Title: Lonely In Love.

Author: Morgana à morganalebeau@yahoo.com

Website; http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon/

Pairing(s): Glorfindel/Elrond, Glorfindel/Ecthelion and Erestor/Ecthelion.
Rating: NC-17
Summary: The Valar deem the time ready for Ecthelion to return to Arda. Erestor is given the task of preparing the young warrior for a life in Imladris.

Disclaimer: These characters are all Tolkien’s.
Warning: AU, fluff, romance, minor angst.
Author’s Note: Not beta read. All mistakes are all mine; yeah, I am greedy! And remember; this is AU!

 

 

 

Lonely in love

The night will fade, the sun will shine
A new day - Lonely in love
And light the way for you to find

New love

 

Lyrics by Crimson Glory

Part 8

 

 

“Carry him into the bedroom!” Cirdan handed Erestor’s unconscious form to Ecthelion, and whilst the younger Elf headed for the bedroom, Cirdan went inside the stable situated behind the cottage, where he knew Mithrandir kept his healing plants and dried herbs. He selected the ones he needed, fetched bandages, and then collected water from the spring. Once he had gathered everything he needed, he made his way into the bedroom, where Ecthelion had placed Erestor’s motionless form on the bed.

 

Looking at the younger Elf, Cirdan recognized the shock and fear in the gray eyes. “He will survive,” he said, reassuringly. Sitting down on the bed, he removed the improvised bandages, the roots of the plant Ecthelion had used and then washed out the wound.

 

Ecthelion felt incapable of even moving his little finger. Now that reality finally registered with him, he realized how close Erestor and he had come to finding death at the Nazgûl’s hand. /I disobeyed. He told me to run and I did not. I stayed to fight./ The next thought actually scared him. /Erestor was injured because of me. Because I chose not to listen to him. He is wounded because of me! What did I do?/ Tears gathered in his eyes, but he fought them back, not wanting to cry when Cirdan might need his assistance in caring for the advisor.

 

Cirdan cast a look in Ecthelion’s direction. The younger Elf’s face was an open book; mirroring every emotion he felt. Guilt, confusion, and the fear of impending loss shone from the widened eyes. “Fetch me a clean shirt, Ecthelion.”

 

Ecthelion acted at once, opened the closet and removed a long shirt, which he then handed to Cirdan. His gaze shifted from the bearded Elf to Erestor; the blank look in those brown eyes made him shudder.

 

Cirdan had cleaned the wound and now asked Ecthelion to support Erestor when sitting upright so he could properly bandage the upper body.

 

“Are you certain he will survive?” Ecthelion shyly looked Cirdan in the eye. “That he won’t die?”

 

“He is strong enough to survive,” said Cirdan, honestly. “Although the injury is grave, it is not mortal.” At least it wasn’t life threatening *anymore*; the old and wise Elf could tell that Erestor had had a brush with death. Something, or rather, *someone* had sufficiently strengthened him to start recovering. /What did you do, Ecthelion?/ No one knew what power housed in the reborn Elf. No one knew what Ecthelion was capable of. But he had the feeling that they were about to find out; Ecthelion strengthening Erestor was just a first taste of the return of the younger Elf’s impressive powers.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“You should eat something,” said Cirdan, thoughtfully. “You have been sitting at Erestor’s side for hours now.” Ecthelion’s willpower impressed Cirdan. The younger Elf simply refused to leave Erestor’s side, and had held the advisor’s hand for the entire duration.

 

“I do not wish to leave him,” replied Ecthelion, not even taking his eyes off of Erestor in order to answer Cirdan. He hoped Erestor could sense his presence and that it would urge the advisor to regain consciousness – and to forgive him. Guilt was eating away at him. Why had he disobeyed Erestor’s orders? /But I could not leave him to fight that monstrosity all alone!/ He had been convinced that together they stood a better chance. But Erestor had been wounded because of his stubbornness. “I want to be here when he wakes up.”

 

Cirdan studied Ecthelion closely and what he found in those gray eyes surprised him. “You have come to care a lot for him in the few days Erestor that has been here.” It couldn’t be more than a week since Erestor and Ecthelion had met!

 

“Yes, I do.” A blush spread across his face. He couldn’t possibly hope to fool the much older Elf. He instinctively knew Cirdan would recognize any lies. “Is it wrong to care for him?”

 

Cirdan carefully considered Ecthelion’s question, suddenly realizing the full extent of the younger Elf’s words. If he’d had any doubts until now, they were gone now. “You have fallen in love with him.” It wasn’t that hard to see the adoration in Ecthelion’s. “Is that wrong?”

