Title: Lonely this Christmas

Author: Morgana
Author’s Email: morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon
Pairing: Eero/Tommi

Rating: NC-17
Summary: Tommi gets an unexpected Christmas present!

Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm not making any money out of these stories!

Warning: Real Person Slash.

Betaread by DA, thanks a million sweetie!

All remaining mistakes are mine

Lonely this Christmas

Try to imagine, a house that's not a home
Try to imagine, a Christmas all alone
That's where I'll be
Since you left me
My tears could melt the snow
What can I do, without you
I've got no place, no place to go

It'll be lonely this Christmas
Without you to hold
It'll be lonely this Christmas
Lonely and cold
It'll be cold, so cold
Without you to hold
This Christmas

Part 1

He had never been lonely during Christmas before. Normally, he spent it with his family and his brothers in particular, but this year, everything was different. Jonne and Ville had decided to go on a trip to Greece. Yes, they had invited him along of course, but Tommi had declined. They had been on the road for too long and he needed to ground himself by staying at home. He needed to reconnect with that part of his life. It was easy to forget that there was also a private person called Tommi and not just the manager or brother.

He had given up a lot in life to make his younger brothers happy and didn’t regret giving their music his full attention. But sometimes, like now, he realized that a part of him was missing. That realization had hit him hard. With Christmas coming up and the fact that he was spending it on his own, Tommi had grown increasingly nervous and, truth be told, even a bit down.

“There’s nothing I can do about it,” Tommi muttered privately as he dragged himself into the living room. “I wanted it this way so I had better get through it.” In retrospect, he partly regretted his decision to stay behind, but only partly because he *did* want to be at home...just not home alone!

He had to make the best of the situation he was in. Fact was that it was Christmas Eve and he would be spending it on his own. He had organized a tree and had busied himself for two hours decorating it albeit taking breaks in between to nibble on some snacks or drink coffee. He would have loved to drink some beer, but he had promised himself that he would never again touch the stuff and he was going to stick to it. He didn’t have a drinking problem himself, but he had seen what alcohol did to people and had vowed that he would never become an addict like his parents – never!

He moved a Christmas ornament about on the tree until he liked the way it hung and then picked up his mug to sip at his coffee. Everything was ready for Christmas. He had even set the table – for one person – but still, it looked good.

He had decided to keep dinner simple with just some meatballs with gravy, mashed potatoes, and for dessert, chocolate ice cream. Looking down at his body, he rubbed his abdomen, which kept expending these days. He had passed thirty and it showed...even though he was ‘only’ thirty-one.

Moving into the kitchen, he checked on the food and decided that it was good enough to eat. He put a good-sized portion onto his plate and carried it into the living room. Tommi detoured to switch on the radio and the station he had tuned in was playing Christmas songs. MUD singing ‘Lonely this Christmas’ fit his mood perfectly and he placed his plate on the table with a sigh.

Tommi sat down at the table and moved the food about on the plate. He wasn’t hungry, but people ate Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve and so should he. With a look filled with longing, he gazed at the remaining chairs, which Jonne and Ville normally occupied. This year around, it was just him though. “I wish you two were here with me,” he whispered, feeling miserable on his own. “I don’t want to be lonely this Christmas.”

The doorbell suddenly rang and Tommi dropped his fork with a bang onto the plate. Was this just a coincidence? It had to be! He didn’t believe in a higher power instantly answering his prayers. It was probably someone pulling a prank or ringing the wrong doorbell accidentally. Tommi didn’t bother to get up and hunted down an elusive meatball which he ruthlessly pinned onto his fork. “You’re mine…”

Tommi opened his mouth to bite the meatball when the doorbell rang again. That was weird. He put down the fork again with the meatball still attached to it and got to his feet. He went downstairs and pressed an eye against the little door spy to see who had dared to ruin his Christmas dinner.

The street outside of his house was empty though. It was probably a child pulling pranks on the residents of the street, but Tommi’s curiosity got the better of him. He opened the door a bit, peeked around the corner, and shivered the moment the icy wind hit him. He loved Finland, but damn, it was cold!

After having scanned the street, Tommi was about to close the door again when he looked down. The frown on Tommi’s brow deepened when he saw a person huddled there, hidden beneath a thick coat and a scarf tied around the head. Instinctively, he sat on his heels to check on the person’s identity. The lump was too big to be a kid. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked in an attempt to gain the stranger’s attention.

The stranger raised his head and long, blond hair tumbled down the shoulders. The blue eyes looking at him appeared frozen and the lips had turned blue due to the cold. “Is…Ville…in?”

Tommi blinked in surprise when he recognized the young man. “Eero?”

Eero tried to moisten his lips, but for some reason, he couldn’t. He looked like he was trying to identify Tommi and was failing. Tommi sighed deeply and shook his head. “I have no idea what you’re on this time, Eero, but I can’t let you freeze to death on my doorstep on Christmas Eve, can I?” Eero gave him a puzzled look, which proved that the younger man had no idea what was going on, but he had seen Eero in that condition before. “Can you stand?” He took hold of Eero’s wrist and pulled him to his feet. At least, that had been his intention, but then Eero stumbled forwards and started to fall.

Tommi’s quick reflexes saved Eero from falling face down onto the doorstep. Tommi wrapped an arm around Eero and pulled him into the hallway. The fact that he was taller and stronger had enabled Tommi in the past to care for his brothers in a similar way as he quickly hoisted Eero up in his arms. “What am I to do with you?” he muttered under his breath. When he had complained about being lonely, he hadn’t meant for some higher power to send Eero onto his path!

Eero didn't seem sure on what was happening. He managed to raise his head enough to look at the person carrying him and seemed to finally recognize him. “Ville?” Eero managed in a raw voice.

“Ville’s in Greece with Jonne.” Apparently, Ville hadn’t told Eero that, but then again, Tommi wasn’t surprised. Ville and Eero had lost touch when his youngest brother had joined the army – and Eero? Eero had vanished after he had quit the Black Jezus. That in itself had been a good move, but one which Eero should have made months earlier as far as Tommi was concerned. Eero had had a good thing going with Heijaste and had thrown that away just to play in Christus’ band.

“Then… I should…go…” Eero tried to move, tried to escape Tommi’s arms, but his body apparently refused to obey.

“I doubt you will get far the way you are now,” Tommi stated calmly. He had reached the living room and lowered Eero onto the couch. Damn, why was he so softhearted? Why couldn’t he simply look away and leave Eero to his own devices? But no, he had to haul the guy upstairs.

“I…can’t…move…” Eero stuttered and stared at Tommi in shock.

“How long did you sit on the curb like that?” Tommi sighed. It looked like this wasn’t over yet. He had a frozen Eero to take care of on Christmas Eve when he should be eating his meatballs!

“Don’t…know,” Eero admitted and blinked. “I remember…walking down the street…and I wanted to…ring…but then…” He frowned as he seemed to be trying to remember

“You must have been out there for a long time. You started to turn blue.” Tommi knew he had to take action, but was for some reason loath to do so. Eero had disappointed him big time and the drummer was the last person he wanted close on Christmas Eve, but he obviously had no choice in the matter. Tommi sat down on the couch and pulled Eero into a sitting position. “Just let me do this. Try to cooperate if you can.”

Eero obviously had no idea what Tommi’s plans for him were and he simply looked the older man in the eye. He didn’t seem to register the fact that Tommi was peeling him out of his coat, nor did he notice Tommi removing his boots and the scarf wrapped around his head. What he *did* seem to notice was something soft and warm enfolding him.

Tommi wrapped the thick blanket, which he kept on the couch around Eero and tucked it around the younger man’s form. “I’ll make tea. That will help you warm up on the inside too. Stay where you are.”

Eero closed his eyes, moved onto his side, and curled up beneath the blanket. He looked to be only seconds away from falling asleep when the older man returned and moved him into a sitting position again.

“Drink this. It will help.” Tommi pulled Eero against him and placed the mug against the younger man’s lips, which were still blue. He wondered just how long Eero had been huddled on his doorstep.

“Thanks…” Eero mumbled once he tasted the tea. It was too hot though and he coughed.

Tommi cursed privately and glanced at Eero apologetically. He should have known better than to give the younger man something that hot. He should do this gradually. Blowing onto the surface for a minute, he hoped the tea had cooled down enough for Eero to try again. “Be careful.”

Eero wrapped his shaky fingers around the mug and sipped slowly. “Thanks,” he whispered. “I should go now…”

Tommi sighed. Eero was stubborn. It was one thing that would never change. “You can’t. You’re in no condition for that.” Although Eero’s lips were losing their blue hue, the eyes still looked frozen. The cold still seemed to be clinging to Eero’s core. “You should rest and get warm again.”

“Okay,” Eero whispered after a moment’s thought. “But I won’t…stay long…”

Tommi helped Eero empty the mug and then placed it onto the coffee table. “I’ll be right back.”

Eero watched Tommi move out of the room, obviously wondering what the older man was up to. He found out a moment later when Tommi returned to the couch carrying a fluffy comforter. “You’ll probably feel like you’re in a sauna in an hour, but we need to bring up your core temperature.” Tommi covered Eero with the comforter as well and tucked the fabric precisely around the younger man’s form, not allowing in any chilly air. “Close your eyes and let the warmth do its job,” he advised.

“I’m sorry… I’m trouble…” Eero gazed thoughtfully at Tommi.

“Ah well, Jonne and Ville cause problems too, so…” In a way, Tommi was used to taking care of them or, if necessary, clean up after them.

“But they’re family,” Eero weakly protested. He seemed to be having a hard time staying awake with the way his eyes were closing.

“But today, it’s Christmas, so… I’ll make an exception.” Tommi got to his feet and watched Eero lose the fight to stay awake. A minute later, the younger man was asleep. Eero looked at peace, but Tommi noticed the shivers shaking the younger man’s body. He would keep a close eye on his ‘guest’ that night.

~~~

Tommi forced down a few meatballs and some mashed potatoes, but wasn’t in the mood for dessert so he skipped that. After taking care of the dishes, he returned to the living room, and sat down in his favorite chair and watched Eero. Eero was restless and from time to time talked in his sleep. The voice was too soft for Tommi to make out any words, but he could tell that it wasn’t a pleasant dream which had taken hold of Eero. Eero’s distress increased and Tommi wondered if he shouldn’t wake his guest.

This was definitely the strangest Christmas he had ever had. Sure, there had been times during holidays when one of his brothers had been ill and he had taken care of them, but this was different.

Tommi drew in a deep breath, rose from his chair, and made his way over to the couch where he sat down. “Just act like you would if Jonne or Ville needed you,” he reminded himself. Tommi rested his hand on Eero’s shoulder and shook him gently. “Hey, wake up…” Eero’s eyes opened slowly and when they fastened on him, Tommi could tell that the younger man was still half-lost in his dreams. “You had a bad dream,” he explained.

Eero blinked and moved to wipe the sleep from his eyes but then seemed to realize that he couldn’t move his hand. Surprised, he looked down to see what was holding him and found a thick blanket and comforter covering him.

“You felt cold to the touch so I had to get you warm again,” Tommi remarked when he saw Eero's confusion. He moved his hand from Eero’s shoulder to his brow and found that his charge had warmed up nicely. The blue hue was gone and the skin felt warm beneath his fingertips.

Eero tried to move away from his touch, obviously uncomfortable from it, but the fabric heaped upon him made that impossible. His gaze hit the Christmas tree and he noticed the Christmas songs playing in the back. “If you help me rid myself of this,” he said and inclined his head toward the fabric, “then I’ll leave.”

Tommi eyed Eero closely. The younger man didn’t look like he would get very far on his own and he did feel responsible for Eero after taking the younger man in. He couldn’t send him out onto the cold streets like that. “You can stay,” he managed before Eero interrupted him.

“Tommi, I know you want me out of your hair. I wouldn’t want me around either and certainly not on Christmas Eve!” Eero pushed the fabric out of the way or at least, he tried, but it refused to move.

Tommi shrugged. “I’m home alone on Christmas Eve. Maybe I want some company?” He hadn’t realized that it was the truth until he had said it. He really hated being alone on Christmas Eve!

Eero’s eyes grew big with surprise. “You can get better company than me!” He made another effort to push the comforter off him and succeeded this time. But he shifted to cover himself back up again when the cold air hit him and looked clearly torn about keeping warm and escaping.

"Forget about leaving. You won’t make it to the door anyways.” Tommi pushed the blankets back into place again. Eero’s apparent weakness worried him. Sure, he disliked Eero’s actions in the past where Heijaste was concerned, but he didn’t hate Eero himself. He had seen drugs ruin too many young and talented musicians. Maybe he could help Eero and make sure the drummer wasn’t one of them. That would be his good deed for Christmas Eve. “Let’s get something straight,” he said a bit more forcefully than he normally would and he was stunned to see Eero flinch and lower his gaze. Damn, it hadn’t been his intention to intimidate the younger man.

“Just kick me out…” Eero whispered without looking at Tommi. “Problem solved.”

Suddenly Tommi flashed back to when Ville had said exactly the same thing to him. Social Services had moved Ville to a shelter and later they had found out about the foster family wanting to take him in. Ville hadn’t wanted to move there, no matter how hard Tommi had tried to convince his youngest brother. Then Ville had said those exact words to him. An old pain flared in his heart and Tommi drew in a deep breath in an attempt to center himself. “I don’t kick people out.”

Eero shrugged half-heartedly. “You will...eventually.”

At that moment, Eero reminded Tommi so much of Ville that he couldn’t stop himself. He pulled Eero against him and hugged him. “I don’t kick people out...period.”

Eero froze in the embrace and seemed to be considering fighting Tommi off, but must have quickly realized that his attempt would be useless since Tommi had a good hold on him. “Let me go,” he whispered instead.

“Sorry,” Tommi apologized. “You just reminded me of Ville.” He released Eero and lowered him back onto the pillows. He had to get away from those memories and the best way to do so was to focus on the present. “Are you hungry? I still got some dinner left.” He ignored the confused look Eero gave him and managed a smile. “Hey, it’s Christmas Eve and I don’t bite, okay?” Eero looked lost with how Tommi was treating him. “I’ll take that as a yes,” Tommi said. “I’ll be right back.”

When Tommi returned with the food, he noted that Eero looked frustrated, most likely from fruitless plotting to escape. “You look like you expect me to poison you with my cooking.” Tommi hoped that the banter would put Eero at ease, but the look the younger man gave him told him differently. “I hope that you like meatballs with gravy and mashed potatoes.” Tommi placed the plate on Eero’s lap. “Can you manage or do I need to feed you?” That line had always worked with his brothers and Tommi hoped it would also urge Eero into action.

“I can feed myself!”

Tommi smiled. Yes, it had worked again. “Then start eating!”

Eero didn’t object and wrestled a hand free from beneath the comforter. He took hold of the fork, split a meatball in two, and munched on one half. He hadn’t realized it until now, but he did feel hungry. While eating the other half, he peeked at Tommi. “Why are you doing this?”

Tommi shrugged. “It’s Christmas…”

Eero searched the living room with his eyes. “Why are you having dinner on your own?” He seemed to regret the question then. “Sorry,” he apologized a moment later. “I didn’t want to appear rude.”

At first, Eero’s question had stung, but Tommi then shrugged. “Ville and Jonne wanted to spend the holidays in Greece and I wanted to stay home so we separated.”

Eero stared at the food when he said, “That must be hard on you.”

Tommi nodded. “But that’s the way it is. How about you though? What are you doing here on Christmas Eve?”

Eero put the fork aside, apparently losing his appetite at the question. “I went crazy at home and I… needed to know if Ville could forgive me for being such an idiot. I just wanted to tell him that I’ve changed and that I hope he will give me a second chance.” Eero continued to stare at his plate. “I know I made mistakes...lots of them...and I’m trying to right some of them.”

Tommi arched an eyebrow. That was the last thing he had expected to hear. “Sounds like you made some discoveries.”

Eero nodded, but didn’t look in Tommi’s direction. Instead, he focused on the food. “I’m in therapy these days and… I know that I can’t make everything right again and that I have to make small steps. So that’s why I thought about Ville. He used to like me in the past before…things went wrong… and maybe he still likes me enough to give me a second chance.” Talking seemed to drain him and he rested his head against the pillow. “I should apologize to you too for upsetting the band. I didn’t want that. It had just happened.”

Tommi tried to read the emotions displayed on Eero’s face, but failed. He didn’t know Eero well enough to do that. “You should apologize to the band as well.”

“I will…once I feel up to facing them.” Eero closed his eyes and turned his head away from Tommi. “Sorry, I’m tired…”

Tommi picked up the plate and noted that Eero had barely touched it. He placed it aside and studied Eero some more. One question burned his lips though. “What are you in therapy for? Drug abuse?”

For one tiny moment, Eero opened his eyes and gazed sadly at Tommi. “No…not drugs. Depression.” Giving into the fatigue, Eero closed his eyes and drifted off into sleep again.

Tommi blinked in surprise. He hadn’t expected that particular answer. He had been certain that Eero’s problem had been drugs and not depression!

TBC

Part 2

Eero wasn’t sure what had woken him at first, but when he heard someone singing softly, he realized that it was Tommi singing along to a Christmas song on the radio. Being in the Liimatainen’s apartment with Tommi was odd and not being alone was even stranger. The last thing he had expected to happen was to spend Christmas Eve in Tommi’s company.

“Hey, you’re awake!” Tommi pulled a chair over to the couch and sat down. “You look better,” he said while smiling at the younger man.

Eero nodded slowly. “The cold’s gone.” Instead, he felt warm, almost hot. Maybe he should rid himself of the comforter. “I feel hot,” he complained as he tried to push it out of the way.

Tommi caught on and folded it. He placed it next to the couch in case Eero grew cold again. “It’s almost midnight,” he said. “Do you want to celebrate a bit?”

“I can’t,” Eero whispered. He hoped that Tommi wouldn't be disappointed. “I can’t have any alcohol.”

“And why is that?” Tommi asked curiously.

“Medication…” Suddenly Eero became alive and scanned his surroundings. “My bag… Where’s my shoulder bag? I need it!”

Eero’s sudden panic seemed to surprise Tommi, who tried to reassure his guest. “I put it in the hallway when I carried you upstairs. I’ll get it for you.”

“Thanks.” Eero told himself to calm down, but he wouldn’t feel at ease until he held that bag in his hands.

Tommi went and fetched the shoulder bag then returned to Eero’s side. After handing it to the younger man, he asked, “What’s so important about it?”

Eero’s hands trembled when he unzipped the bag. “My meds,” he whispered. “I need to take those regularly.”

“For your depression?”

“Yes. Without them, I… would probably suffer a relapse and I don’t want that. It took me three months to get where I am today.”

“And where’s that?”

Tommi’s question shook Eero shortly since he wasn’t sure how to interpret it. In the end, he glanced at Tommi. The older man was looking at him with genuine interest, which surprised him. “When I had myself committed, I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Well, not exactly. I knew that something was wrong and my doctor had prescribed me some medication, but I lacked the energy and will power to find out what was wrong with me. I made the mistake to drink alcohol and it messed up my medication. In the end, I got so bad that…” Eero stopped talking, embarrassed for admitting something so personal to Tommi. “I had myself committed. I stayed at the hospital for three weeks. They needed that long to come up with a diagnosis and a proper treatment plan.”

“And that diagnosis was depression?”

Eero nodded minutely. “They told me to stop drinking. That’s why I can’t have any alcohol…not even a glass.” Eero found the package he was looking for and removed it from the bag. “Can I have some water…please?” he asked.

Tommi reached for the water bottle on the coffee table, uncapped it, and poured the water into a glass, which he handed Eero. “Thanks,” Eero said and swallowed the two pills along with the water. “I can’t forget about taking these.”

“How often do you need to take them?” Tommi wanted to know.

“Twice a day, once in the morning and then again in the evening, usually when I get up and before I go to bed.” Eero handed Tommi the now empty glass and watched the older man thoughtfully. “If you call a taxi, I’ll go home.” He had realized by now that walking home wasn’t an option. He still felt weak.

“Is there someone waiting for you at home?” Eero flinched and Tommi guessed the answer. “You live alone?”

“I do…” Eero sighed, closed his eyes, and pulled the blanket up to his chin. “I lost most of my friends because I acted like an idiot. I tried to explain to them why I had acted like that in the past, but…” They hadn’t believed him. They were still convinced that he had been on drugs.

“And what about your family?” Eero opened his eyes again and Tommi could easily see the tears swimming in them.

“I don’t have one. I lost…my parents…in a car crash two years ago.” Talking about the accident was hard on him and more tears gathered in his eyes. He quickly wiped at them. “My therapist thinks it’s…the main reason why… I became depressed. I still miss them so much!” He hadn’t wanted to show his emotions so openly and losing control like this made Eero feel embarrassed. He turned onto his side away from Tommi and pulled his knees to his chest. “Sorry, but…I need a moment…”

“I understand that…” Tommi whispered in a caring voice. He exchanged the chair for the couch and sat down on the side. Slowly, Tommi placed an arm around Eero’s shoulders and carefully pulled him against his chest. At first Eero tried to move away from him, but Tommi didn’t give in and continued to pull him closer. “Hey, it’s okay… I hold Ville and Jonne too when they’re sad.”

“But that’s different,” a sobbing Eero objected. “They’re your brothers.”

“Yes, that’s true, but I misjudged you and I want to make up for not picking up on your problems earlier. I took the easy way out and simply assumed that you were on drugs.”

“I drank too much alcohol,” Eero admitted and buried his face against Tommi’s shoulder. “But that’s all I used. Alcohol…nothing else.”

“I believe you,” Tommi said and rocked Eero slowly in his arms. He stopped speaking and allowed Eero to cry as long as he needed. Ten minutes later, Eero calmed down and the weeping stopped. Tommi pulled away from Eero to study his eyes and was relieved to see that they had cleared up. “Eero?”

“Yes?” Eero looked at Tommi and wondered why the older man was putting up with this. Why was Tommi holding him when the older man should be kicking him out? Why didn’t Tommi call that taxi he had asked for? Why was Tommi so keen on keeping him around?

Tommi inclined his head. “It’s Christmas Eve…you know that, don’t you?”

“Sure…” Eero wiped at his eyes and yawned. He couldn’t help being tired most of the time. His medication had that effect on him.

“How about we move this to over to the Christmas tree and we make ourselves comfortable there? I even have hot chocolate and cookies.” Eero shot him a look and he added quickly, “You can forget about heading home in the cold and can have Ville’s bed for the night. That way you’re not alone tonight and neither am I. We both win.”

Eero had never expected that request. He had mentally prepared himself to spend Christmas on his own, like he had last year. Even if Ville had told him that they were still friends, he would never have stayed for long knowing damn well that Christmas was a family thing.

“Come on, say yes,” Tommi cajoled him. “You’ve got nothing to lose. We both win…” he repeated.

For some reason, Eero found that he couldn’t deny Tommi. Maybe it was because of the way Tommi was taking care of him or perhaps it was because he didn’t want to be alone on Christmas Eve either. Whatever the reason, Eero nodded and said, “I’ll stay.”

