Title: Understand me.

Fandom: X-Men.

Parings: Remy/ Joseph.

Rating: NC-17.

Category: drama, alternate universe, angst. 

Archive: Yes, just drop me a note telling me where you're archiving it.

E-mail address for feedback: morganalebeau@yahoo.com.

Disclaimer: Gambit and X-Men are (c)copyright of Marvel Comics. No copyright infringement is intended.

Summary: After the trial of Gambit, Remy returns to the mansion and realizes he's no longer wanted there. Desperate to get some attention, to feel something, he makes a dangerous move.

Spoilers: Story takes place after the trial of Gambit.

Remy didn't escape Antarctica because the green entity helped him. I'm ignoring that part of canon. Also Remy's background in this story will differ from canon.

Warning; mentions bondage, SM, emotional child abuse.

Remy flung himself onto the bed and burst out into tears. He couldn't stand this any longer. Since his return from Antarctica the X-Men shunned him, stared at him with apparent loathing in their eyes, and they barely talked to him. Storm left the room when he entered and Rogue... if her glares could kill he'd be long dead now. They no longer joked around him, didn't ask him to join them if they went for a drink and Remy found himself seeking out his room more and more often.

He had realized that he no longer belonged here when Scott had asked him to move into the boathouse. Scott had tried to be polite, but Remy had felt the distress, even disgust that motivated the leader of the X-Men to make this request. The empath suffered greatly, now that their emotions were reaching excessive heights. Maybe it was his own fault that he was hurting this much. Had he made a mistake by not confiding in them? Should have told dem dat Sinister tricked me. Should have told dem dat my empat'y kicked in fully in since Antarctica. Remy didn't want to recall how he escaped the icy cold. That was one more secret he had to keep.

Pressing his face deeper into the pillow, he sobbed softly. The telepaths in the house, Jean and the professor, had to pick up on his emotional pain, which he was probably broadcasting, but they hadn't offered to talk to him. Like the rest, they ignored him. Maybe they hoped that he would get the hint and leave, which was doubtlessly what they really wanted. Otherwise, Scott would never have asked him to move out of the mansion. It was just another way to punish him for gathering the Marauders and helping Sinister.

"If dat's what y' want, to punish me, y' can get it!" Emotionally, Remy was a wreck and he didn't think straight as he jumped up from the bed, grabbed his coat and stalked towards the door. "I won' be back," he announced and wiped away his tears before opening the door. "Y' can have de house to y'rself!" They thought of him as a traitor, who deserved some kind of punishment and the silent treatment was only the beginning. Well, he could do even better! He could punish himself far more effectively!

Remy marched out of the mansion, ignoring Bobby and Warren, whom he almost crashed into in the corridor. Warren muttered that he should pay attention to where he was going and Remy felt the stinging hate that emanated from the winged X-Man, who blamed him for the Morlocks' Massacre and for the loss of his wings. Sinister tricked me! I didn' know dey planned to kill dem! I even tried to save dem and Sabretooth ripped me open! But he would never speak the words aloud. No words, no apology could make up for his stupidity.

Slamming the door hard behind him, he headed for his bike. Remy threw the helmet away and started the Harley. Determinedly, he steered it away from the mansion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What's gotten into him?" Warren asked, irritated. "He's a danger to himself and the team. I wish he just left." He avoided Gambit as much as he could, not trusting his own temper. After lashing out one evening at Gambit, Warren tried to keep his distance. When it came down to the traitor, Warren had homicidal tendencies.

"He's going through a rough time," Bobby replied, thoughtfully. "But you're right. I can't figure out why he stays. It's obvious no one wants him here. I hope that he'll move into the boathouse. Gambit staying here is not fair to Storm. She's hurting really bad and he should respect that. Instead, he's in her face every day!" 

The two X-Men continued to talk as they walked passed the living room. They didn't mind if someone overheard them. Gambit wasn't popular and most X-Men felt the same way.

///

Joseph's head jerked back, hearing Warren's harsh words. He stood in front of the window and saw Remy walk towards his bike. Something was wrong, didn't feel right. But maybe he was just projecting his emotions on the Cajun. Only hours ago he'd called it quits with Rogue. He'd wanted to tell her for a week now, but had lacked the necessary courage.

Joseph shook his head as he mentally replayed their last conversation. Rogue had demanded they had sex, but he hadn't been in the mood, had been troubled by the way she handled the sexual aspect of their relationship and had wanted to talk instead. Rogue had grown furious and accused him of abusing his ability to touch her. She'd flown out of bed, and in an ugly tone she'd reminded him that he was the only one who could make love to her. She'd then told him she wouldn't allow him to manipulate her by withholding sex. In the end, she'd asked him what he really wanted from her. Her tone had been spiteful and her eyes had shot fire.

He'd just stared at her, helplessly. Yes, he was new to the dating game and hardly knew a thing about making things work between them, but something struck him as intensely wrong about their relationship. The trouble was that he had nothing to compare it to. Did all couples act like this? Were there some hidden rules that he was unaware of and did Rogue expect him to know and play by them?

Joseph had felt lost and lonely when she'd pointed an accusing finger at him. Confused, he'd tried to explain that he wanted to discuss their relationship, but she'd cut him off. At that moment, Joseph wondered whether he'd ever seen the *real* Rogue, the woman hiding beneath the mask and he'd taken a step away from her. Realizing that he didn't want to be in this relationship any longer, he'd made his decision. He'd told her that it would be best for both of them if they stopped seeing each other. Staying in a relationship, while not being committed to the other, seemed wrong and he wanted to be honest with her.

Rogue had been enraged and had cursed him to Hell. After she'd flown off, he'd sat down, his head reeling. They'd fought before, but she'd never been so vicious. Hopefully ending their relationship was the right thing to do. He had feelings for her, but... things had quickly gone downhill since they'd become an item.

After confronting Rogue, he'd found himself thinking about someone, whom he'd avoided for weeks, Gambit. Rogue had told him a lot about the Cajun thief, who had been in love with her. Only her powers had kept them from becoming true lovers, at least, Rogue had told him that. He'd expected to hear a tone of lost love in her voice, but instead it had burned with venom. Once, he'd asked her what had happened in Antarctica after everyone had left. She'd only said that Remy had gotten what he deserved.

Maybe the seeds of doubt had been planted in his mind back then. Could he love a woman, who had probably abandoned her lover in his hour of need? Had she turned her back on Gambit and flown off? They'd been in love, so why would she desert him? And even worse, if she was capable of leaving Gambit behind, what would happen if Joseph ever pissed her off? Would she try to punish him as well? He didn't feel comfortable being in a relationship with a woman like that. The problem was that he couldn't *trust* her.

And now Remy LeBeau had left the mansion in an obvious hurry. Joseph made up his mind and left the living room. On his way out, he picked up his coat and then headed for the garage where he 'burrowed' Scott's bike. He'd taught himself to ride it some time ago, as his curiosity had driven him to explore more of this world, which was still awfully new to him.

After kick-starting the bike, Joseph followed Remy, determined not to let the Cajun vanish from sight. He wanted to talk to Remy LeBeau and find out what had really driven Gambit and Rogue apart.

///

Resolved, Remy entered the notorious nightclub and immediately noticed the hungry glances thrown at him. He'd been here before, but had never felt the need to completely lose himself in these sordid emotions, but tonight it was different. Remy headed for the bar and ordered Bourbon. Leaning casually against the bar, he let his eyes drift over the muscular men, their bodies adorned with piercings and tattoos. Some of them were bald, but all of them wore leather and stud belts.

Yes, he'd come to the right place to absorb his punishment. His empathy quickly located the most aggressive and possessive guy among them and he caught the man's dark eyes. Remy shivered. The man he'd chosen was dressed in black leather pants, snap vest, had pierced nipples, a goatee and wore a leather cap. Perfect. Reading this man's intense emotions let Remy to believe that this master loved to hand out punishment. The man was exactly what Remy was looking for.

But then Remy's resolve faltered briefly. The man could hurt him badly... but wasn't that why he was here? To finally absorb the punishment the X-Men thought he'd eluded and still deserved? Submissively, he lowered his eyes. He knew how to play this game, had played it many times before. Remy sensed how the man he'd selected slowly approached him, clearly taking him in and licking his lips. Keeping his eyes locked onto the floor, Remy let him make the first move.

"Are you sure you wanna be here, boy?"

The man's cold voice made Remy shiver. Yes, this man could give him what he deserved; pain and punishment. "Yes, sir." A strong hand slid down his back and found a way beneath the fabric of his shirt. It came to a rest at the small of his back. Remy kept himself perfectly still so the other man could make up his mind. His eyes remained locked on the floor.

"Someone trained you well, slave," the bulky man said, pleased. "I'm Steve, but you'll address me as master, are we clear on that?"

"Yes, master." Remy wanted this over with. He deserved the punishment; it would maybe cleanse him a little. The guilt and emotional pain that bore him down needed a way out. Steve's hand snaked beneath his jeans and Remy remained motionless as the taller man brutally pinched his buttock, leaving a bruise. Steve looked at him as if he'd passed some sort of test, which he had, and Remy forced himself to continue to stare at the floor. He had to play his role of a submissive slave perfectly if he wanted Steve to punish him. The man would only go along with this if Remy consented explicitly. By not flinching, or pulling back, he'd given permission.

"Let's take this upstairs," Steve said eventually and handed the barkeeper some money. "I'll take the black room."

The barkeeper handed Steve the key and grinned. "Make sure he cleans up afterwards!"

Steve's hand was still inside Remy's jeans, rubbing against his ass and the Cajun shivered as the other man possessively probed his cleft, dipping between his buttocks. One dry finger pushed against his entrance, sending a clear signal and Steve kept it there as they walked to the room. Pushing away any second thoughts he might have, Remy bit his lower lip. He wanted to feel the pain, wanted to feel *something*! Wanted to do penance for his crimes.

Steve opened the door and pushed Remy inside. "Don't move," he instructed and closed the door behind them. He removed his hand from Remy's ass and stood in front of his new slave. Taking in the alien eyes, he said, "You're a mutant... I don't care about that. You've got a fine ass and those lips will be busy pleasuring me later tonight. You do know how to suck cock, don't you, slave?"

Remy didn't lock out the words or the hurt they were supposed to inflict. He deserved the spiteful tone. After all, the Morlocks were dead because of him. "Yes, master, I do."

"Remove your shirt." Steve watched Remy's every move. He wanted to use his slave's body tonight and get off on it as many times as he could. Remy's fingers trembled as the young man unbuttoned his shirt and Steve grinned. He was already rock hard and could barely keep back from pinning his prize down and forcing his way inside. When his finger had pushed against his slave's entrance, he'd barely suppressed the urge to open him up.

Remy dropped the shirt onto the floor and shivered. It was cold in here. Empty eyed, he watched Steve step up to him. Icy hands explored his chest and roughly pinched his nipples. Remy couldn't repress a pain filled moan. Steve reacted and twisted the nubs of flesh harder. "Does it hurt? Do you want it to hurt?"

"Yes, master, I want it to hurt," Remy whispered as tears swam in his eyes, but he wouldn't release them in front of Steve. //I want dis. De pain... I didn' want de Morlocks to die...//

Steve pressed one fingernail deep into the pink disk and drew a droplet of blood. "Do you like the pain? Do you get off on it?"

"I want it," Remy replied, firmly. "Make me feel... de pain... master." He loathed feeling Steve's hands on his chest, marring him, but he wanted to feel the pain and that need pushed away his disgust of the man.

Steve licked his lips. This might be the best slave he'd had in years! His hands slid down the young man's abdomen and then unzipped Remy's jeans. "Step out of them."

Remy obeyed and now stood naked in front of Steve. He repressed the shivers that wanted to rock his body.

"Going commando?" Steve said approvingly at the lack of underwear. "You've got a mighty fine ass, boy," he whispered as he possessively placed his hands on Remy's ass cheeks. "I assume you've been with a man before?" He pulled the naked man closer and rubbed his leather pants against Remy's groin.

"Yes, master," Remy replied, truthfully.

"What do you want from me? You've got permission to speak, slave." Steve's fingers curled around Remy's flaccid cock.

"Tie me up... gag me... fuck me..." were all the words Remy could utter. Asking for his punishment made him flinch. Steve brutally tugged at his limp organ and Remy's stomach convulsed. His body betrayed him, like it always did, and he grew hard.

Steve gave his slave a thoughtful look, surprised by the other man's eagerness to absorb his punishment. But he'd comply and give the slave what he wanted. "Walk over to the bed and lie down on your stomach," Steve ordered and he devoured Remy's backside as the young man obeyed. "Yeah, a great ass and it won't be long before I'll stretch that tight little hole."

Remy obediently lay down in the center of the bed and buried his face in the pillows. They'd suffocate any sobs.

"Spread them," Steve instructed and used leather restraints to tie his slave's ankles to either side of the bed. Before moving to do the same thing with Remy's wrists, he ran his hands over the young man's ass, spreading the cheeks. Unable to resist temptation any longer, he inserted one digit into his slave's entrance. "Wow, you're tight... just the way I like it!"

Remy swallowed hard, trying to deny his disgust for the man. Biting into the fabric of the pillows, he managed to stay in control of his feelings.

"Open your hand."

Remy obeyed and closed his fingers over the small rubber ball that Steve placed in the palm of his hand.

"You know what that's for?" Steve asked as he tied Remy's right wrist to the bed pole.

"I'll let it fall onto de floor when I want y' to stop," Remy whispered into the pillows.

"Good boy. You *have* done this before," Steve remarked pleased and finished restraining Remy's other wrist. He moved away from the bed to get the large, red ball gag.

Remy raised his head and let Steve put the strap around his head. The red ball filled most of his mouth. In the back of his mind, Remy knew that one single kinetic charge, or dropping the rubber ball would get him out of this situation, but he didn't want to get away from Steve.

Steve unzipped his leather pants and his cock bobbed free. Quickly, he slipped on a cock ring and lazily stroked himself once. "Let's give you the punishment you deserve, slave."

///

Joseph wondered what Gambit was doing in a place like this. The stares he got made him feel dirty and he already had to fight off one man who tried to pin him against the wall. He hadn't even known that such a place existed that close to the mansion. It stank of blood, urine and alcohol and the grins he got told him to be careful. //Why did Gambit come here?//

"Can I help you?" The bartender asked, curiously. They didn't get such pretty boys in here that often.

"I'm looking for a man, auburn hair, tall, wearing a long brown coat." Joseph froze as a hand pinched his butt. "Get your hands off me," he threatened in a dark tone. He didn't want to reveal his powers yet, but wouldn't hesitate to use them in order to get Gambit out of here in one piece.

"Hey, easy there," the man scolded. "I thought you were the submissive kind."

"Submissive?" Joseph considered the word. //What the hell's going on here?//

"Your friend went upstairs with Steve. Why don't you wait until they're finished?" the barkeeper suggested. "Here, have a drink on the house," and offered Joseph a beer.

"Upstairs?" Joseph was getting seriously worried now. "Who is this Steve?"

"Steve's an experienced master. Don't worry, he won't do too much damage. Is the kid your boyfriend?" the barkeeper asked. One phone call to the cops could get him into major trouble. "The kid seemed willing and experienced... or are you angry that he wanted someone else to fuck him for a change?"

"Enough!" Joseph exclaimed and pushed the beer away from him. "What room are they in?" What kind of place was this? Why would anyone assume that he was Gambit's boyfriend and *fucking* the Cajun? Rogue was the only person he'd ever been intimate with!

"The black room," the barkeeper said quickly. "Look, I don't want any trouble. Steve didn't know you owned the kid's ass."

Joseph's eyes narrowed dangerously as he stalked up the stairs. The black room, master, damage, willing... the words made no sense! Looking at the doors, he realized that they all had different colors. He marched towards the black one and stopped in his tracks, hearing a strangled moan.

///

Feeling worried, Steve kneeled beside his new slave and tried to read some emotion on the handsome face. A blindfold covered the young man's eyes. "Are you sure you want to continue?" The younger man responded by clutching the rubber ball harder.

Steve was having second thoughts. Although Remy had eagerly taken all the punishment Steve had handed out, the older man began to feel uncomfortable. He'd already left several bite marks and scratches on Remy's body, at the younger man's own request, but he was getting wary now.

"We will take a break," Steve announced eventually. "I'll be back in a few minutes." He wanted the young slave to think things over. In the meantime, Steve would consider his next move. He wasn't so sure he wanted to continue this session.

///

Joseph heard the last sentence. Realizing that Steve was about to leave the black room, Joseph quickly hid around the corner. Steve stepped outside and descended the stairs. Something about the man gave Joseph the creeps. Steve was only wearing a leather thong and he noticed the droplets of blood on the man's lips. The worried expression in Steve's eyes seemed out of place.

"Gambit?" Joseph said softly as he opened the door. "Are you in there?" Joseph stopped dead in his tracks as he discovered Gambit's battered form in the center of the bed. "What?" he whispered upset. Remy was tied to the bed. Wrists and ankles were restrained, holding the Cajun in place. Remy's head was turned to the left, facing him, and Joseph fought back his nausea as he noticed the large gag in the Cajun's mouth. Gambit wore a silk blindfold and seemed unable to move.

"Oh no," Joseph muttered and quickly made his way over to the bed. He had to help the Cajun. But the closer he got, the more nauseous he became. Bite marks and deep scratches disfigured Gambit's back, arms and thighs, marring the once smooth skin. As he sat down on the side of the bed, Joseph recoiled at the sight of the droplets of blood between Gambit's legs.

He recalled a conversation he'd once had with the professor. He'd seen two men kissing in the shopping mall one day and the professor had told him that two men or two women could date, have a relationship and make love. He'd simply stared at Xavier, trying to figure out how two men could have sex. Later, Charles had explained the dynamics of gay sex to him, but it had remained an alien concept. //Did you have sex with him?// Joseph wondered, remembering the man who'd left the room earlier. //Did he rape you?// Had it been consensual?

Joseph bit down the anger that surfaced at the sight of Gambit's abused body and wondered what to do. "Gambit?" Can you hear me?" He removed the blindfold first and saw that the Cajun's eyes were closed. It would make his work easier if Gambit was unconscious, but he had to know if the Cajun was still lucid. Cautiously, he undid the restraints and then rolled Gambit slowly onto his back. Just seeing the gag revolted Joseph and he gently removed it. This time, the Cajun released a groan. Joseph threw the gag onto the bed, his gesture mirroring his disgust.

"Gambit? Remy? Can you open your eyes?" Joseph pulled Gambit in an upright position and steadied Remy, as the Cajun threatened to fall forward. "What did you do to yourself?"

///

Remy didn't really want to open his eyes. He was hurting badly, but obeyed anyway. The pain was intense, but made him feel *again* and he refused to drop the rubber ball. He wanted Steve to continue the punishment, make him pay for his past stupidity. It didn't matter that all he felt was pain. Maybe the pain would drive away the guilt that had consumed him these past weeks.

"Gambit, open your eyes. Talk to me!"

Huh? That didn't sound like Steve. The man didn't know his code name. Slowly, Remy managed to open his right eye. He froze in horror, seeing Joseph this close. What was Joseph doing here? How had the other mutant found him? "Wh... at...?" Suddenly, he realized that the ball gag was gone and that he could talk again. His mouth had gone awfully dry during this last half hour and his jaw hurt.

"I'm going to get you out of here. You're bleeding, Gambit. You're seriously hurt! Why did you let him do this to you?" Joseph pulled up the sheet and wrapped it around Remy's shivering body. He also noticed the discarded condoms in the waste basket. A sigh escaped him. He'd been worried about Remy contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

"Go... 'way," Remy said in a hoarse tone. "Go... 'way..."

"No, I'm taking you with me," Joseph replied firmly. "And after we've taken care of your injuries, we'll talk."

"Non..." Remy objected. He wanted to stay here, wanted to feel the pain again. Joseph's voice sounded too comforting, too gentle. He didn't deserve such kindness.

Joseph was about to chide Gambit for his stubbornness when the door opened unexpectedly.

Steve entered the room, blinked his eyes and looked at the stranger sitting on the bed. When he'd arrived at the bar, they'd told him about the supposedly jealous boyfriend and he'd rushed back upstairs. He hoped that the jealous boyfriend would go easy on the slave. Plus, he wanted to talk to the white haired man.

"Do you know him?" Steve asked and pointed at Remy. He noticed that the blindfold, gag and restraints had been removed, but didn't comment on it. He had been inclined to end this session anyway.

"His name's Gambit," Joseph said worried, and lifted Remy's motionless body off the bed. "He's coming with me. You hurt him!"

"He wanted me to punish him, almost begged me to do it. I didn't know that he was your slave," Steve admitted. "You should talk to him. His behavior worries me."

"My slave?" Confused, Joseph moved towards the open window and climbed onto the ledge. "He's no one's slave," he stated determinedly and used the Earth's magnetic field to float away from the nightclub. In his arms, he gently clutched an unconscious Gambit to his chest.

///

"Wake up," Joseph gently shook Remy's shoulders. "Wake up, Gambit!"

Remy moaned, as he was dragged back to consciousness. "Go 'way!"

"Is that all you can say?" Joseph whispered softly. "Come on, Remy, open your eyes." He wanted to ask the Cajun so many questions, for example why Gambit's fingers were so tightly curled around a small rubber ball.

Giving in, Remy's eyes flashed open, surprised to find Joseph sitting close. Remaining silent, he took in his surroundings. He'd expected to find himself in the black room, not in the... "Boathouse?"

"Yes, the boathouse," Joseph confirmed. "How do you feel?" He opened the first aid kit, which he'd carried into the bedroom. "I need to disinfect those bites." Hopefully he knew enough of first aid to stop a possible infection. Seeing the marred skin made him furious. How could Gambit have allowed Steve to do this to him?

Suddenly, Remy realized what had happened. "Y' were dere?" Remy stared into Joseph's grey-blue eyes, not understanding why the other mutant was taking care of him... he was a traitor! They were hardly friends and Joseph had ignored him like the others. He couldn't really blame the other man. Rogue had probably asked Joseph to stay clear of him.

Remy vividly recalled seeing Joseph earlier in the black room and asked, "Y' followed me?" He wished that Joseph hadn't seen him tied up like that. Did Joseph consider him a freak, a pervert, now?

Joseph cleaned the bites and scratches on Remy's arms first. He felt Remy flinch and cringed himself. He didn't want to inflict this pain on his team-mate. "I saw you take off on your bike and got worried."

"Worried?" Remy echoed the word, unable to comprehend its meaning. "Worried? 'bout moi?" No one worried about him these days! Looking at Joseph's hand, he noticed the gentleness with which the other mutant cleaned his wounds. "I don' understand," Remy admitted, choking up. Intense emotions of anger and concern emanated from Joseph and their presence partly mystified Remy. He understood why Joseph felt angry. After all, Remy was responsible for getting the Morlocks killed, but why did the other mutant feel concerned?

"Can you sit up?" Joseph waited for Remy to comply. Noticing Remy's awkward movement, he wondered how much damage Steve had done.

Remy pushed himself into a sitting position and winced at the pain that cut through his lower body. He'd wanted Steve to be brutal when taking him and the older man had complied, only using spit as lubrication after Steve had put on the condom. Without properly preparing him, Steve had entered him. He'd been riding red hot waves of pain when Steve had started to thrust. Suddenly, Remy felt terribly ashamed of his earlier behavior. "See? I can sit upright." He regretted the move though as a sharp knife cut through his lower body.

"Are you sure? You're..." Joseph hesitated, feeling uncomfortable addressing this. "You're bleeding down there." He didn't know how to bring this up. "Is that normal? Is there something I can do to ease the pain?" Rogue never bled when they made love, but Joseph assumed it was different when a man was penetrated.

"Don' worry 'bout it. It'll stop." Remy forced out the words from between clenched teeth. "I can take care of m'self." He fought the urge to slap Joseph's hand away, while the other mutant determinedly continued to clean all scratches on his chest. "Y' don' have to do dat," Remy whispered. Why was Joseph still here? Why had the man followed him to the nightclub in the first place? Peeking at Joseph, Remy wondered if Rogue would throw a tantrum once she found out that her lover had tended to his wounds.

"Why did you let him hurt you?" Joseph cleaned an especially deep bite and tried to catch Remy's eyes. "I won't judge you. Please talk to me. Make me understand?" Although he was worried about the bites, he really wished he could so something to stop the bleeding. Knowing that Gambit was hurting in such a private place made him uncomfortable.

Remy shifted on the bed, trying to get more comfortable, but the pain and soreness didn't grow less. He had to lie down again, but didn't want to lose face in front of Joseph. Biting down the pain, he tried to meet Joseph's questioning glance.

Joseph noticed the slumped shoulders, the obvious pain in Remy's alien eyes and said, "I can see you're hurting. Don't try to pretend you're fine." He'd finished cleaning the bites and scratches on Remy's chest and arms, but he still had to attend to the injuries on the Cajun's back. "Maybe a bath would help?"

Listlessly, Remy nodded his head. He simply didn't have the strength to argue. All he wanted was to lie down and relive the pain in his dreams. He hadn't paid enough for his crimes. Involuntarily, he clutched the rubber ball harder.

Joseph noticed the tightening fingers, but reserved his questions for later. "Stay here, I'll start the bath." Joseph hurried into the bathroom, made sure the tub was being filled with warm water and then returned to the bedroom. During his short absence, Remy had manoeuvred himself onto his left side. Joseph stared at the raw marks on the Cajun's back. Gently, he cleaned those as well. Gambit's silence worried him and he asked, "Are you still awake?"

"Oui," Remy sighed and shivered violently. Steve had done more damage than he'd thought. "De bat'?" Although he craved the return of the pain, taking a bath sounded incredibly comforting.

"It should be ready by now." Joseph helped Remy to his feet and saw the droplets of blood that now stained the sheet. "McCoy should have a look at you. You may need stitches." Remy didn't react verbally, but Joseph felt him tense up. Supporting Remy, Joseph tried hard not to peek at the Cajun's battered body. "The water temperature should be just right," he said, trying to settle their nerves when he lowered Remy slowly into the bathtub. "Better?"

Remy closed his eyes and nodded his head once. "Oui, merci." He didn't know what to make of Joseph's concern. "Shouldn' y' be wit' Rogue?" Finding out that she'd taken Joseph as her lover had hurt him tremendously, but not as much as the fact that she'd left him to die in Antarctica. His heart had broken when she'd flown away and he'd realized that she'd never really *loved* him. True love was unconditional and so, so damn rare that he was still looking for it. Briefly, he'd thought that he'd found it with Rogue. He'd been so wrong!

Joseph sat on his heels and used the sponge to carefully wash the Cajun's face. "I choose to be here with you now." He helped Remy lean forward and gently washed away the remnants of dried blood on the Cajun's back. "You never answered my question," he reminded Remy. "Why did you let him hurt you?" Remy's soft sobs took him completely by surprise. "Gambit? Remy?"

