Last Hero part 1 Sequel to
Sweet and Deceitful
Title: Last Hero
Sequel to Sweet and Deceitful
Author: Morgana
Author’s Email: morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon
Pairing: Jack (Private Line) / Jonne (Negative)
Lauri (Negative) / Ville (Flinch)
Juha (Reflexion)/ Sir Christus (Negative)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jonne and Jack are trying to make their relationship work, but as
always, real life interferes.
Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm not making any money out of these stories!
Warning: Real Person Slash.
Betaed by DA. All remaining mistakes are mine.
Last Hero
Part 1
Sweet love
Jack terminated the call and sighed. He had known something like this would
happen eventually. Negative’s gigs had been cancelled due to Jonne’s condition,
but Private Line still had to perform at some festivals. Sammy had just
reminded him of that. Maybe he had tried to block out the fact that he had to
leave Jonne so soon for the truth was that he didn’t want to leave the blond
behind.
“What’s wrong?” Jonne was lying stretched out on the couch in the living room
with his head resting in Japa’s lap and looked at the guitarist with concern.
“Did something bad happen?”
“Ei, just life… Sammy reminded me that we have this
gig in
Jonne raised an arm and caressed Jack’s face. “I don’t want you to leave
either, but I know what that’s like. How long will you be gone?”
“Two, maybe three days. The record company also set up some interviews.” Jack
shook his head. “I don’t want to leave you alone, but taking you with me is an
even worse idea!”
Tommi had been reading his newspaper and keeping quiet when he overheard their
conversation and spoke up. “Jonne’s not going anywhere yet.”
Jonne’s gaze darkened. “But you’ll come back, won’t you?”
Once again, Jack wondered why the blond seemed obsessed with him not coming
back. “Of course I will!” Leaning in closer, he gently pressed his lips onto
Jonne’s. They hadn’t done anything but kiss and Jack liked that pace. He wanted
to take his time with Jonne – wanted to get to know him – the real him! Ever
since their ‘adventure’ at Pirkkala airport had started, he had learned that
Jonne had the tendency to hide things, not just from him, but from his brothers
as well. Jonne was the kind of person who bottled everything up. Ville had
already hinted at that and Japa had caught Jonne looking lost in thought more
than once, like the blond had wanted to say something, but had then swallowed
whatever remark he had been about to make. “I’ll come back,” he repeated,
feeling the urge to reassure Jonne again.
Tommi watched them from above the newspaper and smiled. Jack struck him as the
right person for Jonne to be with and he hoped that they would work out. “I’ll
keep an eye on him while you’re gone,” he said, addressing Jack. Although he
was supposed to go back to work in two days, he would find ways to check with
his brother. He could use Ville as his spy and there was always using his cell
phone to find out how Jonne was doing.
Jonne smiled at Jack and slowly dragged his thumb along the older man’s bottom
lip. Jack quivered and the reaction made Jonne grin. As far as he was
concerned, they could have done a lot more than mere kissing, but he was
content to let Jack set the pace. Like Jack, he also needed some time to get
used to the idea of having someone special in his life again...and who might
stick around this time.
“When must you leave?” Tommi asked.
Jack shrugged. “I’m meeting the guys tomorrow morning… We’ll drive up to
Tommi was surprised to see Jonne blush instead of making some witty remark. His
brother could be quite a tease, but at the moment, Jonne seemed to turn shy
instead.
Jonne swallowed nervously. Somehow being with Jack was different from the past
relationships he’d had. His girlfriends had never looked at him that way and
their voices had never possessed such a dreamy quality. With them, he had
always been forced to act tough and ‘be the man’, but with Jack...he could
admit his weaknesses and needs to him. That was new and, in a way, it scared
him. Only Ville and Tommi had ever seen him weak or in need of support. But now
Jack had seen him like that as well and the older man hadn’t turned away from
him. Instead, Jack had risen to the challenge and had taken care of him. His
heart seemed to expand in his chest and his breathing became labored.
Jack instantly became alert. “Jonne? Do you want me to find your inhaler?” He
feared an asthma attack was about to happen. During the last two days Jonne
hadn’t suffered any, but Jack knew it was a chronic condition and that they
could always happen again. But Jonne shook his head and wrapped his fingers
around Jack’s wrist to keep him in place.
“It’s not that…” Jonne stared into Jack’s eyes and then it hit him hard. He
really loved the older man. What had started out as a crush had deepened the
last few days. “I love you,” he whispered rather shyly.
From where he was seated, Tommi arched an eyebrow. He wasn’t sure he had ever
heard Jonne speak those words in that particular voice. Sure, Jonne had loved
his former girlfriends, but his voice had never possessed that quality when
Jonne had told them he loved them. Never!
Taken aback by the sincerity in Jonne’s voice, Japa blushed as well. Christus
had been right. This was something special. This was different. This was so
unlike any past relationships which he’d had! This was way more real – way more
serious. “I think I love you too,” he murmured. They hadn’t admitted their
feelings so openly yet and Jack smiled at Jonne who was giving him a truly
beautiful smile in turn.
Claiming Jack’s lips in a kiss was something that felt incredibly right to
Jonne. His tongue snuck past Jack’s lips and teeth and then twirled around its
counterpart. Arching his back, Jonne slipped one hand higher and rested it at
the nape of Jack’s neck. Moaning into the kiss, Jonne ached to feel more...to
taste more, but he held back, knowing it was Jack who had to set the pace.
“You’re trembling,” Jack remarked once they’d broken off the kiss. “Are you
cold?” His toes had curled and his body tingled all over. This was the first
kiss which had ever made him feel like he was on fire and so alive!
Jonne shook his head. “I feel hot – not cold…” Running his fingertips along
Jack’s brow, his trembling continued because he was touching the man he loved.
“What’s happening to me?” he asked, though in his heart, he knew damn well what
was happening. He was falling into love deeper and deeper and felt like he was
about to drown.
“Hey, calm down…” Jack grew worried as he heard Jonne gasp for breath. “Don’t
do this to yourself.”
Tommi snuck out of the room to give them some privacy and joined Ville in the
kitchen. His younger brother was leafing through a music magazine, so Tommi sat
down beside him.
Jonne shook his head. “I can’t help it. I never felt like this before. I always
thought I was in love before, but this time… with you… it’s different!”
Jack pulled Jonne into an upright position and wrapped his arms around him.
“It’s different for me too.” He held Jonne close for another long moment and
then coughed to clear his throat. A lump of emotions had formed there and was
making it hard for him to speak. “Will you promise me something?”
Jonne raised his head and searched Jack’s eyes. The gaze in them was so radiant
that he couldn’t turn away. “What?”
“Don’t do anything stupid while I’m away?” Jack looked pleadingly at Jonne.
Jonne placed his hands on either side of Jack’s head and returned the look. “What
do you mean by that?”
“Continue to rest? Please… Don’t do anything strenuous. I want to take you with
me to my next gig and I can only do that once you’ve recovered.”
“Don’t worry,” Jonne whispered. “I learned my lesson. I was so stupid and…”
Jack shushed him.
“You were running a fever. You were ill. You weren’t thinking rationally, but
Jonne… there’s more, isn’t there?” Jonne frowned and Jack knew he had to be
more direct. “Why did you think you couldn’t tell Tommi how ill you still were?
Why did you push yourself? What were you afraid of?” He really wanted to get to
the bottom of it.
Jonne averted his gaze, finding it hard to look Jack in the eye. “It’s always
been like that.”
“What do you mean?” Jack slid his hand higher and massaged Jonne’s neck and
shoulder soothingly.
Jonne sagged against the older man and drew in a deep breath. “It’s always been
the three of us: Tommi, Ville, and I. Tommi is the oldest and left to study
when I was about ten. That left me to take care of Ville.”
Jack tried to be as gentle as possible when he asked, “Why did you have to take
care of Ville? Where were your parents?”
“Chris never told you?” Jonne peeked at Jack’s face.
“Not really. We discussed *his* problems… We never talked about yours.”
“Our parents were alcoholics… I had hoped Ville wouldn’t make the same mistake
having been mistreated in his youth, but…” Jack pulled him closer and Jonne
pressed close eagerly. “It was bad. I don’t want to go into details right now…”
He still needed more time to reveal this part of his life to Jack and had to
remind himself that it was okay to do this step by step. “We ended up in a
home.”
Jack swallowed hard. “I’m sorry,” he said and placed a kiss on top of Jonne’s
head.
“Our grandmother tried to support and love us the best way she could, but… We
could only visit with her once in a while. Most of the time was spent at the
home.” It wasn’t a pleasant time to think of and Jonne tried to direct his
thoughts away from it. “When I turned eighteen I was allowed to move out. They
had wanted Ville to stay there until he turned eighteen too, but with Tommi’s
help, I managed to convince the staff that I would look after him. There were
some conditions, but in the end, Ville was allowed to move in with me. I was so
glad that I had managed to get him out of there!”
Jack listened carefully and felt honored that Jonne trusted him enough to tell
him this. Ville’s warning that Jonne didn’t trust easily still echoed in his
mind. “Was it that bad there?”
“Bad enough.” He had been beaten up more than once for the way he had looked.
Back then, he had looked much more feminine than he looked now. Ville had been
lucky. His younger brother had made more friends in the home and they had often
watched his back. Jonne hadn’t been that lucky.
“I can wait,” Jack whispered as he realized that Jonne wasn’t ready to tell
him. “But what does this have to do with you not being able to tell Tommi that
you were ill?”
“Tommi gave up on his career because of me…” Jonne sounded guilty. “He had
played in the ice hockey league and could have made it big, but no, he gave up
on his dream because of me and became my manager instead.” Jonne hadn’t really
realized it until that moment, but yes, he felt guilty!
“Don’t you think that was Tommi’s decision?” Jack frowned.
Jonne sighed. “Maybe… but he still gave up on his dream for me.” Jonne slowly
raised his head. “That’s why I can’t let him down. I can’t disappoint him. He
gave up so much for me! I need to prove to him that I’m worth the sacrifice he
made!”
Jack heard the gasp before Jonne did and found Tommi standing in the doorway.
One look showed that Tommi had heard enough to realize what was going on.
Jonne frowned as he noticed that Jack was watching something intently across
the room and followed the direction of that stare. Startled, he realized it was
Tommi standing there before he was quickly approaching them.
“Jonne!” Shocked, Tommi sat down on the edge of the couch and looked at his
younger brother. “You don’t really think that, do you?” But his brother’s
startled eyes revealed that Jonne believed every word he had said.
Feeling insecure, Jonne slowly nodded. “I know you could have made it big in
sports.”
Tommi sighed, exasperated. “You little fool!” He was tempted to cuff his
bother’s head, but kept in mind that Jonne wasn’t fully recovered yet and
controlled that urge. “I wanted to do this! I still do! I want to manage you –
your band and Ville’s! It’s not second choice!”
Jonne stared at his brother with a mixture of hope and confusion which made
Tommi sigh. “Come here you.” Tommi pulled Jonne into his arms and shook his
head again. “You don’t have to prove anything to me, Jonne. I love you. You’re
my brother!” He rubbed Jonne’s back and cringed when he felt moisture leak
through his shirt. “Hey, don’t cry!”
Jonne’s tears however continued to fall. For so long he had thought that he had
ruined Tommi’s life and that he had to somehow make it up to his brother.
Tommi rocked his younger brother and then exchanged a look with Jack. “Thanks
for making him talk about it. He always keeps everything inside!”
Jack nodded. He had the feeling this wouldn’t be the last ‘in depth’ discussion
he would have with Jonne.
~~~
Sleep failed Jack that night. He had helped Jonne into bed after his talk with
Tommi and the blond had snuggled up to him. He had wrapped his arms around the
younger man and was now watching him sleep. Jonne presented him with a riddle.
The blond was a few years younger than him, but in a way, the look in Jonne’s
eyes was old. He had never thought that Jonne’s past was that unpleasant or
that he had never learned to talk about his feelings, but those two things were
making life hard for Jonne now.
Jack’s youth had been quite the opposite. He’d had loving parents who had
encouraged his interest in music and had bought him his first guitar when he
had been twelve. His parents had always offered him a listening ear and had
supported him. They still did. He had a hard time imagining the life Jonne had
lived at the children’s home. He couldn’t change the past sadly enough, but he
hoped he could help Jonne to get in touch with his feelings again. He had often
listened and talked to Christus when his friend had gone through some shit and
had gained some experience in coaxing his conversational partner into opening
up. Christus had learned to talk about his feelings – maybe just with him, but
at least it was a start.
Jonne stirred in his sleep and opened his eyes. He blinked repeatedly to rid
himself of the last remnants of sleep and then focused his gaze on Jack.
“You’re not asleep?”
Jack smiled at the blond. “I can’t get enough of looking at you.” He didn’t
want to drag their previous conversation up just yet. He was afraid Jonne might
feel pressured if he did and steered toward another subject. “I love the way
you look at me right now with so much love.”
Jonne smiled and then swallowed nervously. “You must think of me as a coward…
some weak…” But then Japa silenced him with a finger.
“Don’t. I don’t think of you like that. You just care too much and talk too
little about the things that really matter.” Moved by the look in Jonne’s eyes,
Jack pulled the blond even closer and then rolled the younger man onto his
back. Straddling Jonne’s hips, he searched the blue eyes and was grateful that
the moonlight offered him just enough light to do so. “There’s something about
you that draws me in. Something in your eyes,” he whispered, entranced. “I must
be losing my mind…”
Jonne nibbled on his bottom lip, uncertain about what was going on. His
emotions were also out of tune because of the emotional breakdown he had
suffered earlier that evening and now Jack was also acting weird. “Jack, I…”
But Jack silenced him again, this time with a kiss.
Surrendering to the sweet sensation, Jonne closed his eyes and wrapped his arms
around Jack. He would never get enough of the way Jack tasted. Arching his
back, he thrust up, not really realizing he was doing it.
Jack ended the kiss and took a moment to study the man lying beneath him. He
could still see an echo of tears in the blue eyes and Jonne’s bottom lip was
bleeding ever so slightly. The gaze asked for nothing, but promised everything.
How could he possible deny the blond? “Let me, yes?” he whispered into Jonne’s
ear. “Just try to enjoy this.” The blue eyes widened as Jonne looked at him
questioningly, but Japa merely smiled. “Trust me.”
Jonne was shocked to learn just how willing he was to do just that and how
quickly Japa had gained his trust. He wanted to tell Jack that the older man
could do whatever he wanted, but Japa’s lips covered his once more. This time
the kiss was more demanding and Jonne moaned in pleasure.
That moan was the sweetest music Japa had ever heard. Nothing compared to it
and when Jonne moaned again, Jack sighed in contentment. The kiss deepened and
their tongues twirled around each other in a slow, erotic dance. Jack’s right
hand moved lower and slid beneath the shirt Jonne was wearing until his fingers
encountered a nipple, which was already hardening beneath his touch. The wanton
look Jonne gave him and the way the blond’s breath sped up revealed how much
the younger man craved being touched like this. “I know,” he whispered as he
removed the shirt and bared Jonne’s upper body to him.
Jonne squirmed beneath the older man’s weight, but Jack had a good grip on him,
still straddling him and, to his dismay, Jonne found that his space was
limited. “Do whatever you want with me,” he whispered in-between gasps.
Throwing back his head, Jonne closed his eyes as a spear of lust traveled through
his body.
The way Jonne reacted to his caresses drove Jack insane. He had never been with
someone who craved his touch so badly and his desire to please Jonne rose to
new heights. Leaning in closer, he dragged the tip of his tongue down Jonne’s
sternum. He liked the taste of Jonne’s skin and licked around the belly button.
Jonne squirmed beneath him, tried to thrust, but Jack kept him in place. Not
yet.
Jonne had to open his eyes for he desperately needed to convince himself that
it was Jack who was driving him insane. He needed to look into those eyes and
see the truth there no matter what. Did Jack love him for who he was, or did
the guitarist merely crave his body? The expression in Jack’s eyes made him
gasp for air. It was love… Love mixed with lust. It wasn’t just his body which
the older man wanted. Jack wanted him whole with his quirks, weaknesses, fears,
and wickedness. He had finally found what he had been looking for all his life:
someone who loved him.
Jack was unaware of the thoughts racing through Jonne’s head. He was busy
deciding their next step. It would be logical for him to take Jonne then and
there, but something told Jack not to rush that. He wanted to do this right.
Lying down on his side next to Jonne, he slid a hand into the blond’s boxers
and pushed the fabric down. Curling his fingers around the hard flesh, he made
sure he continued to have eye contact with Jonne.
Jonne hadn’t been expecting that since he knew that Jack had the tendency to
turn shy around him. But when he felt those warm fingers stroke his erection,
he knew it was really happening. “Jack…”
Jonne’s eyes had changed color ever so subtly, Jack noticed. The blue contained
a hint of violet in it and seeing the lust in them drove Jack mad. Claiming
Jonne’s lips in a harsher kiss than he had intended, he ran his fingers down
the length and then cupped the testicles before squeezing ever so softly. Jonne
gasped and once more Jack thought that he might orgasm from that sound alone.
“You drive me insane doing that…”
Not really knowing what Jack meant by ‘that’, Jonne wasn’t too interested in
finding out at the moment. Feeling Jack’s hands on him was an intense sensation
and demanded all of his attention. He wanted to savor the feeling and
concentrate fully on it. He eagerly parted his legs when Jack placed a knee
between them and gave the older man a puzzled look. Just what were Jack’s
intentions?
“Look at me… Don’t close your eyes… Please…” Jack rested some of his weight on
the blond and then took Jonne’s lips in a demanding kiss. At the same time, he
returned to stroking Jonne’s length and intensified the pressure, wanting Jonne
to moan again. A series of eager, strangled moans fled Jonne’s lips and into
his mouth and he greedily deepened the kiss, wanting to hear the blond moan
again.
His body reeled under the sensual attack as Jonne quavered. He wouldn’t last
long this way. Japa was… too much… it was too intense and so unexpected. It
only took a few more deft strokes for him to reach his peak and Jonne moaned
Jack’s name during that moment of bliss.
Jack drank in the moans, eagerly listening to Jonne moaning his name and
couldn’t help climaxing himself. Jonne whispering his name into his mouth was
the sexiest thing he had ever heard and it turned him on.
Trembling, Jonne searched Jack’s eyes and found them misted with lust. He
needed a moment to gather his thoughts – and his breath. “If this is foreplay,
I might not survive having sex with you.” Tremors shook his hand ever so
lightly as he reached to tuck a strand of black hair behind one of Jack’s ears.
Jack drew in a deep breath and then looked at the blond. “You’re the first to
make me come like that.”
At first, Jonne didn’t understand what Jack was saying and he frowned in
confusion. But then it dawned on him and he grinned wickedly. Moving a hand
toward Jack’s groin, he found the proof that the older man had climaxed as
well. “Next time we’ll get you out of your jeans first,” he whispered.
Jack smiled tiredly, but felt utterly fulfilled. “Give me a moment…” He
unzipped his jeans and used them to clean Jonne and himself up. “It’s a good
thing I got a spare one with me.” Folding an arm around Jonne, he rested his
head on the blond’s shoulder and watched his lover. Jonne’s eyes twinkled
naughtily, but he turned onto his side as well and snuggled up to Jack. For
several minutes they studied each other. Jonne slid his fingers into Jack’s
hair and smiled as he played with the red extensions. “You’re something
different, Jack Smack,” he said with a grin.
Jack returned that grin and rubbed his cheek against Jonne’s chest like a cat.
Resting a hand on Jonne’s abdomen, he rubbed the soft skin there. “I could get
used to this.”
Jonne smiled. “Yes, me too.”
~~~
The next morning turned out to be a rude awakening since Jack had to get ready
for his trip to
Jack drew in a deep breath, tilted his head, and tried to embed the way Jonne
looked asleep in his mind. Damn, he was only going away for two days, three at
the max. So why did he feel like his heart was about to fall apart in a million
pieces?
“Morning,” Tommi called as he peeked around the corner. “Sammy called and I
hope you don’t mind that I answered it. They’ll pick you up in an hour. You
might want to get ready.” The sad look on Jack’s face showed that the guitarist
was having a hard time leaving Jonne, but the manager also knew that the show
must go on. “Look at it this way,” he offered. “In three days you’ll be back.
You have someone to come home to.”
Tommi’s words managed to cheer Jack up a little. Having someone to come home
to… That sounded good. “I need a moment to…” He tilted his head in Jonne’s
direction, feeling sure that Tommi would understand.
Tommi nodded. He understood that Jack wanted to be alone with Jonne for now,
since the guitarist had to leave soon. “I’ll be in the kitchen getting
breakfast ready!” Tommi left and closed the door behind him.
Jack supported his weight on an elbow and his head on the palm of his hand.
Looking at Jonne from the side, he rested his other hand on the flat of Jonne’s
abdomen, rubbing the skin there.
It didn’t take Jonne long to wake up from the caress. He purred, opened his
eyes, and then focused on Jack with a smile on his face. “You’re already
awake?” Jonne would have liked to sleep some more. The bed was warm, the
company was pleasant, and he liked being lazy and warm.
“Sammy called. I need to get ready.” Jack wished things were different, but
they weren’t. Moving closer, he took Jonne’s lips in a tender and promising
kiss. “I’ll be back in three days.”
Jonne’s expression darkened. “That is if you haven’t forgotten about me by
then. Or realized what a nuisance I am. You know, I wouldn’t blame you if you
decided that you were better off with someone else.”
Jack’s eyes widened. “What did you say?” He must have misheard. Jonne couldn’t
possibly think that badly about himself! Jonne’s self esteem couldn’t be that
low! But one look at Jonne’s crestfallen expression showed that Jonne was being
totally honest with him. Maybe Jonne was a better actor than he had given him
credit for because Jack had never suspected anything like that. Jonne averted
his gaze and Jack wished he had more time to talk to the blond. Damn festival
gig.
