Title: You Are Still The One.
Author: Morgana
Email addy: morganalebeau@yahoo.com
Website; http://www.avalon.cobweb.nl/
Pairing(s): Glorfindel/Erestor, Elrond/Elros
Rating: R
Summary: Elladan happens upon an injured half-Elf with amnesia and Elrond
volunteers to care for the poor soul. Elladan is determined to find the
perpetrators and endangers his own life/safety in doing so.
Disclaimer: These characters are all Tolkien’s.
Warning: AU.
Author’s Note: Beta read by Aduial, thanks so much! And a thank you to
Ilye, for her help.
You Are Still The One.
Part 6
The palms of Glorfindel’s hands had turned sweaty and the leather reins
almost slipped from his trembling fingers. Thankfully Asfaloth knew where his
master was headed and took the lead, making sure Glorfindel arrived safe and in
one piece in the courtyard. Glorfindel was off of Asfaloth’s back in a second
and broke into a run once he was in the corridor. Running, he headed for
Erestor’s rooms. His heart continued to thunder in his chest; something told
him to hurry or else he might lose Erestor for all eternity.
He flung the door to Erestor’s rooms open and marched inside. A fist of
fear tightened around his heart, finding Erestor unconscious and struggling for
his next breath. Sitting down on the bed, he pulled Erestor into his arms.
Concerned, Glorfindel tried to make Erestor wake up, but the eyes remained
closed and Erestor gave no signal of awareness.
“What did you do? What did you do?” Rocking Erestor in his arms, he
whispered tender endearments. Shock still had a tight hold on him and only
slowly did he realize that Erestor needed a healer. “Elrond! I will take you to
him! Elrond knows what to do!”
Acting instinctively, he lifted Erestor’s motionless form and cradled
the dark-haired Elf’s body tight against his chest. “I won’t let you die, do
you hear me?” He didn’t ask himself why he thought Erestor was dying, as Elves
didn’t die in this way, but he just knew Erestor was on the brink of death and
he couldn’t let that happen. “You will stay with me and you will give me a
chance to make you happy. Damn it, Erestor, fight! Fight death! Don’t give in!”
Erestor’s breathing was slowing down and had become extremely shallow. “Don’t
you dare die on me!”
Unable to keep his emotions under control any more, tears left his eyes
and flowed down his face. “Please, Erestor.” Running toward the healing wing,
he began screaming Elrond’s name.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Elrond’s head whipped back, hearing Glorfindel call his name in obvious
distress. Acting at once, he turned around and headed in the direction the
screams were coming from. /Please, don’t let anything have happened to my
children!/ It was his perpetual concern that one of his children might be
injured and would die.
“Elrond! I am here! Help me!” Glorfindel ran toward Elrond.
Elrond’s mouth went dry, seeing the pitiful state Erestor was in. “What
did you do, my friend?” Realizing he needed to take control of this situation,
Elrond told Glorfindel to put Erestor down onto the floor. Calling for his
healers, Elrond wasted no time and began to examine Erestor in the corridor
whilst the healers prepared a bed for their newest patient. “What happened?
Glorfindel, tell me!”
Glorfindel fell to his knees at Erestor’s side and managed to take hold
of the advisor’s right hand, which he cradled in between his. “I don’t know
exactly. Maybe farspeaking wore him down? But can that mere act exhaust him
like this?”
“Farspeaking?” Elrond shook his head. “With whom?” Erestor was exhausted
beyond words, icy cold to the touch and his inner light about to fade. Elrond
bit his bottom lip; he had promised Erestor to never tell Glorfindel the truth,
but could he keep that promise? Or did he have to break it?
“Elrond? He will live, won’t he? Please?” Glorfindel pleadingly looked
at Elrond. “I can’t lose him now.”
Reading the love and dedication in Glorfindel’s azure eyes, Elrond
realized the truth. “You love him. That is good. It will help Erestor recover.”
Slowly, he pushed his arms beneath Erestor’s immobile body and then lifted him.
“Follow me, Glorfindel.”
Glorfindel jumped to his feet. “I can carry him.”
Elrond smiled, warmly. “You can sit with him for the next few days. Let
me carry him for now.” Glorfindel shook over his entire body with emotion and
Elrond wasn’t taking any chances. In his current state, Glorfindel might
stumble or accidentally drop Erestor.
“He will live, then? Please tell me he will live!” Glorfindel rushed
ahead of Elrond once he realized toward which bed the half-Elf was headed and
pushed down the covers. “He feels cold… Why? Elves don’t feel cold.”
