Title: The Sweetest Temptation

Author: Morgana
Author’s Email: morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Web page: http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon

Pairings: Hephaistion/Cassander (Hephaistion/Alexander mentioned)

Rating: PG-13
Summary: Hephaistion and Cassander are forced to rely on each other in difficult circumstances and both men learn to look beneath the other man’s exterior. What they find is something special -- at least that is what Cassander thinks. But then reality hits hard.

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement is intended.

Warning: AU of course.

Beta read by Patricia and DA, thanks sweeties!

Additional note: this is not my normal kind of Hephaistion. Don’t know why the muse insisted on this ending!!

All remaining mistakes are mine.

The Sweetest Temptation

Hephaistion saw it happen, but was unable to stop things from happening.  He was one of the men closest to Cassander and immediately pressed his heels into his mare’s flank to steer her closer to Cassander’s horse. A sword was raised, thrust forward, and slashed through Cassander’s left shoulder before it got stuck lodged deep inside the flesh.

Cassander’s face contorted as he cursed himself for letting down his guard. He had been focused on Hephaistion’s squadron, which had joined his men. He had been about to call out to the General to devise an attack plan when his opponent made good use of the fact that he was distracted. Pain made him twist his body into a grotesque form and he clung to the saddle. If he took a fall, the injury would grow even more serious. And it hurt… It hurt terribly. He had already carried away his fair share of battle injuries, but this was bad.

Hephaistion charged forward and attacked. During the fight, the enemy withdrew his sword from Cassander’s shoulder to defend himself against Hephaistion. But Hephaistion suddenly changed direction when Cassander’s horse startled and broke out into a gallop. The horse took Cassander away from the troops and into a forest that was situated to the right of the clearing where the battle was currently taking place.

Cassander did his best to remain in the saddle and tried steering his horse back to the troops, but the stallion refused to respond to his commands and took him even deeper into the forest. He bit on his lower lip, gnashed his teeth, and buried his fingernails in the leather of the saddle. He had to focus on staying on the horse’s back. If he took a fall, he would add even more injuries to his shoulder wound.

Following Cassander into the forest, Hephaistion sheathed his sword and concentrated on reading the tracks Cassander’s horse had left. He couldn’t afford to lose track of them. Suddenly a sharp scream echoed through the forest and he heard a loud thump…but then… everything was eerily silent.

To his right, Cassander’s horse appeared without its rider and Hephaistion feared the worst had happened, namely that Cassander had fallen off of his horse. He caught the horse’s reins and forced the stallion to follow him. A few moments later, he also found the rider, who now lay crumbled on the forest floor. Cassander must have lost his hold and had then tumbled forward, landing hard on the earth. “Stay,” Hephaistion addressed his trusted mare and then dismounted. He quickly made his way over to where Cassander lay and gently turned the other man over so he could take in the gravity of the injury.

Hephaistion hissed. Cassander had only lain on the ground for a few minutes, but already a large pool of blood had formed beneath the injured man. Suddenly he realized that they were quite isolated since they had drifted away from the troops. For now, the fighting would go on without them and once Alexander realized he was missing, his lover would send out search troops. He had to abandon all thoughts of fighting and concentrate on helping Cassander. The other man was unconscious and depended on Hephaistion to take care on him.

Scanning his surroundings, Hephaistion found a suitable shelter nearby. Some trees standing close to each other formed a natural barrier between them and potential enemies. That only left him with the problem of getting Cassander into safety. Briefly, he considered the idea of dragging Cassander over there, but that would only aggravate the shoulder injury. The best thing would be if he carried Cassander the distance. Hephaistion slipped his hands beneath Cassander’s shoulders and knees and slowly lifted him. The long, rather thin man didn’t present a huge burden for the comparatively strong Hephaistion and he took the injured man into safety.

Once Hephaistion had lowered Cassander back onto the forest floor again, he removed Cassander’s helmet. Long, auburn hair spilled out from beneath the helmet and formed a halo around Cassander’s face. Hephaistion couldn’t help but smile. Cassander looked young and strangely innocent as he lay there. But then Hephaistion took action and headed for his mare. From his saddle bags, he retrieved a water skin and returned to Cassander’s side. He placed it on the ground for the time being and started to undo the fastenings of Cassander’s armor. He pushed the fabric that hid beneath it aside and hissed at seeing the severity of the wound. It was an ugly wound, long and deep and would cause Cassander a lot of pain once he woke up again.

Hephaistion ripped some fabric from his cloak and poured water over it. He then leaned in closer and began to clean the wound. He prayed to Apollo that Cassander would stay unconsciousness for that would spare the other man some pain.

The gods seemed to grant his prayer and Cassander remained unconsciousness during the clean up. Hephaistion disposed of the now dirty fabric and ripped another strip from his cloak. Since the wound was relatively clean, he needed to keep it that way. Alexander’s search troops would come for them quickly and then a physician could treat Cassander’s wound.

Hephaistion pulled Cassander upright and helped the young man lean against him as he bandaged the injured shoulder. Once he was done, Hephaistion lowered Cassander back onto the ground again and covered the injured man with what remained of his cloak. He then left Cassander’s side to hide the horses from view. There was still a chance that their enemy would see the tracks and come for them. Since the horses were hidden in the thicket, Hephaistion sat down next to Cassander. He rested a hand on Cassander’s brow and hoped the other man wouldn’t become feverish, but there was a chance that the wound would get infected and then fever would start. Hopefully Alexander would find them before that happened.

