Title: November Rain

Author: Morgana
Author’s email: morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon
Pairing: Eero/Larry and Jonne/Arttu

Rating: NC-17
Summary: Arttu crashes at Jonne’s place and drives him to despair.

Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm not making any money out of these stories!

Warning: Real Person Slash.

Betaread by Dramaowl, thanks sweetie!!

All remaining mistakes are mine.

November Rain

Sitting on the windowsill, I watch the world pass me by. It’s odd. None of my fans know the real Jonne – not the Jonne Aaron from Negative, but Jonne Aaron Liimatainen. They would never believe me if I said that I’m basically an insecure and lonely person. I always maintain my front during interviews and gigs, but once the light dies and I head home, the magic vanishes, and I return to an empty home.

Raindrops slide down the glass and I trace their path with my fingertips. The snow started to melt yesterday, but the thaw won’t last for long. The temperature will go down again and then Tampere will be covered with snow once more.

The band’s having a break and God knows I need it. I don’t know what’s gotten into Tommi lately, but he’s selling too many gigs. I don’t get the time to recover in-between shows and in the end, I had to tell him. He didn’t like it at first, but later, he apologized and promised to be more careful in the future. Although I love to perform, I’m human and not a robot.

I feel lonely and depressed and I wish Ville was here, but he’s somewhere in Lapland and I can’t reach him. I reach for the blanket that dropped from my lap and pull it close around me. Turning my head, I stare outside. Tampere’s Christmas lights should cheer me up, but they don’t. The reflection of the candles, which I put on the coffee table, distracts me and I watch the draft push the flame about.

Beeping coming from my mobile phone pulls me away from my depressing thoughts and I consider not answering it. I could ignore it, but then again, someone wants to talk to me and the conversation might distract me. I reach for my phone and answer the call. “Jonne here.”

“Hey, it’s me, Arttu!”

Ah, it’s Antti’s younger brother. Why is he calling me though? “What’s the matter, Arttu?”

“Do you know where I can find Antti? I just got home from visiting our parents and the place is empty.”

“He left with his girlfriend. They headed for Helsinki.”

“He has great timing,” Arttu says sarcastically.

“Are you already in the apartment? Or are you locked out?” I need to keep an eye on him – Antti would kick my ass if I didn’t.

“I have a key to the apartment, but I don’t have it on me, so yes, I’m locked out.”

“You can come over to my place if you have no other place to crash.” I doubt he will take me up on the offer though. Arttu will probably stay with someone his own age so he can have fun. No one has fun with me – not anymore.

“That would be great,” Arttu reacts enthusiastically. “I will be there in ten minutes! I’ll see you then!”

Suddenly the line dies and I hear beeping. Arttu is coming over? All of a sudden, I realize what just happened. I invited him over and he accepted. I put my phone aside and look outside again. I have an excellent view of the street and I’ll see Arttu approach.

Five minutes later, I catch a familiar form moving down the street. Arttu is wearing his favorite color: black. He’s wearing a thick black coat and tight jeans. His dark-red hair reflects beneath the streetlights and when he looks up, the white of his eyes lights up. I get to my feet and walk to the doorway. I wait for Arttu to buzz, and when he does, I open the door downstairs. I keep the blanket wrapped around my form when a wave of cold air travels up the staircase. Heavy footfalls sound on the staircase and then Arttu appears. He’s smiling and waving at me.

“Jonne, thanks for taking me in!”

I nod. What else am I supposed to do? I can’t turn him away. “You should pocket your key the next time though.”

“Normally I always do, but I must have left it at my parents’!”

Arttu suddenly stands in front of me and wraps his arms around me. Arttu is an affectionate person and I endure the hug although I’m not in the mood for it. “You can have Ville’s bed if you want, or if you’re uncomfortable with that, the couch in the living room.”

“I’ll take Ville’s bed. It’s easier on the back!” Arttu grins wickedly.

I free myself of his hold and force myself to act like his host. “Do you want to drink anything? Or are you hungry?”

“A snack would be great! My stomach has been growling for the last hour!”

Arttu follows me in the kitchen and I surrender to my fate. “I have pizza baguettes if you want one.”

“You can throw two of them into the oven if you don’t mind! I’m hungry!”

Arttu’s at that age when they use so much energy that he’s eating all the time. I remove two baguettes from the freezer and put them into the oven. “That will take twenty minutes.”

“That’s fine with me.” Arttu removes his coat and drapes it over the kitchen chair. He sits down and smugly looks about. “Do you have anything to drink by any chance?”

I sigh and move toward the cupboard. “You can have a soft drink if you want, but I’m not giving you alcohol.”

“A soft drink will do,” Arttu says and wants to put his feet on the kitchen table.

“Don’t even think about it. You’re not at home.” If I let Arttu take over chaos will surround me. “How long are you planning on staying?” I give him his cola and sit down next to him. I probably make a strange impression on him as I’m still clinging to my blanket.

“Actually, I moved in with Antti last week. Didn’t he tell you?”

I shake my head. “I haven’t been in touch with Antti for some days. We’re on a break and haven’t been rehearsing.” I reach for some bottled water, which I keep close and uncap it.

“Antti mentioned something like that. Your touring schedule was a bit too tight, if I remember right?”

“You’re right… Tommi sold too many gigs and my voice went away. He didn’t have a choice and had to cancel shows.”

“That doesn’t sound like Tommi – making you work too hard, I mean.” Arttu sips from his drink and gives me a probing look.

“He’s getting ambitious. We’re finally making money and he wants to make use of it as long as it lasts. I get that, but… For me it’s different. My instrument is my voice and when it doesn’t get any rest, it goes away.”

“I’m sorry to hear that you’re having problems…” Arttu pauses and his eyes narrow. “Have you been holed up here for a week? You said that you hadn’t been in touch with Antti for that long.”

“I mostly stay indoors,” I admit. “I only go outside to get food.”

“What do you do all day?” Intrigued, Arttu leans in closer.

“I play the guitar, watch movies, or read… It’s good enough for me.” The oven is about to beep and I get up, leaving the blanket behind me. I remove the baguettes from the oven and put them onto a plate. I don’t bother adding a fork and knife as I know that Arttu won’t use them. “I hope they’re to your taste.”

“I wouldn’t worry! I’m too hungry to complain!” Arttu attacks the first baguette and bites off a huge chunk. He munches happily, swallows it, and says, “I love ham and pineapple!”

I smile mildly. “I’m glad you like it.” I’m not sure what to do regarding Arttu, as I hadn’t counted on the company and Arttu notices it.

“Did you have any plans for tonight which I ruined by showing up?” he asks once he finishes the first baguette.

“Not really. I was just looking outside… watching the rain fall.”

“That sounds depressing…and boring… Sorry, but it really does!” Arttu shrugs helplessly. “It’s only nine! There is lots of stuff which you can do!”

I’m not sure if I should feel insulted or not. “I like it that way though.”

Arttu attacks the second baguette hungrily. In-between bites, he says, “I don’t get it. Why don’t you go out anymore? Do stuff?”

I’ve known Arttu for five years now. Antti introduced his younger brother to me when Arttu turned fifteen. Antti told us to behave around Arttu, as he didn’t want us to corrupt Arttu. Arttu has seen me party in the past, and he’s old enough to know that something is going on. At twenty, he often acts wiser than his older brother does. Arttu’s old for his age – emotionally old.

“Seriously, Jonne! Tampere is quite empty now. There aren’t many fans about if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“It’s not,” but I’m not going to elaborate. “I’m going to bed… You know your way about the place. Feel free to eat and drink whatever you find and no, I don’t have any alcohol in the house, so you can forget about that.” I’m about to rise from my chair when Arttu places his hand on mine and keeps me from leaving. I look questioningly at him. What does he want from me?

“Why don’t you go out these days?” Arttu frowns and seems bothered by it.

“It’s nothing you need to worry about. I can take care of myself, so relax.” I shrug off his hand and get to my feet. “I’ll be sleeping late tomorrow so if you want to get up early or leave, that’s okay with me. Just make sure you close the door behind you.”

“Jonne…” Arttu tries again, but I shake my head.

“No, I’m off to bed… Sleep tight, Arttu.” I turn around and head for my room. I don’t want to open wounds, which barely closed the first time. I don’t want to discuss Christus. I’m not going there and most definitely not with Arttu. He’s much too young to understand what I went through.

I move into my bedroom and close the door behind me. I drop the blanket onto the bed and undress. Clad in my boxers I lie down on the bed and pull the comforter up to my shoulders. Feelings of abandonment sweep over me and I curl up on my side in a fetal position. I’m not going to think of Christus – I’m not!

Tears gather in my eyes and then leave them. I angrily wipe at them and push the pain away. It gets harder though each time. The pain wants out, but I can’t cry over Christus. He made his choices and I have to live with mine.

~~~

“What are you doing?” I blink as bright light falls onto my retina. Arttu’s seated on the floor in the living room and he’s playing guitar.

“Did I wake you?” he asks in a deceivingly sweet voice. “I’m sorry, but then again, who’s already in bed at ten? The evening just started!”

I’m beginning to regret my decision to take him in for the night. “Can’t you go into Ville’s room, close the door, and play there? That way I don’t hear it.”

“I don’t remember you being so grouchy,” Arttu says as he places the guitar aside. “What happened to you? You have changed!”

“It’s none of your business. Don’t worry about it.” I close the door again and hope he’s going to be quiet for the rest of the night. Why must the Aatamilas always be loud? Antti is also like that. I crawl into my bed and hide beneath my comforter. Great, now I’m awake and can’t go to sleep again. Thanks, Arttu!

“Jonne?”

I open my eyes and gasp at finding Arttu standing at my bed. I don’t remember giving him permission to enter my bedroom!

“I want to talk to you. Can I?”

“No! And get out! This is my bedroom and I want some privacy!” I don’t know why I’m furious, but Arttu’s presence unnerves me. “Go to bed and sleep, or hit the bars, I don’t care. Just leave me alone!” Arttu steps away from the bed and gives me a worried look. I hope I didn’t scare him.

“I’ll leave you alone for now, but tomorrow you won’t rid yourself of me so easily. I promise you that.”

“Tomorrow you’re leaving! You can stay at Antti’s apartment.”

“And how am I getting inside?”

“Nakki has a spare… He can lend it to you and now get going!” I give him the same look that always makes Larry leave the room. Arttu doesn’t know it yet, but I can be bitchy – mostly when people get too close and I feel cornered.

“We’ll see about that,” Arttu says and moves toward the doorway. “I’ll be quiet now…and I hope you’ll have some nice dreams.” Then he whispers softly, “Though I doubt it.”

“I heard that!” Arttu’s right though – it’s been weeks, if not months that I’ve been able to sleep through the night.

Arttu closes the bedroom door behind him and by doing so, restores my precious peace to me. I bury deeper beneath the comforter and glare at the wall. I’m not going to cry—I’m not. I’m a grown man and I’m not going to cry because I feel lonely – I won’t!

~~~

The next morning, I wake due to the fragrance of freshly made coffee twirling into my nostrils. I do love a strong cup of coffee and so I stretch lazily. Frowning, I realize that I’m still in bed so…how can there be freshly made coffee in the kitchen? I didn’t make it.

“Jonne? Are you awake? Breakfast is ready.”

Ah yes, Arttu. I had forgotten about the younger Aatamila. I’m surprised that he’s still around, but then again, he threatened to stick around last night. “I’m awake,” I call out and stretch again.

“I hope you’re hungry! I made a big breakfast. Hurry!”

Hurry? Me? I’m not hurrying. It’s way too early to hurry. It’s… What? Only nine in the morning? What the hell is Arttu doing up already? Have mercy on me! I grab my pillow and put it over my head. I’m not getting up that early. I’m not on tour and I can sleep late!

“Jonne! Damn it! The food is getting cold!”

Arttu the menace is still there! “Leave me alone, Arttu! I don’t get up that early!”

“You’re getting up now!”

The door suddenly opens and a grim-looking Arttu appears in the doorway. He’s already dressed, styled his hair and already applied his make-up. “It’s too early!” I complain.

“Getting up early is healthy! Come on, Jonne! I even went to the bakery and made boiled eggs!”

Horrified, I watch him as he approaches my bed. What is he up to? “You can eat it by yourself!”

“I don’t think so!”

Arttu takes hold of the comforter and starts pulling. Reacting quickly, I grab it too and pull. “That’s mine!”

“Don’t be like that, damn it!”

Arttu’s getting frustrated and I wonder what’s gotten into him. I don’t know him that determined. “Are you always so obnoxious in the morning?” Arttu manages to pull the comforter from my hands and I’m thankful I’m wearing sweat pants and a T-shirt.

“Usually, yes. Antti complains all the time.”

Arttu then gives me the most blinding smile I’ve ever seen. He turns around and calls out, “Jonne, breakfast’s ready. Come and get it.”

