Title: Lonely In Love.

Author: Morgana morganalebeau@yahoo.com

Website; http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon/

Pairing(s): Glorfindel/Elrond, Glorfindel/Ecthelion, Erestor/Ecthelion and Elladan/Elrohir..
Rating: NC-17
Summary: The Valar deem the time ready for Ecthelion to return to Arda. Erestor is given the task of preparing the young warrior for a life in Imladris.

Disclaimer: These characters are all Tolkien’s.
Warning: AU, fluff, romance, minor angst. Twin slash (implied)
Author’s Note: All mistakes are all mine; yeah, I am greedy! And remember; this is AU!

Beta read by Jenn, thanks so much!

  

 

Lonely in love

The night will fade, the sun will shine
A new day - Lonely in love
And light the way for you to find

New love

 

Lyrics by Crimson Glory

 

 

Part 15

 

Glorfindel left a restless and disturbed Ecthelion in his quarters. The dark-haired warrior had requested time and privacy so he could properly analyze what had happened between Erestor and him earlier, and Glorfindel had granted his lover this time.

 

Ecthelion had obviously been shocked to learn that Erestor planned to leave Imladris, and Glorfindel wondered if he should have kept quiet instead, but Ecthelion deserved the whole truth.

 

Whilst Ecthelion sought enlightenment in his rooms, Glorfindel opted for action instead.

 

Arien’s first rays hesitantly warmed Arda and would gain in strength quickly. Glorfindel loved the warm sensation they caused upon his skin.

 

Glorfindel opened the door to Elrond’s quarters soundlessly. Once more, he looked upon the two dark-haired Elves resting in Elrond’s bed. Elrond was holding Erestor in his sleep, but the half-Elf himself was awake, and knowing gray eyes fastened on him. Gray eyes, but so very different from Ecthelion’s.

 

Glorfindel cleared his throat. The words wouldn’t come to him and he even shuffled his feet nervously. “Can we speak?” he whispered eventually, careful not to wake Erestor, whose red-rimmed eyes stared blankly at the ceiling.

 

Elrond berated himself for not locking the door, for not expecting Glorfindel to seek him out. “Just give me one moment.” He carefully untangled his form from Erestor’s and tucked a heavy blanket around the sleeping Elf. Fortunately, Erestor didn’t wake and Elrond cautiously left the bed. Although his robes were rumpled, he still managed to radiate calm and control. “But not here. We will go to my study.” He didn’t want Erestor waking up and accidentally overhearing their conversation.

 

Following Elrond to the study, Glorfindel’s thoughts raced. He had come here without a plan and felt as much at a loss as Elrond did.

 

Elrond closed the door behind them and gestured for Glorfindel to take a seat in front of the now cold fireplace. Joining Glorfindel, Elrond observed his friend and former lover. Glorfindel’s presence caused him to feel warm inside and the blond managed to momentarily chase away his worries. But then Elrond stopped this line of thoughts, realizing he was leaning in closer to kiss Glorfindel. Once more in control of his emotions, he leaned back into the comfort of the chair and waited for Glorfindel to address him. After all, it was the blond who had sought him out.

 

“How fares Erestor?” Glorfindel took a deep breath and then locked eyes with the half-Elf. A wave of desire washed over him and his hands gripped the arm rests tightly to make certain he stayed in place instead of pulling the half-Elf into his arms.

 

“Erestor…” Elrond’s eyes softened. “Erestor is hurting and will leave Imladris today.”

 

“If he needs an escort…” offered Glorfindel, without thinking the offer over first.

 

“Then it won’t be you,” said Elrond, firmly. He had already sent a note to Elrohir, asking his son to escort Erestor to the Gray Havens and to stay with the elder Elf as long as Elrohir felt necessary.

 

Glorfindel lowered his eyes, guiltily. “I did not do this on purpose. I never wanted for this to happen.” The moment the words left his lips, he recalled Elrond saying them a few days ago when the half-Elf had tried to tell him why Ecthelion’s rebirth had been kept from him. Growing curious, he asked, “Were you absolutely certain that I would choose Ecthelion over you?”

 

Glorfindel’s question surprised Elrond, but he answered nonetheless. “Quite certain.”

 

“Why?” Glorfindel pushed his chair a bit closer to Elrond’s.

 

“How can anyone compete with your love for Ecthelion? Your love is legendary. Erestor knew that as well.”

