Title: Ghosts

Author: Morgana
Author’s Email:
morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon

Pairing: Bagoas/Cassander

Rating: PG
Summary: Bagoas mourns Alexander's death. At the same time, Cassander tells him that he needs to return to
Macedonia. Bagoas now has to make his decision, whether to follow Cassander or to stay behind in Babylon.

Disclaimer: Oliver Stone's movie inspired my stories. No copyright infringement is intended. This is for fun, not for making money!

Warnings: Completely AU!

Author's notes:

1. This story is written from Bagoas' POV and is the sequel to "All of You."

2. I have taken huge liberties with the time line. In reality, Cassander doesn't become King of Macedonia until after Alexander's death.

Beta read by DA, thanks a lot, sweetie!

All remaining mistakes are mine.

 

Ghosts

 

"Bagoas? I managed to rescue something for you."

 

Ever since I woke up three days ago, Cassander has constantly been at my side. He only leaves when his duties demand so. He was there the first time I woke up after Alexander died and he is here now during my mourning process.

 

"What did you bring me this time?" Cassander has given me several gifts and his generosity surprises me. Everything about the man amazes me.

 

"Maybe you will recognize it?"


Cassander seats himself next to me on the bench and places something wrapped up in golden fabric in my lap. I do not unwrap it at once. Instead I take a moment to watch him.

 

Cassander is around my age, but his spirit is much younger than mine. I have seen too much pain, too much death, and destruction. Cassander has not seen the horrors I saw as he did not accompany Alexander on all of his campaigns. He divided his time between Babylon and Pella, where his father, Antipater, ruled in Alexander's stead until one year ago. Cassander proved himself back then when he single-handedly dealt with his potential enemies and secured the position his father had held for himself. That happened with Alexander's consent of course, but still, he must have done away with a considerable amount of enemies. Cassander is dangerous in his own right and I will never underestimate him.

 

"Why are you looking at me like that when you should be unwrapping my gift to you?" Cassander points at the parcel on my lap.

 

"I was merely wondering about you, Cassander." I have come to trust him during these last few days. I felt weak when I woke up after Alexander's death, but Cassander taking care of me has stopped me from giving up on myself. I never expected to find love in his eyes, but the emotion is always there – staring right back at me. I do not know what to make of him.

 

"About me? I hope you were thinking good thoughts."

 

Cassander still possesses his boyish charm when he wants to and makes me smile, even when I feel depressed. His eyes, which can take on different colors ranging from dark blue to the lightest green, intrigue me. He is a complex character and for some reason I feel attracted to him. "Would you like that?" Am I really flirting? Have I ever flirted before? Yes, because my duties called for it, but out of my own free will? I do not think so.

 

"You know I would. And now unwrap your present."

 

Cassander places his hand atop of mine and pushes it toward the present. I slowly begin to unwrap the item, which feels heavy. While I am doing this, I peek at him. He is wearing his shoulder long, auburn hair loose today and is dressed informally in only a white tunic.

 

"You are still looking at me, Bagoas." The smile on his face turns wicked.

 

"I was merely remembering the way you looked that night." I am certain he understands which night I am referring to. "I never saw you dressed like that before."

 

"You liked seeing me like that," Cassander comments, grinning smugly.

 

His grin makes me nod my head. I lower my gaze, but am still smiling. The way I react to him baffles me. Alexander just died and I am mourning the loss, and yet, Cassander keeps me from dying inside. His energy, zest for life, and, even more importantly, his love for me, keep me hanging on. I finally unwrap the present and find I am holding a book – a very familiar book. "Is this…?"

 

"It is Alexander's copy of the ‘Iliad’. I managed to save it when they cleaned out his rooms."

 

"They cleaned out his rooms? Why was I not told?" I should have been there to see to it that everything was handled with care and respect!

 

"Alexander is dead, his empire is crumbling, and everyone is leaving – either to their new lands or back home."

 

Cassander's hand still rests atop of mine and slowly his fingers curl around mine. I press Alexander's book close to my chest and try to control my raging emotions. I do not know what will become of me and that frightens me. My future has never been so uncertain before.