Jonne knew he shouldn’t have said that. It had slipped on accident. “Just
forget about it,” he whispered and swung his feet onto the floor, needing to
get away from Jack.
“You’re staying!” Jack wrapped his fingers around Jonne’s wrists and pulled him
closer again until they sat facing each other. “Jonne, I can’t believe… I never
thought… Why would you think that? You’re not a nuisance and I can’t think of a
single person I’d rather be with!”
Jonne swallowed nervously. “My relationships never last that long,” he
explained. “I’m hoping this will be different, but if I prepare myself for
losing you, it actually happening might not hurt that bad.”
Okay, Jack thought, time for another little talk. He was beginning to think
that Jonne had even bigger problems than Christus, but at least the blond was willing
to talk about them. “Look at me…please.” He waited until Jonne had made eye
contact again and then he pulled Jonne even closer until the singer had no
choice but to slide onto his lap. Wrapping one arm tightly around Jonne’s
frame, Jack caressed the blond’s face with the other. “I want you to listen
very carefully.”
Swallowing hard, Jonne was afraid that something unpleasant might follow. He
had no idea what Jack was up to and that worried him. Why had he brought it up
in the first place? He should have kept his mouth shut! He would never learn,
would he?
Running his fingertips along Jonne’s cheekbone, Jack took his time to consider
his words. It was important that he got this right. “Jonne, you’re the first
who really rocked my world this way. Sure, I’ve had relationships, one-night
stands, but they were very different from what I’m experiencing when I’m with
you. You’re not the only one who is scared to be apart. The thought of not
being with you the next few days makes me ache inside.” Jonne gazed at him in
confusion, but Jack merely smiled. “Chris always makes fun of me when I tell
him that I believe there’s someone special out there whom I’m meant to be with.
He always tells me that I’m a hopeless romantic to hang on to that belief and
there were times when I had wondered if I would ever find that special person,
but now… Jonne, I *know* it’s you. For these last two weeks you’ve been all I
can think about and that won’t change that quickly. I love you and, trust me,
those are words which I don’t use idly. I really, really love you.”
Jonne tilted his head and looked questioningly at Jack. The last thing he had
expected was for the older man to declare his love in such a way. “I’m scared,”
he admitted. Since Jack was being so honest, he felt it would be unfair if he
kept back. “I’m afraid to lose you.”
Jack guided Jonne’s head to his shoulder and then smiled. “Don’t worry, babe.
You have me and I’ll be yours as long as you want me.”
~~~
Jack really didn’t want to get on the bus. Sammy and Eliaz had their faces
pressed against the window and were making obscene gestures, letting him know
what they thought had happened the other night. Jack did his best to ignore
them for the moment, but he knew they would bombard him with questions the
moment he got on the bus.
Tommi and Ville stood near the doorway and watched them with curiosity. Jonne
had managed to convince his brothers that it was okay for him to walk Jack to
the bus, claiming that he wasn’t going to collapse or fall asleep on his feet.
In the end, Tommi had relented, but the older man had made it a condition that
Jonne remained in sight at all times.
Jack tugged at Jonne’s coat and put the scarf, which had slipped, into place
again. Cocooned in multiple layers of clothing, Jonne looked adorable...at
least Jack thought so. Only the blond’s eyes peeked out from above the scarf.
“I’ll be back in three days max,” Jack reminded Jonne, but it was obvious that
he’d rather stay. “I’ll call each day so keep your phone in reach.”
Jonne nodded weakly. He hadn’t thought it possible that he would hurt so much
just because Jack was going away for three days. Damn feelings! They were
making him nauseous! “I’ll be alert,” he promised and then leaned in closer.
“One last kiss?”
Jack nodded and slipped his hand into Jonne’s hair. Claiming the blond’s lips,
he kissed him tenderly as his tongue caressed the inside of Jonne’s mouth until
the singer was panting and pressing against him with obvious need.
“You’re a tease,” Jonne managed, feeling breathless.
“I’ll make up for it when I’m back,” Jack promised with a huge smile on his
face. “I’ll see you in three days, maybe even sooner.” His fingertips caressed
Jonne’s face one more time before he turned around to join his band mates on
the bus.
Ville walked up to his older brother and folded an arm around Jonne’s waist.
“Hey, he’ll be back. Don’t worry.” He couldn’t remember having seen Jonne so
deeply in love before. Although it thrilled him that his brother had found
someone who loved him back, in the back of his mind he worried. Jonne was a
stable person most of the time, but like everyone, he had periods in which he
was depressed. Ville was determined to keep a close eye on his brother during
Jack’s absence.
TBC
Part
2
Back on the road again!
Jack wished he were somewhere – anywhere – else but this bus. Sammy was making
kissing sounds and Eliaz was continuing the obscene gestures. Sometimes, he
wondered if he had joined a kindergarten instead of some rock band. He had
marched to the back of the bus, hoping the others would get the hint and leave
him alone, but then Sammy had sat down beside him, making kissing noises. “Cut
it out!” He cuffed his friend on the head. “You’re not funny!” Sammy merely
grinned.
Eliaz, after having sat down beside Jack, leaned in closer and whispered
menacingly, “Hey, didn’t you get laid? Didn’t blondie
let you?”
Jack actually growled warningly at his friend. “Don’t talk about him like
that!” His eyes flared angrily and Eliaz backed down in surprise.
Sammy continued to grin however. “Ah, blondie got to
you?”
Jack felt like pulling out his hair in frustration. “Why can’t you leave me
alone?”
“Because we want details,” Spit said.
Jack looked over in surprise at their bass player. Normally Spit wouldn’t pry
into his personal affairs. “What details?”
“Well, you fly Jonne home, stay at his place, and he kissed you goodbye. Don’t
you think your band mates deserve an explanation?” Spit stated everything
calmly. It wasn’t his intention to pester Jack with the situation, unlike Sammy
and Eliaz. He was genuinely interested.
Jack averted his gaze. Spit was right. It would be best to get this over with
now. “I was wrong in the past. Jonne’s a really nice guy and no blond bimbo…”
Wow, admitting that he had once thought badly of the Negative vocalist hadn’t
been easy.
Sammy’s grin changed into a loving smile. “Are you in love, Jacky?” He had his
suspicions and would be surprised if he had drawn the wrong conclusions.
Jack sighed and nodded. “Very much.”
“With blondie?” Eliaz laughed. “I got your taste in
men all wrong then!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jack shot his friend an annoyed look.
Eliaz recognized that look and knew he had to be careful. Jack seldom got angry
with him, but the guitarist could throw a mean tantrum if he wanted to. “Well,
Jonne is so… feminine… like a girl, you know…”
Jack gazed at Eliaz in irritation. “Let me assure you that there is nothing
girly about him!”
Eliaz quickly raised his hands in an attempt to placate his friend. “Hey, if
you like him… I’ve got nothing against him!”
Sammy turned thoughtful. “You’re already awfully protective of him.” He
probably knew Jack best and wondered what had happened between Jack and Jonne
for his friend to feel that deeply so quickly. He signaled Eliaz and Spit to
back off and the two of them moved toward Illu, who
was sitting at the front of the bus. “Jacky, what happened in
Jack drew in a deep breath and forced himself to calm down. He had been
surprised himself with how protective he was of Jonne’s reputation. “He was
ill, Sammy. Coughing up blood. Too much pressure and too little rest.”
Sammy nodded. They all had experienced something like that at one time or
another. “And you took care of him.”
Jack nodded and rested his head back. Closing his eyes, he tried to sort out
his thoughts. “I always told Chris that I didn’t like Jonne. I think I didn’t
want to admit that I felt attracted instead. Denial is an ugly thing.”
“And when you were forced to spend time with him…?” Sammy wanted details.
“I realized that I liked him. Jonne is… There’s something special about him. I
can’t explain it. I was lost the moment I looked into his eyes for the first
time.” A smile stole onto Jack’s face. “Sweet and deceitful, that’s the perfect
way to describe Jonne. I wonder what else I’ll discover once our relationship
continues.”
“So you already found out some things that surprised you?” Jack was already
thinking of this as a relationship? Sammy was surprised at that!
“Don’t ask me why, but I always end up with the types who keep everything
inside. First Chris and now Jonne. I have the feeling I’m in for a lot of
surprises.”
“Jacky?” Sammy waited for Jack to look at him and then asked, “How serious is
this?”
“Damn serious,” Jack replied as he nodded. “I’m in love, Sammy.”
“And you don’t think this is just a fling? You really think this is serious?”
Jack frowned. “You don’t approve of me loving Jonne?”
Sammy shook his head. “I’m your friend, Jacky and I’m happy you found someone.
I’m just surprised that it’s someone like Jonne.”
Jack had a good idea what troubled Sammy. “It surprised me too, but Sammy, this
is what I’ve been waiting for my whole life. Jonne is the one, I’m sure of
that.”
Sammy smiled warmly. “You’re a romantic idiot.”
Jack grinned, knowing Sammy had paid him a compliment in his own way. “You’ll
like Jonne, trust me.”
Sammy trusted Jack’s judgment. “I’m already looking forward to our joined tour.
I’ll check Jonne out. I need to know he’s the right choice for my Jacky.” He
grinned wickedly.
Jack moved closer and grinned. “Sammy, you need to find yourself a new Jacky.
Instead of making out with you on stage, I’ll be making out with Jonne.”
Sammy sighed dramatically and acted disappointed. “You mean I have to make out
with Spit on stage now?” At that, both men burst out laughing. Spit, who had
heard his name, glanced at them quizzically, but didn’t say anything.
~~~
Why couldn’t they leave him alone? Who was ringing him out of bed now? After
visiting Jonne, Christus had decided that some more sleep would do him good and
he had climbed back into bed. A look at the clock revealed that it was four in
the afternoon. Normal people would be awake and up, but he wasn’t normal
people.
With his eyes still have closed, he made his way to the front door and opened
it. Surprised, he looked at Lauri. “What are you doing here?” In the past, they
had lived together, but once Lauri had decided to clean up his act and face his
alcohol addiction, the guitarist had moved out.
Lauri grinned with a cigarette hanging from between his lips. “Do I need a
reason to visit?” He stepped inside and headed toward the kitchen, where he
started to make coffee.
Christus followed Lauri, his eyes narrowed. Lauri was up to something, his
instincts told him that. “Spit it out.”
“I got a call from Tommi. Apparently Jonne is feeling down and Tommi asked if
we could somehow distract Jonne. So get dressed. We’re visiting Jonne.” Lauri
poured himself a cup of coffee and sighed as he drank the black liquid.
Christus shook his head. “But I just got home.”
“That doesn’t matter. Move it.” Lauri took hold one of the acoustic guitars and
started improvising.
Christus grumbled, but then gave in. He headed back to his bedroom where he
slipped into some warmer clothes. Ten minutes later he returned to the kitchen
and stole the last sip of coffee from Lauri. “So why is Jonne feeling down? I
thought he would be happy with Jack.”
“Jack had to leave. Private Line is performing at some festival in
Christus grabbed his boots and slipped into them. “They fell in love, I guess.”
“That sounds cynical,” Lauri remarked after interpreting Christus’ tone.
“You know me, I don’t believe in all that crap. Love is…” Christus tried to get
it right. “Love is an illusion. It’s not real.”
“You’ve never been in love before, Chris, if you think that.” Lauri studied his
friend thoughtfully. “Is it because Jack fell in love with Jonne? You had a
crush on Jonne once.”
Christus sighed. He knew better than to try to lie to Lauri. “I still have… But
it’s not that bad anymore and I’m happy for Jack.”
“Then why so cynical?” Lauri got to his feet and started toward the door.
“Because I never felt like I would… like I would die if I couldn’t be with that
one person. Even with Jonne… I always knew I would make it on my own. I never
felt such an insane craving to be with someone. Jack however…”
Lauri turned toward his friend and rested a hand on Christus’ shoulder. “Hey,
love is real and one day, it’ll find you too. There’s someone out there for you
as well. Someone who’ll love you back.”
Christus looked away and then laughed bitterly. “Yeah, sure there is.” The way
he said it however showed clearly that he didn’t believe that.
~~~
“You promised you’d eat if I ordered Chinese!” Ville glared at his brother in
frustration. “Jonne, you love Chinese food, now eat!”
Jonne wasn’t interested in eating though. He missed Jack...it was as simple as
that. He hadn’t thought it would be so bad, but somehow he felt like someone
had punched him in the stomach and had ripped his heart from his chest. He knew
he was being overly dramatic but he couldn’t help feeling that way.
Ville sat opposite to Jonne at the kitchen table as he shook his head. “Jonne,
Jack will be back shortly!” He wasn’t angry with Jonne for ignoring him or
refusing to eat. He knew his brother wasn’t acting that way on purpose, but he
*was* growing frustrated. Tommi entered the kitchen and nodded. Good, that
meant his oldest brother had reached either Lauri or Chris and reinforcements
were on their way.
The moment Tommi sat down, Jonne’s mobile phone vibrated, announcing a message
had arrived. The only thing that motivated Jonne to look at the display was the
hope that it was Jack who had sent him a message. But Jack had only been gone
for a few hours and Jonne wasn’t counting on hearing from the older man that
quickly. But when Jack’s name appeared on the display, Jonne grabbed hold of
the phone and accessed the message.
-- I miss you already. Take care of yourself. Love you babe. --
Ville caught sight of the message as well and smiled. “See? Jack wants you to
eat something too.” Without waiting for Jonne’s okay, he shoved some rice into
Jonne’s mouth. “You know you’re hungry.” Jonne’s stomach had been growling
earlier.
Jonne almost choked on the food, but then chewed quickly. He sent a dirty look
Ville’s way for slipping him the food so unexpectedly before focusing on the
message once more. He was going to store that message. It was the first time
Jack had written that he loved him.
“You’re acting like some lovesick teenager.” Tommi chuckled in amusement.
Jonne pouted at that. “I can’t help it.” Luckily for Jonne, Ville and Tommi
became distracted when the doorbell rang.
“You keep eating,” Tommi instructed. “I’ll get that.”
Jonne forced himself to eat some more of the rice and a few pieces of chicken,
but his thoughts were somewhere else. What was Jack doing? Was the older man
thinking of him?
Ville merely shook his head, knowing that he wouldn’t get through to his
brother at the moment. But then some noise sounded in the corridor and he
smiled as he heard Christus demanding coffee. Yeah, five PM was still rather
early for the guitar player to be on his feet.
Tommi, Christus, and Lauri entered the kitchen and Christus immediately headed
for the coffee maker. Jonne looked up in surprise. “What are you doing here?”
Lauri shook his head. “Why is everyone asking me that question?” He sat down
and stole a few bites off of Ville’s plate. Ville looked like he was going to
slap his hand away, but Lauri paid it no attention and continued to eat.
“Hey, that is my food!” Ville smiled though, relieved that Lauri was that
hungry. Maybe seeing Lauri eat with relish would help Jonne get an appetite as
well.
Christus filled a cup with coffee, walked over to the kitchen table, and turned
a chair around so he could straddle it. “So, what’s up?”
Ville pointed at Jonne. “Someone misses his lover.”
Jonne blushed. “Ville!”
“It’s the truth!” Ville defended himself.
“Ah, if I had known Japa and you would get along so well I would have
introduced him to you a long time ago,” Christus remarked with a wicked smile.
“So, are you still grounded or…?” He ignored the dirty look Tommi gave him.
“Still grounded, I guess.” Jonne looked questioningly at his older brother.
“Or…?”
“You’re staying at home!” Tommi put his foot down. “You know what your doctor
said.” Jonne’s doctor had visited after Jack had left and his advice had been
to keep Jonne indoors for two or three more days. Preferably in bed asleep.
Tommi also realized that it was an illusion to think that Jonne would accept
being grounded much longer. The singer was starting to feel more energetic and
Tommi suspected that he would have to let Jonne out of the house soon, but not
yet.
“Pity,” Lauri commented. “I would have liked you to come along with us.”
“Where to?” Ville asked curiously.
“Senssi… Antti wants to meet us there. Some band is
performing and Antti wants us to see them. He mentioned being friends with the
band’s drummer.” Lauri sipped his coffee.
Jonne turned toward Tommi. “Can I go? Please?”
But Tommi shook his head. “Sorry, no.”
“Can I?” Ville asked quickly.
“Traitor,” Jonne hissed, feeling deserted. Ville shouldn’t be allowed to go to
this gig either.
Tommi grinned. “You can go, but…” Then he got a second thought. “Just be
careful. There’ll be alcohol around.” Tommi knew how easy it was to start
drinking again. One drink was all it took!
“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Lauri promised. “I know what’s like at first.” He
gave Ville an encouraging smile. “But it gets easier with time.” The first year
of being sober had been the worst. Temptation had been all around and Lauri had
only made it through because his friends and family had supported him. Now, he
hoped he could support Ville in a similar way.
Ville smiled gratefully, knowing Lauri had said that because the guitarist had
his best interest in mind. “So, Tommi, can I go?” His older brother nodded and
Ville grinned triumphantly at Jonne.
Jonne pouted and refused to look at Ville. He knew he was acting childish, but
it stung that Ville could go out and he had to stay at home.
“Hey,” Christus said, rubbing Jonne’s back through the fabric of the T-shirt.
“Tommi means well. You need the rest and we’ll make it up to you when you’ve
recovered. Just enjoy being able to curl up on your bed and sleeping!”
Jonne sniffed. “I wish Jack were here.” Christus massaged the nape of his neck
and Jonne closed his eyes. “I can’t believe I’m acting like this! He’s only
going to be gone for three days!”
“You’re in love,” Lauri offered. “Three days seem like an eternity.”
Grateful that at least someone seemed to understand, Jonne smiled at Lauri.
Looking at the message on the display again, he considered his options. Maybe
this enforced rest wouldn’t be that bad. He could fantasize, couldn’t he? Dream
of Jack?
“Come on, let’s get you in bed.” Tommy rose from his chair. He picked up a
glass of water and Jonne’s medication and then headed for the doorway.
Jonne had no choice but to get to his feet as well. “Will you come back
tomorrow?” he asked Christus and Lauri. He needed the distraction or he would
start brooding again. Yes, Jack had assured him that he wanted to be with him,
but Jonne was still afraid that Jack would change his mind and find someone
else he’d rather be with.
Lauri nodded. “Yeah, of course!” He waved at Jonne and then turned toward
Ville. “Get your things.”
Ville nodded and started to collect his shoes, jacket, bag, and all the other
stuff he needed.
Christus tilted his head and gazed at Lauri in puzzlement. “I wonder…” he
started, leaving his sentence unfinished on purpose.
“What about?” Lauri was growing restless. He wasn’t allowed to smoke in there
and craved a cigarette. Damn singers and their concern for the smoke affecting
their voices!
“I wonder…are you in love by any chance?” Christus hated the fact that Lauri’s
emotions were so hard to read. Lauri had learned to hide beneath a mask of
‘coolness’ years ago and only allowed people to see what he wanted them to see.
This time though, he had managed to take Lauri by surprise and saw a flash of
emotion in his friend’s eyes. Bingo. “Who is it, Lauri?”
“You’re letting your imagination get the better of you,” Lauri said,
downplaying everything.
Christus’ eyes narrowed. Feeling curious and challenged, he was determined to
find out what Lauri was hiding.
~~~
Tommi chuckled as he noted that the shirt which Jonne was slipping into for the
night was Jack’s and not his brother’s. “Did you steal it out of his bag?”
Jonne had the grace to blush. “I borrowed it.” He sat down on the bed and
swallowed his medication. Only a few more days and then he could hopefully do
without the cortisone. Tommi pushed down the comforter and Jonne curled up on
his mattress. Relishing the attention he was getting, Jonne sighed as Tommi
tucked him in. Getting pampered by his older brother was rare and Jonne
thoroughly enjoyed it, but at the same time, he was also growing worried. “Tommi,
can you stay a little while? I need...we need...to talk.”
Surprised to receive the request, but also happy that Jonne was expressing the
wish to talk to him, Tommi stretched out onto his side next to his younger
brother. He studied the blue eyes and frowned. Something wasn’t right. The
expression, which had been happy, was off. “What bothers you?”
Jonne pulled a pillow closer and wrapped his arms around it, needing to hold
onto something. He would have preferred to pull Tommi close, but felt hesitant to
do so. Maybe after their conversation if Tommi wasn’t too mad with him. “This
thing with Jack… Will it cause problems?”
Tommi frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I can’t kiss him in public, can I? This must remain private or…? The people at
the record company won’t like it.” Jonne’s bottom lip trembled nervously.
Tommi cringed. Like Jonne, he knew there would be trouble once the management
found out. “I’m afraid you’re right. I wish it was different.”
Jonne nodded. “I thought so.” He grew quiet.
Tommi had been waiting for a chance like this for almost two years however and
used it. “Jonne, you haven’t been happy, have you?” Seeing the alarmed look in
Jonne’s eyes, he knew he was right. “It started after the Sweet and Deceitful
tour when you went into the studio to record Anorectic, am I right?”
Jonne nibbled on his bottom lip. “Tommi, I don’t want to…”
But Tommi wasn’t backing off. “It’s my fault too. I should have told the record
representatives to butt out and supported you instead. When you cut your hair
off and…”
Jonne turned his face away from Tommi. He didn’t want to hear this.
“You scared me. Jonne…” Tommi laid a hand on his brother’s shoulder and moved
closer to him. “I’ll talk to them. This can’t continue. I don’t want you having
to hide who you really are. I don’t want you to be forced to wear this mask all
the time. You shouldn’t have to pretend you’re someone else.”
“They hated it,” Jonne whispered absentmindedly. “The kissing, the dressing up,
the making out on stage. They were afraid of their reputation, of us not
selling enough records,” Jonne continued, lost in thought. “I had to change,
don’t you understand? If I had stayed like that...they wouldn’t have prolonged
our contract and I could never do that to Chris or Lauri. The band means too
much to them.”