 

“And yet the both of you chose to risk your hearts.”

 

“What else can one do when one is in love?” Elrond shrugged his shoulders. “Though, I had hoped for Erestor’s sake that Ecthelion had chosen him over you.”

 

“Why? So you would still have me?” Glorfindel wasn’t quite certain what to make of their conversation.

 

Elrond laughed a tad bitterly. “Nay, not for my sake, but for his.” Elrond’s eyes narrowed; Glorfindel didn’t know about Erestor’s lost love. “Erestor almost lost his sanity when his lover died in the Battle of the Last Alliance. I hoped he would find a worthy love ever since. But Erestor does not fall in love easily. So when I realized he had fallen in love with Ecthelion, I knew Erestor would love deeply and unconditionally. Seeing Ecthelion choose you did not just break Erestor’s heart, but mine as well.”

 

“Erestor’s lover? Why was I never told this bit of information?” Glorfindel’s curiosity got the better of him. “Did I know him?”

 

Elrond gave Glorfindel a predatory smile. “You most certainly heard of him.” Glorfindel hadn’t been reborn yet when they had fought Sauron and his minions at Mount Orodruin. “His name was Ereinion.”

 

Glorfindel’s jaw practically hit the floor. “The High-King?”

 

“Aye. Erestor joined his household long before that fateful battle. Ereinion needed an advisor he could trust completely, and Erestor came highly recommended. It did not take them long to fall in love with each other.” Elrond’s face took on a soft and happy expression, remembering his friends’ love. “Their love was tender and unconditional. It was impossible to keep their attraction a secret. Whenever they were close to one another, love radiated from their eyes.”

 

“I would never have guessed,” said Glorfindel honestly. His head still spun with this new bit of information, but Elrond didn’t give him much time to sort out his thoughts.

 

“Ereinion, Erestor, and I fought side by side that day, but Sauron took our High-King’s life and almost Erestor’s mind as well. Erestor dropped onto the ground and screamed out his pain, for he had seen his lover being burned in front of his eyes. I managed to take him into safety and I feared for his sanity for a long time, but he recovered and once we had settled down here, he grew stronger again.”

 

Glorfindel blinked once. “I always wondered about Erestor.” As long as he could remember a sense of mystery had clung to the advisor.

 

“Those three years with Ecthelion in the Gray Havens healed his soul, but now losing Ecthelion is robbing him of his will to live. I fear for him, Glorfindel. That is why I am allowing him to return to the Gray Havens. With Elrohir and Cirdan to keep him company, I hope he will find a way to live contentedly there – though I doubt he will ever again be truly happy.”

 

“Why are you telling me this? Are you trying to convince me to let Ecthelion go so he can be with Erestor?” Glorfindel felt thoroughly confused and his thoughts spun in a hundred directions all at the same time.

 

“Nay,” replied Elrond, who now slowly rose from his chair. “I told you so you would understand why Erestor is leaving. A moment ago you said Erestor was shrouded in mystery, so I told you the truth about him.”

 

Glorfindel remained seated and watched Elrond move over to the window to take in the splendor of his valley when morning dew still sparkled on the evergreens. Bright rays of sun settled on Elrond’s face, making his skin and hair shine golden. Glorfindel’s mouth went dry and his eyes filled with moisture at seeing Elrond in Arien’s golden light. /Oh, I love him still./

 

“Aren’t you supposed to inspect the morning patrol?” asked Elrond, turning to face Glorfindel, unprepared for the expression on the blond’s face. Seeing the lost look in the azure eyes, Elrond instinctively moved closer until he could run a hand tenderly down Glorfindel’s tangled hair. It was rather obvious the blond had had a restless night. “Elladan can go in your place,” he offered.

 

“Nay, I can still carry out my duties,” said Glorfindel. He didn’t know what madness took possession of him when he tenderly took Elrond’s hand in his and pressed a kiss onto the palm. Time stopped and they looked into each other’s eyes deeply, reading the love in them. In the end, it was Elrond who broke the spell and pulled his hand away from Glorfindel’s hold. “You should leave now, my friend. I need to look after Erestor. I do not want him to be alone.”

 

Glorfindel felt like screaming! His emotions made no sense at all! He was supposed to love Ecthelion unconditionally, unquestioningly, but his heart ached for Elrond instead. “One more question… Please,” he said, begging.

 

“Ask your question.” His guard was down and Elrond felt lost, staring into those azure eyes that held the world for him.