 

"I will leave for home in a few days, Bagoas. I wish I could give you more time to make up your mind, but I cannot linger here much longer. I need to return to Macedonia. I have already been away too long."

 

I shyly raise my head. "You do not wish to rule Persia?"

 

"Macedonia is my home, Bagoas. I am a stranger here. Everyone who came here with Alexander is. We do not belong here."

 

"I thought you were ambitious, Cassander." I did not intend to speak the words aloud, but they slip past my lips at any rate.

 

"Yes, I am ambitious, but I only desire to rule my homeland, Bagoas."

 

Cassander gives me a thoughtful look and then says, "You are beginning to look healthier, Bagoas. You are not so pale anymore and the rings beneath your eyes are fading."

 

"That is because you are taking such good care of me." Unable to maintain eye contact any longer because of the intense emotion flashing from his eyes, I stare at the book instead. I lost track of the times I saw Alexander read it. Alexander even made the effort to teach me to read Greek, but I was not that quick of a study. He got me a teacher once it became clear that I would not pick up on the language quickly, but I always preferred for Alexander to read the story to me. It was one of the few things that always calmed him down – that always got him in a peaceful mood.

 

"Bagoas? I do not want to pressure you, but have you given my question some thought?"

 

Cassander guides my hand to his chest and presses it close to where his heart is beating. The expression in his eyes speaks of hope, but also of acceptance. This man will accept whatever decision I make. "You mystify me," I say instead of answering his question. Cassander can be as ruthless as Alexander when the situation calls for it, but, whenever he looks at me, he looks at me with love.

 

All I get as an answer is another smile and a gentle squeeze delivered to my fingers. I let my thoughts drift. "You are a King are you not, Cassander?" I would be serving another King if I accepted his offer.

 

"Only in Macedonia, Bagoas. I do not desire to rule a larger kingdom. I want what is best for my people, and yes, I will kill if that is in the best interest of my people."

 

He is brutally honest and I appreciate that. What you see is what you get with Cassander. "You would be the third King I would serve." Cassander quickly shakes his head though.

 

"Not serve. I do not want you to serve me... to wait on me, like you did with Alexander."

 

"What *do*you want then, Cassander?" He raises my hand once more, guides it to his lips, and presses a kiss on the back. No one has ever been this gentle with me before – not Darius, not even Alexander.

 

"I want all of you," Cassander replies, "If you want to live with me in my palace, you will. If you prefer to live on the country side, in your own little cottage, I will arrange for it. I want the real Bagoas to come out."

 

His last sentence utterly confuses me. "The real Bagoas?" Cassander nods his head and grins. Those are all the answers I will get, it seems. "Cassander, I do not know what I should do." In a way, I am asking him for guidance and I wonder what he will say next.

 

"If I were you, Bagoas, I would not stay here where so many ghosts of the past linger. When you walk those rooms that once belonged to Alexander, you will remember him. You will never be able to move on. You will continue to mourn him. The past will entrap you."

 

"And when I go with you?" I see the truth in Cassander's words, but leaving Babylon strikes me with terror. I would be closing a major chapter in the book of my life.

 

"When you come with me, I will make you happy. I cannot promise you that you will have me all the time. Sometimes, duty will call me away and I might have to marry to fortify certain alliances, but that would be a marriage on paper only."

 

He sounds genuine and passionate and I wonder what I should do. I have reached a crossroad in my life and, should I turn left, I will remain trapped in the past. Turning right however means upending my life. Cassander is right: I would become someone else. I would have to change in order to survive. The prospect of undergoing such a change scares me though.

 

"You do not have to answer now."

 

Cassander, unnoticed, had moved closer and manages to wrap an arm around my waist. He pulls me close and I find no reason to reject what he is offering. I rest my head against his shoulder and, while I sit there like that, a peaceful feeling which I have never known before comes over me. I close my eyes and say, "Will you read to me?" I hand him the ‘Iliad’ and he accepts.

 

"If that will make you happy…" Cassander opens the worn book and begins to read to me. His voice is calm, sensual, and warm. I like hearing it. I like *him*. I never thought I would.

