Title: Lightnin' Strikes Again
Sequel to Mental Circus
Author: Morgana
Author’s Email: morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon
Pairings: Tommi L/Matthau, Chris/Juha, Antti/Mikko, Jack/Jonne, Ville/Lauri
Rating: R
Summary: Negative is back to touring and with that, problems arise for Chris and Lauri. At the same time, Juha receives some very, very bad news.

Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm not making any money out of these stories!
Warning: Real Person Slash.
Betaed by DA. All remaining mistakes are mine.

 

Lightnin' Strikes Again

 

The lights go down
You can feel it all around you
Like a razor's edge that cuts through the air
You can hear the sound
It's coming down like thunder
You don't have to tell me why
You don't have to care

When the lightnin' strike again
And the lights go down
And you might be near the end
When the lightnin' strikes again

You draw the line
And you leave it all behind you
You lost your mind and then you lose control
By the time
That you feel the lightnin' strike you
You know you've been holding back
You've got to let it go

 

(Dokken)

 

Part 1

Another Rainy Night – Without You

 

Of course it had to be raining. The weather suited Juha’s mood when he dropped Chris off at Pirkkala airport. He had stalled in taking Chris there for the simple reason that he didn’t want his lover to leave. Negative was about to embark on a three month tour and being separated for that long had Juha worried. Three months was a long time and there was no way of knowing what would happen. In a way, the tour would put their relationship to the test.

 

“Hey, why are you so gloomy?” Chris cringed at the distress in Juha’s green eyes. He waited for the redhead to park the car, then turned toward his lover, and palmed Juha’s cheek in his hand. “It’s only for three months and, when it’s possible, you can fly in and be with me. We’ll find a way to spend some time together.”

 

Juha nodded, rubbing his cheek against the palm of Chris’ hand. “You’re right. We’ll find a way. I’m sorry. I can’t help feeling down. Although you’re still here, I already miss you.”

 

Chris swallowed hard and leaned in closer to press a kiss to his lover’s lips. “I love you too, Juha.”

 

Juha drew in a deep breath as he enjoyed Chris’ lips pressed against his. He would have to do without kisses for the next three months. Contrary to Chris, he didn’t think that it would be so easy for him to fly. He had to work and Negative was always on the move.

 

“Don’t worry too much. You’ll see. Everything will go well.” Chris hated seeing Juha so despondent. “Just trust me.”


“I trust you,” Juha whispered. “But I still worry. You’ll be out there for three months and I know what it’s like when you’re on tour. You get offered alcohol, drugs, and there are groupies everywhere. Can you blame me for worrying?”

 

“I won’t disappoint you. I won’t let you down, baby.” Chris chuckled at the disapproving look on the redhead’s face at that particular endearment. “Come on. You’ve made me strong! I can do this. We can do this!” He pulled Juha into his arms and held him tight. “The months will pass quickly and we’ll stay in touch and, when it’s possible, we’ll set up a meeting. I’ll pester Tommi until he gives in!”

 

Juha managed a smile, although he felt apprehensive about letting Chris leave. “Just take good care of yourself. Promise me.”

 

Chris nodded. “I will. I promise.” He pulled Juha even closer and savored holding him. Their privacy would be gone the moment they joined the others and he held on a little longer, just as reluctant to let go as Juha was.

 

~~~

 

“I really don’t want to let you go.” Jack knew he wasn’t the only one who felt this way. One look to his right where Antti and Mikko were busy saying goodbye showed that. “Call me daily, all right? Even when you’re pressed for time just do it!” Jack gazed pleadingly at Jonne. “I want to stay in touch with you all the time!”

 

Jonne nodded and rested his head against Japa’s shoulder. “I’ll call every day.” He didn’t know either how he was going to do without having Jack around constantly. They had been together for nine months now and Jonne had a hard time remembering how he had coped before Jack had entered his life. “I love you. Nothing will change that.”

 

Jack grinned, but there was uncertainty in his eyes. “I *know* how convincing and demanding those groupies can be, babe.”

 

“Don’t worry. They won’t get their way with me. I only want to be with you.” From the corner of his eye, Jonne saw Tommi running about trying to get everything sorted out for their flight. Matti seemed a little lost as he watched Tommi. “Keep an eye on Matti, will you? I worry about him. Tommi and he have become close these last three months and I’m scared that he’ll suffer a relapse since Tommi has to leave.”

 

Jack nodded. “I will.”

 

~~~

 

Lauri was the lucky one. Ville had nagged and nagged, and in the end, Tommi had relented and had allowed his youngest brother to accompany them for the first leg of the tour. Ville would accompany Lauri for the first two weeks and knew how fortunate he was to be allowed along. It would give him a chance to see new countries and be close to Lauri at the same time.

 

“Did you check in yet?” Tommi asked to make sure Ville and Lauri were on schedule.

 

Ville showed his oldest brother their boarding passes. “We even checked our luggage in already.”

 

“Good!” Tommi nodded. That meant he no longer had to worry about those two and moved onto Jonne and Jack. “Did you check in yet?”

 

Jonne nodded. “I did. Stop worrying.”

 

“I’m not sure Nakki and Jay checked in yet though. They’re looking rather lost over there.” Jack quipped. As expected, Tommi immediately went over to them and deserted Jonne and him. “Mission accomplished.” He grinned.

 

“You’re sneaky,” Jonne commented.

 

“I know.” Jack grinned and watched Tommi herd Nakki and Jay toward the check in.

“Chris is late,” he remarked as he looked about in vain for his best friend.

 

“He probably doesn’t want to leave Juha. I can understand that. I don’t want to leave you either.”

 

“Ah, speak of the devil...look what the cat dragged in!” Jack pointed at Chris and Juha who were walking rather slowly towards them. Jonne was right: Chris didn’t seem very eager to leave Juha’s side, which was remarkable, since Chris loved touring and performing! But *that* was their lifestyle and Jack knew that none of them would give it up. The music, the gigs...that was their life!

 

Chris greeted Jonne and Jack with a wave and a whispered ‘Hei’. Juha’s hand was still tightly locked within his and he wouldn’t let go until he had to. One look at Jonne revealed that the blond didn’t want to leave Japa either and he sympathized.

 

“Ah there, you are! Get going, Chris! Check in!” The moment Tommi caught sight of the guitarist, he acted and scooted the black-haired man towards the check in. He chuckled when he noticed that Chris was dragging Juha along and refusing to let go of the redhead’s hand. Tommi had the feeling the upcoming tour would be hard on Chris. Jonne was stable enough to survive the upcoming three months without Jack and Lauri had Ville with him at least for the first few weeks. Antti was…Antti… Tommi didn’t worry about the bass player, but Chris was a different matter altogether. He had found that, while Chris was able to remain sober and clean when they were at home, during a tour the temptation often got the better of the guitarist. He would keep a close eye on Chris.

 

~~~

 

Antti kissed Mikko one last time and then drew in a deep breath. “I’m sure Jussi will give you some time off that week. Just fly in and I’ll arrange for Tommi to pick you up at the airport.” Before he left, he wanted to make sure that Mikko would join him at some point of the tour, even if only for a weekend.

 

“I’ll ask him. Don’t worry. I won’t make you go without sex for three months!” Mikko said jokingly.

 

“Too bad groupies are off limits,” Antti retorted in a similar tone.

 

Mikko poked him in the side and his grin became a pout. “Don’t give me that look,” Mikko ordered. “You know as well as I do that groupies don’t tempt you!” During the last few days, they had often talked about the way things would be once Antti was on the road. During those talks, Antti had told him that he didn’t like one night stands, no matter how tempting the offers might be, and that he wanted to stay faithful. Mikko had felt strangely touched when Antti had told him that. “We’ll make up for it when I visit, all right?”

 

Antti nodded and then pulled Mikko against him. Tommi was already gesturing them to board the plane. Burying his nose in Mikko’s hair, he whispered, “I want to stay with you.”

 

“If everything goes as planned, I’ll join you in one month.” Hopefully Jussi would play along and give him some days off so the trip would be worthwhile. He had come to know Jussi better and Mikko was confident that the pub owner would give him some time off. “And don’t behave,” he whispered before pressing a last kiss onto Antti’s lips.

 

“I never do!” Antti hugged Mikko one more time and then let Tommi guide him to where they would board. He waved at Mikko one last time then vanished from view.

 

Mikko looked at Jonne and Jack as they stood close by and were also hugging and kissing goodbye. A smile appeared on his face as he noted that each and every one of them was having a hard time saying goodbye. In the end, Jonne turned and headed for the boarding area as well while throwing Jack a kiss as he went. Mikko went to stand next to Japa and patted his shoulder. “Three months isn’t that long.”

 

Japa sighed. “Seems like an eternity to me.” Looking at Chris, Jack realized someone was having an even harder time to say goodbye. “Look at him,” he pointed out and inclined his head in Chris’ direction.

 

Chris felt like he was quickly losing the hold on life which Juha had given him. “I can’t believe it’s so hard to say goodbye!” Looking Juha in the eye, he swallowed convulsively. “I’m scared.”

 

Juha stroked Chris’ back and pulled him close. “I’m only a phone call away, remember?”

 

“Yes, but…” Chris shook his head. “It actually hurts to leave you behind!”

 

Juha smiled reassuringly at Chris and caressed his face. “You’re much stronger than you think, Chris. Just remember how much I love you and how strong that love is. Nothing can ever come between us. Just hold on to that.” Chris nodded and Juha realized how close his lover was to tears.  “I’ll call every evening, all right? And you’ll call me if something troubles you. And call me, Chris! Don’t keep it all inside. We need to keep talking, do you understand? Even when we’re miles apart!”

 

Chris nodded. “I’ll do my best.” He just hoped he was as strong as Juha thought him to be!

 

~~~

 

“Hey, Tommi will be back before you know it.” Juha tried to comfort Matti, who looked crestfallen as Tommi disappeared down the hall to the boarding area. “You’re lucky, you know. As their manager, Tommi doesn’t have to stay with them all the time and has to be at the office as well.”

 

“But that’s not for another month.” Matti swallowed hard. “I’ve been living at Tommi’s place for the last three months and I’ve become used to having company. I don’t know what will happen when I’m alone there.” Matti bowed his head and sighed. At least he would have Musta, Harmaa, and Little Lady for company, but the felines couldn’t replace Tommi.

 

Jack had been listening in and suggested, “Why don’t you take Matti in, Juha?”

 

Juha glanced at Jack inquisitively. “What do you mean?”

 

“Like, you’re alone at the house since Chris is gone and Matti doesn’t want to be alone at Tommi’s place. Pick up the cats and their stuff and move them into the house. That way Matti has the company he needs and knowing you, you like having someone to pamper,” Jack replied and winked at Juha. “It’s the perfect solution!”

 

Mikko had walked over to them after saying goodbye to Antti and nodded. “Jack’s right.”

 

“Of course I am!” Jack grinned.

 

Juha considered Jack’s suggestion which *made* a lot of sense, but how did Matti feel about the matter?

 

Matti wasn’t sure either. “I don’t want to intrude or anything.”

 

Juha shook his head. “You wouldn’t be intruding. Jack’s right. I’d like to have someone about. It would be so damn quiet without Chris being around.”

 

“And I’d feel lonely and lost without Tommi,” Matti admitted.

 

“Then it’s a done deal!” Mikko decided.

 

“Hey…” Juha frowned. “Since when are you the decision maker?”

 

“Since it takes you so damn long to decide what to do!” Mikko grinned. “Why don’t we drive over to Tommi’s place, pick up the cats and their stuff, and then have dinner together? I don’t know about you guys, but I’d rather not be alone tonight and it *is* time for dinner!”

 

Jack nodded. “It’s the same for me. I don’t want to be alone either.”

 

Juha gave in. “All right, Mikko gets his way. We’ll pick up Matti’s stuff and the cats and then we’ll drive home and order pizza since I’m too lazy to cook!”

 

“Pizza’s fine with me,” Mikko commented. “Come on, let’s go!” He hooked his arm with Juha’s and the four of them exited the airport and headed for their cars.

 

~~~

 

After picking up the cats that Matti had agreed to baby sit while Ville was away, Juha drove Matti to his home. Mikko and Jack followed in Antti’s car and the four of them arrived at Juha’s place thirty minutes later. After taking everything inside, they settled in the living room where Musta quickly conquered the couch and made himself a comfortable nest next to Matti. Harmaa and Lady decided to check out their new surroundings.

 

After everyone had ordered their pizza, Juha sat down next to Matti and drew in a deep breath. “It’s weird knowing Chris won’t be home tonight.”

 

Matti nodded. “I know exactly what you mean. It’s weird not being at Tommi’s place and knowing that he’s heading for Germany at the moment. Really, really weird.” He pet Musta, who purred and pushed his head against Matti’s head.

 

“Thankfully I still have Pinki to keep me company,” Jack remarked and sighed. “I always knew that the day would come that either Jonne or I would be away for some time, but still… Now that it has happened, it feels odd.”

 

“You’ve got Pinki,” Mikko retorted and then turned his focus to Matti and Juha. “And you have got each other for company and what do I have? A turtle!” He succeeded in making them laugh and drove away the depressing atmosphere that had settled on the room.

 

Musta grew curious as he began to feel more comfortable with his new surroundings and crawled over Matti’s lap to get to Juha. He sniffed cautiously before settling on the redhead’s lap. He moved about until he was comfortable and purred.

 

Juha raised an eyebrow. “Hey, I’ll need to get up to answer the door in a few minutes.” The pizza service was always fast!

 

“No need to get up! I can get the pizzas too!” Mikko offered. He was glad that he had suggested that they spend the night together. Being alone at Antti’s apartment would be hard enough later. Eventually he would have to go home, but he could stall for now.

 

~~~

 

“Smells great!” Mikko had paid for their pizzas and had taken them into the living room, where he opened the boxes. After everyone had found the pizza they had ordered, they started eating. At Juha’s directions, Jack had gotten some fruit juices from the kitchen. His first thought had been to open the wine, but then had recalled that it might tempt Matti and they could easily do without it.

 

“Can someone please hand me a slice?” Juha asked. Ever since Musta had settled on his lap, the kitten refused to leave and hissed whenever Juha tried to move him.

 

Jack took pity on Juha and handed him a slice. “That kitten has taken a liking to you.” But Juha didn’t seem too pleased that Musta had become possessive of him.

 

“I like cats,” Juha explained. “But kittens are unpredictable and their claws surprisingly sharp!”

 

Matti came to the rescue and simply picked Musta up, ignoring the hissy fit the kitten threw. “Come on, Musta, don’t be like that.” He put the kitten on the floor and Musta immediately headed for his basket. Musta hadn’t liked sleeping there at first, so Matti had taken one of Tommi’s shirts and had placed it into the basket. After that, Musta was content to nap there, although he still preferred the human’s bed.

 

“Now he’s insulted,” Jack said and chuckled. “Are all kittens like that? Pinki is like that too whenever Jonne’s away. He’ll be so pissed that I’ll be alone when I get home!”

 

The four of them laughed and finished their pizzas. Neither Mikko nor Jack wanted to head home, so they stayed long after midnight. Jack had just convinced himself that he had to leave because he didn’t want Pinki to be alone that night when his mobile phone rang. Surprised, he uncovered it and looked at the display. He had gotten a message from Jonne. Grinning like mad, he accessed and read it.

 

<b>Hey, babe. We arrived safe and sound at the hotel. Chris is pouting, Antti misses Mikko, and Tommi is being a real asshole… Probably because he hates being without Matti. I’m keeping in the background though so Tommi won’t vent his feelings on me. Miss you… Love you… I want to be with you… Hopefully I’ll dream of you!

Love, Jonne.</b>

 

Jack grinned and looked at his friends. “Looks like Tommi’s got his hands full. Chris is pouting and Antti’s missing Mikko…and they’re probably driving poor Tommi crazy!”

 

Matti smiled ruefully. “I wish I could be there and help him straighten them out.”

 

Juha sighed deeply. “Chris is only pouting because we’re not together. I’ll give him a call later.” Once he was in bed and had some privacy.

 

Mikko felt melancholy as well. How the hell were they going to survive the next three months?