~~~

Eero reclined against the pillows, which they had moved from the couch over to the Christmas tree and pulled the blanket back in place. Although Tommi had turned the heating to maximum, Eero still felt cold. It wasn’t so much the physical cold that made him shiver as the emotional one which he felt. Like Tommi, he had known that he would be alone on Christmas Eve, but he hadn’t bothered to get into the Christmas spirit. His studio didn’t have a tree or Christmas decorations. He lacked the space to put up a tree anyways.

“Here, have some hot chocolate.” Tommi sat down next to Eero and handed him the steaming hot mug. “Be careful though. It’s hot.”

Eero wrapped his fingers around the mug and relished the warmth traveling through his hands and up his arms. In spite of everything, Christmas Eve had turned out better than he had thought. “Thanks…I hope I’m not too much of a bother.”

Tommi shook his head. “It’s nice to have company, especially tonight.” It was a few minutes past midnight and carolers were making their way through the streets singing Christmas songs. Blowing onto the hot surface, he peeked at Eero from over the rim of his mug, seeming to want to ask something but keeping quiet out of uncertainty.

“What do you want to know?” Eero knew that look and wanted it over with. Tommi’s look told him that the question would be an unpleasant one.

“How do you manage these days? I mean financially and stuff.”

Eero sighed in relief. Tommi could have asked him something worse. He shrugged and stared at his hot chocolate. “At the moment I’m living off of my inheritance. My parents left me some money, but not much. I’ll be penniless in a few weeks and I’m hoping that I’ll get some money from Social Services at that point.”

“You had a job, didn’t you?” Tommi offered Eero a chocolate chip cookie, but the younger man declined.

“I couldn’t hold it. I lost it when I was in the hospital and even if they had kept me on the payroll, I would have had to quit. I sleep a lot these days because of the medication and I can’t work like that.” Eero stared at the floor, feeling miserable again. “My therapist hopes he can switch me to some lighter pills shortly, but for now, I need to be on heavier ones.”

“So you spend your days sleeping and…?” Tommi left his sentence unfinished in the hope that Eero would continue it.

“Sleeping, worrying…when I have enough energy, I play guitar. I can’t bang the drums at the moment. I tried, but I only lasted five minutes. Then I had to stop.”

Tommi sighed deeply. “I’m sorry too, you know.”

Tommi’s statement confused Eero and he raised his head to look at the older man. “Why?”

“I should have tried harder to help. I took the easy way out instead.” Tommi frowned. “As a manager, I sometimes forget that I’m a person too, you know what I mean? Sometimes, I talk too much business and forget about the human side of things. Maybe, if I had known what was going on in your life, I could have helped.”

Eero shook his head. “That’s not true. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, so how could you have known? And you’re only the band’s manager. I was just one musician in that band. I don’t blame you for kicking me out and putting the band’s best interest first.”

Although Tommi didn’t say it, he looked like he didn’t agree with Eero. “Tommi?” Tentatively, Eero raised his head and sought out the older man’s gaze. Once Tommi looked at him, Eero added, “Thanks for taking me in tonight. Thanks for…making this a good Christmas after all.”

Tommi seemed to understand that it was Eero’s way of trying to loosen up the situation and he smiled at the younger man. “Hey, you made my Christmas better too!” Eero smiled at him and Tommi was glad to see that the younger man was still capable of doing so. A huge yawn took Eero the next moment and the tired man glanced at him apologetically.

“Sorry, it’s the meds kicking in.” Eero knew he would fall asleep on Tommi shortly. “I’m sorry, but…”

“You need some decent sleep. I’ll help you to the bedroom.” Tommi rose from the floor and extended his arms to pull Eero to his feet. Eero accepted and a moment later, the younger man swayed against him. “You would never have made it back to your place,” Tommi commented.

“You’re right.” Eero however, couldn’t be bothered with that observation. Tommi had promised him a warm and hopefully comfortable bed and all he wanted was to curl up and close his eyes. “But I’ll call a taxi or ride the bus home tomorrow. Don’t worry… I won’t bother you much longer.”

Tommi grunted, displeased. “If I had wanted you gone I could have driven you home myself, but instead, I invited you to stay, didn’t I?” When Eero didn’t answer him, Tommi looked at the younger man, only to find that Eero was asleep on his feet. “Who knows,” he whispered. “Maybe I like have you here…” Eero provided him with company and since they had talked about past problems, Tommi felt like he could focus on the present in a positive way where Eero was concerned.

Eero didn’t register Tommi’s words – he really was half asleep on his feet and when Tommi lowered him onto the mattress, he happily curled up. A heavy comforter covered him and he sighed blissfully.

“Sleep tight,” Tommi whispered with a smile on his face. “I’ll look in on you when it’s time for breakfast.” He didn’t expect an answer from Eero and didn’t get one. The younger man was already fast asleep.

~~~

Tommi left the light on in the corridor and opened the door to the bathroom just in case Eero needed to go there during the night. After taking off his clothes and slipping into a baggy T-shirt, he crawled into bed and pulled up the comforter.

The evening had taken a strange turn for sure. Eero showing up was the last thing he had expected to happen and he still wasn’t sure what to make of the evening. He had found out more about Eero that night than in the two years during which he had managed Heijaste. For the first time he had seen Eero the person, and not just the band’s drummer. Why had he never done so before? He started to dislike the manager side of his personality. It kept him from seeing his charges as people.

It was a good thing that Eero had shown up. In a way, the drummer had taught Tommi a valuable lesson and he was grateful for that. Turning onto his side, Tommi found that he was smiling. He was looking forward to making a huge Christmas breakfast in the morning and feeding Eero most of it. Originally, he had planned to go to church, but now he let go of that idea since he had someone to take care of.

~~~

Eero slept peacefully through the night and didn’t wake until he smelled the inviting fragrances of fresh coffee and bread. He opened his eyes and instantly felt disorientated. This wasn’t his room, so where was he?

The next moment the other night’s events returned to him and how Tommi had taken him in and was taking care of him. He had never expected the older man to be so considerate. Eero managed to push himself into a sitting position and wiped the sleep from his eyes. He still felt tired though. No matter how much or long he slept, he never seemed to wake up for real.

“Good morning!” Tommi stood in the doorway, obviously cheerful, and grinned at seeing the sleep-drunken state Eero was in. “Do you want coffee?”

Tommi’s cheerfulness was a bit much for Eero to deal with first thing in the morning and he was only capable of a confused, “What?”

Tommi’s grin broadened. “Try to get to your feet and I’ll make sure coffee is waiting for you!” Tommi moved back to the kitchen to give Eero a moment to wake up.

Eero blinked, supported his head with his hand, and tried to find out what was going on. Ah yes, he had spent the night in Ville’s room and apparently it was time for breakfast. A tad shaky, he got to his feet and took stock of himself. Bah, he hated sleeping in his clothes. Now he stank of sweat. Ah well, he would make it through breakfast and then head home one way or the other. He really didn’t want to ruin Tommi’s Christmas more than he already had.

“Is everything all right in here?” Tommi moved closer to Eero and wrapped an arm around him to steady the swaying man. “Is it the meds?”

Eero nodded minutely. “I need…a moment…” Eero wasn’t aware that Tommi was supporting him and when his knees threatened to give out on him, he was prepared to fall, but that never happened.

Tommi made sure Eero stayed on his feet and gazed at the younger man in concern. “Let’s get you off your feet.” Carefully he guided Eero into the kitchen where he helped him sit down at the set table.

Eero ran a hand through his messy hair and blinked when he found himself suddenly at a set breakfast table. He needed a moment to process the information that his meds stood next to a glass of water. Tommi had remembered that he needed them. “Thanks,” he whispered and removed two pills from the blister then swallowed them with some water.

“I’ve got coffee, tea, and orange juice,” Tommi said to draw Eero’s attention to his person. “What do you like best?”

Eero’s head finally started to clear a bit and he looked at Tommi in surprise. “Tea please…”

Tommi nodded. “I’ll get you some.” He boiled water, put a tea bag into a mug, and put it in front of Eero. “Wait for it to cool down.” He also poured orange juice into a glass and placed it near Eero’s plate. Studying Eero more closely, he seemed to realize how thin the younger man was. “What do you want to eat?”

“Thanks, but I’m not hungry.” Eero wrapped his fingers around the tea mug and used its heat to warm up his hands.

“You should eat something especially when you’re taking meds.”

Tommi was right of course, but Eero simply wasn’t hungry. “Maybe some bread.”

Tommi used a sharp knife to part a bun, which he had heated in the oven and placed it on Eero’s plate. “What do you want on it?”

“I don’t care…” Eero simply lacked the energy to make up his mind. Whatever Tommi put on it was fine with him.

In the end, Tommi plastered the bun with strawberry jam. “You should eat something.”

“I know that…” Eero said and sighed. He reached for the food, bit a chunk out of it, and munched on it. He forced the bread down and stared in dismay at the remaining food.

Tommi coughed. “Are you all right? You seem confused,” he said while getting started.

“It’s normal…for me. Usually, I would go to therapy today… but my therapist is away too…and I… I don’t really know what to do with the time on my hands…” Eero glanced apologetically at Tommi. “And now I’m ruining your Christmas.”

“You’re not.” Tommi couldn’t bear the lost expression in Eero’s eyes and buried the younger man’s right hand in his.

Eero looked at Tommi in surprise. That gesture had managed to get his attention. Stunned, he stared at Tommi’s fingers, which rubbed the back of his hand. He had a hard time believing that it was really happening.

“So, if I understand correctly, you will be on your own during the holidays?”

Eero nodded again. “I will go to bed when I get home and sleep right through it all.”

Tommi didn’t like the sound of that. Burying himself at home would only make Eero feel down. “I’ve got an idea.”

Eero blinked and sipped his tea with his unoccupied hand. “An idea?”

“Jonne and Ville won’t be back until January second and I don’t want to spend the holidays alone. Why don’t you stay here and we can keep each other company?”

Eero stared in Tommi in surprise. He knew he had heard correctly, but he couldn’t believe Tommi had actually invited him over for the holidays. “Why?” he asked eventually.

“Being alone during the holidays sucks and we both need some company.” Tommi gave Eero his most charming smile.

“I’m not sure I should say yes,” Eero whispered. His brow knitted as he tried to sort out his thoughts. “You’re better off without me...especially around the holidays.”

“Let’s give it a try,” Tommi said and lightly squeezed Eero’s hand. “It’ll be fun.”

“Fun?” Eero wondered what had gotten into Tommi.

“The holidays are supposed to be fun! I’ll show you! Eat some more and then we’ll make plans for the next days.”

Plans? What the hell was Tommi up to? Eero would be happy if he managed to stay awake for a few hours! He wasn’t convinced that giving into Tommi was the right thing to do, but he lacked the strength to oppose the older man. “Just keep in mind that I sleep a lot. I’m not good company.”

“We’ll see about that,” Tommi said and smiled at his guest. “Drink your tea, finish your food, and then I’ll get you some clothes from Ville’s closet. You two are about the same size...that’s a good thing! Maybe you want to shower before you put them on and…”

Feeling confused, Eero blinked repeatedly. Why was Tommi babbling? He didn’t know the manager like that…

TBC

Part 3

“Are you sure you can manage on your own?” Tommi wasn’t looking forward to helping Eero shower, but he would do so, if necessary. Maybe it was because he had helped Jonne and Ville clean up in the past, but it wouldn’t really bother him to assist Eero. He had the feeling though that the younger man would have a problem with it.

“I can manage. Thanks for everything.” Eero looked at the set of clothes, which Tommi had given him. They were Ville’s, but they would fit and, most importantly, they were clean.

“Just join me in the living room when you’re done,” Tommi said and turned around to leave the bathroom. “Call if you need anything!”

Eero nodded, but he wasn’t sure he would call Tommi in such a case since he didn’t want to bother the older man. He waited for Tommi to close the door behind him and then peeled himself out of his clothes. They really stank! Looking about, he wondered what to do with them. In the end, he put them in the laundry basket next to the washing machine.

He quickly stepped into the shower stall, turned on the hot water, and closed his eyes when the first warm sprays dripped down his face. Tommi’s bathroom was more luxurious than his and this shower came with a limitless supply of hot water. When he turned the nozzle for his shower at home, he was never sure just how long the warm water would last.

Using the shampoo and shower gel standing in the corner, he cleaned himself up. Lowering his head, he let the hot water rinse the foam from his hair and body. He placed his hands against the tiled wall and relished the warmth making its way into his bones.

After five more minutes of soaking up the heat, he turned off the water and opened the stall door. At home, cold air would assail him since he lacked the money to turn up the heating at his studio. Here, warm air wrapped itself around him. Eero got out of the shower, dried his skin, and spied body lotion on the cupboard. He doubted anyone would notice him using it and he rubbed the creamy substance onto his skin. He had never had dry skin before, but the meds affected his skin condition and so he needed to supply it with extra moisture. Once he had applied it, he reached for the boxers and stepped into them. Next were a white T-shirt and a black and white sweater. He put thick socks on his feet and smiled, feeling warm and comfortable.

Suddenly he caught his reflection in the mirror and gasped at the warmth in his eyes. It reminded him of a time when he hadn’t been depressed and his parents had still been alive and his life in order. He hadn’t seen that particular expression in his eyes for two years now, ever since his parents had died in that horrible crash. He should have died too, but for some reason he had been the sole survivor in that crash.

“Are you all right?” Tommi knocked on the bathroom door.

Eero made his way over to the door and opened it. “I’m fine,” he quickly assured Tommi.

Tommi smiled at the mess Eero’s hair was in. The expression on Eero’s face had changed and Tommi liked it better that way. “You had better blow-dry your hair. You don’t want to catch a cold.”

Eero nodded. “I will, if you tell me where I can find the blow dryer.”

Tommi moved inside, got out the blow dryer, and made sure the power was on. “Do you want some hot chocolate before we leave? Or more tea?”

“Leave?” Eero’s eyes widened.

Tommi merely grinned. “It’s a surprise.”

“But…” Eero wanted to protest, but all of a sudden, Tommi was gone and he was alone in the bathroom. Surprise? What kind of surprise did Tommi have in mind and would it be a good one? Eero walked over to the mirror, took hold of the blow dryer, and started to work on his hair. He didn’t know what to expect and normally that would worry him, but for some reason he felt more excited than worried this time around.

~~~

Tommi had made both hot chocolate and tea since Eero hadn’t told him what he liked best and he gazed expectantly at the younger man.

Eero looked cornered. “I’d rather have tea, if that’s okay with you,” he said eventually.

Tommi gestured for Eero to sit down at the kitchen table and placed their drinks on it. A close look showed that Eero’s hair was dry and that the younger man hadn’t bothered to style it, nor had he applied any make-up. Eero looked vulnerable and Tommi promised himself to be careful around the younger man.

“What surprise were you talking about earlier?” Eero asked softly, cautiously.

“Nothing that will tire you. You get to sit most of the day, how does that sound?”

“Fine…” Eero carefully sipped his tea. “But you don’t need to do this. I can go home. I’ll return Ville’s clothes once I-" but Tommi interrupted him before he could finish.

“You agreed to spend the holidays with me, so there’s no going back on it. You don’t want me sitting here all alone during the festival season, do you?” Tommi hoped that the tactics, which he always used on Jonne and Ville would work with Eero too.

Eero quickly shook his head. “Of course not!”

Tommi merely grinned, pleased that his tactics had worked once again. Seeing the troubled look, he knew he had to say something. “I don’t have a hidden agenda. I know it seems strange to you, but I just want to have a good time and to take you along for the ride.”

Eero nodded and stared at his tea. “I just find it hard to believe that you’re no longer angry with me…” Three months ago, an angry Tommi had told him that he was no longer part of the band.

Tommi sighed and took hold of Eero’s left hand. “I made a mistake back then. Maybe we should use this Christmas to start over?”

Eero seemed to gather his courage and studied Tommi’s face for a moment. “Why?”

“Why what?” Tommi asked, confused.

“Why do you want to start over when it’s so much easier to simply drive me home?”

Tommi drew in a deep breath and tried to think of the best way to convey his thoughts. For some reason, Eero seemed eager to misinterpret his words so he had to make sure there was no room for misunderstandings. “You’re the same age Ville is. You’re young and hearing that you’re fighting depression made me feel ashamed of myself. I should have helped you, but I didn’t. I want to make things up to you. Is that good enough for you?”

Eero didn't look like he felt it was. “You’re doing this because you feel guilty and not because you think I’m worth getting to know for myself as a person.” He looked disappointed.

Ah, that was the problem! Tommi now knew what was upsetting Eero! “Partly it is,” he admitted. “But…before I can tell you if I like you as a person I need to get to know you. I can only do that if you give me a chance to do just that.”

Confused, Eero blinked. “So you want to get to know me because…”

“So I know what kind of person you are, yes.” Tommi had Eero right where he wanted him and they both knew that he had won their little argument.

In the end, Eero nodded hesitantly. “Okay, I’ll let you go ahead with whatever you’ve planned, but…I still think this will backfire.”

“It won’t,” Tommi said firmly. “Drink your tea, will you? I just need to get us some warm coats and snow boots.”

At hearing that, Eero felt even more bewildered and he wondered if he hadn’t made a big mistake by giving in to Tommi.

