Title: Lonely In Love.

Author: Morgana morganalebeau@yahoo.com

Website; http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon/

Pairing(s): Glorfindel/Elrond, Glorfindel/Ecthelion, Erestor/Ecthelion and Elladan/Elrohir..
Rating: NC-17
Summary: The Valar deem the time ready for Ecthelion to return to Arda. Erestor is given the task of preparing the young warrior for a life in Imladris.

Disclaimer: These characters are all Tolkien’s.
Warning: AU, fluff, romance, minor angst. Twin slash (implied)
Author’s Note: Not beta read. All mistakes are all mine; yeah, I am greedy! And remember; this is AU!

 

  

Lonely in love

The night will fade, the sun will shine
A new day - Lonely in love
And light the way for you to find

New love

 

Lyrics by Crimson Glory

 

 

Part 10

 

Ecthelion hated the tension that now existed between the two of them. Erestor was painfully correct and polite toward him and all emotion had vanished from the handsome face. It was as if only duty existed for Erestor, but Ecthelion knew better. Sometimes, when Erestor thought he wasn’t being observed, the elder Elf’s eyes cracked with longing and then Ecthelion caught a glimpse of the love they had once shared.

 

They had traveled for two days now and it would take them another few to reach Imladris and Ecthelion found himself at odds with himself. A part of him still loved Erestor and that part cried out angrily for the way he was treating the elder Elf. Another part however, insisted to be reunited with Glorfindel, as the blond Captain was his true love. At times like these, he literally felt torn in two, like he was two different people instead of just Ecthelion.

 

The fire they had built in order to warm and lighten their camp was beginning to die, and Ecthelion startled from his musings when Erestor added new wood to it, momentarily enabling the flames to rise to new heights. It wasn’t fair, decided Ecthelion. It wasn’t fair that Erestor was paying the price.

 

Erestor sat opposite him, huddled deeply within his heavy riding cloak, which wasn’t as much protection against the cold, as a way to hide from him. Only the crown of Erestor’s head showed and he would catch a glimpse of the dark eyes occasionally. He found himself speaking suddenly, without having intended to. “I never wanted to hurt you, Erestor. This is not fair.”

 

“Life is not fair, Ecthelion,” whispered Erestor, as he stared into the flames. He was trying hard to hold on to the people and places in his life which would pull him through this ordeal. Shortly, he would be reunited with Elrond, the twins, Arwen, Estel and maybe even Mithrandir. Glorfindel, he could no longer count on to be there for him. The blond would be too occupied with Ecthelion to see his pain. But Elrond would be there for him. With Elrond he could talk. “Life is seldom fair. It is a lesson each and every one of us must learn.”

 

“I still love you,” Ecthelion offered in a tiny voice. The moment he uttered the words, he knew it had been the wrong thing to say. The little of Erestor’s face, which he could see, contorted at hearing those words.

 

“Never tell me that again,” hissed Erestor, “In a short time you will be in Glorfindel’s arms and taste his love. Let me be, and do not torment by saying such things to me.”

 

“But it is the truth! I love both of you!” Ecthelion hated himself for feeling this way, for doing this to Erestor, but his heart was filled with love for Erestor and Glorfindel! How was he supposed to live like that?

 

Erestor buried himself deeper in the hood of his riding cloak and broke all eye contact with Ecthelion. “We are through discussing this. Your road is set and once we arrive in Imladris, we will seldom have dealings. You will join Elrond’s forces and will lead them, together with Glorfindel. I will return to my study and my paperwork. We might still see each other during dinner, but we will refrain from personal conversation. Am I making myself clear?” He had to protect himself or he would fade.

