Soldier of light part 1

DISCLAIMER: ALL CHARACTERS ARE PROPERTY OF JMS AND BABYLONIAN PRODUCTIONS. Spoilers up to the end of season 4. Pairing: Marcus/Susan. Rating: NC-17

“You do realize you might not survive this mission?” Delenn asks me in an emotionless tone. Considering her feelings is something she can’t give in to in her capacity as Ranger One and this situation is no exception. I know that.

“I understand the dangers involved,” I reply in a similar tone. This is the work I’ve been trained to do and I will die in the line of duty if necessary. “We live and die for the One.”

“Then let me show you the goal of this mission.” Delenn gestures me to step closer to the Bab screen. “Computer, play file Shitaro,” she instructs and waits for it to access the correct file.

Looking me in the eyes I wonder what she sees. I hope only firm determination. Ranger training is devised to flush out the weak hearted; the possible traitors and only the strong with hardly anything to live for manage to pull through. People like me.

Musing about this fact I know she’s mentally reviewing my past. I entered ranger training with the advantage of having gone through a similar experience when I joined Earthforce Intelligence, a time I hate. I seldom speak willingly about it, but she knows I’ve been assigned to dangerous missions. It’s in my file of course. I’m willing to die for the cause and that makes me dangerous and the perfect weapon.

As the computer voice breaks the silence she continues to study me, wondering if I’m truly the right man for the job.

“During these last 2 months the rangers have received nine messages from ships that were forced to give up their cargo, mostly Q 40, food and weapons. The attacker is a rogue Minbari warrior called Shitaro and he usually strikes in sector 33 by 20 and 87. In one case he hit an Earth cargo vessel and after retrieving all the goods he murdered the entire crew. "

Delenn stops the recording which shows a picture of Shitaro. “He must be stopped,” she says and looks me in the eyes, “You will ensure he won’t kill again. I do not want to know how you accomplish this,” Delenn instructs, signing their death sentences. “Understand me, Marcus. This man is a murderer and must be silenced.”

“It will be done,” I promise and bow my head in respect.

Delenn clasps her hands. “You will refrain from contacting me until you have completed the mission.”

“Yes, Entil’Zha,” I quickly confirm, realizing the importance of this assignment and the huge dangers involved. My eyes search the frozen image of the rogue warrior I’ve been ordered to eliminate. I've killed before, first on Earthforce orders, later because it was necessary within the rangers.

“Marcus.”

Delenn takes a step closer to me and closely watches the expression in my eyes. They must have turned icy cold now that I’m mentally preparing myself to carry out this death sentence.

“Be careful,” she adds in a soft tone.

Surprised to hear these words and the tone of her voice I uncomfortably shuffle my feet. I can’t deal with that expression of concern right now when I’m about to end someone’s live.

“One more word of caution.” Delenn says at last, realizing I need all available data. “This warrior might be supported by other rogue Minbari… Should you get caught in the attempt…”

“I’ll use the capsule,” I state, nodding my head while my tongue tentatively touches the one tooth which was replaced after I finished training. Biting it in to pieces releases a deadly poison that will kill me within seconds. It’s my last resort should I end up in captivity.

“I hope that won’t be necessary,” Delenn whispers as she suddenly realizes the dangers I’m about to face. “I value your life, my friend.”

“Thank you,” I say in a soft tone, blushing slightly and involuntarily I take a step back to distance myself from her. Two years ago I promised myself to never let someone in again as they will only die, leave and subsequently hurt me. They all did and I’m not prepared to deal with the pain again. “Excuse me now, Entil’Zha. I need to start preparations for this mission.”

Delenn nods saddened and a gentle expression slips in to her eyes. I leave her quarters to make all necessary arrangements for this mission.

“Delenn?” Lennier asks, stepping into the living area. He had stayed in the kitchen during Marcus’ briefing, yet he had overheard part of the conversation.

“My heart is troubled,” Delenn admits, turning around to face her aide whose eyes are equally draped. “Both of us know he may never return from this assignment.”
“He volunteered for this mission, knowing his death might be required to see this through,” he reminds her gently.

“Only to prevent another ranger’s death,” Delenn realizes saddened, “He does not care for his own life.”

“But the warrior caste teaches the same principle to its members,” Lennier replies, “We, as religious caste, cannot understand the power that drives them.”

Delenn shakes her head. She can’t deny the truth in his words, but this is different. “He wants to die, Lennier. Remember the Denn’Sha challenge? He could have stopped Neroon in a different way. But no, he chose to fight him to the death,” pausing briefly she raises a hand to stop Lennier from speaking, “I, a member of the religious caste, ordered the death of fellow Minbari and humans. I am not a warrior, yet I made the decision to send them off in to war and now I've asked Marcus to stop Shitaro…”

“Marcus will return,” Lennier says, trying to sound convinced, but deep within his heart he knows Marcus has a death wish and will gladly lay down his life for the One.

Plotting my new course I enter a neutral zone that is controlled by raiders. The person with the best weapons and defenses is in charge here. This is the part of space I've selected to lure the rogue warrior in to my trap.

I knew right from the start that this was a suicide mission and I accept that fact. Actually, I embrace it. I counted on Neroon to end my life months ago, but I still don’t know why he spared me. The question nags at my mind and I wish I had a chance to ask Neroon, but the Minbari left the station while I was in a drug rush from the meds and sedatives Stephen had administered to me.

My plan is really very simple. I’ve taken a supply ship and set course for this system, making sure it carries a load of Q 40 as the Minbari seems mostly interested in this substance.

A sitting duck, I wait for him to make his move. If I interpret Shitaro’s intentions correctly he won’t wait long and will quickly move in for the kill. He will come onboard to inspect the loot and I’ll have to find a way to gain his trust, maybe by offering him inside information I’m supposedly willing to sell.

Straightening out my ranger cloak I realize that being a ranger could come in handy. The rogue might be more easily convinced that my information is for real seeing my uniform. Then I’ll have to bide my time to end his life.

It’s risky plan, especially since I don’t know whether other warriors are backing him up. If that is the case I might never again get off the ship. The other problem is that Shitaro might not believe I’m a traitor and then I’ll have to resort to good old-fashioned violence.

Either way, there’s a big chance I won’t see Babylon 5 ever again. I wish I had been able to say good-bye to Susan and Stephen. Susan will understand, being a soldier herself, but I can hear Stephen whining, asking Delenn why she sent me out there. I sometimes wonder about him though. Off all the people I know his concern feels most real.

Leaning back in to my chair I study the long-range scanners and quickly detect the fast moving ship heading my way. Shitaro has made his move. I’ve got to stay calm now and only at the very end of it I’ll try and make a run for it. But I’ve got to keep in mind though that I want to be caught!

“Come a little closer, you bastard,” I whisper, monitoring his moves, “Just a little…”

The Minbari flyer appears at port and I quickly hit the button to power up the engines. “Can’t make it too easy for you,” and I start an evasive maneuvre. The flyer follows me in at once and opens fire.

“Careful now,” I hiss as the blast almost impacts near the rear of the vessel, “You want the Q 40. Kill me and the ships explodes.”

“Earth vessel, surrender and prepare for being boarded,” comes the message over the open com channel.

“You bastard, you've even learned Standard, just to ensure the cargo doesn’t get damaged in the process!” Slowing down again I reply, “What the hell do you think you’re doing? My papers are legitimate and…”
Before I have a chance to continue the flyer fires again and this time it’s a hit. Nothing major, but I understand the warning. “Calm down, I’ll follow you.” Smiling contently I lay in a new course and suddenly notice that the long-range scanners are picking up a huge vessel, a Minbari war cruiser.

“Bloody hell,” I whisper and realize I’m in trouble.

Soldier of light part 2

I dock my ship according to their instructions and wait for the Minbari to enter the vessel. First they will want to secure the cargo. But as the doors open four Minbari warriors immediately head my way, ignoring the Q 40 completely. I’m now certain that Shitaro isn't acting on his own. He only wants us to think he’s a single rogue attacking these ships! We walked into his trap, eyes wide open!

What the hell? They drag me out of the pilot’s chair. The Minbari talk to each other in the warrior caste tongue, but I can make out the basic content of the conversation. Shitaro ordered them to take me directly to his personal quarters for interrogation. Excellent, this means I’ll get a chance to get close to him!

Their grip on my arms is firm and I only try to struggle free to give them the impression that I’m being hauled out of my ship against my will. My upper arms start to ache from the pressure the two Minbari guards maintain on me. As they drag me through the corridors of the war cruiser I clearly notice the grunts of loathing and seething eyes of hate surrounding me. Quickly, my tongue touches the fake tooth. I need to know I still have a way out in case this fails.

What if I fail? Delenn will have to send in someone else to pick up where I left off. Someone else might die too. I can’t allow that to happen. I’ve got to succeed!

Certain of my capabilities and the knowledge that I’ll be brought before Shitaro I calm down. If only they’d loosen their hold just a little! I’m losing the feeling in my arms and the sensation quickly claims my hands as well. They need to function properly if I want to end this mission successfully.

Keep in control! I tell myself and use the mantras they taught me to fight down every thought of unease. I know what to do, how to end Shitaro’s life, if only I get the chance to do so!

A door opens and I’m pushed inside. One guard places an elbow in my neck and kicks my feet away from underneath my body. I crumble to the floor, cursing the guard. Kneeling, I try looking up to take in my surroundings, but the second guard slaps me hard across my face.

Lower your eyes, I privately translate the rebuke the guard snarls at me and for the first time I realize that I might not get a chance to kill Shitaro.

The guard now places his knee between my shoulder blades and grabs a long strand of hair roughly. I bite back the muffled moan that almost leaves my lips. Maybe this wasn’t the best way to approach this mission after all, I’ve got to admit, but there had been no alternative at that time.

A small rush of air tells me that another door has opened. Listening to the footfalls I realize one more person has entered the room and I hope it’s Shitaro.

The pointy knee which pushes me down is becoming uncomfortable as it also places pressure on my ribs. These Minbari have no clue how strong they are compared to humans. He could kill me by merely increasing the pressure and piercing my lungs. All of a sudden I realize I’m in troubled waters. This isn’t going according to plan!

“Human.”

The word is spat in a venomous tone and I wish I could raise my head to see if the newly arrived Minbari is Shitaro or not. “Yes,” I reply, uncertain what the Minbari wants from me.

“Never address the Alit!”

The guard holding me down sneers in Minbari and forces me even closer to the floor. I pant, as it gets more difficult to breathe properly. Listen and try to learn what they want from you! I admonish myself. As long as I remain calm and focussed I’m in control for a small part.

“Humans… and they dare to call themselves Anla’shok.”

Hold on, what did the guard say? Never address the Alit? So Shitaro is in command of this war cruiser? This isn’t an operation run by a single warrior! I decide to wait for the right moment to try and sell my information. Once he’s interested in that data I can get to him.

“And they even wear our uniforms…”

I can’t see what’s going on and I hate being helpless. Hands grab parts of my clothes and tear my cloak from my body. Managing to look up I freeze seeing Shitaro’s seething eyes. Hate is all I see, reading his expression.

“Do not look at the Alit!”

Realizing I made another mistake I’m pulled back by my hair and I’m forced onto my back. Shitaro now examines the ranger pin. Let go of my hair! I scream privately, but am bounced on to my stomach and now face the floor. The guard resumes his position, pinning me down by slamming his knee in to my back and I wince silently, hearing one of my ribs snap. But I’m not ready to give up yet.

“I loathe the sight of you, human,” Shitaro continues and circles my fallen form, “I retrieved the cargo you carried…”

“I’ve got valuable information…” I manage to choke out before a guard grinds my face in to floor. Fighting for breath my lungs begin to wheeze as the broken rib makes it hard for me to draw in oxygen.

“I am not interested in information,” Shitaro spits and studies me, “You, human, need a lesson in humility. Take him to the holding cells.”

No, I scream mentally, realizing I won’t get a chance to kill the rogue Minbari. My plans have failed and now I’ll have got to pay the price. Thank God for the fake tooth!

“Wait!” Shitaro orders.

The guards pull me to my feet and involuntarily my hand clutches my stomach, tentatively examining the broken rib. My chin is raised harshly and someone forces my mouth open. They know about the tooth! I realize and immediately try biting it in to pieces. But before I get the chance to do that, a guard squeezes my nose shut and instinctively I try to breathe through my mouth instead. Flashing open my eyes Shitaro’s fingers find a way into my mouth. I clench my teeth shut, biting the Minbari, but realize with a start it’s too late. Shitaro rips the fake tooth from my jaw, leaving behind a bleeding gap.

“Now you can take him away,” Shitaro hisses amused.

Bloody hell! I curse mentally, as the guards drag me out of the room into the corridor. My feet barely touch the floor and my lungs protest every time I inhale oxygen. I screwed up! Damn, I fucked up! Fingernails dig into the back of my neck. Fight them; break free, I tell myself. If they succeed in putting me in a cell I’ll be helpless.

I kick hard, aiming my fists at the guards, but they barely notice my blows and simply brush my limbs away. It only inspires me to fight back harder. Irritated by my sudden resistance one guard lashes out and aims a punch right at my temple.

The blow impacts hard and I feel nauseous and fight down the urge to throw up. Suddenly, they push me against a wall and then step back. Through the sudden fog I hear a snarled command and then the typical sound of an activated force field. I’m inside of one their cells! Slipping down the wall I sit down, knowing I wasted my opportunity. No, I never got a chance to kill Shitaro.

Studying my cell I find it’s a square room without any furniture. In the corner is a lavatory. The bright light emanating from the ceiling grows stronger and I pinch my eyes half shut. Behind the force field is a metal door and there’s no way to tell what lies behind it. At the moment I’m alone and can only guess at Shitaro’s intentions.

Wonder what he wants from me… He isn’t interested in my information; instead he yanked off my ranger cloak and pin. Perhaps I should have left my uniform behind and come here disguised as a trader. But talking in retrospect I could have done many things differently.

What about my rib? I lift the tunic and turtleneck to feel along the bone. I moan as I locate the fracture. It’s broken all right and I have no med kit handy to bandage it. I lean against the wall; this position allows me to breathe with a minimum of pain. My head still pounds from the blow to my temple and I wish I had hidden away a second capsule on my body. Without the poison I have got to hang in there and wait for a chance to escape which I won’t get. No Minbari warrior will ever act negligently around a prisoner, enabling him to escape. And where to go? Docking bay? I wouldn’t make it there with all the Minbari hanging around in the corridors. I’ve got to face it; I’m at Shitaro’s mercy.

Delenn’s words return to me, use the capsule in case of capture as Shitaro is feared for his ruthlessness. Will he kill me slowly? Torture me? Why? He didn’t ask any questions…

What if Shitaro isn’t interested in my answers? My information? Is only holding me prisoner because he loathes human rangers? What if…?

What if he wants to see me suffer for no other reason than because he hates humans? A startling cold permeates my mind and body. Will he torture me to death?

Resting my head on my arms I draw up my legs. My broken rib protests, but with iron will I ignore it. I’ll need all my strength. More importantly I’ve got to find a way to make it out alive!

“The prisoner?” Shitaro asks.

“We took him to his cell. In the end he tried to resist.” The guard looks at the floor, lowering his eyes out of respect for his Alit.

“Good.” Shitaro walks over to the window and stares at the star speckled scenery, “Keep him isolated. The lights will stay on for the five next days and nights. He is to have no contact. Ignore his pleas and screams.”

“Water and nourishment?” the guard asks, slightly confused. This is an Anla’Shok and should be treated differently. His father is Anla’shok and he always respected his parent’s calling.

“Once every 24 hours he is allowed a cup of water. No food and you are not allowed to talk to him. Not even a single word. Do you understand?” Shitaro turns to face the guard and tries to remember his name… Hirano. //They are all expendable…//

“I understand, Alit,” Hirano says and bows before leaving the room.

“Also tell our healers to prepare the medical facility for surgery.“ Unwilling to explain his plans to one of his guards he nods to himself. Delenn unwillingly handed him the perfect weapon. After dismissing Hirano he chuckles softly.

She reacted perfectly to the threat by sending one of her Anla’shok to stop him. “The half breed will never expect treason… This human will kill her at my order!” Satisfied, Shitaro heads to the command bridge, needing a little more time to plot his ultimate revenge.

Soldier of light part 3

The first few hours I sit on the floor leaning against the wall and call upon the meditation mantras Sech Turval taught me. I continue to study the exit. There has to be a way to flee this cell!

As the hours pass by I start to wonder why no Minbari appears to question me. I assumed Shitaro would send someone to find out who I am and why I had come here. If Shitaro isn’t interested in acquiring that information I’m in big trouble. It’s the one thing I can bargain for my life with.

My mouth grows dry and my stomach loudly growls for food. I wrap my arms tighter around my body, trying to alleviate the ache emanating from the broken rib.

The light remains bright and starts to mess up my biological clock until I can’t tell how many hours have passed since they put me here. I want to bang my fists against the walls, scream my lungs out so they will have to notice me, but instead I remain seated. No way I’ll grant them victory so easily!

Thirsty I sit motionless, counting the passing seconds in my head, desperately trying to get a grip on time. I estimate between 15 to 20 hours have drifted by already

I start as heavy footfalls close in on me. Opening my eyes I realize I didn’t hear the force field become de-activated. One of the guards slowly enters the cell.

Torn between asking the guard for information and stubbornly keeping quiet I greedily relish the water he offers me. I empty it one go… and I want more. “Tell your Alit that I’ve got valuable information about the Anla’shok. I’ll tell him everything he wants to know… in return for my life, my freedom.”

The guard doesn’t react and I wonder whether the man understands me. “Do you understand Standard? All the guard does is grab the empty cup from my hand and walk back to the exit.

“Wait!” I exclaim as I try to get to my feet, but my broken rib hampers me in my movements. “At least tell me your name!” I need some kind of inside information if I want to convince him to help me!

The Minbari shoots me a pitiful look and closes the door behind him, activating the force field again.

“Bugger!” I yell angrily. But all that remains is the echo of my own voice mocking me. The water will keep me alive and I slowly pace the cell, trying to understand what kind of game Shitaro is playing.

The water =will= keep me alive. Maybe I shouldn’t drink it anymore. It only prolongs my stay in this cell. Even death is preferable to this confinement. =Solitary= confinement. He wants to break me…but Shitaro wants me alive…

I sit down and rub my body to get warm. The temperature has dropped and it’s starting to feel icy cold.

During the following hours all I can think about is finding a way to control my increasing craving for food and water, knowing at the same time that by drinking the offered water I’m doing what Shitaro wants me to do.

My breathing becomes heavy as the huddled position I assumed puts unnecessary pressure on the fracture. Leaning back, I rest my head against the wall. Slowly I doze off into a cold sleep.

“Report,” Shitaro says and watches Hirano’s lowered eyes.

“The Anla’shok,” he starts, hears Shitaro hiss and corrects the mistake, “The human accepted the water and is now asleep.”

“Continue the treatment. Mallier is working on perfecting the implant. The human will be in surgery shortly.” Shitaro sits down behind his desk and realizes he has to remain patient for now.

I bury my face between my hands. Sitting down I pull up my legs, hating the cold, which now settles into my bones. How long will this go on? They won’t dim the lights. It’s just another way to disorientate me. My stomach has ceased to growl, but my throat aches for water.

