Title: Lonely In Love.

Author: Morgana morganalebeau@yahoo.com

Website; http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon/

Pairing(s): Glorfindel/Elrond, Glorfindel/Ecthelion, Erestor/Ecthelion and Elladan/Elrohir.
Rating: NC-17
Summary: The Valar deem the time ready for Ecthelion to return to Arda. Erestor is given the task of preparing the young warrior for a life in Imladris.

Disclaimer: These characters are all Tolkien’s.
Warning: AU, fluff, romance, minor angst. Twin slash (implied)
Author’s Note: All mistakes are all mine; yeah, I am greedy! And remember; this is AU!

Beta read by Jenn, thanks!!!

  

 

Lonely in love

The night will fade, the sun will shine
A new day - Lonely in love
And light the way for you to find

New love

 

Lyrics by Crimson Glory

 

 

Part 16

 

Elrohir followed Erestor’s instructions and turned left instead of right, as he had intended to. Apparently this was a short cut, shown by Mithrandir to Erestor, and who was he to question his former tutor? According to Erestor, traveling this way would cut their journey short by two days.

 

Leaving Imladris had hurt Erestor, but leaving Ecthelion was causing the elder Elf even more pain. Elrohir had tried discussing Ecthelion with Erestor when they had rested last night, but the elder Elf had blocked his every attempt. Erestor was determined not to discuss this matter.

 

“I have never been to the Gray Havens before,” said Elrohir, trying to make conversation. The silence between them was making him uncomfortable.

 

“You will like it there,” replied Erestor in a soft voice. “It is completely different from Imladris, but the Gray Havens are beautiful and peaceful in their own way.” Erestor dreamily stared into the distance. “I wish we were there already.” But the journey there would take them another four days. “And you will like Cirdan as well.”

 

“Cirdan.” The bearded Elf was a living legend among his kind. “Do you think I will get to meet him?”

 

“I would not be surprised to find him in the cottage, ready to welcome us.” Cirdan had always been well-informed, and doubtless word of his impending arrival had already reached the guardian of the Gray Havens. “You may stay as long as you want, Elrohir, but do not stay on my account. I will be fine.”

 

/Somehow I doubt that,/ thought Elrohir, frowning deeply. “I would like to explore the Gray Havens, and I will return to Imladris in time.”

 

Erestor sighed, hearing the underlying message; Elrohir would stay as long as the half-Elf deemed it necessary. “And what about Elladan? Won’t you miss him?”

 

“I already do,” admitted Elrohir readily. “But there will other occasions when we will be apart. We have to get used to being separated.”

 

After that, Erestor grew silent, and Elrohir respected the fact that the elder Elf no longer wished to talk to him. They continued their journey in silence.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Glorfindel stepped onto the balcony in search of the elusive Lord of Imladris. He had been searching for him all day long, but Elrond had been caught up in meetings and negotiations, and only now that the evening had fallen had he managed to get close to the half-Elf. Had Elrond already noticed him? It certainly didn’t look like it.

 

In the midst of a pile of comfortable pillows, Elrond sat, reclining, so he could look at the starlit sky and Ithil’s round form. It was a full moon tonight and the silver rays illuminated most of Imladris.

 

A lump of emotions formed in Glorfindel’s throat as he recalled all the times they had made love out here. This had been Elrond’s favorite spot. “Elrond?”

 

Elrond’s eyes, which had been closed momentarily, opened to look upon the golden-haired Elf who stood in front of him. With slumped shoulders and a guilty look in his eyes, noted the half-Elf. Had realization finally set in, then? Although his heart missed a beat at seeing Glorfindel this lost, he forced himself to wait for Glorfindel to address him.

 

“Am I disturbing you? I could come back later, but…” Glorfindel lowered his eyes guiltily. “But I would like to talk to you now.”

 

“Your presence never disturbs me,” said Elrond, wishing he could pull his former lover on top of him so they could make love. But he steeled himself and tightly controlled his emotions. “Why don’t you seat yourself? There is no need for you to stand.”