 

~~~

 

“Thanks for letting me stay,” Matti said as he was about to close the door to the guestroom he currently occupied. “I’m not sure what I would have done if I had been alone at Tommi’s place tonight.” He might have ended up buying alcohol and getting drunk.

 

Juha nodded and smiled. “Hey, I’m happy to have company too. I’ve become used to having Chris about.” Juha grinned: Musta was doing his best to escape Matti’s room, but the other man caught on and stopped the kitten. “He’s quite a handful.”

 

Matti nodded. “He keeps me busy.” And for that he was grateful.

 

“I have to work tomorrow, so if you wake up and I’m gone, make yourself at home. Make breakfast, watch television, use the computer. I won’t be home until six, so maybe we can have dinner together then.”

 

“I’d like that.” Matti picked up Musta when the kitten tried to steal into the corridor again. He had the feeling the kitten was trying to sneak into Juha’s room. “Are you going to call Chris tonight?”

 

“Yes, I want to talk to him before going to sleep.” Juha took a step away from the doorway and headed for his bedroom. “Sleep tight, Matti!”

 

“Say hello from me!” Matti waved at Juha and then closed the door. “Now Musta, listen up. You’re not going to harass Juha, do you understand?” The kitten seemed to grin at him and Matti sighed. “Go sleep with your mother and sister.” He deposited the kitten in the basket. Musta tried to leave it again, but then Lady swatted him on the nose and after that, Musta settled down.

 

Matti lay down on the bed and wrapped himself up in the comforter. He was relieved he had survived the first evening without Tommi without turning to alcohol for comfort.

 

~~~

 

Juha undressed and slipped into one of Chris’ shirts, which still carried the other man’s scent. After picking up his mobile phone, Juha snuggled between the covers and dialed Chris’ number.

 

~~~

 

Ville and Lauri chuckled smugly when they found out that they were sharing a room. They hadn’t really expected anything else, but it was fun to watch the others get frustrated about the room sharing plan Tommi had made. Jonne definitely wasn’t pleased since he had to share with Tommi and Chris sighed deeply when he heard that he had to share with Antti. Chris immediately started to search for the ear plugs which he had used on the airplane. If he didn’t protect his ears, he would end up deaf. Antti hadn’t stopped talking since they had boarded the plane. That left Nakki and Jay sharing and they seemed comfortable with that.

 

When Ville and Lauri headed for their room, Jonne turned to Tommi with big, pleading eyes and tried *that* look on his older brother. “Come on, Tommi! This isn’t fair! I want to have some fun too!”

 

“Does that mean I’m boring?” Tommi looked as offended as he was capable of.

 

Jonne sighed. He didn’t want to hurt his brother’s feelings. “You’re not boring.”

 

“Ah, come on, Jonne, give it a try! You might like sharing with me!” Tommi had made the rooms’ division that way on purpose. He wanted to keep a close eye on his brother and hoped Antti would do the same with Chris.

 

Jonne shrugged. Tommi *was* boring. This meant no room partying!

 

~~~

 

Chris dragged his feet as he followed Antti into their room and wondered if the redhead would ever stop talking. Antti went on and on and on and it was driving him crazy.

 

“You’re not listening!” Antti declared as he unlocked the door and went inside. “Let me guess, you’re thinking about Juha! Oh, you’re suffering from heartache! How cute is that!”

 

Chris sighed and prayed for patience. “Antti, shut up. You’re driving me mad!” He dropped his suitcase on a bed and sat down. Antti was right though. He missed Juha terribly! And they had only been apart for a few hours!

 

Antti sat down next to Chris and stroked his back. “Hey, you’ll see him again shortly. Just ask him to fly in. Mikko’s doing the same thing.”

 

“Juha can’t get off from work as easily as Mikko does.” Chris shrugged and sighed deeply. “I miss him so much!”

 

Antti smiled ruefully. “Want to go to the hotel bar and get drunk?”

 

Chris shook his head. “I don’t want to get drunk on our first evening of our tour.”

 

Antti raised an eyebrow. “And why’s that? Normally you’d never decline!”

 

“These aren’t normal circumstances, Antti. Being with Juha has changed me. Is that such a bad thing?”

 

Antti shook his head again. “It isn’t. I just need to get used to the new you.” Chris smiled warmly at him and Antti realized that his friend had *really* changed.

 

~~~

 

Chris had curled up in bed while Antti had joined Tommi, Jonne, Nakki, and Jay at the hotel bar. Chris hadn’t wanted to join them since he didn’t trust himself with alcohol at the moment. It would be easy to get drunk and forget about missing Juha, but he didn’t want to do that. Instead, he had slipped into one of Juha’s shirts which he had smuggled along and closed his eyes, remembering the kiss they had shared before leaving.

 

Suddenly, his mobile phone resting on the night stand vibrated and lit up the semi-darkness of the room. Chris reached for it and looked at the caller ID. His heart jumped in joy when he saw Juha’s name on the display. Immediately, he answered it and whispered, “Hei!”

 

“Hei! Don’t sound so surprised! I said I’d call!”

 

Chris grinned smugly. “Miss me already?”

 

“Actually, I do. I wish you were here with me! Now, I have to deal with Matti for company!”

 

Chris frowned. “Matti?”

 

“After you’d left, the four of us had realized that we didn’t want to be alone, so Matti is staying in the guestroom. He brought Musta along and Ville and Lauri’s cats too. The house is full again, but that doesn’t replace you. I miss you!”

 

Chris continued to smile. “I miss you too. I actually declined Antti’s invitation to get drunk at the hotel bar. I was hoping you would call.”

 

“Is that the only reason why you didn’t go?”

 

Chris nodded. “You’re right. There’s another one. I don’t want to get drunk...not yet, at any rate.”

 

“Chris, getting drunk occasionally is okay, but stay alert. You know how easily it can become an addiction and a way to escape reality. If you feel cornered or frustrated, call me, okay?”

 

Chris drew in a deep breath. “I’ll keep that in mind. Juha, I love you so much. I want you to be here with me!”

 

“I love you too, Chris. And I’ll see what I can do about joining you at some point of the tour.”

 

“I’d love that.” Chris closed his eyes and tried to calm his pounding heart. “Juha, I always thought that people exaggerated when they said that they couldn’t be apart and that it was slowly killing them inside, but now I know it’s the truth.”

 

“Don’t be so dramatic, baby. You’re on tour and once the gigs start, you’ll love it!”

 

Chris opened his eyes and managed a smile. “You’re probably right. I’ll call you tomorrow after the gig. Is that okay with you?”

 

“Sure, just call me whenever you feel like it. Sleep tight, Chris, and dream something sweet.”

 

Chris pressed a kiss to his mobile phone and then said goodnight, hoping he would dream of Juha that night.

~~~

 

Later that night, Antti crashed into the room completely drunk and extremely talkative. Chris buried his head under his pillow and tried to ignore the redhead. Fortunately for Chris, Antti collapsed on his bed and hugged his pillow tight before calling it Mikko and kissing it. Unable to stay angry any longer, Chris grinned. Apparently Antti missed Mikko as much as he did Juha.

 

~~~

 

“Hey, I thought I was boring!” Tommi patted Jonne’s back. “What’s wrong?” They had spent the last two hours at the bar, but Jonne had only drunk two White Russians, no more, which was unusual since he liked to party.

 

“I miss Japa. It’s no fun, partying without him!” Jonne pouted. “And you’re not helping with telling everyone not to get drunk because we have interviews in the morning!”

 

“Hey, being on tour is hard work and you know that! Someone has to keep this kindergarten in check!” Tommi opened the door to their room and gently shoved Jonne inside. “Which bed do you want?”

 

Jonne picked the bed closest to the window and undressed. He slipped between the covers and continued to pout. During the last few months, Jack and he had seldom been apart save for when Japa had gone to Helsinki for band practice or promotion. “Sorry I’m being a bitch. I miss Japa.”

 

Tommi had just exited the bathroom and nodded in understanding. “I miss Matti too,” he admitted while lying down and turning onto his side so he could look at his brother.

 

Jonne chuckled. “You surprise me. First you admit that you’re into guys and then falling for Matti.”

 

“Hey, no one was more surprised than me!” Tommi grinned at Jonne. “It’s strange, isn’t it? The way we ended up with boyfriends?”

 

Jonne nodded. “Maybe we should try to hook Nakki up with Jay?”

 

Tommi burst out laughing. “Oh trust me...those two are totally straight! No way could you get them to date each other!”

 

Jonne laughed too. “You’re right.” He continued to chuckle and realized that sharing a room with Tommi might not be that bad after all!

 

TBC

 

Part 2

One and Only

 

During the next day, Jonne got little chance to feel depressed with a busy schedule ahead of him. First, they were some interviews, then a photo shoot, and before the gig there were more interviews. Although he loved his job, he sometimes wondered how he would get through the day. A look at Chris showed that he wasn’t the only one wishing for some peace and quiet. Since Chris was very popular with the fans, the guitarist had even more interviews lined up than Jonne. Smiling encouragingly at Chris, Jonne hoped his friend would get through the day somehow.

 

At the moment Chris was doing his best to concentrate on the questions his fans were asking him. His thoughts had drifted off to Juha, so he hadn’t been paying much attention. He tried to read the questions off of their cards instead. They were mean though and shielded their questions from him, making it even harder for him to reply. In the end, he opted for an ‘I don’t know’, since he really had no idea what they had just asked him. He heard Jonne chuckle from across the room and the blond shot him a look that said ‘You’d better pay attention!’ Chris tried again and the girl was kind enough to repeat her question.

 

“You’ve been seen holding hands with Juha, the singer of Reflexion…” one of the girls started.

 

Hearing Juha’s name, Chris’ interest rose and he actually tried to listen to her.

 

“We were wondering if the rumors are true and that the two of you are together.”

 

The girl gazed at him expectantly and Chris realized he had to say something. She wouldn’t let him get away with another ‘I don’t know’. So he shrugged and tried to distract her by mumbling something incoherent. Sometimes it really came in handy that they thought he barely understood and spoke English. He was much better at the language than he had ever let them know.

 

“Are the two of you together?” she tried again. “Are you in love?”

 

Chris caught the dreamy look in her eyes and deduced that she thought that Juha and he being together was a good thing. If that was the case, there was no harm in admitting the truth. “Yes, we’re together,” he said eventually. She started to giggle and a huge smile settled on her face, making Chris weary once more. Maybe that had been the wrong thing to say after all!

 

“That’s cute!” She grinned like mad and made notes.

 

That was when Chris realized how stupid he had been. She was going to post that online, and then everyone would know. Chris himself didn’t have a problem with that and he doubted Juha would mind him admitting the truth, but how would the management – aka Tommi – feel about his admission?

 

Tommi stood in a corner of the room and kept a close eye on all of the proceedings and caught Chris’ worried look. Wondering what the guitarist had done this time to get himself into trouble, he moved toward him, hoping to do some damage control. Once he was close enough to hear what the girl interviewing Chris was saying, his eyes widened. Oh boy, what the hell had Chris said?

 

“Have you been together for a long time? How did Juha and you meet?” The girl made some pictures and giggled when she noticed that Chris was staring at her in bafflement. The look was priceless!

 

Tommi came to the rescue. “Please excuse me, but Chris has someplace to go. You’ll have to end the interview now.”

 

The girl was disappointed, of course, and thanked Chris for answering her questions. At least now she had Chris’ official statement: they were together! She couldn’t wait to spread the news across the net!

 

Chris quickly said goodbye and then rose from his chair. “Kiitos,” he told Tommi. “I never expected that question and the truth slipped out.”

 

“What’s done is done,” Tommi replied and shrugged once. “Let’s hope it won’t damage your reputation.”

 

“Why would it?” Chris glanced at Tommi in puzzlement.

 

“You’re popular with the girls,” Tommi explained. “There’s no way of telling how they’ll react when they find out about your involvement with Juha. Let’s hope they think it’s ‘cute’.”

 

Chris became quiet after that and followed Tommi back into the tour bus. Once he had sat down and Tommi had left to collect Jonne, he uncovered his mobile phone and dialed Juha’s number.

 

~~~

 

Juha was on his noon break drinking coffee and eating a sandwich when his phone rang. Curious, he uncovered it and raised an eyebrow when he saw Chris’ name on the display. Answering the call, he said, “Moi!”

 

“It’s me.”

 

Juha grinned. “I saw your name on the display. So, what happened? Did you get yourself into trouble again?” He knew that Chris never meant to get himself into trouble. It just happened.

 

“I think I made a mistake just now.”

 

Juha’s eyebrow arched higher. “Define mistake.” Chris sounded upset all right!

 

“There was this girl interviewing me and then she asked if we were together. If we were in love and I said...I said yes.”

 

Juha sighed. That was the big crisis? “Chris, that’s okay. There’s no reason for you to hide the truth! There are probably already dozen of pictures around of us holding hands or kissing!”

 

“Tommi didn’t seem pleased though. He hopes they think it’s cute. I think he’s afraid that I might no longer be that popular if the girls find out I’m involved.”

 

Juha considered that. “That *is* possible, but you never know. How did that girl react when you confirmed her suspicions?”

 

“She said it was cute.”

 

“That’s a good thing!” Juha tried to comfort and encourage Chris. “There’s no use in denying our relationship, Chris. If she asked about it, the news already spread. She just wanted your official say in the matter.”

 

“I wish you were here to help me. I feel so…clumsy. I don’t know how to handle this.”

 

“Just be honest. If you lie, they’ll find out and then things will get really bad. And if Tommi doesn’t like it, too bad!” Juha didn’t them want to live a lie. “If your fans are really loyal to you, they’ll accept this.”

 

“You’re right. I hope they’ll this accept this. Lying isn’t an option.” Chris sounded firmer now, more convinced.

 

Juha smiled. “I love you, Chris. You don’t have to lie about that.”

 

“Love you too, baby.”

 

“Chris, don’t call me that.”

 

“Sorry, baby. Love you! Bye!” And with that Chris ended the call.

 

Juha chuckled as he pocketed his mobile phone. It appeared he would have to get used to Chris calling him baby!

 

~~~

 

That evening, Juha came home to a home cooked meal. He hadn’t expected Matti to cook, or set the table, but the younger man had readied everything for dinner. “That’s great,” Juha said after he had shrugged out of his coat and removed his shoes. “I didn’t know you could cook!”

 

“The first few weeks at Tommi’s place we ordered a lot of take out, but that became boring after a while, so we started to cook. I learned to prepare a few dishes.” Matti winked at Juha. “I hope you’re hungry.” Matti placed the lasagna on the kitchen table and sat down. Juha had already seated himself.

 

Juha put some of the food on his plate and started to eat. “Chris called today.”

 

Matti looked up. “What did he do this time?”

 

Matti’s remark made Juha grin. “Apparently he was being interviewed and he admitted to us being together. He wasn’t sure admitting that had been the right thing to do.”

 

“Lying won’t get him anywhere,” Matti remarked and started eating. In a corner of the kitchen, the cats were eating as well since Matti had just put food into the bowls. “By the way, Musta snuck into your bedroom and claimed the bed for his afternoon nap.”

 

“Bad kitty,” Juha declared and waved a finger at the feline, who ignored him and continued to eat. “And what did you do all day?”

 

“Not much… I played with the kittens and slept late… I need something to do though.” Matti knew he would go crazy if he had nothing to do all day.

 

“Ever thought about recording new songs?” Juha sipped his orange juice, not missing the wine they usually had one bit.

 

“What’s the point in doing that? I don’t have a band anymore.” Matti instantly grew depressed. “And do you have any idea how expensive renting a recording studio is?”

 

Juha smiled smugly. “We have one in the basement, remember?”

 

Matti’s eyes suddenly widened. He had completely forgotten about that!

 

“Start writing new songs. Get ready to record a solo album!” Juha nodded enthusiastically. “What’s stopping you from doing that?”

 

Matti considered everything Juha had said and realized that the redhead was right. Writing songs would give him an outlet for his feelings and would keep him busy. “You wouldn’t mind if I used your equipment?”

 

“Why would I? I’d even offer to do some mixing, if you want. I’m a sound technician after all.”

 

Matti smiled happily. “That would be great!”

 

“Then start tomorrow! I’ll be away at work again, so…” It was only Thursday and he had to work the next day, but he had the weekend off, thankfully. He could help Matti write, if the other man wanted that.

 