“But that shouldn’t mean that you have to deny yourself. Jonne…” Tommi fingered
a strand of his brother’s hair. “I’ll talk to them and make them see that it’s
okay for you to be *you*. And that includes the long hair, the dressing up, the
kissing and…” Jonne finally met his gaze and Tommi saw the tears in them. “I
was...thrilled...to see you wearing those old outfits during the interviews
that you did with Jack. It reflects *you*.”
“Ville packed them. I would never have taken them along. And then Jack made me
wear them.” Jonne closed his eyes. He had always enjoyed dressing up, stealing
outfits from Chris’ wardrobe and combining them with his own clothes. But the
record company representatives had then called him into their office to tell
him that it was time to clean up his act and leave the girly image behind. His
heart still hurt when he thought back to that morning. They had practically
told him that he had no right to be himself. “Tommi, I’m tired.”
Tommi suspected that Jonne mentioning being tired was just an excuse to stop
discussing things, but he allowed it. He was too glad that they had finally
addressed the matter to ruin it now by lecturing his younger brother. “Come
here,” he ordered, inviting Jonne into his arms.
Jonne cuddled up to him and closed his eyes. “What’s going to happen now?”
“I have no idea… but I’m relieved we finally talked about it. I don’t want you
to be unhappy or forced to be someone you’re not. I’ll talk to them and this
time, I’ll put my foot down. I won’t let them trample all over you again. I
promise.” Tommi placed a kiss onto his younger brother’s brow and guarded
Jonne’s sleep that night.
~~~
“Ah, Ville! It’s great to see you again!” Antti pulled Ville into his arms,
gave him a hug, and then turned his attention to his band mates. “Thirsty?”
Lauri nodded. “I’ll go get some drinks.” He’d rather get them personally
because he wanted to make sure he got non-alcoholic beer for sure. He had
learned not to take any chances. “Coming along?” he asked Ville, who seemed
eager to free himself of Antti’s hug.
Ville nodded, smiled apologetically at Antti, and then joined Lauri. “Thanks
for the rescue. I love Antti, but sometimes…”
Lauri nodded. “I know exactly what you mean!” He ordered two beers and two
non-alcoholic ones before turning around to take in his surroundings. A crowd
had already formed, which made Lauri wonder which band was performing that
night. He should have asked Antti, but had forgotten all about it. “Do you
think Jonne will be fine tonight? Maybe we shouldn’t have brought the gig up.”
“He has Tommi for company. He’ll be fine.” Although he loved his brother
dearly, Ville at times grew jealous of all the attention Jonne got. He knew he
would never measure up to Jonne, who was the star of the family, and it was one
of the reasons why he had started to drink. He would always stand in Jonne’s
shadow, no matter what he did. Singing in Finnish had been a conscious decision
when he had started Flinch and he had hoped that he wouldn’t be compared to Negative
all the time, but it hadn’t worked. The press had always seen him as Jonne’s
baby brother and he doubted that would ever change.
“Don’t think too much,” Lauri advised. “Makes your head hurt and it gives you
all kinds of stupid ideas.” He handed Ville his non-alcoholic beer and they
joined Antti and Christus again, who were eagerly awaiting their drinks.
Ville smiled at Lauri gratefully. Until now, he hadn’t realized that the
guitarist and he might have something in common. Maybe Lauri was someone whom
he could talk to – really talk to.
“So,” Christus started after sipping his beer. “What band is performing?
They’re drawing quite the crowd.” Mostly girls, he noticed, but there were also
some guys in the audience.
“Reflexion,” Antti replied excitedly. “Their drummer,
Reiska, is an old friend of mine! I lived in
The problem with Antti was that the bass player loved to talk, as far as
Christus was concerned. Antti was already speaking again, but Christus wasn’t
really listening. It was a good thing that he wasn’t home alone because his
mood had changed, becoming dark and broody and he felt the first bitter
stirrings of self-hatred and self-doubt. Jonne and Japa might not hold him
responsible for the singer’s breakdown, but Christus knew he should have never
given his friend those pills. He had fucked up again. Downing his beer, he
turned and headed toward the bar again. That night seemed like a good night to
get totally wasted.
Antti frowned. “What’s with him?”
Lauri shrugged. “Who knows? You know what he’s like. He’s moody and…” Lauri’s
gaze followed Christus and he disliked seeing his friend ordering a bottle of
whiskey. He’d better stick close to Christus that night.
~~~
Lauri shot Antti a look of gratitude. Antti was doing his best to keep Christus
talking, even though the other guitarist was more intent on emptying his
whiskey bottle. That gave him the chance to talk to Ville instead. They had
found a nice, shadowed corner and fortunately for them not many fans had
noticed them – yet.
“Is therapy helping?” Lauri asked. “You seem more content these days. Less restless.”
Ville welcomed the chance to talk about his therapy, but at the same time, he
felt nervous as well. Even though he had known Lauri for years, they had never
discussed something so...intimate. But their addiction connected them. “In a
way, yes.” Ville smiled at Lauri. “It was strange though at first. I wasn’t
used to talking about my feelings.”
“Trust me, I know what you mean. I’m not much of a talker to begin with!” Lauri
lit a cigarette and blew the smoke into the colored light of the lamp hanging
from the ceiling. “It’s always hard to admit that you need the help.”
Ville gazed at Lauri curiously. “What got you started drinking?”
Lauri shrugged again. “Sorry to disappoint you, but no traumatic events or
something like that. My problem was that alcohol was always available and I
loved getting drunk, but… somehow I have a low tolerance level. Don’t get me
wrong, I can drink lots, but when I do, I change. It’s like I become a
different person… And it’s not a nice guy. I had to stop or else I would have
hurt someone badly.”
“What do you mean when you say you would have hurt someone?” Ville wanted to
understand what had happened with Lauri. Maybe if he understood why Lauri
drank, he might gain a little more insight into his own drinking problem.
Lauri sighed. He hated admitting this, especially to Ville. “That night, I
shared rooms with Jonne. We had both been drinking, but me a little more than
your brother. We found our way into our room and crashed on the bed. That
night… I don’t remember much of it, but…” Lauri suddenly stopped talking.
“Jonne never told you what happened?” Maybe he should stay quiet too.
“He hasn’t, but… Lauri, please tell me.” Ville imitated Jonne’s puppy dog gaze
to his best ability. “It can’t be that bad and I want to understand.” He also
wanted something that would belong to him, even if it was only a small bit of
information. A secret, so to speak, that would connect him to Lauri further.
Lauri looked away, drew in a deep breath, and then admitted his worst shame. “I
tried to strangle him.”
Ville’s eyes widened and he stared at Lauri in complete shock. “You did what?”
“When I’m drunk, I fall asleep rather quickly, but the one thing you should
never do is wake me. Jonne was getting up to go to the bathroom and woke me. My
reaction was… rather violent. That’s why I had to stop drinking. That’s why I
can never drink again.” Lauri raised his gaze and searched Ville’s eyes. “You
have no idea how sorry I am. I love Jonne. He’s like family and then I… It was
my wake-up call. I don’t dare think of what might have happened if he hadn’t
managed to kick me off.”
Ville grew quiet. He needed a moment to digest what Lauri had just told him and
couldn’t help but wonder why Jonne had never confided in him.
“It must have been a nightmare for him,” Lauri said guiltily. “The room was
dark, we were alone and then suddenly I started to choke him.” He flinched. “He
kicked me off, screamed at the top of his lungs, and Jay came to the rescue.
Thankfully that guy doesn’t drink that much. He pulled me off of Jonne and
later, once I was sober and understood what I had done, my world came crashing
down around me. Facing Jonne the day after was the hardest thing I have ever
done. I could still see the marks of my fingers around his throat.” Lauri swallowed
hard. “And he forgave me… Just like that. He hugged me close and rocked me… I
owe him so much…”
Ville shook his head in wonder. “Jonne never told me… Why didn’t he?”
“Knowing Jonne the way I do, he wanted to protect you… Not burden you with
that.” Lauri caught the angry flash which suddenly lit Ville’s eyes. “Your
turn. What made you drink?” Ville had to get it all out and telling his
therapist once wouldn’t do the trick. Ville really had to let go and that meant
telling it over and over again.
Ville stared into his glass, which was empty. Had it been real beer, he would
have long ago gotten himself another one, or something stronger like vodka. “I
drank because I no longer wanted to feel those things.”
“What things?” Lauri scooted closer and sought out Ville’s gaze.
“Jealousy...envy...feeling second-best…” Ville sighed. “It’s hard being Jonne’s
brother at times. Negative is successful, Jonne is… well, he’s perfect, and I’m
not. Flinch will never be that successful, I will never be as good a singer as
Jonne, and…” Ville flinched the moment Lauri put his hand on top of his. He had
been lost in thought and not expecting the gesture, but then he curled his
fingers around Lauri’s. “I feel like a failure, you know. Jonne… I’ll never
be…”
Lauri interrupted Ville. “Jonne isn’t perfect, don’t think that. Jonne doesn’t
think of himself as perfect either. And you should be yourself. Don’t try to be
like Jonne. Your brother wouldn’t want that and you would be unhappy because
you can’t be someone else. You are *you*.” Lauri shook his head. “Ville, you’re
a very special person. Don’t try being someone else. Just be *you*. That’s all
we want.”
A lump of emotions made it hard for Ville to swallow. The look in Lauri’s eyes,
the sincerity with which the guitarist had spoken, and the feeling of the other
man’s fingers rubbing his – all those things made Ville feel much better about
himself. “Kiitos,” he whispered and he smiled at
Lauri, showing genuine contentment. “Hearing that helps.”
Lauri returned the smile, feeling happy that he had managed to make Ville feel
better about himself. He was about to offer Ville to get another non-alcoholic
beer when Antti suddenly grabbed his arm.
“You have to see this! Come on!” Antti, in his enthusiastic way, tried to pull
Lauri with him, but since Lauri had a hold on Ville’s hand, the guitarist
managed to remain seated. Antti glanced at his friend in displeasure. Cheering
the band on alone was no fun so he turned to Christus, who was busy staring at
the ever diminishing contents of his whiskey bottle. Before Christus knew what
was happening, Antti dragged him toward the stage to watch the show.
TBC
Part
3
My dear carniwhore
Juha checked his appearance one last time, moved some strands of red hair
about, and added a little more eye shadow.
“Are you ready yet?” Amused, Mikko leaned against the doorway and studied the
vocalist. “You’re worse than a woman!”
Juha arched an eyebrow and sent an indignant look Mikko’s way. “I would have
been ready long ago if I hadn’t had to do your nails and make-up as well!”
Mikko grinned, walked over to his friend, and grabbed Juha’s hand. “Come on, we
shouldn’t keep them waiting.”
“Do we have much of an audience today or is the place empty?” Juha would never
admit it, but sometimes he despaired that Reflexion
would never get a larger fan base. They would probably be playing small clubs
for the rest of their lives. No matter how hard he worked, or devoted his time
to the band, somehow the universe didn’t want them to get better known.
Mikko placed his hands on Juha’s shoulders and smiled wickedly. “It’s sold
out.” That should cheer Juha up. “And they expect a great show.”
Fire blazed in Juha’s eyes. “Sold out? That’s…” That was great. “They’ll get
their show, trust me!”
“I know they will.” Mikko nodded once. “Just blow their minds, Juha.” Juha’s
wicked grin sent shivers down Mikko’s spine and that reaction alone told him
that Juha’s performance would be extraordinary. They were a band that loved to
play, and Juha was the perfect front man. “Let’s do this!” Mikko grabbed his
bass and then stepped onto stage, leaving Juha alone behind stage.
The intro to Rainheart started and Juha drew in some
deep breaths to mentally prepare himself for the show. Then he walked onto the
stage and started singing.
~~~
Christus wanted to fight Antti’s hold off and return to his whiskey bottle when
something on stage caught his attention...or rather someone. Tall, slender, and
with long red hair, the band’s front man drew Christus in. Staring at the
vocalist, Christus found that he couldn’t take his eyes off of the guy. “Who’s
that?” he asked Antti, who was cheering the band on enthusiastically along with
the fans.
Antti had to scream into Christus’ ear to make himself heard. “His name is
Juha!”
“Juha,” Christus repeated the name, tasting it, trying it out. His gaze
followed the vocalist’s every move and when Rainheart
came to an end, Crashing Down started and Juha seemed unable to remain in place
for longer than a second. Powerless to look away, Christus drank in every look,
gesture, or Juha flipping back his hair. “That’s…”
The girls in the audience were starting to move toward the stage, elbowing
their way through and Antti decided it was time to get out. He pulled Christus
along and was content to watch the show from their shadowed corner. “Those
girls are freaking mad!”
Christus suddenly realized that the distance between him and the stage had
dramatically increased and seemed to wake from some sort of trance. “Antti, you
idiot, you could have warned me!” He poked Antti’s side hard.
Antti grinned deceivingly sweet. “What do you mean?” He knew Juha tended to
have a major impact on people when they saw him for the first time on stage.
“That’s like… Ui, even worse than Jonne and…”
Christus shook his head. No, he wasn’t drooling over some guy he didn’t know.
He was Sir Christus and Sir Christus didn’t drool or lose his head!
Lauri had been talking to Ville and looked up to see the shock in Christus’
eyes. Lauri laughed warmly. He had seen that expression before. “You look like
that the first time you saw Jonne!”
“I do not!” Christus firmly shook his head. “I don’t!”
“Yes, you do,” Antti agreed with Lauri. “Back then you had the same stupid
expression on your face of total shock!” Antti laughed and pointed his finger
at Christus. “That expression right there!”
Christus fought to retain his dignity, but his gaze continued to travel toward
the stage where Juha was. Sleeping With Death was definitely a song that got to
Christus and shivers traveled down his spine. “A voice like that… and those
looks… Oh no…”
Amused, Ville, Lauri, and Antti exchanged glances. Could it be that the
legendary Sir Christus had finally found his match?
~~~
After the show, Juha still felt energetic and couldn’t stop moving about. They
had congratulated each other on the great show and were now fighting over who
got to shower first. Juha, being sneaky, outwitted Juhani and stole into the
bathroom first.
Reiska, amused by his singer’s antics, sat down and grabbed a beer. Juha always
got his way. He had realized that right from the start. “Antti!” he called out
as he caught sight of the dreads. “I saw you in the audience! It’s great you
made it!” He got to his feet, walked over to his friend, and hugged him. “Did
you enjoy the show?”
Antti nodded. “I sure did! You guys sound great and it was a terrific show!” He
smiled brightly at the drummer. “We need to get together some time and jam!”
“That would be great! Oh, let me… This is Juhani, Ilkka,
and this is Mikko, our bass player.” Reiska introduced his band mates. “Guys,
this is Antti!”
Antti greeted them and smiled at Mikko. “Another bass player… Interesting!”
Mikko returned the grin. “And your friends… I think I know them, but…?”
Antti quickly nodded and introduced them. “Mister Larry Love, of course,” he
said in the most erotic voice he was capable of, but that only earned him a
bark of laughter from Reiska. “And this Ville. You might have heard him sing.
His band’s name is Flinch.”
Ville could have kissed Antti at that very moment for not introducing him as
Jonne’s little brother.
Mikko said, “I think I got the album at home…”
Ville felt happier than he had in a long time. It didn’t matter to Mikko that
he was Jonne’s brother. Mikko just accepted him as another musician!
Reiska gazed at the black-haired man next to Antti. “And that must be Sir
Christus, Negative’s other guitarist.”
Hearing his name pulled Christus from his musings. He had been searching the
dressing room for Juha, but had then realized that the singer wasn’t around. He
felt strangely disappointed. “That’s me.” He gave Mikko one of his patented
crooked smiles. “But you’re short of a band member.”
“Juha’s in the shower… That will take a while. Sit down and have a beer!”
Reiska handed Antti and Christus their bottles and was surprised when Lauri
shook his head.
“No alcohol for us. We’re recovering alcoholics.” The first few times Lauri had
said that, he had cringed each time, but now the words easily rolled off his
lips.
“Sure, no problem. Plunder Juha’s stock! He sticks to fruit juices and water
most of the time!” Reiska pointed them in the right direction. He noticed the
look of disdain on Christus’ face and laughed. “Don’t worry, he drinks alcohol
too, but not all the time!”
Christus sighed in relief. For a moment he had been worried that he was dealing
with some health freak. He watched Lauri retrieve some water for himself and
Ville and then directed his gaze towards the bathroom door. Negative had
performed there too and there was only one shower stall. Most of the time,
Jonne had claimed it as his and had forced them to wait until he was ready.
Antti, Snack, and Jay had seldom bothered to wait and had headed home, but
Jonne, Lauri, and he had enjoyed talking about the gig and goofing around
afterwards.
Antti noticed the way Christus kept an eye on the bathroom door and grinned. He
hadn’t thought of it when he had invited Lauri and Christus along, but yes,
Juha would interest Christus. Hell, everyone was interested in Juha! Even he
had felt something stir the first time he had seen the vocalist!
“It was a good show!” Ville said enthusiastically.
Mikko nodded gratefully. “We do our best. Although… I think I missed some
notes.”
“I didn’t hear it,” Juha declared as he exited the bathroom. “You always think
badly of your playing, Mikko, but it’s great!” He had only slung a towel around
his slender hips since he hadn’t been expecting company and raised an eyebrow.
“Are you now making me the star of your peep show and charging money for them
to see me half naked?” Seeing Mikko blush made Juha grin. “I thought so… Want
me to turn and give them a show?”
Mikko grinned, but he was blushing to the roots of his hair. “Stop it, you
idiot!”
“I’d pay,” Antti remarked, playing around. “How much for a lap dance?”
Juha burst out laughing. “I’m afraid you wouldn’t have the amount of money I
would charge. Now excuse me, the peep show is over.” He collected a clean set
of clothes and disappeared into the bathroom again.
“Eh, Chris, close your mouth. Your jaw hit the floor minutes ago,” Lauri
pointed out in amusement.
Christus instantly composed himself again. “You need glasses, Lauri. I was
merely…” What? Argh, why was it so hard to think
logically?
“You were drooling over Juha,” Mikko quipped. “Don’t worry, happens to
everyone.”
“I’m Sir Christus and I don’t drool!! And certainly not about another guy!”
Antti chuckled. “Are we supposed to believe that?”
Christus countered at once. “And so what if I find him attractive? I can have
anyone I want! I’m Sir Christus! Everyone wants me!” Sometimes he wondered when
he had started to believe in his own image so much that he really thought he
could get everyone he wanted. Maybe because his fans made it so damn easy for
him to get laid on tour?
Mikko sat down, grabbed a bottle of beer, and grinned. “Do you really think
that?”
One look at Reiska’s face showed a similar grin
there. What the hell was going on here? “Of course I do!” Everyone adored him!
Everyone wanted to have sex with him!
Lauri had a pretty good idea what was going through his friend’s head, and yes,
Christus was immensely popular with their fans, but he doubted Juha would act
like one of those fan girls. Juha struck him as someone who was very much aware
of his sex appeal and the effect he had on other people. He grinned – very
interesting indeed.
Mikko drank some beer and then said, “You know Juha is very selective. I doubt
very much that he’ll be interested.”
Lauri grinned. He had caught on to which game Mikko was playing and was already
looking forward to how the rest of the play would unfold.
Christus countered at once. “And you know that because he rejected you?”
Mikko’s grin definitely became wicked. “Oh, I passed the test. I’ve had sex
with him.”
“Sex with whom?” Juha, dressed in his favorite pair of black jeans and a black
sweater, stepped into the dressing room. “Who wants to go next?” Strangely
enough everyone remained seated, revealing that something was up. What had
Mikko done this time? He looked apprehensively at his bass player. “Sex with
whom?” Juha repeated his question. He reached for a bottle of orange juice and
uncapped it.
“With you of course, or did you forget?” Mikko laughed when Juha spat out the
orange juice.
Juha shook his head. “So, you started off offering them a peepshow and now
you’re selling my body? Mikko!” Amused, Juha swung the bottle warningly at his
bass player. “And no, I didn’t forget.” Juha studied their guests. He
recognized them of course. Almost everyone in
Antti returned the compliment. “Yours is cool too!” Juha’s hair was still damp
from his shower and clung possessively to his shoulders. Even the bass player
felt something stir in his groin while looking at Juha.
Juha’s gaze shifted away from Antti to the blond man next to him. Well, man…
maybe more a boy still. “I know you too…” But that was harder. He searched his
memory. “You sing, don’t you?”
“My name’s Ville and yes, I try to sing.”
“Ah yes, Flinch, now I remember.” Juha nodded. “I like your voice. Not too
smooth, a little rough around the edges, which gives it character.”
Lauri smiled as Ville beamed with pride. Compliments like those were exactly
what the singer needed. Ville needed to be praised for the things he did, not for
being Jonne’s younger brother. He liked Juha for being that kind to Ville. Then
Juha directed his gaze toward him and Lauri acted like he always did – cool.
Juha grinned and nodded his head. “Ah yes, Mister Love…”
Larry merely inclined his head a little. “At your service.”
Juha then studied Negative’s other guitarist, but didn’t speak. He had noticed
Christus’ gaze on him earlier and wasn’t going to undermine his position. He
wanted Christus to speak first.
Antti and Mikko exchanged amused glances, which didn’t go unnoticed by Lauri
and Ville. Even Reiska wanted to know what would happen next.
“I’m Sir Christus,” Christus stated, somehow sounding foolish to his own ears. Argh, this wasn’t happening! He wasn’t turning nervous
under Juha’s gaze. He wasn’t! But his heart was thundering madly, his lips
moved, but didn’t release any more words and his hands felt clammy. No! His
groupies acted this way, but not Sir Christus!
“I’m Juha.” Juha swept back his long hair and grinned predatorily at Christus.
He had won the first round as far as he was concerned. “What did you think of
the show?”