 

~~~

 

That night, Cassander slips between the covers and curls himself around me. I had to invite him into his own bed that first night after I woke up. Cassander had made way to sleep on the floor when I sat upright and asked him why he was doing that. He told me that he did not want to impose on me, certainly not when I was feeling so emotional. He stood there naked, his eyes glowing with emotion, and his hair dancing on his shoulders. I could not let him sleep on the floor and asked him to join me, which he eventually did. We have been sleeping in the same bed ever since, naked, but chaste. He still has to touch me in an intimate way again.

 

He lies facing me. His face is only an inch away from mine and his hand rests on my hip. Those long fingers caress my skin in an innocent way. I have not seen him aroused during these last few days. I wonder if he touches himself and does away with his need that way.

 

"Try to sleep, Bagoas."

 

His voice is a bit raw from reading to me all evening. Earlier on, I fell asleep listening to his voice and, although I was oblivious to the world, he did not stop reading aloud. I am beginning to believe that he genuinely cares about me. "When will you leave for Pella?"

 

"The day after tomorrow."

 

It is all the time I have left to make my decision.

 

~~~

 

I inspect Alexander's rooms the next day. They are empty – the servants cleaned them all out. Nothing is left that reminds me of Alexander, or of the fact that I had lived here. This also makes it painfully clear that I am homeless. My belongings have also been removed.

 

I leave Alexander's rooms and wander through the palace. The vast, spacious rooms seem empty to me, even though they are busy and crowded with people. No one seems to notice me, or greets me. I feel like a ghost, walking among the living. But I am not dead yet.

 

Cassander's words are true: there is nothing left for me here. Alexander's spirit is gone and his 'successors' are still fighting over land rights. No one seems interested in trying to take Macedonia away from Cassander and I realize how smart Cassander's move is. Alexander's former Companions are fighting over bigger glory than Macedonia, which appears to be nothing more than a worthless province when I hear them talk about their home.

 

"I have been searching for you, Bagoas."

 

Cassander suddenly appears to my right, dressed in his uniform with a cloak draped over his shoulders.

 

"Why are you dressed like that?"

 

"I am leaving tonight. Something has happened back home and my advisors urge me to return as quickly as I can."

 

Cassander guides me into the corridor where we are safe from curious eyes and ears. "You are leaving tonight." I repeat this information in a thoughtful voice.

 

"Bagoas, do you know what you want? Do you want to stay here? Or will you come with me?"

 

Large, blue eyes look at me with hope. "I have walked these rooms all day and I asked myself what keeps me here." Cassander is holding his breath and looks at me expectantly. "I found nothing." The breath he has been holding now leaves his lips and the first hint of a smile forms on his face. "But I am not ready to become your…?" What? What does he want me to be?

 

"My lover," Cassander quickly interjects, still smiling.

 

"I am not ready to become your lover yet. You have been very kind, very understanding so far, and I know that you hope that I will return your love, but I cannot. Not yet. I am not sure I ever can. I feel broken, Cassander." It is one of the longest speeches I have ever given. I am not used to talking so much. "I have only just started to mourn Alexander's death and the end of my life here."

 

"I told you before and I am telling you again now – I will be patient. You have all the time you need. In the meantime, I hope you will allow me to be your friend, a very close friend."

 

He draws me into his embrace and I accept it, because what I need the most right now *is* exactly that: a friend.

 

~~~

 

"You will be warmer if you snuggle up to me."

 

Cassander's suggestion makes my eyebrow rise. We have been on the road for one week now and Cassander cares little about the looks his men gives us whenever we sit so close together that it looks like we are snuggling. Cassander is already seated on the ground near the fire his men built and raises his right hand to pull me down. I give in and accept his offering, huddling next to him. Cassander wraps an arm around me and I rest my head against his shoulder. I am cold and tired. I am not used to being on the road any more. It was different when I accompanied Alexander on his campaigns. Maybe I have grown old in the mean time.

 

"You will like living in Pella," Cassander says as he plays with a strand of my hair, which he twirls around his finger."I will find the perfect little house for you and then you can settle down." I told him that I do not want to live in a palace ever again and he accepts that – like he accepts everything I say. He is almost too good to be true. "Cassander?"

 

"I love the way you say my name."

 

His lips find my brow and press a kiss onto there. His soldiers have seen him kiss me before and do not react. "Do you really want nothing in return?"

 

"In return for what?" Cassander briefly pulls away and gives me a probing look. "Bagoas, you owe me nothing. You are not a slave."

 

How long will it take me to convince myself of that?

 