 

Glorfindel sat down cross-legged, still at a respectful distance from Elrond. His eyes sought out the half-Elf’s, and the expression in those gray eyes caused shivers to course through him. “I finally realized the truth.”

 

“And what is that truth, then?” asked Elrond, sitting up a tad straighter so he could more easily probe Glorfindel’s gaze. The blond seemed shy, even frightened.

 

“The truth is that Ecthelion and I tried to re-create what we had in Gondolin, but we forgot that certain events have changed us. We are different people now.”

 

Elrond nodded once. “You gained wisdom overnight, Glorfindel.”

 

Glorfindel blushed weakly and felt encouraged by the softened expression in Elrond’s gray eyes. “Ecthelion realized that he loved Erestor best, and he is now on his way to the Gray Havens to propose to our advisor.” Glorfindel wasn’t prepared for the radiant smile that spread across Elrond’s features. The half-Elf was obviously delighted to hear this.

 

“I am glad Ecthelion reached this decision. Erestor and he deserve happiness.” Elrond leaned in closer until their faces were only inches apart. “And where does that leave you?”

 

“That leaves me at your feet, humbly begging for your forgiveness,” choked out Glorfindel in a strangled tone. “I still love you. I never stopped loving you, and I always loved you best, though it took me a while to realize that.” Now that he was unburdening his soul, he found he couldn’t stop. “I realize I hurt you, and I apologize for being so blind.” Suddenly his mouth went dry. He wanted to ask Elrond to take him back, but did he still have the right to do so?

 

Elrond read all that and more in Glorfindel’s watering eyes. “I never stopped loving you either, Glorfindel.”

 

Glorfindel’s heart jumped with joy. “Does that mean I still have a chance to win back your love?”

 

“You never lost it,” said Elrond tenderly. “It always was yours, and it still is. You only have to reach out and take it. But I beg of you, never break my heart again.”

 

“I won’t,” whispered Glorfindel, breathlessly. Elrond was willing to forgive him and to take him back! “I was so scared of what your reaction would be. When Ecthelion arrived I only had eyes for him, and I stopped listening to my heart, which told me to go back to you.”

 

Elrond raised his right hand and placed it against Glorfindel’s left cheek, rubbing the soft facial skin. “Bind yourself to me?”

 

Glorfindel’s breathing paused and, wide-eyed, he stared at the half-Elf. “Are you certain? I mean, it is my greatest desire to enter such a bond, but… I hurt you so much! Are you really, really sure that you still want me? That you can still trust me?” Elrond’s answer consisted of a tender kiss, which made Glorfindel sway. “Oh…”

 

“Does that answer your question?” asked Elrond in a mischievous tone.

 

“It does…” Glorfindel looked deeply into Elrond’s eyes, reading true love there. “I bind myself to you, then, and please… Please, make love to me! Take me and make me yours!”

 

Elrond smiled sweetly. “I bind myself to you, Glorfindel…” He paused dramatically and then grinned wickedly. “Oh, I will take you… I will possess you and you will never – ever – leave me again!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elrohir was roasting the two rabbits they had caught above a small fire. Erestor sat opposite him, his face hidden within the confines of his hood. The elder Elf had not spoken since that afternoon, and Elrohir’s worries increased the farther away they got from Imladris. If it had been up to him, he would have turned around to take Erestor back to the Last Homely House. There had to be a way to make Ecthelion see that Erestor was the best partner for him and not Glorfindel!

 

The frown, deeply etched onto Elrohir’s forehead, warned Erestor that the half-Elf was brooding. “Elrohir? I am well. Do not worry about me.”

 

“How can I not worry about you?” asked Elrohir in an explosive tone. His eyes changed from gray to slightly silver and he glared at Erestor. “I am trying my best to reach out to you and what do you do? You shut me out!”

 

“I never intended to,” replied Erestor, honestly. Pushing down the hood, he revealed his face to Elrohir. “I just do not want you to worry about me.”