The air sizzled and everyone in the room noticed it. Antti sat down in-between
Mikko and Reiska and was enjoying the show, like the rest.
Christus managed to nod his approval. Until now, he had never realized how
those groupies had felt when they had finally gotten to meet him and now, he
felt like a groupie himself. No, this was not happening. Not to him! Not
because of some guy!
“Hopefully that means you liked it!” Juha collected his boots, stepped into
them, and looked at his band mates. “You’re going to the bar sweaty and still
wearing your stage outfits?” They started to move about and Ilkka
disappeared into the tiny bathroom. “Does anyone want to come along? I want a
beer.”
“I’m coming,” Mikko said and grinned wickedly.
“Oh no, you wished you were coming though!” Juha smiled and pulled Mikko along.
Christus looked over to Reiska. “Are those two… like together?”
Reiska shook his head. “Juha’s a tease. He knows he looks good and likes to use
it to his advantage and Mikko… Mikko has a girlfriend at home. He just likes to
play along.”
“But they…?” Christus wiggled an eyebrow.
“Once,” Reiska explained. “When Mikko joined the band. They were still very
young… and they make me feel so old!” Reiska studied Christus for another
moment, unsure if he should warn the guitarist. In the end, he decided against
it. He had known Juha for over ten years and still had to figure the redhead
out.
~~~
Ten minutes later, they had regrouped around the bar. Lauri and Ville sipped
their non-alcoholic beer, Mikko was talking to some fans, and Juha smiled every
time someone came up to him, hoping for a snapshot.
Christus found that he couldn’t keep his eyes off of the redhead and it dawned
on him that he wanted Juha in his bed, preferably tied to the bedposts and
screaming his name. Damn hormones. And it seemed like Juha was doing his best
to ignore him. That frustrated him to no end. He was used to being the center
of attention and these girls hardly looked at him. They all swarmed around Juha
like bees.
Antti and Reiska were downing one beer after another and loving the
entertainment which Christus was unwillingly providing. “What do you say?”
Antti asked. “Will Christus get Juha into his bed?”
Reiska grinned. “You are not suggesting we bet on that, are you?”
Antti wiggled an eyebrow. “That’s an interesting idea. Let me think.” Watching
Juha and Christus, his grin broadened.
“We want in!” Lauri and Ville had overheard their friend’s conversation.
“All right.” Antti nodded and took hold of a beer mat. He even managed to
convince a waitress to lend him her pen. Antti wrote down their names. “Okay,
tell me, will Chris succeed in getting laid or not? And how quickly?”
Mikko watched from over Antti’s shoulder and chuckled. “You’re actually betting
on that? I want in too!” Antti added Mikko’s name to the list and then waited.
“I’ll go first!” Lauri said. “I don’t think Christus will get laid. No way.”
Ville retorted, “I say yes, Christus will be successful, but it will take some
time… A few weeks!”
Mikko then decided to share his opinion on the matter. “If your friend plays it
right, Juha might fuck him.”
Antti raised a hand. “
Mikko shook his head. “Then I’m saying no. Juha won’t let Chris fuck him.”
Antti sighed and wrote everything down. “Reiska, what do you think?”
Reiska took a moment to think everything over. “It’s hard to say. I know Juha
tends to get what he wants, but I don’t think your friend will back down
easily. It’ll be a fight all right.”
“But how will it end?” Antti was growing impatient.
In the end, Reiska shrugged. “Maybe they will compromise and fuck each other.”
“So that would be a yes and a no?” Now Antti was confused.
Reiska took hold of the pen and wrote everything down. “That should do it! And
Antti, what do you think?”
Antti wasn’t sure himself. “I know Chris. He’s also used to getting what he wants,
but I don’t know Juha.” Antti studied Christus and saw the determined, almost
jealous expression in his eyes. “Put me down for yes. I have the feeling Chris
will find a way!”
“Okay.” Reiska took a new beer mat and wrote down:
Antti – yes, Christus fucks Juha
Reiska – yes and no, they will fuck each other
Mikko – no way Juha lets Christus fuck him
Ville – yes, Christus gets his way
Lauri -- No, no, no.
Everyone nodded. “And what is at stake?” Lauri asked. “Otherwise betting is…
boring.”
Antti considered the question. “The person or persons who lose have to give a
party and strip!” Antti nodded, loving the idea.
Lauri sighed over-dramatically. “I should have known it would be something like
that.”
“Do you accept or are you chicken?” Antti asked and checked who would be
stripping alongside each other. It would either be Antti and Ville, Mikko and
Lauri, or if Reiska won, they would all be stripping. “I need to search for my
camera. I’ll film the striptease!”
Mikko’s eyes glistened with amusement. Looking at Juha however, he had to admit
that he had no idea what would happen should Christus make his move.
~~~
Jonne woke sometime after midnight when his phone vibrated under his pillow. He
must have tucked it away in his sleep. A look showed that Tommi was gone.
Listening closely, he heard sounds coming from the living room which revealed
that his brother was probably watching sports. He uncovered his phone and
looked at the display. Was it just another message or was someone calling him?
His heart missed a beat when Jack’s name appeared and he answered the call.
Jack let himself fall on a couch in the dressing room and smiled happily even
though Jonne couldn’t see it. “Ei, Jonne! I hope I
didn’t wake you!”
Jonne found himself also smiling. “Want me to lie?”
“I woke you? I’m sorry for that, but the gig was awesome! I wished you could
have seen us rock!” Jack felt hyper. Normally he would be the first to head for
the showers or to grab the beer, but he wanted to hear Jonne’s voice before he
did any of that.
“I wanted to be there too, but my jailor wouldn’t let me, remember?” Jonne
pressed deeper into the mattress and sighed contentedly. “I miss you.”
Jack turned serious at once and sighed. “I miss you too, but I’ll be with you
again in a few days. How are you feeling? Better? Did you eat? Take your meds?”
Jonne chuckled. “I did, don’t worry. Tommi makes sure I behave and Ville fed
me.” Playing with a strand of his hair, Jonne closed his eyes while twirling it
around a finger. “I wish you were here with me. It’s cold in bed and I feel
alone. Tommi is watching sports and Ville went out.”
“I’m sorry that I can’t be there,” Jack replied. “Why don’t you join Tommi in
the living room? You can sleep there as well.”
“I might do that. Japa? I love you…” Jonne knew Jack would want to take a
shower, eat, and have a beer with his band mates and didn’t want to keep him.
“I love you too. Try to sleep some more, babe and go see Tommi if you feel
alone. Night, Jonne. Dream something sweet.”
“Night, Jack.” Jonne terminated the call and sighed deeply. It was great that
Jack sent him messages and called him, even when they had only been apart for a
few hours. Jonne decided to savor all the attention, since something like that
never lasted. Growing lonely in bed, he swung his feet to the floor, rose, and
draped a blanket around his shoulders. Then he made his way into the living
room where Tommi was watching an ice hockey match and again, Jonne felt a sting
of guilt. His brother could have made the team and playing in that match!
Tommi looked up and signaled for his younger brother to join him on the couch.
“What are you doing out of bed?”
Jonne sat down and snuggled up to his brother. Tommi then tugged the blanket
around them both and pulled Jonne closer. Jonne smiled, feeling content since
he wasn’t alone anymore. “Jack called and woke me. He said the gig was awesome
and he wished that I had been there. He also said he loved me.” Jonne sighed
blissfully.
Tommi loved the moments of easy intimacy that were shared between them. At
these times, Jonne was himself, didn’t pretend, and admitted his feelings
freely. There was no mask. “I think Jack and you are very right for each other.
I’m happy for you.”
Jonne continued to smile. “He’s perfect, you know… He wants to take care of me…
And I want to let him.”
Tommi nodded, knowing how hard it was for Jonne to accept help in any form. His
recent ordeal with the promo tour had once more illustrated that. “That’s good,
isn’t it?”
Jonne nodded against Tommi’s shoulder and his eyes closed once more. “Anteeksi…” He dozed off again.
Tommi tightened his hold on his younger brother and held him while he watched
the match.
~~~
“Hey, this isn’t like you!” Illu watched Jack from
the side. They were hanging out at the bar and all of the band members were
enjoying themselves except for Jack who was staring miserably into his beer
glass. “What’s wrong?”
“I miss Jonne,” Jack admitted, knowing his band mates wouldn’t be satisfied
until they knew the truth. “I’ve slept with him in my arms for the last two
weeks now.”
Eliaz patted Jack’s shoulder. “It can’t be that bad! You’ve only known the guy
for two weeks! You don’t fall in love that quickly!”
Sammy however came to the rescue. “Our Jacky here did, I’m afraid. Head over
heels, am I right?”
Jack nodded. “I can’t help it.”
“It’s okay,” Sammy said. “It just makes me even more curious to get to know
Jonne.” Their double headlining tour would start in two weeks. Unfortunately
for Sammy that meant he had to wait a little longer.
~~~
Juha had thought that it would never end, but finally the last fan had gotten
her picture and they were now willing to leave him along. That meant he could
finally take a sip from his beer, which had already turned too warm to truly
enjoy.
“Finally,” he whispered and then turned toward the bartender. “Give me a new
one!” Juha received his cold beer and sipped, this time truly enjoying the cool
liquid traveling down his throat. For several minutes, he watched Mikko and
Antti goofing around. They were writing down things onto a beer mat and seemed
to be enjoying themselves. Lauri and Ville were talking and he got the
impression that it was a private conversation, not one he would be invited to
participate in. Reiska and Juhani were holding a drinking contest and, like
most evenings, Ilkka had found himself a nice quiet
place where he could talk with their fans. So that meant only Christus was
available for conversation, but Juha wasn’t certain he should engage the
guitarist in discussion.
He knew Christus’ reputation of course. Everyone who was somehow connected to
the music scene in
Juha had been in a monogamous relationship for years, but then his girlfriend
had broken up with him. Juha had worked through the separation and enjoyed
being single once more, but that didn’t mean he was in for one-night-stands.
No, he wanted something more serious and he was fairly sure all Christus wanted
was to fuck him once and that certainly wasn’t going to happen!
Christus had felt Juha’s gaze on him and had tried hard to ignore it. Some
girls had finally realized who he was and were now begging him to have their
pictures taken with them. He flirted with them, curious to see if it would draw
some reaction from Juha, but the redhead was once more enjoying his beer and
talking to Reiska. Damn, that wasn’t going to work either! In the end, he
excused himself and as the girls watched him in disappointment, he left and
joined his friends at the bar. He ended up next to Mikko, who was telling some
joke. Christus barely listened though as his senses focused completely on Juha.
He felt like a predator, going in for the kill. Juha wouldn’t deny him. No one
did! All he needed to do was some sweet talk and Juha would see things his way!
Gathering his wits – and his courage – he made his way over to Juha.
Antti elbowed Mikko in the side. “Look, it’s about to start!”
Mikko followed the direction of Antti’s gaze and grinned. “I’m curious to see
what will happen next!
TBC
Part
4
Adrift
on a sea of emotions
Ville
hadn’t thought it possible, but he really enjoyed Lauri’s company that evening.
Lauri had always struck him as the silent type, someone it was hard to talk to.
Even though he knew Jonne and Lauri got along well, he hadn’t thought he would
like the guitarist just as much. He liked the fact that Lauri talked about the
things that occupied Ville’s mind. Lauri wanted to know about his hopes, his
fears, his music, his songwriting, and not once did the conversation turn
toward Jonne instead. It was uncommon for Ville to be the center of someone’s
attention for so long. Sooner or later, Jonne always came up, reminding him
that he wasn’t as talented as his brother or as good-looking.
Lauri
had noticed the way Ville continued to open up to him. The younger man seemed
to bloom since they were discussing his personal goals, his fears, and his
needs. Lauri was relieved that Ville could talk about himself so easily. It had
taken him months to even admit to his therapist how he felt. “I enjoyed our
little talk,” he said, checking the time. It was late and he had an appointment
with his therapist the next morning. “We should do this again sometime.”
Ville
nodded enthusiastically. “It was nice, yes.” Way more than nice, but he didn’t
want to seem too eager, afraid he would somehow scare Lauri off.
“I’ll
be visiting Jonne tomorrow for some time, but would you like to have dinner
with me maybe later? We can eat out, or you could cook. My cooking is bad. You
don’t want to eat that.”
Ville
smiled warmly at Lauri. “I’d love that. I know a pizzeria not too far away from
where I live. Cheap too!”
“Is
the food any good?” Lauri paid their bill and then turned toward Ville.
“Hey,
I can pay for my drinks,” the blond protested, feeling a bit uneasy.
“You
can buy me pizza tomorrow, okay?”
That
brought a smile to Ville’s face. “That’ll do.” Checking the time himself, he
hissed. It was already three AM. He didn’t have a curfew anymore since he was
too old for that, but he knew Tommi would be worried by now. He should have
given his brother a call, telling him that he would be home late. “I should go
home. Tommi must be worried sick. You know what he’s like.”
“I’ll
walk you home.” Lauri didn’t want Ville to walk the streets alone at this late
hour.
“And
what about you?” Ville waved goodbye at his friends and exited Senssi.
“I’ll
treat myself to a taxi ride home later.” It was a twenty minute walk to Jonne’s
apartment. The night wasn’t cold and the sky sparkled with stars. He wanted to
enjoy this. “I like the city when she’s like this. Most people are asleep and
it’s quiet.” Lauri fell into step next to Ville and lit a cigarette.
“That’s
bad for your voice, you know.”
“Don’t
you start too! It’s bad enough Jonne always tells me that!” He cursed
privately. All evening he had done his best not to mention Jonne. Looking at
Ville, he was relieved to see the younger man smiling. There wasn’t any
jealousy or self-doubt on the youth’s face now.
“I
really love Jonne,” Ville said unexpectedly. “He’s the best brother I could
have wished for.”
Lauri
merely nodded, unsure why Ville had made the statement.
Ville
peeked at Lauri. They had discussed their alcohol addiction all evening, but he
had learned little about the guitarist since they had talked about Ville most
of the time. “Can I ask you something personal, Lauri?”
“I
can’t promise I’ll answer though.” Lauri exhaled and the smoke formed a blue
cloud beneath the light of a lantern.
“Did
you ever have a crush on Jonne? Like Christus did?” He had often wondered about
that and Lauri had mentioned sharing a bed the night he had tried to strangle
Jonne.
Lauri
laughed and then shook his head. “On Jonne? No, never.”
“On
someone else then?” Ville thought he had seen something in Lauri’s eyes that
told him Lauri might have feelings for someone.
“Ville,
you’re home. Go inside before Tommi bites your head off. I’m going to walk
another few minutes and then call a cab. I’ll see you tomorrow. Sleep tight!”
And with that Lauri turned and marched away.
Ville
stayed behind feeling more curious than bewildered. “Oh, mister Love, tomorrow
I’ll find out why you ran away just now.” Grinning, he turned around and
entered the apartment. The light was still on in the living room, and feeling
curious, Ville made his way in there. He smiled as he saw Jonne fast asleep in
Tommi’s arms. “Hei,” he whispered in greeting and
then sat down next to Tommi in a comfortable chair. “What are you doing up so
late?”
“What
do you think? I waited up for you. Thank God I have my own place these days and
don’t have to do this every night. It’d drive me insane. Do you know how late
it is?”
“I
have a fairly good idea,” Ville replied and smirked. “Don’t worry. I didn’t
have any alcohol and Lauri walked me home.”
“You
could have called and told me you’d be that late!” Tommi reprimanded his
younger brother. But hearing that Lauri had kept his word and had looked out
for Ville reassured him.
“Next
time, I’ll remember to do that, mother.” Ville grinned. “Shouldn’t we put Jonne
to bed?”
“You’re
right,” Tommi whispered. “Can you take him for a moment? I don’t want him to
wake up, but I need to get up from this couch!”
Ville
sat down on the couch and pulled Jonne against him. His brother’s head lolled
against his chest and Ville found himself stroking the blond hair. He couldn’t
help but think back to what Lauri had said – that he had tried to strangle
Jonne – and yet, Jonne had never said a word to him. “Tommi?” He helped Tommi
lift Jonne and then led the way into Jonne’s bedroom while Tommi carried the
sleeping man.
Tommi
placed Jonne onto the bed and tucked him in. “Yes?”
“Did
you know what Lauri… when he was so drunk and Jonne woke him… do you know what
he did?”
Tommi
flinched. “He told you?”
Ville
nodded. “I think he wanted to warn me to stay clear of alcohol and show me what
can happen when you’re that drunk. He tried to strangle Jonne, didn’t he?”
“That
night was bad,” Tommi whispered so to not to wake Jonne. “Lauri had been
drinking excessively, mixing all kinds of drinks. Jonne and I had tried to make
him stop from drinking more, but he was stubborn and had emptied a whole vodka
bottle on his own. If his tolerance level had been any lower, he would have
ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. In that particular hotel,
Jonne and Lauri shared a room. It just happened that way. Normally it never
caused any problems and once Lauri is asleep, he’s totally out of it. Jonne
however had needed to go to the bathroom and had accidentally woken Lauri when
he moved about. Lauri must have grabbed him by the throat and then he started
squeezing.”
“Tommi,
you can’t tell Ville that.” Jonne had woken and had been shocked to hear what
his brothers were discussing. “I don’t want him-”
“What
happened next?” Ville sat down on the bed and eyed Jonne closely. He wanted to
hear the rest from Jonne’s lips.
Jonne
sighed and then relented. Ville wouldn’t let him be otherwise. “I kicked and
scratched him. I did everything I could to get away from him. At one point I
managed to kick him in the groin and he let go for a moment. I screamed. Jay
heard me and stormed into the room. He managed to get Lauri away from me and
then Chris appeared. Jay had to knock Lauri out cold and Chris… He held me. I
was hysterical at that point.”
“I
would be hysterical too,” Ville said, comforting his brother.
“Lauri
was out cold until the next morning and by then the alcohol had started to wear
off,” Tommi continued. “We managed to wake him, pour tons of coffee into him,
and then we confronted him with what he had done. He remembered what had
happened, even though there were some holes in his memory. He was shocked. He
broke down and cried. He begged Jonne to forgive him.”
“Of
course I forgave him,” Jonne whispered. “The alcohol had made Lauri act that
way.”
“A
few days later, Lauri decided he needed to come clean and went to a rehab
clinic. He has been sober for the last few years now,” Tommi finished the tale.
“Lauri knows what can happen if he starts drinking again. He knows how
dangerous he can get.”
“Why
didn’t you tell me?” Ville asked both Tommi and Jonne.
“We
didn’t want to worry you,” Jonne explained. “We also knew Lauri would need his
friends to get through this and the more people who knew the story, the more
people would dump him. Lauri has always been a good friend. I couldn’t do that
to him.” Jonne was surprised when Ville suddenly folded his arms around him and
hugged him tight. “Everything’s okay now. Don’t worry.” What was wrong with
Ville?
“I
could have lost you. You could have died that night!” Ville’s eyes grew big as
if he had finally realized that.
“But
that didn’t happen,” Jonne responded, trying to comfort his brother.
Ville
noticed the tremors which shook Jonne’s body though. “I’m not leaving you alone
tonight. Come on, make room!” Jonne moved toward the other side of the bed and
Ville lay down beside him, still holding him close. “You can’t die on me, you
hear? I love you! I need you!” Ville didn’t realize that he was crying.
“Don’t,”
Jonne said. “Everything is all right. No reason to cry!”
Tommi
drew in a deep breath and hoped that the bed was big enough for the three of
them. He lay down behind Ville and draped an arm about the two of them. “You
couldn’t have picked a worse moment to bring this up, Ville, but yes, you have
a right to know,” he agreed.
Jonne
rested his head against Ville’s shoulder and closed his eyes, praying that
retelling that story wouldn’t cause his nightmares to start all over again.
~~~
Christus
felt several eyes on him as he made his way over to Juha. The redhead was
sitting at a corner table with Mikko to one side. Christus had watched Juha
carefully the whole evening and had realized that this was only Juha’s second
beer. The singer drank slowly and wouldn’t be as intoxicated as Christus had
hoped. Juha being drunk might have made things easier. Christus slid into the
chair next to Juha and ignored the redhead for the first few minutes, focusing
on Antti and Reiska instead. Reiska had finally managed to drink the bass
player under the table.
It
was the weirdest situation ever. It had never happened before that he had no
clue how to approach someone he was interested in. Maybe it was because usually
the girls flirted outrageously with him and he seldom had to make an effort to
get them into bed. With Juha things were different. First it was because he was
male, second was because fans adored and flirted with him too, and third it was
because he didn’t seem too interested in him, which was quite shocking to
Christus. He was used to girls and men wanting him! He sat there, thinking over
his options, but failed to decide on a particular action. The problem was that
he really had no idea how to act around Juha.
His
chance came when Mikko left to go to the bathroom. Juha and he were alone at
the table. Lauri and Ville had left some time ago, Reiska had offered to take
Antti home, who was way too drunk to find his apartment, and Mikko was staying
away longer than strictly necessary. Peeking at Juha, he noticed the amused
look and the sly grin that curled the corners of the singer’s lips. Damn,
Christus cursed. The guy was hot and knew it.
“You’ve
been looking at me all evening. Got anything interesting to say?” Juha tilted
his head and glanced at Christus in amusement. Two could play this game. He
wasn’t a playboy, didn’t have the reputation Christus had, and didn’t want to
get one like that, but a little bit of flirting was something he enjoyed. “You
must have interesting things on your mind, Sir Christus.”
Christus
quivered when Juha pronounced his name in an obviously sensual way and knew the
redhead had done so on purpose. That man made it impossible for him to think
straight, damn it! Cursing himself for acting the way he was, he decided to go
for the normal Sir Christus’ approach and use a routine which worked most of
the time. Leaning in closer, he licked at the arch of Juha’s ear, which peeked
out from beneath the mane of red hair and whispered, “I’m going to fuck you so
hard that you’ll scream.” There hadn’t been a girl yet, or a guy for that
matter, who had turned him down, but he wasn’t so sure about Juha’s reaction.