~~~

 

I only stay at the palace in Pella for three days. That is necessary because Cassander needs to take care of urgent matters which cannot wait. I stay in his personal chambers during those days and no one bothers me. Slowly, my unrest leaves me and I know it has everything to do with Cassander's presence.

 

"Do you still want to live alone?"

 

It is my third night in Pella and he is holding me. I am ready to drift off into sleep, but his question causes me to blink. "Yes, I am." Seeing that he needs more of an answer than that I add, "I like your company, Cassander. You have helped me to find a balance within myself, but I cannot stay here. Courts are the same wherever I go. They are full of intrigue, lies, and manipulation and I have grown tired of them." Does he understand?

"You need peace and quiet instead." Cassander's eyes though are darkening and I have learned that such a change means that he is worried. If he decides to keep me here, there is not much I can do to stop him.

 

"I found a home for you, Bagoas."

 

The fact that he uses the word 'home' instead of 'house' makes me frown.

 

"It is located a day's ride from here, far away enough to keep the scheming of the court away from you. It has a lovely view of the mountains and I know you will love the way their tops glow white when they are covered in snow during winter."

 

"When will I be leaving?" I cannot wait to see it myself!

 

"Tomorrow… That is fast enough, do you not think so?" Cassander is lost in thought and that is the only reason why he bares his thoughts to me. "At least that way I still get to hold you tonight."

 

"I will miss you." Cassander has grown dear to me during these last few weeks. He gives me strength and support when I need it and he asks for nothing in return.

 

"And I will miss you, but I comfort myself with the thought that you will finally get the opportunity to find peace. Who knows, maybe you will invite me over to visit one day, and when you do, it will be the real – freed – Bagoas that will await me."

 

"How can you be so ruthless towards others and so understanding with me?" Cassander told me yesterday that he had Alexander's mother, Olympias, executed and I suspect more members of Alexander's family will follow. I have seen it too many times before to feel shocked by Cassander's behavior. Most rulers eradicate potential threats to their throne and Cassander is no exception.

 

"Olympias has always been too dangerous. Philip should have dealt with her a long time ago. He might have been alive today if he had. He was a foolish man. His unwillingness to deal with her resulted in his death."

 

I am careful not to voice my opinion in this matter. Alexander's family does not concern me.

 

~~~

 

"Do you like it here?"


Cassander ordered his escort to remain at a distance so we still have some privacy. He stands behind me and has wrapped his arms around me.

 

"Is this what you want?"

 

"It is." The house will do. It has everything I need: a bed, some furniture and, something I did not expect, a library. Cassander knows I love to read and had books brought here. "It is perfect."

 

Cassander takes my hand and leads me to the other side of the house, where I find a small stable, complete with a horse, chickens, and pigeons. "Cassander…"

 

"The horse is here in case of an emergency so you can leave. I do not expect evil to befall you though. You have no enemies, but I want to make certain."

 

I nod my head to show I understand.

 

"The pigeons will find their way back to the palace in case you need to contact me. Write me a note and they will carry it to me. I will hurry to you."

 

"Thank you for doing this for me." I take the initiative and turn him around until we are face to face. I place my hands on either side of his head and probe his eyes, which are a muddy green. I have not seen that shade before.

 

He shuffles his feet and takes a step away from me. I am forced to let go of him and my hands return to my sides.

 

"Saying goodbye is hard," Cassander mumbles beneath his breath.

 

His gaze is still fastened on mine and I smile reassuringly. Something tells me that this is not goodbye. "Then do not say so. We will meet again, Cassander." His expression brightens at once and the eyes now sparkle as well. They remind me of emeralds. "Do not give up hope yet."

 

"I won't," Cassander promises.

 

Then he takes me by surprise by reaching for me and kissing me surprisingly hard.

 

"I love you, Bagoas, and I will wait for you."

 

I wonder if I could do the same if I were in his shoes.

 

