Title: Lonely In Love.

Author: Morgana à morganalebeau@yahoo.com

Website; http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon/

Pairing(s): Glorfindel/Elrond, Glorfindel/Ecthelion, Erestor/Ecthelion and Elladan/Elrohir.
Rating: NC-17
Summary: The Valar deem the time ready for Ecthelion to return to Arda. Erestor is given the task of preparing the young warrior for a life in Imladris.

Disclaimer: These characters are all Tolkien’s.
Warning: AU, fluff, romance, minor angst. Twin slash (implied).
Author’s Note: Not beta read. All mistakes are all mine; yeah, I am greedy! And remember; this is AU! Oh, and I know as good as nothing of Gondolin, Ecthelion’s death, etc, but I tried my best!

 

 

 

Lonely in love

The night will fade, the sun will shine
A new day - Lonely in love
And light the way for you to find

New love

 

Lyrics by Crimson Glory

 

Part 5

 

Erestor considered his next words carefully. Celeborn and Galadriel had gone to great lengths to keep Ecthelion from discovering his past and Mithrandir had done the same. He couldn’t tell Ecthelion without their permission, so he had to dance around it; tell the youngster what he needed to know, but at the same time he couldn’t name the people involved or places. Erestor looked at their joined hands and hoped he could give Ecthelion the strength the younger Elf needed.

 

“Please, Erestor?” Ecthelion wasn’t above begging at this point. Erestor was clearly struggling and he could only hope that the elder Elf would tell him in the end. He needed to know so badly!

 

“You were a valiant warrior in your first life,” started Erestor, who clearly heard Ecthelion’s sigh of relief. “You were much loved and admired by your soldiers and you led them bravely into your last battle. You fought well, and you took down many enemies.”

 

Nervousness, excitement and curiosity loosened Ecthelion’s tongue and he interrupted Erestor during his tale. “My last battle? My enemies?”

 

“Do you recall the horrible creatures that hunt you down in your dreams?”

 

“Aye, they are made out of darkness and fire, and the fire…” Ecthelion swallowed hard. “The fire burns and engulfs me; it takes away my sanity.”

 

Erestor squeezed Ecthelion’s hands, hoping to show his support in that way. “Fire drakes. They attacked first, but you drove them away. Seeing you fight so bravely encouraged your men and they tried to make their stand with you for as long as possible.”

 

Ecthelion trembled when he phrased his next question. “The sound of the flutes?”

 

“Your House went into battle playing their flutes. It was meant as encouragement. The sound now invades your nightmares to announce the beginning of the battle.” Erestor wondered once more why this had been kept from Ecthelion.

 

“Please continue!” Ecthelion had moved toward Erestor and was now precariously balanced on the edge of his chair, devouring each word the elder Elf said.

 

“As I said before, you fought and defeated the fire drakes, but then you faced an even fouler adversary.” Erestor made sure he had a tight hold on Ecthelion’s hands, which had turned cool and sweaty during their conversation. “Are you certain you want to hear this?”

 

“I *need* to hear this, Erestor. Please!” Ecthelion’s face contorted.

 

Erestor nodded, realizing how important it was Ecthelion learned why these nightmares haunted his dreams. His voice was calm and controlled when he told his charge about his death. “A fire drake broke the last barrier you had erected and the Balrogs entered the square.”

 

“Balrog…” Ecthelion’s eyes widened with unexpected remembrance. “Gothmog?”

 

Erestor nodded again. “Aye, you fought the Lord of the Balrogs bravely, but you were already wounded. You could not withstand his attack.” Erestor kept eye contact with his charge as he continued in a compassionate tone. “You lost your sword and the Balrog prepared to end your life, but you used your helmet to impale him.”

 

“My helmet?”

 

“Aye, you wore a sharp-spiked helm…” Erestor didn’t want to tell the rest as well, afraid of Ecthelion’s reaction to it, but knew he couldn’t stop now. “His unholy fire had set you aflame and you fell into a fountain.”

 

“Fountain?” Ecthelion frowned, as if the word was trying to spark certain memories, but in the end, the memories remained shrouded in gray clouds.

 

“The water extinguished the flames and the monster died with you. It is believed that your armor pulled you down…” Erestor held his breath, awaiting Ecthelion’s reaction.

 

“So that is why I dream of water and flame,” whispered Ecthelion. His eyes filled with tears, which began their descent down their face, dripping onto their hands.