"Don' fuss over me like dis!" Remy exclaimed, panicking. "I don' deserve y'r kindness! I wanted him to hurt me!"

"But why?" Shocked, Joseph dropped the sponge into the water. He waited for Remy to lift his eyes and gasped, seeing the pain in them. "Why? Why did you want him to hurt you?"

"Cause I got dem killed!" Remy shook violently. "Cause I got dem killed!"

The pieces of the puzzle fell into place. "The Morlocks?" Joseph had noticed the way the X-Men had shut Gambit out, but he'd counted on them to rebuild the friendship eventually. They'd even taken him in when they thought that he was Magneto! Why shun Gambit for making an error in judgement?

"Oui, de Morlocks," Remy choked out. He wrapped his arms around his waist and rocked back and forth. "Didn' know he wanted dem killed. Didn' know, I swear!"

Joseph landed flat on his butt as an outside force tore into his mind. The raw pain and guilt were overwhelming. It felt like having Xavier or Jean in his mind, but this was different somehow. He didn't receive any thoughts, only emotions. "Are you an empath, Gambit?"

Shocked, Remy looked at Joseph. "Mon Dieu, didn' want it to slip. Please don' tell dem... please don'..." Clutching the rubber ball for comfort, Remy stared pleadingly at Joseph. "Don' tell dem dat I'm an empat'. Dey'll t'ink I manipulated deir emotions!"

Seeing the emotional state Remy was in, Joseph immediately reassured the Cajun. "I won't tell anyone. I promise."

"Merci, merci!" Remy rambled, relieved. "Merci, Josep'."

Joseph smiled. He couldn't help it. The tension was getting too much.

"What?" Remy whispered, apprehensively.

"My name sounds... funny, the way you say it. I never noticed it before." Joseph studied Gambit, who looked a little better and more in control. "Ready to go back to bed?" He got to his feet and gathered some large, fluffy towels.

"Like I've got a choice," Remy mumbled, trying to joke, but unable to pull it off. The pain in his lower body had retreated a little and he reckoned the bleeding had stopped. He would be sore for days though.

"Remy, can I ask you something?" Joseph unfolded the towels and watched as Gambit shakily pushed himself out of the water. He was ready to catch the Cajun, should Remy fall.

"Oui." Remy had to lean heavily on Joseph or he would have stumbled over his own two feet.

"Why are you holding onto that rubber ball?" Joseph wrapped the large towels around Remy's form and encouraged the Cajun to lean against him.

Remy flinched. "Reminds me of de pain."

Joseph gently curled his fingers around Remy's. "It's over, Remy. Give me the rubber ball."

Remy considered fighting Joseph, but realized that he didn't have the strength to resist. "Bien," he whispered eventually and raised his hand.

"Let go," Joseph repeated as Remy's fingers remained locked around it.

"I can'..." Remy mumbled, close to tears. "I can'..." His fingers refused to let go.

Gently, Joseph pried the rubber ball from Remy's fingers. In the rubber, he could see the indentations, which the Cajun's fingernails had left behind. He slipped the ball into a pocket and tried to make eye-contact with Gambit, who seemed stunned... no, more like *shocked*.

"Why are y' takin' care 'o me?" Joseph was the last person he'd thought was interested in his well being now that the other mutant was Rogue's lover.

"I told you before. I'm worried about you." Joseph felt Remy's knees buckle and quickly tightened his hold. Remy's moan told him that he'd somehow hurt the other man. "Let me do this my way," Joseph said and used his powers to magnetically carry Remy, leaving ample room between his arms and the Cajun's body, as he didn't want to put more pressure on the abused skin. But he wanted to let Remy know that he wasn't alone, so he pretended to still carry him in his arms.

"I hate it when y' do dat."

"Use my powers?"

"Non, not givin' me any warning 'fore y' do," Remy whispered, trying to lessen the tension between them. "Merci," he murmured, barely audible, as Joseph helped him to lie down in bed. "Feelin' better 'ready."

Joseph covered Remy with blankets and then straddled a chair. "Do you still hurt?"

"A lil'," Remy admitted. "Mais I can handle it." Seeing Joseph's stern expression, Remy realized that he wasn't off the hook yet. "Can' talk 'bout it now." Talking about the pain would make it go away and he clung to it like a lifeline, as it helped to lock out Joseph's feelings. He wasn't worthy to feel Joseph's concern.

Joseph detected the hint of fear in Remy's tone and decided to give the Cajun time. Remy had sought refuge in pain, and to Joseph that indicated how emotionally unstable Gambit was right now.  "Do you think you can sleep?"

"Non," Remy replied honestly. Tears were building in his eyes and he fought them back ferociously. "Haven' slept bien since... de ice..."

"I understand." Joseph licked his lips. "I don't have such great memories either when it comes down to Antarctica." He'd faced his own personal hell in the fortress.

Remy blinked his eyes. "Y' got hurt too. Can y' still sleep?"

"I toss and turn a lot during the night. It irritated Rogue..."

Remy immediately noticed the past tense. "Irritated. Did de bad dreams go 'way den?"

"The nightmares are growing less," Joseph admitted and then decided to be completely honest with Remy. "Rogue and I are no longer together." Seeing the shock in Remy's eyes surprised Joseph. "We didn't work out."

"I'm sorry," Remy said truthfully. "T'oug't dat y' would be happy toget'er." He was no longer interested in getting together with Rogue. Not after she'd left him to die in Antarctica.

"You should try to sleep. You look exhausted." Joseph couldn't help fussing over Gambit. The Cajun's general condition worried him. He'd been shocked to find out how much weight Gambit had lost. When he'd tended to Gambit's injuries, he'd been able to count his ribs. "And maybe some soup when you wake up again?"

"Told y', can' sleep." Embarrassed, Remy turned onto his left side, facing away from Joseph. He couldn't bear to see the concern in those gentle eyes. He didn't deserve this kindness!

Joseph licked his lips and said, "What if I kept you company?" Feeling Rogue close had helped him sleep. Maybe having someone close would keep Remy's nightmares away as well.

Speechless, Remy remained quiet. He couldn't believe that Joseph had made that offer. "Y' don' have to stay," he said eventually, trying to reign in his emotions. Joseph's offer meant a lot to him. It was the first time since Antarctica that someone was reaching out to him.

Joseph got to his feet and sat down on the side of the bed behind Remy. Hesitantly, he raised his right hand and placed it on Remy's shoulder. The Cajun flinched at the touch. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but as an empath you've only been receiving negative emotions since your return." Remy nodded his head once and encouraged, Joseph continued. "Wouldn't experiencing some positive emotions make you feel better? I can provide those... if you let me." All Remy had felt lately was hate and loathing and Joseph felt bad for not reaching out sooner.

Remy squeezed his eyes shut. It was amazing, but true; he didn't sense any hate in Joseph's mind. Actually, now that he was focusing on the other mutant's feelings, his pain and guilt were moving into the back of his mind. It was the first time that the guilt left him alone. "Y' don' blame me for de Massacre?"

"No, I don't. I blame Sinister and the Marauders." Joseph lay down on the bed and wondered what to do next. If Remy were female he'd spoon up behind the warm body, but he wasn't sure how the Cajun would react. Also, Joseph wondered why it didn't bother him to be this close to Remy. 

Remy tensed. Had Joseph just gotten into bed with him? Why would the other man do that? He was a traitor, didn't that knowledge repulse Joseph? Concentrating on the other mutant's emotions, Remy was startled to feel only concern and warmth. Joseph was really trying to send him those warm, positive emotions he'd offered. Unable to repress his tears any longer, they flowed down his cheeks and dripped from his chin.

"Are you crying?" Joseph heard the suppressed sobs and turned onto his side, towards Remy, and watched how the Cajun's body shook with emotion. He discarded any unease he felt and moved closer, spooning behind Remy. He wrapped one arm around the Cajun's waist and lifted Remy's head so his other arm could slip beneath Gambit's face.

"You can talk to me," Joseph offered, after quickly tucking the blankets in around their forms. It didn't matter that he felt slightly uncomfortable holding Gambit, what did matter was offering comfort and reassurance to the empath. No wonder that Remy was an emotional wreck after being exposed to hate and loathing these past weeks.

Remy couldn't believe that Joseph had spooned up behind him, holding him close. He'd never expected Joseph to cross that bridge. Offering comfort was one thing, actually delivering it another. "Can' find de words," Remy explained, fatigued. It felt good to be held, to be wrapped up in body heat. "Sorry... merci," he whispered, confused. Joseph's closeness and the unexpected warm feelings lured him into a sense of safety.

"Close your eyes, Gambit. Allow yourself to doze off. We'll deal with this after you rested." Joseph stared at an ugly bite just beneath Remy's neck and reigned in his anger. The empath needed calm and comfort, not anger. Involuntarily, he noticed how different a man's body felt to a woman's and he had to admit he liked holding Remy in his arms. 

Remy's sobs faded as he surrendered to the warmth that Joseph's body and mind radiated. For the first time since his personal nightmare had started, he managed to fall asleep.

///

Remy stirred from a surprisingly peaceful sleep when delicious fragrances drifted into his nostrils. Did he really smell coffee and fresh croissants? No, that couldn't be. He was probably still dreaming. Stretching his body, he hissed as an unexpected pain washed over him. His back hurt and so did his stomach. His skin itched and... his eyes flashed open as his memories returned... he'd allowed Steve to hurt him and then Joseph had held him in his sleep.

This unexpected change from intense pain to incredible warmth and comfort had shattered his defenses. Joseph had battered down his carefully constructed walls. But why was Joseph so eager to look after him?

"Mon Dieu," he whispered, appalled at his own behavior. Had he really asked Steve to hurt him that badly? Yes, he had. His eyes began to water and embarrassed he hid beneath the blankets. He couldn't face Joseph, who was probably preparing breakfast right now, which would explain the delicious smells. Breakfast? How long had he slept? It had been evening when he'd driven to the nightclub. He hadn't had a night of undisturbed sleep for weeks. Had Joseph's presence made the difference? Remy knew it had.

"Remy?" Joseph leaned against the doorframe as he studied the hidden form beneath the covers. "Join me for breakfast?" Joseph felt confused, but managed to hide it. When he'd woken this morning with Remy snuggled close to him, he'd found himself fingering those auburn locks. He'd been shocked when his body had reacted to Remy's presence and he'd quickly fled the bed before Remy would wake up. Joseph had feared having to explain why his erection had pressed against the Cajun's buttocks. This was the first time that he was feeling attracted to Gambit and he was probably reacting this way because Remy needed someone to help him through this. "Have breakfast with me?" he repeated when he didn't get an answer and then headed for the bed.

Reluctantly, Remy pulled down the covers and peeked at Joseph. "Why are y' still here?" Then he remembered that Joseph and Rogue were no longer together. //Why stay wit' me?//

"We still need to talk about what happened yesterday," Joseph said resolved. "But you should eat first." He wouldn't give in until Remy had told him why he'd wanted Steve to hurt him. Joseph wanted to make sure that it would never happen again. Finding Remy in that state had shocked him.

"Why? Y' t'ink I'm too skinny?" Remy didn't know what to think about that. Yes, he'd lost weight, but it wasn't *that* bad. No one could blame him for losing his appetite after Antarctica!

"You are."

Remy flinched. Maybe Joseph was right. His appetite had disappeared with his ability to sleep properly.

Joseph placed the sweats, which he'd found in the closet earlier, on the bed. "Can you put them on yourself or do you need my help?" He'd seen Remy naked last night and was quickly losing his shyness. If Remy needed help, he'd get it.

"I can get dressed 'lone," Remy whispered, embarrassed.

"Call me when you're dressed? I'll help you down the stairs." Giving Remy some privacy, Joseph left the room and waited in the corridor. He listened closely, determined to pick up on any sounds of distress or discomfort.

Taking his time, Remy finally slipped into the sweat pants and T-shirt. "Ready." He leaned against the wall, as he felt wobbly on his feet. Getting dressed had exhausted him and he flinched at that realization. He hated to admit that he was in a bad shape.

Joseph wrapped an arm around Remy's waist and walked him slowly towards the stairs. He noticed how cautious Remy set down his feet, moving awkwardly and he realized that the Cajun still felt sore. "Careful now." However, he was relieved that Remy accepted his support and didn't push him away.

Remy chuckled softly. "Y're a mot'er hen."

"Don't tell the others," Joseph said, joking along as he helped Remy descend the stairs. He didn't really want to ask this, but he had to know. If the answer was affirmative, he'd insist they visited the medical lab where Hank could examine Gambit. "Are you still bleeding?"

Remy tensed up at once, hearing such an intimate question. Did Joseph really worry that much about him? "I..." Stammering, he looked at the floor. "Non, it stopped."

"And that's the truth?" Joseph tried to sound casual, not distrustful. "I don't want you to be in pain."

"Merci," Remy said surprised. A smile surfaced on Remy's face when he saw that Joseph had placed a pillow on the seat of his chair. Joseph had never struck him as thoughtful, but Remy had to admit that he didn't really know the man that well. It was a pity that Rogue had prevented them from becoming friends. Sometimes, Remy wondered if Rogue played them both. Sitting down carefully, he released a sigh. "Merci," he whispered again, wondering how many times he'd already thanked Joseph.

Joseph poured them some coffee and orange juice, and placed one croissant on Remy's plate. "Eat."

Remy smiled, amused. "Oui, mère." He then realized that Joseph was watching him, making sure he ate. Remy allowed himself to study Joseph closely. The long white hair reached Joseph's hips and the dreamy grey-blue eyes were strangely intense. //Oui, I understand why Rogue would want him...// Remy sipped his coffee and buttered his croissant. He'd better eat something before Joseph would start force feeding him!

"Why did you go to that nightclub?" Joseph asked when Remy least expected it.

"De nightclub?" Remy mumbled, after placing his coffee mug back on the table. "Y' wouldn' understand."

"Try me," Joseph challenged him. Remy seemed to withdraw into himself and Joseph acted on impulse as he placed his hand on Remy's. Maybe all the empath needed was some physical contact to hold onto. "You mentioned the Morlocks last night."

"I got dem killed." How many times had he told Joseph? How many more times did he have to say it before the other man turned away from him in disgust?

"The Marauders killed them." Joseph carefully considered his next words. "You were told that you're responsible for their deaths and now you believe it. You feel guilty, solely responsible for the Morlock's deaths."

Remy cringed. Joseph had gotten it right in one go. "I gat'ered de Mauraders. I got dem killed."

"Yes, you gathered the Marauders, but no, you're not responsible for their deeds." Joseph nudged Remy to take another bite of his croissant. "You didn't get the Morlocks killed. Sinister ordered them killed." He realized that he'd have to repeat this many times before Remy would believe him. "Is that why you allowed Steve to hurt you? Do you think you need to be punished?" It sounded logical, but Joseph couldn't believe that Remy had actually come to that conclusion. The tears that appeared in Remy's eyes told him that he'd been right. "Oh no."

"Mais it's true," Remy whispered, avoiding Joseph's eyes. "X-Men are punishin' me too... dey don' talk to me any longer... Cyke asked me to move into de boathouse..." and that was where he was now. "Looks like he got what he wanted."

Joseph realized he had to take more drastic measures and got to his feet. He sat on his heels next to Remy and gathered the Cajun's hands in his. "Remy? Listen to me. After we got back from Antarctica things went wrong. The X-Men forgave me, even welcomed me back and Rogue... wanted me to stay as well. When you got back you only got hate and they turned their backs on you. That wasn't right. I saw it happen, but didn't do anything to set things straight. They forgave me... they should have forgiven you too."

Joseph caught Remy in his arms as the Cajun slumped forward, too tired to keep up the pretence that he could deal with the hurt and pain. "I'll help you through this. You don't deserve to be treated like that. Don't ever again allow someone to hurt you like Steve did? My heart almost stopped beating when I found you restrained and bleeding in that room." Joseph opted for the truth, knowing that the empath would sense his sincerity.

"W-w-wanted to feel 'gain-n-n," Remy stuttered, shakily. Joseph had broken down his last defense. "Deir hate... deir disgust... couldn' take it any longer... pain was a relief." He hid deeper in Joseph's embrace, not even wondering why the other mutant was holding him this tightly. It felt good... he was finally able to *feel* again and this time the emotions that flowed into his mind were warm and caring. These feelings had been strangers to him during these last weeks.

Joseph merely held him and stroked the auburn hair. Remy's tears wet his shirt and it felt good to see the Cajun cry, knowing that Gambit was finally opening up. "It's all right. Let it go." Joseph wondered why he felt the sudden urge to kiss those tears away. Maybe it was because Remy's pain reached so deep that he wanted to heal it whatever way possible. "I understand why you went there, but promise me that you'll never hurt yourself like that again?" Joseph cupped Remy's chin in the palm of his hand and made the Cajun look up. "I'm worried about you. Please understand me as well?"

"Promise," Remy choked out and wiped away his tears with the back of his hand. The expression in Joseph's eyes was warm and tender and took his breath away. Joseph's affectionate feelings wrapped him up in a cloak of warmth and security. "I ain' hungry, mais I'd like to lie down 'gain," he admitted, as his body reminded him of the punishment it had taken.

Pleased, Joseph nodded his head. "Finish your breakfast and I'll help you back to bed."

"Could y'... keep me..." Remy hesitated. He couldn't impose on Joseph like that. Just because the other man had been willing to hold him last night, didn't mean Joseph would offer it again. "Keep me company?" he begged, averting his eyes and staring at his plate. Remy quickly finished the croissant and emptied his orange juice. Last night he'd felt so warm, so protected, even wanted. The look that Joseph gave him made Remy blush.

"I'll keep you company." Joseph never considered refusing the Cajun. The dark circles beneath Remy's eyes told Joseph how little sleep Gambit had gotten lately. Joseph helped Remy to his feet and steadied him as they made their way back to the bed.

"Sit down," he instructed and lifted Remy's feet onto the bed when the Cajun lay down. Remy immediately turned onto his side and Joseph took it as a hint that the empath wanted him to spoon up behind him. Lying down, Joseph moved closer and manoeuvred them into the same position as they'd been in last night. "Warm enough?" he inquired as he pulled up the blankets. Rogue had seldom let him hold her like this. She'd liked it best when he'd stayed on his side of the bed. But he preferred sleeping snuggled up close, like this.

Remy smiled, lazily. //Mon Dieu, dis feels so bien!// Suddenly, he remembered that Joseph had asked him a question. "Oui, warm 'nough. Merci for puttin' up wit' me." His exhausted body urged him to close his eyes and catch up on his sleep. Joseph's calm and soothing emotions washed over him; assuring him he was safe and watched over.

"Go to sleep then," Joseph whispered softly. Too late did he realize that he'd just pressed a kiss on Remy's hair. Feeling nervous, he wondered how Remy would react to that. He was about to apologize when Remy's steady breathing told him that the Cajun had fallen asleep. Joseph relaxed, cuddled Remy closer and caressed the auburn locks.

Part 2

During the evening Joseph opened his eyes again. He hadn't even realized that he'd fallen asleep while holding Remy in his arms. For long hours he'd tried to decide what to do about the Cajun. It was obvious that Remy shouldn't be alone now and yet, Remy had told him that Scott wanted the Cajun to move into the boathouse and out of the mansion. That was a bad decision, in Joseph's opinion. Or maybe it wasn't? He reconsidered; being away from the spiteful feelings might be a blessing for the Cajun.

"'s cold... non, stop... 's cold..."

Remy moved about wildly in his arms and Joseph felt strangely helpless. What should he do? Hold Remy tight and make sure the Cajun couldn't hurt himself or let him thrash while nightmares tormented him? Rogue had never had nightmares and Joseph bit his lower lip.

"'s cold... don'! I don' wanna... stop!"

Joseph figured that the nightmare probably was about Antarctica and following his instincts, he rolled Remy onto his back so he could see the other man's face. The eyes were tightly clenched shut and a fine layer of sweat had appeared on the Cajun's brow. //I've got to wake him.// Joseph suddenly realized that he hated seeing Remy in such pain.

Carefully, he closed his fingers over Remy's right hand and rubbed it soothingly. "Remy, wake up. You're having a nightmare." His own nightmares had never been this bad! Joseph now gently shook the Cajun's shoulders, trying to get through to the other man. He was inclined to raise his voice, but didn't. Instead, he tried to sound gentle and concerned.

"Remy? It's okay to wake up. You're not alone. Just focus on my concern." Joseph got into a kneeling position beside Remy, hooked his arms behind the Cajun's back and pulled the other man upright, offering Gambit the safety of his arms. Acting on instinct, Remy snuggled up to Joseph. "That's it, now open your eyes and see that it was just a nightmare."

Embarrassed, Remy's eyes slowly opened. His body still shook with remembered cold and he wondered why his surroundings were warm. Making out a form in front of him, he first noticed the long white hair that was draped partially over him like a protective blanket. "Joe?" Remy whispered the name, almost afraid that saying it out loud would make the other man disappear.

"Good, you're waking up," Joseph said pleased. Quickly, his eyes scanned the Cajun's features. The tension was leaving Remy's body. "I'm going to lie you down again." As he did, he checked the time on the large clock hanging above the doorway. It was almost dinner time. They had been asleep for 6 hours. "Are you hungry?"

"Non," Remy replied truthfully as he regulated his breathing. That nightmare had been awfully realistic and he'd been certain that he was back in Antarctica.

"Stay in bed," Joseph instructed and began to untangle his arms and legs from Remy's form. "I'm going back to the mansion..." He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence as the tension in Remy's body fully returned.

"'s okay," Remy mumbled and quickly averted his eyes. Staring at the ceiling, he felt grateful that Joseph had stayed this long in the first place. "I can manage." But he wasn't so sure of that. The only thing that had kept him from brooding was Joseph's company and he couldn't tell what would happen after the other man had left. //Probably curl up here and never leave de bed 'gain...// But he couldn't tell Joseph that, he had to pretend he was feeling better.

In disbelief, Joseph watched Remy clumsily climb out of bed. "What are you doing?" Remy should stay in bed and rest!

"Taking a shower," Remy replied. He still felt dirty and wanted to wash the last remnants of Steve's scent off of him. After that, he'd return to bed, hopefully fall asleep, and as far as he was concerned never wake up again. With Joseph gone, no one would be there to pull him back to reality.

Joseph's eyes narrowed dangerously, expressing his displeasure. "Let me finish my sentence. I'm going back to the mansion to get food and clean clothes."

Remy flinched at hearing those words. Merde! "Y're comin' back?" He didn't know how he felt about that. A part of him wanted Joseph to come back, to stay close and take care of him. Another part insisted that Joseph had better things to do than look after a traitor, who was bent on hurting himself in order to do penance for his crimes. Offense was sometimes the best defense and he said, "Y' should talk to Rogue and make t'ings right between y' two 'gain."

Joseph easily detected the evasive expression in Remy's eyes, which indicated that the Cajun thought it was time for him to leave the boathouse. Why was that? "Rogue and I should keep some distance right now."

Remy slowly walked into the bathroom, trying to deny that Joseph's warm concern was calling him back. Remaining silent, he began to take off his clothes. He flinched, seeing his reflection. Steve had left bite marks all over his body. Feeling ashamed, Remy wrapped his arms around his waist, hugging himself tightly. His reflection disgusted him.

Quickly, he stepped into the shower cabin and let the hot water warm his icy body. Pinching his eyes shut, he tried to hold back the tears that wanted to break free. Had he messed up again? Why did he suddenly feel bad about asking Steve to punish him? He'd wanted it at the time.

Remy startled as Joseph stepped into the bathroom. Through the steamy glass of the shower cabin he vaguely made out the other mutant's form. What did Joseph want?

"I figured you might need some towels," Joseph explained and placed them on the toilet seat. Confused, he wondered what to do next. He didn't feel like leaving the Cajun alone right now, but if Remy wanted to be alone he couldn't impose himself. "I'll be going then..." Hopefully, Remy would ask him to come back later.

"Bien," Remy said, loud enough for Joseph to hear. "Bye."

Joseph stared at the shower cabin and faintly made out Remy's form. "You can call me at the mansion in case..." Again, Remy cut him off.

"I'm bien, don' need a baby sitter." Remy tried to push Joseph out of his life, although he secretly craved the other man's company. "Y' don' have to stay at de boathouse. Scott asked *me* to move out, not y'."

Joseph turned away and walked into the bedroom, pondering Remy's words. He picked up his coat on the way out and started to walk towards the mansion. Yes, it was true; Scott had never asked him to move out, but he would always be an outsider. He figured that the X-Men only accepted him because he dated Rogue and she was one of them. Things might change now that Rogue and he were no longer together.

Looking over his shoulder, Joseph's eyes sought out Remy's bedroom window. He didn't trust the Cajun to take care of himself, not after what he'd witnessed at the nightclub. His restless hands located the small rubber ball that he'd pried from Remy's fingers. The way Remy had clung to it still unnerved Joseph. //I'll check on him later tonight,// he vowed.

///

Remy switched off the water and opened the cabin door. A cold breeze drifted inside and made him shiver. He felt grateful that Joseph had brought the towels and wrapped the soft fabric around his body. Sluggishly, he made his way back to the bed and then collapsed on it. "Ouch," he whispered, now that no one could hear him. His lower body still hurt and sitting upright was just downright painful. He lay down and curled up on his left side.

Growing cold already, he ignored the comforter, leaving it at his feet. Motionless, he stared at the window. Only moments ago Joseph's body heat had warmed him and the other mutant's concern had been protectively wrapped around his mind.

Why had he told Joseph to leave? Joseph had been willing to care for him. Joseph's feelings had told him that, but Remy had pushed him away. Feeling vulnerable, he wondered what to do. He couldn't go back to the night club, the promise of pain no longer held as much promise as it did before. What he really wanted was to pull Joseph close and bury himself against the man's warm body.

"'s wrong..." He shouldn't feel like this. Joseph was Rogue's ex-lover.

//And so are y',// the small voice in the back of his head reminded him.

"Dey'll be lovers 'gain," he stated determinedly. "Dey were happy toget'er."

//Are y' sure? Joseph ended deir relationship.//

"He'll wake up and realize she's de one for him," Remy mumbled into the pillows and closed his eyes.

//She'll be mad wit' him when she finds out he helped y'.//

"Oui, mais why? I disappeared from her life. I stay 'way from her, never approach her..." Remy knew she'd be mad as Hell, but why? He ruled out that she still loved him and would have wanted to be the one to look after him. It was more likely that she wanted him to suffer alone.

Remy pulled the other pillow closer and wrapped his arms around it, pretending it was Joseph; that the other man had never left him. Remembering the gentleness with which Joseph had cleaned his wounds, Remy swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. //Joseph cares 'bout me... mais why?//

He willed his thoughts to stop running in circles. His mind turned blank and his now expressionless eyes stared into nothingness.

///

The moment Joseph entered the mansion he halted in his tracks. Coming from the living room was Rogue's voice, asking Scott where she could find Joseph. He drew in a deep breath and stepped into the living room. One look at Rogue told him to be wary. Her eyes revealed her anger and yet, he could tell by the look on her face that she'd try to humor him.

