Title: Heart in Chains.
Author: Morgana à morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Pairing(s): Haldir/Glorfindel, Haldir/Erestor, Erestor/Elrond, Orophin/Celeborn.
Rating: NC-17.
Summary: Who is Erestor and what happened to him in his long life? What caused him to save Elrond's life when the High-King died, leaving the Peredhel alone and hurting?
Disclaimer: These characters are all Tolkien’s.
Warning: male pregnancy, angst, AU
Author’s Note : Although there are some references to the Silmarillon, I am no expert in these matters and mostly depend on information supplied to me by Ilye and my beta Sulien, who I want to thank for beta reading this monster. So excuse me if I stay vague at times.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By Daga

His life couldn’t be more miserable! Erestor huddled in the corner of the room, which he shared with the other servants and wondered what he had done to deserve this.

Nothing. He had done nothing to deserve this, but Feanor hated him and the Elf was making his life unbearable. It had all started when Feanor’s father, Finwe, had decided to remarry. Feanor never approved of Finwe’s second marriage and had done everything he could to break up his father and his new wife – Indis.

Feanor had loathed his new family, especially Erestor, whose mother was Indis’ oldest sister. The Elfling had quickly become one of Finwe’s favorites, and insanely jealous, Feanor had begun to harass mother and son, until in the end, they had been unable to take any more and had fled. 

Finwe had ordered Feanor to bring them back and Feanor had been forced to carry out his father’s orders. He would have been happy to never see Erestor again, but his father had decided differently. When he had returned the runaways, he found to his utter delight that they had fallen out of grace and that Finwe no longer favored them. 

Erestor had learned the hard way what that meant. His life had changed drastically since they had lost Finwe’s favor and he wished he could go back to living with his mother, but Feanor had separated them and he didn’t even know where she was and if she was still alive. Without Finwe’s protection he was at Feanor’s mercy.

“Erestor?”

Celegorm, one of Feanor’s sons, stood in the doorway and menacingly stared at him. The elder Elf was a vision of ethereal beauty, but personal experiences had taught Erestor not to trust him. 

“Why are you still here? My father ordered you to help in the stables.”

Erestor slowly pushed himself to his feet, staying close to the wall. The last thing he wanted was for either Feanor or Celegorm to grow angry with him. Father and son had violent tempers and their moods could change abruptly. He had often been at the receiving end of their wrath and would carry bruises for days. Just when they would start to fade, father or son would inflict new injuries.

“I am already on my way,” said Erestor quickly. As an Elfling, he didn’t have the physical strength to defend himself against the much stronger Celegorm, who loved to torment him. It was best to sneak away before Celegorm’s mood changed.

He had nearly left the room, when Celegorm reached for him, curling his fingers cruelly around his left wrist. Erestor managed not to groan, knowing Celegorm would enjoy seeing him in pain. “I will be late.” He carefully lowered his eyes, trying hard not to agitate Celegorm further.

“You are already late, child.”

Celegorm’s hold on his wrist was growing painful and he squirmed, trying to get away from the other Elf. “Please…” He had learned a long time ago that begging didn’t help, but it was his only means of placating Celegorm.

“You are just like your mother.” Celegorm’s voice dripped with loathing. “I do not understand why Feanor decided to keep you here. We should have left you with her. Your presence here is a disgrace. You ran away from my grandfather.”

/Nay, we ran away from your *father*. I loved my grandfather./ But Erestor knew why Feanor wanted him here. He possessed healing powers that were unlike anything Feanor had ever seen and the Elf wanted to command them. It was probably the sole reason why he had been brought here. “My Lord, I need to—“

“How do you dare oppose me, whelp?”

Erestor whimpered, as a sickening snap echoed through the room. Celegorm had just broken his wrist – again. It wasn’t the first time Celegorm or his father had injured him. Celegorm then released his wrist, but not before twisting it sadistically.

“Never forget your place here, child. You are at our mercy. Your mother’s actions saw to that.”

Erestor nodded obediently, and was careful not to show the pain he was in. His healing powers never worked on himself, and it would take weeks for his wrist to completely heal. In the meantime, he would receive more punishment because he couldn’t properly carry out his appointed tasks with the limited use of only one hand.  “Aye, my Lord.”

“Then go, now!”

Celegorm pushed him hard toward the doorway and Erestor almost tripped over his own two feet. He didn’t want to go to the stables because the harassment would continue there. The only moment of peace he normally knew was when he studied with the elder healers.

Once outside, he cradled his wrist against his chest and fought back the tears that were trying to escape his eyes. He couldn’t show any weakness now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erestor sucked in his breath, realizing he was no longer alone. The healers, who he had studied with, had long left. He didn’t need to look over his shoulder to know who was watching him. The hair at the back of his neck stood rigid in warning and gooseflesh had formed over his entire body. At times like these, he wished he was older and stronger.

“According to your teachers, you are making excellent progress,” Feanor said calmly.

Erestor slowly turned around, knowing from personal experience that being disobedient would earn him Feanor’s wrath. He kept his eyes trained on the floor, hesitant to look at his nemesis, even when Feanor seemed to be in a good mood. He remained motionless when Feanor began to circle him, sensing probing gray eyes on him. Showing weakness would make this worse and he tried to hold his ground. “I like studying with them.”

“They tell me you do well for someone as young as you are, child.”

Erestor stopped himself from releasing a relieved sigh. It seemed Feanor was actually pleased with him! But then disaster struck.

“But you are also clumsy. You did not satisfactory carry out your assigned tasks in the stables today.”

Erestor bit his bottom lip in frustration. “That is because Celegorm broke my wrist.” A growl escaped Feanor and Erestor’s eyes, still trained on the floor, widened with apprehension.

“A broken arm is no excuse for not carrying out your tasks.”

Feanor’s cold tone made him shiver. His gaze involuntarily darted to his nemesis and he gasped softly. Feanor was an Elf of exceptional beauty. His long, dark hair reached his buttocks and the gray eyes could shine benignly when their owner was in a good mood, but now they shot daggers, and they were aimed at him. “I offer you my humble apo—“

He never got the chance to finish, as Feanor brutally backhanded him across the face. The power of the blow sent him crashing onto the floor and his breath hitched due to a blinding pain that sliced through his jaw. Acting instinctively, he knelt and lowered his eyes again. “I am sorry.” Talking hurt, but he knew Feanor wanted to hear him say the words. “I am sorry that I disappointed you.”

“You continue to disappoint me. I should have listened to my sons when they advised me not to bother with you. But your healing powers can come in handy.”

Erestor swallowed hard. “I will try harder.”

“Aye, you will, or I will tell the healers to exclude you from their lessons.”

Erestor gasped in shock. Studying with the healers was the one thing that made his life bearable. But how was he supposed to keep Feanor contented when he always carried injuries that kept him from successfully carrying out his tasks?

“Do not disappoint me again.”

Erestor whimpered in pain after Feanor had left the room. His fingers gently probed his jaw and his eyes filled with tears. Now he could add a broken jaw to his broken wrist. This had been an especially bad day and he had the feeling it wasn’t over yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night, he was ordered to wait on Curufin, another of Feanor’s sons. Through the years he had learned to avoid running into Feanor, Celegorm, Curufin and Caranthir. The four Elves loathed him and used every opportunity to show him.

At times, he would find comfort in Maglor’s arms and it would make him wonder how Feanor’s sons could be that different. Maglor was the only one who treated him like an Elfling who still needed protection and proper care. But Maglor unfortunately was seldom close enough to protect him from the wrath of the others.

He managed to stand motionless, after putting the bowl of soup in front of Curufin. Already sporting injuries, he didn’t want more added to them.

“You little, incompetent…”

Erestor’s eyes nearly glazed over, seeing the angry expression in the gray eyes, which were so much like Feanor’s – cruel and unforgiving. What had he done wrong this time?

“The soup sloshed over the rim and onto my sleeve when you put down the bowl! Can’t you do anything right?”

Curufin glared at him and Erestor instinctively backed up into a corner. “I could not help it!” His broken wrist had made it extremely difficult to carry the bowl without spilling any soup. The tears that had swam in his eyes most of the day now spilled down his cheeks. He was only a child, trying his best to please these grown ups, but his injuries were hampering him! Why couldn’t they see that and understand that he was doing his best? He wanted Maglor -- wanted to hide behind the Elf’s broad back, but Maglor wasn’t close.

Suddenly, Curufin jumped to his feet, grabbed his injured arm and dragged him from the room. Erestor released a pain-filled yelp, wishing for the torment to stop, but the Elf continued to drag him through the corridors, sending unspeakable pain through his injured limb. “Nay, please!” He already knew where they were headed and he didn’t want to go there!

Curufin opened a door and then flung him inside. Erestor landed hard on the cold stone floor, crushing his injured arm beneath him and he screamed in pain. He considered begging for mercy, but then gave up, knowing Curufin would never listen.

The heavy wooden door slammed shut and he pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his good arm around them. He shivered from fear. They always locked him up in this dark room when they were displeased with him. There wouldn’t be any food tonight, and they wouldn’t let him out until it was morning and time for him to return to his daily chores.

Shaking with sobs, he tried to control his fears. Shadows danced through the room and ghostly sounds made his skin crawl. “Nana, where are you? I do not want to be alone.”

After long moments, he finally cried himself to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Erestor? Pen-neth?”

The soft and kind voice woke Erestor and his eyes widened, seeing Maglor kneeling at his side. “You are back.” Acting on impulse, he raised his arms and flung them around the Elf’s neck. It had taken him some time to realize that Maglor and Feanor were opposites. Although Maglor’s appearance much resembled his father’s, the Elf was nothing like Feanor in character. Where Feanor was mean and violent, Maglor was kind and understanding.

Holding on tight to Maglor, Erestor tried to bring his too fast breathing back under control. Erestor sobbed softly, enjoying the feel of Maglor rubbing his back. “I try so hard to please them, but…”

Maglor soothed him and Erestor was forced to let go when the elder Elf reached for the candle which he had brought with him. He lowered his gaze in shame, realizing what Maglor would see.

“Aiya, I am too late – again.”

Erestor allowed the gentle probing when Maglor examined his broken wrist and jaw.

“That wrist needs binding and you won’t be able to eat properly with that broken jaw.”

Erestor clearly heard the anger in Maglor’s voice, but he also knew that it wasn’t aimed at him. The elder Elf had tried to speak up on his behalf before, but Feanor had forbidden his son to bring up the Elfling ever again. “I am not allowed food at any rate.”

“Who did this to you, pen-neth? Who broke your wrist?”

Erestor trembled, knowing Maglor only wanted to help him, but the elder Elf would get himself in to trouble because of this and he didn’t want that.

“Tell me, Erestor. This cannot continue. They have been mistreating you for many years now.”

“Celegorm broke my wrist,” mumbled Erestor eventually, snuggling close to Maglor.

“And your jaw?”

“Feanor was displeased.” Erestor tried to stop crying, but it was hard now that someone supportive was holding him. These moments were much too rare. Maglor never stayed long and it wouldn’t be long before he would be back at the others’ mercy.

Maglor’s expression hardened, hearing Erestor’s words. “I will bind your wrist and fetch you some soup from the kitchens. I wish I could take you to my rooms with me.”

“Do not fetch that soup for me, please. I would pay for that later if someone found out and so would you,” whispered Erestor in misery. Maglor had taken him to his rooms once before to look after him, and when Feanor had found out, the elder Elf had dragged him back to this prison. Maglor had also been punished, but his benefactor had refused to tell him in what way.

“I have to get you away from here, Erestor. You won’t survive more of this abuse.”

“I am strong, Maglor. At least that is what Nana always told me.” Erestor wanted this moment  -- this embrace -- to last forever, and vehemently clung to Maglor. “I will survive.”

Maglor pulled back and Erestor stared into genuinely warm and caring eyes. Maglor was the closest thing he had to a father, and he hoped the elder Elf could stay for a few days, making his life a little more bearable.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maglor had left when the morning had dawned, not wanting to create more problems for Erestor. The Elfling now found himself being pushed down the corridor toward Feanor’s quarters. His heart thundered in his chest, scared of what would await him in his tormentor’s rooms. He desperately hoped Feanor didn’t know of Maglor’s comforting visit that night. The last thing he wanted was for Maglor to get in to trouble as well.

After the guard had opened the door, he was pushed inside and he bit his tongue in order to keep from screaming out at the pain that swept through his broken arm. Sensing Feanor’s presence, he kept his gaze trained on the floor, doing his best to avoid the piercing gray eyes.

“Child, do not stand there! Come over here!”

Hearing the urgent tone to Feanor’s voice, Erestor cautiously looked at the elder Elf. Feanor glowered at him and then extended his left hand. He could see that one finger was bent in an awkward way; it was probably broken. /And he wants me to heal the injury./ This was a test. Feanor’s healing ability would easily take care of the broken finger, but the elder Elf wanted *him* to do this.

“I will allow you to eat breakfast if you do this now.”

Erestor -- hungry -- nodded. It had been days since he had eaten last and even a glass of milk would fill his empty belly. Gently, he placed his good hand on Feanor’s and concentrated. The healing energy coursed through his tiny body and disappeared into Feanor’s, healing the broken finger.

Collapsing against the wall, Erestor’s tired eyes cautiously searched Feanor’s. The dark-haired Elf seemed pleased, but one could never be sure. Maybe Curufin had told him about the accident with the soup and Feanor would punish him anyway.

Feanor flexed the finger and smiled. “Ai, you are truly blessed, pen-neth.”

Erestor shivered, wondering what else was going through the elder Elf’s mind. Feanor had told him on several occasions that he would remain his servant for the rest of his life, as Finwe had lost all interest in him. Erestor was deadly afraid he would never get away from Feanor and that the abuse would never stop. “I did well?” He quickly covered his mouth with his good hand. He hadn’t wanted to say the words aloud. Feanor would find them offensive; the elder Elf had told him to hold his tongue in his presence.

“Aye, you did well,” said Feanor sweetly.

Erestor’s instincts kicked in. Feanor was never that kind to him!

“It is a shame that Curufin complained about your clumsiness.”

Erestor’s mouth went dry. What kind of punishment had Feanor in mind for him?

“I am afraid you do not deserve breakfast after all. Return to your chores and make sure I receive no more complains.”

Erestor’s stomach chose that moment to growl hungrily. Big-eyed, Erestor stared at Feanor in alarm. But Feanor ignored it, and signaled for the guard to take him away.

Once he was in the corridor, he collapsed onto his knees. Using his healing powers always drained him and he had already been weak to begin with. The guard tried to pull him to his feet, and applied unbearable pressure to his broken wrist in order to do so.

Tears sprung from his eyes, as he dragged himself back onto his feet again. He had no idea how to survive this day, but he had to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That evening his presence was requested by Celegorm, as the Elf was one servant short. Erestor’s heart fluttered with fear at hearing that Curufin and Caranthir would also be present. A large amount of wine had been delivered to Celegorm’s rooms and Erestor expected the worst. The three brothers always turned extremely violent and mean when drinking.

He stood rigid, trying hard not to draw their attention, while the three brothers were dining. Wine flowed luxuriously and he could that tell they were quickly growing intoxicated. He wished he had the courage to flee the room, but that would only mean more punishment later. He had to endure this here and now.

“Child! More wine!” Caranthir raised his glass and waited for Erestor to carry the crystal carafe to their table.

Using his good hand, Erestor cradled the carafe against his chest, careful not so spill any of the red liquid. He even managed to successfully fill Caranthir’s glass, but when he tried to return to his corner, things took a turn for the worst.

Curufin, seemingly stretching his legs, tripped the Elfling and then everything happened at the same time.

The crystal carafe slipped from his tiny fingers and shattered into hundreds of pieces. The floor was now covered with tiny shards and Erestor, unable to maintain his balance, went down as well, landing in the middle of them. The shards cruelly buried themselves in his skin and he yelped softly, trying to bite down the pain.

“Ha, look at the whelp!” Celegorm laughed, amused.

Erestor’s breath caught and he stared at his hands in misery. The glass had buried itself in his palms, causing him pain. Pleadingly, he looked up at the three Elves, extending his hands in a silent plea for help. It only caused them to laugh harder.

“Take him to his quarters,” said Caranthir, who was still chuckling at Erestor’s misfortune. “He is useless!”

One of the guards grabbed Erestor’s collar and pulled him to his feet. Erestor had stopped crying, having no more tears left. Feeling numb and utterly helpless, he allowed the guard to drag him to the servants’ quarters.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Curled up on his blanket, he stared at the wall. The servants he shared quarters with knew better than to pay him any attention and completely ignored him. He had managed to pry most shards from his hands, but some had remained, deeply imbedded in his flesh. Maybe Maglor would remove them once the elder Elf had the time to check on him.

Tired of having to live this life, Erestor forced himself to fall asleep, dreaming of his mother and her welcoming arms.

TBC

Beta read by Sulien.

All mistakes are mine.

Heart in Chains.

Part 2

Erestor had thought this day would never come, but it was finally happening. After decades of suffering abuse at the hands of Curufin and Celegorm, the two brothers had decided to live with Maedhros, and more importantly Maglor. That meant he would finally be reunited with his former protector.

Things had first changed when Feanor had died. In his arrogance, his former tormentor had chased after Orcs, never waiting for support. A Balrog had attacked and Feanor had eventually succumbed to his injuries. Erestor had felt strangely satisfied, hearing about his nemesis’ death, but then things had taken a turn for the worse, as he was forced to live with Curufin and Celegorm and act as their servant. His freedom had never seemed more out of reach.

Shaking himself from his musings, he concentrated on the present, reminding himself that he was going to live with Maedhros and Maglor!

Whilst most of the other Elves were on horseback, he had been told to walk. It wasn’t that he really minded being one of the few on foot, but he was tired and he still hurt from last night’s beating.

Curufin had grown more violent during the last few decades and took great pleasure in showing Erestor his place. Last night had been exceptionally bad. Curufin had drunk too much potent wine and had beaten him all the way down to the servants’ quarters, leaving him bruised and aching. The servants had looked away – as they always did – and he had tried to hide under a blanket, licking his wounds.

The next morning he had been forced to get up early and finish the chores he hadn’t gotten to the evening before, leaving him so tired that he now almost fell asleep on his feet. He was walking and his eyes were open, but part of him had dived into the world of sleep and dreams.

“Stay awake!” Curufin -- seated on his aggressive steed -- kicked Erestor in the back.

Erestor nearly stumbled, but managed to catch himself by grabbing hold of the tail of the horse in front of him. “I beg your pardon, my Lord.” He kept his eyes trained on the ground, not wanting to aggravate Curufin further.

Curufin seemed to finally grow tired of harassing him and the elder Elf joined his brother, who was riding at the head of the party.

/Only a few more days,/ thought Erestor, trying to uphold his courage. /And then Maglor will be close again. Maybe he will take me on as his servant. That way I could get away from Curufin and Celegorm./ But he doubted the two brothers would ever let him go.

Arien stood high in the sky and her rays burned through his clothes, searing his flesh. He was thirsty, and watched, miserably, when Curufin and Celegorm splashed their faces with water. Several servants groaned, as they were thirsty as well, but the water would be rationed until they reached Maedhros and Maglor’s keep.

It would be a long and exhausting walk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maglor walked into the courtyard after seeing his brothers’ approach. When their request to be allowed to stay with him had reached him, he had wanted to decline, but Maedhros had reminded him that they were blood and that brothers shouldn’t desert each other. With great reluctance he had given in, allowing them to take up residence with Maedhros and him.

Curufin and Celegorm had been forced to leave their realms due to their aggressive and dishonorable actions and their need for shelter had put Maglor in the position to dictate some conditions. One of them was that Erestor would become his personal servant. He wanted the younger Elf away from his abusive brothers.

His two brothers dismounted and Maglor forced himself to calmly welcome them. Then he turned to Maedhros, who would show their brothers to their assigned quarters. Now that Curufin and Celegorm had disappeared inside the keep, his eyes searched for Erestor.

When he finally laid eyes on Erestor, a distressed sigh left his lips. The former Elfling hadn’t changed much. Long, raven hair framed a pale, bruised face. The long strands were still unbraided and slightly tangled. The large, doe-like eyes looked haunted and black circles had formed beneath them. Although Erestor had long reached his majority he was too small for his age – too frail. Looking closer, he noticed that the younger Elf limped. Apparently, his brothers still enjoyed tormenting Erestor, but he vowed to put a stop to that.

“Erestor, join me over here!” As he had been closely watching Erestor, he caught the happiness and joy that appeared in the chocolate eyes upon hearing his voice. Had his brothers already told Erestor about his new task? Knowing his brothers, he reckoned not, as they wanted Erestor to feel intimidated as long as possible.

Erestor smiled for the first time in decades, seeing Maglor signal for him to approach. He stopped himself from flinging himself at his former protector, knowing such behavior was inappropriate in public. “Uncle Maglor…”

Maglor smiled; he still remembered the last time Erestor had called him that. Erestor had cried when he had left. “Walk with me, pen-neth.”

Erestor wavered. “But Curufin and—“

Maglor cut him short. “You are no longer their servant. You serve me now.”

Erestor’s eyes mirrored his confusion. “I do not understand.” What was Maglor talking about?

“One condition for them to be allowed to live with me was that they released you in to my care. I am now responsible for you. Curufin and Celegorm will never hurt you again.” Maglor wasn’t prepared for the impact his words had on Erestor and suddenly found his arms filled with a distressed Elf. “Hush now, I mean it. I am not playing games.”

“I never thought… Had stopped to hope… When Feanor died and I had to live with them… I…”Unable to finish his sentences, he pressed closer to the elder Elf. “I was afraid… to hope… that you had not forgotten about me.”

“I understand, pen-neth. Believe me when I say that things will change from now on.” He didn’t tell Erestor the rest of his plans yet, seeing how overwhelmed the younger Elf was. “Come, let me attend to those bruises and other injuries you are hiding, and then I will send you to your room with a tray filled with food.”

“My room?” Erestor’s already big eyes widened impossibly. “My own room?”

“Aye.” Maglor smiled. /For the time being. I want you as far away from Curufin and Celegorm as possible./

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erestor tried hard to hide his discomfort, now that Maglor was examining his injured foot. The elder Elf could do little against the bruising, but his injured foot was a different matter. After thoroughly examining the poor limb, Maglor was binding it now, finally giving it the support it needed.

“Try not to walk for the next few days, Erestor.” Maglor put away the bandages and gave Erestor a stern look. “That foot needs rest.”

“How do I do that? I need to do my chores and—“

“No more chores for you, at least not until your foot has healed.” Maglor pushed his arms beneath Erestor’s back and knees and easily lifted the underweight Elf. “And you will eat everything I put in front of you, is that understood?”

Embarrassed at being the center of attention, Erestor nodded timidly. “I will try.” He had no idea what was happening with him. No one had ever fussed over him before. Well, his mother might have, but his memories of her had faded with the years.

Maglor carried Erestor to the bed and lay him down. “Are you comfortable?”

“Is this my room?” He’d had never had his own room before. He had always shared quarters with the servants.

“For now, aye.”

Shivers suddenly traveled down Erestor’s spine. “For now? I won’t be allowed to stay here, then?” Of course not! He had been deluding himself!  But if that was the case, why was Maglor being this nice to him?

“Nay, I did not mean it like that!” Seeing Erestor’s fears return, Maglor did his best to soothe the upset Elf. “You will leave shortly, because I do not want you anywhere near my abusive brothers. They tormented you for too many years. I need to know you safe someplace else.”

“Where am I going, then?” Erestor didn’t like this. He wanted to stay here with Maglor; the only one he had ever trusted! His fingers wanted to claw at Maglor’s shirt, but he quickly stopped himself, realizing how pathetic he would look to the elder Elf.

“I want you to eat this and then you will go to sleep,” said Maglor, putting the tray on Erestor’s lap. “Eat everything on that tray! I will be back with some hot milk in a few minutes. Hopefully it will help you fall asleep.”

Erestor watched Maglor leave his room and then stared at the tray. “He cannot mean that! I cannot eat all this!” He wasn’t even sure what kind of food this was! He had lived on bread, cheese and water. And this food was hot! His food was never hot!

Awkwardly using the fork -- as he wasn’t accustomed to using one -- he managed to place a piece of meat in his mouth. He sighed; the taste was fabulous and he dove in, cleaning the plate just as Maglor had told him to. On the tray were also several pieces of fruit and he greedily buried his teeth in a juice pear. The sweet juice dribbled down his chin and he wiped it away with his sleeve.

He had never before felt this full and he leaned back into the pillows. Maglor was spoiling him! Growing tired, his eyes began to darken and grow dull. He was quickly falling asleep.

And that was exactly how Maglor found him. The tray balanced precariously on Erestor’s lap, and the fingers were buried in the sheets. The empty expression in the unfocused eyes told him that Erestor had lost his battle against his sleep. “I do not think you need this hot milk after all.” He would drink it himself then. Seating himself on the side of the bed, he placed the tray on the floor and studied Erestor. The younger Elf looked vulnerable, malnourished and neglected. But that would change.