 

Erestor acted impulsively, reacting on old ingrained instincts, which had seldom failed him in the past. Rubbing Ecthelion’s cold and trembling fingers between his, he said, “You died a hero’s death, my friend. Even now, songs tell of your unselfish deed. Your death inspired many.” Erestor smiled weakly. “Your heroic deed is probably the very reason why the Valar allowed you to return to Arda.”

 

Ecthelion blinked watery eyes. “My nightmares at least make sense now.”

 

“I understand that this a lot to take in and to deal with. Take your time. Do not force it. And I am here to talk to, if you desire so.”

 

Ecthelion managed a grateful expression. “Thank you for that, Erestor, but I think I would like to be alone for a little while.”

 

“But of course,” said Erestor, who was about to rise to his feet.

 

“Nay, you stay here. I need to be in the open.” Ecthelion released Erestor’s hands and walked stiffly over to the doorway. After stepping outside, he closed the door behind him and looked at the starlit sky. /Why didn’t they tell me? Why keep me in the dark?/

 

Ecthelion sought out the comfort of the trees. Sitting down, he rested his back against the trunk of an ancient oak tree and the tree reacted by wrapping his lower branches around him. The gesture brought a smile to Ecthelion’s face and he stared blankly at the stars for hours, trying to remember, trying to put the memories in their proper place. He felt immensely grateful toward Erestor, who had told him the truth; a truth that had been kept from him. Erestor’s honestly had intensified the growing bond of friendship between them. Now that he was away from ‘Lorien, ‘his home’, he felt out of place. He had always felt out of time as well, and at last he understood why. He replayed Erestor’s words in his mind. The elder Elf had made certain he understood that he had died a hero’s death and that there was nothing to be ashamed of. He had been a warrior of some renown and his death had been…

 

/Painful… So very painful./ Memories tugged at his thoughts once more. Memories that usually only appeared in his dreams. He let them in and for the first time in his life he was able to watch them from the point of view of a bystander. He was finally able to put a name with the Balrog that attacked him and he suffered the burning sensation all over again, finally succumbing to the cold water.

 

His death had been horrific, but he had saved lives, and Erestor had said that it had inspired many Elves to fight harder. Apparently his death was still the subject of many songs. Songs, which he had never heard. /Why, Celeborn? Why Galadriel?/ Why had the Elves whom he had looked upon as his parents kept this from him?

 

Ecthelion suddenly grew aware of another presence. The tree’s branches opened to allow someone new into the embrace. It had to be Erestor.

 

“I can leave if you really desire to be alone,” offered Erestor, whose eyes held unshed tears.

 

Ecthelion shrugged; uncertain of what he really wanted. He had thought he wanted to be alone, but he wasn’t so certain anymore.

 

Erestor carefully sat down beside Ecthelion and joined the younger Elf in staring at the dark sky. He remained quiet, respecting Ecthelion’s emotional turmoil. His heart, however, missed a beat when the younger Elf scooted closer and rested his head against his shoulder. Erestor reacted by loosely wrapping one arm around Ecthelion, which his charge allowed.

 

They sat like that for long hours and watched the sun rise in the morning. It was an explosion of red and gold, warming Arda and all its inhabitants. Arien’s warmth woke Ecthelion from his melancholy. Examining his feelings closely, he found that he had accepted this part of his past and this new understanding would hopefully keep the nightmares at bay.

 

“How do you fare this morn?” asked Erestor, shyly.

 

“Better,” said Ecthelion after a moment’s thought. “I can give my memories a place now and knowing that I died a valiant death helps.” He raised his head so he could look into Erestor’s dark eyes. “I feel more at peace now.”

 

Erestor smiled, warmly, but still remained quiet. This wasn’t a moment for much talking.

 

Ecthelion rested his head once more against Erestor’s shoulder and bathed in Arien’s warm rays. /I want to repay you for being so honest with me, Erestor./ Now that depression and melancholy had lifted, his normally bright mood reappeared. /Maybe I can find you a bathtub./

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“What are we doing here?” Erestor studied his surroundings. Ecthelion had disappeared into one of the houses without giving an explanation and had asked him to wait here. They were at the heart of today’s market, and he didn’t feel particularly comfortable in this crowd. Trying to distract himself, his eyes caught sight of two beautiful and proud stallions, which were apparently up for sale. Elrond had insisted he take some Westron money with him when he had left Imladris and it might allow him to buy these horses.