~~~

“Is this really necessary?” Although Jonne’s parka fit, Eero felt uncomfortable wearing other people’s clothes.

“It is. Now get in there.” Tommi pointed at the snow boots, which he had put in front of the younger man. He wasn’t taking any chances with the memory that Eero had nearly ended up frozen the other night.

Eero sighed, but complied. He stepped into the snow boots and shook his head when Tommi tried to put a beanie on him. “I feel hot already!”

Tommi merely grinned and placed the beanie on Eero’s head. He shrugged into his coat, put a thick shawl around his neck, and opened the front door. A cold wind moved inside and he caught Eero's shiver. “See? That’s why you’re wearing that stuff!”

The scowl on Eero's face showed he agreed, albeit grudgingly as he stepped onto the street. “We need to drive a bit. That’s my car over there!” Tommi took hold of Eero’s hand and pulled him along. Eero didn’t bother protesting and meekly followed Tommi. Once they were both inside the car, Tommi started the engine and turned on the heat.

“Where are we going?” At the moment, Eero looked happy that he had worn that parka for without it, his teeth would be chattering. It was icy cold in the car!

“You’ll find out when we get there!” Tommi grinned wickedly and slowly drove down the street, always careful because of the snow, which had fallen the previous night.

~~~

Eero found that they were driving north and reckoned that they had to be halfway to Oulu. He was about to object to the long drive when Tommi suddenly headed left and slowed down. What the hell were they doing in the middle of nowhere? A thick layer of snow surrounded them and all he could make out in that whiteness was a farm in the distance. Cars had parked there and he had the suspicion that the farm had been Tommi’s goal all along. “What are we doing here?”

“I always wanted to do this and I’ve tried to talk Jonne and Ville into coming here with me, but they hate the cold.” Tommi parked the car and opened the door. He got out, moved around the car, and waited for Eero to get out too.

“It *is* fucking cold!” Eero complained, but thanks to the warm parka and his snow boots, the cold couldn’t reach him. Not yet anyway. Looking about, the snow blinded him and he looked away and focused on Tommi instead. “Where are we?”

“It’s a reindeer farm!” Tommi hooked his arm with Eero’s and they slowly made their way over to the farm.

Dazed, Eero looked at Tommi again. The older man’s face shone with mirth and his eyes sparkled. What the fuck was so special about a reindeer farm? Eero’s eyes widened. “You’re not going to eat them, are you?” Some people loved reindeer meat. Eero however wasn’t one of them.

Tommi laughed. “No, I’m not going to eat them!” He continued to chuckle and grinned at Eero.

A few minutes later, they arrived at the farm where a man welcomed them. Eero looked about and felt reassured when he realized that it wasn’t a restaurant. Yes, he ate meat, but he refused to eat reindeer. He loved those animals too much to eat them!

“Everything’s ready. Just follow me,” the man said. “They’re waiting for us behind the house.”

Eero leaned in closer and whispered into Tommi’s ear, “Are you going to tell me what this is about?”

“Not yet…you’ll see for yourself in a second!” Tommi grinned and they followed the man outside again. He kept an eye for Eero's reaction for when the younger man found out what was going to happen.

Eero’s eyes widened and he gasped. “A sleigh ride?” The sleigh could easily hold up to four people and warm blankets lay on the seats. There were two reindeer in front of the sleigh and the driver smiled at them. “Are you serious?” he asked Tommi.

Tommi nodded and climbed into the sleigh. “As I said before, I've always wanted to do this, but Jonne and Ville hate the cold. The trip lasts two hours…” He sat down and offered a hand to assist Eero get onboard. Eero took Tommi’s hand and sat down next to the older man. Eero’s eyes glowed with happiness. Apparently, he had hit bull’s eye!

Eero made himself comfortable and pulled the blanket close to his body. His breath caught when Tommi moved closer. The older man tucked the blanket around their forms and grinned.

“We also got hot tea in case we feel cold,” Tommi said and pointed at the bag at his feet. “The sleigh comes equipped with drinks and food!” To Tommi’s surprise Eero giggled. “You really like my idea!”

Eero wanted to reply, but right then the reindeer started the sleigh into motion. The reindeers’ trot was slow, but that enabled them to take in the virginal white landscape.

“You were going to tell me something,” Tommi carefully prodded.

Eero smiled apologetically. “You’re right. When I was a kid, my parents always took me up to Rovaniemi for the Christmas holidays. I got to see Santa, the reindeer, and Rovaniemi itself was stunning, covered in snow and ice like that. We went there every year, even when I grew older…” Eero grew quiet and fought the tears rising in his eyes.

Tommi nodded. “What did you do last year?”

Eero sighed and wrung his hands beneath the blanket. “I stayed at home. I took some sleeping pills and when I did wake up, I numbed the pain with alcohol. It didn’t work, of course, but I didn’t know what else to do.”

Tommi swallowed hard. He looked away from Eero and stared at the snow surrounding them.

“Thanks for…this. You couldn’t know how much I’d like it, but…thanks anyway.” Riding the sleigh reminded Eero of happier times.

Tommi merely nodded, seemingly unable to speak.

~~~

“Here, have some too.” Tommi had poured hot tea into the plastic mugs and handed Eero one.

Eero wrestled a hand free from the blanket and took hold of the mug. “Thanks!” He should feel cold, but he didn’t. Tommi’s body heat and the blankets did their job and he felt comfortable. He had even been falling asleep, but then Tommi’s voice had pulled him from his dreams and he was fully awake once more. “I don’t understand why Jonne and Ville don’t want to do this. It’s wonderful out here and I’m not cold at all!”

Tommi chuckled. “And you thought we were going to eat reindeer!”

Eero had the grace to blush. “I didn’t know what you were up to.”

“It’s okay! I don’t hold it against you.” Tommi still chuckled and involuntarily he moved closer to Eero in search of his body heat.

Although Eero noticed it, he didn’t comment on it since he wanted to profit from their shared body warmth too!

~~~

Two hours later, they climbed out of the sleigh and the driver guided them into a corner of the farm. Hot-spiced tea and pie awaited them and since Eero was hungry, he ate his share. His appetite surprised him, but he attributed it to being outside all day. Feeling strangely shy, he sought out Tommi’s gaze over the steaming tea.

Tommi noticed Eero’s stare, made eye contact, and grinned. “I’m glad you liked my little surprise.”

“I did.” Still feeling shy, Eero lowered his gaze.

“Are you still hungry?” Tommi must have noticed that Eero had eaten everything on his plate. He, on the other hand, hadn’t.

“I can’t believe it, but yes, I still am.” Eero didn’t understand it himself. Normally he needed to force down the food.

“Here, you can have mine. I’ve had enough.” Tommi pushed his plate over to Eero’s side of the table.

Eero wasn’t sure he should accept. “But…”

“Just eat it,” Tommi said and smiled.

Eero pulled the plate closer. He ate the rest of the pie and then pushed the empty plate away again. “Now I *am* full,” he commented happily.

Tommi felt pleased at that. “I’ll drive us home and then I’ll cook dinner, how about that?”

Feeling nervous again, Eero wasn’t sure he should accept. Tommi had already given him a great gift this afternoon unintentionally and he wasn’t sure he should take up more of the older man’s time. “If you want me there with you.”

“I wouldn’t invite you if I didn’t.” Tommi seemed to consider his next words very carefully. “I had a good time this afternoon thanks to your company. Thanks for giving me the chance to get to know you. You would do me a great favor if you stayed not just tonight, but during the holidays. I mean it!”

Eero had started to blush during Tommi’s little speech. It had been a long time since anyone had told him such a thing. “I liked spending time with you too,” he admitted shyly.

“All right! You’re staying then?” Tommi asked hopefully.

Eero drew in a deep breath before he nodded. Tommi didn’t know how hard accepting the offer was on him. Eero found it hard to believe that anyone let alone Tommi wanted him close, especially considering the state he was currently in. “But can we pick up some of my stuff at home? I feel more comfortable in my own clothes.”

“Sure, we can do that.” Tommi leaned against the comfort of his chair and grinned. He had gotten his way again.

~~~

Wow, Eero’s studio really was tiny. Tommi felt almost claustrophobic as he watched Eero gather his things. It consisted of one room, which housed a bed, a kitchen table, two chairs, and a worn sofa. A small kitchenette stood in the corner and Tommi would have had problems moving about in the tiny bathroom. Now he understood why Eero’s drum kit had always stayed in Heijaste’s training room. It would take up all room here.

Eero caught the look on Tommi’s face and instantly looked ashamed of his housing conditions. He couldn’t help it that he was a poor and struggling youngster. He stuffed clothes and toiletries in a shoulder bag, added another package of his medication, and turned around to face Tommi. He swallowed hard at the cornered look in the older man’s eyes. “I know it isn’t much of a home, but it’s all I have,” he apologized.

Tommi cursed himself for letting his discomfort show. “No need to apologize. I remember a time when I was struggling too. It wasn’t a happy time though.” Tommi offered to carry Eero’s shoulder bag.

“Don’t worry. I can manage.” Eero shouldered the bag and followed Tommi into the corridor. His hands trembled as he closed the door behind him since he couldn’t afford to heat the place it was always cold in there.

They were about to step onto the street again when Tommi placed his right hand on Eero’s shoulder. Surprised at the touch, Eero turned around and looked at Tommi. Tommi inclined his head and said, “I didn’t want to make you feel bad about your place. It’s just… When I moved out, I had a room just as small as that one. I struggled to make rent each month and I desperately wanted to make more money so I could take in Jonne and Ville.”

Eero nodded in understanding. “It’s okay…”

Tommi regretted having hurt Eero’s feelings though. He knew he had, even though the younger man refused to let it show. “Once you’re on lighter medication I’ll help you find a job, if you’ll let me, that is.”

Eero obviously saw the peace offering for what it was and accepted. “That would be really nice if you did that.” Suddenly Tommi wrapped an arm around his shoulders and the older man pulled him along toward the car. Eero seemed unsure on what to make of the gesture, but accepted it too. He didn’t know what was going on with Tommi, but he realized that he liked the older man and was willing to take a chance.

TBC

Part 4

The first thing Tommi did was carry Eero’s bag into Ville’s room. Looking behind him, he saw Eero standing there with an odd look on his face. “Is something wrong?” he asked as he approached the younger man.

Eero shrugged. He looked glad to be out of the huge parka and the snow boots. “It’s strange, knowing that I’ll be staying here for the next few days.” He looked thoughtful and confused for a bit. “Your hair is a mess,” he quipped softly.

Tommi chuckled. “Ah yes, my hair. I’ve been trying to have it cut for months now.” He removed the leather band that had kept his hair under control, gathered the strands all over again, and refastened the band. “Better?”

“Why do you want to cut it?” Eero frowned then seemed to think of something and giggled before quickly hiding his grin behind a hand “Sorry.”

Amused, Tommi raised an eyebrow. “Do I want to know what you thought just now?”

“No, you don’t.” Eero had grown flustered again. “Stop it,” he told himself, but the thought was too funny.

Sulking, Tommi tipped his head and stared at Eero. “Are you making fun of me up here?” he asked and pointed at his brow.

“Not really.” Eero tried to recompose himself. “Tommi the Viking…”

“Now don’t you get started! Jonne always calls me that!” Tommi chuckled though. “Jonne doesn’t want me to cut it either. Ville however wants me to millimeter it.”

“Don’t!” Eero quickly covered his mouth again. “Sorry, that’s your decision of course.”

“Ah well, it’s two against one now… and I don’t like the idea of getting Ville’s cut. A man needs some hair on top of his head.” Tommi blinked, becoming aware of the fact that he was holding Eero’s hand in his. He let go and smiled weakly at the younger man. “I’ll get dinner on the way. What would you like to eat? Do you have a favorite dish?” If he had the ingredients at home, he would prepare it.

“I love pasta,” Eero admitted softly.

“I’ve got pasta… I’ll make some…” Tommi felt reluctant to leave the bedroom, but didn’t know why. Dinner had to be prepared however and after another minute, he forced himself to head for the kitchen.

Eero collapsed onto the bed and stared at the wall. What had happened just now?

~~~

“Dinner’s ready,” Tommi called out from the kitchen. A moment later, he heard footfalls and smiled when Eero joined him in the kitchen. “I hope you’re hungry.” Tommi drained the pasta, put it onto their plates, and topped it with sauce. Turning around, he carried it over to the kitchen table and looked at Eero, who still stood in the doorway, looking nervous. “Sit down and eat.” Tommi noticed that Eero had changed his clothing into jeans and a green sweater.

Eero moved closer and sat down at the kitchen table. He picked up his fork and spoon and peeked questioningly at Tommi.

“Eat!” Tommi ordered and smiled. He noticed the odd atmosphere too, but since neither of them felt tense, he dismissed it. They were probably just tired from the sleigh ride.

Eero ate a few bites, swallowed his pills, and continued to eat again. “The pasta tastes good,” he said to make conversation.

“I am glad you like it. I’m not much of a cook, but I manage a few dishes!” Tommi kept stealing glances at Eero in turn. He had noticed that something between them had changed. “What do you want to do tonight? How tired are you?” Eero seemed alert and not as sleepy as last night.

“I’m okay…which surprises me. Usually I sleep all day.”

“You didn’t have much chance to sleep today,” Tommi remarked. “I kept you busy, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did…” Eero gazed thoughtfully at his plate. “Maybe that made a difference.”

“What do you mean?” It was strange, but Tommi felt the need to take Eero’s hand into his again. Why?

“Maybe I slept all day because I was alone and because no one distracted me or kept me busy. My therapist said that the pills can make me sleepy, but not that much that I would be asleep all day long.”

“Then I will continue to keep you busy,” Tommi said thoughtfully. “So tell me, what do you want to do tonight?”

“Can we stay indoors? I loved the sleigh ride, but I want to be somewhere warm tonight.”

“I agree. We had enough fresh air for today…” Tommi considered his options and watched Eero empty his plate. It seemed the younger man’s appetite was back. “How about watching a DVD?”

“That sounds good.”

~~~

Eero watched Tommi go through his DVD collection. The older man had told him to stay on the couch and not bother getting up for whatever reason except for going to the bathroom. Tommi had been on the phone with Jonne until a moment ago. Apparently, Jonne had tried to call Tommi several times, but Tommi’s phone had been on silent and he hadn’t noticed it vibrating. After wishing each other a Merry Christmas and exchanging promises that they would spend it together next year, Jonne had let Tommi go.

“What kind of movies do you like?” Tommi asked, seemingly unable to make up his mind.

“Just pick one you like. I’ll probably fall asleep on you anyways.” Eero was surprised that he wasn’t asleep yet.

“All right, we will watch Shrek.”

“Shrek?” Eero raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t that a children’s movie?”

“In that case, I’m a big kid.” Tommi inserted the DVD and pressed play. “Do you have some space left under that blanket?”

Eero lifted the blanket and Tommi settled in next to him. If someone had told him a week ago that he would be cuddling on the couch with Tommi, he wouldn’t have believed that person. “Don’t be mad when I fall asleep…” he said pleadingly.

“I won’t get angry,” Tommi promised. “Just enjoy the movie and get some rest.”

Eero nodded his head and tried to concentrate on the movie, but after only a few minutes into the film, his eyes closed and his head started to loll sideways.

Tommi noticed it too and debated on what to do. Should he let Eero sleep on the couch or bring him to bed? Eero’s head suddenly made contact with his shoulder and Tommi took that as his cue to wrap an arm around the younger man and guide Eero’s head against his shoulder. Hopefully, Eero was comfortable like that.

More than an hour later, the movie had ended and Tommi had a fast asleep Eero on his hands. Eero had moved toward him in his sleep and now the blond head rested against his chest. Eero had wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed close to him. That was also the reason why Tommi hadn’t moved during the movie, not wanting to wake the younger man.

But he couldn’t stay like that the rest of the night. Eero would be more comfortable in bed, Tommi knew, but for some reason, he didn’t want to give up Eero’s closeness. He was the kind of person who loved to take care of someone, even lived for that. Now he had found someone who needed taking care of.

Carefully, he loosened Eero’s hold on him and slid his arms beneath the younger man’s body. He hoped that Eero would sleep right through it since he didn’t want to wake Eero now that he was so peacefully asleep. He lifted Eero in his arms and carried him into Ville’s room. Suddenly Eero opened his eyes and Tommi acted at once, whispering soothingly, “Go back to sleep.” Eero closed his eyes again and the younger man pressed closer against him. Tommi smiled and lowered his charge onto the bed. “You have to let go now.”

“Don’t wanna,” a sleepy Eero muttered. “You’re warm…”

“The comforter is warm too,” Tommi told the younger man.

“But not… as soft…as you…”