He had already sent word to Elwing and Eärendil and they had agreed to take Erestor under their wing. Now that the twins had been born, the parents needed extra help, and hearing that Erestor was a gifted healer had worked to his advantage as well. He would tell Erestor the good news tomorrow when the younger Elf was rested.

“Sleep now. You are tired.”

Erestor struggled to wake up again, but failed. “Do not… want to… sleep.”

“You are exhausted. Sleep.” Maglor soothingly caressed his charge’s hair. “I wish I had gotten you away from them earlier. They already did so much damage.” But Erestor no longer heard him. The younger Elf was sound asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Where are you sending me?” Erestor still didn’t know what to think of this. When he had woken up Maglor had presented him with a set of new clothes. He was now wearing a brown shirt, black leggings and soft leather boots – though putting them on had been a struggle, as his bandaged foot refused to fit in there.

“To the Havens of Sirion, where Elwing and Eärendil live. They have just had twins and need someone reliable to look after them. The fact that you are also a healer made their decision easier to let you watch over them. You will mostly deal with Elwing, as her husband Eärendil is often away, sailing. They will shelter you in turn for watching their twins. That way, you will be out of my brothers’ reach.”

Seeing Erestor’s sad expression, Maglor said, “You do understand why I am sending you away, don’t you, pen-neth? If it were up to me, I would keep you here, treat you like a son, but my brothers’ presence makes that impossible.” Maglor pleaded with Erestor to understand. “If I kept you here they would find other ways to harass you.”

In his heart, Erestor knew Maglor’s words to be true. “I appreciate what you are doing for me, but… I had hoped I could stay here – with you. You are the only friend I ever had.”

“You will make new friends, Erestor,” said Maglor warmly. “Elwing’s twins are still mere babies, but one day they will grow up into fine young warriors. The fact that you took care of them will create a strong bond. You will have friends. Trust me on this.”

“I will go to the Havens of Sirion, then.” Erestor’s heart felt heavy now that he had to leave Maglor again. “I wish I could stay though.”

“I know you do. And you won’t travel alone. One of my men will take you there.” Maglor rested a hand on Erestor’s shoulder. The younger Elf looked better after a good night’s sleep and he hoped Erestor would continue to grow stronger once he was away from Celegorm and Curufin.

“When do you want me to leave?” Erestor plucked at his sleeve, feeling nervous and insecure. He knew no one at the Havens of Sirion.

“Tomorrow morning. My brothers will celebrate tonight and much wine will flow. I want you to stay here in your room and lock the door. Make sure no one enters. I do not know how quickly they will learn about my plans for you, and as they are unpredictable, I do not want to find out their reactions to this news whilst you are still here.”

“I will keep my door locked,” promised Erestor softly. “Will I see you again before I have to leave?”

“Maybe.” Maglor gently squeezed the younger Elf’s shoulder. “Make me proud of you, like a father would be of his son. Be kind to Elwing and obey her. Although she is still very young, she is also very wise, as well as protective, now that she is a mother. I would not be surprised to learn she would mother you as well.”

That last sentence actually made Erestor smile. “Thank you for everything. You saved my life.”

“I am glad I could be of service. Though it is much too late. You never deserved such cruel treatment, pen-neth.” He rose from his chair, briefly hugged Erestor and then marched out of the room. “Lock the door behind me!” he said on his way out.

Erestor obeyed, quickly locking the door. His life was about to change again and this time hopefully for the better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rhoss, one of the few guards Maglor trusted unconditionally, would escort Erestor on his journey. The warrior would also remain at the Havens, to become Elwing’s personal guard. That way, Maglor reckoned that Rhoss could keep an eye on Erestor as well.

Maglor had found a moment to say his final goodbyes and joined them. Erestor and Rhoss had already mounted and Maglor could tell that the youngest Elf was nervous. Erestor had probably never before been on horseback. “Travel slowly,” he said, addressing Rhoss. “There is no need to rush.”

The warrior nodded in understanding. “And maybe you would like me to teach him some basic survival skills?”

“Teach him after you arrived in the Havens. This is a very confusing time for him.”

Rhoss nodded again. “I will make sure he gets there in one piece and introduce him to Elwing and Eärendil.”

“They are expecting you.” Maglor now turned to Erestor. The Elf still looked like a child to him. “Elwing is a very kind woman. She will treat you well. Your life will change for the better once you live with her.”

“I hope so,” whispered Erestor softly. “Wish I did not have to leave you to get a better life.” Although several Elves, including Rhoss, were looking at him, Erestor leaned in closer, giving Maglor one last hug.

Feeling Erestor’s arms around his neck, Maglor smiled and patted the back, making sure Erestor didn’t accidentally fall from the back of the horse. “May Elbereth bless you and keep you safe on this journey.”

Erestor controlled the tears that swam in his eyes, maintaining a calm front, but inwardly, he was screaming. He didn’t want to leave the one Elf who cared for him.

But then Maglor gave the sign and Rhoss steered his horse toward the road. Erestor’s horse followed instinctively. Looking over his shoulder, Erestor waved at Maglor in goodbye. His gaze briefly shifted to Maglor’s right, catching sight of Celegorm, who was glaring at him in loathing.

/Maglor was right. My life would have been hellish if I had stayed here. I have to leave./ Maglor’s form grew smaller and eventually faded from his view. Patting the horse’s neck, he hoped he would find some measure of peace serving Elwing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Rhoss? What is that?” During their journey Erestor had come to somewhat trust the warrior, as Rhoss was always kind and patient with him. That beginning trust was also why he now dared to ask this question.

“That is lots of water!” said Rhoss teasingly, having long ago decided that this young Elf was much too serious and shy. When he had begun to make some teasing remarks Erestor had withdrawn into himself, but now the younger Elf was growing more confident and actually smiled at his teasing.

“I know,” said Erestor, grinning.

“That is the river Sirion,” explained Rhoss patiently, “And that is the bay of Balar. This will be our home for quite some time.”

Erestor loved the way Arien’s golden rays were reflected by the water and his eyes widened, seeing the ships that traveled down the river. The Havens were a marvelous sight and he nearly lost himself in his admiration for the beautifully crafted ships. The houses, build from wood and stone, housed busy Elves. He instantly liked this place. The soft breeze, coming from the water, played with his hair and he quickly covered his mouth after releasing a pleased giggle. He just didn’t giggle, never!

Rhoss laughed warmly and then urged his horse to continue.

Erestor found they were heading for one of the larger houses, which was completely made from stone, except for the roof, which carried straw. The closer they got, the more scents he was able to identify. Someone was cooking a delicious meal. And then there was joyful laughter, coming from inside the house. It was a women’s voice.

“Nay, Elrond, do not do that! Elros, stay here!”

“That must be Elwing,” whispered Erestor in surprise. For the very first time it registered with him that this *was* his new home. He hoped he would be happy here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“My Lady? This is Erestor. Lord Maglor already told you about him.” Rhoss had taken it upon himself to introduce them.

Elwing nodded, shifting one impatient twin from one arm to the other. “Aye, he sent me a letter.”

Erestor had first stared at the floor, uncertain how to act around her, but her sweet and kind voice made him look at her. She was beautiful. Long, raven- haired with big gray eyes, she didn’t radiate the authority Erestor had expected to find in her. Instead, she appeared caring and loving to him, judging by the way she was holding her sons. One of the boys was tugging at her braids and the other was trying to crawl off of her lap. They were obviously a handful, but Elwing just smiled at them. Erestor instantly liked her.

“I would love to help,” said Erestor, priding himself with the fact that he sounded calm.

“Maglor also told me you have some healing skills,” said Elwing. “Elbereth knows we need them. These two always get themselves into trouble. Yesterday, Elros crawled out of the room and Elrond followed – of course. I reached them just in time, as they were about to pull at our goat’s tail. The poor animal would not have liked that and might have retaliated. I need an extra watchful eye directed on them.”

“I will do my best,” said Erestor, smiling at the babies.

Seeing Erestor’s expression, Elwing asked, “You have never seen babies before?”

Erestor blushed slightly. Celegorm and Curufin only allowed females close who were without child. But of course they got pregnant after a while and then they were sent back to their elders. “I have never seen babies before.”

“As you can see, these two are twins.” Elwing signaled for Erestor to come closer. “This is Elrond, the younger of the two, but also the most curious one. Open your arms and hold him.”

Erestor wanted to protest, afraid he would drop the baby, but Elwing persisted. She showed him how to support the baby’s head and he felt a bit more secure holding Elrond. “He is cute.” Elrond was staring at him with big grayish-blue eyes and then opened his tiny hand to grab his finger.

“He likes you,” said Elwing pleased. She rose from the chair and walked over to a door in the back. “This is your room, next to the babys’ and mine.”

Erestor followed suit and swallowed hard, finding the room pleasantly decorated with paintings of the sea. “Thank you, my Lady. You are very kind.”

“Remember that when the twins cry their lungs out,” said Elwing goodheartedly. “Will you help me bathe them?” She hoped Erestor would take over certain tasks as she felt exhausted. The twins were four years old now and constantly kept her busy.

“Please show me what to do.” Erestor followed Elwing to the bathroom, all the time staring at the tiny Elfling in his arms. Was it just his imagination or were Elrond’s eyes twinkling at him? /You really are cute. And aye, I think I am going to be happy here, looking after you and your brother./

TBC

Beta read by Sulien.

All remaining mistakes are mine.

Heart in Chains.

Part 3.

“Elros, do not do that. That is mud! Dirt! Do not throw it at… Elrond.” Erestor sighed, finally understanding why Elwing had been so exhausted when Rhoss and he had arrived. The twins seldom slept, were always moving about and Elros especially had a wicked streak. Elrond was the calmer, more serious one. That was probably the very reason why Elros had decided to throw several handfuls of mud at his twin, who until now had put up little to no resistance.

After watching Elwing take care of the twins for some weeks, she judged he was ready to handle them for one hour. She had told him to take them outside and play with them in the gardens, but then Elros had crawled away and found the pool of mud.

“Now I have to clean up your brother.” But he couldn’t let Elros out of sight either. That meant picking up them both and taking them to the bathroom. “Elrond, please behave, whilst I stop your naughty twin.”

Erestor saw the handful of mud that was aimed at his face too late and the cold substance hit him on his right eye. “Elros!” Removing some of the wet earth from his face, his gaze traveled to Elrond, hoping the younger twin didn’t plan on imitating his brother. “You are a good boy,” said Erestor soothingly, seeing Elrond look at Elros in irritation. “At least you are not throwing mud at me.”

“Are they giving you trouble?”

Hearing a strange, male voice, Erestor reacted at once. Determined to protect the twins, he pulled Elrond behind him and picked Elros up from the muddy ground. “Who are you? What are you doing here? What do you want?” He took in the stranger’s appearance, wondering why he hadn’t heard the Elf approach. Maybe it was because he was no longer as tense as he used to be when living with Celegorm and Curufin.

The dark-haired Elf’s probing gaze worried Erestor and he tried to shield the twins from the stranger’s looks. “What do you want?”

“Ada!” Elrond, who had felt scared because Erestor had reacted that oddly, had finally looked up, uttering one of the few words he had already learned. “Ada!” Enthusiastically, he began to half walk, half crawl toward Eärendil.

“You are their father?” Erestor still felt reluctant to trust the stranger, but seeing Elrond’s warm smile and the eagerness with which the Elfling grabbed hold of his father’s leg, he gave in, putting Elros back onto the ground.

“Aye, I am Eärendil,” said the dark-haired Elf. His blue eyes sparkled like clear water and he quickly lifted his sons in his arms. “Ah, I missed the two of you!”

Elros was cooing happily and Elrond tried to get his arms around his father’s neck, failing of course, as his arms were much too short. Erestor found himself smiling, sensing the twins’ pleasure at being reunited with their father.

Elwing, who had seen her husband walk into the gardens, joined them and giggled, seeing the state Erestor and Elrond were in. Smiling at Eärendil, she intertwined their fingers and smoothed back Elros’ tangled hair. “Erestor, why don’t you clean yourself and Elrond up, and then join us for dinner in half an hour?”

Erestor blushed weakly. From the first day on, Elwing had treated him like a friend, maybe even as a younger brother, but never as a servant. He still remembered the first time she had invited him to have dinner with her. He had been rendered speechless and had later apologized for not saying a single word all evening long. The truth was that he had been overwhelmed by her friendliness.

Nodding, he accepted Elrond into his arms when Eärendil handed him the youngest twin. “This won’t take long.” As he turned around to head for the house, he heard Eärendil laughing and Elwing lecturing Elros. /This is a happy family./ And he began to feel part of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After sitting Elrond down on the cupboard Erestor took hold of a washing cloth and a bar of soap. After soaking the cloth in tepid water and creating lather, he moved the fabric over Elrond’s face, removing the mud. “Your brother is a lively one.” Elrond looked at him pensively, which made Erestor smile. “I have been called too serious by Rhoss many times, but you are even worse than me. Why are you looking at me like that?”

Elrond cocked his head and looked at him with large, gray eyes. Erestor smiled at the Elfling and continued to clean him up. “There. Fortunately Elros missed your clothes.”

Unexpectedly Elrond raised his right hand and pressed its palm in the mud that still clung to Erestor’s face. “Aiya.” Now he could start over again. “Give me your hand before you spread it all over yourself.”

Catching the Elfling’s gaze, he wondered about the mischief he read in the large gray orbs. “So you did that on purpose! You are a naughty little Elfling and you deserve to be punished!” Punishment always consisted of tickling, raspberries delivered to Elrond’s naked skin and more tickling. One minute later, Elrond was squirming happily, giggling and trying to avoid those tickling hands.

“Elrond likes you,” said Eärendil, who had decided to check on his youngest son. He liked what he was seeing. Elwing had chosen well when she had agreed to taking Erestor in. His wife had just told him how fond she had grown of Erestor and he wanted to thank the younger Elf for looking after the twins. But he wasn’t prepared to see the frightening panic in the younger Elf’s eyes upon addressing him. Apparently Erestor hadn’t heard him enter and felt intimidated.

Erestor reacted instinctively, finding himself in a small room with a much older Elf, and backed away from Eärendil. He had learned the hard way to be cautious around other Elves.

When Eärendil didn’t try to approach, Erestor gathered his courage. “I hope I cleaned him up satisfactorily.” Carefully, he picked up Elrond and then placed the Elfling in Eärendil’s arms.

“You still need to clean up yourself,” said Eärendil, careful to keep his tone warm and gentle. When he had read Maglor’s letter, he had read between the lines, realizing the real reason why Maglor was sending Erestor to live with them. He had met Maglor’s brothers once and had taken an instant dislike to them. “You might want to hurry as Elwing is already setting the table.”

Erestor nodded, feeling shy and hesitant. He hoped Eärendil understood that this wasn’t something personal. He just wasn’t comfortable around male Elves. “I will join you in a moment.”

Eärendil cradled Elrond, who was yawning tiredly, against his chest and left the bathroom, hoping Erestor would quickly join them. Elwing had grown very fond of the younger Elf in a very short time and now Eärendil was curious to find out for himself why Erestor made such excellent company.

In the bathroom, Erestor stared at his reflection in the mirror. “Calm down. Calm down. Eärendil is not like Curufin or Celegorm. He does not mean me any harm… I hope.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eärendil sat down at the table, watching Elwing place the twins in their crib. Elrond and Elros weren’t thrilled about that and their tiny fingers clung to her dress, trying to stop her from leaving.

“You need to sleep.” Elwing sat down and resorted to the one thing that could get them to sleep. She sang them a lullaby.

Eärendil got up from the table and went into the kitchen to check on their food. Elwing had never wanted many servants around, preferring to do things herself. But Erestor seemed to have changed her mind and he thanked the younger Elf for that. At times he felt like she was doing too much, and now with the twins around Elwing would exhaust herself.

“What is your impression of Erestor? He has been taking care of the little ones for some weeks now and it looks like they are smitten with him.” Eärendil had waited for Elwing to stop singing and now slung an arm around her waist. Looking into the crib, he found that Elros was asleep, but Elrond wasn’t. But at least the youngest twin was quiet and giving them a moment of peace and quiet.

Elwing, seeing that her husband had already carried the food to the table, seated herself opposite him. After making sure that Erestor was still in the bathroom, she said, “I like him. He has a good heart, is kind and very protective of the twins.” She paused momentarily, giving her husband a thoughtful look. “But I also worry for him. He is easily startled and intimidated, barely shows any initiative and…” She was forced to stop talking when Erestor shyly shuffled over to the table. “Sit down, mellon, and eat with us.”

Eärendil caught the confusion in the younger Elf’s eyes at being called a friend. /I will write Maglor tonight. I have many questions concerning this one./

Erestor gingerly seated himself, occasionally glancing nervously at Eärendil, which the elder Elf found disconcerting. Erestor obviously didn’t feel safe with him close. /Caranthir, Curufin and Celegorm have a reputation for being cruel, rash and aggressive. If he lived with them I understand why he is acting this way and why Maglor asked us to take Erestor in. But I want to know for sure./

“Would you keep an eye on the twins tonight?” It took Eärendil several moments before he finally managed to make eye contact with Erestor. The misery, pain and fear in the large eyes tore at his soul.

“Of course, that is why I am here; to take care of them,” Erestor almost tripped over his own words, rambling in an effort to hide his nervousness.

“Good, for I want to spend the evening with my beautiful wife,” said Eärendil, pleased that Erestor would look after their children. “I am surprised however, that you find the company of two babies satisfactory. Isn’t it about time you took a mate?”

Erestor nearly choked on his vegetables. “Mate?” Open-mouthed, he stared at Eärendil in shock. He had never before thought of finding himself a mate. For too many decades his life had been ruled by Feanor and his menacing sons. What was he supposed to say to that? “I am still too young to bind myself to someone,” Erestor said eventually, hoping Eärendil wouldn’t push the matter.

Eärendil reckoned Erestor was already several hundred years old, and that wasn’t too young to be bonded. But, it was Erestor’s decision eventually. He could merely try to give the younger a nudge in what he considered the right direction.

“We should eat now.” Elwing smiled, a bit embarrassed when her stomach growled. The twins kept her busy, and she had used up her energy reserves.

Erestor looked at the food on his plate. Living near the water meant they ate sea food most of the time, and although he had found it funny tasting in the beginning, he was now getting used to it. He was wondering what they would be eating this time.

Seeing his questioningly expression, Elwing gladly explained. “’Tis trout, Erestor, griddled trout with fresh herbs. Try it, I am sure you will like it.”

Erestor broke off a piece of freshly baked bread, instantly smelling the rosemary she had added to the dough before baking it. Taking his first bite of the trout, his eyes widened when his taste buds tingled and then exploded.

Eärendil couldn’t help finding Erestor’s expression amusing and laughed warmly. Erestor looked like he had never eaten something like this before. He and his wife watched in amusement as Erestor cleaned his plate in minutes. It looked like he was about to *lick* it clean and Eärendil quickly exchanged a look with Elwing. “It seems Erestor is still hungry.”

Elwing smiled, pleased that Erestor was beginning to put some meat on his bones. When the younger Elf had arrived, he had been much too thin for her taste. When she had finished as well, she got up from the table and carried another, slightly larger plate to the table.

Erestor’s toes curled, inhaling the sweet scent. What was it this time?

“Round pastries basted in honey,” said Eärendil, licking his lips. This was one of his favorites.

Elwing placed a pastry on each plate and watched them devour them. She nipped from her glass of wine, once more noticing that Erestor didn’t touch his and preferred water instead. Whenever he looked at the carafe filled with red wine, a frown formed on his brow. /I wonder who drank so much wine that he is wary of it./

“’Tis… delicious,” moaned Erestor in divine pleasure, regretting the fact that delicious was such an inapt way of describing this delight.

“Here, have another one.” Elwing placed a second pasty on his plate, enjoying watching him eat. When Eärendil reached for her hand, she intertwined their fingers again, lovingly rubbing the skin. As Eärendil was away often, she cherished the moments that he was at home. She was already looking forward to walking the gardens with him tonight and maybe he would take her down to the Havens to watch the sunset.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Aiya, Elros, behave.” Erestor had uncovered their favorite toys once the twins’ minds were set on creating havoc, but Elros’ idea of fun was stealing away his brother’s little boat.

“Mine!” Elrond suddenly lunged for his boat and pulled it out of his twin’s hands.

“Elrond, that is not a nice thing to do.” Erestor sighed, wondering if these two would ever give him a moment’s rest. The twins were never apart, and when they found it necessary they teamed up against him. Erestor had found that Elros was usually the one to instigate some mischief and then Elrond would follow his twin’s lead. “Look, it is an octopus!” The ‘octopus’ was made of soft brown fabric, with eight long legs and a big, bobbing head. It was Elros’ favorite toy.

Elros reached for it, buried his tiny fingers around two legs and then pretended to attack Elrond with it. Elrond shrieked and Erestor quickly provided the youngest twin with his defense. The youngest twin closed his fingers around the blue dolphin, which was slightly larger than his brother’s octopus and a fierce battle between the two toys -- and boys -- erupted.

Erestor leaned back and watched them. They were occupied with their play and he could  ‘rest’ for one moment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elwing pressed a finger across her lips, signaling for her husband to stop talking.

Eärendil smiled, seeing the twins had fallen asleep in Erestor’s arms. Well, they had obviously exhausted Erestor, and all three of them had fallen asleep on the floor amidst an arena of toys. “I will put them in their crib.”

“Should I wake Erestor?”

“He will wake up when I remove our handfuls from his arms,” said Eärendil knowingly. He could sense the tight bond that was developing between Erestor and his children. It was good to know they were well-cared for during his absence and that Elwing had help raising them.

The moment he removed Elrond from Erestor’s arms, the sleeping Elf stirred, Erestor instinctively tightening his hold on Elros, who was still cradled against his chest.

Eärendil placed Elrond in the crib and then returned to get Elros as well. Erestor’s eyes filled with alertness, and Eärendil could tell the younger Elf was ready to defend the child if necessary. “Peace, ‘tis only I.”

Erestor nodded tiredly. The twins had worn him down. “They are so energetic.”

Elwing giggled, agreeing full-heartedly. “And they will get worse.”

“Aiya, no,” Erestor whispered in mock shock. “They are little monsters.”

“Elros is,” said Eärendil teasingly, “Especially when he is close to any mud!”

Laughing warmly, Erestor felt honored to be part of their little family.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Elrond? What are you doing here?” Erestor stared at the Elfling in surprise. How had the four year old managed to get out of his crib?

Elrond cocked his head, opened his arms, reached for the side of Erestor’s bed and climbed onto it.

Erestor, afraid that Elrond might fall, quickly gathered the Elfling in his arms. “Pen-neth, you cannot come into my room like that. When your parents notice you are missing, they will panic, and we do not want that.” He planned on taking Elrond back and tucking him in again.

But the youngest twin had different ideas. “Naya,” Elrond mumbled, still struggling to learn to pronounce words. “Staya”

“You cannot stay here, Elrond.” Erestor searched the child’s face, wishing Elrond was old enough to tell him why he had sought him out. “Is it something Elros did?”

Elrond slowly shook his head and then proceeded to snuggle up to Erestor. “Staya.” He hoped he had finally made his point and that the elder Elf understood that he wanted to stay.

But Erestor wasn’t going to give in. “Your Nana and Ada will be upset when they cannot find you. I have to take you back.”

“Naya!” With one hand Elrond clawed at the material of Erestor’s night shirt and fiercely shook his head. Making it even harder for Erestor to lift him, he tightly snatched the sheet in his other hand. “Staya!”

Erestor realized that arguing with a four year old wouldn’t get him anywhere, so he carefully tried to pry Elrond’s fingers loose from the sheet and his night shirt. “You need to sleep in the crib, pen-neth, and not with me.” The piercing look Elrond gave him told him the Elfling didn’t agree.

“Let him stay for the night if his presence does not bother you,” said Eärendil, who was standing in the doorway.

Erestor gasped in surprise and his eyes frantically studied the elder Elf’s face for signs that Eärendil was angry with him, but the twins’ father was smiling instead. “He does not bother me.”

“Elros managed to climb into our bed, snuggling up to his mother. I do not know why they left their crib, or why Elrond sought you out instead, but I am inclined to let him sleep here. I do not want to upset him further by returning him to an empty crib. Elros has a similar hold on my wife and I could not pry him loose either.”

Erestor found he had involuntarily kept his breath during Eärendil’s speech, and now sighed, relieved. Apparently Eärendil approved of Elrond sleeping in his bed tonight and he wasn’t sure how to react to that. He had to admit that he enjoyed cradling Elrond in his arms, but he was just the minder, and not one of the Elfling’s parents. Elrond should have gone to Elwing as well.

“I brought his blanket and one of his toys.” Eärendil quickly scanned Erestor’s rooms with his eyes and felt a bit worried, seeing the younger Elf had added nothing to the room. It was like no one lived here. Didn’t Erestor have any personal belongings?

Erestor gave in. “I will keep an eye on him, but I wonder what happened that the twins went separate ways.”

Eärendil tucked the soft blanket around Elrond’s tiny form and his son immediately pulled it up to his shoulders. “I will allow this once, Elrond, but tomorrow night you have to sleep in the crib with your brother.”