Juha
had to be careful not to spit his beer out. What the hell? Grinning, he
directed his gaze at Christus and almost burst out laughing at the ‘supposedly’
sexy expression on the guitarist’s face. Oh, most groupies would have jumped at
the opportunity, but he wasn’t one of them. “Hum, I think you got something
wrong, Sir Christus. I’d fuck you, but unfortunately for you my standards in
bed are higher than yours. Ask Mikko, he might accept your proposal.” Juha
enjoyed the look of complete shock that settled on the guitarist’s face.
Christus
couldn’t help showing his shock so blatantly. He had never been good at hiding
behind a mask, though usually he managed to hide his most extreme reactions,
but not this time. Juha had turned him down! Had said no! What the hell… And
what was that about Juha doing the fucking? No, no, no, this wasn’t happening!
“Dream on. I let no one fuck me! Looks like I’m wasting my time here!” Christus
got up and angrily stalked back toward the bartender, where he ordered more
whiskey. He felt Juha’s eyes on him the entire time, but managed not to look
back.
A
moment later Mikko returned and decided to head for the counter instead of
returning to Juha’s side. He leaned against the counter, ordered another beer,
and stared at Christus, who was obviously pouting. “Did he turn you down?” he
asked after his first sip of cool beer.
“That’s
none of your business!” Christus took a big swig of his whiskey and then his
gaze drifted back off to Juha, who was once more talking to some girls.
Mikko
nodded. “That’s true.” But something told him to get involved. Juha and he were
good friends and he had supported his friend through his break up. Juha had
really loved his girlfriend, had adored her, and had been devastated when she
had cheated on him. Ever since, Juha had been extremely careful not to fall in
love again, but Mikko knew his friend would only be happy in a new
relationship. Mikko wanted to see Juha happy and this was the first time since
that separation that he had seen that old fire return to Juha’s eyes. There was
something going on between Juha and Christus and Mikko was going to find out
about its potential. Christus’ reputation wasn’t the best, but he also knew
that people could change. “What did you tell him?”
“Something
stupid!” Christus felt frustrated as he watched Juha flirt with the two girls
who obviously adored him. “I’d better back down. I ruined my chance.” Mikko
glanced at him in disappointment, which made the guitarist wonder. “What?”
“Are
you giving up that easily? So quickly? I thought you always got what you
wanted?” Mikko grinned slyly. “You’ve got time. Work out a plan. Get to him
slowly. Juha’s a romantic. He might not show it, but he likes it that way. Ask
him out for dinner, take him for a walk, things like that!”
“I
don’t have the time for that!” And he wasn’t used to actually making an effort
to get into someone’s pants. His reputation would suffer if he had to go to
such lengths to get to Juha. No, that was below him!
Mikko
shook his head. “You’ll never get him in your bed otherwise.”
“But
you did. What happened that he would have sex with…you?” Christus spoke the
last word with obvious contempt, hoping to irritate Mikko just as much as the
other man was irritating him.
Mikko
shrugged. “I’m cute… I was rather innocent in those days. We simply liked each
other. It was…fun. It felt right. And he helped me make up my mind on if I
wanted to be with a girl or a guy.”
Christus
hadn’t expected Mikko to answer him so openly. “So… He fucked you?”
Mikko
leaned in closer and whispered huskily, “He made love to me. There’s a
difference, you know.”
Christus
laughed somewhat bitterly. “It was just a fuck, Mikko.”
But
Mikko shook his head. “Maybe you should make the effort and invest some time in
Juha. Maybe he’ll help you find something out too. He lives in
“Mikko,
there is no ‘more’.” Christus shook his head determinedly.
Mikko
smiled at Christus however and then locked eyes with Juha. The redhead had been
looking and probably listening intently and must have overheard most of their
conversation. Now things would get really interesting!
~~~
Jack
normally was the last one to leave his bed after a gig and partying, but that
morning was different. He had waited for Sammy, whom he was sharing a room
with, to go into the bathroom and had then uncovered his mobile phone. Smiling,
he accessed Jonne’s number.
~~~
Jonne
was still asleep when his mobile phone alerted him that he had an incoming
call. Reaching his phone proved difficult since Ville had turned into some kind
of twelve tentacle octopus during the night. Somehow Ville had managed to curl
himself around him, leaving him little space to move. Thankfully for Jonne, his
phone was just within reach and his morning brightened even further as he read
Jack’s name on the display. “Morning,” he whispered into the phone.
Jack
grinned. “Hey, why whisper?”
“Ville’s
still asleep and I don’t want to wake him.”
“Ville’s
in bed with you? Is there something I need to know?” Jack laughed warmly.
Jonne
grinned as well. “Nothing!” Smiling goofily, Jonne closed his eyes and enjoyed
listening to Jack’s voice.
“We
have some interviews today and a meet and greet. If things work out, I’ll be
back home with you tomorrow evening. Damn, I missed not holding you last night.
And what makes it even worse is the other guys are making fun of me.”
Jonne
purred softly. “I like sleeping in your arms, Japa.” Hearing that Jack might be
back the next evening made his heart beat faster. “Thanks for calling me and
sending messages. That’s really…nice,” he said and blushed. He was grateful
that Jack couldn’t see that through the phone. Jack staying in touch with him
had helped his self-confidence grow. It showed Jack really missed him and cared
about him.
“I
hate being away from you,” Jack admitted. “You’d better tell Tommi that the two
of us will be sharing rooms on that tour! If he dares to put me in the same
room with Sammy then…”
“What’s
with me?” Sammy stepped back into the bedroom, still drying his hair. He looked
at Jack and was surprised to find him flustered. Then everything made sense.
“Ah, you’re on the phone with your sweetheart! Want me to go back into the
bathroom so you can finish what you started? Didn’t know you were into phone
sex in the morning!” He laughed.
“Sammy,
stop it!” Jack grabbed hold of the first thing he encountered, which was a
rolled up pair of socks, and flung it at the singer, who quickly disappeared
into the bathroom. “Now you heard it yourself. They’ve been pestering me
nonstop!”
“I’m
sorry, Jack, but…” Jonne chuckled. “I would probably be pestering you too if I
were in Sammy’s shoes.”
“Oh,
thanks! You really love me, don’t you?” He knew it was silly, but he stuck out
his tongue. Jonne continued to chuckle though. Jack turned serious again and
asked, “What are you going to do today?”
“Not
much I’m afraid. Tommi is determined to keep me inside for at least another
day. Maybe he’ll let me go outside tomorrow. I’m slowly climbing the walls
here!”
“How
is your asthma? Any fever?”
“Everything
is fine, Jack. I’m feeling much better.” It was the truth. Jonne reckoned he
would be back to his normal self in one or two days. “I owe that to you.”
Jack
sighed. “Don’t ever do something like that again!”
Jonne
knew what Jack was referring too. “Trust me, I learned my lesson. No more
fucking pills for me!”
“Good…”
Jack caught Sammy looking around the corner and realized that it was time for
him to shower and get dressed. “I’ve got to go, but I’ll call later. Try to
sleep some more, babe.”
“I’ll
try… Thanks for calling and… I love you…Bye.”
With
a sigh, Jack terminated the call and then stared at the ceiling.
“You
got it bad!” Sammy remarked as he stepped into the bedroom to select his outfit
for that day.
“I
know that!” Jack shot Sammy an annoyed look. “Stop pestering me with it.”
Sammy
grinned. “And miss out on all the fun? No, never!”
~~~
His
head hurt. It felt like someone was drilling holes into his skull. Christus
groaned in pain. Pinching his eyes shut, he tried to control the nausea rising from
his stomach. What had he done the other night to have gained the hangover from
hell? Oh yes, he had emptied that whiskey bottle by himself after Juha had
turned him down. Then another thought hit him and made him open his eyes in
spite of the pain that speared his brain as a beam of sunlight hit his face.
Where was he? Had he made it home? Or was he asleep on some table at Senssi? But no, the surface beneath him was too soft to be
a table.
The
first thing he noticed was red hair. Lots of red hair was cascading down
slender shoulders and hugging delicate skin. Christus was instantly awake, even
if having to focus caused the pounding in his head to increase. He definitely
was in a bed and there was someone sleeping in front of him… and behind him.
His eyes widened with that realization and panic shot through him. He had been
in a similar situation once before and still bore the scars from that
encounter. It hadn’t happened again, had it? He hadn’t gotten so drunk that
someone had dragged him off to his bed and… Christus swallowed hard, dreading
having to finish that thought. There was a very good reason why he would let no
one fuck him.
Suddenly,
the person behind him moved, left the bed, and closed a door behind him. A
moment later, Christus heard the shower being turned on. This might be the best
moment for him to get out. Doing his best to ignore the stabbing pain in his
head, he managed to push himself into a sitting position and then quickly
raised a hand to cup his head. He wasn’t going to get far in his current
condition and felt trapped. Panic and fear shot through him, but then he looked
down and realized he was still wearing his clothes. A sigh escaped his lips as
he took stock. He was still dressed and it didn’t look like someone had taken
advantage of him. He couldn’t help it, but tears of relief streamed down his
face and he angrily wiped them away.
“Here,
this will help.”
Christus
flinched in pain when he was addressed. Although Juha had spoken softly, the
words hammered his head. Raising his gaze as much as he dared, he looked at the
redhead, who was sitting cross-legged next to him. Even in his current state,
Christus couldn’t help taking in Juha’s form. The redhead was only wearing
black boxers and, had Christus not been feeling ill, he might have tried
something right then and there. But for now, he was content to swallow the
aspirin and drink the water Juha had handed him.
“You
should lie down and sleep it off,” Juha suggested and gently pushed Christus
onto his back. “It’s still early.”
Christus
swallowed hard. It turned out that he had ended up in bed with Juha after all,
but under different circumstances than he’d had in mind.
“Mikko
and I decided to take you with us. You were so drunk that you’d fallen asleep
on the floor of the club,” Juha explained as he ran his fingers through his
hair, combing the strands. “Drinking that excessively isn’t good for you,” he
remarked thoughtfully.
“That’s
easy for you to say…” Christus managed. “You had two beers the whole evening!”
Juha
arched an eyebrow. “You watched me very closely then.”
At
that moment, Mikko exited the bathroom dressed in a comfy morning robe courtesy
of the hotel. “If you want to shower, Juha, go ahead!” He sat down on the bed
and gazed at Christus in pity and amusement. “Feeling hung over this morning?”
Christus
cringed again as Mikko’s voice caused his headache to increase again. This was
extremely embarrassing. Apparently he had drunk himself into a stupor and Juha
and Mikko had taken him under their wing out of pity. Suddenly someone started
to massage his neck and the caress made him groan, but this time out of relief.
The little massage was doing wonders for his poor head! Opening one eye, he
found that it was Juha who was touching him.
“Better?” Juha inquired while gazing at Christus sympathetically.
“It
helps…” Maybe it was the aspirin kicking in, or Juha’s presence, their concern,
or the massage, but Christus started to relax. “Thanks for… Well, you know…
Taking me along.”
Mikko
turned his head and grinned at Juha. It had been his idea to take the guitarist
with them instead of letting him sleep on the floor. Truth be told, Juha had
been swayed easily – too easily.
Juha
continued the massage for a few more minutes, hoping it would soothe the
headache which Christus had to be experiencing. “We couldn’t leave you there.
Who knows what might have happened with you being out of it!” Beneath his touch
the other man tensed.
Christus
nodded slowly. Juha was right of course – he *knew* that! And still he had made
the same mistake all over again.
“Why
do you drink that much?” Juha stopped the massage, but his hand remained at the
nape of the guitarist’s neck.
Christus’
alarm bells went off. “Because I can,” he replied, avoiding giving a real
answer. To his surprise, his reply made Juha sigh.
“I’m
going to take that shower now. You’re free to use the bathroom after that. If
you want to, you can borrow some of my clothes. They might fit you.” Juha rose
from the bed.
Christus
frowned. Borrow Juha’s clothes? Why would he want to do that? Another look at
his clothes and a sniff told him why. He stank. Juha disappeared into the
bathroom, leaving him alone with Mikko, who was watching a documentary with the
sound off thankfully. Mikko’s smirk irritated Christus to no end. “Why are you
grinning like that?”
“No
reason at all,” Mikko said and continued to grin. “Juha likes you. If you play
your cards right…”
“I
told you before! I’m only interested in fucking him once! Nothing else! Nothing
more!” The headache was back with a vengeance. Oh, very well done, he
congratulated himself. Juha must have heard that, even though the other man was
in the bathroom. He had practically screamed at Mikko!
“You
should take his advice and close your eyes so you can sleep it off.” Mikko
lazily watched his documentary and pressed deeper into the mattress.
~~~
Juha
had, of course, heard Christus’ outburst and shook his head. He had the feeling
Christus was going to cause a lot of trouble in his life. At least he had been
warned and was going to look out for himself. But another part of him worried
about the guitarist and wondered what had happened in Christus’ life to think
that there was nothing more to it than a fuck? What about making love? It was a
subtle difference, but there *was* a difference between the two!
Juha
showered, dried off, put body lotion on, and then slipped into the clothes that
he had taken with him. He loved feeling clean again. As he returned to the
bedroom, he found Christus asleep again.
Mikko
left the bed and disappeared into the bathroom to ready himself for breakfast.
Juha sat down on the bed and studied the sleeping man. Something about Christus
appealed to him. He was smart enough to realize he was interested in him, but
he refused to be just another conquest in Christus’ book.
“Hungry?”
Mikko returned from the bathroom and walked up to Juha. A reassuring smile
appeared on his face at the concern in Juha’s eyes. “I doubt he’ll wake up
again so soon.”
“Do
you think we can leave him alone?” Juha rose from the bed.
“He
can get into little trouble here. Let’s go, I’m hungry!”
Juha
nodded and followed Mikko. He closed the door behind him, locked it, and put on
the ‘do not disturb’ sign before he followed Mikko downstairs.
~~~
“Hei, wake up. We saved you some food.” Juha was once more
sitting on the bed and tenderly stroked the black strands away from Christus’
face. “I know you probably don’t want to eat, but it might help settle your
stomach after the drinking you did.”
Christus
reluctantly opened one eye to find out what Juha was talking about. That was
when he caught sight of the toast and the cup of tea which the singer was
holding in his hands. “Go away… Not hungry.” He wanted to go back to sleep!
“I’m
sorry, but you have to get up soon. We need to leave the room in an hour at the
latest.” Juha gazed at him encouragingly.
Christus
elbowed himself into an upright position and then reclined into the pillows.
Thankfully his head no longer hurt so bad and he even managed a few bites of
toast. His embarrassment continued to grow now that Juha was taking care of
him. Christus felt awkward: this wasn’t the morning after he’d had in mind.
“There’s
still time for a quick shower and to get dressed,” Juha remarked and nodded
encouragingly as Christus took another bite. “I put some of my clothes into the
bathroom for you. They should fit.”
“Kiitos,” Christus mumbled, unable to meet Juha’s eyes. He
had really screwed up and knew he stood no chance of seducing Juha now. Not
after the redhead had seen him drink himself to oblivion and crash on the floor
at Senssi. It would be best to make a quick exit and
avoid the vocalist in the future.
“I
need to pack,” Juha explained as he rose from the bed. “You’d better shower
now.”
Christus
hated having to move, but Juha was right. They had to vacate the room before
noon and he would like to rid himself of the stench before taking a taxi home.
Unable to pick his feet up properly, Christus dragged himself over to the
shower cabin. He undressed slowly because the bathroom was spinning then turned
on the shower and waited for it to reach an acceptable temperature. Only then
did he step beneath the water spray. He let the water run down his body and
then took hold of the shower gel and shampoo which Juha had kindly left behind
for him. It took him fifteen minutes to clean up. Normally he was faster, but
somehow everything seemed to be happening in slow motion that morning.
Turning
off the water, Christus stepped out of the shower cabin and wrapped himself up
in the towels which had been waiting for him. Either Juha or Mikko had put them
there for him. Christus walked over to the mirror and looked up. He flinched as
he saw how bad he looked. He looked tired, beaten, and somehow too old for his
age.
“Do
the clothes fit?” Juha called from the bedroom.
Juha’s
voice shook Christus from his musings and he slipped into the boxers, black
jeans, and black and white striped sweater. The outfit was definitely not his
style, but the clothes fit and didn’t stink of alcohol. “Yes, they do!” He ran
his fingers through his hair, not bothering to style it. Once he got home, he
planned on falling into his bed and staying there for the next few days.
Suddenly Juha walked into the bathroom and Christus felt strangely shy when the
redhead came to a halt opposite him. “Why are you doing this?”
Juha
had more or less expected that question. “You’re an interesting person… I’m
curious about you.”
That
wasn’t the answer Christus had expected. He had thought Juha had looked after
him because he had pitied him.
“Juha,
it’s time! We need to leave!” Mikko reminded his friend that they had to join
the others on time. Ilkka, Juhani, Reiska, and Mikko
would travel home to
Juha
smiled at Christus and then gathered the clothes from the floor, knowing the
headache might cause vertigo if Christus had to bend over. He went into the
bedroom, where he stuffed the dirty clothes into a bag. “We’re on our way,
Mikko!” Mikko was already taking their luggage downstairs and Juha pulled
Christus along. He closed the door behind them and then folded an arm around
the swaying man next to him. “Are you sure you can get home on your own?”
“I’ll
take a taxi home,” Christus replied while flinching in pain because the noise
level around him had risen. Why did people have to talk so loudly?
Juha
waved at his band mates and then went over to the receptionist’s desk, where he
asked the employee to get a taxi for Christus. Christus clawed at the bag in
his hands in the meantime. He had really outdone himself this time. He had made
a complete fool of himself and what made it even worse was that Juha had seen
it all!
“Your
taxi will be here in a few minutes,” Juha said and came to a halt next to the
guitarist. He nodded toward Mikko and the rest of the band started to take
their things to their bus. “I’ll wait here with you until it has arrived.”
Christus
swallowed hard. He felt the need to apologize and stuttered, “ Juha, I’m sorry
for...for...you know...for acting the way I did.” A glance at Juha revealed
that the redhead was smiling.
“Don’t
worry about it. Although…your flirting skills are something you need to work
on.” Moving closer, Juha tilted his head and whispered huskily into Christus’
ear, “Maybe it would have worked if you had told me you would make love to me,
Sir Christus…” He winked at the dumbfounded guitarist. “Who knows,” he added
and licked the arch of Christus’ ear the same way the guitarist had the night
before when he had come on to Juha. “Maybe you’ll get another chance.”
Tremors
of desire, lust, and need coursed through Christus. Juha’s slick tongue
caressed his ear and Christus couldn’t help but moan hoarsely. Realizing he had
closed his eyes in bliss, he opened them again and looked into Juha’s blazing
green ones. “You’d give me another chance?”
“Why
not?” Juha moistened his lips provocatively and noticed the way Christus’ gaze
followed the tip of his tongue. “Here, in case you want to work on your
flirting.”
Christus
blinked in surprise when Juha slipped a piece of paper into his hand. A quick
look showed that it was a phone number. “Are you serious?” Juha’s genuinely
warm smile was answer enough and Christus knew the redhead meant it. “I’ll call
– sometime,” he added, determined to not appear too eager. Juha grinned and
shook his head, letting it be known that the redhead was on to him.
“Sure,
take your time.” Juha caught sight of the taxi driver and waved at the man.
“Your ride’s here and I have to go. Take care of yourself, Sir Christus!” he said
with a smile.
But
Christus heard something else in Juha’s voice as well – concern – and suddenly
knew his case wasn’t as hopeless as he had thought. Juha liked him and was
willing to give him a second chance. “I’ll get your clothes back to you,” he
replied as he turned around toward the taxi driver.
“That’s
okay. If I need them, I know where to find you.” Juha waved at the guitarist
and then joined the rest of the band.
Christus
remained standing there for another minute and tried to figure out what had
happened just then.
TBC
Part
5
All
I need
“I
need to go to the office for a few hours. Will you look after Jonne and keep
him out of trouble?” Tommi slipped into his jacket, hating that he had to
leave. He had asked for the week off, but his boss had called and asked him to
come in.
Ville
looked up from the magazine he was reading and nodded. “Sure.” The thought of
being in charge appealed to him. “By the way, I won’t be around for dinner. Is
that a problem?”
Tommi
shrugged. “I should be home way before dinner.” His eyes narrowed. “Where are
you going?”
“I’m
having dinner with Lauri. We had some good talks last night.” Ville sounded
thoughtful. It was true: they had talked a lot about their problems with
alcohol, but at the same time, Ville hoped that there was something. Ville
hoped Lauri was interested in spending time with him because he was interested
in him as a person.
“The
two of you’re getting along just fine at the moment.” Tommi zipped his jacket
and smiled at his brother. “I’ll try to make it quick!” And then he was out the
door.
Ville
rose from his chair and walked into the living room where Jonne was watching
some cartoons. Stretched out on his side while hugging a pillow and tucked
beneath a blanket, Jonne looked young and, in a way, vulnerable. Ville sat
cross-legged on the floor, rested his chin on the couch, and studied Jonne.
After what he had learned the other night, he wondered what other things Jonne
had gone through which he had never known about. It must have been scary, being
strangled by one of your best friends.
“Why
are you looking at me like that?” Jonne’s gaze traveled from the screen to his
brother’s face. “Is something wrong?”
Ville
slowly raised his right hand and stroked Jonne’s face. “What else did you never
tell me in order to protect me?”
Jonne
swallowed nervously. “Ville, don’t start dragging up the past. Leave it the way
it is. I’m fine.”
“So,
I’m right! You’re hiding things from me!”