“Soft?” Tommi repeated, amused. Not even Jonne or Ville had ever called him that. “Come on, let go.” Eero’s arms were still locked around his waist and he couldn’t move away like that. Watching Eero closely, he caught the disappointment on the younger man’s face when Eero complied. Why had Eero wanted to hang on to him like that? Using his newly won freedom, Tommi covered Eero with the comforter. “Have some sweet dreams.” Tommi leaned in closer to…what? He quickly stopped himself before he could press a kiss onto Eero’s brow. What the fuck…?

~~~

Tommi was tempted to go for a beer, but no, he didn’t drink alcohol and he wasn’t starting now because his feelings confused him.

Eero. Thinking the name was enough to confuse him some more. When he had hauled the blond man inside, he hadn’t thought Eero might affect him in such a way. Eero never had! What was different now?

“Tommi?”

Startled, Tommi looked at the doorway. Eero stood there with sleep-tousled hair as he wiped at his eyes. “You should be in bed.”

“I woke up…and felt weird…” Eero made his way over to the kitchen table on wobbly knees. He looked relieved when he sat down and the weight was off his feet. “Did I do something wrong?” He didn’t look at Tommi and stared at the table instead. “I do stupid things all the time.”

Tommi sighed. He should have known that Eero would blame himself. “No, you didn’t. You did nothing wrong and certainly nothing stupid. I was just thinking.”

Eero raised his gaze and tentatively sought out Tommi’s eyes. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. So what are you doing out of bed?” His hand crept toward Eero’s out of its own accord.

“I had a bad dream…about the accident…” Eero shivered. “I’ll go back to bed.”

“You know, sometimes talking about it helps,” Tommi offered.

“That’s what my therapist says too.” Eero moved to get to his feet again, but somehow, his hand had ended up in Tommi’s and that kept him from moving.

“But not here…” Tommi decided. “Let’s move back to bed. You’re more comfortable there.” Tommi rose from the chair and realized that he had taken hold of Eero’s hand after all. Ah well, so be it. He guided Eero back into Ville’s bedroom, and while Eero made himself comfortable in bed, Tommi pushed a chair closer then reclaimed Eero's hand. Eero gave him an odd look, which he couldn’t decipher. It seemed like Eero was disappointed because there was some distance between them. “Tell me about your dream.” He couldn’t cuddle up to the younger man in bed, but he could show him his support another way.

“It happened in November two years ago. All day long, snow had fallen and the streets had begun to freeze. My parents were visiting friends in Turku and I had promised to collect them so they didn’t have to get back to Tampere by train. Everything was fine when we left Turku. I was driving the car, my father sat next to me, and my mother was dozing in the backseat.”

Eero’s eyes swam with tears and Tommi’s heart went out to him. “What happened?” he asked as he gently squeezed Eero’s hand.

“Everything happened so fast. Another car driving in front of us slid on the ice. It turned and slammed into us. I lost control of the car and we crashed into a third car.” Eero closed his eyes, drew in a deep breath, and failed to stop the tears from flowing down his face.

Tommi moved from the chair to the bed and when he opened his arms, Eero immediately went into them. Eero wrapped his arms around his waist and Tommi stroked the younger man’s back soothingly. “It’s okay. You lived through it. Don’t worry about being emotional. I understand.”

Eero pressed tightly against Tommi. “There was an air bag installed at the driver’s side and it cushioned the impact, but only for me. It saved my life, but my father…” Eero swallowed hard and stared at the wall, afraid to close his eyes it seemed to avoid reliving it. “The blow catapulted him through the front window and my mother got…crushed in the back…”

“Oh my…” Tommi wrapped his arms tightly around Eero and rocked him. “I’m so sorry.”

“My father died instantly. My mother lived for another thirty minutes, but they couldn’t save her in the end…” Eero clawed at Tommi’s shirt and held on tight. “I was in the hospital for a month. I had broken ribs and a concussion. I also suffered temporary memory loss, but my memories returned within a few days and then…the pain started.”

Tommi understood the nature of that pain very well. “And you never talked about what happened?”

“People felt sorry for me, of course, but after a few months, they got fed up with me still mourning their deaths. So I shut up.”

“Until you started therapy?” Eero nodded against his chest.

“My therapist told me that I needed to talk about it…again and again and again.”

“I understand why he said that and he’s right. Talking about it helps.” Some of the tension left Eero’s body, but the younger man remained in his arms and made no effort to move out of them. “Survivor’s guilt.”

Eero nodded again. “That’s what he called it too, yes. I wish I had died along with them. Or that God had taken my life instead of theirs. I don’t understand why I’m still alive.”

Tommi took to stroking Eero’s hair. It had always helped calm down Jonne when his younger brother had been upset and maybe it would do the trick now. “We don’t get a say in that matter. We don’t to determine the moment of our death. You survived and your parents didn’t. I bet that if you asked them now, they would be happy that you made it out alive. Losing a child is the worst thing for a parent…”

“Losing your parents is hell too.”

“Sure it is,” Tommi soothed at once. “And I understand your pain.” He continued to rock Eero until the younger man’s breathing had evened out. Exhausted after telling his tale, Eero had fallen asleep just like Tommi had thought he would.

“I can’t leave you alone tonight,” he realized. His conscience wouldn’t let him. It appeared that he would be sharing beds with Eero after all.

Tommi stayed awake for some time. It was only ten o’clock and he wasn’t used to going to bed so early. So he kept Eero close and watched the younger man’s sleep, which was thankfully peaceful. Eero was twenty-two now and the accident had happened two years ago. Eero had been twenty at that time. No wonder it had had such an impact on him!

Staring at the ceiling, Tommi stroked Eero’s hair with one hand. He kept his other arm wrapped around his charge and considered everything he had learned. Eero had every reason to be depressed. It just vexed him that no one had noticed Eero’s state of mind earlier.

Well, they had contributed the odd behavior to drugs. Rumors had had it that Eero was doing all kind of drugs, starting with alcohol and ending with cocaine. He knew better now, but that didn’t make him feel better. He felt like he had failed Eero.

“Tom…mi?” Eero sounded confused at waking up in Tommi's arms.

“Did you have another bad dream?” Tommi turned his head, looked at Eero, and realized something else had woken the young man.

“No…” Eero blinked and then seemed to recall what had happened. “Thanks for listening.”

Tommi nodded. “It needed out…and it made me think.”

“You couldn’t sleep because of it?”

“Not just because of that. Lots of thoughts kept me awake.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Eero offered tentatively.

“There’s not much to tell,” Tommi replied. “I don’t really know what to think of everything myself.”

Eero let the matter go. “Thanks for staying…and holding me. You didn’t have to do that.”

“I could hardly leave you on your own after the things you told me.” Tommi wondered about the intimate situation they were in. Eero was in his arms, cuddled tightly against him, and the younger man had wrapped his arms around him in turn. “Are you okay with this?”

It seemed to take Eero a moment to understand what Tommi was hinting at. “You mean us being in the same bed?”

Tommi nodded. “I just want to comfort you. Nothing more.”

“I get that.” Eero rested his head back against Tommi’s chest and closed his eyes. “I don’t mind as long as you don’t.”

Eero’s answer pleased Tommi. “I want to tell you something.”

“Yes?” Eero whispered against Tommi’s chest.

“You wanted to know why I would spend time with you…” Eero nodded weakly against his chest and Tommi took that as his cue to continue. “The truth is that I never really bothered to get to know you or the other members of the bands which I manage. Now that we have been spending time together I realize that I like you as a person and not just as a musician.” Damn, he wasn’t good with words! “What I am trying to say is that I’m glad that you gave me the chance to get to know you.”

Eero smiled against Tommi’s chest and the shirt rubbed against his check. “That’s a nice thing to say, thank you.”

“I hope that you’ll stay the rest of the week and after that I want to stay in touch with you. I can help you get back with the band and find you a job, but…”

“But what?” Eero tensed.

“The sleigh ride this afternoon…I had fun…and I had fun because you were there with me.” Tommi hoped Eero understood what he was trying to say. “I think we can become good friends.”

Eero raised his head and smiled at the older man. “I would like that. I didn’t think that I would, but I like you too.”

Tommi pretended being hurt. “You didn’t like me before?”

Eero grew serious. “I didn’t particularly like you before no. As Heijaste’s manager you…you always lectured me when I wished that you would listen to me. I understand that your main goal is to make money, but…sometimes I wondered if you weren’t a bit too ambitious. I’m sorry if I offended you.”

“No,” Tommi quickly shook his head. “I asked myself the same thing too just before you rang the doorbell on Christmas Eve. I wondered if I had neglected Tommi the person and if the manager had gotten the upper hand.”

Eero looked relieved that Tommi didn’t feel insulted by his observation. “You might have done that in the past, but…” Eero grew nervous again. He started to pull away from Tommi.

“Hey, where are you going?”

Eero stopped all movement and looked up at Tommi. Reassured, he rested his head on Tommi’s chest again. “Did you already make plans for tomorrow?”

Tommi smiled at that question. “Did you?” he retorted.

“Me? No, I haven’t given it any thought.”

“We could do some shopping, drink coffee, and have a donut at Arnold’s. I love those and sadly enough, it shows!”

“Don’t worry about it,” Eero whispered. He closed his eyes and sleep crawled back up on him. “It makes you…soft…in the right…places…”

Tommi’s eyes widened, but then he chuckled. He wanted to address Eero again, but felt the gentle rise and fall of the younger man’s chest against his. Eero had fallen asleep again. Ah well, that conversation could wait until tomorrow!

TBC

Part 5

The next morning, Eero woke once more to the inviting fragrance of coffee and toast. He was alone in the bed and sat upright. He hadn’t noticed Tommi leaving and was surprised that he had slept so soundly. Most of the time, he woke up several times during the night. Yawning, he wiped at his eyes and swept back his unruly hair.

“I hope you’re hungry,” Tommi said as he appeared in the doorway. Looking at Eero, he smiled at seeing the sleepy expression on the younger man’s face.

“Hungry…” Eero repeated as he tried to rid himself of the last remnants of his sleep.

Tommi smiled fondly, walked over to the bed, and sat down on the side. “Are you still tired?”

“I’m not sure,” Eero admitted. “I’m not awake yet.”

“You’ll feel better once you have breakfast.” Tommi offered his hand to Eero. Eero took it and let himself be pulled to his feet. Looking at their joined hands, Tommi seemed to notice that his hand was much bigger than Eero’s.

Eero dragged his feet when he followed Tommi into the kitchen. After he had opened up to Tommi the other night, he had slept soundly, but the stress he had been in the previous day was taking its toll on him now. He hoped that Tommi hadn’t planned anything strenuous for the day.

Tommi poured Eero tea and pushed a glass of water closer to the younger man. “Don’t forget to take your medication.”

Eero removed the pills from the package and swallowed them. He reached for his tea and blew onto the surface to cool it down. “I’m not hungry,” he whispered and peeked at Tommi.

“Eat some toast,” Tommi said pleadingly. “Your stomach will thank you for it.”

Eero knew Tommi was right, but he felt queasy and knew why. Telling Tommi about the accident had upset him. Just to please Tommi though, he took hold of the slice of toast, added some thinly smeared jam to it, and nibbled on it. He had to do this slowly, or else the food would make a return visit later. To distract himself from the nausea, he asked, “Are you going to keep me busy today as well?”

Tommi nodded. “I will, don’t worry. But we should start our day slowly.”

Eero liked that idea. “I would like to shower before you drag me off again.”

Tommi grinned. “Don’t worry. We’ll stay close to home today. I seldom shop, but I’m in the mood to hit the stores today.” He also hoped to distract Eero that way.

“Ah yes, you wanted to visit Arnold’s and eat a donut.”

“And take some home maybe,” Tommi admitted guiltily.

“And end up on the couch watching Shrek the sequel?” Eero quipped. Tommi’s company was doing wonders. Tommi cheered him up and his stomach was starting to behave!

“If you want to we can do that. No problem!”

Eero bit another piece off his toast and munched slowly. He was actually looking forward to that day and that in itself was unique. Normally he just wanted the day over with but not this time. Tommi had changed that.

~~~

“I don’t need to wear that parka again, do I?” Eero didn’t think it was *that* cold outside and his grey coat would do just fine. Tommi gazed at him thoughtfully though and Eero added, “I’ll make sure I‘m warm!” The mere fact that Tommi worried about him warmed him on the inside.

“All right, but I’ll check on you before we leave!” Tommi glanced fondly at Eero and watched closely as the younger man wrapped up in a green scarf and slipped into a grey coat. “Don’t forget your gloves!”

Eero removed a pair of green gloves from the pockets of his coat and waved at Tommi with them. “Is this fine?”

Tommi frowned and seemed to ponder the question. In the end, he grinned. “Sure…” Tommi slipped into his coat, added a scarf, and opened the front door. “Let’s hit the stores.” In an attempt to drive away any negative thoughts, he took Eero’s hand in his and pulled him close against him. “Is it okay if we walk?” He lived in the city center and most stores were located within a five-minute walk of his apartment.

“That’s fine with me.” Tommi wrapped an arm around his waist and while the move surprised Eero, he welcomed it and moved closer to Tommi.

~~~

Tommi watched Eero closely as the younger man browsed the men’s department at Stockmann. Tommi had expected Eero to have a more up to date taste where clothes were concerned, but he seemed content checking Stockmann’s collection. A green, knitted sweater had caught his attention and Eero held it in front of his body, trying to figure out if it would fit. Tommi made a mental note that green was apparently one of Eero’s favorite colors when it came down to clothes.

Tommi himself had found a brown sweater, which he liked and gestured for Eero to join him so that they could try the clothes on. Tommi emerged first, checked his appearance in the mirror, and decided to buy the sweater. A moment later, Eero joined him and Tommi had to admit that the green sweater looked good on the younger man. “You should buy it.”

Eero shook his head however. “I can’t. It’s too expensive and even if it were cheaper, I still couldn’t afford it. I barely have enough money left to pay my rent…”

Tommi swallowed hard. He had forgotten about the situation Eero was in. “We’ll have a look at your finances and see what we can do. Social services should support you…”

Eero shrugged, removed the sweater, and sighed. “It’s no big deal. I still got enough clothes left that will get me through the winter. I’ll browse some more while you pay…” Eero put the sweater aside so that the sales woman could put it back on the right pile later. “I’ll wait for you at the exit.”

That was fine with Tommi, who nodded. He waited until Eero had left and then retrieved the green sweater. He was going to buy it for Eero. After all, it was Christmas still!

~~~

Eero’s mood had darkened ever since they had entered Stockmann. He had liked the idea to browse some stores earlier, but now he was being reminded of the fact that he couldn’t spend any money. Biting on his lower lip, he paced and couldn’t help but wonder why Tommi bothered with him. The older man was better off without him!

“Hey, don’t look so glum!” Tommi folded an arm around Eero’s waist and pulled him close. “Want some coffee – or tea – and a donut?”

Eero wasn’t hungry, but he knew Tommi was eager to go to Arnold’s, so he nodded. “You should know though that I won’t order anything. I just can’t spare the money.”

“You’re invited of course,” Tommi said and winked at Eero. “Let me play Santa this Christmas, all right?”

Eero nodded, realizing it would be stupid to fight over the few Euros, which Tommi would spend on his tea and donut. “I’ll make it up to you…somehow.”

“You don’t have to,” Tommi reassured Eero as he steered the younger man back onto the street again. His arm stayed in place and he pulled Eero close against him. They entered Arnold’s and found a nice table in the back.

Eero wondered about the stealthy look Tommi gave him and asked, “What?”

“If we get six, we pay for five and get one for free,” Tommi said and winked at Eero.

Eero chuckled, amused. “You really like those donuts, don’t you?”

“I love sugar,” Tommi admitted. “Hey, I don’t do drugs and I don’t drink. Let me have some sugar at the least!”

“Sure, you can have your sugar.” Eero smiled fondly at Tommi and found his hand cradled within Tommi’s bigger one. When had that happened?

They selected their donuts, and once they were sitting down again, a waitress delivered their coffee and tea. Tommi chose a donut covered with white chocolate to eat right then and there. “Which one do you want?” he asked Eero.

“The cinnamon one, please…” Eero took hold of the donut and the sweet scent invaded his nostrils, making him eager to bite into it. Surprised, he noticed that he was hungry and practically devoured the donut.

Seeing Eero eat with such relish made Tommi grin. “Do you want another one?”

“I’d better not,” Eero commented. “If I do, I’ll crash later. Sugar isn’t good for me.”

Tommi tucked the box away and drank the rest of his coffee. He checked the time and saw that it was only four in the afternoon. “Do you mind hitting the supermarket to get groceries? I want to eat at home.”

“No problem,” Eero remarked and yawned. For some reason, sugar always tired him. “Let me clean up after dinner. I can do the dishes.” That way, he could make up for Tommi paying for his tea and donut.

“We’ll worry about that later…” Tommi eyed Eero closely. “How about steaks and salad? You *do* eat steak, don’t you?”

“As long as it isn’t made of reindeer I’ll eat it,” Eero replied and winked at Tommi. Wondering why his right hand felt warm, and the other cold, he checked only to find that Tommi had claimed it again.

~~~

They got home around six in the evening and after putting the food in the fridge, Tommi took Eero’s hand again and guided the blond man into the living room. Tommi sat down underneath the Christmas tree and pulled Eero down with him. Once they sat comfortable amidst the pillows, Tommi removed his present from the shopping bag and placed it onto Eero’s lap. “Merry Christmas, Eero, even though I’m late.”

Eero blinked in surprise and then looked at Tommi questioningly. “What did you do?”

“Nothing big. It’s just a small present and you would make me happy if you accepted it.” Tommi smiled radiantly at Eero. The only drawback in giving Eero his present was the fact that he had to let go of the younger man’s hand.

Eero seemed to consider Tommi’s words for a moment and then unwrapped the present. His eyes became big when he saw the green sweater, which he had tried on earlier. “You shouldn’t have done that! Maybe you can return it and get your money back.”

Tommi shook his head. “I want you to have it. It looked good on you and it’s Christmas.” He gave Eero the most pleading look he was capable of and caught the younger man’s bottom lip trembling. “It’s a Christmas present.”

After thinking it over, Eero nodded. He was only accepting the sweater because he had gotten Tommi something too. It had only cost one Euro though and he felt lacking because Tommi had given him something so expensive. “It’s not much…” Eero said and removed a white paper bag from his jeans pocket. “They didn’t wrap stuff so…” He handed Tommi the small bag apologetically.

Tommi’s eyes sparkled with happiness. “You got me something?” He knew that money was tight for Eero, and to receive a gift, no matter how small, was the biggest present he could get. Opening the paper bag, he started grinning. “It’s perfect!” It was a tiny Buddha figure with a big belly and a warm smile on his face.

“It’s said to bring luck if you get a Buddha as a present,” Eero explained, still feeling embarrassed that his gift didn’t compare to the one Tommi had given him.

Tommi recognized the tension on Eero’s part and tried to do away with it. “Ah, and I thought you had gotten it for me because our bellies are similar in size!” Eero’s eyes widened, and a moment later, the younger man burst into laughter, just as Tommi had hoped.

“No…” Eero protested weakly in-between his chuckles. “That thought never crossed my mind!”

“Thanks, Eero. I love it…” Tommi moved closer, folded his arms around Eero, and pulled him into an embrace. The tension from earlier left the younger man’s body and Eero leaned against him, relaxing. “I’m sure the Buddha will bring me lots of luck,” he whispered. “I already feel lucky though because you gave me the chance to get to know you.”

Eero raised his head and smiled at Tommi. He felt like he would burst with happiness any moment now. How odd was that? Smiling at Tommi, he lost himself in those blue eyes. A part of him wondered what was going on and why he felt like that when Tommi was close, but another part didn’t care. He was happy and that was all he had ever wanted.

~~~

Eero had managed most of the steak during dinner and felt full, seated on the couch in the living room. Tommi had already inserted the Shrek sequel into the DVD player and he was waiting for the older man to join him. Tommi was about to step into the living room when the doorbell rang.

“Damn it…” Tommi wasn’t in the mood for company, but the lights were on and his visitor knew that someone was at home. “I’ll try to get rid of them!” Tommi told Eero and headed for the front door. Opening it, Tommi’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Antti? What are you doing here?” Before he could stop the redhead, Antti had moved past him and was already climbing the stairs.

“I thought you might be lonely and I decided to cheer you up. After all, it’s the holidays!” Antti quipped. He reached the landing and looked about.

“What do you think you’re doing storming inside like that?” Tommi had followed Antti upstairs. For some reason, he didn’t want Antti to find out about Eero’s presence. He was selfish and wanted Eero for himself.

“Don’t be like that! I just want to be nice and…” Antti stopped talking the moment he caught sight of someone seated on Tommi’s couch. From where he stood in the corridor, he only saw long, blond hair. Wiggling an eyebrow, Antti turned around and grinned broadly at Tommi. “Ah, why didn’t you say that you had company?”

Tommi sighed. This was bad. Antti was a blabbermouth and within a day, the whole of Tampere would know that he wasn’t alone at home. “Antti, go home, please.”

Still grinning like mad, Antti moved closer to Tommi. “I always wondered what kind of ladies you liked. So, you’re into blondes!”

Tommi sighed again. “Don’t start spreading rumors that aren’t true, you hear me?” He just knew what Antti was going to tell their friends...probably that Antti had caught him in the middle of having sex with a big-busted, blonde woman.

Antti grinned lopsidedly at Tommi. “I never thought you had it in you! Jonne and Ville are in for a big surprise when they get home!” Antti opened the front door and stepped onto the streets. “Tommi, I wish you a merry fucking Christmas!”

Tommi wanted to scold Antti, but the redhead quickly disappeared around the corner. He hoped that Eero hadn’t heard the things Antti had said! Tommi closed the door and climbed the stairs again. Damn Antti for making a mess! Tommi raised his head and his features briefly contorted when he saw Eero standing at the landing. The young man looked worried, which probably meant that Eero *had* overheard Antti’s comments. “I’m sorry about that…Antti is trouble.”

Eero shrugged. “It’s not the first time someone mistook me for a girl.” Eero actually managed a smile. “That doesn’t bother me.”

“What *does* bother you then?” Tommi said upon wrapping an arm around Eero’s shoulder.

“That he’s going to tell everyone he knows that you’re…”

“Sleeping around?” Tommi chuckled and sat down next to Eero on the couch. “My family and friends know that I’m not into one-night-stands. The worst thing that can happen is that they think that I’m in love and dating.” Tommi switched on the movie and pulled the blanket across their knees. Stealing a glance at Eero, he asked, “How about you? Are you into one-night-stands?”

Eero’s eyes bulged, unable to believe that Tommi had asked him that. “Not really,” he said after thinking it over. “I had three of them,” he added honestly. “But afterwards I regretted giving in to my hormones.”

“Hey, you’re young! You’re allowed to give in!”

Eero nibbled on his bottom lip and then raised his head to look at Tommi. “Can I ask you something personal?” Tommi nodded and the older man smiled reassuringly. “Did you have many relationships? I mean, when you’re not into one-night-stands, you might be into something steady.”

Tommi sighed. “Not really. I had a couple of girlfriends, but it never developed into something serious.”

“Why?” Eero hoped that he wasn’t trespassing.