As the door opens I look up and immediately recognize the guard who first brought me water. This time he carries the same cup.

Won’t drink it, I tell myself, even though the craving to feel that cool liquid running down my throat quickly overwhelms me.

The guard slowly approaches me. “Drink,” he commands gently in Standard.

“No,” I mumble, staring at the floor. Don’t give in to the thirst! I continue to repeat.

“You must drink!”

“No,” I state convinced. Maybe if I resist he will accidentally kill me!

The guard shakes his head, places the cup on the floor and looks me in the eyes.

“Drink!”

“Only if you tell me your name!” I state defiantly. This guard actually looks like he wants to help me. Now I’ve got to find out why and how to play him!

“My name is Hirano.”

“Hirano,” I repeat, pondering my next step.

“Now drink.”

Hopeful to find a way to convince Hirano to help me escape I drink the water and as it flows down my throat I find myself swallowing greedily.

Hirano looks pleased and marches back to the door.

I now have a reason to survive. I’ve got to get inside Hirano’s head and find out what will push him over the edge so he will help me. I wonder how long Shitaro plans on playing this game.

Hours turn into days, which are only interrupted by Hirano bringing me water. At first I thought I only imagined the soft expression in Hirano’s eyes, now I know for sure. But I still haven’t found a way to make Hirano talk to me. After being locked up for days I have become delusional, seeing people who aren’t there, hearing voices, which only echo in my mind.

At one point I am convinced Susan has joined me in the cell and is holding my hand. “I’m fine,” I whisper in a cracked tone as my voice no longer functions without fluids.

Every drop of water that Hirano brings me I devour and the last time I even begged him to bring me more, trying to start a conversation. But I can’t lure him into my trap that easily. However, I can tell by looking at his eyes that he dislikes the way I’m being treated.

The rib doesn’t ache any longer as my mind wrestles with the terrible pain of abandonment. Why did he have to rip out that fake tooth? I don’t know how much longer I can go on. They don’t ask questions… I’m withering away here.

No longer able to keep the anger inside I scream out and bang my head against the wall. A second later Susan’s calming voice surrounds me.

“You’re trouble, Cole. A pain in the ass!”

That voice calms me down. Clinging to the hallucination I smile happily. “I love you,” I whisper and in the back of my head I know Susan will never hear my words, doesn’t want to hear my confession for she doesn’t love me back.

“How much longer?” I ask in a soft, begging tone no one hears.

Shitaro observes the prisoner on screen. The human looks haggard and drained. “Shut down the lights,” Shitaro orders and Hirano obeys.

Hirano moves his fingers over the controls. During these last hours he started to wonder why the Alit is treating the human in this way. He supported Shitaro as the Alit broke away from the warrior caste, but now he doubts his leader’s wisdom. The human is Anla’shok and should be treated accordingly, not like this! But he knows better than to argue with the Alit who holds absolute power on the ship. No, he has to act on his own if he wants to help the human escape.

I clutch my stomach as my bowels clench in need of food. I have no idea when I ate last, but realize several days must have gone by. As the lights die I flash open my eyes. What’s going on?

“Human.”

Immediately I identify the harsh voice. The hallucinations always vanish after my daily ration of water.

Remembering the things I learned the hard way after speaking up on my arrival here, my eyes stare at the floor and I don’t attempt speech.

“Better,” Shitaro hisses and approaches me, circling, studying me. “Still defiant after 5 days?”

5 days? I’ve been here 5 days?

Shitaro gestures Hirano to move aside as 2 members of his personal guard enter the cell.

Watching them close in I cringe. Two bulky Minbari haul me to my feet and start taking shots at my head and stomach. Flinching uncontrollably I bite down the yelps that almost leave my lips. No pain, there is no pain, no pain, there is no pain, I repeat frantically and spit blood. No longer able to stand on my feet I drop to my knees.

Hirano freezes in horror seeing the violence the guards use on the human. //This is wrong!// he cries out privately, but doesn’t act on that feeling. If he wants to help the human he has to play this more subtle. He must bide his time…

Tasting blood on my tongue I slowly regain consciousness after the brutal thrashing I received hours ago. Carefully opening my eyes I don’t try to move about, knowing it will only cause me pain. Pain is all there is, and I reach out for it, telling myself this is the bitter truth and that I have to face up to it.

This is probably the place where I will die and I regret being alone. Why didn’t I tell Susan how I feel about her? I missed my only chance on the bridge of the White Star.

Remorse sweeps through me and I momentarily lock out the pain. But as the moments drift by the pain returns. The darkness engulfs me and I see ghastly figures in the shadows, circling me. In a still functioning part of my brain I know I’m delusional again, seeing things, which only exist in my mind. Staring into the darkness I tentatively shift my position. After sitting in the dark for nearly two days my eyes start to lose the ability to focus. A small beam of light appears and I push myself deeper in to the corner. As the door opens I try homing in on the two forms.

“Take him to our medical facility.”

It’s Shitaro’s voice and I vaguely wonder what he’s up to. Hirano helps me to my feet and I shake off the biting pain, disconnecting myself from it.

Shitaro laughs as Hirano guides me through the corridors until we finally reach the medical facility where several Minbari are awaiting my arrival.

“Proceed,” Shitaro says and I’m hauled onto the platform. I try to break free, but fail miserably. The last thing I hear is, “Implant the device!”

Soldier of light part 4

Waking up slowly I wearily open my eyes and freeze. Confused, I stare at the control panel, which emits electric sparks. I quickly glance about, taking in the damage done to the cargo vessel and realize I should leave the damn ship as quickly as possible. Luckily there’s one escape pod onboard and after dragging myself to my feet I manage to stumble into the back.

As I gaze outside I see the debris of a devastated Minbari flyer floating about and I search my memory to remember what exactly happened. The cargo vessel trembles violently and it urges me to speed up. Foggy minded, my instincts take over and I send a distress call just in case the ship doesn't explode and I hurry to the escape pod.

What happened? What’s the last thing I remember? Think, I urge myself as the ship rocks and produces a small shock wave. Not fighting the pressure pushing me towards the escape pod, I lunge forward and fling myself inside, hitting the button that will rocket me into space, separating me from the damaged ship.

Trying hard to regulate my quick breathing I watch the distance grow between the two wrecked ships and me. Did I destroy the Minbari flyer? I remember coming here in search of Shitaro and then… A flyer appeared at port and fired on me. I must have returned fire and sometime during the duel I must have lost consciousness. Maybe I hit my head as I'm suffering from a splitting headache.

I rub my hand over the sore spot at the back of my head and check my body for injuries. One of my ribs feels bruised, but the pain is bearable.

Hopefully the distress call reached a White Star otherwise I might be drifting around here for days! Covering my eyes with my hands I peek at the exploded Minbari flyer and wonder if Shitaro was onboard or did he manage to escape as well? I wish I were sure, but at the moment I have no means to check on it.

The cargo vessel floats aimlessly through space and I rest my back against the wall as the pod takes me away from it. I should contact the rangers as quickly as possible to establish whether the flyer I destroyed was Shitaro’s or not. Otherwise I have to think up another plan to eliminate him.

Bugger, this was one wild ride! It briefly worries me that I don’t actually remember targeting the Minbari flyer, but while on an adrenaline rush one doesn’t react rationally all the time.

Checking the contents of the life pod I sigh finding food and water. I feel starved for some obscure reason and quickly devour a few vile tasting food bars. Rationing the rest of the food and water I try establishing contact with a White Star but the pod’s range is very limited and I have to give up.

I cast one more probing look at the cargo ship and it’s obvious it’s going to blow. Thankfully there is enough distance between the cargo vessel and me and the life pod is unharmed by the following explosion.

I do not understand why I feel this tired, but enjoying the rest and silence I close my eyes and decide to use this opportunity for a catnap. After making sure all frequencies are open to receive a message in case the rangers locate me, I allow myself to fall asleep.

“Delenn?”

Delenn quickly looks up from the sacred scrolls and hopes Lennier has good news for a change. After Marcus’ disappearance 9 days ago she grew worried. She had told him to contact her only after he had accomplished the mission, but now she wished he would send a message anyway.

“Lennier?” she says in a soft tone and places the scrolls to one side.

“One of our White Stars received a distress call. The message emanates from the sector where Shitaro carried out his attacks. White Star 4’s long range scanner picked up readings indicating two ships exploded not so long ago,” Lennier informs her pleased, “They also picked up a life pod.”

“Tell them to investigate.” Delenn sighs relieved. “Hopefully Marcus managed to escape after carrying out his mission.”

“I will tell them,” Lennier says and bows. Before leaving however, he addresses her once more. “I almost forgot to inform you that Commander Ivanova requested Marcus’ services as a translator on White Star 2. The Captain asked her to investigate several Shadows sightings and her Minbari…” His voice trails off, uncertain how to formulate the Commander’s ‘knowledge’ of Minbari.

“I will contact her personally,” Delenn decides, “You might be called upon to replace Marcus in this case.”

Lennier shivers slightly at the hint of being sent off with Ivanova for this assignment. He isn’t sure whether it’s from excitement or dread. “I must stress that temple never prepared me for possible battle,” he points out to her with a sly smile.

“Then we will have a closer look at that training,” Delenn replies in an amused tone, hopeful Marcus accomplished his mission. “You may leave now.”

Lennier bows once more and walks over to the com panel in the adjoining room to contact White Star 4.

“Men! Typical! The one time you need them, they aren’t around!” Susan shakes her head and then reminds herself to remain polite. Delenn smiles at her and annoyed, Susan =tries= to refrain from cursing. “Where the hell is Marcus? He hasn’t bugged me in days!”

“On a mission,” Delenn replies diplomatically, “And I do not know when he will return.” Briefly she wonders about the Commander’s fierce reaction. “One would almost assume you miss his ‘irritating presence,’ or as I heard you call him, ‘the pain in the ass?’” Lennier had told her of this term and not understanding its meaning, she had asked John to explain it to her.

“He =is= trouble, Delenn, but…” Susan doesn’t get a chance to finish her sentence.

“But one pain in the ass you can rely on, can’t you, Commander?” Pleased, she notices Susan’s annoyed grin. “He only teases you because you always react to his comments,” she says amused. As Susan wants to deny that statement she continues, “I will inform him that you need his services the moment he returns.”

“ I don’t =need= his services,” Susan exclaims and then sighs.

“Of course you don’t,” Delenn replies smugly and terminates the connection, wondering how much longer Ivanova is going to keep Marcus at a distance, playing games.

I wake up as my instincts kick in. Something has changed and I peek through the window to try and determine what it is. In front of me is the most beautiful sight ever. A White Star has taken up position and I can’t help smiling. They must have picked up my distress call.

Leaning back I wait for them to contact me. My com panel flashes online as they send me a message, asking for identification. I reply by sending them my personal identification code, which will reveal my identity to them. I watch the panel in anticipation and a moment later I sigh relieved hearing a familiar voice.

“Hello, Marcus, are you in trouble =again=?”

“Yes, I know you want to play the savior, Simon!” Remembering absorbing ranger training with Simon I wince. He once accidentally tripped and his bowl of Flarn ended up in Sech Turval’s lap. Poor Simon had to take extra meditation classes at Sech Turval’s order, but we had a good laugh afterwards in the dormitory.

I steer the life pod towards the White Star and as two flyers appear I let them handle docking procedures and they pull me inside. Briefly, I consider cracking a joke about Flarn, but I remember just in time Simon is in charge of this White Star and that might backfire on me. So I decide to keep quiet until I’m onboard.

Climbing out of the life pod I stretch my body and immediately one rib acts up. Maybe I should ask a medic to check it out, just to be sure it’s not broken.

I straighten out my uniform and for a short moment I caress the ranger pin. Something about it bugs me, but I can’t figure out what the hell it is. It isn’t damaged so I forget about it and quickly turn around hearing Simon’s warm voice.

“You left behind a lot of debris, Marcus!”

Taking in his appearance I realize Simon looks worried. Fine lines appeared on his brow and his eyes dash nervously in their sockets. Probably he’s here on a mission of his own and I can only guess at its nature.

“Had to blow him into pieces,” I quip, “Didn’t have much of a choice. He attacked me.”

It’s an unwritten rule to never ask a ranger about his mission. Our work is done in secret and everyone knows the importance of keeping information confidential. “Can you do me a favor?” I ask tentatively, uncertain about his time schedule.

“What do you need?”

“A long range scan. I need to know whether the pilot of the Minbari flyer also survived.” Simon doesn’t appear to be in a hurry and together we walk to his private quarters.

“We already did that,” Simons replies, “I suspected as much.”

“And?” I follow him inside and sit down. Simon walks over to his desk and opens a drawer.

“You’re the only survivor.”

His words open an old wound, which never healed completely. My damn luck! Why am I always the one to survive? Simon uncovers a glass bottle and I questioningly raise an eyebrow. “If they catch you smuggling Whiskey onboard…”

“Hey, as a ranger I have got access to all kinds of stuff and this is =good= stuff!” Simon laughs and places two glasses on the table.

I consider declining the offer, but then again, I could use a drink.

Simon fills the glasses and offers me one. “A toast for making it out alive once more!” he wisecracks.

I ignore the remark and empty the glass in one go. As the liquor runs down my throat I shiver momentarily. “You’re right,” I compliment him, “This is excellent stuff!”

“Well, there are advantages to being a ranger! I can get anything I want,” Simon points out.

I don’t like the sneaky expression in his eyes and tell myself to keep my guard up.

“I heard you used =your= connections to get bacon and eggs onboard Babylon 5?”

I grin hearing his remark, vividly remembering the waitress afterwards telling me Susan promised to kill me once she found me. However, she didn’t space me… Is that a good sign after all?

“Yes, that’s true,” I admit, “Someone did me a favor and she said, surprise me.”

“She?” Simon enquires and leans forward to refill our glasses.

I let him, enjoying the breather and sip from my second drink. He’s waiting for my answer and realizing it’s unlikely he will ever meet Susan I say, “Yes, why? Are you surprised?”

“Honestly? Yes,” Simon replies and cocks his head. “What’s her name?”

“Oh, no!” I whisper, “That’s a secret!”

“Afraid of competition?” Simon quips.

Shaking my head I wonder what I got myself in to.

“I take it she lives on Babylon 5?”

I’m going to regret answering him, “Yes, but you’ll never meet her.”

“How do you know? Entil’Zha ordered me to take you back to the space station. Might be a challenge to find out who this mystery lady is.”

“Simon,” I whisper, “You try that…” A smile creeps onto my face, remembering one of Susan’s favorites threats, “ And I =will= space you… remember, rangers don’t bluff!”
“Ah, a challenge,” Simon says downing his second drink.

“Just forget I ever mentioned it!” I try diverting his attention one last time, but studying Simon’s eyes I realize I better stay away from Susan as long as he’s onboard. 

Soldier of light part 5

“Does the device you developed work properly?” Shitaro asks, watching the screen which allows them a peek inside the interior of a White Star. Curious, Shitaro takes in all the novelties the new ship features, storing it away for future use.

“Yes, it will serve us well,” Mallier replies pleased. It took him over two cycles to develop a technical implant which links his mind with the victim’s.

“You are now looking through the prisoner’s eyes,” he explains to Shitaro. “My mind receives those images and because of this neural receptor,” and he points towards the little metal box attached to his temple, “You can share those sensations with me, see them on screen.”

“The human has no idea your mind is linked with his?” Shitaro wants to know for sure.

“No, he does not know that he is still under our control. I am not meddling with his free will, otherwise his reactions might look suspicious to the people who know him, but I will assume complete control the moment…”

Shitaro cuts him off. “We get an opportunity to kill the half breed,” Shitaro chuckles amused.

“Exactly,” Mallier confirms and smiles pleased. “That moment I will take over and subdue his mind. That way I control his body, his movements and he will obey my instructions.”

Shitaro manages to hide his discomfort perfectly; he dislikes working with telepaths, never trusting them. But when Mallier presented this latest development to him months ago, he quickly realized the advantages it brought him.

Waiting for an Anla’shok to react to the raids had been particularly hard on him. “I have got to attend to other matters,” Shitaro says as he walks over to the exit after casting one more look at the screen, “Contact me the moment he arrives at Babylon 5. I do not want to miss a single opportunity to do away with the half-breed. It’s a disgrace she leads the Anla’shok.”

Mallier nods his agreement as he is equally determined to end Delenn’s life and continues to monitor the human.

Once more aboard Babylon 5 I feel like I'm coming home at last. Arisia never felt like home as I hated being in charge of the mining company. I always tried to maintain the pretence that I was comfortable with leading the operation, but after a while I realized I had dug my own grave.

Hasina, however, knew the truth. Saddened, I regret never taking up her dinner invitation. I should have given her a chance, should have made the effort to get to know her.

“Marcus?”

Lennier suddenly appears in front of me and I smile in spite of my melancholy. I study the young Minbari who has become a friend. I don’t have that many so I treasure this relationship.

“Welcome back home,” Lennier says and I wonder whether he guessed my thoughts, which crawled through my mind moments ago.

“It’s good to be home,” I reply in a soft tone and fall into step with him.

“Delenn wants to talk to you.”

“Of course,” I say and absent-mindedly look over at Simon who uses this opportunity to take in food supplies for his crew on the White Star. I enjoyed his company, which has now come to an end as our paths separate again. Luckily Susan is nowhere in sight so my secret is safe.

Nodding his head is Simon’s way of saying good-bye for now and I return the gesture, hoping to one day run in to him again.

Once more concentrating on Lennier I ask, “Did you miss me?” Humor always works best for me, no matter whether I’m trying to distance myself from people or am trying to get to know them better. It makes them feel comfortable and they tend to let their guard down.

“Commander Ivanova missed you.”

Lennier’s answer briefly stuns me. He knows I’m attracted to her and that’s probably why he phrased it that way. Raising an eyebrow I grin. “Tell me more!”

“She needs your services onboard the White Star as she does not speak Minbari… very well.”

Lennier’s tone is amused and I discover a sly expression in his eyes that tells me he’s playing me on purpose. Momentarily lost in thought I forget about Susan’s request.

I worry about Lennier. He loves, adores Delenn and it’s obvious he’ll never let go of that love as long as he lives, but does he realize that he can never have her? Does Lennier hope that one day she will choose him over Sheridan?

His love for her is doomed and by staying close to her he only feeds the illusion of having a chance of winning her love. He has cut himself off from others and by doing that he denies himself the possibility of falling in love with someone else. It’s a shame! Lennier deserves someone to love him back.

And what about Delenn? I suspect she knows off his true feelings for her and by not talking to Lennier about this attraction, she allows this to continue. It’s a dangerous situation and I’m sure things will explode one day.

“Marcus?”

Lennier’s voice makes me concentrate on our present conversation and I smile kindly, feeling sorry for him. “I offered to teach her Minbari once,” I say to divert my gloomy feelings of apprehension, “But she declined that offer. Must secretly love my company!” I quip, burying my feelings beneath an armor of wit.

Lennier chuckles too, as we both know Susan’s disposition too well.

“I will inform Delenn that you will report to her in… 30 minutes?”

“Thanks,” I look up as Simon leaves the docking bay and hope he will survive his mission as well. “I’d like a breather.”