Cassander moved his head and Hephaistion’s fingertips slid across the injured man’s brow. Leaning in closer, Hephaistion studied Cassander’s features. Although they had grown up and studied together, he had never really understood Cassander. Cassander seemed harsh, cruel, distant, and cold, but Hephaistion had always wondered if that wasn’t just a front. There was something about the other man that made him wonder. “I am here and I will take care of you. Don’t worry,” Hephaistion whispered softly in the hope that it would register with the sleeping man and thus sooth him.

~~~

Cassander blinked and groaned in pain. His shoulder felt like it was on fire and he was afraid to move even an inch. He opened his eyes fully and blinked again. He was on the grass beneath a tree and there was something draped over his body. Unwilling to move since he wanted to avoid increasing the pain, he had to satisfy himself with just looking about. That was when he realized he wasn’t alone. Hephaistion was looking at him with a strange look in his eyes. “What…happened?” His voice sounded raw and he felt too weak to lift a hand, let alone push himself into a sitting position.

Hephaistion made certain that his voice sounded calm when he said, “You were injured during the last fight and your horse took off. I followed you and found you lying on the forest floor. Did your horse throw you off or did you fall?”

Cassander swallowed heavily. Why did it have to be Hephaistion to go after him?

“Cassander?” Hephaistion frowned in concern. Why wasn’t Cassander answering him? “Do you remember what happened?”

“I fell,” Cassander whispered and then closed his eyes again. The pain in his shoulder was getting worse and he needed to control the agony so it wouldn’t show on his face.

Hephaistion inched a little closer. “Alexander will quickly realize we are gone and will send search troops. It is only a matter of hours before they will find us.” Cassander’s features were tense and lines of pain showed on the injured man’s brow. “Cassander? How much pain are you in?” He wished he had some medicine that would reduce Cassander’s suffering.

“Not much.” Cassander forced himself to appear relaxed. Ever since he had been a toddler, his father had told him to always hide his pain – to ignore it and deny it existed. Cassander had learned the lesson well and would never willingly admit how much pain he was in. He had been taught to be self-reliant and never depend on a caregiver.

“Don’t lie,” Hephaistion whispered, torn between growing angry with Cassander and feeling a deep sympathy. Alexander was like that too. His lover would rather suffer in silence then ask him for help. “That is a grave wound. You are entitled to being in pain.” Cassander’s eyes opened and glared at him, but Hephaistion easily read the underlying pain in them. “You should try to move as little as possible.” He uncapped the water skin and let some drops flow into Cassander’s mouth. “You need the water.”

Cassander wanted to decline the offer, but Hephaistion hadn’t left him any choice. Reluctantly, he swallowed. “You don’t have to stay…” He wasn’t certain he wanted Hephaistion to stay…but he didn’t want him to leave either. He had always craved Hephaistion’s attention, but had also long accepted that the two of them would never be friends. Alexander disliked him – always had – and therefore Hephaistion didn’t like him either. Cassander however had liked Hephaistion – had always liked the other man’s loyalty, intelligence, and humor. He had cursed Alexander when he had realized where Hephaistion’s loyalty lay and, in order to keep himself from getting hurt or from being perceived as vulnerable, he had built a cold exterior, hiding behind sniping remarks and glares. And that was exactly what he did at the moment when he glared at Hephaistion. “I can do without it.”

“I am trying to help you,” Hephaistion said as he arched an eyebrow questioningly. “I left our troops to make sure you are safe. I actually left Alexander’s side. Do you know how rare that is?” Cassander seemed incredibly ungrateful. Even Cassander had to understand that he didn’t leave Alexander’s side easily.

“You didn’t have to…come after me…” Cassander felt weak and wanted to close his eyes and return to sleep, but that would admit being feeble in front of Hephaistion and he would never do that. His father would scold him at the very least should he show his vulnerability in a situation like this. “I didn’t force you…to leave…your precious…Alexander.” He caved in and closed his eyes again.

Hephaistion frowned at the derogatory tone that accompanied the remark. “You really don’t like me, do you?” He knew it wasn’t the perfect time to discuss their antipathy, but Cassander had evoked that question. Cassander’s reaction baffled him. The injured man laughed coldly and then gasped due to the pain that tormented his shoulder. Why had Cassander laughed that bitterly?

“I don’t want to discuss this…” Cassander could feel himself faint. In the distance he heard Hephaistion apologizing for bringing it up before darkness drowned him.

“Sleep now,” Hephaistion said and studied Cassander’s tired expression. “You can fight me all you want, I won’t walk away.” He wasn’t like that. He would look after the other man, even though Cassander didn’t want to be looked after.

~~~

During the next few hours, Hephaistion’s fears came true. Infection settled in the wound and fever formed in Cassander’s body. He regularly rested his hand on Cassander’s brow to check for fever and he was under the impression that it continued to grow higher. Sweat formed on Cassander’s skin as the injured man’s body tried to fight the infection. He did the only thing he could do: he cleaned the wound again and wet Cassander’s lips with water. “Alexander, you are taking too long.” A look at the horizon showed him that the sun was setting. Evening was setting in and Hephaistion wasn’t sure Alexander would send out search troops when it was already dark. That meant they might have to spend the night in the forest.

The temperature was already dropping and cold seeped up through the ground and tried to invade their bones. The cold presented a danger for Cassander and Hephaistion realized he had to find a way to keep the injured man warm during the night. He looked over at his horse and considered the content of his saddle bags, but knew there was nothing in them that would help keep them warm. He could build a fire, but he didn’t want to do that because the light could also attract the enemy. They might have scattered and fled into the forest. He had to lay low until he saw the search troops.

Cassander moved about restlessly. His head lolled from right to left and the lips moved as if he was talking, but no sound left them. Hephaistion’s worries increased since they had to spend the night in the cold wood. He had really hoped that they would be safe back in the encampment by nightfall.

Hephaistion did the only sensible thing and lay down next to Cassander. He stretched out onto his side and curled himself around the injured man. The only way to keep Cassander warm was to use his own body heat. Hephaistion gently raised Cassander’s head, slid an arm beneath it, and then moved closer again. He had never been this close to Cassander and so it was the first chance he had to *really* study Cassander’s face. Relaxed in sleep, the features were soft and oddly boyish. Cassander looked much younger than he was…

Cassander inched closer, instinctively trying to get closer to the source of heat close to him and his eyes opened briefly. A smile formed on his face at finding Hephaistion close. The fever now had a tight grip on him and in his delirious state he thought that it was nothing more than a dream – a very sweet dream.

The expression in Cassander’s eyes made Hephaistion wonder. The chill, distance, and hatred in the blue eyes were gone and instead a warm, loving expression had appeared. Or was it nothing more than the fever playing tricks on him? Yes, it had to be the fever. “They will find us. We must be patient.”

Hephaistion’s words didn’t really register with Cassander. All he was aware of was Hephaistion’s eyes, the other man’s closeness, and the fact that Hephaistion wasn’t looking at him with that cool expression in his eyes. “Hephaistion,” he whispered the other man’s name in a caring tone. He raised a shaky hand and managed to caress Hephaistion’s face. Touching Hephaistion like that just once had always been a fantasy of his. He didn’t crave Hephaistion because he was Alexander’s lover. He didn’t feel exactly jealous either. It was more exact to say that he felt disappointed and disillusioned. He *knew* that he didn’t have a chance to win Hephaistion’s heart. That heart had always belonged to Alexander and it always would, but Cassander would have made a hellish pact with Hades if it meant he could make love with Hephaistion just once.