"Ah couldn't find yuh," she said softly, batting her eyelashes and looking at him pleadingly.

The sudden change of emotions displayed on her face and in her eyes startled Joseph. Only a moment ago those eyes had been filled with rage. She was a much better actress than he'd thought.

Scott felt the tension and excused himself. This was between Rogue and Joseph and they had to talk things out.

Joseph walked over to the window and watched as the first drops of rain tapped against the glass. "I needed some time alone."

Rogue moved towards him and rested her right hand on his shoulder. "Ah wanna talk about what happened... Ah wanna be with yuh. What we have is good. We shouldn't throw it away like that."

Joseph considered her words. "Rogue, you're the first person I ever loved, made love with, but..."

Rogue removed her hand, hearing that last word. "But what?"

"I'm no longer in love with you." Joseph heard Rogue's sharp intake of breath, but didn't turn around. Looking her in the eyes would further upset her. "We did the right thing when we broke up."

"Yuh dumped me!" Rogue exclaimed infuriated. "Ah can't believe yuh are doin' this tuh me! Yuh are the only one who can touch me!"

"Rogue," Joseph said softly. "I wanted to discuss this two nights ago and you accused me of manipulating you. We can't even talk about this without you... blaming me." He was treading on very thin ice. She had an explosive disposition and Joseph never knew what reaction to expect. "You can't change my mind. It's over, Rogue. I'm sorry, but..."

"This ain't over yet, Joseph." The warning was obvious. "Yuh can't stop loving me like that! Are yuh seeing someone else? Is that it? Someone who's got more experience in bed than me?" Rogue's hands became fists.

"That isn't the reason why I can't stay in this relationship, Rogue, and you know that. Something's wrong with the way we treat each other." But Joseph thought, //Something's wrong with the way you treat *me*.// If only he had more experience in making relationships work! Then he could perhaps figure out what it was that made him so uncomfortable.

"Can't Ah convince yuh to try again, Joe? Ah love yuh. Ah don't wanna lose yuh." Rogue felt torn between begging Joseph to take her back and kicking his ass to Mars.

"No, Rogue, I'm truly sorry." Joseph shook his head to emphasize his decision. "We should stay away from each other for a while."

"Ah'm not leaving the mansion," Rogue declared and walked away from him. "Yuh betta pay attention yuh don't run into me. This is my home, not yurs. The X-Men only took yuh in because Ah'm one of them. Yuh ain't."

Joseph turned around and stared at her. "What did you say?"

"Yuh heard me!" Rogue said defensively. "Someone had to tell yuh the truth. Yuh should have figured it out by now!"

Joseph swallowed the anger that threatened to lash out at her. Marching towards her, he caught the unexpected glint of surprised fear in her eyes. He passed her by and left her standing.

Rogue bowed her head. She'd hoped that getting her anger out would make her feel better... it didn't.

///

Joseph went to his room and dropped onto his bed. It had been a while since he'd come here last. He'd moved into Rogue's room right after they'd become an item. Now that he looked around, he realized how cold and impersonal his room looked.

Rogue's words didn't surprise him. He knew she'd try to hurt him the only way she could, by reminding him of the fact that he wasn't a real X-Man and that he didn't belong with the group. It didn't matter that he wasn't Magneto, he'd always be the outsider, much like Gambit was.

"Remy..." Joseph got up from the bed and walked over to the window. In the distance he saw the outline of the boathouse. Had he done the right thing by leaving or should he have stayed to look after Remy? But the Cajun was a grown man and he shouldn't impose himself on Remy.

//But you saw that he couldn't take care of himself! He hurt himself!//

Joseph tried to shut out the nagging voice in his head. //He knows that what he did was wrong. Remy won't try hurting himself again.//

//How can you be sure?// the voice questioned.

Growing worried, Joseph had to admit that he couldn't be sure while he was at the mansion. In order to convince himself that the Cajun was fine, he had to return to the boathouse.

//Do you really think he's going to make a trip to the grocery store for food? Except for some canned foods there was nothing in the cupboards,// the persistent voice reminded him.

Yes, Remy's apparent weight loss worried Joseph, he couldn't deny that. What if Remy conveniently 'forgot' to eat? Was he willing to take that risk? After all, he was the only one who seemed worried about the Cajun.

//They kicked him out, shunned him... if things had gone differently when you came back from Antarctica you might have gotten the same treatment. Then it would have been *you* in the boathouse, deserted and abandoned, wishing someone would...//

"Shut up! Joseph exclaimed. "I understand what you're trying to do! You win! I'm going back." Joseph shook his head as he headed towards the kitchen to collect some leftovers. His conscience had never before acted up like this!

///

Several minutes later, Scott entered the kitchen and watched Joseph stuff the leftover chicken, potatoes and soup into a box. Raising an eyebrow, he wondered what Joseph was up to. "Didn't you miss dinner?" he recalled.

"Yes, I did," Joseph replied. Scott's unexpected presence irritated him a little. Seeing the unspoken question on Scott's face, Joseph said, "Rogue and I are no longer together."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Scott whispered. He didn't really know how he felt about this development. The fact that Rogue had dumped Remy to be with Joseph troubled him. Had she chosen to be with Joseph just because they could touch? Was that why she claimed she loved Joseph? Did she really love him? Or was it just the fact that he could touch her? Those were private questions, which he couldn't ask Joseph.

Joseph looked at Scott, wishing once again that he could see the man's eyes. "How much did you hear?"

"The last bit," Scott admitted. "I was on my way to the professor's study. It would be best if you tried to stay away from her. Rogue can be unpredictable."

Joseph's decision was quickly made. "I'll move into the boathouse then." He watched Scott, curious to see the man's reaction.

"The boathouse?" Scott wavered. "I asked Remy to move there."

Joseph recalled that Remy had mentioned that. "Why ban him to the boathouse?" Why forgive him and condemn Remy?

"I'm not banishing him from the mansion," Scott clarified. Asking Remy to move out had been hard on him. He respected the Cajun, who had showed many times that he was loyal to the X-Men, but the situation was becoming unbearable at the mansion. Storm, Warren, Rogue and even Bobby seemed to grow more irritated the longer Remy stayed close. Asking Remy to move out had repulsed him and Scott felt miserable for giving into the pressure. He should have taken charge earlier and now it was might be too late.

Scott had seen the shock in Remy's eyes and had wanted to explain his request, but the Cajun had fled the room before Scott could clarify his action. Scott's cowardice was inexcusable. He could only hope that Remy would figure out why Scott had asked him to leave for now.

Remembering Joseph's question, Scott added, "Maybe it would help if Remy had some company at the boathouse. Actually... I like the idea of you moving in with Remy."

Joseph studied Scott closely. As far as he could tell the man was sincere, but he'd proven himself to be a lousy judge of character so far. He'd completely misunderstood Rogue. "I'll keep an eye on Gambit," he said eventually.

"I appreciate that," Scott said softly. "I'm worried about Remy. He hasn't been the same since he returned from..."

"Antarctica, Scott," Joseph supplied helpfully. "Since the team left him to die on Antarctica. The team took me with them... while they thought that I was Magneto." Accusation flared in his tone.

"I wasn't there," was all Scott said to his defense. "The team didn't know what was happening exactly and..."

"Scott, why didn't we go back for Remy?" Joseph hadn't thought about that before.

"Rogue was the last person to see Remy and she told us that he'd died," Scott said truthfully.

"Did she leave him out there to die? Why?" Joseph couldn't believe that he'd asked that question. What if Scott said yes? That would confirm his suspicion.

"Only Rogue can answer that question," Scott said thoughtfully. "Is there anything else you'll need at the boathouse?"

"Some of Remy's clothes. I can pack mine later." Joseph returned to packing their food supply.

///

"Remy?" Joseph softly closed the front door behind him and immediately noticed how cold it was inside the boathouse. Joseph placed the box and two bags onto the kitchen table and turned up the heat first, before seeking out Remy.

"Remy?" Calling out again, Joseph ascended the stairs. A chill crept up his spine and it wasn't because of the cold. "Remy!" This time his tone was more urgent and as he entered the bedroom, Joseph flinched involuntarily.

Remy was in the center of the bed. His hair was still damp and the Cajun had dropped onto the bed with only a towel slung around his waist. Joseph distinctly noticed the tremors that tormented Remy's body. "I knew I should have stayed!" Angry with himself, Joseph quickly headed for the bed.

When he reached it, he saw that Remy's eyes were open, a blank stare in them. The Cajun had apparently managed to shut out the world. "Remy?" Joseph reacted at once and sat down on the side of the bed. The towel was soaking wet and had to go. Unfortunately, a large part of the mattress had absorbed some of the water and needed to dry.

Exasperated, Joseph shook his head. He'd so hoped that Remy had come to his senses! "I'm going to take you into the living room. You can't stay in this bed. Remy? Do you hear me?" He cocked his head, trying to capture Remy's glance, but the Cajun didn't respond.

Joseph pulled Remy into an upright position and wrapped the comforter around the other man's body. Slowly, keeping in mind that Remy was still hurting, he lifted the Cajun in his arms and started for the living room.

After descending the stairs, he placed Remy on the couch. Picking up the quilt, he draped it over the comforter. "The fireplace." Joseph suddenly realized how he could raise the temperature more quickly. He added some wood and got the fire going.

He returned to the couch and realized that Remy hadn't moved at all. "Can you hear me? Remy, don't shut me out." But the Cajun ignored him and the empty expression in those red on black eyes went straight to Joseph's heart.

//Remy's an empath...// that little voice reminded him.

Yes, he could use the empathy to his advantage! Joseph lifted Remy's motionless body so he could sit down on the couch. Then he placed the Cajun's head on his lap. Slowly, tenderly, he claimed Remy's hand and began to rub away the cold. His other hand tangled in the auburn locks. He never wondered why he was reaching out to Remy in this way. He just did because Remy needed an anchor in this endless sea of self-loathing.

"I brought chicken, soup... we can even have chocolate mousse for dessert," Joseph whispered. "And I'm moving into the boathouse too. Rogue no longer wants me in her sight and..." Joseph noticed the tiny moan that left Remy's lips, hearing her name. Good, he was getting through to the other man!

"I'm sorry that I left. I should have seen through your disguise. I'm lonely too, you know. Like you, I'm also an outsider." Joseph hoped that Remy would react to the sound of his voice, but the Cajun didn't. Maybe he was handling this wrong.

Leaning back his head, Joseph recalled how he'd felt when he'd found Remy in the black room. He concentrated on reliving the initial anger and then focused on his concern for the Cajun.

Remy groaned softly, as the glow of concern seeped through his shields. It was a good feeling that was trying to reach him, honest and pure. He reached out instinctively, cradling the warmth and pulling it closer.

Joseph looked at the man resting against him, and caught the fluttering of Remy's eyelids. "Yes, that's it. Wake up." He didn't know where Remy's mind had found sanctuary and it was obvious that the Cajun didn't want to return to the real world. "We still have to finish our conversation," Joseph said, improvising. "You never told me why you went to that club. Why were you drawn there?"

Finally, after a few long minutes, the combination of his voice and his concern did the job. Remy's eyes cleared and Joseph stared into their depths. The pain he encountered there was heart breaking and much like his own! "Where did your mind go?"

Remy shivered, suddenly aware of the fact that his head was in Joseph's lap and that the other man was caressing his hair and rubbing his knuckles. Speech eluded him and he simply stared back.

Joseph felt the Cajun tense up and took that as a sign that Remy was fully lucid again. "You're cold," he pointed out. "I brought food. Want something to eat?" When Remy didn't answer, not even nodded or shook his head, Joseph's concern increased. "You must be hungry."

Although Remy was awake, the Cajun ignored him. It should have infuriated Joseph but it didn't. Remy's behavior told him a lot about the other man's mental state. "I'll warm up some soup, which we'll eat and then I'll tell you my history."

Remy pretended not to have heard Joseph's voice, but he had. The man's history? He couldn't help growing somewhat curious, but he refused to talk to Joseph or to acknowledge the other mutant's presence. After Joseph had left, Remy had succeeded in pulling up his walls, locking out reality and now Joseph had pulled him back.

Joseph read recognition in Remy's alien eyes and knew that the other mutant had heard his words. But Remy seemed determined to ignore him. He had to be patient if he wanted to get through to the Cajun. "You're not wearing any clothes," he informed Remy. "In case you want to get up, take the quilt or comforter with you." Joseph gently raised Remy's head, slid off the couch and lowered the Cajun's head back onto the pillow. "I'll bring the soup over here."

Remy tried hard not to follow Joseph with his eyes when the other mutant walked towards the kitchen. What had happened after Joseph had left? He remembered taking a shower and collapsing on the bed. Then a terrible cold had frozen his bones and his mind until he'd felt numb. He'd still been in that state when Joseph returned.

Returned... why had Joseph returned? Remy shifted on the couch, pulled up his legs and curled up beneath the warm comforter. He couldn't help listening to the sounds coming from the kitchen, reminding him that he wasn't alone any more.

The fire emanated a welcome heat and he stared into the flames, relishing their warmth. The burning wood made comforting sounds and his eyes began to close now that he felt warm.

"Soup's ready," Joseph announced as he returned to the living area. "You should sit up." Joseph placed the bowls with steaming chicken soup on the coffee table and studied Remy closely. "Do I have to feed you?"

Remy shivered. He could tell from reading Joseph's feelings that the man was determined to make him eat. Clutching the blanket, Remy reluctantly pushed himself into a sitting position.

Joseph smiled, sat down and waited for Remy to entangle his hands from the comforter. Only then he handed Remy his soup. "It tastes great," Joseph said encouragingly. "Jean made it."

The warm bowl felt divine in his hands, but Remy made no effort to eat the soup.

Joseph placed his bowl back onto the coffee table and curled his fingers around Remy's right hand. "Come on, eat!" Slowly, he raised Remy's hand until the bowl touched the Cajun's lips. "Eat something!"

But Remy didn't budge. Joseph studied the Cajun closely and sighed. "Eat the soup? Please, Remy. I'm worried about you." Again, he concentrated on his feelings and tried to broadcast them. He noticed Remy's flinch and the lips opened.

Remy gave in and slowly emptied the bowl. He recognized Joseph's manipulation but forgave the other man, knowing that concern motivated Joseph's actions. As the warm soup slid down his throat, he feared throwing it up again.

Joseph placed the now empty bowl back onto the table and asked, "Would you like more soup?" When Remy shook his head, Joseph felt like he'd achieved a small victory. It would be extremely difficult to pull the empath out of this depressed state. His concern had to win the battle for him.

"Are you comfortable? Would you like me to get you some sweats?" Joseph waited patiently for Remy's answer, but the Cajun was retreating into his shell again. "Remy, is there another bedroom upstairs? Your mattress is soaked." Not getting an answer, Joseph realized that it was getting harder to fight his frustration, which he didn't want to surface. It would only affect the empath negatively.

"Stay here on this couch. I'm going upstairs to see if there's another bedroom you can sleep in tonight." Reluctantly, Joseph got to his feet and walked over towards the staircase. One look over his shoulder told him that Remy hadn't moved. As he climbed the stairs, he realized he was in for a rough ride.

///

When Joseph returned to the living room, he found Remy curled up on the floor in front of the fire place. The comforter was still on the couch and the Cajun had only dragged the quilt along with him. Curled up on his left side, Remy was staring into the flames.

Joseph licked his lips, wondering how to break this listlessness. He didn't know much about depression or empaths, who craved pain to forget the guilt. But every now and then Joseph had the impression that it was something completely different that Remy craved; affection and acceptance.

"What are you doing down here?" Joseph sat down behind the Cajun, pulled the comforter closer and wrapped it around Remy's body. Mirroring his earlier move, he pulled Remy onto his lap. He decided not to push Remy into talking and instead offered his own painful history.

"When I regained consciousness, Sister Maria took care of me. I didn't know who I was or what caused me to lose my memory. Sister Maria was kind. She made sure that I ate, tended to my needs and the kids... I liked them. Sister Maria ran an orphanage and I tried my best to befriend the children." Beneath his hands, he felt Remy's body twitch. Yes, the Cajun was listening and feeling what he was feeling.

Remy didn't want to listen to the hypnotic voice, but failed to lock it out. He didn't know anything about Joseph's history and had always wondered about the other mutant. Now, without asking any questions he might get his answers. At times, he hated his curiosity.

"As the days passed, I grew stronger. I still didn't know who I was, but I began to discover my powers. You've got no idea how much they scared me. I still try to hide my insecurity." Involuntarily, Joseph's hands returned to caressing Remy's hair. "I really liked it there. It was peaceful and the children... we became friends until... until these villains began to threaten Sister Maria."

Remy was listening intently, absorbing all information because he wanted to know more about the man, the only person who'd reached out to him since Antarctica.

"I was scared that the children might get hurt and in my anger I decided to take the villains out. I... killed them." Remy trembled beneath his hands and Joseph nodded his head, saddened. "There's blood on my hands."

Remy couldn't help it. He turned in Joseph's arms until he was on his back and able to see the other man's face. Tears filled Joseph's eyes and Remy instinctively reacted out to the pain, sending Joseph acceptance and forgiveness.

The feelings washed over Joseph and surprised, he stared into Remy's eyes. "Thank you," he whispered sincerely. "I don't know what's wrong with me," Joseph continued, confused. He hadn't planned on telling Remy this part as well, but now he found himself opening up to the empath. "Sometimes I lose control... I can't stop."

"Whadda y' mean?" Remy's eyes grew big, realizing he'd actually spoken those words. He'd been determined not to react, not to offer comfort, but Joseph's pain reminded him of his own.

Joseph managed not to flash a smug smile. He didn't want Remy to retreat into himself again. "When I killed those men I... couldn't stop. Some of them begged for their miserable existence, but all I could think about was ending their lives. It's the same with my other... emotions." The last word carried a hint of surprise. "Sometimes I lose control. I've got a terrible temper."

Remy considered the words. His heart ached for Joseph's pain, but all he could do was send comfort and acceptance into the other man's mind. He could hardly condemn Joseph for killing those men. Jean-Luc would have done the same if someone had threatened his family. "Y' don' feel in control," he realized.

"How can I be in control when I don't have... limits?" He searched for the right words, but couldn't find them.

Shakily, Remy curled his fingers around Joseph's hand. Words wouldn't comfort Joseph, but sending him soothing feelings might. "Merci," Remy whispered eventually.

"What for?" Joseph asked in an embittered tone.

Remy cringed, hearing that bitterness. He wasn't the only one with issues here. "For bein' dere for me." He hadn't realized how much he'd missed Joseph's presence during the hours that the other man had been gone. Maybe Joseph's absence had been the reason for sinking that deeply into depression? The darkness inside his mind seemed to flee whenever Joseph was near.

Joseph fought his own pain into submission and focused on Remy again. Taking care of the Cajun made him feel good. "I told Scott that I was moving into the boathouse."

Surprised, Remy blinked his eyes. "Why? Not 'cause of me, I hope?"

"Partly," Joseph admitted and absentmindedly fingered a stray lock of auburn hair. "I want to keep an eye on you."

"What's de ot'er reason?" Remy sensed that Joseph was holding back.

"I talked to Rogue." Soothingly, Joseph rubbed Remy's knuckles. "She told me to stay out of her sight and I completely agree with her. I need time away from her."

Remy briefly closed his eyes. "Ain' we pat'etic, mon ami? She dumped me to be wit' y' and now..."

"No, we're not pathetic," Joseph said in a firm tone. "You were mistreated and I... I realized that I made a mistake."

"So..." Remy locked eyes with Joseph for the first time since the other man had returned to the boathouse. "Y' gonna stay here? Keep me company?" That prospect thrilled him. Somehow, Joseph's presence kept the guilt and self-loathing away.

"Yes, I'm staying," Joseph replied. He felt strangely pleased with himself when he looked into Remy's eyes. Some of the old sparkle was returning, but he knew how easily it could go away again. "Do you want to stay here in front of the fire or...?"

"I'm bien here," Remy purred, as some of Joseph's contentment drifted into his mind. "Fire's warm."

//And so is your body,// Joseph thought pleased, remembering how cold Remy had been when he'd arrived here. "We do have a problem though... for tonight."

"What problem?" Remy asked, sleepily.

"There's only one bedroom and you soaked the mattress."

"We can sleep here, Joe... have slept on de floor before."

Joseph shook his head. "No, you can't be comfortable on the floor." //Not with those bites, bruises and scratches on your body.// Scanning the living room with his eyes he realized that there were two equally sized couches. If he pushed them together they would make one bed. //Why do I want to push them together? Remy can sleep on one couch and I can sleep on the other!//

But what if Remy had another bad dream? Or fell off the couch in his sleep? The Cajun's body was still healing. "Give me a moment." Using his powers, he magnetically manoeuvred the couches over the floor until they faced each other. "I'm going to get us some pillows and blankets."

"Bien," Remy whispered, dozing off.

Joseph smiled, realizing Remy was already falling asleep and quickly fetched the pillows and blankets, which he placed onto the couches. Magnetically, trying not to disturb Remy's sleep, he carried the Cajun towards the couches. He made sure that Remy was comfortable and then lay down himself. Remy was facing him. The Cajun had wrapped his arms around his waist and slept peacefully.

Wondering if he was trespassing, Joseph soothingly stroked Remy's back. He cringed, as he could count Remy's ribs. He'd never shared such exquisite silence with Rogue. Why was it different with Remy? Joseph realized that he had to find the answers to those questions.

Part 3

Remy woke after midnight and involuntarily snuggled closer to the warm body beside him. Opening his eyes, he realized that Joseph was holding him in his sleep. The man was a complete mystery to Remy. The Cajun had felt Joseph's loneliness when the other mutant had told him about the orphanage. Yes, they knew that Joseph wasn't Magneto after the Master of Magnetism had reappeared, but they still didn't know who the white haired mutant really was.

Remy slowly raised his right hand and let it glide through the long white hair that rested on Joseph's shoulder. He shouldn't allow Joseph to offer him comfort and support like this. Joseph needed time alone to figure out where he stood in life and whether he wanted to get back with Rogue.

Feeling bad for taking up this much of Joseph's time, Remy pulled back his hand and gently untangled himself from Joseph's embrace. The other mutant stirred, but Remy used his empathy to wrap Joseph in feelings of security. It worked and Joseph stopped moving about.

Cautiously, Remy slid off the couch. Relieved, he noticed that he didn't feel that sore any longer and while keeping the quilt tightly wrapped around him, he walked over to the window. It was still raining outside and the rain drops gently tapped against the glass of the window.

Remy rested his forehead against the cool glass and listened closely. The rhythmic beat of the rain was his most favorite sound in the world. It had lured him into sleep when he'd been younger and even now he sometimes played a CD with rain and thunderstorm sounds when he couldn't sleep.

Even tonight the raindrops soothed his worries. He watched the droplets slide down the glass and a distant lighting bolt illuminated the midnight sky. As long as he lived he would love to listen to the roar of thunder, the tapping of rain and he would forever devour the sight of the lighting bolts as they hit the earth. Nature's power was impressive.

"Remy?" Joseph bolted awake when another roar of thunder rolled over the boathouse. Not finding Remy close alarmed him. His eyes scanned the living area and he located the Cajun near the window. "What are you doing?"

"Enjoyin' de silence," was Remy's cryptic answer.

"What silence?" Joseph climbed off the couch and joined Remy, who was still staring outside, brow resting against the cool glass. "I hear thunder and rain..."

"Dey have deir own silence... De world grows quiet when dey rage," Remy whispered and placed the palm of his hand against the glass, trying to feel the raindrops on the other side of the window.

"I don't understand," Joseph admitted. Seeing the small tremors that moved through Remy's shoulders, arms and hands, he returned to the couch to gather a blanket. "You seem cold." Remy's bare shoulders revealed goose bumps.

"I never got used to de cold," Remy whispered and allowed Joseph to drape the blanket over his shoulders. "When Scott asked me to move into de boathouse I never expected to have company."

"If it hadn't been for you I'd probably have left the mansion after I talked to Rogue," Joseph admitted and watched how a bolt of lightning hit, and split a tree in two. "It's getting closer."

"Whadda y' mean? Y' would have left de mansion?"

"I'd have left Westchester," Joseph clarified. Thankfully, Remy had stopped shivering.

"To go where?" Remy asked in a surprised tone. "Back to de orp'anage?"

Saddened, Joseph shook his head. "I can't ever go back there."

"I'm glad y' decided to stay," Remy blurted out. He dreaded to think what would have happened if Joseph hadn't appeared at the nightclub.

"You like the sound of rain?" Joseph asked, changing the topic of their conversation.

"Oui," Remy said with a smile on his face.

"Why?" Joseph hoped that he wasn't prying. "Would you like to move back to the couches before telling me?" He felt the cold draft that slipped beneath the window.

Remy nodded his head and returned to their makeshift bed. He sat down cross-legged and waited for Joseph to take his seat. The other mutant sat next to him and stretched his legs. Remy pulled up the comforter and tucked them both in. "It reminds me of my yout'," Remy said eventually.

"The rain?" Joseph closely observed the Cajun, making sure Remy wasn't growing cold again.

"And us sittin' here like dis." Remy caught Joseph's eyes and smiled warmly. "I was 10 when de LeBeau clan adopted me."

Joseph nodded his head. "I heard that the Thieves' Guild adopted you." Scott had let it slip once.

"Henri, my plus vieux frère, always got stuck baby sittin' when poppa had to leave on business." Remy leaned back his head, snuggled deeper into the comfort of the couch and comforter and continued. "I used to have nightmares... bad nightmares and he'd come to my room and sit wit' me, like y're doin' now."

It surprised Joseph to hear that Remy had suffered from nightmares at such a tender age. He was tempted to ask what those nightmares had been about, but reigned in his curiosity.

"Some nights, it used to rain and I loved to hear dem raindrops tap 'gainst de window. I was warm in bed, had a home and clot'es on my back. De rain was outside and could no longer make me feel miserable."

Joseph saw the expression in Remy's eyes and knew the Cajun didn't share his past easily. "How long did you live on the streets?"

Remy shuddered. "Five years, homme."

"Five years?" Joseph's brow grew knitted. "But that means that you were five when..."

"I ran away..." Remy offered softly. He had to be careful now. Some things had to remain a secret forever. "Life on de streets wasn' dat bad compared to..." Remy stopped himself. He'd almost given too much away.

"Compared to what?"

"To where I used to live." Remy's fingernails dug into the comforter.

Joseph sensed Remy's sudden distress and backed off. Instead, he asked, "What was living on the streets like?" Remy had seemed okay with that subject.

"I was happy, mon ami," Remy whispered and smiled. "Lived in de worst part of N'Awlins, mais dat didn' matter. I found someone who wanted to take care of me."

Joseph tried to picture how it must have been like for Remy, living on the streets, homeless, alone. "Who was that?"