I don’t mention the aching rib to Lennier, but maybe I should let Stephen have a look at it. I need to know whether it’s serious or not. Neglecting an injury can lead to another, more serious one and then I wouldn’t be able to perform my ranger duties.

Already regretting my decision to go to med lab I realize Stephen will lecture me again on getting injured. I head for Franklin’s office and grin, seeing him struggle with his paperwork, then remember I have got to write a report myself and cringe.

As Stephen looks up he stifles an amused grin, already guessing why I’m here.

“How did you get injured this time?” Franklin asks.

I carefully shrug my shoulders, not telling him anything about my mission. “I want you to have a look at one of my ribs, “ I say and wait for his instructions. Stephen rises from his chair and shakes his head as he walks me to an exam room.

“Marcus, you stood me up for dinner!”

“ I did?” I wonder confused, then remember we had agreed to try out a new restaurant in Down Below called Little Italy. “Sorry about that, but something came up rather unexpectedly, " I apologize, sitting down on the exam bed.

“Lie down,” Stephen instructs and picks up a medical scanner.

Running it over my chest I refrain from talking, as it will mess up the readings. I patiently wait for him to finish the scan. As I go to sit up again, Stephen stops me.

“I’m not finished yet.”

Sighing, I lie down again and endure his probing hands, examining my ribcage. About to crack a comment about his gentle touch I cringe as his hands locate the aching rib.

“You’re lucky,” Stephen says, “It’s only bruised, but take some rest and stay away from fights!”

Reassured, I get to my feet and straighten out my uniform. I briefly wonder whether I should mention my aching jaw as well, but then dismiss the thought. My head probably hit the wall of the cargo vessel during my fight with Shitaro.

Running my tongue over the poison filled tooth I realize I should make things up to Stephen. He’s an excellent source of information. “I’ll try to take things slow for now,” I promise without any real commitment. A bruised rip isn’t something I worry about.

Checking the time I see I’ve got 15 minutes left to make it to Delenn’s quarters. I sense Stephen’s questioning eyes on me and I address him, “Want to join me for dinner tonight instead? To make up for forgetting about it last time?”

“You’re paying?”

“Sure,” I reply, as I will list dinner as expenses for gathering information. Stephen has never realized I use him for updating my information… I must admit though, I enjoy his company as well.

Stephen takes a piece of paper and writes down the time and name of the restaurant. “2000 hours,” he says, “And you better be there this time!”

“I will,” I assure him and add mischievously, “Don’t want to miss our first date!”

Growling something intelligible Stephen turns away to continue dealing with his paperwork.

Satisfied, I leave med lab and mentally prepare myself for being debriefed. But Lennier’s earlier comments disturb my thoughts, why would Ivanova want to take out a White Star?

“Alit?” Mallier says and waits for Shitaro to walk up to him.

“Yes?” Shitaro carefully takes in the sight on screen.

“The human is on his way to Delenn’s quarters,” Mallier informs Shitaro.

“Perfect!” Shitaro exclaims, “This might be the opportunity we are waiting for!” and licks his lips. “The half breed will die at the hands of one she trusts!”

Soldier of light part 6

Pressing the doorchime I wait for Lennier to let me inside. Once this debriefing is over I’m going to my quarters to take a vibe shower and then change into a clean uniform. As I run a hand over my beard I realize I need to trim it.

The door opens and Lennier bows. As I enter Delenn’s quarters I notice his reserved manner now that I’m here on formal business.

“She can see you in a moment. Please wait here.”

I nod my head and slowly pace the room, wondering why I suddenly feel restless. Finally I admit to myself that the short time during the duel which is still unaccounted for plays on my mind. It was only a few minutes that I was out of it but yet…

“Marcus?” Lennier says and gestures me to step inside Delenn’s living area. Taking one more deep breath I compose myself, dismissing any doubt I might have.

“At last!” Shitaro exclaims pleased, eager to emerge victorious by killing Delenn. Seeing her this close through the human’s eyes strengthens the loathing he feels towards her. “Kill her,” he hisses, instructing Mallier who nods his head in approval.

“One more moment, Alit,” Mallier replies, “I want her aide out of the room first.”

“Agreed,” Shitaro whispers, appalled to witness her soft smile aimed at the human. Impatiently, he awaits his moment of victory.

I bow respectfully and closely examine Delenn’s expression. "Greetings, Entil’Zha.”

With a smile on her face she invites me to take a seat on the couch, but I politely decline, feeling it is more appropriate to remain on my feet during my report.

“Lennier,” she says in a soft tone.

I note his adoring expression as she addresses him and a sharp pain betraying my sympathy for him briefly twists my heart. I know how he feels…

“Lennier,” she starts again, “Prepare some ceremonial tea to welcome our friend back.”

Does Delenn know what her smile does to him? Perhaps someone should tell her about Lennier’s feelings to avoid any future catastrophe. But I’m not the right person to do that and I concentrate on my debriefing, which I hope shall be a short one.

“Now!” Shitaro declares impatiently, as Lennier finally leaves the room.

Mallier agrees and telepathically fully activates the implanted device in Marcus’ brain which has been plugged in to the human’s neural pathways. Without his invention a manipulation over such a vast distance would be impossible.

“As you wish, Alit,” Mallier says and assumes complete command of the human’s thought waves and therefore his body.

Suddenly a stabbing pain sweeps through my head and I want to raise my hands to massage my temples, but I find that I’m paralyzed. No matter how hard I try I can’t move my hands! Panic surges through me and I wonder if this is an after effect from being unconscious during the battle. But no, then it would have manifested earlier. This is something different… this actually frightens me.

The nature of the pain changes and I feel like I'm watching Delenn through someone else’s eyes, it feels like… I’m no longer alone in my head! Shocked, I try remaining calm enough to fight this, but I fail. Unexpected, words flow from my lips, words I never want to speak, would never speak if I were in my right mind!

“And so you die, traitor!”

I hardly recognize my voice, as it sounds raw and raging with anger. Baffled, Delenn looks at me and I feel completely helpless, as I want to reassure her that I never intended to speak those words, but I did! Oh my God, what’s happening to me? Why did I say that and…

Why am I now walking towards her? I want to get away from her, walk towards the door. I need Lennier’s help to contact med lab. Maybe Stephen can figure this one out!

I want to scream out that I no longer control my actions and that she must leave the room as quickly as possible, but my lips remain silent. My warning never reaches her.

“Marcus?” she asks confused and her eyes grow worried.

Get out of the room, I want to scream at her, but staying mute I advance upon her, backing her in to a corner. Flee, I mentally scream at her. Terrified I wonder who’s doing this to me… and what they want from Delenn.

“You always thought you were safe. That no one could get to you,” my voice sounds steady and I fail in stopping myself from speaking the words. Someone else is pulling my strings, “Surprise…”

Delenn looks startled and I want to tell her the truth, that someone is making me say this, act this way… but I’m helpless to stop it. Mentally I cry out, knowing no one can hear me. “Die with dignity if you have got any left,” my voice sneers at her and wish I could bite apart the tooth to stop myself from curling my fingers around her throat.

“Marcus, stop this!” she orders and I want nothing more than to obey, but I’m not in control of my actions! I need help, I scream privately and for once I wish I were a teep so I could reach out to Lennier to stop me from squeezing her throat shut.

Dear God, I don’t want to do this! She’s Entil’Zha! I vowed to live and die for the One! My fingers clasp her throat harder and she manages to choke out one more command.

“Marcus! Stop… this!”

Her eyes have grown big, afraid and I am beyond horrified. How can I be doing this to her? Suddenly she starts fighting me and I grow hopeful she might escape my hold.

Fight harder, I mentally tell her, hoping she will break free and alert Lennier. They need to sedate me, restrain me. I’m a danger the way I am now.

Delenn stops struggling the moment my hands tighten the hold I have on her, squeezing out her last breaths. Her body goes limp and I cringe in horror.

“Die, half-breed.”

It is my voice and yet... I loathe myself for being unable to stop whoever is doing this. I’m weak, too weak to stop myself.

“Victory,” Shitaro exclaims and laughs loudly. Looking at Delenn’s face he loves seeing the terror in her draped eyes. It won’t be long until she’s dead.

“With Delenn out of the way Shai Alit Shakiri can overthrow the Minbari government and I… can claim my rightful place at his side!”

Listening to Mallier’s thoughts, which slip from the human’s lips, he grins maliciously.

“Now the warrior caste will take its rightful place and lead the Anla’shok as it should be!”

Hearing the words tears glide down my face. Apparently I’m still in control of my tears. Little good it does me as Delenn is dying underneath my hands… by my hands!

Please, I beg privately, please, someone stop this before it’s too late! She can’t die, she can’t…

Delenn stops breathing and my mind freezes in horror, realizing what has just happened. I have killed Entil’Zha!

The next moment I’m hit over my head, grabbed by my shoulder and flung across the room. A third person is in the room and has managed to stop me! Thank you, God, I pray privately. Maybe you exist after all.

My body impacts hard against the wall and as I lie motionless I hear Lennier’s concerned voice as he checks on Delenn. I release a choked breath; relieved that he stopped me just in time. Delenn is panting, but breathing. She’s breathing! A terrible pain slices my brain apart and as I lose consciousness I hope the smug smile shows on my face. Delenn is alive…

“Delenn?” Lennier asks in a trembling tone, hearing her sharp intake of breath as she struggles for oxygen.

“Med… team…” Delenn mumbles and Lennier immediately contacts med lab.

“Dr. Franklin is on his way,” he assures Delenn who has now opened her eyes again. Quickly, he puts a gentle arm around her and helps her sit down on the sofa.

His heart is still beating frantically and he vividly remembers Marcus trying to choke the life out of the woman he loves more than life itself. Fear for her life had taken over and he didn’t hold back as he flung the ranger through the room.

“Check on… Marcus,” Delenn commands and throws back her head to breathe more freely.

Lennier briefly hesitates, but seeing her determined expression he hurries to the fallen form of the ranger to check for his vital signs. “Marcus is bleeding from a head wound, but his pulse and heartbeat are normal for a human.”

Delenn sighs, “Valen… be thanked.” Pausing to regulate her breathing she adds, “Contact… security.”

“Dr. Franklin assured me he would see to that,” Lennier informs her and sits down next to her. Hesitantly he takes her hands and pads it. “Why did Marcus try to kill you?” he wonders, closely observing her breathing and expression which is slowly becoming lucid again.

“We… will find… out,” Delenn replies exhausted as the door to her quarters open. Franklin and Garibaldi hurry inside and she leans back into the comfort of the sofa, realizing she’s safe for now.

“NO!” Shitaro yells in anger and smashes his fist into the control panel.

Mallier’s eyes are glazed as he experiences the same impact as the human did and now feels groggy.

“This is impossible! This cannot happen!” Shitaro yells and grabs Mallier’s throat. “You failed!”

“We might still,” Mallier tries unsuccessfully.

“Guards!” Shitaro screams, “Take him to the holding cells!”

The guards drag Mallier into the corridor and Shitaro stares at the black screen. “I was so close… so close… But I’m not giving up yet!”

Soldier of light part 7

This part is written from Susan’s point of view.

Marcus tried to strangle Delenn… I still can’t believe what Garibaldi told me. Why the hell would Marcus do such a thing? It goes against everything he stands for, believes in.

My sixth sense tells me that there’s more going on than meets the eye. Marcus is one of the few people I would entrust my life to, although I've never told him that.

No way Marcus could ever kill Delenn. She is Entil'Zha, his superior and when Neroon attempted to keep her from becoming Ranger One he almost died for her.

No, I’ve got to find out what’s going on, what happened in Delenn’s quarters. Garibaldi’s comments come back to mind. The Chief told me Marcus called Delenn a traitor and that makes no sense at all.

Suspicious, I’m determined to uncover the truth. After all, this happened on =my= station and it involves the one female friend I have onboard Babylon 5.

During my walk to Medlab my doubts run in circles. I’ve known Marcus for little over a year now and although he’s terribly irritating at times he values his honor. No way in Hell he would turn on Delenn!

As I reach Medlab I immediately head for Stephen’s office. Hopefully he's already found some leads to explain Marcus’ behavior. Delenn is here as well and Lillian is checking on her, but Garibaldi assured me Delenn isn’t seriously hurt, more shocked.

Several nurses and even a doctor make way for me. Looks like my reputation of hard-nosed Commander precedes me again. Brushing back my hair I wish I had braided it this morning as it irritates me now.

Medlab seems strangely crowded for some reason though there aren’t more patients than usual. Finally I realize Garibaldi called down a security team and his men are now all over the place.

Approaching Stephen’s office, I hear loud voices and I immediately identify John and Michael as their sources. Their agitation only seems to grow as I step inside. John’s worried expression stands out most.

“Susan, excellent. You’re here!” John says relieved, “I need you to check on some things later on and I can’t leave Delenn alone.”

“You can count on me,” I assure him and shift my glance to Michael, who looks miserable. He probably feels guilty for not having noticed anything was wrong earlier.

“How’s Delenn?” I ask honestly concerned. Delenn is one of the few people I allow myself to rely on and trust. John’s restlessness shows visibly. He must have been terrified beyond belief the moment he got the news.

“Stephen just finished examining her. She will be fine in a few hours. Delenn was more shocked to discover that Marcus was capable of attacking her,” John tells me as he takes to pacing the room.

I sympathize with him. I know what it feels like to lose someone close to you, someone you love. This time luck was on their side, but what about the next? We all know these are dangerous times.

“And what about Marcus? Any news yet?” I inquire, hoping to find the first clues that will solve this mystery. I have to make sure that this never happens again on =my= station.

Now be honest, a small voice in my head admonishes me. You also want Marcus to be cleared of all charges.

True, I have to admit. I would feel terribly betrayed if I discovered he tried to kill Delenn on purpose.

“Marcus is unconscious and Stephen is guarding him. He wouldn’t let me near Marcus,” Michael brings me up to date.

I nod my head. Stephen can be fiercely protective of his patients. Looking at the Chief I’m sure he already has Zack and his men searching Delenn’s quarters for clues.

“Lennier threw him into the wall and Marcus hit his head hard,” John says absent minded.

“Any permanent damage?” I question further and hearing my tone I realize worry shows in it. Why worry for Marcus? I wonder privately. I should be concerned for Delenn instead!

But I’m not prepared to accept Marcus’ part in this yet and that feeds my interest in this matter. Marcus just returned from a mission… did something go wrong during his assignment? Did anyone check on that yet? I mentally make a note to ask Delenn or Lennier about Marcus’ mission and then concentrate on Michael’s reply to my question.

“Stephen hasn’t checked in with us yet. Don’t know.”

I catch Michael’s raised eyebrow, telling me my questions surprise him. I don't blame him. Not so long ago I told them that Marcus shouldn’t be allowed in to Earhart’s because he wasn’t Earthforce. I still remember their stunned looks at my bitchy comment. Now, weeks later I regret making that remark. It sounded harsh and not like me.

But the truth is that I want Marcus at a distance… as far away as possible. But now… in this crisis situation, I can’t turn my back on him, no matter what personal matters hang between us.

“So where’s Stephen?” I ask, clasping my hands behind my back to look calm and in control, but in reality I’m concerned for both my friends.

Hold on… My thoughts betray me. I can’t deny it any longer, I consider Marcus my friend and I like him in spite of his irritating wit. It’s so hard to let someone it, even as a friend. His attraction to me only complicates the matter even further.

Although he never told me about his true feelings I can read him like an open book. It’s a mystery to me how he can lie to people during his missions. His lies are so damn transparent!

Roses… I flung those roses at him after he left them at my doorstep. Why did I do that? Why trample on his feelings? Leaving those roses behind was a romantic gesture. The worst thing is that by flinging them at him I showed him I’m aware of his feelings. Damn him for being an old fashioned gentleman! I had thought they were almost extinct. He’ll never bring up his feelings!

“Stephen is running around somewhere,” Michael suddenly says.

I realize my thoughts had drifted off and focus on John as he suddenly runs over to the doorway with a smile on his face. Delenn appears, still pale and shaken, followed by a serene looking Lennier. Strangulation marks around her throat make me angry with Marcus. His hands almost squeezed the life out of her!

John takes her into his arms and leads her to a chair so she can sit down. Lennier stays behind near the doorway and suddenly he looks alone and deserted. I feel sorry for him, knowing he loves Delenn.

What is it about this station that attracts unrequited love? I wonder slightly upset.

As John takes Delenn’s hands she smiles, assuring us she’s fine.

“You scared me!” John admits and then the Captain inside him takes over now that he knows Delenn is unharmed. “Do you have any idea why Marcus…” his voice drops as he suddenly fully realizes he could have lost her. Although I feel glad for John and Delenn I feel cheated myself, thinking about Malcolm and Talia’s betrayal.

“Marcus…” Delenn starts and then looks up to see whether she has our full attention, “The things Marcus said do not make sense. He has no reason to think about me in that manner… The warrior caste however does. Marcus would never call me a traitor or half-breed.”

John sucks in his breath hearing that last insult. “You’re right,” he agrees, “Marcus would never call you that. What about the warrior caste you mentioned?”

“He said it was their right to lead the rangers. The way Marcus phrased his remark made it sound like he was warrior caste himself and not human,“ Delenn muses aloud.

Everything I've heard so far convinces me something obscure is going on and I need to uncover the truth. Only Marcus can give me those answers. Damn! Why does he have to be unconscious?

“I want to talk to Stephen,” John states, “Find out what the scans show.”

I nod my head once. “John?” I address him in a soft tone, knowing he wants to stay close to Delenn. “I want your permission to investigate this matter… together with Michael of course,” I add, seeing the Chief’s surprised look. “Looks to me like you can use all the help you can get!”

“You’ve got it,” John replies relieved, “Get to the bottom of this.”

“We will,” I promise, determined to resolve this situation.

“Welcome aboard,” Michael quips.

“Delenn? John?” Stephen says and enters his office to drop heavily into his chair.

His eyes are troubled. He must have uncovered something startling. I study him closely, waiting for him to speak. As he remains quiet I can’t take it any longer and say, “Tell us, Stephen!”

First, the doctor glances at Delenn who gives him a nod, encouraging him to share his information with us. Finally Stephen sighs and slowly places a tiny object on the desk in front of him.

It resembles a microchip and I wonder about its meaning.

“We found this during surgery,” Stephen says at last.

“Surgery?” I repeat stunned. No one told me Marcus was having surgery!

“His head wound didn’t stop bleeding so out of precaution I ordered a number of scans and this showed up on a few of them. I know Marcus’ medical file and this foreign object certainly doesn’t belong in his brain.” Stephen looks at me questioningly. “I have no idea who operated on him to implant this.”

“What is it?” Delenn asks, closely examining the item with her eyes. Relief is apparent on her face as she realizes there might be a reason for Marcus attacking her.

“So far it puzzles me,” Stephen admits depressed, “It was deeply embedded within his brain tissue, locked into his neural pathways.”

I’m startled hearing those last two words. Neural pathways? Is Psi Corps involved in this? Did they implant an alternate personality in Marcus’ mind like they did to Talia? Trembling I try hard to hide my fears.

“Does this mean a telepath is involved?” Michael asks.

I read a similar shocked expression in his eyes. I’m sure he vividly remembers Talia turning on us.