Elrond pouted at first, but then accepted the marvelously colored Wentletrap shell his father gave him. He placed it against his ear and slowly fell asleep, listening to the calming sounds of the sea.

“I do not think he will cause problems now that he is asleep, but taking him back to his crib would wake him again.” Eärendil smiled kindly, seeing the distress -- shock almost, in Erestor’s eyes. “You will get used to them sneaking into your bed. They might not have done it to you before, but my wife and I find them sleeping in between us on a regular base.”

“I will keep the door locked then.” The moment he had spoken the words, Erestor realized he had said the wrong thing – according to Eärendil at least. He could see the disappointment in the other Elf’s eyes, but why was it there? He quickly tried to explain, “Elwing and you are their parents. It is not right that Elrond comes to me instead.”

“Ah, is that it?” Eärendil finally began to understand. “We are not keeping score here, pen-neth. If Elrond prefers you to hold him tonight, I do not feel envious of his choice. He is a child and all children look for love and affection. I watched them when they were around you today. They like you, and Elrond especially is fond of you. Accept and enjoy their affection, Erestor. They give it because they want to, and Elwing and I know they do not love us less for liking you.”

Eärendil’s words slightly reassured Erestor and he felt he had to make some admission of his own. “I… never… I grew up alone. I was not allowed near my mother and… I do not even know if she is still alive. Elros and Elrond remind me of that. I want them to feel loved because I never did, but I do not want to take anything away from you. I feel… torn.”

“Don’t. There is no reason to feel like that. My wife already considers you part of our family and I think you know that as well. You just have a hard time accepting you found a place where you fit in, where you feel welcome and wanted. That will change with time. If my instincts are right, I reckon you never felt loved before and this is a novel experience.”

“Maglor cared about me. He made sure I got away from them… They weren’t kind.”

Eärendil nodded in understanding. “Some of Feanor’s offspring are as ill-tempered as he was.” He slowly walked back to the doorway, knowing Elrond safe and sound asleep. “I am leaving tomorrow and I want to ask you to look after Elwing as well. She tends to overestimate herself and then exhausts herself.”

“I will look after all three of them,” promised Erestor, surprised, but honored, that Eärendil thought he could take care of the sailor’s family. “I won’t disappoint you.”

“I know you won’t.” Eärendil closed the door behind him and returned to their bed, curling protectively around his wife and son, and quickly falling asleep.

Erestor rearranged Elrond in his arms until the small Elfling was perfectly comfortable. Doing something he had never done before, he pressed a chaste kiss on the child’s dark hair. “Sleep tight and may Elbereth grant you pleasant dreams.”

Erestor finally felt no longer alone; like he belonged. Maybe Eärendil was right and had he found the family he had always wanted. Sighing deeply, he already knew he would regret having to fall asleep without Elrond in his arms the next evening.

TBC

Beta read by Sulien.

All remaining mistakes are mine.

Heart in Chains.

Part 4.

Elwing waved at her husband, when his ship -- the Vingilot -- disappeared at the horizon. She had hoped he would stay for a longer period of time, but his restlessness and the urge to find Valinor had gotten the better of him. She consoled herself with the fact that they’d had a few days of peace and happiness together. She rested her fingertips on the Silmaril -- the Nauglamir -- and gently caressed the perfect jewel, which she wore in a necklace beneath her clothes, hidden from curious eyes.

It was time to return to the house and let the twins distract her. At times she wondered if she would have survived being separated this often from her husband if he hadn’t given her the twins. The boys made her happy and filled her lonely days with mischief and love. And now she had Erestor’s company as well. She sincerely liked the dark-haired Elf, but had also noticed how timid and uncertain he was. It made her wonder what had previously happened to him. Her husband had told her that he had written Maglor and she was now eagerly waiting for a reply.

Leaving the cliff she had been standing on, she returned to her house, and came upon Erestor and the twins in the gardens, where they were playing. She was relieved to see that Erestor had put them far away from the mud and Elros was behaving for a change. The boy probably missed his father already. /I need to cheer them up./

Erestor looked up at her when she came to a standstill in front of them. Her beauty always took his breath away. The long, dark hair, which she wore loose, danced on her back and her chocolate eyes also showed golden specks. Elrond and Elros were fortunate to have her for their mother.

“Eärendil and I gathered sea shells last night,” she said, sitting on her heels next to Elrond, who loved to examine their texture and listen to the sea, echoing in the shells. “Would you like to see them?”

Elrond nodded at once. A serious expression – which seemed somewhat odd for one as young as he was – appeared on his face. He then reached for Erestor, awkwardly curled his arm around the Elf’s neck and clung to him, making it very clear that he wanted Erestor to carry him.

Elwing smiled warmly and gathered Elros in her arms, whilst watching Erestor’s timid expression change into one of fear. /Elrond, you can sense it as well. Erestor needs your love more than I do at this moment./ She had realized long ago how sensitive and intelligent her youngest was.

Erestor felt somewhat nervous, cradling Elrond against his chest. Eärendil might have told him that he didn’t mind that Elrond liked him that much, but he still felt like he was trespassing, taking something away from Elwing.

“Erestor, follow me inside.” Elwing guided him into the kitchen, where Eärendil had deposited the bundle filled with seashells, which they had gathered last night. After sitting Elros down, Elwing opened the bundle and began to show the shells to her sons.

Elrond, who found it impossible to remain seated on Erestor’s lap, pushed himself to his feet and reached over the table to gather several shells in his tiny hand.

Erestor smiled at Elrond’s eagerness and helped him, when several shells proved to be out of the twin’s reach. The pleased smile Elrond gave him made him feel warm inside, and when his gaze locked with Elwing’s, he saw approval in her dark eyes. She had accepted him as part of her little family and for that he would be eternally grateful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Weeks passed by peacefully and consisted of caring for the twins. Erestor had fully settled into his new daily routine and was truly happy for the first time in his life.

He was also afraid it wouldn’t last.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erestor was on his way back from visiting the havens to buy several delicacies, which Elwing wanted to prepare for their next dinner when screams shattered the silence and made his worst nightmares come true. He started running toward the hill Elwing’s house was built upon and suddenly heard the terrified cries of the twins. Suddenly, mayhem erupted all around him.

From everywhere soldiers appeared, swarming the havens. A large group of them seemed concentrated around Elwing’s house and that made him increase his speed. He had no battle skills whatsoever, but he would die defending Elwing and the twins.

Recognizing some of the guards he shivered with fearful anticipation. /What are Maglor’s guards doing here? And why are they attacking these good people? Elwing! Elrond, Elros! Hold on!/

He had no idea how to defend himself when he flung himself into battle. He grabbed a sword, which had fallen onto the floor and blindly hacked away at the soldiers that were targeting the inhabitants of the Havens. Some of them had come to Elwing’s rescue, but were now paying a high price for their willingness to help.

Erestor could hardly believe what he was seeing. Maedhros had just slain Elwing’s gardener and was now heading toward the twins, who were sitting huddled in the corner of the room, holding each other tightly. “Nay, leave them alone.” He hadn’t fully registered yet that he was about to attack Maedhros himself, when a sharp blow to the back of his head sent him crashing into the floor. Panting softly, he lay there, unable to move at all.

A sea of screams erupted around him and the whimpers of the dying filled the kitchen area. He heard Elros wail pitifully and Erestor prayed to the Valar that the twins would remain uninjured. In the end, he lost his battle to remain consciousness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When he woke next, the battle had long come to an end. Pushing himself onto his knees, he stared in horror at the dead bodies lying around him. Some belonged to Elves whom he had come to care for during these last few months. There was also Elwing’s gardener, the maid that sometimes assisted Elwing in the kitchens and…

His breath caught, recognizing two of Feanor’s sons. Amros and Amrod had been slain and a pool of blood had formed between the Elves’ bodies. Erestor’s eyes filled with tears. This was so wrong! Elves didn’t slay one another! How had this come to pass? And why had Maglor lead the attack?

Feeling nauseas at the sight of so many dead, he pushed himself to his feet, using his sword to support him. His gaze swiftly traveled to the corner of the room, hoping against all odds that the twins had been spared. But the blankets they had been sitting on were empty; the boys had been taken. He consoled himself with the fact that no blood showed on the fabric. Maybe Maglor had managed to stop more bloodshed and had taken the twins into his custody. /I hope so. I cannot believe Maglor is capable of murdering two innocent children./

Feeling sick to his stomach, he made his way through the kitchen and headed for Elwing’s room. He had to know what had happened to her. /Please, Elbereth, let her be alive!/ Someone as sweet and caring as Elwing didn’t deserve such cruel a fate. Opening the door to her room, he involuntarily halted in his tracks, whilst his eyes searched the room. There was no sign of Elwing and there weren’t any bloodstains either. He had to believe that she had somehow escaped.

“Aiya, Elbereth, why did you let this happen?” Now that he was back in the corridor, he had to carefully step over the dead bodies in order to make his way to the living area. He didn’t want to go there, but the healer in him urged him to check if anyone had survived. By using his healing powers he might be able to save a life.

When he came upon Rhoss’ body, he released a pained whimper. They hadn’t even spared their own! Crushed by this revelation, he collapsed onto his knees next to Rhoss’ body. He forced himself to calm down and his eyes widened, realizing the guard was still breathing shallowly. “Aiya, maybe I can help!”

Sweeping back the guard’s long auburn hair, he gasped loudly, finding the blade of a dagger deeply buried in the guard’s chest. /If I remove it, he will lose even more blood. Blood, which he can ill afford to lose!/ Torn, he curled his fingers around the hilt, keeping it in place.

“Rhoss? Can you hear me?” He searched the guard’s face, whilst he ensured the dagger remained deeply lodged in Rhoss’ chest. He had to guide his healing energy into the Elf’s body before he could even think about removing the dagger. “Rhoss? Meldir? Please talk to me?” He needed someone to reassure him in this hour of madness.

Rhoss managed to focus his gaze on Erestor and his heart was weighed down, seeing the younger Elf’s pain and horror. He wished he could do something to soothe Erestor, but the call of Mandos was growing stronger and he would enter the Great Halls in seconds. There was nothing he could do to comfort Erestor. As his eyes closed in death, he hoped Erestor would find the strength to survive this ordeal.

“Nay! You cannot leave me alone!” Shocked to see the guard’s inner light go out, Erestor fastened his hold on the dagger. “I won’t let you die!” But he was too late. Rhoss was already dead. He hung his head, grieving for his friend’s death, when the door was slammed open. A silver-haired Elf, dressed in silver and gray, advanced on him, aiming an arrow at his heart. The newcomer’s eyes flashed with anger and loathing, and Erestor realized that very moment which conclusion the other had reached.

He immediately let go of the hilt of the dagger and tried to explain. “I did nothing! I merely tried to help!” Despair washed over him, reading the hatred and distrust in the other’s eyes. “You have to believe me! I found him like this!”

“Keep your lying tongue in check,” growled Orophin. He had been the first of the rescue party to reach Elwing’s house, and although he was still shocked at finding a massacre had taken place, he tried to remain calm and controlled. “I should end your life, kinslayer, but I won’t stoop to your level. Rise from the floor and stay close to the wall, or I will bury my arrow in your chest.”

Too shocked to protest, Erestor obeyed. The sword he had been holding crashed onto the floor with a loud bang and he raised his hands, trying to plead with the silver-haired Elf. But then Erestor froze, finding that the hand that had held the dagger in place was covered with Rhoss’ blood. It was during that terrible moment that Erestor realized no one would ever believe him that he was innocent. “It is not what it looks like!”

“Keep your lies to yourself,” spat Orophin in loathing. He was under strict orders from his Lord not to take any lives, but right now, he wouldn’t mind ending this kinslayer’s life. The dark-haired Elf deserved to die!

“Orophin!” Rumil now joined his brother and stared in disbelief at the corpse at his feet. Then his gaze settled on Erestor –and the bloodstained hand. “Muindor-nîn, (brother-mine), what do you want me to do?”

The house was now swarming with silver-haired Elves, who were checking for survivors. Erestor wanted to tell Orophin again that he was innocent, but was stopped when a strong fist crushed into his face. He went down to his knees, but did not lose consciousness. His hands were bound tightly behind him and a bloodstained piece of cloth was pushed into his mouth, gagging him. His blurry eyes pleaded with the two Elves who now dragged him between them, but seeing their determined expression he knew convincing them of his innocence was impossible.

He was thrown onto the grass and when he looked up, he found he had been flung between the remains of Maglor’s guards. Even Amrod and Amros’ bodies had been gathered on this pile.

Shaking like a leaf and fearing for his life, he watched quietly as two new Elves appeared to his right. One of them was a she-Elf of incredible beauty and she vaguely seemed familiar to him. Her cold eyes reminded him of Feanor’s and he quickly shifted his gaze to the Elf standing next her. This Elf’s eyes showed compassion, regret and immense sorrow. Erestor bowed his head, unable to look at them any longer whilst his fate remained uncertain. What would they do to him?

“My Lord Celeborn? My Lady? Most of the kinslayers were already dead or have fled, but we found one alive.”

Erestor looked up at hearing the strained voice. A third Elf now stood with Orophin and Rumil. His long, silver hair glowed with Arien’s light and the hazel eyes were swimming with tears.

“Elwing and the twins are nowhere to be found. We must assume they were taken by Maglor.” Haldir tried to sound and appear distant and detached, but knew his eyes were giving his fierce emotions away. “My brother Orophin came upon this one,” and he pointed at Erestor, “who was still driving a dagger into the heart of one of Elwing’s personal guards. We await your judgment. What punishment do you deem suitable for such horrible a crime?”

Erestor’s heart pounded madly and in his despair, he managed to spit out the cloth that had kept him from talking. Before any of the silver-haired Elves could react, he pleaded urgently. “My Lord, my Lady, I had nothing to do with this slaying, Please enter my mind and convince yourself that I am innocent! Argh!” A boot crashed into his back and sent him crouching onto the grass. He was grabbed hard from behind and the gag was put back in place.

“This won’t happen again,” promised Haldir, upset that their prisoner had dared to address his Lord and Lady in that manner.

Galadriel glared at Erestor before addressing him. “I refuse to defile myself with your horrid memories, kinslayer. Keep them to yourself.”

Her chilling words crushed the little hope he had still left inside him. /They will condemn me for this. Will she order me killed?/ Gagged, all he could do was stare at her pleadingly.

“Husband,” Galadriel said, “What punishment do you deem just?”

Celeborn, still taken aback by the slaughter that had taken place, forced himself to react. It was beyond him how one Elf could slay another. All he knew was that this had to stop. “We will not slay one of our own.”

Galadriel’s eyes narrowed at that. “Death would be just punishment for what he did.”

“Nay, I won’t allow it,” said Celeborn steadfast. “The slaying will end here. We have to show that we are better than them. We must set an example.”

Galadriel seemed displeased, but didn’t openly object to her husband’s decision. “Life-long imprisonment, then.”

Saying ‘aye’ greatly burdened Celeborn’s soul, but he agreed to her ruling. “This one will be our responsibility from now on.” Looking about, he called the three brothers to him. “Haldir, Orophin, Rumil. It will be your task to guard this Elf. Make sure he does not flee. He is to be imprisoned for the rest of his life and you will act as his guards.”

Erestor’s world shattered into small pieces when Celeborn passed his judgment. /Nay, I did not kill Rhoss! I tried to help!/

“My Lord? We found one more of Feanor’s men. He is dying, but maybe you would like to talk to him.” One of the silver-haired sentries had brought the dying Noldorin Elf and now placed him at Celeborn’s feet.

Erestor’s eyes widened, recognizing the soldier as one of Celegorm’s confidants. When Celegorm had died, his men had joined Maglor’s. /And he knows me…  I can see it in his eyes. What will he say?/ His heart thundered madly, hoping the guard would speak the truth in his dying hour.

Celeborn glared at the dying Noldorin Elf. “Why?”

“The Silmaril… It belongs to us.” Celegorm’s former confidant panted hard. Losing interest in Celeborn, his gaze settled on Erestor. “Ah, it has been a long time since we met, Erestor.”

Celeborn’s eyes narrowed. “You know him?”

“Finwe adopted him when he married Indis. Erestor is the son of her oldest sister… Kin!” he spat the word in disgust, recalling that Erestor and his mother had tried to flee. And now he had one last chance to make Erestor’s life even more miserable. “Erestor is Maglor’s right hand… His second in command…” His strength was leaving him fast, but he found delight in the fact that he had utterly ruined Erestor’s life.

Celeborn watched silently as the soldier released his last breath. Now that the guard was dead, he concentrated on Erestor again. “You are Finwe’s kin… and Feanor’s.” They had to be even more careful around Erestor now. Luckily Haldir and his brothers were excellent fighters. Looking Haldir in the eye, he said, “Guard him carefully.”

“We will,” replied Haldir. He wasn’t looking forward to carrying out his new task, but would do as Celeborn had bid. “He will pay for his foul deed for the rest of his life.”

Overwhelmed by everything that had happened to him, Erestor began to rock himself, sobbing softly. He hated showing his weakness, but his life had just been ruined. Never again would he experience happiness or bliss. /Aiya, Elwing, I hope you and your sons survived./

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Kinslayer…”

“Murderer!”

Erestor had long lowered his gaze and now stared at the ground, whilst Haldir and his brothers dragged him to a certain section of the improvised camp. Eyes filled with hatred were trained on him and he tried to make himself as small as possible when Orophin forced him onto his knees to tie his hands to a post that had been driven in the ground behind him. Bound and helpless, he listened closely, hearing Haldir move away from him.

No one interfered when the warriors began to spit at him in disgust. The occasional boot impacted with his back, making him flinch in pain.

But Haldir, Orophin and Rumil looked the other way as long as their prisoner wasn’t seriously injured. Their rulers’ verdict had been clear. Erestor was to stay alive, but imprisoned, and they couldn’t blame some of their fellows for feeling the way they did. Seeing so many Elves slain had enraged them and Erestor deserved to be punished for his part in the slaughter.

Erestor tried to curl up, but as his hands were tied to the wooden post, his space was limited, and in the end, he endured the enforced humiliation. His head bowed, he tried to recall Elwing’s soft voice, singing a lullaby to her sons. He had to survive… Somehow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next few days were hellish for Erestor. His hands remained tied and Orophin held the end of the rope in his hands, whilst driving his horse to greater speed. Having to run along was exhausting Erestor and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could endure this treatment.

At night, when the party made camp, he was given a small amount of water and some lembas to keep him alive, but he was forbidden to address his jailors. That first night, he had tried one more time to convince Orophin that the silver-haired Elf had reached the wrong conclusion, but the sentry had brutally pushed the gag back in place before he’d had the chance to drink his daily water ration.

Despair had long overwhelmed him and he realized that he would never taste freedom again. He had no idea where they were headed, but Celeborn and Galadriel had made it very clear that he was to remain with them for the rest of his life. They would make sure he never left and suffered in solitude.

His life would be a lonely one, with only misery keeping him company. Closing his eyes, he tried to shut out their voices, which were still calling him a kinslayer. Maybe he could lose himself inside his mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Celeborn and Galadriel settled down, erecting a temporary structure to house their people and he was confined to a room. At first he had wanted to rebel and protest to this injustice, but he quickly realized how useless that was. Their minds were set in stone, determined to make him pay for a crime he had never committed.

His three jailors hardly spoke with him and after a while, he grew used to the silence that surrounded him. At nights, he would dream of the twins, and listen to their happy giggling. Waking up each morning was pure torture, however.

After long years, Celeborn and Galadriel moved to another place, but his treatment remained the same. Year after year he spent in solitude, eating just enough to stay alive. As he was denied any distraction, he would sit in front of the only window of his room and stare outside, recalling the happy weeks, which he had spent with Elwing and the twins.

When Celeborn and Galadriel finally moved to Caras Galadhon, he quickly realized they planned to stay there. High in a mallorn tree, they confined him to his talan. Each morning one of the three bothers relieved the other, guarding him closely.

He lost track of time, and the only thing that told him that time was passing, was seeing the seasons change. He especially loved winter, when a virgin white blanket would cover the lands. He could stare at the dancing snowflakes for hours and it was his only joy in these endless years.

Finally, he gave up all hope, resigning himself to the fact that he would never be free again. During many nights, he found himself wishing he had died alongside Rhoss, and that he hadn’t visited the market that day. But the Valar had decided differently, condemning him to this mockery of life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erestor sat staring at the ancient trees, watching two birds building a nest. Spring had made the flowers blossom and Arien warmed Middle-Earth. It truly was the time to fall in love, build a nest, and raise little ones.

But not for him. Eternal winter remained in his heart.

Erestor was therefore shocked to see Galadriel and Celeborn enter his room unannounced. The two rulers seemed troubled, although they were doing their best to hide it from him. He forced himself to rise from his chair and to bow deeply. It had been ages since they had visited with him. When they had last, it had been to inform him that Lothlorien would be his prison for the rest of his life.

“Erestor, there is something we need to discuss with you.” Celeborn wasn’t sure this was the right decision, but they didn’t have a choice. During one of those first years of Erestor’s imprisonment, the dark-haired Elf had displayed impressive healing powers when a maiden had taken a fall. He had healed her and from that moment on, Galadriel had monitored him closely. Celeborn had sensed her interest in him, and knew she would use Erestor in whatever way she deemed necessary.

“Of course, my Lord.” His seldom used voice sounded alien to Erestor, as he stared at the floor, unwilling to meet their eyes. His skin crawled, like it always did when Galadriel was near.

Her soft, melodic voice suddenly floated through the room. “Would you like more privileges? Access to our library and the occasional stroll outside?”

Erestor’s eyes widened, and then he did look at her, but he wished he hadn’t. Her blue eyes were as cold as ice. “Aye, I would like more privileges.” But at what price would they come?

“Elrond Half-Elven, Gil-galad’s Herald, is grieving for the High-King’s death,” said Celeborn unexpectedly.

Erestor flinched, recalling holding Elrond when the Elfing would sneak into his bed. “I regret hearing that.”

“We already lost Gil-galad,” continued Celeborn calmly, “And we cannot afford to lose the Peredhel as well.”

Erestor had heard Gil-galad had fallen when defeating Sauron and like the others, he grieved for the High-King. But why were they now discussing this with him? /They want something from me./

“You are a healer,” started Galadriel, “As well as a kinslayer. But this time, you might use your powers for good instead of evil.”

Flinching at her cruel words, Erestor averted his eyes. He had long stopping trying to convince them of his innocence. “I will help in whatever way I can.”

“Elrond is fading because he grieves for his King… and lover,” said Galadriel, who carefully observed Erestor’s reaction.

/Lover?/ That idea was hard to reconcile with the fact that Erestor still remembered Elrond as a tiny Elfling.

“He will leave for the Great Halls of Waiting and we cannot allow that.” Galadriel took up pacing the room. “Elrond has lost his connection to life and we need to provide him with a new one. We cannot allow him to fade as we will need him in the future.”

Erestor’s stomach did a sickening somersault. What was it that she wanted?

“You are a gifted healer and your life energy could sustain Elrond, provide him with a link to Arda,” said Galadriel calmly. “We want you to bind yourself to Elrond.”

Erestor gasped in shock, seeking out Celeborn’s eyes, which were more compassionate than Galadriel’s. “What?”

“You will bind yourself to him and your life energy will help him recover.” Galadriel’s voice hardened. “In order to create this tight and unbreakable bond you will submit to him… physically. Elrond is yearning for his lover and will mistake you for him. He will use your body in whatever way he deems necessary. A bond, formed in that manner, is unbreakable.”

Erestor wrung his hands. “But…” What Galadriel proposed was a monstrosity!

“Elrond will never learn of your existence. He will recover, grow strong and fulfill his destiny.” Galadriel’s eyes burned with determination. “In return for your services we will allow you access to the library and a bit more personal freedom.”

Celeborn cleared his throat; he didn’t completely agree with his wife’s plans. “Your pain will be brief, and after you return here, you will find ample distraction.” He had tried to convince Galadriel to send Erestor as Elrond’s official new consort, but she had replied it would be too much honor for a kinslayer.

Erestor’s head reeled with their request. /I would bind myself to Elrond for all eternity and he would never know about it./

“Will you comply?” Galadriel’s eyes probed Erestor’s.

Erestor sighed distressed. A long time ago he had promised himself to protect Elwing and the twins in Eärendil’s absence. After all what had happened, how could he not stay true to his word? “I will do it,” he said in a resigned voice. “I will bind myself to him.”

Galadriel’s eyes glowed victoriously, whilst Celeborn’s shone with sad compassion.

TBC

Beta read by Sulien.

All remaining mistakes are mine.

Heart in Chains.

Part 5.

Ithil shone with unrivaled brilliance that night, giving Elves and Men a chance to bury their dead and care for the wounded. Several shelters and tents had arisen where healers and soldiers were trying to ease the pain of their injured comrades. The Battle of the Last Alliance had come to an end and they had won, defeating Sauron.

But the price had been high.

Cirdan had retreated into the tent Elrond and Gil-galad used to share. The High-King had died and his Herald was about to follow Gil-galad to the Great Halls of Waiting.

Cirdan’s right hand rested on Elrond’s clammy brow, concerned now that the half-Elf felt as cold as ice. The gray eyes were motionless and Elrond’s breathing was growing shallower. They were running out of time. How could he possibly convince Elrond to return to them?