Cassander’s reaction baffled Hephaistion, who was too stunned too pull away when Cassander caressed his face. He had never expected for that to happen and he contributed it to the fact that Cassander was feverish. “Try to rest. I will stay and keep you warm. Don’t worry. Just try to sleep. Close your eyes, Cassander.” Cassander gave him an adoring smile and he chalked the reaction up to the fever once more. Cassander didn’t like him. As a matter of fact, Hephaistion was convinced that Cassander hated him with a passion. It seemed only the fever had enabled them to form a truce and for that, Hephaistion *did* feel grateful. Maybe this was his chance to befriend Cassander after all. Hephaistion was someone who wanted to get along with all Companions and Cassander *was* one of the few that Alexander had gathered around him. Alexander trusted Cassander, but only to a certain degree.

Cassander lacked the strength to stay awake much longer and drifted off into sleep again, but not before thanking the gods for granting him this lovely dream.

~~~

In the midst of the night, Cassander began to move about restlessly. The motion woke Hephaistion, who had unwillingly fallen asleep as well. Hephaistion had wanted to keep watch, but in the end, fatigue had gotten the better of him. “Cassander? What’s wrong?” Hephaistion studied the feverish expression in Cassander’s eyes, which had opened again. Cassander however, didn’t seem to register his presence.

“Won’t…dis…appoint…you…will do…as you…say…will make you…proud…father.” Cassander tried to move away from Hephaistion, but the strong arms tightened around him and he panicked. “Didn’t do…anything wrong…I promise!”

Cassander’s distressed tone worried Hephaistion and he tried to sooth the injured man. “I know you didn’t do anything wrong. You are safe here with me. Please calm down.” This time, his words did have some effect and Cassander calmed down. The feverish eyes looked into his and Hephaistion tried to radiate calm and safety. “You should try to sleep and not worry.” Before he knew what was happening, Hephaistion was pulled closer until Cassander could press his lips against his. Hephaistion’s eyes widened, but he didn’t pull away and allowed the kiss, which was caring and curious in its nature. Hephaistion felt curious in turn. Why would Cassander kiss him?

“Hephaistion…”

Hearing Cassander whisper his name told Hephaistion that the injured man knew very well whom he was kissing, but it didn’t answer the question on why. “Cassander? Go back to sleep.” Cassander gave him a pleased smile and it didn’t resemble the mocking grin Cassander had given him so often in the past. This smile was open, warm, and adoring. What a strange thing!

Cassander’s eyes closed, but the smile didn’t leave his features. For the first time since Hephaistion had known him, Cassander actually looked happy. Hephaistion was left with even more questions and continued to stare probingly at Cassander during the rest of the night. There was Cassander’s strange reaction to him to consider – the kiss – and then Cassander’s words which he had uttered earlier. They had probably been meant for Antipater, Cassander’s father. Antipater ruled in Alexander’s stead and his family had some legal rights to the throne, which made Cassander a prince and eligible for occupying the throne. Hephaistion had always assumed that fact was part of the reason why Alexander disliked Cassander as much as he did.

Cassander lay close to him and seemed relaxed in his sleep at the moment. He didn’t know why dreaming of his father had upset Cassander so greatly and Hephaistion wondered about the relationship between father and son. Antipater was a harsh man who liked power, who craved it, and he wondered what it had been like for Cassander to grow up in such a household. And then, later on, Cassander had been sent to study with the rest of the noble men’s sons. Cassander had never really fit in. He had been different and the children had immediately picked up on it. Hephaistion however had never been able to say why Cassander was different. Cassander had always been distant and arrogant, that much was true, but many of the Companions would describe Alexander as arrogant too and yet, he had been readily admitted and even worshipped. As Hephaistion looked at Cassander, he wondered just what was different about Cassander now.

~~~

“Hephaistion, we crushed them! Hephaistion, where are you?” Alexander looked about in search for Hephaistion and threw his blood-stained helmet onto the ground. Bagoas was already filling up the bathtub and stood ready to serve him, but Alexander waved him away. He needed to talk to Hephaistion first. “Cleitus, where’s Hephaistion?”

Cleitus, who had been talking to a guard, entered the King’s tent and shrugged his shoulders once. “The last time I saw him he was covering your back. I don’t know what happened after that. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I have seen him return to camp.”

“Check on him, Cleitus! I want him accounted for! And when you find him, tell him I want to see him as quickly as possible.” Alexander felt edgy since he didn’t know about Hephaistion’s whereabouts. “Find him for me, Cleitus!”

Although he didn’t particularly like carrying out that order, Cleitus couldn’t ignore a direct command and left in search of Hephaistion.

~~~

Hephaistion was worried for Cassander’s well-being by the time the sun began to rise again. Cassander was burning up with fever and had started to mumble unintelligibly some time ago. He forced some droplets of water past Cassander’s lips and then wondered what to do. They needed food and even more importantly more water if Alexander’s search troops didn’t find them shortly.

He began to move away from Cassander, but suddenly the injured man reached for him and closed his fingers around his wrist. For someone so weak and feverish, Cassander still possessed amazing strength and Hephaistion decided against freeing himself with force. That would only add to Cassander’s already grave injury.

“Stay…” Cassander whispered pleadingly. “Please…stay…” At this point, he was fully convinced he was dealing with a very vivid dream. His fever had made him lose touch with reality and he assumed this dream-Hephaistion was something his desire had conjured and he would disappear the moment he woke from his dreams. “Don’t go…” He had waited so long to have Hephaistion close!

Hephaistion conceded and settled down again. Cassander’s hold on his wrist loosened and then the hand slipped down, suddenly going limp. “Cassander? Why do you want me to stay? I know you don’t like me. You never kept your dislike a secret.”

Cassander blinked. His dream-Hephaistion had it all wrong! “No…that’s wrong!”

Hephaistion decided it would be best to sooth Cassander. Getting agitated would only worsen his weakened state. “I was wrong then.”

Cassander didn’t want to talk anymore – he wanted to touch instead. He gathered his remaining strength and raised a hand. He slid the fingers into Hephaistion’s mane and twirled a lock around his finger. He had always wanted to do that and now, in this dream, he had finally gotten his way. “I don’t feel…well,” he choked out.

“You lost a large amount of blood, Cassander. You are bound to feel weak.” He had to check on the wound in a moment, but he stalled, preferring for Cassander to be asleep when he did so. He hoped the infection hadn’t spread. What in Zeus’ name was taking Alexander so long?