~~~

 

That evening, Negative had their first gig. Once the opening act had finished and the stage had been modified for their show, the six of them gave their first concert. It was a success. The fans screamed, Jonne’s voice was in excellent condition, and they hardly made any mistakes during the show.

 

Afterwards, they went backstage, and Chris uncapped a beer bottle, letting the cool liquid glide down his throat. One look around showed that Ville and Lauri were seated at a distance. Chris understood why as he found that the rest of them were getting drunk fast. Even Jay was slamming some shots!

 

Tommi congratulated them. “That rocked!” He patted Jonne on the back and grinned contentedly. “And there are at least a hundred fans waiting for you outside.”

 

Jonne nodded. “Just give me a few minutes to catch my breath.” He downed his beer as well, but then switched to mineral water. He wanted to keep a clear head when talking to his fans.

 

Chris and Antti were in competition, however, trying to find out who could down their beer the fastest. The competition left them rather tipsy and then Antti lit a joint before passing it around. Jonne was the only one who passed, sticking to his no smoking rule.

 

Thirty minutes later, they went outside, save Lauri, who chose to stay with Ville. They went into the tour bus, snuggled up, and talked about the gig.

 

Tommi guided the remaining five band members outside and kept a close eye on Chris and Jonne, telling them to stay close just in case there were some overly zealous fan girls.

 

While Jonne and Chris indulged the girls who wanted their stuff signed and have their picture taken with them, Tommi remained on guard. He knew Jonne and Chris enjoyed this part of the evening as much as the show, but he wouldn’t let them stay much longer. They had to get moving and return to the hotel so they could get some sleep that night. Looking to his right, he found that Nakki, Antti, and Jay were surrounded by fans as well. A few girls looked disappointed that Lauri wasn’t out there, but Tommi understood that Lauri wanted to savor his time with Ville.

 

Half an hour later, he signaled the five men to start making their way to the bus. Nakki, Jay, and Antti arrived there first and then Jonne got there too. Chris however was having trouble getting inside. The girls just didn’t want to let him go. In the end, Tommi had to intervene and cleared the way for the guitarist.

 

“Finally!” Chris dropped onto one of the chairs and drew in some deep breaths. “I thought they’d be less clingy now that they know I have a boyfriend, but no! Now they want to know how Juha and I met, if we’re living together, if we plan on getting married and-”

 

Tommi interrupted Chris. “If you’re planning on getting married?”

 

“Yes! Apparently, it’s legal over here!” Chris grinned and reached for another beer bottle. He was in the mood to get drunk. Antti had everything to do with that since the bass player had fed him another joint before leaving the bus earlier. But their conversation reminded him of Juha who was still in Tampere while he was in Germany. He fished his mobile phone out of a pocket and dialed Juha’s number once more.

 

~~~

 

Juha couldn’t suppress the grin when he saw the caller ID. Matti was sitting on the couch next to him and looked up and caught Chris’ name on the display.

 

“Chris can’t live without me it seems,” Juha remarked before answering the call. “Missing me?”

 

Chris sounded a bit more than tipsy as he replied, “I can’t stop thinking about you!”

 

Juha continued to grin. “Are you drunk?”

 

“A little bit...I shouldn’t have tried Antti’s weed though. Blew my head.”

 

Juha wasn’t sure what to think of that. Although he enjoyed the occasional beer, he wasn’t that fond of drugs. “How was the gig?”

 

“Great! We fucking rocked the stage!”

 

It was obvious that Chris was still on overdrive by the edge in his voice. “So what are you going to do now?”

 

“Tommi got us to the tour bus, so we’ll head back to the hotel. If I can calm down, I’ll try to get some sleep. You were right, baby! I miss you, but being on stage again rocks!”

 

Juha couldn’t help being worried though. But he didn’t want to preach to Chris either. He had to put his trust in Chris and believe his lover knew when to stop drinking or pass up a joint. “I’ll be heading to bed soon. Have to work tomorrow, but I’ll be thinking of you.”

 

“I’ll have such sweet dreams about you!” Chris chuckled. “About making love to you!”

 

Juha chuckled. “Sounds like you’ll have great dreams. Bye Chris. Enjoy being on the road again and we’ll talk again tomorrow.”

 

“Love you, baby. I really, really love you and I am sooooo happy that they know the truth now! I want everyone to know.”

 

“You’re so drunk,” Juha retorted and shook his head.

 

“Drunk and high!” Chris giggled. “Sleep tight, baby, and dream of me!” The call was terminated.

 

Matti noticed the worried look on the redhead’s face and put that look with the things he had heard. “Chris is drunk and high?”

 

Juha sighed and nodded. “I worry about him. Maybe it’s nothing. I mean, of course he will drink on tour. He never stopped drinking like you did. It’s probably nothing.”

 

Matti patted Juha’s shoulder. “It’s okay to worry. Chris… He isn’t an alcoholic exactly. He can still control it, but that line is easily crossed.”

 

“Let’s hope he won’t cross it then,” Juha replied and pet Harmaa, who had made herself comfortable on his lap. “I don’t want to lose Chris.”

 

~~~

 

Chris tumbled into bed that night and didn’t bother to remove his make-up or clothes. He snuggled up to his pillow, sighed, and closed his eyes, dreaming of Juha.

 

~~~

 

The first two weeks of the tour passed by quickly since their time was filled with interviews, sight seeing, photo shoots, and their gigs. After getting drunk and high that one time, Chris decided to pass up on Antti’s offer the next time that the redhead handed him a joint. Although he had enjoyed the blissed out feeling he’d had when he had been high, he remembered Juha’s warning that it was easy to become addicted to that stuff.

 

A week later, they arrived in Cologne and prepared for another gig. Chris used that moment to send Juha a message. He would have preferred to call, but Juha was probably stuck at work. So instead of calling the redhead, he called Matti instead.

 

“Moi!”

 

Chris instantly felt relieved at the chipper tone to Matti’s voice. “Hei! It’s me!”

 

“Ah, did you finally remember you got a brother?” Matti asked jokingly.

 

“I did! How are you? Do you enjoy living with Juha?”

 

“He’s really a nice guy and I’m grateful he took me in. Living alone is not the right thing for me at the moment.”

 

Chris nodded, understanding the problems Matti was facing. “But at least your boyfriend will head home in two weeks and you can be together for several days!”

 

Matti sounded happy when he answered, “Believe me, I’m looking forward to that!”

 

“So how are you doing?” Chris sipped some coffee and watched Ville feed Lauri bits of food. They had gathered backstage and everyone was trying to keep busy.

 

“I’m recording new songs for a solo album. It was Juha’s idea!”

 

Chris loved the way Matti sounded so motivated and energetic! “I like that idea! So is he helping you?”

 

“Yes with some of the arrangements. It’s nice having someone around who knows about the song writing process. You’re really lucky to have him!”

 

“I am!” Chris smiled happily. So far, Juha and he had been in touch every day.

 

“Chris?”

 

Chris raised an eyebrow. Why did Matti sound so worried all of a sudden? “Yes?”

 

“You know how dangerous alcohol can be, don’t you? And drugs? Including weed.”

 

Ah, that was what was worrying Matti! “Don’t worry. I’ve only gotten high once this week and that was because...well, I was relieved that everything was out in the open! I must say, the fans have really accepted us being together. They’ve been wishing me good luck!”

 

Matti sounded relieved when he said, “Just be careful. Juha worries and I hate it when he’s depressed.”

 

“He’s depressed?” Chris frowned. Juha hadn’t told him that. Had the redhead been hiding other things as well? To protect him...of course. He knew Juha’s way of thinking by now. “How’s he doing? Honestly?”

 

“He misses you a great deal, but the kittens keep him distracted. They follow him about when he’s home and it’s driving him insane. They like him.”

 

Chris grinned. “And he doesn’t like the extra attention he’s getting?”

 

“I think he’s afraid they might grow too attached to him. And then they have to return to Ville when he gets back. And Musta will go home with me when Tommi’s back again.”

 

“And he’s really doing fine?” For some reason Chris had the feeling Matti wasn’t telling him everything.

 

Matti hesitated, but then said, “He’s having headaches. He’s trying not to let it show, but he hasn’t been feeling well. Luckily he knows when to lie down and rest.”

 

All right...now he was worried and he was too far away to look after Juha. “Matti, do me a favor and keep an eye on him. Make sure he doesn’t overdo things.”

 

“I’ll look after him,” Matti promised. “Hey, it was great that you called. I wanted to talk to you at any rate.”

 

“I’ll call again shortly,” Chris replied before ending the phone call. So Juha’s headaches were back after two months? He didn’t like that one bit!

 

~~~

 

Juha returned home later than he normally would. He’d had to put in some overtime in the hope that his boss would give him some days off so he could join Chris in a few weeks. Putting in overtime left him tired though and left him wide open for his headaches, which were bordering on becoming full fledged migraines.

 

“Hey, you’re late,” Matti remarked when Juha entered the living room. During the last week, Juha had been looking increasingly drained and dark shadows were forming beneath his eyes. “It’s a good thing it’s Saturday tomorrow!”

 

Juha nodded listlessly and collapsed onto the couch. “I need to get some extra sleep. Don’t wait up for me with breakfast tomorrow.”

 

Matti nodded. Ever since his stay at the clinic, he continued to wake up at seven in the morning and had started joining Juha at the kitchen table every morning. “Don’t worry. I plan on sleeping late too.” He had worked at his songs all day and felt tired too. “Want something to eat?”

 

Juha shook his head. “No thanks. I’ll just head for bed.”

 

Juha was about to rise from the couch when Matti rested a hand on his arm. “Chris called earlier.”

 

Juha remained seated and looked questioningly at Matti. “Did something bad happen?”

 

Matti quickly shook his head. “He just wanted to know how things were and I told him about my new songs.” Juha nodded and wanted to get to his feet again, but Matti stopped him this time as well. “He also asked about you and I told him that you’re suffering from headaches.”

 

Juha sucked in his breath sharply. “Why did you do that? Now he’ll worry unnecessarily.”

 

Matti moistened his lips and tried to be as diplomatic as possible. “Get some rest this weekend.”

 

Juha nodded. “That *was* my plan!” He felt offended that Matti wanted to baby him!

 

“I only mean well,” Matti assured him. “You’re my brother’s lover. That practically makes you my brother in law.”

 

Juha sighed. “I’ll get some rest, but Matti, I have to put in this overtime, otherwise there’s no way I’ll get time off to go see Chris.”

 

“I understand that, but don’t overdo it, okay?”

 

“I get it.” Juha got to his feet and exited the living room. “I’m going to bed.”

 

“Sweet dreams,” Matti called after him, feeling strangely worried.

 

~~~

 

That night, strange sounds coming from outside of his room woke Matti. He sat up and frowned as he tried to pinpoint the source of the noise. He ignored Musta’s hissing as he left the bed and Matti pushed the door ajar. There it was again: a strange gasping, almost choking sound that appeared to be coming out of Juha’s room. He quickly grabbed a T-shirt, slipped into it and headed for Juha’s bedroom. He knocked, not wanting to intrude, and waited for Juha’s reply. But instead of an answer, the odd sound continued. Growing worried, Matti pushed the door ajar and peeked inside.

 

Juha was curled up in a fetal position and his hands had turned into fists and were pressed against his temples. He groaned pitifully and seemed to gasp for breath. Alarmed, Matti approached the bed and sat on the edge. Deducing Juha was having a severe migraine, he wondered what he could do to help. “Hey, is there anything I can do?”

 

Juha hadn’t registered Matti’s appearance at first, but when the other man started rubbing his back, he looked up through eyes which were squeezed half shut. Yes, Matti could help. He couldn’t leave the bed himself, but Matti could fetch his medicine. “In the bathroom,” he whispered in-between gasps. “Little box...has migraine tablets inside...name’s Maxalt.”

 

Matti nodded and headed for the bathroom where he found the tablets. Uncertain on how many Juha needed to take, he took the whole box with him and filled a glass with water. Then he returned to Juha’s side. Juha was in obvious pain as a cold sweat broke out on his brow. “How many?”

 

“Just one…” Juha extended his hand, which shook as Matti placed the tablet in his palm.

 

“I got you water too,” Matti offered, but Juha shook his head.

 

“Don’t need it…” The tablet would melt in his mouth, which was better that way since drinking water would have caused his nausea to increase. “Kiitos,” he whispered and closed his eyes. There wasn’t much light in the room, just the moonlight, but it was bright enough to hurt his eyes.

 

Matti had noticed his flinch and got to his feet to draw the curtains. “Is there anything else I can do?” he asked as he sat on his heels next to the bed.

 

“No, but…thanks…” Juha hoped the tablet would work quickly. His stomach was doing somersaults and he hoped he wouldn’t throw up.

 

“I’ll stay until you feel better,” Matti announced and sat down on the bed again. He moved carefully and slowly, not wanting the movement of the bed to cause Juha discomfort. “I really wished there was something I could do to help.”

 

Juha felt the first signs that the medicine was kicking in as he whispered, “My neck hurts.” It wouldn’t be long before he would be asleep, since it was one of the side effects of the drug.

 

Matti considered what to do and the only thing he could come up with was offering a massage. “Just tell me if it worsens the pain.” Gently, he placed his hand against the nape of Juha’s neck and rubbed the tense muscles there. After a few minutes, he felt Juha relax and the older man’s breathing deepened as he fell asleep, which was probably the best thing that could have happened. He kept the massage up for another few minutes and then removed his hand. Juha stayed asleep and, though his breathing started to sound labored, he seemed comfortable.

 

Matti had no intention of leaving Juha. Since Juha was situated in the center of the big four-poster bed, Matti slipped further onto the mattress and lay down on his side so he could monitor Juha and react should the redhead grow worse again.

 

~~~

 

At the same time, Chris was indulging his fans after that day’s gig. He had his picture taken with them, fooled around, and nodded every time one of them wished him all the luck in the world where his relationship was concerned. Chris had seldom been happier than during that moment. Life was great! Life was perfect!

