think you liked me in that way.”

“Let me show you how much I like you, my lovely fool.”

The next moment, my feet lose contact with the floor and Glorfindel carries me over to my bed. He lays me down and I start to tremble as I see his intention in his eyes, which are clouded with lust. I have lost track of all the times that I wrote about us making love, but not once did I consider the possibility that it might come true.

Glorfindel lies down beside me and draws me close. I see a question in his eyes and I wonder what worries him. “Erestor… I realize that this is not the best moment to be asking this, but…have you done this before?”

I laugh warmly. He is actually worried for my well-being! I had always hoped the real Glorfindel would be a lot like the one I had made up in my stories: a loveable hero. “Do not worry. I have done this before – both ways. I am no inexperienced maiden.”

“I am glad to hear that,” Glorfindel says with a wicked smile on his face.

His fingers then busy themselves with unbuttoning my robes. “I can not believe this is happening.” I did not want to speak those words aloud, but I did and it shows how dazed I am.

“I gathered as much when I read your story.” Glorfindel does away with the row of buttons and pushes the fabric apart. “I want to please you tonight, Erestor. Will you let me?”

All I am capable of is nodding my head. Right now, I am completely at his mercy and I will let him do as he pleases. I have dreamt of this moment for a long time and, come what may in the morning, no one will take this night away from me. Feeling Glorfindel’s fingertips glide down my chest, I close my eyes and quiver. All I can think about is the need to feel Glorfindel enter me and make love to me. “Do not take too long,” I whisper, revealing my need to him.

Glorfindel blinks, a bit surprised. “Do you want me to rush this?”

“Like I just said, I am no inexperienced maiden. I have done this before.” And I always loved being on the bottom; to be able to let go and surrender myself to my lover...even if only for one night.

“I understand,” Glorfindel whispers.

He finally takes pity on me and does away with the lacing of my leggings. I am naked now and want nothing more than to see Glorfindel naked as well. “Please, I want us skin-on-skin.”

Eager to please, Glorfindel jumps to his feet and quickly removes his clothing. I am practically drooling by the time he wraps his arms around me again. Glorfindel is well-endowed and I squirm against him, involuntarily raising my hips and hoping he takes the hint.

“I wanted to take my time with you,” Glorfindel whispers and then laughs. “But I might have misjudged you.”

I grin at him. “Most of the time I enjoy foreplay, but not right now. I want you, Glorfindel. I want to feel you thrust inside me.” The fact that Glorfindel blushes at hearing my words surprises me. I thought him cockier than that. “Maybe I misjudged you too.”

I take charge and grab hold of his wrist. Without giving him a chance to act, I roll Glorfindel onto his back. His blue eyes look trustingly into mine and then he smiles. I wrote many stories during those lonely winter evenings, but not one featured me taking myself. Taking hold of the phial that holds the oil, I uncap it and let the smooth liquid drizzle onto Glorfindel’s erection. Trying to feel him, I let my fingers slide up and down the shaft and it hardens further beneath my touch. Glorfindel’s pupils dilate and his irises seem more purple than blue. All the time I thought I would surrender to Glorfindel and now the opposite is happening: Glorfindel has surrendered to me.

I place my hands against his chest and raise myself until I am in the right position to take him inside of me. “Guide me.” I want him to know that I want him to take charge as well.

Glorfindel wraps his fingers around his shaft and then the head of his erection nudges against the entrance to my body. Slowly, I lower myself onto the hard flesh and take in inch after inch. It hurts at first and belatedly I realize that I should have let Glorfindel set his pace instead of speeding everything up. After all, it has been a long time since I made love.

Throwing back my head, I bite my bottom lip and moan to release the feelings of discomfort I feel. Then Glorfindel rests his large warrior’s hands around my waist and pushes me down the rest of the way. My breath escapes me and my eyelids flutter as I yelp, but then Glorfindel is inside and I am settled safely on his lap. Looking at Glorfindel’s face, I can not help but smile victoriously at seeing the ecstatic expression in his eyes. We fit. It is as simple as that. We fit perfectly.

“Come here you,” Glorfindel whispers and he slides his hands up along my back. Once he has a firm hold on me, he pulls me down so he can kiss me. Glorfindel thrusts upwards ever so lightly and, with his first stroke, he hits that pleasurable spot inside my passage. I purr against his lips and rest my upper body on his. I had planned to ride him, but this feels even better. Glorfindel’s light and playful thrusts are aimed perfectly and he soon has me moaning and pleading for more. His lips seek out mine, lock, and then his tongue invades my mouth, staking his claim all over again.

Glorfindel’s hands rest on my buttocks and he squeezes the firm mounds of flesh with every thrust. I abandon myself to the rhythm he sets, which is rather subdued and considerate and I know I will thank him for that later for it will prevent me from feeling sore after our lovemaking. I bury my fingers in his golden hair and then our gazes meet. Breaking off our kiss, I whisper, “I love you, Glorfindel,” and then hold my breath as I await his reaction.

“I love you too, you fool,” Glorfindel replies with a smile.

That is all I had ever wanted to hear and I lose myself once more in our lovemaking. Glorfindel’s lips press against mine, his tongue chases my tongue, and his thrusts speed up and penetrate me deeper. I love every minute of it. I love feeling him move inside me. I love seeing his eyes heavy with lust. I will never forget the way he looks now – the moment we make love for the first time.

“I am close, Erestor,” Glorfindel whispers, panting the words. “Come with me.”

I let go and follow him when his climax takes him. While his seed fills my insides, I release mine onto his stomach. Panting, I lie there and hold on to him. “It was never that good in my stories,” I say teasingly.

Glorfindel laughs warmly at hearing that. “This is the real thing, Erestor. It *should* be better!”

I lift my head from his chest and look into his warm and smiling eyes. “Glorfindel? Was this just for tonight? If so, I can live with it.” Having to go back to my distant and solitary life after having experienced this will break my heart, but if Glorfindel wants it that way, I will comply.

“Erestor, have you ever tried counting the snowflakes that are covering Imladris as we speak?” Glorfindel asks with a brilliant smile.

His question takes me aback since I do not know what to make of it. “Nay, I never have.”

“And you will equally fail to keep track of all the times that we will make love in our future. Do you really think I am letting you go after tonight?”

Peace and acceptance take up residence in my heart as I realize he loves me back and wants to be with me.

“Do not ever go back to being lonely, Erestor. It is not who you are. I know that now. You might be able to fool the others, but after reading just one of your stories I know what you are really like.” Glorfindel smiles and wraps an arm around my waist. He kisses my brow, my eyes, and then whispers into my right ear, “I will take you dancing, Erestor, We will make merry all night long. We will drink wine, tell each other jokes no one else understands as I whirl you about on the dance floor. On other nights we will play chess, braid each other’s hair, share a bath, and kiss. Your days of loneliness are over.”

Glorfindel’s words bring tears to my eyes and I am not ashamed to let them flow. Glorfindel does not wipe them away, but allows for them to fall. “I want that.”

“I know you do, you fool.” Glorfindel leans in closer and kisses me on the mouth. “But you were too shy to tell me that. It is a good thing I found that story for it showed me the real you.”

I rest my head against his shoulder and enfold Glorfindel in a tight hug. “I am not letting you go, you know. Never again. You are mine now.”

“I want to be yours, Erestor, so do not worry.” Glorfindel presses a kiss onto my raven hair and I feel him smile. “For this night and all others still to come I am yours and you are mine. Forever.”

The end