 

Erestor made his way through the crowd to examine the two horses up close. The gray was already drawing his scent into his nostrils and curious eyes locked with his. Erestor cocked his head and reached out to the horse. This development didn’t seem to go unnoticed by the black stallion, which turned to look at him. /These are marvelous animals,/ thought Erestor, impressed. He had touched their minds briefly and had instantly felt their loyal nature.

 

The merchant saw Erestor’s expression and grinned, realizing he might make some profit out of selling these horses and approached the Elf.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Upon leaving the merchant’s shop, Ecthelion searched the market square for Erestor. A moment later, he had located the elder Elf. What surprised him though was the fact that his tutor wasn’t alone any more. “Did you buy these horses?” he asked, upon reaching Erestor. He had to compliment Erestor for his choice. The horses seemed alert and were in an excellent condition.

 

“Aye, I thought we should include horseback riding in the lesson plan.” Erestor had removed the saddles from their backs and had taken out the offensive bits, knowing the animals had chosen to stay with them. He had felt their acceptance during his conversation with the merchant, who had been completely unaware of their silent communication.

 

“Which horse would you prefer?” He would give Ecthelion first choice and waited for the younger Elf to reach out to the stallions. To his surprise, Ecthelion did nothing of the kind. /Celeborn never taught you how to communicate with animals?/ Now that was a surprise! /Another thing I will have to teach you./

 

Ecthelion shuffled his feet, feeling uncertain. “Which horse do you prefer?” he said, throwing the question back at Erestor.

 

The black stallion’s ears moved from back to front and back again. Snorting, he cocked his head.

 

Erestor couldn’t help smiling. “They gray favors you, Ecthelion.” The gray was the younger of the two stallions, fiercely loyal and his character would compliment Ecthelion’s in a fight.

 

Ecthelion smiled, brilliantly, and he carefully raised his right hand to stroke the gray’s nose. The stallion snorted, pawed at the ground and bowed his head so Ecthelion could reach for him more easily. “He seems to like me.”

 

/Everyone likes you,/ thought Erestor, amused. /Your light shines so brightly. It draws everyone toward you./

 

“Can we go for a ride?” Ecthelion used -- what Haldir had dubbed his ‘puppy dog’s eyes’ – on Erestor, hoping they would work on this Elf as well. “Please?”

 

Erestor laughed. “Of course we can.”

 

Erestor swung onto the black stallion’s back and gestured for Ecthelion to do the same. The horses had long told him their names and he spurred them on by using them. Ecthelion, however, was unaware of this. /That will be your first assignment; to find out their names./

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The two horses grazed peacefully in the vicinity of their cottage, whilst Erestor inspected the bathtub Ecthelion had arranged for. It had been placed in the bathroom during their ride and he arched an eyebrow, impressed and touched that the younger Elf had done this for him. “You will change your mind once you bathed in here,” he said, confidently. “Add a bit of scented oil to the water and taking a bath will relax you completely.”

 

“I still prefer the Sea,” said Ecthelion, chuckling, “But I promise to try out our new bathtub.”

 

A slightly awkward silence descended onto them and they smiled at each other. In the end it was Erestor who took control of the situation. “It is time for your afternoon lessons. It is time you learn more of Imladris.” He left the bathroom and was closely followed by Ecthelion. Once they had reached the living room, Erestor pointed out the book Ecthelion had selected from the pile the other day. “I want you to read the first three chapters and we will discuss them this evening.”

 

Whilst Ecthelion reached for the book, he gave Erestor a puzzled look. “And what are you going to do in the meantime?”

 

“Cook dinner.” Erestor smiled; surprised that he found this ‘domestic’ life so charming. He went into the kitchen to prepare the two rabbits they had caught and was already looking forward to soaking in his new bathtub later that evening.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion munched his last bite of dinner and addressed Erestor after he had swallowed. “Imladris was founded before the Battle of the Last Alliance?”

 

“Aye, Elrond was quite determined to return to his valley after that battle.” Erestor sipped his wine and his thoughts drifted back to that time, so long ago. “We had seen enough bloodshed and Imladris was pure – untouched by evil.”