 

~~~

 

The next morning found Matti and Musta fast asleep while Juha’s eyelids were fluttering. He had woken a few minutes earlier and was trying to convince himself to open his eyes. The other night’s migraine had been bad and if it hadn’t been for Matti fetching his meds, it might have been much worse.

 

Opening his eyes a little bit, the first thing he caught sight of was Matti sound asleep on the edge of the bed, maintaining some distance. Matti had stayed then. That had been very kind… His migraine might have gotten worse or another, new attack might have occurred.

 

Musta had curled up in-between them and was watching him, so Juha pet the feline’s fur and grew calm. Somehow, Musta’s presence seemed to soothe him and stroking the soft fur seemed to relax him.

 

“You’re awake.” The movement of Juha’s hand, however slight, had woken Matti, who stared at Juha questioningly.

 

Juha nodded slowly. “Thanks for last night. I need to keep those meds close and not in the bathroom.”

 

“Hey, I didn’t do anything special. You would have done the same thing for me!” Feeling shy, Matti pushed himself up. A look at the alarm clock showed that it was ten in the morning. Good thing it was the weekend. “Do you want to sleep some more?”

 

“Maybe I should. Those meds always make me sleepy.”

 

Matti noticed the way Juha’s hand shook and chalked it up to the aftermath of the migraine. “I’ll take this little rascal with me so he won’t bother you and return to my own bed.”

 

“Can’t you let him stay?” Juha bit his bottom lip. “I’m comfortable like this.” And for some reason, the kitten’s presence helped him relax.

 

“Sure, Musta can stay with you. Sleep some more and I’ll start breakfast in a bit. I’ll take a shower first and once breakfast is ready, I’ll call you.”

 

“I’m not sure I can eat.” The mere thought of food made him want to throw up.

 

“Why don’t we find out when I have breakfast ready?” Matti suggested. “Close your eyes and get some more sleep.” Juha’s eyes closed again and Matti watched him worriedly. Now he understood why Chris was so worried. That migraine attack had scared him too!

 

TBC

 

Part 3

Breakpoint

 

“I don’t want you to go,” Lauri said and pressed Ville as close as possible to him. The taxi that would take Ville to the airport was already waiting. They were at the next venue that they’d play at that night, but now Ville would no longer be there at his side. Ville was returning home. His two weeks were up and Lauri was loath to let the younger man go.

 

Ville looked Lauri deep in the eye. He didn’t want to go either, but his hols were over and he had to start his courses again. “I wish I could stay. I’ll see what I can do about flying back in within a few weeks, all right?”

 

Lauri had no other choice but to nod. “I’d love to have you with me again.” He hugged Ville close one more time and kissed him.

 

Tommi felt sympathy for the two younger men and hated to break them up, but Ville had to be at the airport on time. “I’m really sorry, but Ville, you have to go.”

 

Ville sighed. “We’ll keep in touch,” he stated before kissing Lauri again. “And stay clear of any alcohol!” His gaze shifted from Lauri to Tommi and he added, “I’m counting on you to keep him sober!”

 

Tommi nodded. “I’ll do my best.” Eventually it would be up to Lauri’s willpower and strength to keep sober.

 

Ville had to let go of Lauri and walked toward the taxi. Before he got in, he waved at Lauri and mouthed ‘I love you’. Then he got inside and the car drove off, leaving Lauri and Tommi standing there.

 

Tommi placed an arm around Lauri’s shoulders and squeezed gently. “You knew this would happen.”

 

“But that doesn’t make saying goodbye any easier. He supported me, Tommi. He kept me anchored and balanced. Now that he’s gone, I don’t know what I’ll do the next time someone passes the whiskey bottle along!”

 

Tommi gazed earnestly at Lauri. “You can’t use Ville as your crutch. You have to do it yourself, but I want you to know that Jonne and I will look out for you. And if you ask Nakki and Jay, they’d do the same. Just be careful around Antti. That guy can drink and smoke anything he wants and for some reason he can do it without getting addicted to the stuff. You can’t.”

 

“Can’t you arrange for me to share a room with Nakki or Jay?” His greatest fear was to get hooked up with Antti.

 

“Sure, I’ll see what I can do. You have a single tonight and I’ll keep your request in mind tomorrow when we arrive at the new hotel.”

 

“You know, I don’t think Chris is that excited about having to share with Antti either,” Lauri remarked as they headed back into the building. “He has been complaining about hearing loss due to Antti’s constant talking!”

 

Tommi laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind too. If there are any singles available, we’ll put Antti in there!”

 

Lauri grinned as they joined the others. It was time to prepare for their gig.

 

~~~

 

Matti had showered and just finished preparing breakfast when Juha appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. The redhead looked exhausted and moved slowly toward the kitchen table, where he sat down heavily on a chair. “Uh, you’re not looking well!” Concerned, Matti sat down too and studied the older man.

 

“That’s me after a night full of migraine,” Juha replied, trying to make light of the situation.

 

“Do you want something to drink?” Matti wouldn’t mind making tea as well as coffee which he had made for himself.

 

Juha considered his stomach and realized that it couldn’t deal with heavy stuff. “Maybe some tea? I got a special blend which always goes over well with my stomach. It’s in the cupboard in a tin.” Juha pointed Matti in the right direction.

 

Matti found it and brewed Juha’s tea. He placed a cup of it in front of the redhead, who waited for it to cool. “Do you think you can eat?”

 

Juha wasn’t so sure about that and the last thing he wanted was throwing up, which might trigger the return of his migraine. “Some toast…no topping.”

 

Matti toasted a slice and placed it on Juha’s plate. “Do you think you’re up to tonight’s dinner plans or do you want me to cancel?” Ever since their partners had gone on tour, Jack, Mikko, Matti, and Juha met twice a week to have dinner together. They either went out or one of them cooked at home. That night, it was Matti and Juha’s turn to provide dinner.

 

Juha carefully shook his head. “No need to cancel. We’ll just order take out.”

 

“Or I cook. I still have one or two dishes left which Tommi taught me!” Matti hated seeing Juha so drained. He liked the redhead and the migraine had him worried.

 

“That would be great.” Juha sipped again and then looked at Matti for the first time. He looked apologetica as he inquired, “Do you mind if I lie down again? I still don’t feel great and I want to be in shape when Japa and Mikko drop by.”

 

“Sure, lie down and get more rest!” Matti had a busy day ahead of him and he liked it that way. With Juha lying down, Matti would take it upon himself to get their groceries and clean up a bit before their friends dropped by. Juha rose, smiled waveringly, and then left the kitchen. Matti was tempted to call Chris, but he also knew that his brother could do nothing to help. Maybe the migraine would leave and Juha would return to ‘normal’.

 

~~~

 

Juha slept through most of the day and woke around five in the afternoon when Harmaa’s nose pressed against his cheek. Opening his eyes, he looked into the feline’s eyes. He hadn’t returned to bed after breakfast, but had stretched out on the couch. Still feeling somewhat light headed from having slept so long, he picked Harmaa up, placed her on his lap, and tried to read the time. No, it couldn’t be that late already! Jack and Mikko would arrive at six and he still had to clean up and that day was normally the day he got groceries for the week. Why had Matti let him sleep so long?

 

Panicking, the stress brought the headache back and Juha drew in a series of deep breaths in the hope that the discomfort would go away. But it didn’t work completely. The unpleasant pressure behind his eyes remained and he suspected his migraine would return sooner or later that night.

 

“Hey, you’re awake!” Matti entered and sat down on the chair closest to the couch. “You were so fast asleep that I didn’t have the heart to wake you,” he explained at Juha’s accusing gaze.

 

“So, the house is a mess and we’ll have to order take out at any rate.” Juha sighed deeply. He sat up, rested his back against the arm rest, and pulled his fleece blanket close. He felt cold.

 

Matti shook his head. “I got all groceries while you were asleep and I also cleaned a bit. There wasn’t much of a mess to begin with.”

 

Juha’s eyes widened. “You didn’t have to do that. You’re a guest here!”

 

Matti waved the comment away. “Hey, I’m happy that I can do something in return for your hospitality! By the way, want me to fill up the bathtub for you? You look like you could do with a hot bath. Are you shivering?”

 

Juha knew there was no use in denying the truth. “I feel cold, yes.”

 

It wasn’t cold in the room though. Matti had raised the temperature to twenty-four degrees before he had left for the supermarket to make sure that Juha would be comfortable.

 

“A bath might be nice,” Juha remarked. “I also need clothes…” He was still wearing the T-shirt he had slept in the other night.

 

Matti nodded. “All right. You stay here for another few minutes. I’ll get the bath ready and pick up some clothes. Just let yourself be pampered for once.”

 

Juha nodded reluctantly. Pampering someone was easier than being pampered in turn, but Matti was making it rather clear that this wasn’t up for discussion. So Juha simply allowed for it to happen.

~~~

 

“Everything’s ready!” Matti announced upon his return to the living room. Juha hadn’t moved and was still snuggled under his blanket. Studying the redhead, Matti cringed when he saw the other man’s pallor.

 

Juha pushed the blanket aside and moved to get to his feet when he suddenly lost his balance and swayed. Matti reacted quickly and caught him. “Oops, I must be more tired than I thought.” At least, Juha hoped that was all there was to him losing his balance. His hands shook noticeably as he supported himself against Matti. Not good at all.

 

Matti’s worries increased. “Is this normal?”

 

No, this wasn’t normal, but Juha nodded. “Yes, I always feel off after suffering from a migraine.” His heart was racing though. Normally these things didn’t occur after he had recovered from his migraine! They had happened before though...many years ago. Juha shuddered. But surely that couldn’t be? He’d had that scan five months ago and everything had been okay back then!

 

Matti frowned deeply. Now Juha looked worried too. “Is something wrong?”

 

Juha slowly shook his head. “I’ll feel much better after that bath!”

 

Matti hoped so too, but for some reason he doubted that would happen.

 

~~~

 

That night, Chris accepted his fate and shared his room with the ever talkative Antti. Luckily for him though, Antti decided to go partying since Chris wanted to get some sleep for a change. Nakki, Jay, and Tommi joined Antti on his quest for vodka. Lauri and Jonne ended up in Chris’ room since neither of them wanted to be alone.

 

“So, what shall we order?” Jonne had cuddled up in Chris’ bed beneath the comforter and was already dialing room service.

 

Chris wasn’t in the mood for alcohol and that had everything to do with Lauri’s presence. The other guitarist looked a little lost and Chris knew why Lauri had opted out of Antti’s pub tour. Lauri was afraid that he might start drinking again. “Now don’t give me the evil eye, but I could really do with some hot chocolate.”

 

Jonne chuckled. “Okay, I’ll make that two. And what about you, Lauri?”


“Coffee?” But no, then he would face another sleepless night. One reason why he had these spells of insomnia was the absurd amount of coffee he drank. “Make that three.”

 

“With whipped cream!” Jonne added as he placed their order.

 

Chris grinned at the blond. Jonne *had* changed since Jack and he got together. Normally Jonne would never order something like that because he would be afraid that he might add some weight. But Jonne *had* added some weight and it made him look even more attractive. Chris knew he had Jack to thank for that.

 

“Why are you giving me that look?” Jonne frowned. “Don’t you like whipped cream?”

 

“Oh, I love it. I’m just surprised you’d want some too.” Chris wanted to bite his tongue when realization flashed in Jonne’s bright, blue eyes.

 

“It’s because I’ve grown fat, isn’t it?” Jonne bit his bottom lip. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have added the whipped cream.”

 

“Where the hell do you have any fat?” Lauri shook his head in exaggeration.

 

“Here!” To demonstrate, he lifted his shirt and patted his tummy. “And here! I’ve got love handles!”

 

Chris drew in a deep breath and stroked Jonne’s tummy in an attempt to calm him down. “You’re not fat, Jonne. Do you hear me? You’re not!  No way!”

 

“I am!” Jonne looked at them in determination. “I’m lucky Japa doesn’t mind me growing fat!”

 

Chris sighed, shook his head, and placed his hands on Jonne’s shoulder. “Jonne, you’ve always been underweight and you know it! Don’t try to deny it! When we were recording Anorectic, I was worried you’d really become anorexic!” Jonne’s eyes widened since he hadn’t expected him to say that. “You’re finally at a normal weight. Please Jonne, stay that way. Don’t lose the weight again.”

 

Jonne nodded. Chris’ little speech had impressed him. Until that very moment, no one had ever told him so directly that they worried about him because of his weight. “I’ll keep it that way.”

 

Lauri said, “Chris is right. The extra weight looks good on you! Honest!”

 

Jonne managed weak smile. First, he had to deal with the fact that Lauri could tell that he had added the weight. Suddenly Lauri pulled him into a hug and Jonne smiled. The friendship that connected them was special. The only thing missing was Jack.

 

~~~

 

Jack frowned. “You look like shit,” he said in greeting as he saw Juha’s pallid face for the first time. “What happened to you? Did you get drunk last night and have a major hangover?” But that was rather unlikely since Matti was staying at Juha’s place and he couldn’t imagine Juha indulging with Matti close.

 

“He had a nasty migraine last night,” Matti answered as he stepped into the corridor. Behind Jack, he noted Mikko and smiled at the other redhead.

 

Jack shrugged out of his coat and boots and gazed at Juha worriedly. “You look like death warmed over!”

 

Mikko elbowed Jack hard in the side, earning a groan in protest from Jack. “Hey, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” Mikko wrapped an arm around Juha and together they went into the dining room where the table was already set. “I’m worried too though. You don’t look well.” Mikko noticed that Juha’s hands shook and that his friend was stumbling repeatedly.

 

Juha sat down and bowed his head. He was simply too tired to keep it up. “I’m having a bad weekend. That’s all there is to it.”

 

“Are you sure?” Mikko caught Juha’s trembling hands in his and rubbed them. “I’ve seen you suffering from migraines before, but I can’t remember them ever having such an effect on you.” He moistened his lips and took a deep breath. He didn’t want to ask Juha this, but felt he had no choice. From the corner of his eye he saw that Jack and Matti had joined them and had seated themselves. “Juha, when did you have your last check up?”

 

“Five months ago and everything was fine! So don’t start with me!” Juha sounded irritated.

 

Jack and Matti exchanged worried looks. Juha didn’t just sound angry. A furious light had also appeared in the normally calm eyes. What the hell was going on?

 

Mikko knew he had to tread carefully. “Juha, how long has this been going on?”

 

Juha seemed to collapse and the fury disappeared. Instead, he sagged against Mikko for support. “Several weeks. I managed to hide it though. Most of the times, my meds work, but last night was bad.”

 

Mikko sighed and prayed for patience. “You and I are going to the clinic on Monday for another scan, okay?”

 

Matti sucked in his breath at that. “But if the last one came up okay, then why?”

 

“Because I’ve seen Juha this way before and that was a few weeks before they found a tumor in his brain. It was removed back then, but there’s always the chance of it growing back. That’s what the surgeon said, wasn’t it, Juha?”

 

Juha had visibly shrunk into himself, but slowly nodded. “I suppose so.”

 

Matti got to his feet and went to Juha before kneeling in front of the redhead. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

 

“I didn’t want anyone to worry.” Juha cursed privately as he noticed that the tremors rocking his hands were growing stronger. He had recognized the symptoms of course, but preferred to be in denial. “I don’t think it’s another tumor. It’s just the aftermath of the migraine.”

 

“But Juha, Mikko just said…” Matti shook his head in disbelief. He understood why Juha wanted to believe that it was just the migraine, but if Mikko was right, then… He drew in a deep breath. “Chris should know what’s happening.”

 

But Juha firmly shook his head. “You’re *not* telling him! Do you hear me? You’re not! It might be false alarm and you’re not going to worry him over nothing! He needs to concentrate on this tour!”

 

“But…” Matti shook his head as well. “You can’t ask me that! Chris is my brother and you’re his lover! We can’t lie to him!”

 

“We won’t lie! We just won’t tell him! Please, Matti. Chris is in Germany and there is nothing he can do! Don’t worry him!” Juha pleaded with Matti. “Don’t tell him!”

 

Matti wasn’t sure what to do and looked to Mikko for help.

 

Mikko caressed Juha’s face and then reached a decision. “We’ll go to the clinic on Monday, and if they find something, you’ll call Chris. If they don’t…then you don’t need to mention having been ill.”

 

Juha nodded. “They won’t find anything. I came out clean five months ago. Surely a tumor doesn’t grow that fast! It would have come from out of nowhere!” But he knew tumors *could* grow that fast. “And Mikko, I have to go to work on Monday! We can’t go to the clinic then!”

 

“Juha, if it’s really a tumor then you can’t postpone it. You’re entitled to time off to visit the hospital. I realize it’s scary, but… You need to do this!” Mikko took Juha’s hand in his again and squeezed it.

 

“Hell, if you really think it’s that bad then we need to head for that clinic now!” Jack added.

 

Mikko considered it and then nodded. “Jack is right. Why wait? This is an emergency. Look at you!” Juha was shaking like a leaf and he was close to panicking, Mikko realized as well. “We’ll go with you. Jack, can you fetch our coats? Who’s driving?”

 

Juha protested. “This really isn’t necessary!” But he lost his balance when Mikko pulled him to his feet and he had to hold onto his friend for support.

 

“Not necessary, my ass!” Jack commented as he draped Juha’s coat around the redhead’s shoulders. “We’re going – now!”

 

Juha realized that objecting wouldn’t get him anywhere and tried to make his way over to the doorway. His knees buckled however and he threatened to fall. No matter how much he wanted to chalk this up to his migraine, he knew it was something worse. Mikko was right. His tumor might be back and he had ignored the warning signs.

 

“I’ll drive!” Jack offered and guided them over to his car.

 

Mikko helped Juha into the car and once the redhead was seated in the backseat, Mikko sat down on his right and Matti on his left. Once Mikko was convinced that Juha was safely wedged between them, he told Jack to go. “Hey, it’ll only take thirty minutes to the clinic and then they’ll get busy!”