~~~

 

The next morning, the singing of the birds wakes me. They start their song at sunrise and it draws me from my bed. I did not bother to undress last night and went to sleep atop the covers. As I make my way outside, my heart misses a beat at the sight that greets me. The sun's golden rays touch the tops of the snow-covered mountains and for one moment I am back in India. It was cold there and the snow would blind me. Alexander's ghost is suddenly very near and I fall to my knees.

 

I do not know where the tears are coming from all of a sudden, but I burst out into sobs. I weep for a long time. In the end, the warm rays of the sun touch my face and bring me out of my stupor. I push myself to my feet and go back inside. I sit down and uncover Alexander's ‘Iliad’.

 

Alexander is merely one of the ghosts who haunt me. There are so many of them. My family, Darius, Hephaistion, Alexander, even Cassander. They all seem to melt into one vortex and I struggle to drag myself from its devastating pull. I need to separate the living from the dead.

 

~~~

 

It is a gradual process that follows. Little by little I allow in the pain and I mourn my losses. It is painful, it is grueling, but it is something that I need to do.

 

Days pass by slowly, but they eventually change into weeks. In the third week, a messenger delivers a letter from Cassander. My fingers tremble when I open it. I sit down and read it. It is not the love letter I expected it to be. Its tone is distant, but then again, the message he is conveying calls for such distance. Cassander never tried to hide anything from me and tells me the truth now as well. He has imprisoned Roxanne and her young son. I understand that they are a threat to him. Although no Greek noble man will acknowledge her son as the lawful heir, as she is not of Greek birth, the threat remains. He also speaks of his marriage to Thessalonica, Alexander's half-sister and, once again, I understand his reasons for doing so. But it is the last few lines that catch my attention.

 

I do not love her, Bagoas, but the marriage is a necessity for it will erase all doubt about my claim to the throne of Macedonia. I would rather have you at my side though.

 

Bagoas, I miss you.

 

"I am sorry, Cassander, but I need more time. I have only just begun to confront my ghosts."

 

~~~

 

I do not reply to his letter and fall into a routine which makes me feel content and at peace. In the morning, I run and practice my dancing to keep in shape. At noon, I busy myself picking berries and other fruit for my lunch, and during the evening, I sit near the fire place and watch the fire dance to its own melody. Sometimes, I read.

 

When it is late at night and I look up from staring into the flames for too long, I see the ghosts standing in my room. Alexander is always there, just looking at me. Hephaistion usually sits in the window sill opposite me, giving me a smile which I cannot decipher. Darius has always been more transparent than the others and is slowly fading from my mind's eye. The ghosts of my family were the first to go and they leave me alone now.

 

But Alexander and Hephaistion remain.

 

~~~

Three months later, another letter from Cassander arrives. It carries a formal tone once more. Apparently everything has calmed down now that Cassander is married to Alexander's half-sister. He has also formed new alliances and the throne of Macedonia is now truly his. Yet, the letter does not breathe any happiness and there are those lines again…

 

I miss you, Bagoas, and I wish you were here with me.

 

I love you still.

 

I raise the letter to my lips and press a kiss onto the parchment. Then, I put the scroll in a safe place, so I can read his words again whenever I want to.

 

~~~

 

"What do you want from me, Hephaistion? You are dead. Why are you still haunting me?" I decide to confront him first. Confronting Alexander will be the hardest and I am not yet ready to do that.

 

I am here because you called me, Bagoas. You are the one with the answers.

 

Hephaistion's voice sounds very real to me.

 

What do you need from me, Bagoas?

 

Do I need something from him?

 

His ghost fades unexpectedly and leaves me to my thoughts.