 

Ecthelion moved closer to Erestor until he sat on his heels next to the advisor. He wanted to reach out and bury the elder Elf in a hug, but Erestor rose to his feet and walked away from the fire, leaving him alone. Shaking his head, Ecthelion released his tears, unashamed. When had things gone wrong? Why had Erestor insisted he learned of Glorfindel? /But Erestor did the right thing. If he had not told me, like I requested to, our love would have been a lie. But why did I have to lose you, Erestor? Why? I want you too./ But he couldn’t have both of them. In the end, he would have to make a choice. Choose who he wanted to be with; Erestor or Glorfindel.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The branches of an old oak tree reached for Erestor and the wood tenderly caught him in an embrace. Sensing the Elf’s need and pain, the tree lifted Erestor gently until he was safely seated in the top branches. Even if Ecthelion came looking for him, the younger Elf wouldn’t find him.

 

Erestor pulled his knees close to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs. Letting his chin rest on top of his knees, he tried to find his composure again. He couldn’t just lose control like he had just now. He was still responsible for Ecthelion until they had reached Imladris and he was endangering them by acting in this way.

 

Instead of sitting high up in the tree, he should be sitting close to the fire. But knowing Ecthelion so close, and realizing he was out of his reach forever, hurt. His heart was still breaking and the pain it caused was almost unbearable. Only iron discipline kept him on his feet. That, and the memory that he had survived losing Ereinion. He would survive losing Ecthelion as well, but his life would be empty, so bereft of joy that he wondered *why* he was supposed to go on.

 

/I do not want to carry on in this way,/ he realized. He had been with Ecthelion for three years, and even though they hadn’t been intimate, their love had reminded him of what a relationship was supposed to be like. He had lovingly taken care of Ecthelion and the younger Elf had done the same for him. They had been friends – best friends – and if it hadn’t been for Glorfindel, they would have been married now. He just knew Ecthelion would have proposed to him. The younger Elf would probably have gone down on his knees when proposing, and he would have accepted with a loving and warm heart.

 

But Ecthelion had never proposed and never would. Realizing he needed to return to their camp side, he asked the tree to put him onto the ground again. Once he felt the solid earth beneath his feet once more, he forced himself to begin walking. He would be polite, but distant, and tightly control his feelings. Ecthelion needed him to be strong. He could cave in when he had returned to the privacy of his rooms.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The closer they came to Imladris, the more conflicted Ecthelion became. When he had studied with Erestor – which now seemed a million years ago – he had been curious about the valley, and had wanted to meet its inhabitants. And now they were headed there for a specific reason; he was about to meet his true love, Glorfindel. Why wasn’t he rejoicing at that thought?

 

Because Erestor was miserable and hurting, that was why.

 

Regarding Erestor, he didn’t know what to do, or how to act, and in the end, he adopted a similar attitude as the elder Elf had toward him. He was polite, courteous even, but there were no more shared kisses or touches. But he still yearned for those kisses, for those touches. At the same time, his heart reminded him of his love for Glorfindel, and his entire world seemed to fall apart.

 

Erestor sensed some of Ecthelion’s inner turmoil, as he was going through the motions as well, but he also knew he couldn’t guide the younger Elf in this matter. In order to protect himself he had made the decision to let Ecthelion go – like he had promised he would three years ago. Ecthelion was meant to be with Glorfindel, and not with him.

 

“We will arrive tomorrow,” said Erestor, thinking it wise to inform Ecthelion of that fact, so the younger Elf could mentally prepare himself for a taxing day. “Lord Elrond and Glorfindel will be there to welcome you.”

 

Ecthelion wondered about that for a moment, but then the old and seasoned warrior that now resided inside him, realized that border sentries had noticed them by now and had probably informed the Lord of Imladris. “So this is our last day together?”

 

Erestor nodded and pulled his cloak closer to his frame. “Thankfully, it is.”

 

“Do you loathe me that much?” Ecthelion had felt hurt at hearing Erestor’s words.

 

“Nay, I do not loathe you,” replied Erestor, softly, “But your close presence causes me pain.”

 

Ecthelion swallowed hard. “I never wanted that.”

 

“I know that, Ecthelion,” said Erestor, trying to mentally distance himself from the one he loved. “But it is about time our paths part. The less time we spend together, the less the pain will grow.”

 

Ecthelion bowed his head in defeat – and surrender. “You probably know best.”