Elrond had gone into shock when the battle had come to an end. They had been victorious, but they had lost Gil-galad and Cirdan hoped they would be able to reclaim Elrond for the living instead of having to bury the half-Elf as well.

“You must fight, mellon.” Cirdan rubbed the icy brow, hoping for some sign that Elrond was coming around, but nothing happened. Worried, he pulled the blanket that covered the half-Elf’s naked body up to Elrond’s shoulders, tucking the fabric around his friend’s form. “What do I do, should you die? It cannot be your fate to die today.”

He had undressed Elrond after carrying the half-Elf to the tent. His charge’s clothes had been drenched in blood and the armor would be uncomfortable when lying down. Once Elrond had been naked, he had used a blanket to keep him warm. But now his efforts to save Gil-galad’s Herald – and lover – seemed to have been in vain. Elrond refused to return to consciousness.

“I know you loved him, meldir. We all did. But your love went deeper.” And Gil-galad had returned that love. Elrond and the High-King had been happy during these last few days, but Cirdan had seen the apprehension in the half-Elf’s knowing, gray eyes. Elrond had known their time was limited and had tried to make the best of their time together.

“Elrond, we cannot lose you as well. We need you!” Cirdan hoped Elrond would listen to him, but the half-Elf remained motionless. /He is fading, and fading fast./ Death was swiftly approaching. “And then we have to do without the both of you.”

His hand left Elrond’s brow and now took the half-Elf’s right hand in his. “You have to listen to me. Gil-galad would want you to fight and overcome this. Please, mellon.”

He continued his pleading for a few more minutes and then gave up. Elrond wasn’t responding and fighting at his King’s side had drained Cirdan. He wanted to lie down and rest, but he had one more battle to fight. They couldn’t lose Elrond!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Glorfindel, who had taken up position outside Elrond’s tent, raised an eyebrow when a party of four riders came to a standstill before him. He recognized one of them and wondered what Haldir, one of Celeborn’s personal guards, was doing here.

Haldir dismounted, gathered his cloak around him and handed Glorfindel a scroll, which carried Celeborn and Galadriel’s seal. “Glorfindel, my Lord asked me to ensure you read this.” Nervously, Haldir’s gaze traveled to the one Elf that was still on horseback, whilst Rumil and Orophin also dismounted. Rumil had a tight hold on the reins, making sure the hooded Elf couldn’t leave.

Glorfindel also kept one eye on the hooded rider whilst unrolling the scroll. He instantly recognized Celeborn’s elegant handwriting. Apparently word of Gil-galad’s demise had spread quickly and Galadriel had decided to send a healer to help Elrond recover. /So this hooded rider is a healer?/ After reading the message, he considered everything he had learned.

“I assure you that my Lady Galadriel only wants to help,” said Haldir softly. He had heard many tales of valor and bravery where Glorfindel was concerned, and he felt somewhat intimidated, knowing whom he was dealing with. “My brothers and I are acting as his personal guards. We traveled without rest to get here in time.”

Glorfindel drew in a deep breath. “Wait here,” he said, addressing Haldir. Then he vanished into the tent.

Cirdan looked up, when Glorfindel entered. “I asked you to give us a moment alone.”

Remaining quiet, Glorfindel handed Cirdan the scroll. “Just read.”

Cirdan read Celeborn’s letter and then his gaze returned to his charge. “I cannot reach him. Elrond is drifting away from us, searching for his lover.”

“What do we have to lose?” Glorfindel shared Cirdan’s worries. They had already lost Gil-galad and couldn’t afford to lose Elrond as well. “Shall I tell the healer to attend to Elrond?”

Cirdan – fatigued and feeling helpless – let go of Elrond’s hand and rose from the bed. “Aye, tell him to enter.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erestor was fighting his panic to his best ability. He had agreed, but that didn’t mean he wanted to do this. Being bound to Elrond Half-Elven, Gil-galad’s Herald, was a frightening prospect, but the rewards Galadriel had offered had been too good to decline. In exchange for saving Elrond, he would be allowed outside once a week and Galadriel would give him unlimited access to the library. After the life he had led, that sounded like pure luxury.

He could sense their eyes on him. Haldir, Rumil and Orophin’s eyes never left him and he recalled that they were under orders to end his life if he tried to flee. But escape was not on his mind right now. Around him, Elves and Men were in pain and the sense of abandonment around him was suffocating. As a healer, he desperately wanted to help, but he waited for Haldir to tell him to dismount. He didn’t want to end up with an arrow in his back.

Suddenly, the blond, which Haldir had addressed as Glorfindel returned and nodded his head once.

“Your healer may enter.”

Erestor held his breath. This was it. His panic increased, but he managed to keep it under control. After locking gazes with Haldir and obtaining permission, he dismounted, making sure the hood stayed in place. Slipping his hands into the sleeves of his robes, he waited for Haldir’s orders.

Another Elf now also left the tent and Erestor stared at him in surprise. Never before had he seen a bearded Elf.

“I am Cirdan, one of Elrond’s friends.”

Erestor didn’t know what to say and simply waited.

“I gather you are a healer?”

Nodding once, Erestor wondered what would happen next.

“I will take you to Elrond,” said Cirdan, pulling back the flap of the tent to let Erestor enter. “And I will stay with you.”

“Nay,” said Haldir firmly. “My Lord Celeborn clearly states that the healer needs to attend to Elrond alone.”

Glorfindel and Cirdan had also read that passage, but didn’t feel inclined to permit it.

“My Lords, you have to trust us. We want to save Lord Elrond’s life. That is why we are here. That is why we brought this healer.” Haldir hoped they would cooperate.

After a moment’s thought, Cirdan reluctantly agreed. Seeing Glorfindel’s suspicious expression, he saw his own unease reflected in them. “Haldir is right. We need to put our trust in Galadriel and Celeborn. They know what they are doing.”

Erestor released the breath he had been holding when he finally stepped into the tent – toward his destiny.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gingerly, Erestor looked about. To his right, on a cot, was Elrond Half-Elven. Memories of tending to the mischievous twins when they had been Elflings returned to him. He had found Elrond adorable back then and the child had been smitten with him in turn, but now Elrond was a great warrior. A warrior who was mourning his lover’s death. And there was only one way to keep the half-Elf from following Gil-galad to the Halls of Waiting.

After drawing in a deep breath, he dropped his cloak onto the ground. A bowl filled with water had been placed aside Elrond, and the silvery surface  caught his reflection. His long, dark hair was unbraided as always, and his brown eyes filled with panic. The blue paint, which Galadriel had used, covered the area around his eyes, making it look like part of his face was veiled. All this to ensure no one ever found out his identity.

Making his way toward the cot, he extinguished all candles that formerly illuminated the tent. When he reached the cot, he sat down on the chair Cirdan had vacated. Taking a moment to study the half-Elf, he realized that Elrond was handsome, even with the touch of death upon him. The long, raven hair carried warrior’s braids and dried Orc blood tainted the slightly tanned skin. The gray eyes were devoid of emotion and yet the healer in him sensed the presence in the seemingly unconscious half-Elf.

Did he have the courage to follow through? He had told Galadriel he would bind himself to Elrond and by doing so ensure the half-Elf’s survival, but he couldn’t help feeling sorry for himself. Elrond would never find out who had saved him and the bond wouldn’t stop the Herald from finding a new lover, as the half-Elf wouldn’t even know he was bound.

But for him, the situation would be different. For the rest of his life he would feel Elrond’s pain, and lend him strength when the half-Elf needed his support. But in return he hoped to regain a tiny bit of his freedom, if Galadriel kept her word.

Resting a shaky hand on Elrond’s brow, he felt the half-Elf’s impending death. Instinctively he tried to stop the cold from claiming Elrond, pushing the alien presence away with his own mind. Having reclaimed Elrond for now, he rose from the chair, undid the belt that held his robes together and shrugged out of them. They pooled at his feet and stepping out of them, he centered himself. He needed to form this bond now.

Erestor saw a small, ceremonial knife on the small desk next to the bed and took hold of it. Cutting his wrist deeply, he detachedly watched the blood flow down his hand. His blood would form this link and give the half-Elf the strength to survive.

Reverently, he knelt next to the bed. His wrist now hovered above Elrond’s mouth and a few drops of his blood slid passed the open lips, flowing down the half-Elf’s throat. Now that he had set the process in motion, he waited for Elrond to react, whilst wrapping a piece of cloth around his wrist. He knew what would happen next and feared the act, but he had committed himself to this and there was no turning back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elrond panted hard, as a metallic tasting liquid flowed down his throat. His body was slowly coming alive again, and with it the horrid memories. “Ereinion!” The last thing he recalled was seeing his lover burned to cinders by Sauron, but then warm and inviting arms enfolded him, rocking him comfortingly and he leaned into the embrace.

“Melamin!” Gil-galad was alive then, because no one else would dare hold him like that. Elrond nearly panicked. Why was it this dark? Why couldn’t he see? “Where am I?”

“In your tent.”

The voice sounded alien and familiar at the same time. “Melamin?” It had to be Ereinion! His lover hadn’t deserted him after all! Gil-galad had tricked Sauron and hadn’t died! Ereinion was still with him.

“Hush now, and do not worry. Everything will be well.”

“Why is it this dark? Why can I not see you?” Elrond’s hands reached for the warm form next to him. The only thing he could think of was making sure that his lover hadn’t left him. “I had such a bad dream.” Now that the war was over, he needed to know his lover was still his!

Elrond grabbed the other Elf tightly, and encountering only bare skin, he sighed blissfully. Ereinion had had the same idea then and wanted to make love with him. “I need you, melamin. I need to know you are still here with me.” Saying those words would signal to Gil-galad what he needed most; to be inside the High-King. For one moment he felt confused, seeing brown eyes in a sea of blue.

His bed partner struggled briefly, which puzzled Elrond, but then a smile surfaced on his face. Ereinion was a passionate lover, who was mostly on top, but there were times when the High-King wanted to be claimed in turn, but would put up a fight first. The few times that Gil-galad was on the receiving end of his passion, the High King preferred to be taken hard. It seemed this was such a moment and he was happy to oblige. /Ah, you probably already prepared yourself for me./

Overcome with need and passion, Elrond brought his arms up behind his lover’s back, and after rolling the Elf onto his stomach, he blanketed him. “Mine, you are mine. You will always be mine. And I know what you want, for I want it too!”

Pulling his partner onto his hands and knees, he positioned himself at the tight entrance. Without thinking logically -- overwhelmed by desperate need and convinced that his lover had already prepared himself for some rough lovemaking – he pushed inside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erestor never expected Elrond to react with such violence. Before he knew what was happening, he found himself on his stomach and then on all fours. He had known this would happen, but the suddenness and force that the half-Elf displayed made him panic. He struggled briefly but stopped all movement when Elrond began to enter him. The hot head of the other’s sex nudged against his entrance, and he tried to mentally prepare himself for the penetration, but he had no idea what to expect. Suddenly, he was being burned and the pain that shot through him was like nothing he had ever felt before.

Elrond’s hard flesh forced its way into his body, tearing him in the process. Helpless to stop the half-Elf, Erestor bit into the pillow to muffle his cries, not wanting anyone to enter and find him in this humiliating position. Just when he thought that the pain couldn’t be worse, the half-Elf began to thrust.

Tears of pain fled his eyes and dripped down his face. He had involuntary tensed, trying to expel the intruder, but this caused him only more pain. Biting down harder, he forced himself to endure Elrond’s strokes, which now gained in speed and intensity. The sound of flesh against flesh -- Elrond’s heavy sacs slapping against his buttocks -- made him nauseous and he swallowed convulsively, trying to keep himself from throwing up the little he had eaten.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Aye, meleth-nîn, I knew you would never leave me.” Elrond continued to drive himself home into his lover’s body, savoring the tight glove around him. It had been some time since he had last claimed the High-King and his lover felt as tight as the first time he had taken him. Pounding hard, he bit into his lover’s neck, finally reaching orgasm.

The moment he spilled his seed in his lover’s body, something changed. Warmth was born inside his heart and a glow seemed to engulf his body. Had he finally turned delirious after all?

Exhausted, he thrust one last time and then collapsed on top of his lover’s body. “Aiya, you are so tight, Ereinion.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hot tears of pain, shame and utter humiliation dripped from Erestor’s face as he laid there, feeling abused and hurting in places he had never known existed. Elrond felt heavy on top of him and he wondered what to do. Suddenly, the half-Elf pulled out and a slicing pain moved through his lower body, making him bury his teeth into his knuckles to keep himself from screaming out in pain.

Erestor now also felt the bond that had been forged. He even sensed the half-Elf’s ecstasy, which was still mixed with a hint of despair. Then, a sigh left Elrond’s lips and the half-Elf slipped into a healing sleep, which was being fed with Erestor’s life energy.

In shock, Erestor bit down his pain, managing to roll away from underneath Elrond. After fighting down the urge to curl up in a fetal position, Erestor gingerly studied the one he was now bound to. The half-Elf looked different and he instinctively knew that Elrond would survive and eventually recover. /You will never know I am bound to you and for that I am grateful./ What good would it do Elrond to know he was bound to such a pitiful creature?

Following his instincts, he placed his hands on Elrond’s brow. He closed his eyes and directed his remaining energy into the half-Elf’s fëa. When he had given as much as he could without extinguishing his own inner light, he let his hands fall down onto the bed. Panting due to exhaustion, he imprinted Elrond’s features in his mind. He would never see Elrond again and the half-Elf would be the only ‘lover’ he would ever have. For one moment he felt disappointed that this would be his sole sexual encounter, but now that he knew how much pain was involved in this act, the last thing he desired was being subjected to it again.

It was time to leave and he pushed himself into a sitting position. He gasped in pain, and his eyes widened, realizing he was bleeding between his legs. Elrond had torn him.

Gritting his teeth, he managed to get to his feet, but he swayed and had to reach for support, or else he would have fallen. Shaking like a leaf, he bent to pick up his robes. He nearly doubled over in agony and cried hot tears when more warm blood dripped down his thighs.

With grim determination, he slipped into his robes, fastened them with the belt and then draped his cloak over his shoulders. After putting up the hood, he took a few shaky steps toward the exit. He felt utterly humiliated now that the half-Elf had made him bleed, but wasn’t that to be expected? Galadriel had warned him that Elrond would use him as the half-Elf saw fit. He should console himself with the fact that he would never have to undergo such humiliation again.

Finally, he stepped out into the open. He avoided looking at them, not wanting to meet anyone’s eyes accidentally. He slowly made his way to his horse, hoping he would be able to ride back to ‘Lorien without Haldir or his brothers finding out that he was injured.

Mounting his horse took his last strength, but he managed. Now that he was sitting on the horse’s back, the pain in his lower body increased tenfold and he nearly fainted. His shoulders slumped and he bowed his head in defeat, waiting for Haldir to mount as well. The trip back to Lothlorien would be nothing but torment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cirdan and Glorfindel exchanged a worried look when the healer reappeared. Both smelled the metallic tang of blood on him and wondered what had happened. Cirdan was the first to leave the ‘Lorien party and disappear into the tent.

Haldir, who had seen Erestor’s hesitant movement, mounted quickly. “I am sure Lord Elrond will recover now. Should you need the healer’s services again, please send word to the Lord or Lady.” He turned his horse around and signaled for his brothers to follow him. Rumil had once more claimed the reins of Erestor’s horse to make sure their prisoner couldn’t escape.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Glorfindel watched until the party had vanished from sight and then ventured into the tent, wondering in what state he would find Elrond.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first thing Glorfindel noticed was the blood that clung to Elrond’s lips. The half-Elf was tucked away beneath a blanket, apparently still asleep. The Elda came to a standstill beside Cirdan and looked at him questioningly. “What happened here?”

Cirdan’s brow was knitted. “When I entered I found that all candles had been extinguished and I had to relight them. It was dark in here when I entered.”

“What about the blood?” Glorfindel touched a finger to Elrond’s lips. “It is fresh.”

Cirdan seated himself on the chair and studied his charge. “Something about him is different.”

Glorfindel had to agree. “’Tis a healing sleep now.” The emptiness in the gray eyes had vanished. He studied Elrond, wondering how the healer had accomplished this.

Unexpectedly, Elrond’s eyelids fluttered, announcing the half-Elf’s return to consciousness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elrond felt disorientated, but seeing the faces of his two best friends reassured him. “Cirdan? Glorfindel?” With difficulty, he pushed himself in an upright position and his eyes immediately searched for his lover. “Where is Ereinion?”

Cirdan released a distressed sigh. “He died, meldir.”

Elrond’s eyes widened at hearing this. Aye, he remembered but… “He was here a moment ago! I made lo—“ His voice faltered, mid-sentence. “It cannot have been a hallucination! He was here!”

“Mellon, can you tell me why there is blood on your lips?” Cirdan’s concern returned, seeing the wild expression in his friend’s gray eyes.

“Blood?” Confused, Elrond raised a hand and touched his lips. His fingers came away stained with blood. “I do not understand.”

“I wonder what that healer did,” mumbled Glorfindel, intrigued.

“Healer? What healer?” Elrond frowned deeply, recalling what had happened a few moments ago. He had made love to Gil-galad! “Ereinion is not here?”

“He is dead, Elrond. You must accept that.” Cirdan’s voice was laced with comfort.

“Then who…?” Elrond’s eyes narrowed. “May I have a moment alone? I need to compose myself.”

Glorfindel nodded once, judging his friend sane and alert enough to take care of himself. The change that had taken place inside Elrond was truly remarkable. “Mellon, let us give him some privacy to mourn his lover’s demise.”

Cirdan gave in and followed the blond outside.

Elrond stayed behind, feeling shocked. He had made love to Ereinion; he hadn’t imagined that! He had been inside his lover, had felt how tight the High-King was! But…

/He did not reach orgasm./ His lover’s inner muscle hadn’t milked him dry! Thoroughly confused, he pushed down the covers. Shocked, he stared at his flaccid member – and the blood that clung to it.

TBC

Beta read by Sulien.

All remaining mistakes are mine.

Heart in Chains.

Part 6.

Leaving the camp, Haldir kept a close eye on his charge. Just by looking at Erestor’s body language he could tell that the other Elf was hurting. Galadriel and Celeborn had told him to be very alert and to ensure that Erestor wouldn’t escape. They had also told him to return to ‘Lorien as quickly as possible, so he pressed his heels into the flanks of his horse, urging it to make speed.

As Rumil was still holding the reins of his horse, Erestor didn’t have a choice and was dragged along for the ride. The bouncing movement made him sick to his stomach and more blood ran down his thighs. So many times he had wished he could heal himself, but his powers never worked on himself. He had to endure this torment and hopefully he would get the chance to recuperate once they were back in Lothlorien.

Haldir exchanged a look with Orophin. His younger brother had disliked Erestor since finding the dark-haired Elf driving the knife into Elwing’s personal guard’s chest. In contrast to Orophin, Rumil had accepted their duties and tried to be detached and impersonal when dealing with Erestor, but things were different with Orophin.

At times, he caught Orophin glaring at Erestor with barely concealed hatred in his eyes and he had tried to talk to his brother about this, but Orophin had simply shaken his head. He had seen Erestor slay one of their own and his mind was set; he would never forgive Erestor.

The night was still dark and Haldir estimated they could travel several more hours before the horses would need to rest. He wanted to return Erestor to Lothlorien as quickly as possible, knowing Galadriel wanted him confined there.

Erestor sensed their distrust and it only added to the physical and mental pain he was already in. The agony that continued to build in his lower body was becoming unbearable and he knew he would eventually pass out, but he wanted to hold on as long as possible. Being on horseback and unconscious was not a good combination. So he gritted his teeth and managed to keep conscious. The pain, however, continued to intensify.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hours later, Arien’s first rays touched a Middle-Earth that had momentarily been freed of evil.

By this time, Erestor’s fingernails were deeply buried in the leather of the saddle, holding on tightly. Suddenly, the earth beneath them gave away and vanished into a gaping hole. Orophin, who was riding in front of him, was pitched from his saddle into the crevice that had suddenly opened at their feet when his horse planted all four legs and lowered its head in order to stop in time.

Haldir released a shocked cry, seeing his brother disappear beneath the earth. Looking over his shoulder, he found that Rumil had stopped Erestor’s horse in time and both Elves were now staring at the gaping hole in front of them. It was also at that moment that Haldir saw how pale his charge was. Pale and shaking like a leaf. That was something he had to investigate after reclaiming Orophin. “Rumil, stay here with Erestor.”

Rumil, who had wanted to dismount, glared at his oldest brother. He wanted to help as well, not be stuck guarding their prisoner!

Erestor wished he could help, but knew they wouldn’t let him – they didn’t trust him. So in order to not distract them, he sat quietly, relieved that the bouncing motion had momentarily stopped. His lower body felt intensely enflamed.

Haldir slid off his horse’s back and cautiously approached the crevice. Using strong Elven rope, which he had tied to the saddle, he lowered himself into the hole.

“Do not think you can escape now,” hissed Rumil, “We have orders to kill you if necessary.” It wasn’t that he hated Erestor that much as he felt the need to threaten him so as to intimidate him to the point that he wouldn’t even think of running away.

Erestor nodded and concentrated on the rescue mission. It was a shame that Rumil was stuck guarding him as Haldir would have greatly appreciated the help.

Long and stressful moments passed, but then Haldir reappeared, carrying Orophin over his shoulder. The younger Elf was motionless and hardly breathing, but his eyes were open and frighteningly lucid.

Tenderly, Haldir laid Orophin down on the ground, checking for injuries. “Orophin? Are you hurt?”

“I… cannot… move…” Panic and fear shone from Orophin’s eyes, as he was unable to move. “My neck… I fell onto… my neck.”

Haldir’s breath caught. “Nay…” If his suspicion was correct and Orophin had broken his neck, it would take years, maybe even decades, for his brother to recover. Even his Elven healing ability couldn’t cure such a grave injury in a few days. And then there was the possibility of complications. What if the injuries were too severe and the bones wouldn’t mend properly?

“Hal… dir?” Orophin began to fight for breath. His lungs, which had been working fine a moment ago, now stopped all together. His panic increased, realizing he was dying. This was a mortal injury! His eyes frantically moved in their sockets, realizing he couldn’t draw in his next breath.

Haldir, panicking as well, grabbed his brother’s hand and tried to control his raging emotions. “Nay, we cannot lose you!”

Rumil, unable to remain on horseback any longer now that his brother was dying, let go of the reins of Erestor’s horse, jumped onto the ground and hurried over to them. “Aiya, Muindor-nîn, do not leave us!” Devastated, he knelt at Orophin’s other side, also cradling a hand.

Orophin’s lips were slowly turning blue and his eyes began to mist over. He had never thought he would die like this! He would have accepted dying in battle, but not because of an earth slide! 

Lost in their pain and grief, neither Haldir nor Rumil noticed that Erestor had managed to dismount. Gathering his cloak around him, he bit down the pain that swept through him with every step that he took. He was a healer and it was in his nature to help where he could, even when the wounded was one of his jailors.

Haldir suddenly registered a third pair of hands on Orophin’s body and wanted to glare at Erestor, who was disturbing Orophin’s last moments with his two brothers. But then he held his tongue, seeing the anguished expression in those dark eyes.

Rumil also wanted to sweep away Erestor’s hands, which the raven-haired Elf had rested on Orophin’s throat, but something kept him back.

Orophin was still alert, although a terrible coldness was trying to eat him from the inside out and his eyes widened, feeling Erestor’s warm hands on him. His brothers’ hands didn’t feel that warm!

Centering himself, Erestor called on his own life energy – the little he had left after pulling Elrond from the brink – and let his remaining energy flow into Orophin’s body, hoping it was enough to heal the injury.

For long moments, Haldir and Rumil stared at Erestor in disbelief. Then they looked down and found that a warm glow surrounded Erestor’s hands. That glow disappeared into their brother’s chest and they both sucked in their breath, feeling Orophin’s fingers twitch.

“Muindor?” Haldir’s eyes widened, afraid to believe what he was seeing. Orophin was moving about, squirming beneath Erestor’s hands. His brother’s breathing was normal again and Orophin was even trying to sit up.

But that attempt was sabotaged when Erestor collapsed on top of Orophin. The raven-haired Elf’s body had gone completely limp.

“What happened?” Rumil was also afraid to believe Orophin had been healed, but then again, Erestor was a healer. Why would their prisoner heal one of his enemies? “Haldir? What do we do?”

“Get him… off… cannot… breath.” Orophin, stunned by Erestor’s action, stared at the dark-haired Elf who now moaned miserably.

Haldir was the first to act. With extreme caution, he gathered Erestor – his brother’s savior – in his arms. After what Erestor had done for them, the raven-haired Elf deserved some respect.

“Orophin? How do you fare, Muindor?” Rumil assisted Orophin when his older brother sat upright. Three pair of eyes now stared at Erestor.

“He healed me. Why?” Orophin shook his head in disbelief. “Why? He knows I loathe him.”

“He is a healer,” offered Haldir after pondering Orophin’s question. “He could not turn his back on you.”