 

“Analyze this situation for me.”

 

Elrond raised an eyebrow. “What?”

 

“What do you see when you look at this tangled web? Why does being with Ecthelion feel wrong to me? Why do I still want to be with you? Why does Ecthelion cry out for Erestor at night instead of for me?”

 

Elrond’s brow furrowed. “Why are you asking *me* when your heart already knows the answers to those questions?”

 

“Do you know the answers? Do you?” Glorfindel had gotten to his feet and his gaze became feverish when he looked into Elrond’s gray – knowing – eyes. “Tell me.”

 

"Are you ready to hear my point of view, then?" Elrond wasn't so certain that Glorfindel was.

 

“Tell me,” said Glorfindel in a more determined voice this time. “I am ready.”

 

But Elrond determinedly shook his head. "First, you need to search your own feelings."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Erestor?” Elrohir had entered his father’s rooms and found Erestor sitting upright in bed with a dazed expression on his face. He sat down on the side of the bed and waited for Erestor to acknowledge him.

 

“Elrohir?” Frowning, Erestor looked at the younger Elf. “Where is Elrond?”

 

“I do not know,” said Elrohir, honestly, “But I do know that I am to escort you to the Gray Havens.” He had feared that this day would come. “Are you certain you wish to leave fair Imladris?”

 

“I am certain,” said Erestor, pushing the heavy blanket away from him. Rising from the bed, he realized where he was and that he was still fully dressed. Ah, yes, he had cried himself to sleep in Elrond’s arms. “And I want to leave now.”

 

“Do you not have to pack first?” Elrohir was more than ready to undertake this journey, but Erestor appeared fragile at best.

 

Erestor shook his head. “Most of my belongings are still in the Gray Havens. We merely need to collect some food from the kitchens.” He knew he was fleeing but didn’t care. He simply couldn’t face Ecthelion or Glorfindel anymore. “I want to leave *now*.”

 

“Change your clothing into something more suitable for a long ride,” said Elrohir, pointing at the heavy robes Erestor was wearing. “And I will take care of our food supplies. I will meet you in the stables in half an hour. Is that fast enough for you?”

 

Erestor nodded absentmindedly. /Please, Elbereth, do not let me come across Ecthelion or Glorfindel in the meantime./

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Glorfindel softly knocked on Ecthelion’s door. It was the first time since their reunion that Ecthelion had preferred to dwell in his private chambers instead of sharing his. “May I enter?” A loud sigh, coming from inside the room, reached his ear.

 

“Aye, Glorfindel.” Ecthelion dragged himself from his bed and opened the door.

 

Glorfindel gasped at the sorry sight the other warrior presented. Ecthelion’s raven hair was a tangled mess, his eyes big and watery, and his lips dry and cracked. “By the Valar!” He quickly closed the door behind him and embraced Ecthelion.

 

Ecthelion allowed the embrace, even leaned into it briefly, but then determinedly pulled away again and returned to his bed, where he sat down.

 

Glorfindel followed and sat down beside Ecthelion, collecting the other Elf’s hands in his. “What troubles you?”

 

“I have been thinking, Glorfindel.” Ecthelion raised pleading eyes to look at the blond warrior. “Maybe I love Erestor best.”

 

The silence that followed hung heavy in the room. Glorfindel moistened his lips and nodded once. “And maybe I love Elrond best.”

 

Ecthelion stared at the blond with wide eyes. “What?” He hadn’t expected that particular answer. “How can that be?” Glorfindel didn’t seem in the least surprised or cross with him. The blond had an accepting look on his face and a weak smile graced his features.

 

“I talked to Elrond just now,” revealed Glorfindel, “And I reached the conclusion that we might have made a mistake.”

 

Ecthelion – utterly confused and dazed – fell back onto the bed and then managed to push himself closer to the headboard, resting his back against it. “Explain yourself.” Was it possible that Glorfindel had reached the same conclusion he had?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I want to come with you!” Elladan was *not* pleased! “Why would our father ask you to escort Erestor to the Gray Havens and not me as well?” They were seldom apart and Elladan wasn’t looking forward to spending the next months alone. “I *will* come with you!”

 

Elrohir smiled warmly and gathered one of his twin’s hands in his. “You know how father feels about the two of us leaving Imladris. He wants one of us here.” Since losing Celebrían, Elrond was extremely protective of them. “Trust me, his request surprised me as well. I did not think he would choose me to accompany Erestor.”