~~~

Stunned, Alexander stared at Cleitus. “Hephaistion was seen following Cassander away from the battle field?” That was unexpected news. What had happened between the two men to cause them to leave the fight? “Send out search troops and once you have found them, bring them to me. I want to talk to them both.” What had Cassander done to make Hephaistion leave Alexander’s side? Alexander knew about Cassander’s jealousy and his vicious mentality. It wouldn’t surprise him to learn that Cassander had planned this to get back at Hephaistion for some reason. “Leave now!” he ordered Cleitus. He wanted to go himself, but he couldn’t since the tribe they had defeated had offered him an evening full of celebrations and he didn’t want to offend them by declining their offer. He wanted to befriend these people so they wouldn’t attack him from the back once his army moved on.

~~~

Cassander’s fever grew worse instead of better and Hephaistion was at his wits’ end. He had followed the same lessons Alexander had when they had been students, but he hadn’t Alexander’s talent when it came down to healing and, on top of that, he no longer had any water or healing plants to begin with. Basically, there was little he could do to ease Cassander’s discomfort and that frustrated him to no end.

Occasionally, Cassander regained his wits long enough to realize he was injured and that Hephaistion was trying to take care of them. During those moments, Cassander would try to raise his old defenses and chase Hephaistion away with cold glares and sneering comments, but Hephaistion no longer allowed himself to be put off and remained close. Hephaistion could tell that frustrated and puzzled Cassander, but he couldn’t possibly break the news just yet that Cassander had kissed him. Hephaistion wasn’t even sure he would ever bring it up for it meant facing the possibility that Cassander might be in love with him and that was something he didn’t wish to dwell on.

Cassander in turn didn’t know what to make of Hephaistion’s behavior when he was lucid and when he raved with fever, he tried to pull Hephaistion close again so he could kiss him.

Hephaistion was patient and indulged his patient whenever the fever was upon him. The longer those periods lasted, the more convinced he became that Cassander had been in love with him for quite some time. The injured man repeatedly caressed his face and even tried to pull him close enough again so he could kiss him. All this puzzled Hephaistion. Why had he never noticed Cassander’s infatuation before and what was he supposed to do about it now? The idea that Cassander was in love with him was almost too stupid to even consider. But the caresses, the adoring looks, and the awkward attempts to kiss him led Hephaistion in only one possible direction.

“Alexander, hurry. I don’t know how to deal with this… I really don’t.”

~~~

Cassander gasped. He felt strangely lucid at the moment. His shoulder was numb and for some reason the pain had momentarily abided. Hephaistion was still at his side and the other man looked worried. The large, heaven-blue eyes looked at him with a considerable amount of concern. “How bad…is it? Am I…going to die?”

Hephaistion startled at hearing Cassander’s rational tone. The fever must have broken momentarily, allowing Cassander some sound moments. Leaning in closer, he shook his head. “You are not going to die. Alexander will find us in time. His search troops should come for us any moment now. You must hang on a little longer, Cassander. Don’t you dare give up now!”

Cassander momentarily forget about glaring at Hephaistion and his eyes showed surprise when he heard the other man’s determination. “Why would you care?” The words escaped him unintentionally. Hephaistion was kind enough to look after him, why chase him off? What was he doing? But old habits died hard.

“I care,” Hephaistion answered as he realized that he really did care about Cassander’s well-being. He had never hated the other man and since Cassander had reached out to him – even though he had been feverish and under the impression everything was a dream – it had influenced him and Hephaistion now wanted Cassander to fully recover. “I do care,” he repeated because Cassander’s expression remained full of disbelief.

Cassander blinked and realized he was too tired, too weak to question Hephaistion further. The fever was returning and blurring his sight. Eventually, he closed his eyes again and let the fever take him.

~~~

Cleitus was less than pleased to be ordered to lead that day’s search troops. Alexander had been furious when he had finally fully realized that Hephaistion had gotten lost during the battle and Cleitus and the rest of the Companions had suffered from the King’s wrath.

Cleitus led his men back to the spot where Hephaistion had last been seen. Once there, they picked up two trails leading into the forest, confirming the words of the witnesses who had seen Cassander and Hephaistion head in that direction. Although he was curious to find out why the two men had left the battle field, he made no hurry to find Hephaistion and Cassander. They followed the tracks and once they were inside the forest, Cleitus ordered his men to halt. He told them to be quiet and then shouted Hephaistion’s name. If Hephaistion was near, the other man would react to his calling.

~~~

Hephaistion threw back his head and listened closely. Someone was calling his name. Help had finally arrived! He checked on Cassander and found that the other man was still in the clutches of a feverish sleep. Cassander wouldn’t wake any time soon and wouldn’t notice Hephaistion leave his side for a short while. “I am going to get help,” Hephaistion murmured and stroked Cassander’s heated brow lightly. The other night had caused him to look at Cassander in a different light. There was more to the other man than met the eye and he felt it was his duty to uncover the truth. Was Cassander really in love with him?

A voice screaming his name again drew Hephaistion’s attention away from Cassander’s face and he rose from the forest floor. He headed in the direction of where the calls were coming from and he felt relieved at seeing Cleitus. “We are over here! Cassander is injured!”

Cleitus nodded his head and gestured for his escort to follow. He dismounted and followed Hephaistion to the shelter, where Cassander was still sleeping. He frowned in surprise. “What happened here?” Cassander looked awfully pale and the make-shift bandage wrapped around his shoulder was red with blood.

“He was injured in battle. His horse startled and took off. I followed him, since the injury looked severe.” Hephaistion lowered himself onto his heels and Cleitus did the same. “The wound has grown infected and it refuses to stop bleeding. He needs a healer and he needs one now.”

“Transporting him will be difficult. No matter what we do, he will end up being jostled and his injury aggravated.”

“But we have to do something or else he will die for sure.” Hephaistion began to pull Cassander into an upright position.

“Why do you care?” Cleitus arched an eyebrow and gave Hephaistion a puzzled look. “Don’t tell me you care about him.” The truth was that none of the Companions liked Cassander that much and most of them avoided having to deal with him.