“Maybe,” Stephen says without commitment, “There’s only one thing I know for sure. This affected Marcus’ behavior. If you want a more detailed explanation you will have to wait for me to finish my research.”

Delenn shoots me a relieved smile and I wonder why she aims it at me in the first place. I hesitantly return it. As far as Delenn is concerned this device is responsible for Marcus’ attack. Her trust in Cole is absolute and briefly I envy her, wishing I could trust people like that, unconditionally.

“Can I see Marcus?” Delenn asks and silences John’s protest by placing her hand on his.

“He’s still unconscious from the anaesthetic,” Stephen replies.

“I only wish to see him briefly,” Delenn states and accepts John’s support as she gets to her feet. “I can manage,” she tells him and John smiles reassured.

I admire Delenn’s unbelievable inner strength at times, but her question takes me by surprise.

“Susan? Will you accompany me?”

Speechless, I study their faces and my eyes come to rest on Michael’s grin. Why ask me? I wonder, but can’t possibly deny Delenn. I do need a reason though to go along with this. I don’t want them to think I’m growing soft inside. “Maybe he will wake up and we can get some answers,” I justify my decision to accompany Delenn.

Stephen and Michael exchange a dirty smile and I wish I could kick them out of an airlock. That would teach them to look so smug!

Delenn unexpectedly takes my right arm and together we walk into the corridor. Stephen quickly walks up to us.

“Marcus is currently in recovery,” Stephen says and guides us to the ranger’s room.

As Delenn gently squeezes my arm I feel uncomfortable. Why did she ask me to come along? Did Marcus tell her about his attraction towards me? Is that why she wants me at his side? Stephen opens the door and I mentally prepare myself for facing Marcus after what he did.

“What?” Stephen exclaims upset.

Freeing myself from Delenn I run up to him and look into the room. The bed is empty.

“Not again!” Stephen moans, shaking his head in dismay and worry.

That stupid fool! I curse privately. Marcus must have regained consciousness and opted to run, avoiding facing Delenn. “Does Marcus know off the implant?”

“No…” Stephen replies and walks over to a com panel to alert Medlab personal to look out for his patient.

“Valen help us,” Delenn whispers in a soft tone which reveals her concern.

Tapping my hand communicator I address Garibaldi. This is a security matter.

“Garibaldi go.”

“Our station ranger is on the run and has left Medlab. We’ve got to find him,” I inform him and seeing Stephen’s expression I know we’ve got to hurry.

“Acknowledged. Garibaldi out.”

Turning to Stephen I dismiss my personal feelings. I need to stay calm if I want to find Marcus. “What kind of state is Marcus in? You said he was unconscious.”

“I don’t understand how he could pull this off! Marcus must be groggy and still sedated!” Stephen says in disbelief, “You’ve got to find him ASAP. Marcus needs to be in Medlab! He just had surgery!”

“I understand,” I reply and start running, leaving Delenn behind in Stephen’s care. I opt for the docking bay, knowing Marcus probably isn’t thinking rationally. I need to get to him before he can leave the station.

It’s uncanny, I suddenly realize, that I understand his way of thinking. Basically, we are very much alike…

Soldier of light part 8

This part is written from Marcus’ point of view.

“You don’t look well, Marcus. Are you sure you want to go through with this?”

One of the lurkers who has been my contact since my arrival on the space station shoots me a concerned look. I know I must look exhausted and the bandage around my head only strengthens that image, yet except from feeling dizzy, I have been managing just fine. The bloody anaesthetic Stephen administered to me is the only thing still causing me trouble.

“I’m sure, Andy,” I say in an effort to reassure him, as I need his help in getting off the station. I can’t make all the necessary arrangements myself but Andy can.

Andy shakes his head. “I think you’re making a big mistake, Marcus. I don’t know what happened and I don’t need to know. I trust you, but…you need to be in Medlab.”

“Just do what I asked you to,” I urge him and lean against the wall as he leaves the small quarters I'm using as a hiding place. Andy already brought me clothes, a black shirt and grey trousers. I struggle to put them on as the anaesthetic still affects my movements.

I fling the med gown into the corner, wondering if they have already discovered my disappearance… poor Stephen. I know he’ll be concerned, but I can’t face him and certainly not Delenn. She must have lost all her trust in me and I don’t want to see that emotion reflected in her eyes, it would be too painful to watch.

Now that Andy has left me for a moment I center my thoughts and try to put all the pieces of the puzzle together. I'm still missing a few, I know that much.

After my failed attempt to kill Delenn –thank God that it failed- I woke up in Medlab hooked up to monitors. Pulling myself together, I disconnected myself from them and the IV, and succeeded in getting my feet on the floor. Ignoring the vertigo and headache I read the last entry Stephen made in to my medical file, which was still displayed on the screen in the corner of the room.

I had surgery. Why? Because of a head wound that refused to stop bleeding. Stephen probably just stitched up the wound, which would explain the bandages and headache. Next, I headed for my uniform that was waiting for me in a chair. I retrieved my pike, realizing I would need it and then picked up my cloak to have one last look at my ranger pin.

My fingers moved over the stone like I was seeing it for the first time and I knew I had to leave it behind. I couldn’t wear it after what I did to Delenn. I quickly made my way out of Medlab unnoticed and fled to Down Below where the lurkers welcomed me, willing to help me.

And that’s where I am now. Sitting down I wonder about my next move. My actions destroyed my honor and I can’t face Delenn before I know what really happened in her quarters.

Mentally reviewing everything I realize it must have something to do with my last mission, with Shitaro. Maybe something did happen to me during those minutes I lost consciousness. But what did they do and will my behavior change so dramatically again?

That last possibility makes me shiver. What if I try taking somebody else’s life? I can’t take that risk and that seals my decision. I’ve got to leave this station and discover what happened to me. As long as I stay I’m a danger to everyone. This time it was Delenn… what if I try killing Susan next? My heart grows cold picturing her lifeless body.

Where the hell is Andy? It can’t be that hard to arrange passage on a vessel leaving Babylon 5!

“Marcus?”

“At last!” I sigh and get up from the chair. Swaying momentarily I lean against the wall for support and I clutch my head in pain. I had asked Andy to remove the bandages but as he encountered blood he refused to go any further and I must admit it probably was a wise decision. “Did you get the cloak I asked for?” I want to know.

Andy hands me the long blue cloak which I immediately put on. Pulling the hood up I feel confident that it will perfectly hide my face. Now all I have got to do is it get passed security. Fumbling the fake identity card I know I can mislead them.

“Marcus, it was too late to get you passage on a ship, so I…”

“What?” I interrupt him impatiently.

“A Narn, who owes me a favor, offered his ship instead. Can you pilot a Narn ship?”

Relieved, I confirm that fact.

“You’ll find her in docking bay 4,” Andy says.

“Thank you, Andy. I owe you,” I admit while making my way to the doorway. “Are they already searching for me?”

“Yes, Garibaldi has his men looking for you.”

“That’s just great,” I hiss and wish this throbbing headache would finally disappear. Maybe I can get some sleep once I’m off the station and the rest will lessen the ache. I feel tired and trashed.

“I wish you luck,” Andy says concerned.

“Luck…” I whisper, “Is what got me in this situation.” Turning away from Andy I make my way to docking bay 4.

The hood hides my face from probing glances and as I reach the security checkpoint I show them my fake card. They let me pass and I wonder whether Garibaldi knows how easily his men can be fooled. They didn’t even look at my face!

Walking about quickly tires me. I still feel the after effects from the meds Stephen fed me and I quicken my pace. Hopefully food and a med kit are onboard. I might need to check on this bloody head injury and renew the bandages.

Leaving the station like this makes me melancholy. I never envisioned running away one day, but Babylon 5 isn’t home any longer. Not after what I did to Delenn.

Finally I reach the Narn ship which seems to be in prime shape. Good, I don’t want to get stuck in space. Opening the door I quickly spin around hearing footfalls in the distance, which appear to be closing in on me.

“Marcus!”

I recognize the voice at once and privately berate myself. I should have known that Susan would figure out my next move. Unable to look at her I step inside and start locking the doors. I don’t want to see the expression in her eyes, as she must loathe my sight. I hope C&C hasn’t been notified yet. If so, I wouldn’t get permission to leave the station.

“Marcus, wait!”

Susan’s yell sounds desperate and I briefly wonder why. Maybe she dislikes the idea of failing to apprehend me. I don’t have the time to wonder about this and close the door.

But before it fully closes I hesitantly peek at Susan and try to lock the image of her in my mind. She’s running towards my ship, her eyes aflame and her hand on her PPG. Her ravishing beauty takes my breath away and I wish I could stay and tell her… that I love her… but I can’t!

“Good-bye, Susan.” I whisper words which never reach her ears and then strap myself into the pilot’s seat.

Contacting C&C I recognize Corwin’s voice and I slightly change mine to avoid discovery. Luckily traffic is slow and I’m immediately cleared for departure.

As I take the ship out I wish I had been able to tell Susan it wasn’t me who tried to strangle Delenn, but without proof she’ll never believe me.

I plot my course and stare outside as asteroids, stars and planets pass by. Epsilon 3 briefly appears and a moment later I prepare to make the jump to hyperspace. I can’t leave any traces behind in case Delenn sends someone after me and tracing me in hyperspace will be almost impossible.

Finally feeling relativity safe I lean back in the chair and only now I acknowledge the pounding headache, which has grown a lot worse since I left Down Below. Perhaps I shouldn’t have run, but now that I know how close Susan was to finding me I realize I had no alternative.

It does surprise me that she came after me personally. I expected her to send security after me. Well, it doesn’t really matter any more. Leaving Babylon 5 behind I head for the sector where Simon picked me up.

I was careless the last time I was here. I should have stayed to investigate the debris, search for alien vessels.

Running a hand over my beard I find it’s much longer than it should be. Does that mean more days passed by than I thought?

Bugger! I should have checked the dates! Quickly I access the computer and stunned, I freeze. According to the files 10 days passed by since I came here to lure Shitaro into a trap. That’s impossible! I’ve only been gone for 4!

Staring into hyperspace I wonder about those lost six days. Assuming the computer is right, and I have no reason to doubt that, there are 6 days I have no memories of. Where was I during that period? I’ve got to find out the truth. Only that way I can be sure I will never try killing someone I care about again.

I get to my feet after switching on the automatic pilot and search the area for a med kit. My headache is killing me and I could use some painkillers. I sigh relieved finding one. Quickly, I open it and examine its content, which proves to be complete. A container with pain medication draws my attention and I take two tablets while drinking some water. That should do it for now.

Alone again.

Why do I always end up on my own? I can’t help being angry at the Universe, fate, whatever you want to call the powers that be that they treat me so unfairly. I close my eyes and focus my inner strength, trying to think of a way that will uncover the truth of what happened to me during those 6 days.

Soldier of light part 9

This part is written from Susan’s point of view.

Damn, damn, damn! Marcus, you can't run out on me like this! Not to mention you refused to obey a direct order! Grinding the heel of my boot into the floor I'm forced to watch the Narn ship take off with him onboard.

When he peeked at me I shivered at the sight of his pale face. The bandage around his head was partly red. Damn that fool for running out of Medlab like that! Does he have so little faith in his friends that he thinks we'll judge him for something he had no control over?

Great going, Ivanova! I mentally kick myself as I realize that I never gave him the idea that I consider him my friend. That's what happens when you keep people at a distance because you're afraid of being hurt again. They don't know what you really think of them.

And he doesn't know about the neural receptor either, I remind myself. In his mind he must feel solely responsible for strangling Delenn.

Now what?

I glance about, wishing I could simply take out a Starfury and go after him, but knowing Marcus he has already made the jump to hyperspace so we can't track him down. Damn, he tricked me! I hate it when people outsmart me!

Angry with myself I tap my hand communicator, but before I can address someone I cringe remembering his eyes. They were slightly glazed and I wonder if he's thinking rationally at the moment. He should have stayed in Medlab and trusted us enough to solve this situation.

But no, he goes on this private guilt trip from hell and doesn't even listen when I call him back! That stuns me most... that he's capable of walking away, leaving me behind.

"Ivanova? Is that you?"

"Shut up, Michael," I say and close the connection. Another dialogue with this annoying inner voice is coming up, a voice I haven't listened to for a long time. I'm not certain I'm ready to start listening to it now.

"What!" I question aloud. Why are my feelings running in circles? Talia left me, mother did, Ganya... the list is too long to continue and I refuse to add Marcus' name to it.

"I know the way you think, Marcus," I whisper and nod my head. "If you want to run I'll have to chase you, won't I?" Resolved, I raise my head and stare at the docking bay. "I only need to know where you're headed."

Ask Delenn, my inner voice says. Yes, maybe Delenn knows more than she's willing to share.

Quickly, I tap my hand communicator, realizing I can't waste a single moment. Marcus isn't going to get away this easily. I want this solved.

But why? my inner voice questions. I don't want to think about my reason for going after Marcus and push it away into the furthest corner of my mind.

"He's =only= a friend and nothing more!" I sneer and then realize I'm talking to myself.

"How pathetic can I get?" I ask aloud shaking my head.

"Ivanova, answer me!" Garibaldi asks, worried.

"Our ranger just left the station in a Narn ship," I inform him, "I need to talk to Delenn, where is she?"

"In the Captain's quarters," Garibaldi replies.

John is probably comforting her, but I need to talk to her urgently. After telling Garibaldi to find out how Marcus got his hands on a Narn ship I contact Sheridan.

"Yes?"

His voice sounds annoyed and to a certain degree I understand. But I have to clean up this mess and I need his help. "Captain, I need a White Star to go after Marcus."

"He left the station then?" John asks.

In the background I hear Delenn's concerned voice, inquiring as to what has happened.

"Affirmative. Do I have that ship or not?" I ask impatiently, already on my way to the docking bay that harbors most White Stars.

"Yes," John says in a determined tone. "Try these co-ordinates..."

I mentally make a note of them and ask, "Why would he go there?"

"That's where the rangers picked him up. Marcus was sent on a mission in that sector."

"Thanks for the information," I say absent minded, wondering why Delenn didn't bring up this mission earlier. "Anything else I need to know?"

"Yes, Lennier is on his way to act as your translator."

"Okay, but he'd better hurry. I'm going to catch myself one runaway ranger!"

Pacing the bridge of White Star 9 I wish Lennier would show up. I've been waiting for 10 minutes now and I'm seriously tempted to leave anyway... there's only one problem though... I don't know enough Minbari to tell the crew to set a course!

I should have taken Marcus up on that offer to teach me Minbari, but that would have meant spending time in his company and then... That reminds me...

Nusan fellani alys medron. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen... and Marcus told me it was a Minbari greeting. Did he really think I would never check on the meaning of that sentence?

When I found out I was taken aback and I still wonder if he spoke the truth that moment. Does he really think I'm beautiful? And why the hell do I worry about something so trivial now?

Because he isn't here and you're afraid of losing him, that annoying voice tells me and I have to admit it's the truth. If only he hadn't run away from his friends!

"Commander? We are ready to leave."

"Finally!" I state as Lennier walks on to the bridge. "Take us out of here and set course for the sector Delenn mentioned and then... I want to hear everything about this last mission he went on."

Lennier's eyes grow startled and I immediately react. "Don't give me that look, Lennier. I know it's classified, but his life might be at stake here!"

"Commander," he starts and then looks away from me.

Relieved I notice that we've left Babylon 5 behind. "What's our ETA?"

"3 hours, Commander," Lennier replies.

"Good," I say, satisfied that we're finally on our way. "Scan for Narn ships."

"Marcus knows how to fool the scanners."

"Damn!" I curse, "I don't care how you locate his ship, just do it!"

Lennier seems intimidated and I don't know how to feel about that. In a much softer tone I ask, "What was Marcus doing in that sector?"

"Commander..."

Giving him an icy stare Lennier seems to be torn apart. "Just tell me, Lennier," I say, hopefully pushing him over the edge. I need this information!

"Delenn asked him to stop the raids going on in that sector."

"Telling me wasn't hard, was it?" I ask wickedly sitting down in the command chair. "Did Marcus succeed?"

"We think so. Scans of the area confirm that the raider's ship was destroyed."

"Who was this raider?" I ask, turning about. Lennier is keeping back and I don't like that.

"A rogue Minbari warrior."

"Aha," I exclaim, "An internal matter then..." and I understand why Delenn wants to keep this quiet. A Minbari raiding ships is certainly bad publicity. "But that doesn't explain the neural receptor in his brain."

"No, it does not," Lennier agrees.

"Any sightings of Narn vessels?" I'm growing impatient and wish the White Star were capable of a higher speed.

"No, Commander."

Tapping my fingers on the armrest I study Lennier's expression. Sheridan is now comforting Delenn and I know it must hurt Lennier to be this far away from her.

"What will you do once we find Marcus?" Lennier asks in a soft tone.

"Take him back with us." I wonder if Lennier is willing to answer some questions. "Why did he run do you think?"

"I do not know," Lennier whispers honestly, "But it might be that he felt he could not face Delenn after what happened."

I nod my head and hesitantly I say, "When he first arrived on the station he told me he joined the rangers because the Shadows killed his brother... Does he have any family left?"

"No," Lennier quickly replies, uncomfortable to be forced into addressing this private matter, "Marcus has no living relatives."

"Why is he always so damn annoying?" I continue to question and suddenly realize I spoke aloud which was never my intention. I don't want Lennier to start wondering about my sudden interest in Marcus, but all these unexpected events affect me as well. As much as I try to deny it, I still have these feelings and at times the wolf slips back in.

"Wit is his way of dealing with people," Lennier says patiently.

Is this all the explanation I'm going to get? Raising an eyebrow I realize it is. Lennier isn't going to tell me anything else.

What if we can't find him? What if he went into hiding? Biting my lip I wonder about these questions. What would life on the station be like without Marcus? Pretty boring, I admit. No more bacon and eggs, no more roses at my doorstep... Saddened, I realize how much he tried to brighten my day and all I did was build even higher walls... Why did it take this to make me realize that I actually like Marcus?

Because my walls are so damn high that no one can get in and certainly not the ones who have the power to hurt me... and Marcus has that power because I care for him... No, there's more to it. I...

"Commander? The long range scanners just identified a Narn ship."

"Follow it!" Lennier's voice broke my line of thought... and I quickly pull away from the revelation that almost crashes through my defenses. "I =will= find you," I whisper, "and then you'll answer all my questions."

Soldier of light part 10

This part is written from Marcus’ POV.

Still drowsy I slowly open my eyes. I must have fallen asleep after taking that pain medication. The headache is now more like a throbbing ache, something I can deal with and I focus on the ship’s current position. One more hour and I will be back in the sector where all my problems started.

Shitaro. Thinking about the rogue Minbari warrior sends shivers running down my spine and I wonder about my reaction to his name. But somehow he’s tied into this mystery. I only need to figure out his part.

Impatiently I close my eyes, trying to concentrate on a Minbari mantra Sech Turval once taught me. I’ll need all my wits to solve this riddle.

Suddenly I grow cold. What if I’m on the wrong track and Shitaro has nothing to do with this? What other means do I have to find out why I attempted to kill Delenn? Wouldn’t it be better to simply forget about ever returning to Babylon 5 and revealing the truth to Delenn, whatever that truth might be?

