Title: Lonely In Love.

Author: Morgana morganalebeau@yahoo.com

Website; http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon/

Pairing(s): Glorfindel/Elrond, Glorfindel/Ecthelion, Erestor/Ecthelion and Elladan/Elrohir.
Rating: NC-17
Summary: The Valar deem the time ready for Ecthelion to return to Arda. Erestor is given the task of preparing the young warrior for a life in Imladris.

Disclaimer: These characters are all Tolkien’s.
Warning: AU, fluff, romance, minor angst. Twin slash (implied)
Author’s Note: All mistakes are all mine; yeah, I am greedy! And remember; this is AU!

Beta read by Jenn, thank you so very much!

  

 

Lonely in love

The night will fade, the sun will shine
A new day - Lonely in love
And light the way for you to find

New love

 

Lyrics by Crimson Glory

 

 

Part 14

 

"Elrond?" Glorfindel didn't want to infringe on the half-Elf's privacy, but the Ruler of Imladris hadn't made his usual appearance at this morning's council, and neither had Erestor. He had recalled seeing them leave together and had decided to check Elrond's quarters. Glorfindel had no idea what could possibly have happened to make the two Elves miss attending the daily council, and he hoped no disaster had struck. Not receiving an answer, he soundlessly pushed the door handle down and opened the door, peeking inside. "Elrond?"

 

His breath caught, finding the two raven-haired Elves asleep in bed. Elrond had a tight hold on Erestor, who in turn had wrapped an arm around the half-Elf's waist. Once his shock wore down, anger filled his being, which was replaced with a burning jealousy in the end. Erestor was in Elrond's bed! In the half-Elf's arms! Glorfindel's eyes narrowed with anger. That was *his* place and no one else's! Certainly not Erestor's! Elrond was his!

 

This insane jealousy took him by surprise and Glorfindel quickly closed the door again, but the image he had just seen had been burned onto his retina and wouldn't disappear from his mind's eye. So Elrond had taken Erestor to his bed!

 

/But they were both dressed,/ said a tiny voice, sounding from the back of his mind, which tried to reason with him. /Nothing happened./

 

/But Erestor is in Elrond's bed! In his arms! *I* should be there! Not Erestor!/

 

/But you have Ecthelion now. Would you really begrudge Elrond a friend? Maybe even a lover when you are no longer interested in him?/

 

Glorfindel's hands turned into fists at hearing those words. /Who said I no longer have an interest in him? I still love him! Why else would I be this insanely jealous at seeing them in this way!/

 

/But you chose Ecthelion, not Elrond./

 

Glorfindel barely stopped himself from slamming his fist into the wall. /But that does not give him the right.../

 

/Right to do what? Are you entitled to your lover, Ecthelion, and Elrond is not allowed to find comfort in Erestor's arms?/

 

/Nay, it is not like that! *I* want to be in his arms!/

 

/I thought you wanted to be in Ecthelion's?/

 

Angered by a conversation that was solely taking place in his head, Glorfindel left the corridor and headed back to his quarters to be with Ecthelion.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elrond blinked. He thought he had heard the door close, but when he opened his eyes, Erestor and he were alone in the bedroom. He must have imagined it then.

 

His gaze was drawn to Erestor's pale face and he was taken aback, seeing the torment in the brown eyes. /I do not have the right to keep you here. I am strong enough to deal with losing Glorfindel, but you will wither away before my very eyes if I command you to stay. Maybe you will find some peace of mind in the Gray Havens. But won't you hurt even more there? Remembering the time you shared there with Ecthelion?/ But this wasn't his decision. It was Erestor's.

 

His right hand rested against Erestor's back and the skin still burned beneath the fabric of his undershirt. /I wish I could lessen your discomfort, but the pain will grow worse now that you are in such a depressed state./ There wasn't much he could do to improve Erestor's state -- only Ecthelion might be able to heal this hurt.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion instinctively knew something was amiss when Glorfindel stormed into the room. He had seen that look before. Allowing Glorfindel to tell him in his own time, he stretched in a cat-like manner and then sat upright in the bed. He tried to radiate calm and patience, but Erestor's image now haunted even his waking hours. Last night, his dreams had been centered around his former tutor, and not, as he would have expected, around Glorfindel.