 

Ecthelion gulped, wishing he had never revealed this to the shipwright. “I should not have said that.”

 

“But you did.” Cirdan moved closer and sat down on the other side of the bed.

 

Ecthelion automatically rubbed Erestor’s hand, trying to comfort the unconscious Elf when Erestor stirred during an unpleasant dream. “Hush, you are safe now.” Ecthelion swallowed hard, recalling Erestor had used the same words to soothe him. Erestor calmed and slipped into a more peaceful state.

 

Cirdan cleared his throat before addressing Ecthelion. “You have chosen a difficult path,” he said, eventually, “One, no one ever suspected you would take.”

 

“By falling in love with Erestor?” Ecthelion frowned; Cirdan’s words made no sense! With whom was he supposed to fall in love with then?

 

“Much will be revealed to you in time,” said Cirdan, cryptically, “And then the pieces of this puzzle will fall into place.”

 

“You are not helping!” Ecthelion knew it wasn’t the polite thing to say, but he was growing frustrated! “Why does everyone keep things from me? Erestor is the only one who ever told me something more about *me*. Who I am… My past.”

 

Cirdan raised an eyebrow; Erestor had already begun to reveal the truth to Ecthelion? He hadn’t expected that to happen so quickly! “Do not force this.”

 

“Erestor told me because he wanted to!” Ecthelion immediately came to the advisor’s defense. “At least now I know why I have those horrific nightmares! Why the music of flutes affects me!”

 

Cirdan tucked the blanket around Erestor’s form and decided it was time to change their subject. “He still has a fever,” he said, after resting his hand on the advisor’s brow. “The poison of the Nazgûl blade burns him.”

 

“Is there anything else I can do?” Ecthelion nervously shifted on the bed. Erestor’s feverish state worried him.

 

Cirdan dipped his fingertips in fresh spring water and used it to moisten Erestor’s lips. “Just continue to do what you are doing now. Sit with him, hold his hand and talk to him.” Cirdan rose from the bed and smiled at the younger Elf. “I will bring you something to eat and drink. We cannot have you lose your strength when Erestor needs you.”

 

Ecthelion smiled, brilliantly, hearing the true meaning behind Cirdan’s words. The elder Elf approved of him keeping vigil at Erestor’s side. “I am thirsty.”

 

Cirdan nodded once, inclined his head in respect for the decision the younger Elf had made and left the room. /This is most unexpected./ How could Ecthelion fall in love with Erestor when the reborn Elf’s heart was said to belong to Glorfindel for all eternity? /He does not remember Glorfindel, but their love was said to be eternal./

 

/But maybe things are different in this life? Is this Ecthelion different from the one who died in Gondolin?/ Of course he was. This Ecthelion had experienced other things than Ecthelion of Gondolin. This was a different person. /One who does not love Glorfindel, but Erestor?/

 

Then an alarming thought came to him. /What if he falls for Erestor *now* and once his memory is restored, he is once more drawn to Glorfindel?/ That would cause much unhappiness. But was it within his power to stop Ecthelion from falling in love with Erestor further? Did he have the right to discourage the reborn warrior?

 

/Ecthelion still has not reached his majority. I could smother this youthful infatuation./ But did he really have the right to do so? Ecthelion deserved this second chance, and wasn’t it the reborn Elf’s choice who he loved? They had no right to decide for him!

 

In the end, he realized he had little right to interfere. Ecthelion might be three years short of his majority, but the fëa that housed in this youngster’s body was old and wise. /I have to put my trust and faith in him./

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Blinking, Erestor tried to focus on Ecthelion’s slumped form. The anxiety of these last few hours must have become too much for the younger Elf, who was now asleep. Seated on a chair, Ecthelion’s upper body rested on the bed, and the crown of the head against Erestor’s chest. A warm smile formed on his face, and he managed to raise a hand to brush back some wayward strands of hair.

 

The youngster was loyal, then. Fiercely loyal.

 

“He refused to leave your side,” said Cirdan upon entering the bedroom. He approached the bed from an angle that allowed Erestor to look at him without having to move about too much. “Ecthelion worries about you.”

 

Was he still feverish? Why else would he be seeing Cirdan? The legendary shipwright and he had met before, had even exchanged polite conversation, but couldn’t possibly be here now. Not in his bedroom!