 

Juha felt too drained to comment and rested his head on the shoulder which was nearest, which happened to be Matti’s.

 

Matti looked at Mikko with obvious concern. Even through the thick leather coat, he felt Juha shiver.

 

Jack increased his speed and pushed the engine to its limits to get Juha to the clinic faster.

 

~~~

 

“Can you get drunk on unspiked hot chocolate?” Chris wondered. He felt pleasantly warm inside, but that might also have to do something with the fact that the three of them had cuddled up in bed together. They were watching a movie Jonne had found on pay per view, something called Madagascar, and Jonne seemed unable to stop giggling every time something happened in the movie. “Because I think Jonne’s high.”

 

Jonne smiled warmly at Chris. “You don’t want to know how much sugar is in that whipped cream.”

 

“Please don’t start hopping about like the energizer bunny!” Lauri declared since he was feeling comfortable and warm too.

 

“I’m not leaving this bed! It’s way too comfortable,” Jonne remarked and then giggled again because of something the giraffe said. “He’s so funny!”

 

Lauri felt the movie was rather boring, but didn’t want to ruin Jonne’s mood. “The penguins are cute.”

 

Chris wasn’t watching the movie at all. He was, oddly enough, starting to feel homesick. Maybe it was because of the relaxed atmosphere, but at the moment he really missed Juha. “Excuse me guys. I really need to talk to Juha.” He climbed out of the bed, retrieved his mobile phone, and went into the bathroom where he would have some privacy. He dialed Juha’s number and waited…and waited…and waited.

 

Five minutes later, he gave up. Worried, he wondered what might have happened that Juha wasn’t answering his call, but then he caught sight of the time and realized that it was close to midnight. Juha went to bed early on workdays, but it was Saturday, so Juha could sleep in late. There was no reason for the redhead to turn in early unless he had been really tired.

 

He would try again the next day around noon. Hopefully Juha would answer his call then. Chris went back into the bedroom and was surprised to find Jonne on the phone as well. Apparently the blond had wanted to talk to Jack, but Jonne seemed frustrated for some reason. “What’s wrong?” Chris asked as he slipped back into place next to Jonne.

 

“Japa’s not answering and it’s not *that* late! Normally he never goes to bed before midnight!” Jonne pouted. “I really wanted to talk to him since last night we had to cut our talk short.” His battery had run low.

 

“I can’t reach Juha either.” Chris didn’t like that one bit.

 

Jonne frowned. “Hold on… Jack mentioned that they were going to have dinner together, all four of them. That might be the reason they aren’t answering. Maybe they switched off their phones because they’re in some restaurant?”

 

“That might be it,” Chris admitted reluctantly. Looking over at Lauri, he asked, “Did you call Ville yet?”

 

“He said he would call me once he gets home… So I’ll wait for that.” Lauri knew it would take time for Ville to get home. He missed the younger man though.

 

~~~

 

Ville felt exhausted by the time he dragged his sorry ass into the apartment. It was odd not to be welcomed by Lady and Harmaa, but he would pick them up the next day. He didn’t want to knock on Juha’s door in the middle of the night.

 

After switching on the lights, he put his suitcase down in the corridor and then headed for the living room, where he collapsed onto the couch. Flying had been hell. He had started his journey with a two hour delay and then had missed his flight at Helsinki and had had to wait for another hour to get on the next flight. Lifting his feet, he rested them on the coffee table. Bah, he missed Lauri already!

 

Uncovering his mobile phone, he accessed Lauri’s number and waited for his boyfriend to answer. He only had to wait for a few seconds and then Lauri’s voice came from the other end.

 

“Hei!”

 

“Hei!” Ville grinned. “Were you waiting for my call? You answered so quickly!”

 

“I was.” Lauri sounded caught. “It took you a long time to get home.”

 

“Don’t get me started! The trip was hell! But I’m home now and it’s quiet without Lady and Harmaa.”

 

“Are you getting them tomorrow?”

 

“Yes, I am.” Ville yawned.

 

“When you see Juha tomorrow, can you tell him to call Chris? Chris is rather upset because Juha isn’t answering his call!”

 

In the background, Ville heard, “I’m not upset! Just…irritated!’ Ville chuckled. Chris was obviously still very much in love when he got upset because Juha wasn’t answering his call. “I’ll tell him!”

 

“I miss you already,” Lauri admitted. “But I want you to return to your studies and do well on your upcoming tests.”

 

“I know that,” Ville replied, touched that Lauri cared that much about him. “The last thing I’ll think about before falling asleep will be you. Then you’ll be the first thing on my mind in the morning!”

 

“I’ll be thinking of you too. Now, go to bed. You must be exhausted!”

 

“I am!” Ville smiled and then said, “Love you...I’ll call soon!”

 

“Love you too… Bye!”

 

Ville ended the conversation and dropped the mobile phone onto the couch. He closed his eyes, stretched, and then decided to follow Lauri’s advice and head for bed.

 

~~~

 

Jack parked the car at the entrance to the emergency unit and then the four of them headed inside. Juha was either asleep or unconscious, they weren’t sure which, and Matti had to carry him. Immediately nurses appeared and guided them to a bed, where Matti lay Juha down. Then they took him away and told the three of them to wait. They sat down in the waiting area, but not for long when Matti couldn’t remain seated and started to pace.

 

“We must call Chris!” Matti stated determinedly.

 

Mikko sighed. “Let’s wait until they’ve examined him. If we call Chris now, we’ll only worry him because we have no information. And there’s nothing he can do at any rate.”

 

Matti shook his head. “That doesn’t matter. Chris should know Juha is in hospital!”

 

“We’ll call him,” Jack responded. “But once we know what’s going on!” He agreed with Mikko and didn’t want Chris to panic.

 

~~~

 

Two hours passed by and no one came in to tell them what was going on. In the end, Matti grew fed up and went to the information desk to ask about Juha’s condition. A few minutes later he returned, looking displeased.

 

“What did they say?” Mikko asked.

 

“They’re still running tests on him, but they expect news in the next hour.” Matti started pacing again. “Damn, now I could do with some whiskey.”

 

“No way!” Jack retorted. “You’re not drinking any alcohol, but I’ll get us some coffee.” Jack left in search for coffee and returned ten minutes later carrying a tray with coffee, milk, sugar, and candy bars. “That should keep us going!”

 

They devoured the candy bars and sipped their coffee. Matti continued to pace and Jack wrapped an arm around Mikko as the wait continued.

 

~~~

 

Just when they were about to doze off in fatigue a doctor came up to them.

 

“Are you Mister Kylmänen’s party? You brought him in?”

 

Mikko was instantly awake. “Yes, we are! How’s Juha?” He jumped to his feet and Jack followed suit. Matti was already walking toward the physician. They were desperate for news.

 

“Was it just the migraine? Or is it something else? Something more…severe?” Matti’s heart pounded madly in his chest.

 

“I’m afraid it’s more severe.” The physician drew in a deep breath and then said, “We found a tumor in the left brain hemisphere at exactly the same spot where they had removed one some years ago. Fortunately we caught it at an early stage and it’s treatable, but your friend will have to undergo surgery and then probably chemo therapy.”

 

Mikko swayed and Jack steadied him. “I knew it!” the redhead whispered.

 

“We have given him some new medication, which we want him to take for the next two weeks. It will help shrink the tumor and we’ll schedule surgery.”

 

“You can’t operate right away?” Matti asked.

 

“No, we need to treat the tumor with these meds first. Once it has shrunk, we’ll operate and try to remove it. Your friend is really fortunate that we caught it this early.”

 

“How can this be?” Mikko sounded puzzled. “His last check up was five months ago and there was no sign of a tumor then!”

 

“Such a tumor can grow quickly. That’s why we want to act fast. We’ll release him in an hour. In the meantime you can get his prescription filled and maybe work out some arrangement for he shouldn’t be alone. The tumor affects his motor skills and he should be under constant supervision. If that can’t be arranged, he’ll have to stay here for the next two weeks, but I think being at home would be better for him.”

 

Mikko, Matti, and Jack exchanged looks and then nodded almost simultaneously. “We’ll take care of him,” Mikko said. “We’ll take turns.”

 

“Good, I’m glad that’s been taken care of then,” the doctor replied. “If you wait here, we’ll bring Juha to you. Get him home and put him into bed at once. It’s important that he rests. Also please read the information that comes with the meds. There are some side effects you should be aware of.”

 

“We will,” Matti said and nodded firmly.

 

The doctor left and the three men looked at each other until Jack inquired, “Who’s going to call Chris and tell him?”

 

TBC

 

Part 4

In My Darkest Hour

 

Yes, who was going to call Chris and when? It was four in the morning and they would be creating chaos if they called now. Wasn’t it best to wait until a decent hour?

 

“I’ll do it,” Jack volunteered. “I’ll call him around noon, all right?”

 

Matti sighed, relieved that it wasn’t going to be him giving Chris the bad news. Although they were brothers and had grown closer during the last few months, he wasn’t sure he would have been the right person to tell Chris about Juha’s condition.

 

“That would be best,” Mikko said and took hold of the prescription a nurse handed him. “I’m going to get these filled. Wait here for me.” After the two men had nodded, Mikko left to find the hospital’s own pharmacy. He was glad that he was getting a moment in private because his emotions were on a rollercoaster ride.

 

Back when Juha’s tumor had appeared the first time, the two of them hadn’t been friends for long, but Juha’s condition had made them grow close in a short period of time. That time had been rough on everyone and on Juha especially of course. What had made things worse was that Juha’s mother had passed away only two years before that and Juha still hadn’t completely recovered from losing her. Back then, Mikko had worried for Juha and he hadn’t been sure his friend would make it. At least now Juha had someone to fight for – Chris.

 

Mikko got the prescription filled and then returned to the waiting area where Matti and Jack were downing more coffee to keep awake. “I’ll read the information on these tomorrow.” He wasn’t awake enough to process everything now.

 

Jack and Matti nodded. They would do the same so they’d know what to expect when it was their turn to watch Juha.

 

Matti was the first to catch sight of Juha, who was seated in a wheelchair and coming toward them. The doctor who had talked to them earlier that night was pushing it. Juha was wrapped up in several blankets and his eyes were closed.

 

“He’s merely asleep,” the doctor reassured them. “We gave him something to help him stay that way.” One look at Mikko’s hand showed that the prescription had been filled. “Start him on those tomorrow morning. Make sure he takes two tablets in the morning and two before he goes to sleep. Also try to make him eat something, no matter how little. He needs to keep his strength up. He should sleep for a few more hours. The drug we gave him is rather strong.”

 

Mikko nodded. “I’ll make sure he takes his meds and eats.”

 

“Can we take him home now?” Matti asked.

 

“Yes, take him home and put him into bed. A nurse will call you tomorrow and set up a series of appointments. Juha needs to check in regularly, we have to do a biopsy, and we’ll schedule the operation.” The physician stepped aside and Mikko stood in his place. “Don’t worry too much. I’m fairly confident that we got to him in time and that he’ll make a complete recovery. You just need to be patient for the next two weeks.”

 

That would be hard though, Matti reckoned. And how would Juha react? Knowing there was a time bomb ticking away in his brain?

 

“Let’s go,” Jack ordered. “We don’t want him to catch a cold on top of everything.” It was chilly in the waiting area and it would become even colder when they took Juha to the car.

 

“If anything goes wrong, call the clinic and ask for me.” The doctor gave Mikko his card. “Although I won’t be his treating doctor, I can always answer your questions or refer you to my colleague who will be operating on him.”

 

Mikko thanked the physician and then the three of them wheeled Juha to the car, where Matti once more lifted the redhead and put him on the backseat. Mikko and Matti took their places again alongside Juha and made sure he was comfortable. This time, Jack drove slowly and more carefully, not wanting a bump in the road or a sudden stop to cause Juha discomfort.

 

“I can’t believe this is really happening,” Matti said. “When Tommi wrote that the scan had turned out all right, I thought there wouldn’t be any more problems for Juha.”

 

“You heard what the doctor said,” Mikko remarked. “Apparently, these things grow quickly. Let’s be happy we caught this in time.”

 

“You did,” Jack said as he got involved as well. “If it hadn’t been for you catching the symptoms then-”

 

“Let’s not think about that,” Mikko cut him off. “You heard what the doctor said,” he repeated. “We caught it in time.”

 

Although it was little comfort, the three men realized that they had been lucky indeed!

 

~~~

 

After Jack had parked his car, Matti, together with Mikko, managed to lift Juha out of the car. The redhead remained asleep hidden within the blankets. His head lolled against Matti’s chest and the younger man quickly headed for the bedroom, where he put Juha down in the bed.

 

“I’ll stay with him tonight,” Mikko said as he removed his coat and shoes. “Why don’t the two of you get some rest?” He stretched out next to Juha and pulled his friend into an embrace. “I’ll watch over him. If something happens, I’ll get you.”

 

Matti was reluctant to leave the room and return to his bed, but he also knew that he needed some sleep if he wanted to be sharp the next day. “Hey, Jack, the bed in the guestroom is a full, so if you want to sleep there, I’m okay with it.”

 

Jack nodded gratefully. “I’ll have to go home sometime tomorrow though to take care of Pinki. She needs to eat.” But he would spend as much time as possible there.

 

“That’s okay. We’ll take turns,” Mikko stated and smiled weakly when Juha snuggled closer to him in his sleep. “We’re in this together.”

 

Jack sighed. He wasn’t looking forward to telling Chris later, but he knew it had to be done. Chris should know what had happened. “Come on, let’s get some sleep. We have a long day ahead of us.” The day had already basically started. It was five in the morning.

 

Matti picked up the bag with Juha’s new meds and placed the box on the nightstand. Then he went into the kitchen and fetched a water bottle and a glass. “Just in case.”

 

“Kiitos,” Mikko answered. “Can you also set the alarm for nine o’clock? Juha needs to take his medication then. Just put the radio on as the alarm. I don’t want him to startle awake because of some dumb noise.”

 

Matti took care of it and then looked Juha over one last time. He asked Mikko, “Anything else you need?”

 

“I think we’re fine for the night. Juha will hopefully stay asleep until nine and I’m going to close my eyes too. Don’t worry though, I’m a light sleeper.”

 

Reluctantly, Matti and Jack left and headed for the guestroom. Matti removed his shoes and jeans and, while still wearing his T-shirt, slipped between the covers. Jack did the same thing and they ended up on their sides facing each other. “How do you think Chris is going to react?” Matti asked.

 

“Chris is going to freak,” Jack replied. “And he’ll want to catch the first plane home.”

 

“I can’t blame him. If Tommi was ill then I would do the same thing.”

 

Jack nodded. “But there’s a problem. Negative’s on tour. Tommi won’t want to cancel the remaining shows. They still have two and a half months of touring left.”

 

“And they can’t tour without Chris.” Matti realized the dilemma Tommi would face. “Why does this have to happen? I mean, Chris and Juha were happy! They deserve to be happy!”

 

“Life’s seldom fair,” Jack responded and patted Matti’s shoulder. He moved a little closer and draped his arm across Matti’s flank. “We can only hope that they’ll be able to remove the tumor and that Juha will heal. That doctor thought he’d make a complete recovery. We have to believe we got to it on time.”

 

Matti closed his eyes and sighed. Although he was tired, he wasn’t sure he could sleep. There were too many thoughts racing in his mind.

 

~~~

 

“What the hell is that noise?” Jonne carefully peeked from beneath the comforter. Neither Lauri nor he had bothered to return to their rooms the other night and now a very loud Antti was waking them. Antti, obviously drunk, crashed into the room, half-carried by Nakki.

 

“Hey, go sleep some place else! I want some peace and quiet!” Jonne glared at the redhead.

 

Antti stared at the three men occupying the same bed and burst out laughing. “What are the three of you doing there?” He shifted his pelvis in a move that left little to the imagination.

 

“Antti!” Jonne picked up a pillow and threw it at his annoying band mate. “Get the hell out!”

 

“It’s okay,” a surprisingly sober Nakki responded. “Antti can crash with me.” Grinning at the three men, Nakki steered a loudly protesting Antti out of the room again. The door closed and peace and quiet was restored.

 

“Why must he always be so damn loud?” Grumbling, Jonne cuddled up to Chris again and closed his eyes, wanting to catch a few more hours of sleep.

 