 

Glorfindel finally stopped pacing and sat down on the bed with his back toward Ecthelion. "I do not know what to do."

 

Ecthelion sighed, and then moved onto his knees, embracing Glorfindel from behind. After resting his chin on Glorfindel's shoulder, he said, "About what?"

 

"Elrond and Erestor. They spent last night together."

 

Ecthelion's heart thundered madly. "What? How could you possibly know...?"

 

"When Elrond did not appear this morning, I decided to check on him. They were still in bed, wrapped in each other's arms." Glorfindel's blue eyes finally sought out Ecthelion's gray ones. "My feelings... I do not understand why I reacted the way I did."

 

Ecthelion moistened his lips and said, knowingly, "You felt jealous?"

 

"I still do," admitted Glorfindel before his features contorted with misery. "I do not know what to do about this. I never thought Elrond would take a lover this quickly. That he would bed Erestor..."

 

Shaking his head, Ecthelion directed his compassionate gaze at the blond. "I do not believe Elrond bedded Erestor."

 

"Why is that?" Glorfindel's eyes narrowed.

 

"Erestor and I..." Ecthelion had the grace to blush..."We never made love. He insisted we would wait. It would be out of character for him to allow Elrond to bed him. Trust me, nothing happened." But Glorfindel's news had upset him more than he wanted the blond to know. It came as no surprise that the two Elves

-- doubtlessly old friends -- would comfort each other, but it still hurt that Erestor had to turn to Elrond for such comfort. Glorfindel had admitted he didn't know what to do and that he didn't understand why he felt the way he did. Well, he was having the same problem. Glorfindel felt jealous of Erestor and he felt jealous of Elrond for being there for Erestor. "Glorfindel?"

 

Alerted by Ecthelion's tone, Glorfindel searched his lover's gray eyes. Ecthelion sounded worried. "Aye?"

 

"Who do you love more? Elrond? Or me?" The panic-stricken expression that appeared in Glorfindel's eyes caused him to reach out and reassuringly rub the back of his lover's hand. "You can be honest with me."

 

"I know I can..." said Glorfindel, hesitantly. "It is not that... It is just... I do not know the answer to that question."

 

Ecthelion nodded once. "Then calm yourself, Glorfindel, for I feel the same way about you and Erestor."

 

Glorfindel grew quiet, leaned into the embrace and let Ecthelion hold him in the hope that his lover's presence would help him sort out his thoughts, which were filled with Elrond and the memory of seeing his love with Erestor in bed together.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

That afternoon, Ecthelion happened upon Erestor in a distant corner of Imladris' blossoming gardens. He had wanted to seek out solitude, but now that he had found Erestor, he was drawn closer. Erestor was seated on the grass and was playing the lyre, much like he had done in the Gray Havens, and memories of that carefree time returned to him. He had been happy there. They both had been.

 

Ecthelion had wanted simply to watch Erestor play and enjoy the elder Elf's ethereal beauty, but Erestor yelped in pain unexpectedly and then collapsed into a heap. Within seconds, Ecthelion covered the distance between them and knelt beside Erestor, steadying him. "Erestor? Why are you in pain, love?" Acting instinctively, he brushed the long, raven hair away from Erestor's face so he could look into his eyes, which were filled with agony. "Tell me, please!"

 

Erestor didn't know where Ecthelion had come from, but the younger Elf was suddenly beside him, supporting him. Drinking in the warrior's sight, he managed a weak smile, enduring the pain that coursed through his upper body. "The Nazgûl's blade still burns me..." he whispered, breathlessly.

 

Compassion and the desire to lessen Erestor's pain colored Ecthelion's eyes. He continued to support the elder Elf, whilst Erestor rode out the pain. Their eyes remained locked, and, overcome with passion, Ecthelion brushed Erestor's lips with his -- tenderly.