“This Elf does,” stated Elrond as he gently placed Erestor on the bed.
“But why?” Glorfindel sat down on the side of the bed and reclaimed
Erestor’s hand.
“You will have to ask him that question himself,” said Elrond in a
saddened voice. “I do hope he will tell you one day.” Elrond tucked the
blankets in around Erestor’s form. “I suggest you sit with him, Glorfindel.
Talk to him. Touch him. Make him aware of your presence.”
Glorfindel stared at Elrond in horror. “But… don’t you need to feed him
potions? Or use herbs to make him better? Aren’t you going to help him?”
Elrond stepped closer to Glorfindel and rested a hand on his Captain’s
shoulder. Once he had established eye contact he said, “I cannot help Erestor
with conventional means. He needs to heal himself.”
“I don’t understand! There must be something you can do to help him!”
Glorfindel glared at Elrond. “He is dying!” Concern for Erestor made him lash
out. “Don’t you care whether he lives or dies?”
Hearing those words hurt, but Elrond understood why Glorfindel was
lashing out at him. The blond was worried and used the person nearest to him to
vent his anger on. “Glorfindel, Erestor is very dear to me and I would give
part of my life force to help him heal, but that isn’t what he needs.”
“You know what ails him then?” Elrond calmly answering him had settled his
nerves and Glorfindel felt a tad more in control of his still raging emotions.
“Yes, I do. And I also know herbal potions won’t help.” Elrond looked
deeply into Glorfindel’s troubled eyes. “But I can tell you this.”
“What?” Glorfindel clung to each word Elrond said.
“Erestor’s chances of survival will improve with your continued presence
at his side. He loves you, and by the looks of it, you finally return his
feelings. Love is such a powerful emotion, Glorfindel. It will pull him
through.”
Glorfindel nodded once. “I won’t leave his side!” His pleading eyes met
Elrond’s once more. “Is there nothing you can do?”
“We can keep him warm,” said Elrond. “I can feed him herbal potions that
will marginally strengthen him, but I cannot heal him, Glorfindel.”
“Do whatever you can to aid his recovery!” Glorfindel had inched closer
to Erestor and now rested his back against the headboard, resting his legs on
the bed. He pulled Erestor as close as possible and stroked the icy, pallid
skin. “Do your part, and I will do mine.”
“Your part is the most important one, Glorfindel,” whispered Elrond
beneath his breath. /And I do hope Erestor will tell you he bought your life
with his./
Elrond instructed one of the healers to regularly check on Erestor and
supply him with herbal tea and then stepped out of the room. It was
Glorfindel’s presence and not his that would pull Erestor through in the end.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Elladan kept his gaze averted, displeased as he was that he was still
feeling somewhat wobbly. Estel had helped him mount his horse and once the
Ranger was satisfied that he wouldn’t fall off accidentally, Estel had mounted
his own stallion. When Estel wanted to take the reins from his hands, Elladan
protested. “I feel weak, yes! But I am more than capable of steering my horse
in the desired direction!”
Estel smiled, reassuringly. If it had been up to him, he would have
insisted they wait another day before leaving for Imladris, but the twin had
been determined to leave as quickly as possible. To a certain degree, Estel
understood; Elrohir would be worried witless and there was no way of knowing
how the worried twin would react. It was important that the two brothers were
reunited. “Just don’t fall off,” said Estel, teasingly. He brushed his
shoulder-length hair away from his face and chuckled softly, seeing the
expression in Elladan’s eyes. The twin hated being weak -- vulnerable. “If all
goes well, we will arrive in Imladris the day after tomorrow.”
“That will have to do.” Elladan wanted to travel faster, but knew he had
to slow down for now. Looking about, he realized that Estel was his only
companion. “None of the other Rangers will accompany us?”
“We have seen tracks of several packs of Orcs,” started Estel, “There are
more Orcs to kill. And as we are traveling in the opposite direction, I doubt
we will run into the foul creatures.”
Elladan sighed, softly. A part of him wanted to take part in those
fights, extracting revenge on the Orcs for taking his mother away from
him. But another part longed to be
reunited with his family – Elrohir especially.
“We will travel during the day and rest at night,” continued Estel. “You
are still recovering, and it is safer to seek shelter during the night when we
are most vulnerable.” His heart urged him to be careful with his childhood
crush. Although Elladan had never – and would never – return his feelings, he
was determined to take good care of him. He would make sure that Imladris’ heir
reached his home safely.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Erestor?” Ecthelion blinked once, unwilling to believe the sight in
front of him. He knelt beside the crumbled form and tried to pull Erestor into
a sitting position, but the unconscious Elf was most uncooperative. “This is bad.