 

Ecthelion rested his back against the comfort of the chair and selected one of the cherries Erestor had served with the meat. “Will you tell me more about Lord Elrond, his family and the Last Homely House? Aye, I read the chapters you assigned me, but when you talk about them everything feels more ‘alive’.”

 

Erestor smiled. “What do you wish to know?”

 

“I want to know more about Lord Elrond’s family.”

 

Erestor nodded, contently. “He married the Lady Celebrían.”

 

Hearing a name he knew, Ecthelion nodded as well. He felt sad though, knowing what cruel fate had befallen her, but he let Erestor tell his tale.

 

“They were happy for a long time and she gave him twins, Elladan and Elrohir, and later, a daughter.” Erestor’s smile broadened, recalling those happy times. “They were quite mischievous, the three of them, though the twins were the real pranksters. “I have had frogs in my drawers, ink on my hands and face, salt in my tea instead of sugar… Oh, they were quite a busy lot!”

 

“You like them.”

 

“I love them like they were my own children,” admitted Erestor, fondly. “All of them.”

 

“You do not have any children then?” Ecthelion hoped he wasn’t crossing the line with that question.

 

Erestor’s smile weakened, but didn’t disappear. “No children for me, no.”

 

Seeing the sad expression in Erestor’s eyes, Ecthelion decided to steer away from this topic. “You must miss them.”

 

“I do,” admitted Erestor, “but your company is pleasurable as well.” To his surprise, that remark made Ecthelion blush. Erestor chuckled softly. “I taught the twins much, and Arwen later as well, though my brightest student was Estel.”

 

Hearing the name, Ecthelion’s curiosity was awoken once more. “Estel?”

 

“Lord Elrond’s foster-son. Estel is mortal, but like his kin blessed with a long life.” Erestor shifted on his chair, deciding they should carry on their conversation on the more comfortable coach. He gestured Ecthelion to follow him, but instead of seating himself on the couch, Ecthelion sat down cross-legged on the floor, looking at him with large, curious eyes. Eyes, that asked so much!

 

Ecthelion’s next question took Erestor by utter surprise, as he never expected it.

 

“Why did they choose you to be my tutor?” Ecthelion studied Erestor closely. “When I left the Golden Wood I was under the impression I had learned all I needed, but then Mithrandir told me I was to study with you for three more years.”

 

Erestor moistened his lips. “I honestly do not know why Mithrandir choose me. I was just as surprised as you were.”

 

Ecthelion didn’t quite believe that, but let it go. “Would you tell me more about your duties in Imladris?”

 

“I am Chief Advisor to Elrond. His right hand, so to speak.” Erestor eyed Ecthelion closely. What had prompted these questions? “I handled all correspondence, made certain the Last Homely House was never low on supplies, negotiated with the merchants that visited Imladris and kept a close eye on our defenses.”

 

“And you did not mind giving up on those duties in order to tutor me? Your duties sound important and I… I am not that important. I have not even reached my majority yet.”

 

Erestor wondered at the defeated tone. “Never doubt that you *are* important, Ecthelion.”

 

“But you did not answer my question,” observed Ecthelion keenly.

 

“I was not pleased at first, no. But later on, I understood how important overseeing your education is.” Erestor’s eyes narrowed in thought. “You were a great warrior once, Ecthelion, and I already see the makings of a new, extraordinary, warrior in you. In time you will be called upon to lead soldiers into battle once more and when that calls comes, you need to be ready to answer. That is why I am here.”

 

“I will be fighting again in the future?” Ecthelion’s eyes sparkled brightly.

 

“Oh yes. Evil is already rising and it won’t be long before Middle-Earth will face another battle for supremacy, which the Evil One cannot be allowed to win.”

 

Ecthelion grew quiet, picked up the book he was reading and gave Erestor a long, thoughtful glance. In the end, he scooted closer to the couch, rested his back against it, and began to read, seated at Erestor’s feet.

 

Erestor watched his charge for long minutes. Ecthelion was still three years short of his majority, but the young Elf already carried much responsibility and couldn’t be called an Elfling any longer. /It won’t be long before the warrior emerges completely./

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Bliss. This was pure, divine bliss. Erestor closed his eyes and savored the sensation of warm water, sweetly scented, that closely hugged his body. He would eventually turn into a prune, but right now leaving the bathtub was the last thing on his mind. Bathing long and hot was one of the few luxuries he allowed himself to indulge in, and no one was going to take this away from him. If Ecthelion hadn’t surprised him by buying this bathtub first, he would have acquired one himself.