Damn it… I don’t want to get up, but I don’t seem to have a choice. I swing my feet onto the floor and glare at the door. I’m going to get Arttu for this! I don’t know yet how, but I will!

~~~

Five minutes later, and still looking disheveled and displeased, I join the young upstart at my kitchen table. Arttu didn’t exaggerate: he really made a big breakfast. I shudder at seeing and smelling the porridge as I hate the stuff. I opt for toast, butter it, and nibble on it. “What’s gotten into you?” I repeat my question from earlier on.

“I love mornings!” Arttu explains. “It’s the best time of the day.”

“Are you sure that you’re related to Antti?” I watch Arttu from over the rim of my coffee cup.

“I’m sure,” Arttu chuckles and pours himself coffee too. “What are we doing today?”

I raise my left eyebrow. “You are going to see Nakki to collect that key and then you go home.”

“But that’s boring!” Arttu looks disappointed. “Maybe we can go shopping this afternoon?”

“Shopping? I’m not going into the stores.” I would surely run into Christus and I’m not taking that risk. “I’m staying at home.”

“Jonne, don’t be like that!”

Suddenly, Arttu’s fingers wrap around my hand and my eyebrow inches even higher. If only I knew what was going on here? “Arttu, I’m staying indoors.” I might head for the supermarket around the corner to buy food, but that’s about it. The supermarket is safe grounds for me as Christus doesn’t frequent it. “Thanks for the breakfast, but no… I’m not doing this – even for you.” Arttu turns on his puppy dog look and I try to look away – but fail. For some reason I can’t. “Arttu, don’t do this.”

“Jonne,” Arttu says and squeezes my hand. “What’s wrong? I don’t know you this way! Why are you locking yourself away?”

I don’t want to talk to him and attempt to pull my hand away, but Arttu tightens his hold. “Don’t do this, Arttu.”

“I have to! Jonne… Talk to me! You don’t look well and I’m worried!”

I don’t look well? Arttu’s worried? I don’t want to worry him. I raise my gaze and search his eyes. Yes, he *does* look worried. “Arttu, I don’t want to burden you with this.”

“You’ll only burden me if you keep me out. I’ve known you for five years now. I like you, Jonne. I care about you. Don’t lock me out.”

Where did that teenager go that Antti used to drag along to rehearsals? Arttu would sit on the couch at first, but then later, he would get involved and have fun banging Jay’s drums and driving us insane. Now he’s acting all grown up.

Arttu moistens his lips and says, “This is about Christus, isn’t it?”

I avert my gaze and remove my hand from his hold. Biting onto my bottom lip, I feel frustrated. How did he find out? I didn’t give myself away, did I? And I didn’t tell Antti about my feelings for Christus either.

“It’s hardly surprising,” Arttu says calmly. “Everyone knows that the two of you were close, even if you always denied it. We’re not blind and saw how much you were hurt when Christus left the band.”

I still refuse to look at him, as I feel pissed off because he found out. “Arttu, I think it’s time you get going.”

Arttu, however, shakes his head. “I don’t think so. I’m staying and you’re going to talk to me.”

“What’s there to say?” I finally look at him and sigh. “You already seem to know what’s going on.”

“You’re afraid to run into him and that’s why you’re staying indoors.” Arttu gives me a compassionate look. “But you can’t run away forever. Eventually, you will run into him and then what do you do? Turn around and leave? Pretend he isn’t there?”

“That’s none of your business,” I tell Arttu.

“You’re right. It’s none of my business, but I’m making it mine because I care.”

I sigh deeply. Why is Arttu making it so hard? “Arttu –“

“No,” Arttu says. “We’re going outside today. We’ll shop, grab a bite to eat, and we’ll have fun!”

I shake my head. “No, Arttu. I’m not going out there and you can’t make me.”

“I won’t force you, but Jonne,” Arttu sighs and takes hold of my hand again. “You know that you can’t hide in here forever, don’t you?” Arttu cocks his head questioningly.

“In my heart I know that,” I admit, but I’m too much of a coward. “I can’t do this, Arttu, you must understand.”

“I promise to hold your hand and to stay close in case we run into Christus, which I don’t think will happen. It’s much too early for him to be up and about. Come on, Jonne. Do this!”

I can’t believe I’m considering giving into him, but it’s hard to deny Arttu the way he’s looking at me. “Arttu, I don’t think—“

“Stop thinking, Jonne, and do something about it!” Arttu repeatedly shakes his head. “What’s the worst thing that can happen?”

“That he ignores me…or shouts at me.” I didn’t want to answer his question, but I did.

“And then what? You’ll survive. It might not be pleasant, but it won’t kill you.”

Arttu is still looking at me with those large eyes. In the back of my head, a voice screams at me that I shouldn’t do this. I avoided walking into Christus for so long!

“You can’t run away forever, Jonne. You’ve been running for how long? Seven months? You need to stop and face your fears.”

Arttu sounds so calm, and wise, but still… “I’m not afraid… I’m…hurting…” I’m surprised that I’m opening up to him. When did I stop seeing him as Antti’s teenage brother and as an adult?

“The pain won’t go away if you stay in your apartment. You have to face Christus…and remember, we’ll probably not even run into him.”

Nibbling on my bottom lip, I wonder what to do. Arttu’s right – I know that, but what do I do should I really run into Christus?

“You can do this,” Arttu says and squeezes my hand again. “You have nothing to lose.” Arttu nods again.

I draw in a deep breath and close my eyes. “I shouldn’t do this…”

“But you are going to do it, aren’t you?”

Nodding my head, I open my eyes and whisper, “Yes.”

TBC

Part 2

“You don’t need to be nervous,” Larry says, but I find that hard to believe. “They like you!”

I raise an eyebrow at him. I don’t feel comfortable wearing this black suit, but the model agency wants to take pictures with me wearing it. I pull my hair back into a ponytail and check my appearance. “What do you think?”

“Looking hot and sexy…” Larry grins. “If we were alone I would—“

“Larry!” I place my fingers against his lips before he can finish: we aren’t alone so he needs to be careful.

“We’re ready for you!” Matti calls out. “You need some make up and then we will start!” He gestures for one of the make-up artists to come over.

She starts to work on me and a few minutes later, my skin looks almost perfect. Looking into a mirror, my reflection surprises me. Is that really me? Matti, the photographer, tells me where I need to stand and what kind of pose I need to assume. This is it. If they like the way the pictures turn out, I have a job. From the corner of my eye, I catch Larry giving me encouraging looks. I concentrate on Matti’s instructions: posing a certain way isn’t that difficult and he seems pleased, as far as I can tell.

“Can you wear your hair open for me?” Matti requests at some point.

I humor him, remove the hair band, run my fingers through it, and the whole thing starts again. I manage to stay focused, and ten minutes later, it’s over. Matti rushes over to his computer and starts working on the pictures. I move over to Larry and take his hand in mine. “Do you think it went well?”

Larry nods. “The guy is practically drooling,” he says and points at Matti.

Larry is right. Matti is talking to the people hanging out around his area. “I would like that job.” If I’m good at modeling, I would love doing it. I need some positive reinforcement where my work is concerned. “Do you think I should ask Matti if I got the job?”

“Give him a moment to stop drooling,” Larry says and grins. He puts an arm around me and pulls me closer to him.

“The pictures are brilliant!” Matti explains as he turns around to face me. “You’re a natural!”

I feel relieved and release a deep sigh. “You like those pictures?”

“Have a look!” Matti gestures for us to join him at the computer and we walk over there. I look at the screen and wonder what’s so ‘brilliant’ at those pictures. I don’t think the camera particularly likes me.

“You have great features and with your hair tied back, you have a completely different look.” Matti looks at me. “I talked to my supervisor and we might have a first customer for you… A firm producing skin care products is interested in you. They’re looking for a new face and you have the looks they’re after.”

I swallow hard. This is going a bit fast all of a sudden. “Are you saying that-“

Matti nods. “You have a photo shoot on Tuesday… And also a contract… I’ll give it to you so you can read it over. Please return it Tuesday when you come in for your first assignment.”

I turn toward Larry for reassurance. Am I doing the right thing? What if I fuck up? Larry, however, smiles and nods.

“You’re good at this – a natural. Give it a shot,” Larry says and hugs me close.

My gaze travels to Matti and the other people working at the agency. They probably figured out that Larry and I are together, but can we show our affection so openly?

Matti seems to understand. “We discovered a whole new target group some years ago – gay and bisexual men…and they’ll buy the products if they see your face on the package. If you’re a genuine character it will show and so we don’t mind about you having a boyfriend. It will even work in your, and our, advantage.”

Who would have thought that being gay would prove to be an advantage one day? Exchanging a look with Larry, I catch his encouraging smile. He wants me to do this. “I’ll think about it, but I want that contract checked by a friend first.” Larry gives me an odd look and I explain, “Can you talk Tommi into looking at it?”

“Sure… That won’t be a problem,” Larry assures me.

Matti smiles at me. “You won’t regret this.”

I hope he is right.

~~~

We spend the evening in Helsinki and take the last train home. I had a great day and judging from the way Larry is smiling at me, he enjoyed our trip too. Once we’re comfortably seated, I snuggle up to him and rest my head against his shoulder. I can’t help releasing a big yawn, as I’m tired. “It was a good day, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, it was…and it isn’t over yet,” Larry says and kisses the top of my head.

“I know that…” I yawn again. I didn’t know that modeling could be that tiring. “Wake me if I fall asleep…”

Larry however disagrees. “You need your sleep and I don’t mind holding you.”

He shouldn’t have said that, as my body and mind take that as permission to shut down. A moment later, I’m fast asleep.

~~~

“Eero, baby, you have to wake up now. We’re in Tampere and need to go home.”

I don’t want to wake up, but open my eyes, as I can’t let Larry carry me all the way home. It’s a twenty-minute walk, and so I stretch and smile sleepily at him. “That was quick.”

“You slept through the ride home,” Larry says as he gets to his feet. He offers me his hand and pulls me to my feet too. “Do you want to get a taxi or do you want to walk?”

We exit the train station and I look about. It’s dry – it’s not raining and there’s no snow. Although it’s cold, it’s not freezing. “Let’s walk – that way I can clear my head.” Larry takes my hand and we walk down the street. The bars are full and people are enjoying their drinks. I catch Larry’s look and shake my head, “You’re not drinking. Forget about it.” He gives me a smile that holds both joy, as well as concern.

“I don’t want to touch any alcohol, but temptation is everywhere.”

I wrap an arm around his waist and pull Larry against me. “Why would you want to drink?”

“It’s hard to explain: it became a habit and…”

I *do* understand, and I realize that I need to give him a reality-check. “You kicked that habit and you no longer need alcohol. You have me now,” I add cheekily.

Larry grins back at me. “Yes, you’re right – I’ve got you now.”

He pulls me into his arms and kisses me. The kiss deepens and I crave more, but we can’t make love out on the street. *That* might get us into trouble!

“I’m hungry though,” Larry says as he pulls away from me. “I want a hamburger.”

I grin and stroke his curls away from his face. “A mega burger?”

Larry chuckles loudly. “No, a cheeseburger will do. You can take the mega burger though.”

“And risk you taking another picture of me while eating it and making a mess? I don’t think so. I’ll have some fries.” With my arm still wrapped around Larry’s waist, we head toward Hesburger for a midnight snack.

~~~

“You still have a bit of ketchup there,” Larry says and wipes it from my lip using a fingertip.

I’m perfectly happy. Life can’t get better than this. My boyfriend loves me, I share his apartment, I have a job now and… No, there *is* something missing, but it has nothing to do with Larry.

“What’s wrong?” Larry frowns. “I don’t like that look on your face.”

I shrug. “My life is perfect at the moment – almost perfect,” I admit. There’s no use in hiding things from Larry, who has his ways to make me open up to him.

“What’s missing?” The frown on Larry’s brow deepens.

“It has nothing to do with you,” I quickly assure him. “I’m perfectly happy with you…”

“There’s something though,” Larry says as he studies me. “Tell me, baby.”

“I miss making music. Back at the clinic, I didn’t miss it, but now that my life is back on track, I’m missing a huge part of my life.”

Larry sighs, obviously relieved. “Are you still a part of Heijaste?”

“I don’t know,” I admit. “The last time I talked to Viljami and AJ they told me to take the time I needed to recover, but I haven’t talked to them since. I have no idea where we stand.”

“Why don’t you give them a call and find out then?” Larry suggests.

“If only things were so easy,” I say, feeling frustrated. “I fucked up back then and I’m not sure I can face them. We’ve been out of touch for four months now.” That doesn’t seem long, but a lot can change in four months.

“We’ll give them a call tomorrow, baby,” Larry states. “We will find out.”

I’m not sure how I feel about that, but I have to face my band mates, or maybe even former band mates. I’m about to tell Larry that, when the door opens and a familiar face appears. It’s Christus and I just know he will cause trouble. He’s drunk and maybe even high. I don’t know what kind of drugs he’s on these days and I don’t want to know either. Larry catches sight of Christus too and his expression darkens. Larry isn’t pleased either to see Christus.

Christus however has seen us, and advances on us in that wobbly way of his. He manages to reach our table without stumbling over his feet, which is a true accomplishment the way he walks, and collapses on the chair next to Larry.

“Larry!” Christus leans in closer and wraps his arms around Larry, who tries to break free of the hold, but fails. “I missed you! Where have you been?” Christus’ speech is slurred and the expression in his eyes dark and consuming. “I want to go drinking with you!”

Larry however shakes his head. “I’m not drinking anymore and you know it!”

“Come on, Larry! Don’t be like that! I can get us free drinks at Alanya!” Christus leers at him. “Whiskey.”

Larry gives me a pleading look and I wonder what to do. Christus and I were good friends once, but that was before I checked into the clinic. Christus and I used to drink a lot back then and I often accepted the pot or pills he offered me. “Christus, leave Larry alone. If he doesn’t want to drink, let him.” I’m not sure my words will have effect though, considering the state Christus is in.

“Eero!” Christus seems to notice me only now and lets go of Larry. He wraps his arms around me instead. “Eero! You’ll go drinking with me!”

I try to get away from him as he reeks badly. “When was the last time you showered?”

Christus grins diabolically. “I have no idea… Who needs water when you have vodka?” Reaching beneath his coat, he uncovers a vodka bottle, which is already halfway empty. “I know you guys want some!”

Christus offers it to me first, but I push his hand away. “I don’t want any. I don’t need alcohol to feel good about myself.” I glare at him and wish he would go away. Christus had so many chances to change his life about, but he threw them away. Ville once told me that Jonne often pleaded with Christus to get clean and stay clean, but the guitarist wasn’t interested in that. He wants to party.

Christus’ expression turns grim. “You feel better than me, don’t you? That you’re above me! But you’re not! You’re a junkie, just like me!”

“Christus, you should get going now,” Larry hisses.

I look at Larry in surprise. I never heard him use that tone before: he must be pissed off and I don’t blame him. “Larry is right. We’re not going out drinking with you and we’re not interested in any other drugs you might have on you.”

Christus’ eyes narrow and he throws me venomous looks. What has gotten into him? Can’t he deal with getting a no from me?

“You’re all the same! You, Ville, and Jonne! It doesn’t matter! You always have to kick me when I’m already done! All I’m asking is that you drink with me!”