“A healer,” mumbled Rumil thoughtfully. “I still wonder how a healer was capable of taking a life.”

“Aye, I saw him driving that knife into the guard’s chest,” said Orophin, confused. But he couldn’t deny that Erestor had saved his life.

“We can ponder this later. First, we need to take care of our healer.” Haldir lifted an unconscious Erestor in his arms and carried him toward his horse. After placing Erestor back in his saddle, he steadied the Elf with a hand, supporting his back. “Rumil, help Orophin onto his horse and make sure he does not go anywhere near that hole!”

Orophin felt disorientated and unsteady when he walked toward his horse but the frightening numbness no longer terrorized his body. Once he was safely back in his saddle, his gaze sought out Erestor again. /Why?/

Erestor slumped forward and his upper body now rested against his horse’s neck.

Haldir, worried for both Erestor and his recovering brother, decided to search for a location where they could set up camp. All of them needed to rest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Long moments later, Rumil pointed out a suitable spot and Haldir agreed. His gaze came to rest on Orophin. His brother was awfully quiet, but seemed to have recovered from his fall. “Are you still in any pain?”

Orophin shook his head. “I am rather tired, but there is absolutely no pain.” But memories of being unable to move and breathe still tormented him. Erestor had changed that. Erestor had given him life again when he had been ready to release his last breath. How was he to react to that? How to act when Erestor regained consciousness? The hatred which he had formerly felt toward the raven-haired Elf was quickly vanishing.

Haldir dismounted first and went over to Orophin, just in case his brother needed support while dismounting. But Orophin gracefully slid off of the horse’s back and began to gather firewood. Now that Sauron had been defeated, the area was relatively safe and they could risk building a fire. He distanced himself, needing a moment to deal with his near death experience.

Rumil dismounted as well and helped Haldir to get Erestor onto the ground. He gasped in shock, seeing the fresh blood clinging to the saddle. “He is injured, Haldir.”

Catching sight of the blood, Haldir’s features contorted. “Then I should examine him. I still find it odd that he cannot heal himself. Hand him to me.” Rumil placed Erestor in his arms and Haldir carried his charge nearer the fire that Orophin was preparing to build.

“Rumil? Do you still keep that blanket in your saddlebag? And Orophin, can you arrange for some fresh water? See if a stream is nearby.” Orophin would welcome the chance to get some moments alone. His brother left at once after nodding his head.

Rumil had removed the blanket from his saddlebag and now spread it out over the cold, somewhat damp earth. Haldir then placed their unconscious charge on it, lying Erestor down.

“It is best to do this now whilst he is still unconscious.” Haldir was amazed at the protectiveness he suddenly felt toward Erestor. /He saved Orophin’s life. I am indebted to him. And I want to know why he did that./

Slowly, the two brothers pushed Erestor’s heavy cloak out of the way and turned him around. Both gasped, seeing the bloodstains on Erestor’s robes. Their gazes met above Erestor’s body, both thinking the exact same thing.

Erestor had been sent to rescue Elrond, and from what they had gathered, Galadriel had instructed Erestor to bond with the half-Elf. Making love strengthened a new bond and apparently Erestor had been on the receiving end.

“Riding must have been pure torment,” whispered Rumil softly. “And he never said a word.”

Haldir wondered why. “Maybe he thought we would not take the bleeding seriously.” They hadn’t been very kind to the raven-haired Elf.

“I found water.” Orophin, also realizing the nature of Erestor’s injury, paled. With stern determination, he placed the water skins next to Haldir and then sat down to build the fire, adding wood. He remained quiet, having lots to think about. Erestor’s deed had upended his life.

“Do we have some spare leggings with us?” Haldir looked at Rumil, knowing his youngest brother at times packed odd things into his saddlebags.

“Nay, but I wish I had.” Rumil sighed distressed. “Maybe I can help by gathering healing herbs?”

Haldir nodded his approval. “But do not stray too far from the camp.” He was staring at his charge, feeling strangely helpless. There was so little he could do to help Erestor.

“I can heat some water for a healing tea,” said Orophin unexpectedly.

“I am sure he would appreciate that,” said Haldir, “But he is bleeding severely. He will have to apply it internally.”

Rumil got to his feet and disappeared between the trees, hoping he would easily and quickly find the plantain leaves, sage, and yarrow that he needed.

“I still do not understand,” whispered Orophin, using the small kettle they always took with them on their journeys. At times, even Elves needed to eat.

“Maybe we should ask him when he wakes up again.” Realizing there was little he could do to help, Haldir unclasped his cloak and placed it over Erestor’s body, which was now beginning to tremble. “We should have been more alert.”

Orophin’s usually melodic voice sounded harsh, replying to Haldir’s remark. “We are only checking on him now because he saved my life. If that earth slide had not happened, we still would not know he is hurting.”

Haldir bowed his head in shame. “You are right.” It had been easy during all these millennia to merely think of Erestor as a kinslayer. They had never bothered to look any closer.

Orophin stared entranced at the water, almost willing it to come to the boil. “We should have brought more supplies. The only thing we have is Lembas and water.”

“We did not know we would end up with a wounded Elf on our hands.”

“Haldir, I was dying when he reached for me. His warmth enfolded me, kept my fëa from traveling to the Great Halls. How can I ever repay him for saving my life?” Orophin looked at Haldir pleadingly. “How can I reconcile that with the fact that he took a life in the past?”

“I do not know,” said Haldir tiredly. He had guarded Erestor for many centuries, but had never been interested in the healer. He had carried out his duties and when he had been relieved he had never given Erestor a second thought. He had been convinced the raven-haired Elf deserved his punishment. But now he wasn’t that sure anymore, after witnessing Erestor healing his brother.

Absentmindedly, his hand had found its way onto Erestor’s brow and his fingertips were trying to smooth away the deep lines that had formed there. He had never tried to get to know the other Elf and maybe it was time to change that now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rumil soundlessly approached the camp and, once he had reached Orophin, handed his brother half of the healing herbs he had gathered to make tea with. The other half he handed to Haldir, who knew of other ways to use these herbs. Looking at Erestor, he found that the injured Elf was still asleep. “He did more than healing Elrond Half-Elven, didn’t he?”

Haldir nodded. “He bonded with the Peredhel and confirmed their connection by submitting to him. The half-Elf could have been a bit more… considerate.” Realizing his protective feelings toward Erestor were growing stronger, he wondered what that meant when looking toward the future.

Taking hold of the herbs Rumil handed him, he put them in his mouth and began to chew until the leaves had turned into to a smooth paste. Once it had reached the right consistency, he put it in the leaves that had formerly held the waybread, which he now handed to his brothers. “Eat, we will need our strength.” This journey seemed ill fated.

“His tea is ready,” announced Orophin. “See if you can wake him up.”

Haldir wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do, but complied, knowing Erestor’s body needed the plants’ healing qualities. “Erestor? Wake up.” He slowly shook the healer’s shoulder, hoping Erestor wouldn’t startle himself awake as he had seen happen in the past.

This time Erestor’s eyes only slowly regained awareness and he was thoroughly confused, seeing Haldir’s concerned gaze directed at him. Then he began to remember everything; arriving in Elrond’s tent, the pain that had followed and giving life back to Orophin. The least Haldir could do for him was to let him sleep. Why wake him? Whilst asleep, his body had felt numb, but now the pain had doubled in strength. “Please… Can’t I continue to sleep?”

“Not yet,” replied Haldir, who was suddenly growing aware of the pleading, and somewhat childish tone. “We made you some tea.”

“Tea?” What kind of odd dream was this? The three brothers had never been interested in taking care of him before. /I saved Orophin. They are probably doing this because they feel indebted to me./

Orophin had filled a cup with the healing tea and now walked over to where Erestor was resting. “This would be easier with you sitting up.”

Sitting up? Erestor cringed; he still felt like he was being burned from the inside and sitting up was not a good idea. “I do not need the tea. Thank you for making it, but—“

“We will help you,” said Haldir in a remarkably gentle tone. “You can lean against me.”

Erestor suddenly realized they knew and immediately lowered his eyes, falling back into behavior he had learned during his childhood when he had been afraid to look at Feanor. /They know! They know, know, know./ Panicking, he wondered why they were taking care of him when it would be much easier to make fun of him.

He flinched violently, feeling Haldir and Rumil’s hands on him. Both Elves were gently pulling him upright and just when the pain threatened to overwhelm him, Rumil eased him back against Haldir. He suddenly found himself cradled against the sentry’s muscular chest. Feeling lost, he let them take charge. He was in no condition to oppose them.

The fragrances of several healing plants drifted into his nostrils and he easily identified them as herbs meant to stop bleeding and infection. By the Valar, he felt so embarrassed now that they knew Elrond had made him bleed. They probably thought him a whore as well as a murderer!

“Sip, Erestor,” commanded Haldir in a gentle tone. Erestor’s behavior worried him and he realized that, if he had paid attention before, it would have worried him back then as well. But he had ignored it.

Erestor automatically obeyed; another instinct that had been ingrained in him by Feanor and Celegorm. Raising his eyes, he probed Orophin’s, trying to assess if the Elf had made a complete recovery. Although the blue eyes seemed somewhat dull, he could tell the Elf hadn’t sustained any permanent damage. His healing power had just been strong enough to pull Orophin back. /It is no wonder that I feel like this. I pulled two Elves back from the Halls of Mandos./

Haldir cleared his throat, uncertain how to address this. “We noticed that you are bleeding – internally.” Erestor’s blush now faded and a ghostly pallor appeared instead. “We think we know what you did. You bonded with Elrond Half-Elven.”

Violent tremors coursed through his body, realizing that if he hadn’t been bound to Elrond already, he might have ended up being bonded to Orophin instead. It surprised him that he had been able to pull the sentry back without forming a bond.

Taking Erestor’s silence as an affirmative, Haldir continued. “Rumil gathered healing herbs. We put part of them in your tea and I made a paste with the other half. You are a healer. I assume you know how to use this paste?” He cringed, feeling Erestor trying to pull away from him. “Do not worry. None of us will apply that paste. That is something you need to do yourself.”

Erestor was relieved that he was spared this final humiliation. “I will also heal without it.”

“But it will take you much longer to heal and you will continue to be in pain, especially once we continue our journey,” said Orophin calmly. His changed feelings puzzled him, but he accepted them nonetheless. When he had felt Erestor’s warm, healing touch, he had instinctively known that the dark-haired Elf was incapable of inflicting pain, or taking someone’s life. He just didn’t know how to combine that new knowledge with the scene he had witnessed such a long time ago. Erestor had killed that guard!

“Maybe some privacy would convince you to apply the paste?” suggested Rumil. He had put himself in Erestor’s place, trying to understand the other Elf’s fears. “We can leave you alone for some minutes. No one will be watching you.”

Erestor stared at Rumil in surprise. Were they actually trying to be kind to him, or was this just a new trick to hurt his feelings? He was afraid to trust them.

“I can tell you are hurting,” said Haldir, whispering softly into Erestor’s ear. “You saved my brother’s life and did not run when you had the chance. Instead, you healed Orophin. We trust you not to run away now either.”

/Like I am in any state to run away!/ thought Erestor dejectedly. /I cannot even walk unaided./ He tried to pull away, seeing Haldir reach for him. It was an old reflex, which he had adopted when Feanor had begun beating him.

Haldir’s eyes widened and his hand froze in mid-air, seeing and correctly interpreting Erestor’s reaction. “I am not going to hit you.” What else had he missed when he should have been paying attention?

“You should accept the offer,” said Rumil, rising from the earth. Inclining his head, he hoped his brothers understood and would follow him away from the camp.

Haldir placed the leaves, holding the paste in Erestor’s shaky hand and then eased his charge onto his side, so he could rest without being in too much pain. “We will return in a few moments. We will call out to you first to make certain you have finished.”

Trembling over his entire body, Erestor watched the three brothers move away from the camp. He still didn’t know if he could trust them to keep their word. What if they were playing with him and would burst out laughing when he was pushing the paste inside his abused passage? Could he take the risk of further humiliation?

Haldir exchanged a saddened look with his brothers once they were out of Erestor’s sight. They had no plans to peek, wanting Erestor to have his privacy. “What do you think? Will he use the paste?”

“I do not know, Muindor,” said Rumil, feeling miserable. He kicked a small pebble over the ground, feeling annoyed with himself, a feeling he shared with his brothers. “We will give him some minutes and then we will check on him.”

Haldir nodded once. “We will have to make sure he takes care of himself.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back at the camp, Erestor was straining his hearing. As far as he could tell, the brothers had kept their word and were giving him his privacy. Staring at the bundle that held the paste, he knew he should use it. Applying the paste would help him heal and keep the pain to a minimum. Sighing, he made his decision.

After prying open the bundle, he gathered some paste onto a fingertip and reached behind him. His breathing was ragged and his senses remained trained on the three brothers, determined to pick up on them should they return unexpectedly.

The moment he pushed the paste into the injured channel, its healing qualities began to unfold, cooling and numbing the area. Quickly, he repeated the treatment until he had coated the most severely torn section. Sighing blissfully at the absence of pain, he pulled his robes back in place. Suddenly he grew aware of the fact that it was Haldir’s cloak that was keeping him warm. What had he done to deserve such kindness? Ah, they felt indebted because of Orophin. This had nothing to do with wanting to take care of him. They were just repaying a debt.

Feeling depressed and alone, Erestor pulled Haldir’s warm cloak closer to his body. He had better enjoy this whilst it lasted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Erestor? Have you finished?” Haldir called out softly, and when he didn’t get an answer, he walked toward the camp. From this distance, he had a clear view of Erestor, who had fallen asleep again. Signaling for his brothers to follow, they came to a halt in front of their sleeping charge.

All three of them felt relieved, finding that Erestor had used the healing paste.

“We will spend some more hours here,” decided Haldir. “Rumil, you take first watch and I will take second. Orophin? Rest, you just returned from the dead.”

Orophin snorted at Haldir, but did it softly, not wanting to wake Erestor, whose face was finally relaxed in sleep now that his pain had lessened. He privately vowed that things would change from now on.

TBC

Muindor = brother

Fëa = soul

Beta read by Sulien.

All remaining mistakes are mine.

Heart in Chains.

Part 7

“We should leave now.” Haldir had let Erestor sleep until dusk and was now growing impatient. Galadriel and Celeborn expected them to return as quickly as possible and they were already late. “Prepare the horses for departure whilst I wake Erestor.” Haldir sat on his heels beside the sleeping Elf and pushed some wayward locks away from Erestor’s face. The blue paint was losing its radiance and left a ghostly impression on the other’s face. He regretted having to wake Erestor, but it would be best to depart now.

“Erestor? Wake up.” He gently shook Erestor’s shoulder and caught the terror in the brown eyes upon awakening. “We are about to leave.” If it were up to him, he would prefer to check to see if the bleeding had stopped, but he knew instinctively that Erestor wouldn’t allow it. “Can you get to your feet?”

Erestor groaned softly, expecting to be hit by a sickening burning sensation when he sat up, but the pain was absent. There was some minor discomfort, but he could deal with that. Recalling Orophin’s accident, his eyes sought out the silver-haired Elf’s form. “How does he fare?”

Haldir understood at once. “Orophin slept peacefully for some hours and seems completely recovered. I want you to know that you have my eternal gratitude for saving his life.”

Erestor nodded absentmindedly. Centering himself, he frowned. His life energy was flowing away from him, into someone else’s mind and suddenly he understood; his life energy was sustaining Elrond, strengthening the half-Elf. He sighed dejectedly, knowing he would never feel whole again now that a part of him was missing. The only way to ever reclaim that feeling of oneness would be to live with Elrond as his bonded mate, but that day would never come. From now on, he had to get used to feeling weak and incomplete.

“Erestor? Do you need assistance?” Haldir grew worried, not receiving an answer.

Erestor shook himself from his musings. “I can manage on my own.” It was seldom that someone had offered him assistance and he wasn’t sure how to deal with that offer now. He slowly pushed himself onto his feet, suddenly growing aware of the supportive arm wrapped around his waist. Hadn’t he told Haldir he didn’t need the help?

“You are still weak,” remarked Haldir softly. “Let me help.”

His first instinct was to shake off the supportive arm, but Erestor didn’t have the strength to spare and allowed himself to be led to his horse. Aiya, he was not looking forward to having to ride on horseback again!

“Rumil? Help me!” Haldir called for assistance.

Erestor blushed fiercely when the two brothers carefully placed him on the horse’s back. His face contorted, because the ache in his lower body was returning. Gritting his teeth, he tried not to show his discomfort, which would grow even worse once they sped up.

“We will ride slowly,” said Haldir, mounting as well.

Tightly clutching the saddle for support, Erestor put up the hood and bowed his head. The fact that they were helping him only added to his embarrassment. Only Maglor and Elwing had ever helped him before. He just didn’t know how to react to them.

Orophin steered his horse closer to Erestor’s. “I wanted to thank you for what you did. You kept my fëa here on Arda. I am not yet ready to leave my brothers behind.”

Embarrassed, Erestor nodded, but remained quiet. What was he supposed to say?

Getting frustrated with Erestor’s shy behavior, Orophin asked, “And how do you fare today?”

Erestor tensed. Why was Orophin asking him these questions? “Fine.” But it was a lie. He was still hurting inside, though the pain no longer compared to the agony he had been in yesterday.

Orophin didn’t buy it, but didn’t call Erestor on it. Instead, he exchanged a questioning look with Haldir. How to proceed from here? “We still have some Lembas left and you have not eaten yet.” He uncovered a piece of the bread and offered it to Erestor. Next, he presented a full water skin to the dark-haired Elf. He felt hurt, seeing the distrust in Erestor’s eyes. “Take it. You need to keep up your strength.”

Erestor gingerly took hold of the Lembas and took a few bites. Then he washed everything down with a few mouthfuls of water, careful not to drink too much. Handing the water skin back to Orophin, he wondered about the displeased look in the sentry’s eyes. What had he done now?

“You can drink more if you want. We have ample supplies of water.” Orophin wished he could offer Erestor something more substantial. Maybe they could go hunting the next time they rested. Knowing Haldir, they would rest again shortly now that Erestor was growing tired again.

Rumil, who was riding on Erestor’s other side, considered everything he had just seen and heard. He was overcome by the need to get to know Erestor better. “You bonded with Elrond half-Elven…” he said in a thoughtful tone, “And yet the Lord and Lady want you to return to ‘Lorien? Would it not be best for you to remain near your bonded mate?”

Erestor was severely startled by that question. Why was Rumil asking him this? He remained silent, not wanting to explain.

“Erestor? Rumil made a valid point,” said Haldir, who now joined them as well. “Why leave?”

Realizing there was no way out, Erestor nervously cleared his throat. “I am only following your Lady’s orders.”

“Which are?” Haldir wondered about Galadriel’s motives.

Erestor fidgeted with the end of a sleeve, not wanting to explain further, but also realizing they wouldn’t leave him alone until their curiosity had been satisfied. “Elrond Half-Elven still has to play some role on Arda and the Lady Galadriel urged me to save him. I complied, of course.”

“Of course,” repeated Haldir thoughtfully. /She probably didn’t give you much of a choice to begin with./ 

Erestor bit his bottom lip, wishing they would leave him be.

“But I take it you would have preferred to get to know your new mate instead of having to rush back to ‘Lorien.” Haldir’s eyes narrowed, something was wrong with this.

Erestor sighed. “He is not my mate, Haldir. I bonded with him in order to save his life. This is no marriage.”

The three brothers exchanged worried looks. It was Haldir who eventually voiced their thoughts. “A bond was created for life. You are married to him. The two of you are life mates.”

Exasperated, Erestor pushed back his hood and glared at Haldir. “You do not understand. I am bound to him, but Elrond Half-Elven is not bound to me. He does not even know someone brought him back from the brink. As far as he is concerned, I do not exist. He thought he was making love to Gil-galad, not me!” Exhausted – and embarrassed for losing his temper – Erestor averted his eyes.

Haldir couldn’t conceal his shock and disapproval. What had Galadriel and Celeborn been thinking when ordering this? They had condemned Erestor to a half-life, constantly feeding and sensing his mate whilst Elrond remained blissfully unaware of the fact that someone was suffering in his place.

Orophin growled softly, displeased. “I cannot understand why you agreed to such a bargain.”

Releasing a deep sigh, Erestor tried to explain, “I have been confined to my room for three millennia. Long and lonely years with nothing to occupy my mind. I was cut off from life, and never allowed to venture outside.”

Haldir nodded; he and his brothers had guarded Erestor for most of those years and yet they had never given it a second thought, convinced as they were that the Elf deserved that punishment. “So what did they offer you?” He knew very well that Galadriel and Celeborn would never set Erestor free. They would merely throw him breadcrumbs.

Orophin was taken aback, seeing the sudden sparkle in Erestor’s dark eyes.

“I will be allowed to go outside once a week and to read the books in the Lord’s library.” Erestor smiled happily at that prospect. After years of frustration, boredom and loneliness he would be allowed some distraction.

Rumil snorted loudly. “And that is why you let them destroy your life?”

Frozen in shock, Erestor quickly stared at his hands. “You do not understand. My life was ruined the day I met Feanor.” His eyes widened, realizing what he had just said.

“Feanor?” Now Haldir’s curiosity was piqued.

“I do not want to speak about him.” Remembering his childhood brought back too much suffering. Erestor uneasily shifted in the saddle, wondering if they were going to travel to ‘Lorien nonstop. In spite of the pain, he relished being out in the open after so many millennia of confinement.

Haldir was realizing the same thing. He had never asked himself just how Erestor dealt with the constant confinement and now that they were in the woods, the dark-haired Elf seemed more at peace. “Rumil? Scout ahead and find us a place to make camp. Orophin, would you go hunting?” Orophin didn’t appear to be affected by his near death experience, but Haldir remained cautious.

“I will bring back some game,” promised Orophin, also feeling the need to eat more than just Lembas. After exchanging a glance with Rumil, both Elves left, leaving Haldir alone with Erestor.

The sudden departure worried Erestor, who now found himself alone with Haldir. It felt more like he was at Haldir’s mercy now that the other two Elves had gone. /And why did they leave in the first place?/ The three brothers had been told by Galadriel to watch him constantly.

Making sure their trot was slow and not causing Erestor any discomfort, Haldir wondered what subject was safe to bring up in conversation. “Would you enjoy watching the sunset tonight?” Although Erestor’s room had a window, it faced north and it had probably been millennia since the raven-haired Elf had last seen the sun set or rise.

“I would like that,” whispered Erestor gingerly, still feeling distrustful now that Haldir was acting this kindly.

The silence returned, making Haldir nervous. “Did the paste work? Did it lessen your discomfort?” Glancing at Erestor, he easily caught the other’s blush.

“Thank you for gathering those herbs and making that paste. It helped, aye.” Erestor felt at a loss and before he knew it, words he hadn’t wanted to say left his lips. “Why are you being this kind to me? You were not before.”

Haldir felt ashamed of his past behavior. “Seeing you heal Orophin opened my eyes.”

That wasn’t the answer Erestor had expected. “Opened your eyes?”

“You are a healer. I do not know why you killed that guard, but—“

“I never did!” Erestor exploded with emotion. For millennia he had tried to convince them that he hadn’t taken part in the kinslayings; that he had merely tried to help! /I was keeping that knife in place! Rhoss had already lost too much blood and removing it would have quickened his death!/ His fingers had been curled around the hilt, trying to lessen the blood loss. That had been the exact moment Orophin had entered, calling him a murderer. He had tried to explain, but no one had ever listened. In the end, he had stopped trying.

“I wish I could believe you,” whispered Haldir, “but Orophin saw you commit murder.”

/Orophin saw me keeping the knife in place to slow down the blood loss./ But he didn’t bother to protest any more. No one ever listened.

Haldir felt saddened, uncertain what to think of Erestor. The dark-haired Elf had been imprisoned for millennia and maybe it was time to give him a bit more freedom. Were Galadriel and Celeborn planning to keep Erestor locked up forever?

“I found a great spot!” Rumil appeared to their right, a big smile on his face. “And I encountered some Men. I managed to trade part of our Lembas for clean leggings.” A triumphant expression appeared on his face. “Then you won’t have to wear those bloodstained robes any longer.”

Erestor’s face colored red, being reminded of his injury. Uncertain what to say, he just remained silent.

Rumil, who had expected a bit more enthusiasm on Erestor’s part, gave Haldir a questioning look.

Haldir nodded once. He would ensure Erestor changed into those leggings. After Rumil had handed the garment to him, Haldir followed his brother to the campsite.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Half an hour later, Haldir had built a fire and was roasting the rabbits Orophin had managed to catch. Orophin had been slightly disappointed that he hadn’t found any more game, but the rabbits would do.

“Here, change into these.” Haldir offered Erestor the leggings.

Erestor didn’t feel comfortable meeting Haldir’s eyes, but forced himself to accept the leggings.

“You can change behind those bushes,” said Haldir, instinctively knowing Erestor would never change with them present.

“You are letting me out of your sight?” Erestor felt confused. Haldir’s behavior puzzled him, as did Rumil’s and Orophin’s.