 

Elladan still pouted, but nodded once, resigned. “You will tell me everything about the Gray Havens when you are back?” He had never seen the Gray Havens and hoped Elrohir would indulge him.

 

“I might even bring you a gift,” said Elrohir, ruffling his twin’s hair until tangles formed.

 

“Stop doing that,” said Elladan, chiding his twin and trying to straighten out his hair again. “Just hurry back to Imladris when you can.”

 

Elrohir gave his twin an adoring smile. “You will miss me, won’t you?”

 

“Of course I will!” Elladan sounded indignant. “I know Erestor needs someone close, but…”

 

“Loot at it in this way,” said Elrohir in a conspiring tone, “Glorfindel is still in Imladris. Maybe you can… nudge him in the right direction? Toward father?”

 

Elladan nodded firmly. “And maybe Ecthelion will miss Erestor?”

 

“Oh, wouldn’t that be romantic?” Elrohir giggled, giddily. “If Ecthelion followed Erestor to the Gray Havens to declare his love?”

 

“It won’t happen,” said Elladan, sobering and sighing deeply. “They are too blind to see that what they had in Gondolin is different from what they have now.”

 

Elrohir caressed his twin’s face. “You are wiser than father gives you credit for.”

 

“I am serious!” Elladan lifted draped eyes to look at his brother. “Glorfindel and Ecthelion were dedicated lovers once, but they aren’t the same people they were in Gondolin. Glorfindel lost his heart to our father but is still desperately trying to recapture their time in Gondolin. This is wrong.”

 

“Maybe you should tell him that?”

 

“I doubt he will listen, Elrohir.” Elladan buried his twin in a firm hug and he then pressed a kiss on his brother’s cheek. “Please be safe.”

 

Elrohir smiled, drawing out the embrace a little longer. He didn’t want to leave Imladris, and most certainly not his twin, but Erestor needed him as well. “I will return to you… I always do.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

When Elrohir came upon Erestor next, the advisor had dressed in traveling clothes. Erestor wore a comfortable brown shirt, black leggings and riding boots. After mounting Vorndir, Erestor draped a riding cloak over his shoulder and waited impatiently for Elrohir to join him.

 

“No second thoughts?” asked Elrohir, now mounting his own mare.

 

“Nay, no second thoughts,” replied Erestor in a heavy voice. He cast one last look over his shoulder at the section where Ecthelion’s quarters were located and then told Vorndir to take to the road. The stallion obeyed and slowly took his rider away from the Last Homely House.

 

Elrohir followed with a heavy heart, having spotted Elladan in the courtyard. His twin raised a hand in goodbye and Elrohir answered. /We will meet again shortly, my brother, I promise./ An echo of Elladan’s thoughts came to him and accompanied him for the first few miles, but then faded, leaving him feeling alone and isolated.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Explain this to me,” repeated Glorfindel when Ecthelion appeared lost in thought.

 

Ecthelion drew in a deep breath and then jumped into the deep. “I spent last night comparing my feelings for you with the ones I have for Erestor.”

 

“Continue,” said Glorfindel, sensing how hard this was on the other warrior.

 

“I love you still, Glorfindel,” said Ecthelion, softly, “But my feelings for you have changed.” Unable to remain seated any longer, Ecthelion jumped to his feet and began to pace. Gesturing wildly with his arms, he continued. “I am not the same Elf I was when we lived and loved in Gondolin. I have experienced so many things during these fifty years, and they have changed me. I still love you… I still love my music – the harp and the flute – but everything has changed. I do not love you in the same manner that I loved you in my first lifetime. Somehow Erestor managed to claim that place in my heart.” Ecthelion, panicking slightly, turned and looked Glorfindel in the eye. “Do you understand what I am trying to say?”

 

“I think I do,” said Glorfindel, sighing. “When I asked Elrond to tell me his point of view in this matter he asked me if I was ready to hear it. I am still not certain that I am, but I have to face the truth – just like you are doing now.”

 

“And what is that truth?” Ecthelion knelt in front of Glorfindel, gathered the blond’s trembling hands in his and locked eyes with him.