I should start somewhere else all over again. But what about Susan? I never tried telling her about my feelings. She is the only one I’m interested in, the better half of my soul and I can’t possibly leave her alone like this. We all are entitled to some answers, especially Delenn…

A flash of anger sweeps through me, building my determination to get to the core of the matter. One way or another I will return to the space station…

Leaning forward I closely monitor the computer’s latest readings and I hold my breath realizing a White Star has taken up pursuit. I only have a head start of an hour and they are gaining fast. I wonder who’s onboard and if they’re really after me. Maybe they’re on a mission, which has nothing to do with me.

Right… Who am I trying to fool here? Of course they’re after me.

A tiny shimmer of hope comes alive in my heart, remembering Susan’s upset stare. Is it possible that she’s onboard the White Star? No, why would she come after me? She’ll be glad to be rid of her pain in the arse!

Giving up hope of ever finding a way to get through to Susan I enter several commands into the ship’s computers so the Narn ship no longer shows on the White Star’s scanners. I don’t want to be found, not yet anyway.

Annoyed with the fact that it takes me one more hour at least to reach the right sector I close my eyes and try focusing my thoughts inwards. Listening to the soft humming sound of the engines I wonder about my obscure future.

30 minutes later I once more check the ship’s computers. The White Star is still tailing me. How is that possible? I’m invisible to their scanners… this only makes sense if they know where I’m headed.

That would imply that they are here for me after all. Maybe Delenn told them about my last mission? No, I quickly dismiss that idea. Ranger One would never reveal classified information. Bugger, I’m already traveling at maximum speed. This way they will catch up with me within the hour!

An audio alarm draws my attention. The short-range scanners have picked up another vessel and this isn’t a White Star. The Narn ship has no data on this newly arrived vessel and I’m intrigued, seriously tempted to look into the matter.

Why not? I wonder and shrug my shoulders. I can’t enter the sector I’m headed for as long as the White Star is still there.

Finally I’m close enough to the alien vessel to pick up a visual. It looks like nothing I’ve ever seen before… no, that isn’t true. It bears a slight resemblance to a Vorlon ship.

Curious, I can’t resist changing my course to get closer to the alien vessel. More readings appear on screen and I realize something is wrong with the unknown ship. It’s headed for a small, uninhabited planet, but its speed is much too high to ensure a safe landing. Only now I register the smoke emanating from its tail section.

It’s going to crash! My mind is made up. I’ll follow it and offer my assistance to the survivors, provided there are any. The way it looks now the crash will be severe and I honestly can’t imagine anyone making it out alive. But I need to investigate this anyway. This unknown species might prove hostile and then we’ll need all the data we can get our hands on. What if these are allies of the Shadows?

Strapping myself in tighter I hold on as I steer the Narn ship into the planet’s atmosphere. Pressed back into my chair I bite my lip, hoping I won’t end up in the backlash of the exploding vessel.

Simon once accused me of being reckless and I’m inclined to agree with him now. This is madness, but what if someone survives and needs help? I can’t turn the other way, pretending I never saw it happen.

Quickly losing altitude I closely observe the screen as the alien vessel crashes hard, but thankfully doesn’t explode. Landing my plane near the crash site I check environmental conditions first. Relieved, I find that I don’t need an environmental suit as the climate can sustain human life.

I grab the med kit and punch a button to open the door. A blazing sun blinds me, but I don’t let it divert me from my goal and start running towards the fallen ship. “Hold on! Help is near!” I shout, trying to offer hope in case someone survived the disaster.

A pain racked moan floats through the air and I halt in my tracks, as the vessel’s hull seems to be torn apart, spitting out one single form. It bears no resemblance to any race I know.

Its shape shifts all the time and its ‘body’ seems to exist of bright light, which sometimes grows dark, as if it’s leaking energy. Its blue eyes take me aback. They look shockingly human. It raises its arms as if pleading with me and a soft, vibrating sound flows towards me.

I wanted to help, but now I feel helpless. It falls onto the sandy planet’s surface, as its light turns even darker. Somehow I know it’s wounded badly and it can’t survive. It’s dying.

Hesitantly I approach it. “I don’t know what to do…” I say in a soft tone, wishing there is a way to alleviate its pain. A roar engulfs me and something compels me to kneel next to the form whose energy now lights up again like a fiery torch.

Feeling nothing but compassion I extend an arm, cautiously trying to touch it, yet ready to jump back should it attack me. “I mean you no harm,” I say, hoping it understands Standard.

Pain suddenly swamps my thoughts as an alien presence probes my mind. The teachers on Minbar told me how to detect and block a scan, but this feels different. Although there’s pain there’s also a startling gentleness to the mental touch. The pain is an echo of the torment the creature is in and I sense it can’t stop itself from affecting me as well. “You’re hurting me!”

I’m stunned as a soft, kind voice answers me in my mind. //You are human.//

“Yes,” I groan and sigh as the pain lessens. The creature obviously established some kind of telepathic contact and I’m torn trying to decide whether to run or to stay.

//I am… dying.//

The words are accompanied with a sadness that pierces my heart. Images suddenly invade my mind and I see planets, stars and galaxies I’ve never been to, but this being has and is sharing the experience with me.

It’s old… so old that I can’t start to comprehend what it is. Its power seems endless during the link and I find that I can’t pull away. I’m stuck in its mind… or the being is clinging to mine… I don’t know.

“Who are you? What are you?” I whisper, trying to focus my eyes on the now fading form.

//Old… ancient… was here before the younger races… thought I was immortal…//

The thoughts run through my mind in endless strings of words and I shake my head. Finally I manage to say, “Are you a First One?” The Minbari told me during training about these mysterious beings and warned us to keep our distance when encountering one. Back then I dismissed the idea as madness.

//Yes, your species calls me that name.//

In horror I stare at the energy snaking up my arm. I should never have tried touching it! I try pulling back but it won’t let me and the light is creeping up my shoulder. “What are you doing?” I question terrified, as a strange sensation flows through my limbs.

//My energy… you can use it… to maintain the balance…//

“What balance!” I shout in despair. The light is now curling itself around my torso, engulfing me in frightening warmth.

//Find Lorien… he can tell you… show you… you have to continue my work…//

The mind voice grows weak and my teeth chatter as the energy is sliding up my throat. “No,” I moan in despair, remembering someone else making me promise to end what he started. “Not again,” I groan and scream out as pure energy is slipping into my eyes, blinding me, yet at the same time revealing such beauty that it literally takes my breath away.

//Behold the power that created the universe… the First Ones… all the races… part of it is yours now. Use it wisely!//

“Why?” I ask baffled, as novas explode in my mind. In the corner of my eye a black hole is born and planets spring to life as a tear slides down my cheek. I’m one with this being and now see life… and death through its eyes. “Why me?” I repeat crushed by the experience.

//Your mind reveals no evil…you will fight my battle.//

The answer should infuriate me, but I’m too absorbed in searching the galaxies, which are alive in my mind. “Don’t do this to me!”

//I must…//

The words are nothing but whispers and my eyes flash open as the energy is settling down in to the core of my being. “No,” I stutter, finally fully realizing what the First One has done to me. “You have given me your power, your abilities! I don’t want them!”

//Learn to use them… use… them… well…//

And the voice dies, the form glows intensely for a moment until even that last bit of energy finds a way through the pores of my skin, seeping inside to become part of me… becoming me.

Fire is burning my veins and I absent-mindedly register the vessel fading to nothingness like the First One did. In the end nothing remains of the crashed vessel or the mysterious being. Stunned I stare at the halo surrounding my hands… arms… my entire body. “No.” My voice sounds cracked as I’m totally exhausted.

Overwhelmed by the alien substance penetrating my cells I slump to the ground, lying down curled up in a foetal position as I try denying this ever happened.

I slip in to unconsciousness and I don’t fight it, hoping my body will find a way to deal with the invasive energy.

Soldier of light part 11

This part is written from Susan’s point of view.

“Commander? The scanners just registered an energy flare on the surface of one of the planets.”

I look up from my brooding as I have been passing the time thinking up ways to ‘convince’ Marcus to return to Babylon 5 with me. Restraining him is the most enjoyable I have been able to come up with. Lennier’s announcement however, breaks my concentration.

“Any sign of Marcus’ vessel?” I ask, more concerned about finding him than the wayward energy readings of a planet I’ve never heard of.

“The readings indicate that the Narn vessel landed on the planet’s surface but that it is unaffected by the energy surge.”

“Take us there,” I order, suddenly realizing Marcus might be in big trouble, but Lennier’s statement that the Narn vessel seems undamaged slightly reassures me. “That reminds me,” I start and try capturing Lennier’s evasive eyes, “I thought Marcus knew of ways to stay off our scanners? How can you locate him then?”

“I… found a solution to that problem,” Lennier admits shyly.

“Good. Prepare a shuttle so I can explore the situation on the surface,” I order and go to leave the bridge but Lennier’s startled sigh makes me halt. “What?” I want to know.

“You are the commanding officer onboard,” Lennier says, “Would it not be better to send a crewmember to make the pick up?”

Grinning wickedly I walk towards Lennier whose expression darkens. “You’ll manage just fine without me.” His eyes grow big and I fight down the urge to laugh at him.

“But… Commander… you cannot…”

Lennier doesn’t finish the sentence and amused I walk towards the exit. “Contact me in case of an emergency. I’m going down myself. No way in hell I’m going to let this chance slip by. Marcus will return with me.” After saying that I step into the corridor, looking forward to piloting a shuttle again.

Staring at the crystals I shake my head in annoyance. No one ever told me the shuttles are Minbari style too! It takes me a moment to figure out how to work the controls and then I contact Lennier to tell him that I’m ready to leave for the planet’s surface. His voice sounds worried. It’s obviously about time that Lennier got some command experience!

“Patch through the crash site co-ordinates,” I instruct, “ I don’t want to land too close to it.”

“Of course.”

A second later the crystals glow and Minbari writing appears on screen. I curse the fact that my knowledge of Minbari is so damn limited. “Lennier, in Standard!” I remind him.

“Sorry, Commander.”

Relieved, I watch the Minbari signs change in to Standard and as I leave the docking bay I wonder what kind of state Marcus will be in. Stephen sounded worried when he discovered Marcus’ disappearance, which is understandable. Marcus had just had surgery before he ran off!

I can’t help worrying, damnit! Why did he have to run? Why?

The one thing I can come up with is that he suspects someone manipulated him to strangle Delenn. He must have reached that conclusion even without knowledge of the neural receptor we found. Would he have run had he known about Stephen’s discovery? I want to know the answer to that question, remembering the look in his eyes as I almost intercepted him in the docking bay.

It frustrates me that I still don’t know what prompted his behavior in Medlab. Does Marcus really think that I don’t care what happens to him?

If that is the case why didn’t he trust Stephen to help him or Delenn? I know Stephen considers Marcus a good friend, especially after their capture by the Vindrizi.

Though Stephen doesn’t want to tell me what they discussed during the time they spent in that cell I suspect it’s something very personal to the ranger and that feeds my curiosity. Stephen is very evasive every time I bring up the subject. Even threats don’t work!

“You should have a visual of the site now, Commander.”

I nod my head. “That’s affirmative, Lennier.” Studying the screen I quickly locate the Narn vessel, which is still in one piece. Okay, at least Marcus didn’t crash!

“I’m going to put the shuttle down and have a look. Marcus has to be close and I’m not leaving without him!” I say determined.

“Please be careful, Commander. We have no data on this planet and…”

“I don’t need a babysitter!” I tell Lennier and hear his sharp intake of breath through the connection. That sounded harsh, but he’s getting on my nerves. “I’m a big girl, Lennier, I can take care of myself.”

“Sorry, Commander. I did not mean to sound disrespectful,” Lennier says apologetically.

As I start landing procedures I’m pleased to find that I can do without an environmental suit. The next thing I do is to check for life signs. Yes! The computer picks up one life sign and I hurry to leave the shuttle, not wanting to waste any time.

According to the readings Marcus is close and as I make a half circle around his ship I see his body halfway buried underneath the sand. The wind is growing in strength and I have no desire to find out whether it will turn out to be a storm. I have to act quickly.

“Marcus!” I yell before reaching his side. He doesn’t react and that worries me. As I kneel down I roll him onto his back and find that he’s unconscious. His eyes are closed and his facial expression still reveals the pain he must have been in. “Marcus?” I try again, but still he remains quiet.

Quickly I check his pulse and heartbeat. Relieved, I notice they’re normal, but his skin burns like lava. “You’re feverish, damnit!” I say aloud, “You should have stayed in Medlab! Why don’t you listen to people when they tell you what to do? You’re too stubborn for your own good!”

I desperately wish Marcus would react. Just open your eyes briefly! I plead privately and hesitantly my fingers brush his hot brow.

“Get going, Ivanova,” I tell myself, “He needs medical attention!” But he’s almost too heavy for me to drag in to the shuttle. I can’t give up now and hook my arms underneath his armpits, dragging him slowly towards the shuttle. These moments feel like hours and I silently pray to whatever god is listening that I arrived in time to prevent him getting any worse.

His skin burns my hands and I briefly have to let go. “What the hell is going on?” I wonder. Is this because he was lying in the sun? But he can’t have been exposed to it for more than one hour!

Gathering my strength I gently pull him in to a corner of the shuttle. I push him in to a sitting position and tell the computer to close the doors.

“You’ve got to hold out, Marcus,” I encourage him, “Only 3 hours and we’ll be back on Babylon 5 where Stephen can patch you up again and this time I’m going to position security guards next to your room.”

Lost in the moment I stroke back his stray locks and wish he’d open his eyes. Only now I realize I miss hearing his voice and looking in to his sparkling eyes. The thing I miss most is his humor and I’m stunned to discover I secretly loved the attention he paid me.

“I’ve got to leave you alone for a moment…” and I head over to the controls. As the shuttle lifts off I keep my gaze directed at Marcus’ unmoving form.

“Lennier? Can you hear me?” I say nervously.

“Yes, Commander. Did you find…?”

“Yes, I did. Is there a medic aboard? Marcus needs help.” It never occurred to me to ensure a physician was aboard the White Star.

“Yes, Commander. A Minbari healer named Langer. The medical staff is also trained in treating humans.”

“Then alert him at once and tell Langer to meet me at the docking bay.” After instructing the computer to take us back to the White Star I hurry to check on Marcus. Thankfully his breathing is now regular and his facial expression relaxed.

“You stupid fool,” I chide him while taking his right hand in mine. Seeing blood on the dirty bandages around his head I fear the wound might have opened again. I decide not to check on it myself, afraid of causing an infection and wait for the shuttle to cover the distance to the White Star while rubbing Marcus’ knuckles.

“Apart from a mild fever Marcus is doing fine,” Lennier says, translating the medic’s diagnosis.

“What about his head wound?” I had stepped outside while the Minbari healer treated Marcus’ injuries; afraid my pacing might make Langer nervous. The elderly healer renewed the bandages and now smiles reassuringly at me. Quickly, I avert my eyes. Is my concern that obvious?

“Langer closed the wound and estimates that Marcus will wake up during the next hour,” Lennier says pleased.

“Good, that means I’m going to get my answers soon,” I whisper.

“Would you like to be alone with Marcus for a moment?” Lennier offers in a friendly tone.

“No,” I sneer, “Why would I?” Can’t let them know how worried I really am. It’s been too long since I showed my feelings openly and I’m not ready to start opening up now.

Lennier remains quiet and throws me a strange look I can’t label. It almost feels like pity. After bowing slightly he signals Langer to leave the room as well. Suddenly I’m alone with Marcus after all.

I start walking towards the door as well, but then halt abruptly, hearing whispered words from behind my back. Turning around I see Marcus’ eyes dash wildly in their sockets. Either he’s dreaming or waking up.

What do I do now? I can run away from him… from my feelings or stay and face them. Do I have the strength to look in to his eyes after he fled the station while I asked him to wait? He simply left me!

Marcus is now moving about on the tilted platform and I never felt more torn in my entire life. This is a cross road in my life and only I can decide which road to take. Why does it have to be so hard?

There is only one question I have to answer and I have to answer it honestly. Do I want to try building a relationship with Marcus? Am I willing to try one more time?

As another moan reaches my ears I slowly approach the platform. Unresolved I shuffle my feet.

Marcus’ head lolls from right to left and I wonder about this fever he developed. At least his head wound isn’t causing it, if it were Langer would have caught it.

Can I do this? Can I really do this? My hand trembles as I curl my fingers around his right hand. “Marcus? Wake up,” I order. My heart is pounding in my throat, as I have no idea what to say or how to act should he regain consciousness now.

My heart misses a beat, or maybe two as Marcus’ eyes open.

Soldier of light part 12

This part is written from Marcus’ point of view.

Engulfed in gentle warmth I slowly regain consciousness. A comforting peace has settled in to my heart together with the energy that melted with my cells. I never thought I would survive, but I was wrong. Somehow the First One’s energy adapted and is now part of me.

It flows through my veins and a new insight evolves. I suddenly understand about the balance the First One mentioned. The universe can only exist because of that fragile balance. Good and evil are eternal concepts which will never disappear. Life and death is a perpetual circle that can never be broken.

Willie. Remembering my brother’s last words I finally understand why he wanted me to carry on his work. He had chosen his path with conviction and firmly believed my destiny lay with the rangers as well. After all, he tried convincing me to leave Arisia to join them.

The Army of Light… Valen named us well. A force of good, battling the always persistent darkness. Does that make me a soldier of light then? I grin weakly thinking about the irony of the situation. The First One choose me to follow in his footsteps, to be a force of good in the universe as it was before bestowing this ‘gift’ on me.

Gift. Bitter, I sense its legacy floating through my body and I fear discovering the unknown potential inside me. Relieved I notice I feel fairly normal, expect for this serene sensation filling my mind. All the anger and guilt which I felt since the Shadows attacked Arisia has disappeared. The Shadows decided to attack that exact moment and there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent it from happening. Accepting this truth has taken me 3 years and I owe this insight to a First One.

What powers did it leave me with? I’ll have to be extremely careful, as I don’t know the extent of its ‘gift’. It gave me its life-force before it died. All its thoughts are gone and I feel alone, deserted.

Hold on… I suddenly realize I’m no longer lying on hot sand. This feels awfully familiar. This feels like…

“Marcus? Can you hear me?”

Shocked, I recognize Ivanova’s voice. She must be close as I suddenly pick up her sensual scent. I still wonder what kind of perfume she wears.

“Susan? Is that you?” Slowly opening my eyes I hope nothing of my encounter with the First One shows in my appearance. I need to come to terms with it first before revealing it to the others.

I should report the incident to Delenn at once, but this feels personal, like it has nothing to do with the rangers or Delenn. I am torn and decide to keep quiet for the moment. I’m more interested in finding out what Susan is doing at my bedside.

“What the hell do you think you were doing leaving Medlab like that? You’re still under medical supervision, damnit!” She yells.

Focusing my eyes I smile seeing her angry look, but I quickly realize that anger is only masking her worry. Her emotions feel transparent and I suddenly know why she came after me.

Susan cares about me, more than she wants to admit to herself. Although she’s still in denial she’s slowly accepting her own feelings. She no longer intimidates me now that I know her heart. I never expected her to return my feelings… How could I’ve been so blind not to see the emotion hiding behind her mask? And more importantly, why do I sense it now? It must be because a First One’s energy now courses through my veins.