“He is injured and needs help,” Hephaistion berated. “Are you going to help me?”

Cleitus helped Hephaistion get Cassander on his feet and supported the injured man when Hephaistion fetched his horse. Cassander’s stallion was no where to be found and must have taken off during the night. “I need your help,” Hephaistion said as he mounted his horse. “Hand him to me.”

 

Cleitus’ surprise deepened. “You are going to hold him yourself?”

“Why not?” Cleitus’ manner was beginning to irritate Hephaistion. If it wasn’t for the fact that he needed Cleitus’ help that he ignored how he would have preferred to do this alone. Together, they managed to get Cassander onto the mare’s back. Cassander didn’t wake, but he did groan in pain. “Is it safe? Or is the enemy still out there?”

Cleitus gestured for their escort to form a protective barrier around Hephaistion and Cassander and then steered his horse closer to Hephaistion’s. “We crushed them. The tribe surrendered and last night Alexander was installed as their new ruler. The roads should be safe.”

“I didn’t dare venture back on my own. I wasn’t sure it would be safe and with Cassander being unable to defend himself, I surmised it would be best to wait for the search troops.”

Cleitus grinned. Hephaistion had every reason to believe those search troops would come for him since he was Alexander’s lover. He watched how Cassander leaned back against Hephaistion’s chest and wondered about the changed expression on Hephaistion’s face. The last time he had seen them, the two men hadn’t been friends. That seemed to have changed and he wondered why that was.

~~~

Alexander headed toward the escort when the news of Hephaistion’s arrival reached him. He had been quite worried upon realizing that he had somehow lost track of his lover in the midst of battle and was rather relieved to see Hephaistion alive and well. But what *did* surprise him was the fact that Hephaistion was holding Cassander close and tightly. The blood covered bandage registered next with Alexander and he instantly knew why Hephaistion had left the battle field. Hephaistion was someone who always wanted to help when someone was in trouble and he probably went after Cassander after the man had gotten injured. “How badly hurt is he?” Alexander had reached Hephaistion’s mare and gestured for his lover to lower Cassander into his arms.

Hephaistion slowly lowered Cassander and made sure Alexander had a good hold on the injured man before he let go. “He was injured in battle. I followed him when his horse bolted. He has been running a high fever and the wound has gotten infected.” Hephaistion dismounted and followed Alexander into the King’s tent.

Alexander, who had been carrying Cassander’s limp figure, lowered the other man onto his bed, uncaring that he got blood on the bedding. Aside from a warrior, he was also an accomplished physician and he wanted to check on Cassander’s injury himself. After all, the man had gotten wounded during an attack Alexander had launched. He owed it to Cassander to look after him. Looking up, he addressed Bagoas who hovered in the back and told him to bring water, wash cloths, towels, and another blanket. Next, he ordered Cleitus to run to the physician’s tent and fetch the healing herbs which he needed in order to treat the injury. That left Alexander and Hephaistion alone eventually with Cassander.

“I was scared you had been injured in battle,” Alexander murmured as he removed the improvised bandages. Peeking at his lover, he felt immensely relieved to have Hephaistion back at his side again. “I am ashamed to admit that it took me a few hours to realize you were gone.”

“You were caught up in the aftermath of battle,” Hephaistion replied soothingly. “I understand that. I am glad you sent out search troops though. Cassander’s wound needs to be treated.”

Alexander’s features contorted after removing the drenched bandages. “You are right...it has grown infected.” A look at Cassander’s face told him that his patient was still unconscious and for Cassander’s sake, he hoped it would stay that way. “We got to him just in time.”

“You are going to look after him?” Hephaistion already knew the answer to that. Alexander was a man of honor and although Cassander wasn’t one of his closest friends, the King would honor his duties and take care of Cassander personally. They owed Antipater that much. “I want to help.”

Alexander absentmindedly nodded his head. He would have been surprised if Hephaistion had reacted differently. “You will need to help at any rate, Hephaistion, because I can’t stay at his side all the time. I am already planning an attack on a neighboring tribe.”

Hephaistion nodded. “I will look after him during your absence.”

“First we need to clean the wound and bandage him up again.” Alexander’s features turned thoughtful. “He won’t be able to travel along with us for some time. Maybe it would be best to make this a permanent camp and leave some men behind that can look after him while he recovers.”

Cleitus and Bagoas returned simultaneously to deliver their goods. Alexander then ushered Cleitus out of the room and gestured for Bagoas to immerse the healing herbs into the water.

What followed was the long and slow process of Alexander cleaning the wound. Cassander thankfully remained unconscious and wasn’t subjected to the pain he would have suffered had he been awake. Alexander then bandaged the injured shoulder with Bagoas’ help, while Hephaistion supported Cassander.

“What he needs now is rest.” Alexander washed his blood-stained hands. He had done his best to clean the wound and hoped rest would help Cassander make a full recovery. “Hephaistion, will you stay with him? I need to leave you for a few hours.” He had to attend a meeting with the rest of the Companions.

“I will stay.” Hephaistion gave Cassander a worried look. He hoped the other man would pull through and recover.

~~~

Cassander tossed and turned during most of the day and the first half of the night. Hephaistion remained at his side, just as he had said he would. Alexander had returned and stayed briefly before leaving again to plan his next endeavor. Hephaistion didn’t mind having to look after Cassander alone that much because it gave him a chance to think everything over that had happened lately.