~~~

 

Mikko woke before the alarm went off and switched the alarm clock off. It was quiet in the house and, except for Juha’s somewhat labored breathing, there was nothing else. Mikko stroked back the long, red hair and sighed. That first time, Juha had lost his hair and it had taken him two years to grow it back to an acceptable length. It was time to wake his friend and make sure Juha took his medication. Very slowly and extremely gently, he shook Juha’s shoulder and whispered, “You need to wake up for me. Come on, open your eyes for a few minutes and then you can go back to sleep again!”

 

Juha felt like his head was wrapped up in cotton and, when he gradually opened his eyes, he blinked in surprise at finding Mikko so close. He blinked repeatedly and then frowned. “What…are you…doing here?”

 

Mikko was relieved that Juha was lucid and recognized him. “Don’t you remember our little trip to the hospital last night?” Juha looked at him tiredly, which answered Mikko’s question. “You probably were asleep or unconscious when we left. We took you to the hospital where they examined you.” His fingers gently massaged Juha’s neck, knowing tension always built there first.

 

Juha swallowed hard. “They examined me?” He trembled, afraid to find out what Mikko was going to tell him next. Was his biggest fear about to come true? Clinging to Mikko, he waited for his verdict.

 

“Juha, I’m terribly sorry, but…” Mikko paused as he saw realization in Juha’s eyes. His friend knew what would come next and it broke his heart to see the tears in his green eyes.

 

“They found a tumor,” Juha finished for Mikko. He closed his eyes in the hope of stopping his tears from gliding down his cheeks. “I didn’t want to believe it could be happening again.” But he *had* recognized the symptoms.

 

“Juha, the doctor said that they had caught it in time and he says there’s a good chance that you’ll recover. You’ve been put on some meds for the next two weeks. Sometime during that period they’ll do a biopsy and after two weeks they’ll remove the tumor. You’ll survive, do you hear me? You have to fight! Not just for yourself, but for Chris too!”

 

Juha pressed himself close to Mikko. “Chris… You can’t tell him!” His eyes opened and then widened. “I don’t want him to know!”

 

“But Juha!” Mikko shook his head in disbelief. “You can’t keep this from him!”

 

Their voices had risen and had woken Jack and Matti in the guestroom. The two of them made their way into the bedroom and stood in the doorway listening in on the conversation. They glanced at each other helplessly.

 

“Chris is on tour and I don’t want him… He’ll want to break it off and come home and…” Juha’s voice trembled noticeably and tears made it down his face from beneath his closed eyelids.

 

“Hey, you can’t keep this from Chris. What if it were the other way around? Wouldn’t you want be there for him?” Mikko argued.

 

Juha remained quiet. His eyes opened though and his gaze came to rest on Japa und Matti. “Why are you here?”

 

Jack made his way over the bed and sat on the edge. “You don’t think we’d abandon you now, do you?”

 

Juha wasn’t sure what to make of the situation he was in. Ever since he had vanquished that first tumor, his greatest nightmare had been the tumor growing back again. He didn’t want to go through the pain, the nausea, the feelings of helplessness, being dependant on someone, and most importantly, not knowing if he would wake the next day or turn insane again. He *knew* that a brain tumor could change his personality or incapacitate him. “I don’t want to live through this again. I don’t.” Unable to stop himself, he burst into tears.

 

Mikko drew in a deep breath as he tightened the embrace Juha was in. “You don’t have a choice, I’m afraid. But you don’t have to do it alone and you’ve got the most important thing in the world to fight for: Chris’ love. You can’t give up when you have so much to fight for. I know it won’t be easy. *I know*,” he declared and stressed the last two words. “I was there the first time you had to go through this, remember?”

 

Juha nodded and Mikko wiped away the remaining tears. “You’re stronger than you think and we’ll support you. And that includes Chris when he gets here.”

 

Juha said in small voice, “But Chris can’t leave. They have these gigs to play and that tour has just started.”

 

“I’ve been thinking about that,” Jack said. “I know most of Negative’s songs by heart and if they adapt their track list, I can fill in for Chris. The fans might not like it, but my offer might make Tommi more willing to let Chris go.”

 

“You’d do that?” Juha’s eyes grew big as he stared at Jack in disbelief.

 

“Sure. You’re my friends and you *do* things like that for friends, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I’ll call Chris around noon. Hopefully he’ll be awake then.” Jack patted Juha’s hand from under the comforter. “But for now, we need to take things one at a time and it’s time for you to take those meds.”

 

Docilely, Juha nodded. He’d do whatever they told him to do since he knew that he needed their help. Things would get much worse before they might get better.

 

Mikko sat up, reached for the meds, and read the instructions that came with it. He cringed as he noted about the possible side effects, but then consoled himself with the thought that none of them might happen. Maybe Juha would get lucky and would react well to the medication. “All right, you need to take two of these. Matti, can you fill up a glass with water?”

 

Matti complied and then handed Mikko the water. He was grateful that he was able to do something no matter how small for Juha.

 

With Jack’s help, Juha managed to elbow himself into an upright position and swallowed the meds along with the water. Realizing he was thirsty, he greedily emptied the glass.

 

Mikko handed the glass to Matti again, who refilled it. “Hey, you only need to say that you’re thirsty, you know.” Juha avoided making eye contact and Mikko cringed. Yes, this was déjà vu in more ways than one. Juha downed the second glass as well and then Mikko assisted his friend to lie down again. “Anything else you need?”

 

“Not at the moment…” Juha closed his eyes again. He was still awfully tired.

 

“Try to sleep some more and let us worry instead, okay?” Mikko gently stroked Juha’s hair and continued to do so until the other man was sound asleep again. “If things happen the same way they did that first time, he’ll sleep a lot.” He looked up at Jack and Matti. “Now what?” It might seem like he had all the answers, but he didn’t. He felt just as lost as they did.

 

Jack said, “I’m going to get Pinki and bring her here. I don’t want to be driving all the time.”

 

“And I’m going to make breakfast,” Matti added. “I’ll bring you something to eat,” he told Mikko. “Do you think Juha will manage something?” The doctor *had* told them to make sure Juha ate!

 

“Back then...” Mikko cringed as he said that. “What worked was porridge with a lot of sugar added to it. His stomach went rather sensitive, so we had to work out a diet.”

 

“I’m not sure we have porridge,” Matti commented. “But I’ll check.”

 

“I’ll simply grab a few boxes on my way back. I know a shop which is open twenty-four hours a day,” Jack offered.

 

“And buy sugar along with…” Mikko realized that it might be smarter to write everything down. “I’ll make a list.” Mikko eased Juha onto the pillows and then left the bed. “These new meds will make him sleepy, so he’ll be asleep most of the time. We need to check regularly on him though...damn it,” he cursed as he remembered something important. “I have to start work at three!”

 

“Just tell us what to do and we’ll make sure Juha’s comfortable. I’ll stay too,” Jack instructed after Matti had nodded to show that he would stay too. “I’m relieved you know what to do. I’d be lost,” he added.

 

Mikko, Jack, and Matti went into the kitchen. While Mikko wrote down the grocery list, Matti started the coffee and inspected the cupboards. “No porridge.”

 

“I’ll buy lots,” Jack promised as he slipped into his boots. “I’ll be back within the hour.”

 

“You don’t need to hurry. I don’t expect Juha to wake for the next two or three hours,” Mikko said.

 

“I want to be back as quickly as possible. I need to prepare myself for this phone call and I need you two close since I just know that Chris is going to freak out!”

 

Mikko nodded. “We’ll hold your hand,” he joked and grinned. It was important that they didn’t lose their sense of humor in these rough times.

 

Jack flipped Mikko the middle finger and then left to get Pinki and the groceries.

 

“I could really do with some coffee,” Mikko remarked and brushed his hair away from his face. “I feel like hell.” If he felt that bad, how would Juha feel?

 

Matti poured them coffee and sat down as well while pushing a plate filled with toast toward Mikko. He had already put several toppings and butter on the kitchen table. “We need to take care of ourselves too. Juha needs us sharp.” He buttered a slice of toast, added some marmalade to it, and started to eat.

 

~~~

 

Jack returned within the hour, just as he had said. Pinki immediately greeted her mother and siblings before the four of them disappeared from view. Jack carried the groceries into the kitchen and Matti helped him stock the shelves.”Where’s Mikko?”

 

“He went to check on Juha.” Matti read the instructions on the porridge box. “My mother always tried to make me eat this stuff, but I absolutely hate it.”

 

“Oh, when you add enough sugar to it, it’s eatable. But only just,” Jack said jokingly.

 

Mikko suddenly looked around the corner and waved them closer. “You have to see this!”

 

Feeling curious, Matti and Jack followed Mikko upstairs. The redhead placed his finger against his lips, indicating they should remain quiet. Peeking around the corner, smiles surfaced on the faces of all three men. Juha was still asleep wrapped up in his blankets while Harmaa and Musta had cuddled up to him. Juha’s hand was resting on Harmaa’s fur and even in his sleep, he was stroking the kitten. “Cute, don’t you think?”

 

“I once read that pets can have a soothing effect,” Jack commented. “Maybe having them here will help Juha.”

 

At that moment, Juha’s mobile phone which was on the night stand lit up and Mikko grabbed it before it could start making any sound. He quickly took it outside and asked, “Who’s there?”

 

“It’s me, Ville. But you’re not Juha!”

 

Mikko sighed in relief. For one moment he had been afraid it might have been Chris. He wasn’t sure how he would have reacted if the guitarist had been calling. “Ah Ville! It’s me, Mikko!”

 

“What are you doing answering Juha’s phone at eleven in the morning?”

 

“And what are you doing calling that early?” Mikko countered.

 

“I want to know when I can pick up Lady and Harmaa. The apartment is too quiet without them!”

 

Mikko drew in a deep breath. “Some things have happened and you should know about them too. Can you drop by around two this afternoon?”

 

Ville sounded worried when he asked, “What happened?”

 

“I don’t want to tell you over the phone. You’ll understand when you get here.”

 

“All right. I’ll be there around two.” Ville said goodbye and then the conversation came to an end.

 

Mikko turned around and found Jack standing behind him. “That was Ville. He wants to pick up his cats.”

 

“Do you think we can sway him to let Harmaa stay? Juha seems fond of the kitten and the way she’s snuggled up to him…” Jack nibbled on his bottom lip.

 

“We can ask.” Mikko exchanged a worried look with Jack. It was almost time to call Chris. “How are you going to do this? How are you going to tell Chris?”


“Straight-forward, I guess. How else?” Jack shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t think there is a way to break this sort of news gently.”

 

Mikko nodded. Jack was right. It simply had to be done!

 

~~~

 

Chris had just left the bathroom when Jonne dashed inside. “Hey, you’ve got your own room, you know!” But he couldn’t be cross with the blond. He liked Jonne too much for that. As he entered the bedroom, he found Lauri still stretched out on the bed, hugging a pillow, but the guitarist *was* awake. Even at this early hour. If there hadn’t been a whole series of interviews lined up, Chris would have slept longer, but Tommi had woken them. “Hey, that’s my bed!”

 

“Feeling possessive all of a sudden? I didn’t hear any complaints last night when we were keeping you company!” Lauri commented. He was in a bad mood because they had to get up so early. It was only twelve for heaven’s sake!

 

Chris merely shrugged. It was too early to get upset. Drying his hair, he sat down on the bed. Lauri didn’t budge however and remained stretched out on the bed. “Are you planning to return to your own room sometime today?”

 

“I might.” Lauri missed Ville and having Chris and Jonne around made him feel less lonely. He grinned as he heard Jonne sing in the shower.

 

Chris was about to throw Lauri out of the bed just for the fun of it when his mobile phone rang. “Damn, I forgot to turn the sound off.”

 

“Ignore it! It’s probably nothing important.” Lauri was only interested in getting back to sleep. He wasn’t a morning person!

 

Chris debated on answering the call. Picking up the phone, he checked the caller ID and saw Jack’s name on the display. “It’s Japa,” he said and grinned. He answered, “Hei! Aren’t you normally still in bed at this ungodly hour?” To his surprise, he heard Jack sigh and that made him frown. “Jack?”

 

“Chris? I have some serious news for you. You’d better sit down.”

 

Chris frowned. “Jack? What’s this about?” Next to him, Lauri sat up. The other guitarist had probably noticed the change in his tone and the worried look on his face. At Lauri’s puzzled look, Chris merely shrugged.

 

“It’s about Juha. Chris, I’m sorry. There’s no easy way to tell you.”

 

Chris’ anxiety level rose. “What’s wrong with Juha?” Lauri moved closer to him and placed an arm around him. Lauri’s gaze met his and Chris swallowed hard.

 

“We had to take him to hospital last night. He’d had a migraine and he was really bad. At the hospital they examined him and…” Jack took a deep breath.

 

“And what? Jack, fucking tell me!” Chris clawed at the towel and he shifted nervously on the bed. “Jack, what did they find at the hospital?”

 

Jonne exited the bathroom and heard the last few lines. Growing worried as well, he sat down on Chris’ other side and waited for more information.

 

“They found a tumor…in his brain, but they caught it in time! The doctor said Juha would be all right in the end.”

 

Chris closed his eyes and prayed for patience and strength. “This can’t be happening! His scan was negative only five months back! That tumor can’t have grown back!” Next to him, Jonne and Lauri tensed and the blond started to rub his back in an attempt to soothe him.

 

“Apparently these things grow fast.” Jack sighed. “I’m so sorry, Chris.”

 

Chris nodded automatically. “How’s Juha doing now?”

 

“He’s asleep. They gave him some meds which he has to take for the next two weeks. They plan on doing a biopsy some time this week and then they want to operate.”

 

Chris’ thoughts raced and his head spun. This phone call had upended his life. He could barely believe the things Japa was telling him. That damn tumor was back! Five months ago when Juha’s headaches had started, he might have expected such bad news, but not now. Not after the test result had come back negative. “I’m coming home. I’ll catch the first plane!”

 

“Chris, before you do anything rash, talk to Tommi, all right?” Jack sounded worried when he added, “Juha didn’t want you to know. He panicked when we told him we were going to call you. He doesn’t want you to worry or cancel the tour. He knows how important these gigs are for Negative.”

 

“Fuck the tour! I’m coming home! Juha’s tumor is back and you want me to go on stage and act like nothing’s wrong? What do you think I am? A fucking robot?”

 

“Chris, that’s not true and you know that. Try to calm down. I know that might be hard for you, but you need to be calm and controlled for Juha’s sake! Is there someone with you? I don’t want you to be alone right now.”

 

“Jonne and Lauri are here with me. They’ve been listening.” Lauri’s fingers curled around his and Chris squeezed in turn, needing the contact at the moment. “How bad is he, Japa? And please be honest with me!”

 

“As I said, he’s asleep. He has no memory of making the trip to the hospital. Mikko fed him his new meds and we’re going to wake him shortly to see if he can keep some food down. We have to wait. The meds will shrink the tumor.”

 

“Mikko’s there with you?” Chris was relieved that Juha wasn’t alone.

 

“Matti, Mikko, and I are here, along with a whole battalion of cats. Harmaa has adopted Juha and sleeps snuggled close to him. Juha’s never alone for long. We check on him. Last night Mikko stayed with him.”

 

Chris slowly calmed down. “And you’ll stay with him?”

 

“Yes, we’ll take turns. Mikko has to work this evening, so Matti and I’ll stay with Juha. We’ll take good care of him.”

 

Chris considered everything for a long moment and then said, “I’m going to talk to Tommi to find out when I can leave. I can’t possibly play a show knowing Juha…” His voice broke and he was unable to finish.

 

“Chris, when you talk to Tommi, tell him that I’d be okay with filling in for you. That way he wouldn’t have to cancel any gigs.”

 

Chris’ eyes became moist with tears of gratitude. “Japa, you really are a good friend.”

 

“Yes, I know… Just tell Tommi that, all right?”

 

Chris nodded and looked to Jonne for support. “You’ll back me up, won’t you? Jack knows most of our songs and can fill in for me.”