Christus’ words don’t make any sense, and as he is getting riled up, and more aggressive, I judge it best to leave. I get to my feet and Larry mirrors my move. “We’re leaving,” I tell Christus.

“No, you’re not!” Christus reaches for me and grabs my wrist. “You’re staying and you’ll fucking drink with me! We used to get drunk all the time, Jonne!”

“That’s enough,” Larry says decisively. He removes Christus’ hand from my wrist and gives him an evil look. “I’m warning you. Leave Eero alone. He’s not Jonne. I know you’re mad with Jonne, but you only have yourself to blame for that. You made your choice, Chris, now live with it!”

Christus starts swearing, but Larry doesn’t pay it any attention. Instead, he takes hold of my hand and leads me to the doorway. I don’t want to admit it, but Christus’ appearance shocked me. “Why did he call me Jonne?” Larry opens the door and we step onto the pavement. I’m grateful to get some fresh air.

“Jonne and Christus were close. You probably know that.”

I nod. “Ville tells me stuff now and then.”

Larry shrugs. “They were together at one time, but Jonne couldn’t deal with Christus’ growing drug abuse. So, he ended their relationship… Well, to be honest I would never have called it that. Christus slept with many groupies over the years and never told Jonne. When Jonne found out, he felt hurt. Jonne was looking for someone loyal: someone who wanted to be with him. I don’t doubt that Christus had feelings for Jonne at one point, but I guess Jonne wasn’t enough in the end. Christus always wanted – and still wants—more. More drugs, more sex, more of everything he can think of.”

“Jonne made the right decision then, but that can’t have been easy on him—ending their relationship.”

“Jonne didn’t have a choice. Christus stopped showing up at our band rehearsals and didn’t want to go on stage during several gigs. He was high most of the time and way more interested in getting laid, preferably being high while getting laid. Jonne offered Christus a choice – a last chance: to get clean or to get out. Christus decided to get out.”

“Jonne must have felt hurt.” I curl my fingers around Larry’s hand and watch him closely.

“He still feels hurt. He isn’t over Christus yet. Maybe it would help if he had a boyfriend, but he refuses to fall in love again. He’s making things very hard on himself.”

“Maybe he feels like he doesn’t have a choice?”

Larry shrugs again. “Jonne can be stubborn at times. I’m hoping though that he meets someone and can’t help falling in love again.”

I lean against Larry and he folds an arm around my shoulders. “I feel sorry for Jonne.”

Larry nods. “I feel sorry for him too, but unfortunately, there’s little we can do.”

~~~

I’m glad to be home. Axl and Slash press against my shins and I pick them up. “You’re growing heavy!” There’s not much left of the skinny cats which Larry adopted some weeks ago. We fattened them up. Larry passes me by and I hand Slash to him. “We need to be careful with the amount of food they’re eating.”

“I don’t mind them growing fat…but you’re right, they shouldn’t get too fat!” Larry deposits Slash on the bed and heads for the kitchen. “Do you want something to drink before we turn in?”

“Hot chocolate please!” I put Axl onto the bed as well and the two cats curl up together. I join Larry in the kitchen and wrap my arms around his waist from behind. He’s boiling milk and I rest my chin on Larry’s shoulder. “What do you think? Should I sign that modeling contract?” It’s been in the back of my mind all day.

“Let Tommi have a look at it tomorrow, and if he thinks it’s fine, do it.” Larry removes the milk from the stove, pours it into two mugs, and adds the chocolate. While stirring it, he looks at me from over his shoulder. “Matti’s right: you looked amazing in those pictures. Have some confidence, baby.”

I nod and accept the mug, which Larry hands me and we settle down on the couch. It’s quiet at the apartment and the only sound filling up the room is the cats’ purring coming from the bedroom. “Sometimes it feels like I’m living a dream.”

Larry smiles and looks at me. “I feel the same way, baby, but always remember that the dream is reality – for us.”

I rest my head against Larry’s shoulder, sip from the hot chocolate, and close my eyes. “What’s up with Negative anyway? I always thought you rehearsed on a daily basis.”

“Jonne needs time off and Tommi’s giving him that. It will be another week before we start rehearsing and probably a month before we hit the road to tour again.”

I slip my hand into Larry’s and caress his fingers. “It must have taken you time to get used to being the only guitarist on stage.”

Larry nods. “It did – though I must admit that Christus tends to be a soloist. He likes to be the center of attention and there wasn’t that much interaction between the two of us eventually. Things were different in the past.”

“Jonne probably has a hard time adapting too,” I add and watch his expression closely.

“Jonne misses having Christus on stage the most. Don’t forget, they were extremely close at one point. It’s a pity that things didn’t work out with Gary. We liked the guy, but there was no chemistry between Jonne and him.”

I sip more from my hot drink and then put the mug onto the coffee table. I climb onto Larry’s lap and hook my fingers behind my boyfriend’s neck. Cocking my head, I take my time to study him. “I love you,” I whisper adoringly. “And I’m proud that you told Christus off when he presented you with that vodka.”

Larry also puts his hot drink aside and rests his hands upon my hips. “You give me strength,” he says.

He’s still going to his support group meetings, but he doesn’t need them so badly anymore. He confides in me instead and I’m grateful that I can help him in that way. “You give me strength too,” I tell him and lean in closer for a kiss. “I love you so much…” His teeth part and I explore his mouth once more. Our kiss deepens and Larry’s hands slip beneath my shirt. “Make love to me?” Tremors travel through Larry’s body, and when he looks at me, it’s with a mixture of lust and love. “Fuck me,” I add, knowing it will make him horny.

Larry gives me a thoughtful look. “We’ll do things my way tonight,” he whispers.

“I’ll do anything you want…” I promise as I unzip his jeans. I slip a hand inside and cup his testis. “I want you so badly…” Larry removes his sweater and then reaches for my shirt. Now that his chest is bare, I run my fingers down it. “I want to feel you…” I hold my breath when his right hand slips into my jeans and cups a buttock. “Fuck me…” Larry grins lazily at me and I press against him so he feels my erection. “I want you so much…” Larry takes pity on me and unbuttons my jeans.

“Step out of them, baby.”

Briefly, I get to my feet in order to rid myself of my jeans. I hop into the bedroom and collect a condom. Kneeling in front of Larry, I take hold of his jeans and pull them down his legs until he’s completely naked. I’m hard and need Larry’s touch.

“You’re beautiful,” Larry whispers as he brushes my hair away from my face.

I smile smugly at him, move closer, and lick at the tip of his cock. It already glisters with fluids and I close my lips around the hard flesh. I relax my throat and take him as deeply as I can. Larry thrusts and I place my hands on his hips to ensure he can’t thrust too deeply. Larry has closed his eyes and seems to be enjoying this. He had better: I don’t give head any day! It really depends on my mood, but today I’m horny and I want to do this.

“Baby, I’m about to come… You’d better stop or our fun will be ruined,” Larry says in a husky voice.

I’m not sure what to do: I want him to come, but Larry obviously doesn’t want that yet. I open the package, which holds the condom and use my teeth and lips to roll it down his length. “What do you want?” I let go of his erection and move onto his lap. Straddling him, his length now presses against my lower body.

“Turn around,” Larry whispers heavily.

I grin wickedly and want to get to my feet, but Larry stops me. “No, turn around on my lap… Don’t stand up.”

I’m not sure what he wants from me, but I do as I’m told and I sit on his lap, facing away from him. “Like this?”

Larry chuckles and I turn my head to look at him from over my shoulder. “And now, lift…” He gives me a tiny slap on my left buttock and I comply again. “Yes, like that,” Larry adds. At the same time, he takes himself into his hand and positions himself. “And now, lower yourself…but slowly…”

I finally catch on and lower myself onto his erection. I’m relaxed and, although the penetration stings, I bite down on my bottom lip and follow through. Gravity does its job, and while I lower myself fully onto his lap, he penetrates me deeper. “Oh…” This feels divine.

Larry wraps one arm around my waist and pulls me toward him. Feeling Larry while making love in this way is new and I rest the back of my head against his shoulder. Larry’s now locked inside me and I need a minute to get used to the feeling. Larry turns my head toward him by palming my cheek and I look him in the eye. I love feeling connected to him in this way. A moment later, his lips claim mine and his tongue presses inside to stake its claim. At the same time, Larry thrusts upwards and hits my prostate. My heart misses a beat and I find it hard to breathe. God knows I love sex and this is the best sex I’ve ever had!

“You like this position,” Larry says knowingly. “It’s great, isn’t it?” His hand moves across my chest until his fingertips encounter a nipple and he pinches it – rather strongly.

I close my eyes in order to concentrate because I’m too close to the edge. “What are you doing to me?”

“I’m making love to you,” Larry says and his other hand finds its way to my groin area. His fingers curl around my erection and he pumps it. Larry’s driving me out of my mind and I wish I could touch him too, but I can’t really reach him. I curl my fingers around Larry’s arm and allow him to do as he pleases. His thrusts grow faster and become more possessive. At the same time, he keeps pumping me and… I reach my climax and feel like I’m about to faint.

“You’re damn sexy: do you know that, baby? Maybe we can have our own photo session one of these days…”

I have no idea how Larry’s capable of talking and driving himself home simultaneously, but he’s doing it. It takes him another minute to come and then he tenses beneath me. I can’t even think of moving just yet and lean heavily against Larry.

“I love you, baby,” Larry whispers.

He wraps his arms tightly around me and holds me tight. “I love you too, Larry.”

TBC

Part 3

Why did I let Arttu drag me outside? Panicking, I look about. I’m petrified of running into Christus.

“Relax, Jonne!”

Arttu has a hold on my hand and squeezes it. I don’t like walking in full view on Keskustori, but there’s no way I can escape Arttu’s hold. “Can we go inside please?” I don’t mind which store we enter, as long as I’m off the streets.

“I have an idea!” Arttu announces and I stare at him wide-eyed. Do I want to know what idea he’s had? “We’re having a drink at Koti-Baari,” Arttu announces and pulls me along. “I’m thirsty!”

“They won’t give you any alcohol,” I temper him.

“What’s up with the alcohol thing?” Arttu looks at me from over his shoulder. “Do you think I’m an alcoholic?”

“Not really. I’m sorry.” I give Arttu an apologetic look.

“I really don’t know you like this,” Arttu says and frowns.

He pulls me upstairs, and after ordering two coffees at the counter, he maneuvers me into the very back of the bar. We settle down beneath the windows in the comfortable chairs there. “I’m sorry,” I repeat. “I didn’t mean to imply that you have an alcohol problem.”

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”

The waitress delivers our coffee and I wrap my fingers around the mug. Being at Koti-Baari feels odd.

“What are you thinking about?” Arttu wants to know.

“That it’s been a while since I’ve last been here.” I anticipate the next question and add, “It’s been six months…”

Arttu whistles softly. “You really turned into a hermit!”

I shrug and sip from my drink. “I’m still apprehensive about running into Christus.”

“From what you told me, you tried to help. You did your best, but he wasn’t interested. You have no reason to feel guilty. *Christus* should feel bad for abandoning you.”

I flinch. Most friends told me the same thing, but I still blame myself for what happened to Christus. I should have tried harder: I must have made mistakes while trying to get through to Christus.

“Hey…” Arttu leans in closer and places a hand on my arm. “You’re not blaming yourself, are you?”

I lower my gaze and draw in a deep breath. “I should have kept the drugs away from Christus. It’s my fault that the band got big and that Christus—“

“That’s bullshit!” Arttu states loudly. “Utter bullshit! The only person you are responsible for is yourself! Don’t feel guilty about the decisions Christus made. If he wants to be a junkie, then let him! You tried to help!”

“I did,” I offer in a small voice. Tears swim in my eyes, but I’m fighting them back. “But he didn’t want to listen.” My hand shakes and I quickly put the mug onto the table next to my chair. “I thought that I could help.” Suddenly Arttu’s sitting next to me, and briefly I smile because he’s squeezing himself into the chair as well.

“Christus made his choice, Jonne, and you can’t change that. You *do* owe it to yourself to find your way back to life. You can’t hole up in your apartment for the rest of your life. You have to start living again!”

“That’s easier said than done.” I keep my gaze trained on the floor and avoid looking at him. “I love him.”

Arttu draws in a deep breath and wraps an arm around me. “Letting go is hard, I know that, and you should give yourself the time you need in order to recover. I’m sorry that Christus doesn’t love you back.”

“He *did* love me at one point.” I gather my courage and raise my head so I can look at him. “We were together once.”

“What happened?”

Arttu’s rubbing my back and I’m surprised that I’m opening up to him. I didn’t think it would be so easy to talk to him. “My love wasn’t enough. Christus slept around and his drug abuse worsened. I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t want to smell some girl on him or see him shoot up. I wanted him to be with me instead.”

“I’m sorry,” Arttu says as he continues to rub my back. “I really am.”

I shrug helplessly. “I feel lost,” I admit. Now that Arttu knows what’s going on I desperately need to talk more. “I don’t know how to let go of my feelings for Christus and I’m scared of facing him. What if he wants me back? What if I give in? I know what will happen. Christus won’t change his ways… He will continue to do drugs and I…I’ll get hurt again.” Arttu pulls me into his arms and normally I would fight him, but I need the contact and lean against him. “I don’t want to get hurt again, Arttu.”

“You’re grieving,” Arttu says. “And I understand that, but Jonne, you need to keep a healthy balance where your grief is concerned. You need to be among people too. You have friends who want to help – who will be there for you.”

“I know that, but it doesn’t make things easier.”

“In the end, you *will* have to face Christus. Once you do, you’ll know that you made the right decision.”

“Do you think that setting an ultimatum was the right thing to do?” I’m not sure. “I told him to choose between his drugs and me.”

“And he chose his drugs. Jonne, he made his choice and I realize it’s hard for you to accept that, but life doesn’t stop because of that. You have so much left to live for!”

“It’s hard though…” I hope Arttu isn’t angry with me for feeling so low.

“I’ll help,” Arttu offers enthusiastically.

His eagerness takes me aback and I smile weakly at Arttu. Arttu raises a hand and wipes at the tears leaking from my eyes. How odd. I didn’t even realize that I was crying. “I’m not sure you can help, Arttu. I’m not sure anyone can help.”

“There’s no reason to be so pessimistic.” Arttu smiles encouragingly. “You made that important first step when you allowed me to drag you out of your apartment. You’ll see that things will get easier from this point on.”

“I wish I had your faith.” Arttu’s still rubbing my back and he’s awfully close. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Arttu seems to notice, but doesn’t increase the distance, neither does he stop touching me.

“I want to go shopping, Jonne, and you’re coming with me.”

“But what if—“

“If we run into Christus, though I don’t think we will, we’ll face him together. I’ll stay close and hold your hand if you want me to. You won’t be alone. You’ll talk to him, if you want to do that and after you did, we’ll continue our shopping tour. The world won’t stop spinning because you run into him, okay?”

I nod. Arttu’s words give me strength, but I remain scared nonetheless.