When had Cassander’s infatuation with him started? And how come he had never noticed a thing? Cassander’s face was relaxed in sleep and didn’t carry the cold, distant expression it normally carried. Somehow, that touched him and Hephaistion rubbed his thumb across Cassander’s sweaty brow. “Was it all pretence? Did you merely pretend to hate me?” He wanted those questions answered, but would wait for Cassander to feel stronger.

~~~

Cassander’s eyelids fluttered as he tried to wrestle free of the nightmarish state he had been in during the last few days. He felt weak, was covered in sweat, and smelled blood in the air. He opened his eyes and stared at the fabric that moved in the breeze above him. He wasn’t in the forest anymore.

“We are back at the camp. The search troops found us.” Hephaistion moved his chair closer to the camp bed and studied Cassander’s eyes. They were still a bit hazy. “How do you feel?” He reached for a carafe of water and poured some into a glass.

Cassander tried to reply, but his cracked lips, dry throat, and painful shoulder made that impossible and all that left his throat was a raw growl. Suddenly water flowed past his lips and into his mouth and he swallowed quickly. The water refreshed him and he managed to direct his gaze at Hephaistion. Why was the other man taking care of him?

“Alexander examined and cleaned your wound. He thinks you will live,” Hephaistion explained with a chuckle. “Your fever has gone down these last few hours and you should start to eat and drink something.” Cassander’s eyes shone with puzzlement and disbelief and Hephaistion wondered if the other man had forgotten what had happened during those feverish moments in the forest. Did Cassander still remember kissing him? Or had the fever made him forget?

“Why…Alexander?” Speaking those two words had already exhausted him and Cassander momentarily closed his eyes. He had to put up his old façade again. He couldn’t allow Hephaistion to see behind his mask.

“Because he is an honorable man. You got injured during battle and he feels it is his duty to look after you.” Hephaistion placed the empty glass aside and wondered what to do next. “Are you in much pain?”

“That is none of your business!” Cassander surprised himself – and Hephaistion as well – by uttering the comment in one go and with a bite.

In the past, Hephaistion would have reacted in a similar way, but not any more. He had seen a new side to Cassander and was determined to explore it. “You weren’t that vicious when I took care of you in the forest. You were much mellower.” Hephaistion was curious to find out how Cassander would react to that statement.

“I was feverish… I wasn’t…myself.” The conversation was draining him and, even worse, he lacked the energy to assume his haughty and vicious demeanor. He turned his head away from Hephaistion, kept his eyes tightly shut, and clawed at the blanket that covered his body.

Hephaistion cocked his head. “Maybe you were yourself for once,” he murmured, though he knew he was treading on very thin ice. He wasn’t surprised when Cassander didn’t react. Cassander had his emotions once more under control. “We will talk about this later – when you feel stronger.”

Cassander however, never heard the last few words since he had succumbed to exhaustion again and fallen asleep.

~~~

Alexander checked on Cassander around midnight and then cuddled up to Hephaistion, who had created a warm and comfortable nest in the corner of the tent. He removed his clothes and slid into place next to Hephaistion. Hephaistion looked tired, but he surmised that was because his lover had been taking care of Cassander the last few days. Hephaistion’s loyalty, even to someone like Cassander, never ceased to amaze him. It was part of why he loved him so much.

Hephaistion’s eyes opened and he smiled at Alexander. “Were you victorious again, oh great King?” he asked mockingly.

Alexander chuckled softly and playfully bit into Hephaistion’s neck. “Not yet, but tomorrow I will be.” He wrapped his arms around Hephaistion and noticed that his lover’s gaze occasionally drifted to the sleeping Cassander. “Something happened between the two of you, didn’t it?” He didn’t know what it was, but he picked up something.

Hephaistion slid his fingers into Alexander’s unruly hair and smiled at his lover. Alexander and he shared a love that was unrivaled. It was strong enough for them not to claim each other and to set them free. Hephaistion didn’t begrudge Alexander his occasional lovers since he knew that the King always returned to him and only loved him. Likewise Alexander tolerated the small number of men which Hephaistion bedded every now and then. Alexander knew better than to be jealous of them. Hephaistion belonged to him and he belonged to Hephaistion.

Hephaistion moistened his lips and then recalled Alexander’s question. “When he was so feverish Cassander mellowed. He tried to reach out to me. He kissed me.”

Alexander’s eyes widened. “He kissed you?”

“The way he said my name… Alexander, I believe Cassander has been in love with me for some time and we never noticed.”

Alexander needed a moment to deal with that revelation. “You are talking about *that* Cassander?” he asked and turned his head in the sleeping man’s direction. “Hephaistion, he has hated us from the beginning.”

“I could understand why, if he really fell in love with me. He realized quickly that he couldn’t have me. That I loved you.” Hephaistion caressed Alexander’s face and kissed him. “I plan to confront him with my suspicions.”

“And why would you do that?” Alexander gasped in surprise.

“Because I want the truth.” Hephaistion traced the outline of Alexander’s bottom lip and then added, “Maybe that way I can do away with the hatred that always poisoned our relationship. You might not want to admit it, but we need Cassander. We need his men, his support and his father’s loyalty. We should have tried to find out what was wrong some time ago.”

“You make a valid point,” Alexander said, admitting Hephaistion was right, but he also added, “And then what? Let us assume he admits to being in love with you. What will you do then?”

“I might bed him…or would you be opposed to that idea?” Hephaistion asked cheekily.

Alexander had no right to forbid his lover to follow through for he had a fair amount of occasional bed partners as well and Bagoas was the latest addition. “What do you hope to achieve by bedding him?” He could see possible advantages to Hephaistion’s plan should he agree.

“It would help bury the hatchet and we would have one more General we can *really* rely on.” Hephaistion saw Alexander weigh the advantages and disadvantages and knew he would hear his lover’s final verdict once the King would speak.

“You are right,” Alexander admitted. “Although, I would feel more comfortable with your plan if Cassander wasn’t in love with you. He might end up becoming possessive of you.”

Hephaistion arched an eyebrow. “And what about Bagoas? He is in love with you! Did I object to you bedding him in my absence? I did not!”

Alexander laughed and pulled Hephaistion closer until they could kiss. “You are right again,” he admitted in between kisses. “I think your plan is sound. I won’t object.”