"Mère Cosette ran a brot'el, de Moulin Rouge. She had 20 girls workin' for her and she had a fine reputation. Mère Cosette found me on de street at night. I'd gat'ered some cardboard boxes to sleep in, mais it continued to rain. I had to leave de boxes and bumped into her. She took me to de Moulin Rouge, gave me dry clot'es and made me an offer I couldn' refuse. I'd been livin' on de streets for one year and was starvin', hurt and ready for some company."

Joseph's heart missed a beat. He'd made a habit of reading the newspaper each day and every now and then, he read about children who had been forced to prostitute themselves. Had something similar happened to Remy?

Remy felt Joseph's apprehension and smiled reassuringly. "Non, I never had to sell my body to survive. Mère Cosette needed someone to wait on de girls' customers. I took deir coats, brought dem deir drinks and fetched t'ings de girls needed. Mère Cosette had a spare room beneat' de roof, which she offered me, but I declined. I wanted to keep my freedom, so she paid me instead."

"And the men never tried to..." Joseph licked his lips, wondering how to phrase this. "They never tried to hurt you?"

Remy grinned. "Some offered me money if I went to a room wit' dem, mais I always refused. Mère Cosette would make it very clear to dem that I was off limits. Once dough..."

"Yes?" Joseph noticed the distant expression in Remy's eyes.

"A man tried to pull me into a room while I'd just told him non. One of de girls heard me scream and she quickly alerted Mère Cosette. Dey stormed inside and t'rew him out."

"Did he have time to hurt you?" Joseph was getting caught up in Remy's past.

"He fondled me, mais dat was 'bout it. Den, one night, Jean-Luc LeBeau visited de Moulin Rouge. Poppa's wife died while Henri was only a bébé and he needed some female company. Mère Cosette was rat'er fond of poppa, I t'ink."

Joseph never noticed that Remy's hand had sought out his to soothingly rub his fingers.

"Mère Cosette was about to show Jean-Luc de new girls when he saw me. I cringed, recognizin' de man whose pocket I'd picked last night. I still had his wallet in my hidin' place and his expression frightened me. When he told Mère Cosette dat he wanted to talk to me, I ran."

Joseph suddenly grew aware of the fact that Remy's fingers were curled around his, but didn't comment on it. When he'd told Remy about Sister Maria, it had been hard on him and he'd taken comfort in Remy's closeness. He could do the same for the other man.

"He caught me before I made it to de door." Remy smiled brilliantly. "I expected him to be mad, to spank me, demand his money back, but instead he asked Mère Cosette where my parents where and what I was doin' in a brot'el at my age."

Joseph listened carefully. Remy hadn't mentioned his parents before.

"She told him that I lived on de streets and dat my family had died. For some reason, he took me home wit' him. Mère Cosette tried to object, mais poppa simply carried me into de street, 'way from de Moulin Rouge."

"Weren't you afraid that he might have... bad plans for you?" Joseph saw the admiration in Remy's eyes. The Cajun really loved Jean-Luc LeBeau.

"Oui, I did. I locked m'self up in de room he'd assigned to me and wouldn' let anyone near. Mais as de hours passed by, I grew hungry and tired. I fell 'sleep and when I woke up 'gain I was in poppa's study. He told me that he'd decided to adopt me."

"Did you ever wonder why? Why he wanted to adopt you?"

"He said it was because of my eyes," Remy admitted gingerly. "I never asked him why he wanted to take me in. I was so happy dat I'd have a new family, a brot'er, tante, père. I didn' really care why dis was suddenly happenin' to me."

Joseph realized how much Remy had opened up to him. The Cajun wasn't a man who trusted easily and Joseph felt honored that Remy had chosen to confide in him. "Did you learn about this... slave and master thing at the brothel?" Joseph didn't know how else to phrase his question.

"Oui," Remy admitted, feeling a stabbing shame at letting Steve get away with so much. "Some of de customers at de Moulin Rouge liked to be spanked, tied down or... whipped. I sometimes assisted de girls."

"You were much too young to be exposed to that," Joseph said thoughtfully. "Did they ever whip you? Spank you?"

Remy shrugged his shoulders and suddenly became aware of his fingers, curled around Joseph's. Quickly, as if he'd been bitten by a snake, he released the other man's hand.

Joseph arched an eyebrow, but didn't comment on it. He sensed that Remy was retreating back into his shell, but he'd learned a lot about the Cajun.

"I don' wanna talk 'bout dis any more," Remy said, pulled up the comforter to his chin and lay down, facing away from Joseph.

What had caused the sudden change in Remy? Had it been his last question about being whipped or spanked? In a certain way, Joseph was left with even more questions.

Remy wrapped his arms around his waist and tried rocking himself to sleep. He'd told Joseph too much and hoped the other mutant wouldn't figure things out. //It has to stay a secret,// Remy thought determinedly. //Can' tell him 'bout my real père...// Feigning sleep, Remy tensed as Joseph lay down behind him. His heart thumped madly as the other man spooned up closely. A sigh of distress escaped his lips as Remy felt his body waking up.

//Non! Can't t'ink 'bout him like dat! He just broke up wit' Rogue. He's on de rebound and wants to be wit' someone. Josep' isn' interested in me. He'd be interested in anyone who showed him some attention!// And how did he know? Because he was on the rebound as well. Rogue had only dumped him weeks ago to be with Joseph and Remy knew that he was reacting like this because Joseph *was* paying him attention. It was a vicious circle, which they had to break.

Joseph acted instinctively and draped one arm possessively over Remy's hip, pulling the Cajun close, almost grinding his groin into the tight ass in front of him. He bit down a moan, realizing he was growing hard. Why was he growing aroused like this? Remy was a man! He'd never before felt attracted to a man, at least he thought so. But with his memories gone, how could he be sure?

Increasing the distance between them, Joseph pushed away from the warm body. Had Remy noticed him growing erect? If he had, the Cajun didn't show it, for which Joseph felt thankful. In the future, he would be more careful.

///

The next morning, Joseph opened his eyes and sought out Remy's face. "Damn!" he cursed loudly, recognizing the blank stare in Remy's open eyes. Hadn't he pulled Remy from this state only last evening? He'd hoped that Remy wouldn't allow himself to get into this condition again! Maybe talking about the Cajun's youth had triggered this.

"Remy, don't do this to me, not again!" Joseph gently shook the other man's shoulders, trying to reach the Cajun. "Talk to me, Remy!" He was about to focus on his feelings of concern for Remy when a loud knock on the front door distracted him. //What if it's Rogue?// That thought startled him.

"Joseph? Remy!"

Joseph recognized the voice at once. "Professor Xavier?" He tucked Remy in again and then slid off the couch. He covered the distance to the door and opened it.

Charles looked at Joseph, the young man resembled Magneto so much. "Can we talk?" Scott had told him about Joseph and Rogue breaking up and he wanted to see if he could help somehow. He'd already sought out Rogue, but she'd politely declined his offer.

But Joseph had other plans. "What do you know about empaths?"

Surprised, Charles raised an eyebrow. Floating into the living room, he caught sight of Remy's state. "My God, what happened to him?" Remy's shields had always been strong, but as he probed them now, he felt awed.

"I think he's depressed. When I returned here yesterday I found him cold and wet upstairs in bed." Joseph locked eyes with the professor.

"Why did you ask me about empaths?" Charles floated closer to the couches until he could touch Remy's face. The Cajun's shields were amazing. They equalled his own!

"Because Remy is one!" Joseph stated exasperated. He couldn't believe that Xavier didn't know. "He's one of your students and you don't know that he's an empath?" The accusation echoed in the room.

Charles tasted the anger in Joseph's words. At moments like these Joseph reminded him an awful lot of Magnus. "How can you be sure that Remy's an empath?" Had he really been so negligent that he didn't know his student's powers? As he moved his fingers over Remy's brow, he detected ripples in the young man's shields.

"Because he told me!" Joseph was quickly losing his patience. "How do you draw an empath away from depression? He's locking everything out. Last evening I found him like this as well!"

Remy remained motionless, barely registering the arguing voices. He didn't want to listen or acknowledge the two men. Joseph's questions had made Remy remember something he'd wanted to forget...

"An empath," Charles said in a thoughtful tone. "It'd make sense. Then his shields... his *empathic* shields are so strong because he's been trying to control his powers, keeping them reigned in and our emotions out."

"What can we do to pull him back?" Joseph sat on the arm rest of the couch and began to stroke the Cajun's hair.

Charles watched Joseph closely, surprised at the gentleness displayed in that caress. Originally, it had been his plan to try to get Rogue and Joseph back together again, but now he was having second thoughts. Joseph seemed comfortable here. Maybe he'd found a purpose for now. Charles cleared his throat and observed how fast Joseph's hand pulled back. "How did you draw him out yesterday?"

"It took me a while to figure it out, but I concentrated on my feelings. I..." he hesitated to admit it. "I tried to make him feel guilty for scaring me like that."

"And it worked?" Charles cocked his head to study Remy's blank eyes. "Try it again." Maybe these feelings weren't one sided. He suspected that Joseph cared for Remy, maybe even more than he wanted to admit. What if Remy felt deeply about Joseph too? And what had triggered that mutual reaction?

Charles pushed those questions away and focused on Remy. "His shields are incredibly strong. I can't breach them. You've got to repeat what you did yesterday."

Joseph slid onto the couch and pulled Remy onto his lap. "Remy? You know you're scaring me. You did this yesterday as well. Now please stop and come back from wherever you are." Concentrating on his feelings, Joseph sent Remy his concern, but also his fear at being unable to pull him back.

Those feelings tore Remy away from the void that he'd built in his mind. No one could reach him here, no one could ever hurt him again, except... a voice was calling him; a familiar voice.

"Remy? I want to talk to you." Joseph rubbed the inside of Remy's wrists and his brow grew furrowed as the bite marks reminded him of Remy's need to hurt himself. "Remy? Please?"

Remy couldn't resist following that voice back. Joseph was the only one who'd shown him some kindness and he couldn't desert him.

"Yes, that's it!" Joseph exclaimed pleased when Remy's eyes slowly cleared. Next, he glared at Xavier, who'd done nothing to bring the Cajun back.

Remy moaned as the sunlight hit his eyes and he quickly closed them.

"Remy?"

Remy almost flashed his eyes open again at hearing that voice. "Professor?" What was Xavier doing here? He peeked through half closed eyelids at Charles. //Where am I?// he wondered. He then recalled that Joseph had pushed the couches together so they could sleep comfortably. //I'm in his arms 'gain!// he realized and his nervousness grew. He had to stop clinging to Joseph like that!

"Hello Remy," Charles started and tried hard to ignore Joseph's glare. "How are you feeling?"

"What's this?" Joseph questioned angrily. "You should have asked him that when he came back from Antarctica!" Joseph gently placed Remy back onto the couch and then got to his feet to face Xavier. "How is it possible that you don't know what Remy's powers are?" This still baffled him. "Do your students mean that little to you or is it because it's Gambit, whom you think a traitor? You didn't support him either during these last few weeks! We ignored him instead! Do you know the amount of damage we've done?"

Charles grew alert, seeing the anger in Joseph's eyes and he swore he felt the power grow inside Joseph's mind. "Calm down," Charles said softly. Joseph had no real control over his powers, but handled them subconsciously. If he got this angry, he might release them and no one could tell what damage they could do!

"Is that what you've been saying to the others when they were upset that Remy remained at the mansion?" Joseph's eyes hardened. He knew that he was losing control and it frightened him, but all he could think about was getting back at them for how they'd treated Remy and Xavier was an easy target. "Or were you too busy reassuring them that Onslaught would never return?" Furiously, he began to pace. "The X-Men forgave you, accepted me... why couldn't you do the same thing for Remy?"

Charles' hoverchair began to rock in the air as Joseph's magnetic powers tore at it. Charles suspected how powerful Joseph could be, should he ever reach his full potential and he had to stop the young man now. "Joseph..."

But Joseph cut him off. "No, I want to know why the X-Men shunned Remy for making a mistake while they took me in at the same time!" Several appliances in the kitchen and living room shook and the TV dropped onto the floor with a loud bang.

Remy felt Joseph's rage and wished he understood the other mutant. The X-Men were only giving him the treatment he deserved. "Josep'? Come over here, mon ami," he said slowly.

Charles looked at Remy, noticing a special tone to the Cajun's voice. He'd only heard it rarely and felt some power at work when Remy called out to Joseph again.

"Josep'? I'm cold... and..." Joseph had turned around to look at him and Remy continued to whisper soft pleas. In the meantime he empathically reached out, assuring Joseph that everything would be fine and... "Y're in control, mon ami."

Charles listened closely, surprised at how easily Remy could calm Joseph down. Joseph was already on his way over to the couch to claim Remy's hand. //I never suspected they might be attracted to each other... Do they know themselves? And... is that the reason why Rogue took Joseph as her lover? To keep them apart? Did she know...?//

Charles couldn't believe that he'd actually reached that conclusion, but as he watched them interact, touch and talk to each other, he realized that he'd drawn the right conclusion. Now, would both men admit and act on their feelings and how could Remy, an empath apparently, not feel the mutual attraction?

"It's bien, mon ami," Remy said as Joseph sat down on the couch. "It's my shields. Dey're very strong. Need dem strong to keep ot'er people's feelings out and my power locked up. I never wanted anyone to find out."

"But why?" Joseph asked, confused. "Their negative emotions were hurting you!" He'd calmed down, yes, but the rage was still there.

"Dey'd t'ink I tried to manipulate dem," Remy admitted and locked eyes with Xavier. "Dey already t'ink I'm bad news."

"Remy... your shields are as strong as mine... I never knew you're an empath and... your shields kept me from feeling how hurt you really are." Now that his hoverchair was stable again, he floated closer to the two men. "I'm sure your shields kept Jean out as well. I'm truly sorry, Remy. We didn't know."

Joseph stared at Remy, who was holding his hand tightly. "I feel in control again," he suddenly realized. Remy's warm feelings had somehow subdued his rage. He'd been ready to end Xavier's existence. That loss of control had been terrifying and then Remy had reached out to him. "How did you do that?"

"I don' know," Remy offered in a tiny tone. "I just did."

Charles drew in a deep breath. "Remy, do you want to come back to the mansion and learn to use your empathy effectively?"

Remy peeked at Joseph, who'd moved into the boathouse because of him. "Non," he said firmly. "Wanna stay here." He caught Joseph's sigh. He wanted to work with Joseph on gaining a sense of control. "Mais... y' said dat y' couldn' get passed my shields? Dat y' never felt my... pain?" If that was the truth, the telepaths hadn't known how much he was suffering.

"You thought that we could reach passed your shields?" Xavier asked, curiously.

"I t'ought dat I was broadcastin' my pain and dat... dat y' were ignorin' me." Remy fumbled with the sleeve of Joseph's shirt, not actually realizing that he was doing it.

"We would never ignore someone in pain, but... it's a delicate situation, Remy. There are so many factors that contributed to..." Xavier stopped talking, seeing the rage flare in Joseph's eyes again. "You're right. It's inexcusable."

Remy caressed Joseph's hand and tried to absorb the anger that was still hiding inside. Slowly, it seeped into his mind, where he dismissed it.

"What are you doing?" Joseph and Xavier asked simultaneously.

"Rien," Remy said, embarrassed. "Just..."

"Just what?" Xavier asked before Joseph had the chance to voice that same question.

"Josep's too angry... I'm takin' 'way de surplus so he feels in control 'gain." Remy's eyes grew big when he saw that Joseph's fingers were tightly twined with his. He tried to pull away, but Joseph wouldn't let him.

"Remy stays here, with me," Joseph stated possessively and his eyes challenged the professor to object.

Charles gave them a long, hard look. Maybe Joseph was right. The two men seemed to be good for each other. "Agreed, but I'll ask Hank to have a look at you, Remy. I'm sure he knows how to fight this depression."

Listlessly, Remy nodded his head. He wasn't really interested in fighting his depression. It didn't matter how he felt. He'd never be whole again.

///

"Now this, my Cajun friend, should work," Hank announced pleasantly. "Take one pill before going to bed and one during breakfast for the next three weeks." Hank cocked his head and peeked at Remy. The Cajun was tired, too skinny and not really interested in the prescribed medication.

"I'll make sure he takes them, doctor McCoy," Joseph assured him. He walked Hank back to the living room, hoping he could have a word in private with McCoy.

Remy curled up in his now dry bed. Joseph had put clean sheets on the bed and had carried the comforter, pillows and blankets upstairs again. Closing his eyes, he wondered why they were suddenly concerned about him. Xavier had barely left when Beast had appeared at their doorstep to examine him.

Joseph made sure that Remy hadn't followed them downstairs and then asked, "What can I do to help him recover?" He doubted the meds alone would do the trick.

Hank sighed. "Be there for him. Listen to him. Make sure he eats and drinks. He's showing signs of dehydration."

"I'm already doing that and he still drifts off at times. It scares me when his eyes go blank," Joseph admitted as he walked Hank to the door.

"I understand, my friend, but it's Remy's coping mechanism. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that he's done this in the past when he went through a rough time." Hank paused briefly. "It shows how deeply we hurt him." 

"You were there too," Joseph recalled. "Can you tell me why we didn't go back to search for him?"

Guilt flashed in McCoy's eyes at hearing that question. "I asked myself that countless times. When Betsy told us to join her in her shadows, I heard Rogue say that she'd take care of Remy and that we should leave."

"I heard that as well," Joseph recalled. "But what happened after that? Remy was very much alive when she flew him out."

"I can't answer that question, my troubled friend. Rogue is the only one who can answer it." Hank gave Joseph a thoughtful look. "Are you going to put that question to her?"

"Maybe," Joseph replied. "Right now, I don't want to talk to her."

"Make sure he takes that first pill now and the second one after dinner, before he goes to sleep," Hank reminded him. "The chemicals will restore the imbalance in his brain and thus battle his depression."

"Thank you for checking on him."

"You are right," Hank said after a short pause. "We should have gone back for him." Hank bowed his head regretfully.

Joseph watched Hank walk away from the boathouse until the mutant had vanished from sight. Then he closed the door and headed for the kitchen where he made some tea.

///

"Here, drink this." Joseph placed the tray onto the nightstand and established eye contact with Remy. He felt relieved when the alien eyes focused on him. "Sit up, Remy," he instructed.

"Don' wanna," Remy whispered, but did as he was told and pushed himself into a sitting position. Joseph placed the white pill into his hand and Remy stared at it. "I hate meds."

"Swallow it," Joseph encouraged him. "It's good for you." He handed Remy a glass of water and made sure the Cajun emptied it. After all, Hank had said that Remy was showing signs of dehydration. "Drink this warm tea as well." Joseph placed the empty water glass on the tray and looked expectedly at Remy. "Sip it... slowly."

Remy couldn't find it in his heart to disappoint Joseph and sipped the tea. He was growing uncomfortable under all the attention and wondered why Joseph was taking care of him. The other mutant probably had an ulterior motive, but what was it?

Joseph noticed the brooding look, but he preferred it to the blank expression that sometimes haunted Remy's eyes. He allowed Remy to stare at him a little longer and then said, "What?"

Suddenly, Remy realized that he'd been openly staring at Joseph. Handing him the now empty mug, Remy leaned back into the pillows. "Can make my own tea," he said defensively. What did Joseph hope to achieve by pampering him?

"It's almost dinner time," Joseph reminded him. "Anything special you want me to fix?"

"I'm gettin' fed up wit' lyin' in bed," Remy muttered nervously. "Can' we go out for dinner?"

"Are you sure you're up to that, Remy? What if the medication doctor McCoy prescribed makes you sleepy?"

//Merde! He has to be right 'gain!// He didn't know if and how the new meds would affect him.

Joseph read defeat in Remy's eyes, but didn't really want to see it there. "Why don't you slip into some clean clothes?" Joseph pointed at the duffle bag, which he'd brought from the mansion. "Scott packed some of your stuff."

Remy bit down an angry remark. He'd underestimated Cyclops. Apparently the man was really eager to make sure he stayed clear of the mansion.

Defeat changed into indignation and Joseph somehow knew what Remy was thinking. "Scott's worried too."

"'bout me runnin' back to de mansion, non?" Remy glared at Joseph. "Will never set a foot in dere ever 'gain!" he vowed passionately.

"Scott asked you to move into the boathouse because he thought it was in your best interest."

That caught Remy's attention. "I don' understand."

"He was worried that the situation would become explosive. I think he wanted to make sure you were safe here, away from the others. It wasn't meant as punishment," Joseph explained patiently.

"Mais I felt his disgust!" Remy averted his eyes and rested his head against the pillows. Hopefully the meds wouldn't make him drowsy. He didn't want to be confined to bed.

"I got the feeling that Scott didn't really want you to leave the mansion. Maybe he felt that he'd failed as team leader? You should ask him." Joseph figured that Remy had abandoned the idea of eating out and got up from the bed to start dinner.

"Josep'?"

He turned around and noticed that Remy was pushing back the covers.

"Can I come downstairs wit' y'?" He could descend the stairs on his own, but hoped Joseph would stay close. The other man's mind soothed his.

"Yes." Joseph watched as Remy got to his feet. The Cajun was dressed in soft sweat pants and a long sleeved shirt. "I'm not that great a cook," he pointed out to Remy as they descended the stairs. He stayed one step behind the Cajun to catch him should the meds kick in and make Remy dizzy.

Remy walked over to the couch and relished the fact that he no longer felt that sore. Getting some sleep and being fed croissants and soup had aided his recovery. Feeling pleasantly lazy, he watched Joseph open and close cupboards. "What are y' lookin' for?" He'd stayed at the boathouse before and knew where to find stuff.

"Garlic press."

Remy raised an eyebrow and slowly rose from the couch. As he entered the kitchen, he saw that the pasta had come to a boil. Joseph had put minced meat, tomato sauce and dried herbs onto the kitchen counter. "I love Italian food," Remy whispered.

"But no wine," Joseph stated determinedly. "You can't mix those meds with alcohol."

Taken aback, Remy watched as Joseph started to work on flavoring the sauce. Why was Joseph making such an effort to prepare dinner? They could have nuked a pizza in the microwave. Absentmindedly, Remy took out utensils, plates and glasses, and set the table.

Joseph smiled, seeing Remy move about. Yes, this was a lot better than that damned listlessness that sometimes overwhelmed the Cajun. Pleased with his accomplishments, Joseph stirred the sauce. "Dinner's ready," he announced and carried the food over to the table. Hopefully, he'd be able to keep Remy from locking out the world.

Part 4

Remy was ready to turn in, when he wondered if Joseph would prefer to sleep on the couch tonight. There was no longer a reason for them to sleep that close. Watching Joseph move into the bathroom, Remy felt inwardly torn. He knew that he'd only slept that well because Joseph had held him through the night.

Feeling awkward, Remy rose from the bed and walked into the bathroom. "Joe?" he said hesitantly as Joseph brushed his teeth.

"Yah?" Joseph mumbled, mouth filled with toothpaste. As he studied Remy, he noticed the worried alien eyes. //Those eyes never hide the truth. They always reveal the way he feels.// Looking into Remy's eyes was like looking into the Cajun's very soul. It was obvious that something worried Remy.

Joseph spat out the toothpaste and water and cocked his head. "What's wrong?" He'd only been close to Remy for 2 days, but he could read the Cajun's expression easily.

"Uh..." Remy stuttered. "Bed's big enough for bot' of us," he whispered shyly, uncertain how Joseph would react to his invitation.

Joseph gave Remy a long look. Now he knew what was troubling the Cajun. He had to admit that he hadn't known how to bring this up either, so he was relieved Remy had. "What side of the bed do you want?"

Remy sighed relieved. "Closest to de window."

"Works for me." Joseph walked towards the doorway and looked over his shoulder at Remy. "I'm going to get my duffle bag. You can turn in if you want to. Anything you'd like me to bring from the kitchen? Tea? Orange juice?"

"Some water?" Remy sneaked beneath the covers and pulled up the comforter. Turning onto his left side, so he would face Joseph later, he waited for the other man to return. It was the first time that he'd asked someone to share his bed without planning on seducing his bed partner. A serene sense of comfort accompanied Joseph and Remy craved feeling the other mutant close.

Joseph returned a few minutes later, dressed in grey sweats and carrying a glass of water, which he placed on the nightstand at Remy's side of the bed. During these last few minutes he'd been pondering their current situation. Yes, they'd slept close before, but this felt different. Maybe it was because Remy had invited him into his bed. When they'd slept on the couch it had been because Remy had been extremely emotional and in need of reassurance. But things had changed.

Remy seemed in control most of the time and Joseph hoped that the Zoloft would make the Cajun feel better. He pushed back the covers and lay down, facing Remy. Almost instinctively, he wanted to pull Remy close to his chest, but he suppressed that urge.

Eyes locked, they stared at each other. Remy was the first to chuckle softly.

"What is it?" Joseph asked, curiously.

"I never t'ought I'd ever end up in bed wit' y'." Remy smiled warmly. "Wonder what Cyke will t'ink once he remembers dat de boathouse only has 1 bedroom."

Joseph laughed softly. "But the bed is big enough, isn't it?"

Remy briefly closed his eyes and then opened them again. Mon Dieu! This reminded him of the nights when he'd sneaked into Jean-Luc or Henri's room to have some company. He always slept better when someone was close. It felt good to look into Joseph's laughing eyes.

"Do you think you can sleep? The medication that doctor McCoy prescribed doesn't seem to make you drowsy." Joseph snuggled deeper into the comfort of the mattress. Until now, he hadn't realized just how tired he felt. For the past 48 hours he'd almost constantly watched over Remy and when he hadn't, he'd been verbally fighting with Rogue.

"Oui," Remy whispered, sleepily, but he didn't want to fall asleep yet. He wanted to talk to Joseph, watch the man's face, caress those long locks of white hair and lose himself in those marvellous eyes. //Mon Dieu,// he thought, shivering. //I can' fall in love wit' him!// He fought the sudden panic down and closed his eyes. Somehow, he had to increase the emotional distance between them. His infatuation was bound to end in disaster.

"Dormir bien," Remy said, hoping Joseph would fall asleep soon. Keeping his eyes closed, he resolutely turned onto his other side, breaking all contact.

Joseph arched an eyebrow, realizing that Remy was locking him out. Puzzled, he stared at the Cajun's back. Should he say something? Ask Remy why he was shutting him out? But what if Remy just needed some privacy? After all, they had been together almost constantly these past 2 days. He decided not to pressure Remy into talking and closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep as well.

 ///

Some time during the night Remy woke because Joseph was wrapping his arms and legs tightly around him. The other man's lips nuzzled the back of his neck and shivers of delight ran down Remy's spine as Joseph's lips brushed his skin.

Joseph lay spooned behind him and the other mutant had draped one leg possessively over his hip. Joseph was pulling him closer and an impressive erection rubbed possessively against his ass. //Mon Dieu!// Remy bit his lower lip as Joseph's right hand dipped beneath his sweat shirt to stroke his abdomen. //He's havin' an erotic dream!//

Remy managed to stifle the moan that almost escaped his lips. Joseph had started a slow thrusting motion that caused Remy to grow erect as well. Joseph's fingers had now located one nipple and it quickly grew hard beneath the persistent caress. Joseph softly pinched his hard nipple and Remy wantonly moved against the thrusting body behind him.