~~~

I keep looking over my shoulder, no matter what shop we enter. In my heart, I know that chances are small that I’ll run into Christus today, but it remains possible. Arttu has a tight hold on my hand, which he uses to pull me along with him. He’s not letting go or giving up.

“I like that!” Arttu has found a T-shirt he likes and holds it in front of him. “What do you think, Jonne? Does it suit me?”

It’s black of course, but at least it has some color in the form of red splashes. “It fits you.” It’s something Arttu would wear.

“I’m trying it on!”

I expect Arttu to move into one of the cabins, but instead of doing that, he shrugs out of his coat, removes his sweater, and tries the T-shirt on. Although I’ve seen more than enough people half naked in my life, I still grow flustered. After all, we’re at Stockmann and people have been thrown out for less. “Arttu!”

“What’s wrong?” Arttu straightens the fabric and grins. “Fits, don’t you think?”

“Ever heard of using a cabin to change?” I keep looking about, hoping that the salespeople didn’t notice Arttu’s striptease.

“That takes up too much time! I’ll buy it!” Arttu removes the T-shirt again. “Hey, why are you blushing?”

“Damn it, Arttu! We’re in a store and you can’t undress like that.” After Arttu’s grown up behavior earlier, I had forgotten how young he is – and that he’s Antti’s brother.

“Well, I thought you would enjoy the show. You don’t see such a gorgeous body like mine each day!”

I stare at Arttu and then realize he’s joking. I sigh and pray for patience. “Get dressed, Arttu, before they kick us out.”

“Hum, I don’t usually get that request. Most of the time, it’s the other way around – people ask me to strip,” Arttu says and slips into his sweater. He dons his coat and is finally fully dressed again.

Arttu takes hold of my hand and drags me off so he can pay for the T-shirt. Once it’s paid for and safely tucked away in a bag, he turns toward me and grins diabolically. I grow scared wondering what he came up with this time. “Let’s go downstairs and get some food. I’m inviting myself over for dinner.”

I close my eyes and count to ten. I had hoped for some peace and quiet tonight… But is that the truth? Do I really want to be alone? Although Arttu is trouble, he also distracts me from my worries. “What do you want to eat?”

“You’re not going to fight me? How boring!” Arttu gives me a wink and starts walking.

I feel entranced and follow him without protest. I have the feeling that Arttu put himself in charge of my life for now.

~~~

“See? We didn’t walk into Christus and made it back in one piece!”

Arttu stands near the sink and cleans the lettuce we bought. I didn’t think Arttu loved healthy food, but he does. “You’re right…” I’m sitting at the kitchen table and watch Arttu prepare the baked potatoes. I’m not allowed to help, because Arttu claims I’ll get in the way. I rather think that he likes having the kitchen to himself. “Is there anything I can do?”

“How about some music?”

“I can do that. What do you want to hear?” I get to my feet and walk over to the CD-player.

“Something cheerful!”

I find a collection CD with female singers on it and insert it. “Is this all right?”

“That’s fine!” Arttu sings and hums along with the song.

I return to the kitchen and set the table for dinner. Once I’m done, I sit down and watch Arttu sing and move along to the music. Is he really shaking his ass?

“Stop staring at my ass, Jonne.”

Feeling caught, I quickly look away. “Sorry.”

“Ah,” Arttu says and looks at me from over his shoulder. “You *were* checking out my ass!”

Growing embarrassed, I wish Arttu would stop discussing his ass. “You’ve got it all wrong! You’re way too young to think like that!”

“Think like what?” Arttu moves the potatoes about in the pan, checks the meat, and turns toward me.

“Like I would think of you in that way!” I can’t believe he’s making me say it!

“In a sexual way?” Arttu winks.

He actually winked at me! I always knew the Aatamilas were cheeky, but… “Arttu, you’re too young to be thinking about sex!” Especially with me!

“I’m twenty, Jonne, and soon to be twenty-one. If you think I haven’t had sex yet, you’re badly mistaken!” Arttu turns toward the stove and checks the food again.

That’s too much information! “Arttu, I don’t want to know such things! And you’re still young, even though you had sex… You really already had sex?” A part of me still thinks of Arttu as Antti’s baby brother.

Arttu moves the food onto our plates and puts one in front of me. “Start eating,” he says and sits down. “And yes, of course I’ve had sex!”

I can’t believe I’m discussing Arttu’s sex life, and although I don’t want to pry, I can’t help myself – I’m way too curious. “Anyone I know?”

“No,” Arttu says and peeks at me. “And even if you did know the guy, I wouldn’t tell you.”

Stunned, I stare at him. “You’re into men?”

“And women, but I like men best…” Arttu munches on the food, and once he’s done, he looks at me again. “Do you only like men? Or women too?”

“Both,” I admit and grow flustered. I can’t be discussing this with Arttu! That’s weird!

“I thought so,” Arttu says and nods.

I stare at him in shock. “You were thinking about my sex life?”

“You non-existent sex life,” Arttu points out to me. “What do you prefer? Being on top or on the bottom?”

That’s where I draw the line! “I’m not discussing that with you!”

“Pity…” Arttu grins though and resumes eating. “What do we do after dinner?”

“You should go to Nakki and collect that key,” I remind him.

“Do you want to get rid of me?” Arttu wiggles an eyebrow. “It’s not working though. I don’t think you really want me gone.”

Arttu’s probably right, but I wish he would stop discussing my sex life. “You really are obnoxious, do you know that?”

“It runs in the family I’m afraid.” Arttu gives me another wink. Looking about, he frowns. “Why don’t you have pets? I took you for a cat lover.”

“I have allergies,” I explain to him.

“Too bad…” Arttu’s frown deepens. “And what if the cat, or dog, is hairless?”

“I don’t know… I never tried that.” I managed to eat in spite of Arttu’s interrogation, but now that I feel full, I push the plate away from me.

“You hardly ate anything,” Arttu complains.

“I’m full.” I’m not a big eater.

“But that’s hardly enough to keep you going!” Arttu gets up, opens the fridge, and removes the chocolate pudding we bought earlier. “Will you at least eat dessert?”

“Give me a few minutes to digest dinner, will you?” Why is Arttu so determined to make me eat? I’m not as skinny as I used to be! Though I must admit that I haven’t had much of an appetite this last half year.

“We should move this to the living room. My favorite show is about to start.”

Do I want to know what his favorite television show is? Do I? Yes. “What’s that?”

“The Bold and the Beautiful, of course!”

Arttu gets to his feet and offers to pull me to my feet. I’m not sure as to why I put my hand in his, but I do and follow him over to the couch in the living room. To be honest, I think that show is total crap, but I won’t say that as Arttu seems genuinely fond of it. We settle down on the couch, Arttu puts the pudding on the coffee table, and switches on the television. He quickly finds the right station and starts watching. I take hold of a magazine and flip through it.

“You have no idea what you’re missing out on,” Arttu says and winks once more. “It’s a great show.”

“Everyone has their personal taste,” I state and read an article. A few minutes later, Arttu reaches for the pudding, removes the foil covering, and spoons some of it into his mouth.

“Tastes good,” Arttu remarks. “Do you want some too?”

I’m about to tell him no when he suddenly starts feeding me the stuff. I have my mouth full of chocolate pudding and quickly swallow it. “What the hell…”

“How does it taste? Sweet? Nice? Sugary?” Arttu is all grins.

“Antti taught you bad manners!”

“He didn’t have to teach me… I got them right from the start. Open up!”

Arttu is about to feed me more of the pudding and I want to move away, but he’s quicker and I’m forced to eat it. “That’s enough!”

“You’re cranky… Am I getting on your nerves? I know that I do that to people. Forgive me?”

Once more, I find his puppy dog look directed at me and I can’t be angry with him. “Just stop doing that.” Arttu puts the pudding back onto the coffee table and moves closer, and closer and… Suddenly his head rests against my shoulder and his hair teases against my face. What’s this supposed to be? “Arttu, I can’t read like that!”

“Then watch the show with me.”

Arttu cocks his head and looks at me pleadingly. Well, it’s not like I can continue to read this way, so I put the magazine away. “Are you happy now?”

“Not completely happy yet, but we’re getting there.”

Arttu puts his head against my shoulder once more and sighs contently.

~~~

One hour later, I’m still unable to move because Arttu’s head occupies my shoulder. Thankfully, the soap ended some time ago and we’re now watching a music show. “Arttu, I need to go the bathroom.”

“Then why don’t you?”

“Because you’re keeping me immobile!”

“Am I?” Arttu grins innocently. “Sorry.” He removes his head and moves slightly. “But you will come back, won’t you?”

“Actually, I was thinking about going to bed.” Arttu’s kept me on my feet most of the day and I’m tired.

Arttu checks the time. “But it’s only eleven!”

“You don’t have to go to bed yet,” I point out to him as I get to my feet.

“Are you really tired or are you running away again?”

It irritates me that Arttu is being so direct. “I’m not running away. You wore me down!”

“Ah yes, I have that effect on people.” Arttu assumes command of the remote control and flips channels. “Get going then!”

I blink, shake my head in confusion, and head for the bathroom. I relieve myself, wash my hands, and stare into the mirror. I don’t look well – I’ll give Arttu that, but that doesn’t mean he can mother me!

“Are you done yet?”

I sigh. Arttu’s nickname should be Mr. Impatient. “Why do you want to know?”

“Because I’m curious… And I need to brush my teeth!”

I blink. “Do you have a toothbrush?”

“I used yours last night!”

Horrified I stare at my toothbrush. Arttu actually used it? My fucking toothbrush? “You can have it!” Luckily, I have a spare and I remove it from its package. I don’t get any rest though as Arttu knocks on the door repeatedly.

“Let me in, Jonne!”

Sighing, I unlock the door. “You’re a real menace.”

“Thanks for the compliment. I love you too,” Arttu says.

Suddenly he leans in closer, and while he’s grinning like mad, deposits a kiss onto my lips. What the fuck…?

“Don’t look so shocked!” Arttu walks past me and takes hold of my old toothbrush. “You look like you were never kissed before!”

I manage to recompose myself and shake my head in exasperation. “You’re even worse than Antti.”

“Thanks for the compliment.”

For the next few minutes, Arttu is quiet because he’s brushing his teeth and I can’t help but wonder what I got myself into by allowing him to stay.

TBC

Part 4

“Morning, baby,” Larry says and presses against me from behind.

I look at him from over my shoulder and smile at him. “What are your plans for the day?”

“Let’s make this a lazy Sunday,” Larry replies and presses a kiss against the nape of my neck. “I talked to Tommi on the phone just now and we can drop by tomorrow morning if we want that contract still checked.”

“That’s a nice thing of him to do.” I turn around and kiss Larry on the lips.

“Do you want to go out for breakfast or shall we eat at home?” Larry asks.

“Let’s stay at home. I want to cuddle with the cats.”

“Only the cats?” Larry looks disappointed.

“With you too!” I stroke his face and curl a lock of his hair around my finger.

“Eero… Would you be okay with having dinner with Jonne tonight? I promised Ville to spend more time with him.”

I nod. “Sure, why not? Invite him over.”

“I can’t do that because of his allergies… He would be ill by the time he went home.”

“You want to invite us over at his place?”

“If you don’t mind…or we can eat out.”

“I don’t mind, Larry. Do you want me to call Jonne to set something up?”

“That would be sweet of you.” Larry deposits a kiss onto my lips and smiles lazily. “Do you mind me taking a shower before we have breakfast?”

“Go ahead and shower. I don’t plan on doing more than making coffee and sandwiches. I’m lazy today!” Grinning wickedly, I add, “Do you want me to join you in the shower? We could have sex again!”