This is really, really bad.” The question was, had Námo already noticed
Erestor’s arrival? Could he outsmart the Vala? And should he?
Námo permitted the dead glances at the present -- at life on Arda -- and
the last glimpse had told him that Erestor and Glorfindel had finally admitted
their attraction to each other. So what was Erestor doing here when he should
be on Arda with Glorfindel? “What are you doing in the Halls of Waiting?”
“Stupid question,” he muttered beneath his breath. “He died.” Death was
the only way to gain entrance into the Halls of Waiting. “But I don’t want you
here. I want you on Arda – alive.” He placed a hand on Erestor’s brow,
desperately hoping to find that one, last spark inside Erestor’s being that
would enable him to smuggle the advisor out of the Halls.
Ecthelion concentrated; the tendrils of his fëa reached out and probed
Erestor’s current state. Was Erestor really dead? His eyes grew big, finding
that one, last spark by which Erestor was still clinging to life. He couldn’t
be completely certain, but he thought he felt an echo of Glorfindel’s being in
Erestor’s fëa. “But of course! He struck a deal with Námo! Erestor is always
connected to Glorfindel!” Nodding, he realized that his former lover was the
only thing keeping Erestor alive. If he wanted to ensure Erestor’s return to
Arda, he had to act now, before Námo found out.
“Ecthelion…”
Ecthelion froze in his movements, hearing Námo’s voice behind him. Oh
no, he had so hoped to return Erestor to Glorfindel! “My Lord…”
Námo approached the two Firstborn and then sat on his heels opposite
Ecthelion. “It is not your task to see to the dead.”
“He isn’t dead, my Lord,” said Ecthelion, calmly. “There is still life
in him.”
“Is there?” Námo cocked his head. He first looked closely into
Ecthelion’s eyes and only then turned his attention to Erestor. “He once risked
his life for Glorfindel.”
His former lover’s name caused an ache deep in his heart; Ecthelion
swallowed hard and then nodded. “Aye, he did. And he succeeded.”
Námo’s eyes narrowed. “I thought you would resent him for taking
Glorfindel away from you.”
Ecthelion averted his eyes. “At first, I did.” Glorfindel and he had
been reunited in death and his lover’s presence had made his existence here
much more bearable. When Glorfindel had left, ripped away from him by Elrond
and Erestor’s call, he had resented both Elves. He had felt as if they had
damned him to eternal loneliness and that had hurt. Why hadn’t they pulled him
back to Arda as well?
“Erestor is just one Elf, Ecthelion. He didn’t have the strength to
bring you back as well. And his heart belongs to Glorfindel. You know that.”
Námo carefully monitored Ecthelion’s reaction and the Firstborn didn’t
disappoint him.
Ecthelion looked up, quite stunned. “What are you saying?” Námo was
hinting at something he had never considered.
“He tried, Ecthelion. Erestor tried to bring the both of you back, but
he failed. He only had the strength for one soul to be reborn. And bringing
back Glorfindel cost him dearly. He has been weakened ever since.”
“He paid a high price,” whispered the dead warrior, still trying to
accept what the Vala had just told him. Erestor had tried to restore him to
life as well?
Námo gently stroked Erestor’s raven hair away from the Elf’s face. Ah,
yes, Ecthelion was correct; there was still some life left in this one. “His
place isn’t here yet.”
Ecthelion lifted his eyes and met Námo’s blue ones. “Will you send him
back? Please?”
“Would that please you?” The Vala’s hand moved from Erestor’s hair to
Ecthelion’s, which was as dark as the advisor’s. Erestor was Ecthelion’s mirror
image in more ways than one.
“Aye, it would. I want Glorfindel to be happy.”
“And do you think Erestor has the power to make him happy?”
“Oh, yes. Erestor loves him deeply -- with a passion that equals my own.
I loved Glorfindel once -- and a part of me still does.”
Námo respected Ecthelion’s honesty. “The ones we love always remain a
part of us.”
“Yes… they do.” Ecthelion allowed himself one moment to mourn losing
Glorfindel before concentrating on the task at hand. “What about Erestor, my
Lord? Will you show mercy and return him to Glorfindel?”
“I don’t have to be merciful, Ecthelion. As long as there is still life in
him, he doesn’t belong here. I will guide his soul back to Arda -- to
Glorfindel.”
“Thank you, my Lord,” said Ecthelion, gratefully. His gaze shifted from
the Dooms man of the Valar to Erestor. Leaning in closer, his cold lips touched
Erestor’s feverish brow. “I hope Glorfindel and you will be happy, Erestor.