 

“You are not delusional,” said Cirdan, who came to a stop beside the bed. A fond smile graced his face when he looked at Ecthelion. “I am here and so is Ecthelion.”

 

“I… do not… understand,” managed Erestor, still feeling weak. Slicing pain slashed through his back and he gasped for breath. For one moment he worried about waking Ecthelion, but to his surprise his student remained asleep.

 

“Mithrandir visited with me before he brought you here. I knew all along that you were here and I kept an eye on the two of you. When Vorndir alerted me, I acted at once.” Cirdan cocked his head. “How do you fare?” They would address the attack in a moment.

 

“I… have… felt… better…” mumbled Erestor. He tried to move as little as possible, softly gasping every few seconds when a wave of pain washed over him.

 

“You were attacked,” said Cirdan, who now pulled up a chair and sat down.

 

“Nazgûl,” confirmed Erestor, softly. “I was… careless.”

 

Cirdan shook his head. “Nay, you had no reason to assume the Nazgûl were hunting you.”

 

“Should have… paid more… attention…” The conversation wore Erestor down and he closed his eyes, briefly, trying to find the strength to continue. “Mithrandir… entrusted him… to me.”

 

“And you did well defending him. A Nazgûl is a formidable opponent.” Cirdan observed Erestor closely, trying to find out if the advisor returned Ecthelion’s feelings.

 

“I… should have done… better…” Erestor was mostly angry with himself for allowing the Nazgûl to come so close to them unnoticed. He should have sensed the evil being was closing in on them! But he had been preoccupied with Ecthelion!

 

 “Let go of your feelings of guilt. They do not suit you,” said Cirdan, sternly. “In the meantime, I have taken counter measures. From now on, my men will guard this cottage. They might not be able to stop the Nazgûl should they undertake another attempt, but they will slow the wraiths down and give you time to escape.”

 

“Thank you,” said Erestor. He didn’t worry as much for his own safety, as he did for Ecthelion’s. Unexpectedly, his charge stirred and the blank eyes regained awareness.

 

Ecthelion was waking up.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion swallowed the lump of emotions, which had formed in his throat upon seeing Erestor awake and alert. Until now he had been too afraid to hope that Erestor would return to him! “You are awake!”

 

Erestor forced a reassuring smile onto his face, though he more felt like curling up beneath his blanket and hiding from the world – and from Ecthelion. What those gray eyes revealed to him, disturbed him.

 

“I am so sorry, Erestor!” Ecthelion gently squeezed the advisor’s hand. “I did not disobey you on purpose, but I was convinced we stood a better chance together. I did not want you to face that wraith alone!” His expression darkened and showed intense guilt. “You were injured because of me. I am sorry for that as well.”

 

Erestor couldn’t bear hearing the guilt in Ecthelion’s voice. “You… acted… instinctively… Like a warrior should.”

 

“That does not make it right!” Ecthelion fought his intense emotions down so he could carry on this conversation. “Will you forgive me for my stupidity?”

 

This time, Erestor’s smile was genuine and not forced. “I forgive you… for being the brave… and stubborn warrior… that you are.”

 

“You should rest now, Erestor.” Cirdan had remained quiet during their exchange, realizing Ecthelion needed this absolution from Erestor, but now it was time to take control of the situation.

 

“Aye, Cirdan is right!” Ecthelion nodded his head enthusiastically. “You need rest!”

 

The intense emotions in Ecthelion’s eyes deeply touched Erestor. He could no longer deny the truth staring back at him. Ecthelion loved him – and the Valar may help him – he returned that emotion. He had also fallen for the charming youngster.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Cirdan was reluctant to leave just yet, although his duties already called him back to his office. First, he needed to know for certain that Ecthelion and Erestor were fine. To his surprise, he found that he wasn’t that worried about Ecthelion as he had thought he would, it was Erestor who occupied his thoughts.

 

Mithrandir had told him that Erestor was the one to tell Ecthelion about his past and real identity, and he also trusted the Wizard’s judgment, but he still wondered if it wasn’t still a bit early to reveal the truth to the youngster. Absentmindedly tugging at his beard, he considered the two Elves.

 

When he had first realized Ecthelion’s interest in Erestor he had been dumbfounded. How could Ecthelion love Erestor when the youngster’s heart belonged to Glorfindel? But watching them now, as Ecthelion helped Erestor drink his tea and eat some fruit, he saw the deep affection rooted in Ecthelion’s being. /They only met one week ago!/ But love at first sight happened. So why not for these two?