 

Erestor didn’t reply – his emotions causing his throat to choke up.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Our last night together,” mused Ecthelion, who was seated near the camp fire. Erestor had stretched out opposite him and pretended to sleep. But Ecthelion knew better; Erestor was still awake and listening to him. “I wish we could go back to how things were in the Gray Havens. Cirdan was right when he said we were happy there. Will we ever have that again?” Stirring the fire, he watched the flames dance, and wondered what the future would bring.

 

“*You* will have that again,” whispered Erestor in a barely audible voice. “Glorfindel and you will be happy again and the Valar know you deserve it.”

 

“And what about you? Don’t you deserve the same happiness?” Ecthelion was fighting back tears.

 

“I have had three years of happiness, knowing very well this would happen once you knew the truth. I made my choices and I will live with them.” Erestor bowed his head, curled up beneath his blanket, and hoped Ecthelion would stop talking. Hearing the younger Elf’s voice was enough to make him yearn for the one thing he couldn’t have.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“The Last Homely House,” said Erestor, pointing the structure out to Ecthelion. “That is where Elrond and his family reside.”

 

“And Glorfindel?” Ecthelion was growing nervous and impatient. His desire to see Glorfindel was overwhelming and he constantly shifted on the horse's back, wishing they were traveling at a faster pace.

 

“Glorfindel lives there as well,” said Erestor in a controlled tone. “Occasionally, he stays in the stables or the barracks, but his suite is also located inside the Last Homely House.” /A suite which you will doubtlessly share. I do not have to trouble myself by assigning you private quarters./

 

“Oh, Glorfindel…” Ecthelion’s voice mirrored every ounce of desire he felt. “Does he know I was allowed to be reborn? Does he know we are about to meet?”

 

“I honestly do not know,” replied Erestor, wondering about the same thing. Elrond knew about Ecthelion’s rebirth, and the half-Elf also knew those three years had passed. Elrond also possessed the gift of foresight – so maybe the Peredhel had foreseen their imminent arrival. “We will have to wait and see.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“My Lord?” The guard bowed, respectfully, and waited for Elrond to put down the papers to look at him. Once he had his Lord’s attention, he added, “Chief Counselor Erestor has entered our lands. He is not alone though. A dark-haired Elf accompanies him.”

 

An iron fist squeezed the life out of his heart. *That* day had come then. A day he had hoped would never be upon him. Erestor and Ecthelion were approaching. “How much longer until they arrive?”

 

“I reckon four of five hours, my Lord.”

 

Elrond drew in a deep breath, trying to find the strength and courage he needed so badly. “Inform my sons and Lord Glorfindel of their impending arrival.”

 

“Your wish will be done.” The guard bowed again and left his Lord’s study.

 

The papers Elrond had been holding floated toward his desk and then landed on the floor, as they had fallen from the half-Elf’s paralyzed hands. For these last two years he had feared this very day – the day on which he would lose Glorfindel, *his* Glorfindel now, to Ecthelion.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion rode beside Erestor, who had been silent for the last two hours. In the end, the silence became too much for Ecthelion and he addressed the other Elf. “May I talk to you about Glorfindel?”

 

“If you must.” Erestor knew he was acting bitter and resentful, but he couldn’t help it. He felt betrayed, and knew he was acting in a childish and unbecoming way, always having known this moment in time would come. “What do you wish to know?”

 

“Did the Valar bestow his old looks on him? Does he look like the Glorfindel of old? The one I lo -- knew?”

 

Erestor bit his bottom lip. “Aye, the Valar gifted him with his old appearance. You will recognize him at once.”

 

“And he has gained a position of trust and respect here in Imladris?” Ecthelion was dying to learn more of his long lost love.

 

“Elrond named him Captain and Glorfindel is in charge of Imladris’ defenses and her guards. Aye, he has earned everyone’s respect.” Erestor’s gaze remained trained on the Last Homely House, which was growing less distant with every step their horses took.