“I didn’t think you would.” Hephaistion grinned smugly. He had achieved his goal.

~~~

The next time Cassander woke, he was alone and no longer in the tent he had been in before. He didn’t recognize his surroundings and wondered where he was. He was in a house now, nicely decorated with furs and tapestries and a warm fire burned in a corner of the room, warming him. The last few days were a blur. He recalled being injured in battle and Hephaistion going after him. Then he had thought he had seen Alexander and Hephaistion attending to his wound, but that must have been his overly active imagination. Alexander would never tend to him personally – never.

“Ah, you are awake. You have been asleep for the last three days.” Hephaistion had been seated next to the fireplace and when he had looked up from his reading, he had seen Cassander’s open eyes. They appeared lucid and Hephaistion placed his book aside and advanced onto the bed, which was way more comfortable than the camp bed in Alexander’s tent. “How do you feel? Does your shoulder still hurt?” Hephaistion poured some herbal tea, which had cooled down, into a cup and placed it at Cassander’s lips. “Drink.”

Too stunned to object, Cassander swallowed the lukewarm tea. He didn’t understand what Hephaistion was doing there, taking care of him. And where was he?

Hephaistion read confusion in Cassander’s eyes and explained. “Alexander had to move on. He couldn’t afford to linger here and left a squadron behind for our protection. The tribe we conquered offered us hospitality and we are staying with them until you have recovered.”

Alexander had moved without Hephaistion at this side? That surprised Cassander.

Hephaistion however didn’t feel it was that odd for Alexander to be without him. Cassander might never have realized it, but there were times when Alexander and he were apart for months. Therefore, he was grateful knowing Bagoas at Alexander’s side for the eunuch would take good care of the King. “I stayed behind to look after you. You gave us quite a scare, Cassander. You have been battling a high fever for a week now.” But it seemed that the fever had finally broken. “Would you like something to eat?” Succulent cakes stood next to the tea pot and Hephaistion wanted Cassander to eat at least one of them.

Cassander blinked, unable to hide his surprise at hearing Hephaistion’s concern. “Why…are you…here?” Speaking was difficult, painful even, because his throat was so raw.

“I am here because I feel responsible for you…and because I care,” Hephaistion replied. “Why is that so hard to understand? Why don’t you believe me?”

Cassander was so surprised that he forgot to erect his normal distant façade. “Why should I?”

Hephaistion placed the plate with the cakes on Cassander’s abdomen and offered his charge one of them. “Try to eat something.”

Cassander stared at the offered food and then his gaze shifted back to Hephaistion’s face. This was the first time that the other man showed some concern directed at him. Hephaistion had never noticed him in a positive way before. “You hate me!”

“I don’t.” Hephaistion broke the cake in two and tried to push some of the moist delicacy past Cassander’s lips. “Now eat!”

Cassander had no choice but to chew and swallow the sweet substance. “I don’t understand,” he admitted, shocked. Suddenly, he realized that his guard was down, and the wall, which usually kept everyone at a distance, was gone. He tried to rectify his mistake, but then Hephaistion shook his head disapprovingly.

“Don’t give me that glare. I know it’s not real.” Hephaistion would have preferred to wait a little longer before confronting Cassander, but it looked like the other man was determined to fight him. “I know you don’t hate me either,” he said and carefully watched Cassander’s reaction. He had to admit that the other man possessed a rugged kind of handsomeness. The features were angular, but well-proportioned. The blue-grey eyes knew how to hide their owner’s emotion, but currently, he could read the shock in them. The narrow lips trembled and the shoulder length, brown hair felt soft when he moved his fingers through it. He knew that because he had stroked the dark hair during Cassander’s sleep.

Cassander was baffled. “Why did you say that?” He had always done his very best to radiate arrogance and hatred whenever Hephaistion was around because he couldn’t afford for Hephaistion to find out the true nature of his feelings for the other man.

“You kissed me one night in the forest. Or have you forgotten that you did?” Hephaistion played his trump and an expression of horror spread over Cassander’s features. “You caressed my face, spoke my name softly, and then kissed me. That doesn’t sound like the actions of a man who hates me.” Hephaistion grew quiet and gave Cassander his chance to compose himself.

Cassander’s head spun and he felt like he had lost all sense of reality. He stared at Hephaistion in shock and his fingers clawed at the blanket, showing his distress. “I didn’t kiss you!” Cassander wanted to say more, but his shoulder stung and he gasped for breath.

“You kissed me,” Hephaistion retorted, repeating what had happened that day. “Do you love me, Cassander? Is that why you kissed me?” He had decided to use the direct approach since diplomacy wouldn’t get him anywhere with Cassander. The scared expression in Cassander’s large eyes told him that he had nailed the truth and that the other didn’t want to talk about it. But he wasn’t giving Cassander a choice. Hephaistion refilled the cup with tea and placed it at Cassander’s lips once more. “Drink. You need the fluids.”

Cassander swallowed and glared at Hephaistion. He was in a vulnerable situation and felt rather helpless since he depended on Hephaistion’s care. He had to wait to speak until he had emptied the cup of tea. “I want you gone! Go away! Leave me alone!” He cursed the fact that he was bedridden due to his shoulder or else he would have left the room. Now he was helpless and Hephaistion was in charge.

Hephaistion slowly shook his head. “I am not leaving. I am staying. I want to know the truth, Cassander. Was it all an act? Is it true that you love me instead of hating me?” Hephaistion read the answer in Cassander’s eyes, which the other man quickly averted, but it was too late. He had seen the truth. “When did it start?”

But Cassander kept silent and refused to look at Hephaistion any longer. Slowly, he turned onto his side and ignored the pain the movement caused. He couldn’t look at Hephaistion any longer for he knew he had given himself away. He had maintained his distance for many years and now, due to this bloody injury, the truth had been revealed. Not only would Hephaistion hate him, but Alexander would hate him even more. He had never wanted anyone to find out about his infatuation.

Hephaistion felt conflicted. A part of him wanted Cassander to stop running away from the truth, but another part of him chided him and reminded him that Cassander was still weak and needed rest. Getting Cassander agitated now served no purpose. “We shall discuss this later,” Hephaistion stated eventually. “But trust me, we *will* discuss this!”

Cassander involuntarily sucked in his breath. Hephaistion sounded very determined and he realized he had to get out at the first opportunity. He couldn’t and wouldn’t confront Hephaistion in this matter!

~~~

Hephaistion had indulged his charge and had left him to his own devices during most of the evening, but now, he felt it was time to discuss the matter further. Cassander was still too weak to leave his bed and still rested on his side, facing away from the entrance and thus Hephaistion. But Hephaistion wasn’t fooled. He saw the tension in the body that froze upon his entry. “Cassander? We need to talk.”

Cassander drew in a deep breath and steeled himself for what was to come. He didn’t move though and remained staring at the fireplace. He was angry with himself for letting his secret slip during his feverish dreams. “I don’t want to talk to you though.” He had drunk water, more of the tea, and even some watered-down wine. He had also eaten some bread and soup and felt stronger now. But he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to face Hephaistion.

“Too bad,” Hephaistion commented as he circled the bed until he stood in front of Cassander. Cassander had no choice but to acknowledge him and look at him. The tormented expression Hephaistion saw in Cassander’s eyes surprised him. “I understand that you never wanted me to find out, but I did.” Hephaistion seated himself on the side of the bed and gave Cassander a long, thoughtful look.