“You’re insatiable,” Larry remarks amused. “But sure, join me…”

Larry takes my hand in his and we head for the bathroom. I didn’t plan on showering just yet, but I’ll make an exception if Larry is in the cabin with me!

~~~

I pull my legs up to my chest and cuddle up to our cats, which made themselves comfortable on the couch. A grin surfaces on my face, recalling the way Larry reacted to my touch when we showered earlier. I don’t think he expected me to take him. Larry is still in the shower, claiming he has to clean up as I made a mess. He seems to be enjoying himself as he’s singing.

I take hold of Larry’s mobile phone, access Jonne’s number, and wait for him to answer the call. I don’t have to wait for long.

“Hello there! Now, who are you? I know who I am, but you don’t know who I am, so tell me who you are and I’ll tell you who I am.”

What? I stare at the phone and wonder what’s gotten into Jonne, but hold on, that isn’t Jonne’s voice! “Who the hell are you?”

“Hell has little to do with who I am, although, Antti always says I’m a little devil, only born to harass him!”

I blink and wonder what is going on. “I want to talk to Jonne!”

“I figured that, but Jonne’s still in bed and he’ll be mad if I wake him.”

“Who are you?” Not knowing whom I’m talking to is frustrating and it’s even more annoying that this guy manages to confuse me!

“Tell me your name and I’ll tell you mine, because I know you’re not Lauri, oops, sorry, Larry. You might be using his phone, but I know his voice and you’re not him.”

“What’s up?” Larry sits down next to me and gives me a questioning look. The confusion I’m experiencing must be visible on my face. “Who are you calling?”

“I’m trying to call Jonne, but there’s a mad person at the other end.” I hold the phone in such a way that Larry can listen to the conversation as well.

“I’m not mad! Just a little insane, but that doesn’t count.”

“I know that voice,” Larry whispers and rubs his temples. “It’s Arttu, Antti’s younger brother and he’s insane all right.”

“I’m not!” Arttu calls out through the phone. “Larry, are you going to tell me about your new boyfriend?”

“Why do you think he’s my boyfriend?” Larry wants to know.

“You wouldn’t let just anyone use your phone!” Arttu counters.

“My name’s Eero,” I say in the hope to bring order to this chaos.

“Eero? There are thousands of Eero’s in Finland,” Arttu says. Damn, he’s not giving up yet. “Do I know you, Eero?”

“He’s Heijaste’s drummer. You should have seen him when visiting Antti,” Larry says, also hoping to reign in the menace that is Arttu. “And now we want to talk to Jonne.”

“Do you think it’s safe to wake him?”

Larry grins devilishly and shakes his head, telling me that it isn’t safe to wake Jonne, but my boyfriend doesn’t seem inclined to enlighten Arttu. Is this Larry’s way of getting payback?

“Sure it’s safe. Arttu, I want to talk to Jonne so make sure he gets the phone!”

Larry’s still grinning and I wonder just how Jonne will react to being woken in that way.

“All right! No need to shoot the messenger! I’m already on my way!”

There’s some noise at the other end and then I hear a high-pitched scream. It’s Jonne and I exchange a curious look with Larry, who merely shrugs.

“What are you doing in my bed? Arttu, get the hell out of my bedroom!”

Larry grins wickedly and seems very pleased with himself. “Jonne’s going to give Arttu hell,” Larry whispers.

“Come on, Jonne, don’t be like that! Your bed is warm and cozy and I –“

“Get out!”

I chuckle and Larry bursts out laughing. “I take it that Jonne isn’t a morning person?” I remark casually at which Larry nods.

“You have a call! And don’t think you can stay in bed much longer! I expect you in the kitchen in twenty minutes for breakfast! And you had better not be late!”

A moment later, I hear a bang and I look questioningly at Larry.

“Either Arttu slammed the door behind him or Jonne threw something at him and hit the door,” Larry explains.

That explanation makes sense. I’m not sure however if I should risk Jonne’s wrath at this point and consider terminating the call.

“Jonne here…”

Jonne sounds frustrated and I don’t blame him. “Why did you let him in?” I wonder, certain that Jonne knows what I’m talking about.

“Arttu locked himself out of the apartment and I offered him a place to stay. I didn’t think he would be so infuriating! He refuses to leave! He’s determined to stay and make my life a living hell!”

“It can’t be that bad,” Larry says. “Arttu’s a nice guy!”

“Not at the moment,” Jonne maintains. “Why are you calling?”

“We want to ask if you’re interested in having dinner this evening.” After all, that is the reason why I’m calling and not to discuss Arttu.

“I can’t come to your place though…because of the cats,” Jonne offers apologetically.

“Why don’t you make Arttu cook us dinner?” Larry suggests. “That will keep him busy and off your back.”

“Don’t count on it. He’ll drag me to the supermarket and then he’ll make sure I’m close so he can harass me,” Jonne replies in a frustrated tone.

“Jonne?” Larry waits until Jonne mumbles a confirmation that he’s still listening. “You need the distraction and the company. Arttu will do you good.”

“He’ll drive me fucking insane!”

“I don’t think so,” Larry says. “We’ll show up around seven tonight…”

Jonne sighs. “I’ll tell Arttu… Maybe he’ll think everything is too much of a hassle and leave voluntarily.”

“I hate to crush your hope, but I wouldn’t count on it!” Larry chuckles. “We’ll see you tonight then! And hang in there, Jonne!”

“It’s not like I have a choice,” Jonne says, sounding rather depressed. “I’ll see you later then.”

I end the call and look at Larry. “What was that about?”

“You never met Arttu before, did you? Then you’re in for quite a surprise this evening.” Larry moves closer and wraps an arm around me. “He’s a nice guy, but he can be a bit…much… Just like Antti can be a bit much.”

“In that case, thanks for the warning.” I place the phone aside, cuddle up to Larry, and enjoy the intimacy.

~~~

“Looking good, baby…”

Larry sneaked up on me and now enfolds me in a hug from behind. I press against him and smile at him via the mirror. “Do you really think so?” I styled my hair and even applied make up. I turn around in the embrace and look him in the eyes.

“I really think so… You’re my personal super model, you know.”

Larry’s remark makes me grin. “Were you serious about that photo session?” I didn’t like the idea at first, but now that I thought about it, I must admit there’s some charm to it.

“Of course… I’ll ask Jonne to lend me his camera,” Larry replies and winks. Growing a bit more serious, he adds, “Did you mentally prepare yourself for Arttu?”

“He can’t be that bad!”

“He’s even worse.”

Larry takes my hand in his and we move into the hallway where we put on shoes, coats, beanies, and gloves. It’s snowing outside, and as we’re going on foot, I’m not taking chances. I don’t want to catch a cold.

~~~

Twenty minutes later, Larry rings the doorbell and we wait for someone to open the door. I press closer against Larry as it’s extremely cold – at least to me it feels that way. “Come on, get going,” I whisper, privately encouraging Jonne, or Arttu for that matter to show up.

A moment later, there’s a buzz and the door opens. We step inside, climb the stairs to the correct floor, and find Jonne already waiting for us. He’s standing in the doorway and has a pleading expression on his face. I can’t believe that Arttu’s *that* bad, no matter what Larry says.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Jonne says as gestures for us to step inside. “Maybe you can help me convince Arttu that he should go home.”

Larry shakes his head and laughs. “Having someone like Arttu about will do you good! He’ll keep you from brooding!” Larry shrugs out of his coat and removes his shoes. I follow his example and follow Jonne into the living room. It looks cozier in here than the last time we visited. Jonne already put up the Christmas lights and decorations and I quickly check the date on my mobile phone. Ah okay, it’s already the fourteenth, so yes, Jonne’s allowed to do that and maybe Larry and I should get some lights too.

“He’s driving me insane,” Jonne says and keeps a close eye on the kitchen. “He made me go to the supermarket with him, and once we got home, he made me drag out the Christmas decorations. He banned me from the kitchen and told me to make things cozier in here.”

“It looks cozier,” I tell Jonne, who gives me another pleading look. “Hey, it’s almost Christmas and it’s time to put up the lights.”

“Don’t say that,” Jonne says and gestures for me to be quiet. “I don’t want him to think that we need a Christmas tree too because then he’s going to drag me outside again!”

We settle down on the couch and I exchange a look with Larry. Larry nods, coughs in order to clear his throat, and says, “I think it’s a good thing that Arttu is making you go outside. You can’t hide here forever. Sooner or later, you will run into Christus.”

Jonne turns pale and fumbles with the fabric of the white vest he’s wearing. “I want to postpone that as long as possible.”

“We ran into Christus last night.” I’m not sure why I’m bringing it up, but it feels right. “He was drunk – or high—whatever.”

Jonne exchanges a shocked look with Larry. “You talked to him?”

Larry nods. “Christus wanted us to go drinking with him and he was rather adamant about it. He didn’t like being told no.”

Jonne nods absentmindedly and then whispers, “How did he look, Larry? Better…or…?”

“Worse,” Larry replies in a compassionate tone. “The drugs consume him. At one point he mistook Eero for you.”

Jonne swallows hard at hearing that and his thoughts turn inward. He looks utterly lost and I feel sorry for him.

“Maybe I should call him…offer him help.” Jonne sounds and looks distressed. “Maybe I can—“

Larry leans in closer and stops Jonne from finishing his sentence. “You can’t help Christus, Jonne. Christus needs to check himself into a clinic so he can kick his habit. He needs to clean up his act, and trust me, he won’t do that for you.” Larry takes Jonne’s hand in his and brushes the inside of the wrist with his thumb. “Christus loves you in his very own way, but that love isn’t strong enough for him to get clean and stay clean. He will use your love if he gets the chance for that. Don’t let him use you again. It took so many guts on your part to stand up to him and to tell him that you were no longer taking his bullshit… Don’t give into him now, Jonne…please.”

Larry’s passionate speech doesn’t surprise me. He greatly cares for Jonne and wants his friend to be happy, and after seeing Christus the way he is now, I understand why he wants Jonne to stay away from Christus. “He’s right,” I add. “Jonne, Christus is an addict. He wants his drugs and he’ll use you to get them. That’s the only way he will see you – not as a person he cares for.”

Jonne’s close to tears and I wish I could make things better for him, but I can’t. Jonne has to fight this battle himself. Larry rubs Jonne’s fingers and gives him an encouraging look. Jonne angrily wipes at the solitary tear that escaped his right eye and then nods. “You’re right,” Jonne whispers. “But it’s hard to look the other way.”

At that moment, the kitchen door opens and Arttu appears. I’m grateful for the distraction and take in his appearance. He’s dressed in black – black jeans, black sweater and he’s also wearing a shawl, but at least it has some color – some red in it. His hair reaches in-between his ears and shoulders and it seems indecisive about wanting to curl or grow straight. His hair is a strange color. It’s black mixed with dark red. His eyes though twinkle and shine with mischief. He might look all gloomy dressed in black, but I’m sure he’s all smiles when you know him better. I instantly like him.

“Larry!” Arttu walks over to the couch and hugs Larry. “It’s been a while! Man, you look healthy – almost appallingly healthy.”

“Thanks for the compliment,” Larry says and hugs Arttu in turn.

I peek at Jonne and realize he’s using the moment to compose himself. I tend to concur with Larry that Arttu will do Jonne good. It’s hard to feel depressed around someone who keeps you on guard constantly. “I’m Eero,” I say, introducing myself. Arttu grabs my hand and shakes it – rather enthusiastically, I might add.

“Ah yes, I talked to you on the phone. Sorry about confusing you!”

Arttu seems apologetic, but I don’t buy it. He had too much fun pulling my leg.

“What’s for dinner?” Larry asks as he stretches. “I’m hungry!”

“I made meatballs, baked potatoes, and a huge salad! I hope you’re all hungry!” Arttu seems rather pleased with himself.

“Who taught you to cook?” I ask Arttu as we head for the kitchen.

“My mum of course!” Arttu smiles warmly. “I’m a good cook! At least I know I’m better than Antti, who can’t cook at all. I also doubt Jonne knows his way about the kitchen!”

Ever since Arttu appeared, Jonne got a chance to sort out his thoughts and now that he’s addressed, Jonne smiles shyly at us. “I can’t help it,” Jonne says. “I seldom cook.”

Upon entering the kitchen, delicious fragrances make it up my nostrils and I sigh contently. If the food tastes as good as it smells then dinner will be great!

We sit down at the table, all except for Arttu that is, as he’s fixing our plates.

“I don’t know why you’re complaining,” Larry says, addressing Jonne. “You have the perfect little housewife here.”

“I resent that comment, just so you know it!” Arttu glares at Larry. “I’m certainly not little! If you insist, you can get out yours, and I’ll get out mine and we’ll compare and then you’ll see that I’m *not* little!”

I giggle like mad and the chuckling coming from my right tells me that Jonne has a laughing fit too. Yes, I really like Arttu. “Please don’t do that… I want to be able to enjoy my food.”

“We’ll do that later,” Larry says calmly and his comment makes me stare at him in surprise. “Gotcha!” Larry explains and winks at me. “Don’t worry: you’re the only person I take it out for.”

I don’t know what’s happening – maybe Arttu’s twisted sense of wit is rubbing off on Larry, but I dismiss it and smile at my boyfriend. “You had better remember that.”

Arttu puts our plates in front of us and sits down himself. He’s peeking at Jonne and his gaze is extremely wicked. “I would take it out for you,” he says the moment Jonne tries a meatball.

Jonne coughs, blinks, and spits out the meatball again. As a result, Arttu chuckles away like mad and I grin at Larry.

Jonne is growing flustered and he gives Arttu an evil look. “Why does everything come down to sex with you?”

“Sex?” Arttu cocks his head and tries to look innocent – but fails. “I wasn’t talking about sex! I was merely suggesting we compare sizes!”

“It’s not the size that matters,” I quip, enjoying the bantering. “It’s how you use it!”

Arttu gives me a pleased look and I look at Jonne to find out how he’s reacting to my joke. Jonne’s smiling too, although he’s trying hard not to be obvious about it. Yes, Larry’s right – Arttu is exactly what Jonne needs!

~~~

“Thanks for a great evening, Jonne.” I hug him and hold him close for a moment, as he seems to need that. “It was very entertaining.”

“Arttu’s obnoxious,” Jonne says and pouts. “Can’t you take him home with you?”

Larry shakes his head decisively. “Arttu’s your handful. I already got mine,” he says and wraps an arm around my waist. “Enjoy being around him, Jonne.”

“I can’t… He’s always after some sexual innuendo.”

Larry smiles warmly. “Jonne, you know what it was like to be younger. Hormones race through your blood, make your horny, and everything people say turns into something sexual.”

“And don’t forget that he likes to make you blush,” I add. I noticed that Arttu loves making Jonne feel awkward so he grows flustered. “I think he likes you.” I wiggle an eyebrow at him.

Jonne quickly looks over his shoulder to make sure that Arttu hasn’t joined us, and once he’s sure that he can speak freely, he says, “I like him too, but don’t tell him that.”

Larry bestows a hug upon Jonne and gives him a radiant smile. “I won’t tell Arttu, but maybe you should. Arttu might act more grown-up if you stop fighting him.”

“I’m not fighting him! Why should I? He’s Antti’s little brother!” Jonne sounds indignant.

“In case you didn’t notice,” Larry whispers, “Antti’s little brother grew up. He’s not a kid anymore.”

Jonne’s about to object to Larry’s observation, which I think is true, when Arttu appears in the doorway as well.