Frowning, Tommi tried to explain. “Somehow it never felt right. Something was missing and…I dedicate so much time to Negative that it’s hard to lead a ‘normal’ life.”

“But would you like to be in a serious relationship?”

Tommi nodded. “Yes, I do… I would love to have someone to come home to at night. Someone who’s waiting for me and who I can spend time with.” Tommi cocked his head and studied Eero in turn. “How about you? You don’t seem to have a girlfriend at the moment.”

Eero blushed delicately. “My last…boyfriend…couldn’t deal with me being depressed and…we separated.” He didn’t dare look at Tommi and stared at the television screen instead.

“You’re into men then?” Tommi hadn’t expected that.

“Mostly…yes… I like girls too, but…not that way.” Eero felt uncomfortable, unable to tell if Tommi had a problem with his sexual preference.

Tommi realized what was going on and drew in a deep breath. “I don’t have a problem with that. Jonne’s bi and… I’m okay with it. Really.”

“He is?” Eero stared at Tommi in surprise.

“Well, it’s rather obvious...at least, I think it is!” Tommi smiled reassuringly.

“And how about you?” Eero bit onto his bottom lip and wondered why he was asking Tommi these questions. He shouldn’t pry on something so personal!

“Me?” Tommi blinked. “You want to know if I’m bi too?”

Eero regretted asking that question since it obviously distressed Tommi. “Forget about it…”

“No…” Tommi placed a hand on Eero’s arm and frowned deeply. “Truthfully? I don’t know. I never had feelings for another man. I don’t think that I’m bi.”

Eero frowned in turn. “You don’t think you’re bi? But you’re not sure?” Deep lines of thought appeared on Tommi’s brow and Eero decided to let the matter rest. “Hey, we’re missing out on the movie.”

Tommi didn’t care about the movie though. Eero had asked him questions, which he had avoided answering for a long time. While Eero seemed to settle in to watch the movie, Tommi couldn’t concentrate on the film. Did he like men? He had never thought about it since his life as Negative’s manager had left him little time to wonder about it, but now that Eero had brought it up…

Peeking at Eero, he took in the younger man’s appearance. Eero was handsome, even Tommi saw that and he liked the young man – period. But did that mean he could develop those kinds of feelings for him? Did he like men? He liked Eero, but did that also mean…? His head spun and Tommi had to close his eyes to center himself. He didn’t want to answer that question because it would make everything so damn complicated. He liked Eero, but that didn’t mean he was in love with him...could ever fall in love with him...nor did he want to be in love with him.

Eero turned his head and eyed Tommi closely. The older man looked worried and, in a way, lost. He hoped he wasn’t to blame for that. He hadn’t wanted to upset Tommi with his questions. He had just been curious. “I’m sorry,” he whispered guiltily.

Tommi raised a hand and waved the comment away. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I never had time to wonder about it.” The mere fact that he wasn’t sure if he was totally straight should tell him something though. Tommi wasn’t sure though if he wanted to admit that he might like men too. Jonne did… and Ville… they had never discussed it, but Tommi had seen Ville look longingly at Japa a few times. Maybe it ran in the family?

Eero however continued to feel guilty for upsetting Tommi.

~~~

It was close to midnight when they finished their movie watching. Eero had fallen asleep during it. Tommi pushed the blanket away, turned on the couch, and studied Eero, who was asleep next to him. Eero had pulled his knees to his chest, had wrapped his arms around his knees, and had cuddled up to the armrest of the couch.

The questions Eero had asked him still spun in his head. Did he like men too? Was he bi, just like Jonne and Ville too? Now he remembered why he had buried himself in work. That way he didn’t have to ask himself those questions.

“You still look worried,” Eero whispered questioningly. He had woken up from Tommi moving about on the couch. “Is it because of the things I asked you?”

Tommi couldn’t lie to Eero. “Yes… I always avoided thinking about that. You reminded me of the fact that I can’t shove it aside forever.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Eero moved about until the side of his face rested against the couch and he could look at Tommi. Eero reached for the blanket, which Tommi had shoved aside, and pulled it up to his shoulders.

“I don’t know,” Tommi replied. He really didn’t.

“Would you feel bad about yourself if you were bi?” Eero didn’t understand why Tommi had such a hard time exploring his sexual preference.

“I have no idea.” Tommi shrugged helplessly.

“I’m sorry I brought it up.” Eero lowered his gaze. “I shouldn’t have pried.”

Seeing Eero distressed made Tommi feel guilty in turn. “It wasn’t your fault…” Slowly, he wrapped his arms around the younger man and pulled him against him. “Maybe you’re right – maybe it’s time to figure out where I stand.” Tommi guided Eero’s head to his shoulder and held the younger man tight, hoping to comfort him that way. “You didn’t do anything wrong, all right?”

Eero nodded against Tommi’s chest and smiled weakly. Tommi didn’t seem angry with him and that reassured him. He wondered about the fact that he had come to care about Tommi so quickly, and unlike Tommi, Eero wondered if his feelings for the older man consisted of more than friendship. Was he falling in love with him?

TBC

Part 6

Eero swallowed his medication, brushed his teeth, and slipped into the pajamas, which he had brought from home. Upon entering Ville’s room, he found it empty and felt disappointed that Tommi didn’t plan on keeping him company that night. He should be realistic about it and admit to himself that there was no reason for Tommi and him to sleep in the same bed. The previous night had been an exception because he had had that nightmare.

Eero slipped between the covers and realized he felt lonely. He missed Tommi. It was odd how quickly he had become used to having the older man around. Being honest with himself, he had to admit that he liked Tommi more than he should. He had gotten to know Tommi in a way he never thought possible and now he felt attracted to him. He realized though that the chances of Tommi liking him back in that way were practically non-existent. Tommi didn’t want to admit to himself that he liked men to begin with.

Eero tossed and turned for two hours. It was half past three in the morning when he rose from the bed and left Ville’s room. He headed for the living room and reached for the acoustic guitar standing in the corridor. Although he was a drummer at heart, he also played the guitar. The lights on the Christmas tree were still on and he sat down beneath it. He rested the guitar on his knee and played the first melody that came to his mind quietly since he didn’t want to wake Tommi.

He couldn’t stay there much longer. He had distressed Tommi and he should leave before things got worse. He should also watch out for himself and his well-being. His therapist had made him promise that he would take good care of himself and by falling in love with Tommi, he was setting himself up for heartache.

“What are you doing here? Can’t you sleep?” Tommi, dressed in baggy sweat pants and a shirt, stood in the doorway and studied Eero, who seemed ill at ease.

Eero nodded, but didn’t stop playing. “I’m too awake to sleep.”

Tommi made his way over to the younger man and sat down next to him. “What kept you awake?”

Eero couldn’t tell Tommi the truth that he was developing feelings for the older man. “I don’t know what exactly. Being in bed alone was odd after last night.” Okay, that hadn’t been a smart thing to say either, but he hadn’t been able to come up with something else. He had the feeling Tommi knew when he lied.

Tommi frowned thoughtfully. “Did you miss my company then?”

Eero stopped playing and privately admonished himself for letting something like that slip. “Maybe.”

Tommi seemed to hear the real answer behind the word. “Do you think you can sleep if I keep you company?”

Eero placed the guitar aside. “You don’t have to do this. I’ll fall asleep eventually.”

Tommi dismissed the comment however and got to his feet. He extended his arm and pulled Eero to his feet. “It’s no sacrifice to sleep in the same bed, Eero…” He pulled Eero along with him and steered him toward the bed.

Eero sat down and grew nervous since Tommi was close again. He had to calm down. He didn’t want Tommi to grow suspicious or figure out what was happening. He was convinced that if Tommi did, he would lose the older man’s friendship again.

Tommi lay down on his side and watched Eero closely. “Come on over here,” Tommi said and patted the space next to him.

Eero drew in a deep breath and lay down on his side next to Tommi. Although he felt nervous, he smiled. “Your hair is all over the place.”

Tommi returned the smile. “That happens when I sleep…” Tommi opened his arms. “You can get closer, you know.”

Eero wasn’t sure if it was the smart thing to do, but the desire to be close to Tommi won and he moved into the older man’s arm. Eero sighed and rested his head against Tommi’s shoulder. When Tommi’s arms closed around him, he finally felt at home. “Tommi?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks for…being…a…friend. I really appreciate the things you did for me…and are still doing for me.”

Eero’s words seemed to touch Tommi and he rubbed the other man’s back. “Thanks for letting me in. I didn’t deserve that second chance, but…thanks anyway. Think you can sleep now?” Tommi asked softly. He felt concerned for the younger man’s well-being. Eero needed sleep, especially since he hadn’t slept well the other night. When he didn’t get an answer, Tommi glanced down. Eero’s chest rose and fell steadily, showing him that the other man was finally asleep. Tommi sighed and wondered what was going on with him. Why did he feel so warm each time he held Eero close? The answer lurked in the back of his mind, but Tommi wasn’t ready yet to pull it into the light.

~~~

Tommi turned in the bed, pulled a pillow close, and was about to go back to sleep again when he realized that something was wrong...missing. “Eero?” Sitting up, Tommi looked about, but found the room empty. For one moment, Tommi panicked and the fact that he reacted like that to Eero’s absence stunned and worried him. “Eero!” Tommi called louder.

“I’m in the kitchen,” came the reply.

Tommi pushed back the covers and swung his feet to the floor. He rose from the bed and walked toward the kitchen. Smiling, Tommi stepped inside and gazed at Eero, impressed. “You made breakfast!” There was even coffee and a donut on his plate. “Can you do this every morning for the rest of my life?”

Eero chuckled and shook his head. “That might pose problems in the future.” He carried a mug of steaming coffee over to the kitchen table and placed it in front of Tommi. Sitting down next to the older man, he nursed his tea.

“Did you already take your medication?” Tommi asked after sipping from his coffee.

“I did.” Eero buttered a slice of toast and added jam to it.

“Tonight is the big night,” Tommi said in-between eating his toast. “We’re kicking out the old year and at midnight it’s time to party! Do you have any plans for tonight?”

Eero nibbled on his bottom lip. “Not really...do you?”

Tommi considered the question carefully. “We can celebrate the New Year at home,” he pondered aloud, but then dismissed the idea. “That’s boring.”

Eero shrugged. “It sounds fine to me. I’m fine with everything as long as we don’t spend the whole evening in a bar.”

Tommi suddenly smiled and sought out Eero’s eyes. “I have an idea!”

“Do I want to know what it is?” Eero quipped.

Tommi’s grin broadened. “We’re going to Helsinki!”

Eero frowned puzzled. “Helsinki?”

“Yes! We’ll go out for dinner, watch the fireworks, and then we party into the night.” Tommi really liked the idea and Eero looked like he might warm up to his idea.

“I’m not sure. Do you want to roam Helsinki’s streets all night?”

“Of course not! We’ll get a hotel room! I don’t want to drive home during the night!” Tommi really liked his idea.

“Do you think we can get a room at such short notice?” Eero liked the idea too, but was also being practical about it. “Maybe if we check the youth hostels then-" He didn’t get a chance to finish though.

“Let’s treat ourselves to a nice hotel! I’m going to call someone who owes me and we’ll get a good deal on the room!” Eager to take action, Tommi took his coffee along as he went searching for his mobile phone.

Eero chuckled softly. Tommi threw one surprise at him after another. New Year’s in Helsinki. That would be a first.

~~~

“Are you still not done packing?” Amused, Tommi watched Eero move about in Ville’s room. Eero hadn’t brought many clothes along from home, but the ones he had brought were spread all throughout the room. “You’re even worse than Ville,” he quipped, bemused.

Eero raised his head and glared stubbornly at Tommi. “That’s not a nice thing to say!”

“It’s the truth though!” Tommi made his way over to the bed. “What are you taking along? All you need is yourself.” Eero gave him a stunning smile and Tommi couldn’t help smile back the same. “I mean it…” He didn’t know what devil was riding him when he placed his arms around Eero’s waist and pulled the younger man close. “I still got a bottle of non-alcoholic champagne lying around. We’ll take that one along, all right?”

Eero rested his head against Tommi’s shoulder and sighed contentedly. “It’ll be my first New Year’s in Helsinki.”

“Mine too.” Tommi smiled and enjoyed holding the younger man close. “Oh and regarding the hotel – everything worked out. I got our room for free.”

“You did?” Eero pulled away. “I’m impressed.” He stuffed a few more things into his bag and shouldered it. “I’m ready to go.”

Tommi grinned, certain that the hotel would impress Eero.

~~~

Eero couldn’t believe his eyes when Tommi guided him into Hotel Kämp. “You can’t be serious! No way we can…” Eero quickly lowered his voice as several of the executives in the lounge gave them odd looks. “Tommi, you got the wrong hotel!”

Tommi merely grinned and headed for the reception desk. Eero continued to feel uncomfortable and did his best to ignore the condescending looks they attracted. “Tommi…” He quickly joined the taller man at the reception desk and tried to hide from view by putting up his collar. He expected the receptionist to tell Tommi that there was no reservation on the name of Liimatainen, but instead, the young man handed Tommi a key card.

“We’re all set. Let’s bring our stuff to our room, rest, and then head into the city!” Tommi moved toward the elevator and when Eero fell behind, he took the younger man’s hand and pulled him along.

Eero continued to ignore the looks he got and quickly stepped into the elevator.

Tommi looked at Eero and realized that something was wrong. “Hey, why are you looking so glum?”

“I don’t feel comfortable here. They’re looking at me!”

“They’re just envious because they aren’t as good-looking as you,” Tommi said and winked at Eero. Eero’s headed jerked up and the younger man stared at him in surprise. “Yes, you’re handsome!” Tommi chuckled and shook his head.

Eero grew flustered and quickly lowered his head. Was Tommi flirting with him? The elevator came to a stop and they exited it.

“Over there!” Tommi guided the way and when he reached their room, he used the keycard to open it.

Eero followed Tommi inside and his jaw dropped as he saw the luxurious interior. “Fuck…”

Tommi seemed to love the fact that he had made Eero speechless. “Do you like it?”

Eero nodded and then noticed that there was just one bed – king-sized, but still just one bed. That meant they were going to share again. That thought alone made him feel all warm inside.

“What side of the bed do you want?” Tommi asked as he turned around to study Eero.

“I don’t care…” Eero moved toward the bed, positioned himself in front of it, and let himself fall backwards on it. “I love it!”

Tommi chuckled, selected the left side of the bed and placed his bag. “Let’s rest for a while and after we freshen up, we head for the Senate Square to watch the fireworks!”

Eero knew he shouldn’t, but he turned onto his side and rested his head on Tommi’s shoulder. Automatically, Tommi wrapped an arm around him and pulled him closer. Tommi’s actions confused Eero. He knew Tommi didn’t think about him that way, but at the same time, Tommi gave him the impression that he *did* like him in that way. The mixed signals Tommi was sending made him anxious.

“I like holding you,” Tommi said, surprising both of them. “Let’s stay this way for a while…yes?”

Eero’s cheek rubbed against Tommi’s sweater when he nodded. He liked that idea too.

~~~

Tommi peeked around the corner and watched Eero put on eyeliner and mascara. It really stressed the color of his eyes and Tommi found he couldn’t stop staring at Eero, who had also styled his hair rather wildly. “Looking good,” he commented and noticed the way Eero grew flustered.

“Thanks,” Eero whispered and finished putting on his makeup. He had put on his green sweater, faded jeans, and his grey coat was waiting for him on the bed. “I’m ready to go,” he said as he passed by Tommi and shrugged into his coat. He added his red scarf and checked if his gloves were in place.

Tommi nodded, took Eero’s hand in his, and grabbed the non-alcoholic champagne as well. “Let’s get going then!”

~~~

Senator’s square was already half full when they arrived. The atmosphere was good and the people friendly, even though some of them were already drunk. Tommi and Eero declined any alcoholic offers they got and climbed the stairs so that they had a better view later.

Tommi moved behind Eero and wrapped his arms around the younger man. Pulling Eero close, Tommi rested his chin on the other man’s shoulder and watched the other people get drunk and have fun. “What’s the time?”

Eero checked his mobile phone. “Thirty minutes to go to midnight.”

Tommi blinked, remembering something important. “I should call my brothers!” Eero tried to move out of the embrace to give Tommi his privacy, but Tommi stopped him. “Stay, will you…” Eero nodded and Tommi grinned once more. He uncovered his mobile phone and selected Jonne’s number. Jonne didn’t answer the call at once and Tommi wondered if he was interrupting anything, but then heard his brother’s voice through the phone. “Ah, there you are!”

“Tommi! I thought you had forgotten about us!”

Tommi raised an eyebrow. “You sound drunk!”

“We had a few beers, that’s all! Don’t worry about it.”

“I hope you know your limits…and Ville’s.”

“Sure, we do! Give us a little credit!”

“I do trust you two. It’s just hard because you’re so far away! And that at New Year’s!” Tommi admitted.

“Tommi,” Ville’s voice came along the line too. “You’re not home alone, are you? Please tell me you’re not!”

“Ville, give me back the phone, damn it,” Jonne cursed.

“No way! It’s my turn to talk to Tommi now!”

Tommi laughed. “Don’t start fighting over who gets to talk to me!” It was good to know they missed him and both of them wanted to talk to him. “And to answer your question – no, I am not home alone!”

“Who are you with?” Ville asked curiously. “Did Antti drag you along?”

The giggles that traveled down the line alerted Tommi. “He called you, didn’t he?”

“Yes,” Ville said and giggled. “Tommi has a girlfriend…Tommi has a girlfriend! A blonde with big tits!”

“Ville!” Tommi admonished his youngest brother. “I don’t have a girlfriend with big tits!” Eero turned his head and looked questioningly at him. “I’ll explain everything later,” he whispered to Eero.

“Tommi, are you whispering to your girlfriend?” Ville and Jonne exploded into giggles.

Tommi grunted. He should have known that Antti wouldn’t stay still. “You’re way too drunk to talk to. Have a good New Year and I’ll see you in two days then!”

“Have a great New Year’s too, Tommi…and we want to meet your girlfriend, just remember that,” Jonne said.

Tommi ended the call and put the phone away. “I’m going to bite Antti’s head off.”

“Why?” Eero turned in the embrace and studied Tommi. Tommi didn’t seem upset, just annoyed. “What did he do?”

“He told them that I have a girlfriend with big tits!”

Involuntarily, Eero looked down at his chest. “I don’t have any!”

Tommi burst out laughing. “Thanks for not being upset by this.”

“Why should I?” Eero turned around again and stared at the city. “Ten more minutes to go.”