 

"Nay... You cannot..." Erestor tried to reason with Ecthelion, but the kiss deepened and robbed him of ways of protesting further. And he had wanted this for so long... Wanted to feel Ecthelion close once more... Feel the younger Elf against him... And the kiss seemed to take the sting out of the pain.

 

Now that Erestor was responding to the kiss, Ecthelion slipped one arm around the elder Elf's waist, kissing him deeply -- passionately. A distant part of him wondered why this felt so good. Why it felt even better than kissing Glorfindel. How was that possible? Registering the fact that Erestor's hand had settled against his chest in an effort to push him away, he finally released the elder Elf's passion-bruised lips. "Erestor, I..."

 

Erestor quickly silenced Ecthelion by placing a finger across the younger Elf's lips. "This can never happen again. Do you understand?" Ecthelion's passion -- need -- had made him respond, but Erestor could never give in again. "When Glorfindel finds out that you kissed me..." Erestor never got the chance to finish that sentence because Ecthelion claimed his lips once more. Strong arms lowered him onto the grass and then the younger warrior settled above him, running eager hands through the strands of his hair. "Ecthe..."

 

"You are in my blood, Erestor. You are in my dreams. Your image, your voice, your scent, they fill my waking hours. You drive me insane." Making sure none of his weight rested on Erestor, he searched the dilated pupils, finding that Erestor wanted this as well, but the elder Elf was calling upon his discipline to put a stop to this. He wouldn’t allow that. “Erestor, we need to talk.”

 

“There is nothing to discuss, Ecthelion. Now kindly let go of me.” Forcing himself to mentally distance himself, he firmly looked into the younger Elf’s eyes.

 

“Do you not love me any more?” But Ecthelion read the answer in Erestor’s widening eyes after uttering that question. No words were needed. “You still do.”

 

“Of course I do,” admitted Erestor, realizing lying wouldn’t help him. “But I let you go.”

 

“Did you? Then why do you haunt my dreams?” Only now wondering if the position Erestor was in was putting extra pressure on the elder Elf’s back, Ecthelion moved off of Erestor and gently pulled the advisor into an upright position. Studying Erestor, who was desperately trying to distract his attention by straightening his robes, Ecthelion flinched. “You do not look well.” Erestor was pale and the large, brown eyes haunted.

 

“I do not feel well,” admitted Erestor in an unguarded moment of honesty. He knew he shouldn’t say this, but Ecthelion had wanted to discuss this! “I miss you.”

 

A fist tightened around his heart at hearing that confession and Ecthelion moved closer in order to stroke Erestor’s face. “I miss you too. I miss having you close… Touching you… Kissing you.” His lips sought out Erestor’s once more, but this time the advisor pulled back in order to prevent them from making contact.

 

“Do not do this, Ecthelion. It will lead to even more heartache.” Gathering his robes closer, he tried to rise from the ground, but Ecthelion grabbed hold of his waist, stopping him.

 

Ecthelion was desperate to keep Erestor in place – close. “Glorfindel saw Elrond and you together – in bed. He thinks Elrond took you as his new lover.” The way Erestor’s eyes widened told him all he needed to know – not that he had doubted Erestor in the first place.

 

“I do not desire Elrond in that way… And Elrond only desires Glorfindel. We found comfort in each other’s arms – nothing more.”

 

“I know that,” said Ecthelion, quickly. He maintained his hold on Erestor and desperately tried to think of something else to say. “You need to take better care of yourself, Erestor. I do not like your skin’s pallor.”

 

Erestor’s features softened into a smile. “Your worry for my health flatters me, Ecthelion.”

 

“You *are* taking good care of yourself, are you not? Are you eating enough? Sleeping?”

 

Erestor slowly raised a hand and brushed the skin of Ecthelion’s face with his fingertips. “Food makes me nauseous and my dreams are filled with regrets.” Ecthelion’s eyes mirrored the younger warrior’s shock, but Erestor couldn’t lie. “I am considering leaving Imladris.”