“I trust you not to run away,” Haldir replied calmly. “Now go change and then join us for dinner.” He watched closely as Erestor disappeared behind the bushes.

“Muindor?” Rumil placed a hand on Haldir’s shoulder. “What is on your mind?”

“I have the feeling we wronged him.”

“He has slain one of our own kin, Haldir, you can never forget that.” Rumil felt conflicted as well. “But that does not mean we cannot take care of him.”

Haldir nodded and then followed Rumil to the fire, where Orophin was dividing the food into four portions. He smiled, seeing that one portion was bigger than the others.

Erestor hesitantly approached the three brothers. He did feel better now that he had changed into the clean leggings. Uncertain if he was supposed to sit down or to remove himself from the situation, he looked toward Haldir for instructions.

“Sit down and eat.” Haldir gestured for Erestor to sit down beside him.

Erestor gingerly complied, sitting cross-legged. When he had changed into the leggings he had checked on himself. He had been extremely relieved to find that the bleeding had stopped. However, he still felt sore. Haldir then handed him a bowl filled with meat and Lembas, which increased his unease, realizing his bowl was the fullest. The three brothers had taken less.

Rumil, seeing Erestor’s nervousness, met questioning brown eyes. “Eat. You are much too skinny.”

Slowly, Erestor chewed on the roasted meat. He had always been too skinny, thanks to Feanor, Curufin and Celegorm. They had been the reason he had seldom eaten meals regularly. “Thank you for the food.” He was hungrier than he wanted them to know, and before he realized it, he was wolfing down the food.

The three brothers exchanged worried looks. One by one, they placed pieces of Lembas and roasted rabbit into Erestor’s bowl, encouraging him to continue to eat.

But Erestor wildly shook his head. “Nay, I cannot eat your food!”

Rumil covered his bowl with his hand when Erestor tried to put the food back into it. “Nay, you need it more than we do. We did not pull two Elves back from the brink.”

Looking at Orophin and Haldir, Erestor found them nodding their approval. They wouldn’t let him return the food to them. Eating more slowly, he devoured the rest as well.

Haldir, feeling strangely at peace, smiled and pointed out the setting sun at the horizon. “Arien is most radiant tonight.”

Unexpectedly, Erestor dropped his now empty bowl onto the ground, lost in admiration of the golden rays. “Aye, beautiful.” Now that his belly was full and the pain had receded, he could fully appreciate Arien’s warmth.

The rare smile that now graced Erestor’s features made Haldir nod his head. “Beautiful indeed.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The closer they got to ‘Lorien, the more withdrawn Erestor became. Rumil, who stayed close to Erestor at all times, tried to engage the raven-haired Elf in a conversation, but Erestor barely reacted. In the end, he turned to Haldir. “What is wrong with him?”

Haldir had asked himself the same question, but unlike Rumil, he had also reached a conclusion. “He is bound to Elrond Half-Elven. His life-energy flows to the Peredhel, leaving him perpetually weak. It will probably be like that for the rest of his life.”

“Living like that for all eternity would be… unthinkable,” whispered Rumil in shock.

“We must be careful,” said Haldir, addressing his brothers. “Should our Lady and Lord suspect that we have come to care for our charge, they will appoint new guards and we do not want that, do we?”

Rumil sighed deeply. “We are hugely indebted to him.”

Orophin, who had overheard their conversation, nodded as well. If necessary they would act indifferently toward Erestor whenever Galadriel and Celeborn were close.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Galadriel and Celeborn had seated themselves and were now waiting for Haldir to deliver his report. They already knew that Erestor had bonded himself to Elrond, because tidings of the Peredhel’s miraculous recovery had reached them.

Haldir felt slightly nervous, now that he couldn’t be completely honest with his Lord and Lady, but he would do his best.

“Haldir, tell us why you arrived so late. We expected you to return yesterday.” Galadriel studied her most trusted guardian and sensed that something had changed, but she couldn’t label the sensation.

“As you ordered, we took Erestor to the camp at Mount Doom. We handed Glorfindel the scroll and Erestor was allowed to attend to Elrond Half-Elven.”

“And Erestor bonded with the Peredhel.” Celeborn nodded once.

“Aye.” Haldir considered what to tell and what to keep back. “When we left, Erestor appeared drained and I called for a rest.”

Galadriel raised one eyebrow delicately. “Rest?”

“My Lady, I know you ordered us to return at once, but he was injured and needed the rest.”

“Injured?” Now Celeborn studied Haldir closely as well. What was their guardian not telling them?

Haldir cleared his throat, uncomfortable with addressing this matter. “The Peredhel… claimed… Erestor. He was bleeding internally. Elrond Half-Elven had not been gentle and I thought it wise to let Erestor rest. Most certainly when one considers that it is his life-energy that sustains the Peredhel.”

“You were right then,” said Galadriel eventually. “Erestor must stay alive and strong enough to support Elrond.”

“Did anything else out of the ordinary happen?” Celeborn eyed his sentry. Like Galadriel, he wondered what Haldir was hiding from them.

Seeing their knowing expressions, Haldir caved in. “Orophin took a fall and broke his neck.”

Galadriel released a startled yelp. “But I saw him ride at your side when you arrived!”

Haldir coughed nervously. “Erestor used his healing skills to heal him.”

At that, Galadriel and Celeborn exchanged a surprised look. “I always wondered about Erestor,” said Celeborn eventually. “We are indebted to him, then.”

“Not you, my Lord,” said Haldir carefully. “Rumil, Orophin and I are.”

“And this will not affect your ability to guard him?” Galadriel considered replacing them with other sentries, who would treat Erestor as a prisoner, instead of their ‘charge’. But then again, Erestor had saved Orophin’s life. Taking this duty away from the three brothers would be dishonorable. 

Celeborn felt the same way. “Now that Erestor has kept his word, he has earned certain privileges. Once a week one of you will accompany him outside, but he is never to be left alone. He will also be allowed access to the library.” Celeborn frowned, seeing the disapproval in Haldir’s eyes. “Mellon, Erestor has been confined to his room for over three thousands years. Surely you do not begrudge him a weekly walk and reading some books?”

Haldir forced himself to remain calm. Celeborn had misinterpreted his look, and he wasn’t inclined to correct the other Elf. Let them think he wanted Erestor incarcerated. It would give him more leeway when he took the dark-haired Elf outside. “I trust you to know best.”

“Good. You may leave now. Rumil has taken first guard and you will relieve him tomorrow.” Galadriel inclined her head and watched Haldir leave. Once the sentry could no longer hear them, she said, “Something else happened. He is keeping things from us.”

Celeborn nodded, agreeing with her. “But I am pleased that Erestor carried out his part of the bargain.”

“Aye, and it is an eternal pity that he took part in the kinslayings. He is a talented healer.” Galadriel sighed and rested her head on her husband’s shoulder.

“We must keep an eye on Erestor,” said Celeborn thoughtfully. “I have the feeling he also has a very important part to play in Arda’s history.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erestor had frozen, now that he stood in his room again. These four walls had been a prison for a long time, but now they almost felt like home after his ordeal with Elrond Half-Elven. He headed into the bathroom, but didn’t bother to fill up the bathtub. Instead, he removed his clothes and quickly cleaned himself up. Once he felt relatively clean, he picked up a sleeping robe and curled up on his bed.

He made the mistake of remembering the treatment he had suffered at Elrond’s hands and tears reappeared in his eyes. He doubted he would ever forget the pain and humiliation he had endured that night. The worst thing was that he could still sense Elrond, the half-Elf’s weakness and constant need for his life-energy. Unable to break the bond, he gave in and let his energy flow down the bond.

“Erestor?”

His eyes opened, and he was startled to find Rumil in the doorway. “What do you want?” Couldn’t they give him some time to lick his wounds in private?

“I brought you something to eat.” Rumil placed the tray next to Erestor on the bed. “I reckon you are still hungry.”

He was, but Erestor refused to admit to it. “Thank you,” he whispered softly. The freshly baked bread, honey, meats and fruits did look extremely tempting. He blinked in surprise, finding Rumil had also added a carafe of wine. “Thank you,” he repeated again, uncertain why Rumil was still this generous and kind. Orophin was fine and now that they were off the road, he had expected his guardians to return to their normal, distant behavior.

Rumil cleared his throat and Erestor finally looked up, realizing the silver-haired Elf was hiding something behind his back.

“I thought you would want something to read. Lord Celeborn gave me permission to select some books for you.” Rumil placed three books on the nightstand.

Not trusting his voice any longer, Erestor nodded his head. Gingerly, he ate a slice of bread with honey and then indulged himself by eating some meat as well. He expected Rumil to take what was left over back to the kitchens, but the tray stayed on his bed.

“Are you still tired?” Rumil pulled up a chair and seated himself next to the bed, noticing the distressed expression in Erestor’s eyes. The healer still didn’t trust him and he realized it could take centuries for Erestor to come to trust him.

“Aye, I am tired.” But as long as Rumil continued to look at him like that, he couldn’t possibly rest.

Fortunately, Rumil realized that. He rose from his chair, walked over to the window and opened it to let some fresh air into the room. “I will check on you later. Is there anything you need?”

/Aye, my freedom back./ But Erestor didn’t say the words aloud. “Thank you for everything.”

Rumil frowned, disliking Erestor’s timid demeanor. “Haldir will take my place tomorrow and the Lady Galadriel instructed him to accompany you on your first walk.”

Erestor, too tired to continue this conversation, closed his eyes, curled up and wished Rumil would go away.

“I will return later,” whispered Rumil in understanding. He decided to leave the tray in the room, just in case Erestor got hungry again and then left, softly closing the door behind him.

Now that he was finally alone, Erestor released his tears and sobbed softly.

TBC

Beta read by Sulien.

All remaining mistakes are mine.

Heart in Chains.

Part 8.

“Are you ready to go?” Haldir smiled, pleased to find Erestor reading one of the books Rumil had brought yesterday. “I trust it is interesting lore?”

Erestor was surprised to see Haldir this early. Arien had just risen and he hadn’t expected the sentry until the evening. Haldir’s smile was infectious and he found himself returning it. “It distracts me.”

“From thinking about Elrond Half-Elven?” Haldir stepped into the small room and looked about – really looked about – noticing how sparsely furnished the other’s quarters were.

“I can sense him,” said Erestor slowly. “He is still weak, but growing stronger.” The Peredhel was a constant presence in his mind, something which he had found distressing at first, but now he was learning to enjoy being connected to the half-Elf, as he also felt Elrond’s moments of brief happiness and peace.

Haldir studied the dark-haired Elf. Erestor looked more fragile than he used to and the dark eyes seemed dull. “You need to get out into the open air.”

“Lord Celeborn is letting me take my walk then?” It was a pity that he would have to wait one week before he could go outside again, but at least now he had something to look forward to.

“Aye, I am to accompany you. Is there anywhere special you would like to go?”

“Can we avoid crowds? I do not want to encounter other Elves.” Erestor had seen their reactions when Galadriel and Celeborn had sentenced him millennia ago. Those eyes had been filled with hatred, distrust and loathing, and those sentiments wouldn’t have changed. He had no desire to feel those menacing eyes on him again.

“We can walk between the mellyrn, if you desire so.” Haldir raised a hand and signaled for Erestor to rise from his chair. “You can continue your reading later. ‘Tis much too beautiful a day to stay inside.”

Erestor placed the book aside and slowly got to his feet. “Are you sure you do not mind keeping me company? You must have more important tasks to carry out.”

Haldir studied Erestor extensively. What had this long imprisonment done to the dark-haired Elf? How had it affected him? And could those effects be undone? “Follow me outside.”

Erestor complied and together they descended the talan. “Am I not to be tied down? Threatened? Are you not worried that I will try to escape?” He had long given up on escaping and had accepted his fate. He even felt confident enough to lightly tease Haldir.

But Haldir didn’t catch on at once. He was about to answer Erestor’s questions in earnest, when he saw an unfamiliar sparkle in the other Elf’s eyes. He snorted and led Erestor toward the lake, away from the busier sections, giving Erestor the privacy he had asked for. “We will be alone here.”

Erestor nodded appreciatively, taking in his surroundings. Mist was rising from the earth and the gentle flow of water soothed his shaky nerves. It was impossible to lock out Elrond and the half-Elf was distressed at the moment, which caused him to feel distressed as well.

“Is something wrong?” Haldir saw unease in the hazel eyes.

“I can sense Elrond’s distress,” explained Erestor. “I hope the sensations will grow less in time.”

“Does it upset you? Being able to sense his emotions?” Haldir wondered what it felt like for Erestor.

“It takes some getting used to,” said Erestor eventually, finding himself opening up to the guardian, which surprised him. During his imprisonment here they had hardly spoken a word. “In one way it is comforting, knowing that I am not alone.”

/Alone,/ mused Haldir, /Aye, you have been very lonely in the past./ Recalling there was a garden with healing plants to their right, he signaled for Erestor to follow him.

Erestor easily fell into step beside Haldir, smiling weakly. Walking like this, with Haldir close, felt comforting. He could get used to it and immediately chided himself. It was stupid to grow attached to Haldir. Once the guardian felt he had paid his debt, Haldir would become more distant, more reserved. “Where are we headed?”

Haldir pointed at the garden and found that one of Celeborn’s healers was tending to the plants. “I thought these plants might be of interest to you.”

“That is very thoughtful of you,” said Erestor, surprise evident in his voice. He walked into the garden and started to examine and identify the healing plants. He wished he would be allowed to tend to them like the healer was doing, but Galadriel and Celeborn would never allow it.

The healer, seeing someone was interested in his plants, moved closer and began to explain about their healing qualities.

Haldir saw Erestor’s confusion and leaned against an oak tree, nodding his head to encourage the dark-haired Elf to learn from the older healer. A plan was forming in his head, but how would he get Celeborn to agree to it? He grinned smugly, seeing the Lord of the Golden Wood enter the garden as well.

Celeborn looked at Erestor in surprise and then searched for Haldir, knowing the guardian had to be close. After walking up to Haldir, he said, “You brought him here?”

“Aye, my Lord. Erestor is a healer. What place would be more suited for him to learn more about healing?” Slowly, his plan took shape. “Think about it, my Lord. He is a gifted healer; I know that because I saw him heal Orophin. Wouldn’t it be wise to let the healers teach him? Maybe his talents will serve us well in the future.” Haldir waited for one moment, pleased that Celeborn was actually considering his words. “And now that he is bound to Elrond Half-Elven we should take good care of him. When Erestor grows weak, so will the Peredhel.”

Celeborn carefully considered Haldir’s words, knowing the sentry had made a valid point. “I take it he could have escaped when Orophin took that fall?”

“Aye, but he didn’t. He stayed, and we did not have to ask for his help, he simply offered it.” Haldir hoped Celeborn would see things his way. “Why not give him part of the garden to tend? Let him study with the healers. We can only benefit from his knowledge and talent.”

Celeborn frowned. “Your words sound wise, but…” When Galadriel and he had sentenced Erestor to life long imprisonment for taking part in the kinslayings, they hadn’t considered the future. Erestor had been their prisoner for many millennia now and maybe it was time for some changes. /We cannot keep him confined to his room until the end of Arda. Not after he rescued Elrond and Orophin./

“My Lord?” Erestor, having felt Celeborn’s eyes on him, gingerly approached, respectfully inclining his head. “I hope I am not trespassing? I do not want Haldir to get into trouble because he brought me here.”

Celeborn remained quiet as he continued to study Erestor. He even went so far as to probingly touch the dark-haired Elf’s mind, something he had never done before. He was surprised when he felt the texture of Erestor’s mind, which was warm and open, hiding nothing. Again, he wondered how Erestor had ever gotten entangled in the kinslayings. Reaching a decision, he said, “Would you like to study with the healers, Erestor?”

The dumbfounded expression in Erestor’s eyes made Celeborn chuckle, but he quickly steeled his face. Seeing Erestor nod firmly, he hoped he was making the right decision. “You may study with them on a daily bases, then. Two hours a day. Furthermore, you will be assigned the care for part of this garden. As a healer you need to know how to grow and harvest these healing plants. The healers will teach you.”

Erestor blinked dazedly and finally found his voice again. “But… I am not allowed to venture outside more than once a week.”

“That has changed,” said Celeborn, shrugging his shoulders. “But in return I need your word of honor that you won’t try to leave.”

“My word of *honor*? I thought I did not possess any, being a murderer.” Erestor instantly regretting lashing out, afraid that Celeborn might take back the privileges he had just given him. “I apologize. That was uncalled for.” Erestor quickly lowered his eyes, praying to the Valar that Celeborn wouldn’t reconsider. “I won’t try to escape.”

Celeborn nodded, sensing Erestor’s conflicting emotions. “I believe you. You may study with the healers and tend to this garden. In turn, I want you to attend to the needs of the wounded when they need your help.”

“I won’t turn anyone anyway,” promised Erestor, “But I doubt anyone will want help from a kinslayer.”

“You always claimed you had no part in it,” said Celeborn in a thoughtful tone. Why was he beginning to believe that now?

“I had no part in it,” said Erestor firmly, averting his eyes to look at the healer, who was gathering herbs. “I did not kill Rhoss. He was one of the few friends I ever had.” But Erestor had long ago convinced himself that no one would ever believe him, so he didn’t put any effort into trying to convince Celeborn now. “May I return to the healer? He was telling me about the plants.”

“Aye.” Celeborn’s eyes narrowed, when Erestor hurried back to the healer’s side. “Haldir, did we make a mistake?”

“I asked myself the same question,” said Haldir slowly, watching Erestor and seeing the chocolate eyes fill with curiosity and the desire to learn. “Orophin found Erestor kneeling beside Rhoss, his fingers locked tightly around the hilt of the knife that had been plunged into his heart.”

A startling thought drifted into Celeborn’s mind. “Or was he keeping the knife in place to make sure there was no extra blood loss?”

Haldir tensed. “Is that possible?”

“Aye, a healer would know better than to remove the knife.” Celeborn eyed Erestor closely, realizing there was a possibility that they had misjudged the dark-haired Elf. Celeborn was now determined to finally discover the truth about Erestor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two weeks later, Celeborn visited with the healers, inquiring about Erestor. They told him that the dark-haired Elf was a very motivated student. They were very pleased with the progress Erestor was making and told Celeborn that they had never seen such healing strength in an Elf before. Erestor had the ability to heal without the use of herbs, which was very rare. Celeborn distinctly noticed the proud, approving glance in the healers’ eyes, who all hoped Erestor would be allowed to continue to work with them.

After taking his leave, Celeborn considered everything he had learned. He was sure the healers would have sensed evil intentions if Erestor had them, but they had grown fond of him instead. So what did that tell him about Erestor? The more he thought about it, the more he tended to believe Erestor when the dark-haired Elf said that he hadn’t slain Rhoss. That was a frightening concept. They had condemned Erestor to a pitiful life, based on a misunderstanding.

He had discussed this with Galadriel, but had found that his wife didn’t share his opinions. She was still convinced of Erestor’s guilt and refused to reconsider the sentence. That left him in a difficult situation; they had to present a united front and couldn’t disagree with each other openly.

Reaching the garden, he found that Erestor was harvesting herbs. The reverence in the raven-haired Elf’s face told him that Erestor knew what these plants could do and how valuable they were. Suddenly Erestor’s movements froze; Celeborn realized that the younger Elf had sensed his presence and obviously felt uncomfortable around him. “Erestor.”

Erestor bowed respectfully and lowered his eyes. “My Lord.” He knew how fortunate he was that Celeborn had given him more personal freedom and he didn’t dare jeopardize it by challenging the Lord of the Golden Wood in any way. It was best to act respectfully and to wait for instructions.

“Walk with me.” Celeborn heard Erestor’s surprised gasp and signaled for the other Elf to fall into step beside him.

Gingerly – uncertain why Celeborn wanted to talk to him – Erestor did as he was told. “Did I do something to displease you?” Maybe he could right any wrongs he had done?

“I talked to your teachers. The healers are very pleased with you.”

Celeborn’s unexpected praise shocked Erestor. “My Lord?”

“You work hard, are in the open air for hours and yet you remain pale – fragile. Why is that?”

Erestor frowned. “My Lord, surely you know that a large part of my life energy is now flowing to Elrond Half-Elven?”

Celeborn glanced at Erestor. Aye, he knew, but he hadn’t been aware of the fact that Elrond received such a large amount from the other’s Elf life energy. And that it would last this long. “Tell me, then. How does Elrond fare?”

Erestor swallowed hard. “He is still mourning his lover’s death.”

“But he is no longer thinking about following him to the Halls of Waiting?”

“Nay, he has accepted that he will live. I can feel his acceptance.” Erestor wondered why Celeborn was bringing this up. “There are even brief moments of happiness.”

“Good.” Celeborn’s head was bowed in thought, hands clasped behind his back and eyes trained on the ground, as if ‘Lorien’s soil could advise him. “And how are *you* dealing with this?”

Erestor was so stunned that he stopped walking. “My Lord?”

Celeborn turned toward him and searched Erestor’s gaze. “I have been thinking about this matter. You bound yourself to Elrond, and you are strengthening him and yet you receive nothing in return.”

“Nothing? I would not call this nothing.” Erestor stared at the healing herbs he was carrying. “You are giving me the chance to find part of myself again.”

Celeborn felt humbled, hearing those words. “I am glad you find some measure of happiness here.”

“It is the best I could hope for.” Celeborn’s behavior puzzled Erestor, but he followed obediently when the Lord of the Golden Wood escorted him to the talan where the healers stayed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erestor startled awake, his hands rubbing his stomach, trying to soothe the nausea that had woken him every morning for this last week. Ithil had waxed and waned twice since he had bound himself to Elrond and he continued to feel weaker. He struggled to sit upright, but when he had finally succeeded in doing so, his stomach contracted. Quickly he covered his mouth with his hand and stumbled into the bathroom, spitting into the sink.

What was wrong with him? Something was amiss with his body, but he was at a loss to what it was. Except for the nausea, he felt tired, bloated, and his limbs cramped up during the night.

Maybe he had overestimated himself two moons ago when he had first saved Elrond and then Orophin, and was paying the price for it now. It was very well possible that his body was trying to tell him to rest, sleep and eat more. But the mere thought of food made his stomach contract again.

Once his stomach was completely empty, he rinsed his mouth with water. “What shall I do?” He could ask the healers, but he was fairly sure he had merely exhausted himself and that only rest would help. But he didn’t want to stop studying with the healers. Celeborn had made it very clear that he expected Erestor to commit to his work and he was afraid the Lord might reconsider, hearing he had stopped attending his lessons.

Nay, returning to his bed to rest was out of the question. He would go to bed early tonight, hoping to catch up on his sleep and give his body a chance to recover -- as far as it was possible for him to recover. Now that he had to share his life energy with Elrond, he would never feel whole again. Maybe it would be best to get used to feeling this way.

Erestor forced himself to quickly bathe, and after changing into his robes, he left his room to join the healers.

When had the sentries stopped escorting him to the healers’ talan? One morning, he had been waiting for one of his jailors to take him to the healers, but when Rumil hadn’t shown up, he had grown worried. An hour later, one of the healers had appeared at his door, wondering why he hadn’t joined them yet. That had been the moment when Erestor had realized a bit more freedom had been given to him. Since that day, he made his way to the healers’ talan alone, enjoying the peace and quiet.

But this morning things were slightly different. He was pre-occupied because Elrond was particularly brooding and he felt like he could faint any moment now. He had to stop walking and leaned against the trunk of a tree. Unexpectedly, strength rose from the ash tree, trying to give him the energy he needed to continue his walk.

After thanking the tree for its gift, he felt strong enough to continue.

/What if the healers see something is wrong with me? I do not want them complaining to Celeborn./ But part of him corrected him; the healers cared about him and would never speak badly of him.

“Erestor? Are you well?” Orophin, who had been on his way to the talan he shared with his brothers, happened upon Erestor by accident.

“I am… tired,” Erestor said slowly, wondering why his chest cramped up with pain. “I need to go the healers.”

Orophin nodded. “Aye, you look like you need their help.”

“Help? Nay, I need to study with them.” The chest pain faded, but his stomach continued to torment him. He desperately wanted to lie down and curl up beneath a warm, sheltering blanket. He almost pulled back when Orophin wrapped an arm around his waist. “I am fine. I do not need…” He stumbled over his own two feet and would have fallen, had it not been for Orophin’s steadying arm.

“It is Elrond, isn’t it?” Deep lines appeared on Orophin’s brow. “He is draining you.”

“Probably,” agreed Erestor.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I doubt it.” Erestor drew in a deep, steadying breath, let it go and then nodded once. “I can manage again.”

Orophin reluctantly removed his arm, but continued to keep a close eye on Erestor. “I will walk you to the healers’ talan.”

“That won’t be necessary. I can tell you are tired. You should head for your own talan and rest.”

”I can rest after escorting you,” said Orophin determined. Ever since Erestor had saved his life he felt protective of the Elf and seeing Erestor in this weakened state worried him. “I will make sure you get there without taking a fall.”

Recognizing the determined look in Orophin’s eyes, Erestor gave in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Camfael felt worried, seeing the state Erestor was in. The dark-haired Elf seemed weak, unbalanced and he was ghostly pale. “Is something ailing you?” During the last few months the healer had grown fond of Erestor, after casting aside any prejudice he might have had against the ‘kinslayer’. “Will you allow me to examine you?”