Tommi’s thoughts however had drifted off. He no longer thought about New Year’s, but about Eero. Eero had said that he didn’t have any tits, which was true of course, but hadn’t denied being Tommi’s ‘girlfriend’ or boyfriend to be exact. What did that mean? Did it mean Eero would want to date him?

~~~

The countdown had started. The people on the square were counting down and Eero turned in the embrace once more, wanting to see Tommi’s face. Smiling, he counted along and when the New Year started, he gazed happily at Tommi. “Let’s hope the New Year will be better than the last!”

Tommi however wasn’t thinking about the New Year. Weren’t you supposed to kiss the person you celebrated the New Year with? To his surprise, he realized that he wanted to kiss Eero. Leaning in closer, he swallowed nervously and then pressed his lips against the younger man’s.

Eero didn’t expect the move. Maybe he had hoped that it would happen, but to feel Tommi’s lips on his still stunned him. He didn’t know how to react at first. He wanted to return the kiss, since it was welcome, but at the same time, he already felt confused and didn’t know how to interpret Tommi’s action correctly. Was it just a kiss to celebrate the New Year or was it something more? In the end, he decided to return the kiss, but in the same way as Tommi was kissing him. He didn’t deepen it or try to slip his tongue into Tommi’s mouth. It was light kiss, although he would never have called it chaste.

Tommi loved the feel of Eero’s soft lips against his and pulled the younger man even tighter against him. Kissing his girlfriends had never thrilled him as much as kissing Eero did. The applause, cheers, and yells from the people around them brought Tommi back to his senses and he suddenly realized fully what he had done. He had acted on impulse by kissing Eero and now wondered if he hadn’t made a huge mistake. Pulling away from Eero, he peeked at the younger man to find out Eero’s reaction. Although Eero looked stunned, he also looked happy. Apparently, the kiss had been welcome and that thought made Tommi smile. “You taste good.” Damn it, he really needed to start watching what he said around Eero.

“What was that for?” Eero asked softly, ignoring the noise around him. In the distance, fireworks hit the midnight sky but he barely noticed them. He only had eyes for Tommi.

Tommi grew flustered. He seldom blushed and could count the moments on one hand. “It’s tradition, isn’t it?”

Eero wondered if there was more to the kiss, but was hesitant to probe deeper since he didn’t want to annoy Tommi. “It was a good kiss,” he said eventually.

Tommi nodded. “It was…” Looking at Eero questioningly, he added, “You didn’t mind me kissing you?”

Eero realized that Tommi’s question went deeper than just that. Tommi was asking about his feelings. “I didn’t…” Gathering his courage, he added, “And I wouldn’t mind you kissing me again.” He bit his bottom lip. In a way, he still wasn’t sure if he had read Tommi’s feelings for him correctly. The other man simply confused him.

Tommi smiled at that. “Shall I kiss you again then?”

Eero returned the smile and nodded. “I would like that.”

Tommi leaned in closer and brought Eero in for another kiss. It was still rather innocent, but for the first time, some passion showed. Once the kiss ended, both men were blushing and Tommi drew in a deep breath. There was no way he could deny the truth any longer, and since he was an open and direct person, he whispered, “Eero, something has happened during the last few days. I think I’m developing feelings for you.”

Eero’s heart missed a beat at that. “Are you sure?”

Tommi nodded. Eero had started this by asking him if he was bi or not. He guessed he could answer that question now. “I’m falling in love with you.”

TBC

Part 7

Eero’s mouth went dry and his heartbeat picked up in speed. “Are you sure?” He had a hard time believing the things he was hearing. Sure, he had suspected that Tommi liked him that way, but he hadn’t thought the older man would admit that to himself so easily.

“I’m sure.” Tommi chuckled softly. “Who would have thought something like this would happen.” Tommi’s hand traveled up Eero’s back and settled at the nape of his neck.

Eero gazed thoughtfully at Tommi. “And how do you feel about the fact that it’s *me* you like that way? What I’m trying to say is that you didn’t like me before I showed up on your doorstep. Isn’t this a bit sudden?”

Tommi nodded in understanding. “Believe me…this surprises me too, but… I can’t help feeling this way about you. Something happened during these last few days.”

Eero considered the things Tommi had told him and decided to be honest with the older man. “I feel the same way about you,” he said and a pleased gleam appeared in Tommi’s eyes. “I didn’t want to bring it up since I wasn’t sure how you would react to it. I wasn’t sure you were ready to admit that…that you liked me.”

“I understand your concern,” Tommi replied. “I don’t know where this is headed, but can we let things happen and see where it takes us?”

Eero gave that question some thought. He didn’t want his heart broken in case Tommi reconsidered, but what was life without taking risks at times? “We can do that.”

Feeling accomplished, Tommi pulled Eero close against him. “You feel cold.”

“Then warm me up! That’s your job now!”

~~~

They had opened their champagne bottle and had taken a few sips from it, but since it was non-alcoholic, it failed to warm them up inside. Tommi glanced at Eero questioningly and then grinned. “Want to head back to the hotel and have a hot drink at the bar?”

Eero liked that idea. “I would love some hot chocolate.” He could take his medication at the same time as well.

Tommi held Eero’s hand tightly in his when they walked away from the square and back to the hotel. Once they were inside, they headed for the bar where Tommi ordered hot chocolate and a glass of water for Eero. Eero swallowed his pills and then wrapped his hands around the hot mug. Glancing at Tommi from over the rim, he realized that he couldn’t stop grinning at the older man. Tommi had the same problem and a minute later they both chuckled.

“I had forgotten what it feels like to be in love,” Tommi quipped after sipping from his drink.

Eero agreed. Having these butterflies in his stomach felt good. He didn’t feel the need to talk much. All he wanted was Tommi close and his hand buried inside the older man’s. “This is unexpected,” he whispered eventually.

“It is,” Tommi agreed. “But hopefully not unwelcome?”

“Not at all.” Eero continued to smile at Tommi. “I feel nervous,” he admitted.

“Why?”

“I don’t know… Maybe because I had hoped something like this would happen, but I never expected for it to come true.”

Tommi understood what Eero was trying to say. He felt the same way. He had finished his drink and watched Eero closely, trying to figure out what he should do next. Once Eero placed his empty mug on the counter, he asked, “Do you want to go up to our room?” The fact that Eero grew flustered again amused him.

“I *am* tired,” Eero admitted. He wasn’t sure what Tommi’s plans were for the night, but he hoped that they would go slowly. He needed that.

“Then let’s get some sleep!” Tommi paid for their drinks and with Eero’s hand still locked tightly with his, they made their way to their room.

Once inside, Eero felt awkward around Tommi, although not nervous. He exchanged his clothes for his pajamas and slipped between the covers. The bed was warm and the mattress soft – a perfect place to end a perfect day.

Tommi joined him a moment later, and once he was comfortable, he encouraged Eero to move into his arms. Eero turned onto his side, wrapped an arm around Tommi’s waist, and rested his head against his shoulder. Tommi sighed contentedly. He hadn’t known that holding someone could feel so good. “Thanks for a great day, Eero,” he whispered and searched the younger man’s eyes.

“You made it great,” Eero whispered shyly. “Give me a goodnight kiss?”

Tommi chuckled. “Of course.” Stroking some strands of hair away from Eero’s face, he pressed his lips against the younger man’s and kissed him.

Eero’s toes curled from the tenderness of the kiss. He didn’t know what he had expected Tommi’s kisses to be like, but not so loving. His cheeks were red by the time Tommi pulled away and Eero definitely felt giddy. Content, he rubbed his cheek against Tommi’s shirt. “That was a very good kiss.”

Tommi chuckled again. “I’m glad you like it.” His hand rubbed Eero’s back and he sighed deeply. Having Eero close and kiss him goodnight had felt exciting. If he already felt like that on the first night of the New Year, he wondered what the rest of the year would be like.

~~~

The next morning, Eero woke to Tommi nuzzling his throat. One look showed that Tommi was still asleep. Tommi being attracted to him still flattered Eero though. Raising an arm, he pushed the hair away from Tommi’s face. The long mane was tangled and Eero took to stroking it. Tommi reminded him of a Viking and he giggled.

The giggling woke Tommi who had started to wake up from the touch. He opened first one eye and then the other. “Morning,” he said and pressed a kiss onto Eero’s brow.

“Morning,” Eero whispered shyly. He liked waking up in Tommi’s arms, but he would like a good morning kiss even better. Maybe he should take the initiative this time around. Moving even closer, he pressed his lips against Tommi’s and stole a kiss.

Tommi tightened his hold on the younger man and deepened the kiss. His tongue pressed against Eero’s lips, and when the other man opened his mouth to let him in, Tommi eagerly pushed ahead.

Eero’s breath caught and he found it extremely hard to continue breathing throughout the kiss. Tommi seemed to notice and pulled away with a knowing grin on his face.

Tommi caressed Eero’s face and looked smug for making the other man feel breathless. “You look tempting in the morning.” To his amusement, his comment made Eero blush again. “It’s true!” Eero was about to comment back when his stomach growled loudly. Hearing the sound made Tommi laugh. “I guess that’s our cue to have breakfast! Do you want to shower first?”

“Do you think we have enough time left for me to do that after breakfast?”

“Sure, we don’t need to check out until twelve. You have plenty of time.” Since they hadn’t gone to bed late, they had woken at a reasonable hour. It was only ten. “Do you want to spend the rest of the day in Helsinki? I can show you around if you like. Or would you rather head back to Tampere?”

“We can do some sightseeing,” Eero remarked as he slowly sat up in bed. He stretched, yawned, and realized that he hadn’t felt this relaxed in a long time. “And head back to Tampere after lunch?”

Tommi liked the idea. “We will do just that. You can have the bathroom first,” he offered.

“Thanks.” Eero stroked Tommi’s face, blushed, and quickly left the bed.

Tommi realized the flight for what it was and chuckled. He moved until his back rested against the headboard and mentally reviewed the last week. It was hard to believe that everything had happened so quickly, but he wasn’t complaining.

Thirty minutes later, they sat at the breakfast table. While Eero had opted for tea once more, Tommi enjoyed his strong coffee. “They even have donuts,” Eero pointed out to Tommi with a wicked grin on his face.

Tommi looked down at his abdomen and then raised his head to look at Eero. “You don’t think I’m growing fat?”

Eero almost spat out the tea he had been drinking. “Of course not! You’re built that way! There’s nothing wrong with it!”

Eero’s answer pleased Tommi. “You like Vikings then?”

Eero burst into laughter. “I guess I do.” He got to his feet, walked over to the buffet, and placed a donut onto a plate. After returning to their table, he placed it in front of Tommi. “Enjoy.”

Tommi gazed lovingly at Eero, took hold of the donut, and started eating.

~~~

“They made a mess last night,” Eero commented as they returned to the square later that day. Empty bottles, plastic glasses, and other trash crowded the stairs leading up to the cathedral

Tommi shrugged and pulled Eero into his arms instead. “I can’t stop looking at you and I want you close the whole time.”

Eero grew sad. ”I wonder how long that will last.”

“Are you suggesting I might tire of you?” Tommi hadn’t expected such a comment from Eero. It meant the younger man didn’t have such a high opinion of himself…but that shouldn’t surprise him since he had noticed that before.

Eero shrugged. “Things like that happen… Relationships break apart and…”

“Hey, we’re just getting started and you’re already thinking of a possible break up?” Tommi placed a finger against Eero’s lips to stop him from finishing. “Enjoy the moment. Live in the present, Eero. You can’t change the past and the future will do whatever it pleases. You can’t influence it.”

Tommi was right of course, but the remark couldn’t change the way he felt about himself. His depression had had several causes and low self-esteem was one of them. “I’ll work on it,” he promised, just as he had promised his therapist weeks ago.

“I should make sure that you have no reason for such gloomy thoughts,” Tommi remarked and rubbed the small of Eero’s back. Claiming Eero’s lips again, he caressed the younger man’s face and focused on making him feel good.

Eero closed his eyes, concentrated on the kiss and feeling Tommi’s lips on his. He was about to lock his tongue around the older man’s when suddenly…

“Tommi? Tommi! Yes, that’s you!”

Tommi’s eyes widened when he heard someone call out his name. His first reaction was to push Eero away, but then he told himself to get a grip. He didn’t intend to hide his feelings for the younger man and he had already been caught in the act. He wasn’t going to make things worse by denying anything or hurting Eero by pushing him away.

Eero’s heart missed a beat from hearing Tommi’s name called and instead of checking on the person’s identity, he buried his face against Tommi’s coat.

Tommi turned his head. “Of course…I should have known it would be you.” A few meters away stood Japa and Antti. Both men grinned from ear to ear and gazed at him expectantly. “Don’t…”

Antti however had no intention of backing down. “Come on, Tommi! Introduce us to your lady! I never thought you’d manage to find one! You’re so damn picky!”

“I’m not!” Tommi glared at the redhead. “And the two of you are interrupting, so get going!”

“Come on, man,” Japa said and smiled wickedly. “We caught you in the act! The least you can do is to introduce us!”

Tommi knew both men well enough to know that they wouldn’t leave him in peace until they had gotten their way. Looking at Eero, he whispered, “They won’t go until they know…” Eero’s insecurity showed in his eyes, but the younger man still nodded. He too knew that they couldn’t run. “Okay…” Tommi drew in a deep breath and faced Antti and Japa again. “First…it’s not a lady, all right? You need glasses if you two can’t tell that Eero is male.” Slowly, he turned Eero around in the embrace until the younger man’s face was visible. “So be good and apologize.”

It was impossible to tell who was more surprised. Both men stared at Eero in shock. Japa blinked, blinked again, and tried to speak, but no sound left his lips. It was Antti, who composed himself first. “Uh, Tommi… I never knew you’re into guys,” Antti remarked, obviously feeling awkward about the situation.

“Then you know it now,” Tommi stated calmly.

Japa scratched the back of his head and tried to make sense of what he had seen and the things Tommi had told him. “No offense, but you did look like a girl from where I was standing,” he told Eero.

“It’s okay…” Eero dismissed the comment. “It’s not the first time it happened.”

“Oh, Antti…thanks for calling Jonne and Ville and telling them that I have a girlfriend! I’ve got a lot to explain thanks to you!” Tommi wagged a finger at Antti. “Why can’t you just keep quiet when you need to be? No, you have to tell everyone!”

Antti had the grace to look embarrassed. “Sorry, maybe I should have kept quiet…” He still looked to be having a hard time believing that he had just caught Tommi making out with Eero. “But…why did you never tell us that you like men too?”

“Because I wasn’t sure,” Tommi said and sighed. “I never thought about it until Eero came along.”

“That’s odd,” Antti continued. “You never particularly liked him in the past if I remember correctly.”

“I never took the time to get to know him.” Tommi wished Japa and Antti would disappear again. They had ruined his romantic mood.

“But…Eero?” Antti shook his head in wonder. “I never thought…”

“Be careful what you say,” Tommi cautioned the redhead.

“I’m quiet already,” Antti said. “And I won’t tell your brothers.”

“Thanks, because I want to be the one who explains it to them. You already did enough damage,” Tommi retorted while glaring at Antti.

“I didn’t mean to cause problems.” Antti looked guilty for starting the wrong rumor. “I’m surprised to see you in Helsinki,” he said, wisely changing the subject.

“We watched the fireworks last night,” Tommi replied. “And we’ll drive back to Tampere in a bit.”

“I spent the night at Japa’s. Teemu is still out there...somewhere. We lost track of him last night. We had a bit too much to drink,” Antti admitted.

“Good luck finding him,” Tommi said and started to turn away from the two men. “And keep quiet!”

“I will,” Antti replied, but he threw Japa a wicked grin. He might not be at liberty to tell others, but people could overhear his conversations with Japa and then he wasn’t to blame for them finding out! He hadn’t told them—had he?

~~~

Tommi and Eero headed for the car and started their drive back to Tampere. Music played softly from the radio and both men were busy sorting out their thoughts and feelings. Eero turned his head and looked at Tommi, who was concentrating on the road. “When will Jonne and Ville get home?” So far, they had avoided discussing Tommi’s brothers, but they couldn’t continue to ignore it.

“Late tomorrow evening. I need to pick them up at the airport.” Tommi had been thinking about his brothers too. Since Antti had seen him making out with Eero, it was only a matter of time before the whole of Tampere knew about it and then eventually his brothers would hear it too. “We can’t keep it from them with Antti knowing about it…”

Eero nodded. “How do you think they will react?”

“I honestly can’t tell. Jonne has been nagging me about getting a girlfriend for years now, but he never knew I liked men too.” Tommi shrugged.

“And what about the fact that it is *me*?” Eero worried about that the most.

“What do you mean by that?” Tommi briefly glanced sideways.

“Well…” Eero frowned deeply. “Ville and I used to be close friends. We’re the same age and…I’m scared that Jonne and Ville will think that I’m too young for you…or that I’m after your money…something like that.”

Tommi’s jaw dropped. “What? I’m not that rich, you know!”

“Still…” Eero shrugged. “There’s a big age gap between us.”

“Is that a problem for you?” Tommi glanced at Eero again.

“Not for me, no…but I don’t know how Jonne will think about it.”

Tommi couldn’t concentrate on driving and carrying on such a serious discussion at the same time, so he steered away from the road and found a restaurant where he parked the car. After killing the engine, he turned toward Eero. “I don’t know either how Jonne and Ville will react, but Eero…I will fight, if necessary.”

Hearing that gave Eero heart. He really worried about Jonne and especially Ville’s reaction.

~~~

That evening, Tommi noticed that Eero seemed uneasy around him. He reckoned it had everything to do with their conversation that afternoon. “Eero?” He gestured for the younger man to join him on the couch instead of pacing the living room. Eero sat down next to him, but Tommi had different plans for him and pulled him onto his lap. Eero blushed and glanced at him in surprise. “You’re not giving up, are you?”

Eero shook his head. “I want this as much as you do, but I worry.”

“Leave Jonne and Ville to me and please, don’t worry like that. Maybe they’ll be happy for me and accept this without causing any problems.”

“I worry though,” Eero explained. “I know what they are like. Ville won’t like that I’m so much younger than you. And Jonne…Jonne will want to look out for you and…people know that I’m bad news. Your reputation will go down the drain when they know we’re together.”

“Stop that,” Tommi ordered resolutely. “That’s not true. That’s in your head. Don’t be so pessimistic, please. Don’t rule me out. I’ve got something to say in the matter too. I get to decide whom I want to be with, don’t you think?”

“But what will you do if they oppose your decision?” Eero asked in a small voice.

“Then I’ll make them see that they’re wrong. We’ll talk about it, maybe even fight it out. They’ll sulk…I’ll sulk and in the end, we make up. We always do.” Rubbing Eero’s back, he hoped the younger man would calm down. “Have some faith in me.”

Eero nodded. Tommi’s touch soothed him, but it didn’t take away his worries. He knew that if Tommi had to choose between his brothers and him, Jonne and Ville would win.

~~~

“Don’t brood,” Tommi begged Eero. “It won’t help.” They had cuddled up in bed and Tommi wished Eero would relax against him. The tension in Eero’s body worried him. “Please, everything will turn out all right.”

Eero wanted to believe that, but… “I know that I’m making things worse by giving into brooding, but I’m still worried.”

Tommi drew in a deep breath and pressed a kiss onto Eero’s lips. “Listen to me. I’ve waited years to fall in love again and I’m not giving up so easily. Jonne and Ville want me to be happy and won’t sabotage us. Sure, it might take them time to accept that we’re in love but, they will. Trust me.”

Eero closed his eyes and pressed tightly against Tommi. “I hope you’re right.”

TBC

Part 8

Eero moaned softly and moved about as he started to wake up. Opening his eyes, he found himself lying on top of Tommi. Sometime during the night he had crawled onto the older man and had been using him as a pillow ever since. Smiling, he stared at Tommi, who was still sound asleep.

He wished he had Tommi’s confidence in his brothers. Sure, Ville and he were best friends, or had been for more than ten years, but that wasn’t a guarantee that Ville would accept this relationship. It was one thing to be friends...it was another if your friend started dating your oldest brother. And then there was Jonne. He didn’t know Jonne that well since most of the time he had been hanging out with Ville and Jonne had seldom been about.

“You’re frowning,” Tommi whispered and he raised a hand to stroke Eero’s brow. “Don’t.”

Eero smiled lovingly at Tommi and deposited a light kiss onto the older man’s lips. He was relieved that they were taking things slowly since he wanted to find out the brothers’ reaction before he allowed himself to fall head over heels for Tommi. “Do you have plans for today?” he asked in an effort to draw Tommi’s attention away from his brooding.

“How about we stay in bed most of the day? We can have breakfast in bed.” Tommi seemed to want to be lazy for a change.

Tommi’s suggestion surprised Eero. “All day?”

Tommi raised an eyebrow. “You don’t like it?”

“I like it…it’s just…I have therapy this afternoon.”

“You didn’t mention it before,” Tommi remarked thoughtfully.

“It slipped my mind,” Eero admitted. “I need to be there at four.”

“I’ll drive you. Maybe after that we can eat out?” After Eero had nodded, Tommi buried his fingers in the younger man’s hair and massaged the back of his head. “Can I think of you as my boyfriend now?”

Eero blushed, moistened his lips, and looked deeply into Tommi’s eyes. “If you’re okay with the fact that I’m not a blonde with big tits.”

Eero said it very seriously and Tommi burst into laughter. “I like you better this way!” He hugged Eero close and rubbed his back. Pulling away slightly, he made eye contact again. Eero was chuckling too. “You didn’t answer my question though.”

Eero grew serious again and after a moment, he nodded. “If you want me, I’m yours.”

Tommi grinned smugly. “I want you, yes…so you’re mine now.” Moving closer, he brushed Eero’s lips with his and then pressed harder. Eero parted his mouth and Tommi’s tongue moved inside to meet its counterpart in a sensual duel. The kiss deepened, their moans grew loader, and Eero moved restlessly against Tommi. For both men, it had been a long time since they had last been in such an intimate situation and their bodies reminded them that they had certain needs. Both of them were hesitant to move too quickly though and they limited themselves to kisses and caresses.

“I’m not sure how much more I can take,” Tommi muttered. “It’s been too long…”

Eero understood and nodded. “We had better stop now…before…we go too far.”

“I would like to go further with you, but not yet…” Tommi carefully monitored Eero’s reaction. “Have you been with a man before?”

Tommi’s question took Eero by surprise. He hadn’t thought Tommi would ask him that so quickly. “A few times, yes.”

“What part did you take?” Tommi was curious to find out more.

Eero blushed. “I like both…I’m…flexible.”

Tommi chuckled. “Something tells me that things won’t be boring with you in my bed.”

Eero smiled seductively. “Maybe…” Cocking his head, he added, “You can be on top…if we ever…you know…” The smug look disappeared and insecurity replaced it. “I don’t mind being on…the…bottom.”

Tommi ran his thumb along Eero’s jaw line. “I want to talk some more about that when we decide to take that step. I’ve never been with a man before. You’ll need to guide me.”

Eero swallowed hard. “I can’t believe you would want that…with me, you know.”

“Why not? I’m falling in love with you. It’s normal that I want to be with you in that way...most certainly that way,” Tommi declared passionately.

Eero rested his head on Tommi’s shoulder once more. Tommi’s passionate declaration had touched his heart and he hoped fervently that Jonne and Ville would accept them being together.