“Susan,” I start and cringe hearing my cracked voice, which shows my fatigue. Strangely enough, absorbing that energy has completely drained me.

Locking eyes with her I smile seeing her stunned expression. She expects me to be intimidated, but I have changed since my encounter with that First One and I know I’ll never be the same again. “I need to tell you something.” In her eyes I see sudden revelation. Susan knows what I’m going to say and she dreads hearing it.

“Marcus, I should place you under arrest,” Susan raves, but her tone has become more subdued, has lost its edge.

I let her, aware why she’s this high strung.

“Stephen and Delenn are worried sick about you!”

“And what about you?” I quickly interject, trying to find an opening to take this conversation to a different level. My comment silences her as she is searching for a reply. I don’t need to hear her answer to know her feelings.

“You fled from my station, so I had to get you back. It’s as simple as that!”

“No, it isn’t, Susan,” I softly chide her and struggle to push myself in to a sitting position. Susan moves to rearrange my pillow so it supports my back and I gently take her hand in mine. She flinches, but doesn’t pull back. I've prepared this speech for so long that the words flow from my lips without thinking about it.

“Nothing is that =simple=, Susan,” I start while drawing a deep breath, “Take my feelings for you for example.” Her eyes grow big and a nervous twitch appears near her mouth. I hope she’ll give me a chance to finish this admission.

“From the day I met you I saw the sadness in your eyes and there’s nothing I want more than to make that sadness go away. I want to replace it with love and desire. So many times I've wanted to tell you that I love you, but every time the courage eluded me. I thought you were too hurt to accept the truth which is that I love you more than life itself.”

I pause briefly to study her reaction, but she is staring at me with relaxed understanding in her eyes. I don’t know where that calm is coming from and I don’t question it. At least she is still listening to me.

“I don’t know why I’m telling you this =now=, Susan. Maybe because I hoped you’d come after me because you care about me.” I grow quiet after this confession. She has to make the next move.

The way she looks at me makes me tremble. Her lips remain sealed and the expression in her eyes is hard to label, but I sense the raging emotions in her. I have never before been able to do that so I guess it's part of the heritage the First One left me with. Focusing on those emotions I realize she’s afraid to love again, afraid of losing me. But her biggest fear is that I’ll betray her like Malcolm and Talia did.

I studied her file after our first meeting and know how badly she was hurt. “I love you, Susan,” I simply add as a soft plea, “Can you look me in the eyes and say that you don’t have feelings for me?” I start pushing her, hoping she only needs to be reassured. If not, she will turn away and run again and then she’ll be lost to me forever.

“Marcus.”

My name is nothing more than a moan as she fights demons I know only too well. Willie’s memory haunted me too, so did my guilt.

“Marcus, I don’t know if I can do this again,” she whispers lost.

Suddenly I realize my fingers are caressing hers and she’s allowing it. I refrain from talking, as she has to make this decision on her own.

“I’ve been hurt so many times that I promised to never fall in love again.”

“Susan, that way you’ll be alone all your life. You deserve better, much better,” I say in a soft tone. The blue in her eyes has hardened and I wonder what her decision will be. “You need to listen to your heart, Susan.”

“My heart and I haven’t been on speaking terms for a long time,” she says and bows her head as if pondering my admission.

This is taking too long and afraid she’ll deny me after all, I cup her chin in my hand and pull her close. “Susan, “ I whisper before brushing her lips with mine. She tastes sweet and inviting in spite of her indecisiveness. I deepen the kiss, surprised she’s hasn’t slapped me yet. Her teeth open and I slowly enter the softness inside, challenging her tongue to a duel. A challenge she accepts.

Wrapping my arms around her waist I proceed to pull her on to the rigged platform, praying secretly that this dream won’t come to a sudden end by her breaking the enchantment. I trace the inside of her lips with my tongue and hearing her moan in to my mouth I tangle my hand in her hair.

“I take it that’s a yes?” I say mischievously, hoping she’s finally accepting her feelings. My fingers caress her face and I realize everything depends on her answer to that question.

“Marcus,” she starts hesitantly.

It strikes me how much her tone has changed since the start of this conversation. At first she angrily yelled at me and now she sounds shy and afraid. It’s amazing how many sides there are to Susan Ivanova and I love them all.

“How many times did you need a shoulder to cry on and no one was there for you? I will stand at your side for the rest of your life. Yes,” I say quickly as she moves to place her finger on my lips to silence me, “I know I’m a romantic.”

“Marcus, shut up and let me talk! Just stop babbling.” Susan shakes her head and a gentle smile appears on her face.

That smile warms my heart and I obey. Looking in to her surprisingly warm eyes I fold my arms around her even tighter, ignoring my urge to claim her lips again. I bet she never expected this side to me. I must admit my boldness surprises me as well. My confidence has grown because I can register her emotional state since I woke up. Knowing what she’s feeling took away my incertainty.

“I… must admit I knew you had feelings for me. I have known since you left those roses on my doorstep.”

“I never...” Seeing the look in her eyes I back down. I don’t know for sure who put those flowers there, but I suspect it was Corwin. It’s hard not to notice the admiring expression in his eyes when she’s near, but Susan seems unaware of it.

“I shouldn’t have flung them at you like that, but… I was afraid of letting anyone in again.”

“What changed?” I ask and smile as she melts in to my embrace. I've finally got my answer.

“I don’t know…” She looks up questioningly, “Maybe seeing that look on your face in the docking bay before you took off.”

“What look?” I kiss a lock of her hair and am rewarded with another smile.

“Like you were about to lose the most precious thing in your life,” Susan replies.

“I would have returned, you know,” I say, trying to reassure her, “And I always carry you with me in my heart.”

Susan’s smile brightens. “I can’t believe I’m sitting here like this.”

“In my arms?” I say and return that astonishing smile.

“I was so mad at you for taking off like that! I told you to wait!” Susan says in a sudden angry tone, which makes me cringe.

“I had no other choice, Susan. I couldn’t stay on the station after I tried to kill Delenn.” Hesitantly I add, “How is she doing?”

“Delenn is fine,” Susan says and suddenly moves out of my embrace.

I can tell the magic is gone and that she wants to return to business. But now I know she loves me too and I’m resolved to never allow her to raise her walls again.

Susan gets to her feet, straightens out her uniform and brushes back her loose hair. She looks at me and her eyes seem to pierce my soul. Briefly I feel connected to her on a much deeper level. Bugger, I need to find out what the First One did to me, how his power is affecting me and to find a way to stop it!

“Stephen performed surgery on you.”

“I know,” I stop her short, as I don’t want to talk about that now. I want to address us, our relationship.

“Marcus, you aren’t responsible for what you did to Delenn,” Susan says and cocks her head, “During surgery he found a neural receptor in your brain tissue. Someone planted it there and controlled your actions from a distance.”

That news does shock me. “I don't remember any operation,” I admit and cross my arms in front of my chest. Annoyed at being lying down like this I want to get to my feet, but as I move to stand I stumble forward. The energy transfer weakened me more than I realized.

Susan catches me and while looking into each other’s eyes I unintentionally read her thoughts.

Soldier of light part 13

This part is written from Susan's point of view.

I react instinctively by catching him. This is so like Marcus! Getting to his feet when he should be resting instead! "I've got you," I say and shake my head. "You better rest until we're back at Babylon 5 and then I'm going to take you straight to Medlab so Stephen can check on you!"

A gentle mental touch makes me alert. Am I reaching out to him telepathically to ensure he's all right? I need to tell him I'm a latent, but that can wait until Stephen declares him fit enough to leave Medlab. I tell myself to be more careful as I don't want to scare him off now that we've finally got the truth in the open.

Briefly a terrified expression colors his eyes. "What?" I question and push him back on to the rigged platform. Thankfully the Minbari medic knew better than to question my demand when I told him I wanted the platform horizontal. I want Marcus to rest comfortably.

"Susan..."

Surprised, I register the bewilderment in his tone. Marcus sounds like he expects me to be angry with him and his big eyes strengthen that impression.

"What's wrong?" I want to know and wonder if he picked up on my unintended mental probing of his mind. I reckon rangers are trained to register a scan.

"I'm just a little dizzy," Marcus replies while avoiding my eyes.

"Told you to rest!" I chide him smugly.

"You're probably right," Marcus admits and seems to be struggling to reach a decision.

"I need to get back to the bridge," I inform him and hesitantly kiss his lips. Now that we have taken that final step we should make the best of it. That will be hard though, as we've both lost too many loved ones.

"Before you go," Marcus starts and pulls me back. His pupils dilate and as he bows his head I know he has kept something back.

"What is wrong, Marcus? You better spill it now before I hear it from other people. If you want this relationship to work you've got to be honest!" Starting off with lies and pretence will surely kill this relationship. I suddenly realize that it's hard for him to trust people, even me. "You can tell me, you know."

There's an odd expression in his eyes and I wonder what's troubling him this badly. I sit down on the side of the bed, realizing this is more important than harassing Lennier on the bridge. The young Minbari doesn't need my help to take the White Star back to Babylon 5.

"When you found me...did you register an alien vessel or presence?"

Marcus' question confuses me. "No, we registered only you and the Narn ship."

"This is hard to tell you," Marcus starts and then looks me in the eyes. "I went to the planet's surface because an alien vessel had crashed there moments earlier. I wanted to help the survivors."

I'm seriously tempted to tell him that this might have been a fragment of his imagination due to the head wound, but the look in his eyes tells me he needs to get this out of his system.

"The ship resembled a Vorlon vessel and when I found the survivor of the crash..."

Marcus' voice collapses and I'm aware of the tension coursing through his body as he grabs hold of my hand. I let him, giving him a chance to end his tale.

"It was a First One, dying... and..."

"A First One?" Delenn told me about these mystic beings and that she had contacted Draal to help us find them. Actually, she had even scheduled a meeting in two days to inform us about Draal's findings.

"Yes, and it was dying."

"I thought they were... immortal?" I say, lacking the right words to describe them.

"It thought so too," Marcus agrees.

Our eyes are locked and suddenly I discover something strange in the iris of his eyes. Tiny golden specks seem to race through the iris and pupil.

"Susan, it... gave me its life-force, told me to carry out its work."

"Marcus," I say quickly, trying to calm him down. His upset tone convinces me he thinks that he's telling the truth. "Maybe your head wound acted up and you got delirious and you had hallucinations."

"You don't believe me," Marcus whispers in a startling calm tone.

"We never picked up a second vessel, Marcus. You must have imagined it." I wonder whether I should call for the Minbari healer. Maybe he missed something during Marcus' examination. "Stephen will examine you and..."

Marcus cuts me short and grabs my hand even tighter. His eyes are big and speak of a frightening certainty. He believes this really happened to him!

"Susan, I sense your emotions like they're mine," Marcus says in a serious tone.

"Marcus, you're fatigued and your head wound..." I stop talking as his eyes shift color and the gold gains the upper hand.

"You want proof?"

"Marcus... calm down!" I don't know what he thinks he's doing but I free my hand as he squeezes it hard and back away. I'm about to call the healer, but freeze as he raises his arm, reaching out for me, palm upwards. The change starts slowly, almost too subtle to notice, but then his eyes turn to gold. The white is gone, the iris and pupil too.

And then I hear him in my mind.

//I'm speaking the truth... please believe me.//

Shocked, I take a few steps away from him. "What the hell?" Horrified, I listen to the echo of his voice in my mind. "This can't be happening!"

"I'm so sorry, Susan, but I had to convince you," Marcus whispers lost.

I manage to compose myself and take in his once more normal eyes. The gold has vanished and nothing remains to prove his eyes just changed that dramatically. "You spoke to me telepathically!"

"I wasn't certain I could do that," Marcus admits in a trembling tone,"Susan, I don't understand this either! One moment I'm trying to help this being and the next his energy seeps in to my cells! But I had to tell you. I don't want to keep things from you. I need you."

Those last 3 words are nothing but a moan and I wonder what to do next. I no longer doubt his explanation now that he has provided the evidence, but I don't know whether I can deal with him being a teep.

"I'm glad you told me," I say eventually, drawing a deep breath. "You also have to tell the others, Delenn, Stephen, the Captain..."

"I know," Marcus replies in a strangled tone, "Does this mean I've lost you or not?"

"Can't you read my thoughts and find out?" The remark sounds harsh and uncaring, but I'm still trying to come to terms with this.

"No, I don't want to, don't know how to do that. I can't control this power, Susan."

His voice is distant and for the first time I realize he's frightened. "Heck, I would be scared too if a First One decided to dump his powers on me," I say hesitantly and return to his side.

"Susan, I..."

"We'll find a way to deal with this," I say, knowing Marcus has a difficult time ahead of him. I considered walking out of the room the moment I heard his mind voice, but that would have been hypocritical. We have to accept each other as we are. "I need to tell you a secret myself."

Marcus nods his head and an uncanny premonition tells me he might already know what I'm going to say. "I'm a latent telepath."

"I know..." Marcus admits, "I realized that when I touched your mind accidentally and to be honest I had my suspicions ever since I arrived on Babylon 5. Just never knew for sure."

I forget to breathe momentarily, relieved that all secrets are in the open... or are they? "Anything else you need to tell me now that we're at it?"

Marcus closes his eyes and begins to blush which quickly turns crimson red. “Yes.”

"What is it about?" I ask slightly confused. Marcus turning shy all of a sudden is the last thing I expect so I cock my head, trying to catch his eyes. "Come on, we just told each other our biggest secrets, what is it?"

"Maybe it's too early to tell you." Marcus answers evasively.

"No more secrets, Cole!" I berate him. "From this moment on we're in this together."

"I don't know how to tell you," Marcus admits in the end and smiles hesitantly. "Have you ever made love to a virgin?"

"Huh?" I stutter. "What kind of question is that?"

"I'm a virgin," Marcus whispers.

"A virgin? That's your secret? You must be kidding!" I seriously can't believe that a handsome man like Marcus can still be a virgin. "This isn't a time for jokes."

"It's no joke."

Seeing the blush deepen I realize he's speaking the truth. "Are you telling me you have never been intimate with someone before?"

"I wanted to wait for that special person and when I saw you I knew you were the one I was waiting for. I want that first time to be special."

It takes me a moment to process his admission. "That's one secret I never expected to hear," I confess in a soft tone, "But now that I think about it... You never dated while on the station, did you?"

"I was working up the courage to ask you out," Marcus admits in a raw tone.

“You have been in love with me for so long and never told me?"

"How would you have reacted?"

"I don't know,” I must admit, “I probably would have brushed you off with an excuse."

"You see? That's why I kept quiet. I would have settled for being a friend, instead of a turned down lover," Marcus replies with a sad expression in his eyes. "You know I'm right."

"I guess you are." Smiling I twine his fingers with mine and decide a change of topic is in order. "But my first priority is getting you back to the station and handing you over to Stephen. I still can't believe that you've got the energy of a First One inside you."

"Neither can I." Marcus tries to smile, but can't pull it off.

"Maybe Draal can give us some answers?" I suggest.

"The First One told me to find someone called..."

Marcus is having trouble remembering the name and I wait patiently for him to continue. Why did this have to happen to him?

"Lorien! That was the name the First One mentioned."

He looks at me in the hope I recognize the name, but I've never heard it before. "We'll find this Lorien," I assure him. "And now I want you to rest. Stay off your feet, do you hear me?"

"Yes, Commander," Marcus replies with a grin on his face and salutes me.

"I'll have to find a way to silence you," I say teasingly and lean in closer to place one more kiss on his lips.

"This might work," Marcus pants.

"I was afraid of that," I say jokingly and stare at the bandage around his head. Thankfully there's no sign of blood. After making sure he's comfortable I head back to the bridge.

Soldier of light part 14

This part is written from Marcus' point of view.

I still can't believe Susan has accepted me as her lover. I expected her to yell at me in anger and then turn her back on me, especially once she found out about my unwanted new powers. Bloody hell, I don't want to be an empath or a teep! I just want to be a ranger, nothing more, nothing less.

But as I lie here I sense the minds of the Minbari and humans onboard the White Star. I can't read their thoughts; it's more like a general overview of where they are and what they're feeling. I try backing away, before Susan realizes what's happening. I don't want anyone to think that I'm prying on them.

It's obvious I need to find this Lorien the First One mentioned, but I have no idea who this person is or where to find him. I've got face it, for the time being I've got to deal with this myself.

I'm relieved that I can control my new abilities to a certain degree. During Susan's visit I managed to keep them in check until I had to prove to her that I was telling the truth. It's a constant battle, as something is making me reach out and touch the minds close to me, urging me to stretch even further and lose myself in the infinity of the universe.

Is this how a P12 feels or does that differ again? They taught me how to block a scan, but this is something else. Now I'm the one who has these strange abilities. Now I feel like a teep.

The First One used telepathy to communicate with me. I should have realized earlier that he was a telepath! Using all my concentration I limit the range of my thoughts. I don't want to invade anyone's privacy.

Looking about I relax. I'm alone and cautiously try getting to my feet. Susan meant well, but her concern is unnecessary. I have been hurt before and except for a slight headache, which is causing the vertigo, I feel fine.

No, I'm lying. I'm scared because I don't know what these powers will do to me. No matter what happens next, I vow to remain in control and the knowledge that Susan loves me as well will aid my determination.

My feet touch the floor and I try putting my weight on to them. It works and slowly I walk about, exercising my muscles.

I cringe, remembering Susan telling me that I have to report the incident with the First One to Delenn and the Captain. I feel awkward about facing Delenn, even though the news of the neural receptor convinces me someone was controlling my actions at that moment.

But how did that device get in to my brain in the first place? I don't remember having surgery and suddenly I think back to the reason why I left Babylon 5. There are 6 days I've got no memory of.

Briefly I ponder asking Susan to take me to the sector where Simon found me, but I doubt she'll give in. Her first priority is taking me back to the station. Remembering her resolved tone makes me smile. I was so sure I had lost her when revealing my telepathic ability to her. Susan is much stronger than she ever realized and I love her unexpected capacity to trust me. It must have surprised her as well.

Walking back to the platform I see it's rigged. That has to be Susan's doing.

"Get off your feet!"

The command suddenly sweeps through the room and I grin. "Keeping an eye on me, love?"

"I've got a visual of the medical facility!"

"That doesn't surprise me," I admit and obediently lie down. "How much longer before we reach the station?"

"One more hour. I suggest you start mentally rehearsing your explanation to Delenn." Her tone is wicked.

"You enjoy seeing me in trouble," I accuse her.

"Of course I do," she replies amused.

I hear the smile in her tone and close my eyes. She's right though. I better get everything straight in my head before talking to Delenn who will be angry with me for running off like that.

"Are you ready to go?" Susan asks as she enters the room.

I nod my head and walk over to her. I managed to recharge my energy reserves and feel in control again as I found a way to keep out of someone else's mind. "Yes, we better get this over with." I shoot her a hesitant glance, suddenly wondering if I imagined her telling me she loved me. "Don't I get a kiss?"

Susan's eyes grow dark and I wonder whether I've made a mistake, //but hey, I'm new at this. I never had a lover before and I need to figure out what our relationship will be like.//

"Why did you do that?" Susan asks and shivers.