 

~~~

 

The next evening, Hephaistion is back. He seems more real to me than ever before and I raise a hand, trying to touch him. But he is not there – he is nothing but a ghost.

 

Do you know what you need from me, Bagoas? There must be a reason why you keep summoning my spirit here.

 

"Maybe there is." I feel awkward about speaking aloud, but there is no one who can hear me. "Maybe I need your forgiveness."

 

My forgiveness?

 

"I wronged you in life, Hephaistion. The time has come for me to make peace with my past. Please forgive me for the way I acted toward you. Give me peace." His forgiveness is what I need the most. His ghost smiles at me and for one moment those bright blue eyes become alive.

 

I forgive you, Bagoas. Be at peace and live your life. Always remember that you are not dead. You still belong to the living. Treasure that gift.

 

And with those words, his spirit vanishes. I know for certain that his ghost will never torment me again.

 

~~~

 

But there is still one ghost that I need to face – Alexander, but I lack the strength and courage to do so yet.

 

~~~

 

I head outside for a long walk. I find a stream nearby and sit down to stare at the gentle flow of the water. Everything is calm and serene around me, and I watch the rabbits hopping in the grass. In that moment, everything becomes lucidly clear to me. I am still at the crossroad which I had faced in Babylon. Yes, I had decided to leave Babylon, but I did not break free. It has taken me this long to finally understand what Cassander has been trying to tell me. The real Bagoas is ready to leave on this wonderful journey called life and I cannot restrain him any longer.

 

~~~

 

Exactly six months later, I confront my last ghost – Alexander. I wait for the darkness to fall, because during the night, it is easier to call his spirit to me. I do not have to wait long. He appears opposite me, standing in the prime of his life, and stares at me with a curious expression.

 

I was wondering how much longer it would take you to finally talk to me.

 

I swallow nervously. Am I losing my mind? I can see him so clearly – so vividly!

 

Do not fear me, Bagoas. You had no reason to fear me in life and you are in no danger now that I am dead.

 

"Alexander, I… I need to move on, but I do not know how." I have to cling to the hope that I have not lost my mind and that I am somehow communicating with Alexander's spirit.

 

You know how, Bagoas. Do not play coy with me. Do you not think you have kept Cassander waiting long enough? I must admit your choice surprised me. I did not think you would be drawn to him.

 

"Alexander… I did not expect for that to happen either. But there is something about him that draws me in."

 

He reminds me a bit of myself when I was younger – and alive. He is ambitious, intelligent, and merciless when the situation calls for it. But he is not me, Bagoas. Cassander and I are very different.

 

I nod my head and devour his words.

 

Cassander is not driven like I was. He is content to stay at home and care for his people. His methods resemble mine, but that is where the comparison stops. He really loves you, Bagoas. He loves you enough to set you free.

 

I lower my gaze, but still sense his presence. "Do you think his love is true?" Suddenly, I start. Alexander is standing in front of me, only inches away, and I swear I can feel the cold he radiates.

 

Yes, Cassander loves you. He loved you for years. When I was still alive I saw him look at you and I felt delighted that he could not have you... that you belonged to me.

 

Alexander's admission surprises me. "But why?"

 

I did not want you to be unhappy, Bagoas. Had it been anyone else I might have let you go, but Cassander… I disliked him greatly.

 

"You disliked him *because* he reminded you of you when you were young."

 

Alexander nods his head and his translucent eyes fasten their gaze on me.

 

You asked Hephaistion for forgiveness and he granted it. With us, it is the other way around. I need to ask you for your forgiveness, for I wronged you. I should have set you free when I realized Cassander loved you.

 

"But I belonged to you."

 

A ghostly sigh floats through the room. Can you forgive me, Bagoas? Will you set my spirit free? By doing so, you will free your own as well.

 

The moment I hear his words, I know they are true. "You are forgiven, Alexander. Be at peace. Do not let your past actions haunt you." His form briefly flickers in front of me and then a second form materializes, one I know very well. It is Hephaistion and he is smiling at me. I will always remember them like that – standing there, smiling at me, and Hephaistion pulling Alexander along with him until their forms have faded and nothing of their spirits remains behind.

 

I am finally free and so are they.

 

~~~

 

The next morning, I sit down at the desk, uncover parchment, quill, and ink and begin to write. Hopefully, Cassander has not given up on me yet.

 