Return to his side and keep him safe for me.”
Námo raised his right hand and passed it over Erestor’s body, which now
became transparent. “Aye, return to Arda. Your time hasn’t come yet.”
Ecthelion shed one precious tear, which dripped onto Erestor’s fading
face. His own form trembled when Erestor’s body vanished from the Halls of
Waiting. “Please love him, Erestor. Please make him happy.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Glorfindel’s eyes widened, feeling Erestor surge with life against him.
“Erestor? Erestor!” Was the dark-haired Elf really regaining awareness? Rubbing
Erestor’s icy fingers between the palms of his hands, he studied his beloved
closely. The chocolate dark eyes, which had been closed, slowly opened --
unfocused and blind -- but they had opened, which fed Glorfindel all the hope
he needed.
“Erestor? Can you hear me?” Kneeling beside his beloved’s form, he acted
on instinct by wrapping his arms around Erestor and pulling him close. Rocking
the advisor softly, he mumbled endearments into the other Elf’s ear, hoping to
draw him back.
A slicing cold had taken possession of his body and the chill that
paralyzed his bones was almost too much to bear. A mute scream left his lips
and he trembled minutely, finally growing aware of his surroundings.
Glorfindel gently laid Erestor down onto the bed, pulled the blankets
into place again and curled himself around the raven-haired Elf. “I am here, my
love; I am here.”
Erestor found it hard to focus his gaze, but Glorfindel’s scent easily
invaded his nostrils, telling him who was holding him so tight. /Oh,
Glorfindel, I thought I had lost you forever!/ Tears flowed from his eyes and
he trembled violently over his entire body.
Glorfindel acted at once, protectively cradling Erestor close and
rubbing the chilly skin beneath his hands. “You are so cold, Erestor. Why do
you always feel so cold?”
Still trembling, Erestor closed his eyes in fatigue and snuggled closer
to Glorfindel. The blond’s body heat was a pure blessing and he tried to soak
up as much of it as possible. /I survived. I somehow survived. I was dead… I
think./ Confused, his fingers clawed at Glorfindel’s clothes, pulling the blond
even closer.
“I am here, my love. Don’t be afraid. All is well.” Glorfindel stroked
the long raven hair, wishing he could do more for Erestor. “I am holding you --
sharing my body warmth with you. Please stay with me, Erestor. Don’t ever leave
me again.” He had already been left behind too many times in his life!
Erestor wanted to reassure Glorfindel that he would never leave him, but
he lacked the energy to do so. He felt as weak as a newborn and all he could do
was rest against Glorfindel.
“You came back to me,” whispered Glorfindel, still rubbing Erestor’s icy
skin. Relieved, he noticed that his beloved’s skin was warming beneath his
touch. “You came back to me,” he repeated. “And now you have to stay --
forever. Stay with me forever. I don’t want to be without you ever again.”
Erestor somehow found the strength to raise a hand and rest it atop
Glorfindel’s hair. Caressing the golden strands, he hoped the gesture comforted
the warrior and would calm him down. He wished he was capable of speech, but
his vocal chords weren’t working yet.
The fact that Erestor was tenderly stroking his hair *did* reassure and
comfort Glorfindel and his anxiety lessened. Erestor *had* come back to him and
was already strong enough to return his caresses. “All will be well eventually,
Erestor. I promise you. I will love you so much that you will never be able to
leave me again.”
/I would never willingly leave you, my love,/ thought Erestor, wishing
Glorfindel could somehow hear his thoughts. /I want to spend the rest of my
life with you./
“So do I,” whispered Glorfindel, who then pressed a kiss onto Erestor’s
exposed throat. “The rest of my life, and all of eternity.”
A smile formed on Erestor’s face as he drifted off into a healing sleep.
Maybe Glorfindel had heard him after all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
/He didn’t notice I was gone,/ realized Elrond, relieved to find his
charge still peacefully asleep. Privately, he had begun dubbing him Elros, and
Elrond sat down on the side of the bed and studied the other half-Elf.
He cursed the fact that the bandages hid a large part of the other Elf’s facial
features and he was tempted to remove the fabric, but held himself back. Those
eyes needed time to heal -- needed the shelter of the darkness the bandages
provided. He would have to be patient.
His fingertips ghosted over the other half-Elf’s brow. /You are Elros.
Every cell in my body tells me so. I know you. I have known you for so long./
The question that *did* keep him busy was why Ilúvatar would breathe life back
into Elros’ soul. Would Elros ever be able to answer that question? He doubted
it.