 

“Oh, Erestor…” Elrohir sighed deeply, seeing the red-rimmed eyes. Erestor had been crying and he hadn’t even noticed! “There has to be something I can do make you feel better!”

 

Erestor gave Elrohir a melancholy look. There was only person who could heal his aching heart, and that wasn’t Elrohir.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I am sorry, Rohaer,” Ecthelion said in a guilty voice. He had pushed the horse to the limit in his desire to catch up with Erestor, and, feeling guilty for that, he had set camp for the night, giving the stallion a chance to rebuild his strength and stamina.

 

Rohaer pushed his nose against Ecthelion’s back, telling him he understood. But he *was* grateful for the rest.

 

Ecthelion had built a small fire and now stared into the flames, remembering all the times Erestor and he had sat like this. /What do I say when I meet him again? Do I apologize? Ask him for forgiveness? Or should I just kiss him and make love to him?/ Much depended on Erestor’s first reaction when seeing him. Idly playing with a stand of his hair, he wondered *how* to propose to Erestor. Should he go down on one knee? Or both? What words to say?

 

/And what will his answer be? Aye or nay? I have hurt him so much that being rejected would not come as a surprise. I saw the pain I caused him and yet I looked the other way, obsessed as I was by being reunited with Glorfindel./ His eyes grew big and his breath came in gasps. “By Elbereth, what if he rejects me? Then what?” Until now, that thought hadn’t occurred him, but he realized that it was a very real possibility. “Nay, he *will* accept me. He loves me.” But he had hurt him!

 

Curling up beneath his riding cloak, he watched the fire dance until the flames died. Doubt ate away at his dreams, which were restless and filled with bad omens.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Uh, Ada?” Elladan abruptly stopped in his tracks and remained standing in the doorway. He had found his father all right, but Elrond wasn’t alone in bed. Resting in front of Elrond was Glorfindel, the elder half-Elf’s arms tightly wrapped around him. And both were naked.

 

Elladan blushed, never having intended to catch his father and Captain after the act. Curiosity, however, got the better of him, and he studied the blond warrior, easily discovering the passion marks that now ‘adorned’ his throat. His father hadn’t wasted any time reclaiming what had been his before.

 

Glorfindel looked utterly debauched. His blond hair had turned into tangles, the normally soft lips looked bruised, and several small bite marks were to be found on the warrior’s upper body. Elladan was grateful that a sheet covered the lower halves of their bodies – that would have been a bit too much information!

 

A gentle smile surfaced on his face. Everything had worked out then. Ecthelion was on his way to the Gray Havens, Elrohir would return to him shortly, and his father and Glorfindel had made up. /Made up big time!/ Elladan chuckled, softly, and turned to leave. He was happy for his father *and* for Glorfindel, but mostly for his father.

 

Closing the door behind him, he grinned. He couldn’t wait to tell Elrohir that he had caught their father and Glorfindel in bed!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“The Gray Havens,” announced Erestor, officially, when they stood on a slope overlooking the harbor. “Home – finally.” Those words he added softly.

 

Elrohir flinched. /Home? Home should be Imladris, not the Gray Havens!/ Observing Erestor, he wondered if the elder Elf would ever return to Imladris.

 

A blissful expression shone from the brown eyes and a deep sigh left Erestor’s lips when those dark eyes focused on the cottage he had shared with Ecthelion. Erestor’s eyes made out a form standing in front of said cottage and he smiled. “You are about to meet Cirdan, my friend.”

 

Elrohir’s curiosity was piqued once more. “Are you saying…?” Following the direction of Erestor’s stare, he also made out the bearded form. “Is that Cirdan?” Of course it was! Elrohir berated himself for asking such a question! But he felt overwhelmed by the experience.

 

Erestor ignored Elrohir’s question and gestured for the half-Elf to follow him. Aye, this felt like coming home. There was just one thing missing; Ecthelion.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Cirdan opened his arms and then caught Erestor tightly in them. “I heard you were on your way here and thought I should welcome you.” He hugged his friend close, inwardly cringing at the sorry sight Erestor presented. Little was left of the happy Elf he had come to know three years ago. Erestor’s normally silken raven hair had turned dull and so had his eyes. Fatigue and resignation shone from Erestor’s face and the other Elf’s movements were shaky and hesitant at best. “You are always welcome in my house – you know that, do you not? You do not have to stay *here*.” Here, in the cottage which Erestor had shared with Ecthelion once.