 

Studying Erestor closely, he found traces of love and affection in the chocolate brown eyes. This love wasn’t one-sided then. But what would the advisor do? Cirdan still remembered the way Erestor had been hurt when his lover had died at Mount Orodruin. He had even heard Erestor swear he would never take a lover again, so he wouldn’t have to suffer the same torment twice. Had Erestor changed his mind, then?

 

Erestor felt Cirdan’s eyes on him and shot him a probing look. However, he couldn’t pay too much attention to the shipwright, as Ecthelion demanded most. Ecthelion had fluffed his pillows and piled them against the headboard so he could rest easily whilst eating lunch. “I fare better today,” he said, trying to reassure Ecthelion, but the younger Elf seemed afraid to believe he was recovering. From the moment on that he had awoken, Ecthelion had fussed over him. And the younger Elf seemed eager for Cirdan to finally leave the room, as Ecthelion kept throwing impatient looks at the bearded Elf.

 

Finally getting the hint, Cirdan stepped outside and closed the door behind him. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what Ecthelion planned to do during his absence.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion lost the battle he had been fighting. The moment Cirdan closed the door behind him, he leaned in closer. Placing one hand against the side of Erestor’s head, and the other at the back of the advisor’s neck, he pressed his lips onto the elder Elf’s. Kissing Erestor passionately, he drew out the kiss, trying to make it last for all eternity. But even eternity ended when he was forced to stop the kiss in order to breathe. Large, confused brown eyes stared at him, questioningly, and Ecthelion realized that being kissed was the last thing Erestor had expected to happen. As his face was only an inch away from Erestor’s, he met the elder Elf’s puzzled gaze head on, never pulling back or apologizing for his action.

 

Erestor was at a loss. Ecthelion had really kissed him! “Why?”

 

“Why did I kiss you?” Ecthelion wanted to be certain what Erestor was asking him. He couldn’t make any mistakes right now.

 

“Aye.” Entranced, Erestor raised a hand to brush his lips, which had just been locked in an arduous kiss. It had been ages since someone had taken his lips in such a way.

 

“Because…” Ecthelion bit his bottom lip, trying to find the right words, which would reach Erestor and make the elder Elf understand. “Because I am in love with you.”

 

Erestor smiled, weakly. “Youthful infatuation,” he said in a gentle voice, not wanting to hurt Ecthelion’s feelings.

 

“Nay! It is more!” Ecthelion’s eyes were flames of dark now, and he shook his head determinedly. “I love you!”

 

“How can you say such a thing? You have only known me for one week!”

 

“My heart knows it,” he said, in a much softer voice. Ecthelion refused to avert his eyes, however, and they challenged Erestor to further ridicule his love. “I love you!”

 

“You do not,” said Erestor, grabbing hold of the younger Elf’s wrist when Ecthelion tried to pull away at the harsh words. “You are young, my friend. Your body is waking up and I am close. This has nothing to do with love.”

 

“You are wrong!” Ecthelion freed his hand from Erestor’s grip, and immediately regretted doing so, seeing the advisor’s features contort in pain. “Sorry. I caused you pain -- again.” Finally lowering his eyes, he waited for Erestor’s damning words, which would declare his love a lie. /But he is wrong! I know it is love!/

 

Erestor actually felt sorry for Ecthelion. /Once you remember Glorfindel, you will also remember your love for him. By accepting your feelings for me I would set the both of us up for heartache. I cannot do that./ Even if his heart might survive losing Ecthelion, it would never be whole again, and it was already brittle from a love lost.

 

“I know what I know!” Still avoiding looking at Erestor, Ecthelion’s voice grew more convinced. “My heart knows it! And if you were honest with yourself, you would admit that I am being sincere.”

 

“Oh, Ecthelion…” Erestor raised his hand and stroked the younger Elf’s hair, enjoying the soft, silky sensation between his fingertips.

 

Ecthelion grabbed that hand and pressed it close to his chest. “Look at me and tell me you do not return those feelings!” Ecthelion’s eyes sought out Erestor’s and they locked.

 

He couldn’t. He couldn’t lie to Ecthelion, even when he tried his hardest, he couldn’t. And that was his downfall. Averting his eyes simply confirmed Ecthelion’s words. He wished he could lie, but the words refused to leave his lips.

 

Triumphantly, Ecthelion nodded his head and tugged at Erestor’s hand. “I am right! You feel the same way! You cannot deny it, can you?”