 

“You are what?” Ecthelion stared at Erestor in shock. “Why? And where would you go?” No! He couldn’t lose Erestor!

 

“The Gray Havens… Since we left, since losing you, the Sea has been calling me. I feel like going home.”

 

“To Aman?” No! Erestor would be out of his reach then! Panic took his heart and cold sweat erupted from his pores. /You cannot leave me!/ But hadn’t he deserted Erestor first?

 

“Nay, not yet. I wish to dwell in the Gray Havens.” Erestor wanted to soothe the younger Elf, but he knew that touching Ecthelion would only worsen their predicament. So far, he had managed to hold back, but his passion for Ecthelion still burned brightly and it would be so easy to lean in and steal a kiss from the warrior’s lips.

 

“And live in our cottage?” A dreamy expression appeared in Ecthelion’s eyes as he remembered the happy times they had shared there.

 

“Maybe… Maybe not.” Erestor began to pull away from Ecthelion, who reluctantly let him go. “When I said that your presence causes me pain, I spoke the truth. Watching you and Glorfindel breaks my brittle heart, and I might have to leave Imladris to ensure it won’t shatter into tiny pieces which I can never put together again. Do you understand, my sweet?”

 

Hearing that old and precious endearment caused Ecthelion’s eyes to fill with unshed tears. “I want to go with you.”

 

“You cannot.” Erestor slowly pushed himself to his feet. “Your place is here now – at Glorfindel’s side. Not mine… No matter how much I would want that.”

 

“Erestor…” Feeling inwardly broken, Ecthelion raised his head and looked at Erestor, who now stood in front of him. “Why is this so difficult?” Cirdan had once told him to listen to his heart and to follow its whispers, but his heart was telling him to go with Erestor, whilst an older, but also authentic part of him, urged him to go Glorfindel.

 

“It does not have to be so difficult,” said Erestor, bestowing a last caress onto Ecthelion’s face. “Be happy with Glorfindel.” Erestor graced Ecthelion with one more smile and then turned to leave.

 

“Erestor!” Ecthelion called after the advisor when Erestor slowly, but determinedly, walked away from him. “Come back!” But Erestor continued walking, never looking back, and in his despair, Ecthelion clawed at the soil, burying his fingernails in the cool earth. “Come back,” he whispered, sobbing softly, “I love you.”

 

But Erestor disappeared into the Last Homely House and never returned to him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Glorfindel halted in this tracks, unexpectedly finding himself face to face with a haunted-looking Erestor. He had known Erestor for millennia, but never before had he seen the advisor this distraught. “Erestor?”

 

Erestor came to an abrupt standstill and looked Glorfindel in the eye. A melancholy smile settled on his face and his eyes warmed briefly. “You will make him happy and love him forever, won’t you, Glorfindel?”

 

Glorfindel instantly knew who Erestor was referring to. “Ecthelion…”

 

Erestor raised a hand in an authoritative manner. “He loves you, Glorfindel, not me. Never doubt that.”

 

Taken aback by Erestor’s direct and unexpected manner, Glorfindel cleared his throat, trying to gain a few precious moments in which he could compose himself and find the right words. “But he loves you as well.”

 

“Not as much as he loves you.” Erestor averted his eyes and stared at the floor. “I will leave Imladris tomorrow.”

 

Glorfindel raised an eyebrow at the unexpected news. “For how long will you be gone?”

 

“I do not plan on returning,” said Erestor, softly. Moistening his lips, he pretended he hadn’t heard Glorfindel’s sharp intake of breath, which betrayed the blond’s surprise.

 

“Why?” Glorfindel took a step closer and placed a finger beneath Erestor’s chin, effectively raising the other Elf’s face so the advisor was forced to look at him. “And where are you going?” A pain, deeply rooted in Erestor’s being stared back at him from the depths of those chocolate brown eyes.

 

“My heart calls me to the Sea. I might not sail yet, but I want to be close to the Sea.”

 

“The Gray Havens.” Glorfindel nodded once and stopped Erestor when the advisor wanted to turn his face away from him. “You told me where you are going, but not why you are leaving.”