"Do what?" I question surprised.

"Send me your thoughts."

Susan looks me in the eyes and I see the wonder in them. "I didn't do it on purpose," I explain and am about to apologize, as she places a finger across my lips.

"I know you can't control it. But for what's worth I'm glad I received them," she says in a gentle tone. "Don't be nervous about making mistakes. I realize this is new for you."

She tenderly brushes my lips and I close my eyes, trying to memorize her taste.

"Not to mention that your encounter with a First One complicated this even more," she finishes.

"I wish it had never happened," I admit. "I never wanted these powers."

Susan nods her head once. "There has to be a reason why it choose you as its... successor."

I shake my head in dismay. "No, there isn't. I was the one only close enough to..."

"Marcus, it didn't have to give you its life-force. From what you told me I gather that it made a conscious decision and remember, Ivanova is always right," she adds jokingly.

"Commander? The White Star has docked."

"Thank you, Lennier," Susan says and composes herself again.

She pulls me towards the doorway and I'm tempted to resist, not knowing how to explain this to Delenn, but Susan is determined and I have to give in.

As we leave the docking bay I notice Delenn and Stephen waiting for me at the end of the corridor. Great, judging from Stephen's thoughts he wants to give me a complete physical! I quickly withdraw from his mind, ashamed I invaded his thoughts like that, but Franklin doesn't seem to have noticed it.

"You can't do that!" Susan hisses.

"I know," I say in a soft tone. Susan is a telepath too and must have picked up on me reaching out to Stephen. "I need more time to find a way to control this."

Very uncharacteristically for Susan she wraps an arm around my waist. It's very unlike her to act like this in public. Maybe me being wobbly on my feet has something to do it. I once more sense her determination to make this relationship work. She never ceases to amaze me.

"Marcus, it is good to have you back," Delenn says and smiles reassuringly.

"Respects, Entil'Zha," I quickly reply and bow to avoid her eyes. Don't try reading her mind! I tell myself and gather my thoughts closer. As long as I keep a grip on them I'm fine. If I lose my concentration I'll unwillingly slip inside their minds. My headache makes staying in control even harder.

"Did the Commander tell you about the neural receptor?" Delenn asks concerned and cocks her head seeing Susan's arm folded around my waist.

I might be able to stay out of her thoughts, but blocking her feelings is a different matter. "Yes, she did," I confirm and look at Stephen who uncovered a medical scanner.

"Doctor Franklin will take you to Medlab and you will stay there!" Delenn instructs in a firm tone.

I heard that tone many times before. When Delenn is in this mood I better give up trying to weasel my way out. "Yes, I will, Entil'Zha," I reply and try to ignore Susan poking my side. //What?// I react and wish I could take back sending that message. //Sorry,// I quickly add.

But Susan just stares me in the eyes and I shiver receiving her reply. I'm surprised to hear her answer in my mind, knowing how much she hates communicating like this.

//I like you being obedient for a change. Too bad you only listen to Delenn. That will have to change.//

Hearing that remark I grin and realize Delenn and Stephen are looking at me like I lost my sanity. Oh, boy, this will take a lot of explaining!

"Now be a good boy and indulge Stephen. I'll come by later and see how you're doing," Susan promises with a smirk on her face.

"Did something happen while I was stuck in Medlab?" Stephen chuckles amused.

Yes, seeing Susan's arm wrapped around my waist must be an odd sight to Stephen and Delenn.

"Stephen, you were wrong," I start as he gestures me to accompany him to Medlab. Stephen places a hand at the small of my back in case I might lose my equilibrium, a gesture that clearly shows his concern.

Susan and Delenn remain behind and I =know= it won't take Delenn long to lure Susan in to telling her the truth. Delenn is very good at extracting the information she wants.

"Wrong? Wrong about what?" Stephen asks and gives me a worried look.

Stephen gently pushes me into the lift, using his override ability to ensure it takes us straight to Medlab. His concern washes through me. Must be the close contact... and this time I fail in blocking it out. "You were wrong about Susan and I being in different galaxies."

That remarks gets his attention and he raises an eyebrow. "Are you telling me that...?"

"Yes," I reply, not sure how to phrase the conversation which Susan and I had onboard the White Star.

"That's good," Stephen says pleased and gently slaps my shoulder. Grinning wickedly he says, "But that does mean I lost the bet."

"What bet?" Against my will I glimpse the answer in his mind.

"About Susan and you becoming an item." Stephen seems to ponder something and then adds, "I think Sheridan won the bet. He was rather convinced you two would end up together. What did he say? That he realized Susan and you would make a nice couple after you served her bacon and eggs?"

Stephen's amusement is hard to ignore. "I remember that incident." As much as I want to continue this relaxed banter I know Stephen should run several scans on me ASAP. "Stephen?" I start hesitantly.

"Yes?"

Stephen opens the door and walks me to an exam room. Staring at all medical equipment I sigh resigned. "You need to run a neural scan on me too."

"I already planned on doing that," Stephen says. "That neural receptor might have done some damage. After all, I didn't get the chance to check on that as you sneaked out of Medlab. How do you do that? Nobody saw you leave!"

"Oh, no, I'm not going to tell you that," I object. "Then you can stop me from leaving in the future. My secrets are mine!" What is it that brings out this verbal bantering every time Stephen is close? Maybe it's because I trust him and feel so damned comfortable around him.

Stephen proceeds to hook me up to the scanners and I wonder how to tell him about the First One. After Stephen removed the bandage he probes my head wound.

"Hey, be careful!" I yelp as he applies pressure on a particular sore spot.

"If you hadn't run this wound would have healed by now!" Stephen says in an annoyed tone.

"Just run those scans!" I tell him. Hopefully in the meantime I'll find a way to inform him about the alien energy in my body which will surely turn up on the readings.

Soldier of light part 15

This part is written from Stephen’s point of view.

"Marcus, stop moving about! I know you're nervous, but you're making things only harder on yourself!" Hooking my patient up to a neural scanner I notice his hands curl and unfold. I understand Marcus' concern. After what he told me about his encounter with the First One he has no idea what this alien energy has done to him.

"How much longer is this going to take?" Marcus asks nervously.

"Try to relax, Marcus." I smile reassuringly, knowing Marcus hates being stuck in Medlab. "Did that First One tell you its name?" I ask, trying to divert his attention. The first readings appear on screen and I suck in my breath.

"Is it that bad?" Marcus inquires and tries sitting up.

I push him down again and accidentally put pressure on his mending rib. "Lie down and keep quiet," I order and point at the restraints at the sides of the exam bed.

"I get the picture," Marcus says and draws in some deep breaths.

"Is that bruised rib still troubling you?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

"Yes, it is," Marcus replies truthfully.

"Only rest will help the recovery process and you haven't been following doctor's orders. Oh no, instead you run off after having surgery!" I walk towards the cupboard and retrieve new bandages. "Maybe some extra support will help," I suggest and help Marcus sit upright. The scanner is still

registering Marcus' brain waves and from the corner of my eye I see they're way off scale.

"I didn't have a choice," Marcus starts and bows his head.

I bandage his chest after checking on the injury. "You're going to rest even if that means keeping you in Medlab and putting guards next to your door!" I'm serious. As long as I don't know the extent of his new abilities he might be a danger to others and himself.

"Stop nagging," Marcus moans and lies back after the bandages are in place.

"I still need to check on that head wound," I continue to talk, trying to lure him into opening up to me. "I never knew Lennier is this strong."

"Minbari may look like us, but they aren't us," Marcus says, "I learned that the hard way during training."

While removing the bandages around his head I realize the Minbari healer did a good job tending to the injury. The wound has closed. "You can do without bandages, but be careful when showering, Marcus. I don't want the wound to open again."

"Understood."

"Marcus, have you noticed anything odd since the First One gave you his life-force?" I ask and whistle stunned while analysing the readings.

"Daft question!" Marcus says in a chiding tone. "Does reading someone's mind and emotions qualify as odd?"

"I guess it does." Pulling up a chair I free Marcus from the scanner and tell him to put on his turtle necked shirt.

"So what's the verdict? Am I going to live?" Marcus asks uncomfortably.

"This is only the first batch of tests, you realize that, don't you?" I lock eyes with him and as Marcus nods his head I continue, "The readings show unusual activity in certain parts of your brain. I can't explain why you're a telepath all of a sudden. You still lack the gene, but..."

"Yes?"

Marcus' legs dangle down the bed and his listless stare worries me. It's like he's expecting bad news. "You're my friend," I start, wondering how to tell him this, "and you need to know the truth."

"Stephen, just tell me!"

Marcus' voice sounds edgy and to a certain degree I understand what he's going through. "Your cell structure has changed."

"What does that mean? Is that bad?" Marcus says in a trembling tone.

He seeks out my eyes and I don't turn away. "I don't know exactly what it means, Marcus. I've never seen anything like it!"

"How will this changed cell structure affect me?" Marcus slowly gets to his feet and starts pacing the room.

I want to tell him to lie down again, but realize he's frustrated and maybe even afraid. "The energy readings increased dramatically. I expected the alien energy to destroy your cells, but it somehow found a way to adapt to them. I've never seen such cells before and together with your neural readings... I'm at a loss," I must admit and know it's frightening for a patient to hear a doctor say such a thing.

"What do you suggest I do?"

Marcus looks at me questioningly. Briefly I wonder about his mental state, but studying his eyes I dismiss my worries. His gaze is steadfast and determined. "I suggest you rest and try exploring these new abilities. You aren't a teep exactly... You're something new, something I've never seen before. I'll continue my research of course, but considering we're up against something completely alien I doubt I'll make very fast progress."

"That doesn't sound encouraging, Stephen," Marcus says and sits down on the exam bed again.

Only now I notice the dark circles underneath his eyes. "You're tired," I say and place a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. "I recommend you get a good night's sleep first before Delenn starts giving you the third degree."

"Can I at least go back to my quarters?" Marcus asks hopefully.

"No, do me a favor and stay? Just in case the readings change?" I plead in a soft tone. "And don't run off again. Garibaldi was rather pissed off the last time you managed to get to the docking bay. He stationed two of his guards in the corridor to make sure it doesn't happen again."

"Slipping through customs was way too easy," Marcus admits.

For the first time he actually smiles and that assures me he can deal with this situation. "Want me to send Susan through the moment she arrives?"

"That would be great, Stephen," Marcus replies and lies down.

"Tired?" Keeping an eye on Marcus I grab a blanket and cover him with it.

"Strangely enough, yes."

"Marcus, I want to ask you something... personal." I don't know whether this is a good idea, but my instincts tell me to pursue the hunch.

"Can't promise I'll answer," Marcus says and closes his eyes.

"What did you do to get through to Ivanova? I was convinced she would never let anyone in again and certainly not you... And I'm sorry about the different galaxies remark," I add apologetically.

"I told her I loved her..."

"And what else did you do?" I push, suddenly realizing Marcus won't tell me the whole truth.

Marcus opens his eyes and looks at me with a smug grin on his face. "I kissed her, Stephen."

"Bet that was something to see!" I admit and feel happy for both my friends. "It was about time you told her!" I say and remember Marcus thinking about Susan while the Vindrizi kept us prisoner.

"I know, Stephen. I just never had the courage to tell Susan, but after seeing her through the eyes of a First One... I don't know how to explain it," Marcus whispers, "I understood she was afraid to love me back. All I did was assure her it was all right to try again."

"I'll send her through," I promise and watch Marcus drift off into sleep. I need time to study all readings and the scans don't make any sense either. I only hope the alien energy in his cells doesn't start attacking the host.

"Stephen?"

Hearing Susan's voice I grin and gesture her to step inside my office for a moment. As she sits down I offer her some caff. "It's not coffee, but..."

"It'll do just fine," Susan says and accepts the hot mug. "You want to talk to me about Marcus?"

"Yes," I admit and sit down behind my desk. Pleasantly surprised I see the worried expression in her eyes. I was wrong after all about them being in different galaxies.

"Then spill it, Stephen," Susan says and cautiously sips from the hot caff.

"I'm puzzled," I admit and she raises an eyebrow questioningly. "You must understand that I've never seen anything like this before."

"Is he in danger?"

That's all that matters to her, I realize and smile warmly. Marcus, you lucky bastard! I chuckle privately. "I don't think so. Except from exhaustion I can't find anything wrong with him. I want to keep him here overnight, just to make sure he's fine. I'll release him in the morning. The reason I asked you in is... can you keep an eye on him? It's not like I'm going to confide him to bed, but he needs to take things slow."

"I'll check on him regularly," Susan promises, "What about his head wound?"

"As good as healed," I reassure her. "One more thing though, did you notice anything odd about him? The readings indicate he's capable of telepathy..."

Susan's eyes suddenly grow colder. "Only one thing. His eyes turned golden after we picked him up."

"Gold?" I repeat. "The alien energy inside his cells might have caused that."

"Is it true you're keeping Delenn out of Medlab?" Susan asks and places the now empty mug on the desk.

"Yes," I reply. "She can talk to him tomorrow. I want Marcus to rest first. I bet you want to see him," I add teasingly.

"What?" Susan says confused.

"Come on, Susan. I'm not blind. The way you look at him tells me enough. It was about time Marcus got through to you. I've had to listen to him whining since the Vindrizi..."

"So =that= was what you refused to tell me? Marcus admitting to you he's in love?" Susan exclaims.

"Yes," I confess, feeling a bit guilty. "Marcus told me he..." I try to remember his exact words, "that he sensed in you a key yet unturned and that he would love finding out what you're really like. Damn, that ranger has had a crush on you since he came here!"

Susan has grown quiet and as I lead her to Marcus' room I point the security guards out to her. "Michael wants to ensure Marcus can't escape a second time."

"Good old Michael," Susan whispers amused.

I open the door and step aside.

"Stephen, can I stay..."

"You can stay as long as you want to," I assure her and close the door with a grin.

Soldier of light part 16

This part is written from Marcus' point of view.

Waking up I immediately sense Susan's presence. She's sitting in a chair next to my bed, studying me. "Hello love," I say and return her smile. "Stephen thinks I actually might survive."

"You shouldn't joke about something this serious," Susan replies in an annoyed tone.

But her eyes sparkle with wild fire and reassure me everything is fine. "Have you been here long?" I ask, wondering how much time has passed.

"A few hours," she admits and shifts in the chair. "You told Stephen about the First One?"

"Yes, I had to," I explain, "The readings completely stunned our good doctor. Stephen didn't tell me how bad they really were, but I can read between the lines." Pushing myself in a sitting position I realize I feel a bit odd. Must be the energy transfer. "Did Delenn lure you into telling what

happened?" I enquire amused.

Susan looks a bit guilty as she nods her head. "That woman is hard to fool, damnit! She wouldn't accept no for an answer."

"What did you tell her?" Thirsty, I take a sip from the glass of water that Susan hands me. "You read my mind..." I say in a soft tone.

"Involuntarily," Susan admits, placing the now empty glass back on the table. "It's hard to block you, Marcus. You broadcast all over the place. You better stay away ay from Lyta and Psi Corps."

"Maybe you can teach me some techniques to hide my ability?" I suggest and offer her my hand, hoping she'll take it. She does and I love to rub my fingers over hers. They're so much smaller than mine.

"I doubt it," Susan says, "I never had any proper training. Your best shot might be locating this Lorien."

"Will you help me?" I ask, but read the answer in her mind.

//Of course I will,// she casts hesitantly.

"You have no idea how much it means to me that you accept me for who I am," I admit and lean forward to brush her knuckles with my lips.

//I've got a fairly good idea, Cole,// she casts.

//Yes, I guess you understand,// I reply and realize I have to take this slow. Susan is willing to share this ability with me, her thoughts, and her mind and I must let her set the pace in our relationship. "Get me out of here?" I ask pleadingly, "Medlab gives me the creeps."

"Not this time." Susan looks rather determined. "Stephen told you to stay here overnight and you will!"

"What are you going to do in the meantime?" I caress her face and wish she could stay here all night, but that would set off rumors and I know she wants to break the news of us being an item to the others personally.

"I'm going to take a =very, long, hot= shower," she whispers sensually.

"You're wicked, woman!" I accuse her and shiver receiving an image in which she's stroking moisturizer all over her soft body. A certain part of my body reacts to that image and I bite my lip, hoping Susan didn't catch the arousal in my mind.

"Having a =hard= time?" Susan says teasingly and gets up from her chair.

As she leans in closer I smell her fragrance. "You smell of roses," I whisper and give up fighting my response to her intoxicating closeness. I'm fully erect and it actually hurts, knowing she's this close and I can't do anything. Medlab has cameras all over the place.

"Just wait until I've got you all to myself!" I say in a tense tone and let go of a deep breath. Her hands move closer and as she slips one underneath the blanket I don't know whether to be shocked or ecstatic. //The cameras, love,// I warn her.

Her fingers rub my erection through the fabric and I wonder about this mysterious woman in front of me. Every time I think I've got her figured out she surprises me again. //Susan, don't,// I beg her, but my body has a different opinion and aches for her touch.

"I've got to go, Marcus," Susan says all of a sudden.

She squeezes my manhood one more time and then moves away from the bed. I've never seen such a wicked grin on her face.

"But we can continue this later once Stephen declares you 'fit' for more... stimulation."

My jaw drops and I stare at her in bewilderment. "You're not being fair! I'm stuck here and you..." Sulking, I do my best to make her feel sorry for me, which doesn't work of course.

"Didn't you once tell us that life and the universe weren't fair and that you took great comfort in that thought?"

Bugger! She's beating me at my own game, using my words against me. As she gives me one last smile I sense the desire in her mind and I know instinctively that she wants to take this one step further as well. I watch her leave the room and lean back into the pillows. This is going to be a sleepless night now that I can't stop thinking of the feel of her hands through the fabric of my trousers. Bugger, I want her!

Irritated with my lack of self-control I toss and turn for most of the night. Stephen drops by once and I pretend to be asleep as I'm not interested in chatting with him now. Stephen's unease at being unable to explain what's happened rubs off on me, and restless, I try concentrating on this strange energy inside of me.

What are its limits? What can I do using this energy? These are dangerous questions to ask, but I'll have to try finding out sooner or later.

Calling on all the meditation techniques Sech Turval taught me I focus my inner strength until I hear nothing and see nothing. My mind is blank and I struggle to keep it that way. My eyes are closed and yet all of a sudden an energy burst blinds me. What the hell?

//You aren't one of my children,// a voice says gently.

My eyes flash open and I pull away from whatever I have woken up. "Okay, back away from it," I tell myself, hoping I can pull it off. Staring at the walls of my room, I =know= I'm in Medlab, but a part of my mind seems to have stayed behind, attracted by that unknown voice.

//Don't be afraid,// the voice says in the same friendly tone, //I mean you no harm. I recognize you, but you're someone else... who are you?//

I panic and almost push the emergency button. Hearing voices is definitely a bad sign! //Who are you?// I reply in the same manner. Don't ask me how I do that, it just happens.

//Before I answer that question, tell me who you are and why I sense the power of one of my children inside your mind.//

The voice sounds determined and I wonder whether I can terminate this connection. I try concentrating on the voice, intent on severing the link, but I fail.

//Tell me. You can trust me, young one.//

//I don't have a choice, have I?// I reply a bit sarcastically.