The arousal in Joseph's mind was hard to lock out and affected him as well. "Mais oui, cher," he whispered, helplessly, as Joseph's arousal washed over him. He tried to strengthen his shields to regain control over his feelings, but Joseph's lust was too strong and he caved in, giving into the other man's caresses.

He wasn't sure he could refuse Joseph, if the man decided to take this further. //Can' do dis!// he thought, on the brink of panicking. //Mais he wants me...// Joseph's hard cock rubbed against his ass, did he need more evidence that the other man wanted him?

"Cher," Remy whispered, as his sensual nature urged him to take what Joseph was offering and to return it tenfold. He pressed closer against Joseph's body, panting slightly as the other man's arousal and lust threatened to overwhelm him. //Take me, cher... fuck me... make me y'rs...//

A part of him knew that Joseph's lust was heavily influencing him, but he didn't want to fight it. It had been too long since someone had made love to him. Steve had just fucked him. There hadn't been any love between them and it was exactly that emotion that Remy craved so badly. "I'm y'rs, cher..."

"Rogue..."

Hearing that name froze his movements and Remy's eyes grew big. Sacre! Joseph was dreaming about Rogue! This wet dream was about her! How the hell could he ever have believed that the man would want him? He grew motionless and his eyes filled with tears. Joseph seemed to calm down as well, but continued to caress Remy's abdomen until the erotic dream had passed.

Feeling immensely hurt, Remy failed to suppress his tears. //Josep' is dreamin' 'bout *her*. How could I ever t'ink dat he would want a traitor? Jus' 'cause he's stayin' here, doesn' mean he wants y', Remy LeBeau! Won' y' ever learn?//

Carefully, Remy freed himself from Joseph's arms and slipped out of bed. He felt wobbly, still reeling from hearing her name like that. //Y're a fool, LeBeau! A fool!//

Remy wrapped his arms around his waist and sobbed silently as he walked over to the stairs. He had to put some distance between them. Joseph had dreamed that he was making love to Rogue while rubbing against him.

"'s not fair!" He sobbed softly as he sluggishly descended the stairs. Tears filled his eyes and hampered his view. In the living room, he immediately headed for the couch and collapsed on it. Joseph had returned the couches to their original position and saddened, Remy remembered the close contact they'd had these past nights.

"He wants Rogue," he whispered brokenly. It shouldn't surprise him. He raised his right hand and wiped away his tears, which was futile as new tears already dripped from his face. "Merde," he choked out. "Shouldn' be dis emotional 'bout a dream. I know dat he wants Rogue, mais..." He'd let himself believe that Joseph might be interested in him, which was madness.

"He's on de rebound," Remy reminded himself. "I should stay 'way from him!" But he needed someone to hold onto, to love him so badly that he'd fooled himself. "Don' want dis any more... de pain... I want to be..."

The gentle tapping of rain disturbed his misery and he pulled himself together to walk over to the window. No thunderstorm accompanied the rain this time and Remy sank down onto the floor next to the window. //Josep' doesn' want me. He wants Rogue! I need to accept dat!// Confused, he wondered when he'd started to want Joseph in that way. Was he trying to get back at Rogue by stealing her ex-lover?

Feeling truly pathetic, Remy pulled up his knees, wrapped his arms around them and began to rock slowly. Tears dripped from his chin and he no longer bothered to wipe them away. He hated his life. He'd always had a hard life, having to fight for the little happiness that he'd been able to find, but since Antarctica his life had been Hell.

"Don' wanna feel dis... don' wanna be 'lone... don' wanna be here..." Remy whispered, lost, and continued to rock. Strengthening his shields to the maximum, he was determined not to let Joseph lure him back again.

///

Several hours later, Joseph woke from a nightmare. Damn, they'd grown less lately and he'd hoped they'd be over with. It looked like he'd been wrong. In his nightmare, he'd been Magneto and had slaughtered the defenseless villains that had threatened Sister Maria. Bathing in cold sweat, he tried to regulate his breathing. Hopefully he hadn't disturbed Remy's sleep.

His heart briefly stopped beating when he realized that he was alone in the bed. The other side was empty. "Fuck!" Joseph had heard others use the word to express great distress or anger and he'd never used it before, but it described exactly how he felt.

His right hand moved over the sheet, which was cold. Remy must have left the bed hours ago. Why hadn't he woken up? Cursing softly, he got out of bed and first checked the bathroom, which turned out empty. Next, he ventured downstairs.

It didn't take him long to make out Remy's rocking form beneath the window. At least Remy was still wearing his sweats, Joseph noticed relieved. That would fight off most of the cold. "Remy? Why did you come here?"

Worried, Joseph sat down beside the Cajun. The rocking motion continued and Joseph found the same empty expression in Remy's eyes which he'd seen there two nights ago and again yesterday morning. "What are you running away from?"

Gently, he folded one arm around Remy's shoulder and tried to stop the rocking motion. Remy immediately gave in, but the blank look in his eyes remained. "Come on, Remy. You know the drill by now. Come back. Don't shut me out." Joseph wondered how many more times he'd have to do this. Hopefully the meds would kick in soon. Remy would probably have to take them for some days before they showed some effect. Would he have to coax Remy back until then?

Shivering, Joseph pulled Remy close. The draft that slipped beneath the window could cause Remy to catch a cold. "Remy, let's sit down on the couch, yes?" He didn't get an answer and Joseph tried again. "You're cold. I don't want you to get ill." But Remy refused to respond.

Joseph opted for action and carefully lifted Remy off the floor and carried him over to the couch where he sat down beside the Cajun. "What's going on with you? Why do you feel that you can't deal with your life? I can only help if you let me."

Joseph's voice penetrated the deep recesses of Remy's mind, but he tried to shut it out. Joseph's voice had urged him to leave this void before and it had only caused him more pain. This time, he was staying!

"Please Remy. I don't want you to lose your grasp on sanity. Please come back to me." Joseph stroked the auburn locks, closed his eyes and concentrated on feeling his fear and sadness. Usually, he locked out these distressing feelings, but now he wanted to feel them. An incredible sadness washed over him and it took Joseph a moment to realize that he was experiencing Remy's sorrow. Did that mean that he'd somehow managed to get through to the Cajun?

Trying harder, Joseph gathered Remy's body close and whispered into the other man's ear, "Come back to me, Remy. I don't want to stay behind alone." Violent tremors suddenly rocked Remy's body and Joseph waited patiently for the Cajun to make up his mind. "I need you here with me."

Remy couldn't fight the pull any longer. Joseph wasn't playing fair! The other man was manipulating him, playing him and he was fool enough to hope that there was some spark of true affection in those words!

Joseph saw how life returned to the alien eyes and sighed relieved. "Stop scaring me like that, Remy," he whispered pleadingly. "What if there comes a time when I can't reach and convince you to come back?"

"Don' pull me back den," Remy whispered in an emotional tone. "Lemme stay dere."

"What are you running away from?" Joseph tried to claim Remy's hand, but the Cajun pulled away. "Or should I ask *whom* are you running away from?" Remy shivered beside him and Joseph had received part of his answer. "Who is it?"

Remy shook his head. It wasn't just one person. It were several, included himself. "Why can' y' lemme be?" But Joseph's body felt warm and he couldn't help snuggling up to the other man. He hated himself for being this weak. He should never have left the void.

"Remy, is it Rogue?" Joseph realized that he was treading on dangerous grounds, but wanted to face this in order to help Remy. Facing his own demons had helped. //But then Rogue was there to help you through it.// And now he would do the same for Remy.

"Rogue," Remy repeated the name absentmindedly. The way Joseph had said her name in bed, when he'd been rubbing against him, echoed in Remy's mind. "Not anymore." Rogue had already judged and punished him. He doubted she had the power to hurt him even more.

Joseph considered Remy's answer. "Who is it then? The other X-Men?" Remy didn't answer and briefly Joseph feared that the Cajun had locked him out again.

"Stormy," Remy said eventually. "She's de leader of de Morlocks. I got her people killed. She'll never forgive me for dat."

Joseph nodded his head. "Who else?"

"Sinister," Remy said in a tone barely audible and flinched violently. Why had he told Joseph that? He should have kept that name a secret. Quickly, to cover up his mistake, he added, "And de Marauders... Sabretooth..." Just remembering the way that those claws had cut through his chest made him tremble. He still bore the scars of that encounter on his body.

"Sinister used you," Joseph reminded Remy. He understood the Cajun's desire to run away and leave the world behind, but he wouldn't allow it. "Anyone else?"

It would have been easy for Remy to say 'non', but he didn't. Instead, he nodded his head. "Oui, one more person."

"Who is it?" This time, Joseph persisted and managed to get hold of Remy's icy cold hand. Why did he feel like the worst was still to come?

"Y'. I'm runnin' 'way from y'," Remy whispered brokenly and turned his face away from Joseph. He didn't want to see the other man's expression right now.

Joseph didn't understand. "But Remy, why do you feel the need to run away from *me*?"

//Cause I'm fallin' in love wit' y',// Remy thought privately and clenched his teeth, forcing himself to keep his feelings a secret. He'd been tempted to tell Joseph, hoping that the other man would be upset and leave, but the truth was that he couldn't survive alone. It didn't matter what he did, he'd always lose.

"Do you want to go back to bed or stay here?" Joseph's worries increased seeing Remy's apathy return. The Cajun seemed to ignore him again. He'd realized by now that he could only get through to Remy when he touched him, sent him his feelings or softly spoke to him. He decided to use all three methods.

Joseph rubbed Remy's knuckles, focused on the concern that he felt for the Cajun and said, "Come back to bed with me."

Those words almost made Remy leap off the couch. He couldn't believe Joseph had said that! //Get y'r mind out of de gutter, LeBeau. He's talkin' 'bout goin' back to sleep. It's not like he wants to make love to y'!//

"Why don't you go upstairs already? In the meantime I'll try to find that CD you mentioned, remember? The one with the sounds of rain and thunder on it?"

Remy nodded his head. "It's called 'Mot'er Nature'... should be near de stereo." He didn't want to get up, but Joseph was already pulling him to his feet. Head bowed, he made his way over to the stairs. "Mebbe I should sleep on de couch... 'lone," he whispered softly.

"No," Joseph replied resolved. "I had a nightmare just now." Pleased, he noticed the sudden concern in Remy's eyes when the Cajun finally locked eyes with him. "Your presence keeps them away. I'd like you to stay close..."

"Y' had a nightmare?" Remy didn't want to grow worried. He wanted to sink into the depths of his mind and not worry about Joseph! "What was it 'bout?" Merde, distancing himself from Joseph wouldn't work. He cared too much about the man.

"I killed the men who threatened Sister Maria all over again," Joseph replied honestly, feeling shy.

"I'm sorry," Remy whispered and averted his eyes. "Know how it feels, homme."

"Yes, I know you *think* you do." Joseph quickly located the CD and walked over to Remy. "You didn't kill the Morlocks. When will that get through to you?"

"Never," Remy whispered, feeling miserable as he ascended the stairs. Joseph was only a few steps behind him. //Shouldn' do dis. Should have gone to sleep on de couch. Dis will complicate t'ings...//

They entered the bedroom and while Remy headed for the bed, Joseph inserted the disk into the CD player. The soft tapping of rain and distant roars of thunder flowed through the bedroom. "I like it," Joseph stated and joined Remy in bed. He noticed that Remy stuck to his side of the bed. "Why are you suddenly keeping your distance? Do I make you uncomfortable?"

Remy was on his back, staring at the ceiling. He didn't want to hurt Joseph's feelings, but the memories of what had happened only hours ago still hurt. //He called out her name!// Why was he surprised? Of course Joseph was still in love with her!

"Un  petit peu," he admitted eventually. "Mais it ain' y'. It's me."

"I'll stay on my side of the bed if that makes you feel more comfortable," Joseph offered at once, but secretly he wanted to hug Remy close.

"Don' worry 'bout it, homme," Remy said and rolled onto his side, turning his back towards Joseph. He grew quiet after that and thankfully Joseph didn't question him any further. Biting down his tears, he closed his eyes and feigned sleep.

Joseph stared at Remy's back. His instincts told him that the Cajun was still awake, but deliberately cutting off contact. Why? What had happened to cause such a change? Why was Remy keeping him at a distance now? Only yesterday the Cajun had asked to be held. Joseph intended to find the answers to those questions.

///

The next morning found Remy in the kitchen preparing breakfast. He'd been unable to sleep during the rest of the night and had gotten up early. Joseph however, was still soundly asleep. Maybe it had something to do with the protective feelings that he'd wrapped around Joseph's mind when the nightmares had returned.

Making bacon and eggs, Remy stared at the vial that stood on the kitchen table. He should take one of the prescribed pills, but what difference would it make? The medication wouldn't change his life for the better. Even if he conquered this depression, he would still be alone and unwanted, a traitor.

While carrying breakfast over to the kitchen table, he ignored the vial and then switched on the coffee maker. It was going to be a long day. Hopefully, Joseph wouldn't stay close all the time. Hearing him whisper Rogue's name last night had opened his eyes. The other mutant only stayed because he pitied the Cajun.

//Dat ain' true!// Remy's conscience chided him. //And y' know it!//

Remy shook his head. "I'm readin' his feelings wrong. I'm new at dis." As he headed upstairs, he mentally prepared himself to act casually once Joseph woke up. He walked into the bedroom and stared at the other man, who was clutching Remy's pillow tightly. Somehow it looked... adorable.

//Non!// Remy stopped his line of thought. //He might not be wit' Rogue now, mais he wants her and will be wit' her 'gain! Y're not'in' but a charity case!//

Joseph somehow sensed that he was being watched, and as he rolled over onto his back, he opened his eyes. "Morning," he said, smiling weakly. He yawned and stretched his body. "You're up early."

"Was hungry," Remy lied. "Breakfast's ready. Are y' comin' downstairs?"

"Just gimme 5 minutes to grab a quick shower," Joseph replied and rose from the bed. He rubbed his sleep filled eyes and shook his head. "I'm still tired." Watching over Remy was a fulltime job and he'd missed some hours of sleep last night.

"Bien," Remy said and returned to the living room. He poured himself some coffee and sat down at the kitchen table, staring into the black liquid.

Joseph found him that way and briefly, he was afraid that Remy had pulled back into his mind. "Remy?" he said, stirring the Cajun from his musings.

"Sit down," Remy instructed and got bacon and eggs, coffee, orange juice and put them on the table. "I 'ready ate," he explained, feeding Joseph another lie. All he'd managed to keep down was the coffee. Just looking at the food made him nauseous.

"I doubt that," Joseph said, opting for the truth. "And you didn't take your pill either." Looking deeply into the red on black eyes he caught the listlessness in them. He opened the vial and placed one pill in the palm of Remy's hand. Then, he pushed his glass of OJ over to the Cajun. "Swallow it."

After shrugging his shoulders, Remy did. Then he stared at his idle hands again. "What are y' goin' to do today?" He hoped that the other mutant would leave for the mansion and stay there all day.

"We should get our bikes back. We left them at the nightclub." Joseph waited for Remy's reaction. Remy flinched visibly and Joseph sighed. "I can go alone if you don't want to come along."

"Non, 's okay." Remy fumbled with his sleeve. They'd never really talked about why he'd gone to the nightclub. He had hinted at it, but in the end he'd shied away from the topic.

Joseph was thinking something similar. "Do you often go to such clubs?" he asked between bites. He wanted to act casually, not prying or overly concerned.

"Before I got toget'er wit' Rogue I did... and after she dumped me," Remy admitted in the end.

"And you always let them hurt you?" Joseph placed his sandwich back onto the plate and studied Remy, hoping the other man would finally meet his eyes.

"Usually it ain' 'bout lettin' dem hurt me," Remy tried to explain. "It's 'bout givin' dem control."

Joseph leaned in closer. "Why would you want to give up control?"

Remy laughed embittered. "Homme, my life's a mess. I screw up everyt'in' and always when I t'ink dat t'ings can' get worse, dey do."

"That's not true," Joseph replied indignantly. "But sometimes things are... out of your control," he realized. Remy couldn't control the way people around him reacted.

"By givin' control to someone else, I... get to rest," Remy tried to explain. "I'm so tired of screwin' up. When someone else tells me what to do dey assume responsibility for my actions." Remy felt that he hadn't explained it properly, but it was the first time that he tried to tell someone why he went to these clubs. "Life's a bitch, non?"

Joseph gauged Remy's current state of mind and said, "Would you like to hand over control to me?" He was curious to learn the answer.

Remy shivered. "Oui, I'd like dat, mais I can' do it." He felt tormented by the fact that everything he wanted was so close and yet so impossibly far away. Joseph couldn't start a relationship with him while his heart still belonged to Rogue.

Joseph raised a puzzled eyebrow. "Why can't you?"

Remy took a deep breath before answering Joseph. "Cause y' don' love me," he whispered and rose from his chair. "I'm goin' to take a shower. After I get dressed we can go get our bikes." As he left the kitchen area, his heart beat madly.

//But Steve didn't love you either.// Joseph watched Remy's back until the Cajun had climbed the stairs. Remy's answer had made him think. Did Remy want Joseph to love him? Joseph chuckled softly. He was already falling for the Cajun thief, although he wasn't ready to fully admit that yet.

But something else worried him as well. Apparently, Remy was still looking for someone who would take over control. //I couldn't do that. Not the way he wants me too. Not in every day life. Maybe in bed, should we ever get intimate...// Joseph stopped this particular line of thought. Was he actually considering... no hoping, that they would end up in bed? Being lovers?

//That can never happen,// Joseph thought determinedly. The fact that Remy was a man didn't hold him back. It was the fact that they'd both loved the same woman, maybe still did. //Remy and I will never be lovers!// Joseph reminded himself and got to his feet. He needed to change out of the sweats and into some clean clothes.

///

When Joseph reached the bedroom, he heard that the shower was still on and he decided to get dressed quickly. He didn't want Remy to walk in on him while he was naked. Joseph quickly changed into some jeans, //which Rogue bought for me,// and a white shirt. He slipped on his socks and boots and went in search of his coat. Just when he was about to leave the bedroom, Remy exited the bathroom.

//Dear God!// Joseph thought, confused. He'd seen Remy naked the night he'd taken care of the Cajun's injuries, but this was different. Small droplets of water still clung possessively to the delicate skin. A few scars marred the smooth skin, but didn't didn’t diminish Remy’s beauty. The Cajun had slung a towel around his narrow hips and that was it! The long legs seemed to never end and Joseph groaned privately seeing the hard nipples.

//Fuck!// Joseph thought again, quickly becoming very fond of that particular word. As his eyes travelled up Remy's body, he halted when he reached the delicate features. Damp hair framed the handsome face and the eyes burned.

Remy watched Joseph in return and managed to lock out the other man's emotions. He didn't want to know what Joseph was feeling. It would only get his hopes up and he already knew that Joseph craved being with Rogue.

Ignoring Joseph for now, he walked over to his duffle bag and found the jeans and black sweater he was looking for. He dropped the towel onto the floor and stepped into his briefs.

Joseph gasped, seeing the tight ass and covered his mouth with his hand, trying to stop the moan from leaving his lips. When Remy bent over to step into the briefs, Joseph's cock grew rock hard within seconds. "I'll wait for you outside," he said quickly and fled the room. His hard-on tormented him every step of the way, almost demanding he returned to the bedroom to lay Remy down on the bed and take him.

Joseph slammed the front door shut behind him and stood shaking. He tried to fight his body into submission, but his erection refused to go away that quickly. Embarrassed, he pulled on his coat, thankful that it would hide his arousal. Now he had to wait for Remy to join him so they could collect their bikes. It was going to be a hard day!

///

Remy joined Joseph a few minutes later. Joseph's heart went into overdrive when he noticed the *tight* jeans the Cajun was wearing. //Great!// he thought slightly sarcastic. //I just managed to get rid of my erection and now he's wearing *that*!//

Remy gave Joseph a puzzled look. Why was Joseph acting this strange? The man's eyes almost seemed to pop out of their sockets and why had Joseph buttoned up his coat? It wasn't that cold! "How are we goin' to collect de bikes?" Remy asked, thoughtfully. "I didn' know y' had y'r own bike."

"I burrowed Scott's," Joseph choked out as his hormones kicked in. He almost licked his lips; thinking of how good Remy had felt when he'd lain spooned behind the Cajun. Realizing what was happening, Joseph composed himself again. He couldn't be lusting after Remy LeBeau!

//Why not?// that little, irritating voice in the back of his head questioned. //He's got great looks, cares about you and feels just right in your arms. Better than Rogue ever did.//

Privately, Joseph cursed that voice to Hell and then remembered Remy's question. "I planned on using my magnetic powers to take us to the nightclub. We can ride the bikes back if you'd like that."

"Flyin'?" Remy considered the option. He loved to fly. Storm used to take his hand and let the winds carry him, but she would never do that again. He'd lost that privilege. "Kay," Remy gave in.

Joseph reached out to bury Remy's hand in his. He didn't need the physical contact, but was taking advantage of the situation to touch the Cajun.

Hesitantly, Remy offered Joseph his hand and the next thing he knew, his feet lost all contact with the earth. This felt completely different from flying with Storm. There was no wind that carried him. Instead, he felt surrounded by... by what? A protective shell; something surrounded his entire body, erecting some sort of barrier. As they gained height, he sought out Joseph's eyes. "Must feel great to be able to fly, homme."

But Joseph shrugged his shoulders. "It feels natural to me." He clasped his fingers tightly around Remy's, unwilling to let go again. "It'll take us 20 minutes."

Remy nodded his head and decided to enjoy the ride.

///

"Can' believe dey're still here," Remy said relieved as they located the bikes. "Someone could have stolen dem."

Joseph sat down and kick-started his bike. "Let's take them home. I don't want Scott to go into hysterics because his bike's missing."

Remy grinned and started his bike as well. "Oui, Cyke has a habit of overreactin'."

Joseph grew quiet. It was he first time that the saw a genuine smile on Remy's face and suddenly he was no longer in a hurry to get home. "Want to stop for coffee somewhere?"

"Mais oui," Remy replied, cheerfully, wondering where his dark and gloomy feelings had gone. "I know a place dat serves great coffee... and ice cream," he recalled. He'd taken Jubilee there on her last birthday.

"Ice cream?" Joseph had overheard Jean and Jubilee once when they'd been eating ice cream in the kitchen and they'd sounded ecstatic. He'd been dying to find out what this ice cream was all about and after the two women had left he'd searched the fridge, but hadn't found any. If he'd eaten it before, he didn't remember.

"Y' wanna go for some ice cream?" Remy asked, surprised. It had been some time since he'd indulged himself that way. "Will take y' dere," he promised. "Follow me!" he called out, as he steered the bike away from the nightclub. He wanted to forget about Steve as quickly as possible.

///

Remy grinned diabolically, seeing Joseph's entranced expression. "Dat's chocolate ice cream, mon ami."

"It's..." Joseph swallowed the delicious substance and looked Remy in the eyes.

"Breat'e, Joe!" Remy remarked teasingly, seeing Joseph's dilated pupils.

"What did Jean call it? Wow?"

Remy laughed warmly. They were sitting on the terrace and Joseph stared in open admiration at the bowl, filled with ice cream. The waitress had filled it with chocolate, strawberry, banana, melon and lemon flavored ice cream, topped it with whipped cream and warm chocolate sauce. "Dat's a good way to describe it."

Joseph's spoon dove back into the ice cream. Suddenly, he felt melancholy. "I wish I could remember... did I like ice cream before?" He wished he had his memories back.

Remy sensed the sudden regret and sadness. "Y' like it now, don' y'? Life can be over wit' in seconds. Y' should try to make de best of de present." Remy couldn't believe he'd said that. Who was he to offer such advice? He was doing his best to make his own life hell.

"You're right," Joseph replied and pushed the brooding feelings into the back of his mind. He brought another spoonful of ice cream to his lips and let it slowly slide inside. "Wow," he repeated again and quavered as his toes curled. He loved the whipped cream.

Remy smiled again. Right now, Joseph looked happy and the other man's ecstatic feelings were seeping through his shields. "I'm glad y' like de ice cream, cher." His breath caught. He should never have added that last word. Hopefully, Joseph didn't know its meaning.

"Cher?" Joseph closed his eyes as he licked his spoon. "What does cher mean?" His knowledge of French was very limited.

"Friend," Remy said, telling Joseph a white lie. Leaning back, he felt grateful that Joseph didn't  know what he'd just been called. Growing quiet, he simply enjoyed watching Joseph finish his ice cream.

Part 5

"Are you going to finish that or...?" Giving Remy a hopeful look, Joseph licked his lips. There was still some ice cream left in the Cajun's bowl. Remy's smile warmed his heart. These last few days had been depressing and gloomy, but Remy's eyes sparkled now and he couldn't get enough of that sight.

"Y're goin' to have a stomach ache, homme." Since the slip of his tongue, Remy was more alert. He couldn't call Joseph 'cher' again. What if the other man didn't trust his explanation and looked the word up? Well, he could always say that he'd never intended to call Joseph that, but... would the other mutant believe him? Did it matter? No, it didn't, because Joseph was only interested in Rogue.

"Well? Can I have it?" Joseph wondered what he had to do to convince Remy to hand over the ice cream.

"Knock y'rself out, Joe," Remy said teasingly and pushed his bowl away from him. Amused, he watched Joseph attack it. "Y'll be spendin' a lot of time in de bathroom later," he warned the other mutant.

But Joseph honestly didn't care. "Can someone become addicted to ice cream?" he wondered out loud.

"In y'r case? Oui." Remy chuckled. He waited until Joseph had finished and then asked, "Wanna head back?"

"In a moment." Joseph's eyes grew big as his stomach convulsed.

"Bathroom is over dere, mon ami." Remy pointed him in the right direction when Joseph made a run for it. "Will teach y' not to eat too much ice cream!" Remy laughed warmly and slapped his knees. Mon Dieu, he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this great, this warm inside!

When Joseph returned to their table several minutes later, he looked a little pale. "Next time... don't give me your leftovers." Joseph sat down, and kept one arm wrapped around his stomach. "Can we just sit here a little longer?"

"Mais oui, Joe."

The dazzling smile that Remy gave him, made Joseph sigh. "You're feeling better."

"Oui," Remy admitted at once and stretched his legs. //I feel better 'cause y'r still 'round,// but he couldn't say that out loud. Closing his eyes, he relished feeling the warm sun beams that caressed his face.

"Want to catch a movie later?" Joseph suddenly suggested. He'd been thinking about his next move all day and going to the movies was all he'd been able to come up with. Rogue had told him that he should make an effort to be more romantic, but Joseph had looked at her helplessly. What romantic stuff were couples supposed to do? She could at least have given him a clue!

Remy's eyes flashed open behind the sunglasses. "A movie?"