 

Still rubbing Chris’ back, Jonne nodded. “I’ll see what I can do. I’ll help,” he promised.

 

“Chris? Juha’s breakfast is ready. We’re going to try to make him eat something. Why don’t you call me back this evening? You’ll have talked to Tommi by then and either Matti or I will answer your call, all right?”

 

“I’ll talk to Tommi straight away and I’ll call when… Japa, take good care of Juha until I get there, please! He’s my everything!”

 

“We’ll take good care of him. Now go talk to Tommi and good luck with that! Should Juha’s condition change – for better or worse – we’ll call.”

 

“Jack, thanks for everything and tell Juha I love him and that I’ll get there as quickly as I can!”

 

“I will,” Jack replied. “Chris, take good care of yourself and don’t get drunk or do anything stupid. We need you alert.”

 

“I’ll behave. Trust me, I won’t let Juha down.” Chris terminated the call and then tears rolled down his face. Jonne immediately enveloped him in a hug and rocked him. Chris let go, knowing his feelings needed a way out. If he didn’t let them out this way, he *would* end up drunk that evening. Or even worse: completely high on drugs.

 

“We’ll talk to Tommi,” Jonne whispered soothingly. “We’ll make him understand.” He lifted his friend’s head. “You’ll see. He’ll listen to us and Jack filling in for you is a good alternative.” After Chris had nodded, Jonne pulled him close again. His eyes met Lauri’s, which were moist as well. They all cared about Juha and hearing that the tumor was back had shocked them.

 

TBC

 

Part 5

Foreclosure of a Dream

 

“And that’s why I need to leave as quickly as possible. Please Tommi, let me go.” Chris gazed as pleadingly as possible at Tommi. “What if it were Matti needing *your* support?”

 

Tommi sighed and scratched the back of his head. “Chris, I’m really sorry that Juha’s doing badly, but…” He really felt conflicted. Chris had hit home when he had asked how he would feel if it were Matti needing him. “I don’t know...we have these gigs lined up and breaking this tour off would end in financial disaster.”

 

That had been the moment Jonne had been waiting for. “Jack offered to fill in for Chris. He knows our music and will blend in.” He stood next to Chris and captured the guitarist’s hand in his when he noted that it was trembling. He wasn’t sure why though. Was Chris worried or angry because Tommi wouldn’t let him go? “And Japa’s popular with the girls too! Sure, fans will be disappointed that Chris isn’t there, but…”

 

“And how are you going to explain Chris’ absence?” Tommi asked.

 

Jonne smiled reassuringly at Chris when he became even more nervous. He knew Tommi well enough to know that his brother had just been swayed. Tommi would agree to the deal. “We tell them the truth.”

 

Chris’ eyes widened dramatically. “Are you serious?”

 

“Chris, I suck at lying and you’re even worse. What do you want to tell them? Huh? Got any good ideas that would explain why you need to go home? What explanation would the fans accept?”

 

“The truth,” Nakki supplied from the couch. They had gathered in Tommi’s room and everyone had turned thoughtful when Chris had told them the bad news. Even Antti was keeping quiet for a change. “Tell them the truth, Chris. That will also make things easier on you. You won’t have to keep it all inside and talking about it might help.”

 

Chris nodded. Nakki was right. It had to be the truth. He couldn’t lie. He was the worst liar alive. “He’s right.”

 

Tommi considered everything and then reached a decision. “You’ll do today’s interviews, at least the important ones, and you’ll play tonight. We have a day off tomorrow and I’ll see what I can do about flying you out and Jack in.”

 

Chris grabbed hold of Tommi’s shoulders and actually kissed him on the lips. “You have no idea what this means to me!”

 

Tommi pulled Chris close for a quick hug and said, “I think I do.” He recalled not wanting to leave Matti’s side when the other man was going through some rough times. “I can’t promise you will fly out tomorrow, but I’ll do my best.”

 

Chris nodded gratefully. “I’ll try not to let you down.” He would do his best to get through the interviews and not fuck up too badly during the gig that night.

 

~~~

 

Unfortunately for Jack and Matti, Mikko had to leave for work early and that left the task of getting Juha to eat up to them. “I’ll try,” Matti volunteered. He sat down on the bed and rested his back against the headboard as he tried to wake up Juha. “Hey, you should be hungry and we got some lovely porridge.” His features contorted in disgust as he recalled that Mikko had told them to add about four table spoons of sugar. How could anyone eat something so gross?

 

Jack stood next to the bed with the bowl while watching closely as Juha’s eyelids fluttered. Harmaa and Musta were still snuggled up to the redhead and Juha’s fingers were buried in Harmaa’s fur. Ville would arrive shortly and then he’d have to tell the whole story all over again. How would Ville react? The younger man would probably be equally shocked.

 

Juha’s voice sounded soft and weak as it pulled him from his musings, so he focused on the redhead. “Not hungry,” Juha whispered and peeked through still half-closed eyelids at Matti, who was surprisingly close to him. He felt a bit better though the fatigue remained.

 

“You need to eat something. The doctor said so.” Matti took hold of the bowl Jack handed to him and dipped the spoon into the porridge. “Mikko told us you love this stuff.”

 

Juha elbowed himself upright and reclined into the pillows. A look inside the bowl revealed that Mikko had resorted to unfair tactics. It wasn’t that he loved porridge, but it was one of the few things his stomach could deal with at the moment. “I’ll try.” He tried to get more comfortable, but since he still felt drowsy, his movements were awkward. Suddenly Jack was at his side, assisting him. Juha blushed a little and lowered his gaze. “I’m not an invalid,” he whispered and added a mental ‘Yet’.

 

“Hey, I love to help so please let me,” Jack whispered in turn, uncertain on whether Juha was still suffering from headaches.

 

With Matti’s help, Juha curled his fingers around the bowl and started eating. To his relief the tremors left him alone for the moment. Hopefully that meant the new meds were working. He ate slowly and managed almost three quarters of the porridge. “I’m full,” he announced and pushed the bowl back into Matti’s hands.

 

Matti smiled. Juha had eaten more than he had dared hope. But now they had to break the news that Jack had talked to Chris. He was going to take a detour first though. “You seem better.”

 

“The meds must be working,” Juha said and shivered. Although he was cocooned in blankets with a comforter on top of them, he still felt cold. His body was using up lots of energy and he was eating too little to refuel it. Growing aware of the other two guests on his bed, he managed a smile. “What are they doing here?” Harmaa was climbing onto his lap and Musta had somehow managed to get beneath the blankets and was cuddling up against his side.

 

“They like you.” Jack drew in a deep breath and exchanged a look with Matti. Stalling wouldn’t work. They had to talk to Juha now while the redhead was awake and coherent. “I called Chris.”

 

Juha instantly grew tense and he looked at Japa with big, worried eyes. “I told you not to!”

 

“He has the right to know that you’re not doing well!” Jack was putting his foot down. “Do you really want him to remain ignorant? Do you have any idea how he would feel if he found out by accident that you’ve been hiding this from him?”

 

Jack was right, of course, but that didn’t ease Juha’s worries. “How did he react?”

 

“He freaked out, of course, but only at first,” Jack quickly said when he noted the growing panic in Juha’s eyes. “He calmed down again and you need to do the same.”

 

Juha took a deep breath to steady himself. It was easier said than done. “Now what?”

 

“Chris is going to talk to Tommi about flying back home,” Jack answered, but when he went to explain more, Juha interrupted him.

 

“He can’t do that! This tour is important to him and the band!”

 

“I offered to fill in for him. Some of his fans will be pissed off, but at least that way Tommi doesn’t have to cancel any shows.” Jack looked Juha deeply in the eye. “Chris wants you to know that he loves you and that he’ll do anything within his power to hurry back here.”

 

“I never wanted that.” But Juha wanted Chris at his side more than anything. “What if this damages their career?”

 

“I don’t think it will, but Juha, to be perfectly honest…” Jack paused and waited for the redhead to look at him and continued when he did, “I doubt Chris is worried about his career at the moment. He’s worried about *you*, not the band.”

 

Juha bit his bottom lip. He knew it was the true. “Can I talk to him?” Maybe hearing his voice would reassure Chris that everything was okay for now.

 

“Sure, I’ll call him.” Jack reached for his mobile phone and dialed Chris’ number.

 

~~~

 

Chris wanted to be *anywhere* but backstage giving an interview. His thoughts were constantly straying to Juha and it was impossible for him to concentrate on the questions they were asking him. It had something to do with underwear and it seemed so senseless to spend his time this way when he should be on a flight to Tampere!

 

“Anteeksi,” the girl said, who seemed proud of her knowledge of the Finnish language though it was limited to two or three words. “Do you want me to repeat the question?”

 

Chris sighed. There was no use in pretending that he’d be able to do this interview. “I can’t do this,” he stated, uncaring that his English was suddenly more fluent than ever before. “I can’t concentrate.”

 

The girl looked uncertain as she glanced at her friend, who had been taking Chris’ picture. “Is something wrong?” she asked, wondering how to deal with the situation.

 

Chris nodded. He couldn’t pretend everything was fine. He had to follow Nakki’s advice. “My boyfriend...Juha...he’s...” Would Juha be angry with him for telling the truth? Would Juha even care, considering the situation he was in?

 

“Yes, we know about Juha.” The girl smiled encouragingly. “Did you fight? Are you upset?”

 

Chris sighed and caught Nakki’s gaze from across the room. The keyboarder wasn’t giving any interviews and was only drinking a beer, but he immediately caught on. Chris sighed in relief when Nakki walked toward him. He needed a friend right then.

 

The girl was surprised to see Nakki join them and grew quiet. She sensed something was wrong as did her friend, who stopped taking Chris’ picture.”Do you want to end the interview?” she asked. She didn’t want to stop, but the expression on his face showed that something was very, very wrong.

 

“Juha’s…he’s very ill. They found a tumor…” Chris swallowed hard and curled his fingers around Nakki’s.

 

“It’s very serious,” Nakki continued when he saw that Chris was having a hard time talking about something so private to strangers. He couldn’t blame him. But it *was* important that the news got out there so the fans wouldn’t be angry when they found out about Jack replacing Chris. “Chris is going to fly back home to take care of Juha, who will undergo surgery shortly.”

 

Chris glanced gratefully at Nakki. He wasn’t sure he would have been able to tell them.

 

The girl seemed shocked. “You’re canceling the tour?”

 

Her reaction irritated Nakki. Was the tour more important than Juha’s health? No, of course not, but it seemed that way to the girl.

 

The other girl elbowed her friend and hissed something in German and then apologized. “I am sorry. Sometimes she’s…not very tactful. Of course, we hope that the surgery will go well and that Juha will recover.” She kept throwing her friend dirty looks.

 

“I hope that too,” Chris managed.

 

“And no, we won’t cancel any gigs. Chris will play tonight and sometime tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, Jack will replace him,” Nakki explained and suddenly noticed that the other girls who had been interviewing Jonne and Lauri had grown quiet as well as they listened in. Good, then the news would spread even faster. These days, nothing remained a secret for long on the internet.

 

“Jack? From Private Line?” the girl who had been interviewing Lauri asked.

 

Nakki nodded once. “The one and only, yes.”


After that, the interviews ended quickly and everyone left, doubtlessly racing to be the first to put the news onto the net. Nakki remained seated next to Chris and squeezed his friend’s shoulder. “It was the right thing to do.”

 

Chris nodded, but knowing that didn’t make things easier. He was just about to thank Nakki for helping him out when his mobile phone went off. He had kept the sound on to be available at all times. He quickly fished it from his pocket and, after looking at the display, said, “Japa? What’s up? Is something wrong with Juha?”

 

“Juha’s doing all right, so stop panicking!”

 

Chris couldn’t believe his ears and his eyes widened dramatically. “Baby, is that you?”

 

“Don’t call me that,” Juha replied with some of his old vigor. “You know how much I hate it when you call me that.”

 

Chris briefly closed his eyes and tried to calm his pounding heart. “Juha, I thought-”

 

“You probably had the worst scenario in mind. I’m not dead yet,” Juha interrupted.

 

“Can you blame me for being worried? Damn it! Juha, why? How? I don’t understand!”  Chris opened his eyes again and found that his friends had gathered around him and were watching him expectantly. Covering the phone with his hand briefly, he said, “It’s Juha!” The looks on their faces showed that were just as relieved as he was that Juha was actually well enough to call.

 

Juha asked in surprise, “Did you tell anyone that I…?”

 

“Yes, I told my band mates! They know! I couldn’t stop myself! I was so worried.” Chris felt it was best not to mention telling his fans the truth as well. He didn’t want Juha to fall from one surprise to the next. “But how are you doing? How bad is it?”

 

“At the moment, I’m okay. These new meds control the trembling and my head is reasonably clear. I’m able to think.”

 

Chris was still worried though. “Jack said that Matti and he would stay with you. Are they close?”

 

“Matti is glaring at the remainder of my breakfast. I don’t think he likes porridge that much. Jack’s seated next to me on the bed.”

 

Chris nodded, even though Juha couldn’t see it. “I talked to Tommi. He’s okay with Jack replacing me. I’ll fly home at the first opportunity. Tommi will arrange everything.” Chris threw Tommi a grateful look to which the older man nodded. “Try to rest and don’t over do things, all right?”

 

“I doubt they’ll let me do anything at all,” Juha said with what sounded like a pout. “But Chris, you really don’t have to rush over here. I know how important this tour is and…”

 

Chris frowned. What the hell? “Juha, you’re the most important person in the world! Fuck the tour! I want to be there for you! I want to hold you in my arms and take care of you! Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to sit here and wait for Tommi to make those flight arrangements? If it were up to me, I’d be at the airport right now and waiting for a flight!”

 

Juha swallowed hard. “Chris…”

 

Chris quickly caught on. “Why don’t you want me to be with you?”

 

“I’m scared that… Chris, I’m not doing well and… What if you… What if you decide you don’t want to be with me anymore? Things will get way worse…”

 

Chris’ eyes flashed with anger. “How can you think that? I love you! Get that into that thick head of yours! I love you and I want to be with you! Even when you turn bald and fat!”

 

“I might…” Juha agreed in a tiny voice. “They’ll have to shave part of my head and what doesn’t come off during surgery will fall out once I’ve started chemo.”

 

Chris prayed for patience. Juha sounded despondent and afraid. “I don’t care! I love you!”

 

“I love you too,” Juha said in an even weaker voice. “I have to go now… Jack wants a word with you though. I’m going to hand the phone to him, all right?”

 

Chris moistened his lips and responded, “Juha, no matter what happens, I won’t stop loving you! Just accept that! And yes, hand me to Jack!”

 

“Hei! Chris!”

 

Jack sounded chipper, but Chris still detected the traces of worry beneath it. “Japa, what the hell is going on there?”

 

He could hear Jack getting up and moving into the corridor most likely so Juha could no longer hear him. “Juha’s scared, what do you think is going on? He just heard he’s got a tumor in his brain! I’m not surprised he’s feeling insecure.”

 

“You’re right.” Chris sighed deeply. He was about to say more when Tommi gestured for him to hand over the phone. “Tommi wants to talk to you…”

 

“Then give him to me!” Jack was eager to get this over and done with.

 

Tommi took the phone and walked into the next room so he could discuss everything with Jack in quiet.

 

“Hey, Juha’s going to be just fine.” Nakki folded an arm around Chris and pulled him close.

 

Chris rested his head on Nakki’s shoulder. “I hope so. He sounded so… sad…so… defeated!”

 

“That’s normal, I guess. It must have been quite a shock for him,” Jonne offered while stroking Chris’ hair. “Tommi’s going to make sure you can fly out tomorrow.”

 

Chris nodded and closed his eyes. All he wanted was to be with Juha at that moment so he could comfort him.

