Title: Lonely In Love.

Author: Morgana morganalebeau@yahoo.com

Website; http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon/

Pairing(s): Glorfindel/Elrond, Glorfindel/Ecthelion, Erestor/Ecthelion and Elladan/Elrohir.
Rating: NC-17
Summary: The Valar deem the time ready for Ecthelion to return to Arda. Erestor is given the task of preparing the young warrior for a life in Imladris.

Disclaimer: These characters are all Tolkien’s.
Warning: AU, fluff, romance, minor angst. Twin slash (implied)
Author’s Note: Not beta read. All mistakes are all mine; yeah, I am greedy! And remember; this is AU!

 

  

Lonely in love

The night will fade, the sun will shine
A new day - Lonely in love
And light the way for you to find

New love

 

Lyrics by Crimson Glory

 

 

Part 12

 

“It *really* is *you*!” Glorfindel sat on the grass in the garden, with Ecthelion’s head clutched tightly between his hands. Entranced, he stared into gray eyes, which he had thought he would never see again. Rubbing the skin, along with a few strands of dark hair with his fingertips, he couldn’t get enough of staring at his former lover.

 

Ecthelion smiled, warmly. At this very moment being close to Glorfindel, and being able to look at him, was extremely satisfying. The blond’s presence soothed him and made him feel as if he was floating. “I thought I would never see you again!”

 

Glorfindel nodded, firmly. “I had made my peace with that thought, but now you are here and everything has changed.” Inching closer, his face hovered close to Ecthelion’s, deeply inhaling the familiar scent. “I kept you alive in my heart. No day went by without me remembering you.”

 

Pulling Glorfindel toward him, Ecthelion held him close, encouraging the blond to rest his head against his shoulder. Wrapped in each other, they sat there and listened to the song of the birds and savored Arien’s warm rays on their skin. “You are back in my arms once more.”

 

Pulling free, Glorfindel lifted his head to look upon his former lover, trying to embed the expression in those gray eyes in his mind. “Let me look at you. You look young! You feel young!”

 

“I reached my majority a week ago,” said Ecthelion, brushing his lips over Glorfindel’s brow in almost a kiss. “The moment I learned of your existence my heart commanded me to travel to Imladris so we could be reunited.”

 

Glorfindel shook his head, still afraid to believe Ecthelion was really this close – this alive. “I have missed you so much! When Námo told me I was to be reborn, I rejoiced because I assumed you would return to Arda with me. But then, when I realized the truth…” Glorfindel paused, trying to get his fierce emotions back under control, “But then I realized I was to be reborn alone. You were to stay in the Halls of Waiting. I did not want to be reborn. I begged Námo to reconsider, but he was determined to see this through.”

 

Ecthelion placed a hand at the nape of Glorfindel’s neck and pulled the blond close enough for a kiss. Like a rose, Glorfindel’s lips opened for him, welcoming him home. And it felt familiar. The kiss felt so familiar! So very right!

 

Glorfindel groaned, overwhelmed by his feelings and desires. “I need you.”

 

“I need you as well, Glorfindel.” Ecthelion was already busy unbuttoning the blond’s shirt, revealing first one, and then a second naked shoulder. “You are as beautiful as you were when we made love that very last time in Gondolin.”

 

Glorfindel blushed, touched by the compliment. “Your beauty is still as dark and blinding as ever. How did I ever manage without you?” Following Ecthelion’s example, his fingers busied themselves with the lacing of his lover’s shirt. “It has been so long. Take me. Make me yours. I need to feel you deep inside of me.”

 

Ecthelion needed no more encouragement, sliding Glorfindel’s shirt away from the blond. Within seconds, he had undone the lacing of the leggings, which he slid down the long legs. Finally, after all these millennia his beloved lay beneath him, quivering with desire and already aroused. A faint blush covered most of Glorfindel’s body and the long legs opened in invitation – an invitation, which Ecthelion eagerly accepted.

 

After ridding himself of his trousers, Ecthelion knelt between the long legs, admiring them. Running his fingertips up the calves, he explored the inside of the thighs, never touching Glorfindel’s organ. “You want to repeat that last time we made love?”

 

Glorfindel nodded. “Please…” He had always been afraid to hope that this day would ever come and now that Ecthelion was here – against all odds – he found his need for conversation had vanished, whilst his need to be touched, caressed and taken had increased a hundredfold. “Claim me.”

 

Nipping at Glorfindel’s bottom lip, Ecthelion nodded in agreement. “I need you too.”