"We can rent a vid or go to the movies," Joseph suggested, suddenly afraid that he'd made a major mistake. But he wanted to get to know Remy better, wanted to show him that life could be good. Joseph desperately wanted to take away the guilt that always lurked in the depths of those hypnotic red on black eyes.

"Movies would be cool," Remy replied, confused. "Mais shouldn' y' be at de mansion instead of stayin' wi' me?"

"I would only run into Rogue." Joseph smiled apologetically.

"Bien, you pick de movie." Remy was surprised to see a rising panic in Joseph's eyes. "Joe?"

"I don't know much about picking movies," he admitted. Rogue always chose the movie they'd watch. "Could you pick it?"

"Why don' we pick it toget'er?" Remy suggested smugly. He distinctly noticed the relief that showed in Joseph's eyes. Remy grabbed a newspaper from another table, which had been left behind, and quickly scanned the listing of movie theatres. In the end, he tapped his finger on one ad at the bottom of the page. It was a small theatre and they didn't show the newest releases but... "I always wanted to see 'Interview wit' de vampire'...

whadda  y’ think?"

Joseph shrugged his shoulders. "What's the movie about?"

Remy sighed dramatically. "Oh, homme, where should I start?"

///

As the crowd left the movie theatre, Remy realized that Joseph had been quiet for some time now. "Somet'in' wrong? Did I pick de wrong movie? Y' should have stopped me, say dat y' didn' like..."

"Remy?" Joseph cut the Cajun short. "Can we talk?"

"Mais oui," Remy replied, thoughtfully. Had something upset Joseph? Luckily, the other people were heading home or into the bars. "Wanna go for a drink?"

"Later perhaps," Joseph said slowly. "Can we just walk for some time?"

Remy nodded his head and peeked at the other man. Growing apprehensive, he wondered what he'd done wrong. Joseph had seemed enthusiastic when they'd agreed on the movie earlier, so what had happened? As they walked down the busy street, Remy waited for Joseph to tell him what was wrong. //Mon Dieu! What if he decided to move back to de mansion?// Joseph had been there briefly to pick up food items and clean clothes earlier today.

"Lestat and Louis... they were lovers in that movie, weren't they?" Joseph started hesitantly. He tried to ignore the other people's voices that echoed in the street.

"Oui, dey were," Remy said, surprised. What was Joseph trying to say? He didn't want to jump to conclusions and waited patiently. He fell into step beside Joseph and buried his hands deep in his pockets. Hesitant to seek out Joseph's eyes, he stared at the pavement.

"How do you feel about... about 2 men being lovers?" Joseph blurted out.

Remy involuntarily held his breath. "'s just fine, Joe. Y' can be attracted to de same sex." What were Joseph's intentions? Why bring this up? "Y' 'kay wit' dat too?"

"I think so," Joseph whispered and tried to catch Remy's gaze, but those alien eyes eluded him. He was afraid to ask his next question, but if he wanted to know where they stood he had to know. Sometime during the movie he'd realized that he wanted the Cajun, but the timing was bad and he wanted to take this slow. He had to know whether the feelings were mutual.

"Whadda y' wanna know?" Remy asked softly when they reached an almost empty bar. He signalled Joseph to follow him inside and he chose a table at the back of the establishment.

Joseph sat down and observed Remy closely. Did the Cajun know what was going on in his mind? During the latter part of the movie he'd only been able to think about Remy. "You like men in that way?" he choked out eventually.

Remy nodded his head. He had no idea why Joseph wanted to know that, but he wouldn't lie to the other man. "Oui, I've had male lovers."

"What about guys like Steve?" Joseph asked, surprising himself when he asked that question. Yes, he'd been wondering what attracted Remy to men like Steve, but hadn't planned on asking the Cajun.

Remy had the grace to blush. Right then the waitress dropped by, buying him a little more time before he had to answer Joseph. Remy ordered two beers.

Impatiently, Joseph waited for the waitress to leave. "Well?" he asked, once she'd disappeared from sight.

"'s complicated, Joe."

"I'm not going anywhere," Joseph pointed out to Remy. "You like women too?"

"Oui, I'm bi," Remy admitted and sighed deeply. He'd never thought he'd ever have this conversation with Joseph. "'s nice to be on top wit' de ladies... mais I like men as well." He grew silent when the waitress brought their drinks. He gave her a good tip and after she'd left, he continued. "It's also nice to be on de bottom."

"Remy?" Joseph suddenly felt shy, hoping that Remy would give him direct answers and not beat around the bush.

"I love feelin' someone inside me. Makes me feel like I'm part of dem. Most of de time I feel so 'lone." Remy sipped his beer and kept his eyes on the drink. "When I lived at de Moulin Rouge I realized dat sex could be great, as long as de people involved were willin' participants. I never slept 'round much," he added, shrugging his shoulders. "Picked my lovers carefully. Steve was...an exception. I don' usually pick dem up at nightclubs, mais sometimes I just want to be fucked..." Why was this admission so hard? He'd never before felt ashamed of his desires.

Joseph listened carefully. "I always wanted to ask this, but the professor didn't seem the right person to put the question to, but... do you think there's a difference between fucking and making love?"

"Why do y' wanna know?" Remy now finally felt confident enough to make eye contact with Joseph. Surprised, he noticed that only curiosity and sincerity shone back from those steel blue eyes.

Slowly, Remy nodded his head. "I only made love wit' one person..." That had been with Belle. "Love's hard to find, mon ami."

Joseph felt inwardly torn. Could, no should, he confide in Remy? "It's Rogue, you know," he said after reaching a decision. "When we had sex I felt like she was using me..."

"Why do y' say dat?" Remy arched an eyebrow.

"Did you ever have sex with her?" Joseph blurted out.

"Non, never," Remy replied honestly and he didn't feel any regrets. Looking back in retrospect, he was glad that they'd never taken that step. That way, it hadn't hurt that bad when she'd dumped him. //Mais it still hurts!//

Joseph looked away. "She would tell me what to do and how to do it and... sometimes I couldn't... you, know, perform..."

Remy wrung his hands beneath the table, hidden from Joseph's sight. "Why are we talkin' 'bout dis?" He wanted to change their topic.

"I don't remember making love to someone, Remy. With Rogue, everything felt engineered, not real. What does it feel like to make love?"

"Y' shouldn' ask me," Remy said, embarrassed.

"Remy?" Joseph raised his hand and cupped Remy's chin in the palm of his hand. "Look at me?"

Reluctantly, Remy raised his eyes. Where was this headed? He felt helpless and the situation was out of his control.

"I'm attracted to you," Joseph admitted in a heavy tone.

"Non, y'r not," Remy said resolved.

"How can you be so sure?" Flabbergasted, Joseph maintained the eye-contact.

"Last night y' had an erotic dream 'bout Rogue," Remy whispered, feeling guilty and embarrassed. "Y' still love her."

Suddenly, Joseph understood what had driven Remy out of their bed last night. "I don't remember having an erotic dream about Rogue," he said cautiously and when Remy tried to protest, Joseph placed one finger against the Cajun's lips. "I had an erotic dream about you and Rogue was trying to keep us apart. I wanted her to move out of my way so I could get to you."

Remy's heart leaped in his chest, but he couldn't allow himself to believe that Joseph was speaking the truth. "Listen, homme. We're on de rebound. Rogue dumped me and y' no longer felt comfortable bein' wit' her. We bot' want attention and to be reassured dat we're still wanted. Y' would have fallen for anyone who had paid y' any attention..." he hated doing this to Joseph, but it was the truth.

Joseph tightened his hold on Remy's chin and pulled the Cajun a little closer so he could whisper into the other man's ear. "You're the empath. How can you deny the truth? We've felt it all along. Last night, when you thought that I was dreaming about Rogue, you felt jealous."

The determination in Joseph's voice made Remy shiver. "Not jealous," he whispered, somewhat shocked that Joseph was taking the initiative like this.

"You felt sad..." Joseph realized and moved his hand to the back of Remy's neck, holding the Cajun tightly in place. Judging from the look on Remy's face, the Cajun was ready to bolt. "You *are* running away from me," he realized with a start. "You're in denial." Moving a little closer, he caught Remy's eyes. "Why?"

"Y' can' love me... soon, you'll realize y' wanna be wit' Rogue. Y' broke off wit' her only days ago!" His voice carried a desperate tone. He considered breaking free, but he loved the feel of Joseph's strong fingers against his neck.

"Kiss me," Joseph ordered. "Kiss me, Remy and convince yourself that what I feel for you is real."

"I can' do dat," Remy whispered brokenly. If he did, the illusion would shatter.

Joseph acted at once, fed up with Remy's denial. He tangled his fingers in the auburn hair and pulled Remy in for a kiss. //I never kissed a man before!// Joseph was trying hard to keep his nervousness under control. As his lips brushed Remy's, he startled at the feeling of electricity that seemed to pass between them. Hungrily, his tongue pushed against Remy's teeth, hoping the Cajun would let him in.

Remy could only stare helplessly into Joseph's eyes. //He's kissin' me!// Joseph used the hold on his neck to bring him in closer and he moaned deliriously as Joseph's tongue demanded entrance. Unable to stop himself, he parted his teeth. Yes, Joseph was right. His empathy easily picked up on Joseph's feelings, which were directed at him.

The moan that fled Remy's lips caused Joseph to grow erect within seconds. Exploring every warm inch of that delightful mouth, Joseph maintained eye-contact the entire time. When he finally broke the kiss it was because they needed oxygen. 

The stunned expression in Remy's eyes made Joseph slow down, but he didn't release the hold he had on the Cajun's neck. "This is new to me, Remy. At least I think it is." Struggling to find the right words, he said, "I don't remember being with a man... sexually."

Speechless, Remy could only nod his head. Joseph had completely taken him by surprise. Joseph's eyes had turned deep blue and Remy swallowed hard, feeling the arousal in the other man's mind. //He wants me,// Remy realized confused. He'd tried so hard to convince himself that Joseph wasn't interested in him that he'd started to believe his own lies.

Joseph wondered what to do next. It didn't look like Remy was going to take control of the situation, so the next move was up to him. "What do you want to do, Remy?"

Remy squirmed a little. He'd grown hard during their kissing and wanted to leave this place and have Joseph all to himself. "Let's go home?" When had the boathouse become home?

"Good idea," Joseph agreed and got to his feet. He let go of the Cajun's neck and now stared openly at Remy's dilated pupils and then let his eyes drift lower. Thanks to those tight jeans Remy was wearing he saw an impressive erection straining against the fabric. Yes, the attraction was obviously mutual. He allowed Remy to lead him out of the bar and when they hit the street, he looked about.

They walked back to where they had parked Remy's bike and Joseph determinedly claimed Remy's hand. "I never wanted anyone as bad as I want you," he whispered and wrapped an arm around Remy's waist.

The Cajun rested his back against Joseph's chest. "Cher..." he whispered helplessly, feeling Joseph's hard cock against his ass.

"No, not here, not like this," Joseph said firmly. "Take us home," he instructed and got behind Remy onto the bike. After Remy kick-started it, they slowly left this part of town behind them.

Joseph kept his arm around Remy's waist and suddenly grew aware of the fact that his erection rested perfectly against the Cajun's ass. With his other hand, he rubbed Remy's cock through the jeans. "Why do I want you so badly?"

"De empat'y," Remy whispered and fought the urge to press his ass closer to Joseph's groin. "Y' feel my desire and I feel y'rs... magnifies our feelings..." He hadn't counted on that side effect, had never considered it might happen. They were feeding off on each other's desires.

Joseph didn't know if he should feel shocked by his sudden craving to curl his fingers around Remy's cock and to make him come. The empathy was making it difficult for him to control his needs. "I want to take this slow, Remy."

"Don' know if we can, cher... only if y' calm down." Remy gasped as Joseph's finger undid the top button of his jeans. "Oh, cher," he whispered, as Joseph's fingers caressed his skin. "Y're distractin' me," he warned the other man. Although there was hardly any traffic, he wanted to stay focused on the road.

Joseph understood and pulled back his hand. "We'll wait until we're home."

"Oui." But Remy couldn't suppress a moan, filled with disappointment now that Joseph's fingers were no longer caressing his abdomen.

Joseph was struck by the passion he felt for the Cajun. He couldn't help compare it to being with Rogue. //This feels a lot better,// though he couldn't pinpoint the difference yet. He was definitely looking forward to continuing this sensual exploration.

Remy quivered as Joseph pressed closer. //Mon Dieu... he's still hard!// When they'd left to see the movie, he'd never thought that watching Lestat and Louis would urge Joseph to admit to having feelings for him. //I would never have taken dat first step.// He would have been too afraid that Joseph would think he was only using the other mutant.

A loud bang behind them made Remy step on the brakes and turn the bike around. "Cher, what happened?"

Joseph immediately took in the situation. A car had gotten off the road and had crashed into a tree. "Maybe we can help!" Using his magnetic powers he flew over to the crash site. He was just in time to drag a little girl from the burning car and when he wanted to go back to get the mother out as well, the car exploded.

Remy ran over to the little girl. The poor child couldn't be older than 6 and he could tell that she wasn't breathing.

"They weren't wearing seatbelts!" Joseph quickly joined Remy, who now kneeled beside the girl's body. "Is there anything we can do?"

Reaching out empathically, Remy tried to find an echo of the girl's mind. Maybe, if it was still there, they might be able to resuscitate her. Cradling her body in his arms, Remy cringed. He no longer felt her mind. "She's dead," he sobbed softly, slowly rocking the girl's body in his arms. "She's dead... too young."

Concerned, Joseph watched Remy, wondering what impact this would have on the empath. "They didn't stand a chance," he said softly. Joseph looked up when other people pulled over to help. He heard one man call 911 and ask for an ambulance.

"Remy? We should go now. There's nothing we can do." But Remy continued to clutch the girl's corpse in his arms. "Remy, let her go."

Remy held her close. Oh, he remembered how it felt to die... //Don' lemme remember...don' wanna remember!//

"Remy? Listen to me!"

Joseph's voice finally penetrated Remy's mind and he looked at the other man. "She's dead," he whispered, lost.

"I know that," Joseph said reassuringly. "Give her to me." He managed to pry the girl's body from Remy's hands and put her gently down on his coat, which he'd draped over the hard concrete. The paramedics had arrived and were approaching quickly.

Joseph pulled Remy to his feet and guided him away from the crash site. "Remy? Look at me?"

Remy locked eyes with Joseph. "She's dead..."

"I'm going to take you home." Remy seemed to be in some sort of shock. Joseph briefly considered using the bike to get home, but then dismissed that idea. Remy had let go of the bike to help the girl and it had crashed into the street lighting. He could take care of that later. Remy came first.

After tightly wrapping his arms around Remy, Joseph used his powers to take to the sky. He figured it would take 15 minutes to get back to the boathouse. Remy shook in his arms and Joseph wished they were already home.

///

Joseph had absolutely no idea why Remy was reacting in this way. The Cajun sat in front of the fireplace, staring into the flames. Joseph had wrapped the quilt around Remy's shoulders and now sat down beside him. One look at the red on black eyes told him that Remy hadn't retreated into his mind... yet, and he wouldn't allow it!

"Remy?" Joseph started, "Talk to me?" He figured that holding the dead body in his arms had triggered some responses on Remy's part, as the empath had been badly affected. But why was it this bad? Why was Remy reacting in this way? "What's going on?"

They'd shared a perfect day, had admitted they had feelings for each other, had even started making out and then the accident had happened, which had understandably killed the mood. Joseph folded one arm around Remy's shoulders and pulled the Cajun close. Remy rested his head on Joseph's shoulder and the two men remained quiet a few minutes longer.

"Did you feel something that upset you?" Joseph ventured eventually. He needed to hear Remy's voice to reassure himself.

"I felt rien... not'in'," Remy stuttered, soaking up Joseph's closeness and warmth like a sponge. "Only moments ago she was 'live, had... a mind, a soul," Remy wasn't sure how to phrase this. "It feels awful to hold a body in y'r arms...when it's empty," Remy sobbed and was powerless to stop the tears from flowing down his face. "Brought back memories." Remy bit his lower lip after making that last admission. He wanted to confide in Joseph, but could he? They hadn't known each other for that long and what if Joseph decided he didn't want to be with him after all?

Joseph involuntarily held his breath. "Memories?" Had Remy felt someone die once or was this about something else? Joseph raised his hand and softly caressed Remy's face. Tears filled the Cajun's eyes. He sensed Remy's reluctance to talk to him about this. There was only one thing he could do.

"Remy," Joseph started, "I know this is hard on you. Let me assure you that nothing you'll tell me will leave this room. I won't pry, won't push you, but you can tell me what's hurting you. I'm here for you." He couldn't remember reaching out in this way to Rogue. She'd always been strong, never showing a crack in her armor and he realized how much he loved being there to support Remy. It made him feel wanted and special.

Remy cuddled closer, feeling Joseph's sincerity, but he wasn't sure he could do this. It was one of his best kept secrets. "Cher?" Remy rested his right hand against Joseph's face and searched the determined eyes. "Y' got 'nough problems wit'out havin' to deal wit' mine. Are y' sure y' want to hear dis? Ain' pretty what I've got to tell y'."

"Please tell me," Joseph whispered and gently brushed Remy's lips with his fingertips.

Remy sighed deeply and surrendered. "I died on de ice."

"What?" Stunned, Joseph tried to grasp the enormity of Remy's words. "You...?"

"I died in Antarctica," Remy whispered and averted his eyes. His body began to shake violently and the tears suddenly stopped. "Never told anyone before," he said in a tiny tone.

"Oh Remy!" Shocked, Joseph stared at Remy and saw the never ending pain in his eyes. Instinctively, he pulled Remy onto his lap and hugged him as tightly as he could without cutting off the Cajun's air supply. He rocked Remy slowly and stroked the other man's back soothingly. "I can't imagine what you've been through," he said in the end and just held Remy close.

Remy wanted to say something, but his voice failed him. He clung to Joseph and let himself be rocked. Had he ever felt this close to someone else before? Jean-Luc and Henri loved him, yes, had soothed him when he'd been little, but Joseph's love and concern was overwhelming. //L'amour? He loves me?// Too many revelations had occurred in too short a time.

Joseph felt inwardly torn. He'd promised not to pry, but... "But you came back."

Remy looked at Joseph and nodded his head. As Joseph wiped away his tears, Remy closed his eyes, relishing feeling the other man's fingers on his face. Suddenly, he wanted to tell Joseph everything, every dark secret he was hiding, but he knew that the other mutant would turn away from him if Joseph learned the entire truth.

But did he want to build a relationship based on lies? Remy shivered in Joseph's arms. Maybe he should make a start by talking about his fears. What if he revealed one secret to find out Joseph's reaction? If Joseph turned his back on him after learning who had brought him back to life, Remy would know that their love could never be. "He brought me back."

Joseph managed to capture Remy's swimming eyes with his. "Who did?" Beneath his hands, he felt how Remy's body was tormented by tremors.

Remy licked his lips, averted his eyes and pushed himself away from Joseph before the other man would have a chance to shove him aside. "Sinister."

Joseph's eyes almost popped out of their sockets. "Sinister rescued you?"

Remy sat back, increasing the distance between them and mentally he tried to prepare himself for Joseph's rejection. "After Rogue left, I tried to survive, but de base had shut down. De system had short-circuited and de cold was penetratin' de fortress." Remy pulled the quilt closer around his body.

"I've always been a fighter, Joe," he continued. "I cherish my life, no matter how rotten it is. I didn' wanna die." Remy closed his eyes, remembering those awful days. "I don' know how long I walked to stay warm. Even managed to change the speed of de molecules so dey'd keep me warm, mais I also needed water and food. I ate snow and got sick."

Dumbstruck, Joseph waited for Remy to continue. Some of the empathy was leaking and he felt a tiny part of Remy's fear and guilt. He desperately wanted to gather the Cajun into his arms, but something kept him back. Remy had to get this out of his system first.

"In de end, I couldn' move any longer. Alt'ough I didn' want to give up, I just did. I felt so lonely, so cold, so hungry... I sat down and let de cold take over."

"And you died," Joseph whispered, feeling Remy's pain like it was his own.

"I closed my eyes and felt my body shut down. I was scared," Remy admitted as he locked eyes with Joseph. "So scared to die. I didn' know what I was hopin' for, mebbe oblivion, mebbe a kind God who'd forgive me, mebbe I'd end up in Hell... De fear's still there," Remy mumbled and rubbed his chest, close to his heart.

"Remy..." Joseph whispered the name and claimed the Cajun's hand, running his fingers over the smooth skin. His mind needed time to process everything that Remy had told him. "You died..."

Remy shrugged his shoulders, unable to react verbally. Then, he managed to compose himself and continued his confession. "De next t'ing I remember is bein' jolted 'wake on Sinister's exam table." Remy pulled his hand away from Joseph's grasp and fumbled with the quilt. "I was weak, didn' know at once who I was and how I got dere..."

Joseph nodded his head. "It's okay. I'm not walking away from you. What happened?" Joseph wouldn't let this interfere with his newly discovered love for the Cajun. They could deal with this.

"He told me dat he'd brought me back and dat I now owed him." Remy shivered. "His tone was so cold, cher."

"Did he try to collect this debt yet?" Joseph carefully considered his next move and then crawled over to Remy. Determinedly, he enfolded Remy in his arms and pulled him close. Joseph rested his forehead against Remy's, finally able to touch and look into his lover's eyes.

"Non, he didn'... haven't seen him since."

Joseph noticed that Remy didn't really sound concerned. "Aren't you worried that he'll show up unexpectedly?"

Remy shook his head. "No matter what he wants from me, I won' give it to him. I'd rat'er die... 'gain." Remy allowed Joseph to hold him. "Why are y' still here?"

"Actually, I owe Sinister for saving your life." Joseph felt Remy tense against him. "If he hadn't, I would never have been able to hold you like this."

"Y're stayin' den?" Remy whispered, trying hard not to give in to hope.

"I'm staying, Remy," Joseph assured him. Tenderly, he claimed Remy's lips and engaged his new lover in a deep kiss. Remy's teeth parted immediately and Joseph chased his lover's tongue in a slow and lazy duel. Finally, he felt how some of Remy's tension faded beneath his caresses. "I think I love you," he whispered as he had to release Remy's lips in order to breathe.

Remy swallowed the large lump that had formed in his throat at hearing that confession. "Je t'aime, cher," he whispered in return. "Don' know when I fell in love wit' y', mais... I want y' too."

Joseph checked the time. "Why don't we turn in for the night? It's been an exhausting day."

Remy nodded his head. "I'm sorry 'bout de way I pushed y' 'way last night," he apologized. "I really t'ought dat y' wanted Rogue, not me."

"You'll let me hold you tonight, won't you?" Joseph slowly got to his feet and pulled Remy along.

"Oui," Remy whispered softly. He let go of the quilt and followed Joseph into the kitchen. Joseph opened the vial and placed one pill in the palm of his hand. Remy sighed. He'd forgotten about the medication and only swallowed the pill with some water because Joseph wanted him to.

"Go upstairs and warm the bed for me? I'm going to make us some tea." Joseph placed one kiss on Remy's lips and then nudged him towards the stairs. After Remy had ascended the stairs, Joseph turned around, his hands turning into tight fists. He'd managed to control his rage while Remy was close, but needed a moment alone now. Rogue had left Remy there to die and no one had tried to rescue the Cajun!

//I didn't go back either,// he admitted. His own behavior appalled him. //He died and never told us!// The fact that Remy had tried to deal with his death alone, infuriated Joseph. //He *died*!// The anger was building and he had to calm down before it would consume him. Focusing on his love for Remy, he managed to fight his rage into submission.

He recalled that he'd promised Remy some tea and boiled some water. After filling the mugs with tea, he headed up the stairs as well. When he entered the bedroom, he saw that Remy had fallen asleep on the bed, still fully dressed. Talking about what had happened in Antarctica had exhausted him.

Joseph placed the mugs on the nightstand and began to undress his new love. First, he removed the boots and socks and then he struggled to get Remy out of those too tight jeans. Remy had fallen asleep on his stomach and Joseph was confronted with two mounds of smooth flesh.

After releasing a soft groan, he first rolled Remy onto his back and then manoeuvred the Cajun into a sitting position. It took him some time to remove the sweater, but then Remy was naked, except for his briefs. Joseph's eyes caressed his lover's body and then rolled him into the center of the bed and pulled up the comforter.

He forgot about feeding Remy the hot tea to make him sleepy and Joseph stripped himself. Only wearing his briefs, he slipped into bed as well and gathered Remy close. The Cajun immediately snuggled up to him after rolling onto his side. After Remy‘d  rested his head on his shoulder, he tucked them both in and kissed his lover's brow.

Just as he wanted to switch off the little lamp above their bed, he realized that something was floating in front of the window. Joseph stared right into Rogue's eyes.

Part 6

Joseph suppressed a groan and then looked at Remy, making sure his love was still soundly asleep. Rogue had disappeared from the window and Joseph just knew that she was waiting for him to come outside and talk to her. He felt grateful for that, for he doubted Remy could handle more stress after tonight's admissions.

He cautiously entangled himself from Remy's body and pushed a pillow into the Cajun's arms. Remy cuddled closer to it and content, Joseph tucked the comforter in around his lover's form.

Quickly, he slipped into his jeans and shirt and then went downstairs. Rogue had seen them in bed together and had probably come to the only logical conclusion. Joseph mentally prepared himself for another ugly verbal fight.

After closing the front door behind him, he made out Rogue's form in the moonlight. He could only see her back and wished he knew what to expect. Scott had been right. Rogue's behavior was unpredictable. Slowly, he approached her, but stopped when he was still several foot away from her. "Rogue?"

"Ah don't understand," Rogue said slowly and turned around to study her ex-lover.

Joseph flinched seeing her unreadable eyes, which could be hiding pain or fury. There was no way to tell what Rogue was feeling. "I love him," he offered honestly.

"But he's a man, sugah!"

"I noticed!" Joseph chuckled softly, but saw at once that it was the wrong thing to do.

"Swamp rat's a traitor," Rogue reminded him and wrapped her arms around her waist. "Ah thought yuh loved me. Yuh said yuh loved me."

Suddenly, Joseph realized that she was putting on a damn good show. She was mad as hell, but was using this routine to make him feel sorry for her. In a moment she'd tell him that they belonged together because...

"Ah love yuh, sugah. Yuh're the only one who can touch me. Ah need yuh, Joseph!"

Yes, those were the very words he'd expected to hear. "Rogue, it's over between us. We didn't work out."

"But swamp rat can't give yuh what yuh want, Ah can. Ah'm a woman, sugah." Rogue had moved closer to Joseph and rested her right hand on his shoulder. Slowly, her bare fingers caressed Joseph's skin. "Ah can make yuh feel good, Joe. Ah know what yuh like. Dump him and come back to me?"

Joseph realized that she was trying to seduce him, trying to change his mind, but it wasn't working. "I can't be with you, Rogue. I don't love you."