 

“Thank you for your kind offer, Cirdan,” said Erestor in a tense voice. He was trying to relax, but being here brought back intimate memories. “But I would like to stay here instead.” No matter how much those memories hurt, they were good memories – warm and fond memories.

 

“Maybe you will change your mind one day,” said Cirdan, releasing Erestor. His gaze now shifted to the Elf accompanying Erestor. “You seem familiar somehow.”

 

“I am Elrohir Peredhel, Elrond’s son.” Elrohir bowed respectfully. Cirdan seemed more approachable than he had thought. He had expected the fabled Elf to act in a more formal matter.

 

Cirdan smiled and then bestowed a loose hug on his unexpected guest. “Aye, I understand now. You remind me of your father.” His brow furrowed momentarily. “I am not certain that I remember correctly, but don’t you have a brother? A twin?”

 

“Aye, and his name is Elladan, but he did not accompany us. Our father does not like it when we both leave Imladris. He prefers for one of us to stay at home.”

 

“You are most welcome as well,” said Cirdan, ending the hug and stepping away from the half-Elf. “I reckon you wish to stay with Erestor? Although my home is always available to you.”

 

“I would prefer to stay with Erestor, aye,” said Elrohir, deciding he liked what he had seen of the Gray Havens and her guardian so far.

 

“I did not have any time yet to pack your belongings, Erestor, and to send them to Imladris. So, everything inside the house is just as you left it.” Cirdan wondered if being here wouldn’t cause Erestor even more pain – surrounded by memories of what he couldn’t have again.

 

“I am sure Elrohir and I will manage,” replied Erestor in a grateful tone. “Will you stay for dinner, Cirdan?”

 

Cirdan nodded once. “I expected you to invite me so I took the liberty of starting dinner already.”

 

Elrohir watched with interest as Cirdan folded an arm around Erestor’s shoulder to guide the raven-haired Elf inside. /He knows. Cirdan knows how much Erestor is hurting./ Which was good, because now Erestor had two good friends to look after him and to keep him from drowning in sorrow.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Glorfindel moaned, pitifully, in a selfish attempt to draw Elrond’s attention. Last night, the half-Elf had released all of his passion upon him and the encounter had left him sore.

 

Elrond raised an eyebrow at hearing Glorfindel yelp – louder this time. Smiling, he walked back to the bed and sat down beside his lover, who was doing his best to look like a poor, abused victim. “Sore?”

 

“Aye.” Glorfindel turned onto his side so he could lock gazes with the half-Elf. “I never experienced you so… passionately before.” Elrond had stated his claim and Glorfindel had more than enjoyed himself, but now his lower body hurt.

 

“I wanted to make it very clear that you are mine now,” said Elrond, wickedly. “I am the only one who gets to do this to you.”

 

“Of course you are,” whispered Glorfindel, feeling breathless.

 

“I will prepare a hot bath for you,” started Elrond, “And I will also add some healing herbs, which should lessen your discomfort.” His eyes darkened briefly. “I should have prepared you better, but I needed you so badly!”

 

“You did not hurt me. I would never allow that,” replied Glorfindel, quick to soothe Elrond, who began to look distressed. “But the next time we make love *you* will be on the receiving end, my dear Elrond.”

 

“Oh, do you already have something in mind for our next time, then?” Elrond’s grin became curious. “Care to share this precious information with me?”

 

“Not yet,” decided Glorfindel. “I want to bathe first.”

 

“And then?”

 

“Then I will take *you*, Elrond… And I promise to leave you just as sore as you left me.”