 

Eager to start their lovemaking, Glorfindel turned, and presented himself on all fours to his lover. Looking over his shoulder at the dark-haired Elf, he almost begged for release, his member hanging heavily between his legs and screaming for attention, but he kept back. He had waited for this moment for so long that he refused to rush this!

 

Spotting a healing plant nearby, Ecthelion pulled it from the earth, rubbed the leaves between his fingers and spread the juices they released onto his aching member. He placed one hand at the small of Glorfindel’s back, rubbing the skin there, which always relaxed his lover. Pushing inside the tight glove, he fought for breath as the experience overwhelmed him.

 

Glorfindel threw back his head and released a triumphant scream. Ecthelion had returned to him and they were confirming that ancient connection, their bodies becoming one and whole again.

 

Pistoning in and out of Glorfindel’s body, Ecthelion leaned forward, licked the delicately curved and slightly salty back and reached beneath his lover’s body to stroke the aroused flesh in time with his thrusts. “So long…” he panted into Glorfindel’s ear, “It has been so long.”

 

Approaching orgasm, Glorfindel yelped in surprise. Much too soon! He wanted their act to last!

 

Glorfindel’s inner muscle clenched around him and caused him to reach orgasm himself. “Kiss me,” he panted, and when Glorfindel looked at him from over his shoulder, he claimed his lover’s lips in a passionate kiss. Buried deeply inside Glorfindel, he let go of his emotions. He felt like he had finally come home.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Cold… Lonely… Unfamiliar. His rooms were shrouded in darkness, as the curtains were still closed. Erestor didn’t feel the need to open them so Arien’s light could enter his quarters. He sat in silence and darkness, so no one would see the tears leaving his eyes.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Adar?” Elrohir softly knocked at Elrond’s door, not wanting to infringe on his father’s privacy, but at the same time eager to demonstrate his support. “May I enter?”

 

Elrond raised his head, which had been bowed in defeat and he wiped away the tears that still lingered on his cheeks. He should have known his sons would seek him out and Elrohir was always the first to check on him. “Aye, you may.” Straightening out his robes, he reached for the quill, pretending he was working on his correspondence.

 

But Elrohir wasn’t that easily fooled, seeing traces of tears on his father’s face. He walked over to the desk and resolutely pushed Elrond’s chair away from it. Kneeling in front of his father, he rested his head on Elrond’s lap. Elrond reacted automatically by stroking his hair, which was exactly the reaction Elrohir had hoped for.

 

“You always know how to soothe my troubled thoughts.” Elrond managed a weak smile. It was true, stroking Elrohir’s hair always comforted him.

 

“I do not want you to be alone,” whispered Elrohir, squeezing Elrond’s knee. “Why don’t you join us in the Hall of Fire?”

 

“Not tonight, my son. I could not bear to look at them – to see their happiness. I am not ready yet for that.” Elrond chided himself for being such a coward, but he couldn’t face them yet.

 

“In that case, *I* will stay with you,” said Elrohir, looking up at his father. Seeing those red-rimmed eyes caused his facial features to contort. “How I wish I could take your pain away!”

 

“I will endure,” replied Elrond, who had found his composure again.

 

“But will you ever be happy again?”

 

“I do not know the answer to that question, my son. No one does.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The soft knock came unexpected and was greatly unwelcome. Erestor almost growled, hearing it, but then pulled himself together again. Rising from his chair, he called out, “Who is it?”

 

“It is I.”

 

Erestor sighed. There was only one person who announced himself in that fashion. “It is I, Elladan,” he corrected.

 

“Hum, I thought your name was Erestor?” Pushing down the door handle, the door swung open and Elladan entered, appalled to find Erestor wrapped in darkness. “This won’t do.”

 

Erestor resigned himself to the situation when Elladan opened the curtains and windows so light and fresh air could freely enter. Elladan was a stubborn half-Elf, who insisted that everything was done his way – most of the time then. It took some detailed argumentation to convince the half-Elf otherwise, but discussion demanded energy – energy, which he lacked at the moment. “What do you want from me?”

 

Elladan carefully considered his words. He had seen the expression in Erestor’s eyes when Ecthelion had gone to Glorfindel, leaving him behind. He might not be as ancient and wise as Erestor, but could recognize a broken heart. “I am here to keep you company and to prevent you from brooding.”

 

Erestor cocked his head. “I reckon it is safe to assume your brother is keeping Elrond company?”

 

“We cannot have the two of you locking yourself away. That is not acceptable.” Elladan advanced on Erestor and managed to take hold of the elder Elf’s arm. “You have been on the road this past week. I think a long, hot bath is in order. And then, food.”