~~~

 

The pigeon takes off in the direction of Pella. I secured my message to her foot and I pray to the gods that my letter will reach Cassander shortly.

 

~~~

 

The next day I feel excited and depressed at the same time. Will Cassander reply to my letter? Will he come here, like I asked him to? Or has he given up on me and did he find happiness in his wife's arms after all?

 

The sun rises higher and her rays warm me. I undress, save for my loincloth, and begin to stretch and loosen my muscles. I neglected my body and my dancing, and it is about time I make up for it.

 

After going through a series of exercises, I set my spirit free and let the dance take control of me. I am dancing because I want to dance and not because someone ordered me to do so. I am not trying to please anyone. I dance because I want to dance and that realization sets me free.

 

"You look even more beautiful than I remember."

 

Cassander's voice, unexpected and loud, makes me halt in my movement. He is here. I am panting hard due to my dancing and do not dare to turn around to face him. He is walking up to me from behind – I hear his footsteps.

 

"I received your message. You asked me to come here and now that I am here, I wonder why you summoned me. You did not say so in your message. It only said, 'Come to me'."

 

I slowly turn around and look at him. He has not changed much. His hair has grown longer and he sports a few wrinkles, but the eyes are still the same – alive with emotion. He still wears the leather band around his head that keeps his hair from falling into his face. No golden crown for this King… No showing off when he is around me. Looking into those eyes, I know that his love is true, just like Alexander assured me. "Cassander… I hoped you would come." I am not touching him yet; I want to, but cannot yet… We need to talk first.

 

"Why would I not come? I told you I would hurry here… You only had to say the word."

 

His eyes, a lucid blue now, sparkle, and his expression speaks of love and adoration when his gaze comes to rest on me. He still wants me. He still loves me. "I was not ready to talk to you until now."

 

"Only six months have passed since you moved in here. I told you before that I understand that you need time."

 

But his hands betray him. They are clenching and unclenching at his side. He is doing his best not to touch me and then I realize how I must look to him. I am as good as naked, my body is covered in a thin film of sweat, and my hair is a tangled mess. My eyes probably glister with the passion dancing awoke in me. I must be a real temptation to him.

 

"Bagoas? Did I say something that displeased you?"

 

My silence has made him uncomfortable. "No, you did not, Cassander. I am only trying to find the right words to tell you that…"

 

"What?" Anxiously, he takes another step closer to me. He is drawn to me like a moth to the flame.

 

"I have made my peace with my past, Cassander. I finally faced my ghosts and they have released me from their hold. When I sit alone at night, they no longer haunt me. I am ready to move on."

 

Cassander involuntarily holds his breath throughout my speech and I move closer to him. I rest the palm of one hand against his chest, and let the fingers of my other hand slide into his hair. "You wanted to meet the real Bagoas – at least you said so. I am here now."

 

"And do you…?" Cassander turns shy all of a sudden.

 

"Do I love you? Yes, I do. It has taken me a while to understand and accept that." Suddenly, he grabs hold of me and pulls me against his chest. I allow it, smile against the fabric of his tunic, and enjoy being held so close – so tight.

 

"I always wanted to hear you say those words." Cassander places a kiss on the crown of my head, and then adds, "I know I am not perfect, Bagoas. I have my flaws and my weaknesses, just like anyone else. But I will try my hardest to make you happy and to never hurt you."

 

He tenses against me and I complete the embrace by wrapping my arms around him.

 

"We won't be together all the time… I wish I could, but I cannot. There will be times when I have to leave. I am also needed to rule my people, Bagoas, but I will always hurry back to you. Is that good enough for you?"

 

I raise my head and look him in the eye. "All I want you is you, Cassander, your love. I do not need your throne, your power, or your alliances. I want *you* -- all of you – the man, not the King."

 

"You already have it, Bagoas… You always did – All of me."

 

Raising my head, I stare at the snow-covered tops of the mountains. This is my home. This is where I will be happy with Cassander. This is where I will grow old and eventually die. This is where Cassander will bury me.

 

But none of that matters yet, for we still have many years of love and life ahead of us.

 

The End!