"Lemme make things good for yuh," Rogue offered. Her hand slid down his chest and finally came to rest on his groin. "Lemme take care of yuh and then yuh can take care of me?" She kneaded his organ through the fabric of his jeans.

Joseph stepped away from her, breaking all contact. "Rogue, what words didn't you understand? I don't love you."

Rogue's eyes flashed with an anger, which she couldn't keep hidden any longer. "Yuh like fuckin' a man better than makin' love with me? Ah can't believe it, Joseph. I told yuh that Gambit betrayed the X-Men and the Morlocks, and yuh still want him? He killed the Morlocks, was Sinister's right hand and yuh want to fuck *him* instead of *me*?" A diabolical grin contorted her features. "Or does swamp rat fuck yuh? Is that what Ah couldn't give yuh and what yuh want? To be fucked?"

Appalled, Joseph backed away from her. "You don't know what you're saying."

"Yuh know that swamp rat's only usin' yuh like he used me. He'll never let yuh in, won't ever trust yuh!"

Joseph suddenly understood perfectly why Rogue couldn't work out with anyone. She was so full of hatred that it would poison every relationship. "Why don't you go back to the mansion and stay there?"

"Don't think that this is over, sugah" Rogue warned him. "Swamp rat will play, hurt and dump yuh before yuh know what happened." Using her powers, she flew away from him. "Ah'll take yuh back once yuh've come to yur senses, sugah. Yuh know where to find me when he dumps yuh."

Joseph watched her fly away and felt relieved when she vanished from sight. Somehow, her words made him feel dirty. As he turned around to head back into the house, he froze. He saw Remy's half hidden form in the doorway. The red irises had weakened in intensity and glowed dimly. 

Remy didn't know what to say or how to react. He'd heard most of their conversation, as he'd climbed out of bed immediately after Joseph had left. Jean-Luc's training had made him a light sleeper. He was about to apologize for eavesdropping, when Joseph placed one finger against his lips, telling him to remain quiet.

Joseph knew they had to talk, but didn't want to do that out here in the cold. He closed the door behind them and walked Remy back to their bedroom. There he quickly stripped to his briefs and then he removed the bathrobe that Remy had draped over his shoulders. After pushing back the covers, he slid into bed first, pulling Remy along. Slowly, he forced the Cajun to lie down. "Skin on skin," he whispered determinedly and used his magnetic powers to get rid of their undergarments.

Remy briefly considered holding onto his briefs, but the expression in Joseph's eyes made him reconsider. He shivered as the fabric of the comforter moved over his skin, covering them.

"Roll onto your side," Joseph instructed. He vividly remembered Remy's admissions and he wondered if he could take charge in the bedroom like Remy wanted and make this good for both of them. He was determined to only do things that they were both comfortable with.

Spooning up behind Remy, he pulled his lover's naked body tightly against his and draped one leg possessively over the Cajun's hip. His cock lay nested nicely against Remy's ass.

Remy took deep breaths, wondering why Joseph was acting this possessively. He loved it, craved it, but couldn't believe his good fortune, not after hearing Joseph and Rogue talk. He held his breath as Joseph's hand snaked across his abdomen, clearly heading towards his groin.

Joseph cupped Remy's balls and cock in the palm of his hand and rubbed the sensitive flesh slowly.

Unable to control his reaction, Remy pushed back against the warm body behind him. "What are y' doin', cher...?"

"Feeling you. Touching you. Assuring you that we're in bed together." Joseph stopped the stimulation and simply held Remy's cock and sac in the palm of his hand. Holding the Cajun like this was a powerful way to stake his claim. "I love you... does that mean you want me to assume control?"

"Oui," Remy whispered breathlessly. He'd grown semi erect in Joseph's hand, but realized that this wouldn't lead to sex. This was about reassurance.

"Want to sleep like this tonight?" Joseph inquired and moved his other hand over Remy's flank. He felt relieved that most of Steve's bite marks were fading.

"Oui," was all Remy could utter. Closing his eyes, he concentrated on the feel of Joseph's fingers on his cock. "Touchin' me like dat... doesn' bot'er y'?" He'd known men who'd felt attracted to him,who had wanted to become his lover, but they had chickened out when it came down to touching him intimately. Suddenly, they hadn't been as bi or gay as they'd thought.

"Touching you like this is quickly becoming an addiction," Joseph assured Remy and stroked the velvet balls in his hands.

"Cher, 'bout Rogue..." Remy started, but Joseph stopped him at once.

"I don't want to talk about this now. We had a very special day and I won't let her spoil it. We can discuss it in the morning... okay?"

"Just wanted to make sure y' still want to be wit' me," Remy whispered softly. Joseph's other hand was kneading his ass and Remy sighed blissfully.

"Does this answer your question?" Joseph asked teasingly as he licked the back of Remy's neck.

"Oui, it does," Remy replied, satisfied. "Mais keep dat up and I won' be able to sleep. I'm growin' hard, cher, don't start what y' don' wanna finish."

Joseph heard the challenge in Remy's voice. "It's too early, Remy. You might be ready to make love, but I'm not."

Remy respected that and closed his eyes. "Dis be goodnight den, cher?"

"Yes, go to sleep. I'll hold you all night long..."

Remy smiled as he drifted off to sleep. Yes, Joseph was holding him tight... in all the right places!

///

When Remy opened his eyes the next morning, he found Joseph staring right back at him. Sometime during the night he'd turned onto his other side and had snuggled close to Joseph, seeking his lover's body heat. "Mornin', cher," he mumbled sleepily. Suddenly, he realized that the room was still dark, although the clock said that it was already 10 in the morning. Apparently, Joseph had magnetically closed the curtains during the night.

Then he remembered their nightly visitor. "Joe, 'bout..." But when Joseph leaned in closer and claimed his lips, his desire to discuss Rogue vanished. "Y've got soft lips, cher," he whispered, lazily and allowed one hand to tangle in the long white hair. "Always wanted to do dis." He loved the feel of those silken locks running through his fingers. He caressed Joseph's hair, trying to memorize the feel of it.

"Breakfast?" Joseph didn't really want to get out of bed, but his stomach growled violently. First, he would supervise Remy taking his meds and then they'd discuss Rogue over breakfast. They needed to talk about what had been said last night.

"Uhm, cher?" Remy shifted uncomfortably in bed. His morning hard-on had its own demands, but he could see in Joseph's eyes that the other man wasn't ready yet to take this step.

Joseph didn't know why the alien eyes suddenly grew hooded, and he kissed Remy again, trying to reassure him that everything was fine. Remy parted his teeth and Joseph claimed his lover's mouth, licking the inside of Remy's lips and lightly sucking on his tongue.

"Oh, cher..." Joseph was only making him harder! "Y' don' know what y're doin' to me..."

Joseph arched an eyebrow, seeing the Cajun squirm beside him. Finally, something clicked. "Oh," he whispered. "You're hard?"

Remy chuckled. "Oui, cher, whadda  y’ t'ink happens when y' kiss me like dat?"

Joseph hated thinking about Rogue while he was kissing and caressing Remy, but she'd never been a morning person and when he'd wanted to touch her like this, after they'd woken up, she'd pushed him away. He however, loved to get intimate during the morning.

With one mental command, the curtains opened and revealed the burning sun. Warm sun beams sneaked into their bedroom, caressing their faces. Joseph watched Remy carefully and saw the gentle smile on his lover's lips. Another mental command pushed down the comforter, exposing their naked bodies fully to the sunlight.

Remy felt a little vulnerable and blushed. Now that the comforter was gone he could no longer hide his arousal. His cock stood proud, leaking drops of pre-ejaculate. "Cher, I betta take care of dis in de bathroom," he whispered shyly. He wasn't usually shy around his lovers, but knew how new being with a man was to Joseph and he didn't want to do anything that would startle his lover.

"No, don't leave." Joseph stopped him by placing a hand on Remy's chest. "Would you like me to take care of that?" Joseph said teasingly. "Can't guarantee that I'll get it right," Joseph added apologetically. "I’ve never made another man come..." But seeing Remy's erection made him want to reach out and pump his lover hard until Remy came in his hand, maybe even screaming his name.

"I'm sure y'll figure out what to do," Remy said reassuringly and stretched his body after rolling onto his back. Joseph's offer surprised him, but he wanted the other man to set the pace, and if this was fine with his lover, he wouldn't stop Joseph.

Joseph's hand, which rested on Remy's chest, slowly caressed the skin there. His fingers trailed to one nipple, softly brushing it into hardness. Using his other hand, he played with the second, neglected nub and felt it grow hard. Remy arched his back and squirmed. Joseph smiled and leaned in closer, loving the way he could play Remy's body. His lips pressed passionate kisses on Remy's chest and his tongue determinedly licked its way over to one erect nipple.

Remy panted softly, completely surrendering to Joseph's caresses. "Oh, mon amour," he whispered passionately and buried his hands in the sheets, clawing the fabric.

Joseph grinned wickedly and let one hand stray down Remy's abdomen. He felt a little nervous, what if he couldn't get it right? He'd jerked off in the past, but was worried he would disappoint his lover. What if he gripped Remy's cock too tightly? Stroked too hard, too slow or too fast?

Feeling Joseph's uncertainty, Remy raised one hand and cupped his lover's face in its palm. "Cher, relax. Je t'aime."

The words soothed Joseph's nervousness a little. "It's just... I'm new at this."

"Y're doin' great, cher." Remy took Joseph's hand, which had come to a stop when it had reached his pubic hair. "I'm at y'r mercy, cher. Do whatever y' want to me," he whispered seductively.

Joseph swallowed hard when Remy bucked against his hand, and he curled his fingers around his lover's cock. Remy placed his hand on Joseph's and urged him to stroke slowly, setting a relaxed pace.

"Slow at first," Remy whispered, trying not to lose himself in the sensation of feeling Joseph's fingers around his cock. Once he was sure that Joseph had the rhythm right, he released his lover's hand and went back to madly clawing the sheets. "It's been so long, cher..."

"How long?" Joseph lay popped up on his elbow now and watched how his hand stroked the hard flesh, milking even more drips of pre-ejaculate from Remy's cock.

"A year... since someone touched me like dis... Rogue never wanted to take dis step." Remy panted the words and then Joseph unexpectedly shifted position. Remy's eyes grew big when Joseph nudged his legs apart so he could sit between them. Thundering loudly, his heart almost went into overdrive as he fantasized about Joseph taking him right there and then. "Faster, cher... please!"

Joseph sped up, stroking fast and hard. Remy moaned deliriously and arched his back, trying to meet Joseph's strokes. Joseph watched, slightly stunned by the way Remy surrendered to his caresses. There was no holding back, no demands, no pressure. Spontaneously, Joseph leaned forward and closed his lips over one of Remy's nipples, sucking gently.

"Sacre!" Remy cursed, as the sensation of feeling Joseph's tongue circling his nipple went straight to his groin. "Cher, need to come..."

"Tell me how I can send you over the edge," Joseph demanded and tried to sound firm. Maybe Remy's little fantasy about Joseph being in control wasn't that bad. Now that he thought about it, Joseph found it erotic.

Remy's eyes locked with Joseph's. He was uncertain how far he could go and decided to play it safe. "Lick my skin..."

"Where?"

"Lemme show y'." Making sure that Joseph could continue to pump him, he pulled his lover close and offered Joseph his throat. "Right there."  

Joseph pressed his lips onto the smooth skin and suckled hard, not realizing it would leave behind one hell of a passion mark.

"Mon Dieu!" Remy yelped as he finally reached orgasm. Waves of intense pleasure coursed through him and tremors rocked his body. Now that the orgasm had a tight hold on him, his shields collapsed and his ecstasy rolled off him in waves, hitting Joseph unprepared.

Joseph bit his lower lip as Remy's ecstasy cascaded into his mind. He'd grown hard when he'd made his lover come and had been on the brink himself. But now, feeling Remy's orgasm rip through him, he couldn't stop himself and came as well.

Remy's eyes grew big, feeling Joseph's come drip onto his skin in short, jerky spurts. "Cher?" Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around Joseph, holding him close and they clung to each other, riding the last waves of ecstasy together. 

Joseph was panting heavily when he finally found the strength to slightly pull away from Remy to look into the dilated pupils. "You could have warned me," he panted and then brushed Remy's lips lightly with his.

"Didn' know dat would happen... sorry." Remy felt a little guilty. "Cheated y'..."

"How do you figure that?" Joseph smiled warmly, but decided that they definitely needed to take a shower before they got stuck to each other. //But is that such a bad idea? Maybe being stuck to Remy would be the best thing that could happen to me!//

"Y' didn' get any  o’ de fun..." Remy said in a heavy tone, growing gloomy again.

"Hey!" Joseph softly shook Remy's shoulders. "I got to share your orgasm and had an absolutely great climax myself... does that sound like I didn't have any fun?"

"Wanted to touch y', make y' come... wanted to suck y', cher..." Remy admitted shyly. Joseph's arms tightened around him and rocked him slowly. He loved that motion and rested his head on his lover's shoulders. "I don' know what else will happen. Empat'y's a lot stronger since de ice."

"We'll figure it out together." Joseph's fingers gently caressed Remy's skin, soothingly rubbing the Cajun's back. "We should take a shower now."

"Wanna shower toget'er?"

"And then we'll eat breakfast," Joseph said, determined not to get hot and bothered again while they were taking a shower. He needed time to process what had happened this morning.

///

"Remy? Don't forget to take your pill." Joseph handed his lover a glass of water and the vial.

"I don' wanna take dem," Remy said softly. "Dey don' help."

"Remy, you *will* take them." Joseph opened the vial and placed one pill in the palm of Remy's hand.

Reluctantly, Remy swallowed the pill and handed Joseph the now empty glass. "Dey ain' workin'," he said and shrugged his shoulders.

Joseph sensed the return of Remy's listlessness and wrapped his arms around the Cajun. "Let's have breakfast and then we'll think of something to do for the rest of the day."

"We could go back to bed..." Remy suggested and forced himself to smile. He couldn't explain these

mood swings, but right now he just wanted to crawl into bed, pull up the comforter and hide from the world and not face it, like Joseph wanted him to.

"We've got to do the laundry first," Joseph pointed out to him. "And we definitely need to change the sheets..."

"Y' no fun, Joe," Remy sighed and stared miserably at his breakfast. "I ain' hungry..."

"What's wrong?" Joseph covered Remy's hand with his. "Why are you so gloomy all of a sudden?"

Hesitantly, Remy met Joseph's eyes. "Was wonderin'... do y' t'ink I'm a slut...?"

"Where's that coming from!" Indignant, Joseph stared hard at Remy. "You are *not* a slut, do you hear me, Remy? Why would you think that?" Anger and concern fought for dominance and in the end his anger receded. "Remy? Tell me?"

"Before y' joined de team... and while I still lived at de mansion," Remy started softly, "I used to go out a lot. Rogue never wanted to commit to our relationship and I needed... companionship."

Patiently, Joseph listened, rubbing Remy's knuckles. "That's perfectly normal, Remy."

"Dey t'ought I fucked someone new each night. Overheard deir conversations when dey t'ought dat I was still out." Feeling worried, Remy returned Joseph's caress and gently rubbed the long, agile fingers, which were a lot like his. "I acted like a slut dis mornin'," he added hesitantly, as his empathy picked up on Joseph's disapproval.

Joseph leaned back and tried to deal with this logically. He couldn't give in to Remy, whose point of view was probably distorted. "Who called you a slut? I want names." Content, he noticed Remy's startled expression. "I'm waiting. Who called you a slut?"

Nervously, Remy licked his lips. He hadn't thought that Joseph would react like this. "Dey cracked jokes 'bout my sex drive," Remy murmured barely audible. "And Warren wondered how many men or women I usually had in one week."

"And because one person wondered about your sexual activity you concluded that *they* thought you're a slut?" Thoughtfully, Joseph got to his feet, circled the table and then sat on his heels beside his lover. "Or did *you* think that you were a slut? They never said that you were a slut, did they?"

Pleadingly, Remy locked eyes with Joseph. "Mais dey t'ought it."

"Why the low self-esteem, Remy? Where does it come from all of a sudden or..." Joseph paused to carefully phrase his next question. "Have you always felt like that? Did you always hide these insecurities?"

"Don' know," Remy admitted in a guilty tone and kept his eyes locked on the kitchen table.

"When did you start to feel like this?"

"After Antarctica..."

Remy might have overheard these conversations in the past, but hadn't thought of himself as a slut until recently. Was it part of the depression? Joseph opted for action and he pulled Remy to his feet. In the end, they stood facing each other. "You're *not* a slut, Remy and your sex drive is just fine."

Remy smiled, hesitantly. "Mais cher..."

"No, listen to me," Joseph cut Remy short. "You heard a conversation and because you're not feeling that great you came to the wrong conclusions." Privately, he made a note to tell Warren to stop cracking those jokes. But what if it hadn't been jokes, but spiteful remarks meant to hurt Remy? Anyway, Worthington would better stop making them.

"Cher?" Remy's voice trembled as he addressed Joseph. "Why do y' love me? I never expected y' to... like me in dat way."

"You don't ask easy questions, do you?" Joseph sighed. "You strike me as a free spirit, Remy and I love that. You don't hold back, don't pressure me. You don't take away my freedom, don't try to make me see things your way. You respect me, value my opinion and... I love to take care of you."

Remy had been sure that Joseph wouldn't have an answer to his question and was stunned. "Cher, I wanna be good to y'..." Hesitantly, he returned Joseph's embrace and stared into his lover's eyes. "I know dat I'm not t'inkin' straight right now. Somet'in' is wrong wit' me, mais I don' know how to change dat."

"Give it time, Remy," Joseph wavered briefly. "You died."

Remy burst out into tears. He'd forgotten that he'd told Joseph; that someone knew his terrible secret, which was a secret no longer and it felt so good to be able to talk about it. "It was so cold..."

Joseph led Remy to the couch and sat his lover down. Slipping into place behind the Cajun, he pulled Remy close to his chest. Remy needed to talk about this, no matter how hard it was on him. "What did it feel like? Dying?"

Remy clenched his lips tightly shut and buried his face in Joseph's hair. He didn't want to talk about this, didn't want to speak the words aloud which would make the memories come alive again.

"Did it hurt? Did you feel anything? I read that people sometimes see a light or a tunnel that pulls them closer..." Joseph rested his chin on Remy's head and stroked his lover's back. He'd give Remy the time he needed, but was determined to make Remy talk about this.

"Rien, cher... not'in' happened. It was like goin' to sleep. I closed my eyes and... I was so scared, Josep'... I'm sorry."

"Sorry? What for, Remy?" Joseph kissed Remy's hair and rocked him slowly. He'd noticed that the rocking motion soothed his lover and he used it to his advantage.

"For bein' a c-c-coward," Remy stuttered.

Absentmindedly, Joseph nodded his head. Was it possible that Remy was this depressed because he'd been left to deal with his death on his own? It sounded plausible. Maybe talking about his death would help Remy cope with it. "Why do you think that you're a coward?" Instead of asking that question he could have told Remy that he was wrong about being a coward, but Joseph wanted Remy to talk about it and realize that something might be wrong with his reasoning.

"I was scared!" Remy exclaimed and fought the urge to pull away from Joseph, but his lover's warmth was addictive and he couldn't get enough of Joseph's closeness. "I was so scared to die... to stop existin'... to never 'gain see poppa or tante... to have never known true love... I didn' want to die... so scared, cher..."

"You're no coward because you were afraid to die, Remy." Thoughtfully, Joseph stroked the auburn locks. "I know that we can die any second, but... I try not to think about it. I don't want to lose our love..."

"What 'bout losin' y'r *life*?" Suddenly, Remy looked up and locked eyes with him.

"I don't know about that," Joseph replied honestly. "When I went after those villains that threatened Sister Maria I couldn't have cared less if I had died."

Remy shivered. "Cher... I feel somet'in' in y'r mind... not all de time, mais sometimes..." Focusing on Joseph allowed him to forget his own misery.

"What do you feel?" Joseph shifted uncomfortably on the couch.

"No restraint... no holdin' back..." Remy helplessly shrugged his shoulders. "Felt it when y' were angry wit' de professor."

"No control," Joseph supplied. "Remy, I don't have any real control over my powers. You know that, don't you?"

Remy nodded his head. "Y've got to work on it, cher. I don' wanna lose y' 'cause y' get mad. Y've got to stop 'fore exhaustin' y'rself completely." He didn't want to think of what could happen if Sinister appeared on their doorstep and Joseph would decide to take him out. //Joseph can' destroy him anyway... No one can...//

"I know you're right, Remy, but... we were talking about *your* fears. We can discuss mine later," Joseph said firmly, not allowing Remy to change their subject.

"I wanna stop bein' 'fraid, cher, but de fear has changed. I'm no longer 'fraid to die... I'm 'fraid he'll bring me back 'gain."

"What's your connection with Sinister, except for recruiting the Marauders?" Joseph wished he could take the question back, but it was too late. Remy flinched uncontrollably in his arms, pushed him away and leaped to his feet.

"Remy?" Startled by his lover's reaction, Joseph rose from the couch and followed Remy into the kitchen. It almost looked like Remy was running away from him!

"Stay 'way! Don' ask dat 'gain! Leave me 'lone!" Remy's fist banged into the door of the fridge and suddenly the fear and anger seemed to vaporize, as he slid down the wall until he was huddled on the floor.

"I'm sorry that I pried. I promised not to do that." Joseph sat on his heels beside Remy, not touching him yet. "Can I put my arms around you?" He didn't know yet if Remy had forgiven him. By now he was convinced that Remy was keeping secrets but the Cajun wasn't ready yet to reveal them.

"Oui," Remy said as he calmed down. "Please hold me?

Joseph slid onto the floor as well and put one arm around Remy's shoulders. They sat in silence until Joseph said, "I'm still trying to figure out the rules of being in a relationship. I'm sorry if I do things that... hurt you."

"Y' didn' hurt me by askin' 'bout Sinister." It took most of Remy's strength to speak that name without flinching. "I promise to tell y' one day why I reacted dat way, just not now, bien?" Remy peeked at Joseph's eyes, afraid to see disapproval. "I don' wanna screw dis up, cher. I don' know how to make dis work eit'er."

"I think we'll get the hang of it," Joseph said teasingly and smiled at Remy. "As long as we learn from the mistakes we make, we should be fine."

"Why didn' y' and Rogue work out?" Remy asked softly, afraid that this time *he* was trespassing and asking something too personal of Joseph.

"There were a few things," Joseph started and leaned his head against the wall, "one of them was the way she treated sex." Joseph smiled seeing Remy roll his eyes. "She likes to be in control, to use your words," Joseph said and chuckled. Now that Rogue and he were no longer together he could try to look at their relationship objectively. "She told me how and when to make love to her. We hardly ever had sex spontaneously."

Remy blushed. He hadn't expected to hear the details.

"But there were some other things that made me feel uncomfortable. You saw an example of that when she showed up last night. She tries to manipulate you so she'll get her way. She acts like she's completely innocent and lost, and then she says it's your fault that she's hurting."

"She has a bitter heart," Remy mumbled shyly.

"And that bitterness shows in the things she says and does." Joseph gently massaged Remy's shoulder. "Move closer," he instructed. Remy shifted until he sat between Joseph's legs. "Lean against me."

Remy obeyed and sighed deeply as Joseph's hands began to knead the tension from his shoulders. "Feels bien, cher."

"I don't trust her," Joseph offered voluntarily. "I always suspected that she left you behind in Antarctica, but I never knew for sure..."

Remy remained silent, hearing and sensing Joseph's anger. "When Betsy asked all of y' to step into her shadows, dat left Rogue and I 'lone... I t'ink I even asked Rogue to leave me behind, to let me die to atone for my sins... I ain' sure, sorry. Memory's kinda blurry, mais when she took my hand to fly me out of de fortress I allowed m'self to hope 'gain, mebbe she did love me and mebbe she would forgive me for workin' for Sinister... when she dropped me off on de ice... I didn' understand..."

Joseph continued the relaxing massage, hoping the physical contact would anchor Remy. "She had no right to leave you there."

"De X-Men didn' come back," Remy whispered. "I hoped dey would, even prayed for de first time since I turned 16."

"It's unforgivable that we didn't come back for you and that you died," Joseph offered as apology. "Can you ever forgive us?"

"Forgave y' 'ready, cher..." Remy snuggled closer to Joseph and surrendered to the soothing massage. "Y've got great hands, cher."

"Well, thanks!" Joseph said, a little relieved that the emotional storm had passed. Remy seemed relaxed, but suddenly, the Cajun leaped to his feet. "Remy?"

"Danger, cher... get out!" Remy turned away from Joseph, trying to remember where to find his Bo. He didn't know why his instincts had kicked in, why alarm bells were ringing in his mind; he only knew that Joseph was in grave danger and that he had to protect his lover.

"Remy..."

"Start runnin'! Remy screamed the words and kept a close eye on the door. He'd given up on finding his staff and reached for a magazine. He planned on charging the individual pages with kinetic energy to fight off the enemy.

Joseph feared that the tension had finally gotten to Remy and that his lover was suffering from some kind of nervous breakdown. He had no other explanation for Remy's illogical behavior. "Remy, please..."

Unexpectedly, the front door was blasted out of its hinges and a woman entered the room. A smug grin played on her features. "Ah, there you are. I've come to claim my possession." Seeing Joseph's surprised expression, she added. "Don't tell me you've forgotten your mistress? I'm Astra and you're mine!"

Part 7

"Astra?" Joseph whispered the alien name, studying the stranger. She was of medium height and had black hair, which she wore in a bun with long needles weaved through the locks. Her Asian features made her look cunning and manipulative. She wore blue metallic armor and green sashes hid parts of her body. But they didn't hide the futuristic looking gun in her hand.

Joseph wondered what she wanted from him, knowing for certain that he'd never seen her before. "I don't know you."

"Ah, your memory hasn't returned yet?" Pleased that she'd located him, Astra took in his appearance. She had her property back! "Maybe I can help trigger it?" she suggested and switched on an alien device attached to her wrist. "Remember the pain?"

"Arrggghhh," Joseph growled, as a stabbing pain cut through his head. It descended down his neck into his arms and chest. As it reached his legs, his knees gave out beneath him and he collapsed on to the floor. He'd never before felt such pain and he helplessly clutched his head in his hands. The pain was worst near his temples.

"Stop it!" Remy demanded. He sensed the pleasure Astra felt in making Joseph suffer and he didn't doubt that she was responsible for the pain his lover was in. He ripped pages from the magazine and charged them. "Stop it!" he repeated, but her emotionless eyes told him that she planned on making Joseph suffer.

"He's mine, Gambit, and I'm taking him with me." Astra walked over to the two men. "Throw those pages at me and I'll increase the pain he's in." To illustrate her warning, she turned the little nub, increasing Joseph's torment.