 

“Are you going to take care of me now?” Erestor didn’t know whether to laugh or weep, seeing Elladan’s determined expression.

 

“If need be, aye.” Elladan nodded once. “You took care of me when I was little… and of Elrohir, Estel, and Arwen too, but that is irrelevant now. *You* are going to take that bath.” He resolutely shooed Erestor into the bathroom. “And make certain you are ready in twenty minutes! Dinner will be served in your rooms!”

 

Erestor rested his forehead against the wood of the door, sighing deeply. “Just what I need…”

 

“I am glad you agree,” stated Elladan, grinning widely. But the cocky attitude was more of an act than reality. He knew Erestor was hurting, and like Elrohir was trying to comfort their father, he was trying to keep an eye on Erestor. That was, until Elrohir and he’d had a chance to talk some sense into their former tutor. What *was* Glorfindel thinking, dumping their father like that when it was obvious Elrond and Glorfindel were meant to be together? That just wasn’t acceptable.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Adar, come with me.” Elrohir extended his hand and waited for his father to take it. They had sat in near silence this last half hour and he’d had enough of it. He had seen his father slip into depression before and he wasn’t going to allow for it to happen again.

 

“I do not want to leave my study. I have work to do.” Elrond wanted to remain buried here, never to face Glorfindel again.

 

“We are having dinner in Erestor’s rooms. Elladan arranged for that.” Elrohir gave his father an encouraging look. “Do you think you can manage dinner with Erestor and your sons?”

 

Elrond’s expression softened. “Always.” Rising from his chair, he caught Elrohir’s hand in his and squeezed it. “I am blessed with such sons.”

 

Elrohir smiled, but privately he feared for his father’s sanity. What would Glorfindel’s rejection do to his father’s mental health?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Good!” Elladan had adapted the same attitude Erestor had displayed when the advisor had minded him and Elrohir when they had been toddlers. “You are clean and smell of daffodils.” Erestor gave him the oddest look ever, which made him burst out into laugher.

 

“Do not take that attitude with me, pen-neth.” It had been Erestor’s intention to scold Elrohir, but he found he couldn’t. Instead, Elrohir’s words and giggles drew a chuckle from him. “You always were the one causing trouble.”

 

“Good! I am proud of that!” Elladan giggled again, relieved to find Erestor’s dark mood was lifting due to their chattering. “And you should get dressed, Erestor. Elrond and Elrohir should be here any moment now.”

 

“What?” Erestor’s widened eyes revealed his surprise. “Why are they coming here?”

 

“To have dinner?” offered Elladan, innocently.

 

“But…” Realizing he was fighting a lost battle, Erestor gave in. Elladan was obviously determined to do this his way.

 

“May I suggest these robes?” Elladan had selected robes in a dark blue and green, the hems decorated with silver thread.

 

Erestor sighed and opened his arms. Elladan promptly dropped the robes into them. He stepped back into the bathroom, dressed, and braided his hair. When he returned to the bedroom, he looked like the Chief Advisor of old. The warrior that had emerged during his time in the Gray Havens had vanished.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Elrohir?” Elladan knocked out of courtesy, but he was already opening the door.

 

Dinner had arrived a moment before, and Elladan guided Erestor to the table, whilst calling out, “Enter.”

 

Elrond shuffled inside behind Elrohir. He felt like an intruder, knowing from personal experience that Erestor wanted to be alone – much like he himself wanted to be left alone. He understood why his sons were doing this, but forcing them to be social wouldn’t work. Not yet. The loss and pain were still too fresh. But like Erestor, he would try.

 

Erestor’s glance met his and understanding passed between them. They would push their emotions back into a tiny corner of their mind and act according to their station in the twins’ presence. After seating himself, Elrond stared at the food, having no appetite at all.

 

The food was actually making Erestor queasy and he refused when Elladan tried to pile the food onto his plate. “I am not hungry, pen-neth.”

 

“Neither am I,” said Elrond, quickly, before Elrohir could offer him soup.

 

The twins’ features grew saddened, knowing they couldn’t force the elder Elves to eat. This took time. “Would you prefer for us to leave?” asked Elladan eventually.

 

Another look passed between Elrond and Erestor. In the end, Elrond answered. “Aye, that might be best.”

 

Elladan and Elrohir left the table and walked toward the doorway. “Please do not leave the other alone,” Elrohir said, “Find comfort in each other’s company.”

 

“We will try,” promised Erestor. Once the twins had closed the door behind them, he sought out Elrond’s eyes. “They are good boys. Caring and loving souls.”