Cassander considered putting up resistance, but one look into Hephaistion’s eyes told him that it would be useless. In the end, he decided to be honest. “Your reaction surprises me. I thought you would have made fun of me.” He pulled the blankets up higher and shivered. Although the fever was mostly gone, some traces still remained and made him tremble. Hephaistion’s expression was soft and warm and made those blue eyes shine brightly. The long, auburn hair tumbled down Hephaistion’s neck and the blue tunic the other man was wearing made his eyes stand out even more. Cassander had to avert his eyes because he was afraid he might actually start drooling at the sight.

“Cassander? I am not going to ridicule you. I am merely surprised, although my surprise has worn off quite a bit. I knew this since the night we spent in the forest. I just wanted to hear you confirm it.” It vexed Hephaistion that Cassander refused to meet his gaze.

Cassander bit his bottom lip and tried hard to keep quiet. He didn’t believe Hephaistion – not really and he was only going to make a fool of himself in front of Hephaistion. “You know the truth now. What more do you want?”

“When did you fall in love with me?” Hephaistion had asked Cassander the question before, but still hadn’t received an answer.

“When? I don’t know when.” Cassander buried himself deeper beneath the blankets and fought the urge to pull the fabric over his face so he could hide from Hephaistion’s piercing blue eyes. “It happened a long time ago.”

“And you managed to hide your feelings perfectly. I never suspected a thing.”

“That was the idea,” Cassander replied reluctantly. “What do you want, Hephaistion? Why are you still here?” He peeked at the other man’s face to read the expression on it. He had expected to see a mocking grin, but instead, Hephaistion was smiling warmly at him.

“Did you ever consider telling me?”

Cassander’s eyes grew big. “Of course not! Do you think I want Alexander to come after me?”

Hephaistion grinned. “Alexander *does* have a temper, yes, but I can handle him.”

Hephaistion’s answer puzzled Cassander. Come to think of it, Hephaistion’s behavior itself puzzled him. “What do you want?” he repeated. Why was Hephaistion reacting this way?

Hephaistion considered the man in front of him and then leaned in closer. Cassander gasped in surprise and tried to pull away, but the shoulder injury made him immobile and Hephaistion slid his fingers into Cassander’s hair before pressing his lips onto Cassander’s. He kept the other man in place as he deepened the kiss.

Shocked, Cassander parted his lips and teeth and allowed Hephaistion to fully taste him. Hephaistion’s action was completely unexpected and Cassander didn’t know how to react to Hephaistion’s close proximity. The kiss itself was slow and attentive; Hephaistion didn’t take anything Cassander wasn’t willing to give him.

After a long minute, Hephaistion released Cassander and studied the expression in the hazy eyes. He had taken Cassander by surprise and he hoped kissing him that unexpectedly had been the right thing to do.

Cassander could only stare at Hephaistion. A sense of deep shock coursed through him and mixed into that was rapture. Hephaistion had kissed him! “Why did you do that?”

“Because I wanted to kiss you…and I believe you wanted to be kissed, or am I terribly wrong?” Hephaistion cocked his head and smiled. “I liked it. Did you?”

“I didn’t expect it…” Cassander blinked and tried to regain control over his emotions. “What does this mean?”

“I will be honest with you since I don’t believe in lies. I told Alexander about that kiss you gave me and…” Hephaistion had to stop talking because Cassander was staring at him in obvious terror.

“You did what?” And he was still alive?

“Calm down. Alexander and I reached an understanding a long time ago. He is allowed to bed occasional lovers and so am I. I don’t begrudge him Bagoas and he won’t begrudge me you.” The look Cassander gave him could have been comical, if it hadn’t been so full of terror.

Cassander had a hard time believing a single thing Hephaistion had told him. “Did you really say…?”
 

“That I want to take you as a lover? Why not? You love me and you intrigue me. I love a challenge.”

Cassander swallowed hard. “I don’t understand any of this.”

“Then let me explain it to you again. You have been in love with me for quite some time. I found out and Alexander doesn’t object to us becoming intimate. I can’t promise you my love in turn, Cassander, because my heart belongs to Alexander. I want you to know what I am offering: I am offering myself, my body, my attentiveness…but I can’t ever give you my heart.” He ran his fingertips along Cassander’s jaw and wanted to kiss the other man’s lips again, but then Cassander pushed him away and his expression hardened.

“Don’t throw me crumbs, Hephaistion. I deserve better than that. If you can’t give me your heart, then it stops here and now.” He had almost caved into the temptation Hephaistion presented. Who wouldn’t? But Hephaistion’s admission had shown him they would be living a lie and he *did* deserve better. He was convinced of that. “I won’t settle for anything less than love!”

Hephaistion gave Cassander a rueful look. He had been *so* convinced that he could have Cassander. That the other man would willingly receive him and let him bed him. Had he been wrong? Was Cassander stronger than that?

“I deserve better than that. Hephaistion, I would have lain down my life for you if you had loved me in turn, but I refuse to live a lie. I won’t do that.” Even in spite of his weakened state, he managed to push Hephaistion off of the bed. “Leave me! Go to your Alexander! Leave me alone!”

Hephaistion got to his feet and gave Cassander a confused look. “You would deny me? You are sending me away? Me?” He had never been denied before! Not even Alexander had ever denied him! “I know you want me!”

“Yes, I want you, but I want all of you and if I can’t have that, I don’t want anything at all to do with you!” Cassander turned his head and glared at the fireplace. “Go, Hephaistion. You are a temptation I can resist.”

Hephaistion blinked in utter shock and then exited the room. What had happened just now?

~~~

Cassander looked out of the window and saw Hephaistion ride away from the village. Hephaistion hadn’t wasted any time then. When the other man had realized his plans had failed, he had left. /I was in love with you, Hephaistion. Alexander and you deserve each other./ Hephaistion had wanted to use his infatuation to solidify the bonds between them and, of course, Alexander would have agreed to such a plan. Had he become Hephaistion’s lover, the ties that bound them would have tightened.

“But I deserve better than that. I really do.” Cassander placed a hand against the wall for support and watched how Hephaistion faded from view. “I really loved you, Hephaistion…I really did…but I no longer do.”

Cassander returned to his bed, lay down, and closed his eyes. He hadn’t succumbed to the temptation Hephaistion presented and hoped the gods would one day reward him for that with a love that would be true to him.

The end