 

~~~

 

“I’m so sorry that I’m late, but the traffic out there is absurd and only because it’s a sunny day for a change,” Ville apologized upon entering the house. He was surprised to find Jack letting him in instead of Juha. He was about to ask about the redhead when Lady appeared and pressed herself against his legs. “I missed you!” Ville picked her up and cuddled her. “Where is Harmaa?” And why weren’t the cats’ things packed yet? And what was Pinki doing there? Wasn’t she staying with Jack?

 

“Ville, we need to talk.” Jack guided the younger man into the living room. “Sit down, please…”

 

That Jack had actually added a ‘please’ made Ville apprehensive. He sat down and waited for Jack to explain himself.

 

“Juha has a brain tumor. We discovered that last night. We had to rush him to the hospital. That’s why I answered your call and not Juha.”

 

Ville’s jaw dropped. “He…what?”

 

“When he was younger, he had a brain tumor before. They had operated on him back then and now it’s back. Juha’s upstairs in bed, resting.” Jack poured Ville some of the coffee which he had prepared earlier. “Here, drink this.” Ville looked positively shocked and who could blame him?

 

Ville sipped automatically and stared at Jack in shock. “That’s…bad,” he said, unable to come up with the right words.

 

Jack nodded. “We wanted to ask you a favor. Can Harmaa stay here? For some reason her presence helps Juha relax and she’s always close to him. It would only be temporary of course… I know how much you adore that kitten.”

 

Ville waved the comment away. “Hey, if Harmaa does some good here, she can stay, of course.” He still stared at Jack in bewilderment. “A brain tumor? Did you really say that Juha has a-”

 

“Brain tumor, yes.” Jack felt great sympathy for the younger man as he recalled how shocked he had felt when the doctor had given them the bad news. “Chris is already trying to get a flight home and I’ll fly in to replace him. Mikko and Matti will keep an eye on Juha until Chris gets here and after that, they will continue to do so. I doubt Chris will be able to manage on his own.”

 

“If I can help, just let me know!” Ville offered, eager to help as well.

 

“Kiitos, I’ll keep it in mind,” Jack replied then frowned as he heard some noise from upstairs.

 

“Matti, I don’t want to be stuck in bed all day! Don’t treat me like I’m terminal!” Juha was getting frustrated. The walls were closing in on him and he needed a break. “Just let me go downstairs and crash on the couch. I’ll be good and watch some television! I promise to not even lift my little finger if that reassures you!”

 

Matti sighed. Juha was turning out to be a very difficult patient. “You can rest in bed as well.”

 

“But I want out of bed! Can’t you understand that?” Juha pushed the covers down and swung his feet to the floor experimentally. No vertigo...no head rush. He knew he would have bad days, but there would also be some good moments and this appeared to be one of them. “I’ll do this on my own then!”

 

Matti quickly moved forward and folded an arm around the redhead. “Why must you be so stubborn?”

 

But Juha needed someone to fight to keep him awake and alert. If he stayed in bed and ‘rested’, he would turn into a vegetable eventually. It had almost happened once before. “Just let me be! I can do this!”

 

But Matti wasn’t letting go and held on tight as they made their way out of the room. “Jack’s going to be so mad!”

 

“I can handle Japa!” Juha almost stumbled when Harmaa appeared in front of him and looked at him oddly. “Yes, I’m out of bed! No more warm nest for you.” The kitten just followed him downstairs and into the living room.

 

“Juha!” Ville quickly rose from the couch when he caught sight of the redhead. He cringed. Jack hadn’t exaggerated: Juha looked bad, drained and somehow...off.

 

“Ah and why didn’t anyone tell me we have a visitor?” Juha struggled over to the couch and sat down. He ignored Jack, who was giving him an evil look.

 

“I just arrived,” Ville explained. “To pick up Lady.”

 

“Ah yes…Take them with you. Harmaa is being a nuisance at any rate.” Juha glared at the kitten that had jumped up onto the couch and was getting ready to climb onto his lap. “Here, take her.” Juha was about to pick Harmaa up and hand her to Ville when the kitten hissed and showed her claws. “Okay, maybe later,” Juha said while dropping her on the couch again. He liked the kitten, but she was Ville’s and he didn’t want to grow attached to her.

 

Ville chuckled. “Seems like she wants to stay with you.”

 

Juha eyed Matti evilly when the other man tucked a blanket around his knees. “Damn it, stop fussing over me!”

 

Matti looked helplessly at Jack. “He’s being difficult.”

 

Jack responded, “I understand you’re anxious, but you really need to rest.”

 

“I can rest downstairs on this couch too!” Juha rested his head back and drew in a deep breath. He shouldn’t get excited like this. It might trigger another headache.

 

“Why don’t you lie down?” Jack suggested. “Then you can stay here and we won’t drag you upstairs again.”

 

Juha relented since he had used up the little energy he’d had anyways. “Deal,” he agreed and stretched out on the couch. This time he allowed Matti to tuck the blanket around his form and watched the play of emotions on Ville’s face while lying on his side. “Sorry for being nasty. I’m just not very happy at the moment.”

 

“That’s okay,” Ville answered quickly. “I was a bitch too when I got sober. Poor Jonne took lots of abuse.”

 

Juha managed a smile. “I’m afraid Matti will suffer at my hands too and then Chris...when he gets here.” He bit his bottom lip. He still wasn’t sure how he felt about Chris rushing home.

 

Ville realized that and sat down again. He was alone with Juha at the moment since Matti was busy in the kitchen and Jack was on the phone with someone. “It’s okay to feel down,” he offered uncertainly. “You have every reason to feel that way. Must be scary, knowing you have this…thing…in your head.”

 

Juha nodded and pulled his knees close to his chest. “It has happened before and back then it was hell. I don’t want to go through that again.”

 

Ville carefully inched closer. He had the feeling Juha wanted to talk and he needed to find the right way to reassure the redhead that it was okay to confide in him. It was odd though that Juha would pick him to confide in. They hardly knew each other! “What was it like?”

 

Neither of them had noticed that Matti was standing in the doorway and listening in on their conversation.

 

“It was bad… Really bad.” Juha wasn’t sure why he was telling Ville this, but he *did* know that he needed to let it out. The only one he would have confided in was Mikko, but his friend already knew what had happened back then since he had lived it with him. “I could deal with the physical effects. I hated being sick all the time, but I managed.”

 

Ville nodded encouragingly. “What couldn’t you deal with then?”

 

“I had a girlfriend at the time. She was my first. Her name was Jaana. I was in love with her. I was young and naive… I thought our love would last forever.”

 

Ville nodded. “I still remember what that used to feel like. First love.”

 

“Sadly enough, it didn’t last. A week after I had surgery she dumped me. She was more tactful than that of course, but the result was the same. She said she couldn’t deal with the pressure. She was young and wanted to live a carefree life.”

 

Ville cringed. “Then she didn’t really love you.”

 

“Maybe...maybe it really did become too much for her. I was a mess back then. Chemo had left me weak, bald, and ugly.” Juha’s voice trembled and he averted his gaze.

 

Ville’s eyes suddenly widened as he realized something. “Chris isn’t like that!” It had taken him a moment to catch on, but he was adept at reading between the lines. “He won’t dump you because you’re ill!”

 

“Who knows?” Juha bit his bottom lip. “We’re not married. The only thing that connects is us this house and that’s easily sold off.”

 

Matti was unable to remain quiet and entered the living room. “Juha, you don’t really think that, do you?” But one look showed that Juha really was afraid that Chris would dump him. “I can’t believe this!”

 

Ville got it though. He knelt next to the couch and rested a hand on Juha’s brow. “Chris isn’t Jaana. She was young and didn’t know what life or love was about. Chris is a different person altogether. He’s going to support you. He’s hurrying back home, doesn’t that tell you something?”

 

Juha remained unconvinced however. “Ville, you don’t know what chemo does to a person. Undergoing surgery isn’t that bad. Sure, they will shave part of my head, but… Chemo makes you sick – really sick. Do you really think Chris wants to wipe my butt and hold me when I’m throwing up because my stomach can’t take it anymore?”

 

“Yes, I do!” Matti cried in Ville’s stead. “If you think Chris is going to dump you because you’re ill, you don’t really know him!” He had to come to Chris’ defense!

 

“You don’t know what will happen until we get into that situation,” Juha spat. “Jaana dumped me, Jarmo couldn’t take it either, and my father…” He swallowed hard and felt tears well up in his eyes. No, damn it, he wasn’t going to cry.

 

Ville stroked Juha’s face and asked, “What did your father do?” This was all leading to one big revelation, but he had no idea where they were headed.

 

Juha swallowed convulsively. He really shouldn’t tell them. He really, really shouldn’t. They already thought him overly emotional. He could tell by the look in their eyes!

 

“Juha? You can tell us. Don’t keep it inside. Not now.” Matti sat on the edge of the couch and tried to catch Juha’s evasive look.

 

Juha still wasn’t sure he should tell them, but the words simply flowed from his lips. “Taking care of me was too much work for him and demanded too much time. He had me checked into a clinic where they took care of me until I was able to fend for myself again.”

 

Matti’s eyes flashed with anger. “He did what? But you’re his son!”

 

Ville shook his head in disbelief. “How can a father do that? And who’s Jarmo?” he asked with no idea who Juha had been talking about earlier.

 

“My older brother,” Juha explained. “We’re no longer in touch.” He averted his gaze, unable to look them in the eye. “I’m sorry for being such a nuisance.”

 

Ville and Matti looked at each other and things finally made sense. Juha was afraid that history would repeat itself and that Chris would rather dump him than take care of him. “Oh my God,” Ville mumbled eventually. “No one is going to put you into some clinic!”

 

“If it hadn’t been for Mikko… He kept visiting and when he got his own place, I stayed with him for a while.” Juha couldn’t control his emotions any longer as his tears started to flow again. “I don’t want to be a burden to anyone. I can still do a lot myself.”

 

Matti drew in a deep breath and then inched closer. Carefully, he pulled Juha against him and hugged him. “It’s okay to cry. Let it out.”

 

Juha just angrily wiped at his tears. “I won’t be a burden. I can hire help if things-”

 

Matti angrily dismissed that idea. “No way! Chris and I will take care of you! I’m sorry that your family and former girlfriend were such idiots, Juha, but things have changed. You have real friends now and someone who really loves you. Chris would go to hell and back for you.”

 

“He might have to,” Juha retorted while still wiping at his tears that kept falling. “Things will get bad.”

 

“Hey, you have us now,” Matti pointed out and raised Juha’s head so they made eye contact. “Give us a chance to prove ourselves.”

 

Tiredly, Juha nodded and then rested his head against Matti’s shoulder. Maybe things would go different this time. He fervently hoped so.

 

TBC

 

Part 6

Promises

 

Tommi watched Chris closely during the gig and could tell how distracted the other man was. It was a good thing that this would be Chris’ last gig and that Jack would fly in the next day. Chris didn’t exactly screw up, but he also didn’t come alive on stage. One could tell that his heart wasn’t in it.

 

Once the show was done, Tommi walked over to Chris, who had collapsed onto a couch backstage. “I’ve got good news,” he said and pressed a water bottle into Chris’ hand. “Drink that.” That night he would make sure that Chris wouldn’t seek comfort in a whiskey bottle.

 

“What kind of good news?” Chris looked at Tommi with tired eyes.

 

“I got you on a flight tomorrow. You’ll fly out at eleven and arrive in Tampere at six in the evening. That means though that you’ll have to get up early since you need to check in at nine.”

 

“I doubt I’ll sleep at any rate,” Chris retorted and drank the water. Turning to alcohol was tempting, but he had made himself a promise not to give in. He was going to be strong for Juha. He didn’t want to face the redhead with a hangover. He wanted to support Juha!

 

“Then keep me company,” Tommi suggested. “That way I can also keep an eye on you.”

 

Chris’ eyes narrowed. “And why would you want to do that?”

 

“I promised Juha to make sure you didn’t do anything stupid and it must be really hard on you not to grab some whiskey.”

 

Chris nodded. “You’re right, but I’m not going to touch it. I need to be sharp tomorrow.”

 

Tommi patted Chris’ shoulder. “That’s the right spirit. Want me to drive you back to the hotel so you can pack?” The others were going to stay another night at the hotel since they had the next day off.

 

“That would be nice.” Chris drew in a deep breath. “I don’t have to go outside, do I? I don’t think I can deal with any fans at the moment. All I can think about is Juha!”

 

“I’ll have mercy on you,” Tommi replied and squeezed Chris’ shoulder. “Come on, let’s get going!”

 

Chris gathered his stuff and said goodbye to his friends. After several hugs and even a kiss from Jonne, Chris followed Tommi outside and quickly vanished into the manager’s car. He couldn’t wait to be with Juha again.

 

~~~

 

Ville stayed the evening and they had dinner together. Matti cooked dinner following Mikko’s instructions, which meant boiling rice and stir frying vegetables. He also made chicken in the hopes that Juha would be able to eat some of it.

 

Juha had insisted that he join them at the kitchen table and, since he knew where that need was coming from, Matti allowed it. Jack had given him a disapproving look, but Matti had taken Jack aside and had told him about the earlier conversation with Juha.

 

“They’ll be onstage about now,” Ville commented as he tasted Matti’s cooking. “Hey, you did a good job!”

 

Matti nodded gratefully. “I’m glad you like it.”

 

“Tommi called earlier. He arranged for a flight. I’ll leave first thing in the morning, but by then, Mikko should be back.” He didn’t want just one person with Juha, but two if possible.

 

“I can be alone, you know.” Juha felt uncomfortable with the way they were discussing him.

 

“If I can help…” Ville offered, but then grew quiet at Juha’s distressed look. “I really want to help,” he said and curled his fingers around Juha’s.

 

Juha nodded and managed a few more bites, but then had to give up. “I can’t eat any more than that.”

 

“That’s okay,” Matti said. “I reckon it’s enough.” Matti was pleased that Juha had eaten anything at all. “Want to settle back into the living room while I clean up here?”

 

Juha shrugged his shoulders. “You decide.”

 

Matti sighed. “Jack? Can you help Juha get back to his couch?”

 

“Of course.” Jack helped Juha to his feet and made his way over to the couch with Ville following, where he helped Juha sit down. This time, Jack sat down next to the redhead, surmising that Juha might need someone close. And if Juha didn’t, he did! Wrapping an arm around Juha, he pulled him close.

 

Juha wasn’t sure what to make of Jack’s actions, but allowed it. Jack then covered them with a soft fleece blanket and Juha’s eyes started to close. It was nice having someone so close.

 

Ville switched on the television and they ended up watching some movie, but none of them paid much attention to it. Harmaa and Musta jumped onto the couch and briefly fought over the privilege of occupying Juha’s lap. Harmaa won in the end and Musta turned, offended, and settled onto Matti’s once the other man had joined them.

 

“Ville, would you mind making something hot to drink? Some tea or hot chocolate? I would do it myself, but I have the feeling Musta will throw a fit if I move!” Matti requested.

 

Ville laughed and got up. He headed for the kitchen and made tea, which he then carried back with him into the living room. “I hope this is okay?”

 

Although he wasn’t fond of tea, Matti drank some and nodded. “It’s fine.” Glancing at Juha, he saw that his eyes had closed. “We should give him his meds before he falls asleep on us. I’ll go get them.” Matti put down his tea and went upstairs to fetch the tablets.

 

Juha forced his eyes open and realized that he had almost dozed off, but he couldn’t help it. Jack’s body heat made him drowsy.

 

“Here, swallow these,” Matti ordered upon his return and placed the tablets in the palm of Juha’s hand.

 

Juha didn’t think about it and just downed them with some water. “I think I need to go to bed.”

 

“I think so too,” Jack agreed. “Let’s get you upstairs and in bed, all right?” Tiredly, Juha nodded. Jack managed to lift the redhead, but his eyes widened as he noted that Juha was heavier than he looked. Carefully, he climbed the stairs and then put Juha to bed. Looking over his shoulder, he found that Matti and Ville had followed suit. “Someone should stay with him tonight and I need to go home and pack. Pinki can stay here?”

 

Matti nodded. “Sure she can. And I’ll stay with Juha tonight.”

 

“I can stay too, if you want me to,” Ville offered.

 

“Kiitos, but I expect Mikko to get back during the night…” Matti smiled gratefully at Ville. “So which cats are you going to take home?”

 

“I think I’ll leave them here. It would be cruel to take Lady home when the kittens are staying,” Ville replied.