~~~

“I’ll pick you up in an hour.” Tommi had left the car and had walked Eero to the entrance of the building where his therapist resided.

Eero nodded. “Thanks for driving me…” Tommi surprised him when the older man wrapped his arms around him and kissed him. He hadn’t thought Tommi would show his affection so openly in public. “What if people see—“

Tommi shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. Antti knows, so everyone else knows too.”

Well, if Tommi thought about it like that, then… Eero reached for Tommi, pulled him close, and kissed him on the lips. “See you in one hour.” He let go, turned around, and headed for the entrance. A look over his shoulder showed that Tommi had a silly smile on his face and looked utterly in love.

~~~

Tommi was already pacing the curb when Eero stepped onto the street. “Ah, there you are! I was beginning to think that I had gotten the time wrong!” Tommi covered the distance between them and buried Eero in a hug.

“You’re right on time.” Eero hooked his arm with Tommi’s and fell into step with his new boyfriend. It was odd to think of Tommi that way, but his therapist had encouraged him to do so. “Where are we going?” He had expected Tommi to guide him to the car, but instead, they were moving away from the vehicle.

“There’s a good Italian restaurant around the corner or would you rather have Chinese?” Tommi frowned since he didn’t know Eero’s food preferences yet.

“Italian is good. I love pasta and pizza.” Eero pressed against Tommi and soaked up his body warmth. Having dinner at a public pace was a good thing since they needed to talk.

~~~

Eero placed his order and sipped from his diet coke. Tommi reached across the table and claimed his free hand, which made Eero smile and squeeze Tommi’s fingers in turn. “I’ve got good news,” he started, wanting to start with the safest subject. “My therapist put me on lighter medication.”

“That’s good!” Tommi said enthusiastically. “It means you’re getting better, right?”

Eero nodded slowly. “Yes, it does. But I still need the medication and therapy. I’m not a hundred percent yet.”

“I get that,” Tommi replied and pulled Eero’s hand closer to him. “I’m happy though that you’re doing better.”

“That has everything to do with you.” Eero smiled shyly. “We discussed you – my therapist and I – and he helped me realize just how much I care about you.”

Tommi’s smile became radiant. “I care deeply about you too.”

Eero drew in a deep breath and sighed. That had been the good news. Now he had to address something more serious that he worried about. “Tommi, when do you have to pick up Jonne and Ville?”

“In two hours. We have time. No need to rush dinner,” Tommi replied, not thinking much of Eero’s question.

Eero moistened his lips and felt nervous when he addressed Tommi again. “I think it’s best if I go home tonight and don’t join you when you pick them up.”

“Sure, you can wait for us at home.” Tommi rubbed Eero’s fingers and played with them.

“My home...not yours,” Eero clarified while shaking his head in amusement when Tommi referred to his apartment as their home. Tommi frowned at him and Eero could tell that he had upset the older man.

“But why?” Tommi asked, stunned.

“I don’t feel certain that they will accept this and I don’t want to be there in case they get angry. I talked about it with my therapist and he said that I should do what feels best.”

Tommi couldn’t argue with that. “He’s right. You need to do what’s best for you, but I still think you worry unnecessarily. Jonne and Ville won’t bite your head off.”

“I want to know that for sure before I face them. I’m a coward…” Eero looked apologetically at Tommi.

Tommi couldn’t be angry with Eero and smiled reassuringly. “All right, I’ll drive you home and then I’ll pick up Jonne and Ville.”

“Are you going to tell them tonight?”

“I had better. Knowing Antti, he’s dying to tell them. I had better beat him to it.”

“I would do the same thing if I were in your shoes.” Eero gazed pensively at Tommi. “Will you call me and let me know how they reacted after you told them?”

“I’ll do better than that. I’ll join you at your place after I told them.”

Eero’s eyes widened. “Are you serious? You want to be with me instead of your brothers? You haven’t seen them in…?”

“Ten days…but I know they’re doing fine. It would be different if one of them was in trouble. Or don’t you want me with you tonight?”

“Of course I want you with me!” Embarrassed, Eero fumbled with the tablecloth. “I just thought that…”

Tommi squeezed Eero’s hand again. “I love my brothers unconditionally, but that doesn’t mean I love you less.”

Eero managed a smile. “I’ll warm the bed then.”

“You do that.” Tommi leaned in closer and kissed Eero. “Let’s eat pizza and then we’ll have dessert…”

“A donut?” Eero quipped.

“You imp!”

~~~

Tommi didn’t like leaving Eero behind in his tiny apartment. It was weird, but he started to miss Eero when it had only been a few minutes on his way over to the airport. Although he was happy that his brothers would join him shortly, he wanted Eero there as well.

~~~

Tommi was waiting in the arrival hall and couldn’t help pacing the area. Jonne and Ville’s plane had landed, but it would take them time to collect their luggage. In the meantime, his thoughts drifted off to Eero. He didn’t doubt his feelings for the younger man. He knew he was in love with him and he was going to fight for their love!

“Tommi!”

Something almost knocked him off his feet and only his reflexes kept him from crashing to the floor. Tommi grinned, knowing damn well *who* had crashed into him. It was the combined force of his brothers. “You should know better than to do that!”

Jonne smiled brilliantly at Tommi. “We missed you! Can you blame us?” Jonne wrapped his arms around Tommi the best way he could. “Did you miss us too?” Ville, who had tackled Tommi from the side, also managed to fold his arms around his oldest brother and hugged him close.

Happy, Tommi pulled them close and pressed kisses on their heads. “Of course I missed you, you two little idiots!”

Jonne and Ville exchanged pleased looks. “You know,” Jonne started. “We love being back here, but the weather sucks!”

“I told you winter would hit you hard when you got back.” Tommi took hold of the pink beast, which Jonne called his suitcase, and dragged it with him as they headed for the exit. “The two of you gained a nice tan!”

“I didn’t burn this time!” Jonne was extremely proud of himself. “I used the right sun block and didn’t go into the sun for too long.”

Ville sighed deeply and seemed happy to be home again. Tommi put their luggage in the back of his car and once they were all inside, he started the engine and drove away from the airport. Jonne was moving about on his seat and Tommi just knew what was coming.

“So, you have a girlfriend?” Jonne asked wickedly. “One with big tits?”

Tommi rolled his eyes. “Can’t this wait until we’re home? Why don’t you tell me about your vacation? Was the hotel any good? Did you have a fling?”

Jonne sulked and glared at Tommi. “If you’re not telling, we’re not telling either!”

Ville leaned forward from the back seat and whispered, “I missed you, Tommi. I didn’t think I would. Not to such an extent.”

Tommi looked at Ville via the mirror. “I missed you too, little brother.”

Ville pressed a kiss onto Tommi’s cheek and leaned back, content that Tommi had missed him too.

~~~

Tommi placed Jonne’s pink monster into his brother’s room and then went into the kitchen to make coffee. Although it was already eleven at night, he needed the caffeine for the upcoming conversation.

Ville joined him in the kitchen first. Ville hopped onto the kitchen table and studied his oldest brother. “You look different somehow. You glow.” Tommi chuckled. He poured himself some coffee and then checked if Ville wanted some too. “No thanks, I want to sleep tonight.”

Tommi sat down at the kitchen table and drank his coffee. “What’s keeping Mr. Curiosity?” he asked, referring to Jonne.

“He’s in the bathroom. Trust me...he’ll be here any second now.” Ville put his feet on a chair and watched his oldest brother. “Are you going to tell us why you’re so happy?”

Tommi nodded. “Yes, but I will wait for Jonne to join us. I don’t want to tell it twice.”

“I’m here!” Jonne announced as he marched into the kitchen. “Bah, how can you drink coffee at this late hour?” Jonne removed some bottled water from the fridge and sat down next to Tommi. “Start talking, Tommi.”

“Antti shouldn’t have called you.” Tommi wondered about the best way to tell them, but he wasn’t sure there was one.

“I understand that you wanted to tell us yourself,” Ville said. “But the damage is done. So, who is the woman you’re dating?”

All right. It was time to drop the first bombshell then. “It’s not a woman,” Tommi said calmly.

Jonne’s eyes grew big and he stared at Tommi in shock. “What did you say?” A look at Ville revealed that his younger brother felt equally bewildered.

“It’s a man.” Tommi gave them a moment to deal with that fact.

“A man…” Jonne repeated the words just to make sure he hadn’t misunderstood. “But… I didn’t even know you liked men!”

“And why did Antti say it was a woman?” Ville wanted to know.

“Antti thought it was a woman because he only saw the blond hair,” Tommi told Ville. Addressing Jonne, he added, “I didn’t know for sure… I never had the time to worry about it or find out.”

“And now you did?” Jonne blinked. “Wow, I never thought…”

“Who’s the guy?” Ville asked suddenly. “The one Antti mistook for a woman?”

Tommi drew in a deep breath and suddenly understood Eero’s worries. “Before I tell you, I want you to know that I’ve fallen in love with him.”

Jonne nodded pensively. “How long have you known each other then? I never heard about this before.”

“He showed up on Christmas Eve, but I’ve known him for two years now. I never considered him in that way though until recently.” Tommi saw skepticism on their faces and realized that it wouldn’t be as easy as he had thought. “The feeling is mutual. We spent Christmas here and went to Helsinki for New Year’s. I drove him home before I picked you up since he's worried about your reaction to finding out about him.”

“Tommi, you’re scaring me. Just tell us who it is!” Jonne hated the way Tommi acted when telling them something delicate. He'd rather that Tommi told him straight.

Tommi looked Jonne in the eye and said, “It’s Eero.”

Jonne’s eyes narrowed suspiciously and Ville hopped from the kitchen table. “My Eero?”

Tommi nodded. “Yes. He showed up on Christmas Eve: he wanted to know if the two of you were still friends and…well, I took him in. He was cold and not doing well.”

Jonne blinked several times. “You and…Eero?”

Tommi met Jonne’s challenging gaze. “Yes. I hope the two of you don’t have a problem with that.”

“But Tommi! Eero’s about my age and you’re…” Ville stopped himself just in time.

“What? Old? Prehistoric? Thanks!” Tommi felt annoyed. “I’m not sixty yet!”

“Sorry,” Ville apologized. “I just never thought…Eero. Of all people…why Eero?”

“We got to know each other better. Remember how I always wanted to go for that sleigh ride and you sabotaged my attempts? I booked that tour this Christmas and took Eero along. We had fun.” Tommi tried to gauge Jonne’s reaction in particular. He didn’t worry about Ville’s that much. He had the feeling Ville would accept it, but Jonne…

“He’s probably after your money…or wants a better record deal,” Jonne stated, obviously fully convinced that he had figured Eero out. “He’s using you.”

“No, he isn’t, but he suspected that you would react like that. Jonne, for the first time in ten years I feel attracted to someone. I’m in love…”

Jonne shook his head. “You can’t be. You’re misreading your feelings!”

Ville placed a hand on Jonne’s arm. “Jonne…”

“No!” Jonne shook Ville’s arm off. “You know Eero best! Tell me, do you think Eero’s for real?”

Ville shrugged. “Eero’s hard to figure out at times, but he’s always honest. You can count on him telling you the truth.”

“And you think that Eero loves Tommi just because he says so? Ville, wake up! Eero’s bad news!” Jonne was frustrated. Why didn’t Ville agree with him? “Tommi, Eero’s on drugs! He’s a junkie and-"

Tommi had had enough. “He’s not. He messed up the medication, which he gets for his depression. That’s why he acted odd.” He got to his feet and glared at Jonne. “I expected you to be happy for me!”

“But Tommi…” Jonne got to his feet as well. “You need someone your own age! Someone mature! Not a kid like Eero!”

Even Ville cringed at Jonne’s bitter tone. “He doesn’t mean it like that,” Ville reminded Tommi. Jonne always got protective where his brothers were concerned. Jonne was convinced that he was looking out for Tommi by saying these things.

“You obviously need time to accept this. I’ll be at Eero’s place if you need me. I’ll keep my phone switched on.” Tommi marched out of the kitchen and grabbed his coat.

“Tommi…give Jonne time to digest the news…” Ville followed Tommi and placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “It *is* a shock.”

“I understand that, but… Eero isn’t after money or fame. He cares about me. I know that.”

Ville shrugged. “I would need to talk to Eero myself to be convinced that he means it.”

“You will talk to him, but not tonight. Not with Jonne throwing a tantrum in there. I’ll be back in the morning. Sleep tight, Ville.” Tommi hugged his youngest brother and descended the stairs. Eero had been right about Jonne... Unfortunately.

TBC

Part 9

Ville sighed, shook his head, and walked over to Jonne. “Why are you so upset about this?” He kept his distance for now, knowing Jonne needed a moment for himself. “I understand that you don’t like the fact that it’s Eero of all people, but…”

Jonne turned his head toward Ville. “I’m upset because there’s no way that Eero really loves Tommi!”

“Why are you so sure about that?” Jonne’s vicious tone surprised Ville. He was missing something, but he had no idea what it was.

Jonne glared at Ville ferociously. “Don’t ask me that!” Jonne turned around and stormed out of the kitchen.

Ville released the breath he had been holding. He knew that Jonne wouldn’t tell him until he was ready to do so and pressuring Jonne was of no use. Jonne could be stubborn when he wanted to.

~~~

Tommi parked the car and killed the engine. He wrapped his fingers around the steering wheel and drew in a series of deep breaths. Damn it, why had Jonne reacted like that? Raising his head, he looked at the window of Eero’s studio and noticed that the light was still on. Good, Eero was still awake then!

Once he had recomposed himself, Tommi got out of the car and locked it behind him. He made his way over to the front door and pressed the buzzer. A moment later, Eero’s voice sounded through the intercom.

“Yes?”

“It’s me, Tommi!”

“Come on upstairs!” Another buzz sounded.

Tommi pushed the door open and climbed the stairs leading to the floor on which Eero’s studio was located. The younger man stood in the doorway and had a worried look on his face. Tommi shrugged and walked toward Eero. Uncaring that they were still in the corridor, he wrapped his arms tightly around the younger man. “I’m glad I’m here with you.”

Eero saw the serious look in Tommi’s eyes and pulled his boyfriend inside. “How bad was it?”

Tommi followed Eero over to the couch. He removed his coat and shoes and sat down. Eero cuddled close and Tommi pulled the younger man onto his lap, needing him close. Eero picked up on Tommi’s needs and wrapped his arms around him. He rested his head against Tommi’s shoulder and squeezed. “That bad?”

Tommi closed his eyes, deeply inhaled Eero’s scent, and stroked the blond hair. “Ville seems to be okay with us being together. It’s Jonne’s reaction that worries me.”

“What did he say? That I’m a gold digger and after your money?” Eero raised his head and cringed at seeing Tommi nod. “I knew it.”

“I don’t understand him though. His reaction was fierce. He opposed our relationship right away.” Tommi rubbed Eero’s back and buried his face against the younger man’s shoulder. “I hope he will come around.”

“I hope so too. I’m scared, Tommi.”

Tommi placed the palm of his hand against Eero’s cheek. “What are you afraid of?”

“That you will have to choose…between your brothers and me…and I know who will win. Blood is thicker than water.” Sadness appeared on Eero’s face. “I just found you…I don’t want to lose you.”

Tommi shook his head. “We’re not thinking about that yet. I hope that Jonne was simply shocked and that he needs time to digest the news.” Tommi held Eero close. He needed to feel him. Raising Eero’s head, he brushed the younger man’s lips with his and awaited Eero’s reaction to that caress.

Eero searched Tommi’s eyes for a long moment and then leaned in closer to instigate another kiss. Deepening it, he lured Tommi’s tongue into his mouth and challenged his lover to a passionate kiss. He slid his fingers into Tommi’s hair and loosened the hair band that kept it together. Combing through it, he pulled away slightly and smiled at Tommi. He had made up his mind. If Jonne didn’t come around and Tommi had to choose, he would lose, he knew that, but he wanted some good memories at the very least.

Tommi relished the sensation Eero’s fingers created as they moved through his hair and moaned softly. He wasn’t sure how far he should go – how far Eero wanted to go, but he still thought they should take things slowly. Sliding a hand beneath Eero’s shirt, he closely watched Eero’s expression. The younger man purred and smiled warmly at him. Touching him like that seemed okay then.

Eero purred into Tommi’s ear. He wasn’t sure if he could control his emotions if Tommi continued like that. His hormones raged and he wanted to take this further, but he also knew it was too soon. Kissing Tommi again, he mimicked his boyfriend’s move and slid his hands beneath Tommi’s sweater. Tommi sucked in his breath. “I love you,” Eero whispered, wanting to have said the words just once.

Tommi looked deeply into Eero’s eyes and memorized the moment. “I think I love you too.”

Eero swallowed hard and then nodded. Resolutely, he took hold of his shirt and removed it.

Tommi sucked in his breath. Suddenly he had a lot of skin beneath his fingertips. “You feel soft.”

Eero smiled and pressed kisses down Tommi’s throat. “You feel warm.” The way Tommi’s hands moved across his upper body made him quiver with desire. If they kept this up, he would have to flee into the bathroom to give himself some relief.

The way Eero moved about on his lap made it hard for Tommi to concentrate – literally hard. “We should stop,” he whispered huskily. “If we go further, then…”

Eero nodded. “I was thinking the same thing.” Burying his fingers in Tommi’s hair once more, he deposited another kiss on the older man’s lips. “I only have a single bed. Not a comfortable, big bed like you.”

“I guess that means we have to cuddle up.”

The wicked look in Tommi’s eyes made Eero chuckle. “You seem to like that idea!”

“I do!” Without giving Eero any warning, Tommi rose from the chair. Eero squeaked and wrapped his arms and legs quickly around the older man.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?” Eero giggled when Tommi lowered him onto the bed. “Be careful! I might get used to being carried around!”

Tommi turned, removed his jeans and sweater, and, clad in his shirt, slipped between the covers. He watched Eero sit upright and struggle out of his jeans as well. “Come here…I can’t let you freeze!” Gooseflesh had formed on Eero’s skin. It was chilly in the room and Tommi was under the impression that the heating was either off or very low. Eero quickly moved into his arms and Tommi pulled the comforter on top of them. Moving onto his side, he caressed Eero’s face. Eero was his boyfriend now. That was a thought he still had to get used to. “I could stay like this forever.”