Strands of raven hair tumbled between his fingertips. The texture and
dark color matched his exactly. How many coincidences could there be? Not
coincidences, he reminded himself. He didn’t believe in them.
Rubbing the hair between his fingers, he deeply inhaled his charge’s
scent, which was without any doubt his twin’s. Maybe he could remove the
bandages tomorrow evening, when Arien had set, and Ithil’s soft moonlight would
illuminate the room. He longed to look into the gray eyes, which he just knew
where hiding beneath the fabric.
Elrond made himself comfortable, pulled his charge into his arms and
dreamt of the moment when he could finally lay eyes on his twin again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Endless, long corridors… He was running down these corridors and he felt
like he had been running his entire life. These surroundings seemed familiar,
but he just couldn’t identify his location. Stone walls, wooden doors,
chandeliers, and large tapestries made up his surroundings. Although he wanted
to stop running, he found he couldn’t come to a standstill. Something, or
someone, was making him run.
/Stop running…/
“I can’t!” The weakened half-Elf stirred in the bed, but didn’t wake up,
lulled into a sense of safety by Elrond’s close proximity. /I can’t stop!/
/Then run toward me instead of away from me!/
/Where are you, then? I can’t see you!/ It was Elrond’s voice that was
telling him to stop running away, and he *did* want to run toward the half-Elf
instead. But where was Elrond? How to find him?
/Listen to me. Allow yourself to be pulled toward me. Our bond will
guide you. Trust in our connection./ Elrond somehow knew he was dreaming and
had managed to take control of his dreamscape. Elros was running away from him
and he couldn’t allow that. Now that his twin had returned to him, he wanted
Elros to remain close!
/Our bond? Our connection?/ In his sleep, a deep frown appeared on the
injured half-Elf’s brow. /What bond? What connection?/
/Focus inward and find the truth in your heart./ Elrond didn’t know what
would happen next. He hoped Elros would see and accept the truth, but was his
severely traumatized twin ready for that yet?
Confused, he did as Elrond bid him and he focused within. What he found
shocked him. Images -- were they memories? -- appeared before his mind’s eye.
Images of Elrond -- a much younger Elrond. They were holding hands, looking
each other deeply in the eye. Then the image changed and he found himself on
his death bed, releasing his last breath. Elrond was there as well, holding his
hand once more, and whispering soft, reassuring words.
And then he saw his name. It appeared in dark blue letters in his mind.
Then the letters changed into waves, which crashed onto the shores of the
Havens of Sirion. Oh, his memories returned at a nauseating speed! /
/Aye, it is. Do you know who you are, then?/ Elrond, who had woken the
moment Elros had regained his memories and his awareness, now gently caressed
his charge’s face. /Do you remember?/
/I remember./ Elros wished he could look at his twin, but then realized
he didn’t need his eyesight to ‘see’ his brother. Raising his hands, he placed
the palms against either side of Elrond’s head. Tenderly, he began to explore
Elrond’s facial features, smiling when they matched the face he still saw in
his mind. /Gwenneth, I don’t understand this. How can it be?/ With remembrance
came disbelief. /I am dead./
/I don’t know the answer to that question, Elros,/ sent Elrond, pleased
he could finally call his charge by his proper name. /I only know that you are
here -- with me. That you returned to me./
/But this is impossible!/ Elros traced his twin’s eyebrow, recalling the
way Elrond used to raise them whenever his younger twin was upset or
frustrated.
/Maybe we shouldn’t question this development. Who are we to question
Ilúvatar’s will? We should accept -- no, embrace! -- this reunion instead!/
Unable to hold his tears back any longer, Elros released them, wetting
the bandages. /Leaving you behind was the hardest thing I ever did, gwenneth./
/But you will never leave me again, will you, Elros? Please promise you
will always stay with me. Always! Even death won’t part us! I didn’t follow you
into death when you died, but I won’t let you get away ever again!/
Elros shivered at hearing his twin’s promise to follow him into death.
/Don’t say such a thing! Your family needs you!/
/My wife left me, Elros. My children long reached majority. I am no
longer needed here./
/You are wrong, gwenneth. So very wrong. *I* need you. I will always
need you./ This time, Elros took the initiative and wrapped his arms around
Elrond -- even if his movement was a bit awkward due to his injuries. /I will
always need you, gwenneth,/ he promised, /and I will always love you./
Those last few words caused Elrond to swallow hard. Love… Elros had
mentioned love. Did his twin also remember just how much they had loved each
other?