 

A soft singing voice caught his attention and caused his eyes to open. /Ecthelion./ The younger Elf was singing, but it wasn’t a song that spoke of loss and melancholy. The melody was fast, joyous and the words praised the Valar. /He is coming to terms with his rebirth. If Celeborn and Galadriel had confided in him this acceptance would have been achieved at a younger age./

 

Erestor closed his eyes again and allowed his thoughts to drift to Imladris. Was everything well in the Last Homely House? Was Elrond copying with the increased work load that must have arisen after his departure? And was Glorfindel still screaming his pain at night? /Valar, let Elrond continue to comfort him./ Now that he had been guarding Ecthelion’s sleep, he realized how badly Glorfindel needed Elrond’s support. And for a tiny moment the desire to go home overwhelmed him. Imladris was his home and Elrond his family.

 

“Erestor?”

 

Ecthelion’s soft, hesitant voice made Erestor regret that thought. The younger Elf needed him as much as Glorfindel needed Elrond. “What is amiss?”

 

“Nothing…” Ecthelion shuffled his feet nervously, staring at the wooden door that presented an unwelcome barrier between Erestor and him.

 

/He feels lonely,/ realized Erestor with a start. /He is asking for my company./

 

“I will go to my room… Goodnight, Erestor.” Embarrassed that he had shown his vulnerability and need for company that clearly, he hurried down the corridor, quickly closing the door behind him. Now that he was in his room again, the atmosphere seemed to darken and became pregnant with nightmares and ugly memories. Shaky, he threw himself onto his bed, wrapped himself up in the blanket and squeezed his eyes closed, trying to lock out any unpleasant memories. The truth was that he didn’t want to be alone tonight when the past seemed so real, so close. But he could hardly ask Erestor to stay with him during the night. He simply couldn’t.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Erestor had dried his skin, combed and braided his damp hair, and had slipped into leggings and a loose fitting shirt. Next, he made his way over to Ecthelion’s room. Although he had always forbidden the twins to eavesdrop, he found himself doing that very thing now. Placing his ear against the door, he listened closely. The soft pleas coming from inside the room didn’t surprise him; he had expected them. It would take time for the younger Elf to come to terms with his newly found knowledge.

 

Not bothering with knocking, Erestor entered Ecthelion’s room. He found his charge wrapped in the blanket and the younger Elf was struggling to free himself of the fabric. A fine film of sweat covered his brow and the raven hair was fanned over the pillow. /I cannot leave you alone at night yet,/ realized Erestor, as he sat down on the edge of the bed. /I wonder how many nights Celeborn spent at your side, soothing you and guarding your sleep. It seems that has become my duty now. No, not duty. It is an honor to do this for you. It could never be a duty./

 

Ecthelion’s eyes, which had been blank with sleep a moment before, now focused on him. “I can leave if you want me to,” said Erestor, leaving Ecthelion a way out.

 

It took Ecthelion a moment to understand that Erestor was really in his room and on his bed. The elder Elf must have sensed his need! “Please stay. I do not want to be alone.”

 

Erestor eased himself down onto the bed, lying face to face with Ecthelion. Gray eyes searched his and he withstood their probing. A sigh escaped Ecthelion’s lips, as the younger Elf found what he had been looking for, and much to Erestor’s surprise, his charge moved closer.

 

“I regret imposing on you in this manner,” said Ecthelion softly, “But I feel so alone. I have felt like this for most of my life and it is especially bad during the nights.”

 

Erestor heard the hidden words that Ecthelion didn’t speak and loosely folded an arm around the other Elf. “You are not alone. You never were.” But he reckoned he knew the reason for Ecthelion’s profound feeling of loneliness. /You miss Glorfindel./ But he couldn’t say those words.

 

Ecthelion let go of his self-imposed restraint and unashamedly snuggled up to Erestor, deeply inhaling the elder Elf’s scent, which was reassuring and made him feel comfortable and safe. He was at a loss to explain these sensations, and simply accepted the way he felt. He liked Erestor and trusted the elder Elf. That was more than enough reason to surrender to sleep once more, knowing Erestor would guard his sleep like Celeborn had in the past.

 

Erestor found himself with an armful of peacefully sleeping Elf and he remained awake for the rest of the night, unable to fall asleep himself. He had much to think about.

 

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