“Ah, I knew it! You’re discussing me!” Arttu says, commenting on the fact that the conversation died when he joined us. “You’re speaking badly of me!”

“We’re not,” Larry says as he hugs Arttu goodbye as well. “I merely remarked that you’ve grown up and are not a kid anymore.”

Arttu has a confused look on his face and he clearly doesn’t know what to make of the remark. In the end, he says, “If you say so…” A deep frown appears on his brow when his gaze shifts from Larry to Jonne.

I wonder what he’s thinking about: I would love to know what’s going on in Arttu’s head right now.

“I’ll call you,” Jonne says. “I’ll arrange for a rehearsal in a few days.”

“Do you think your voice is already up for that?” Larry seems thoughtful at hearing Jonne’s plans.

“We’ll find out,” Jonne says and nods. “Get home safely, will you?”

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” I quip in an attempt to do away with the awkwardness that followed Larry’s remark. “See you soon!”

Larry pulls me tightly against him and we turn around to wave at Jonne and Arttu, who are still standing in the doorway. “That was an entertaining evening indeed,” I remark.

“I told you that it would be fun!” Larry sounds smug, but then grows serious. “Am I the only one who thinks that Arttu *really* likes Jonne?”

I know what Larry’s trying to say. “The way he tried to engage Jonne in banter seems to point in that direction.” I pause, and then add, “Don’t you think Arttu’s a bit too young for Jonne?”

“I don’t think the age difference is a big deal. I *do* think though that Arttu will have trouble getting through to Jonne. Jonne isn’t someone who easily lets in people. Arttu has one foot in the door, but Jonne’s still trying to close it.”

“Give Jonne time,” I say and rub Larry’s fingers between mine. “If he’s not over Christus yet, Arttu will have to be patient anyway.” Larry nods and I slip an arm around his waist so I can move even closer. I do hope that Arttu will succeed in getting through to Jonne.

TBC

Part 5

I close the door and can’t hide the fact that I’m cold as I’m shivering. I might be Finnish, but that doesn’t mean I do cold well.

“Here, take this.”

Suddenly Arttu moves closer and places another vest, which I keep at the rack in the hallway around my shoulders. Feeling shy, I smile at him and whisper, “Thanks.” It’s odd that he’s so serious all of a sudden and I expect him to pull a prank on me next.

“Let’s go back to the living room, you’re cold.”

Arttu confuses me even more when he folds an arm around my shoulder and guides me up the stairs. It’s like I’m dealing with a different person and I don’t know how to react to that.

“Do you want something hot to drink? Tea? Hot chocolate maybe?”

I blink at Arttu in confusion. “Why are you being so nice all of a sudden?” I sit down on the couch because Arttu urges me to do so.

“Hey, I’m a nice person,” Arttu says calmly. “There’s a time to annoy you and there’s a time to be nice.”

“Tea would be nice.” I watch his reaction closely as I expect him to start laughing or shooting off cheeky remarks, but nothing like that happens.

“I’ll make tea.” Arttu disappears into the kitchen, leaving me behind and feeling quite dazed.

~~~

“Thanks.” I curl my fingers around the mug, which holds steaming hot lemon tea and press deeper into the comfort of the couch. “Aren’t you going to comment on me drinking tea instead of vodka or something like that?” Arttu sits down next to me and gives me a long, pensive look.

“I came across a bit too…sassy, didn’t I? I think you got the wrong impression. Yes, sometimes I act like an energizer bunny, but that’s just one side of me.”

I’m still shivering and Arttu reaches for the throw which I keep at the end of the couch. “Here…” Arttu wraps it around my legs. “You don’t do cold very well, do you?”

I give him an apologetic look. “Tommi and Ville don’t mind the cold as much as I do, that’s true…”

“I wasn’t talking about your brothers,” Arttu says thoughtfully. “I’m talking about you. You find it hard to talk about yourself, don’t you?”

“Sometimes,” I admit. “Not always. It depends on my mood.” I sip from my tea and study Arttu. “You confuse me.”

Arttu smiles. “I have that effect on people.”

I continue to look at Arttu, and as we’re both quiet, silence descends onto the room. It doesn’t feel suffocating or annoying though and I simply enjoy it.

A few minutes later, Arttu breaks the silence. “Do you want to turn in for the night or would you like to watch a movie?”

“I’m not sure. I would like to curl up in bed, but…” All of a sudden, Arttu’s company seems nice and I change my mind. “Maybe we can watch a movie, but I can’t promise that I’ll stay awake.”

“I don’t mind… I’m tired myself.”

“I’m not surprised… You kept busy all day and burned lots of energy.”

“Jonne, pick a movie, will you? I’m going to quickly clean up the mess in the kitchen and then I’ll join you.”

“You don’t have to do that, Arttu. I can clean up tomorrow, or we can do it together.”

“I’ll do it now. It won’t take long and I’ll make more tea.”

Arttu sounds so decisive that I don’t object. He disappears into the kitchen and I walk over to the shelves that hold my movie collection. I don’t know what kind of movies Arttu likes, but I reckon an action movie should be okay. I insert Spiderman into the player and wait for Arttu to join me again. This is *not* the way I thought the evening would end.

Arttu re-appears fifteen minutes later carrying a teapot and a plate with cookies. It rather scares me that he knows his way about my kitchen better than I do! His gaze shifts over to the television screen and he grins madly.

“How did you know that I’m a big Spiderman fan?” Arttu puts the tea and cookies onto the coffee table and sits down next to me.

“I thought you might like a movie with some action in it.”

Arttu looks pleased and sips from his tea. “You made an excellent choice…”

I start the movie and reach for the teapot. I pour tea into my mug and cuddle up beneath the throw. My peace doesn’t last long though as Arttu’s watching me. “What?”

“Are you sharing that throw with me?”

Arttu gives me his best angelic smile, but I’m not buying it. “Are you cold then?” I don’t think so, as he isn’t shivering.

“Come on, let me crawl beneath it too – share.”

Arttu still has that deceptively sweet smile on his face, but I don’t trust him yet. “All right, I’ll share.” I lift the throw, but keep an eye on Arttu anyway. He moves closer and cuddles up beneath the throw with me. If feels odd to have him so close. Arttu tucks the throw around his form and smiles at me.

“Hey, I don’t bite,” Arttu says calmly.

“It’s odd,” I admit. “Since you showed up you have been pestering me.”

“Did it feel that way? I didn’t mean to pester you,” Arttu says in a serious tone. “I was merely trying to distract you.”

Much to my surprise, I believe him. “I’m sorry that I make such bad company.”

“You don’t.”

Arttu’s hand moves and finds mine. He curls his fingers around it and squeezes. His touch doesn’t really surprise me, as he has been comforting me since he got here. “I do…”

“You don’t, Jonne. You had your heart broken… I know how that feels. It might be hard to believe, but I’ve been rejected too.”

Arttu winks at me and his remark makes me smile. “Larry *is* right. You’re no longer a teenager. You grew up, didn’t you?”

“Hey, don’t insult me,” Arttu says with a smile. “I want to be both – grown up and a kid.”

“I think you succeeded in that.” Arttu’s presence relaxes me, and when he offers me a cookie, I accept and nibble on it. “You’re missing out on the movie.”

“I know that movie by heart.”

Looking down at my lap, I realize that Arttu’s fingers are still curled around mine. He hasn’t let go yet and the contact feels nice. “You’re not going home yet, are you?” I have the feeling Arttu wants to stick around.

“I would like to stay a few more days, yes. The cactus at our apartment will survive being without water for some days…”

Arttu’s remark makes me chuckle again. “You have a cactus?”

“Several actually. It’s the only plant that survives at the Aatamila household.”

I continue to smile and slowly grow aware of the fact that I’m rubbing Arttu’s fingers between mine. What am I doing?

“This is nice…”

Arttu rests his head against my shoulder and I freeze. This is turning more intimate than I thought, but for some reason I fail to tell him to move away. I want the contact – I crave it and there’s nothing bad about snuggling on the couch.

~~~

“Sleep tight,” Arttu says as we get up from the couch. We actually managed to stay awake during the movie! “I’ll make breakfast in the morning… Do you have any appointments tomorrow?”

I blink. “Why do you need to know that?”

“Because then I know what kind of plans to make!” Arttu yawns, stretches, and switches off the television. “You’re not rid of me yet, remember?”

“I remember… And Arttu…thanks.” I’m not sure what I’m thanking him for, but Arttu probably knows. “And no, no appointments. You can harass me all day long.”

“I’ll behave tomorrow and be nice.” Arttu is about to turn and head for Ville’s room, when he halts and turns toward me again. “Sleep tight, Jonne.”

Arttu suddenly wraps his arms around me and hugs me tight. I freeze at first, but then tell myself to relax. “Have some good dreams, Arttu,” I tell him. Arttu raises his head, and suddenly, his lips touch mine in a sweet but chaste kiss.

“I will,” he hints, releases me, and turns around. “See you tomorrow, Jonne!”

I stay behind and feel strange. Arttu kissed me… It was just a goodnight kiss, but still… He kissed me and his lips felt soft.

~~~

I can’t sleep. I keep tossing and turning in bed and can’t forget that last kiss. I always thought of Arttu as Antti’s baby brother. I never considered the possibility of Arttu growing up and becoming an adult. That’s stupid, but that’s the way it is. And now he has taken to kissing me. The question is why. Why kiss me?

I turn onto my other side and watch the time pass by on my alarm clock. There’s no way I can sleep and so I leave the bed. I head for the windowsill and sit down. I love sitting here. Looking outside, I watch the snowflakes descend onto Tampere. Although I don’t do cold well, I love the festive season. I love Christmas, but this time everything is different. It’s the first Christmas without Christus. I miss him, but at the same time, I know that I can’t be around him. My fingertips press against the window and I wonder where he is and what he is doing. Is he at home? In bed? Partying? Or shooting up?

It’s no use. I can’t stop worrying about him and I need to distract myself. I get to my feet, head for the kitchen, and get out the tea, which Nakki once gave me, saying it had calming effects. I try to be as quiet as I can, as I don’t want to wake Arttu.

A few minutes later, I slip the teabag into the hot water and wait for the water to darken. Once it’s ready, I remove the bag, and settle down at the kitchen table. Arttu kept his word and cleaned up the kitchen – there are no more traces of the dinner he cooked.

“What are you doing?”

Arttu appears in the doorway, wearing only a T-shirt and looking disheveled. “I’m sorry. Did I wake you?” I didn’t want that.

“I’m a light sleeper,” Arttu confirms and sits down at the table as well. “Is there any hot water left for me?”

I get up and make another cup of tea, which I place in front of him. “You don’t have to stay. You can go to bed again.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Arttu lifts the cup and blows onto the surface so it cools down. “Why can’t you sleep?”

I consider lying, but then opt for the truth. Arttu probably knows what’s keeping me awake. “Christus.”

“Go on.” Arttu sips from his tea and gives me an expectant look.

“I was wondering what he’s doing. If he’s fine or…shooting up.” I stare at the wall and sigh deeply. “I can’t get him out of my head.”

“What you need is change – a change of scenery for example.”

Arttu’s words stun me and I look at him in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“We could stay with my parents for a few days. You would get away from Tampere and Christus and that might help.”

“Your parents live in Pori, don’t they?” At least, I think that’s what Antti once told me.

Arttu nods. “We live near the sea… You’ll like it there and don’t worry, the second floor is solely my territory… It’s not like my parents will constantly check on us. They’re away most of the time, either working or going out.”

I don’t know if I should accept. “I can’t leave like that.”

“Why?”

I don’t have an answer and Arttu realizes that. I give him a lost look.

“We’re leaving tomorrow. We’ll take my car and drive to Pori,” Arttu says firmly.

“Don’t you need to warn your parents?”

“They don’t mind me bringing along friends. Stop worrying!”

That’s easier said than done. “And what do you want to do all day? You would be stuck with me.” It’s my last attempt to talk Arttu out of it.

“I don’t worry about passing the time.” An evil grin surfaces on Arttu’s face. “This will be interesting indeed. So are you coming along?”

“I’m afraid to say yes,” I admit.

“Oh, Jonne! It will be fun and I promise that you’ll survive!”

Arttu’s remark makes me smile. “I can take the train back if I don’t like it there.”

“Sure you can, but you won’t do that. You’ll love it there!”

I’m not sure, but I’ll give Arttu the benefit of the doubt.

“And now what?” Arttu finishes his tea and gives me a curious look. “Are you going back to tossing and turning?”

“Probably.” What else can I do?

“We can watch Spiderman part two. I noticed that you have the sequel stocked up on that shelf.”

“You really like Spiderman, don’t you?”

Arttu grins. “Some weeks ago I managed to completely freak out my parents. I had drawn Spiderman on my chest and a big web around my nipple. You should have heard my mother scream!”

I burst out laughing. “Did she think you had a tattoo?”

“I do have a tattoo…A star,” Arttu says and raises his shirt. “And they are okay with that, but the Spiderman was really badly done. I suck at drawing.”

Arttu raises his arm and rests his hand on mine. I’m not sure what to think of the gesture—of him repeatedly touching me.

“Let’s move onto the couch and watch that movie, all right?” Arttu suggests.

“I’m okay with that…” Arttu gets to his feet, goes into the living room, and switches on the television.

“Come over here…” he says as he sits down.

I sit down next to him and yawn. I feel tired all of a sudden and doubt I’ll register much of the movie that’s starting now. “Don’t be mad when I fall asleep…”

“I won’t…”

Arttu takes hold of the throw again and covers us with it. This time it’s me who gravitates toward Arttu and my head ends up against his shoulder. My eyes close and I relax upon feeling Arttu rub my fingers. I can’t help falling asleep…

~~~

I wake up because something warm touches my face. I blink and open my eyes, only to find that I’m still on the couch. I spent the night here and so did Arttu, as he had no way to get up. Sometime during the night, my head ended up in his lap and I’m tightly clutching his thigh, using it as a pillow. Turning onto my back, I look at Arttu and find that his eyes are open. He’s awake and smiling at me. “I’m sorry… I kept you from going to bed.”