“Me too.” Eero snuggled up to Tommi and draped an arm possessively across the older man’s hip. “Tommi, what will happen if Jonne-" He didn’t get a chance to finish his question when Tommi placed a finger against his lips.

“Jonne will turn around eventually. Don’t assume the worst. I’m not giving up on you. Please believe me.”

“I believe you.” Eero sighed and closed his eyes. It felt great to have Tommi so close and he wanted to stay like that forever.

“Try to sleep, Eero… And let me do the worrying, please.” The last thing Tommi wanted was for this to drag Eero into depression again. “I will sort everything out. I promise.”

Those were the last words Eero heard, as Tommi’s soothing tone lured him into sleep.

~~~

The next morning, Ville cautiously approached Jonne in the kitchen. Jonne was nursing a mug of coffee and Ville knew his brother well enough to recognize his bad mood. He poured himself coffee too and straddled the chair next to Jonne’s. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Jonne glared at his mug in the hope that his mental powers would make it explode. His anger needed out and since the glaring wasn’t working, he directed his frustration at Ville. “Tommi didn’t come home last night.”

“He said that he would spend the night at Eero’s, remember?” Ville reminded his brother.

“Why aren’t you upset? Eero lured Tommi into loving him!” Jonne glared at Ville. “I don’t understand you!”

“Eero doesn’t set people up.” Ville felt the need to defend his old friend. “I’ve known him for twelve years, Jonne. Eero isn’t the bad person you think he is.”

“He might have been nice in the past, but you know what he is like these days!”

Ville sighed. “Didn’t Tommi explain that? Eero was depressed, on medication, and drinking alcohol messed him up.”

“I don’t care! Eero is bad news!” Defiantly, Jonne crossed his arms in front of his chest. “And I don’t want him to become a part of our family!”

Ville blinked and suddenly understood why Jonne was throwing a tantrum. “You’re jealous!”

“I’m not!” Jonne banged his mug onto the kitchen table, jumped from his chair, and marched out of the room.

Ville drew in a deep, relaxing breath and then exhaled, just like his therapist had told him to when he felt stressed. Jonne was jealous – that was it. Jonne didn’t like the thought of someone new entering Tommi’s life. Jonne didn’t want to share Tommi with Eero. Ville drank his coffee and cursed because he had forgotten to add the necessary sugar. At least now, he knew why Jonne was acting like that and could search for a way to make Jonne see that Eero wasn’t a threat.

Sure, he hadn’t been happy either when Tommi had dumped the news on them like that, but he knew that his oldest brother was often lonely. Ville had frequently wished for Tommi to find someone who loved him. That it was Eero had surprised him too, but since he wanted Tommi to be happy, he had decided to accept it. Jonne apparently wasn’t ready yet to take that step.

~~~

Tommi woke up first and used the opportunity to study Eero, who was still asleep. He couldn’t recall ever being so much in love before and the fact that he was in love with a man might explain why his prior relationships with women hadn’t worked. Maybe a man completed him better than a woman ever could.

“Why are you awake yet?” Eero opened his eyes and smiled lazily at Tommi.

“I have to get up soon. Holidays are over. I start work again.” Tommi pressed a loving kiss to Eero’s lips. “I don’t want to leave you behind here, but…”

“It’s okay… I should get my life back on track too. I’ll head for Social Services and see if they can help me.” Eero didn’t want to let go of Tommi, but knew he couldn’t hold on to him forever. “What about this evening? What will you do? Where will you be?”

Tommi considered his answer carefully. “I’ll head home after work. I want to talk to Jonne and Ville and see if Jonne especially has come around or if he’s still throwing tantrums.”

Eero nodded. “I hope he’ll come around.”

Tommi heard the question behind Eero’s comment. “And then I’ll come back here. I want to sleep while holding you in my arms. Is that okay?”

“More than okay.” Eero pressed a kiss onto Tommi’s throat. “I’ll miss you.”

Tommi hugged Eero close and closed his eyes. The fact that he wanted Eero close all the time still stunned him. He had never thought he would ever feel like that.

~~~

Jonne put on his coat and left the apartment. Ville’s accusation stung. He wasn’t jealous of Eero! No way! He just didn’t think Eero was good enough for Tommi!

Jonne sat down on a bench at the Tammerkoski and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He glared at the river and hated the fact that Eero had entered Tommi’s life like that.

“Are you trying to kill the fish in the water?”

Jonne raised his head and glared at Antti. “You started this!”

Antti drew in a deep breath and sat down next to Jonne. “Am I going to survive talking to you or are you going to bite my head off?” Jonne’s face showed just how furious his friend was.

“I can’t guarantee you’ll survive,” Jonne sneered and returned to glaring at the water.

Antti seemed to know that he had to tread carefully if he wanted Jonne to open up to him. “Why is it my fault that you’re so angry?”

“Why didn’t you stop Tommi? You knew it was Eero!”

Antti flinched at Jonne’s sneer. “Hey, if the man is in love, let him!”

Jonne glared at Antti once more. “Eero’s after his money! I know it and you know it too!”

Antti raised an eyebrow. “Eero doesn’t care about Tommi’s money and you know it! What the fuck is wrong with you? I knew you wouldn’t be thrilled to hear about Tommi and Eero, but I never expected you to be so angry!”

Jonne pursed his lips and pouted. “Eero isn’t good enough for Tommi!”

“Shouldn’t you let him decide that himself? Tommi’s old enough to know what’s good for him!”

Jonne still wasn’t convinced. “There’s no way that Eero’s really in love with Tommi! Tommi’s too old for Eero!”

Antti drew in another deep breath. He reached for Jonne’s hands and pulled them towards him. “Hey, look at me, will you?”

Jonne didn’t want to make eye contact, but Antti was one of his best friends and he couldn’t lock him out like that. He turned his head and glared at his friend.

Antti made sure he had Jonne’s full attention before he said, “I was in Helsinki for New Year's. Japa, Teemu, and I had some drinks and we kind of lost Teemu. The next morning, we went looking for him and we happened upon Tommi and Eero in front of the cathedral. They were making out and believe me, there’s no way Eero could have faked that loving look in his eyes. They both were happy.”

That wasn’t what Jonne had wanted to hear. “You’re wrong!”

Antti firmly shook his head. “Trust me...I know what two people in love look like.”

Jonne broke eye contact and stared at the river again. “I don’t want Eero around Tommi. Eero will drag my brother down and I have to look out for him!”

Antti pulled Jonne close and hugged him. Jonne tried to get away at first, but then relaxed against him. “Listen to me, Jonne. It’s been eight years since Tommi had a relationship. Now, he’s in love again and I hope for his sake that it works out. I don’t want Tommi to be alone and unhappy. He did so much for you, Ville, and for the band. He deserves to be happy and so what if it’s Eero?”

Jonne knew Antti was right, but didn’t want to acknowledge that.

“What is the real reason you’re so angry?” Antti asked once Jonne relaxed against him.

“I don’t want to lose Tommi to Eero…and I still think Eero isn’t good enough for Tommi!”

Antti rubbed Jonne’s back. “I don’t think there’s anyone out there who’s good enough for Tommi in your book. Jonne, you won’t lose Tommi because he has a boyfriend! Tommi loves you and Ville unconditionally. You don’t need to feel insecure.”

Jonne pulled away from Antti. There was much truth in what Antti had said. No one, man or woman, would be good enough for Tommi. Tommi deserved the best and nothing less. “But why does it have to be Eero?”

Antti sighed, took Jonne’s cold hands between his, and rubbed the fingers. “Why don’t you like Eero all of a sudden? I never heard you complain about Ville and Eero hanging out together.”

Jonne didn’t know the answer himself. “I’m not sure.” It was true. He had never minded Ville and Eero being so close.

“You’re jealous,” Antti stated firmly. “Jonne, Eero isn’t after your place in Tommi’s life. He knows how important Ville and you are to him.”

Antti was the second person to point out to him that he was jealous. Could it be that Ville and Antti were right? Mesmerized, Jonne stared ahead. Was he jealous? Was he afraid to lose Tommi to Eero? He hated having to search his feelings like that, but maybe he should.

~~~

Tommi’s feet dragged when he climbed the stairs to his apartment. He wasn’t looking forward to talking to Jonne, but he had to try to get through to his younger brother. Jonne had to understand that he wasn’t giving up on Eero so easily!

He unlocked the door, stepped inside, and listened closely. He didn’t hear any voices, but the lights were on in the kitchen. He hung his coat on the rack and headed for the kitchen. As he approached, he smelled tomato soup, which meant it was probably Ville in there making dinner. Ville loved tomato soup.

Turning around the corner, Tommi saw his suspicions confirmed. Ville stood at the stove and was making soup. “Evening,” he said and wondered what Ville’s reaction would be like upon seeing him.

Ville looked at Tommi from over his shoulder and smiled welcomingly at his oldest brother. “We can eat. You have great timing!” He ladled the soup into the bowls and carried them over to the kitchen table. “There’s no reason to be hungry while we talk.”

“Thanks,” Tommi said and took hold of the spoon. He wasn’t sure how to start their conversation and watched Ville instead.

“You surprised us yesterday. Neither Jonne nor I saw that one coming.” Ville seemed to know that they had to discuss it and didn’t want to postpone it.

“Trust me…I didn’t see it coming either. I had no idea I could possibly be interested in Eero that way.”

“What changed that?” Ville asked as he ate his soup.

“I don’t know. I don’t know how it happened, but I found myself reaching for his hand, enjoying his company, and wanting him close.” Tommi shrugged. “Does it matter why it happened? I’m in love, Ville, for the first time in eight years.”

Ville nodded. He finished his soup and met Tommi’s gaze. Tommi was determined to do this. “And Eero feels the same way about you?”

“He does. He’s worried though…and even a bit scared.” Tommi gazed pleadingly at Ville.

“You don’t have to fear anything where I am concerned. I want you to be happy so…if Eero makes you happy, then I’m happy too. And Eero’s okay…more than okay actually. Otherwise, I wouldn’t still be friends with him after twelve years. It’s a pity we lost sight of each other these last few months.” Ville was about to continue when his mobile phone beeped with an incoming call. “Sorry, but I need to answer it.” Ville uncovered his phone and his eyes widened. “It’s Jonne.”

Tommi instantly felt worried. “I hope nothing’s wrong!”

Ville answered the call. “Jonne, where are you?”

“I’m with Antti. I’ll stay here for the night. I need time to think,” Jonne replied.

“He’s with Antti,” Ville told Tommi. “You’re not coming home tonight then?”

“Not tonight…I talked to Antti earlier and I need to do some more talking before I can face Tommi again.”

Ville hoped that it was a good sign that Jonne wanted to talk to Antti. “Tommi’s here. Do you want to talk to him?”

“No, not at the moment. I need to sort out some things. Tell him I will be back tomorrow evening, okay? I’m sorry about this, Ville, but I need some distance, at least right now.”

“I’ll tell him, Jonne. Take the time you need…” Ville didn’t like this development, but he could do nothing about it. “Love you, Jonne.”

“Love you too, Ville, and Tommi as well…”

Ville put his phone away and gazed thoughtfully at Tommi. “Jonne’s staying with Antti for the night. Apparently, he needs to talk and you know the effect Antti has on Jonne. Antti might be insane, but Jonne confided in him many times before. They are best friends.”

“Do you think this is a good thing?” Tommi asked pensively.

“I do. He’ll be back tomorrow evening and hopefully Antti has talked some sense into him by then!”

Tommi decided to take a risk and said, “I’m heading for Eero’s place in a bit. Do you want to come along? Eero still wants to know if you’re friends and it would be a first step to make him feel welcome into this family.”

Ville didn’t need to think his answer over. He took hold of Tommi’s hand and squeezed. “Sure, I’ll join you. I want to talk to Eero too, and of course, we’re still friends. I’m sad that he ever doubted that…”

Tommi released a relieved sigh. Now that he had Ville on his side, he hoped Jonne would come around too.

TBC

Part 10

Eero saw Tommi’s car driving up the street and swallowed nervously. Tommi hadn’t called him to let him know what had happened so he was clueless as to where they stood. The car came to a stop and the door on the passenger’s side opened, much to Eero’s surprise. Apparently, Tommi had brought someone along.

Eero narrowed his eyes, hoping that he could identify the person Tommi had brought along, but there wasn’t enough light in the street to do that. The only thing Eero could make out was the blond hair. A moment later, the intercom buzzed and Eero pressed the button that would open the door downstairs. He hoped that it wasn’t Jonne accompanying Tommi, for if it was, he was scared that Jonne had convinced Tommi to end their relationship. Jonne would have come along to make sure that Tommi didn’t change his mind.

His hands shook when he opened the door. Eero tried to calm down and looked at the staircase fearfully. The first person to appear was Tommi and to Eero’s utter relief, the older man was smiling. Eero hoped that it meant that everything was still okay with the two of them. “Tommi, who did you bring along?”

Tommi had reached the landing and walked over to Eero so he could take the younger man into his arms. “Ville.”

Eero’s eyes widened. He hadn’t thought of that possibility! Ville reached the landing too and with big steps, covered the distance between them. Tommi had to let go of Eero reluctantly when Ville pulled Eero against him so he could hug him.

“Eero, I’m so sorry that you ever doubted our friendship. Of course we’re still friends,” Ville said while hugging Eero tightly. Eero trembled against him and Ville blamed himself for not contacting Eero sooner. “I’m sorry that I left like that, but it was the only way for me to leave the life there behind me. It was my last chance to redeem myself.”

Eero wrapped his arms around Ville after a moment. “I’m sorry that…that you had to leave like that…” Leaning against Ville, he rested his chin on Ville’s shoulder. “I should have been a better friend. I should have helped.”

“Let’s not discuss this here,” Tommi said, intervening as he wrapped his arms around both of them. He steered them inside and toward the couch. “Sit down, all right?” He leaned against the wall near the window and watched their exchange.

Ville placed a finger under Eero’s chin and raised his head. “We both made mistakes. Mine were bigger than yours. I let it go too far. You tried to warn me...I remember that. I just didn’t listen. I didn’t listen to Tommi either.” Eero tried to protest, but Ville simply shook his head. “No, listen to me. We were both fighting depression and it took us time to find out how to handle it. You tried to get help in time and you messed up your medication. I denied the fact that I had a drinking problem. I didn’t want to see that I was depressed. Don’t blame this on yourself, please, Eero.”

Eero nodded weakly. “I’m glad you’re here.” Resting his head against Ville’s shoulder, he continued to whisper, “I was worried that you never wanted to see me again, now that you know about Tommi and me.”

Ville drew in a deep breath. “That *is* a strange thought. You two together. And I need time to get used to it, but I won’t stand in your way. If the two of you are in love and really want this, then go for it, you hear me?”

Eero nodded again. “I love Tommi. I really do. I don’t know how it happened, but…it did.” He gazed worriedly at Ville. “I’m not after his money or something like that.”

“I know that.” Ville hugged Eero again. “I know *you* and I know that you don’t care about money. You care about other things.”

Eero finally allowed himself to relax fully. “Thanks…”

Tommi walked over to them and sat on his heels in front of Eero. Turning his head, he smiled at Ville and asked, “Can I have my boyfriend back now?”

Ville laughed. “I don’t know…I might hog him some more!”

Their bantering made Eero also chuckle. “I’m glad you’re okay with this, Ville.”

Tommi caught Eero shivering and grabbed his boyfriend’s hands in his. “You feel cold.”

“That’s no surprise,” Ville interjected. “It’s damn cold in here. Did you turn off the heating again?” he asked Eero.

Eero nodded. “Money’s tight these days.”

“I have an idea,” Tommi announced. “Jonne won’t be home until tomorrow evening. He’ll join us for dinner then. In the meantime, you can stay with us, Eero. Please say yes…”

Eero still felt nervous and looked toward Ville first. “If that’s okay with you…” He loved the brothers’ apartment. It was always warm there and Tommi’s bed was extremely comfortable. Would Ville have a problem with him sleeping in Tommi’s bed?

Ville had known Eero for a little over twelve years and at times he just knew what the other man was thinking. This was such a moment and he sighed deeply. “More than okay. If the two of you want to be together, you should do just that. Just promise me that you’ll never have sex in my bed.”

Tommi burst out laughing and even Eero chuckled. Eero said, “We promise.”

~~~

“Stupid snow!” Eero cursed upon stepping into the apartment. Heavy snowflakes had settled into his hair, making it wet. He also left a white trail behind him and hoped he wasn’t staining the carpet.

“It’s January! It’s supposed to snow!” Ville removed his coat and boots and quickly headed for the kitchen. “Does anyone want hot chocolate?”

Eero’s eyes suddenly sparked with interest. “I would love some!”

“Me too,” Tommi called as he shrugged out of his coat. “But before we join Ville in there…” He wrapped his arms around Eero from behind, turned him in the embrace, and smiled at his boyfriend. “First, I want a kiss. One at the least and if possible more.”

Eero smiled warmly. “You can get as many as you want.” Moving closer, he wrapped his arms around Tommi in turn. Tommi leaned in closer and kissed him on the lips. Eero sighed happily and deepened the kiss, enjoying Tommi’s closeness physically as well as emotionally.

“Hey, Tommi, your room is around the corner!” Ville called out as he peeked into the corridor to find out what was taking them. Yes, it would take him time to get used to seeing his oldest brother and best friend like that, but he could also tell that they were genuinely in love.

“Let’s have that hot chocolate first.” Eero shyly looked at Ville to find out if his friend was okay with Tommi and him being together.

“Yes, you should before it cools down again!” Ville smiled at Eero to assure his friend that everything was fine. “And after that, I’ll send you to your room!”

~~~

Jonne sulked and Antti sighed. This had been going on for two hours now and the redhead was fed up with Jonne’s attitude. “Jonne, I told you before! The fact that Tommi is in love and has a boyfriend doesn’t change the fact that he loves you too! You know that! So stop being so fucking stubborn!” He thought that he had gotten through to Jonne earlier, but damn, his friend was pigheaded!

Jonne crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared at Antti. He knew his friend meant well, but the thought of Eero having found a way into Tommi’s heart upset him. What if Tommi loved him less because he loved Eero? And why did it have to be Eero in the first place?

Antti moved closer to Jonne and wrapped an arm around him. “Jonne, Tommi will never let you down. You *know* that, so what’s keeping you from believing it?”

Jonne knew that Antti wouldn’t stop until the redhead knew everything he wanted to know, but he wasn’t going to make it easy on his friend so he shrugged.

“You can do better than that,” Antti lectured him. “What’s the real problem?”

Jonne sighed. His mask started to crack and he knew it. He couldn’t pretend to be angry when he was scared instead.

“Jonne, I know what’s going on in there,” Antti said and placed his hand over Jonne’s heart. “I know you’re hurting when you act like that. You’re not angry with Eero. You’re angry with Tommi…” Antti watched Jonne closely and noticed the way Jonne flinched. “You’re angry with Tommi for wanting to be with someone. You want Tommi for yourself, and for Ville, of course. And now there’s a third person… You *do* know that you don’t have to compete with Eero for Tommi’s love? You have that. You always did.”

“Damn you!” Why did Antti always know what was going on with him? They definitely spend too much time together. “I don’t want to share Tommi! You’re right about that! What is he thinking, drawing Eero into our circle? It’s the three of us! It’s the way it should be! Ville, Tommi, and me!”

Antti drew in a deep breath. He was finally getting somewhere. “And what will happen when Ville finds someone he wants to be with? Or when you fall in love? Does that mean that the three of you always have to remain single? Isn’t that extremely selfish?”

At first, Jonne wanted to grab a pillow from the couch and swing it at Antti, but then his friend’s words got through to him. Yes, that would be very selfish indeed! “But…”

“Tommi’s in his early thirties, Jonne, and he sacrificed a lot for Ville and you…for our band and for Flinch as well. Don’t you think it’s his turn to find some happiness of his own? Tommi will never neglect Ville or you. Give Tommi a break, Jonne. If he loves Eero…why not? Sure, they’re an odd couple, one I would never have imagined together, but if they love each other…”