 

“Does he… does he have a… lover?” Until now, it hadn’t occurred to Ecthelion that his Glorfindel could have taken a mate in this life time. Dread filled his heart and his palms became sweaty from nervousness.

 

“When I left Imladris three years ago he was unbound,” replied Erestor, “No one ever captured his heart. But that will change once he lays eyes upon you.”

 

Ecthelion actually blushed. “Glorfindel deserves a second chance at life. He is a brave and honorable warrior. His death at the Balrog’s hands was a great loss for all Elves.”

 

“Your death was greatly mourned as well,” said Erestor, pulling his riding cloak closer to his frame. He steered Vorndir a bit further away from Ecthelion’s horse – when he had said that Ecthelion’s very presence caused him pain, he hadn’t been exaggerating. His heart was breaking apart into tiny shards of lost love.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Glorfindel? We need to talk. Now!” Elrond had entered his lover’s office and now sought out the azure eyes he had come to love so much these last two years.

 

Glorfindel – blissfully unaware of Elrond’s emotional pain – rose from behind his desk and advanced on his lover. “You look tense. What is amiss? Did anything happen to the twins?”

 

Elrond shook his head. “This is not about my children. Walk with me, Glorfindel.”

 

Glorfindel grew suspicious, hearing Elrond call him by his name instead of using some endearment. “What has happened?”

 

“There is no easy way to tell you this,” said Elrond, when they had reached the gardens. He sat down on one of the benches and waited for Glorfindel to join him. “Erestor will arrive within the next few hours.”

 

“Erestor?” Glorfindel smiled, brilliantly. “I have missed him! It will be good to have him back in our midst again!” He had written Erestor once or twice during these last three years, and had received polite answers in return, but those letters had never revealed anything personal.

 

“He is not alone.” Elrond wrung his hands in his lap. He didn’t want to do this – didn’t want to lose the one he loved.

 

“Who is with him, then? Mithrandir? Cirdan maybe?” Glorfindel, still smiling, wondered why Elrond was this upset. This was good news, wasn’t it?

 

Elrond needed a moment to gather his courage. /Please, Elbereth, give me the strength to do this./ He cleared his throat, turned toward Glorfindel and looked the warrior in the eye. “The Valar allowed Ecthelion to be reborn. He is the one accompanying Erestor.”

 

Glorfindel paled visibly. “Why are you playing this appalling game with me? You know how much I loved him! How can you say something like that?”

 

“It is the truth,” said Elrond with a saddened heart. “When Mithrandir visited three years ago, he came here to recruit Erestor as Ecthelion’s teacher. They have resided in the Gray Havens for these last three years, where Ecthelion reached his majority.”

 

Glorfindel was speechless – at a loss after hearing Elrond’s words – and stared at him in shock. What had Elrond said? Ecthelion had been reborn? Had already reached his majority and Erestor had been tutoring him? But that meant… “You knew!” he exploded suddenly, all emotion coming to an outburst. “You knew!”

 

Elrond lowered his eyes and stared at his hands, which had turned into fists. “I did.”

 

Glorfindel jumped to his feet, unable to remain seated anymore. Pacing in front of the half-Elf, he ran a hand through his golden mane, nervously. “You have known about this for these last three years!” Trembling on his feet, Glorfindel stared accusingly at Elrond. “You knew Ecthelion had returned to Arda and yet you encouraged our relationship! You knew Ecthelion holds my heart as well as my soul and you allowed us to become lovers? You should have told me! I deserve to know the truth!”

 

Elrond endured Glorfindel’s rage, understanding why the blond blamed him for this mess. “Mithrandir forbade me to tell you.”

 

Glorfindel shook his head, exasperated. “You should have told me, no matter what Mithrandir said! You know how much I loved Ecthelion!”

 

“I did not plan this, Glorfindel!” Elrond rose from the bench as well, desperate to explain himself. “I never planned for us to become lovers!”

 

“But you decided against telling me about Ecthelion!” Glorfindel couldn’t help himself – he was actually yelling at the half-Elf!