Erestor began to shake his head, but then saw Orophin’s disapproval. What was the sentry still doing here? “Shouldn’t you head for your talan?”

“Not yet. First Camfael will check on you.” Determinedly, Orophin crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“But that is not necessary,” said Erestor pleadingly. “I only need to rest.” His eyes widened when his stomach decided to do a series of nauseating somersaults. “’Tis a good thing I have not eaten yet today.”

“When was the last time you ate?” Camfael gently eased Erestor down onto a bed. “Let me examine you.” By looking in Erestor’s eyes he could tell that his student didn’t like that idea, but if necessary, he would insist.

“I ate some soup last night,” said Erestor slowly, closing his eyes to compose himself. They opened again, feeling Camfael’s hands unbutton his shirt. “I do not think that is nece—“

“Erestor…” Camfael gave his student a look that said, ‘Do not defy me’.

Sighing, Erestor gave in, but then grew aware of the fact that Orophin was still present. It was bad enough to feel Camfael’s probing hands, but now he had to deal with Orophin’s questioning stare as well. “You do not have to stay.”

Orophin finally took pity on the raven-haired Elf and walked over to the doorway. “Either I, or one of my brothers will check on you later.”

“That is not neces—“

“Erestor!” Camfael was getting fed up with his student’s behavior. “They are worried about you.”

“I know, but…” The idea that someone worried about him was a novel experience and he didn’t know how to deal with the attention. “Thank you, Orophin,” he said eventually, feeling guilty for trying to brush the silver-haired Elf off.

Orophin nodded, smiled, and then left so Camfael could properly examine Erestor. Haldir would want to know that something was wrong with the dark-haired healer and he hurried to their talan to tell his older brother.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Camfael’s hands drifted lower, now probing Erestor’s abdominal region. Frowning, he asked, “When did this start?”

“My stomach has been upset for one week now and I just made it to the sink in time before dinner made a return visit.” The probing didn’t exactly hurt, but as he wasn’t used to being touched in such a way, he blushed, embarrassed. “I cannot explain it.”

Camfael’s frown deepened, not believing the conclusion he had reached. It was not possible, but there was no other explanation. “Did something… out of the ordinary happen about two months ago?”

The healer’s question made Erestor uncomfortable. “Maybe.” He couldn’t tell Camfael about the bonding that had taken place back then. “Why are you asking?”

“Have you noticed your body changing?” Camfael realized Erestor hadn’t when he saw the dumbfounded expression in the brown eyes.

“Changing?” Erestor swallowed hard. “Camfael, why is my body changing?” Startled, he tried to sit upright, but Camfael stopped him.

“Do not sit up. Rest.” He probed Erestor’s abdomen one last time, affirming his first conclusion and then pulled up a chair to sit down. There was no way to ask this discretely. “Erestor, did you have intercourse two months ago?”

Erestor’s eyes widened. “What?” Why was Camfael asking him something that personal?

“Well, did you?” Camfael made sure his voice sounded warm and soothing, realizing he would hugely shock Erestor in a moment. The younger Elf really had no idea what had happened to him. “Answer my question, mellon.”

Erestor released a deep sigh. “Aye, I did.”

Camfael cringed, having to ask his next question. “And you were on the receiving end?”

A fierce blush spread over Erestor’s face. “Aye,” he whispered, barely audible. He had never thought he would end up discussing this with anyone!

“Erestor, this will come as a shock to you,” started Camfael in a kind tone, gathering Erestor’s shaky hand in his, “But you have received indeed. You are with child.” Although he had prepared himself to deal with several reactions, Erestor fainting when hearing this news hadn’t been one of them.

“It really was a shock, then.” He said, smoothing Erestor’s dark hair away from the unconscious Elf’s face. “But you are in the best hands. We will take good care of you.” It was extremely rare for a male Elf to conceive. “I do wonder who the father is,” Camfael mused aloud. “We will have to find out.”

TBC

Beta read by Sulien.

All remaining mistakes are mine.

Heart in Chains.

Part 9.

Erestor sat quietly, staring at the flames that danced in the fireplace. He had never thought it possible he could conceive, and finding himself pregnant scared him witless. Camfael had done his best to reassure him, but the other healer had unwillingly added to his fears by telling him that his abdomen had to be opened when the hour of birth arrived.

/I do not care if I live or die. I want what is best for my child. I do not want my baby to grow up in this prison./ Once he had accepted that he was pregnant, he had realized what kind of life the little one would have and he was already making plans to ensure his child’s safety and happiness.

He hoped he could hide his pregnancy until the moment of birth. In the meantime, he hoped he would find someone willing to take this innocent, new life out of Galadriel and Celeborn’s reach once the babe was born. Maybe one of the healers would help him. He was hesitant to ask one of the three brothers, not wanting them to fall into disgrace with their Lord and Lady.

Although he was only in his second month of pregnancy, he already cared deeply for the new life inside him. The mere fact that a child was growing inside him filled him with awe and respect. /But why is this happening to me?/ Was it because he had bound himself to Elrond in such a way?

/I will never find out why and I cannot use up the little energy I have left by tormenting myself in that way. I am carrying a new life inside me and I have to be careful. No one except for Camfael can find out. Once Galadriel and Celeborn learn the truth they will take my child away from me or confine the little one to my room. I cannot let that happen./

At least he had one person to talk to about his child. Camfael knew and had promised to keep his condition a secret, for which he felt grateful. /I will need his expertise when my baby is ready to be born./ He just had to be very careful not to run into Galadriel or Celeborn by accident. Wearing loose robes would hopefully hide his condition.

Instinctively, his right hand came to rest on his abdomen. It was still too early to feel any distension, and he wondered about the miracle that was taking place inside his body. “Maybe I can arrange for you to be taken to Elrond, little one.” He couldn’t help talking privately to his unborn child. The sound of his own voice soothed him. “I can never tell Elrond that he is your father, but he might be willing to let you live in Imladris, far away from Galadriel and Celeborn.”

“You are brooding,” said Haldir, surprised that the usually alert Erestor hadn’t noticed his arrival.

Hearing the guardian’s soft, melodic voice made Erestor shift uneasily on his chair. Normally, he would rise to greet the other Elf, but now he felt too drained. “’Tis Elrond,” he lied, knowing that Haldir wouldn’t pressure him into revealing his troubled thoughts where the half-Elf was concerned. Haldir considered that a private matter and never pried. The guardian didn’t disappoint him this time either. The silver-haired Elf sat down opposite him and Erestor forced himself to meet the probing gaze. “What brings you here?”

“Orophin told me you did not feel well earlier today and I wanted to check on you.” Although Erestor seemed to have settled back into his daily routine, Haldir’s instincts told him that something had upset the dark-haired Elf. “Is it something Galadriel has said or done?”

Erestor shook his head. “I am merely tired, Haldir.”

Haldir studied the dark eyes and found hints of fear and fatigue in them. Although Celeborn had assured Erestor that he could go outside when he desired so, the healer often preferred the privacy of his room. Haldir wondered why. Erestor had been confined to these four walls for so long that he had thought the raven-haired Elf eager to go outside when possible. But during these last two weeks Erestor had begun to lock himself up in here. Haldir cocked his head. “I am sorry to hear that. I had hoped you would join me for a walk.” He caught the shivers that coursed through Erestor’s body and recalled that the dark-haired Elf was afraid of the condemning glances he might receive from the Galadhrim. “We can go to your garden.”

“I am honored you would seek out my company,” said Erestor carefully, “But I would prefer to stay here and read.”

“Maybe tomorrow evening, then?” Haldir felt reluctant to leave, but realized Erestor wasn’t enjoying his company this evening.

“Maybe,” said Erestor without commitment. His right leg was cramping up and he hoped Haldir would leave quickly. At the same time, his stomach growled loudly, reminding him that he hadn’t eaten much today. He had kept his food intake to a minimum, as he didn’t want to risk more morning sickness.

“You are hungry. Let me fetch you something from the kitchens.” Haldir’s worries increased, seeing Erestor’s features contract briefly. “Are you sure you are fine?”

“As I said before, I am tired, Haldir. Elrond… required a lot of my life energy today.” Part of it was a lie. Aye, Elrond still soaked up a large part of his energy, but that was not the main reason why he felt this tired.

“I will be right back,” said Haldir, rising from his chair. He walked over to the doorway and after closing the door behind him, he headed for the kitchens. Just what was wrong with Erestor and what could he do to remedy it?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Thank you, Haldir,” said Erestor politely, after emptying the plate filled with food that Haldir had brought. Once he had begun eating, he had been unable to stop until he had devoured everything. “I was hungrier than I thought.” He leaned back into the comfort of his chair, pushing the empty plate away from him.

Haldir smiled pleased. “You should rest now.” He got to his feet and studied Erestor for one more moment. A soft glow lay in the brown eyes, which he had never seen before. Erestor looked contented right now. “I will visit with you tomorrow.”

Erestor smiled. “Thank you for caring about me.” It felt good to have a friend. Maybe Haldir would help him get his child into safety? But he didn’t want to get Haldir into trouble with the Lord and Lady. /I do not have to decide this now. It will be ten more months until this little one is born./

Seeing Erestor’s eyes were beginning to grow vacant, Haldir excused himself, eager for the dark-haired Elf to rest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You may get dressed again,” said Camfael. He failed to keep his concern out of his voice and immediately noticed Erestor’s darkening expression. “We need to talk.”

Erestor swallowed hard. Four more moons had waxed and waned and he was beginning to show. It was just a small bump, and no one else would notice it beneath his loose robes, but he knew it was there. 

After pushing himself to his feet, he gathered his robes and slipped into them. He fastened them with a leather belt and then took a seat opposite the other healer, whose face was wrinkled with worry. “Is anything wrong?” Until now he hadn’t thought of possible complications or a miscarriage, but Camfael’s behavior worried him.

“I would not call it ‘wrong’,” said Camfael thoughtfully. “I assumed you were carrying one child, but it appears I was wrong. You are carrying twins.”

Erestor fought for breath. “Twins?” Inwardly, he felt hysterical. Why was he surprised? Elrond and Elros were twins as well. “So I am carrying twins…”

“This makes your pregnancy even more complicated… and difficult. Erestor,” Camfael leaned in closer and gathered Erestor’s right hand in his. “There is a possibility that you will not survive the birth. Carrying twins will greatly tax your body and you are already in a weakened state.”

As Erestor had vowed to keep his bond with Elrond a secret, he had never been able to tell Camfael that he shared his life force with the half-Elf. The fact that Elrond still needed his life energy to grow stronger weakened him in turn, but he couldn’t tell Camfael that. “I have a request,” he whispered eventually.

Camfael nodded once. “I will try to help.”

“I do not want my children to inherit my imprisonment here. I do not know how Galadriel and Celeborn will react when they are born, but I do not want to condemn my children to my fate. Would you take them away from here? Find them a safe and caring home? Maybe in Imladris? I heard Elrond Half-Elven is a kind and wise ruler.”

Camfael understood Erestor’s motives, but wasn’t sure he could comply. “I will do my best to take your children to Imladris. Maybe Haldir can also help?” He was Celeborn’s chief healer and his absence would immediately be noticed. He couldn’t simply leave Lothlorien like that. “I promise you that I will do the best I can.”

Wrapping his arms around his waist, Erestor pleadingly looked at the other healer. “What will happen next? What do I do to ensure they remain healthy and continue to grow stronger?”

“Most importantly, take good care of yourself, eat and rest. Do not use your healing energy in any way whatsoever. Maintain your strength. Are you still suffering from morning sickness?”

Erestor shook his head. “It stopped a few days ago, but now I am hungry all the time.”

“You are eating for the three of you,” said Camfael thoughtfully. “I will tell Lord Celeborn that you are to study in your room in the morning. That way you can get some extra rest.”

Erestor nodded thankfully. “I will rest, eat, and take care of myself.” But he couldn’t hide how miserable he felt.

“I wish you would reconsider and tell me the father’s name, Erestor. You should not have to do this alone. There is another party involved and he needs to know he fathered these children.”

“I cannot tell you,” whispered Erestor in a guilty tone. “It is for the best that no one knows, and certainly not the father.” He slowly pushed himself to his feet, eager to return to the peace and quiet of his room. “I never suspected I could be carrying twins,” he mumbled absentmindedly.

“They will be born in six months,” said Camfael, hoping Erestor had the strength to survive. “And please consider telling our Lord and Lady. I understand your hesitance to confide in them, but I do not share your opinion. I do not think they will punish your children for something you did millennia ago.”

“I wish I shared your view.” Erestor bowed his head. “But I do not.” He was extremely protective of his children and wouldn’t risk their freedom. “Please respect my wish to keep this a secret.”

“I will respect your decision, but I do not agree with it.”

“You do not have to,” whispered Erestor dejectedly.

Camfael watched his charge shuffle out of the room. To him, Erestor’s fate was a tragic one and he wished he could somehow aid the dark-haired Elf, but his hands were tied. He had promised Erestor to keep this a secret.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erestor looked up from an ancient scroll, which Camfael had asked him to study. It documented two cases of male pregnancy and the healer had hoped to reassure him by asking him to read about them. But instead, he had grown terrified. Although both Elves had survived giving birth, the children had died. He didn’t want to have to bury his babies.

Two more months had passed and still he managed to hide his pregnancy, which was becoming increasingly difficult, as his food intake was beginning to puzzle Haldir and his brothers. Occasionally they would bring him sweet treats, which he immediately devoured. /I have to be more careful or they might figure out that something is wrong./

His body twitched, feeling one of the babies kick. When he had first felt it, he had panicked and hurried to ask Camfael if something was wrong, but the healer had smiled and reassured him. Since then, the babies had begun to kick more regularly, making it very clear they were determined to be born in four months.

What amazed him was how quickly they were growing. And with that realization came the worry that he might not be able to keep his pregnancy hidden. /I will have to confide in Haldir shortly./ He had hoped to postpone that conversation for a few more months.

“I will make sure you will grow up in freedom.” He didn’t know the gender of his children, but his instincts told him he might be carrying boys. Knowing that he wouldn’t be able to see them grow up, his eyes filled with tears, and again he wondered what he had ever done wrong to deserve such a cruel fate.

“Erestor, we need your help!” Rumil cried franticly as he ran into the room. His eyes danced wildly in their sockets and after locating the dark-haired Elf, he quickly grabbed Erestor’s hand, dragging him to his feet. “You have to help!”

“What happened?” Erestor was unable to stop Rumil when the sentry pulled him along. He was quickly growing breathless, but Rumil didn’t seem to notice and set an even faster pace.

“A pack of Orcs attacked us and many were wounded.”

Erestor’s heart missed a beat. “Your brothers… Are they…?”

“Haldir and Orophin merely received scratches, but other sentries are more seriously injured. The healers cannot identify the poison the Orcs used to coat their arrow heads with and now Telu, one of the sentries, is dying. The healers have given up on him, but I know you can stop him from entering the Great Halls.”

Erestor wanted to object when Rumil pushed him into the tent that held the injured. Several gazes, filled with loathing and disapproval, fastened on him and he wished the ground would open and swallow him, but nothing happened. Instead, he stood frozen.

“Come with me!” Rumil dragged Erestor along with him and didn’t stop until he had reached the last cot. “Telu, I brought help! Erestor will heal you!” Telu had saved his life once and the Galadhrim was a skilled and respected fighter. Rumil promised himself that they wouldn’t lose him.

“Erestor?” With his remaining strength, Telu’s blue eyes sought out the kinslayer. “I do not want his help!” His body convulsed due to the poison, which was still spreading through his body. “I would rather die than…” He released a scream, filled with pain and horror, sensing his fëa was leaving his body.

Erestor, ghostly pale, wished Rumil would release him so he could run back to his room. Hearing those condemning words reminded him that most Elves still shunned and hated him.

“Erestor, he is delirious and does not know what he is saying. Please help him! He is a trusted friend and saved my life in the past. He does not deserve to die like this.” Rumil pleadingly stared at Erestor.

“Rumil, I…” Telu’s eyes were closing, now that eternal sleep was upon him and Erestor wavered. He knew he could help the injured Elf and he was willing to do so in spite of the hatred that the other Elf felt for him, but he had to consider his unborn children above all. They needed his life energy to grow. By giving it to Telu he might hurt his unborn children.

“I knew he would not do it. Once a kinslayer, always a kinslayer,” spat Seregon, one of the sentries, who had overheard the conversation. “He would rather watch Telu die.”

Erestor’s eyes flared with anger as he sought out the Elf’s hate-filled eyes. He wished he could tell them why he was this hesitant. If it weren’t for his pregnancy, he wouldn’t have wavered.

“Heal him,” said Seregon, raising his dagger and holding it against Erestor’s throat. “Heal him or experience the same pain Telu is in.”

Rumil hissed and tried to sweep the arm away that held the dagger, but the other sentries wouldn’t have it. Hearing the whispers that emanated from his fellow Galadhrim, Rumil grew worried for Erestor’s well-being. This was turning ugly quickly. “’Tis Erestor’s decision whether to heal Telu or not,” he pointed out to them, but they didn’t listen. More voices joined in, demanding Erestor heal Telu.

Erestor panicked when Rumil was pushed away from him. He lost sight of the silver-haired Elf and when he tried to look for Rumil, he froze. The sharp tip of the dagger was now dipping beneath his skin, drawing blood.

“I said; heal him, kinslayer.”

Tears threatened to spill from his eyes but he held them back, not wanting them to see his misery. /What of my babies? Will they survive?/ But he didn’t get much time to ponder his dilemma. One of the sentries pushed him down onto his knees and he was now level with Telu, who was about to release his last breath.

“Heal him or face our wrath!”

Erestor’s vision became tunnel-like and their voices and enraged screams came to him from a great distance. Fighting nausea, he placed one hand on Telu’s chest. He wrapped his other arm protectively around his own waist, hoping he had enough strength to sustain them all. Unable to keep his tears back any longer, they flowed down his cheeks as he directed his energy into Telu’s dying body.

/I will lose my babies… I know I will. I am not strong enough to do this. And there is Elrond, who also draws his strength from me. I am so sorry, little ones. I did not want this./ Sobbing softly, he no longer felt the tip of the dagger that dipped deeper beneath his already bloody skin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Nay, you cannot force him to do this!” Rumil, enraged that his actions had caused this, tried to fight his way back to Erestor’s side, but his friends stopped him. “Erestor might be too weak! We cannot force him!” He had seen Erestor go to the edge before, but it had been voluntarily then. There was no way of telling how being forced into this would affect the healer.

Suddenly, Haldir appeared at his side, and Rumil acted at once. “Muindor, help me!”

His men’s angry screams had alerted Haldir and he had hurried to the tent and inside. He was enraged, seeing Seregon holding a dagger to Erestor’s throat. “This is not the way!” One didn’t force a healer to use his life energy in that way. His men had gone mad, now that they had suffered so greatly due to the Orcs’ attack. “Release him!”

But like Rumil, he failed to stop them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Silent tears dripped down Erestor’s face, feeling the two fragile lights inside him fade away and then die. His healing energy was still flowing into Telu, saving the sentry from certain death. In this moment of terrible loss, he forgot about his duty to Elrond. /Have all of me, then./ It was his final act of defiance, giving all of him, hoping his inner light would be extinguished along with the twins’. /I want to die…/ He had nothing left to live for now that he had lost the twins. Losing consciousness, he collapsed onto the floor – one arm still wrapped protectively around his waist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Camfael noticed the commotion too late. Making his way through the assembled crowd, his eyes flashed with rage, finding Erestor curled up on the floor. He glared at Seregon, who only now removed the blade from Erestor’s throat.

“You had better see to Telu instead of the kinslayer,” said Seregon in a pleased tone, now that his friend had been saved from certain death.

Camfael ordered one of the other healers to look after Telu and then gathered Erestor in his arms. The dark-haired Elf was cold and motionless in his arms and his instincts told him that Erestor had lost his children. “I will deal with the lot of you later,” he said in a booming voice.

The group of sentries finally realized they had crossed the line by forcing Erestor to aid Telu, and made way, letting Camfael pass unhindered.

Catching sight of Haldir and Rumil, Camfael called out to them. “Rumil, find Lord Celeborn and tell him that I need his assistance. Tell him that it is urgent. And Haldir, I need you to come with me.” Cradling Erestor’s limp body tightly against his chest, he carried the raven-haired Elf to that section of the talan where he could perform the necessary surgery on his student.

Haldir hurried over to Camfael’s side whilst Rumil left in search of Celeborn. The two Elves were greatly worried, seeing Erestor this still. “What happened to him? Did he use too much of his life energy?”

Camfael’s jaw was set firmly, as he marched over to the cot that would serve as his operating table. “I do not have the time to explain. Haldir, undress Erestor and keep your eye on him. Should he regain consciousness, tell me!” He then left to retrieve healing herbs, surgical instruments and bandages. He also instructed his students to heat lots of water.

Haldir swallowed hard, seeing the empty expression in Erestor’s eyes. When Erestor had healed Orophin, the raven-haired Elf had been exhausted as well, but conscious and coherent. Erestor’s current condition filled him with dread. He pulled up a chair and sat down beside Erestor. One of the raven-haired Elf’s hands rested in his and he rubbed the icy skin, whilst mumbling softly. “Camfael will take good care of you, Erestor. Please hold on.”

Camfael entered the room again. Seeing Haldir this concerned he wondered if maybe the march warden was the father of Erestor’s children. He would find out quickly enough. “I told you to undress him!”

Haldir flinched at Camfael’s hard tone. “My worries—“

Camfael cut him short. “Help me now, then!” He gently pulled Erestor in a sitting position and supported the other Elf whilst Haldir removed the cloak and robes, which Erestor was wearing.

Haldir frowned when removing Erestor’s undergarments, finding the dark-haired Elf had put on weight. But that shouldn’t surprise him, recalling the large amount of food Erestor had eaten these last few months.

Camfael had watched Haldir closely and it was obvious to him that the sentry had no idea about the condition Erestor was in. Now that Erestor was naked, he eased his charge back onto the cot. Ignoring Haldir for now, he concentrated on Erestor. His hands probed his patient’s abdominal area and his worst suspicions were confirmed. “He really has lost them.”

Haldir cringed at the defeated tone in Camfael’s voice. “He lost what?” He felt seriously confused now that the healer continued to examine Erestor’s abdominal area. “What are you talking about?”

“He did not tell you? He said he would.” Camfael needed a moment to compose himself. Against all odds, he had hoped that Erestor and the babies would be all right eventually.

“Told me what?” Growing suspicious, Haldir cocked his head. Camfael took him by surprise when the healer took hold of one of his hands and placed it on Erestor’s abdomen. Frowning, he realized he felt some sort of mass beneath the soft skin.

“He was pregnant. Erestor carried twins.”

Camfael’s words shocked Haldir. “Pregnant? But how? Why? When?” His mind was trying hard to accept what Camfael had told him, but part of him dismissed it as impossible. “Male Elves do not become pregnant!” Camfael had reached the wrong conclusion, was lying to him… That had to be it! This couldn’t be the truth!

“It is extremely rare, but not impossible.” Camfael drew in a deep breath; he had to know! ”Haldir, are you the father? Did you bed him eight months ago?”

Haldir’s eyes widened in disbelief. “What?” His thoughts began to race. “Eight months ago?” Erestor had bound himself to Elrond eight months ago. /These were Elrond’s children./ Then something else registered. “Twins? He lost both of them?”

“I can no longer sense their inner lights.” Camfael slowly realized that Haldir had had no part in this. “It must have happened when those fools forced him to heal Telu. The life energy Telu received was meant to keep the children alive. Erestor simply was too weak to sustain the four of them.”

Haldir swayed and had to reach for the wall to steady himself. “By the Grace of the Valar…” /The *five* of them! Elrond also draws his strength from Erestor. What did we do?/

“I will have to remove the dead fetuses. If I do not do it, we will lose Erestor as well.” Camfael wished he had arrived sooner. Maybe he would have been able to prevent this tragedy.

Haldir nodded. He still felt shaky, but he would do whatever he could in order to help. /Erestor never told Elrond. I would have known if a messenger had been dispatched to Imladris. He suffered in silence./ That fact saddened him immensely.

Unexpectedly, the door opened and Celeborn, quickly followed by Rumil, marched inside. Seeing Camfael and Haldir’s distressed expressions, Celeborn knew something was terribly amiss. Then his gaze was drawn to Erestor’s naked form. As he too was trained in the art of healing, he noticed Erestor’s distended stomach. Haldir’s hand still rested atop of it. Uncertain what conclusion to draw, he looked to Camfael for an explanation. “What ails him?”

Camfael drew himself to his full height, knowing he needed to be strong and calm for Erestor’s sake. “Erestor suffered a miscarriage, losing the twins he was carrying.”

For one terrible moment Celeborn found that his heart had stopped beating. Time stood still, hearing this terrible news. “He was pregnant?” He had never noticed a thing! “Are you sure?” How could this have happened? Galadriel hadn’t mentioned this to him. Had she known or had the mirror simply not shown her this would happen?  He would ask her later.