 

“Aye, they are.” Elrond pushed his chair away from the table and got to his feet. He paced the bedroom for several minutes before coming to a standstill in front of Erestor. Seeing his own pain reflected in the dark eyes, he made his decision. “I do not want to be alone tonight.”

 

“Neither do I,” confirmed Erestor, “But… My heart craves Ecthelion. I cannot be there for you in *that* way, if that is what you desire.”

 

Elrond shook his head, realizing Erestor had misunderstood. “I just want to hold you through the night. Nothing more. Nothing else. Just hold you.”

 

Relieved, Erestor nodded his head once. “I would like being held tonight. I do not want to be alone either.” He had slept in one bed with Ecthelion for three years and having someone close tonight would ease his pain.

 

Elrond caught Erestor’s trembling hand in his and gently pulled his friend to his feet. They made they way to the bed in silence, where they lay down, Elrond spooned behind Erestor. Wrapping his arms around Erestor, Elrond rested his head on his friend’s shoulder. Erestor, in turn, grabbed hold of Elrond’s arm and held on to it for dear life, as if it was his only connection to life. “We will guard each other’s dreams tonight,” whispered Elrond. “There won’t be any nightmares, and in the morning, we will find the strength to face the new day.”

 

“Together. We will face it together.”

 

“Aye, we will.”

 

It took both Elves hours to fall asleep, but in the end they did. Elrond’s dreams were filled with images of Glorfindel, who was running away from him, whilst Erestor dreamt of the Sea, clearly feeling its magical call.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion blinked when Arien stood high in the morning, sending her rays of warm rays over Arda. Glorfindel and he had spent last night out in the open, talking for long hours whilst taking in the starlit heavens. Last night had been much like their last night shared in Gondolin, before the attack.

 

Glorfindel still rested safely in his arms, limbs wrapped around him, and his head rested on his chest, a tiny amount of drool leaving the bruised lips. The sight made him smile. Aye, this was *his* Glorfindel. The one he remembered so vividly.

 

He was happy again. Glorfindel was back in his life and they could carry on – finally. But then, unbidden, an image of Erestor entered his mind. Ecthelion found himself fighting that Nazgûl again and was forced to watch the evil being injure Erestor. He tensed beneath the load of memories. Oh, Erestor… Ecthelion closed his eyes, his own words coming back to haunt him. Hadn’t he proclaimed he only loved Erestor? That he planned to marry him? /By the Valar, what did I do?/ What had he done by going to Glorfindel and deserting Erestor? But he had spoken the truth earlier – he loved them both!

 

“What ails you?” Sensing Ecthelion’s unrest, Glorfindel had awoken and he now studied the dark-haired Elf with obvious worry in his eyes.

 

“It is nothing,” choked Ecthelion out, not wanting to ruin this perfect morning. He would tell Glorfindel about Erestor later. “I want to stay here with you forever.”

 

“But, we cannot.” Glorfindel pushed himself into a sitting position and ran his long fingers through the tangled strands of hair in an effort to sort them out. “I need to join the guards to oversee their training and you need to report to Erestor so he can assign you quarters and a position within Elrond’s household.”

 

Erestor… There was that name again. “Can I not report to Elrond instead?”

 

Glorfindel frowned. “You do not like Erestor? I must admit I am surprised, considering you lived with him for the last three years.”

 

Ecthelion was still unwilling to discuss this now and resolutely got to his feet. “I will report to Erestor, then.”

 

Glorfindel rose from the grass as well, smiling cheekily. “We will see each other tonight and I will show you around Imladris after dinner. You will love it here. It is a place of peace and joy.”

 

Absentmindedly, Ecthelion nodded; privately he was worried about talking to Erestor. How would the elder Elf react to seeing him?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Ecthelion?”

 

Elrond instantly soothed his friend, finding Erestor calling out for Ecthelion. “Hush, all is well, my friend.” Wasn’t it ironic that he had first comforted Glorfindel, who had called out for Ecthelion and now Erestor? /Why did he have to break your heart, Erestor? Why did you allow it?/

 

But he immediately chided himself. He had been determined not to admit his feelings to Glorfindel, but then, one night, Glorfindel had reached behind his mask and the next day the blond had made him confess. /We never stood a chance, Erestor. If only Ecthelion and you had remained in the Gray Havens./ But even in that case, the two reborn Elves would have met eventually. They would have been drawn close. /And keeping Ecthelion’s past a secret would not have been fair. I understand why you did it, Erestor, why you brought him here./

 

At hearing a voice, Erestor blinked and awoke. He didn’t know what to make of Elrond’s presence in his bed, but then he recalled arriving in Imladris and Ecthelion deserting him for Glorfindel. “Thank you for staying the night.” Slowly, he sat upright and shook his head in an effort to clear it.