Jonne
pushed himself up and pulled Ville onto the couch next to him. “I understand
that you’re curious. I’d probably feel the same way if I were you, but for my
sake, Ville, don’t do this to me. I want to leave those things where they
belong – in the past.” Jonne gazed pleadingly at his brother. “I had nightmares
for months after the incident with Lauri happened and I’m afraid that they
might come back. If you start digging in the past, I’m afraid that I might not
be able to deal with that. Do you understand?”
Ville
might not like it, but he understood what Jonne was trying to say. Whatever
unpleasant events might have taken place in the past, Jonne hadn’t completely
worked through them and if he continued to poke, he might open old wounds.
“Jonne, will you promise me something? If you do, I’ll stop asking questions
about the past, okay?
Jonne
looked at Ville in confusion. “That depends on what you want me to promise.”
Ville
rested his hands on either side of Jonne’s face and looked him in the eye. “If
something bad happens again – no matter what – will you tell me and let me
help? I don’t want to be left out. I want to be there for you too. I’m not a
child anymore. Please don’t treat me like one.”
Jonne
swallowed hard and then nodded. “I can promise you that. Ville, you were still
so young when that thing with Lauri happened. I didn’t want to scare you.”
Ville
nodded. “I get it, Jonne, but please… Tell me in the future.” Then he scooted
closer to Jonne and hugged him. “You know, Tommi has left… I’m in charge. Want
to do something bad?” Tilting his head, he grinned at Jonne.
“He
left you in charge? Must have lost his mind then,” Jonne teased. “You’re a bad
influence, Ville.”
“I
know…” Ville wriggled an eyebrow. “So tell me, what are we going to do? We need
to give Tommi a reason for lecturing us when he gets back!”
“I
might have an idea,” Jonne said as he stroked Ville’s hair.
~~~
Ville
was having second thoughts. Maybe asking Jonne for his help of thinking
something up had been the wrong thing to do. “Are you sure you should be going
outside?” Jonne was dressed in warm clothes and had wrapped a scarf around his
neck and was now slipping into his sneakers.
“As
long as I dress warm it should be all right. I’m going crazy being locked up in
here!” Jonne pocketed his mobile phone and then turned to Ville. “Lauri is
late!”
Ville
was about to shrug when the doorbell rang. “Maybe that’s him!” Ville went to
open the door and smiled at the curly-haired guitarist. “Ah, your timing is
perfect. You can leave your coat on!”
Lauri
frowned. “And why is that?”
“Because
we’re going to Klubi for a drink!” Jonne appeared in
the doorway. “I need out! I’m going up the walls!”
“And
Tommi is okay with that?” Lauri stepped aside to let the brothers into the
corridor.
“Tommi’s
at the office. We figured we should give him a reason to scream at us later!”
Ville slipped into his coat, locked the door, and then looked at Jonne. “Tell
me when you’re starting to feel tired. We’ll head home then.”
“I’m
fine! Stop worrying!” Excited, Jonne started down the stairs and then went onto
the street. “I have my freedom back!”
Ville
and Lauri exchanged amused looks. Then the guitarist said, “I wonder how long
that energy of his will hold.”
“There’s
only one way to find out.” Ville felt nervous when he hooked his arm around
Lauri’s. He wasn’t quite sure how the older man would react, but Lauri smiled
at him and then started walking, so it seemed to be okay. A minute later, Jonne
had taken possession of Lauri’s other arm and together like that, the three of
them headed for Klubi.
~~~
Antti
was still nursing his hangover when Jonne, Lauri, and Ville entered the club.
Jonne had immediately made out the redhead and walked over to him. “Hei, Antti!” Glad to see his friend, he ruffled the dreads
the way he always loved to do.
“Cut
it out! My head hurts!” Antti pushed Jonne’s hand away and stared at his water
glass with aspirin bubbling in it. “Damn Reiska! I always forget he easily out
drinks me!”
Jonne,
Ville, and Lauri sat down. Jonne ordered his tea and then turned back to Antti.
“Who’s Reiska?”
“A
friend of mine. His had a gig yesterday and I let him sway me into some stupid
drinking contest.” Antti rubbed his temples and then took another sip of the
aspirin drink. His features contorted as he swallowed the water. “I hate that
stuff!”
Ville
said, “Remember that was the gig Tommi wouldn’t let you go to.” He smirked.
Jonne
cuffed his brother on the head. “I haven’t forgotten about that, you traitor!”
Ville
took it in stride. Jonne could cuff him on the head all he wanted, but at least
Ville had seen the gig. His coffee arrived and he sipped gratefully. Looking
over at Lauri, he noted that the guitarist was also sticking to the black gold.
“It was quite an amusing evening,” Ville commented after drinking half of his
coffee. “I can’t remember seeing Chris that thunderstruck before!”
Curious,
Jonne looked at Ville. “What happened?”
Antti
laughed, although he regretted the action a few seconds later. “It turned out
that even Sir Christus can’t have any ass he wants!”
Jonne
grew more curious with every moment. “Someone turned him down?”
“Juha,
the front man of the band that was performing last night. You should have seen
Chris!” Antti managed to block out his headache for a moment when he added, “We
even have some bets riding on if Chris will get laid or not!” He uncovered the
beer mat. “Care to gamble along?”
“That’s
hardly fair, considering I don’t know Juha.” Jonne considered entering the bet
or not. “What awaits the loser?”
“They’ll
have to strip,” Antti answered in-between sips.
Jonne
sighed. If only he knew Juha! “I’m out,” he pushed the beer mat back to Antti.
“Chicken,”
Antti remarked and made some peculiar sounds.
“A
chicken doesn’t sound that way! It sounds like this!” Ville retorted before
demonstrating.
Jonne
shook his head, but still enjoyed the madness, which was normal for them. “In
that case put me down for yes. Let’s give Chris the benefit of the doubt.”
~~~
“Jonne’s
about to fall asleep,” Lauri told Ville. They had been at the club for two
hours and Jonne’s strength seemed to be dwindling. “We should get him home.”
Ville
agreed and rose from his chair. “Guys, we need to go. Jonne needs his beauty
sleep.”
“I
heard that,” Jonne whispered tiredly. “I’m sorry, but… I might have
overestimated my strength.”
“Like
that’s something new,” Antti quipped. The aspirin had done wonders and he felt
much better.
“Let’s
get you home.” Ville pulled Jonne to his feet and, with Lauri’s help, they
started for home.
~~~
At
home awaited an ugly surprise for them. Tommi had returned home early and barely
managed to wait until they were inside before lecturing them. Lauri wisely
stayed out of it and went into the kitchen, but he cringed as Tommi started
another speech.
“What
did you think you were doing? Jonne, you’re supposed to be in bed! Ville, I left
you in charge! Is it too much to ask for you two to grow up? Just a bit?” Tommi
gesticulated wildly and stared at them in exasperation. They stood in front of
him with their heads down guiltily. He was about to start in again when Jonne
suddenly raised his head and looked at him pleadingly.
“Can
we continue this later? I need to lie down.” He swayed on his feet and Ville
quickly wrapped an arm around him. “I need to rest, Tommi.”
Tommi
composed himself and nodded. “Sure, we’ll get you in bed, but this isn’t over
yet!” Helping Ville get Jonne into the bedroom, Tommi continued to curse
beneath his breath.
Ville
helped Jonne sit down and then gazed at his brother guiltily. “I’m sorry. We
should have left Klubi earlier. Now you’re…”
Jonne
waited for Tommi to leave the room and then winked at Ville. “I’m fine, but you
know what Tommi’s like. I knew he would back off if I seemed exhausted.”
Ville
looked impressed. “I need to remember that!”
“But
a nap sounds great right now!” Jonne turned onto his side, yawned, and pulled a
pillow close to hug.
Ville
stroked Jonne’s hair and then turned around. “Sweet dreams!” Jonne’s lips moved
to thank him, but no sound escaped them. Ville smiled and then closed the door.
In the corridor, he found Lauri, who had quickly left the kitchen once Tommi
had started banging some pots after telling Lauri to get out because he wanted
to cook dinner. “Are you ready to leave? It would be wise for me to avoid Tommi
for the rest of the day.”
“Sure,
lead on!” Lauri uncovered his cigarettes, but didn’t light one until they were
back on the streets. They walked to the pizzeria without talking much since the
silence between them felt comfortable. Once inside the restaurant, they were
shown a table in the back and sat down before ordering some non alcoholic beer.
“How
was therapy?” Ville asked, genuinely interested in how the guitarist was doing.
He closed the menu since he had already made up his mind.
“Fine.
We talked about the stuff going on in my life.” Lauri had made his decision as
well and wished that he was allowed to smoke in there. Placing the menu down,
he smiled at Ville.
“Did
you talk about me too?” Ville didn’t know what had prompted that question
outside of his curiosity.
Lauri
nodded. “Actually, I did.” The waiter came by and they ordered their pizzas.
“My therapist was rather pleased with me. He’s excited that I decided to open
up to you with me not being a talker and such.” He felt nervous and usually
when he did, he would try to hide it by acting ‘cool’. But somehow that seemed
inappropriate at the moment. The other day, Ville had shared a lot about
himself and Lauri felt he couldn’t do any less.
Ville
smiled happily. “I’m glad you decided to trust in me. I know what it’s like to
keep things inside or having no one to talk to. You can always come to me when
something is wrong.” Ville meant every word of it.
Lauri
appreciated the offer more than Ville would think possible and said, “The same
goes for you. If you ever need someone to listen to you or keep you away from
alcohol, come to me. A battle fought together is easier than one fought alone.”
Acting impulsively, Lauri placed his hand on top of Ville’s and rubbed the
younger man’s fingers.
It
was like a flash of lighting had hit Ville the moment their fingers touched. He
stared at their hands and then twined his fingers with Lauri’s. A wondering
smile appeared on his face and as he gazed at Lauri, he saw the same expression
on the guitarist’s face. Apparently, whatever it was that Ville was feeling, it
was mutual.
~~~
He
was cursed. Christus was convinced he had angered some universal force and
karma was now letting him have it. He had barely made it into his bed after
exiting the cab and his damn phone was ringing. Why couldn’t people just leave
him alone and let him sleep? That was all he wanted! To close his eyes and lose
himself in blissful oblivion!
But
damn, whoever was calling him wasn’t giving up, so in the end, he stumbled into
the direction the noise was coming from and blindly grabbed his phone. “I hate
you!” he screamed.
“I
love you too, baby.” Jonne chuckled. “Still hung over?”
Christus
growled into the phone. Except for Japa, Jonne was the only one he would talk
to in the state that he was in. A little bit of that crush had always remained
behind and Jonne was the one person who still got to him. Well, there was now
Juha as well of course but…”Argh, stop it!”
“I
told you before that drinking and thinking don’t go well together! So, tell me
about this Juha!”
Christus
sighed and wanted to curl up somewhere and never face the world again. “Who
told on me?”
“Antti
of course. So this guy turned you down? Didn’t want you in his bed? I’m
shocked! Are you losing your touch, baby?”
Christus
could perfectly imagine the dirty smile that was currently curling Jonne’s
lips. “Don’t start with me! If I had wanted him, I could have had him!” Which
was a lie of course.
“Antti
told me differently,” Jonne said sweetly. “So what was the problem?”
Christus
dragged himself over to the couch, curled up, and covered himself with a
blanket. “Why must you always be so damn curious?”
“Because
I want to know and you’ll tell me, won’t you, Chris?” Jonne’s smile echoed in
his voice. “Why did he turn you down?”
“He
wouldn’t let me fuck him.”
“Ah,”
Jonne murmured with sudden understanding. “He wanted to get into your pants
instead?”
“I
won’t let anyone fuck me and you know it!” Christus sounded as angry as he was.
“You know why!” Jonne was the only person who knew the truth about him and only
because Christus had been so drunk one night that he had told the blond.
Afterwards, he had been shocked that he had told Jonne what had happened to him
when he was younger. Jonne had promised him to remain quiet and had kept his
word. “You know why I can’t let get anyone that close to me that way. When I
woke up this morning, I didn’t know where I was and my biggest fear was that it
had happened again!”
“It
didn’t, Chris! Please tell me, it didn’t!” Jonne felt deeply concerned for his
friend. “Damn it, Chris, say something!”
“Nothing
happened! I drank myself into a stupor and… Juha… looked after me. I woke in
his hotel room, but nothing had happened.”
“Can
you come over? I really want to talk to you about this and Tommi won’t let me
go outside again. Please, Chris?”
Christus
considered the question. He knew the best thing would be to talk to Jonne about
it and get it off his chest, but he didn’t want to leave his apartment.
“Come
on, you know you need to talk and I’m right here. You know where I live! Chris,
get your lazy ass over here!”
“When
you stop yelling at me! Okay, I’ll be there in an hour or so…” Christus
terminated the call and sighed. What had happened to enjoying the peace and
quiet of his home? Now he had to go outside again!
~~~
Jonne
shuffled into the kitchen, hoping Tommi wasn’t angry anymore and wouldn’t start
lecturing him again. “Hei, Tommi…” Tommi didn’t turn
around or react, so Jonne walked up closer to his older brother. “Are you still
angry with me?”
Tommi
shook his head. “I should have expected something like that.” He finally turned
his head and smiled at Jonne. “The two of you will never grow up!”
Jonne
felt relieved. “Can Christus eat dinner with us? He’s on his way over.”
“Sure,
you know that I always make too much pasta.” Tommi signaled Jonne to sit down.
“Are you hungry?”
Jonne
nodded. “Didn’t have much to eat today.”
“Take
your medication.” Tommi pointed at the two tablets and the glass of water
standing next to them. “So you’re feeling a bit better now? At least well
enough to go outside again.”
“I
think I’m getting there,” Jonne replied and took his medication. “You won’t be
able to keep me locked up in here much longer.”
“Thought
so,” Tommi mumbled. He just hoped Jonne wouldn’t overestimate himself and
exhaust himself again.
~~~
“Ah,
good, there you are!” Tommi had opened the door and let Christus in. He noticed
that something about the guitarist was different and frowned, trying to figure
out what it was. He failed however. “Hungry?” he asked as he led the way into
the kitchen.
“Not
really,” Christus replied and sat down next to Jonne, exchanging glances with
him.
Jonne
arched an eyebrow. “What are you wearing?” He had never seen that outfit on his
friend before.
“They’re
Juha’s… I fell asleep still dressed and didn’t bother changing.” Christus felt
uneasy talking about Juha in Tommi’s presence and kept stealing looks at the
manager.
Which
Tommi noticed, of course. He piled the pasta onto his plate, added sauce and
grated cheese, and then said, “There’s a game on which I want to see. Help
yourself to the food.” He had learned long ago not to pry too deeply into
Christus’ affairs and would rather let Jonne handle whatever was wrong. Tommi
exited the kitchen and left them alone.
“He
rejected you, but you’re still wearing his clothes? Chris, what’s going on?”
Jonne divided the rest of the pasta and sauce on their plates and started to
eat while looking at his friend questioningly.
Christus
had no other choice but to tell Jonne what had happened. He told his friend
about the shock which had gone through him when he had seen Juha on stage for
the first time. Explained what had happened in the dressing room and then told
him how he had made a fool of himself by telling Juha he was going to fuck him
and make him scream. “I drank myself into oblivion and in the morning I woke up
in Juha and Mikko’s bed. They had looked after me. Jonne, I… I lost control. I
drank too much! If they had left me behind...Juha was right! I know what can
happen when...!”
Jonne
rested his hand on Christus’ and stroked the fingers soothingly. “You need to
be more careful, Chris. I don’t want you to have to go through something like
that again. When you told me what had happened to you…” Jonne still remembered
the way Chris had trembled in his arms when he had told him about his first
time with a man. It had never been meant to happen that way – not with that
much pain and humiliation. Christus’ first boyfriend had taken advantage of a
young and drunk Christus and hadn’t given the guitarist much choice in the
matter. It had been Christus’ first and only time as the bottom.
Christus
forced himself to calm down. “Jonne, Juha confuses me. I don’t get him!”
Jonne
smiled reassuringly at his friend. “Do you want to hear my opinion on the
matter?” Now that Christus had told him everything, Jonne had the feeling he
had gotten to know Juha a bit.
Christus
nodded. “Maybe you can explain this to me? Why am I so… confused? Why can’t I
stop thinking about him? When I was at home earlier, sleeping, I dreamt of him
and back in the hotel, it happened too! It’s like I can still see his face, his
eyes...that smile! Damn it!”
“Hey,
calm down.” Jonne rubbed Christus’ fingers. “There’s no reason for you to
panic. You’re in love. That’s what has happened. That’s why you can’t stop
thinking about him.”
Christus
snatched his hand away and glared at Jonne. “I’m not in love! I met the guy
once! He rejected me! I wanted to fuck him, that’s all there is!”
“Chris…”
Jonne leaned in closer and managed to catch his friend’s gaze once more. “I know
that you have no reason to believe in love, considering what happened back
then. You were in love with this guy and he hurt you, but… It’s not supposed to
be like that. Look at Jack and me. We’re happy.”
“That’s
different.” Christus shoved his plate away from him, still untouched. “Good
things happen to good people and you deserve to be with Jack.” He shrugged and
despair settled on his face. “I don’t deserve that. All I can hope for is a
good fuck.”
Jonne
sighed. He had seen this depressed, negative side to the guitarist before and
they had discussed Christus’ attitude towards life more than once. “That’s not
true. You’re a good person, Chris.”
“A
good person wouldn’t have given you those pills!” Christus was angry with
himself and his feelings had finally come to a head.
“Chris,
I asked you for them. If you hadn’t given them to me, I would have gotten them
some place else. You’re not to blame.” Jonne got to his feet and slid onto
Christus’ lap. He wrapped his arms around his friend and rested his brow
against the older man’s forehead. “Why don’t you give this a chance? From what
you told me, this Juha seems genuinely interested in you, although he also
strikes me as a tease.” Jonne grinned at Christus. “Maybe you have finally met
your match?”
It
always was impossible for Christus to remain angry with himself and the world
if Jonne looked at him like that. He still regretted that they had never become
lovers, but also realized how lucky he was to have Jonne in his life. Jack and
Jonne were the only two people he trusted unconditionally and it was a huge
sign of his trust in them. “Jonne, it’ll never work. Just the dynamics in bed
would make it impossible. He wants to be on top and I need to be on top.”
“I
can’t believe you’re not giving this a chance because of that.” Jonne nibbled
on his bottom lip. “Are you going to call him?”
Christus
brought his arms up along Jonne’s back and pulled him close. “I don’t know,
Jonne. I really don’t think I should.”
Jonne
whispered, “If you don’t try, you’ll never know what would have happened. What
if he’s the person you’re supposed to be with?” He tilted his head and searched
his friend’s eyes. “Please consider this carefully. Call him. Talk to him.
Forget about being ‘Sir Christus’ and just be you. Leave your reputation out of
it.”
What
Jonne was suggesting scared him. It meant he would have to strip down any
pretence and face Juha head on. “Jonne, what you’re asking is impossible. I
don’t know what makes relationships work. The longest relationship I had was a
month!”
“Then
it’s time for you to find out what makes them work. Chris, if you don’t call
Juha… You’ll always wonder what could have been. Trust me.”
Christus
wasn’t convinced, but deep down in his heart he knew Jonne was right. He
couldn’t continue the way he had all his life. Maybe the day had finally come
that he had to stop running.
~~~
It
had been a lovely evening and Ville didn’t really want it to end yet. After
they had eaten their pizza, he had managed to sway Lauri into having some
coffee with him. To please Lauri, he had picked a bar where smoking was
allowed. So they sat opposite each other, nursing their coffee while Lauri
smoked one cigarette after another. “Why do you smoke so much?” Ville asked
eventually.
“It’s
better than drinking, isn’t it?” Lauri blew the smoke into the opposite
direction of Ville so the younger man wouldn’t be inhaling it. “I need to do
something to keep busy – to distract myself.”
“Lauri,
can I ask you something? I’ve been thinking about it since yesterday.” After Lauri
had nodded, Ville asked, “Why did you leave so abruptly when I asked you if you
were in love? Your reaction told me everything I needed to know… It’s rather
obvious you are.” Lauri looked at him in shock. “Don’t worry. I’ll stay quiet,
but… You can tell me who it is. I can keep secrets!”
Lauri
shook his head. “You’re wrong, Ville.”
Ville
moistened his lips and looked thoughtfully at the older man. “Is there no one
you’re even remotely interested in?”
Lauri
found it hard to lie when Ville was looking at him like that. “Maybe,” he said
eventually, vexed that he couldn’t get out of the situation. He had a feeling
Ville would know when he was lying, so another tactic was needed. “And what
about you? A young, good-looking guy like you must have lots of offers. Surely
there’s some girl you’d like to get to know better?”
“Lauri,
you should know that I’m not interested in girls. Now don’t be surprised!”
Ville grew flustered. “Girls are good for talking and being friends with, but
they don’t arouse me. Is it the same for you?”
Lauri
swallowed nervously. This wasn’t the direction he had wanted their conversation
to go in. “I like both, but yes, I like being with a man best.” Oh, his
therapist would be applauding him for admitting that. He hadn’t been able to tell
his doctor that.
Ville
sipped his coffee and gathered his courage. “What’s it like for you to kiss
Jonne on stage? Is it just show or…?”
Lauri
nodded. “It’s show, at least where I’m concerned. I think Chris always hoped
that it would become something more.”
“Is
Jonne a good kisser?” Ville realized his questions were somewhat inappropriate,
but he really wanted to know.
“He’s
not bad,” Lauri replied, feeling himself grow flustered. He wished Ville would
stop asking him these questions!
“Would
you kiss me too, Lauri?”
Ville’s
question rang in Lauri’s ears, but he was certain that he had gotten that
wrong. Ville hadn’t asked him for a kiss, had he? Suddenly things had gone from
bad to worse.
“I’m
sorry,” Ville said and quickly looked away. “I shouldn’t have asked you that.