“Convince yourself.” Camfael removed Haldir’s hand from Erestor’s abdomen and waited for Celeborn to check for himself. He suspected Celeborn knew more about this, but it didn’t look like his Lord would enlighten him.

Celeborn looked over his shoulder at Rumil, hearing the younger Elf release a strangled whimper. Rumil hadn’t known either, then. Walking toward their patient, he repeated Camfael’s earlier examination. “You are right. He suffered a miscarriage.” How could this have escaped his attention? /Camfael said twins. Erestor truly carried Elrond’s heirs, then./ Saddened by the realization that Erestor had lost both babies, he met Camfael’s condemning gaze. “I never wanted for this to happen.”

Camfael knew it wasn’t his place to ask, but he did it anyway. “Are you their father?”

Celeborn sighed deeply. “Nay, I am not.” He didn’t feel offended by Camfael’s question, understanding why the healer wanted to know. Realizing he had to take charge, he looked at Haldir. “Camfael and I will take care of Erestor. Your services are no longer needed.”

Haldir swallowed hard. He wanted to stay, but couldn’t defy Celeborn. Glancing at Rumil, he saw the guilt and shock in his brother’s eyes and realized he had to get him out of here. “Rumil, come with me.” He wrapped an arm around Rumil’s shoulder and pulled him along.

The moment Haldir and Rumil had left, Celeborn sought out Camfael’s eyes. “I do not know what happened to cause him to miscarry, but I will find out.”

“I can spare you the effort,” said Camfael in an angry tone. “Your men forced Erestor to heal one of their wounded. They threatened him. When I came upon him there was a knife against his throat.”

Celeborn hung his head in shame. “I will discipline the ones responsible for this.”

“You can do that later. Now I need your assistance and expertise. I am afraid Erestor knows he lost them and is yearning to be admitted to the Great Halls of Waiting. I need your strength to pull him back if necessary.”

“I will do what I can,” promised Celeborn. “No one should have to bury their babies.” His heart ached in pain at the mere thought. After this surgery was over he would talk to Galadriel. They had to decide whether to tell Elrond or not.

TBC

Beta read by Sulien.

All remaining mistakes are mine.

Heart in Chains.

Part 10.

“’Tis is my fault,” said Rumil, feeling miserable and guilty. Haldir had taken him back to their talan and had then sat him down on his bed. Rumil wrung his hands and bowed his head in shame. “My fault.”

Haldir, at a loss to what was wrong with his younger brother, seated himself next to Rumil. Wrapping an arm around his distressed brother’s shoulder, he asked, “What is?”

“That Erestor lost his children.” Rumil suddenly looked Haldir in the eyes, pleading with him. “I did not know! I truly did not know he was carrying Elrond’s children! If I had known I would never have dragged him along!”

“Dragged him to Telu?” Slowly, Rumil’s raving and distress were beginning to make sense to Haldir.

“Aye! Erestor healed Orophin and I thought he could heal Telu as well! I never waited for him to say yes! I simply dragged him along and then everything went wrong!”

Haldir listened patiently to his brother’s raving, realizing Rumil needed to get this off his chest. “Go on.”

“Seregon took charge, and put his dagger against Erestor’s throat. Erestor never had a choice! Aiya, Muindor-nîn, Erestor lost his children! Did you know that—“

Haldir squeezed Rumil’s shoulder reassuringly. “Nay, I did not.”

“If only he had confided in us! Haldir, why did he not tell us? Did he not trust us? I know we were not kind to him in the past, but… I thought he was beginning to realize we meant well!” Tears gathered in his eyes and he wiped his nose with his sleeve. “I never wanted to endanger Erestor. I did not know! Did not know!”

Haldir now resorted to rocking his younger brother and was reminded of a time when Rumil had been an Elfling. He had consoled Rumil back then as well, when his brother had missed his parents. “It was not your fault, Rumil. Seregon is to blame. It was not your fault.”

“But he lost them!” Rumil raised his right hand, which had turned into a fist and slammed it into his older brother’s chest.

Haldir barely felt the blow, and tightened his hold, rocking Rumil harder. “I am sorry this happened, but you are not to blame. We have to put our trust in Celeborn and Camfael, and hope that Erestor will find the strength and willpower to return to us.”

“What will this do to him, Haldir?” Rumil raised his swimming eyes and pleadingly stared at his brother. “It took him so long to start coming out of his shell and he was just beginning to trust us. Will we really lose him now?”

“I do not know, Rumil,” said Haldir honestly. “All we can do is pray to the Valar for Erestor’s survival… and then we wait.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Orophin was restless and glad his watch was over. His instincts told him to hurry and he quickly arrived at the talan which he shared with his brothers. Stepping into the bedroom, he found Haldir and Rumil on the bed. Haldir had protectively curled himself around their brother, whose eyes were still red from crying. “What happened here?” At a loss, he sat down on the side of the bed.

The movement woke Haldir, who quickly grew aware of his brother’s agitation. It came as no surprise that Orophin had picked up on Rumil’s distress. The three of them had always been close.

“Why is Rumil upset?”

Whispering softly so as not to wake Rumil, Haldir told Orophin what had occurred. In his younger brother’s eyes, Haldir detected a strong sense of loss. “Erestor told no one. Rumil did not know that he was pregnant and now he blames himself.”

“This is sad news indeed,” whispered Orophin, distressed. “It is just like Rumil to blame himself for something he had no control over. Has there been any news on Erestor’s condition yet?”

“Nay, I will ask Camfael in the morning. There is nothing we can do at any rate.” Haldir’s heart ached for Erestor, but he was realistic enough to know he couldn’t help the dark-haired Elf. What Erestor needed was an experienced and determined healer. “Come, join us. Rumil needs us close.”

Orophin removed his weapons and cloak and then lay down in front of Rumil, embracing his brother. “I feel sad for Erestor.”

“I share your sadness,” said Haldir softly. Rumil groaned in his sleep, and Haldir soothingly stroked his younger brother’s hair. “If only we had known. Even Celeborn did not seem to know. He was shocked when Camfael told him.”

Sudden anger overwhelmed Orophin. “This is Galadriel and Celeborn’s fault to begin with! They ordered Erestor to bind himself to Elrond without the half-Elf knowing about it! And then they ordered Erestor to return to Lothlorien *after* he bonded with Elrond. Erestor should be in Imladris with Elrond, and not here! Maybe Elrond could have kept Erestor safe.”

Haldir nodded. “I cannot help but wonder what Erestor’s plans for the twins were. Did he hope to give birth to them without anyone knowing about it and then have them smuggled to Imladris?” What role did Camfael play in this?

“It is possible, aye. Had he asked me, I would have taken the twins to Imladris to be with their other parent.” Orophin found it hard to accept such a tragedy had happened during his absence.

“I wonder if Galadriel and Celeborn plan to tell Elrond he lost two sons.” Haldir was frustrated. He felt Elrond should know, but at the same time, this knowledge would cause the recovering half-Elf even more pain.

“I doubt it,” said Orophin. “Why would they?” Feeling sad and angry at the same time, he wished he could protect Erestor from the Lord and Lady’s scheming, but they were mere sentries.

As if reading Orophin’s thoughts, Haldir said, “We will do the best we can. We will be there for Erestor… if he survives… and I pray to Elbereth that he does!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Celeborn covered Erestor’s icy body with several warm blankets and then stood back, studying the dark-haired Elf’s sunken features. Erestor had literally been drained of his life force when healing Telu and the healer’s inner light was barely strong enough to keep him alive. Celeborn had tried to lend Erestor his strength -- but the bond which Erestor had formed with Elrond had prevented that -- not letting the raven-haired Elf form a temporary healing bond with the Lord of the Golden Wood.

Camfael soundlessly entered the room, not wanting to disturb Celeborn’s musings. Performing surgery had taken them many hours. They had removed the fetuses, which had caused severe blood loss. Several times during surgery he had feared losing Erestor, but the dark-haired Elf had somehow survived. Erestor was now scarred for life; an ugly scar on his abdomen would always remind him of his miscarriage.

“I beg your forgiveness for interrupting your thoughts,” began Camfael, bowing respectfully, knowing quite well that without Celeborn’s knowledge and expertise Erestor would have died hours ago. “But I need to know what to do with the…dead children.” At eight months, almost nine, the fetuses had easily been identified as males. Erestor had lost two sons.

Fatigued and feeling lost, Celeborn looked at the healer. “What do you advise?”

Camfael moistened his lips. “Providing Erestor survives, having a place where he can go to mourn his sons’ deaths will help him recover. Maybe a small tomb in a more secluded section of the Golden Wood?” He hoped Celeborn would follow his advice. The twins deserved a worthy resting place.

“Aye,” said Celeborn, nodding his head. “I will see to it.” Slowly, feeling ancient and exhausted, he got to his feet. “I need to speak with my Lady now, but I will visit with Erestor tomorrow.”

“If he is still alive then.” When Celeborn flinched, Camfael felt oddly satisfied. “If you know the father’s identity I strongly urge you to tell him what happened. He should be at Erestor’s side, supporting him. Erestor should not have to do this on his own.”

Celeborn’s shoulders slumped. “I will consider it.” Placing the palm of his hand on Erestor’s brow, he frowned, finding how cold the Elf’s skin was. “Take good care of him.”

“I will.” Camfael watched Celeborn leave and thought he saw defeat in the Elf’s slumped shoulders. He pulled up a chair and sat down next to the bed, gathering Erestor’s hand in his. For the first time in his life he wished he possessed Erestor’s natural healing talents, for then he could truly have aided his charge. All he could do now was wait.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Galadriel was not pleased when Celeborn unexpectedly entered her private rooms. Several of her ladies were with her and she glared at her husband. She had told him on several occasions that she needed these private moments of mindless chatter. They stopped her thoughts from racing and allowed them to slow down. Forcing herself to act politely, she greeted him and dismissed her ladies.

“We need to talk.” Celeborn sensed her frustration and realized this conversation was already off to a bad start.

“What about?” Reluctantly she rose from the sofa and joined him, as he was staring out of the window at the ancient mallorn trees.

“Erestor.”

Sensing her husband’s emotional turmoil she realized she had to tread carefully. “Why do we need to discuss him?”

“He suffered a miscarriage and lost Elrond’s sons.” Celeborn looked at her, wondering if she had known.

She raised an eyebrow but didn’t show any emotion at learning this. “Then it was the will of the Valar and it was right that we did not know this would happen.”

Celeborn stared at her in disbelief. “How can you be so… calm?” /Cold?/ “Distant? Like this does not touch you.”

“It does not matter to me that he had a miscarriage. Erestor served his purpose when he bonded with Elrond.”

“Is that your only concern?” Celeborn understood her reasoning at once. “You want Erestor alive so he can sustain Elrond, but his personal welfare does not concern you?”

“He is a murderer, Celeborn. When did you start to worry for a kinslayer?”

The hair at the back of his neck grew rigid hearing her voice, which was bereft of emotion. He shuddered and averted his eyes, unable to hold her gaze any longer. She turned around and left the room. Celeborn actually felt relieved that she had left and collapsed onto a chair. He didn’t want to admit this, but at times Galadriel scared him. Something would happen to remind him of the fact that she was related to Feanor. Blood as cold and cunning as his flowed through her veins. These were the moments when he wondered where that noble woman was who he had fallen in love with.

He loved her, truly loved her, but she also frightened him. The question was, did he love her enough to support her decisions and stay with her?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning found Camfael still holding his vigil at Erestor’s bed. During the night his patient hadn’t stirred, and although he had tried to make Erestor drink some water, the dark-haired Elf had proven uncooperative. He was beginning to realize that losing Erestor to Mandos was quickly becoming a reality.

After rising from his chair, he stretched and called for some refreshments. Sitting on his heels next to Erestor’s bed, he probed his patient’s empty gaze. Throughout many centuries he had gathered much knowledge and he suspected that Erestor was conscious, but just not reacting. The raven-haired Elf had no reason to acknowledge him, as Erestor was probably still pining for the Great Halls of Waiting. “Please come back to me, Erestor. It is not your time yet, I know that. Your role on Middle-Earth has not yet been fulfilled.” But Erestor didn’t react.

Camfael lovingly stroked Erestor’s clammy hair. “I know you can hear me. You are just too stubborn to react.” Drawing in a deep breath, he made one final attempt. “My son long reached his majority and married a lovely maiden, leaving me alone. Since you began to study here I found I enjoy your company and I looked forward to your visits. Please do not leave me alone again.”

Erestor moaned softly, but did not react verbally.

“I need to eat something and inform our Lord of your condition, but I promise to be back within the hour.” Erestor merely stared at the wall, worrying Camfael further. “We do not want to lose you.”

But it appeared Erestor had already made up his mind and refused to return to them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Haldir had been waiting for Camfael in the corridor and when the healer finally emerged, he bombarded him with questions. “I assume Erestor is still alive? Is he already awake? Talking? Does he know he lost the twins? Is there anything I can do to help? How—“

Camfael stopped Haldir by raising a hand. “Too many questions… Why do you not go inside and visit with him?” He hoped that Haldir’s presence would bring Erestor back from whatever lonely place his mind was hiding in. “He might not respond to you, but do not give up.”

Haldir swallowed hard. “He has withdrawn into himself?”

“Aye.” Camfael nodded once. “Would you stay with him until I return? I need to eat, rest, and change into clean clothes.” He hadn’t had any rest since they had performed surgery on Erestor.

“I will stay with him. There is no need for you to hurry.” Haldir -- growing nervous now that he was about to face Erestor -- shuffled into the room.

Camfael closed the door behind the sentry, hoping Haldir would get through to Erestor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Haldir’s heart contracted with emotion, seeing the despair in Erestor’s eyes. “Oh, meldir!” He hurried over to the dark-haired Elf’s side and sat down on the chair Camfael’s had vacated earlier.

“I wish you had told us that you were pregnant. I understand why you did not do it, why you thought you had to do this on your own, but I wish things had gone differently.” Sliding closer on his chair, he gently stroked Erestor’s hair. “You saved Orophin from certain death and you have grown precious to us in these last nine months. I wish you would not turn your back on us when we offer you our help.”

Holding his breath, he saw the despair in Erestor’s eyes shatter and tears appeared instead. He only now grew aware of the fact that Erestor was hugging his waist and one hand was rubbing his stomach, as if trying to convince himself that he hadn’t lost his children.

“Ai, my heart aches for you.” Overwhelmed with emotion, Haldir moved onto the bed, lying down in front of Erestor and slowly wrapping his arms around him. He waited apprehensively, uncertain Erestor would accept the offered comfort. “I cannot imagine the loss you feel, but please accept what I am offering.”

For one long, seemingly endless moment nothing happened.  Then Erestor began to sob against him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The dam broke and Erestor released the flood of despair, fear, anger and utter sadness which he felt. He had tried to shut them out. Locking out Camfael had been hard, but he had managed.  However, now that Haldir was holding him – comforting him – he couldn’t continue to ignore him.

Sobbing hard in Haldir’s arms, he pressed his cold body against the sentry’s warmth. Unable to stop himself, he wrapped his arms around Haldir, squeezing as hard as he could – which wasn’t hard at all, as he was still weak from surgery.

Why did Haldir have to come to him? He wanted to fade, to finally enter the Great Halls of Waiting. Now that he had lost his babies, he felt lost and alone. When he had first felt his flat stomach he had thought he would die that instant, but Mandos didn’t want him, forcing him to continue to dwell on Arda.

Haldir soothingly caressed his hair and the Galadhrim continued to mumble soft reassurances.

“D-don’t… P-please don’t-t…” He didn’t want to hear Haldir calling him a friend and offering him comfort. He wanted to leave Arda, but how could his fëa flee when Haldir was doing his best to make him stay? “Let-t… m-me… goooo…”

“I am sorry, but I cannot do that.” Haldir rubbed Erestor’s cold and shaking back, trying to convince the hurting Elf that he cared. “I had to forbid Rumil and Orophin to come along, knowing their presence would overwhelm you, but they suffer with you. You are not alone.”

Erestor closed his eyes, but tears still slipped from beneath his eyelids. “How-w c-can I… go oooo-nn… with…out… them-m?” How could he find his way back, when a sea of loneliness was pulling him under? He felt like he couldn’t breathe, like he was choking, when in truth he was sobbing himself to pieces.

“Oh, meldir, hold onto me and allow me to be your strength. If you were not bound to Elrond Half-Elven I would bind myself to you so you could draw from my life energy. My brothers and I greatly care for you and we want to see you healed. I know it will take a lifetime for you to heal, but time heals all wounds.”

“N-ot-t… m-mine…”

“Even yours, no matter how terrible your wound is.” Haldir felt slightly relieved now that Erestor was talking to him. “I am so sorry you lost your sons. I am sure they would have been valiant warriors one day… or gifted healers.”

Haldir’s words caused Erestor to cry harder, forcing him to release the pain that he was holding inside. He had clung to it in the hope that it would make him fade. “S-ons-s…” His instincts had been right then. He had been carrying sons. Sons, whom he would never hold, cuddle and watch grow up. “Why? W-why?”

“Life is not fair,” said Haldir eventually. “I do not know why. I wish I had a better answer for you.” Rocking Erestor, much like he had rocked Rumil earlier, he began to sing the same lullaby Celeborn had sung when he and his brothers had been children. It had soothed him and his brothers back then and he hoped it would soothe Erestor now.

Erestor shook like a leaf, recognizing that lullaby; it was the one Elwing used to sing when putting Elrond and Elros to sleep. /Elrond, I tried to keep our babies alive, but I failed. I should have been stronger, should have told Seregon ‘no’, but I am a coward. I hoped I could divide my strength and keep them alive as well./ He prayed to Nienna, begging the mighty Vala to keep this from Elrond until the end of Arda. /Please, Elrond can never find out that I killed our babies. I should have been stronger, should have refused, should have…/

“Shst, try to rest. Try to sleep. You are exhausted – mentally and physically. This is not the time to talk about this. And please, Erestor, do not blame yourself for this.” Haldir raised Erestor’s face until their eyes met, recalling Rumil blaming himself as well. “Seregon – the fool – is to blame, never you. You wanted what was best for your babies.”

But Erestor couldn’t – wouldn’t – believe Haldir. He knew he had been weak and that he was guilty of losing their sons. He would make himself pay for his cowardice for the rest of his life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Camfael returned several hours later, he found Erestor fast asleep, with Haldir protectively curled around him. He instantly noticed Erestor’s red eyes and felt relieved, realizing his charge had let go of some of his emotions. Maybe there was still hope then. Maybe they could reclaim Erestor.

“How does he fare?” He spoke softly, unwilling to wake Erestor from what appeared to be the first stage of a healing sleep. He placed the tray, filled with herbal tea and bread on the side table and then seated himself. Hopefully Erestor would be able to eat and drink something later.

“He opened up to me and sobbed in my arms. He is so fragile that I fear for him.” Haldir never wanted to let go of Erestor, but his watch began at sunset. /Maybe Orophin can sit with Erestor until I return./ He didn’t want to ask Rumil, who was emotionally unbalanced as well. But then again, they couldn’t leave Rumil alone either. Sighing, he realized this was more complicated than he had originally thought.

“I will watch over him now,” said Camfael, “but you may visit with him whenever you want. I hope to see you frequently, for your presence seems to be helping Erestor recover.”

“I will be here as often as I can. May I hold him a little longer? I have to leave within the hour at any rate.” Haldir continued to rub Erestor’s back, trying to create some warmth, and his charge moved closer in his arms, apparently savoring the sensation. /Elrond should be here comforting you, not I./ He had entertained the idea of sending Elrond a message, but his loyalty to his Lord and Lady kept him from executing his plan. He couldn’t go behind their backs.

“The one who fathered his children should be offering him his support.” Camfael’s eyes narrowed. “Do you know who sired the twins?”

Feeling cornered, Haldir averted his eyes. “I do, but I am not allowed to tell you. I have been sworn to secrecy by our Lady.”

Camfael hated them for their secrecy. “Celeborn refused to tell me as well. I do not understand why. Having his mate here would greatly aid Erestor’s recovery. The fact that he regained consciousness for a short while does not mean he will recover. First, he has to accept the twins’ death and then he has to go through a long and extensive mourning process. He will need all the support he can get.”

Before asking his next question, Haldir made sure Erestor was still sound asleep. “What did Celeborn order to be done with their… little bodies?”

“I advised our Lord to have a small tomb constructed, which will hold their remains. Erestor will need to say goodbye and having a place to go to mourn will help.”

Haldir sighed. “I agree. And will Celeborn follow your advice?”

“I think so. He was fairly shaken when he realized what had happened. I have seldom seen him so sad as when he assisted me during surgery. Celeborn is a father himself and the thought of losing Celebrian fills him with terror as well. That reminds me,” said Camfael softly, “Celeborn will visit with Erestor shortly. He has also requested to be regularly informed on Erestor’s condition. Erestor might find a protector in Celeborn after all.”

“Celeborn is a just and wise ruler.” He didn’t want to say aloud that Galadriel at times intimidated him. There was something ruthless about her that warned him to never cross her.

“Aye, he is.”

Haldir, seeing Arien’s descent in the sky, knew it was time to leave Erestor and go join his men. He regretted having to untangle himself from Erestor, as he would have loved to hold him as long as Erestor needed him. “I know you will take good care of him.”

“I will,” promised Camfael.

Erestor moaned his protest when Haldir left the bed and he shivered violently, growing cold again. Haldir tucked the blankets around Erestor’s shivering form, feeling guilty for leaving the dark-haired Elf in this way. “I will hurry back to you,” he promised in a soft voice.

But Erestor didn’t hear him and whimpered softly. He pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapped his arms around them and remained in that fetal position.

Haldir and Camfael exchanged a worried look. “You had better keep that promise,” said the healer eventually. “Right now, you are the only thing holding him here on Arda with us.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Celeborn cleared his throat when he entered Erestor’s room, not wanting to startle the injured Elf. But when he approached the bed, he realized that Erestor was unresponsive and blindly staring at the wall. Next to the bed sat Camfael, who now placed a cup of tea on the nightstand.

“Camfael?” Celeborn came to a stand still in front of the bed and made eye contact with his chief healer.

“He is aware of our presence, but not inclined to communicate with us.” Camfael rose from his chair and signaled for Celeborn to follow him into a corner of the room. Erestor wasn’t interested in what they were saying and would not eavesdrop, but he didn’t want to disturb his charge with their conversation. “Erestor refuses to drink and eat, and he won’t talk to me. The one time he showed some emotion was when Haldir was here.”

“Haldir?” Celeborn frowned.

“But he had to leave for his watch. My Lord, if it is possible please relieve Haldir from his duties for a short while. If you want to keep Erestor alive, having Haldir close would help.”

“I will arrange for it.” Celeborn decided not to tell Camfael about his wife’s reaction to the news and asked instead, “Is there anything else I can do to help?”

“Aye, there is.” Before he continued, Camfael lowered his voice. “The twins…”

“The other healers are wrapping them up in the softest fabric they can find and I already ordered for the construction of the tomb to start. We can respectfully put them to rest in two days.”

Camfael’s eyes filled with pity for Erestor. “I doubt he will be able to attend.”

“I understand. I will take his place then and put the little ones to rest.”

Camfael heard the sorrow and regret in the older Elf’s voice. “There is one other thing you can do for Erestor.”

Celeborn waited patiently.

“Erestor needs his mate close. Working through the loss of his children will be an impossible task for him if he has to do it alone.”

“I wish I could tell their father, but I cannot,” whispered Celeborn, who was regretting his past decisions. He should never have agreed to Galadriel’s plan to save Elrond. The price that Erestor was paying was much too high. Seeing Camfael’s disapproving expression he tried to explain. “The twins’ father is in a bad way as well. Although he is recovering from a traumatic event, he does not yet have the strength to support Erestor. It is up to us to pull him through.”

Camfael realized Celeborn wouldn’t tell him the father’s identity and knew when to stop pressuring someone. A knock on the door supplied him with the necessary distraction. “Enter!”

Rumil and Orophin hesitantly shuffled into the room. Rumil had bathed, changed his clothes and felt slightly more in control of his emotions, but when he saw Erestor’s rumpled form, a lump of emotions formed in his throat. /I did not want this to happen. I am so sorry./

Orophin, sensing that Rumil was slipping back into his guilt, quickly squeezed his brother’s shoulder. “We wondered if Erestor was up to receiving visitors. We will be quiet. We merely wish to sit with him.”

Recalling the healing influence Haldir had had on Erestor, Camfael nodded his approval. “You may sit with him. Try to make him eat and drink something.”

Rumil and Orophin made their way over to Erestor’s bed. One of them sat down on the side of the bed, whilst the other now occupied the chair. They would sit with Erestor until Haldir returned; making sure Erestor was never alone.

Celeborn watched them. Galadriel and he had raised Haldir, Rumil and Orophin as if they were their own children and he greatly loved them. /I do not know how I would have reacted, had we lost them. Oh, Erestor, I wronged you./

Celeborn was determined to make amends to the hurting Elf. /We won’t give up on you./

TBC

Beta read by Sulien.

All remaining mistakes are mine.

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