“It’s not the first time I spend the night on a couch,” Arttu reassures me. “Did you sleep well?”

I sit upright and nod. “I did.” I didn’t have any bad dreams and I feel rested. “You should have pushed me away…”

“Why should I? I like having you close…”

Studying Arttu’s expression, I finally realize what’s going on. I was blind not to see it earlier. Arttu’s in love with me. What do I do now? I just agreed to spend time with him at his parents’ house!

“I’m going to make breakfast…”

Arttu gets to his feet and I suspect that he noticed the odd mood that has taken me. “Take your time in the bathroom. There’s no rush.”

I nod and watch Arttu go into the kitchen. Drawing in a deep breath, I wonder what to do.

~~~

I join Arttu thirty minutes later. I took a shower in the hope to clear my head, but it didn’t work. Arttu won’t let me go back on my word and I’m stuck with him for the next few days. I sit down opposite him and study him. Now that I figured him out, I recognize the expression in his eyes and I wonder how long he has had feelings for me.

“I found cinnamon buns in the freezer and heated them. I hope that’s okay? I also made hot chocolate. Seems like a good December breakfast to me.”

“It is.” I pull my hot chocolate closer to me and nibble on a bun. If only I knew what to do. “When do you want to leave?”

“In thirty minutes. I want to shower first though. I really think that you made the right decision. You need to get away from Tampere.”

“Maybe…” Sighing, I wonder if I’m not exchanging one problem for another.

~~~

Now that Arttu is taking a shower, I use the opportunity to call Larry. I need to talk to someone and Larry is my confidant right now. I let the phone ring and wait.

“Larry…”

“It’s me, Jonne.” I’m relieved that he answered the call. “I need to talk to you.”

“Shoot,” Larry says.

I draw in a deep breath, check if the bathroom door is still closed, and then perch on the windowsill, making sure I have a good view of the door at all time. “Arttu invited me to go to Pori for a few days. His parents live there.”

“That’s a good idea! I hope you accepted!”

“I did, but I shouldn’t have.” I bite on my bottom lip and flinch when Arttu starts singing in the bathroom.

“Why is that?”

“Because…Arttu looks at me…in a certain way.” I hope that Larry reads between the lines and that I don’t have to say it aloud.

“What do you mean by that? Jonne, it’s only nine in the morning. Please make sense!”

“I think he’s in love with me. He has *that* look in his eyes. You know what I’m talking about!” I’m getting frustrated because Larry isn’t catching on quickly enough.

“I already thought that might be the case. I thought the same thing last night. Arttu obviously cares a great deal about you.”

“That doesn’t help, Larry!” Irritated, I continue to stare at the bathroom door. “I told him that I would go to Pori with him, Larry, and he won’t let me back down. I’m stuck!”

“Jonne, you might not want to hear this, but I’m going to tell you anyway. Arttu is good for you, and yes, I know that you’re not over Christus yet, but…give Arttu a chance! Maybe your feelings will change once you’re away from Tampere.”

“Are you telling me to fall in love with Arttu? Larry, I can’t control my feelings! I can’t force myself to fall in love and don’t forget, he’s Antti’s little brother. How do you think Antti’s going to react should he find out Arttu’s in love with me?”

“Antti will be okay with it and you know it! He’ll want to be the first to tell the whole of Tampere, but you can give him that, can’t you?”

“Larry, I’m not in love with Arttu!”

“You like him, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do, but…” The bathroom door opens and Arttu steps outside. He only has a towel wrapped around his waist and I can’t deny he’s handsome. But he’s also young – too young! “I have to go now. Arttu wants to leave for Pori within the hour and I need to pack.”

“So you’re going to Pori?”

“I don’t have a choice, Larry! I promised him!”

“Whom are you talking to Jonne?” Arttu calls out from Ville’s bedroom while getting dressed.

“Larry,” I call out. Then, much softer, I say, “Larry, I have to go.”

“Jonne, I wouldn’t worry if I were you. Even if you don’t return Arttu’s feelings the two of you can have a good time. I also think that Arttu will survive you rejecting his advances. He’s a well-balanced guy!”

“I hope you’re right. I don’t want to hurt his feelings.”

“You won’t, Jonne, and now get packing. I’m sure you’ll have a great time in Pori!”

If only I were so sure! I end the call, put the phone aside, and wonder if I’m not making a huge mistake by accompanying Arttu to Pori.

TBC

Part 6

“It’s a good contract… I would sign it if I were you.”

Tommi hands me back the contract and I stare at it. “Are you sure that there’s nothing in it that can cause trouble?”

Tommi smiles and shakes his head. “There’s nothing in there to ensnare you.” He leans back in his chair, hooks his hands behind his neck, and studies me. “So… You’re going to be a model then.”

I take Larry’s hand in mine, as I need the contact and shrug. “Maybe… It’s not a big deal and I need the money, as I don’t have a regular job. I don’t want to live off Larry’s money either.”

Tommi nods. “I understand that, but…”

I raise my gaze and look at Tommi. Ever since we entered his office, he’s been trying to bring up something and I guess he’s been waiting for the right moment. “What do you want to ask me?”

“How about Heijaste?” Tommi asks and frowns. “Are you planning on leaving the band?”

I swallow hard and shrug again. “I’m not sure I’m still a part of it.”

“Did you talk to the guys since you left the clinic?” Tommi leans in closer again.

I feel uncomfortable beneath his stare. “No… I’m afraid to face them.”

“I don’t think you need to be afraid. I talked to the guys last week and they’re eager for you to join them again. Just give them a call,” Tommi suggests. “They started recording their new album and they need a drummer.”

“I’ll call Viljami,” I say, giving in. Viljami is the easiest out of the bunch to talk to.

“Good!” Tommi smiles and gives me an expectant look. “Anything else?”

“No.” This is obviously Tommi’s way to tell me that time’s up. Larry and I get to our feet. “Thanks for having a look at the contract.”

“No problem, and I wish you the best of luck with your new career,” Tommi says and then closes the door behind us.

I curl my arm around Larry and put up the collar of my coat when we step onto the street again. “That went better than I thought.”

“Tommi’s a good guy,” Larry says and completes the hug by wrapping an arm around me too. “You have therapy, don’t you?”

“Yes, I need to talk to Mika about the modeling thing.”

“And you’re coming home after that?”

I nod, although I might be a bit late. Larry however doesn’t need to know that I plan on doing some Christmas shopping. I want to get him a little present and it should remain a secret. “And what are you doing?”

“I’m visiting Nakki and then I’ll get some groceries… I’ll make dinner later.”

“Sounds good.” I lean in closer and kiss Larry on the lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too…” Larry places another kiss onto my lips and then we part ways.

~~~

Two hours later, I head back home. Larry’s apartment is home now and I only visit my own place once a week, but knowing it’s still mine reassures me. I have a refuge should I need one…and a place where I can hide Larry’s Christmas present.

I climb the stairs to Larry’s apartment and use my key to let myself in. I blink in surprise. I’m sure I extinguished the lights when we left so why are they on now? “Larry? Are you home already?” It’s the only explanation that makes sense.

“No, Lauri isn’t home…but I would like to know who you are, young man!”

A middle-aged woman with shoulder long brown hair appears in the doorway to the kitchen. She is dressed in jeans and a blue sweater and gives me a curious look. My gaze shifts higher, back to her hair, which is curling in a familiar fashion. I might be dealing with one of Larry’s relatives.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know you,” I start, feeling rather awkward.

“I’m Lauri’s mother. My name is Milla. I wanted to clean up in here… I always look after him once a month, but I don’t have much to do. It is already tidy, which is odd… Now tell me your name. Who are you? Why do you have a key?”

This isn’t the way I envisioned things would go when meeting Larry’s mother for the first time. How am I going to explain this to her and will she believe me? And even more importantly, accept me? I feel nervous and lower my gaze until it’s trained on the floor.

“Hey, you’re not scared of me, are you?” Milla advances on me and comes to a halt in front of me. “Why don’t you tell me your name first?”

“It’s Eero…” Axl appears and presses against my shines. I pick Axl up and crush the feline against my chest. Axl reluctantly allows the tight hug.

“Eero…” Milla shakes her head. “Never heard it before. Now, Eero, why do you have a key to the apartment?”

I feel too nervous to make eye contact and focus my attention on Axl. “Larry gave it to me.”

“Why did Lauri give it to you?”

I draw in a deep breath. Where’s Larry when I need him? Gathering my courage, I raise my head and peek at her. She doesn’t look annoyed or angry, merely curious. She’s even smiling at me. I take heart and whisper, “Because I’m his boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend? Lauri’s got a new boyfriend and he didn’t tell me? Oh, he’s going to hear about this!”

I flinch involuntarily. “I’m sorry that we didn’t tell you.”

“It’s not your fault, Eero! But Lauri should know better than to forget about me! Do you want tea? I made some and was about to get to know the cats better when you showed up.” Milla hooks her arm with mine and resolutely pulls me along into the kitchen – not giving me a choice.

“We’ve been busy… Maybe he forgot,” I explain, trying to defend Larry.

“That’s nonsense and I’ll tell him that. Sit down, will you?” Milla pours tea into two mugs and carries them over to the kitchen table. “How old are you, Eero?”

“Twenty-one,” I reply and nibble on my bottom lip. I hope she doesn’t think me too young for her son.

“Eero, you don’t have to be nervous, let alone scared!” Milla chuckles and strokes Axl’s fur, who purrs delighted. “Your new cats are quite something. I expected Lauri to bring home kittens.”

“I worked at the animal shelter at the time and Larry came in because he was looking for two cats. Instead of kittens, he adopted Axl and Slash. No one else wanted them.”

Milla nods. “They seem at home here. Eero, can I ask you some questions? I *am* Lauri’s mother and can’t help looking out for him.”

“You can ask me anything you want.” I’m not sure she’ll like the answers though.

“What do you do for a living? Are you a musician too?”

“Yes, I am. I’m a drummer. My band’s called Heijaste.” After my talk with Tommi I feel more confident that I still have a band left.

“Are you also studying? Or do you have a job to fall back on?” Milla sips from her tea and rubs Axl behind the ears.

“I’m about to sign a modeling contract. There’s an agency in Helsinki who wants me to work for them.” I still don’t feel comfortable around her and wish Larry would finally come home.

“A modeling agency?” Milla frowns and gives me a pensive look. “Yes, I can see why they’re interested in you.”

Her words make me blush – I hadn’t counted on receiving a compliment. “Thanks,” I whisper shyly.

“And what about your parents?”

“My mother lives in Tampere too, but…we’re…on…a break…”

Milla raises an eyebrow. “What does that mean? You don’t have to tell me of course, but I would like to know.”

I draw in a deep breath: this is the part I’m scared of to tell her. “I started to feel depressed about a year ago and used sleeping pills and sedatives to take away my anxiety. Things got worse and I checked myself into a clinic.”

“The same clinic Lauri’s been in?”

“Yes…” I nibble on my bottom lip and wonder if I should look at her or not. I don’t want to see disappointment or displeasure on her face. I want Larry’s mother to like me!

“Why were you depressed?”

Milla’s voice is extremely soft and has a caring edge to it and that encourages me to make eye contact. When I look at her, she smiles at me. “There’s something wrong with my body’s chemistry and it doesn’t produce a substance, which I need. I’m sorry, I can’t explain it better. I need to take a pill each morning. That way I won’t become depressed again.”

Milla gives me a compassionate look and then nods. “I’m glad they found out about that. You’re getting better then?”

“Yes, at the moment my therapist is rather pleased with me and as long as I take my medication I should be all right.” I feel cornered, even though Milla seems nice enough.

“Do you drink? You know that Lauri has a problem with alcohol?”

“I don’t drink, and yes, I know about his drinking problem and I won’t tempt him. I try to keep an eye on him instead.”

“I like you, Eero!” Milla suddenly announces. “The two of us will get along just fine!”

Her enthusiastic outburst surprises me.

“I’m not the evil stepmom, Eero,” she says and winks at me. “Lauri usually has a good taste were his boyfriends are concerned.”

Her words reassure me, but I still don’t feel completely comfortable yet. Suddenly there’s commotion in the living room and my first thought is that Slash is in trouble but then I hear footfalls.

“Baby, where are you?”

Larry is home and I’m about to call out to him when Milla gestures for me to be quiet.

“Lauri Juhani Markkula, I want you in the kitchen right now!” Milla says in an authoritative tone.

“Mum?” Larry sounds stunned and I wonder how he’s going to react to his mother showing up like that. A few seconds later, Larry appears in the kitchen and gives his mother a puppy dog look. “Hei, mum… It’s great to see you! I missed you!” Larry walks over to her and hugs her tightly.

Milla’s features relax and I doubt she will be able to remain cross with her son. Apparently, Larry knows exactly how to wind her around his little finger. Good, for it takes the focus away from me.

“I wanted to visit you tonight and introduce Eero to you!” Larry sits down next to his mother and rubs her hand. “I’m so happy right now. You have no idea how perfect life is now that I have Eero!”

“Ah damn it! You know that I can’t remain cross with you when you’re happy!” Milla enfolds her son in a hug and gives him a radiant smile. “Eero and I talked and he seems perfect for you. I’m happy for you, Lauri.”

“Mum, please don’t call me that. Call me Larry instead,” Larry pleads.

“Forget about it, Lauri! I gave you that name at birth and you’re keeping it!” She smiles at him though. “I want to get to know your new boyfriend better and I would like to invite the two of you over for dinner tonight.”

Larry gives me a wondering look. “What do you say? Do you think you’ll survive getting the third degree?”

I nod. “I’ll survive.” I’ll relax once I feel more comfortable around Milla. At the moment, she’s a stranger, even if she’s Larry’s mother.

“Great! I’ll see you at eight then!” Milla gets to her feet and winks at me. “And if you’re the reason why this place is so tidy, thanks! Saves me hours of cleaning up!”

“We’ve been cleaning up together,” I reply.

“It’s Eero’s doing mostly… We clean together, but he kicks my ass when I’m lazy,” Larry admits.

Larry takes my hand, brings it to his lips, and presses a kiss on the back. The gesture makes me blush as Milla’s still present.

Larry’s mother merely smiles at us and then leaves the kitchen.

I feel relieved now that I passed the test and rest my brow onto the kitchen table, drawing in a series of deep breaths. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“My mother has a key, but normally she always announces her visits in advance. She probably rang the doorbell and then let herself in.” Larry chuckles. “Too bad that I wasn’t here to see the look on her face when she saw how tidy the place is!”

“I was shocked to find her here and I had no idea what to say – or do!”

“She’s okay, Eero. Don’t worry about her. She likes you!”

I hope Larry’s right. I’m not looking forward to having dinner tonight, but I know I have to follow through. Milla is Lauri’s mother and I had better befriend her.

