Author: Morgana
Author’s Email:
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon
Pairings:
Alexander/Hephaistion
Rating:
PG-13
Summary: Alexander's last moments.
Disclaimer:
Oliver Stone's movie inspired my stories. No copyright infringement is
intended. This is for fun, not for making money!
Warning: AU and of course major character death.
Inspired by "Join me" by the band HIM…
Their singer reminds me of Hephaistion in the ring giving scene J
Beta read by DA, thanks a lot, sweetie!
All
remaining mistakes are mine.
Join Me
"Join me in death,
Alexander, just like you promised you would. You only need to take my hand,
that's all you need to do."
Hephaistion's
ghost has been haunting me since the day my lover died. At first, I thought my guilty
conscience responsible for producing him, as I had failed to be at his side in
his hour of death, but then I realized that this was my lover's doing. No
matter where I was or what I did, Hephaistion was also there – always there,
watching me, reaching out to me.
I
knew I couldn't withstand his call for long. Neither did I want to. I promised
Hephaistion to follow him to the House of Death and he will hold me to my
promise – and I want him to do that.
"Take my hand,
Alexander… Come to me… I'm waiting for you… I have been waiting for much too
long… You promised, Alexander…
Yes,
I promised; I vowed to join him in death and I will. My body is finally ceasing
this useless fight. I have fallen ill with malaria, at least that is what my
doctor tells me, but I know the truth. My soul is reaching for Hephaistion's
across the rivers of the Underworld and I'm dying because I can't live without
my Hephaistion. He is the only true love I have even known and he has been my
salvation in so many ways. Even in death, he lures me closer with promises of
his love.
"Cross over to me,
Alexander… I'm here… I'm waiting… Join me, Alexander.
I
will, my sweet Hephaistion, I will. My time has almost come… almost…
My
Companions have gathered around my sick bed and are eager for me to name my
successor, but the truth is that I no longer care about my empire. I wanted to
rule it with Hephaistion at my side and without him my empire means nothing to
me. Without Hephaistion's presence my life itself has lost its worth – a life
without Hephaistion isn't a life worth living.
"Alexander… I love
you still… I need you…"
Soon,
Hephaistion, please be patient a moment longer. There is one person I need to
say goodbye to… one person, who I need to see one last time. Where is he? Where
is Bagoas?
My
eyes search the faces of my Companions and I read greed and ambition in their
eyes. Hephaistion's eyes never possessed such an expression. Whenever he looked
at me, he looked at me in love.
Hephaistion's
ghost is very near now. He stands next to Bagoas – there you are, Bagoas! --
but Bagoas doesn't sense my lover's presence. Bagoas is completely focused on
me. Oh, I love him… I love Bagoas in my very own way and he knows it. One of my
last rational actions was to provide for him. No matter what will happen when
my Companions start to fight among themselves, Bagoas will want for nothing. I
saw to that.
"Alexander, I'm
waiting for you… Please take my hand, my love… Join me in death…"
Hephaistion's
form has become solid and a light shines from within his soul. Oh, I love him
so much and I want to be with him, even in death. Shakily, I raise my hand, the
hand which carries the ring Hephaistion gave me only a few years ago. Time
passed by too quickly and he died before his time. He should have stayed with
me. He wasn't supposed to leave me!
"Yes, Alexander… I
know that you love me… You're still wearing the ring I gave you… It was my way
of showing you how much I love you…"
The
ring… I fumble around with it. I raise my hand and offer it to him. Take it!
Take it, and wear it as a token of my love for you. Take it, and know that we
have come full circle, Hephaistion.
"I'm nothing but a
ghost now, Alexander. I can't take hold of it, but I know what you're trying to
do. Be at peace, Alexander, I will always love you."
My
fingers, shaky and clammy with sweat, drop the ring, and it falls onto the
floor. I'm ready to join you, Hephaistion. I want to hold you in my arms again!
Please, catch me now that I'm falling! I am falling, falling into death, and I
reach for him with my very soul.
We
shared twenty years together. Twenty years in which we loved each other.