Joseph fell forward and rolled onto his side. Curling up into a fetal position, he tried not to scream out. The pain was quickly becoming unbearable. He heard voices, but couldn't make out the words. His entire world existed of a red, stabbing pain that sizzled through his head. Unable to stop himself from throwing up, he emptied his stomach on the wooden floor.

Remy de-charged the pages and tried to think up a plan, but failed. "Switch off de pain," he demanded. He couldn't think straight, seeing his lover in such pain, which tingled at the edges of his mind as well. Startled, he realized that some sort of link had formed between Joseph and him.

"For now," Astra agreed. She'd demonstrated her power and needed Joseph in prime condition and not weakened like this. Switching off the device, she smiled smugly at them.

Remy hurried over to Joseph's side and helped him sit up. "Cher, are y' bien?" Concerned, he used one of the pages to wipe away the remnants of thrown up food that clung to Joseph's lips. His lover looked absolutely miserable.

"Who are you?" Joseph growled, ignoring Remy and focusing on Astra. How had she caused this pain inside his head and how could he eliminate this threat?

"I created you," Astra said wickedly, enjoying the power she had over him. She took a few steps closer to him and rested her hands on her hips.

"Created me?" Joseph grabbed Remy's hand for moral support. He felt his lover's concern seep into his mind and wished Remy could control his empathy better. Right now, he couldn't use any distractions, but he didn't chastise Remy and tried to ignore the discomfort.

"You're a clone," Astra said as she sat on her heels in front of him. "I created you to destroy Magneto!"

Joseph struggled for breath when the veil that had covered his memories lifted. Pinching his eyes shut, he recalled Astra helping him up from the exam table, telling him that he was a clone and had to obey her. "I know you," he choked out, trying not to drown in the memories.

"Yes, you do," Astra replied, pleased. "Your memory is coming back, isn't it?" Now that Magneto had surfaced again, she wanted to pitch the two men against each other once more. Magneto had to die. No one could best Joseph and she would command his powers.

"Cher, what's goin' on?" Feeling lost, Remy desperately tried to lock eyes with Joseph, but his lover only had eyes for Astra. Remy distinctly noticed that she never lowered her weapon; it remained aimed at him.

"Remy, not now!" Joseph growled and pushed Remy aside. He had to focus on Astra and couldn't allow her to use Remy to get to him. "Remy, leave the house, now!"

"Non, cher, I'm stayin'," Remy said determinedly. Hearing Joseph's tone, he felt hurt. Why did his lover want him to run? He could fight!

"You're coming with me... clone." Astra got to her feet and her hand hovered over the alien device. "I won't hesitate to use it to make you comply."

Her cold eyes made Joseph flinch. //Clone... how could I forget what I am? I'm a clone... Magneto's clone... I remember now...// The emotional pain equalled the physical, which he'd felt minutes ago. "I've got a name now, Astra. I'm Joseph."

Remy privately applauded his lover, but remained silent. By now, he'd realized that Joseph wanted him to stay on the background. The emotions that rolled off Joseph made Remy nauseous. He felt anger, concern and... self-loathing; something he'd never felt in Joseph's mind before.

"A name," Astra said in an arrogant tone. "Why bother with a name for a clone? Understand this, 'Joseph', I have as much respect for your feelings, needs and desires as I would have for those of my VCR! You are a product, an extrapolation, of Magneto's genetic encoding, placed within an alien transportation buffer, then duplicated, manipulated and downloaded into a Bionutrient bath that served as your "womb". You were created for one reason only; to enable me to gain vengeance on the man who wronged me when I was younger!"

Remy cringed hearing the spiteful words and was about to step forward and tell her to leave the boathouse, when he caught the disapproval in Joseph's eyes. His lover didn't want him to get involved!

"I'm not coming with you, Astra. I belong here. Get out of our lives!" Joseph had managed to get back onto his knees, but felt too weak to get to his feet. He knew that he was at a serious disadvantage, but he would never give in to her. Involuntarily, his hand went to his head, remembering that Magneto had knocked him out with debris when they'd fought. Astra had managed to pitch him against Magneto before and he'd lost the fight *and* his memory! "Leave us alone!"

Astra laughed triumphantly. "Get to your feet and follow me, clone. I'm your mistress. You seem to have forgotten the power that I hold over you!" Fed up with his attitude, Astra switched the alien device on again.

Joseph released a keening wail as the pain crashed into his skull. "No..." he whimpered in pain. "I... won't give... in!" His tone faltered when he hit the last word. //The pain... bad... pain... head... explode...Argh!//

Remy saw the smug expression on Astra's face and despised the woman. Quickly, he forced himself to focus on his lover and he crept up to Joseph. Determinedly, he wrapped his arms around his lover and placed the palm of his hand on Joseph's face. He'd been able to take away Joseph's anger when he'd been verbally fighting with the professor, maybe he could take away the pain as well.

Astra didn't like this development. Gambit was clinging to her clone and this was taking too much time. What if the X-Men at the mansion had discovered her presence? Her finger curled around the trigger. She wouldn't hesitate to kill Gambit to get to her clone.

//What?// Joseph thought, confused, as the pain inside his head lessened. It was still there, but bearable. Looking up, he stared into Remy's contorted face. The empath was absorbing his pain! "Don't do it, Remy..." Joseph pleaded, but Remy's stern expression told him that objecting was futile. Remy was determined to help him bear the pain.

"Let us go!" Joseph demanded, as he continued to battle the pain. Looking up at Astra, he shivered. "Don't kill him," he said pleadingly, as he realized that her weapon was aimed at Remy's head.

"Then come with me," Astra said, feeling victoriously. "Get up and follow me." However, she didn't dial down the pain, fearing Joseph might reconsider once the pain had lessened.

"Cher, don'," Remy pleaded and buried his hands in Joseph's shirt to stop his lover from leaving. "I'd be honored to die wit' y'." He'd died before, he could do it again and this time, it would serve a good purpose; to ease his lover's pain.

"No," Joseph whispered, shocked. "Don't you dare die on me again!" Joseph exchanged one long look with Remy. "You've got to live, Remy, live for me!"

"How touching!" Astra sneered and placed her weapon at Remy's temple. "Time's up, clone."

"Ah, sugah, yuh don't play fair!"

Joseph's head jerked back, hearing Rogue's voice. What the hell was she doing here? Immediately, he wrapped his arms around Remy's trembling body and pulled the Cajun out of the line of fire.

Remy shook violently, as he continued to absorb the pain that Astra inflicted on Joseph. His eyes had closed and he barely registered Rogue's voice.

Astra never expected to be kicked off her feet by Rogue, who now hovered above her. Astra cursed loudly as she crashed into the wall and then struggled back into a standing position. "This doesn't concern you," she told Rogue and suddenly realized that she'd lost her weapon upon impact. It was out of her reach.

"Ah, sugah," Rogue snarled and flew towards Astra. "Yuh should have known betta than to attack the X-Men at their home. Cyke and the others are already on their way over here... yuh'd better get lost!" It was a lie. She'd come here to talk to Joseph and the others were still at the mansion, but as long as Astra didn't see through the lie, it would serve its purpose.

Astra didn't think twice and activated a device that was attached to her belt. It would allow her to teleport out of here.

Baffled, Joseph stared at Astra's fading form. Once she'd completely vanished, he concentrated on Remy, who'd finally stopped shaking. "Are you all right, Remy? Please look at me?" Those pain filled eyes nearly made his heart stop. Why had Remy absorbed his pain? "Remy?"

"I'm bien," Remy whispered softly. He used his long hair to hide behind and leaned back against the wall to catch his breath. The pain had been intense.

Joseph rested one hand on Remy's chest, craving to feel his lover's heartbeat beneath his fingertips. Then, he remembered that they weren't alone. "Rogue," he said softly and looked at her. She stood in the doorway, smiling and tapping her foot. "Thank you." Those were honest words.

Rogue shrugged her shoulders. When she'd decided to go to the boathouse she had never thought that she'd end up saving their lives.

Remy finally managed to compose himself and gathered his courage to look at Rogue. She'd helped them, why? "Merci, Rogue." He didn't dare reach out to her empathically to probe her feelings and decided to let Joseph handle this. Emotionally, he wasn't up to facing Rogue.

Joseph slowly rose from the floor and then helped Remy to get to his feet. He kept one arm slung around the Cajun's waist whilst looking Rogue in the eyes. It would be impolite to ask *why* she'd helped them, as they were teammates and should be able to depend on each other.

"Rogue, thanks for helping us out. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't interfered." Joseph steered Remy towards the couch and sat him down. His lover was trembling again and Joseph wrapped the quilt around Remy. When he looked over his shoulder, Joseph realized that Rogue hadn't moved. "Remy? Stay here? I'll be back." After Remy nodded his head, Joseph walked over to Rogue.

Rogue didn't really know how to react, hearing them express their gratitude. "Sugah, we X-Men gotta stick together!"

Joseph bit down an ugly remark. //Why didn't you act like that back in Antarctica?// Instead, he said, "We really appreciate it."

"Ah was comin' over to talk to yuh..." Rogue said, as they walked away from the boathouse. She'd noticed how bad Remy had looked and decided to leave the Cajun alone. "Ah said some harsh things last night, which Ah probably shouldn't have, but Ah felt hurt."

Joseph nodded his head, but made sure he didn't accidentally brush her body, walking beside her. "I'm sorry that things didn't work out, Rogue. It's the truth. I never planned on falling in love with Remy."

"Yuh're in love?" Rogue raised a surprised eyebrow. She'd assumed Joseph and Remy had gotten together to get back at her.

"Yes, I'm in love with Remy and he loves me back." Joseph halted and so did Rogue. "Please give Remy and me a chance to make things work? You can ruin everything for us, Rogue. Please don't be that spiteful."

A tear slid down Rogue's cheek. "Joe, Ah don't wanna lose yuh."

"You lost me some ago, Rogue."

Rogue raised her hand and wiped away her tears. "Ah don't know if Ah can accept Remy and yuh bein' together..."

"We'll stay away from the mansion. We won't be in your face, I promise." Joseph was amazed at the way she was handling this. Did he see real emotion in her eyes, or was she playing games again? She seemed sincere. Did Rogue know herself what she was feeling? "You helped us, so I guess you still care about Remy and me..."

Rogue drew in a deep breath. "Ah'm goin' back to the mansion, Joe. Yuh should upgrade security if she got inside that easily." She stepped away from him and turned around. Flying slowly, she headed for the mansion.

A warm smile rested on Joseph's face. Maybe there was hope for Rogue yet.

///

When Joseph returned to the boathouse he realized that Remy had cleaned up the mess he'd made because the wooden floor was spotless. Quickly, he hurried over to his lover's side and sat down beside him. Remy was tightly clutching the quilt and the alien eyes were hooded. Joseph mentally prepared himself for the conversation that would follow, but first he magnetically sealed the boathouse to keep Astra and the chilly wind out. Now that the front door was gone, cold was seeping inside.

"Cher, I don' know what to say," Remy offered honestly and locked eyes with Joseph. "She hurt y' so bad."

Joseph sat back and pulled Remy close until his arms were wrapped around the Cajun's shoulders. Remy leaned against him and his lover's head rested on his chest. "I remember Astra now," Joseph said eventually, dreading this conversation. "She was right. I'm a clone. She used Magneto's DNA to create me."

"Josep'," Remy said pleadingly and tightly hugged his lover's waist. He didn't know how to offer comfort and reached out the only way he could; empathically.

Joseph felt the protective blanket that Remy draped over his mind and felt thankful for it. He pressed one kiss on the auburn locks and stared absentmindedly at the wall. "I love you, Remy," he said in the end. "Do you still love me?" A wave of frustration washed over him. "I was born in a lab... the reason why I can't remember my childhood is because I didn't have one... I *am* Magneto's clone."

Indignantly, Remy looked up at Joseph. "I'll always love y', cher."

"Even knowing that I'm just a clone?" Joseph almost lost himself as he stared into Remy's honest eyes. Yes, the Cajun still loved him. He felt it in Remy's mind as the empath supplied all necessary proof by wrapping him up in love and affection. "Doesn't that bother you at all?"

"Non, it doesn' bot'er me, cher," Remy replied and moved until he straddled Joseph's hips. "To me, y' ain' Magneto's clone. Y're de man I love..."

"That simple?"

"Dat simple, cher..." Remy leaned in closer and brushed Joseph's lips.

Joseph sighed relieved and smiled. He knew that it would take him some time to come to terms with what he'd learned tonight and Astra's threat remained. "She'll be back."

"We'll find a way to fight her," Remy stated passionately. "Did y' talk to Rogue?" he asked hesitantly.

"She won't stand in our way," Joseph assured his lover. "She's having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that you and I are lovers now."

It was already late in the evening and Remy felt exhausted. Using his empathic powers unexpectedly had drained him. "Can we go to bed?"

"If that's what you want," Joseph whispered and returned Remy's kiss. "But first you'll take the Zoloft... don't ever forget to take your meds, Remy. I won't be around all the time to supervise you taking them."

With a deep sigh, Remy untangled himself from Joseph and got to his feet. Slowly, he walked into the kitchen.

Joseph followed him and while Remy took the medication he brushed his teeth above the sink. "I want you to hold me tight tonight," he said and saw the disbelief in Remy's eyes. Usually, he was the one holding the Cajun.

"Mais cher..."

Joseph had to break the tension that was building inside him. He needed to laugh. "Why are you still calling me 'friend'?" He suspected that Remy had lied about the meaning of the word, as the Cajun continued to call him that since they'd gotten together.

Remy blushed slightly. "Cher means beloved...  my love... "

"Well, I guess that means I've got to come up with something too," Joseph quipped and pulled Remy towards the stairs. "Darling?" He looked at Remy and saw the grin on his lover's face. "No, that doesn't sound right, does it?"

"Keep trying, cher." Remy climbed the stairs.

"Honey!" Joseph stated triumphantly, but Remy's look told him that his lover disapproved. As they stripped, he couldn't help admire Remy's lean body. Quickly, he got into bed and rolled onto his left side. "Spoon up behind me, Remy."

Somewhat hesitantly, Remy obeyed and pulled up the comforter. After wrapping his arms and legs around Joseph, he nuzzled the back of his lover's neck. "Cher, dis feels... weird."

"I like it," Joseph stated and pulled Remy's hand towards his groin. "You liked being held like this, now do the same thing for me."

Remy cupped Joseph's flaccid cock and sac in the palm of his hand and pressed a kiss on his lover's shoulder. "T'ink y' can sleep, cher?"

"No, I can't and don't want to sleep yet. I just want to stay like this and feel you behind me."

Remy understood. Joseph needed reassurance and comfort and he held his lover tight.

///

"Cher, y' should try to sleep," Remy whispered, hours later. "Y're broodin'." He felt the unease and worry inside Joseph's mind and although his lover was certainly entitled to feel that way, it was draining Joseph.

"I can't," Joseph whispered back. "I keep hearing Astra in my mind, telling me what I am and how little worth I have." Joseph relished feeling Remy's warm body behind him and a gentle hand was softly rubbing his limp cock. "I don't know what I would do if it wasn't for you, Remy. It means a lot to me that you still want to be with me, a clone."

Remy rolled Joseph on to his back and looked deeply in to the other man's eyes. "Je t'aime, Josep'," he whispered passionately. "Y' can' deny dat y' feel my love for y'. I'm an empat', remember?" Remy quipped, forcing Joseph to stop wallowing in self-pity. "Y' can feel my love for y'," he repeated and decided to take action. "Lemme take care of y'? Will take 'way y'r fears and y'll be able to sleep."

Too emotionally confused to decline the offer Joseph nodded his head. "Yes," he whispered, unable to turn Remy down in his hour of need.

"Merci, cher," Remy whispered and pushed away the comforter to reveal Joseph's naked body. "Y're beautiful, cher, just perfect," he purred, trying hard to make sure that his love and affection echoed in his voice.

Joseph looked at Remy as his lover leaned in closer. The tip of Remy's tongue touched Joseph's right nipple and made him arch his hips in surprise. The sensation was exquisite! "What are you going to do?" Joseph whispered the words, taken aback as Remy's tongue left a wet trail to his other nipple, which the Cajun suckled gently. Remy's agile fingers snaked down to his groin to curl around his hardening cock.

"I'm goin' to suck y' 'til y' come, cher," Remy said in that special tone and he felt Joseph's cock stir in his hand. "Gonna taste y', cher, swallow y'r come... spoil y' rotten."

Joseph panted softly at hearing Remy's voice, which was hypnotizing. He'd heard that tone once before, when Remy had calmed him down during his confrontation with Xavier. "You like to talk dirty?" Joseph allowed Remy to nudge his legs apart so the Cajun could kneel between them.

"Oui, cher, love to talk dirty... Gets me hot and den I wanna suck y' dry." Remy leaned forward and his tongue gently circled the tip of Joseph's erection. The bitter pre-ejaculate stuck to his tongue as Remy licked down the length of Joseph's shaft.

"Wish you could talk dirty right now," Joseph stammered, shocked to realize that he loved it when Remy talked like that, but the Cajun's lips were too busy massaging him. "Are you really going to suck me?" he asked, closing his eyes as Remy's lips reached the base of his cock.

Remy briefly looked up and grinned. "Gonna suck y', oui, mais can' talk now, cher. I'm goin' down on y'." Joseph's eyes flashed open and locked with his. Remy guided Joseph's hand and rested it on his head. "Love it when y'r fingers tangle in my hair."

Getting back to making his lover come, Remy concentrated on the two heavy balls. Gently, he licked and suckled them and then he blew softly over the wet, velvet, skin. In his hand, Joseph's cock twitched. "Y' like, cher?"

Joseph licked his lips, realizing that one drop of pre-ejaculate clung to the Cajun's lips. Keeping in mind that Remy wanted him to take control in the bedroom, he said, "Suck me, Remy, and make me come." Remy's eyes glowed brighter and he knew he'd said the right thing. His eyes drifted lower and he found Remy painfully erect too. "And stroke yourself while making me come."

"Oui, cher," Remy whispered, blissfully. "Mais first..."

Joseph cried out when warm lips closed over his erection and then took in more of him. Joseph stared at his Cajun lover and bucked hard, unable to stop that reflex.

Remy relaxed his throat and allowed Joseph to thrust again, deeper this time. One of his hands rhythmically squeezed Joseph's balls and one finger pressed against his lover's perineum. Joseph's hand, which was tangling in his hair, urged him on, pushing him deeper onto his lover's cock and Remy complied.

Bordering on ecstasy, Joseph watched Remy's bobbing head. He'd asked Rogue to go down on him once, but she'd refused, telling him that only whores sucked men off and he'd let the subject rest. Now that Remy was doing this for him, he wondered whether he would survive the delicious torment. Just seeing Remy deepthroating him made his toes curl. "Remy, I love you," he whispered, almost climaxing. "I'm going to come, Remy."

Remy knew Joseph was right. The tension in his lover's body had reached its peak and Joseph's cock would release its come in mere seconds. Using the back of his throat to massage his lover's cock, he increased the tempo, wanting Joseph to have the best orgasm he'd ever had.

"Pump... yourself..." Joseph ordered.

Remy's right hand stole to his groin and he started to stroke himself roughly.

"Yes, that's it!" Joseph bucked hard and his hand pushed Remy's head down, trying to convince his lover that he could take in more.

Remy allowed it, feeling grateful that he was experienced enough not to gag when Joseph thrust hard. He swallowed the salty come and managed to breathe through it.

"Remy!" Joseph whispered the name urgently, suddenly realizing that his lover's mouth was still holding him prisoner.

Remy slowly pulled back and locked eyes with Joseph. Seeing and feeling the ecstasy in his lover's mind made him smile. "Got to lick y' clean, cher. Can' let y' go to sleep when y're a mess."

Joseph wished he could grow hard again when Remy's tongue licked him clean. Suddenly, the Cajun reminded him of a graceful feline. "Remy..." One look at his lover's groin told him that his lover had come too.

"Shst," Remy whispered and then returned to cleaning his lover up. First, he made sure Joseph's cock was free of come and then he gave his lover's balls the same gentle treatment.

Joseph caressed the auburn locks. Remy had just shattered and rebuilt his world and something stirred deep within Joseph. The Cajun was giving him all the love he needed, all the assurances that he craved and Remy was *his* now. No one was allowed to touch the Cajun intimately and he would defend his lover until his last breath. Possessively, Joseph brought up his arms behind his lover's back and rolled a confused Remy onto his back.

Remy stared into dilated, lust induced eyes, and was speechless. Joseph's weight pressed him down and he moaned. Suddenly, Joseph's knee pushed his legs apart and Remy wantonly spread them, eagerly inviting his lover to take his rightful place between them.

"You're mine, Remy," Joseph whispered in a surprisingly gentle tone. "No more messing around. No more going to nightclubs. No more hurting yourself. No more letting guys like Steve hurt and fuck you. Is that understood?" His hand still tangled in Remy's hair and he fingered the damp locks.

"Oui, cher... I understand," Remy said, completely taken aback. Joseph was telling him that there wouldn't be any others. "Only y' can fuck me now..."

Joseph smiled. "I would like to make love to you first, before fucking you. I'd love to experience both." Suddenly, he realized that his entire weight rested on his lover. "Am I squashing you?"

"Non, y' feel perfect..." Remy smiled. He'd been right. Joseph was a natural top and he quavered, thinking about all the things they could do in bed once Joseph felt more comfortable.

Joseph's hand stroked the inside of Remy's thigh. He loved the feel of smooth skin beneath his fingertips. "That was amazing, Remy... you, going down on me... I didn't hurt you, did I? I'm sorry I forced you to take in more..."

"I love to suck y'," Remy said honestly. "One of my hidden talents," he quipped and wrapped his long legs around Joseph's waist, pretending they were making love, feeling Joseph deep inside him.

"What are you thinking about?" Joseph saw the slight blush that spread over Remy's face.

Remy told him. "Feelin' y' thrustin' inside me."

"You really want that? How does it feel to be on the bottom?" Joseph felt curious.

"I'll feel full..." Remy paused. "Y're big, cher... y'll fill me completely." He had given in to temptation and had compared his cock to Joseph's. While his was long and thin, Joseph's was long and thick. "Y'll fill me up just bien," he said and placed one kiss on the tip of Joseph's nose.

"I'm not ready yet to take that step," Joseph admitted, shyly.

"I know dat, cher. Y' set de pace. I'll know when y' feel comfortable 'nough to take me."

Joseph rested his head on Remy's shoulder and softly caressed his lover's skin, running his fingertips over the Cajun's chest. He stifled a yawn.

"Go to sleep, cher. I'll watch over y'," Remy offered and stroked the long white hair. "Y're safe in my arms..." Remy chuckled softly as he added, "Safe between my legs."

"You're shameless, Remy," Joseph replied in an amused tone. "But I feel safe, yes."

"I love bein' shameless, cher. Sex's bien... de best feelin' in de world."

Joseph rubbed his head against Remy's chest, his version of nodding yes. "Must feel even better for an empath." He was beginning to doze off; lured into sleep by Remy's body warmth and the position he was in. He'd never felt this close to Remy before.

Remy smiled warmly. "I could make love to y' for de rest of my life."

"I'd like that," Joseph mumbled and closed his eyes. "I think your trick worked."

"Fallin' 'sleep, cher?"

"Yes... and feeling sated..."

Remy continued to stroke his lover's hair long after Joseph had fallen asleep. His thoughts returned to Astra and he shivered beneath Joseph, who instinctively reached out and stroked his skin. Remy knew that Astra would be back, as he'd felt the determination in her mind. But the next time they'd be prepared to fight her off.

And Rogue had helped them! She'd kicked Astra's ass and told her off! Remy didn't know what to think about that. He'd never thought that she'd help them. //If it had been me 'gainst Astra, Rogue would probably have leaned back and encouraged Astra to hurt me. So helped 'cause of Josep', 'cause she still loves him!// 

He'd loved her once, had hoped he'd found true love at last and then she'd left him to fend for himself on the ice. She'd known perfectly well that he couldn't survive there. Why had she left him behind? Had her love turned into hate? If only his empathy had been stronger back then! But no, it had only kicked in after he'd died... after he'd been brought back.

Remy shivered violently, remembering that sinister face hovering above him when he'd sucked in his first breath in the lab. //Non, don' wanna go dere! Can' go dere!// Forcing Sinister's face out of his mind, he focused on Joseph and used his love for the other man to anchor him.

Part 8

"Remy?" Sleepily, Joseph raised his arm to curl it around his lover's form. Alarmed, his eyes flashed open. Why was he alone in bed? "Remy?" he called out again to his lover, growing apprehensive. What if Astra had returned during the night to abduct the Cajun?

"In de bat'room!" Remy replied and stepped out of the shower cabin. He'd really needed to clean up after last night and Joseph would need a shower as well. They had stuck together when he'd rolled out from underneath  his lover this morning.

Remy felt surprisingly well, considering everything that had happened last night. The intimate moments had helped to push Astra's threats in to the back of his mind.

After drying his skin and wrapping a towel around his wet hair, he walked back in to the bedroom. He relished hearing Joseph's sigh. "Y' like what y're seein', cher?"

Joseph licked his lips, but then grew pensive, seeing the scars Steve had left behind on Remy's body. Suddenly, he knew what word described Remy best. "Come here, sexy."

Remy raised an eyebrow. "Sexy, cher?" He sat down on the bed and watched Joseph closely. "How are y' feelin' today?"

"I'm okay," Joseph said, shrugging his shoulders. "Thanks to you, Remy."

"Ah, cher, I'm glad I could be of service," Remy replied with a dirty grin on his face.

Joseph decided to return the teasing. "Any more hidden talents I should be aware of?"

Remy chuckled softly. "Oui, cher and y'll discover dem in time!" He wanted to rise from the bed to get dressed, but Joseph's hand held him back. It rested against his abdomen, rubbing the skin there softly. "Cher? What's goin' on?"

"Last night meant a lot to me," Joseph said, nervously. "After what Astra said I wouldn't have blamed you for dumping me."

Remy remained silent, allowing Joseph to get everything out in to the open.

"When I remembered what I was, I... was scared of losing you, your love, Remy." Joseph's hand now rested on Remy's thigh, soaking up the body heat and closeness. "I know you love me, you're right about that, I can feel your love because of your empathy, but..."

Remy raised his hand and rested its palm against Joseph's face. Briefly, he was tempted to tell Joseph his greatest shame to make his lover feel better, but in the end his courage eluded him. He'd take his secret into the grave with him. "Stop t'inkin' 'bout y'rself as a clone, cher. Y're Josep', de man I love. I would die for y'..."

Joseph pulled Remy close and buried him in a tight hug. "Thanks, sexy."

///

"Anyone home? Gambit? Joseph?" Scott and Hank exchanged a curious glance. Rogue had told them this morning what had happened at the boathouse and they'd decided to check on Remy and Joseph. The first thing they'd done upon arriving had been repairing the door, but when they'd tried to step inside, some sort of force field had thrown them back.

"Has to be Joseph's," Scott said, referring to the force field.

Hank nodded his head and called out, "Remy LeBeau! Joseph!"

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