~~~

“Ah, there you are! Come inside!” Milla is happy to see us and I follow Larry into her apartment, which is tidy and inviting. I expected it to be furnished in an old-fashioned way, but it looks modern.

“I hope you don’t mind that I invited your brother as well,” Milla says addressing Larry.

“Your brother?” I look questioningly at Larry. I didn’t even know he had one!

“His name is Henrikki,” Larry says. “And mum might be right – I should have introduced you to him some time ago.” He appears guilty. “I’m sorry about being remiss,” he tells his mother.

“That’s okay, Lauri. I know what you’re like. You always get caught up in things!” Milla pulls her son against her and hugs him. “Let’s go into the dining room.”

I fall into step with Larry once his mother releases him and I reach for his hand. I need a little support right now.

“That’s Henrikki,” Larry says and points at the young man sitting at the dining table. “He’s my younger brother.”

Henrikki turns his head and looks at me. The family resemblance is there. They share the same nose and eyes. “Hello,” I whisper shyly. “I’m Eero.” Henrikki gets to his feet and offers me his hand, which I take.

“My mother told me about you…” Henrikki then focuses on Larry. “You *do* know that the whole of Tampere knows that Eero is your boyfriend, but that you forgot to tell your family?”

Larry gives his younger brother a guilty look. “Can I blame my hormones for forgetting about that?”

Henrikki laughs. “In your case, you can! Let’s sit down and eat!”

I sit down next to Larry and draw in a deep breath. So far, everything is going all right and I hope I won’t embarrass myself this evening.

~~~

“I hope to see you again shortly!” Milla says and hugs me goodbye. “I enjoyed your company!”

I’m happy that she likes me. When dinner started, I felt tense, but during the evening, I relaxed as it became clear that Milla and Henrikki approve of me being Larry’s boyfriend. “Thank you for dinner,” I whisper. “It tasted great.”

“We’ll have dinner together again shortly!” Milla promises. “See you soon!”

We wave at her until she closes the door and I slip my hand into Larry’s. “See, I survived.”

Larry doesn’t speak until we’re back in the apartment. After he closed the door behind us, he turns me toward him and wraps me up in a hug. “You did well, baby. My mother likes you and Henrikki’s curious about you. I think it’s time to say: welcome to the family.”

Larry’s words make me smile and I press against him. “I like your mother…and Henrikki too.”

“But?”

Larry knows me so well! “But I’m nervous… I want them to like me and—“

“Eero, they like you!” Larry shakes his head. “You don’t need to find ways for them to like you. They already do!”

“If you say so…” I free myself of the hug and head for the bedroom. I’m in an odd mood and take off my clothes. I ignore Axl and Slash who head for the living room as I’m not paying them any attention and curl up on the bed.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Larry removes his clothes as well and slips beneath the covers. He opens his arms and I move into them. It’s good to have him close and smell his scent. Closing my eyes, I sigh, and try to come up with an answer. “I miss my family,” I admit in the end. “I know it’s still too soon to seek out my mother. She hasn’t completely forgiven me for the mess I made. She needs time, but I still miss her.”

“And what about your sister?”

“Niina got married half a year ago and she’s pregnant with her first child. I don’t want to trouble her.”

“Eero, you wouldn’t trouble her!”

“But I don’t want to upset her – not in her current condition.”

“I’m not going to pressure you,” Larry says, “but I do think you should give her a call.”

I give Larry a tired look. I thought I had gotten my life back on track, but I still need to do lots and I feel discouraged.

“Don’t look at me with such sad eyes,” Larry whispers, as he places his hands on either side of my head. “I don’t want to see you distressed.” He leans in closer and kisses me. His tongue begs for entry and I part my teeth to let him in. “You taste good.” Larry breathes the words into my mouth.

I let go of my frustration and focus on Larry kissing me. “Make love to me?” I need to feel him. I need to know he’s there and loves me.

Larry nods and climbs on top of me. “Yes, I want to make love to you too.” He reaches for the condoms, which we keep in the nightstand and places one next to him on the bed. “I want you to relax, Eero, okay?”

I nod and close my eyes. Larry caresses my sides and kisses himself a way down to my groin. I press deeper into the mattress when he licks at my erection and open my eyes again to look at him pleadingly. “Please, Larry.” I’m not in the mood for foreplay. I want to feel him.

“Soon, baby…” Larry reaches for the condom and rolls it down his cock. He leans in closer and presses his lips onto mine. “Let me do this…”

I sigh into the kiss, curl my arms around him, and pull him close. Looking into his eyes, I see the love in them. “Love you too.”

Larry moves in-between my legs and enters me. I bite down the discomfort that rises from my lower body and Larry stops moving. “It’s okay,” I tell him. “Don’t stop.”

“We have time,” Larry says firmly. “I refuse to hurt you.”

I nibble at Larry’s bottom lip and shift a hand toward his ass. I squeeze his buttock and urge him on. “Don’t stop…” The discomfort will go away once Larry finds his aim.

Larry starts to move once more, but he buries himself only slowly in me and I close my eyes again. The discomfort is lessening and the sensation of being full makes me moan.

“I’m almost there,” Larry whispers into my ear. “You’re so damn hot, baby. I love fucking you.”

His words make me horny and I relax further until Larry’s completely inside me. I open my eyes again and am careful not to breathe too deeply. “Feels good.”

“That’s good to hear, baby…” Larry lowers himself on top of me, places his elbows next to my head, and strokes my hair. “Let’s make love…”

I moan loudly when he delivers his first thrust, and as he has gotten to know my body rather well, his hits his target the first time around. The tip of his cock rubs against my prostate and sends shivers of delight through my body. Unable to speak anymore, I let go and surrender to Larry’s thrusts. I move with him and bite onto my bottom lip when he curls his fingers around my erection. His lips attach themselves to the sensitive skin near my collarbone and he sucks hard. “Larry…” My voice is nothing but a whisper, and when his next thrust shoves me across the bed, I can’t stop myself and let go. I spill myself all over his hand.

Larry however hasn’t come yet and continues pounding away and I love feeling him in that way. I attach myself to his throat, suck hard, and rub his left buttock. Larry’s breathing speeds up and my fingers wander lower until I reach the opening to his body. I slip a finger inside, carefully and slowly, and then thrust.

Larry comes almost instantly. He throws back his head, curses me for making him come so quickly, and presses me into the mattress as he lacks the strength to support himself any longer.

I remove my finger from his body and smile cheekily at him. “When you make love to me it feels like we’re fucking.”

“In your case,” Larry mumbles fatigued, “fucking and making love go hand in hand.”

I smile lazily at him and twirl a lock around my finger. “In that case we’ll fuck and make love for the rest of our lives.”

TBC

Part 7

“That’s such a gay color, Jonne!”

“I don’t care! I happen to like pink!” Feeling insulted I zip up my pink parka. “It’s warm!” And that’s the only thing that counts in my book. “Are you only wearing that?” Arttu shrugs into a black coat, which doesn’t look very warm to me.

“Not everyone is a popsicle like you, Jonne!”

“I resent that remark! You said you’d be nice! If you can’t act nice, I’m staying at home.” Arttu misbehaving would supply me with the perfect excuse to stay at home.

“I’ll be nice,” Arttu says and gives me the most adoring smile he’s capable of. “I’ll be even better than nice. I’ll be good.”

I can’t deny that Arttu has some effect on me. I’m not in love with him, but I *do* enjoy spending time with him, but that’s nothing new. I always liked Arttu. Arttu takes hold of my bag and I feel like I need to warn him. “Be careful! It’s heavy!”

“I noticed that just now! What did you pack? We’re only staying for a few days!”

“I’m bad at leaving stuff behind. There are some things that I need with me.” I *do* feel bad when I see Arttu’s bag, but then again, we’re going to his parents’ house and most of his stuff is already there. I find it hard to close the door behind me: a part of me wants to stay and not go to Pori. In a way, being together with Arttu twenty-four hours a day scares me. I don’t want to hurt his feelings and I’m afraid I will.

~~~

It takes us three hours to get to Pori, and since I don’t have a driver’s license, Arttu drives all the way. “Aren’t you tired?”

“Not really.” Arttu sips from his coffee and gives me a quick smile. “Lots of caffeine.”

Arttu made coffee before we left and put it into a thermos so it would stay hot. He offered me some too, but I declined. I don’t want to be hyper when meeting his parents. It’s odd. Antti and I go back years, but I never met his parents. “What are your parents called?”

“My mum’s name is Liisa and my father’s Mikko.” Arttu munches on a piece of chocolate which he brought along. “I’m afraid you’ll have the energizer bunny on your hands tonight.”

“I’m not surprised! You drank lots of coffee!”

“You don’t want me to fall asleep behind the wheel, do you?” Arttu winks at me again.

“Of course I don’t.” We enter Pori and I wonder how Antti’s and Arttu’s parents live – in the city center or near the beach? “Are you sure that your parents don’t mind me showing up?”

“I’m not even sure that my parents will be home long enough to notice that you are there!” Arttu turns left and hums a Christmas song. He made me listen to them all the way! “How are you going to spend Christmas, Jonne?”

“Hopefully at home with Tommi and Ville. Tommi already assured me that he will be there, but Ville isn’t sure yet. I hope the army discharges him before Christmas and not early January. I want him back at home.”

“I hope your wish will come true,” Arttu says as he drives up to a house. Imitating a navigational device, he says, “You have reached your destination!”

Arttu made me smile again. I don’t know what it is about him, but whenever he’s around I’m smiling. Suddenly I realize that I haven’t thought about Christus once during our drive here.

“We have to get out, Jonne. We’re home!” Arttu opens the car door and gets out. He takes hold of our bags and walks up to the front door.

I get out and follow him. “So this is where your parents live?”

“My parents have the whole first floor to themselves. The second floor is mine and Antti stays at the attic when he’s visiting. Ah, there’s no one home, so you can relax. You don’t have to meet my parents yet.” Arttu opens the door and switches on the lights. “Come on inside… I don’t want you to freeze to death!”

I quickly step inside as it is snowing and freezing cold. I look about and the house seems comfortable. “Looks nice.”

“Thanks!” Arttu places our bags on the floor and gestures for me to follow him. Suddenly he calls out, “Pebbles! Bambam! Daddy’s home!”

I look at Arttu likes he’s lost his sanity. What’s going on? I get my answer seconds later when two dogs start barking. Damn it, Arttu has dogs? And I have allergies! “Arttu, I should leave. I don’t tolerate dog hairs well.”

“Stay, Jonne, and relax. I wouldn’t have brought you along if I had thought their presence would cause problems.”

“But you don’t understand!” I want to explain my condition to him when two rather small dogs come running around the corner. I stare at them in surprise as they’re practically naked. They only have some hair in their facial area. “What’s that?” They don’t really look like dogs.

“Chinese crested dogs! They are perfect for people with allergies!” Arttu picks them up and turns toward me. “Go ahead! They don’t bite!”

I’m not sure I should get closer to them, although, I must admit that my allergy isn’t acting up. “What do they feel like? Without the fur, I mean.”

“Find out.”

Arttu takes a step toward me and I gingerly raise my hand. “Which dog is that?”

“That’s Bambam,” Arttu says and smiles encouragingly. “He likes being pet.”

Carefully, because I *do* expect to be bitten, I pet the dog’s head. “He looks a bit like an alien.” I hope Arttu doesn’t take it as an insult.

“Lots of people react that way the first time they seen them.”

Bambam allows the touch and I grow a bit bolder, stroking his back as well. “It feels like I’m stroking human skin.”

Arttu nods. “Nice and warm, isn’t it?”

“You’re right. I didn’t expect that.”

“And your allergy isn’t acting up, is it?”

“Nothing bad is happening.” I smile. “I always wanted a pet…but I thought that I couldn’t have any.”

“You could have gotten a turtle like Antti,” Arttu says and puts the dogs onto their feet again.

“I want something to cuddle,” escapes me involuntarily.

“I thought so.”

Arttu takes my hand and guides me into the kitchen. “Do you want something to drink? Or eat? You didn’t touch the chocolate or coffee.”

I *do* feel hungry. “I could eat a sandwich or something like that.”

“How about soup? That’s hot and fills up nicely!”

“Soup’s okay.”

“Sit down! I’ll make some!”

Arttu gestures for me to sit down at the kitchen table and I comply. The moment I’m seated the two dogs run up to me and try to jump onto my lap. I look about helplessly and wonder what to do.

“They’re potty trained, in case you’re wondering. They won’t pee on you. But I suggest you pick up both or else one of them will grow jealous and bite the other later on.”

I pick up one of them first and help the other jump onto my lap. “I don’t know which one is which.”

“The one curling up on your lap is Pebbles and the one trying to lick your face is Bambam.”

“I’ll try to remember that.” I stroke Pebbles and try to vent of Bambam’s licking attempts. “Is Bambam always that riled up?”

“He’s happy to have company.” Arttu finishes making the soup, pours it into two bowls, and adds bread to it. After placing everything onto the table, he picks up the dogs and puts them onto the floor again. “Go play and let us eat!” The two dogs give him indignant looks and refuse to move. “Just ignore them and eat.”

I spoon the chicken soup into my mouth and take some of the bread while doing my best to ignore the two dogs staring at me. Throwing a glance at Arttu, I can’t help but notice how content he looks. “What are your plans for the rest of the day?”