Hephaistion is the other half of my soul and hopefully, our souls will become
one in death. By the gods, I need you so much, Hephaistion. Catch me… Don't let
me face death alone. I'm sorry that I wasn't there when you died, but the
doctor didn't think you would die any time soon. He expected you to recover!
Oh,
what's this awful cold that now wraps itself around me? My heart… It has
stopped beating… My vision darkens and I start falling again… Hephaistion,
where are you? Guide me! Catch me!
Suddenly,
the cold which surrounded me only a moment ago is gone. Gentle warmth surrounds
my being and I feel weightless. A sense of wonder sweeps through me, seeing
Hephaistion's face that clearly in front of me. His face is only inches away
from mine and I want to touch it, but my fingers pass through him when I try to
touch him.
"You must be
patient a little longer, Alexander. You're still in that state between life and
death, but I promise you that we will be together again soon.
Those
eyes… Those blue eyes are full of love… Hephaistion loves me, he always did,
and he always will, even in death. Hephaistion, did I make the right decisions?
Did I do you right? Or did I wrong you? Shock sweeps through me, as the last
connection to my earthly life is severed and in those final seconds I see my
life – my entire life as it passes in front of me… But strangely enough, there
are no battle scenes. There is no death, no fighting, no blood… There is only
Hephaistion and he looks more striking than he ever did. How can this be?
"You're
dead now, Alexander…"
Am
I? I reach out for him again and this time my fingers tangle in his hair. His
appearance has changed. I still remember the very day that he looked like this;
the day he cried and trembled in my arms. He carries the same, hurt expression
in those blue eyes as he did the day I married Roxanne. "Don't cry,
Hephaistion, please don't cry, not because of me." The kohl beneath his
eyes has left black streaks on his face, and his lip is bleeding because he bit
down on it in an attempt to control his nervousness. He looked this shaken on the
day he gave me his ring.
"I
can't help myself, Alexander. I'm happy."
His
strong arms come up behind my back and pull me close. I go most willingly. I want
to be in his arms again and I rest my head against his shoulder. "How can
this be?"
"It's
Hades' doing… When we arrive in the Underworld, he selects our form for us.
Most of the time it's the form we had when we lived through our most fierce
emotions."
That
explains Hephaistion's appearance then. The day he gave me his ring was the day
he was at his most emotional. "And what do I look like, my
Hephaistion?"
"Don't
you know?"
I
look down to inspect my clothes, the length of my hair, and grin.
"Apparently, receiving your ring that day made more of an impression on me
than I had thought." The gods had given us young bodies, still full of life
and energy. "But we're dead," I whisper, in need of an explanation.
"We're
in the Elysian Fields, Alexander. We will remain here for all eternity… Just
the way we are now."
"Your
ring…" The metal and the stone press against the palm of my right hand. I
don't want to let go of Hephaistion, but I have to. Uncurling my fingers, the
ring smiles back at me. "Hephaistion?" I still can't believe that we
will be together for the rest of our deaths. I was so scared that I wouldn't
find him. That the gods would keep us apart!
"Hades
sent me to guide you and to bring you to the Elysian Fields. I have dwelt here
since my death and I know you will like spending eternity here – with me."
Hephaistion's
smile is radiant and suddenly, tears erupt from my eyes as I fail to control my
raging feelings. "I didn't know I could cry in death…" I pant softly,
let the tears escape, and savor the moment Hephaistion puts his arms around me.
"I was so afraid, Hephaistion… Afraid I wouldn't find you…"
"Don't
you know that love always finds a way?"
Hephaistion's
eyes glow with love and I can't contain these feelings inside me any longer. I
press him close, shower his face with kisses, and tightly lock my fingers in
his hair. "I will never let you out of my sight again, Hephaistion."
"Alexander,
we're dead… We will be together until the end of time. You no longer have to
worry about losing me… Or not finding me. You have me… I will be with you
forever."
"Forever,"
I repeat the word after him, whispering it, smiling happily. "We will be
together forever…"
"In
death… yes."
Holding
him close to me, inhaling his familiar scent and feeling strands of his hair
between my fingertips, I thank the gods for giving me such a sweet death. If
this is death, I want to be like this forever – holding him – loving him…
My
Hephaistion…
The
end