I’m not Jonne…”
Lauri’s
heart broke at that particular reaction. “Come over here,” he said huskily,
which made Ville look up in surprise. “Move your chair closer.” A quick look
showed that the restaurant was fairly empty. There were only a few girls that
were sitting near the window.
Ville
still stared at the older man in disbelief. “What?” Had Lauri really agreed to
kiss him? He somehow managed to move his chair closer to Lauri’s, but his hands
shook and he was glad he was sitting down again because his knees would have
given out from under him. It would surely turn out just being a peck on the
cheek. Nothing with tongue.
Lauri
tilted his head and studied Ville. The younger man’s nervousness showed and
Lauri suddenly realized that Ville had never answered the question. Slipping a
hand into Ville’s hair, he palmed the back of the younger man’s neck and rubbed
the skin there. “How about you? Are you in love, Ville?”
Ville
wasn’t sure he was still capable of speech since he was so close to Lauri and
the way the older man was running his thumb over the nape of his neck was
extremely distracting. “I might be,” he managed in the end. Staring into
Lauri’s eyes, he felt lost.
“I
gather that’s a yes?” Lauri moved closer and fingered strands of the blond
hair. “Is it anyone I know?”
Alarmed,
Ville realized he should move away from Lauri. Until that very moment, he
hadn’t realized why he suddenly liked to spend time with the guitarist. Lauri
had been around for most of his life, was a good friend, and Ville had always
liked talking to him, but something had changed and he finally got it: he was
falling in love. “I…I…” Incapable of saying more, Ville tried to move away from
the guitarist, but his body wouldn’t cooperate. Lauri running his fingers
through his hair felt good and he didn’t want it to stop.
Lauri
wondered if he had been blind the entire time. The look Ville was giving him
showed that the younger man definitely had some feelings for him. Maybe Ville
was still too young to hide his feelings better, or maybe he had just taken
Ville by surprise. Whatever the reason, the expression in Ville’s eyes spoke of
love. Leaning in closer, Lauri pressed his lips against Ville’s in a tender,
exploring kiss. His hand returned to cupping the back of Ville’s head and the
other slid higher until he could caress the younger man’s neck. Ville opened
his mouth and Lauri accepted the invitation, slipping his tongue inside where
Ville’s was already waiting for him.
Ville
couldn’t stop looking at Lauri. He had to look the older man in the eye. Had to
make sure Lauri wasn’t laughing at him or simply playing along. He had to know
if there was something ‘more’ to their kiss, and he believed that there was.
Lauri’s tongue pressed against his and Ville groaned in pleasure.
Ville’s
response told Lauri a lot and when he broke the kiss off a minute later, he
studied Ville’s flustered face. “Ville, are you in love with me?”
Swallowing
hard, Ville prayed to whatever god that was listening that he wasn’t going to
completely embarrass himself. “Odd, isn’t it? I didn’t realize that until you
kissed me.” That should tell Lauri all that he’d want to know.
The
guitarist nodded. “I thought so.”
“So,
are you going to tell me that I’m too young? Maybe not your type? Not flashy or
feminine enough?” Ville was already mentally preparing himself for being
rejected.
Lauri drew in a deep breath. This whole situation was
surreal. He had always hoped that this might happen once, but to be sitting
next to Ville and actually having this conversation was something completely
different. “You’re perfect the way you are, Ville. Really.”
Ville
blinked. “Did you just say…?”
“I
like you just the way you are, Ville. I don’t want you to change. I never did.”
Placing a finger beneath Ville’s chin, he turned the face a bit more his way.
“Are you sure you want me? I play the guitar a little, am a chain smoker, and,
although I’m sober, I’ll always be an alcoholic. Think it over.”
“I
don’t need to think it over! Lauri, what are you trying to tell me in this
absurd way of yours?”
“I
already told you that there is someone in my life whom I would like to get to
know better. I’ve been in love with him for a while now, but thought it best to
keep quiet. I don’t have much to offer except for my vices, Ville.”
Finally,
Ville got it. “Me? You like me? That person you hinted at – it’s me?” He knew
for sure that he was right when Lauri finally nodded. His heart missed a beat
and he squeezed Lauri’s hand. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It
never was the right time. You had your own problems to deal with. I thought it
was best to keep my distance until you had regained control over your life.”
Ville’s
smile seemed plastered to his face as he leaned in to kiss Lauri on the lips.
“Maybe you were right, doing that. Maybe now is the right time for us to take
this step.”
Lauri
caressed his thumb against Ville’s cheek and then traced the younger man’s
cheekbone with it. Unable to just sit there with Lauri so close and not doing
anything, Ville moved even closer and claimed the older man’s lips in a much
harsher kiss than their previous ones. If Lauri was surprised, the guitarist
didn’t show it, but merely deepened the kiss further. When they finally broke
apart, Ville was panting and grinning from ear to ear.
TBC
Part
6
Out
of the dark and into the light
Jonne
curled up in bed and took hold of his mobile phone, searching for Jack’s
number. Once he had found it, he pressed it and waited for the other man to
answer his call. While the phone rang at the other end, Jonne thought back to
his conversation with Chris. He really hoped that his friend would take this
chance and call Juha. It had certainly sounded like both men were interested in
each other and he hoped from the bottom of his heart that Christus would
finally find someone who would love him just the way he was. Some noise at the
other end of the line told him that someone had answered the call. “Jack?”
“Just
give me one moment, babe…” Jack then turned to Eliaz and Sammy. “Out! Get out
and leave me alone!”
“Oh,
let us stay! We love phone sex! Let us listen in! We’ll even pay!” Eliaz said.
Jack
had had enough and started to drag Eliaz toward the doorway. “Out now!”
“Okay,
I’m leaving!” Eliaz marched off, grinning madly.
Then
Jack turned to Sammy, but the vocalist was shaking his head. “It’s my room too,
Jacky baby.” He slapped his knees when Jack angrily marched into the bathroom
and slammed the door shut. “At least you have tissues handy in case the sex
gets too hot!” he called out.
“Sammy,
stuff it!” Jack was getting fed up, but he had always suspected something like
this would happen once he was in a serious relationship for the first time.
They had always harassed him with the fact that the baby of the band couldn’t
find someone. “I need to find a way to get back at them,” he told Jonne. “Did
you hear what they said?”
“I
did.” Jonne chuckled. “I’m sure they mean well.”
“But
still, they’re getting on my nerves! Thankfully I can leave tomorrow. If
everything goes well, I’ll be back before dinner. I can’t wait to kiss you
again.”
Jonne
sighed longingly. “I wouldn’t mind doing more than kissing.”
Japa
swallowed hard. “Don’t go there. If you start talking about that then we *will*
end up having phone sex and I don’t want to give Sammy the satisfaction of
being right!” That would be way too embarrassing. “Do you think Tommi will
allow you to pick me up at the airport?” Sooner or later he would have to go to
his apartment in
“I
might be able to get out. Maybe if Ville comes along or Chris.”
“Speaking
of Chris… I tried to call him earlier, but he’s not answering. Have you seen
him around? I’m worried, but then, I always worry about Chris.”
“Oh,
I’ve got news for you! Chris is in love, but he refuses to acknowledge it. He
was here all evening and he just went home. You should have seen him!”
Jack
blinked. “In love? Chris? With whom?”
“I
don’t know him personally, but his name is Juha, and he’s the front man of a
band called Reflexion.”
Jack
whistled. “I’ve seen them on stage. I can understand that Chris is interested
in that guy. So did he make his move yet?”
“He
did and it backfired. Juha didn’t give in.”
“Ui, Chris won’t have known what hit him!”
“I’ll
tell you the rest tomorrow,” Jonne said. “My battery is almost dead. Just send
me a message telling me when you’ll arrive and I’ll be there.”
“I’ll
do just that.” Jack closed his eyes and recalled the way Jonne had looked when
he had brought his lover to orgasm. He wanted to see that expression again and
very soon, preferably the next evening. “I can’t wait to be with you again.”
Jonne
smiled happily. “I miss you too.”
“You
know, Sammy might be right,” Jack admitted hoarsely. “If this had gone any longer
we would have ended up having phone sex!” Jonne laughed as did Jack. “But I’d
rather have the real thing tomorrow. If you want that too. I don’t want to go
too fast, you know, but…”
“You
set the pace… That’s better and don’t worry. If you do something I don’t like,
I’ll tell you.”
“That’s
good,” Jack said and nodded. “We need to be honest with each other. Okay, babe,
I’ll see you tomorrow at the airport.”
Jonne
didn’t want to say goodbye yet, but his battery was about to die. “Love you.”
“Love
you too.”
And
then the connection broke and Jonne stared ahead, missing Jack even more after
talking to him.
~~~
Christus
sat on the couch in his living room and couldn’t stop staring at the numbers
dancing on the little piece of paper in his hand. Above the phone number, Juha
had written his name and beneath it he’d added ‘call me’. He wanted to call,
but he knew that if he did his life would change forever. Was he ready to
change? Was he capable of change? What if this ‘thing’ with Juha was going to
end in tears? Would he start another round of drinking and drug abuse? He
wasn’t sure he would be able to deal with failure should Juha change his mind
and ignore him.
Hour
after hour passed by and it grew dark outside. Night came and Christus merely
stared at the paper, even though it was too dark to still see the writing. He
didn’t need to see it though. He knew the phone number by heart now.
When
morning came, Christus moved and cringed because his body hurt from being in
the same upright position all night long. He should have lain down instead. So
what was he supposed to do? Call? Or not call? It was driving him insane. He
briefly considered calling Jonne, but then dismissed it. This was *his*
decision to make. He had to decide whether or not he wanted to take this step.
His
hand trembled when he reached for his phone. Drawing in a deep breath, he
started to punch in the number, but then stopped and flung the phone away from
him. He was scared to give this a chance and then end up hurt again. He should
go back to being the charming Sir Christus, instead of the nervous wreck that
he had become all because of one man. But something had changed and going back
to acting the part of the charming, but insane guitarist was no longer an
option.
He
reached for the phone again, punched in the number, and then held his breath.
Suddenly he caught sight of the clock and terminated the call. Damn, it was
only five in the morning! Normal people, like Juha, would certainly still be
asleep!
Christus
went into the kitchen, made the strongest coffee he had ever attempted, and
then poured the hot liquid into a mug. Curling his chilled fingers around the
ceramic, he finally started to feel a bit warmer. He sipped and his face
contorted. The coffee tasted horrible, but it would keep him awake. He didn’t
want to go to sleep, afraid he might either dream of Juha or the humiliation
which he had suffered in the past. He froze as his phone rang. Who was calling
him at five in the morning? Maybe Antti? That guy was crazy enough to still be
up. Christus moved back to his couch, sat down, and answered the call without
checking the name on the display. “Moi,” he said, not
mentioning his name in case some crazed groupie had somehow found out his phone
number.
“You
called me… Is something wrong?”
Shivers
traveled down Christus’ spine at hearing Juha’s voice so unexpectedly. “I
shouldn’t have called. I forgot about the time. I didn’t know it was still so
early. Go back to sleep.”
Juha
yawned, sat up, rested his back against the headboard and wrapped his comforter
around his frame. “I’m awake now. So why did you call?” He pulled his knees to
his chest and got comfortable for what might be a long conversation.
“I
don’t know for sure.” Christus pulled a cushion onto his lap, which he hugged
as he sipped his coffee. “I shouldn’t be doing this,” he said suddenly and
wanted to terminate the call. “This will lead to no good.”
“Don’t
hang up on me. You called me. Just tell me why.” Juha somehow knew it was
important that he made sure Christus kept talking. “That’s why I gave you my
phone number. So you would call me.”
Christus
bit on his bottom lip until the tender flesh started to bleed. He wiped the
droplets away and sipped more coffee. “You must think me mad.”
“No,
I don’t, but I would like to know why you’re calling me. Come on, tell me. It
can’t be that bad.” Juha hoped Christus would take this step, he really did.
“What’s wrong?” he added in a soft, caring tone.
“I
can’t get you out of my mind,” Christus admitted brokenly. “When I close my
eyes I dream of you and when I’m awake I can’t stop thinking of you. I hate
what that’s doing to me!” He was only one step away from bursting into tears
and he hated himself for being so emotional. “Damn you for doing this to me.”
Juha
drew in a deep breath. He knew he had unleashed something in the guitarist, but
hadn’t thought it would be something so traumatic. “Why does it scare you that
you feel that way about me?” He hated doing this over the phone, but Christus
needed to talk and getting back to
Christus
shook his head, wishing he wasn’t so emotional. That was why he had invented
Sir Christus. Sir Christus was cool, adored by the girls and this…this was
Jukka: poor, pathetic, overly emotional Jukka. How he hated that.
“Chris?
Talk to me. Tell me.” Juha was growing concerned as he realized how emotional
the other man was. “Do you want me to drive to
“You’d
do that?” Christus blinked. “You would make that trip? For me?”
“Yes,
I would. Why does that surprise you?” Juha left his bed and started to collect
his clothes.
“I
thought you’d be appalled.” Christus tried to find the right words. “I must be
the first idiot to call you in the early morning and…talk nonsense!”
“Don’t
be so hard on yourself,” Juha replied soothingly. “I don’t know exactly what
has happened, but we’ll find out. Now, don’t do anything stupid. I’m going to
drive to
“I
promise,” Christus said, feeling beaten. In a few hours, Juha would be there
and then they would talk. He would have to bare his soul to the other man,
something he had thought he would never willingly do. But it was the only way
out for him if he didn’t want to lose his mind altogether. Juha had unleashed
something inside him and he couldn’t go back to locking it away. It demanded to
get out. “I’ll wait for you.” He put the coffee mug away and settled
comfortably on the couch. He terminated the call and then stared blankly at the
wall.
What…had…
he…done?
~~~
Juha
drove as fast as he could without taking unnecessary risks. He made the trip to
He
shut down the engine, got out of the car, and approached the building Christus’
apartment was in. He rang the doorbell and a moment later, the front door
opened automatically. Juha went inside and climbed the stairs until he had
reached Christus’ apartment. The door was already ajar and he pushed it open.
Slowly, looking about, he went inside. “Chris?” He found the black-haired man
huddled on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket, and staring miserably into an
empty cup. Juha quickly made his way over to Christus and sat down. “Hei, are you asleep with your eyes wide open?” To his
relief, Christus reacted and gave him a lopsided grin.
“Almost,
but the coffee kept me awake.” Christus shifted slightly on the couch and
pulled the blanket up to his shoulders as he studied Juha calmly. During the
last two hours he’d had a chance to sort out his feelings. Not that he had
fully succeeded, but he had managed to make sense out of them. “Thanks for
coming over.”
“It’s
the least I can do. Do you have some coffee left?”
“It’s
in the kitchen.” Christus started to get up, but Juha stopped him.
“Don’t.
I’ll find it. Do you want me to refill yours?”
Christus
shook his head. “I don’t think so. I’ve had too much.” Raising his hand, he
showed Juha how badly it trembled. “Damn caffeine!”
“Right,
no more coffee for you. I’ll be right back.” Fortunately for Juha, Christus’
apartment was rather compact and he found the kitchen at once. He poured coffee
into a mug and then studied the contents of the fridge. Finding a bottle of
orange juice stuffed away in the back, he checked the date and then poured some
into a glass for Christus. He returned to Christus and sat down again. “Here,
this is better.” He handed him the orange juice and coughed in shock when he
tasted the coffee. “That’s worse than absinth!”
“I
had to stay awake. I didn’t want to sleep.” Christus rested his head back into
a cushion and looked at Juha, searching his eyes for clues to what was going on
in the other man’s head.
“Because
you didn’t want to dream of me? Did I get that right?” Juha wondered about the
impact he’d had on the older man. They had only met once and had hardly talked,
yet somehow Christus’ world had changed because of their encounter. “And
dreaming about me is bad…Why? You could be dreaming of Reiska. Now that would
be bad!”
Juha’s
comment succeeded in making Christus smile. “No thanks, not him!” Somehow
Juha’s presence soothed him. His nervousness – his panic – was leaving him
little by little.
“Why
don’t you answer the question?” Juha’s features contorted briefly as he sipped
again. That coffee was horrible, but it would help keep him alert.
“I
don’t know what to say,” Christus admitted. “This whole thing scares me.”
Juha
realized Christus wasn’t going to open up to him by himself. “Do I scare you?”
“The
feelings you have awoken in me scare me,” Christus whispered. “I’ve been trying
so hard for so many years to never to feel like that again.”
Juha
knew there was much to talk about, but he didn’t want to tackle everything at
once. “You’re attracted to me. Why is that a problem?”
“Because
I don’t want to feel that way!” Christus sighed. “I’m into one-night-stands,
not relationships.”
“Or
so you think. You don’t strike me as being very happy with fucking your
groupies, if you excuse my language there.”
Christus
shrugged. “It worked for me.”
“And
now it no longer does? I’m trying to understand and help you, but you need to
talk to me, Chris!” Juha rested his hand on the blanket. Beneath it, he felt
Christus’ arm, which was trembling. “What changed? What started all this? Me
rejecting you?”
Christus
averted his gaze. He knew he had to start talking. Juha was making such an
effort to make him feel comfortable and was giving him a chance to steer the
conversation. “I panicked in the hotel. Didn’t you notice that?”
Juha
shook his head. “Not really. I thought it was the remainder of the alcohol. Why
did you panic?”
“When
I was much younger...I...had a crush on this guy.” Christus closed his eyes.
Speaking about this without having to look Juha in the eye might make things
easier. “One night we went clubbing and I drank too much – way too much. I
passed out.” He smiled a little when Juha rubbed his knee through the blanket.
“When I woke up hours later, I… He was all over me and… I knew what he was
doing, but I didn’t want him to take me like that. But the alcohol made it hard
for me to fight him off, so in the end, I let him and waited for it to be over
with.”
“Oh
no…” Juha squeezed Christus’ knee. “Did you report him to the police?”
Christus
shook his head. “I wanted to forget it ever happened and didn’t want to have to
testify in court.”
Juha
scooted closer. “And when you woke up in the hotel room, you thought something
like that had happened again? Or would happen again?”
“I
had a flashback and I panicked.” Christus finally opened his eyes and swallowed
convulsively, wondering what lay in Juha’s eyes now that the redhead knew what
had happened.
“That’s
understandable.” Juha nodded. “Thank you for sharing that. That must have been
hard on you, telling me.”
Christus
sighed deeply and then nodded. Juha’s calm response reassured him. “I went to
Jonne yesterday and we talked. He said I was in love with you. I called him a
fool. No one falls in love that quickly and certainly not me!”
Juha
smiled reassuringly. “You know, you might be in love with me.”
Christus
nodded reluctantly. “But that doesn’t matter. We wouldn’t stand a chance.”
“And
why is that?” Juha forced himself to sip his coffee again. The drive had tired
him and he had been woken up before dawn.
“You
want to be on top and I need to be on top. That would cause problems. Better
not think of it.”
Juha
arched an eyebrow. “And that’s your sole reason why you dismiss the possibility
of us getting together?”
“It
would never work. I wreck relationships, I don’t start them. And the fact that
I’m attracted to you doesn’t mean you’re attracted to me and…”
“Hey,
give me a chance to say something too!” Juha squeezed Christus’ knee again and
placed the mug onto the coffee table. “You’re getting way ahead of yourself.
You’re already thinking of what we’ll do in bed when we still have to get to
know each other. Slow down.”
Shrugging,
Christus gazed at Juha with a frightening look of loss. “It doesn’t matter
anyway. You’ll drive back to
“I
think I’ll stick around a little longer. I don’t want you to be alone right
now.”
“Afraid
I’ll drink myself unconscious again?”
“Maybe.”
Juha eyed Christus closely. “Did you get any sleep last night?”
“I
didn’t… I was up all night thinking on if I should call you or not. I probably
would never have done that if Jonne hadn’t told me to think about it.”
“Then
I’m grateful Jonne told you that.” Juha rose from the couch and stretched. They
could talk some more later, but first he wanted Christus to rest. “Want to
catch up on your sleep? You didn’t get any and mine was interrupted.”
“Feel
free to use my bed. I’m comfortable here on the couch.” Christus wasn’t sure he
could sleep. He simply had had too much caffeine!
Another
probing look showed where the bedroom was located. Juha extended his right hand
and looked expectantly at Christus. “Sleeping on a couch is bad for your back.
Come with me.”
Christus
blinked. Had Juha just really…? Then the redhead took hold of his hand and
slowly pulled him to his feet. “You don’t need to do this.”
“I
want to do this. There’s a difference.” Juha pulled Christus along and then
pushed him down onto the bed. “I’ll be with you in a moment. Try to sleep,
Chris.”
Watching
Juha’s every move, Christus desperately tried to figure out what was happening.
Juha removed his jacket and his boots and then joined him. The redhead pushed
down the covers and then tugged them around their forms. “Warm enough?”
Christus
turned onto his side and watched Juha curiously. “What are you doing?”
“I
thought that was rather obvious? We’re going to catch up on our sleep! If you
want, you can…” Juha opened his arms, just in case Christus wanted to move into
them. “I don’t bite,” he said. “Not if you don’t want me to. I’ll be good.”
Christus
managed a weak smile and then moved into Juha’s arms. In spite of all the
coffee he had drunk, he quickly fell asleep.
Sleep
eluded Juha however and he used the time to think. Christus had told him
something very personal, very intimate and Juha hoped the older man would
continue to do so. Something told him that Christus desperately needed to talk.
~~~
It
was getting more difficult to convince Jonne to rest and Tommi was about to
give up. Jonne was back to his normal, energetic self and continued to harass
his brothers. When Jonne had told him that he wanted to pick Jack up from the
airport, Tommi had quickly relented. Driving there was no problem and once Jack
was around, Jonne could harass the guitarist instead of him!