 

Elrond sat upright as well and rested his back against the headboard. “Erestor? Will you tell me why? How?”

 

Erestor carefully avoided making eye contact and stared at the bed linens instead. “It just happened.” Helplessly, he shrugged his shoulders. “There is so much zest for life and energy in him. He is so eager to learn and friendly. And most certainly brave. He fought a Nazgûl for me. Ecthelion is loving and tender. My heart fell in love with him.”

 

Elrond felt a deep sympathy for Erestor. His story resembled his own. “And now you have to do without him.”

 

“I always knew that day would come,” said Erestor, softly, “But what I was not prepared for was the effect seeing them together would have on me. I want to be happy for them. I know they deserve this second chance, but…”

 

“I know that seeing them together is hard,” offered Elrond, “but we need to find a way to deal with it. We will see a lot of them.”

 

Erestor released a long sigh. “It does not seem fair.”

 

“It is not,” replied Elrond, rubbing Erestor’s back. “But this is our life and we need to make the best of it.” Erestor finally made eye contact and Elrond added, “You will always find a listening ear with me, my friend.”

 

“And you can always come to me.” They understood each other’s pain. “So how do we survive today?” He already trembled at the prospect of having to talk to Ecthelion or Glorfindel, or seeing them together.

 

“We are old, Erestor. They call us Lords and lore masters. Healers even. We will find a way.”

 

“We must,” said Erestor, nodding his head.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Nervous. He was so darn nervous! Just because he was about to face Erestor in a moment! One of Erestor’s scribes had shown him inside and now he was pacing the elder Elf’s study like a caged animal. /A guilty conscience,/ that was what tormenting him. Erestor had told him not to make any promises, but blissfully unaware of his past, he had made them any way.

 

“You wanted to speak with me?” Erestor entered and headed for the desk, seating himself behind it, never making eye contact.

 

Ecthelion stared at Erestor, barely believing the change he saw in the elder Elf. He had known Erestor as open, friendly and warm, and now… Erestor exuded cold, distance and disinterest even. “What happened to you?” The words left his lips before he had a chance to stop them.

 

“I do not know what you are referring to. Now tell me what brings you here.” Erestor placed a report in front of him and pretended to be reading it. But his heart thundered in his chest and the palms of his hands were cold and sweaty due to his nervousness. Why had Ecthelion come here?

 

“Glorfindel told me to report to you so you could assign rooms and a position in Elrond’s household to me.” But that wasn’t what Ecthelion had wanted to say. /Why? Why are you acting in this manner? I still love you!/ But he loved Glorfindel as well…

 

“I assumed you would share Glorfindel’s rooms, but I will assign private quarters to you, if that is what you want.” Erestor wrote down the location of the suite and handed the piece of paper to Ecthelion, careful not to touch the other Elf’s fingers. “And you will train and ride with Glorfindel for now. Doubtlessly, you will become a Captain here in time.”

 

Ecthelion swallowed hard, trying to rid himself of the lump of emotions nestled tightly in his throat. “Will it be like this all the time, Erestor? Won’t you even look at me?” When Erestor then did look at him, he wished he had never challenged the Chief Advisor. The large, chocolate brown eyes were red-rimmed from crying and the expression in them was empty, even glazed over. “Oh…”

 

“Aye, things will be like this between us,” forced Erestor out from between clenched teeth. “Do not make this any harder than it already is, Ecthelion. Like me, you made your choices and you need to live with them. Seek me out only when necessary.”

 

Ecthelion blinked in surprise. He had been searching Erestor’s eyes and beneath the blank look, he still found traces of the love the elder Elf held for him. “I am so sorry that I love Glorfindel. I wish I did not.”

 

“But you do.” Erestor picked up his quill and began to write a reply to the report in front of him. “If that is all, you are free to leave. Show the locations of your suite to the servants and they will take you there.”

 

Ecthelion blinked again, his eyes filling with tears. /I love you, Erestor./ But he loved Glorfindel too. /By the Valar, why are you doing this to me? Is this what you want? To torment me for the rest of his life?/ Or maybe, he was supposed to do something else? /Who do I love more? Glorfindel or Erestor? And how am I to find out and choose?/ Confused, he mumbled a goodbye and fled the room.

 

The quill dropped from Erestor’s fingers, creating an ugly ink blot on the paper, but the advisor never noticed. His fingers shook with emotion. /Elbereth, why? Why did I have to lose my heart to him?/

 

Elrond’s words then returned him. They would take this one day at a time and find a way to survive.

 

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