//We always have a choice,// the voice says in a chiding tone.

I have to admit he's right. Yes, we always have a choice. //I'm Marcus Cole, a ranger,// I introduce myself hesitantly.

//A human?//

Disbelief colors the alien voice and I smile weakly. //I was... my doctor isn't that sure I still am 100% human, I think,// I reply half jokingly, half in despair.

//How did you gain these powers?// the voice wants to know.

This starts resembling an interrogation and although I'm not pressured in to answering I feel like I should. //I followed a crashed vessel down to the planet's surface... the being called itself a First One and decided I had to carry on its work. The next thing I know is it sending its energy through my body... and mind. Communicating like this is exhausting,// I add and close my eyes again. This time fine lines of gold and silver weave a delicate web in the pupils of my eyes. "This is just too weird," I whisper nervously.

//You feel tired because you aren't used to telepathy. A number of humans own this ability but only a few use it.//

"Thanks, I already knew that," I say aloud, remembering the cameras and grow silent. I don't want Stephen wondering whom I'm talking to. //You said you'd reveal your identity if I told you what you wanted to know, // I remind the entity, which has found a way into my mind.

//Yes, I did.//

Silence follows that remark and I grow worried it changed its mind. //Who are you?//

//A First One,// comes the answer in a subdued tone, //I'm much like you.//

//Like a human?// I question and my eyes start to burn from the effort to keep them open. I'm in Medlab, damnit, having a bloody conversation with... a fragment of my imagination as Susan would call it? Or is there something real out there, talking to me? I don't know any longer.

//No, I'm like the one who gave you his life-force... his name was Osha.//

I devour that information. //What's your name?// I press on.

//I'm Lorien.//

I immediately recognize that name. //It... Osha told me to find you, that you'd help me and I =need= your help,// I start raving, desperate holding on to this connection.

//This is unexpected,// Lorien says.

I sense his surprise. It's true. He appears to be baffled, at least that's the impression I'm getting. //Will you help me?//

The silence grows dark and I realize he's thinking this over. //Please, I don't know how to control these abilities!//

//That is true,// Lorien agrees.

The wonder of hearing this mind voice is slowly vanishing and it almost feels normal to sense Lorien's words. //I'm bad luck, Lorien,// I say, trying to convince him, //I need guidance... //

A sigh floats in to my mind and I sense he's giving in. //Where are you?// I want to know, trying to figure out how long it will take him to reach Babylon 5.

//Zha'ha'dum,// Lorien replies and chuckles softly. //Young one, time and distance mean little to a First One as you will soon discover. It has been eons since I tutored a student. I'm too old for this.//

//No, you're not!// I object. As the chuckling continues I feel at a loss.

//I will teach you everything you need to know, but you're not allowed to tell anyone about my existence. My presence must remain a secret. It's too soon to reveal myself to the humans onboard your station. Do you vow to keep my secret?//

//I do,// I quickly promise. I'll do anything he asks as long as he shows me how to handle my abilities. //How long before you'll arrive at the station?//

//Not long.//

I'm about to ask for clarification as a ball of light appears near the doorway. It resembles the energy that engulfed me during Osha's death. Being able to name the First One at last feels strange. The light dies and a kind of humanoid form appears. Lorien's kind eyes suddenly stare back at me and I swallow hard, sensing the ancient power hidden inside his apparent fragile body.

"I'm Lorien and you must be Marcus."

Lorien cocks his head and I'm speechless. Eventually I slowly nod my head, overwhelmed by the power he emanates.

"Good," Lorien says apparently pleased, "I think we will get along nicely."

Soldier of light part 17

This part is written from Lorien's point of view.

Osha's death comes very unexpected indeed. I didn't feel his passing, but now that I stare in to this human's eyes I sense Osha's energy. Why did Osha do this? There was no reason to burden this human with such power. Osha must have had a reason and I need to find out what it was.

"What do you want to do next?" the human asks, quickly slipping back in to normal speech.

"Your name is Marcus?" I enquire. I could take the information from his mind, but that might scare him and a human going berserk while owning the powers of a First One is definitely a bad idea. I need to befriend him first and yes, train him.

"Yes, Marcus Cole," he replies in a hesitant tone.

"Do you feel more comfortable using speech instead of telepathy?" I walk over the bed and understand that he has been wounded during the energy transfer, but I recognize the potential within his mind. Osha chose well.

"Honestly? Yes. This telepathy thing gives me the creeps," Marcus admits and shifts restlessly in bed.

"You'll grow used to it," I promise and quickly study his present condition.

His body is healing fast, recharging as we speak. "There's no reason for you to remain in this medical facility."

"Finally someone who agrees with me!" Marcus says in a somewhat wavering tone and I wonder about his pleased tone.

"Come with me. I can't teach you the things you need to know here on the station. The chance of recovery is too great," I instruct and wait for him to get to his feet. Thankfully I studied the younger races and now I'm at an advantage, as he doesn't know much about the First Ones.

It's been eons since I had to train my children in the use of their powers and I'm not sure what the extent of Marcus' abilities are. Osha always was very strong; as he was the first child I created. If Marcus inherited all those powers... I better train him well. If he wreaks havoc I'll have to stop him.

Marcus manages to get to his feet and now looks at me expectantly.

“We'll leave for Za'Ha'Dum where we'll find the peace and quiet we need," I inform him and immediately sense his unease. "You don't want to leave the station, I understand, but there is no other way."

"Can I at least say good-bye?" he asks forlorn.

I take a moment to consider his question. "You can't tell anyone where you're going or with whom you're leaving," I remind him, "You worry about... Susan Ivanova?" I read the name in his mind and Marcus nods his head once.

"She would never forgive me if I left without telling her," he admits and looks at the floor.

My heart goes out to him. The one thing my children lacked was emotions. They didn't care about the races and acted rashly, never considering the consequences of their actions. Marcus is different and suddenly I look forward to showing him our ways.

"You may leave a telepathic message which she'll receive once we have left the station," I offer Marcus who immediately smiles relieved.

"Thank you," he whispers.

And then I sense another name in his mind. This human has a lot of ties to others. That will help him see the truth when using his powers. Hope springs from my heart. Can it be that Osha chose this human because of his ability to care for others? Because Marcus is willing to sacrifice his life for the good of others?

We live and die for the One... that thought clings to Marcus which every breath he takes and makes me feel humble for the first time in eons. "Who is this Stephen Franklin?" I ask, watching his reaction. He might lay down his life for the One, for Delenn, but at this moment his friends come first.

"Stephen is in charge of Medlab, a doctor," Marcus says and smiles. "A pain in the arse really. A nag who enjoys torturing me with medical scanners, but... he will kill me in case I sneak out of Medlab again."

I pick up on a thought in his mind. "Why don't you write him a note? As this Stephen Franklin is incapable of telepathy, this might be the best way to inform him."

Marcus walks over to the desk in the corner of the room and picks up his medical file. After finding a blank piece of paper he starts writing.

Curious, I move closer and watch over his shoulder. I want to know everything about this human.

#Stephen, I'm sorry to leave Medlab this way, but believe me when I say that this is the best for all of us. Hopefully I'll be back shortly. Please keep a close eye on Susan for me. Marcus.#

"Are you ready to say good-bye to Susan Ivanova?" I ask as he places the note on the bed. His heart is troubled and I feel the urge to comfort him. "Time has little meaning to us, Marcus. They'll hardly notice you were ever gone."

Shivering, Marcus looks me in the eyes.

"Everything will be all right in the end," I add and rest a hand on his arm.

"Now what?" Marcus asks in a trembling tone.

"Let me do this and don't resist." I take us to Ivanova's quarters whose future has changed as well. I saw her in a vision, alone, crying and terribly bitter because life hadn't given her a second chance. Looking up I suddenly realize what Marcus' original role was in this eternal game. That

part has also changed. He won't have to die in order to save her life...

Much has been altered by Osha's gift. Marcus is no longer human and I wonder whether he also inherited Osha's ability to foresee the future.

"We're in Susan's quarters," Marcus whispers shocked and turns around.

His eyes are big and I smile reassuringly. "She can't hear or see us."

Susan Ivanova is soundly asleep, resting safely in her bed. I notice the longing in Marcus' mind and cock my head to closely observe him. Love is the greatest gift mortals will ever receive.

Only those whose lives are brief can cherish the illusion that love is eternal. That thought makes me melancholy and I say, "What do you want to say to her? I'll make sure she receives that message after we've left," I promise.

Marcus takes a step closer to the bed and strokes back some stray locks. Leaving her behind is hard on him, but once he understands his limitless powers he can return here... if he wants to. There's so much pain ahead of him. She's mortal... Marcus isn't.

"I want her to know that I love her," Marcus starts and leans forward to kiss her lips.

Susan stirs in her sleep, sensing his presence, but I make sure she doesn't wake up. "Continue," I say and watch them.

"I don't want leave you, love," Marcus whispers and his voice shakes with emotion, "But I need to understand what it means to possess these powers. I'll return, I promise. I asked Stephen to keep an eye on you, so you won't take your frustration out on the others. I love you."

"She knows you love her. I sense that truth in her mind," I say, trying to alleviate Marcus' sadness.

Marcus steps back and his expression changes. Resolved, he locks eyes with me. "I'm ready to go," Marcus says and this time his voice is perfectly calm.

//Then your training starts now. Pay close attention,// I instruct and show him an image of Za'Ha'Dum.

Marcus shivers. "I hate spiders," he remarks.

//Use telepathy to talk to me,// I order.

//I'll try.//

Pleased with Marcus' reply I place my hand on his shoulder. //Travel with me,// I invite him and take us to my hiding place deep beneath the surface of the planet where I will one day meet John Sheridan to show him the way back to Babylon 5. But that's in the future and I need to focus on the present.

Marcus' essence stirs uneasy next to my mind and I realize this experience frightens him. I keep forgetting that he wasn't born with these gifts.

//Traveling this way will become normal to you, Marcus. You must use the power of your mind to force yourself a way through the universe. It will become second nature to you.//

//I doubt that,// Marcus replies shocked.

As we arrive at Za'Ha'Dum I register the Shadows' restlessness. Maybe they noticed I've awakened. Most First Ones are still asleep.

Marcus takes in his surroundings and draws his cloak closer to his body like he feels cold.

//Show me more about this ranger training you absorbed,// I command and gesture him to sit down on the rocks next to me.

Surprised, he stares at the sudden fire burning in the center of the room and I probe the extent of his powers. He's already gaining power as we speak.

"How?" Marcus says, lapsing back to speech.

I let him, starting to understand how hard this is on him. //Open your mind to me,// I instruct in a gentle tone. //I want to help, remember?//

//Yes,// Marcus admits and rubs his temples, //I'll try.//

As his mind sweeps open I carefully slip inside, taking Marcus back with me in to the past. //Who is this?//

//Sech Turval,// Marcus replies and a wicked grin appears on his face, //and his rod.//

//You learned discipline and compassion,// I compliment him, but then stumble over dark emotions, guilt and anger.

//I don't want to go there,// Marcus says pleadingly.

He tries backing away from these memories, but I can't let him. I don't want to force him to face this, but... Maybe I can persuade him. //Marcus, listen to me.// I catch his gaze. // This darkness in your mind will lure you in to abusing your powers. I can't allow that to happen.//

Sitting close to him I sense the turmoil in his mind. Thus far he managed to avoid facing this issue, but it's too dangerous to ignore. //Why do you feel guilty?//

Marcus swallows hard as she stares at the ground.

This is obviously hard on him. //Trust me,// I say and wait patiently for him to speak up.

Suddenly Marcus gets to his feet and takes to pacing the cave. I watch him closely, hoping I'll find a way to banish the darkness from his mind. Marcus is too powerful, too dangerous to let loose on the universe the way he is now. If necessary I'll have to terminate his existence.

Soldier of light part 18, the end.

This part is written from Marcus' POV.

“Part of the heart goes dead,” I say melancholy, “It’s best to leave it that way.”

“You don’t really believe that,” Lorien counters, “Why else yearn for Ivanova’s love? Maybe you only need a little reassurance to try again.”

I ponder his words and I wonder how we got sidetracked this quickly. A moment ago we were addressing William and Arisia.

“I spoke those words a year ago when I first arrived at Babylon 5 and I’m still not sure I can dismiss them. What do =you= do when the people you love die?” I ask the First One. Something tells me he recognizes the pain and perhaps even knows the answer. “You must be ancient,” I say hesitantly, “How =do= you deal with it?”

“By seeing the spark of love in all living things around me,” Lorien replies in a soft tone. “Everything alive is connected by energy. Once that extinguishes the soul moves on. In the end we will be reunited.”

“I don’t understand,” I say, honestly trying to grasp this concept. “How can you stand being alone?”

“I’m not alone, young one.” Lorien smiles reassuringly. “Look inside your mind, your heart and soul. You will find the truth there. Do you posses the courage to face that truth?”

“What truth?” I start pacing the cave again. Lorien makes no sense and I’m getting frustrated.

“William Cole still lives on in your heart, so does Hasina and all the others you lost.”

Lorien rises and crosses the distance quickly. As he places his hand on my shoulder I shiver slightly. The power, the wisdom he radiates is overwhelming.

“Is there life after death?” I suddenly ask, wondering how the hell I got involved in this philosophical debate. Looking in to his eyes I see compassion.

“I cannot supply you with these answers,” he says after momentarily considering my question. “Only you can find them.”

Despondent I shake my head. “I don’t know how.”

<No,> Lorien casts, <The truth is that you are afraid to find out and fear can be your undoing.>

Warning echoes in his voice and I know he’s right. I’m too dangerous to run amok with these powers I now possess. <Show me what to do?>

<The Minbari taught you how to center yourself and to look within your soul. That’s all you’ve got to do, Marcus.>

Wavering, I nod my head. I must learn the extent of my powers and ways to control them if I ever want to return to Babylon 5… to Susan.

<I will leave you alone so you can focus on your aim. I will remain close by though. Should you need me, I will be here,> Lorien assures me and then walks out of the cave.

I sit down cross-legged, no longer in denial about what Osha did to me. I’m part First One. No, most part of me is First One. Concentrating on my inner voice, -as Sech Turval calls it,- I dive in to my mind in a way I never experienced before and for the first time I become aware of this always present energy that surrounds the universe. Lorien is right, we are all connected in a way, but…

There is something more important I need to find out right now and I press on. As I think back to the day William died I suddenly find myself on Arisia in his presence. Willie is smiling at and I pinch my eyes to block out the blinding sun. This feels startling real.

“Are you dead?” I ask, wondering what has happened. Did I cross a forbidden bridge and did I end up… in the land of the dead?

“What a daft question, Marc! Of course I’m dead!” Willie grins as his words swim through my mind.

“Marcus... Marc, buddy, what have you done to yourself? Wallowing in self-pity, never making a pass at Ivanova! Look at you! It took a bloody First One and a crazed Minbari warrior to get things rolling!" Willie shakes his head in dismay. "And now you go around telling people part of your heart is dead? Daft bugger! I thought the Minbari taught you how to handle life!" Willie shakes his head in dismay

“Willie, it’s so good to hear your voice again,” I whisper and reach for him. My hand passes right through him and shocked I step back. “What?”

“I need to put this on crystal,” Willie comments amused, “I’m =dead=, Marc.”

“Hum, sorry about that… your death was my fault,” I awkwardly apologize.

“No, it wasn’t,” William states determined, “The Shadows killed me.”

“Willie,” I start, but then realize the truth in his words. Why the hell did I tear myself up about something I had no say in?

“Ah, you finally understand! Took you long enough!” William states.

Perplexed, I notice his appearance fade away. “What’s happening to you?”

“Time is up, Marc. Need to go back now.”

“Back where?”

“Somewhere you can’t follow yet,” Willie says, smiling one last time, “But maybe once you understand your powers we can speak again.”

As unexpectedly as he appeared William vanishes again. Shaking my head to clear my thoughts I’m suddenly surrounded by vast space. I never before noticed the serenity clinging to it. The universe is at peace and somehow it seeps in to my mind, my soul.

<You are a fast learner.>

I immediately identify Lorien’s thoughts and as I want to turn around I realize I no longer own a body. <Lorien?> I ask afraid, <Where the hell is my body?>

<You can manipulate matter and as you reached out in to space your energy adjusted to its environment.>

I know Lorien is close, but except from his thoughts I have no evidence I’m not alone. <What else can I do?>

<What would you like to do?>

William mentioned a crazed Minbari and for a moment I thought he was referring to Neroon, but then I realize I still don’t know what happened to me during those 6 days and where did that neural receptor come from?

<Can I travel back in time?> Asking that question I quaver, starting to realize what it means to have the powers of a First One.

<Why don’t you try?>

Lorien’s answers still irritate me, but I know why he’s doing it. To make me understand my limitations. I think back to my mission, Delenn’s order to eliminate Shitaro and suddenly I’m standing in a cell.

And then it all starts coming back to.

Shitaro captured me, never questioning me only confining me to this cell until they dragged me away for surgery. <Surgery? Is Shitaro responsible for me trying to end Delenn’s life?> I don’t even expect Lorien to answer me. I don’t need his guidance at this point as my mind picks up a conversation Shitaro had with Shakiri, promising to rid him off the half-breed. Infuriated, I retreat.

<That was a wise thing to do,> Lorien praises me, <Anger can make you lash out. You would not only have killed Shitaro but also his crew… and the one guard who wanted to help you.>

<Hirano,> I remember his name and wish I could thank him, but I understand why I need to hide my presence. <We are watchers, not doers,> I realize.

<You are right again,> Lorien casts pleased. <Maybe you can return to the station sooner than I thought.>

<I can return to Babylon 5 whenever I want to,> I know instinctively. <Or do you have the power to stop me?> I pause briefly and already know his answer. <No, something tells me I better don’t try finding out!>

<You have humor. I like that,> Lorien chuckles, <But, what are you going to do about Shitaro?>

I sense that his question is some sort of test I need to pass. <I will tell Delenn he tried to assassinate her. This is a Minbari matter.>

<You are not going to extract personal revenge?> Lorien asks.

<No,> I reply, uncertain why I said that. <That would mean abusing my powers, wouldn’t it?>

<Yes, it would,> Lorien says pleased.

<Lorien?> I visualize the cave beneath the planet’s surface where Lorien took me and within seconds we’re back. Looking down my body I feel confused. <What will my life be like from this moment on?>

<=You= choose your destiny, Marcus. We all do. You have to make a few decisions. No one ever has to know what powers you possess. You can pick up your life where you left off,> Lorien points out.

<Can I use my powers to help others?>

Lorien nods his head once. <But do not use them for personal gain, or to satisfy your anger or hate. It will backfire on you.>

Locking eyes with the ancient being I smile. It’s a genuine smile, coming from the heart as I feel content and at peace. <I want to spend the rest of my life with Susan.>

<And thanks to Osha’s gift you will,> Lorien says.

I briefly grasp an image of Susan being mortally wounded and I’m restoring her life force.

<You were right too,> I cast, <My heart isn’t dead any longer and although I will be torn apart the day Susan dies, I know that’s the way it has to be. She will always live in my heart and so will the others.>

<Then return to the station and reclaim your love.>

That’s the last thing I hear as Lorien sends me home. Home at last.

The end

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