“Rise
and shine, Ville. I already let you sleep in late! Get out of bed!” Tommi
knocked on Ville’s door. “You’ll be in trouble if I have to kick you out of
bed!” It was eleven in the morning and Tommi had been lenient enough as far as
he was concerned. “Okay, you asked for it!” Opening the door, he focused on the
bed and then shock hit him: it was empty. No one had slept in it the other
night.
Jonne
peeked around the corner, knowing that his brother was in trouble and he
expected Tommi to lecture Ville, but nothing happened. Growing curious, Jonne
stepped inside.
Tommi
turned around. “Where’s Ville? Did he call you?”
“He
didn’t…” Jonne, growing worried as well, collected his mobile phone and called
Ville. “Don’t worry. He probably spent the night with friends!”
“He
could have called!” At that point, Tommi was more worried than he was angry. He
wanted Ville found right then so he could give him one of his patented
speeches.
Jonne
sighed in relief when Ville mumbled into his phone. “Where the hell are you and
why didn’t you call?”
Ville
was instantly awake. He checked the time and realized that he was in trouble –
big trouble. “I fell asleep. I really wanted to call, but…”
Jonne
looked at Tommi and mouthed, “He’s all right. He just forgot to call.”
Tommi
wasn’t placated. “Tell him that he’s in trouble when he gets home!”
“I
heard that. No need for you to repeat it, Jonne.” Ville stretched and then sat
up.
“Where
are you?” Jonne asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.
“I
crashed at Lauri’s place. After dinner, we had some coffee and then we went for
a walk. It was late and we took a taxi home.”
“You’re
with Lauri?” Jonne’s eyes widened. “I didn’t know the two of you got along that
well!”
Ville
grinned, but he wasn’t going to tell Jonne through the phone. He wanted to do
that in person. There wasn’t that much to tell yet anyways. After they had
shared those kisses at the bar, they had walked home. Since the bar was a
stretch from Lauri’s apartment, getting there had taken them an hour, but they
hadn’t minded. They had enjoyed holding hands and had savored the peace and
quiet once the blanket of silence had covered
Jonne
smirked. Tommi wouldn’t like that at all. “I’ll tell him! Bye!” Turning toward
his older brother, he told Tommi to expect Ville in a few hours.
“Damn,”
Tommi commented. “Too bad he’s too big to put him over my knee and spank him!”
Jonne
burst out laughing, trying to imagine what that might look like. He folded an
arm around Tommi and said, “You never spanked us.”
“I
know...I’m too weak-hearted.” Tommi ruffled Jonne’s hair. He would rather die
than raise his hand against his brothers. It was bad enough that Jonne had
always gotten beaten up at the children’s home. “So, let’s wait for Ville to
show up and in the meantime you will help me think of some horrible punishment
for him.” Jonne chuckled and the two brothers disappeared into the living room.
~~~
“Morning,”
Ville said cheerfully as Lauri entered the kitchen. Lauri’s brown locks hid
most of his face, but Ville managed to make out that Lauri’s eyes were still
half closed. “Let me guess. You’re not a morning person.”
Lauri
managed to sit down and pushed the elusive strands behind his ear. “Make me
some coffee? Please?” He gave Ville his best puppy dog look and it worked.
Ville got up and got the coffee started.
Ville
sat down again and curled his fingers around the older man’s. “So tell me. Did
you change mind over night? Do you still want to be with me?” The previous
night had been heaven on earth and Ville needed to know if Lauri was still
serious. Sometimes people said things they didn’t really mean in the spur of
the moment.
“I
meant it,” Lauri responded after Ville had handed him a cup of coffee. He
sipped and sighed happily. “Perfect, just like you.” Ville blushed, which made
Lauri grin even broader. Ville obviously wasn’t used to getting compliments. “I
bet either Jonne or Tommi called to ask where you are. Am I right?” Ville
nodded. “What did you tell them?”
“The
truth. That I crashed on your sofa.” Ville caressed Lauri’s fingers. “I would
like to tell them. Are you okay with that? I know it’s still early, but there’s
no way I can hide this from them and I don’t *want* to hide it.”
“If
it makes you happy, tell them!” Lauri lit his first cigarette of the day and
closed his eyes in bliss while inhaling the smoke. He just hoped Tommi would be
okay with it. After all, Ville was the youngest brother and both Jonne and
Tommi were very protective of him.
~~~
Jonne
was about to zip his jacket when Ville finally returned home. /Great timing,
Ville,/ he thought in amusement since Tommi and he had to leave for the airport
within the next ten minutes. That way Tommi couldn’t lecture Ville for long.
The
first thing Jonne noticed when he saw Ville was the radiance in his brother’s
eyes. Something about Ville was different and Jonne desperately wanted to know
what had happened. Approaching his younger brother, he picked up his bag and
then asked, “What’s happened to you?”
“Ah
there you are!” Tommi marched toward Ville. “I told you to call me! What did
you think you were doing? There’s no reason which would warrant you not calling
us!”
“Actually
there is.” Ville coughed to clear his threat. “I got a boyfriend.” He glanced
at Jonne and then at Tommi. Both of them stared at him with their mouths agape.
“Don’t look at me like that! It happened last night! I didn’t know I would end
up with him! I didn’t even know I was in love with him until…”
“Oh
my God,” Jonne exclaimed. “It’s Lauri, isn’t it?”
Ville
pouted. He had wanted to tell them and Jonne had beaten him to it.
Tommi
shook his head and closed his eyes. “Ville, Lauri is too old for you. Ouch!”
Jonne had elbowed him viciously in the side.
“He’s
not! Lauri has the perfect age!” Jonne declared in defense of his friend. “Oh,
I’m happy for you!” He hugged Ville close and then smiled. “I want the details
later, but now we have to pick up Jack at the airport.”
Ville
stepped aside. “Then get going!” One look at Tommi showed that he was still
shocked. That was too bad for Tommi because his brother would just have to
accept that Lauri was his boyfriend now.
Tommi
then shrugged. What was the use of worrying about those two when they did what
they wanted anyway? He wasn’t going to interfere in their love life. “Can you
make dinner? We’ll be back around eight and we’ll be hungry.”
“Can
I invite Lauri over for dinner then?” Ville asked Tommi.
The
older man nodded eventually. “There’s no use in stopping you at any rate.” He
knew Ville too well for that. “Go ahead and invite him. Lauri’s always welcome
here.” Ville hugged him unexpectedly and Tommi patted his youngest brother’s
back. “I’ll see you later. Bye!” He raised his hand and Jonne and he went to
the car, leaving Ville behind with a silly smile on his face.
~~~
“Can’t
you stand still for even a minute?” Tommi watched his brother in exasperation.
They were waiting for Jack to join them and Jonne was too excited to stand
still. Dressed in an old grey coat lined with fake fur and with his blue eyes
shining from above his white scarf, this Jonne reminded him of a much younger
Jonne before the record company had told Jonne to clean up his act. Tommi
hadn’t told Jonne yet, but he had talked to his boss about giving his brother –
and the band in general – more leeway.
“Anteeksi,” Jonne apologized. “But I can’t wait to see him
again.”
Suddenly
someone shouted ‘Jonne’ and the blond instantly turned around, having
recognized Jack’s voice. He ran toward the older man, who put his suitcase
aside and opened his arms to catch Jonne in them. “Finally,” Jack whispered and
then claimed Jonne’s lips in a passionate kiss.
Tommi
watched from afar for a minute before joining them. Looking about, he searched
for any tabloid reporters that were angling for some snapshots. If a picture of
Jonne and Japa kissing appeared in the morning paper, Tommi would be in
trouble. But, in a way, he hoped something like that would happen because then
the record company would have to adjust their policy. Tommi started towards
them and coughed warningly when Jonne’s hands threatened to disappear beneath
Jack’s shirt. “Save that for later,” he suggested with a grin on his face to
make it clear he wasn’t lecturing.
“Oh
yes, later…” Japa mumbled into Jonne’s ear. “I’m going to kiss you all night.”
Jonne
quipped, “Just kiss or…?”
“Let
me surprise you,” Jack hinted and took hold of his trolley again. Ah, it felt
right to have Jonne close again and he wrapped an arm around him. “I guess this
means I’ll have to move to
“Let’s
worry about that later, yes?” Jonne had already slid into the back seat of
Tommi’s car as he waited for Jack to put his suitcase in the trunk. Once the
older man joined him in the car, Jonne moved and straddled him. Resting his
head against Jack’s shoulder, he sighed contentedly. “I missed you.”
“I
missed you too.” Jack took to stroking Jonne’s hair and braved the amused look
Tommi gave him via the rearview mirror. “I was about to kill Sammy. He kept
making kissing noises!”
“That
promises to be an interesting tour when your bands join forces!” Tommi steered
the car away from the airport.
“Don’t
remind me.” Jack didn’t want to think of the mayhem that would start once
Negative and Private Line took to the road together. Instead, he rather focused
his senses on Jonne, who was comfortably seated on his lap. Raising the
handsome face, he brushed Jonne’s lips with his before starting another kiss.
Jonne responded eagerly and, when the blond sucked on the tip of his tongue,
Jack had the feeling he might climax right then and there.
“Hei, there in the back seat! Behave! I don’t want any
stains on the leather!” Tommi chuckled at the guilty look on Jonne’s face. “At
least wait until we’re home!”
Jack
nodded. “We’d better do that.” Smiling at Jonne, he guided the blond head back
to his shoulder and simply enjoyed coming home to him.
~~~
To
Jack’s amusement, Jonne refused to let go of his hand as they made their way
into the apartment. But Jack wasn’t complaining and squeezed his boyfriend’s
fingers ever so gently. Jack managed to rid himself of his jacket and sneakers
before allowing Jonne to drag him into the kitchen where he found Ville and
Lauri cooking. He raised an eyebrow as he watched Lauri stir some sauce. He hadn’t
thought the other guitarist knew how to cook!
Jonne
pushed Jack to one of the kitchen chairs and then sat down on his boyfriend’s
lap facing him. Pressing his body against Jack’s, he closed his eyes and purred
as Jack started to stroke his back.
“We
made Carbonara,” Ville said. “It was the only thing
left in the cupboard. We need to buy food tomorrow!”
Jack’s
heart missed a beat when the tip of Jonne’s tongue started to lick at the
sensitive skin beneath his ear. He had to be careful not to groan in pleasure.
“Save it for the bedroom, babe,” he whispered eventually. His jeans were
already growing tight and he didn’t want to suffer from an erection throughout
dinner.
Jonne
sighed, but then relented. Jack was right of course. “Ville has something to tell
you,” he whispered, trying to distract himself from the fact that Jack was
showing more skin through the holes in his shirt. He would have loved to tweak
the nipple showing through the shreds.
“And
what might that be?” Jack welcomed the distraction and looked at the blond, who
was draining the pasta.
Ville
smiled happily at Jack and declared, “I got a boyfriend!” He pointed at Lauri,
who was still stirring the sauce but managed to look completely out of place.
Jack
grinned. “Good catch, Ville.”
“I
know!” Ville placed the pasta into a bowl and put it on the kitchen table.
“Tommi, dinner’s ready!”
“You
don’t need to shout!” Tommi entered the kitchen and sat down. “I’m hungry!” It
was a nice feeling to come home to someone who had prepared a warm meal. Most
of the time, he ended up ordering pizza and eating it in front of the
television.
“Dig
in!” Ville ordered as he sat down next to Lauri. Beneath the table, he sought
out the guitarist’s hand, limiting Lauri to only his right one, but the older
man didn’t complain and started eating.
“Feed
me,” Jonne whispered sensually into Jack’s ear. Had it been up to him, they
would have gone to his bedroom for some privacy, but he knew his brothers
wouldn’t let him – yet. First he had to be social and have dinner with them.
Jack
laughed and then raised the spoon, which was covered with pasta and sauce.
“Open up.”
Jonne
made a big show of eating the pasta by licking the spoon provocatively and he
felt Jack harden beneath him. Shifting on Jack’s lap purposefully, he rubbed
his bottom against the erection. “I’m hungry for more, Japa.”
Jack
was about to ask Jonne to have mercy on him when Tommi butted in. “Jonne, go!
You’re making it impossible for us to eat! Get out of the kitchen, do whatever
it’s you need to do, but please spare us the peepshow!” Grinning, he found that
he had made his younger brother blush and Ville was chuckling.
“Anteeksi,” Jonne mumbled. “It’s just…” He was horny. He
really, really wanted to touch Jack and do all sorts of wicked things with him.
Merely thinking about having sex with Jack made him hard.
Jack
had pity on Jonne and got to his feet, forcing Jonne to do so himself. He was
grateful that his jeans weren’t that tight, thus hiding his erection, but Jonne
wasn’t that lucky since he was wearing his favorite tight white ones. “Come on
then.” Holding Jonne’s hand, he pulled the blond into the bedroom with him.
Obviously there was no use in trying to eat as long as Jonne was so horny. “So
you missed me?” he asked as he closed the door behind the blond and then pulled
him close against him.
Jonne
moaned as Jack’s hands settled on his bottom and then squeezed. Thrusting
against the older man, he claimed Jack’s lips and let his hands slide beneath
the shirt. Running his fingertips down Jack’s spine, he groaned into the kiss.
Jack
had hoped and had even expected Jonne to be eager to be with him, but he hadn’t
thought the little tease would be so impatient to take the initiative. But he
liked it. He liked it a lot when Jonne pushed him onto the mattress and then
straddled his waist. Raising a hand, he caressed Jonne’s face and then rested
it at the nape of Jonne’s neck, using his hold on the blond to pull him down so
he could kiss him again.
“Let’s
rid ourselves of this stuff…” Jonne managed to remove Jack’s shirt and then
purred contentedly. Leaning in closer, the tip of his tongue slid from Jack’s
belly button to a nipple. Closing his lips around it, he first licked at the
hardening flesh and then suckled.
Beneath
him, Jack arched his back and closed his eyes to savor the sensation. “Feels
good, babe.”
Jonne
grinned and then moved lower to unbutton Jack’s jeans. Jack’s eyes had opened
again and Jonne loved seeing the lust in them. Pushing the jeans further down
Jack’s hips, he eventually removed them completely. “No boxers?” Jack wasn’t
wearing any underwear, which surprised him.
Jack
gazed at Jonne naughtily. “I had the feeling that less clothing would be best
tonight...means easier access.”
Jonne
threw back his head and laughed. “Oh, I love you!” He placed his hands on
Jack’s chest, pinched both nipples, and then slid lower until he could curl his
fingers around the older man’s erection. “Looks like you have a problem down
here. Want me to take care of it?”
“Yes,
please,” Jack said while pressing deeper into the comfort of the mattress. The
way Jonne moved with such feline grace as well as the wicked gleam in his eyes
added to the fact that Jonne was in complete control and it turned Jack on. He
had the feeling that things in bed would prove very interesting indeed. Maybe
he had judged Jonne wrong in the past by thinking that he was dealing with
someone who preferred being passive. He wasn’t that sure anymore, but in the
end, it mattered little. What mattered was that they would give each other
pleasure and when Jonne wrapped his tongue around his length, pleasure was all
Jack felt as he thrust into the warm mouth.
“Oh,
Jonne…” Jack raised his head a little so he could see the blond going down on
him. His fingers caressed the blond hair and Jack did his best to not thrust
too fiercely, but when he did, Jonne reacted at once and pinned his hips to the
mattress. He was obviously not dealing with a virgin here. Jonne knew what he
had to do in order to drive him insane!
Bestowing
more licks onto the head of Jack’s erection, Jonne watched his lover’s
expression carefully, trying to figure out what Jack wanted.
“Jonne,
those clothes have to go.” Jack knew he had to take control of the situation or
he would come before their fun had really started. “Get out of them!”
Jonne
nodded, smiled, and knelt on the bed. Slowly, seductively, he made it into a
game as he unbuttoned his shirt and unhurriedly removed it, revealing first one
and then another naked shoulder. Jack groaned, showing Jonne that his lover was
enjoying the little striptease. Next, he unzipped his jeans, briefly got up
from the bed, and stepped out of them and his underwear. Finally naked too,
Jonne stood in front of the bed and waited for Jack to make his move.
Accepting
the challenge, Jack moved into a kneeling position on the bed and then wrapped
his arms around Jonne’s waist. Pulling him toward the bed, he pressed kisses
onto his lover’s abdomen and then moved lower so he could return the favor.
With one hand resting on Jonne’s buttock and the other stroking his back, Jack
nuzzled his lover’s groin before finally tasting the younger man. Wrapping his
lips around the erection, he suckled lightly and then took in the entire
length. Jonne swayed and Jack tightened his grip on him.
Jonne
smiled at his lover, swept back the red/black hair, and enjoyed the attention
he was getting. Jack’s tongue was talented and soon, Jonne found himself
panting and balancing too close to the edge. “Stop,” he whispered in warning
that he was about to come. Jack raised his head and looked at him. “How do you
want me?” Jonne asked, deciding that it would be best if they talked about it
first.
“I
want to make love to you,” was all Jack said. “Do you have…?”
Jonne
understood and rummaged about in the drawer of the nightstand. In the end, he
managed to retrieve the condom and the tube of lubricant. “Will this do?”
Jack
nodded and then wrapped both arms around Jonne. Gradually and ever so gently,
he pulled his lover onto the bed and then turned him onto his back. “I want to
see your face – your eyes – when we make love.” Jonne parted his legs and Jack
quickly moved in-between them. He took hold of the condom and the tube and
placed them on the bed. Covering Jonne with his body, he engaged the other
man’s lips in a kiss while his hand stole back to Jonne’s groin. Massaging the
hard flesh, he waited until Jonne started panting and thrusting into his hand.
Judging the blond ready, he opened the package and slid the condom down his
length. Adding lubricant to it, he maintained eye contact with Jonne the entire
time. “You *have* done this before?” He had better make sure. He wasn’t much of
a talker in bed, but this was something he had to know.
Jonne
nodded and then watched Jack expectantly. He appreciated Jack for asking that
question. In the heat of the moment, it was easy to forget to check on
something like that and simply take what one wanted. “I’ve done this
before...both ways,” he added, giving Jack all the information the other man
needed. “I love it both ways. Being on top and on the bottom.”
“Good,”
Jack purred. “Same goes for
Jonne
moaned, threw back his head, and pushed down, trying to encourage Jack to speed
up, but the older man seemed determined to take his time and invaded his body
inch by inch. Opening his eyes, Jonne raised his head a little and smiled at
Jack. “Feels great,” he mumbled, assuring the older man that he was fine. He
*was* fine. He was relaxed, he wanted this, and Jack was being incredibly
careful and considerate.
Finally
Jack buried his length entirely in the blond’s body and then let go of the
breath he had been holding. “You’re tight,” he whispered into Jonne’s ear and
paused. He had to calm himself down or else he might climax at that very
moment. “Too tight,” he groaned.
Jonne
smiled at his lover and wrapped his arms around Jack. “You feel good too.”
Running his fingertips over Jack’s back, Jonne closed his eyes and buried his
face in the crook of his lover’s neck. “Start moving…please.” Being locked in
time with no movement coming from Jack was starting to get to him. “I want to
feel you.”
Jack’s
thrusts were slow and shallow at first since he didn’t want to reach his peak
too soon and because he wanted to find out what Jonne liked best. Slow and
careful was better for their first time than too hard. “Do you like that?”
Teasingly, he bit into Jonne’s shoulder and suckled the skin between his teeth.
Jonne squirmed beneath him, arched his back, and met his thrusts.
Jonne
wanted to reply, but he had lost all rational thought for the moment. Time after
time Jack managed to hit his prostate and his body felt on fire. He wouldn’t
last long this way.
Jack
concentrated on getting his aim right, wanting Jonne to climax before he did
and continued to thrust leisurely, but at the same time he deepened those
thrusts. Jonne suddenly opened his eyes and Jack saw the ecstasy in them. Good,
he was doing everything right then. “I’m close,” he whispered. Jonne was too
tight and it had been a long time since he’d had sex.
“Then
let go,” Jonne whispered. He was close too and a moment later, he climaxed. His
body exploded with pleasure and he panted hard as ripples of bliss made him
tremble. Jack reached his pinnacle a moment later and Jonne pulled him as close
as possible, holding him as the other man trembled in his arms. Jack collapsed
on top of him, pressing him deeper into the mattress, but Jonne didn’t mind and
held onto him. “I’ve never…” he started, but then lacked the right words to
explain what he was feeling.
Jack
raised his head tiredly and grinned like mad. “Best damn sex I’ve ever had.”
Jonne
chuckled and nodded. “Yes, that’s it.”
Realizing
he was crushing the blond with his weight, Jack forced himself to get up. He
disposed of the condom and then snuggled up to Jonne, who curled around him.
While caressing a strand of the blond hair and watching Jonne closely, Jack
smiled in contentment. “The next time I want you to take me.”
Jonne
nodded. “I want that too.” Jonne’s fingers rubbed Jack’s back and he found that
he couldn’t stop looking at the older man. “I’d rather have sex with you like
this than phone sex,” he suddenly quipped, thinking back to their phone calls.
Jack
laughed. “You’re right. This is way better!” But then he grew serious again.
After twining their fingers, he looked Jonne in the eye. “I really love you and
I want to make this work. I want this to be a serious, monogamous
relationship.” He swallowed nervously. He should have brought it up before they
got together, but he had simply assumed Jonne would see it that way too. In
retrospect, he realized that they needed to talk about it and find out where
they stood and what they wanted from this relationship.
Jonne
quickly nodded. “I want that too. I don’t sleep around, if that’s what you want
to know.”
“I
didn’t think so. You don’t strike me as the type who has one-night-stands.”
Good, that was clear then. They both wanted the same thing out of their
relationship. “That reminds me. You mentioned something about Chris being in
love.”
Jonne
pulled up the comforter to cover their cooling bodies and then nodded. “Oh yes,
I’ll tell you all about that!”
The
end…
(To
be continued in “Storm in your heart”)