 

“The truth is that I love Elrond best,” admitted Glorfindel in a choked tone. “I do not know when or how that happened, but it did.” After pausing for a moment to gather his thoughts, he continued, “Elrond asked me who I would have chosen to be with had I known about your rebirth. I instantly thought it would be you, but…” Glorfindel’s features contorted briefly, “You are right. We are not the same Elves we were in Gondolin. We experienced different things, which shaped us further. Our love belongs to the past, and whilst you were in the Gray Havens I realized my love for Elrond.”

 

Ecthelion nodded, encouragingly. This was going far better than he had dared to hope.

 

“I feel the same passion, desire and need for Elrond which I used to feel for you.” Glorfindel blushed, weakly. “When we made love – when you had just arrived in Imladris – I thought I still desired you in that way. Now I know better. The act was born out of desperation, relief and gratitude. You had returned to me! But… I desire Elrond in that way – not you.” He quickly averted his eyes, hoping he hadn’t hurt Ecthelion’s feelings.

 

“Oh, Glorfindel, I feel the same way! I dream of Erestor’s dark eyes, not of your azure ones. I want to hold him and kiss him, not you.” Ecthelion swallowed hard. “You will always be a part of me, but…”

 

“We shall be brothers in arms and best friends instead of lovers,” said Glorfindel with audible relief in his voice. “Oh, we made such a big mistake in assuming that we could go back to loving one another the way we did in Gondolin!”

 

“And we hurt others,” said Ecthelion, depressed. “I have hurt Erestor and you…”

 

“I will try to win Elrond’s heart back,” said Glorfindel, determined. “I *will* woo him again and win his love back.” In a tiny voice, he added, “I do believe he still loves me.”

 

“Glorfindel, I am certain he still loves you.” Relieved that their talk had gone so well, he hugged Glorfindel close, feeling almost giddy now that this gigantic burden had been removed from his shoulders. “And I will propose to Erestor.”

 

Glorfindel’s eyes widened. “Propose to him?”

 

“I am already late,” said Ecthelion ruefully, “I promised to bond with him on the day of my majority. But he had already told me about you and a part of me insisted I take you for my lover again. I was so blind!”

 

Glorfindel lovingly stroked Ecthelion’s long hair. “Best friends, then?”

 

“Aye,” replied Ecthelion, smiling brilliantly at his old friend. “We will always be bound together by ties from our past, but we no longer live in that past. We live in the present and our future does not lie with each other. You love Elrond, and I Erestor.”

 

Glorfindel swallowed hard. “Ecthelion, I need to talk to Elrond. Now that I know how you feel about us, I…”

 

“Go to him, my friend,” replied Ecthelion, rising from the floor. “I won’t keep you back, because I need to seek out Erestor and make amends to him. I have wronged him.”

 

Excitedly, Ecthelion and Glorfindel raced toward the doorway. Finally, everything made sense.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“What are you saying?” Ecthelion stared at Elladan in shock. “I must have misheard.” He had been searching for Erestor, but the advisor proved elusive. In the end, he had asked Elladan, who he came upon in the kitchen.

 

“Erestor is on his way to the Gray Havens. He left this morning. Elrohir accompanies him to make certain he arrives there unharmed.” Elladan sensed the other Elf’s fear and tried to soothe him. “Elrohir will keep Erestor safe. Do not worry for their safety.”

 

“But…” Ecthelion stared at the floor. “Why? Why would he leave?”

 

“He did not want you to have to choose between Glorfindel and him.” Elladan smiled compassionately. “Erestor thought you wanted to be with Glorfindel, but he was wrong, wasn’t he?”

 

Ecthelion nodded and then locked gazes with Elladan. “I want to be with Erestor. Glorfindel and I talked.”

 

Elladan’s smile brightened. “I assume Glorfindel is on his way to my father then?”

 

“Aye, he is.” But Elrond was the last thing on Ecthelion’s mind. “I have to find Erestor!” Ignoring Elladan, who promptly followed him when he marched toward the stables, Ecthelion’s mind was solely set on reaching Erestor as quickly as possible. “They only have a few hours’ head start on me.”

 

Elladan watched Ecthelion – bemused – when the reborn warrior tried to make up his mind. The next moment, Elladan disappeared inside the stable and then returned with Rohaer. “You are wasting precious time.”

 

Ecthelion nodded, thankfully, and mounted his horse. “Will you tell Glorfindel that I left?”

 

“I will.” Elladan smiled when Ecthelion took up pursuit. Hopefully Ecthelion would reach Erestor before arriving in the Gray Havens. That way, Elrohir would return to him faster.

 

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