 

“Oh, Glorfindel! Can’t you guess?” Erestor’s eyes briefly flared with dark fire. “I know Ecthelion feels torn and I cannot bear to see him like that. Once I am gone his feelings for me will vanish and he will love you unconditionally. I finally realized that as long as I am here Ecthelion will never be truly free to love you. It was folly to encourage him when he declared he loved me!”

 

“Then why did you encourage him?” Glorfindel cocked his head and tenderly rubbed Erestor’s cheek. When the advisor leaned into the caress, Glorfindel released a deep, troubled sigh. “Because you love him back.”

 

“Aye, I do. I love him.” Erestor steeled himself for Glorfindel’s reaction when their eyes met again.

 

“And he loves you.” Glorfindel wondered about the depth of Erestor’s love for Ecthelion. Had he been in Erestor’s place, would he have found the strength to step back so Ecthelion could be with someone else? Did he love Ecthelion *that* much? As much as Erestor loved Ecthelion? Feeling dizzy, he slowly shook his head.

 

“But he loves you best, Glorfindel, and I will be damned if I stand in your way. Ecthelion and you belong together.” Saying those words hurt, but Erestor truly believed them to be true.

 

Glorfindel however, hovered on the brink of a revelation. /Erestor loves Ecthelion best. Were I in his place, I would not be able to step back. Erestor puts Ecthelion’s interest first./ Studying Erestor’s swimming eyes, he wondered, /Just how much do you love Ecthelion?/

 

The next question almost rocked his world. /And how much do *I* love Ecthelion? Do I love him more than I love Elrond? I would step aside if Elrond’s happiness were at stake. Oh, by Elbereth, what have I done?/

 

Erestor turned his head away, stepped back, and managed to flee the corridor, leaving Glorfindel standing there bewildered and in utter shock.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Erestor? Stop running!” Elrond had seen a flash of midnight blue robes, raven hair, and had quickly taken up pursuit. “Erestor, stop!” Running after Erestor, he caught up with his advisor and grabbed hold of a sleeve, forcing his friend to slow down. “Talk to me!”

 

“Leave me be!” Unable to control his emotions any longer, Erestor allowed them a way out, and big, fat tears dripped from his face when he finally turned to look at the half-Elf. “Let me go… Please, Elrond… Please.”

 

Elrond’s heart told him what Erestor was really asking him. “Your time has come.” Ignoring Erestor’s weak and futile attempts to move away from him, Elrond folded an arm around his friend’s shoulder. “You wish to leave for the Gray Havens.”

 

“I cannot stay, Elrond… I tried, but I cannot…” Erestor wiped away the tears that still sat on his face and allowed the half-Elf to guide him into the Lord’s study.

 

Elrond sat Erestor down and then joined him on the sofa. “Tell me what happened. What put you in this state?” Using his sleeve, he wiped away the tears Erestor had missed.

 

“Ecthelion kissed me,” whispered Erestor, lowering his eyes and staring at his hands, which now rested in his lap. “And then he kissed me again.”

 

Elrond sucked in his breath, surprised. “When did that happen?”

 

“Minutes ago. He approached me in the gardens. I tried to stop him, but… his lips tasted so good and I wanted for it to happen as well!” Erestor fought back the tears that tried to surface again. He needed to get back in control of his emotions! “He told me he loved me.”

 

Elrond shook his head – at a loss himself. “I wish I knew what to say, but I do not.”

 

Erestor smiled ruefully. “I need to leave Imladris, my friend. As long as I am here, Ecthelion will feel torn. I need to leave so they can be happy.”

 

“And will you be happy? All alone in the Gray Havens?” Wanting to soothe and comfort, Elrond rubbed Erestor’s back in large circles.

 

“I will have my memories,” whispered Erestor, raising his eyes to look at Elrond. “And Cirdan.” The shipwright would make good company on lonely evenings and would indulge him when he needed to talk about Ecthelion – to remember those three good years. And when the time came, he would sail for Aman.

 

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