 

“I could not tell you! I could not go against Mithrandir’s wishes – the Valar’s will!” Elrond raised his hands in a pleading manner. “I never planned to mislead you! I never planned to fall in love with you! It just happened!”

 

Glorfindel stared at Elrond, still feeling at a loss. “But we became lovers. And I also fell in love with you.” He still remembered the night it had happened – two years ago. He had fought one of his nightmares and Elrond had supported him through the ordeal. When he had regained awareness he had originally mistaken Elrond for Ecthelion, wrapping his arms around him. But then he had realized it was Elrond and not Ecthelion at his side. The next day, Elrond had stuttered his admission of love, and Glorfindel’s feelings had finally begun to fall into place. All these nights – when he had found Elrond at his side – it was the half-Elf who had comforted him, and Glorfindel finally understood. He had whispered a confession of his own, and had pulled Elrond into his arms. Nothing sexual had happened those first few nights, but something incredibly intimate had taken place; they had admitted their feelings for each other.

 

A deep and strongly rooted love had blossomed between them, and for the first time in this life time, Ecthelion’s image had begun to fade. But now his old lover had apparently entered his life again. Only Elrond had chosen not to tell him. “Were you afraid I would not choose you as my mate?”

 

Elrond shook his head. “If Mithrandir had allowed me so I would have told you.” For one moment his composure cracked and he allowed Glorfindel to glance into the depths of his soul. “I have been in love with you for years, Glorfindel, but I was content to sit at your side and see you through your nightmares.” What was he supposed to say? “I admit I wanted you for my mate; that is true. But… it just happened, Glorfindel. I regret that I was not stronger, that I did not bury my feelings for you deeper. Maybe it is because I am part human, but… I gave in and told you.” Unable to meet Glorfindel’s gaze, he continued to stare at the grass. “And now I will lose you.”

 

“You should have told me before we became lovers,” said Glorfindel, accusingly.

 

Elrond shrugged. “If you’d rather be with Ecthelion, I won’t stand in your way. We never exchanged vows or bonded. I would set you free.” But his heart screamed in protest – unwilling to let go of his beloved. “Would you have chosen differently, had you known Ecthelion had been reborn?” Afraid to see the expression in the azure eyes, Elrond kept his eyes lowered.

 

“I do not know,” said Glorfindel, honestly. “The Valar help me, but I do not know.” Unable to carry this conversation on any longer, Glorfindel turned on his heels and marched out of the gardens.

 

“Out of my sight… and out of my life…” Elrond whispered the dreadful words, and with every step that Glorfindel took the blond slipped further away from him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Glorfindel’s anger overwhelmed him and he slammed the door shut behind him after entering his rooms. His eyes were wide, his breathing deep and rapid, and his hands shook with emotion. /Elrond should have told me!/

 

He sat down on his bed and bowed his head. “What am I to do now?” Elrond had been his lover for two years, but the knowledge that Ecthelion was within reach again woke old and buried feelings. He had buried his love for the Captain of the Fountain when he had returned to Arda, never thinking he would get another chance at happiness with his first love. But now the Valar had upended his life.

 

In all those years that he had dwelt in Imladris he had never considered the possibility that the Valar would allow Ecthelion to be reborn as well. He had built a new life here. Had *finally* taken a new lover, and had been happy here. Now, his world was upside down.

 

“Ecthelion…” The name stirred desire, love and longing inside him. Ecthelion had been his lover, brother in arms and so much more. He had been the other half of his soul. And where did that leave him now?

 

A hesitant knock on the door caught his attention. Elrond would be considerate enough not to pursue him to his rooms, so who…?

”Glorfindel?”

 

“Elrohir…” Glorfindel sighed; he wasn’t in the mood to deal with the twin.

 

“Glorfindel? Can we talk?”

 

Glorfindel now noticed the distressed tone and walked over to the doorway to open the door. Elrohir, hair wildly tousled and eyes wide, stared at him. /He knows./

 

“Is it true?”

 

“How do you know what happened?”