 

Elrond chuckled; happy that they had been able to sort everything out. They were happy again. /I just hope Ecthelion will make Erestor happy as well./

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

/What if his answer is no? What if he denies me?/ Ecthelion’s thoughts raced in circles, and his worries were driving him out of his mind. /What if he does not want to talk to me? What if he no longer trusts me? What if he is not prepared to listen to me?/ Oh, by the Grace of the Valar, what was he supposed to do?

 

/It is my fault… But I only now know that I desire Erestor and not Glorfindel because I was with Glorfindel for a short while! How else could I have gained this insight?/ But would Erestor accept that for an explanation?

 

/Two more days…/ Two more days and he would finally look upon Erestor once more, and then it would be all up to him to convince the elder Elf to give him a second chance. He still recalled how difficult it had been to convince Erestor to give him that first chance. /I cannot fail. I must succeed./

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The evening turned out more sociable and pleasurable than Elrohir had dared to hope and Cirdan’s presence had a lot to do with it. Whenever Erestor’s mood darkened, the shipwright would find a way to engage the advisor in their conversation again. Elrohir realized that Cirdan and Erestor’s friendship went deeper than he had originally thought.

 

Seeing Elrohir lost in thought made Erestor feel melancholy. The young half-Elf should be in Imladris and not in the Gray Havens minding him. But he also knew that Elrohir would protest being sent away. Leaning back into the comfort of his chair, his attention was drawn to his flute – the flute Ecthelion had played on because the reborn Elf hadn’t possessed one of his own.

 

The cottage was pregnant with memories, and Erestor had blinked his eyes once or twice, mistaking Elrohir’s raven hair for Ecthelion’s. He had to be careful, he realized, not to set up a trap for himself. Elrohir wasn’t Ecthelion!

 

“You are quiet tonight,” remarked Cirdan, once more trying to pull Erestor from his brooding.

 

“I do not have much to say, except for the fact that I am glad to be back here.” Erestor smiled, trying to reassure them. “Aye, there are memories here, but they do not cause me pain.”

 

Elrohir and Cirdan exchanged a look. Both realized Ecthelion needed to be addressed. They couldn’t simply pretend this wasn’t happening. In the end, Cirdan took the plunge into the deep and asked, “Letting Ecthelion go was not as easy as you had thought?”

 

Erestor startled, but then calmed again. “I thought it would be easier, aye. Seeing him together with Glorfindel was what hurt me most. When I decided to let him go, I had not thought of seeing them together… seeing them touch and kiss. But now I no longer have to.”

 

Elrohir moistened his lips. “Erestor, what kind of impact will your departure have on Ecthelion?”

 

Surprised to hear Elrohir voice this question, Erestor looked at the younger half-Elf. “I expect him to finally feel happy. Truly happy. No divided loyalty or love any more.”

 

Erestor’s answer saddened Cirdan. /Mithrandir, you once told me to trust in you and your foresight. You promised me everything would turn out the way it was supposed to. But why must Erestor pay this price? It is much too high./ But Mithrandir wasn’t close and couldn’t answer him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Sleep well,” said Elrohir, seated on the side of Erestor’s bed. Whilst Erestor had made himself comfortable in his old room, Elrohir had been assigned Ecthelion’s. Needless to say, he wasn’t thrilled about that arrangement and recalled that the couch in the living area had been comfortable as well. Maybe he would sleep there. If he could sleep, that was. He missed Elladan terribly. “I hope you will have nice dreams.”

 

Erestor smiled and stroked the back of Elrohir’s hand. “I am blessed with a friend like you.”

 

Elrohir blushed. “It is an honor to be there for you.” Slowly, he rose from the bed. “I will make breakfast in the morning. Sleep as long as you wish.”

 

“Thank you… again.” Erestor’s eyes slowly grew vacant.

 

/I wish I could do more to lessen your pain, Erestor, but I cannot./ Saddened, Elrohir closed the door behind him and left Erestor to his dreams.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion’s jaw set in determination now that the distance between Erestor and he was decreasing. Tomorrow, he would reach the Gray Havens, and then Erestor and he would talk. And he wouldn’t accept a ‘no’ for an answer when proposing!

 

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