 

“I cannot lie to you,” confirmed Erestor. His eyes sought out Ecthelion’s, hesitantly. “But you must understand! We cannot be!”

 

“Why?” Ecthelion cocked his head. “You have no mate – no children who might object. Why?”

 

“You are three years short of majority,” started Erestor, only to be interrupted by Ecthelion.

 

“I know that! But that is no reason not to pursue this! In three years I will be allowed to take a mate, if I desire so!” Ecthelion wished he knew what words would convince Erestor so he could speak them. “I would wait for you. I would wait for you for three years, if you desire so.”

 

“Oh, Ecthelion…” Saddened, Erestor shook his head. /You love Glorfindel!/ But then again, he could savor those three years of companionship and friendship before having to give Ecthelion up. He just had to be strong the day he returned Ecthelion to Glorfindel. Until then, he could have Ecthelion’s friendship, just as long as it didn’t go any further.

 

Ecthelion could tell by the look in Erestor’s eyes that the advisor was giving this matter serious thought and he waited, trying to exercise patience.

 

Erestor sighed, deeply, and his injury acted up, making him hiss in pain. Ecthelion immediately moved closer, trying to soothe him, and Erestor realized how nice it was to have someone to care for him in that way. He could have that for three years.

 

Three years…

 

Was he willing to set himself up for pain and heartache? Would those three years be worth his future suffering? Would they sustain him when he had to watch Ecthelion and Glorfindel savor their love?

 

Ecthelion realized Erestor needed more convincing and he placed his hands at either side of the elder Elf’s head. Looking deeply into the dazed eyes, he said, “You do not have to decide here and now. You have three years until I will ask you to be mine for all eternity.”

 

Erestor’s heart missed a beat. /He plans to bind me to him on the day of his majority!/ Flabbergasted, he tried to make sense of his current situation. /On the day of his majority he will learn of Glorfindel and he will remember his love for the Captain of the Golden Flower. He will forget about me and the promises made. Can I deal with that?/

 

“Give me a chance, Erestor. That is all I am asking for. Allow me to prove myself to you.” Ecthelion send every song of praise and prayer he knew toward the heavens, hoping the Valar themselves would intervene and convince Erestor to give him that chance.

 

“Ecthelion, you have no idea what you are asking for. Or what the future will bring.”

 

“Do you? Do you know what the future will bring?”

 

Erestor moistened his lips, his nervousness growing. Ecthelion wasn’t leaving him with a way out. “Maybe I do.”

 

“Maybe you do not.” Ecthelion decided the time for words had passed and action was required now. Inching closer to the elder Elf, he tenderly caught the ruby lips in an all-consuming kiss, which caused butterflies to tickle his insides. No matter what Erestor said, he knew the truth in his heart, and the truth was that he loved the elder Elf.

 

Erestor trembled slightly when the kiss continued, and he felt grateful he was already lying down, for his knees would have given away beneath him. Ecthelion finally released his lips and the smile that surfaced on the younger Elf’s face revealed every ounce of the love Ecthelion held for him. How could he deny him?

 

“Three years, Erestor. We have three years to build a relationship and deepen this affection. Please give me that chance.”

 

“I should not. I really should not.”

 

“But you will!” Ecthelion, smelling victory, chuckled softly, and brushed his lips against Erestor’s.

 

“I should not,” repeated Erestor, already succumbing to temptation. “We will both end up hurt.”

 

“We won’t.” Ecthelion’s eyes darkened momentarily. “I promise you that no one will end up hurt.”

 

“You cannot promise such a thing,” replied Erestor, once more realizing how young Ecthelion was in this life time. “But maybe I will be strong enough to face losing you when that day comes.”

 

“Losing me?” Ecthelion stared at Erestor in confusion. “You won’t lose me.”

 

“I will,” stated Erestor, confidently. /I will lose you to Glorfindel./

 

Seeing melancholy take hold of Erestor annoyed Ecthelion and it urged him into action. Sliding onto the bed, he made himself comfortable beside Erestor. He carefully rested his head against the elder Elf’s shoulder and draped an arm across Erestor’s abdominal area. “I will love you forever.”

 

Erestor looked at the top of Ecthelion’s head – the youth’s face was now hidden from view, and Ecthelion never saw the single tear that left Erestor’s stormy eyes. /You won’t. You cannot. You love Glorfindel. But I will savor our time together. And when you reach majority and learn the truth, I will let you go. I promise to let you go, Ecthelion, even though it will cause my heart to break. I will find a way to carry on without your love. I promise to let you go…/

 

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