 

“I overheard your conversation,” explained Elrohir. Normally he would feel ashamed for listening in on a private conversation, but it had happened unintentionally. He had been in the gardens and what he had heard alarmed him. “My father loves you!”

 

Glorfindel’s expression darkened, saddened. “Then you also realize he should have told me!”

 

Elrohir didn’t know where the words came from, but they tumbled from his lips nonetheless. “He loves you, Glorfindel. Love is a very powerful emotion… He wanted you. He has been lonely too! You are a perfect match!” When Elladan and he had found out that their father had taken Glorfindel for his lover, they had been surprised, but had accepted Elrond’s choice when they had seen the two of them radiate with love and happiness. Elrond and Glorfindel had made each other happy and he couldn’t believe that this was happening. Ecthelion was only a name to Elrohir. A name, bright with legend and valor, but still just a name, whilst his father was a very real person. “You cannot let my father go! He loves you and you love him!”

 

“But I love Ecthelion more…” Glorfindel had never meant to speak the words aloud and quickly covered his mouth with his hand, seeing the hurt on Elrohir’s face. “I am sorry, but Ecthelion and I… He was my life… Is my life once more.”

 

Elrohir swallowed hard. “I cannot believe you said that! My father sat with you during all those nights when the nightmares almost drove you insane!”

 

“But it was Ecthelion I called out for, not your father.” Glorfindel hated himself for hurting Elrohir’s feelings. “I cannot change the way I feel.”

 

“But…” Elrohir was beginning to understand that Glorfindel was right. The warrior had to follow his heart, but the half-Elf hated the fact that his father was paying the price for Glorfindel’s new happiness. “Don’t you love my father, then?”

 

“I love him dearly,” replied Glorfindel, “but Ecthelion is the other half of my soul.” Seeing Elrohir’s disappointment, Glorfindel wished things were different, but they weren’t. “I love Ecthelion still, Elrohir.”

 

Elrohir bowed his head in defeat and turned away from Glorfindel, walking down the corridor with slumped shoulders. He headed for his father’s rooms, knowing Elrond needed his support in the hours to come.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion's heart thumped madly, finally making out Glorfindel’s familiar form. “Glorfindel!” Ignoring the fact that he should greet Elrond first, he jumped off of Rohaer’s back and ran toward his lost love.

 

Glorfindel reacted in a similar way, overwhelmed at seeing Ecthelion alive and well. He ran toward the dark-haired Elf, opened his arms and caught Ecthelion in them, hugging his former lover close. A part of him couldn’t believe it was really Ecthelion in his arms, but another part recognized the familiar scent and feel. “It really is you.” Pulling away slightly – so he could look Ecthelion in the eye – his heartbeat quickened further. “Oh, Elbereth! It *really* is you!”

 

Ecthelion’s eyes had filled with tears, which now dripped from his face. “Glorfindel…” Hugging the blond as close as possible, he tried to merge with his former lover, re-establishing the connection and close contact they had always shared. Glorfindel was his entire universe and he ignored everyone standing close to him – even Erestor.

 

Erestor’s face was an emotionless mask when he watched Ecthelion and Glorfindel kiss passionately. His brown eyes met Elrond’s swimming ones and he immediately realized that he wasn’t the only one suffering – the only one who had lost a love. Apparently Elrond and Glorfindel had become very close during his absence.

 

He averted his eyes so he didn’t have to look at Ecthelion and Glorfindel any longer. His eyes locked with Elrond’s and a profound sense of understanding washed through him. After dismounting, he walked over to Elrond, greeted him, and then slipped an arm around the half-Elf’s waist to show his support.

 

“Why did you have to bring him here?” whispered Elrond, feeling awfully lost. “Why? Why couldn’t you leave him behind in the Gray Havens?”

 

“I wish I had been able to do that,” muttered Erestor, sharing Elrond’s pain. “But we cannot stand in the path of their destiny. Like everyone else, we have to face our fate.”

 

Elrond leaned into the comfort Erestor offered and fought back his tears at watching Ecthelion and Glorfindel’s joyful reunion. /I just died inside./

 

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